#;; tbh sorry for this post. my mind was better hours ago and now im sleep y and just. not coherent at all

[sotogalmo]

4 — 6:40

Luka as Margarita Blankenheim thoughts once again, spawned by @nottoonedin & @rockwgooglyeyes : about the caption with the Luka & Hyuna art ( @aakaneeee / @4listr / @chokkito )

"I told you, there was only one thing I wanted." — and then added with Toon's tags along with Rock's (always amazing) thoughts- being the demon to remind that she was owned before. That everyone she cared for was owned at least- her and her brother.

Owned by aliens, yet both her and her brother weren't made like Luka. Made to fit an alien's liking; in all aspects.

He was made; "treated me like a doll/ In those days where I was only used like a decorative doll"; goes fully well with Luka's story and life. Always a doll, treated and looks like one.

"yes, I'll help you all to rest as the sleep princess, for the sake of ensuring you achieve happiness..." Its always about THEM, them, them, them. Never about himself when we compare it with Hyuna's many "I"s and "me"s, because she believes in the opposite and lives in the opposite; the ""“dark”"" for most of the pets, is where she lives at; since Luka is the most influential one I would think.

His looks, his grades, top 1, winner of season 49. So on; the others want their pets to be like Luka — if you disobey that? No one will know of you. You are forgotten, and misremembered as a monster, I'd believe. If they were to tell tales of humans escaping? I think the aliens would make it seem like the ones who left, are evil ones.

"You’re only after the wealth of a doctor’s daughter

Aside from that I’m happy, nonetheless / You can also forget our promise when we were children

If I can be by your side."

"Sleep with this gift, you’ll sleep well with this gift

Yes I am the sleep princess, for the sake of your happiness…

Everyone carries troubles: My dad, my mom, and the people of this town. For the sake of everyone who can’t sleep at night- i’ll make this gift, a sleeping medicine

Unpleasant reality, unrequited feelings. If inside a dream, these things can be forgotten

Like a baby inside their crib

With your eyes closed, abandon yourself";

(I could never really get this picture out of my head. "like a baby inside their crib, with your eyes closed, abandon yourself" is very fitting for this peice too)

I don't really know how to actually be coherent in this post. Luka as Margarita was more like "haha, dolls🫵". But you know, for the ones who know the ec lore— Luka is also very fitting for Eve Zeveda(Moonlit); considering how both Eve and Margarita are the same-ish

Being experimented on, going insane (I feel like Luka would have spiral moments), being the first (in different ways), etc.

Luka as Margarita shows more of his relationships, with the people around him I'd think,,,

Luka and Margarita, and the whole "sleeping" deal actually. Margarita is a doll (clockworker's doll to be exact), Luka was made like he was a doll- a toy.

Made into Heperu's liking. Into his perfect pet.

Luka cannot flee, for if he does; it's his end. Just as Margarita's was— she gave them a gift (poison), but in the song it seemed not so long lived, and she too- also soon passed because she also received her own gift

His "gift", is always of course, going to be sent to Hyuna first- though, along with his guardian (because subconsciously or not, I just know that he hates his life so much but he's dissociated enough to forget it all until he gets those tests again). Just as it was with Margarita to Kasper and her father

Luka is a doll, Margarita is a doll.

In some way, while Mizi is our POV(ish) character, she is not the first sinner if going by how winners of previous seasons come into the second round of a season.

Then Luka is the first sinner; but he was made in that regard. To be the first

And Hyuna; the difference.

She does not eat the apple. She does not lay down and bare the consequences of being in Alien Stage; she flees.

She runs away.

Because she wants to— because she deserves to live for herself, for the purpose of the others yet also herself.

To live life to the fullest; and not in some cage— in some tube that Luka was made in. A tube that Luka fits in, like a glove

To live bigger, and better.

Not healthy, but better than the alluring Venus fly traps that don't function correctly.

Hyuna is the dark, while she lives in such bliss (a bliss that is humanity without the aliens controlling them) that only others could never think of doing because, in some way, I just know that leaving ANAKT Garden has been told to them before; if they were to leave? Oh, they'll be seen as monsters, or something worse?

I don't really know. But I do know that some of the kids would ask, and then never really get a reply about it.

Luka is the light; but only a pale one. Even though he is bright— he's pale.

A pale yellow-gold— a pale imitation.

Not the truth, but seen as true; just like everything else in the garden "In those days where I was only used like a decorative doll

I was already broken long ago, I wanted to destroy everything

It’s a very efficacious medicine, efficacious up to being able to sleep forever

With this, finally I too will be able to sleep, from the Sleep Princess to Sleeping Princess..."

[moonlit-imagines]

Headcanons for being Tony Stark’s stepkid

Tony Stark x Potts!child!reader

warnings: alcohol mention

a/n: i rushed these so bad i just wanted to post dhhshsnsna

prompt: y/n is pepper’s kiddo!

it was just you and your mom for a long time

pepper and y/n potts

she couldn’t keep up with you sometimes, too busy dealing with the manchild that was mister anthony edward stark

speaking of—

“uh, who’s this?” -tony, pointing at you

“mr. stark, i am so sorry, the school closed because some kid set fire to the science lab and i didn’t have time to find a sitter—”

“no, it’s fine, no need to apologize. hey, kid, you wanna sit in the boss’s chair? i’ll let you run the company for the day!” *cue you nodding* “sweet, would you mind that, ms. potts?”

“oh? no, not at all” *mouthing* “thank you”

“so, uh, what’s your name? no, don’t tell me: ketchup.”

*giggling* “y/n”

“no way! that was my second guess!”

tony wasn’t used to being around kids

he had no idea that he was actually kind of good around them

despite a few minor hiccups

“you sit in my chair and im gonna spin you around, sound like fun?”

he spun you around WAY too fast and you were diiiiizzy, also you fell off the chair

“don’t tell your mom that we did that. she may be my assistant, but she scares the shit out of me. also, don’t say ‘shit’”

dude he just thought you were a cool kid!!!

“hey, you know, ms. potts, you dont really need to hire a babysitter anymore. y/n’s doing just fine hanging out here”

“how am i not surprised you befriended an actual child?”

she still took him up on his offer, you seemed pretty happy

when your mom worked late, you passed out in tonys office

tony and you had your own little secrets (like falling off the spinning chair), tony showed you around stark tower, and you practically lived there

“i got you a happy meal from mcdonalds!” -tony every day after your school

in all honesty, you weren’t the “popular” kid at school...not even close

but tony made up for it

“y/n! i found this old racecar toy in a box of old stuff, you wanna hold onto it for me?”

you kind of grew up in stark tower tbh? it was pretty cool

and as you grew up, you started to notice more

“mr. tony, do you have a crush on my mom?”

“do i what? no, no, i do—who the hell am i kidding? you caught me”

“called it!”

after that you did everything to try and get them together

when your mom was talking to tony, you would stand behind her and wiggle your eyebrows and just taunt tony endlessly

no! tony cannot remember your mom’s birthday for the life of him! you are his calendar now

“dude, why dont you just ask JARVIS to remind you?”

“i may be a genius, but that doesn’t mean i have common sense”

“wise words, sir” -JARVIS

when tony disappeared for 3 months you were so sad???? like you were not okay at all

no

and when he came back, he literally exited the plane saying “WHERE’S ‘T-POTT??’”

(your wonderful nickname. ‘t’ for ‘tony jr.’ and ‘pott’ for ‘potts’)

“my mom missed you”

“oh, i bet she did”

“you turned my child into you, tony. i will never forgive you for this”

“well, at least y/n was here to fill in for me, huh?”

tony wanted to show you the arc reactor but he was actually afraid of scarring you lmfaoooo

but he did let you in on the iron man secret (he knew you wouldn’t snitch)

and just to make sure:

“if you dont tell anyone, i’ll buy you a car when you turn 16”

“man, that’s like, forever away”

“good, maybe you’ll forget by then”

ur mom kinda maybe sorta found out abt iron man :/ she told you that tony was a bad influence

“mom! no, tony’s cool! he’s like a superhero”

“no, sweetie, he’s a rich guy with issues. we’re leaving”

that didn’t last long

not long at all

and soon they FINALLY got together

“jeez, i thought you two would never stop pining after each other”

“couldnt have done it without my wingman” -tony *fistbump*

“as thanks can i have my own iron man suit?”

“yes.” *pepper glaring at him* “no.”

sooner or later your mom and you moved into tony’s house and you got a really big room!!!!

it was completely decked out

king sized bed, flatscreen tv, mini-fridge, microwave, computer, your own bathroom with a smaller tv, a poster of tony??? (you vandalized it and put it in his workshop), and more!!!

okay you were spoiled

“do you like it here? are you sure i made the right choice?” -pepper

“are you kidding, mom? this is awesome! plus, you’re happy, i’m happy, tony’s happy, i think JARVIS is even happy!”

“i am, mx. potts. simply ecstatic” -JARVIS

pepper was really happy!! it was a pretty cool family

you started giving your school tony’s number if you ever got in trouble, you knew he’d cover for you

“mr. potts, is it?”

“sure”

“your child, y/n, punched another student in the face today. we’re very disappointed in their behavior”

“why’d they punch the kid?”

“well, the other student punched y/n first”

“HAH! thank you for wasting my time. send y/n back to class and call me back if something important comes up”

he literally gave you a high five when you got home

“i gave him a black eye!”

“i couldn’t be more proud. i mean, i dont condone violence, but self defense is a whole other story”

a little help in the workshop, tony asks you to hold the flashlight

“why don’t you get one of your robots to hold this for you?”

“are you kidding me, you’re complaining? we’re having stepdad/stepkid bonding time! and dum-e can’t do anything right, i dont trust him”

youve had a few theme park trips as a family ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

also tony has 100% told you to wait in the car and then left you alone for 2+ hours

“i’m not like a regular dad, im a step-dad. want some beer? you can have a little sip. i’d rather you do it in the house”

your mother actually does love how he actually cares about you!

“y/n is 12% my responsibility” -tony

“tony, you are impossible” -pepper

no avengering for you! pepper said no!!!!!!

disappointed but not surprised

iron man 3: y/n potts is put through the wringer

Text Message to Mr. Tony: bro you better come get your girl, me and happy are watching this other guy flirting with her. he’s showing her pics of his ‘big brain’

Mr. Tony: HE WHAT

Text Message to Mr. Tony: Tony he looks creepy i don’t want him to be my new stepdad do something!!!

anyways ur house kinda blew up and ur mom and you kinda got kidnapped and u were right abt that guy being creepy and thankfully no experiments were done on you but like your mom kinda almost died and her and tony were fine!!! all good in the end

you met mr. col. james rhodes that day

“aw, you’re the kid ive heard so much about” -rhodey

“you mean the coolest kid in the world?check.”

“you cant tell me you aren’t tony’s biological child, good god”

you got to meet the avengers later on too! (you’d already met natasha tho, only briefly)

“i know it can be a little overwhelming, right? meeting all these heros, legends even—” -rhodey

“oh, my god, is that thor? thor!!” -you, leaving rhodey in the dust

literally why does pepper trust you around tony something always goes wrong there were literally robots attacking, you were only at avengers tower bc your mom was busy with the company and she thought you’d be safe with the avengers. the AVENGERS.

“please dont tell your mom that i created a bad robot that tried to kill us. the robot will be the least of our problems” -tony

he made happy pick you up and you had to miss out on FUN and it sucked a lot

“it’s okay, y/n! i’m fun, too!” -happy

then your mom and tony took a break and your life got mega-boring for a while, but they weren’t separated for that long. you try not to think about it. it was brutal

Mr. Tony: Does she miss me?

New Message to Mr. Tony: I think so. Either that or she’s crying and drinking wine in the dark for no reason.

Mr. Tony: Damn it, now I feel bad. I miss her a lot. Oh, also, the Avengers say ‘hi,’ I’m in Germany with some bad news, I’ll explain later if you don’t see it on TV first, and I found you the perfect friend! His name is Peter and I think you’d like the school he goes to, it’s in Midtown. Smart kid school.

