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kkusuka · 4 years

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Third year songs <3

this is most of the thrid years- not all

from my spotify liked playlist <3

comes with a side of slight character analysis

These are my interpretations of HQ characters and these songs!!

Time-skip spoilers!! (very slight)

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Karasuno

Daichi Sawamura

Waiting for Superman- Daughtry

She's waiting for Superman

To lift her up

And take her anywhere

Show her love

And climbing through the air

Save her now

Before it's too late tonight

She's waiting for Superman

Daichi seems like he makes a lot of promises, that he just can’t physically keep. He just has so many things going on that he just can’t pay attention to all of them at once. This leads to far too many forgotten dates and even more broken promises. You know its not his fault and he does too, he just can’t leave anyone hanging.

Koushi Sugawara

Island- Florida Georgia Line

We might as well be on an island

Like we're the last two on this Earth

Like we're frozen here in time

Like it's empty here tonight

I feel like suga likes to put himself back into happier times. And that he tries to hold into happy moments as they are happening. He says he is a man of the moment, but when he feels down, he tries to put himself back into the more joyous times.

Asahi Azumane

You say- Lauren Daigle

You say I am loved when I can't feel a thing

You say I am strong when I think I am weak

And you say I am held when I am falling short

And when I don't belong, oh You say I am Yours

And I believe (I)

Oh, I believe (I)

What You say of me (I)

I believe

Asahi is clearly very attached to how people perceive him. So when people shower him with compliments, he attaches onto them. He likes what makes him comfortable and he wants to stay comfortable for as long as he can. Words are important to him, so when he hears something bad it can ruin him for a while. He really does believe what the people he loves say to him.

Kiyoko Shimizu

Mothers daughter- Miley Cyrus

Oh my gosh, she got the power

Oh, look at her, she got the power

So, so, so

…

Must be something in the water

Or that I'm my mother's daughter

The power this woman carries. She’s built her confidence and she’s not letting anyone ruin it for her. I truly believe that her friends all become more confident because she wants everyone around her to feel confident too. Since she doesn't speak all that much she lets her body language do most of the expression.

Nekoma

Tetsurō Kuroo

High school sweethearts- Melanie Martinez

Could you hold me through the night?

Put your lips all over my mine

Salty face when I start cryin'

Could you be my first time?

Eat me up like apple pie

Kuroo definitely takes trust very seriously. I feel he’s also really scared of someone breaking this trust, so he does form it with a lot of people. That saying if he does, he wants it to last forever.

(...Step twoThis is a waste if you can't walk me down the finish line…)

He truly believes in the people he surrounds himself with.

Nobuyuki Kai

Kill the Lights- Set it Off

Now I am cutting ties clean off

And I can breathe at last

So we all stand enthralled by this bland curtain call

And the truth we pursue as we all, we all beg you to

Kai seems like he wasn't really that invested in volleyball, so having all these passionate people around him was a shock. But he really got into third year, and he wants people to feel that passion too. In the back of his mind he feels bad for not feeling it like the rest of the team, but since looking in the past means nothing now, he tries to move on.

Morisuke Yaku

Mama- Mcr

And when we go don't blame us, yeah

We'll let the fires just bathe us, yeah

You made us oh so famous;

We'll never let you go

And when you go don't return to me my love

I mean, he is part of the mom squad. But it's ever so slightly more deep. I’m gonna say it's momma-bird syndrome. He doesn't want people to move on without him, seeing people achieve their dreams is great but he doesn't want you to do it if that means loving him.

Seijoh

Tōru Oikawa

Prom Queen- Beach Bunny

Maybe I should try harder

You should lower your expectations

I'm no quick-curl barbie

I was never cut out for prom queen

I feel like oikawa is constantly feeling like he has to catch up to everyone around him. At some point in Argentina he came to the conclusion that he was good enough and didn't need to rise to anyone's standards of him, but when he got picked for the national team everything came back. He still has all of those feelings from high-school. Never making it to nationals, feeling like he failed his team.

Issei Matsukawa

Bubblegum Bitch- Marina and the diamonds

Got a figure like a pin-up, got a figure like a doll

Don't care if you think I'm dumb, I don't care at all

Candy bear, sweetie pie, wanna be adored

I'm the girl you'd die for

I feel like to earn Mattsun’s trust, he would put you through some ridiculous trial of sorts. I also feel that he is very comfortable with who he is, and he takes no shit about it. But that comes with the fact that he rarely takes fault in things, and that sparks arguments. He’ll use your love for him against you, he’ll be as cold as he can muster, until YOU take fault.

Takahiro Hanamaki

OUT THE ROOF- Chase Atlantic

Yeah, we stay lit

We fuck bitches, pop on pillies, that is it, yeah

Holy moly, holy shit, yeah

Me and all my people are heaven sent, yeah, yup

9this is a strait vibe for Makki)

I feel like Makki drowns his problems out with meaningless activities. Like smoking or one-night stands. He’d rather drown out his problems then have them in his face. Or when he’s forced to face them, he’ll deflect until he has nothing else to deflect. Because when you’re high there nothing to worry about! Why stress about meaningless problems when he can be having fun!

Hajime Iwaizumi

Endlessly- The Cab

Yeah, your friends may think I'm crazy

Cause they can only see

I'm not perfect, but I swear, I'm perfect for you.

And there's no guarantee

That this will be easy.

It's not a miracle you need, believe me.

Yeah, I'm no angel, I'm just me

But I will love you endlessly.

Iwa knows that he can't be there for you all the time. Physically he tries his best, mentally he can help when he can. But you both know that you're perfect for one another. He just can't help but listen to the people around him sometimes. You deserve the world, but he doesn't know if he can give that to you.

Fukurodani

Kōtarō Bokuto

Prima Donna- Andrew Lloyd Webber

Can you bow out when they're shouting your name?

Think of how they all adore you

We’ve all seen how Bokuto gets what he’s praised for literally anything remotely impressive. So that makes him a cannon prima donna! but that also means the lows and really bad mood swings. This song just fits him so well it’s scary.

Shiratorizawa

Wakatoshi Ushijim

More- Usher

If you really want more, scream it out louder,

If you on the floor, bring out the fire,

And light it up, take it up higher,

Gotta push it to the limit, give it more.

This seems kinda obvious, but Ushijima never gives up. Ever since he was a kid, he set a goal for himself and he went beyond what he even set out for. And that comes with a lot of work and training for every new level of volleyball. He’s just going to get better and better until he retires, or is forced to retire.

Eita Semi

strawberries and cigarettes- troye sivan

Long nights, daydreams

Sugar and smoke rings, I've been a fool

But strawberries and cigarettes always taste like you

Headlights, on me

Racing to 60, I've been a fool

But strawberries and cigarettes always taste like

Blue eyes, black jeans

Lighters and candy, I've been a fool

But strawberries and cigarettes always taste like you

I feel like semi always thinks about how Shirabu replaced him on the starting line-up. But he’s mostly gotten over it, but certain things bring him back into that stage of his life. Then the cycle starts all over again. He constantly looks back on the game against Karasuno and thinks about wat would have happened if he was the setter instead.

Reon Ōhira

Remember when- Chris Wallace

So can we push push push rewind,

Go go back in time,

When we were kids sneaking bottles of wine,

Take take take me back, I wanna go back,

Back to what we had! Do you remember when we started this mess,

My heart was beating out of my chest!,

Remember when we stole your dad's car,

Reon gives me the vibe that his days at Shiratorizawa were some of the best of his life. How can they not be? He made the greatest friends of his life there. And I also feel like he looks back on them a bit more than he wants to admit.

Satori Tendō

This Side of Paradise- Coyote theory

Are you lonely?

Passion is crashing as we speak

You seem so lonely

You're the ground my feet won't reach

So if you're lonely

Darling you're glowing

If you're lonely come be lonely with me.

I get the vibe that Tendou attaches himself to whatever makes him feel wanted/safe. (ex. volleyball) he knows it isn't healthy, but he can't help it. This does lead to him completely distancing himself from you over and over because he thinks you’ll leave him.

Hayato Yamagata- House of gold- Twenty one Pilots

I will make you

Queen of everything you see

I'll put you on the map

I'll cure you of disease (Ooh)

And since we know that dreams are dead

And life turns plans up on their head

I will plan to be a bum

So I just might become someone

Even though we don't see a lot of him, I get the feeling he treats people really well. Like he cherishes people a lot more than some of them deserve. As you can see this leads to some unfair relationships and toxic people. He just wants to hold on until a good person comes along.

Nohebi

Suguru Daishō

Mr Loverman - Ricky Montgomery

I'm Mr. Loverman

And I miss my lover, man

I'm Mr. Loverman

Oh, and I miss my lover

I feel like this was way too obvious, but it really is his song. It’s literally cannon, every lyric in this song is what happened with Mika. but in the end he got her back and made his promise to be a better loverman <3.

Kazuma Numai

Nonstop- Drake

Future took the business and ran it for me

I let Ollie take the owl, told him brand it for me

I get two million a pop and that's standard for me

Like I went blind dog, you gotta hand it to me

He looks and acts like a guy who listens to drake. He just seems like a guy who won't stop or give up even when things take a turn. He’ll just keep fighting until nothing’s left.

Kōji Hiroo

At the Wheel- Colorblind

I need something to wake me up

It's never strong enough

I'm just getting colder and starting over

Going numb is just the way I run from

All my problems when I can't solve them

Need to break away

Escape the way I'm feeling

Hate to be fake, but I'm just dealing

This one doesn't really have a true reason, i really just felt like this was his song. Sorry just the vibe.

;)

Inarizaki

Shinsuke Kita

Oh Ms Believer- twenty one pilots

Oh, Ms. Believer, my pretty sleeper

Your twisted mind is like snow on the road

Your shaking shoulders prove that it's colder

Inside your head than the winter of dead

I will tell you I love you

But the muffs on your ears will cater your fears

My nose and feet are running as we start

To travel through snow

Together we go

I feel like kita is unintentionally cold towards the world, like he wants to open up but can't figure out how. But in turn if you can get him to feel “warmer” (get closer to him) he’ll share everything with you, almost oversharing. Just because he can't help it, he’s kept it all in for so long. Sometimes he just needs someone to hold him and make HIM feel better, because he does it for everyone. If you can manage all of this i feel like he’ll keep you with him forever.

Ren Ōmimi

Armor- Landon Austin

I'm not bullet proof when it comes to you

Don't know what to say when you made me the enemy

After the war is won

There's always the next one

I'm not bullet proof when it comes to you

I feel like not a lot of people approach ren because of how intimidating he looks. This has made him weary when people are really enthused to first meet him, because he thinks it’s a joke. After getting over that hurdle i feel like he just isn't an open person so it’ll take a long time to even get to a point where he trusts you. Hence the other wars after the first.

Aran Ojiro-

Never really over- Katy perry

Two years, and just like that, my head still takes me back

Thought it was done, but I guess it's never really over

Oh, we were such a mess, but wasn't it the best?

Thought it was done, but I guess it's never really over

Just because it's over doesn't mean it's really over

And if I think it over, maybe you'll be coming over again

And I'll have to get over you all over again

After all of these years, I really don't think Aran has truly gotten over losing at nationals in third year. And now on the national team he sees Hinata and Kageyama all the time and it takes him back. It makes him re-feel all the emotions he felt after the game. It hurt him to know that he gave his everything and still lost. Like when he’s in bed he puts himself back into that self loathing phase of his life.

Michinari Akagi

Try Hard - 5sos

It's obvious she’s so out of reach

And I'm finding it hard 'cause

She makes me feel, makes me feel

Like I try, like I try, like I'm trying too hard

'Cause I'm not being me

And it’s getting me down that

She makes me think, makes me think

That I try, that I try, that I'm trying too hard again

Akagi gives off boy best friend vibes. But like to EVERYONE, so the person he liked just thought he was making fun of them and he didn't like them back. And i feel like that kinda traumatized him a bit, so when he got a new s/o he tried really really hard to make them special, but the same thing happened.

i may do some with the second and first years, idk this took so long :)

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hazzoranstories · 4 years

Text

THE WHITE SUN AT MIDNIGHT | J.BLACK Ch. 29

The next morning Paige joined the rest of the Uley pack to train with the Cullens. Despite how much she disliked the coven of vampires, she had to protect her sister, and if watching a ton of her worst enemies throw each other around was the way to do so, she would participate. They went in their wolf forms to be cautious, which showed a clear message. They may have an alliance, but that never meant they would like each other.

When they arrived at the place in the woods that the Cullens had told them to go, they growled. "They don't trust us enough to be in their human form," Edward announced after searching Sam's mind.

"They came. That's what matters," Carlisle soothed an anxious-looking Bella. She had never seen her sister in her wolf form, and by the female like features, she could narrow two wolves down that could be Paige. "Will you translate?" the eldest vampire asked Edward, who agreed.

Jake walked closer than any other wolves to near Bella on the sidelines. He was expecting Paige to follow him, but she never moved from her spot next to Paul and Seth.

"Welcome. Jasper has experience with newborns. He'll teach us how to defeat them," Carlisle was the first to speak up.

"They want to know how the newborns differ from us," Edward declared.

"They're a great deal stronger than us because their own human blood lingers in their tissues. Our kind is never more physically powerful than in our first several months of this life," Carlisle finished and gestured to Jasper to carry on.

"Carlisle's right. That's why they are created. A newborn army doesn't need thousands like a human army, but no human army could stand against them," Jasper continued, his face twisted into a small scowl. "Now, the two most important things to remember are, first, never let them get their arms around you. They'll crush you instantly. And second, never go for the obvious kill. They'll be expecting that, and you will lose," the blonde hissed out, and Paige let out a nasty snarl.

"Emmett," Jasper said and strutted into the open area with Emmett going to the opposite of him. "Don't hold back."

"Not in my nature," Emmett smirked. He raced forward and tackled Jasper. It was a few seconds before a loud thunderous thump rang around the woods. Emmett grunted on the ground with Jasper standing above him.

"Never lose focus."

The pack studied another three partners that included Carlisle and Edward, Jasper and Rosalie, and Jasper with Alice. Paige ground her sharp teeth together when Jake walked closer to Bella, so she was leaning against his side.

She knew she shouldn't be jealous, but she hated Bella being so close to her imprint. Her jaw was locked so tight and her glare so filled with rage that Seth's whole right side of his body nudged her. The unexpected force caused the white wolf to stumble and sneer at Seth.

Paige then saw Bella scratching Jacob's head with him groaning in sensation. Once the Claymore caught a glimpse of the Cullens finishing up, she stomped back into the woods with Sam growling at her to obey. But he wasn't her Alpha, so why should she listen to him? Kaimbe was her Alpha. That was the only person she had to listen to no matter what. So Sam shouldn't have the audacity to order her around.

~:*:~

The day before the battle, Paige had remained in her room, making calls to her friends in Montana and drowning in her sudden roar of anger. Her jealousy had grown when Jasper found out that if Jake would carry Bella away from the battlefield, no vampires could catch her scent. So Jacob had to carry Bella into the woods while Jasper tried to locate them. God, it just made her want to punch the wall when thinking about it.

She had called Ryland, Chloe, Dakoda, Shawne, and a few others that Kaimbe might not notice is gone. Even if Dakoda was third in command to the Anderson pack, he wasn't important to Kaimbe like Mika was. In total, she had a group of 7 new werewolves to fight.

Right now, Paige was trying to focus on something to do without breaking something but was not succeeding, so she stormed downstairs. She saw Bella and Charlie in the kitchen making lunch with small talk.

