#:/: int. reignoctis

[clippedwingsmuses]

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it's been some time since twilight actually went to see princess luna. it's been too quiet in the castle, and even her own dreams have been silent. she's been alone in her head. it's not something that she's used to. she needs a way to break the silence.

as she walks up the steps leading to castle in canterlot, there is one pony that she is hoping to find, wherever she may be. she never had enough time to speak with the princess of the night when the world wasn't ending. so many curious thoughts tended to flood her head in the princess's presence, although many things she dare not mention lest she risk offending the mare.

perhaps today she was willing to take the risk, to abate some of her unbearable curiosity?

she pushes open the doors to the throne room with her magic, a room that she herself rarely frequents. it was always the first place she looked when searching for any of the princesses. the fuchsia glow of her horn fizzles out as she partially closes the doors to the room, knowing well that she will leave quickly if she does not find the princess here.

the stained glass paintings reflected the light of the moon outside, bathing the massive room in a pale blue glow that darkened the purple shades of her coat and mane. with the glow of the night, she was certain luna would be awake. she hoped she wasn't interrupting the mare's work at this time.

" princess luna? " she calls out, her voice barely echoing across the walls. her head wanders while her hooves bring her forth a few paces. the mare does not sit upon any of the thrones before her. twilight pauses. she shakes her head.

she turns back to the door, prepared to leave at once to continue her search.

[clippedwingsmuses]

twilight half feels her nerve break at the shift in the queen's tone, as if she was suddenly forced back into the conversation. had she really been so out of it by the time words finished spilling from her running mouth? perhaps her sense of awareness had begun to plummet. her inability to split the difference between thought and speech was surely obvious. her jaw moves, teeth parting to open her tinted lips. they clack together and silence her before they do. half-lidded eyes seem to stare through the tablecloth, the table, the floor.

a moment of contemplation passes. her lips open, eyes shut, snout tilted toward the ceiling. she inhales. her head tilts down, parallel to the table, eyes catching the queen's. her voice carries a sense of longing when she lets her thoughts be said outloud.

" even with the council of friendship's meetings... i do miss the early days of our friendship. when all of equestria didn't know our names, " twilight muses, drawing circles with a hoof on the table. " i know i would enjoy the peace with them alone but, i feel as though it would be dishonest of me to fade into the background. to... hide. "

twilight shakes her head as she lifts it. she didn't like being recognized, but... it was as luna had said; ponies should be able to see her as a mare, not a princess or empress. a friend. more than the role she had been given, and taken on. how could she form that opinion if she only ever worked? golden clad hoof sorts through the pages in her notepad. her quill pens a title for this newest section as it had the former. it seems to write of its own accord as she speaks, following luna's recollection of memory.

" that was different. you deserved—and still do deserve—to be seen as 'luna' and not 'nightmare'. " she flinches, uncomfortable herself saying the name. she quickly continues before the topic has room to change. " i wasn't born of trauma, or, um... raw emotion, i suppose. i was just a mare, and then... "

she was born as the element of magic. she grew to be the princess of friendship. she was elected to be the equestrian empress... with the destruction of the elements the six of them had reawakened, the tree that gave them their magic... one could say they were now then the nurturers of harmony. to her own endeavors, to equestria's continued future... she and her friends were more than just friends, more than just their elements... they were everything.

" ...pinkie would be better suited as an icon of friendship, and it's for that exact reason, " twilight's ears stood upright. hooves twitched, pins and needles in her skin. " there's not a pony or creature around who she doesn't consider a friend. isn't... that what the icon of friendship is supposed to be..? "

" ...nevermind. i suppose i really am overthinking it... what if's and what could've been's don't serve to change the situation. " twilight takes a breath. another finished cup has lukewarm glass from her hooves holding it so often. " i really do need a break, don't i... i've been so busy since she's been gone, it seems the memorial is the only place i acknowledge the passage of time. "

she debates filling her glass again. the food she's left untouched has already begun to grow cold. it is unpleasant to pick up at all. it's difficult for her to finish it, but wasting it isn't a great feeling either. she decides she need not another drink if she's going to stand up soon anyways. at least she isn't working on an empty stomach. her energy will quickly replenish.

" but, luna, are you sure you could handle things if i wasn't here? " twilight's ears perk, some life returning to her coat and eyes again. " i could put together an agenda of things to do, but i'd have to get in touch with some of my associates to see what i can reasonably postpone or pass down. "

the empress looks absolutely miserable and luna hates it. was this what her sister intended for the young mare? to be sentenced to such a life because of some supposed destiny? it wasn't fair and it was unacceptable. equestria needed harmony to function - she doesn't want to find out what happens if that harmony is broken again because one of the nation's leaders can't be happy. the princess of friendship with no friends might as well be a pegasus with no wings.

that has to change. maybe once they finally put celestia to rest properly, twilight could move on and find that spark again. luna downs a carafe of coffee, effectively pushing off sleep for a few more hours. the sun warms her back, seeping into her feathers, wrapping around her in so familiar a grasp her throat tightens.

