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ohstardust · 6 years ago

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Rose Coloured Boy - [4/11]

Summary: Sebastian Stan & Eleanor Egan spent the better part of six years being the European outcasts of Rockland Country Day School. Despite growing through their teens as best friends, college soon broke down their friendship until nothing remained. Ten years later, a turn of events in a city as large as New York City, finds them running in the same social circles once again with nowhere to run, and nowhere to hide. Pairing: Sebastian Stan x OFC Word Count: 3.5k Masterlist / Story Background / Playlist / AO3 A/N: Apologies for how long it’s taken to post this, it’s been sat in my drafts for a few weeks but part 5 isn’t quite finished and I vowed I wouldn’t post this until it was. I’m planning to upload a timeline to accompany this series too which will be updated after each part to allow the readers to keep up with what has happened so far. Part 3 // Part 5

Sebastian had often dwelled on the ‘non-committal’ ending to his friendship with Eleanor in the years that followed their high school graduation that summer of ’01. He refers to it as non-committal simply because it faded and fizzled, like the flickering flame reaching the end of a match or the disintegration of a sunset haze into the night air. It hadn’t seemed as life changing back then, at least not on a scale either of them would have anticipated, he hadn’t thought much about her not being by his side during his college graduation or when he got his first television gig. He’d moved on and made new friends by then despite the friendship they’d both carried with them through their teens.

The fade just happened with dwindling phone calls and visits until suddenly there was nothing left but hazy teenage memories that Sebastian thought of too often in his late twenties.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* 2001 By the time October had rolled around, Sebastian had settled in very well at Rutgers University; he was full of energy, wide eyed eagerness and the prospective thrill of an opportunity to study in London during his degree. Being surrounded by so many likeminded people, striving for the same goals him, had been far less nerve-wracking and competitive than he’d anticipated, and far more exhilarating and stimulating. In a nutshell, Sebastian was happy, more than happy. He’d checked in with Eleanor biweekly since the start of the semester, not wanting to miss a detail of her own college experience, despite the small distance separating them both. They may have been living in the same state, the same city for that matter, but it may as well have been the other side of the country for the lack of free time they both seemed to have. It had been a conscious decision for Sebastian to remain living in New York during his college studies, the commute to New Jersey was small enough for him to not have to leave the state behind, he wanted to experience life in the thick of the city, the place he knew he was likely to get his big break. If he ever did that is. The moment they’d both received their acceptance letters, they’d begun weighing up the pro’s and con’s of living together, we’d get to see each other more often and spend more time together versus I don’t want you to grow sick of me or to cause any fights. We don’t have to live with someone we don’t know versus it might do us good to know more people and make more friends. We can study together and run lines without having to leave our own apartment versus I won’t be able to look you in the eye the mornings after you have sex. The prospect of sharing their college experience together, living under the same room, behaving like they were in some mediocre sitcom, sounded fun, of course it did, what best friends didn’t want to live together? But they’d spent the better part of the last five years in each other’s pockets, eating lunch, studying, making friends with the same peers, attending acting camp. College was a time for new experiences, new friends, new traditions, and neither of them were prepared to put their own wants, and needs, above doing what was right for the other. Sebastian knew Eleanor would flourish at Tisch in the theatre program, she’d dazzle everyone like she’d dazzled him back when he was a naive thirteen-year-old, you’re gonna make it big time he’d told her in a silly blanket fort in her bedroom the evening before they moved into their new apartments. He wasn’t standing in her way, he wasn’t going to be the reason she didn’t thrive on her own. His heart was too full of love to keep her from achieving what he knew she could. And Eleanor? Sebastian may not have known it, but she made the decisions she did, from long before college, to many months down the road, simply because she felt just as he did, she wasn’t stopping him from doing anything she knew he was capable of. And their biggest fear of all? It was the thought of putting an irreparable strain on their relationship and causing resentment somewhere down the line. Everything was fine the way it was, so why jeopardise that? Oh, the irony of their eighteen-year-old decision. *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* October 2001 Fall had never looked as beautiful as it had done at that point in time. It had very little to do with the surroundings of campus, or this side of New Jersey, and more to do with the feelings and emotions fall brought with the changing times of this point in Sebastian’s life. Browning leaves crunched under foot and the air was cooler than it had been a few weeks