"Hey. You two want a sandwich?" Charlie asked.

"No, I'm good," both girls stated in sync. Paige grabbed a water bottle, which seemed to be the only thing she was putting into her body, and sat at the small table.

"Well, the sister, I like," Charlie muttered with a soft smile.

"Alice. Yeah, she's great," Bella glowed, and Paige held in a scoff by sipping her water. "Hey, Dad, I was wondering. Why didn't you get remarried? After Mom," Bella questioned, and Paige raised her eyebrows from the sudden change of subject.

Charlie looked baffled but replied anyway, "I don't know. I guess I still haven't found the right gal. Why?"

"I don't know. I thought you just maybe gave up on the whole institution of it, of marriage. But do you think there's any value?" Bella continued her awkward interrogation.

"Yeah. Yeah, marriage has value," Charlie sighed, then caught on and added, "When you're older. Much older. Like your mother. Seemed to work out fine for her the second time around, later in life."

"Yeah, I guess," now Paige was intrigued at the mention of her mother.

"I mean, you definitely don't wanna have to get married because you weren't . . . . careful," Charlie mumbled as quietly as he could to hide his embarrassment. Paige chuckled at how confused Bella looked.

"What?"

"Look, you know what I'm talking about. There's things you need to think about if you're gonna be physically intimate," Charlie choked out. Paige spat out her water and burst out laughing.

"Okay. Don't have "the talk" with me, please," Bella rushed away, trying to hold in a giggle.

"Well, it's just as embarrassing for me as it is for you," Charlie held up his hands in defense, and Paige hit her head on the table where her water was spilled.

"I doubt that. And don't bother, 'cause Mom beat you to it like 10 years ago," Bella claimed.

"Well, you didn't have a boyfriend 10 years ago," Charlie defended.

"I'm sure things work the same way," Bella stumbled over her words, and Paige lifted her head to start her laughs again.

"All right, so . . . . you guys are taking precautions and . . . ." the Swan trailed off.

"Okay, Dad, please just don't worry about that. Edward is old school," Bella said, making Paige laugh harder.

"Old school. Great. What's that? Like, code for something?"

"Oh, my god. Dad. I'm a virgin," Bella exclaimed with a thumbs up. By now, Paige was clutching her stomach with tears in her eyes from her amusement.

"Okay! Good. Glad we covered that," Charlie squealed.

"Me too!" Bella called to him and ran up the stairs.

Charlie began his sandwich again when he muttered, "virgin. I'm liking Edward a little bit more now."

He then glanced at Paige who's bottom lip was between her teeth to hold back another giggle. "What about you?"

"Me and Jake are old school too," the wolf mocked, and Charlie rolled his eyes playfully.

"He still can't sleep over unless it's life and death, remember that," he warned, and Paige nodded with a small chuckle escaping her lips as Charlie walked out of the kitchen to the living room.

"So worth coming downstairs."

#twilight #twilightsaga #twilight fanfiction #twilight fanfic #jacob black #jacob black x reader #jacob black fanfic #jacob black love story #jacob black fanfiction #love #story #fanfic #fanfiction #edward cullen #robert pattinson #lucy hale #taylor lautner #bella swan #kristen stewart

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bornfromstarsswag · 5 years

Text

healing

"Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within."

part ii of heartburn (that is now edited), ao3 link

au; Lucas makes a big dumb mistake out of being dumbass he is. Partly. The second one at the fault is his panic and fear that are controling his life. But Lucas decides he doesn't want to be afraid anymore. And so he tries to fix things. Note the word "tries".

And maybe he isn't afraid anymore, but he definitely is still a dumbass.

i hope you enjoy this, even though i’m not really as happy with this as i should be, and even when i think there are many mistakes that i don’t know how to fix in there, but i still hope you’ll enjoy it! :D

/*/*/*/

Lucas felt like an asshole.

Like a complete, utter asshole, a heartless moron.

Even thought of that night made him feel guilt twisting his guts. An image of Eliott's teary eyes and shaky voice, his pleads for Lucas to leave keeps repeating itself in Lucas' mind, slowly torturing him.

He sees a glimpse of Manon's worrying eyes watching him as if she was waiting for him to spill his life story or something, which he successfully ignores and keeps on moping in their shared living room. His gaze is unfocused, his eyes set on one particular thing that he keeps on looking at while his mind wanders a million miles away.

Lucas can't stop thinking about that night ever since he came back home, well, at the flatshare. The words 'I'm in love with you' are repeating like a broken record, reminding him of the mistake he made. A couple of mistakes. In fact, he could write a book, all about the mistakes he's made.

He wants to go to Eliott's apartment and apologize, to tell him all about his fears and mistakes, but he feels like his opportunity is missed, that he is too late and everything he has done is irreparable, impossible to fix.

And he is missing Eliott, god knows just how much he's missing him. He is missing his touch, his voice, his face. His face above them all, especially when he smiles. His smile was almost blinding with its brightness, and perhaps his smile was a starter for Lucas' unholy thoughts and the panic. Lucas used to tell himself they only like to have fun, and of course he couldn't ruin their fun with his stupid feelings, he told himself even if something else happened, nothing good will develop from it. None of his friends even know he likes boys, hell, he himself can't sometimes come to terms he really is gay.

No girl ever made shiver come down his back like Eliott's electric touch does, no girl made his heartbeat so fast like Eliott's smile does and...fuck it. He fell in love, he really did, and it scared him. It scared the shit out of him, so he tells himself that no, no, no he didn't, that thing he is feeling isn't love, it's only a mere attraction he is confusing with love.

And for a while, it worked. He kept the game on, he kept on turning away from Eliott's gaze, he tried so hard to keep Eliott away from him when they weren't together, he turned him down whenever he asked something about him or tried to get to know him better, because that was a step closer to something he isn't ready for, or at least that was what he tried to make himself believe, but really he was only a coward. And all of that came back later to bite him in the ass.

Eliott started acting strange. He never refused to hook up, but he just kept on looking at Lucas, looking at him as if he hung the moon, and when they were done, he just kept on lying on the bed, physically there with him, but his mind was wandering a billion miles away from Lucas, if he didn't remind him he was still there he doubted Eliott would notice if he stayed or if he left.

He probably thought Lucas didn't notice, but he did, oh fuck he did, he noticed he wasn't his charming self for weeks now, having no clue what was bothering him. Never would he thought it was all because of him, that Eliott must've suffered for weeks, all because of his stupid fear.

He should've done something when Eliott told him he fell in love, he should've told him what that thing was all about, but he is too much of a coward to do that. And so he did the thing he feared the most people would've done to him - he left. He left Eliott with the tears in his pretty eyes and heartbreaking inside his chest, his sudden panic being at fault.

He remembered feeling an utter confusion and maybe a little hurt when Eliott texted him on Monday, doubting he would really care about him, when he did, he was only a big moron. He immediately spammed him with texts, with pleads to call him, only so he could say 'fuck it' and go to Eliott's to have a word or two with Eliott.

And maybe...maybe he would be able to tell him about fear to be out of the closet and not being accepted by his friends, perhaps even about him never feeling like this and being afraid of not handling it.

But Eliott wasn't feeling well, which burst his little hope bubble. He started worrying and it was twisting his guts, because Eliott was not well and probably didn't want to be annoyed by him, but he possibly could be waiting for him to text him, which he couldn't force himself to do, so maybe Eliott hated him...or maybe he was only overthinking everything and Eliott didn't expect anything from him...

All in all, he couldn't sleep for the whole week. When he gets worried or sad he tends to stay up all night, overthinking everything. He sighed in relief when Eliott finally texted him, thinking that it will be like it was before, but he was utterly wrong. He never would've thought Eliott will end everything between them completely out of nowhere, not knowing what else to do he grasped anything he could turn against Eliott, back then he didn't care if that made him a bad person or if he was hurting him, he was aware he was being selfish, but at that moment he wasn't thinking, panic absolutely controlled him and his actions.

He did everything just so Eliott won't make his words come true, he simply couldn't get over the fact it would be over between them. No late Friday nights inside Eliott's small room, them both being out of breath and lying down in complete peace for a minute. Lucas loved those nights, the only problem being that the night went too quickly, everything was over too soon and Lucas was not ready to go home. He wanted to stay, to stay forever, knowing very well Eliott would let him. And the thought of that made him jump from the bed and dress himself so quickly, he was out of Eliott's apartment in no time.

This one mere thought could entirely alarm him, feeling nothing but fear of judgment. What would his friends say? What would his mom say? How long could relationship like this last?

But all of them were nothing compared to what he actually felt for Eliott. That was what he was afraid of the most.

It was a strong feeling, one he never felt before. How could he be able to handle this all? So he bottled everything inside him, only letting his guard down in late nights in Eliott's arms, strangely feeling like himself for the first time in a while.

The problem was he was not supposed to feel like this, this was not right, he wasn't even sure he like boys, if he truly was gay, everything was so strange and new and confusing, he was just so scared. The one true terror was when he realized Eliott felt like home he could always return to, without consequences and obligations, whenever he felt down, he just came to Eliott and lost himself in his soft touch and pleasure.

It made him a horrible person, he was aware of that. He denied himself so many things, he was sure Eliott won't become one until he did. He denied himself the look in his eyes, knowing very well what he would find in them, he denied himself Eliott's touch, he denied that he wanted more than lustful nights in Eliott's apartment. Because at first, he was sure that no, he didn't need more, they were only having fun with no feelings attached. Only the look in Eliott's eyes and he knew he was being a fool, so he stopped looking into his eyes, he made that fucking rule he repeated until Eliott understood.

And he couldn't get over that Eliott would take away from him the only thing that made him not lose his mind. So he pushed and pushed, just so he won't lose it. He still did lose it. And when he looked Eliott straight in the eyes for the first time in a while he saw just how much he hurt him and he realized how much of a horrible mistake he made.

And here he was, I guess.

"Are you okay?" he hears a small voice coming from his left side, bringing him back to reality, knowing exactly who was talking to him. Manon still had her worrying face on, eyeing him the whole time. She kept her stare on ever since he came home and, him being his dramatic angry self, started moping around the flatshare. He knew Mika and Lisa also noticed, but Lisa obviously didn't care and Mika tried to come up with something to ask him. He was glad he didn't come up with anything yet.

But how could he possibly answer Manon? If he says yes she won't believe him if he says no she will dig in it till she has an answer she wants. And he didn't felt like coming out to her yet, shit, she had no idea he had a thing, but not really a thing, with Eliott.

So he answers with a shrug, to which she raises an eyebrow at him in a quiet question he doesn't want to answer. When she realizes he won't answer her, she sighs and asks again.

"Do you want to talk?" and really, does he want to talk? Probably no. Definitely no. No, he doesn't know, so that's why the answer is a simple 'I don't know'. Lately, he is confused about everything.

"You know if you want to talk, I'm here. About anything, really. You know that, right?" he looks at her and tries to offer her a small smile, but the corners of his mouth rise only a little, the smile visible only very hardly. She won't accept that as an answer, so he also nods his head.

"Yeah," he says with a small voice, "Yeah, I know."

***

It's Thursday and his day went unbearably slowly, but going after school to Imane's to revise biology with her isn't much of relief either. It isn't about Imane, god knows how much he loves that girl, he just..he literally wants to do anything but biology. He had plenty of problems and biology was not one of them. He wanted to go home and stay in his sad little bubble, where no one will annoy him. He didn't feel like revising questions about daughter cells, the problem here was he already promised Imane he will help her, and she'd murder him if he turned his offer down.

But at least she offered her place this time, so he could make up an excuse and leave sooner. It was not that big of a deal as throwing Imane out of the flatshare would be, but it still doesn't make him any better person. Fuck, lately he was slowly realizing how much of a bad person he really is.

He sat down on Imane's bed and he went through the paper they were supposed to get over with till Monday, but he couldn't focus, feeling like complete shit. He sighs, unaware of the sound he just made. Imane's eyes shoot up to him and she raises her eyebrows.

"What's eating you?" she asks and he immediately shakes his head.

"Nothing, nothing," her face screamed 'bullshit' at him and he turns away from her gaze, "I'm just really tired, I haven't slept well in a while."

"Insomnia again?" he nods his head slowly, and he felt better knowing that he wasn't lying to Imane, even though insomnia wasn't his main problem. It wouldn't even get to the top fifty on the list. "Have you been to the school nurse? Maybe she could help?"

"No, I haven't gone there. But, to be honest, I don't really plan to go there either," he mumbles, after which Imane's hand meets with the back of his head. He scratches the hit spot and watches Imane shake her head in disbelief.

"Unbelievable, you're even bigger of a dumbass than I thought," she sighs and returns to her papers while Lucas shrugs.

"You have no idea," his tone changes completely without him willing to do so and Imane looks at him again, her gaze softening a little.

"You should get help, you know. I'm not going to make you, it's your decision to make after all, but at least take this advice - never bottle these things up. Never. Because they always find their way out to bite you in the ass. And the situation might get worse than it is, even when you think you've hit rock bottom, you actually didn't have to hit it yet."

Lucas tries to offer her a small smile and actually succeed. "Since when does Imane Bakhellal give advice?"

She snorts and kicks his leg. "Shut the fuck up."

Lucas would've said something else if he didn't hear noises coming from downstairs. He raises an eyebrow and throws confused look Imane's way.

"You said no one will be at home?" Imane shrugs and takes the first paper in her hands.

"I did and I wasn't wrong. It's probably only Idriss, he said he forgot something here the last time he was here, only he said he'll stop by at evening. I don't know since when he considers three pm as evening, but eh. I couldn't care less," Lucas feels uncomfortable shiver making its way down his back when she mentioned her brother's name. Idriss. Eliott's best friend and roommate.

Fuck.

This felt like an opportunity he couldn't miss. He will regret it if he'll miss this opportunity to ask a little about Eliott, Idriss was his roommate, he should know a thing or two about his actual state.

"Can I use a bathroom?" he asks quickly, he has to be fast if he wants to catch Idriss while he is still here.

"Sure," Imane answers immediately, not even looking away from the papers. He jumps from his place on the bed and runs downstairs, Imane looks at him, look full of annoyance and confusion. Lucas ignores it, too busy running down the stairs and almost killing himself on one particular stair that he overlooked. He stumbles on it and only barely keeps his balance.

As he goes closer to the kitchen, even from the hall he is able to catch a glimpse of Idriss drinking an orange juice straight from the bottle near the kitchen table.

"Hey!" and really, this would probably be a good start if he hadn't yelled the greeting like a lunatic. It's no wonder that Idriss jumped at the sound of his voice. Okay, this all was probably a bad idea. But it's not like he can back out now, can he?

"Fuck, you almost caused me a heart attack," Idriss chuckles dryly. "Hi, Lucas. What are you doing here?"

"Uh, just revising biology with Imane. Big exam ahead of us, you know. She won't let me fail it," and after that follows a quite awkward silence. As if they had nothing to tell to the other, when Lucas had so much to ask, only feeling now like he couldn't put words into one common sentence.

"How - how are you doing? Still working?" he certainly did not mean to ask that, god. Idriss looks surprised about the abrupt question but doesn't really say anything about it.

"I'm alright, I guess. Definitely still working," Lucas nods at the answer dumbly, Idriss follows him and also nods, looking uncomfortable. Lucas could relate so much and really, he felt kind of sorry for Idriss, he was the one who Lucas caught first and was going to torture with subtle-but-not-subtle-at-all questions, all of them leading to nothing but Eliott.