"well that just won't do," she states bluntly. no room for arguing. luna might still struggle socially after all these years, moreso with loss, but surely she could figure out some way to get twilight that space to relax. "this weekend-" ears pin and feathers fluff at horrid sound. hm. perhaps they should postpone working on celestia's memorial so the poor purple mare could get some rest. before something was broken. luna has to force her jaw to unclench before she can continue. "this weekend, you will go to ponyville. you will leave all your duties to me. invite cadance should you wish."

sea green eyes fix on the younger as if they spoke of battle plans not days off. "but you will go see your friends. i can teach you how to disguise yourself if you don't want to be noticed. or there are spells to make others look over you as though you weren't even there." celestia and her had matching personas, of course. sunny and starry skies when they wanted to go out without crowns.

her voice softens. "they miss you. i don't need to look into their dreams to see that." ponies lives were so brief so short who knew how long twilight's friends had. "my sister did not send you there so you could end up not having any friends at all. we are social creatures regardless of rank. let ponies see you as you are. they should know you up close. the more you walk among them, the more they see you as just a mare. not a princess or an empress. a friend."

she suddenly smiles and shoves three more pancakes in her mouth, cheeks stuffed until she can chew enough to swallow. "do you remember when you taught me about fun? you took off the mask of nightmare so i could be seen. ponyville forgot who i was when i showed them i was just like them. i like games and playing pranks and eating popcorn."

a poor icon she is. a bad example. dark hoof props up her chin to keep those words safe in her mouth. "maybe don't think of it as a role? you are magic. you are friendship. if you don't overthink it too much, it might come naturally." luna blinks, head tilting in confusion. clearly she was missing information on pinkie pie. "how would you follow in her hoofsteps? i'm not sure her approach really...fits you. or at least i've never seen you flit about like she does, never knowing the meaning of 'stranger.'"

[clippedwingsmuses]

twilight brushes back her mane with a hoof, the top flattened against her coat, a seemingly permanent mark of where the crown often sat atop her head. not born with a crown... the empress found it was hard to believe she wasn't. her magic engulfs several of the items strewn across the long table, those which sat at her side. she thinks about that phrase as she does so, even if it would be easier to avoid returning to a depressing topic.

the engraving of her cutie mark within the tree of harmony before its destruction, was that not proof that this was a role she was meant to carry? that she was 'born' into?

" i don't really have the option to be casual. to do normal things friends do and let go of the formalities, " twilight vacillated. " play games, take care of pets as a group, watch movies and plays, or maybe even participate in them, or... sit around having a picnic, talking about who knows what. i suppose i yearn for the simple things. " the mare blinks. she clears her throat and pats her chest a few times. " i-i mean, even when i've been given the space to do those things, they haven't lasted very long. the few times cadance has visited ponyville have always ended in us solving some crisis, heh... my time organizing the library alone or in company has been interrupted more times than the books within it. you can only organize a shelf so many times before y— "

twilight winces harshly when her fork drags along the porcelain. she lifts the silverware what seems like a milisecond after it screechs. the scratching of metal on ceramic makes her coat stand on its ends. she quickly flushes. she lifts a pitcher atop the table, drinking from the glass she pours its contents into. after the cold washes away the discomfort and the food from her fork, her tongue travels the inside of her cheek as she ponders how to continue the conversation. her thoughts fight to come back together while the embarassment settles and dissipates.

" well, um, the title of the princess of friendship made it all seem so... professional, " twilight says, lifting up a wing in a sort of salute and putting on her best imitation of a certain family member for the last word. she then shrugs, eyes and wing drooping. " how are you supposed to be a 'friend' as well as a... well, a 'celebrity'? "

she shifts, pulling her tail out from beneath while her hooves make air quotes. her tail brushes across the floor, and then stills. it was much more comfortable this way. her fork wanders across the syrup trails in her plate with a triangle of pastry, and so too do her eyes and thoughts wander. they wander between acknowledging what she's doing, what the queen is doing across from her, how the room looks bathed in shadows of the inside and outside, how the food and the tablecloth is dyed in pink and purple and yellow and blue gleams from the stained glass... and what she said moments prior to her silence.

the empress sighs tiredly, for more reasons than just her lack of sleep. she finishes her drink before she speaks again. " i used to wonder what friendship could be. now, here i am the icon of it. " her magic pushes her more than half-empty plate ahead of her. her hooves cross over eachother on the table edge. her head rests atop them, and her hindlegs kick back and forth in opposite rhythms. " it seems like it would be easier to play my role if i really did follow in pinkie's hoofsteps... maybe i should work on creating some nicknames for the ponies i know..? " twilight felt like bringing out her notepad again, but she wasn't sure where to start if she followed that thought process.

luna makes a mental note to slip lavender into twilight's tea before bed. she clearly needs sleep, the poor thing could very well be verging on deprivation hallucinations. even alicorns needed rest, much as they might try to ignore it. after a certain point of staying up celestia would get all giggly and treat everyone around her as if they were foals. somewhere there must be several pictures of her near crushing staff laying on them like a giant bird would chicks.

she quickly rejects any fleeting notion of twilight being afraid of her. a foolish notion when they had never done anything more than verbally disagree as anyone would. maybe she'd raised her voice a few times, coat bleeding to black, but no threat had ever been made. nightmare remains tightly locked in the recesses of her mind - far quieter now with sister gone.

her own regalia sits left in her room. the look on younger mare's face, that faintest gleam of something warm, is worth the past hours mourning all over again. luna snorts and tosses her head in a primal equine display of disdain. "you look lovely in a crown, but if it is not something you were born wearing then you can take it off." no one could look at twilight's wings and forget who she was, even years ago. rarity had no right to push that on her.