New Message to Mr. Tony: I’ll look into it, thanks. Also, I don’t like how those all connect. Please update me asap

watching the news to see several avengers arrested, cap on the run, and more!

“maybe it was good i didn’t fall in with the avengers”

tony and pepper finally got back together and you actually transferred to midtown high! peter and his friend group accepted you quickly, it was great. you and flash unfortunately had the most in common

you’d literally text happy right next to peter and he’d immediately reply to you. it hurt peter’s feelings

Momma: Sweetie! I’m working in the office late, leftovers are in the fridge, hope you have a wonderful day at school! 💕

👉👈the vulture tried to kill you for being tony’s stepkid, tony made peter promise to protect you

“y/n, you gotta stay out of harm’s way. mr. stark gave me an actual mission and it’s terrifying, i have to make sure you stay safe”

legit why the fuck was this old man tryna kill you bro grow up

anyyyywayssss your mom and tony got engaged!!

“wow, i thought the day would never come!!” -you

ppl told you tony isnt your stepdad bc ur mom and him werent married but who tf asked

why is the earth always in fucking danger

you and peter were just vibing on the field trip bus and all the sudden: space donut

“go! i’ll cover for you...FRIDAY, call tony”

“...hi there, little one”

“what the fuck”

“oh, so you see the aliens, too? well, at least im not crazy”

tony stark has left the atmosphere

you and your mom were kinda......not chillin tho

she and you didn’t sleep for a few nights, then ppl just straight up disappeared

plot twist: you survived the snap and your family was lucky to be alive, you even got a little sister who became a big handful!

only bad thing was all your friends dusted and you were pretty lonely

but watching morgan grow up kept you busy

“ahhh, shes so big!”

happy times in bad times

bad times!!!!! bc after five years thanos came back as thanos from like ten years ago. outdated thanos. obsolete thanos.

but you made your first and only appearance in the suit tony actually designed for you many years ago

you should have just stayed home tho bc that fight didnt pass the vibe check

“please dont tell me he...no, no, no, no, no”

you and your mom latched onto each other in tears, tony was one of the best people in your life, he made you and your mom two of the happiest people on earth

best stepdad a kid could ever ask for

taglist: @alwaysananglophile // @rorybutnotgilmore // @locke-writes // @sweetheartliz07 // @queen-destenie // @natasha-danvers // @lokihiddles // @frostedgiantfavs // @emygirl // @lotsoffandomrecs // @johnmurphyisbisexual // @teenwaywardasgardian // @pappydaddy // @captainshazamerica // @freya-xo // @ravenmoore14 // @purpleskiesstorm // @ofthedewthesunlight //

[lunavadash-creates]

Have I ever told you that you are the sweetest cupcake ever?❤️ It’s impossible to not smile at your posts! I sincerely thank you for all your sympathy towards me! My heart just melts! It’s so rare to find such a pure and kind soul like you. Please, don’t change. Ever.

You made me worried a bit with your last paragraph - maybe I am oversensitive, but I am really worried. It breaks my heart honestly, I feel like you belittle yourself. Babe, you are wonderful! I am not saying this just for you to feel better, but because you REALLY are. Think for a moment about things you’ve already achieved! Darling, you graduated! It’s really something. It is even more something when you study two different majors at the same time and study in language school at weekends. It’s real hardcore! I am proud of you. SO FREAKING MUCH! You did so well and you did so much! Please, be aware of it. You are incredibly talented and creative. YOU are hard working, not me. And you know what? Please, have a proper rest. Don’t overwork yourself anymore. You have to have some space just for you. You have to rest and regain your balance. Don’t think about writing as your duty. I know you feel responsible for all requests you have. But they really won’t run away or disappear. They all will be waiting to be written when you rest. Don’t pressure yourself, I beg you. You know I love your writing. We all here love it. But we love you even more. Taking a break it’s not bad. It’s necessary. When you rest you will be able to concentrate, you will have a fresh mind and new ideas. Just remember that you are a priority.

Speaking of your visit to Prague. OMG, THIS ASTRONOMICAL CLOCK!! I envy you soooooo much! I wish I could see it by myself someday! Thank you so much for the photo! And geez, you are the very first person admitting that museums are wonderful! No one amongst my friends likes them and it hurts so much, because I couldn’t go to the Uffizi museum and Palazzo Vecchio in Florence. I would love to go to any museum with you then! Museum of sex toys sounds really interesting, mostly because it’s not about modern toys. Like, I would never thought that people could have such rich sex life! I heard that in Amsterdam and Paris there are similar museums. But! I bet you would love icelandic museum of punk. Ohh, I am pretty sure you would enjoy it! It’s really small, because well..Its former public toilet. Buuuut, if you like non-obvious museums this is definitely for you. Whale museum was also pretty good. Or I enjoyed it just because I love whales. I was also in a museum of teddy bears in Seoul and it was the cutest museum I have ever been in! Tell me more about that vegan restaurant! What good did you eat? I am not vege myself, but I avoid eating meat on a daily basis so it’s easy to make me excited with such things!

I am not sure if I am better. I mean, I changed my mind about being able to sleep all day. I am not able to sleep at all at the moment. I am tired and my eyelids are so heavy, but sleep never comes. I guess insomnia hits again, it's a never-ending circle. But I am concerned about your leg! I guess you had spoken with doctor since you got xray and usg. Did they say anything? Any ideas of what it could possibly be? It has to be something serious if you have problems with walking! How did you manage to go sightseeing in Prague? Babe, please, take care of yourself! And what does “health problem AGAIN” mean?! Have you had such a problem before?? It scares me like.. we just started adulthood? My friend sneezed and it made him lay in bed for 6 days not being able to move. Literally.

Yeah, I was in South Korea, but please, do not perceive me as your role model. Gods, it would be a terrible decision, really. But, I would love to share some stories with you if you want! I know it's a popular destination these days because of kpop. I used to listen to it, but I think a few years ago kpop was better? More interesting? Now I’m more into khh, but I think I can’t say that I’m into it anymore.

Talking about music! I discovered two new songs and I bet you know them already, but for me it was huge woah woah woah! First of it - Sabaton. Thay covered Metallica’s For Whom The Bell Tolls and they did it so good! Secondly - The Heart Asks Pleasure First. They basically made their own song based on one of my favourite piano songs. Oh my.. it’s sooo good!

And still talking about music! I just wanted to say that I also love our Wombo edits! That one with Ezio singing Stressed out was perfect! Mr Auditore looked very believably singing it. I liked the one with Edward and Haytham. I don’t know the song but it had such a christmas vibe! It made me think of Edward and Shay singing Last Christmas or some other shitty Christmas song together. Why them? No idea. I love Altair, but your latest headcanons could make me love them even more.

And! I just wanted to tell you that you inspired me to take japanese lessons on Duolingo. I am aware that such app won’t help me with learning such a language, but at least I can tell you that katakana sucks. Gods, I hate it so much. Hiragana is so pleasurable to learn. And I know katakana is visually similar, but it is a no no from me. I have learnt some basic kanji signs. And I just admire you so much more.

I hope you will have wonderful and peaceful week, Babe! Once again, please take care of yourself. Remember to have proper rest, sleep at least 8 hours and drink water! I hope your leg will be better soon!

🔪

Hey Knifey! I finally have the right mind set to respond to this ask!

So first of all thank you. You always make me blush with your kind words and I have no idea how to react! I want to squeaze you in a hug and give you all the sweets in the world!

As for the rest. You see i have always worked to hard on studying, so hard it actually burned out everything inside so now all i want to do i nothing! But i cant, i really want to go back to spending my free time in more creative way!

Omg Knifey! Finally i met a museum lover! And gods i want to visit them all! And you know? That Icelandinc museum sounds like such a goal, i want to go there 🥺 and Seoul museum of teddy bears?! I want to go there!

Honestly I love all museums and generally history. I enjoy visiting ruins of castles and villages, going to museums of everything! Art, machines, objects! There are always so many things and so many different ways to find the inspiration! And I always take so many photos for 'future references'. Some time ago i was in a gardens which showed different time of gardens of the world and there was this amazing exhibition of demons from Slavic mithology. That was so awesome! As well as Japanese garden!

In began restaurant i have this fried soy bites in some sweet-spicy sauce. So tasty! Im trying to recreate this recipe but so far its 1:0 for the soy :/

As for my leg. Its swollen AF bht i just... Put on my shoe and pretended it didnt exist. I can walk in good shoes but still im worried. As for that little again... I generally have some weird health issues. I had 5 surgeries for different stuff (spine, tumor, nose) so like... Generally i am healthy... Or at least i was until thst damned foot decided to show off. Its been 4 weeks and im still looking for a solution, running different tests and all. Hopefully they will figure out whag is going on.

Yes TELL ME ALL THE STORIES ABOUT KOREA.! I love stories, tell me everything!

Tbh i never listen ed to k-pop. I guess its just nkt my type of music but I enjoy some Japanese and Chinese songs (one i like is Arrogant by Xiao Zhang). I know songs you sent me and gods they are amazing! I love sabaton, rock/metal im general but I listen to all kind of music. Like Italian soundtrack from Winx, music from burlesque, Dragonforce, shanties. If there are k-pop songs you like you can always send then to me! Ill gladly listen to them all!

Im glad you like those wombos i guess i should make more! 😂😂

And gods. Katakana. 4 years of learning Japanese and I still need katakana board to remember those signs! And tbh i feel like Japanese duolingo has some mistakes ;/ but for Japanese i used lingodeer app and it was nice!

Knifey Im very sorry you have troubles sleeping. Is there something you can do to make it easier for you? Maybe you can take some melatonin pills? Maybe you are stressed? Can you maybe contact doctor, maybe they can help? I dont want anything bad to happen to you! Please take care of yourself? Pretty please?

Love you so much Knifey, you are such a sunshine and I just want you to be happy and healthy!

[gibbyj]

goodnight and goodbye handsome

7.13.21 / 2:21 am

fuuuuuck i’m high!!’ turns out if you don’t smoke all day you get literally blasted. anyways hahaha, that’s not the point is it?

if you’ve gotten this far, i assume you’re reading this. honestly, i assume you’re reading this anyway. maybe not tonight, or tomorrow, but for some reason you’ll come. in a few days, you’ll visit my page.

here’s the thing, i know why i visit you. i’m in love with you. it’s really that simple. i tell people that, and i think that. deep down, i fear it may not be true. i’m terrified i’ve wasted years of my life craving a fling. and yet, deeper down, i’m drawn to you. i’m trapped in your fucking wave.

that’s a song you told me to listen to. do you remember why we broke up? hahahaha, i guess that’s a dumb question. in this world, everyone genuinely has their own truth. their own steps they’ve walked in this world to get to the version of themselves and their surroundings in their mind. [side note: that’s pretty fucking poetic right? i came up with that in 10 seconds high as a kite, please start writing again? i miss it, the world misses it. what happened to your notebook? ik you have ideas in there]

anybays, here’s my full version of why i genuinely believe you broke up with me. 1) you had a crush on her, and you were attracted to her 2) you were hurt bc i had been in texting him 3) we were fighting a lot 4) we had been getting bored 5) i was kinda petty and a bitch 6) i had been lying to you (and the world) for most of my life 7) i had been intentionally distancing myself and avoiding you 8) i’m SURE things i’m forgetting

i’m sure that’s incomplete, and perhaps incompatible with your version of events. i had also already broken up with you, that was a major factor. i used to point this out to our friends, and anyone who would listen to me, that you followed a similar path. when was the last time you were genuinely single, 14? 15? i don’t point that out to say that you weren’t able to grow, i’ve spent most of my grown life in love. but you always had someone lined up. you didn’t get rid of me until you had someone else to kiss.

i did that too, but i got bored. i really thought you would get bored. and i’m sorry, i wish i didn’t wish that. every part of me wants to have been able to let you go after i had written my first goodbye. but here’s the thing. you responded, quickly. and i’m sorry, im genuinely sorry for all of the times i reached out to you. im sorry for trying to add you on snapchat. im sorry for messaging you when i thought you were trying to talk to me. and im really, really, sorry for blacking out and texting you.