prior, the humidity had dulled to nothing, allowing for an extra layer to be worn, yet warm enough to forgo a coat. Fall had settled a content feeling in his bones, like the warmth of a coffee shop on a rainy day, the ending of a good novel, a cuddle on the sofa during a film. Sebastian hadn’t felt this good in a long while. He could still remember that day he walked out of his campus building and saw his best friend standing there with an enormous grin and two coffees in hand. She was a breath of fresh air, even on a great day. He’d scooped her up into his arms, mindful of the beverages she tried to angle away from him, and he held her there for a minute or so. It had been a month of texting and calling, when they had the time, but christ had he missed having her right there in front of him. She squeezed him a little tighter and then let go, her hand outstretched to offer him a cup. “Just how you like it, at least I hope it still is,” she teased. “You shouldn’t have, but thank you, I really need this. All of this” “Long day?” “I guess you could say that, although I don’t know how, it’s barely four.” Eleanor hummed in agreement, and gulped a mouthful of her drink, “I hear you, it can be so draining, I’m pretty much sleeping every chance I get.” “Sleep? Sorry, no clue who, or what, that is.” His eyebrows scrunched, and he laughed, trying to make light of the fact he was beyond exhausted this early into the semester, even though he knew classes weren’t entirely to blame. Instead of joining in the humour, her face appeared more concerned, she always worried about him, no matter what, “You better be taking time for yourself, and resting, Stan.” “Yes mom.” “I see Rutgers haven’t taught you any manners yet, you heathen.” That ridiculous smirk had been perfected on his face throughout his mildly growing confidence, “They’ve taught me plenty, I just don’t want you thinking they changed me too much.” “Yeah, yeah. Whatever helps you sleep at night, honey.” “Hey, so I know this was supposed to be just us, but my friends kinda wanna meet you so I said they could join us,” he scrunched his face and clenched his teeth in anticipation, “is that okay?” If she wasn’t okay with it, she didn’t let it show, instead she nodded with a smile and continued to drain her coffee, “Of course it is, the more the merrier, eh?” Eleanor kicked up the leaves in his direction and laughed as he retaliated. Yeah, they were just fine. *-*-*-*-*-* No time had been wasted that afternoon, he’d found Eleanor’s eagerness for being shown around the Mason Gross campus all too endearing, wanting a peak into his lecture rooms and seeing where he spent his time. She’d wanted to absorb everything about this place and what it was offering her friend. She’d made no secret of her curiosity and vast interest in the space around her. Later that afternoon, on the train journey they shared home, she rested her head on his shoulder and told him how she couldn’t wait to return the favour and show him her grounds sometime soon. Eleanor wanted to link arms with him and point to every new room that had become her life and share that special place with him too. She’d been hesitant to admit it aloud, but there were times she really wished they’d applied for the same colleges. As for his classmates, they were the friendliest and most welcoming bunch, well mostly, which had been a shock to him in the beginning. He’d been expecting far too many loud personalities that clashed, and a bucketload of bitchiness to boot, but thankfully everything was travelling smoothly in that area and along the way he’d made a good group of friends, bold hard workers. There were just four of them, but it was an equal and fair number, there was no shouting to make your voice heard, but enough to bounce off each other and bring out the best in one another. He’d been excited, and nervous, in equal measures, to introduce them to Eleanor. What if they didn’t like her? Unlikely. What if she didn’t like them? Would that change his opinion towards them too? He feared it would. Watching them interact had quelled his anxiety regarding the situation, quick to realise there had been nothing to worry about. As usual, she looked comfortable and natural being a part of their group and he couldn’t refrain from wondering if she’d always look so at peace in every area of his life. Would she always fit in? Was this how life would be? What happens if it isn’t? What happens if she stops being able to slot herself into his life? Where does that leave him? He left all of these questions unanswered for the time being and decided it wasn’t worth thinking about when everything was still as he knew it should be. He’d like to bury his head in the sand a little longer. *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* New Year’s Eve, December 2001 Finding yourself blind drunk on a Monday night was never a recipe for success, no matter how good the last vodka tasted as he knocked it back. He’d promised Eleanor a night with his new college friends though, and let it be known, Sebastian Stan is a man of his word. He distinctly remembered being a little too insistent that his flatmate Jared celebrated the New Year with them after sinking a few glasses of something positively vile tasting. It was all Eleanor’s fault really, she had a penchant for drinking anything she could get her hands on, no matter how cheap it was or how much it tasted like paint stripper. Sebastian remembered all too clearly how lovely she looked that evening, Tisch was treating her very well indeed and that smile on her face seemed more permanent than he’d ever recalled seeing it. She was