"if you speak with someone of no familiarity or one who came to you for something only a ruler can give, be formal. though...i was always fond of messing with politicians so what do i know?" luna shrugs her wings. there was a reason she didn't do much public facing work. "yet you are friendship, so i dare say you can be less formal as you please."

there might have been more she wanted to say but fruit, honey, warm butter and all such familiar scents take any hint of it from her thoughts. luna's irregularly timed meals were taken alone more often than not with no company to be had. the table is laid out for two with more pancakes, biscuits and food she can't immediately identify than even two alicorns could eat.

a challenge then, she decides, longer legs easily closing the distance to overtake twilight to a chair. several of the pancakes have honey drizzled wings on plates or banana slice horns. when was the last time she ate? luna can't remember, flopping into her seat with no grace. everything could wait until after breakfast. she promptly catches several plates and cups in white magic and shoves the contents in her mouth.

[clippedwingsmuses]

twilight startles at the sound of the queen's shaking body. archons above, everything makes her jump when little sleep overpowers every sensation!! or, was it her anxiety making her so quick to startle? when did her anxiety begin to permeate her every thought? it was annoying.

she almost regrets this journey. however, she had come to find that she was more blunt when her consciousness could not quite institute hesitance. it made speaking with the queen easier sometimes.

betwixt her torrent of thoughts, she watches as the queen's horn illuminates in brilliant blue, and hooves lift to step over the shed feathers. twilight blinks. once. twice. she shakes her head and keeps walking. she glances back as the feathers are quickly swept away. the carpet is clear again, but the imagery of feathers attaches to twilight's eyes like sunspots. she spaces out.

" ah-? " the queen's voice is transmitted to her ears, which quickly lift like newly invigorated flowers. violet eyes glimmer at the smile upon luna's face. it is a shine of its own despite the bags and tear tracks along the mare's face. twilight struggles to guess whether it is blinding nostalgia or yearning that allows her to feel a brief warmth of comfort through her bulk from that smile.

" s-sorry, i'm too used to wearing it now it seems. i used to hate it, but i guess the years and rarity's insistence have changed my mind... " twilight says with the faintest tinge of a laugh, though her face lacks the same smile the queen bore.

she lifts her crown with a hoof. it hangs limply over her hoof, and she stares at its shine. truthfully, she thinks as her magic transports the crown home, she no longer felt the weight atop her head as much as she felt it elsewhere.

she lifts her head. " i guess i can't keep myself in a business mindset all the time. despite how hard i try, hah. " she shakes her head. " it's difficult to remember when and where formality is needed. the line blurs so often these days it... "

twilight trails off. the dining hall doors open in front of her, and the scents hitting her muzzle are what make her head shoot back up and her body straighten. instantly, her prior conversation topic is buried and forgotten. she hadn't actually settled down to eat with anypony in the hall of this castle in decades. or at least, it felt that way. time seemed to go so slowly these days. but the clatter of hooves and the scent of breakfast rooted her in the present.

on the long table ahead of her, the colourful shine of the stained glass made everything look even more beautiful. it made the food look even nicer too, as it was settled on the white cloth before them. it was with a swish of her tail and flutter of her wings that she trotted to the table, her worries seemingly dissipating as her crown had before. actually, everything seemed to fade as the hunger pangs became like that of timber wolves clawing at her.

what was it about wanting to just drink coffee earlier, twilight..?

luna watches the younger out of the corner of her eye. the horridly maintained feathers, the hair rarity might keel over looking at. she'd heard how the unicorn had screamed at the state of twilight's mane after rainbow had put her hoof ( wing? ) in it. not for the first time, her hair being so incorporeal is a blessing. it still holds weight, temperature, ponies had told her it was cool to the touch and heavier than mere mist but it couldn't tangle. her own wings could use a good preen, likely some oil as well.

her ears twitch back. stars, they were quite a disastrous pair weren't they, celestia? the alicorn actually pauses to assess herself. cold tense muscles ache as if she hadn't moved in days - which she might not have, having spent far too long in bed, neglecting the dream realm. rainbow stained white bleached joints grind together in anticipation of remembering too long banishment. hooves are sore now that she pays attention to them, also in need of maintenence. her face feels clumpy with dried tears. all in all, a sensory nightmare.

queen gives a full body shake, ruffling feathers and sending several floating to the floor along with a dusting of fur. she looks at the shed with a level of disgust. that wouldn't do. luna's horn lit up again to send several more messages. surely two rulers could multitask while taking care of themselves. normally, she ensures her own physical maintenence, but it's clear she's been slacking on that end as has twilight. someone else could do all that work for them. what was the point of being reigning alicorns if they couldn't have an impromptu spa day? she tells herself, sternly, that celestia would approve. would loathe to see them like this.