but here’s the, thing. you responded. you respond quickly. why do you check on me? seriously, why? sometimes i think, probably more like hope, you’re here bc i look good in my pictures, bc obviously that’s my intention. but why do you talk to me? and no, you dont. that’s really hard to explain to the people closest to me. no, we don’t talk, he like subtweets me? but i swear i’m not crazy. no really, they’re original posts, what else could they be?

and i dissect them, over and over again. i listen, i think about it, i picture you singing in your car, or smiling with your eyes closed. i think of you in your bed, thinking of me, and i don’t know why. because you don’t talk to me, you don’t seem to like me, and you don’t seem to be unhappy.

i drove past your house tonight. and in my FUCKING defense, it’s an alternative to my gd house, no one seems to understand that it’s literally like not a detour and i get home in the same amount of time. but i really don’t know why i do it. because i’m never happy. it’s never what i want. here’s what i want, i want you walking to your car, and seeing me drive past, i’d wave, slow down, and say hi. and finally ask for a goddamn explanation.

but that’s never going to happen. and i have to accept that. that’s never going to happen. i’m never going to rest my head in your neck, or hold your hand, or kiss you, or hug you, or laugh with you, or sing, or drive, or talk to you ever again. and that makes me so sad.

as i write that, i can feel the blood draining from my arms, and my stomach fell. i will probably go to sleep tonight, and even though i’ll distract myself with cormac mccarthy, i’ll be sad tonight.

my grandmom died on thanksgiving. i’m sure you don’t remember, but she was my best fucking friend. i’m not gonna talk about that, but i bring it up to say that if i’m being honest, my bones feel the same now as they did then.

we’re dead. the glimmer of me that believes in us, that picture going to concerts, seeing you drunk, dancing and laughing and singing and kissing and fucking and driving and watching movies and making jokes and living life together is gone. it’s dead. it has to be dead.

i went to barnes and noble today, and i looked for your car in the parking lot. i went to ocean city, and i scanned the top of the crown looking for your smile. and then i went to hammonton.

i got drinks with an ex tonight, don’t worry it wasn’t you. we have nothing in common, but he’s a good friend to me, and he’s really supportive and is always there for me, which tbh isn’t a common trait among my good friends. we talked, and it was pretty boring, but it was nice. and i asked him wtf you were doing. what it meant. why. if i should drive past your house.

he said no, i shouldn’t. he didn’t understand why i would choose to hurt myself that way. i showed him your page, and he chuckled a little. i dissect your feed, i visit you in the morning and the evening. every original post a message. a reaction or a plea in some way.

he told me i was crazy, which he isn’t wrong about. and the funny thing is, the truth is probably somewhere in the middle. sometimes, i fear i’m just a joke. maybe you guys watch me together, listen to my songs and laugh at the desperation between the lyrics. but, i really don’t think that’s it. you’re better than that. you’re nice, people don’t know that, to be honest you don’t always show that, but you have such a pure heart. and i don’t think you’re that gross.

maybe i’m wrong, and gd if i am gg sis you really found your person. but i don’t think im talking to both of you. i really, really think im talking to you. sometimes, it really feels like im talking to you. like you’re next to me, if i close my eyes, i can almost feel your hands on me.

but, im not. you’re in that deer town, and im in the college court. we’re thirty miles, and three years apart from one another. we’ve grown and changed and flipped upside down from those kids hanging out at the voorhees mall.

and so im left to figure out by myself why you’re here. why despite you being far and happy, you come to haunt me. you know, most exes emotionally haunt their ex, not legitimately leave unnecessary and misleading breadcrumbs.

i have a whole slew of degrees now, so i’ve come to my best version of a guess: you’re filing your insurance card. and you know what? four hours ago, i really would have been okay with that. i would have dated and waited and dated and waited until you came crying back, because you were my person. you were my goddamn dream boy. and i couldn’t believe i had you.

i let you go so quickly. and goddamn julia you didn’t let anyone go. here’s what i realized: anyone can fight for anyone. if you wanted me as badly as i want you, you would be here. here, here. but you’re not. instead, she’s there.

and i finally realized, what’s the goddamn point? i don’t know if you realized bro but i’m literally a gd catch. also, tbh i’m a lady w 38ddds so i can laid truly anytime i need to. and more importantly, i’m funny. i’m nice. im kind and i’m compassionate and caring and giving and smart as hell and really fun to hang out with. im a great singer, and a really fun dancer. and guys realize that.

there are so. many. guys like you. and i don’t mean that to be rude, trust me i didn’t know that this morning. but there are funny guys out there. there are guys who will go crazy when i take my clothes off and call me when i’m sad, and they’ll be happy to do it. they’ll be excited to be with me, i won’t be a back up.

and so, i’m giving myself that opportunity. i’m letting myself let go of you, to bury you and us alongside the memories i’m grateful for. so thank you, for teaching me all of my favorite bands. for making me laugh, and holding me when i needed you to. for kissing me, for loving me, and for reminding me that even now, im still a little special.

but i’m not going to sit around and wait for you to react. im not going to check on your songs, or your liked posts, or drive past your goddamn house. im not going to obsess over what you’re trying to say, because if you wanted to say it, you would. you wouldn’t hide it in spongebob songs, you would just message me. you would say hi.

but you dont, and deep down, i know you wont. god, even now, i want this to turn you inward. but when it doesn’t, or if it does and you still want nothing to do with me, i’m not gonna cry. because i really, really, really believe i’m gonna be okay.

i hope you’re okay too. i really, really wish you nothing but the best in this world. whatever this world brings you, i hope it comes with happiness, the ability to find joy in any situation, laugh at the small things. i believe in you, i hope you learn to believe in yourself.

[i-also-miss-our-talks]

IHOP and the Enigma (Connor Murphy x Reader)

Asked by Anonymous: Can I please get a Connor x Reader where the reader is basically Belle and Connor is the Beast. Thank you

Bro tbh I have no idea what I just fucking wrote. I think I started to work with your request, but it slowly veered away from it and I’m so so so sorry about that. Even though this took me forever to write, I honestly hate how it came out and I will most likely redo it in the future.

WC: 2,751

Warnings: Swearing, Mention of attempted suicide, Shitty writing, Jared Kleinman

Masterlist

Again, sorry for the horrible writing. I really should not post this. I am not proud of how this turned out at all. Please don’t send me messages about how random it is and how I can’t stick to one plot line.

Because I know that already.

Also I haven’t slept in like 24 hours so give me a break.

Connor Murphy was an enigma.

By definition, an enigma is a person or thing that is mysterious, puzzling, or difficult to understand.

So, yeah. Connor Murphy was an enigma. And everyone at school avoided him like any other enigma in their lives. Including the area underneath the left side of the football fields bleachers. That’s where Connor went to smoke. No one dared to venture near that side, fearful of what the “School Shooter” might do if he found out.

You, of course, weren’t fearful. You were rather curious. Curious if Connor Murphy actually smoked there or if it was just a myth. Curious about what he would do if he found someone in his area. Curious as to how enigmatic this enigma really was.

Therefore, you conducted an experiment. In all honesty, you just didn’t want to sit through another boring history lecture. So instead, you decided to put your curiousness at ease.

You sat under the bleachers, pulled out your phone, and scrolled through some apps while you waited for Connor.

“Hey!”

Thankfully, you didn’t have to wait too long.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing here?” Connor asked as he walked under the bleachers. He stuffed an unlit joint back into his hoodie pocket.

You look up at him. “I was just doing an experiment.”

“An experiment? That’s a poor ass excuse. What are you actually doing here? Trying to find out some creepy shit about me so I’ll freak out?” Connor accused, his temper growing by the second.

You shook your head, putting your hands up. “No! I swear it was just for an experiment! I’ll be on my way!” You spring up and start to walk away until you feel a tug on your backpack.

“Nope. No fucking way are you leaving just yet,” Connor snarled. He harshly pulled you back against one of the metal poles. Your head slammed against the metal but you weren’t worried about the pain. You were more frightened by what Connor was doing. “You’re gonna help me show people that I’m not to be fucking messed with. So as of now, you’re my slave.”

You opened your mouth in protest, but quickly shut it when Connor glared at you with eyes full of darkness. Wordlessly, you nod.

Connor smirked slightly before letting you go, pulling his joint back out of his pocket. He grabbed a piece of paper and handed it to you. “Write down your number. I’ll text you whenever I need you for something.”

Again, you nodded and obeyed. Your shaking hand made it difficult to write the numbers cleanly, but you managed. You handed the paper back to him and gripped your backpack straps.

Connor stuffed the paper in his pocket and lit his joint. “Now get your ass out of here before people see you with the School Shooter.”

So you ran back to class. What did you get yourself into?

During lunch, you got your first text.

From Connor: Y/N this better be your fucking number

You rolled your eyes and went outside to eat, as always. You sat against a tree away from everyone else and took out your lunch.

To Connor: It is. Chill.

From Connor: where the fuck are you

To Connor: Outside eating lunch. Why does it matter?

You put your phone away and start eating your sandwich. Just as you were about to take your first bite, someone sat down next to you. So much for away from everyone else. You sigh and look next to you, surprised to see the enigma himself. “What are you doing here?”

Connor shrugged. “Figured if you’re my slave, I should at least fucking try to get to know you,” he said, taking his bag off his shoulder.

You nodded and ate silently. But Connor just sat against the tree, staring off into the distance.

“Don’t you have a lunch?” you asked, slightly concerned by how calm he was.

Connor shook his head. “Nope.”

“Do you want some of mine?”

His head whipped towards you. “What?”

“Do you want some of my lunch?” you repeat, holding out your apple towards him.

“Why the fuck would you share your shitty lunch with me?”

You shrug. “Why not?” Connor stared at the apple for a few seconds before grabbing it cautiously. “It’s just an apple, Connor. It’s not gonna bite.”

Connor rolled his eyes and mumbled incoherently before taking a bite of the apple. When he was finished, he threw the core as far as he could into the grassy field ahead of them.

“Connor, what the hell? Why didn’t you just throw it out?” you question, packing up the rest of your lunch.

“It’s an apple. It’ll decompose. Just give it some time,” he said, standing up and putting his bag back on. “Plus, that’s where the shitty soccer team practices so hopefully they’ll slip on it,” Connor mumbled before walking back into the school.

Even though the bell rang, indicating lunch was over, you kept rooted in your spot.

What kind of fucking enigma was Connor Murphy?

It was a few months since that day and that enigma still called you his slave. You did multiple things for him, including doing his homework, buying him more nail polish, and once you even had to pick up some weed from his dealer for him.

From Connor: tomorrow get me some coffee

“Ugh!” you cry out, flopping onto your stomach on your bed. It was currently 11:47 at night, just when you were about to fall asleep, when Connor Murphy gave you another job as his slave.

To Connor: Fine. What kind?

From Connor: dark roast with two creams

To Connor: Really? You don’t want any of the fancy stuff? I think the Pumpkin Spice Latte is back in season.

From Connor: im not drinking that shit

To Connor: Alright. Dark Roast it is.

You turned off your phone and rolled onto your back. You closed your eyes, ready to go to sleep.

From Connor: ill give you money at school tomorrow

“That asshat!” you yelled into your pillow before replying.

To Connor: Okay.

From Connor: okay

To Connor: Don’t start with that Fault In Our Stars shit. I beg of you.

From Connor: damn i didnt mean it like that fuck

You smiled a little bit.

To Connor: You okay, Connor? It seems like you’re just trying to make conversation.

From Connor: im fucking perfect

To Connor: You don’t seem fine. Send me your address. I’m gonna pick you up. We’re going to IHOP.

You got dressed in some jeans and an old T-Shirt and headed downstairs where your mom was still watching TV. “Hey, Mom? One of my…friends isn’t feeling well so I’m gonna take him out to IHOP,” you said.

Your mom muted the TV and looked up at you. “At midnight? On a school night? I don’t think so, Y/N.”

You bit your lip. “Mom…he’s attempted suicide before.” The memory of the assembly from years ago flashed through your mind. The first time Connor tried to kill himself. You didn’t know him then (if you even knew him now) but you did learn a bit about it and what signs to watch out for.