"Still living in the flatshare? With Eliott and Sofiane?" he can't miss how Idriss kind of flinches when he hears Eliott's name, but he also might be imagining that all. Idriss doesn't know about the thing between them two, neither does Sofiane, no? So why would Idriss react like that? Lucas was only being dramatic and delusional, as always.

"Well, yeah. Why wouldn't I?" the change of the tone makes Lucas confused. Okay, this isn't going to end well.

"I don't know," the sheepish answer makes Idriss frown at him and Lucas looks down, defeated, "Okay, to hell with all this. How is Eliott?"

Idriss' frown remains. "What?"

"I asked how is Eliott doing. I haven't talked to him for a quite long time, so I'm curious," he wants to roll his eyes because his question was so easy and yet Idriss didn't understand?

"I don't think it's really your place to ask this, though," Lucas blinks dumbly at him. Twice. He definitely knew about everything that happened, he knows that Lucas is a piece of crap that broke his best friend's heart, he knows-

No. He will keep the game on, he has to. He will play dumb. "Uh, what?"

"Look, Lucas," Idriss sighs and gives him a look that Lucas has trouble to read, "I don't know what you're thinking, but I know. I know. Not everything, but I know enough. Why do you think I suggested you to talk to him after he gets better? Because I didn't think that you'd make things even worse than they already were. I don't know what he is thinking either, perhaps that we are that dumb to not notice that he hasn't been good since fucking forever. We used to mistake it with episodes all the time, but no, these are no fucking episodes. He used to talk to Sofiane all the time, but barely talked to me, which used to hurt back then, but now I'd give anything to have that interaction back. Having him talk, having him eat regularly back. Having good days back. Neither of us knows what to do, we are clueless. So you want to know what we do?"

Lucas is too shocked to answer, his thoughts running through his mind at the speed of light and he feels guilt eating his insides, his eyes getting wet and his heart beating its way out of his chest. He didn't understand what Idriss meant by 'episodes', but he had no time to re-think all that Idriss has said because Idriss kept on talking, Lucas could barely hear him through the blood rushing through his ears, making him almost deaf. But he still listened.

"We do absolutely nothing, we just leave him to drown in his tears. Maybe he thinks we didn't notice any of that, that I still think you're just a friend, but you're barely that, Lucas. I liked you, I really did, and I'm not blaming you for any of this, of course I'm not. I kind of get it, because yeah, you can't make yourself like someone you don't like. I know that, but please don't come to me and ask me how he is doing. How could he possibly be doing?"

He felt his eyes being filled with tears, feeling so small suddenly next to Idriss, which in this case had nothing to do with his height. Lucas felt like a child again, a child that's being lectured by his parents. He didn't blame Idriss for being mad at him, he was Eliott's best friend, after all, he would've been mad too if someone broke Yann's heart and even had the nerve to talk to him after that. But small pieces of Idriss' monologue cut deeply into his heart, pieces like 'you're barely even friend'.

"I-," he starts, but his voice breaks, so he has to start over. "I get why you are mad. I-I know I fucked up, fucked everything up. At the point that there is no returning back, but there are things you don't understand. I'm not sure even Eliott understands them."

It seemed like a good start because Idriss hasn't tried to talk over him yet, that was one thing. The other thing was that he wasn't looking at him the way he looked at him before, but that barely changed anything.

"I'm gay, Idriss. And you really should be honored, because you're the first one hearing this leaving my mouth. I was in the closet for a really long time, thinking that it was normal, but then I had my first girlfriend that I dumped two weeks after because it simply couldn't work. Then the thing between Eliott and I started, and I kept on saying to myself that there isn't anything serious here. But then something changed. I figured these must be feelings I have for Eliott, so I panicked. I completely freaked out. I didn't know how my friends would react to that and I still don't know that, but now I'm sure I don't want my life being controlled by fear, because it not only caused me pain, but also Eliott. And I don't want that. I want Eliott to be happy, but I don't know if it's not too late for that."

Idriss remains quiet for a while. He breaks the silence after a minute or two. "Honestly, Lucas, I have no idea what to tell you. I had no idea about this, I thought that- huh. There is most definitely one thing that's clear - you have to come clean with your friends. If their reaction will be anything but support I'm sorry, but they aren't really your friends. And with Eliott, I can now tell you one thing - this all you just told me you should've probably told Eliott. I can't tell you how he'd react, but it's better if he knows the truth. He should get that you were scared, but I can't speak for him. But you definitely need to talk. Because communication is a key and this thing that's happened between you now is the proof of that. Talk to him."

And Lucas will do that. He will. He only needs to grow some balls and courage to do it. He wants to jog back to Imane, who probably is already wondering where he was, but in the last second he turns around.

"I-thank you," he says, his voice small and quiet. He doesn't wait for an answer, this time he really does go back to Imane's room. When he enters her room, she looks up from the papers and look at him. He moves back to his spot next to her on her bed.

"Took you long enough," she mumbles, no longer looking at him. She didn't wait for his answer if her quick return to her papers was anything to go by. The girl probably heard him talking to her brother, but hasn't said a word about that.

Lucas only now realizes how lucky he is to call himself a friend of Imane.

***

Lucas' heart pounds loudly in his chest when he stops in front of Eliott's university. He knew he goes there only thanks to Idriss, who told him he'd be in the studio after school. According to Idriss he comes home late, his reason for being home three hours after school ended was that he 'stopped in the studio'.

Lucas hoped the studio will be empty by now, Eliott being the only student left there. He exhales shakily and turned to walk right into the studio. He was shaking a little, not knowing what to expect from Eliott. If Idriss was pissed off and he had nothing to do with it he could only imagine how Eliott must've felt. Was he angry? Was he sad? None of the above? Hell, was this even a good idea? Yeah, he and Eliott had to talk, but was now a good time to talk?

Lucas decides it's too late to turn back when he stood in front of the door to the studio. He opens them as quietly as is possible and steps in. The studio looked completely empty, if he didn't look closely he would've sworn that no one was inside. But then he hears a faint sound, a quiet song played on the piano. A mere game with fingers, so simple and soothing. He looks at the corner of the room where the piano is standing and he sees him. It has been so long since he seen him and he looks like hell.

Dark bags under his eyes and his face a little pale, otherwise he doesn't seem much different than he did before, but Lucas doesn't really see him as the boy that he was before. The cheerful, kind boy that Lucas liked looking at, not once thinking it could be weird and never considers it a crush because everyone liked looking at him. Who wouldn't like to look at someone who was spreading love and happiness around himself without even realizing it?

Lucas felt awful feeling twisting his guts when the realization hits him. That boy is gone. He saw he was hurting, but he selfishly flipped it off, thinking it wasn't about him. And maybe it isn't, maybe Idriss and him read too much into it, perhaps something bad happened, something worse than what happened that night, and that was the reason of this all. maybe Eliott already moved on.

The soft songs suddenly stop and Lucas realizes it's too late because by then Eliott is looking at him, confused and angry.

"I- hey," he wants to face-palm himself when the words fly out of his mouth. Fuck, what was that?

Eliott opens his mouth to say something, but then he shuts it, shakes his head and starts collecting his things into his backpack instead. Shit, he has to step in right now, before Eliott leaves and he loses the chance.

The boy quickly moves closer and starts over again. "Eliott, please, I just want to talk."

Eliott zips his backpack and looks at him again, the anger showing in his eyes.

"I already told you everything I wanted to tell you, I have nothing to tell you," he growls and Lucas almost flinches at his tone. Eliott then again goes back to packing his things.

"But I do!" he says, almost begging. Eliott sighs heavily and turns to him.

"And what if I don't want to hear it? Have you thought about that? I'm sure I told you to leave me alone last time, and I meant it. So leave."

Lucas completely ignores what he just told him and shakes his head, stubbornly like a child. "Idriss and Sofiane, they...they told me you don't even talk to them anymore-"

"Since when are you such a big friend with Sofiane and Idriss?" Eliott snaps again and this time Lucas flinches. "Since when you talk to them?"

"I...I don't," he admits looking at the floor, not having the courage to look him in the eyes. "I only talked to Idriss when I was at Imane's, I just wanted to know how you were doing."

"Oh, so suddenly after two hell weeks you remember me and you suddenly care about how I'm doing? I wonder what caused all this," Lucas looks at him with wet eyes, not wanting to let them spill. He would've looked like an idiot, weak.

"I only wanted to apologize, Eliott," he says with a small, shaky voice.

"Apologize for what exactly, Lucas?" Eliott huffs a breath. "For not liking me back? For acting like a complete asshole? Or did Idriss tell you everything you didn't know before that made you reconsider how you've been acting towards me? Pick something, since you have so much to choose from."

"Idriss hasn't really told me anything," he frowns at him, but soften his look when he sees Eliott's point. "And yes, I wanted to apologize for how - how I was acting. It must've confused and hurt you, which I sincerely apologize for."

"You know what, Lucas?" Eliott hasn't changed the tone, not even a little bit. "I couldn't care less about your apologies. Apologies won't do shit. In fact, you can go and fuck yourself with them. I know that you don't mean them, not really. You only pity me because you only discovered that I'm bipolar. Is that it, Lucas?"

"I-what? Bipolar?" after the words leave his mouth the realization hits him. All these episodes Idriss mentioned were about Eliott being bipolar. But that could never be the reason he wanted him back, from his mentally ill mother he knows people with mental illness want anything but pity, he could never want Eliott back out of pity.

"Eliott, Idriss didn't tell me you are bipolar. And even if he did, do you seriously think I'd come here out of pity?" Eliott blinks at him, obviously surprised. He is silent for a while, but when he speaks again his voice is small.

"I don't even know what to think anymore. What do you want me to think when all you do is leave? You leave every night, you left that night, so what am I supposed to think about you? I hoped every day you'd call and tell me something, anything at all, but you never did. At this point, I already thought you forgot about me. I don't even know what I expected, I only wanted the aching inside my chest to stop, but it didn't. And I can't see a reason why did you come here, I don't understand what else you want from me."

"I want you to hear me out," he pleads, at the verge of crying again. "I - you don't understand. You don't understand a lot of things and I wanted to explain. I don't even look for forgiveness, I want to explain."

"What do you want to explain? There is nothing to explain."

"There is! There are so many things you think you understand, but you don't," he says with a shaky voice, uncomfortable shiver making its way down his back. "Things like me being gay. There are two people only who knows about it and that's it. You have to understand I was scared, so fucking scared, because not everyone has such understanding friends as you do. I have no clue how they'd react if I told them and that scared me."

Eliott seemed shocked and Lucas looked quickly at the floor to avoid looking at his eyes, worried so much he'd see something he didn't want to see in them. "And then there was this whole lying to myself thing. I considered you a friend this whole time and yeah, there were a few benefits in our friendship, but I still considered you a friend. Because I couldn't bring myself to admit that yes, I'm fucking gay and I like boys. I was telling myself that we only like to have fun as many straight girls do these days. They kiss with no feelings attached, no one finds it weird. I thought it would work the same way, but it didn't. "

He took a deep breath before another of his long speeches. "It didn't because there were feelings attached the whole time. From both sides. And I was scared. Scared to come out, or at least to stop pretending that I didn't love it. Loved everything that was between us. That I didn't crave for more. I told myself to stop it, that it wasn't right and I lied to myself the whole time, just so I wouldn't worry about having to go out of the closet. I stopped you from getting any interests in me or to get to know me better, just so I could keep on lying to myself. And when you told me you fell in love I completely panicked. That's why I left."

They both were quiet for a long minute or two before Eliott broke the silence again. "I-I don't know what you want me to do."

"I don't really know either," he lies because lying is so easy. He doesn't want to be like that anymore. he won't lie no more. "No, that's - okay. I just, I want us to start over. There were very stupid mistakes made and I want to fix it. But I will understand if you don't want to."

The boy chews on his lower lip, making Lucas really nervous. "I'm not saying that I don't want that," he says quietly, but then he looks up and Lucas can't see anything but no in them. "But I'm not sure if I want it either. I don't know, I- you said a lot. Too much. It's too much and I don't know yet. I need to think. I need time. Can you give me time? Because I can't answer now."

"Yeah," he answers and he collects some courage to look at Eliott again, and something changed. Lucas is filled with hope again. "Of course I can."

He will give him all the time in the world. Till then, he knows exactly what he has to do.

***

"Lucas," he hears a faint sound of his friend's voice, but he couldn't focus, he couldn't snap back to reality after everything that's happened with Eliott. He repeats their talk again and again ever since that day, which happened four days ago already, can't help but feel the hope creeping back.

"Lucaas," this time the voice is closer to him, which startles him and makes him blink, dumbly looking around himself.

"Hm?" is the first thing that flies out of his mouth, Arthur sighs and sits back on his spot on the couch.

"Nothing, I was just asking if you were here with us," yeah, he wasn't. "What's gotten into you?"

Lucas senses that this is it, this is to moment he should come out, the destiny calling out to him, all of his friends sitting on the couch in Yann's living room. But lying is so easy. Easier. "Nothing," the boy answers with a shrug, his friend giving him an unimpressed look.

"Yeah, I'm calling bullshit," Yann is the one to speak now and Lucas shifts, uncomfortable. He wants to say it, god knows how much he wants it, but he can't bring himself to it, still feeling the fear setting shivers down his spine. "Troubles with mom again?" Yann speaks again and Lucas looks down at his shaking hands. Oh god, when did he start shaking?

He hesitantly shakes his head. "No, that's not it."

"Then what?" Basile is the one to ask now, making Lucas look up and reminds him that yes, all of his friends were here and listening to him, worried about him. Caring about him. but one wrong word and it all could go to hell. is he really ready for this?

"I-" he starts, but his voice breaks, and he no longer finds the courage to look at them, so his gaze returned to his hands. "I fell in love."

No. No. This wasn't the thing he was supposed to say. Can he even tell them about Eliott? How much can he tell them? Fuck, this is so messy, fuck, how does he manage to mess everything up every fucking time?

"Well, that's...great?" Arthur offers, hesitantly. "Who is it then? Do we know her?"

The problem lies right here. It isn't even a girl. How is he supposed to say that? Boldly, just go for it? Or the hints will do what he can't? No, Basile is still here. So, he goes for the first option.

"It isn't a girl," he says slowly, shaking all the way through saying the words. He wanted to come out, but he was simply so scared of not being accepted. Shit, he probably should've told one person at a time, telling two other people could be a bigger mess than coming out to one person, Yann for him preferably. But he was too stupid for that.

"Uh, what?" the Basile is the first one to speak, Arthur and Yann seem too shocked to say anything at the first minute. "You're gay?"

This is it, this is it, this is it.

"I - yeah," his voice is terrible and shaky, but he is looking at them, no longer feeling shameful when the words are out, reminding himself what Idriss told him. 'if their reaction will be anything but support i'm sorry, but they aren't really your friends.'

"Well, let me correct myself now," Arthur starts again, with a smirk on his face. "Do we know him? "

Wait, what? That was it?

"What?" he throws a confused look his way.

"What?" Arthur asks and Lucas can only shake his head in disbelief.

"I just-" he inhales and shakes his head again. "I'm not going to lie, I expected a different reaction. I don't know."

"What did you think our reaction would be?" Yann frowns at that, Lucas only shrugs, because really, he himself doesn't know. He was scared, no, not scared, that's a weak word, he was terrified. And now, when the words are out, he feels like there was a huge weight lifted from his shoulders.

"I don't know," he says again. "I was scared that you would-"

He sighs and shakes his head. "That you would react badly. Really, really badly. Like, I-don't-want-to-have-anything-to-do-with-you kind of badly."

"Why would you think that?" Yann frowns, Lucas only shrugs weakly.