"oh, put that away." luna gestures to the crown with long horn and just the barest hint of a smile, of a rebellious playful younger sister. "if anypony needs that crown to know who you are then I question where they've been. this is your home too, twilight sparkle, and I know how heavy it is. give your head a break."

she drifts back to walk beside the purple mare. affection is clear as the stars in her eyes, worry too, despite the bags under them. "I appreciate the conversation. isn't that what friends are for? you never need worry about being formal around me." a quick nod dismisses the guards entirely. no reason to watch the throne room with no one in it. luna's hind legs drag in an exagerrated stretch.

whether or not she in fact blinks and finds them at the dining hall, she's not sure. twilight stayed up and it's her normal bed time. luna tosses her mane and shoulders the door open to the smell of melted butter. "I hope you like pancakes with faces on them. we can eat and continue our task from there."

[clippedwingsmuses]

twilight was still struggling to comprehend the muddled state of the queen. in the darkness of the throne room, the dreams she had held with the queen resurfaced. in the world of nightmares and pacific phantasms, she looked nothing like this. but, she had looked like this for decades. how then was the empress so unused to the sight? it wasn't as if she looked any better. but, she had long discarded mirrors, and the luminous prisms that made up the empty hallways of her cutiemark shaped castle. the carpet that covered the mirrors she walked along was not nearly so reflective—none at all in fact—serving the same purpose that the carpets of canterlot's expanding rooms and staircases had; to protect her from her reflection. she supposed luna felt similar feelings, if not for the way her figure mirrored off the tinted glass when she approached it before.

though, she wasn't focused on her reflection when she had levitated off the floor. twilight supposed when she had spoken to the queen in the times past, she had been too in tune to the conversation to take in the broken mare who conversed with her.

...twilight half wondered what visions plundered the thoughts of the yellow pegasus, when she became a topic once more. but, 'twas none of her concern, and she didn't like being so invasive. she had already learned her lesson through starlight's many episodes. it would not be worth the energy to risk being an annoyance to any one of her friends again.

she lifts her head as luna speaks again, attempting to form a rebuttal against twilight's disregard for the amount of sleep she required. the queen spoke again before she had the opportunity to open her mouth. still, she agreed with the mare; an argument now would not be worth the energy. twilight didn't like having to argue with others, and in luna's state... she did not want to aggravate her any further. not when they've already been at odds in the last decades to begin with.

a stillness that she had not seen for even the years anteriorly of the war was something that she... often only dreamed about. momentarily, she wondered if luna had ever seen such fantasies of hers.

the mare seems to propel the empress's fears of failure into the fading darkness. " of course, " twilight murmured, hesitance in her tone. she swallows what feels like a rock in her windpipe. she hoped that her atychiphobia would disappear with it and the fading blackness.

being a ruling body did not give her a safe space to self-medicate—as if that had worked so well in the past anyways—not when her reservations ran so deep. but she cleared her throat and lifted her head. though she doubted her own abilities, she did not want to make it appear as if she doubted the queen of the night. luna had rarely failed her before, and she had rarely failed equestria. this would not be a failure. they would have eachother. they would have others.

this wasn't like a battle they had to carry out alone.

" ah- right, " twilight leapt to her hooves to follow luna. her horn sparkles as her notepad and quill fade into nothingness, dissipating into her pocket dimension. her unpreparedness for the morning was evident, as she tightened the gold that pinned her coat to her skin, and lifted her crown, if only to attempt to straighten the clump of hair she called a mane.

" i should've brought more materials if i knew things would escalate like this... " twilight mumbled as her crown settled and a hoof brushed her rosy cheeks. " i hadn't expected things to get... this in depth, when we talked. " her tail brushes the ground as she flinches. she jumps back into a trot quickly after. " i'm grateful for the direction things went, i'm just- used to things being more direct. easy. quick. but— " she stops to collect her thoughts as her speech quickens, and it slows as she stills herself. " —things are more personal when it's just us. it's hard to be formal all the time. "

" though i guess the lack of sleep and food doesn't help either... " twilight laughs nervously, attempting to ignore the tug of a growl at her stomach, and the sleep she's trying to scrub from her eyes. that is, when she can avoid the gaze of the queen, and the guards switching their posts. maybe if she drinks enough coffee she can wake herself up without a big meal...

though luna had raised the sun a mere hooffull of times, left it to twilight because celestia had entrusted the day to her, she can feel bright star below the horizon. fainter than her moon, fainter than the stars she used to paint the night but there nonetheless. eternal. a piece of her sister. though things like tattoos had never appealed to her and were likely 'inappropriate' for a queen, luna had considered inking celestia's cutie mark into her coat.

the rest of the song comes to her tongue unbidden. hums lyrics that may as well have been carved into her bones. even nightmare had quieted when it first came to them. of all things they had not been expecting a song. an expression of such clear remorse and guilt that had no right to break through the cold gap between them. two dark horses warred over the value of music for lack of nothing else to do. there was nothing to occupy them but fighting. clashing horns in just one's head while only luna froze and suffocated without dying.