Her eyes widened. “Oh…yes…yes that’s fine. Just keep me updated, okay?”

You nodded and kissed her cheek. “Thanks!” You grabbed your keys, pulling out your phone when Connor texted you his address.

You sat down across from the enigma at the booth. There were a handful of other people in the restaurant, but you and Connor asked to be sat away from them. So they gave you a back corner booth.

After ordering your food, you decided to start the conversation. “So…you’re getting waffles?”

Great conversation starter.

Connor nodded, pulling his hair back into a messy bun. “Yeah. Waffles are pretty fucking good.”

You shrug. “I prefer pancakes, myself.”

Connor smirked. “What’s the difference?”

“Nothing except that pancakes are the best.”

“What proof do you have?”

“I have the proof of everyone here!”

Connor let out a laugh. Whoa. “Oh yeah? How do you know if they prefer shitty pancakes over the almighty waffles?”

You smiled brightly. “I’ll just ask them!” You grabbed a napkin and pulled a pen out of your pocket (magic!). You quickly made a T-Chart on the napkin and walked around, asking everyone there if they preferred pancakes or waffles. Connor laughed as he watched you walk around all the half asleep patrons, trying to pry an answer out of them.

You walked back to the table and showed Connor your results. “So we’ve got five for pancakes, five for waffles, and two that are allergic to eggs.”

Connor smiled, whoa part two, and crossed his arms. “So you still don’t have any proof?”

You shook your head. “I guess not.” Your food then came out. The waitress set the plates down and started to walk away. “Wait!” you said. “Do you prefer pancakes or waffles?”

The waitress thought for a moment. “I’d say pancakes.”

“YES!” you yelled, pumping your fists in the air. “PANCAKES RULE!”

Connor laughed. “Now you’re gonna get our asses kicked out of here for yelling so fucking loud.”

You laughed and began to eat.

The drive back home was much more enjoyable than the drive to the restaurant. You two couldn’t stop talking. And it wasn’t just awkward conversations, either. It was laughing and debating and truly enjoying each others company.

You pulled into Connors driveway and turned off the car. “Well, I guess we’re here,” you sighed, turning to face him.

Connor nodded and looked at you. “Yeah. Guess we are.” He scratched the back of his neck. “I, uh, thanks…for that, I guess. It…it really helped? I don’t fucking know how you knew I wasn’t feeling well but somehow you fucking did so yeah.”

You don’t know how it happened. Maybe it was from all the sugar you just had. Maybe it was because it was 2:32 in the morning. Maybe it was because you were the only person who saw this side of Connor so you felt like you could do anything. But whatever the reasoning, with a sudden bolt of confidence, you did it. You reached out, grabbed the collar of Connors shirt with your hands, and slammed your lips against his.

Teeth clacked, noses bumped, eyes closed too tight. It was a horrible kiss as kisses go. But it felt so right. At least, you thought it did.

Connor gripped your shoulders and detached his lips from yours. “What the actual fuck, Y/N?”

You blushed deeply and avoided his eyes. “I’m sorry! It-it-it just felt like what I w-w-was supposed to do! I-I won’t d-do it again I pr-“ You were cut off by Connor once again. He kissed you, properly this time.

Sighing contently, you loosened your grip on his collar and reached a hand up to his hair. Carefully, you took out his ponytail holder and let his hair fall around you two. You giggled against his lips as his hair tickled your nose.

Connor smiled and let go of your shoulders. He tangled one hand in your hair and put the other one on your waist. He gently squeezed your waist, causing you to let out a small moan. Connor took this opportunity to slip his tongue into your mouth.

You two made out for a few more minutes until you both forced yourselves apart. Your backs slammed against the car seats, both of you panting.

“Whoa,” you mumbled, running your fingers over your swollen lips.

Connor ran a hand through his hair. He licked his lips and took a deep breath. “So…what now?”

You shrug. “I…I don’t know,” you mumbled. “Does this count as Stockholm Syndrome?”

Connor laughed. Like, really laughed. Like, threw his head back and squeezed his eyes shut tight laughed. “I have no fucking clue!”

You laughed along with him. Wow. That just happened. You made out with the enigma of the school.

And boy, oh boy, were you happy about it.

The next day, not even five hours later, you pulled into the Murphy’s driveway. Clutching his coffee, you walked up to the door and rang the doorbell. A few seconds later, Connor appeared, his hair tangled in knots and bags the size of carry-ons. But seeing you, his face lit up just a bit.

“Hey,” Connor said and leaned down to peck your lips.

You smiled and returned the kiss. “Hey. Ready to go?”

Connor nodded. “Yeah. Just let me grab my shit.” He took his coffee before walking into the other room. A few moments later, he returned and grabbed the keys out of your hands. “Let’s go.”

You nodded and followed him to the car. Normally, Connor would drive to school while he’s still in a somewhat decent mood, and you would chill in the passenger seat, not daring to say a word. But today, you took a risk. You grabbed his free hand and intertwined your fingers. From the corner of your eye, you could’ve sworn you saw Connors mouth turn up in a slight smile.

When you got to school, Connor parked in the back of the lot and quickly turned off the car. He faced you and squeezed your hand. “Y/N, I don’t want you as my fucking slave. I want you as my S/O. Okay?”

You smiled brightly. “Okay.”

“Don’t start with that Fault In Our Stars shit.”

You giggled and got out of the car, grabbed his hand, and walked into school with your enigma. Of course, having spent the past few months as his slave, you knew Connor’s class was before yours. “I guess I’ll see you at lunch?”

Connor nodded. “Yeah. See you then.” He leaned down to give you a quick kiss before letting go of your hand and walking into his class. You smiled and began your trek to the other side of the school.

That is, until Jared Kleinman came along.

“So you’re dating the school shooter, huh? Tell me, how’s the freak in bed?” Jared smirked, walking beside you.

You frowned. “He’s not a freak, Jared. Fuck off.”

“See, this is what happens when he threatens you. He’s probably holding your family hostage so you’ll agree to date him, huh Y/N?” Jared nudged you.

“Shut up, Kleinman! Leave me the fuck alone!” You started a quicker pace towards your class.

Jared, of course, didn’t leave you alone. Cause why would he? “You’re not actually saying you like that stoner, are you?”

“Actually, I’m saying I fucking love him, alright? Connor’s changed, Jared. Maybe you could learn something from him,” you spat before stomping into your class. You quickly took your seat and laid your head in your arms.

Soon enough, lunch came. You ran out to the tree and smiled when you say Connor. “Hey!”

Connor turned and smiled at you. “Hey.” He wrapped an arm around you as you two sat down. He pressed a small kiss to your temple. “I guess if we’re dating we should actually go on a fucking date, right?”

You shrugged. “Yeah kinda. We can just go to IHOP again, though,” you said, handing him your apple from your lunch.

Connor nods. “Yeah, but we should do other things too.”

“To be honest,” you say, smiling at him, “if it’s with you, I’d do anything, Connor.”

The long haired boy laughed. “Oh man, this is so Stockholm Syndrome.”

[enaasteria]

Answered Asks // 3

Under the cut~~~

Anonymous said to enaasteria: August 28th 2017, 12:18:00 pm · a month ago Hey! Will you be finishing apartment 5108 anytime soon? I've read it like 4 times and still cry everytime. Looking forward to the other chapters!!

Chapter 16 going up in a few mins. There are about 2 chapters left and it’ll be done. Thank you for reading!

Anonymous said to enaasteria: August 29th 2017, 12:22:00 am · a month ago I just finished reading all available 16 chapter of Apartment and wow- I cried several times. This is probably one of the best fanfictions I've ever come across on this sight, and I'm very thankful that you've decided to share. Ahri's development as a person has been mind blowing, and I'm looking forward to seeing how Sehun grows as well. Are you planning on making this several more chapters?

Thank you so much! I’m so glad you like their character development and it’s something I truly love in stories. I love it when characters change and grow. It just makes them feel a bit more dimensional and real. About 2 more chaps after 16. It’ll end at 17 with an epilogue of sorts at 18.

Anonymous said to enaasteria: August 29th 2017, 12:23:00 am · a month ago ALSO Ahri finally choosing to give him another chance and deviating away from her parents? It was an absolute tear fest. Although did Sehun ever know that she was hospitalized because of her allergy?

I know right!!! Honestly, it’s one of my finer writing moments. I love little things that relate to each other hahaha. And yes---Soi prob told him or yelled at him is more like it.

@sehunsmile​ said to enaasteria: August 29th 2017, 12:55:00 am · a month ago I just started re reading Apartment 5108 for the third time, i never get tired of your story!!!

Thank you babe! Thank you for your support and encouragement!!

Anonymous said to enaasteria: August 29th 2017, 8:54:00 am · a month ago i love apartment 5108!! i honestly love long fics and yours is like SUPER LONG PLUS it's quality content so that makes me very happy :))) thank you for working so hard on it! i can't wait for the next update <33

Thank you so much for reading and yessss this fic is so long. I tried to shorten it but it just didn’t work. I know you love long fics but writing them is true suffering at its best.

Anonymous said to enaasteria: August 29th 2017, 2:16:00 pm · a month ago You've become one of my favorite writers. A group of my friends and I from St Lucia have decide to meet up to read the last chapter of Apartment 5103 once it's posted. It's captivated us since the very beginning and we look forward to its completion and to be able to continue supporting your brilliant writing from a far 💞

Where were you when I visited?!?!!?! I’m so upset now T_____T Let me know how your meet goes bc the final chapter won’t be posted for some time. I hope you enjoy 16 in the mean time hahaha

Anonymous said to enaasteria: September 9th 2017, 2:55:00 am · a month ago Nothing you write can ever be a mess 💗 don't stress too much over the chapter, or even at all really! You do it for your enjoyment! 💗we care more about you than a chapter

You’re so kind to me. Thank you so much for your gentle words and I’m so glad you enjoy this story!

Anonymous said to enaasteria: September 10th 2017, 4:53:00 am · a month ago Hi!!! I super love your writing!!! Especially Keepers!! I hope you update soon!!! Thank you for sharing your talent!!! <3

Keepers is such a favorite! I can’t wait to go back to it and write the 2nd chapter!

Anonymous said to enaasteria: September 10th 2017, 5:05:00 am · a month ago DAMN GIRL YOU PULLING MY HEART STRINGS THATS WAS SO GOOD WTF OMG I LOVE YOUR SEHUN FANFIC

ThANK YOU SO MUCH??!?!?!?! I’m so glad you love it and please read 16 with low expectations. i’m kinda fkdsjfklsjflksdf about it. T___T

Anonymous said to enaasteria: September 13th 2017, 8:56:00 am · 23 days ago Hello ena! been stalking your tumblr every day since the last time you posted the latest chapter of Apartment 5108 which is chapter 15. Actually I got a lot of things to write but this is all came out from my mind now haha! You are currently my most favorite author 💞 your writing is so good, you inspire me to write better tho. For the past 3 years, I dont have enough courage to post any of my story but maybe soon? kkk. Oh last but not least I hope you can get out from writer block soon 😉

THANK YOU. I’m so glad you enjoy this fic and it’s so nice of you to say I’m your favorite author---LIKE WHAT IS LIFE. I don’t know how to handle these compliments but I’m so happy you love this story and please read 16 with low expectations. I’m kinda nervous about it and hope the flow is okay. T_____T

Anonymous said to enaasteria: September 19th 2017, 4:43:00 pm · 17 days ago I think I just finished the best Sehun fic ever, and is apartment 5108. You have no idea how beautiful and pleasing was for me to read such an amazing work. Thank you for share your talent, thank you for make me fall in love whit Ahri, Sehun and their story, thank you for touch my heart with your words and make me cry like a baby at 3 a.m wen I have to go to colege at 7 haha I found it last night and just finished the 15 part and I loved it SO MUCH! I hope your inspiration have no limit. Love u

OMG. WHAT A BLESSING TO READ THIS MESSAGE. I’m so happy you love this story. I can’t even begin to fathom my gratitude to those who read and enjoy my words. I’m also nervous when posting a chapter and I hope 16 doesn’t disappoint you. T___T

Anonymous said to enaasteria: September 22nd 2017, 5:32:00 am · 15 days ago Your fav fanfics??