"You're an absolute idiot, hope you are aware of that," Arthur shakes his head and Lucas let out a watery chuckle. oh, he does now.

"I support you! Go gays!" Basile says unnecessarily, but Lucas smiles anyways. He full-on laughs when Arthur bitch-faces him, elbows his ribs and mutters a quiet you're an idiot.

"But," Arthur starts over again, now facing Lucas. "You still haven't answered me. Who the fuck is it, Lucas! I'm serious, did he break your heart? If he did, he will fucking catch these hands, I'm not kidding. Yann will help me bury the body, won't he?"

Lucas looks down at his hands again, not sure if he can tell them about Eliott or no. In the end, he decides that fuck it, if Eliott could tell his friends about him, he sure as hell could tell the boys.

"Eliott," he says, receiving a few confused looks. "It's Eliott."

"Wait wait! Eliott? Eliott Demaury?" Basile asks, a little too loudly, as if they were talking about some kind of superstar instead of Eliott.

"Well, yeah. What other Eliott do you know?" Lucas rolls his eyes, but really surprised Basile remembers him.

"Did something happen between you two?" Yann is the one to speak, the boy bites his lips at the question. tell them the truth. they heard you out, you owe them that.

"We had sex. And not once," he admits, Basile throws a wide-eyed look his way.

"Fuck! That's where you vanished to on every single party we've been to. Damn," Arthur says when the realization hits him, Lucas can only weakly nod.

"Yeah. But he fell in love with me," he bites his lips and sighs. "That's where it went to shit."

"What?" Yann questions, confused. "You said you fell in love with him too, no? So why?"

"I was in the closet, that's why," he tries to explain, but Yann still hasn't seemed like he understood. "I - uh. Was scared. No, I was terrified. I have never felt like this before, no girl has ever made me feel like this. No one did. It was new, it was weird, and for a long time, I was convinced it was wrong. Everyone ever around me told me how same-sex relationships were wrong and disgusting. I thought it was true, but I didn't want to give up the one thing that ever felt right to me."

"But?" Arthur asks, obviously noticing that there was 'but'.

"But Eliott started to act weird. Like he never was there with me, like he was hundreds of miles away from me when I was with him, he looked just..sad. But I convinced myself that it didn't have anything to do with me"

"What did you do?" Basile asks, a little too breathless. Lucas would roll his eyes if he had the energy to do so.

"I panicked. Completely panicked. And I didn't know what to do, didn't know what to say. So I left. And before any of you open your mouths, I know okay! I know I am an idiot who probably broke his heart and trust me when I say I felt guilty about it. I couldn't stop thinking about it, thinking about him, so once I caught Idriss and asked about him. He told me a lot I didn't know, maybe made me feel a little more guilty. But I understood I had to talk to Eliott, so once I found him in the studio and tried to explain to him. He only told me he needed a little more time..and here I am, I guess."

"Well, that sucks," Arthur speaks into the silence that found its place in the room. "It sucks like a lot."

"You tell me about it," Lucas sighs and drops his look on his shoes this time. "I am lost. I don't know what to do."

"If there really is something to do about it," Basile says with such simplicity, almost makes Lucas believe it is easy when he is sure that it is not. How can something you think about constantly, nights and days be easy?

"Yeah," Yann nods his head in agreement, completely surprising Lucas, who throws confused look his way. "I mean, you can't speak for him, no?"

"Well, no.."

"There! Just...stop thinking about him so much. If he will come around, he will come around. If he won't, he won't. You'll survive," Lucas wants to roll his eyes and sigh at Arthur's words.

"It's easy for you to say. It's not that simple. It's..yeah, it's a little more difficult," Lucas says slowly, still not looking up from his new favorite place - his shoes.

"I know it is," Arthur adds nonchalantly. "But you're not going to receive anything from your constant moping either."

Lucas knew he was right. However, at the moment he felt like there wasn't anything to do about it.

***

Even after his constant growling and refusing, the boys eventually made him go to the party they wanted to go since forever. Lucas hadn't felt like partying since what happened almost three weeks ago with Eliott. He wasn't in the mood for getting drunk or getting himself laid for a night, then saying goodbye.

Also, he won't make out with Eliott no more, so where was fun in parties now? It walked away, just like he did on that night. Or any other night. Fuck, he really was an asshole, a heartless moron, wasn't he?

Lucas was screaming internally for help as he was leaning on the wall, in the dark corner of the room. He was watching his friends drinking tequila shots, trying to get him to drink with them, but he wasn't in the mood for it. He told them that earlier and stepped in the counter, where he stayed for a while.

He was bored and still moping about Eliott, thinking about him, thoughts only torturing and hurting, kind of knowing he will be let down by the boy. Why would he want to date him after all that happened, after all he made him go through?

Suddenly, he could use a drink or two to ease himself, to get himself in the party mood. He will black-out sooner or later, waking up hours later in the place unknown to him, with a Sahara desert in his throat. But everything was better than that instant guilt and self-pity.

"Is this place taken?" a voice asks, a voice he knows by heart and, as dramatic as it sounds, the world around him stops spinning. Lucas is out of breath when he turns his head to his right side and sees Eliott. Smiling Eliott. What?

"There - uh, there is no place here, so it can't be taken," he replies softly, Eliott grins and moves closer.

"However, if you think it's possible or not, the place is definitely taken right now," Eliott exclaims, still grinning. Lucas thinks he can feel his legs weaken.

"Okay," the respond leaves his mouth again, trying to talk as much as he can, foolishly scared Eliott will leave if he won't.

They are quiet for a little while, then after a minute or two lasting silence Eliott breaks it. "They are your friends, aren't they?" the boy asks, his voice so gentle as he points to the boys, who are trying to smoothly stare at them. Little do they know they aren't smooth at all. "They are cool," he exclaims when he sees Lucas nod.

"I met them a little while ago," he adds again. "They were really nice. Basile mostly, who is the only one I remember the name of. And that's only because he hugged me when he was drunk and refused to let go."

"Damn," Lucas exhales, chuckling a little. "Basile is a mess when he gets drunk. And it's even worse when he is stoned."

Eliott chuckles as well, making Lucas add a little to his speech. "You're laughing now, but try to be the one who was trying to convince him he wasn't in fact a, and now I'm quoting him, bird that is free and can fly high. He was standing on the window by the way - yes, it was only a first floor, but still."

The boy laughs again, turning his head to look at him. Lucas can feel his stare, but he can't return it, not now when he is so confused about everything that's happening.

The silence was getting uncomfortable, so Eliott had to step in again.

"I know you're waiting for my answer," Eliott says with a small voice. "But there is a lot you have to hear first. Okay?"

Lucas looks at him, giving him a nod. i'm about to get rejected, i can feel it. He tries to tell himself that no, no Eliott wouldn't do it, but how is he supposed to know that?

"First, you have to count on my mental illness too," his voice is still small, as he was ashamed, making Lucas confused, frown beginning to make itself appear on his face. "It won't be easy with me. You want to jump right in it with me, but I'm not sure if you thought about everything else that includes being with me."

"Like what?" Lucas asks, his voice small now too, he is so scared of getting rejected he almost could hear his heart pounding.

"Like, I won't be nice to you sometimes. I will yell at you, I will blame you for stupid things, I will leave when I feel bad. Sometimes I won't even leave the bed, I will just stay in all day and I will hurt you. Do you seriously want all this?"

Lucas inhales a shaky breath. "Have you looked at what I did to you? How I was ignorant about your feelings because I was scared? A coward, who was afraid to be himself?"

"That's not the same and you know it. Lucas, it's okay to be scared and I get it now. I was hurt for a long time, but I get why you were acting like it. And I don't blame you and I'm not mad at you for any of that, okay? So, I think it's time for you to stop guilt-tripping yourself over this, too," Lucas feels a hope creeping in himself again, it almost leaves when he sees Eliott's face again.

"But what I will do to you will be much worse. I will hurt you. Do you really want it?"

"Do you?" Lucas asks and talks over Eliott sooner than he gets a chance to say anything else. "No, but really, do you want this too? Eliott, I'm not perfect either. I will do so many wrong things too. I will get mad, I will give you the silent treatment, maybe at some point I could hurt you again. I'm so full of flaws too. But, still, we don't know what will happen in the future."

Lucas moves even closer to him. "We don't know what will happens in years from now, in months, hell, even in an hour from now. But what would be life about if we had to worry about every passing minute? Life is now. And really, is it really right to throw a whole relationship away because of a few 'what if's? Maybe this will prove to be a mistake in the future, but it doesn't have to. There are so many possibilities that could happen to us. The bad ones are in balance with good ones, because we don't know what will happen. So, I suggest we could live life minute by minute. That way, we won't worry about anything, but the minute we live in."

Eliott smiles at him, but hell, Lucas has never seen him smile like that. It was so charming, so lovely, but all in all, so Eliott. He looks like the boy Lucas fell in love with when he wasn't even aware of it.

The kiss he receives is surprising, and at the minute he doesn't kiss back. Sooner than he can return the kiss Eliott pulls away and smile at him again.

Lucas is aware of the blissed-out face he is making. "You didn't answer my question. My very, very important question," he whispers, so close to Eliott he could feel his breath on his face.

When he kisses him again Lucas is ready to kiss back, but the kiss is over sooner than Lucas could do that. "Isn't that enough of an answer for you?"

Lucas pretends to think about it while he sneaks his hands around Eliott's neck. He looks back at him, smirks at him and kisses his lips again. He has to stand on his tip-toes to do so, hating Eliott a little for his height, now not denying any kisses to himself. "I guess it is," he whispers against his lips, leading back to leave a kiss on his lips again.

But this kiss feels different than any other ones they shared. It was the kiss he was denying himself for so long, the kiss that won't lead to sex, the kiss that showed the pure affection and love. Besides, Eliott didn't pull away after ten seconds, which he considers a win. Eliott appears to be a tease, but he let Lucas have this kiss.

#skam france #elu #elu fic #skam france fic #eliott demaury #lucas lallemant #another (and the last) part of this disaster #hope y'all enjoy #also i had shit-tons of mistakes in the first one but now it's edited

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comicgeekscomicgeek · 5 years

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Their Hero Academia – Chapter 25: Toshi Midoriya—Boyfriend, Student, Personal Trainer, Wingman

Presenting the latest raw and unedited chapter of my ongoing, next gen, My Hero Academia fan fic, Their Hero Academia!

All previous chapters (and an infrequently updated sub-series devoted to the past of the universe) can be found https://archiveofourown.org/users/zylly/works

Toshi’s hair was still slightly damp as he entered the Common Room. He’d started the morning early, as he always did, gone for his morning run with Katsumi and Kana Tetsutetsu, then returned to the dorm for a shower and then breakfast. Tetsutetsu had been asking a lot of questions about Haimawari, which he’d answered as best he could, though he really wasn’t sure what was up with that. Ah well, if it was important, he’d probably figure it out.

The TV was on and he could see that Izumi and Askuka were watching it. He could hear a little of it. “…truck driver found dead this morning, appears to have been murdered sometime last night with no sign of his truck. Local police are being tight lipped and have not yet named any suspects. However, the driver did work for a shipping company with numerous government contracts…”

Well, that was a little weird. But before he could think any more about it, he was interrupted by arms wrapping around him from behind and the feeling of something—no, two somethings—very large, very soft, and very warm pressing into his back. “Good morning, Toshi!”

We’re sorry, Toshi dot exe has failed and cannot respond at this time. Please try again later.

It had only been a week, but he still couldn’t believe that Sora Iida liked him. Liked him liked him. Enough that last Sunday she’d accosted him when he’d gotten back from his morning run to confess. And, well, she was pretty and excitable and all kinds of amazing things and he was pretty sure he liked her too. They were young and figuring this kind of stuff out was what life was all about.

He didn’t know if she was getting advice from Mika Mineta or if this was just her usual lack of regard for personal space amped up now that they were dating, but he was pretty sure only an idiot would complain about it. Even if she seemed to be moving kind of fast. Sora was… really physically demonstrative. And he wasn’t sure he should be complaining about that, but still, fast.

…He really needed relationship advice, but he was also pretty sure, based on the stories of them in school, that Mom and Dad were not the ones to give it, nor Uncle Shoto and Aunt Momo, or Uncles Kacchan and Eijiro.

Aunt Mina had always said that any of them could come to her with relationship advice too, but he was pretty sure that was a really bad idea. Maybe Aunt Tsu? She was definitely the most sensible person in his parents’ class that he knew…

Sora gave him another squeeze. He gave her hand a squeeze, before she relaxed her grip and let him turn around. She was taller than him by several inches, shorter only than Shoji and Koda. It puts him at an… interesting level in comparison to her.

Toshi grined. “Good morning, Sora.” He frowned, though, when he saw the bags under her eyes, in spite of seemingly brimming with energy. “How much coffee have you had?”

“Just three…ish cups?” she tried, hesitating as she sees his eyes narrow. “…From the big mug.”

“Sora,” he said, “we talked about this. Coffee isn’t a substitute for sleep.”

She crossed her arms and huffed. “And I’m just supposed to let all my good ideas go to waste!?”

“If it’s a good idea at 2300, it’ll be a good idea at 0800.”

“Now you sound like Father,” Sora said. “That is not proper boyfriend soundings!”

Toshi held up both hands in a pacifying gesture. “Okay, okay, okay,” he said. “No dad-ing. I promise. Just… maybe ease off the coffee, okay? I can’t boyfriend if you’re so exhausted you can’t think.”

“…Your statement is not without logic,” Sora admitted. “I will have to incorporate these new variables!”

How did Uncle Tenya handle Aunt Mei?! Toshi was in way over his head here!

***

“All right,” Mister Aizawa said, “settle down. Before we begin today’s lessons, we have something important to discuss. The Sports Festival and the work-study week that follows.”

Toshi stole a moment to glance at the back row of the classroom, where Haimawari sat. He’d been talking his friend up to his dad fairly frequently now, telling him about his drive and his amazing Quirk. With no heroic background and so many second (or greater) generation students in this year’s crop of first years, Toshi knew that most eyes would be on people with proven legacies and now newcomers to the field. Haimawari was a good guy and deserved whatever kind of leg up he could get. It didn’t hurt that he was exactly the kind of person Dad almost always picked.

Toshi just hoped the shock didn’t kill him when it happened.

“We’ve had heroic legacies in the Sports Festival before,” Aizawa went on. “But this is the first year where we have classes primarily composed of the children of active Pro-Heroes, including the majority of the Top Ten. Combined with the uncertainty surrounding the Quirk Virus situation… needless to say, the eyes of the world will be on this Sports Festival more than any other.”

He fixed the class with an icy glare. “I am certain your parents are planning something. I’ve already forbidden them from extending offers to their own children, so don’t think you’re going to coast by. But knowing them, they’ve already made arrangements to exploit the loophole in that. However, as your teacher, I have final veto power over whatever offers you may receive.”

His eyes narrowed. “If I catch any of you at the Sports Festival performing at anything less than your best, I will see all offers extended to you declared null and void. Am I understood?”

“Yes, Mister Aizawa,” Toshi mouthed, along with the rest of the class.

Aizawa seemed satisfied with that, nodding slightly. He briefly looked down at the lectern to consult a piece of paper. “Doc Clock has also asked me to pass on the message that if any of you try anything like what Deku or Shoto did at your parents’ first Sports Festival, she will refuse to use her Quirk on you and instead leave you to Recovery Girl’s care.”

A small grin of paternal pride traced its way across his face.