"fluttershy need not perform if she doesn't want to." the pegasus is merely far likely a better lyricist than luna. "just...help. i would ask in her dreams if that were not such an invasion." it was unfair to request a thing of a pony's subconscious alone. but fluttershy is such a meek thing even after all the years, luna wonders if they could even hold a conversation not one sided.

she folds wings tightly to her sides and tries not to remember how warm celestia's feathers had been. how she had radiated heat like the sun, a balm on the days luna's hooves froze to the floor. the vast throne room suddenly feels cold and empty. not unlike walking amongst ponies who hadn't even known she'd existed on her return. one dark brow raises. "no, twilight sparkle, you do-"

luna heaved a sigh. "but far be it from me to tell you to rest now." both of them were stubborn when they set their minds to something. and luna doesn't want to argue nor does she have a leg to stand on when she herself is in dire need of preening. a good brush and meal. green gaze softens. "you will not let it fall apart and i will not let you fall." sharp teeth reveal despite her best efforts of holding back a yawn. "then coffee is in order...and breakfast. parchment to spare." all four legs flex at the joints and stretch, thankfully silent this time. white glow returns to summon morning staff early with an apology as well as open massive doors to exit. "maybe if we're lucky, there'll be time to squeeze in a nap."

[clippedwingsmuses]

harmony. twilight's ears perk at that word. she hadn't brought herself to utter it as often, not since the tree's destruction. the treehouse sufficed as a home out of its remains, of course, but its spirit was forever damaged. twilight had been terrified of the idea that the elements, following their own shattering, no longer worked. without the tree, they couldn't make more; they were gone. or... so she thought, at first.

the battle against king sombra had proved otherwise, just as it had with the battle of tirek... she and her friends continued to embody the elements that had once retained the shape of the marks that embroidered their flanks. not needing the tree of harmony for harmony... well, it made sense. the elements were what kept the forest in check, and they were what banished the creatures and purified the evil that they had battled in the past. the tree didn't need to do that, not so long as its bearers lived. before twilight can answer, luna's voice echoes across the castle walls once again.

" she... y-yes, that's just like her, " twilight stumbles out, almost wanting to laugh. celestia was violently protective when she wanted to be. when she had to be. the magic she wielded, both dark and light, and the sun she carried within her and around her world... twilight so often wishes that she had been the one to fall in her place, but equestria would've had to bear the front of celestia's grief. the everfree would be gone. what evils exist would be destroyed without second thought.

but... that didn't seem like celestia... though twilight didn't know her as well as luna once had. luna had once too many times seen what celestia was truly capable of if she allowed her full powers to shine through and be utilized. she had once wielded the elements of harmony... what slept within her had only grown to a peak until she burned out like a red giant.

" still, i- "

before twilight can finish, the wind of luna's flapped wings makes her stumble backwards, crown glowing as she adjusts it atop her head the moment it ceases, its wearer quickly silenced. she rights herself, staring up at the queen with widened eyes. she watches her prance before her. the pony of night has a glaze over her eyes that forces twilight to zip her lips, lest she break the mare's concentration. how many thoughts are flooding her head? twilight barely registers luna's suggestions at first, then with a startled sound her horn ignites, and a notepad with a quill manifests before her. her hornwriting is illegible to others than herself as she writes down luna's suggestions, forcing herself to pause to scribble out the zipline part...

" a story sharing circle... yes, that works perfectly! " twilight exclaims, eyes glistening. " oh, the pillars... they must've taken the news just as harsh as we did. i-i... i should check in on starswirl again, i can't believe i didn't... n-nevermind. " the empress mumbles as her quill slows its pace against the notepad's page, up to speed with the current suggestion. " you... you want to sing? "

had twilight ever heard luna sing before? she couldn't recall a time where the pony's voice had been little more than speaking, a whisper, a shout. she couldn't imagine what the mare's voice sounded like in a song form. she wasn't opposed either way.

" yes, of course, " twilight nodded fervently. " i... can do my best at any rate. i-i've never been the best at songwriting, but... y-you remember what has already been written. i can work off of it easily, i'm certain. "

twilight pauses to think, scratching behind her head with a hoof. what more had celestia done for her sister her absence... twilight felt guilty that she couldn't think of anything on the spot. but, it wasn't like she was being forced to. she shakes her head.

" y-yes, there are plenty of records that i can look through, and some of the older canterlot ponies may have some ideas... m-most of what was done was during the summer sun celebration, but i'm sure celestia- " she winces hearing herself say that name again. she had avoided saying it for a while, only hearing the little filly that had once stood at celestia's side while the mare taught her the most basic of magical spells when she said it. but, quickly, she swallows and continues speaking before the opportunity to spiral arrises. " -had done more. more than... e-even i know. i- we would... have to ask around. a-and quickly so that we have enough time to prepare all that is necessary. "

luna belatedly winces at her own actions, lowering her head in apology. sometimes it was difficult just existing in this world with such power thrumming in her veins. stronger than any earth pony, faster than a pegasus, more magic than unicorns. her actions of frustration caused damage. actions of harsher emotion made things like the everfree forest. their celestial battle had changed the very land around them, rendering it wild and inhabitable to most. such tortured energy caused physical changes in the world - much like she suspects it's her grief that dulled the sky. as twilight said, celestia had known luna would return. celestia wouldn't.