I don’t read many fics but this is my fic rec blog! https://enaeolus.tumblr.com/

Anonymous said to enaasteria: September 25th 2017, 2:26:00 am · 12 days ago hi!! just wanted to ask where you’re at with apt 16? like how many words have u written(i’m sorry if i’m not supposed to ask i dont know if this is rude or not) but i love your apt series, it’s a blessing to mankind 💕💕💕💕

It is 18000+ words and I kind of want to die from writing it all. T___T

Anonymous said to enaasteria: October 6th 2017, 1:58:00 am · 16 hours ago hi, i just didn’t know how a fic would affect me so hard as much as apartment 5108 did ㅠㅠ tbh reading the 1st few chapters i thought it wasnt going to be really angsty but then i got to the later chaps and IM A WHOLE MESS!! i started this fic at around 2am and ended at 11am so you can tell i really had no sleep and i even ditched class!! thats how hooked i got into this fic. you made it so emotionally relatable and the imagery you projected was very vivid that i got lost in it! Cant wait for 16

AHDSFJJFSLDF THANK YOU. I know right. It was kind of a slow build up of angst which is what I love. It’s like you don’t feel the pain creeping up until it’s like..THERE LOL. AND NOOOOO WHY DID U SKIP CLASS T____T I’m so sorry this story made u miss class but I hope it was worth it??? HAHAHAH Thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoy 16. 

[itoshi]

tag memes! like... a lot of them... haha!!

tagged by @levizs sophie!! thank you! <33 lmao my handwriting sucks so much tho...

tagged by @laynce aaa clio! thank you v much! <33 & @shoto-s jaaane!! thankyou too and im sorry it took so long??

name: ryn. nickname: - zodiac sign: virgo. height: 159 cm. orientation: i honestly don’t know. ethnicity: asian (much accuracy). favorite fruit: strawberry. favorite season: autumn. favorite book series: ehh... favorite scent: soft flowery scents. favorite color: blue, green, black, grey, white. coffee, tea or cocoa: green tea. average sleep hours: i need at least 10 hours to function properly. cat or dog person: doggos. cats are cute but doggos are the reason i live. favorite fictional characters: bokuto kotaro, tendou satori, kuroo tetsurou, bakugou katsuki, toogata mirio, aomine da- (cut due to length). number of blankets you sleep with: depends on the season. usually two. dream trip: everywhere. blog created: eeeerrrrrr, 2015-ish? number of followers: three sometimes three and a half.

tagged by @atsumus thank you so much elea!!

nicknames: ryn... star sign: virgo. gender: aaa fem... i guess... MBTI type: isfj. height: 159 cm. time: 10:58 pm. birthday: september 12 favorite bands: fall out boy, panic! at the disco, idk man so much more... favorite solo artists: melanie martinez, jon belllion, beyonce, birdy, lady gaga... so much more... song stuck in my head: give love by andy grammer. last movie i watched: prince of egypt. last show i watched: homeland. other blogs: - @dailyhaikyuu - @dailybnha - @-sarada (resources) - @klausman (animal) when i created my blog: 2015-ish?? what i post about: anime. mostly haikyuu!! last thing i googled: "can dogs eat pineapples?" following: 181. followers: three sometimes three and a half. favorite color: blue, green, black, grey, white. average hours of sleep: i need at least 10 hours to function properly. lucky number: 12 and 36. instruments: aaa the mandadory soprano recorder. what I’m wearing: shorts, shirt and jumper. lmao it’s the middle of winter. how many blankets i sleep with: depends on the season. usually two. dream jobs: idk... i just wanna earn enough to survive tbh. dream trip: around the world. favorite food: spring rolls, burritos, pringles. nationality: errrrrrrrrr.

tagged by @theladystrikesagain & @pamurabudabu pammm!! maria!! thank you so much and sorry for the wait,,

the last

1. drink: green tea. 2. phone call: my sister - zoei. 3. text message: my sister - zoei. "zoei: pick me up u dumb slut. me: lmao no u nasty ho" 4. song you listened to: miss jackson by panic! at the disco. 5. time you cried: a few weeks ago when i picked up my dog after his operation. 6. dated someone twice: i can't even date someone once. 7. kissed someone and regretted it: yah. 8. been cheated on: nah. 9. lost someone special: eh. 10. been depressed: my whole damn life. 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: nah. i can hold my alcohol.

3 favourite colours

12. black. 13. blue. 14. green.

in the last year have you

15. made new friends: yupp, highlight of my life. 16. fallen out of love: nah. 17. laughed until you cried: yah. my sis slays. 18. found out someone was talking about you: nah. 19. met someone who changed you: my dog - Roger O Federer. i love him so much. i would die for him. 20. found out who your friends are: i have a good set of friends. 21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: nah.

GENERAL

22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: all of them. 23. do you have any pets: a doggo! a pure-bred lab - Roger O Federer! 24. do you want to change your name: i'm indifferent but i wouldn't change it. 25. what did you do for your last birthday: mom made my fave dishes and we bought cake. 26. what time did you wake up: 8:30 am. 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: snooping on tumblr. 28. name something you can’t wait for: living alone and financially supporting myself. 29. when was the last time you saw your mom: she's literally a metre away from me. 31. what are you listening to right now: nothing. 32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: no?? idk, i don't think so. 33. something that is getting on your nerves: existing. 34. most visited website: tumblr. what a loser. 35. hair colour: brown. 36. long or short hair: short. 37. do you have a crush on someone: ehh. 38. what do you like about yourself: hmm. i'm polite... 39. piercings: ears. 40. blood type: i'm pretty sure i'm a B-neg. 41. nickname: ehh. 42. relationship status: single. since fourteen. 43. zodiac: virgo.  44. pronouns: she/her. 45. favourite tv show: grey's anatomy, criminal minds, game of thrones, black-ish, brooklyn 99, etc. 46. tattoos: nah. 47. right or left handed: right. 48. surgery: left big toe. 50. sport: badminton. 51. vacation: all over australia and the philippines. i've been to hong-kong i think. 52. pair of trainers: what.

MORE GENERAL

53. eating: potato chips. 54. drinking: green tea. 55. I’m about to: go to sleep. 56. waiting for: death. 57. want: a new phone. maybe a life. either one is fine. 58. get married: i don't mind being married nor being single. 59. career: hopefully something in health.

WHICH IS BETTER

60. hugs or kisses: hugs. kisses freak me out. 61. lips or eyes: eyes. 62. shorter or taller: taller. 63. older or younger: older. 64. nice arms or nice stomach: gimme some buff biceps, i'll die. bokuto. 65. hook up or relationship: relationship. 66. troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant. i overthink every single thing.

HAVE YOU EVER

67. kissed a stranger: nah. 68. drank hard liquor: yah. 69. lost glasses/contact lenses: yah. contact lenses tend to disappear when they fall. 70. turned someone down: yah. 71. sex on the first date: nah. 72. broken someone’s heart: yah. 73. had your heart broken: nah. i tend to end things before it gets messy. 74. been arrested: nah. 75. cried when someone died: yah. ((i'm not completely heartless)) 76. fallen for a friend: yah.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN

77. yourself: lol no. 78. miracles: yah. my url for example. 79. love at first sight: nah. attraction at first sight maybe. 80. santa claus: never. my parents liked taking credit for their gifts. 81. kiss on the first date: nah. 82. angels: nah.

OTHER

84. eye colour: brown. how lame. 85. favourite movie: so many. but mulan is my all time fave.

tagging: whoever wants toooooooo!!

[virtualbrownie]

Get to know me tag

This blog is not dead...I promise....but go check out my ace attorney-centric sideblog!! @court-ships​ #shamelessselfpromo

Anyways I was tagged by @xxprincessjewelsxx​ fifty fucking years ago (just kidding it was in march...which does feel like ages) to do this tag and well!! im catching up on all my shit so!!

Rules: Answer the 20 questions in a new post and tag 20 blogs you would like to get to know better. 

NICKNAME: my name is four letters long and everything except the first letter is a fucKING VOWEL soooooo????? but @hamzzikwon​ likes to call me ‘jojo.’ ugh

GENDER: female

STAR SIGN: scorpio

HEIGHT: i’m like. really fucking short. like REALLY fucking short. like five feet and maybe an inch. who even knows.

TIME RIGHT NOW: 11:45 AM, a few hours before my piano lesson and i still haven’t fixed my music essay :’)) and im doing this instead

LAST THING I GOOGLED: “trucy wright” because bITCH THIS GIRL IS FUCKING PRECIOUS LIKE wHaT a fUckiNG bbaBe uGh go!!! my magician!!

(what’s weird is that i’m so attached to new generation ace attorney characters even though i haven’t played the games with them yet?? like i have apollo justice and i played the first case but i haven’t gotten back to it yet and even so i just ??? really??? love??? klavier and apollo and trucy ??????? idek why)

FAVORITE BANDS: seventeen stan <33

FAVORITE SOLO ARTISTS: ailee, halsey (been playing hopeless fountain kingdom on repeat ever since it came out)

SONG STUCK IN YOUR HEAD: “talking to the moon” by bruno mars because last night i was crying in joyful agony over @kilometresrufflefuck​‘s old fanfiction by the same title (check it out on ao3!!! i really love and rec)

LAST MOVIE I WATCHED: harry potter and the deathly hallows pt. 1 (i think) with @hamzzikwon​ and @t-asuna2000​ on independence day

LAST TV SHOW I WATCHED: crIMINAL MINDS (i’m a sucker for this show and law and order kms)

WHEN DID YOU CREATE YOUR BLOG: (had to check my archive for this whoops) may 2015...and since then i’ve gone through like three different fandoms whoops

WHAT KIND OF STUFF DO YOU POST: shitposts i just reblog shit and occasionally answer asks but gO ON MY AA SIDEBLOG FOR ACTUAL WRITING!! (why the fuck do i keep promoting myself i need to stop) (*whispers* my aa sideblog is solely ace attorney...even though i do slip up and reblog some other shit)

WHEN DID YOUR BLOG REACH ITS PEAK: hmmm well since i’m not like an actual active user that posts and has a legit following idk...i don’t really think i’ve actually reached a peak lmao

DO YOU HAVE ANY OTHER BLOGS: hAHA MORE SELF-PROMO (sorry i sound so fucking ostentatious please let me live) 

@court-ships​, my ace attorney sideblog! visit for just ace attorney related reblogging stuff and my occasional fic posting (since i can’t ever seem to remember how to make a masterlist on tumblr)

but i did write something on ao3 that i haven’t finished posting on tumblr so go check it out!! under the same username :)) 

DO YOU GET ASKS REGULARLY: uhh kinda?? well i wouldn’t consider them regular but i do get asks a lot for some reason....and they all build up so it looks like a crap ton whoops bUT as you can see i’m trying to clean through this blog rn and answer stuff and tags and yeah :))

WHY DID YOU CHOOSE YOUR URL: i had this ongoing joke with an old friend about brownies and since i decided to use it for my social media i just added virtual to it lol

FOLLOWING: 358 but there are probably porn blogs that i forgot to block lmfao

POSTS: 16,396 (damn)

HOGWARTS HOUSE: gryffindor

POKEMON TEAM: sorry idk

FAVORITE COLORS: yes black is a shade but i love it

AVERAGE HOURS OF SLEEP: well now it’s summer so 9-10 hours

LUCKY NUMBERS: 4, 8, 24

FAVORITE CHARACTERS: from which fandoms

ace attorney: apollo justice, trucy wright, klavier gavin (i just love this trio so fucking much) and also pearl fey. my favorite villain from ace is probably dahlia and i fucking HATE her as a character but from a writer and consumer’s perspective she’s fucking brilliant and great like hooly shit!!!! harry potter: hands down luna lovegood and also i love ron like i relate to him on a spiritual level yuri!!! on ice: makkachin probably otabek...but i love all the characters. what a precious lot.