As for the Festival itself, Toshi wasn’t worried. He was good with his Quirk, though he knew he could be better. But that pretty much applied to everybody in the class. Of course, the variable nature of the middle round made things a little more complicated and there was always the possibility of something new… But there was no sense in getting worked up about it.

No, if anything, it was the Tournament Round that concerned him the most. What if he had to fight somebody in from the class? So many of them were his friends, practically his family. He wasn’t sure he could really go all out fighting them.

What if he had to fight Sora?!

***

Two weeks. That’s what they had to get ready for the Sports Festival. And Toshi was bound and determined to make the most of it. With Heroics Class replaced by free-training periods for those two weeks, they had plenty of opportunity. The chance to show his parents, show the world, just how good he could be.

Despite having a dad who was the Number One Hero and a mom who usually ranked somewhere in the low thirties, Toshi did not consider himself having to escape from their shadow. He’d known, almost from the moment he’d decided to be a Hero, that there would be plenty of people who’d think of him as nothing more than Deku’s kid. And Dad, as the Symbol of Hope, was a standard no one could hope to match up to. They could only do like he did, and follow Dad’s example, and give it his best.

Toshi probably wasn’t going to be the next Number One Hero… but he was going to be the best Hero that he could. And he was going to help his friends be the best that they could be too.

Which was why he’d taken some time to help Haimawari and Shota, in one of the dojo-style training gyms. Both of them had great Quirks… but neither was the best physical fighter in the world. Haimawari relied on speed and zooming around, while Shota tended to rely on the raw power of his Quirk when fighting. Nejire had also managed to take Haimawari out rather quickly when she and the Laughing Man had attacked them during training, though that might have been from the speed and surprise as much as anything else.

Toshi got that. He was used to using his Quirk to bounce around, rapidly shifting from low to high gravity to bounce around and then hit like a freight train. But he also knew how to fight without it. Straight up brawling techniques from Dad, Gunhead-Style martial arts moves from Mom.

He brought up a hand, palm up, and moved his fingers in a “come and get me” gesture. “Okay, guys,” he said. “Two of you against one of me. No Quirks. Let’s do this.”

Haimawari rubbed the back of his head awkwardly. “If you say so, Midoriya…”

“Kaaaai-yaah!” Shota let out a non-supersonic scream and rushed him. Toshi easily sidestepped his purple-haired friend and gave him a small shove, knocking him down to the mats.

Haimawari was slightly more cautious, throwing a few careful punches that seemed more designed to test him that to actually connect. With his long arms and legs, Haimawari actually had pretty decent range. If he could get a little power going behind them, he’d be pretty effective.

Toshi tossed off a jab of his own, probing Haimawari’s defenses. He missed and Haimawari actually managed to take him, striking him in the face with a blow.

He instantly pulled back, even as Toshi was seeing stars. “Oh, oh, no, Midoriya, I didn’t mean…”

Toshi just laughed. His opinion of Haimawari as a fighter obviously needed revising. “Why didn’t you tell me you could hit like that?”

“That was awesome!” Shota piped in, none the worse for wear in body or spirit from his tumble. “Only people I’ve seen hit Toshi like that are Kirishima-Bakugo and Tetsutetsu!”

Haimawari looked a bit embarrassed, chuckling nervously. “It’s nothing, just something my dad taught me, that his mentor taught him. From, ah, from when he was doing a neighborhood watch kind of thing.”

Something about the way he said that made Toshi think there was more to the story, but he didn’t really want to press it. It wasn’t like he wasn’t privy to secrets that he wasn’t allowed to share.

“Seriously, though,” Toshi said. “I thought you said you didn’t know how to fight without your Quirk.”

Haimawari laughed nervously again. “More like… I don’t want to? I don’t like the idea of hurting people, especially for something just like showing off like the Sports Festival. Guess what I really need is psyching up.”

Toshi punched the palm of his other hand. “Okay, mental conditioning. We can work on that.”

He looked over at Shota. “You… on the other hand…”

Shota looked a little embarrassed. “Yeah… I might need a little more help. Dad says it wasn’t until Uncle Shota started mentoring him that he really got any kind of good at fighting.”

“Well,” Toshi said, “I’m no Eraserhead, but I’ll do my best…”

***

Fortunately, it got better from there. Haimawari was better than he’d expected going in, even after that first punch. There was a lot of wildness to his punches and kicks, but even without his Quirk, he was fast and had plenty of reach. If he combined that with his Quirk, getting in a few hits and then getting away, and repeating that, he’d do great against anyone with a short range Quirk.

Getting Shota to actually think about his moves before going all in was really the hard part, and once he got past that, it wasn’t too bad. He wasn’t going to be as good a fighter as Uncle Hitoshi was, but at least he wouldn’t be breaking his hand if he punched somebody at the Sports Festival. And they still had two weeks.

Shota was bent over, hands on his legs, struggling to breathe. “I’m okay… I’m okay… I’m pretty sure I’m okay… The room was always spinning, right?”

“Take it easy, dude,” Haimawari said, guiding him over to one of the benches and helping him sit down. He got Shota’s water bottle and handed it to him.

“Small sips, Shota,” Toshi told him. “Don’t overdo it. You’ll just throw up.”

Shota reluctantly complied; Toshi could tell he’d been ready to guzzle it. “This… gets… easier, right?” he gasped.

Toshi nodded. “Eventually. We’ll try and do a little endurance work too.”

“Don’t know if I’ve said it, but I really do appreciate this, Midoriya,” Haimawari said, taking a drink of his water. He was sweating and breathing hard, but not nearly as badly as Shota. He was actually in pretty decent shape, probably because his Quirk was more of a physical one. But he was built like a runner, not a brawler, so what he could do was a little different.

“Happy to help,” Toshi replied. “We’re all in this together, after all.”

“Not worried I’ll take your spot at the Festival? Me and Dad watch it every year… it gets pretty competitive.”

Toshi waved it off. “Nah. I’m gonna do my best, you’re gonna do your best, that’s all that really matters.”

“How do you think it’s gonna go, Toshi?” Shota asked, no longer panting. He looked a healthier color too. “I bet you’re gonna win it! I mean, Uncle Deku did his second year and third year, and he’s your dad, so he probably taught you everything, even if your Quirks are kinda different, and…”

“I really don’t know, Shota,” Toshi said, a little bit quickly. Sometimes, you had to fight to get a word in edgewise with Shota. “Everybody’s got really great Quirks, not just us, but in the other classes too. And there’s always a surprise or two in the General Studies classes. Especially since we don’t know what the first two events will be.”

The first event was usually something that required covering distance and the second was always one that required teams, but that was about the only parameters that could be guessed. Toshi had seen everything from obstacle courses in the first to Quirk-backed games of dodgeball in the second and there wasn’t much predictable pattern to it.

He held out his hand, pam to the ground. “But when it does, we’re gonna be ready for it, right?”

Haimawari put his hand over Toshi’s. “Right.”

Shota did the same. “Right!”

“You three done nerding it up yet?” a voice from behind asked. Toshi turned to see Katsumi and Kana Tetsutetsu.

“I have yet to reach maximum nerd,” Toshi said, smirking. There’d been no malice in what she’d said. Katsumi just had to get everyone a hard time. It was just who she was. “Hey Tetsutetsu.”

“Hey yourself, Midoriya,” Tetsutetsu said.

“Yeah, yeah,” Katsumi said. “Well, make yourself useful and come show me some of those moves Aunt Ochaco taught you. Bring the Loud Kid too.”

“Shota. My name is Shota. You know that, Kirishima-Bakugo!”

“Sure it is,” Katsumi said. “C’mon.”

Okay, something was clearly up. He and Katsumi sparred sometimes, but she never just flat out asked him to show her any moves. Did this have anything to do with what Tetsutetsu been asking about this morning? Was… was Katsumi being her wingwoman? For Haimawari?

This was a day for the record books.

“Yeah, sure, I can do that,” he said. “C’mon, Shota.”

Shota, however, clearly wasn’t picking up on the subtext. “I don’t think I can fight anymore, Toshi,” he said, stifling a yawn.

“Then watch and learn, Loud Kid!” Katsumi shouted.

“Why don’t you come along,” Toshi said. He might as well play along with this. If only to get Katsumi out of having to play wingwoman any further. “Tetsutetsu, don’t think you’ve met Haimawari? You could probably show him some moves I can’t.”

“’Probably’?” Tetsutetsu asked. “You know I can, Midoriya. Nice to meet you, Haimawari.”

“Likewise,” Haimawari said, smiling. He looked like he knew something was up, but couldn’t figure it out. He offered Tetsutetsu a hand and she shook it, leaving him massaging his fingers afterwards.

Just a couple weeks into school and everybody was jumping into relationships. He was hardly one to talk, of course, but it still amazed him. Especially for all of them that had known each other for most of their lives. But here, away from their parents for the first time, maybe they were just figuring out who they wanted to be.

***

“Watch and learn, Loud Kid,” Katsumi said. She bounced lightly on the balls of her feet, hands up in a fighting position, before launching a powerful right hook. It was her signature move and she always telegraphed it. Toshi’d also been on the receiving end of it many times when sparring with her. Even when you could see it coming, Katsumi was fast.

Fortunately, he had time to dodge, and return fire, coming at Katsumi with a few quick jabs. She got her guard up though, deflecting his blows easily. “Gonna have to do better than that, Toshi,” she said, with a wicked grin.

Toshi dropped low, sweeping his leg. He knocked Katsumi down, but she was right back up before he could capitalize on it. He dodged her return strikes, shifting left and right rapidly. “Didn’t take you for the type to play wingwoman,” he said.

He blocked her next strike and even that stung like hell. “All I did was get you two out of the way,” she replied. “I wanted to spar with you anyway. If I can help out a friend, I can put up with a little lovey-dovey nonsense.”

Toshi knew she’d been turned down by Izumi after confessing her long buried feeling. That had to have hurt some, but she seemed to be plowing through it in her usual fashion. Which was not dealing with her more complicated emotions. Which probably wasn’t healthy. But all he could do was be there for his friend.

His friend who’d nearly taken his head off with her follow-up punch! He got his head out of the way, but she connected solidly with his shoulder. He grunted, firing off rapid fire punches in return that she deflected, until he altered his pattern, two right hand blows one after the other instead of a left and a right and felt his fist connect solidly with her chest.

Katsumi winced and backed off, keeping herself light on her feet. Laughing, she said, “Did you just bunch me in the boob, Toshi? What would your girlfriend say?”

Toshi’s eyes went wide for a second, before he recovered. “Very funny,” he said. Typical Katsumi, always trying to get a rise out of him.

They exchanged more blows, hammering away, deflecting, retreating, and coming back at each other. But without Quirks, they were just too evenly matched with each other for there to be a clear victor. Katsumi was probably stronger, but he was just lighter enough on his feet to make up for it. With both of them realizing that, they took a step back and exchanged boys.

Shota broke into applause. “That. Was. AWESOME! You gotta show me how to do that!”

Katsumi just laughed. It wasn’t a cruel laugh, but he could tell she didn’t really believe Shota had much of a chance in a physical contest. “Stick to what you’re good at, Loud Kid. Scream your way through.”

An idea occurred to Toshi and he had to turn away for a moment to hide his grin. “I don’t know, Katsumi, I was going to get Shota up to speed anyway, but if you don’t think you can train him good enough, I guess I’ll have to do it…”

The glare she shot him was worth it. “Oh, hell no. I didn’t say I didn’t think I could.” She snapped her fingers, then pointed at Shota. “I’m gonna train you until your arms fall off, Loud Kid! That’ll show you, Toshi!”

Toshi had to hide his grin again. Shota would get the training he needed and Katsumi would have a goal she could work on to keep from dwelling on things. If you knew what you were doing, helping your friends wasn’t too hard.

And he was going to do his best to make sure every one of his friends had a chance to shine.

#my hero academia #their hero academia #fan fiction #fan fic #my writing #toshi midoriya

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headlongedmaggiemay · 6 years

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What’s Going On (Gwilym x OFC)

Hi all! Alright, I AM NOT A WRITER, not really. This is my very first fanfic, so please bare with me! This is between Gwilym and an OFC named Siobhan, pronounced Shi-VAWN. There was no prompt for this, it was purely on a whim. I am planning on writing a second part, but classes have started again so I’m unsure as to when I’ll get around to it! Feedback is welcomed!

@winnielinleigh here you go babe! Hope you enjoy!

*Disclaimer* - based on Gwilym Lee, however, I don’t know very much personal info, he seems a bit private, and i respect that, so as far as speaking about him breaking bone, I made that part up, there is no facts to that statement.

Warnings: a few curse words, drinking... don’t drink an drive kids!

Word count: 4k

If you haven’t given What’s Up by 4 Non Blondes, you should!

Siobhan smiled to herself, in fact she couldn’t stop smiling since she got the call. At 1:27, she received a call from her manager that she was going to have a solo show in one of the biggest galleries in the state. This was a huge opportunity for her to get her name out there as an artist. She was so excited and so ready for this to happen, it was literally her dream come true. She texted her friends sharing the news. They were all so excited for her. Her three best friends that were local all decided tonight they’d celebrate.

She cleaned up her studio and ran home as fast as she could. It had been a while since she enjoyed a night out.

As soon as she stepped through her door, her friend and roommate, Danielle assaulted her with a giant hug.

“I can’t believe it! You did it! They want YOU!” Danielle squeezed her friend tight.

“I know! I’m still trying to believe it myself!” Siobhan giggled. It was true, she had worked her entire life to get to this point as an artist. They were both artists, working in different mediums, she painted in oil while Danielle did watercolor and ceramics. Danielle, however, settled into a ‘normal’ life, working retail and doing art on the side. Siobhan got a job at a local studio/gallery right after she graduated from college and worked tirelessly to grow and refine her art. That was all she wanted to since she was a kid and now it was finally coming to fruition.

“Alright, Mika said she’d pick up Milo on her way over. I offered them to stay the night if they were too far gone to get home safely,” Danielle informed her. Mika and Siobhan met their first year at college. Mika was the only non-art person out of the four, she studied biology and worked for the FDA doing research. Milo was Siobhan’s very best friend and the guy she had fell in love with early into their friendship. It was a one-sided love, not that he didn’t love her. He did, just not in that way. She never told him her feelings because she knew him, she knew how he worked, and she knew he didn’t reciprocate those feelings. Siobhan resolved with the new year to let those feelings go. Too many times had she fallen for a friend, too many times had it remained one-sided. No more. She was 28, for fuck’s sake!

“Cool, I’m excited, I need a night out!”

“Yeah, you do!” her friend sassily responded, giving her biggest grin.

A little after 8, Mika walked into their rented house, Milo in tow. Siobhan was ready except for her shoes and was helping Danielle finish her makeup.

“Congratulations Von!” Mika ran up and hugged Siobhan as she was about to swipe some eyeshadow across Danielle’s lid. Lucky, Siobhan saw it coming and dropped her hand before it could hit her friend’s cheek, messing up her makeup.

“Woah! A hug? What is this?” She teased, leaning into the hug. Both Mika and Milo were not hugging people, much to Siobhan’s displeasure. “Did you get a lobotomy on your way over?”

“Har, har, har,” Her friend rolled her eyes. “No, just ‘cause I don’t like touching doesn’t mean I can’t choose to give a hug! It’s my choice!”

“Yes, it is, and I will always take a hug from you, whenever you choose to give one!” She said releasing her friend.