she paws miserably with the same hoof at now damaged stone as if connecting keratin and rock would mend it. it could be mended, rather easily. a simple repair spell one of the first most unicorns learned. how fitting it would be though to ruin another castle over her sister. black tipped ears pin back at the thought. no that would near be blasphemy. celestia built canterlot, it would be an insult to harm it further.

wings retract to her sides though held loosely as if round feathers weigh as much as steel. her lips flatten almost unwillingly continuing to hum the tune. the song that had truly traveled through cloud and through sky and through space to reach her. the harmony's silent today. luna's head tilts suddenly, eyes narrowing in thought. "twilight. what if we didn't need the tree of harmony for...harmony?" nopony could replace her sister, but that didn't mean her theory on other forms of harmony magic didn't have some truth to it.

nightmare moon had wanted celestia dead. luna had wrested the reins from her to focus on the six, manipulating the trials to prove their worth as the elements instead of putting their lives in far more risk. the orbs once had power yes but the elements were clearly capable of manifesting in the right pony. it's a paper thin hope and likely not one that could be tested any time soon. certainly not before the memorial.

"no," she agrees in slightly steadier voice. "i can assure you that the guilt never leaves." the alicorn snorts fiercely enough that it jerks her head up. "not that it might not with you-" twilight didn't deserve to bear that burden. she had been so young. far too much had been put on her shoulders even before they bore wings. "maybe i'm too stubborn to let it go. our mother always said i had the head of a mule." luna's refusal to change her mind made her a brilliant fighter and tactician, unwilling to accept defeat. but it made her equally bad at forgiving, listening to others. the tantabus's defeat hadn't come with fully accepting she had changed.

brighter fiercer eyes met twilight's and now her voice has the confidence of an immortal queen. "they are right, twilight sparkle. you couldn't have known and it was not your duty. i could argue even now it's not, but i have been...a poor ruler lately. should it have been you, celestia would likely have razed that forest to the ground and it would have done nothing anyway." it still makes her ill thinking about how celestia died. alone in the very end because she went where no one could follow, in pain, exhausted of magic. twilight only would have gone quicker.

luna shakes herself off as if ridding coat of water. mane ripples with the motion though far slower than hair would. with no warning, she pushes off back hoof into a near floating trot. moving has always helped her destress. stretching legs to force herself into action, not stagnant like she had been on the moon. she barely touches the ground with several seconds between each step. a habit that seemed to be lost in modern ponies. they didn't prance about when emotional as much.

her skid to a stop is fluid. easy despite how leg could clearly use a break from prosthetic by how hot the skin is and how her ankles suddenly burn. another reminder of her several failures. "celestia always called me reckless. said i needed to stop charging into a fight, i was making the poor staff clean up too much blood every night." luna had still dealt with her own wounds then but sometimes she sought out her sister. for help with not tearing more muscle than necessary, after a nightmare. just to talk. she spends most of her days and nights alone. "i really thought we couldn't die. we were born alicorns."

what could she do? what was something celestia would have liked? "cake," luna blurts. "and pancakes with stupid faces on them. and-and-a...zipline?" it sounds ridiculous saying it out loud. such silly things even at a celebration of life. "no, no zipline. maybe a...before the sun rises, ponies can gather and talk about her? share stories. we could set up a circle with us and the council of friendship, starswirl, the pillars so anypony who wants to listen in could."

tired eyes blink away more tears. "i think i'd...i'd like to sing. if i taught you the lyrics, could you help me rework them? in case-" there was a chance celestia could hear her. luna had hummed the song at celestia's bed until the end. somewhere she'd read something about hearing being the last sense to go. several times she'd had to step out because it wasn't fair to make a dying pony feel bad about seeing her sister cry. talked until her voice went about the foolish things they'd done in far younger years, how angry they would make starswirl ignoring his lessons, learning to fly.

"could you maybe find out if she did anything for me?" that they'd never discussed. both hadn't wanted to talk about how luna had been completely forgotten to the point that near no one remembered there was ever another sister, how celestia had clearly found it too painful to keep her alive. "i could do something similar for her?" her hips swung and pivot back legs to the side with nerves.

celestia deserved better. twilight, equestria, everypony deserved better from her. luna would do better. she'd been a poor queen before when there was another beside her to help. she would help twilight in whatever role the younger wanted to choose. she would fix everfree and maybe finally make it up to herself, prove that there was a good mare underneath dark violence of the past. even if some level of continued violence helped keep equestria safe. not everything could be solved by friendship or harmony. if only she could run her horn through the problem of her sister's death and be done with it.