radiant, and it was screwing with his head a little too much. He hadn’t been able to dwell on it for long though, four of his new peers had loudly come knocking on his apartment door, arms laden with alcohol he didn’t even question them procuring. He figured he didn’t need to know. The last to arrive had been his girlfriend, Katy, an average height, fiery red headed, girl he’d met in class. He’d been hesitant to invite her along for the celebrations, no one knew her all too well, but she was alone in the city and he couldn’t bear to let her spend the holiday alone. He wasn’t that kind of guy. So, she’d joined in, making nice with everyone occupying the apartment, charming those she hadn’t met and acquainting herself further with those she had. Katy was radiant, and Sebastian’s feelings were a little off kilter when he saw how well she was getting along with Eleanor. Perhaps this all had been a little too much for him to handle. Instead of openly acknowledging it, he turned the music louder, grabbed a few more bottles from the seemingly endless collection on the kitchen counter, and began offering it around like the kind host he had convinced his friends he could be. The night had whirled by in a blur, all knocking back drink after drink, whilst trying to perform (mostly) godawful renditions of mixed compilation CD’s Jared was powering through. Eleanor had collared Sebastian the moment he tried to sit down on the sofa, he really ought to have known he wouldn’t be able to escape at least a duet throughout of the course of the evening, she was certainly one to make sure of that. And for all of Sebastian’s make-believe confident facade he boasted to his friends from time to time, he was very thankful for all the vodka in his system that baited his anxiety of singing in front of his friends. He still made a mental note to plan his payback when she was least suspecting. Eleanor pressed next on the CD player and threw her head back in amusement as the opening bars of Billy Joel rang throughout the apartment. Like a rehearsed collaboration, they took the song line by line, alternating the parts like they’d done many times over the past few years, with earphones stuffed in their ears, listening through Eleanor’s walkman in a fort of pillows and blankets. He could at least be grateful she’d chosen something he knew like the back of his hand. Sergeant O'Leary is walkin' the beat At night he becomes a bartender He works at Mr. Cacciatore's down on Sullivan Street Across from the medical center Yeah and he's tradin' in his Chevy for a Cadillac You oughta know by now And if he can't drive with a broken back At least he can polish the fenders Humoured cheers and claps and yells filled the ending of the song and the pair laughed into each other necks at how silly they enjoyed being together. “C’mon guys, the countdown!” There was no feeling of justification when the knot in Sebastian’s stomach tightened upon seeing them together. It didn’t matter who kissed who, who was sleeping together or who were friends or not, it wasn’t his business. It shouldn’t matter that, through a drunken chorus of Auld Lang Syne, Eleanor & Jared hadn’t stopped for air despite their sloppy, giggly mouths barely keeping in sync. There were catcalls and jeers, but they were blissfully unaware, seemingly unaware of whatever was happening, or falling apart, around them. He was sobering rapidly, or at least he felt as though he was, until Katy hesitantly pulled him in for a kiss and he felt like his knees were ready to give way. And they did, his body momentarily slumped in his girlfriend’s arms before he righted himself and held onto her, wanting to keep her safe from the betrayal of his body and confused thoughts that were rushing through his mind at a mile a minute. Pull yourself together, Sebastian. Don’t do this again. *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* May 2002 ‘I’ve got the lead role!!!’ Sebastian was ecstatic when he’d received the news that he’d been cast as the leading role in a college production, this was his time to prove his worth, and his talent, to more than his classmates, it was something to be proud of. The moment he’d heard, he couldn’t resist texting Eleanor to inform her, she’d hyped him up so much prior to his audition, and the evening before the cast was schedule to announced, it meant a lot to share this with her. ‘I knew you’d do it, superstar! Don’t forget me when you’re famous. So proud of you’ Little did he know, a few hours later, no amount of lead roles could stop him from the hollow feeling that was about to settle in his stomach. “Seba,” that was all Sebastian could make out from her broken sobs on the other end of the telephone line. “You’re scaring me, El. What’s happened?” “I’m leaving next week.” “Leaving where?” “New York, - America. I’m going back to England.” And just like that, the bottom of Sebastian’s world just about gave way. He almost couldn’t breathe at the thought of her leaving, the thought of her, not only not being in the same state, but not even the same country. Most of all, he noticed how she’d stopped referring to England as home, like she viewed her place in the US as her home now, right where he was. “What- I don’t understand, why? You can’t just leave.” “My grandfather’s too ill, Seb. The doctors don’t think he’ll last the summer, and we can’t sit thousands of miles away waiting for him to go, we need to be with the family.” “I’m really sorry - I didn’t - I knew he was bad, but I didn’t think it would be so soon, I thought you all had more time.” “We did too, but he can’t hang on forever. Everyone needs us more than ever.”