“Congrats, Von,” Milo said giving her a hug as soon as Mika stepped away from Siobhan. She knew better not to tease Milo about the hugging. His lack of physical affection towards anyone stemmed from a deeper problem. Knowing this, Siobhan reveled in the highly rare occurrence of physical affection from him. He moved her to arm’s length, looking directly in her eyes, “you deserve it,” he said sincerely.

“Thank you,” she gave a sheepish smile. Even though her head said not to think to far into it, her heart tried to run wild with the intimate encounter. “Alright,” She said brightly, shaking off the unwelcomed feelings, “you guys go make some drinks and I’ll finish Danielle’s makeup!”

“Coladas for all!” Mika cheered.

“That’s the only thing you know how make, isn’t it?” She heard Milo tease as they made their way to the kitchen. Siobhan laughed and continue to work on her friend’s face.

After a few Pina Coladas and Margaritas, the Uber honked, and they filled out the door. They were deposited in the heart of the small downtown area. The city was a college town. Siobhan always felt the city itself was a contradiction. It was large, but felt like a spread-out town, no the big city it was considered to be by the locals. Not like the actual big cities she was used to back in California. This was the mid-west, a very different walk of life than the one she grew up in. She only stayed here because she got the job at the studio/gallery. It didn’t hurt that Mika and Danielle also stuck around after they graduated.

They headed towards their favorite rum club for a few more cocktails before hitting up one of the clubs. The night was going perfectly, Mika and Siobhan even got Danielle and Milo to join them on the dance floor. Danielle was a bit harder to convince than Milo. Once he saw some creeps trying to separate Mika and Siobhan, he joined them, leaving Danielle little choice but to join in, since she hated being alone. Seeing Milo’s protective side, sent a pang resounding through Siobhan’s heart. She tossed back the rest of the drink she was nursing and focused on the thumping beat of the music, ignoring those irritating little feelings. She actually was doing better with controlling her emotions towards him, it had gotten a lot easier lately, but there were still moments that flared them up.

About half past midnight, they decided they all needed a bit of air.

“My feet are killing me! Why’d I let you talk me into wearing heels?” Danielle whined as they collectively plopped on the downtown square’s benches.

“Ha, it didn’t take much, really,” Siobhan retorted. “The heels are what completed your look.”

“That, and you’re the shortest.” Mika teased.

“Hey!” Danielle squeaked, swaying a bit. Siobhan and Milo chuckled. “Well, whatever, at least Von isn’t wearing her tall heels! Those put you close to Milo’s height!”

“Not quite, I’m still a couple inches taller!” he stated.

“Yeah, we know, Mister 6-Foot-3, maybe,” Siobhan made scrunched up face towards her best friend. He playfully rolled his eyes in response.

“Hey, I have to pee!” Danielle was definitely feeling the effects of all the alcohol from the evening. Not only was she the shortest, but she had the lowest tolerance for alcohol. Siobhan was actually surprised she’d lasted the whole evening.

Milo hummed, looking around. “Looks like the Dueling Pianos is still open.”

“Good,” Danielle jumped up and walked purposefully towards the musical bar, not waiting for her friends to follow.

Once they all were I.D’d, Danielle and Milo headed for the bathrooms.

“I’ll go with her,” Siobhan offered.

“Nah, I got her.” Mika walked fast to catch up with Danielle.

Siobhan found an empty, relatively clean table about halfway between the bar and the stage where the band was back from a small break. Siobhan enjoyed the Dueling Pianos. It had an energy she was drawn to. She generally enjoyed bars more than clubs, but the Dueling Pianos had the perfect balance between the two. She’d already been through her hard clubbing stage, but Mika was barely 21 and wanted to go clubbing. Siobhan would go with her, sometimes to let loose, but mainly to keep her safe. The other two, also enjoyed bars more, though Milo was a few months older than Mika, and Danielle was only 23. All but Mika were introverts. The age difference between Siobhan and her friends was due to the couple years she took off from college before returning at the age of 25. They liked to call her Mom and tease about the age gap. She didn’t mind, she always had friends with large age differences. To her, age was just a social construct once you hit legal age. It also didn’t hurt that she looked younger than both Milo and Danielle.

Her friends found her as the band started Billy Jean, most of the bar goers sang along.

“I’m gonna get us some drinks!” Siobhan shouted over the live music to her friends. They nod an acknowledgment. It took what felt like ten minutes for her to flag down a bartender, the band had already gone through their first song.

“We’re going to need all of your help out there with this one!” one of the pianists said as she started playing Don’t Stop Believing. Siobhan half watched the lead singer Peacock about the stage from her place at the bar.

“What’ll you have?” a raspy voice shouted, pulling her attention back to the bar. She gave she order for the drinks and waited, scanning the room. She noticed a man at the other side of the bar. He had long, angular features that were accentuated by the flashing colored lights from the stage. He had a kind, yet appealing face, with deep set eyes, scruffy beard, and darker hair. The bartender placed two of the drinks on the bar in front of her. That was when she realized she had been starring at him, but what startled her more was that he had been looking at her as well. She broke eye contact and smiled a thanks at the bartender, feeling heat crawl up her throat towards her cheeks. Thankful for the darkness of the bar, she decided to divert her attention to the colorful bottles against the back wall.

The bartender placed the last two drinks in front of her and she began handing him enough cash to cover the bill and a tip, but he raised his hand shook his head.

“You’re covered,” He said simply.

“W-what?” She stuttered.

“Someone said to put whatever you got on his tab,” replied the man, thumbing over his shoulder towards the man she had been staring at earlier. She looked over at his smiling face, surprised. Why would anyone cover my drinks? She internally questioned.

“Hey,” a deep voice dragged her out of her self-deprecating thoughts. She swiveled on her heel, realizing it was Milo. “Thought I’d come and make sure you were alright.”

“Ah, I’m good, but perfect timing, you can help me carry these,” she said smiling up at her friend. She glanced back at the man. His smile had fallen as he watch their interaction. She internally frowned, not liking the sight of the sadness marring his cute face. She nodded a thanks with a smile to him, he raised his glass in acknowledgement. They each grabbed two of the drinks and made their way to the table. Once everyone had their drinks, Siobhan excused herself.

“Where are you going?” Mika asked.

“I have to go say hi to someone,” she said vaguely. She expected them to assume she saw an old coworker from the coffee shop. She gave them a reassuring smile. “I’ll be back, no worries!”

She headed back to the bar; to the far side of the bar. As she approached him, she studied his profile. He really was quite handsome, crestfallen, but handsome.

“Hi,” she said, startling him. He obviously hadn’t seen her approach.

He looked up at her with a slight smile and eyebrows raised. “Hello.” His voice was just as pleasant as his face. She wasn’t sure, but it sounded as if he had an accent.

“Thank you for covering our drinks…” she trailed off, slightly embarrassed that she even decided to go say something to him.

“Hope I didn’t make anything awkward between you and your boyfriend,” he said giving a polite smile. He did have an accent, British, she was sure of it.

“H-he’s not, we’re not – um, I didn’t tell them you paid,” she stuttered. “I don’t have a boyfriend, he’s just my best friend,” she said more solidly.

His smile grew more genuine, “oh, good, well, I mean, you’re welcome.”

She let out a little giggle, causing him to smile more.

“I’m Gwil.”

“Siobhan,” she beamed, stretching out a hand. “Nice to meet you Will.”

“Gwil, actually Gwilym,” He chuckled, annunciating the G. She noticed how much larger his hand was than the one she had offered as he shook it. Soft too. “It’s nice to meet you Siobhan.”

“Oh, sorry!” Her free hand flew up and covered her mouth in mortification. “Gwil. Gwilym,” She tested his name as he released her other hand. After a small pause, she looked him directly in the eyes. “Honestly, I can’t let you cover all of those drinks for me and my friends, I appreciate it, but please allow me to pay you back.” She said, feeling a bit awkward. She never liked when people paid for her.

He scratched at his stubbly chin and smiled, “it’s no trouble, really.” His eyes flicked over her face. She once had been decent at hiding her emotions, but towards her mid-twenties she stopped caring enough in most situations. In this moment, she wished she still had more control over her facial features. “hmm, I’ll think about it. Maybe.” He teased.

“You’ll think about it?” She quirked up her left eyebrow. Gwilym laughed, taking a sip from his glass.

“Care to sit?” his question was simple and innocent. Siobhan was pretty good at reading others’ vibes. There were no inky or unsavory feelings radiating from him. His eyes were earnest and smile was lovely.

“Love to,” she smiled, sliding onto the stool, placing her own drink on the bar. “So, Gwilym, you’re British, yeah?” he hummed to answer. “You’re a long way from home, then.”

He scratched the back of his head and laughed. “Yeah, ‘suppose so, aren’t I?”

“What brought you to this little big city in the middle of America?” she asked genuinely. He looked up at her and her heart fluttered.

“Bit of a long story, really, but the short of it is there was a bit of drama on the plane.”

“Oh, that sucks.” He quirked a smile.

“It’s not too bad, though we were supposed to only be grounded for an hour or so.”

“Seems like you’ve been here longer than that.” Siobhan felt a pull towards him, something she’d barely experience before.

“Hmm,” he nodded, leaning a bit towards her. “They told us our flight was cancelled and the next one scheduled for New York leaves at 11 in the morning.”

“They couldn’t divert to a larger airport?” Though there was an airport in town, it was tiny and had maybe a dozen commercial flights in and out a day. The surrounding large airports were all about three hours away, driving.

“Apparently not,” he shrugged, something about it was adorable. He seemed kind of like both an 80-something year old and a 5-year-old all in one gesture.

“That’s unfortunate,” she gave a sympathetic smile.

“Not all too unfortunate,” He smiled wide at her, causing her to blush. “Alright, Siobhan, what do you do? What brought you out? What’s your darkest secret?” He said brightly.

“Oh, you’re just diving in, aren’t you?” She giggled. He nodded, encouraging her, or maybe it was the alcohol. “I’m an artist and my friends took me out because I landed a solo show at a pretty big gallery,” she said proudly. She didn’t brag about her art, but she was pretty damn proud that they wanted her paintings. His eyebrows shot up.

“That’s amazing! Congratulations!” He beamed at her. She thanked him. His very sincere smile turned mischievous, “And your deepest, darkest secret?”

She laughed, “oh, you’re serious?”

He nodded.

“Hmm,” she contemplated, tapping her finger on her chin, very much aware his eyes were glued to that area. A smile brightened her face, “how about two truths and a lie? But you have to go first.”

He considered the offer, “alright. I’m a Sagittarius, I’ve broken my tail bone twice, and I wish I were Batman.” He feigned a pout. They both laughed. Siobhan considered the options, biting her lip unconsciously, drawing his eye there once again.

“Hmm,” her eyes flicked to his beautiful ones, she wished the lights weren’t colored so she could see what color his were. “You seem like an Aquarius, the other two are truths.”

“How d’you figure?”

“Oh, I can tell by the way you annunciate your ‘g’,” she said deadpan, he looked surprised. Slowly, her smile broke, and she began giggling. He realized she was teasing him and laughed along. “No, I have no clue, but I’m sticking with the lie is you’re a Sagittarius.”

“No luck,” he hummed.

“You wish you were Captain America?” she dramatically plopped her chin in her hand and wiggled her eyebrows.

Giving a hardy laugh, Gwil shook his head. “oh, yes, the man from Bristol dreams to be Captain America.”

Siobhan shrugged, “you never know! Chris Evans is pretty attractive!”

“Yes, he is,” he laughed again.

“Glad we agree on that, So, you broke your tailbone, three times… playing football, or was it rugby?” she gave him a sly smile.

“Neither, I’ve never broken my tailbone. An arm, yes, but that’s it.” He chuckled. “You’re quite terrible at this game, aren’t you?”

“I try to see the best in people,” she offered as an excuse.

“Good quality. Alright, let’s see if I’m any better.”

“Okay. I’ve gone scuba diving, I lit our toaster on fire on my brother’s birthday, and I’m a descendant of Cleopatra.” She smiled at him, with a glint in her eye.

He rubbed at his stubbly cheek, pondering.

He leaned closer to her, look her straight in the eye. “You’ve never been scuba diving.”

Her jaw dropped. “Yeah.” She tipped her head to the side a bit, “how’d you guess? Most people go for the Cleopatra thing, since I clearly bare no resemblance to her.” Siobhan was fair, her skin had a light spattering of freckles, aqua eyes, and her current hair color was auburn.

“You glanced to the side when you mentioned the diving.”

“Are you detective? Should I call you Sherlock?” she teased.

“Not a detective, just happen to know somethings,” he trailed. He was intriguing, but something familiar was nagging at her. She recognized him somehow.

They kept talking and laughing, simply enjoying each other’s company. Their surroundings dissolved, and what was left was a magnetic pull between the two.

The band struck up What’s Up by the 4 Non Blondes.

“Love this song,” Siobhan muttered without realizing, swaying to the beat.

Her comment surprised him, not because of how innocent and out of the blue it was, but because the guitarist had barely strummed 4 notes. “How-?”

She looked up, registering she zoned out to the music. She gave a bashful smile as the bar erupted into song with the band.

“I really like music,” she said simply.

“You are one of the more intriguing persons I’ve met.”

“Hardly,” a blush stole across her features. He looked her directly in the eyes, an emotion she couldn’t read flashed behind them.

“Truly.”

“Alright! We’ve got to settle this, which side of the room is louder?” one of the pianists shouted, still playing What’s Up, gaining the attention of all the patrons. “I think my side is.” She said egging the other pianist.

“Absolutely not! You all are going to beat them!” he bellowed to his side of the room. The energy grew and rippled through the crowd. “Yeah! We’ll show ‘em!”

Their banter went on a bit more, riling up the crowd. Siobhan and Gwilym laughed at the razzing.

“Okay, we’ll prove we’re better,” the female pianist stood up, continuing to pound on the keys of the white grand piano. “You lot are going to follow me! On the chorus I want you to sing at the top of your lungs!”

A great cheer erupted from their side of the room.

“AND I SAID– “she sang with a great passion.

“HEYYY-YEEHHHH-YEEEHHH! I SAID HEY! WHAT’S GOING ON!” Siobhan yelled along with their side, raising her glass. A slow smile stole across Gwilym’s face, eyes on her, as the other side retorted the same lyrics. Siobhan was laughing and cheering, readying for the next volley. She glanced at him with the biggest smile and nudged him, “you gonna join in?”

He nodded and joined in for the rest of the battling between sides. By the time the song finished, they were cracking up, bright eyes directed at each other. She felt her stomach flip, simply looking at him. Somewhere before the song, she’d let down her guard with him. It felt nice. It felt like they’d been the best of friends their whole lives.

“Hey, Von!” a voice cried out, bringing them both back. It was Milo. She forgot she was out with her friends. “They’re closing up.” He said eyeing Gwil, with the other girls in tow. Mika smiled at the Gwilym with a happy curiosity. Danielle, looking like she was ready to climb in bed, looked at the seated two with vague interest.

“Oh, it’s 2 already?” Siobhan said surprised, looking at her phone. There were five texts she completely missed from him. Milo gave a clipped nod. “Ah, Sorry.”

She stood and turned back around to Gwilym, pleasantly surprised at how tall he was. She had guessed he was taller, given the length of his arms, but she didn’t realize he and Milo would stand eye-to-eye. She smiled up at him. “Gwil, these are my friends. Milo, Mika, and Danielle. Guys, Gwilym.”

“Nice to meet you all,” he said pleasantly, nodding to each of them.

Milo looked over him warily. “The Uber is almost here,” he said to Siobhan, looking at the other man.

With a flash of recognition, Danielle’s interest grew a bit, just in time for Milo to usher her and Mika towards the door. Siobhan began to follow her friends to the entrance.