[clippedwingsmuses]

twilight has not much for reactions as her words sink in, as they delay and take ages to burrow within the taller alicorn's head. or so, that's how twilight viewed it. when she stared up into her eyes, it seemed like she were staring off somewhere in the distance. as if she were staring into the past when things were nicer, or into a future that would never come to pass. only when her eyes closed, holding back tears that inevitably rolled down her face, did twilight feel that luna was situated within the present.

it makes it all the more surprising as the mare's hoof crashes to the ground, shattering the stone beneath her. twilight stumbles, jolting from the force of the motion, extending a wing as chips of rock flare out from the impact site and scatter across the ground like pebbles. when the world falls silent again does twilight lower her wing. she hates being afraid of luna, and she shouldn't be. but, while the mare always held tightly onto her emotions, the times that the night princess did allow them to show was when they were the most intense, uncontrollable.

twilight's shaking quickly calms when the queen's voice echoes out again, shaky with pain and frustration, raspy from days, weeks, decades worth of tears. twilight's ears perk at the mention of the lullaby. of course she remembered it. the missing words that luna relayed were unfamiliar, but the melody was all the same. twilight mouthed the words alongside the familiar tune she had once been sung to sleep with in her early years. they fit so... perfectly.

twilight's heart aches seeing the mare react in these ways. even even recalling these memories does little more than widen the wounds still bleeding in the alicorn's heart. twilight's mind so readily scarred, still twinging with the occasional ache, but luna's wounds would always be open for centuries more. repeatedly twilight finds herself silent, allowing the pony to spill her thoughts, recall the events of the past, relay her feelings in little more than the occasional gesture, the tear she allows to slip by, the twitch of her wings and the glimmer of stars in her mane, many of which twilight has to stop to wonder if they are forced to shine or not, to give some essence of control to the night queen.

" suppose the guilt... i-it may never leave, " twilight stutters. " no pony blames us but ourselves, and yet it feels that way when we face the outside. you and my friends, every pony, they tell me that it wasn't my fault, i couldn't have known, that i dare not wish it had been me, that i shouldn't regret... what has transpired. but i still... "

twilight trails off. she shakes her head. oh, what does it matter? had she not already accepted.

" she was a good teacher but she was... reckless, " twilight says, the faintest sparkle of a smile barely perking at the corners of her lips, even though her head lowers with her words. " it's the only thing about her i've never envied. i... had good reason. "

and then, the question is asked. twilight's ears lift, as does her head, tilting up to stare at the mare who seems a house taller than her. she pulls herself forth a hoofstep, bathed in the shadow of queen luna's extended wings, mane sparkling brighter as the darkness engulfs her figure. she hardens her gaze, attempting to eclipse the gloom that floods her eyes.

" of course, " she answers, voice soft, but with a firmness that shined on from the first day she and her friends found the elements of harmony, to the day of king sombra's final defeat in this very room. " it would mean a lot to everypony if you could attend. perhaps... it will help to lift the weight off of your heart as well. i... do believe that she would understand why you've stood back until now. you needed time, and nopony is judging or blaming you for that. a-and, i will help you every step of the way. "

" if, um... i-if you have anything you'd like to do in particular, i'm willing to make it a priority when the day arrives. o-or if you need ideas, i'd be more than happy to come up with a few things on the spot... "

though twilight's voice is still rough from the conversation's primary subject, her ears faintly twitch with a familiar excitement, a joy that she very seldom held onto these days. though she didn't have the strength to smile, that dull sparkle in her eyes did the work for her. it is more obvious now how much twilight wished for this, how much she wanted luna to join in this day. twilight wanted nothing more than for luna to at least attempt, even if it was only this once, to join in the day's events and recall the days of old as the rest of them had. twilight knew there were many stories between the two sisters that even she had not heard of, or read of from the sisters' journal.

twilight didn't know if it would help luna at all. it was nothing but a reminder for what had occurred, the cold reality of what may have been preventable. but, perhaps recalling the good and the great would help to lessen the pain. even in the comfort of her sheets, where celestia had been forced to rest until she faded away, she had done so as well. she made the most of her final days by recalling only the good. maybe it lessened the pain. at the time, twilight only felt worse the longer the stories went on. but now, in the back of her memories, she holds onto the stories celestia recalled to her.

twilight wanted to do the same, and that was her chosen way of keeping celestia's memory alive when the day of mourning arrived. she hoped that luna would be able to follow in the footsteps of her sister, and in twilight's own, and do the same. maybe, just maybe, it would, if nothing else, dull the pain.

when was the last time she'd even seen cadance? in a dream most likely. or the funeral where luna had stood silent alongside starswirl as he spoke, head bowed under an orange sky. she faced the setting sun in her stuttering eulogy all too vulnerable even at such a private event. she attended the public one but couldn't get a word out. instead, there had been a spontaneous meteor shower over the white marble statue of celestia in all her serene grace.

luna had been aghast to learn her sister had adopted in her absence. that there had been three pupils in that time, all likely just as deserving of ascension as the next. how equestria had advanced for there to be widespread education that allowed for such a thing. language evolved, customs changed. celestia as always looked to the future. to the next day, the next dawn. she squeezes her eyes shut and tears darken blue fur.

the touch is gentle and yet so foreign. luna had never been one for hugs or cuddles. she only spent a year burrowed into celestia's side, under her wing, refusing to leave her lest it all turn out to be a dream. enveloped in warm legs, practically sat on by the elder when cold would sink unnaturally into her bones and celestia was the only one who could touch her without developing frostbite. she has no friends these days. her guards keep their distance. she doesn't speak much to twilight and few else could even come close to understanding.

she swallows dryly and extends a wing, curved soft feathers in need of preening, but still an offering. if twilight sparkle wanted someone to take her under their wing and pull her close like perhaps her mentor had done once. luna barely glances at her, wary of rejection as always. it would sting but she's used to it by now. at least ponies have stopped cowering and running from her as if they expected to be eaten alive (which was truly ridiculous and disgusting, luna had forced them to spit out what nightmare bit off that one time.)

