#;the aristocats.

[tybaltsjuliet]

fake disney remakes by year: the aristocats, 1970

madame la duchesse de bonfamille has it all: a penthouse in paris, a castle in luxembourg, a wardrobe more expensive than a developing nation’s GDP, and three adorable children who are mostly on their best behavior whenever vogue comes to photograph the world’s most glamorous single mother.

but the lifestyle to which they are accustomed is entirely dependent on the whims of the duchess’s grand-mère adelaide, and nothing reaches adelaide’s ears without first being filtered through her old retainer, edgar. edgar is no fan of the duchess’s joie de vivre, and thinks the family fortune could go to a much better cause, like himself.

the duchess is not an idiot, and therefore not oblivious to edgar’s dislike of her and her family, but it’s always been easy to laugh off the scandalous stories he keeps inventing to feed to adelaide. it’s less funny, though, once he levels up to trying things like actual murder.

(...but still a little funny. he is not very good at it, you see.)

after the attempt on their lives, the duchess and her children end up stranded in the french countryside, and find an unlikely deliverance in the form of the most defeated rock ’n roll tour bus the planet has ever seen. kitty crothers and the alley cats are having their own troubles: it would be a miracle if they could get to montmartre in a week, never mind in time for their show that night. but the band is a good-natured, helpful bunch, and hey, what’s three little kids on a bus that’s already packed?

of course, it also helps that the band’s manager, thomas o’malley, happens to be highly susceptible to the way the duchess’s eyes sparkle like sapphires.

so la famille bonfamille become the alley cats’ honorary roadies, and what ensues is a madcap adventure to make it to paris, get adelaide to see edgar’s true colors, and give the good people of the 18th arrondissement hearing damage for the rest of their lives.

feat. nicola coughlan as the duchess, rhys ifans as thomas o’malley, ralph fiennes as edgar, H.E.R. as kitty crothers, and joan collins as adelaide bonfamille.

[luckydragon10]

HERE COMES THE BOOP TRAIN!

[stars-bean]

The Aristocats (1970) dir. Wolfgang Reitherman

[scurviesdisneyblog]

ᴛʜᴇ ᴀʀᴛ ᴏꜰ ᴍɪʟᴛ ᴋᴀʜʟ - ᴘᴇɴᴄɪʟ ᴛᴇꜱᴛꜱ

[ariadnethedragon]

THE ARISTOCATS (1970)

Dir. Wolfgang Reitherman

[sophsun1]

The Aristocats (1970) dir. Wolfgang Reitherman

[selenaigomez]

THE ARISTOCATS (1970), dir Wolfgang Reitherman

[masterhallmark]

Rant incoming

I feel like the problem with a lot of Disney's live action remakes (and arguably Wish) is they're trying to appeal to a crowd that no longer exists, namely the people who used to claim that the Disney Princesses were sexist.

All the interviews tend to include, "Well she's not chasing a MAN anymore" which...almost no one sees the princesses like that, anymore. Virtually NO ONE still believes the princesses are man-chasing sexist caricatures of women.

Cinderella is now hailed as an abuse victim who stayed strong long enough to get help to get out of her situation. Anyone who says she should have saved herself is basically regarded as a victim blamer. And it's very clear in the film she wasn't looking to marry the prince, she just wanted a night off. She was the only one who wasn't in line to meet him. She didn't find out she met the prince until he went looking for her!

Snow White is now hailed for her negotiation skills, ability to calm down after extreme stress (she had a moment of panic and had to cry for a bit, but who wouldn't after finding out The Queen hired someone to kill you?), and ability to take charge of a house of adult men. And again, she was an abuse victim, this time trying to escape ASSASSINATION ATTEMPTS. While she dreamed of her prince, it was secondary to her main goal of SURVIVAL. There are also entire video essays about how Snow White gave hope to people during The Great Depression.

Everyone acknowledges that Ariel wanted to be human BEFORE meeting Eric. We all know she was a nerd hyperfixating on humans, and also standing up to her prejudiced father.

We understand Sleeping Beauty wasn't the main character, the Three Good Fairies were, AND PHILLIP WOULD NEVER HAVE BEATEN MALEFICENT WITHOUT THEM! He literally depended on them! WOMEN SAVED THE DAY! But even then, is it really such a sin for a girl to fantasize about romance and fall for someone with corny pickup lines?

We all understand Jasmine just wanted someone to treat her LIKE A PERSON. She rejected every Prince before Aladdin because they treated her like a prize. So why did they need her to want to be Sultan? How did that make her more feminist when she already wanted to be treated like an equal and have a say in her future? Is it only empowering if you want a career in politics?

We admire that Belle, despite living in a judgemental village, was kind to everyone (even though she found the village life dull), and her story teaches girls that the guy everyone else loves isn't always a good guy. What's sexist about teaching girls about red flags? And she didn't start being nice to The Beast until he started treating her with respect and kindness.

Do I really NEED to defend Mulan or Tiana? I think they speak for themselves.

Rapunzel was yet another abuse victim who just needed a little help to get out of her bad situation. In this case, she also needed to learn that she was an abuse victim, and that what Mother Gothel did WASN'T normal, much like many victims of gaslighting.

And don't get me started on the non-princess animals.

Perdita had a healthy relationship with Pongo to the point she was open to express her pregnancy fears to him, and was ready to TEAR APART Cruella's goons for daring to touch her puppies as well as adopting the other puppies. Like, she was so ferocious the goons mistook her for a hyena! She's basically that "I AM THAT GIRL'S MOTHER!" scene from SpyXFamily if Yor were a dog. She and her husband were a TEAM.....but they made a Cruella live action to turn her into a girlboss?! The literal animal abuser!? THAT'S the woman you wanted to put on a pedestal when Perdita was RIGHT THERE!?

Duchess kept her kittens calm after they had been catnapped and was classy as heck. Nice to everyone regardless of social class during a time period where that was uncommon.

Lady stood up to Tramp when she believed he had abandoned her and didn't really care about her. She found out he was a heartbreaker and was like, "Nuh uh. No. You are not doing that to me! You put me through enough."

Miss Bianca from The Rescuers was IN CHARGE the whole movie, and was willing to risk life and limb to save an innocent child. THAT TINY MOUSE TOOK ON ALLIGATORS! And she picked Bernard to accompany her because he was the only one who wasn't ogling her. And then in the sequel SHE DID IT ALL AGAIN! I wish I were as brave as her.

Like, the public haven't accused these ladies of being sexist caricatures since 2014 (Actresses and actors don't count, they're out of touch like the rest of Hollywood) yet Disney is operating under the assumption that the public still thinks that way, hence all the "sHe'S nOt AfTeR a MaN iN ThIs VeRsIOn" talk.

The live action remakes are trying to attract an audience that doesn't really exist much, anymore, and back when it did exist, was comprised mainly of people who didn't actually watch the films. The Disney princesses are no longer seen as sexist, and feminine qualities are no longer seen as weak or undesirable.

[strbrrygashes]

THE butchfemme lesbians

[retrodisneydaily]

EVERYBODY WANTS TO BE A CAT!!

THE ARISTOCATS (1970)

[tuserlivia]

The Aristocats (1970)

[caluanthes]

THE ARISTOCATS (1970), dir Wolfgang Reitherman

[succo-al-limone]

[scurviesdisneyblog]

Character designs for The Aristocats (1970) by Milt Kahl

[ariadnethedragon]

“Boy, your eyes are like sapphires!”

THE ARISTOCATS (1970)

Dir. Wolfgang Reitherman

[elephantlovemedleys]

disney meme (favourite animal character):

marie - the aristocats