WHAT ARE YOU WEARING RIGHT NOW: soft maroon tee and shorts

HOW MANY BLANKETS DO YOU SLEEP WITH: one, it’s pink and it has pigs on it and it’s great. i love it so much

DREAM JOB: this is such a conflicting question for me bc sometimes its really hard for me to discern dream in the way everyone else does. people always say dream job as in like what you want to do, mostly without financial concern but in a dream, to me, i am AT LEAST financially stable, which is like a first priority for me (this probably isn’t good but that’s what kind of mindset i have, courtesy of my parents) and like...enjoyment and happiness second kinda???

i do kinda want to be a lawyer but i guess my true dream job is being an author. but just saying it is really like unreal because i don’t have that much confidence in writing and my passions wax and wane really easily and im just a mess as you can probably see

DREAM TRIP: i’d love to visit everywhere tbh but top destinations are japan, germany, and the netherlands (though i do dream of living in the netherlands rather than just visiting)

and i’m done!! except for the tags.

tagging: @yuikishirohana​ @xxsycoticsadiexx​ @nohmasked​ @team-dynamike @jaqueen152 @fluffynarwhal7 @cupcakesoryu @senchoubutter @katachana @randomseventeen @sinnam0n-roll @ninja-shinigami @shadowdui @mrsericajackson @seemesmiling007 @the-fallen-otome-angel @nasica @socialist-samurai @p-rince-zer0 @living-out-a-nightmare

to the people i tagged: you don’t have to do it :)) i do hope to get in touch with all of you since most of you are long-time mutuals <33

[yoongi-aka-agust-d]

20 questions tag

I was tagged by @puppyoongslike ten years ago and im finally coming around to it lmao, thanks for thinking of me ~

rules: answer the 20 questions and tag 20 blogs you would like to get to know better

nicknames: i dont really have any? my name is v short as it is. my nickname currently in the main group chat is ‘unapologetic’ but idk when it became that lmao 

gender: female

star sign: virgo

height: im not sure? i think its around the 5′4 mark

time right now: 00:31am

last thing I googled: ‘its never too late to be what you could have been’ quote

favorite bands: bts, the neighbourhood, i feel like my chem should get an honorary mention. fall out boy have pure bops. i also love exo, blackpink, red velvet and twice but im not like a hardcore fan, just a casual.i rly like don broco, and KARD look promising i mean both the songs so far have been absolute tunes 

fave solo artists: halsey, melanie martinez (yes i am trash), britney spears (shes fucking iconic ok), nicki minaj (the actual queen), troye sivan, the weeknd

song stuck in my head:down by marian hill and now or never by halsey

last movie I watched: zootropolis was the last film i watched in general (it was a rewatch w the fam and its a damn good film if you ignore the influence of furries), beauty and the beast was the last film i saw in cinema (twice so far. its so good!!)

last show I watched: i just watched the first ep of the new season of doctor who. brooklyn 99 was the last (and possibly only tbh) show i finished (repeatedly. its my fave. yall should watch b99)

when did you create your blog: i just checked and this blog has been going since august 2011 how gross thats so many years wasted on this god forsaken site. this is my main blog, i have an aesthetic side blog i created like almost two years ago.

what do you post: literally anything. there is no rhyme, reason, structure or rules. its a mess. it started off as aesthetic and disney, went through the bandom phase, the criminal minds phase, the marvel phase and is currently bts/kpop w some other random shit mixed in.

when did your blog reach its peak?: god i hope it hasnt tbh that would be a bit depressing. i think this is the most Peak its been since i started it though

do you have other blogs: ya boy i have my aesthetic side blog if any of yall are interested in all that jazz @existingmess

when i first started out i originally had a side blog on the books i read which i kept going until about three years ago, but it stopped being fun so i deleted it. (it was called the book count)

do you get asks regularly: n o honestly i never get asks why does no one like me T T i would be so happy if any of yall ever hmu

why did you choose your url: i had idontgiveafxxk as a reference to nevermind, but when the agust d mixtape came out i wanted a url that was more blatantly yoongi related and @not-jeongguk v generously gifted me a saved url

following: 453

posts: 43,983 how rank

hogwarts house: OKAY SO when pottermore came out i did the test TWICE and both times i got slytherin, and i was a v proud slytherin. until earlier this year or late last year, i took the test again to see what my patronus was, and i got ravenclaw???? i feel like ive been living a lie????? but seeing as i would have finished hogwarts by now im sticking w slytherin 

pokémon team: i have never done a gym in pokemon go so i havent actually ever chosen whoops

favorite colors: idk im bad at choosing stuff like this. i mean, def black. and red. at the moment im also very fond of bright orange,winnie the pooh yellow and pastel pink too.

average hours of sleep: who the fuck even knows w my sleep. it ranges from like none to twelve hours (i slept 12 hours yday)

lucky numbers: i dont rly have any so ill go w 6 and 9 bcos theyre my faves (ITS BDAY RELATED I PROMISE)

fave characters: gallowglass from the discovery of witches book series (HE DESERVED BETTER THAN THE LAST BOOK WTF). finnick odair (HE DESERVED BETTER THAN THE LAST BOOK WTF). every character from the brooklyn 99 tv show. Bucky barnes. peter pan. harley quinn.

what am I wearing now?: my new mickey mouse nightie i got for easter off my aunt

how many blankets do you sleep with: one duvet and if its cold one or two blankets on top

dream job: fuck me if i know

dream trip: i wanna go to south korea and attend a bts concert omg. failing that,, disney will work

im not entirely sure who to tag other than @not-jeongguk , so im just gon tag everyone i know @plaster-chief @jonathxnbyers @redeyes-ultimatedragon i do know others but ive forgotten their urls im sorry if u see this feel free to do it anyways ~

[bi-rezi]

tagged by @dersse!!

Rules:fuck the rules

Star Sign: Taurus

Height: 5′5″ if i’m generous

Time Right Now: 12:03 AM

Last thing you Googled: the name of my school district so i could find the website lol

Last Book I read: i’m like halfway through middlesex by jeffrey eugenides and three pages in swarm by scott westerfeld

Favorite Music: oh geez idk it seriously depends

Last TV show you watched: voltron

What are you wearing right now: like four shirts under a flannel and jeans

When did you create this blog: several years ago? i think it was during middle school so at least three years ago

What do you post: mostly homestuck plus whatever’s on my mind, sprinkled through with vaguely personal shit

Do you have an Instagram: yeah its @/savonthecosplayer

Do you have a snap chat: yeah but (a) i hate snapchat, i literally just got it for the snapd8s and (b) it’s private

Do you get asks regularly: no lol i’ve gotten like two ever

How did you choose your url: i wanted something else (equally as pretentious and terrible) but it was taken and tumblr suggested this one

Gender: non-binary

Favorite Colors: i can't choose man they all have good and bad qualities

Average hours of sleep: around five or six on school nights, like twice that on weekends. it’s anyone’s guess how much sleep i’ll get on break.

Favorite Characters: dave strider, karkat vantas, a lot of homestuck characters tbh, shiro and pidge from voltron atm as well. probably others that i’m not thinking of.

How many blankets do you sleep with: fifteen at least. but literally, i have two thick soft blankets under a top sheet and a quilt and i’d add more if i could get away with it. the heavier the better.

Dream Job: the edgelord in me wants to say death and my depression and anxiety are combining to tell me stay home all day and nap with no rules or expectations but my heart says some kind of illustrator, or a writer? idk man im like five years old i don't know what i want to do with my life

Random fact about yourself: every time i’m asked to provide a random fact all my brain ever provides are the most personal things about myself that would absolutely be tmi and im so rarely able to come up with something adequate so i’m just putting this

augh im sorry i hate tagging people in things and idk who i’d tag anyway so im just.. not gonna tag anyone? if you wanna do this just go ahead and say i tagged you

[haeroniel-doliet]

i need more money to buy little art

honestly tho feeling like for that ideal goal existence i’ll try get to someday, i’ll needa be making proper money comfortable and good so i can spend all i like on society 6 and other to buy shirts and bags and just everything to a house all in different art prints (mostly florals) bc just those pictures are  like everything i want but just so expensive. i’m trying to sum down like 10 to stickers, bc i wanna do up my laptop, but dedicating to a single decal (thats like 25 ON SALE) is too much esp since i love so much. so ive kinda decided to get a hard cover for the laptop just in case i break it, and just in case i do break my laptop that i can keep the stickers on the hard case and dont lose them to replaced parts. idk seems smart. ill probs buy a kinda shady cover off of ebay for 5 or 6 pound and then spend 20 on stickers for it :] since theyre on sale till 8 am today and its 3 am im probs just gonna settle and order them. might order cover tomorrow w my dad bc i need trust assurance. hes not all on board on the stickers so im just gonna go for it. theyre gonna be like my post cards. i buy so many every place. and no. not trashy postcards. i want art. i have so many postcards of paintings in galleries and so many from comic con art valleys (guess who wants to get so much more and 100% will) i love original art the most when its pretty to me and like everyone who sees it. simples okay but i prefer soft and detailed. excited now i can go to con and also be looking for stickers bc maybe ill get a few cool ones that wont cost me as much as the society 6 ones do. and then my laptop can replicate my walls, displaying all the art ive loved that ive been able to take with me (bc theres so much i obviously dont have on my walls) anyway im looking at these and making some small bc i suddenly realise this laptops got realestate. and the saddest thing w stickers (literally why i had one of those waxy paged sticker books as a child) is that i cant dedicate stickers to a single spot. its so much dedication. what if i buy a bigger sticker and it wont fit? what if i get the perfect sticker for that spot and it wont fit? (over lap i guess) how can i be sure i put them in the right spots to start with? augh i dont really wanna cover just half of it and obviously leave space bc that puts pressure on finding stickers and i might get ones i dont love. i cant get sick of any one bc itll be there  (joy of having multiple mean theres less getting sick of anything). anyway i think im happy w the sizes of these 10 stickers and can work w them (also for now i think im just gonna be going around the edges and leaving the apple logo as it is, esp bc it glows and theres already this shitty old smiley face sticker from my old psych teacher and i kinda dont wanna get rid of it, i just wanna add things around it so it doesnt look so: clean (actually dirty) laptop that a child marked as their own) 

anyway society 6 has random discounts all the time which is p rad and maybe the day im ready to invest in my own living space and dont feel obliged to check w my parents about just about any purchase, i’ll then subscribe to something thatll tell me what discount is on. that in mind, i think i’ll only get the 9 now, that hopefully wont cost too much, and leave a bunch in my wishlist, bc there’ll be another discount (this is 20% off everything)  and maybe that’ll be like 50% off stickers and boy then when my collection is underway you bet ill go for it. and like maxx sticks on their sketch book, if i dedicate to a new book maybe ill get more for that and have a pretty thing to keep and reminisce over (tho knowing me, ill not use it much bc i have a need for pretty things to stay perfect and presentable, and i have a need for everything that i might show to others to be like near perfect otherwise its sucks and ill feel bad bc i dont wanna show it off to people. like my art book, sure i couldve made it all experimental and crap and then edited the real pages together on the computer. but no. i needed everypage to be presentable and pretty and handwritten and creative. and they must go page after page, its so awkward showing someone something and then going “oh wait now these few are empty sorry yeah heres the next page” so i baasically have  a book with mhmmm 20-26 pages of beautiful spreads that im quite proud of inside beautiful covers ( i knew id want to be presenting it for years to come) and the back pages are just...empty. and theyll probably stay that way bc i no longer have projects to be doing to fill them with. maybe one day ill grow into myself and grow out the fear of ruining what ive achieved and fill some with new projects to please myself and be an indepenednt artist not just a teacher pleaser. you know its like that with my work too, like it has to have a direction and a plan that will be achieved, and its terribly frustrating when that vision doesnt happen. but i think thats the same with everyone. 