Gwilym snatched Siobhan’s wrist, gently, whirling her around to face him. “Meet me for breakfast.”

Astonishment crossed her face. “Hmm, and if I don’t?” she taunted.

“I’ll be heart-broken.” He flashed her a charming smile, looking into her blue-green eyes.

“I’ll think about it,” she winked. He shook his head, lightly laughing.

“At least, let me give you my number. When you choose a place, call me in the morning,” he smiled knowingly, holding him palm up for her phone.

“Bold of you to assume I want to have breakfast with you,” she teased sliding her phone into his hand. He quickly saved his number, handed it back, and kissed her on the cheek before she could move.

“Fortune favors the bold.” He winked back.

A wave of heat rushed up her face, not completely uncomfortable though.

“Von! The uber is here!” Mika yelled. Siobhan turned and walked to where her friends were summoning her.

As she was about to climb into the car, she stopped and turned back to the tall, handsome man and called, “Expect an early call, Mr. Lee!” Smiling mischievously.

He gaped at her as she shut the door and the car zoomed away. He chuckled to himself. He should’ve known someone would find him out, but he was happy it was her.

#gwilym lee #gwilym lee x reader #gwilym x reader #gwilym x imagine #borhap #borhap boys #fanfic #not a writer #joe mazzello #joe mozzarella #rami malek #ben hardy #cardy b #brian may #freddie mercury #john deacon #queen

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gracelingdesolate · 6 years

Note

Noctin and Konas for all of them ;D

A: Aptitude

1. what are your oc’s natural abilities, things they’ve been doing since young?Noctin: he’s smart and able to figure stuff out p quicklyKonas: determination, if he wants to do something he will do it

2. what activities have they participated in?Noctin: swordfighting, a little bit of how to dress upKonas: weapons training

3. what abilities do they have that they’ve worked for?Noctin: obviously his abilities, but more importantly being understandingKonas: his powers

4. what things are they bad at?Noctin: cookingKonas: swimming

5. what is their most impressive talent?Noctin: his quick thinkingKonas: fire powers

B: Basics

1. what is their hair color?black for both

2. what is their eye color?Noctin: brown, then silver and light blueKonas: red and purple

3. how tall are they?Noctin: 5′2Konas: 5′5

4. how old are they?Noctin: by the end he’s like 16/17Konas: not sure but i’ve been thinking about bumping him up a bit

5. how much do they weigh?Noctin: ~97lbsKonas: ~140lbs

C: Comfort

1. how do they sit in a chair?Noctin: likes to perch but will sit normally for the most partKonas: normal

2. in what position do they sleep?Noctin: fetal positionKonas: back

3. what is their ideal comfort day?Noctin: lazy hanging out with friendsKonas: baking the shit out of himself in the sun, friends are invited

4. what is their major comfort food? why?Noctin: his mom used to make this very good small sweet bread type thing and it’s the only sweet thing he’ll ever eat bc it reminds him of herKonas: meat bc it tastes the best

5. who is the best at comforting them when down?Noctin: anrenKonas: sarín

D: Decoration

1. how would they decorate a house if they had one under their name?Noctin: probably pretty empty tbh other than like the essentials, though he would have some decorative pieces aroundKonas: small house, not conventionally decorated, just stuff he finds neat

2. how would they decorate their child’s room?i have no idea they’re both still really young kjhgfgdkfj

3. how do they decorate their own room?Noctin: books just everywhereKonas: his room’s a damn mess

4. what type of clothes and accessories do they wear?both wear pretty practical clothing and all

5. do they like makeup/nail/beauty trends?Noctin: i can see him being interested in and wanting to try them outKonas: no he thinks they’re a waste of money

E: External Personality

1. does the way they do things portray their internal personality?Noctin: kinda?Konas: good god yes

2. do they do things that conform to the norm?Noctin: yeKonas: sometimes

3. do they follow trends or do their own thing?Noctin: follows trendsKonas: does his own thing

4. are they up-to-date on the internet fads?no internet

5. do they portray their personality intentionally or let people figure it out on their own?both typically portray it intentionally

F: Fun

1. what do they do for fun?Noctin: readsKonas: mock fights with sarín

2. what is their ideal party?both of them would just want a quiet one with close friends/family

3. who would they have the most fun with?Noctin: he and mieron got into so much shit in the huntersKonas: sarín

4. can they have fun while conforming to rules?usually yes for both

5. do they go out a lot?nope for both

G: Gorgeous

1. what is their most attractive external feature?eyes for both

2. what is the most attractive part of their personality?Noctin: kindKonas: sweetheart

3. what benefits come with being their friend?both of them are very very protective of their friends

4. what parts of them do they like and dislike?Noctin: likes his hair, dislikes his eyes for a long timeKonas: likes his build and how strong he is, dislikes his scars

5. what parts of others do they envy?Noctin: brown eyes/being humanKonas: no scars

H: Heat

1. do they rather a hot or cold room?hot for both

2. do they prefer summer or winter?summer for both

3. do they like the snow?no snow in cierro

4. do they have a favorite summer activity?Noctin: swimmingKonas: sunbathing

5. do they have a favorite winter activity?if there was snowNoctin: sleddingKonas: bonfires with hot cocoa

I: In-the-closet

1. what is their sexuality?Noctin: biKonas: pan

2. have they ever questioned their sexuality?nope to both

3. have they ever questioned their gender?Noctin: yeKonas: no

4. would/was their family be okay with them being LGBT?yes for both

5. how long would/did it take for them to come out?Noct came out as trans when he was like really little and neither of them really hid their sexualities

J: Joy

1. what makes them happy?Noctin: peace and quietKonas: training with sarín

2. who makes them happy?Noctin: his friendsKonas: Sarín knows best how to make him happy

3. are there any songs that bring them joy?haven’t figured music out

4. are they happy often?Noctin: he used to be, and he tries to be moreKonas: he tries to be

5. what brings them the most joy in the world?Noctin: being with shiron, chito, and mikaKonas: being with sarín

K: Kill

1. have they ever thought about suicide?yes to both

2. have they ever thought about homicide?both have already killed

3. if they could kill anyone without punishment, would they? who?Noctin: HasceKonas: probably Dier since he’s the leader of the Hunters, tho Hasce later on too

4. who would miss them if they died?Noctin: depending on where in the story either not many people or a good handfulKonas: most of the desolates tbh

5. who would be happy they died, anyone?Noctin: Hasce wouldn’t be complaining, and after the reveal like most of the huntersKonas: a lot of hunters

L: Lemons

1. what is their favorite fruit?Noctin: orangesKonas: apples

2. what is their least favorite fruit?Noctin: cherries are too sweetKonas: oranges

3. are there any foods they hate?Noctin: sweet stuffKonas: fish

4. do they have any food intolerances?nope to both

5. what is their favorite food?Noctin: the sweet thing his mother used to makeKonas: meat sandwiches

M: Maternal

1. would they want a daughter or a son?i don’t think either of them would mind

2. how many children do they want?not sure since they’re both still young

3. would they be a good parent?hopefully

4. what would they name a son? what would they name a daughter?Noctin: if he had a daughter he’d name her Marie after his motherKonas: not sure

5. would they adopt?definitely for both

N: Never Have I Ever

1. what would they never do?Noctin: cut his hair super shortKonas: swim

2. what have they never done that they want to do?Noctin: Finish his medical trainingKonas: fix his fear of dogs

3. is there anything they absolutely can’t believe people do?Noctin: hurt other people intentionallyKonas: hurt kids

4. what is the most embarrassing thing they’ve done?Noctin: probably a training incident gone wrong tbhKonas: accidentally set Sarín on fire

5. have they done anything they thought they’d never do?Noctin: use his powers for playKonas: breathe fire

O: Optimism

1. are they optimistic or pessimistic?both are surprisingly optimistic

2. are they openly optimistic, throwing it on others?Noctin: noKonas: he’s forcefully optimistic for himself and sometimes it gets overbearing on others

3. are they good at giving advice?Noctin: yesKonas: you should take his advice with a grain of salt

4. is there anyone in their life that throws optimism on them?sarín for both

5. were they always optimistic?yes to both

P: Personality

1. what is their best personality trait?Noctin: kindnessKonas: determination

2. what is their worst personality trait?Noctin: quick to anger, little bit of a cowardKonas: can get very narrow minded

3. what of their personality do others love?Noctin: his friendliness before everything went to shit and then after all that people admired his tenacityKonas: he’s very sweet and affectionate once you get to know him

4. what of their personality do others envy?Noctin: he’s still a bit optimistic even after everythingKonas: his drive

5. do they hate anything about their personality/about other’s personalities?Noctin: he feels he’s very weak willed and he hates itKonas: he doesn’t like how short sighted/narrow minded he can get

Q: Questions

1. do they ask for help?Noctin: yes always except for just after he finds out he’s a desolateKonas: not usually if he asks for help it’s bc he really can’t do it

2. do they ask questions in class?yes to both

3. do they answer questions that make them a little uncomfortable?no to both

4. do they ask weird questions?Noctin: yesKonas: no

5. are they curious?yes but noct is definitely moreso

R: Rules

1. do they follow rules?yes to both

2. would they be a strict or laid-back parent?i think both would be more on the strict side

3. have they ever been consequenced for breaking a rule?yes to both, though noct definitely had to deal with worse consequences

4. have they broken any rules they now regret breaking?yes to both

5. do they find any rules they/others follow absolutely ridiculous?yes to both

S: Streets

1. are they street-smart?yes to both

2. would they give money to someone on the streets?noctin would have when he was younger but now it’s no from both

3. have they ever gotten in a fight on the streets?yes to both

4. has anything happened to them on the streets?yes to both

5. are they cautious when out?they both have to be

T: Truth

1. are they honest?Noctin: sometimesKonas: pretty much always

2. can they tell if someone is lying?Noctin: sometimesKonas: usually

3. is it obvious when they’re lying?Noctin: yesKonas: he p much tells the truth so when he lies most people just take it as the truth

4. have they lied about anything they regret lying about?Noctin: oh yea definitelyKonas: yeah he used to lie about how he was doing back when he was recovering and it would make his friends really worried and he feels bad about it so now he tries to tell the truth about how he’s doing physically

5. have they told truths that have been spread against their will?Noctin: we wouldn’t have a story otherwise KJHGJFKonas: yeah

U: Underdog

1. have they been bullied?Noctin: yes lotsKonas: not really

2. have they bullied anyone?Noctin: yeKonas: nobody that didn’t deserve it

3. have they been physically attacked by a bully?Noctin: yesKonas: god no nobody’s that dumb

4. have they ever been doubted?Noctin: constantlyKonas: yes

5. have they surprised people with being good at something?Noctin: people don’t expect him to be good at singingKonas:

V: Vomit

1. do they vomit often?no for both

2. do they get lots of stomach aches?no for both

3. are they good at comforting someone ill?noct is, konas will just be like “damn that sucks”

4. what do they like as far as comfort goes?Noctin: 6580789505845984659685396856 blanketsKonas: quiet

5. do they burp, cough, or hiccup most when nauseous? when vomiting?what the fuckcough??

W: Water

1. do they drink enough water?both try to

2. have they learned to swim?Noctin: yesKonas: no

3. do they like to swim?Noctin: yeKonas: he will literally drown so no

4. can they dive?Noctin: yes but he’s not very good at itKonas: he can sink

5. can they swim without holding their nose?Noctin: yesKonas: noooooooooooo

X: Xylophone

1. what is their favorite genre of music?2. do they have a favorite song?3. do they have a favorite band/artist/singer?i don’t have music figured out

4. can they sing well?Noctin: y e sKonas: ehhhh maybe?

5. can they rap?both could if they wanted to

Y: You

1. how old were you when you created them?Noctin: 14 I think?Konas: 15 or 16

2. what inspired you to create them?Noctin: Graceling!Konas: TPH actually bc it made me realize if noct didn’t have more friends in his world he wasn’t going to make it and also writing sad shit 24/7 is boring if there’s no happiness

3. were they different when they were first created?Noctin: oh god yes he was an adult and the hunters didn’t exist so he was a bounty hunter or something it was wildKonas: not really? he’s gotten more fleshed out but other than that he hasn’t changed much

4. do you enjoy writing them more than other characters?Noctin: depends but usually yeKonas: i’ve enjoyed writing him more as i’ve fleshed him out more and given him like Actual Emotions

5. what’s your favorite thing about them?Noctin: he’s very kind hearted and i’m very happy when it starts to come back out after all the crap that happensKonas: his drive like oh my god he will do anything he sets his mind to i wish i had even an ounce of it

Z: Zebra

1. what’s their favorite animal?Noctin: horsesKonas: borudas

2. do they like animals?Noctin: not particularlyKonas: ye

3. cats or dogs?cats for both

4. what’s their dream pet?Noctin: horseKonas: something cuddly

5. do they have any pets at the moment?nope for both

#that was so long i'm crying #thank you eises!#ask meme #ocs #long post

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kikaromi · 5 years

Text

MM Thoughts -- The Failure to Redeem Rika

Topic: Mystic Messenger -- V’s Route/After Ending + Ray’s Route

For those who don’t know, I have the biggest hate boner for Mystic Messenger’s Rika. And I’d say a good part of that is Cheritz’s attempt to retroactively change Rika so she can garner sympathy from players who’ve actively disliked her like me. The real pinnacle of this is Rika Behind Story, which seeks to replicate why players were more well-receiving of Ray/Saeran by copying the points for why people forgave him onto Rika. But in their haste, Cheritz forgot one thing: context. I’ll go over what I think to be the checklist and whether Rika fulfills these.

Ray was following Rika’s orders

Yes. In Rika’s Behind Story, we find out Mika coerced her into starting Mint Eye and plant a seed of distrust in V.

Ray was forced from one abusive situation to another

Yes and No. Rika’s adoptive parents were yikes, but the RFA loved her and V treated her like royalty (to a fault, but I wouldn’t call that abuse)

When given the chance to change/escape the abusive cycle, Ray openly took it

No, then Yes. In V’s Route/Ray’s Route, Rika doubled down on her beliefs regardless of what was said and specifically in V’s Good End, after 2 years to stew, she tried to restart Mint Eye again by spiking the drinks at the party.

Come V’s After Ending, in the Forgive Ending, she now decides to change her ways, starting with calling out the Prime Minister

Now for how I thought they failed on all three (with bits of context for how it worked with Ray/Saeran). Under Read More because it’s a long one.

Following Orders This point is where context makes all the difference. In Rika’s case, though Mika goes through lengths to convince Rika into creating Mint Eye, at the end of the day? Rika chose to follow through with this, despite several chances to turn back. Really, all it took was seeing fear made her mother back down and Mika’s goading for Rika to adopt these crazy beliefs, start a cult, blind her once-lover, subjugate her friend’s younger brother, and then force her beliefs on these same friends by trying to draw them into her cult?

At any of these points, Rika could’ve considered the implications of what she was doing, yet she chose not to. She was content to keep doubling down on this nonsense path because “Mika told her to do it”. Whatever you say, game.

Ray, meanwhile never had a choice. Ray didn’t first believe in Rika’s rhetoric until she took the poor kid into a basement and drugged him repeatedly so he’d be forced to convert. And any time you see Ray begin to crack, she'll reinforce how he’ll be useless/the world outside will shun him/she care about him oh so much/what have you and makes him to take a drug Rika herself says, “allows me to control people more easily.”

There was no chance for Ray to reconsider his actions when the lady who forced him to be dependent on her quickly stamps out any transgressions by any means necessary. Context matters.