“When will you be back?” “When he’s gone, I presume. God, I feel sick even thinking about it,” she choked out a sob and sniffled, her throat cleared to try to keep her emotions under control, but it was useless, Sebastian could hear her heartbreak as clear as day. And he couldn’t do a thing to help her. Being back in her home country felt more foreign than America ever had despite the years she’d spent growing up there. The world there felt so small, she’d outgrown it all and it was borderline suffocating. She missed New York more than she has anticipated. But she was right where she was supposed to be, this she had told Sebastian a few times over the past two weeks. He could hear the exhaustion in her voice every time they spoke, despite how limited, and short, their calls were. Everything about this situation was draining. “Stay safe, okay? I can’t look after you when we’re an ocean apart.” However, the more weeks that passed, the less their contact remained, which in itself had become a drain on them both. Calls full of sadness, missing each other, hating how life was panning out around them. The calls became less frequent, proving to be far too expensive to keep up with, and poor timing played a part too, mostly when Sebastian was out with his other friends, creating a situation too loud and disruptive to hold a five-minute conversation. And even when they did try to reach one another, they were mostly met with voicemails which turned into multiple missed calls. Emails became few and far between and Sebastian was beginning to lose all hope in any remaining contact. It felt like a lost cause. She’d been away two months when all communication ceased. His calls remained unanswered, emails ignored, text messages unread and then he realised she wasn’t coming back home any time soon. It was the not knowing what was going on with her that caused him the most stress and upset. Was she okay? Has her grandfather passed? Was she grieving? Has she given up on me? He didn’t want to think selfishly, but he was confused and hurt by her radio silence. By the time late August rolled around, college had started again, and he poured himself into his studies and his friends, hoping she would give him a sign sooner or later, but he’d somewhat resigned himself to the fact this was it. At least for now. So, he’d stopped hovering his thumb over the call button on her contact, he’d caught himself walking in the direction of her apartment and stopped and turned the other way, he tried to continue with his life like she was taking a very long leave of absence, which in a way, he supposed she was. But for how long, he didn’t know. *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* “Eleanor.” “Hi, Sebastian,” there had been hundreds of things he’d wanted to ask her over the years, with a hundred more answers he’d anticipated, but he was at a loss for words. His mind was blank. How was this possible? Eleanor’s expression left him feeling uncomfortable and he couldn’t move, nor look away. Instead, she dropped her head and her eyes lowered to his shoes before closing. He could still read her just as well as he could a decade ago, and that was a far odder thought than he thought it would have been. The thought that had sent his head reeling was, despite all that had happened, and how much he had missed her terribly, he didn’t know how he felt seeing her again. Was he happy? Was he sad? Was he angry? Was he relieved? Or had he reached the ambivalent stage? Whatever he deduced his feelings be, either tonight or years down the line, he’d have to get used to having her around again even if for the sake of his friends. That was if she’d even stick around this time. *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* Rose Coloured Boy tags: @lovingfionn, @lowdenglynnstyles, @outofworkactress, @prettyboytgc, @ugly-crying-over-bucky-barnes, @kyber-hearts-and-stardust-souls

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