anyway on a side note, dont you guys think its so fun and cool how ive not done my post labs that were due last friday? how every night ends up being 3-4 am until i go... mhmmmm yeah i guess nothing is happening. like i hope id bloom and do work at that 11pm-3am window and then i get here, suddenly having lost all track and sense of time and just sigh. its wasted, its basically tuesday already. have to keep telling myself dates bc it moves so weird. i planned on getting shit done two days ago. here we are regardless. and the most ill get done is get those stickers ordered bc that is i guess what ive been half focused on for mhmmm5 hrs. then ill save my 7 dollars or whatever, have stickers on the way, tomorrow order the case and thats one insignificant thing done. then the question will be have i looked at summer jobs? no of course not ive looked at ballet courses. shush. i havent showered for days bc theyve just slipped by too laying in bed, maybe tomorrow ill take a shower and pick up all the trash and tissues on the ground. maybe i will. i know i wont get real work done tonight, and already ill be sleepy till 1 pm and by then mom will be again on me abt sleeping to latesoo... yeah no point. and here i thought id make a quick totes relatable short post about how i need more money to buy stickers and maybe a brief my ideal life is to have enough money to spend on art being in every part of my life and all this  being unique so people love coming to my house and go wow its so original and cool. and that turned into a word vent thats so far taken me over half an hour. hi my batterys dying. 

lng story short, i’ll order the stickers currently in my basket after so much though, suck it up and do it and know that i have a bunch over in my wishlist for that next maybe even better sale when it happens. the only thing is im taking all the rest as transparent which for sure dulls them down (yeah white background looks sick but for some its just more classy w transparent, then theres this one bear i’m 100% naming wojtek thats in white bc i feel it’ll be best for him, and i guess having him in white will set that theres no clear rules to follow and worst case if it doesnt fit he can come chill on the keyboard side next to my mouse pad thing) honestly i cant tell if i should be getting them all in white and just hope that theyll look gorgeous no matter what. yikes 3 dollar shipping for stickers, ok itll actually be 19.62 pound and using euro card 22.50 in  euros.... am i dumb? maybe. and tho im supposed to be saving money up so i have some, i also did get birthday money sorta recently soo... birthday gift from them. first set of stickers. deep breaths ok. my parents told me when i bugged them that i just have to make a decision and not ask them all the time, and he said to get 3 stickers i told him id pick 12 so i think getting 9 is reasonable. also oh shit realising that the delivery time is 1-3 weeks and im staying here only 1 and a half more so i should really order it to scotland even tho it might get ther ebefore i do bc my parents might not rly want to send them up to me. idk ok order to scotland, thank f at least one of my flat mates is staying and tbh i should really bring her some chocolate... shes done me faavours. 

[thebiggestashole]

welp,, i have been tagged by @impossiblerebelblaze​ to answer questions so uh here i go i guess

Also i tried to not put in a giant paragraph but now the post is really long so uh

LAST:


[1] drink: A bottle of water


[2] phone call: Uh... It's been a long time since i called someone, but i accidentally pressed the "call" button and called my friend Kémy. Does that count?


[3] text message: My friend Kémy. (I accidentally called her when i just wanted to text her btw)


[4] song you listened to: Reol - Gokusaishiki cos i'm a weeeeeb


[5] time you cried: A few hours ago as I was playing Zelda : Breath of the wild. NOW, before you judge me, this game is very pretty. And i ju st-lOOK AT T HA T S K Y D DU DE AGH

[6] dated someone twice: I never dated anyone so eh

[7] been cheated on: again, never dated so this never happened


[8] kissed someone and regretted it: I never kissed anyone either,, ha

[9] lost someone special: Not really, no. 


[10] been depressed: No, no Professional ever told me i have depression so i'd rather not say i've been depressed. The past few days have been sad and stressful tho.


[11] gotten drunk and thrown up: I never got drunk, i'm not even old enough

 LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLOURS:


[12] Dark blue


[13] Red


[14] Pastel pink

 IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU…


[15] made new friends: Yup! *blows kisses at discord servers* 


[16] fallen out of love: my french ass doesnt understand this one,, ah... I
assume it means to stop loving someone? If then... Well... It's complicated, even i don't really know.

[17] laughed until you cried: Yes, so many times,, *again, smooches discord servers* i think i CANT not cry when i laugh heh


[18] found out someone was talking about you: There was this one girl who was saying mean things, but we're starting to be friends.


[19] met someone who changed you: Well... Maybe not changed me, but definitely the way i see the world, i'm thinking about most people i met on tumblr for example. 


[20] found out who your true friends are: "true friends"? What? All friends are true friends...? I mean,i love all of my friends equally.


[21] kissed someone on your facebook list: Again, I never kissed anyone.

 [22] how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: Well, all my Facebook friends are people i met irl. I think there's only two i never met IRL. 


[23] how many pets do you have: 3 : A cat (Haribo) and two axolots (Trico and Till) My rabbit died at the end of last year... I'm still kinda sad about it, but also happy in a way cos he lived for a long time and i know he was happy. 


[24] do you want to change your name: Nah. I mean it's not the best but i dont want to change it. 


[25] what did you do for your last birthday: Nothing special. My bros just came over and we ate a cake together.


[26] what time did you wake up: 8AM, by English teacher wasnt here so school started late! I got to sleep!! 


[27] what were you doing at midnight last night: Sleeping, for once. 


[28] name something you cannot wait for: Anti's comeback!! 


[29] when was the last time you saw your mother: About 30 seconds ago, she just came in my room to take some candies. 


[30] what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: I want to do something big... Wow i sound so modest... No but, I'd love to write a book that becomes famous! Or i'd love to go to space!! YES!! SPACE!!!!!!


[31] what are you listening to right now: Some japanese song id never be able to read the name heh. All I know is that its by MASA and its awesome.


[32] have you ever talked to a person named Tom: There are two Toms in my school actually, i've talked to both of em. One of em is in my class. Both are nice dudes but not really friends. Just like... Dudes from my school, we talk to eachother if we HAVE to.


[33] something that is getting on your nerves: My fucking fringe thats blocking my eye im too lazy to cut it buT I CANT FUC KING SEE ANYTHING

 YOUR…


[34] most visited website: Tumblr. Who is surprised tbh?


[35] elementary: Assholes teachers but i met some friends i still have today so thats nice?


[36] high school: Still not there, but I'm going the same place as my other friends.


[37] college: i have no idea my dude bro pal


[38] hair color: Naturally light Brown but i recently dyed it blue. funny thing : since i dyed it its been raining NONSTOP where i live. I think dying my hair gave me water rain hair power heh


[39] long or short hair: VERY long. I never ever cut my hair, my friends tell me i have rapunzel hair.


[40] do you have a crush on someone: I... May or may not have a crush on my best friend and i hate it cos she already has a boyfriend ha


[41] what do you like about yourself?: I think i look cute.


[42] nickname: The one people use the most (and its my name on every website) : Ninis. But Ive been called Ananas (yes this means pineapple) and on discord I am Gerald cos i'm the roundest and the cutest (and the saltiest)


[43] blood type: O-


[44] piercings: I dont have any and not planning on getting any tbh. I think they are very pretty, but thinking about a hole in my flesh just makes me feel weird, heh


[45] relationship status: Single. *lays on table* Ladies~...!! *tabLE BEAKS*


[46] zodiac sign: Sagittarius


[47] pronouns: She/her


[48] fav tv show: I wouldnt be a cringy tumblr kid if i wasnt obsessed with Doctor Who (I mean, now i Watch it casually but if you ever saw me in my dw phase last year... I'm sorry holy shit) 


[49] tattoos: Dont have any and not planning on getting any.


[50] left or right handed: right handed. I only use my left hand to eat sdjhdghs

 FIRST…


[51] piercing: Dont have any


[52] surgery: never had one


[53] best friend: a girl from school called Ludivine, we met when i was 3 i think. Now she's a bitch heh


[54] sport: Dance, i started when i was 5 and stopped 2 years after i think. I was really flexible. I still am a bit, but i need to stop being lazy and start doing some activities again.


[55] vacation: I think i went to spain with my parents and my brother.


[56] pair of trainers: i am a very confused french rn

 RIGHT NOW:


[57] eating: nuggets


[58] drinking: soda (dont mind the me from 3 month ago who said "IM FINALLY STOPPING DRINKING GARBAGE")


[59] I’m about to: take a shower, i'm a smelly boi


[60] listening to: Doomsday's theme and i'm totally not crying


[61] waiting for: Nothing.


[62] want: to sleep instead of going to school tomorrow 


[63] get married: eeeeh no thanks


[64] career: salty bitch 24/7™

 WHICH IS BETTER…


[65] hugs or kisses: again, i never kissed anyone, so hugs.

[66] lips or eyes: I'm gonna go with eyes, but i admit i often stare at my crush's lips, heh... 


[67] shorter or taller: I've always been used to be the younger cos i spend a lot of my times with adults or just older people and most of em are tall so... Sorry short friendz you're cool too


[68] older or younger: For some reason, i'm uncomfortable around people who are younger than me? So ill go with older. 


[69] spontaneous or romantic: Ive never been in couple, but i think i would like a romantic gal 


[70] nice arms or nice stomach: strong arms to punch me in the fucking face, yess

[71] sensitive or loud: I think I'm sensitive but,, my friends say i'm very loud?? *waves at discord servers*


[72] hook up or relationship: relationship


[73] troublemaker or hesitant: well, both have their good and bad sides but... Because I'm hesitant I like to be friends with troublemakers so we can balance things out. And so we can live things like a bad cliché movie.

 HAVE YOU EVER…


[74] kissed a stranger? I never kissed anyone.


[75] drank hard liquor? Nope, never.


[76] lost glasses/contact lenses? I
lost my glasses only ONCE and never lost them EVER again.

[77] turned someone down: You know when dudes will come to you saying "hey do you want to go out with x?" like its a shame to go out with you? Well thats the only time i turned down people. Never rudely tho. Exept last time it happened, cos i was mad so i went "No, he's as ugly as an ass"


[78] sex on first date? Never had sex, never had a date. 


[79] broken someone’s heart? I don't think so... I dont see why i wouldve.


[80] had your own heart broken? The day I realised i had NO chance to get my crush to love me, but i got over it quickly.

[81] been arrested? Nah, i'm too much of a sensitive boi to do anything illegal sjkhskjh


[82] cried when someone died? Only when it was someone from my family. Or my rabbit. 


[83] fallen for a friend: Eyyyyyyup

 DO YOU BELIEVE IN…


[84] yourself? Yeah


[85] miracles? I don't really know? I think everything happens for a reason and every action has a consequence but who knows.


[86] love at first sight? Never happened to me, but i think it can happen.


[87] santa claus? well duh


[88] kiss on the first date? eeeeh i think first date is a bit early


[89] angels? yes

 OTHER…


[90] current best friend’s name: Elisa!


[91] eye color: Blue


[92] favourite movie: aaa tough choice... I really like Nightmare on Elm street...?

WELL that was very long. Why did you read all of this? Why would you loose so much time? Well y'know what? If you read all of this, i tag YOU.

[00001100x-blog]

7:07; 150702

To my dearest baobei, my one and only Senpai #0,

Hi. If ever you’re wondering on why this started at July second, it’s because I kind of failed trying to type down what I wanted to say back in July first.

Actually, I’m not a fan of sending letters repeatedly because I have a tendency to write down the same things I wrote from the previous one and of course, it is boring just reading  the same stuff over and over again. But right now, I’m going to write something new. Some things I have never told you back on my previous letter.I don’t really know what I’ll be putting in here because as I told you in my previous letter, my ideas vanishes whenever I try to write you something. I don’t know why but they seem to hate me. ene

How many twelves has it been? Why does it feel like an eternity? Actually, I don’t really like celebrating this kind of things because I don’t want to measure how long we’ve been together but I just counted with a loud voice right now. February, March, April, May, June, July. From March, there were five twelves. (I actually panicked bcs I forgot March and April and I kept on counting February, May, June, July. /shot/)

I don’t know if I have told you that I actually planned on asking you on exactly Valentine’s Day and for some reasons, I was two days earlier. (But it was a good thing bcs became busy two days later) Idek why I’m telling you this but I’m really embarrassed right at this moment. Why did you do this to me I used to be nonchalant about being honest why am I so embarrassed right now this is not fair.