Abusive Environments This one's fault lies within the two’s current environments. At first, Rika was definitely in an abusive environment: her mother was a bitch, the pastor her mom hired to exorcise her sexually abused her, it was one big ball of yikes. I won’t handwave that. Where the trouble comes is when Rika moved away from her parents, her environment was everything but abusive. She had a successful business, a loving partner, several friends who adored her, and a child who saw her as a surrogate mother (Ray himself).

Am I arguing that abuse from the past can’t come to haunt you? Absolutely not; I’m sure the trauma from her past definitely played a part for why she rebelled so strongly against a clearly happy life. I can relate to the feeling of thinking that you don’t feel worthy of living so comfortably despite others giving you unconditional support. But that doesn’t change that she found a happy life which she tore down in favor of creating her cult, Mint Eye. Now in Mint Eye Rika was living it up by being able to play the Savior who would be “helping others through their pain”. Still no abusive environment here.

So what about Ray? Same starting point sort of: Ray did have a loving brother, but they were under the thumb of a mother who lived in a constant state of fear and paranoia which he took out on them. And boy howdy does that mother get her mileage: tells him he’s garbage, starves him, ties him up for being bad... Their mother’s best described in one word: yikes. Though there is a ray (badum tss) of hope for him and Saeyoung-- through Saeyoung befriending Rika and V, the two get the hell outta that domicile. Things look like they’re a net plus for Ray... until Rika tears that shit down.

Some years/months before the game starts (the timeline for this even is honestly confusing but regardless), Ray is taken by Rika to live in Mint Eye. While living in Mint Eye, he’s Rika’s hacking slave who suffers a fresh new slice of abuse. Rika spouts near the same rhetoric as his mother (you’re not worth living unless you’re useful, the world will offer you no kindness, etc.) and has him routinely take her magic koolaid which is physically harmful to the body. He’s also forced to believe that what Rika considers his weak half is another personality, Ray, and the strong him is his real self, Saeran. So abusive environment? Check. Good job, Rika. You goofed it.

Taking Change Rika? Change? Before V’s After Ending retconned her, that’s a big nope. First, V’s Route by itself (as AE was written much after the fact). When you and V escape Mint Eye thanks to Seven’s help, Rika’s views begin to be challenged. V is going along with her delusions anymore, the MC wasn’t having her nonsense from the start, and the RFA sloooowly turns against her too. Seeing the people she’s come to love turn against her because of her radical views, this is a perfect chance for Rika to reflect: Why is everyone turning their back on me? Are my methods actually wrong? Am I as bad as they’re saying I am?. I can buy at first she’d like to double down because admitting your 2-years-strong philosophy is wrong isn’t easily done, plus the woman’s naturally stubborn. And then she blows up the apartment.

After she fakes her death (again), the game says that another two years goes by. In other words, Rika has two whole years to consider what’s happened. She’s got all this time to herself to reflect and come to the conclusion that what she did was wrong and resolve to change. Cut to the party, and what does she do? She gives her beliefs another go. She tries to give the guests spiked drinks, is caught, and then tries to browbeat Yoosung when he catches her. Rika is clearly not sorry at all. She still thinks she’s right, so that time to reflect? Worthless.

Ray’s Route is a similar case. Saeran realizes the abuse he’s thrown at the MC is verbatim what he mom told him, causing him to reflect. And by the time his route’s about to end, he resolve to escape this abusive cycle with a little support from you (and a lesser extent V) and presents what he’s learned to Rika’s front door. Saeran tells Rika that what she’s doing with Mint Eye’s believers is her parroting what her parents did to her. And he’s right: we see her repeat her mother’s words verbatim, a realization which does dawn upon her. She then tries to goad Saeran to forgive her and come back, Saeran rejects her, and you see her reconsider her actions... for all of 5 seconds. Then she goes right back to “I was right”, “what I did was love”, and V condones it.

There was a legitimate chance for Rika to finally reflect and give me reason to go “Least she recognized she was wrong”, alas nope.

Then there’s V’s After Ending, which just doesn’t deliver on this. For most of the AE, the only impression I got was Rika felt “sorry” because she lost. I don’t see someone who feels remorse, but someone who thinks herself to be the tragic villain that’ll soak up all the hurt feelings because “I deserve it”. The only time she she shows active, genuine remorse is the Forgive Ending, but that’s the problem. To get Rika to realize she’s wrong, the player has to already forgive Rika’s actions first.

Was it so wrong to expect Rika to actively try and earn her forgiveness, and then let the player decide whether they'd accept it or throw it out? The message the AE was shooting for would be a lot less contrived if so. As the AE is now, it reads as “thou must forgive Rika first before you can earn her redemption”. Not the logical reverse.

Summary: MM tried to redeem Rika by taking beats from what they did with Saeran, yet failed to deliver because of context and expecting players to make the leap first.

#ram;; Rika's Forgiveness Failure

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owarinoseraphimagine-blog · 8 years

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Oh, I just thought of one! What would be each member of the Shinoa's squad's reaction to acknowledging Mika's need for affection? Would they give it to him? (Mika needs more love >.>)

Ohh, this one’s very sweet!! And yes, Mika needs all the love in the world!! My son

Yuu:

-doesn’t notice it at first tbh because he’s still lowkey overwhelmed by the fact that Mika’s actually with his squad and everyone accepts him just like that

-one day he just randomly goes up to Mika after something really great happened and he just hugs him out of pure happiness

-when Mika doesn’t let go he’s a bit confused at first but then realizes that Mika has been going through an unhealthy lack of affection lately

-more hugs incoming

-more physical contact anyway like small pats on the shoulder and leaning onto him, just to show that he’s still loved no matter what he thinks of himself

Yoichi:

-this is cinnamon roll #1 that we’re talking about when he sees someone looking a bit gloomy, he will go up to them and ask if everything is alright

-Mika might not make it obvious but Yoichi notices what’s wrong pretty easily and carefully asks if it’s alright if he hugs him

-if consent is given, the snuggling will start

-let’s face it, everyone needs a Yoichi in their lives

-he takes good care of Mika’s need for affection and will hug him when he sees that he’s looking worse than what he’s used to, might go a bit overboard but he really means well

Kimizuki:

-he’s not stupid and notices it immediately but doesn’t bring it up until they’re somewhere quiet or are not around too many other people so Mika doesn’t get uncomfortable

-he bluntly asks if anything is bothering him but then quickly figures out that Mika isn’t getting enough affection

-will inform everyone else about it later on so that the squad will unite and make sure that Mika feels loved and appreciated

-“Well, you know, if it really comes down to it, you can just come talk to me when you’re feeling down”

-he’s not one for physical affection, but he will definitely be there when Mika needs someone to talk to

-all in all just really great emotional support from him, 10/10

Shinoa:

-notices rather quickly but isn’t all too sure how to bring this up casually because it seems like a personal topic

-at some point she will ask if he’s feeling uncomfortable around her and the others or anything

-when she sees him looking gloomy, she’ll most likely talk to him and might even try to go in for a hug at some point if that has been going on for a while since she knows that Mika would be overwhelmed otherwise

-reassurance from her as well, she’s a combination of both physical affection and someone to talk to if necessary

-will tell the others about it as well, will start by telling Yuu though since he’s the one Mika’s most comfortable with

Mitsuba:

-realizes it one day after Yoichi hugged Yuu or something and sees that Mika looks like he’s left out

-she’s not good with approaching people like this so she might carefully ask what’s wrong later on

-“I’ve noticed that you’ve been acting strange lately, is something wrong? Y-You don’t have to tell me, if you don’t want to!!”

-when the truth is somewhat out then she’ll go into mom modeTM instantly and, much like Kimizuki, will inform the others about it later on

-when it has gotten to the stage where they’re more comfortable around each other, she’ll start by occasionally putting her hand on his shoulder and then later on hugs him

-of course that can’t be without her hesitating because she’s really unsure if what she’s doing is even helping at all

#owari no serafu #owari no seraph #seraph of the end #owari no seraph imagine #shiho kimizuki #yuichiro hyakuya #mikaela hyakuya #shinoa hiiragi #mitsuba sangu #yoichi saotome

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theboythefallout · 8 years

Text

Day Te; 9:30 PM

@postapocalypticpromqueen

A wave of guilt rushed over Peyton as he watched the two men walk by. With Mika’s hand still grasping onto his, a continuous wave of calmness washed over him. He wanted to turn around and apologize, at least say thank you. He was shaking with adrenaline, but her hand seemed to help house the restless energy. The only gesture he could think of was a simple yet meaningful hand squeeze.

....

During their resting period, Peyton had shared the story of the hand squeeze with Mika. The two sat against the wall that the bed rested on. Night was approaching and tomorrow they’d have to wake up and start their new journey. The entire day was filled with laughter and smiles, but with the good came the bad. Sometimes that bad came scary. They were both scared. Who wouldn’t be. As the night continued to approach, so did the silence. It wasn’t the greatest feeling in the world, but eventually one of them would fall asleep. This left the other with only the other’s breath to keep them company. And in Mika’s case, she was left with Peyton’s snore, it wasn’t bad, just enough to give away that he’d fallen asleep. “It wasn’t bad” was his definition, he’d never heard it himself. As the two lingered in silence, waiting for sleep or the other’s breath to greet them Peyton reached out for Mika’s hand, holding it up to their faces. Turning to her, he held the biggest grin on his face.

“You know, legend has it, that if you hold someone’s hand while you’re sleeping... You won’t have bad dreams.”

His cheeks grew a slight shade of red as he watched Mika’s sleepy grin grow. She was almost asleep and he had ruined it, but it was worth it to see that smile.

“Okay okay. You got me. It doesn’t always work. But it helped me a lot, ya know. Growing up I had a horrible problem with nightmares, so I usually ran to my mom’s room to sleep. That’s where I learned the legend of the hand holding. Eventually, I had to face the sad truth that it didn’t always work. But no matter what, I woke up with her hand in mine... I don’t know how she did it.”

Peyton paused, getting choked up from the story, he took a few seconds to try and compose himself, tears rising to the outer layer of his eyes. He let out a forced giggle, trying to break tension before continuing.

“I don’t know how she did it... But every time. Every single time. When I woke up from one of those nightmares, my hand in hers... I’d squeeze it.

I can’t remember a night where she didn’t squeeze back. I’d squeeze it as hard as I could, sometimes so light just to test her, but Every. Single. Time. I’d get a squeeze back.”

Peyton knew their had to be moments where she didn’t squeeze back, but his brain had forgot those moments, making his mom out to be the hero that he knew she was. Peyton forced another quick laugh as Mika wiped away one of the tears.

“Random story. I know. But I think it’s pretty important we’re doing all we can to prevent these nightmares, ya know?”

Peyton was smile stretched as far as his face would let him, tears still forming. Still holding onto her hand, Peyton leaned in and gently kissed the top of Mika’s forehead, giving her hand a tight squeeze while doing so.

“At the least... If you wake up, I’m a hand squeeze away.”

....

It wasn’t much, the hand squeeze, but by this time in their relationship it was one of the more meaningful things he could give her. As they continued walking towards what felt like nothingness, a loud scream rang throughout the flat ground. If they weren’t so close to the source, it would’ve been impossible to track the location. Peyton’s head whipped around as he felt Mika place her hand on his arm. They were really getting good at this physical signals thing. It was obvious to Peyton that Mika wanted...needed to find out more, like she was connected to this scream. She found the scream before Peyton did, the source underneath a tarp. Fine. We can go look. But I’m leading. Peyton kept her directly behind him. Almost insisting her chest be against his back. Eventually the man emerged and Mika continued her connection. Peyton’s protectiveness was practically screaming as Mika approached the man alone, but even he knew she could handle herself if she needed to... Plus he was a few inches behind, just in case.

As the man retreated back into the shadows of his home made of tarps, Mika came back to Peyton’s side and began leading them back on their path. She responded with such a Mika answer, trying to brush it all off with Hollywood and Coffee Jokes. Peyton normally would laugh, calling her out on it, but this was a very intense moment. Especially given the fact that the man’s ramblings had some words of interest. Peyton decided he would attempt to drop it, for now.

Hours seemed to pass as the two continued walking through the sandy deserted land. Realistically it had only been about thirty minutes, maybe two and half, three miles. They had made it out of the main “town” at least the commerce area and had entered the “suburbs” if you will. By that, the occasional tent or shack could be seen off in the distance. Almost every single one of the tents or huts had a fire going and a group of people surrounding it. Peyton pointed it out to Mika after they had passed enough of them.

“I think entire families live in those huts... We’ve passed like five of them and every one has the same general vibe. Seven or eight people surrounded by a fire, with no sign of any other buildings within a couple hundred yards... Most of them have children so worst case we can assume they’d be kind enough to house us. No guarantee, just thinking ahead.”

Peyton’s head dropped slightly after he finished his thought about the camps having children around. He had never told her the story of his time with Sata or any parts of that intense night... This place had already changed Peyton. Not a week ago, he woke up from a fit of rage covered in blood. How many of those men were still breathing? How many of them were dead? The only one that mattered was Sata. Peyton walked out of that old hotel beaten, battered, and a killer. But somehow, that title wasn’t at the forefront of his brain. Survival had taken over, the need to live was the new logic. If killing meant living, then it was no longer something he should be worried about... But would Mika? Would Mika think differently of him for his actions? For getting a kid killed?

“...You know. The night before we found each other. Not the first time, I was safe in bed that night. The second time... And I wanna preface this with I know something happened to you too and I’m not in anyway asking you to talk or to tell me anything more, okay?”

He gave her hand another squeeze.

“I was in this big cage... Full of other people, slaves I guess. Most of them huddled together for warmth, but I was too scared and pissed off that you had been taken to deal with any of that. I sat there all night, staring off into the nothingness through a gate. A gate separated me and you, that’s what I thought anyways. I wanted to climb it so bad, but I just kept telling myself that they’d bring you back out here. If I left...What if you got brought back, ya know? The night went on... I was losing hope. Then out of no where. This kid, couldn’t have been ten or eleven. Twelve max. He walked up to the gate and got my attention. He called me “Pup”. Apparently that’s what the slaves were to the locals. Like a dog lot I guess. He convinced me to leave. Claimed he’d help me out if I helped him out. Honestly, I wanted to go. I just needed a push... He gave me one. We snuck out and we uh.. We went on this hunt for a digital picture frame. Had some kind of picture of his family on it. It’d been taken by a salvage junk run from some of the higher ups around the area I guess. So he had tracked it down to this old abandoned hotel. And we covertly made our way in and believe it or not we found it...”

Peyton stalled. A dead stop. He hadn’t cared about any of his actions that night until this moment. He killed men. Taken life. Lost a life he was protecting. He could see Sata’s lifeless body hanging in his arms. He could feel Mika’s body in his arms. Would she be lifeless because of him one day? His eyes began to dart as he started to grow short of breath. Gasping in and out it was hard for him to hide the fact that he was having a panic attack. He let go of her hand and took a few steps in a circle, trying to catch himself, trying to hide it. Must’ve been obvious for Mika to see, but he was doing his damnedest to throw her off. Forcing himself to take a knee on the ground he stared mindlessly into the distance... As Mika rushed to his side, he seemed to be lost. His eyes just gazing into the nothingness... Only it wasn’t nothingness this time. It was the Trading Lot they’d been trying to get to all night. Hopefully a source of information for the next step of their journey in getting out of this place. Peyton hadn’t technically comprehended what he was looking at exactly, but maybe it was enough to cause less worry for Mika.

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