I don’t really know how this letter will go because I’m pretty sure this will be even more fucked up and gay unlike last time because this time, I promised to be as honest as I could and I don’t break my man words. I never break my man words. #mnalymannam

So yes, you have plastic surgeried into a J—Lee Taegyun and what the heck. Why do you look so much cuter for some reason? (I still haven’t forgiven that person who sent me a ton of your pictures okay. ene) What do you think would have happened if nanay Taeng didn’t expose your profile? Would we be reprimanded/ reported for yaoi-ing? /shot again/ Well, actually we were yaoi since the start so I don’t think it’s going to be a big issue. (I need my meds right now I think i’m getting mentally unstable again otl /shot)

I actually still am adjusting to your character change tbqh so I’m sorry if ever I don’t mention any names or misspell your name and mix it with Ambo. It takes me days (and even weeks) to adjust and I think I’m slowly getting into it though so I guess it wouldn’t be so hard anymore. unu

-8:13 -

-17:04-

If you have realized, there’s a reaaaaally huge gap on the time where I started and when I continued but you have been talking to me in between those hours. I don’t know why but I can’t really focus on writing this while I’m talking to you lately ‘cause I have been treating our time when we’re together so precious ‘cause we can’t talk as often as before unlike a few weeks ago where we had all the time for ourselves.

I kind of miss it.

You know, just… talking to you the whole day and acting so cute to “disturb” you. (I still think that I look so werd and that it’s stupid whenever I pretend to be a kitty/ puppy but I’m actually enjoying it whenever you’re all “omg u cute let me hug you ily eric” on me. /shot bcs why does this sound so weird)

Honestly, now that we’re a little more occupied, I just want to…

cLING ON YOUR LEG AND TELL YOU HOW MUCH I MISS YOU AND HOW MUCH I WANTED TO BE WITH YOU BUT CAN’T.

I don’t know with myself a hahahah a goodbye why do I sound like a child this is unfair i wanted to sound manly. D8

wHAT ELSE SHOULD I WRITE DOWN…

OH YEAH THAT-

You have been posting links on my wall and I know I tend to ignore some of them but I only ignore them bcs I’m on mobile and I wanted to see/ watch them first before giving my reactions on it. So yes, don’t feel so bad if I do so, Okay? unu

I know I tend to joke around and tell you I’d do really weird things (Like spilling your pictures to the whole sbliss community) but I don’t really mean all of them, okay? Just a few. I also don’t mean harm, okay. I only do that because… um… because I want attention. ouo

How am I saying this without getting so embarrassed though, I—

I’m going to get some air and cry at myself as I ponder on what I just typed and why I am typing this-

-18:27-

-9:04; 150703-

Okay, so as I said earlier, I have been bullying you a lot lately and I know at times I juust go overboard and do weird things. If you don’t like it though, just tell me to stop, ok? Because I don’t want you mad at me or anything unu. At times, I just don’t get the situation so easily. I’m just too dumb to handle at times. I’m sorry. Tbh, I don’t know how you deal with me whever I act like a kid and just annoy you the whole time. /shot/ I’m really sorry for being like this. Really.

I also know that whenever I play around and pretend as Tao and just blurt out really weird and cheesy crap like last time gets you in trouble (Like hurting yourself bcs I’m pretty sure you almost jumped off your seat while trying not to scream and squeal and contain all the feels last night). Tbh idk but I pretty much got a lil jealous when I found out you did bcs tao mentioned and Idk. I just… yeah. That.

And speaking of jealous, Forgive me if ever I suddenly say that I would “burn this /insert name/ guy right here”. It’s just that I really gET EASILY JEALOUS IDEK WHY BRB SOBBING AT MYSELF THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING WHERE IS MY MANLY NOW. But it’s true that I would gladly want to burn them men (and girls included at times tbqh) without any second thought.

Edit: I will seriously rip wonho’s head tho. ouo

But I’m a good boy so I won’t actually do it. ouo

-10:52 -

-9:09; 150704-

Okay. So yesterday, I just made the bravest decision in my life.

I have been the forbidden peach named Huang Zitao. Actually, I was really going to change even if I can’t change my name but that will be on the sixth.

Yes, on your birthday. Wow. Why am I even telling you this oh my gA

I don’t really plan on bullying you to be honest. I just want to legalize my AB puns. /shot so hard rn there’s blood everywhere/ And to be younger and not labelled a grandpa- /shot again- hEAD SHOT DOUBLE KILL/

I just realized that it has been days and it still hasn’t been as long as my last letter. For some reasons, I actually wanted it to be longer than the last one so hopefully it’ll be but I’m pretty sure you’ll get so bored in the middle of this and fall asleep at me since you’re a bear and all you do is sleep. /shot/ jkjk ily baobei

But really though. This letter is typed on microsoft word, Arial, size 8 and it’s only been two pages with 1,300+ words. It’s so short. And I was planning to add a thousand more to my word count goal. (So at least 3,000 words. Wow. I can make a novel with the letters I’m sending you xD)

So to make it longer, I will just tell you the cheesiest and most cringe- worthy puns and pickup lines I will hear and watch over on the next few days. I wanted to sound a little romantic but I just can’t. For some reasons, I just sound so lame whenever I do that.

And by lame, I meant so lame that people will just stare at me with a poker face and say “u kidding me bro?”

Yep.

oH I FOUND THIS POEM LIKE THING I KIND OF WROTE WHEN I WAS BORED.

But it isn’t as cheesy as the things I send you, alright. I’m just trying to sound like I’m gonna spoil you so much one day.

I don’t know if I should send you the whole thing but then I re-read it and laughed because there was a line that said: “I’ll make sure to time travel back to the Jurassic era to get you a dinosaur or ten”. I might have missed taking meds that day because time travelling sounds im—Wait- It’s not impossible for me now I just have to activate Tao pow—I think I’ve lost it- ouo

-10:20-

-10:47; 150707-

I haven’t been writing in this document for two/ three days because I was busy and I had to do a lot of other stuff but hERE I AM YAY AFTER A MILLION YEARS—

Alright, what else should I say?

So yes, I know I have rEALLY lacked a lot. I know at times I am a lil wimpy and I only know how to be logical and I really don’t fight back to people (Because if I do I’ll get back the worse way possible and I admit that I’m a nerd that’s why I don’t fight back) and you kind of saved my butt when the bs fight happened. unu (Truth is that I’m tired talking to her tbh and I’m not good at insulting others in front of their faces. /shot/ Also, I act like a kid a lot of times- Tell me if I’m getting annoying okay I just— idk why i’m doing it when I get really embarrassed doing aegyo on other people-

-11:51-

-13:34-

Warning: You’ll find the word sorry a lot from this point on.

If you don’t know, I’ve been trying to write something during my free time that’s why some are cliff- hanger-ed and some are just damn short. (Like your height. jkjk ily baobei) tbh, I feel bad about that- Not being able to write you something as long as my previous letter. You know that I get mad at myself if I fuck up or if I didn’t get things right. I actually am a little upset at myself for not being able to write paragraphs and paragraphs of cheese that I have promised myself to write in this letter.

I guess I failed again.

I’m sorry for always being like this okay? I just think I should do better the next time and surpass what I have done the last time. This is why I wanted to write at least 3,000 words because 2,700 is not enough. I just need to do much more for some reason. Honestly, I don’t even know why I have the need to do that when I barely challenged myself into something. Maybe it’s just not enough?

I still am wondering on why I still remember most of the things you tell me. Useless or not. (Yes, I still remember it. It’s red. You told me to forget but it just crossed my mind again.) I really am so sorry if I use it against you at times and teasing you about them. I just—you’re just so cute whenever I tease you and I can’t help but tease you more because you’re so cute. So much kawaii pls u kawaii. You’re a living kawaii god. /whispers/ jesus.

I actually wanted to put the word “my” before “kawaii god” but it just doesn’t sound so right. Not in a dirty way, though- But it kind of sounds as if I’m actually worshipping you and that’s just too extreme and it sounds a lil obsessed. (I wouldn’t mind worshipping you tho if you want to eue /shot/) It’s not that I don’t love you, okay. I just don’t want to sound so obsessed and weird though I’m pretty sure I would end up planking in the middle of the road and scream your name out in agony as the cars beep at me because I’m causing a traffic jam when you’re not around.

I think I’m a little overreacting right now and I should stop doing that.

sEE WHAT YOU DID TO ME YOU MADE ME THIS GAY I WASN’T THIS GAY BEFORE. unu

-13:58-

-17:02; 150709-

I blabber a lot of nonsesnse sometimes ok and it doesn’t mean that I do them on purpose. I really don’t want to make you mad or anything. You shouldn’t mind me if I do that ok. unu

Also, please do tell me when you’re upset ok. It makes me feel a lil bit uneasy and want to go back to my man words and wanting to leave because I start to have thoughts that it would be better if I disappear. I’m sorry. At times I just get to be really depressed and i do things that are beyond stupid.

Shoot. My head is aching even more. Hahahaha

Anyways, so, yes, I don’t know what in the fuck is wrong with me that I keep on fucking things up and stuff. I also don’t know why I keep on saying sorry but I am really, really sorry. I’m so sorry no words can describe how sorry I am.

Isn’t this a creative letter? Hahaha Sorries are most likely 95% of my letter.

… And I said it would be really cheesy this time. /shot/

-17:31-

-15:39; 150711-

I should be really honest right now and say that I really was supposed to do a few paragraphs each day but I failed. It’s not because I was abandoning it, okay. It was because I prefer to Talk to you and hug you and stuff than write something here. I also wasn’t really planning on making you a letter this time but then I thought I couldn’t really do anything more than that because I pretty much suck at things that I’m supposed to be good at.

Like making good puns.

… In which I was never good at.

But my AB puns are still unbeatable okay, b AB. eue /sHOT RIGHT AT THE SPOT/

I really think you don’t need to read this whole letter tbqh because It’s just full of nonsense crap anyways. The main point here (again) is that I love you so much. Very muuuuch. Like this -> o <-Because circles doesn’t end and I just love you that much okay. unu

But I guess I should end this letter reaaaal soon.

What else should I say?

Yeah. I’m a little short of my own word limit and this is dumb because I said I’d write 3,000 words and get you so bored reading this but I guess I failed. unu

Whatever, though. I already feel accomplished as I have finished another letter once again.

I love you so much.

Even if you’re so mean and you bully me a lot and you like taking advantage of things especially when it comes to aegyo. /shot bcs semi- describing myself/

-20:25-

-13:46; 150712-

But I guess I shouldn’t end this just yet.

I really don’t want to say thank you and stuff because I’m pretty sure that I’m trying my best to show you how thankful I am that you existed in my life ok. You always make me feel that I’m important even if I’m a really annoying weirdo sometimes.

About that one we had a fight, by the way, I only said it wasn’t a big deal but to be honest there was one time I really begged people so I can get one ok. tHIS IS EMBARRASSING OH MY gOD. And of course I’m sure you know all about that because Sica tells you all the embarrassing things I tell her and do in front of her.

But really though, I deleted most of what I got except for yours pls.

-14:02-

-16:19-

Wow. I’m so out of words now.

Actually, I already had this letter done last night but then the urge of dragging it longer is just so biG.

All I really want to say is that I love you even if you’re mean and you like calling me cute even if I’m trying to be manly in front of you.

I love you even if you’re a really big klutz and you’re confused all of the time.

I love you even if you’re the most imperfect creature in this world bcs pls there is no flawless creature in this world.

I love you because you’re you so no matter how dumb you get jUST REMEMBER THAT I LOVE YOU OK.

And never forget that bcs if you do I will seriously just… sulk in a corner there because I’m unmanly enough to do something manly about that.

Yes. And no matter what happens, you’ll be my small, fragile and kawaii oppa. (Even though you’re really not an oppa. Stop confusing ppl pls they’re starting to think we’re gay tho it’s kind of true that we’re gay.)

And seriously, okay. I will try my best to protect you even though the truth is that you’re the one who saves my butt.

But yes, I want to tell you that I love you so much. Very much. So much that words can’t explain it anymore. It’s unfathomable. (what the fuck am I saying. Hahahaha /shot/)

Let me say it again,

I love you, Jung Daeun.

So much.

-16:30-

By Huang Zitao, 71215

Total words: 3,021(Time and emoticons included)

Pages: 5 (portrait) 6 (landscape)