"'twas the elements of harmony that kept the forest back. we were harmony...together." that was her rationale for it. the tree had been kept back by the elements and luna had always believed there were other ways of harmony magic. maybe if they'd fought together, if she had lent celestia some of her magic they could have rallied. she stomps a hoof in frustration and it cracks stone under shoe. it's ever so tempting to try turning back time much as she knows how disastrous such spells can be. it could be worth it. all she'd really have to do was ensure her past self followed her sister and saved her. they could figure out everfree later together.

the stained glass feels like a mockery looking down on them. why did it have to be so sad, so desperate? all the others were clear victories. "did you know that she sung to us?" her voice is scarcely more than a whisper. "when...when we were banished? and we heard her." it had been inconceivably cruel initially. hearing celestia's voice in the deafening silence, unable to see her, unable to move or breathe. still reeling with earth shattering rage. until she'd been able to listen to the words properly. "lullay moon princess, good night sister mine. i love you. i miss you, all these miles away."

again her voice cracks and vision blurs with heavy tears. "that...little rhyme she taught cadance who taught you? she left out our verse." perhaps it had been too hard, still too raw even though that was mere decades before the infamous summer sun celebration. luna shakes her head viciously, cold thick magic of her mane settling heavily on black neck. in it stars spun flickered and died. her gaze hardened like that of one going into battle. after all, she planned to.

"if it tis not our fault then it cannot be your either, twilight sparkle. our sister made her choice, foolish...selfish as it was. and we-" a falter. heavens, she's so tired. even without dream work luna had remained up researching, looking for anything to help fix things. her original plan is no longer possible but the instinct that the everfree needed harmony remains. "stars know we couldn't have stopped her if we tried. once she had an idea in her head..." luna scoffs a barely there laugh.

despite the warmth of summer, her bones ache. fetlocks crack noisily when she stretches them where rainbow stains frost bleached fur. the alicorn feels older than ever despite magic imbuing every fiber of her being that didn't allow her to age. or die easily. "i would...i would like to attend this year. she-she deserves a better sister than i have been, but i would try to atone." one hoof paws the floor nervously, ears back, posture as it had been when first approaching ponies on nightmare night. an insecure unsure mare not an all powerful immortal queen. "will you help us, twilight sparkle?"

[clippedwingsmuses]

twilight is quick to approach the moment that luna's voice breaks as the apology is uttered. her eyes well up with concern as she nearly leaps forth, but still she hesitates just hoofsteps from where the mare stands, and turns away from her. she blinks in silence as the queen speaks. her throat feels dry.

" she would, " twilight says, attempting just as much to hold herself together as she speaks. " i sent her a letter days ago to ask if she would be well enough to come. i've received no response so far, but... i-i know her, and she doesn't like to speak through letters unless it's urgent... i know she'll be there regardless. shining armour and flurry heart... maybe they will join us too. "

in all honesty, twilight couldn't be completely sure. cadance's family shared some of twilight's anxiety, in the form of their fear about the cold of the north spreading if they dared to leave the empire. the everfree was already attempting to root itself beneath ponyville, to emerge from the earth and take back the land the settlers had claimed when celestia gave it to them. she wanted them to see what had become of the land since that day, to see how well they'd held back the forest thus far... and twilight wanted to give them the chance to grieve, something they had long refused because the dangers of the cold would not allow it.

twilight is brought out of her thoughts when luna speaks again. she can almost hear herself in luna's voice, when she were younger and even less experienced than she were now. the pain in the queen's words sent pangs through twilight's chest. her fallen ears and the corners of her mouth twitched, her frown wishing to worsen with every sting.

she pushed through the pain, lifting a shaky hoof, and then another. soon, she stood side by side with the queen. she raised a hoof, uncertainity slipping through her body language, despite her best attempts to conceal it. she rests her hoof against the mare's foreleg anyways. the cold of the mare's shoes was stark compared to the warmth twilight was attempting to offer her.

" i know... but you don't need to apologize; this wasn't your fault, " twilight says gently. " i... t-the grief that i feel is... minute, compared to yours. even with your banishment... you were sisters. from birth, you were always together. i... take up such a small fraction of that time. i always thought that, though i followed you each as a princess... this land would always have you both. "

twilight pauses, eyes gazing at the stained glass windows that line the halls. the nearest to them, the latest, followed the events of the battle. at the base of the window were the roots of the everfree. at the top was the sun, with the visage of princess celestia curved around it. at the center was twilight with her friends, glistening as they attempted to use the power within them to fight back the forest. but the portrait of celestia was stricken with tears. all the ponies were, despite the vibrant sun shining down on them, despite the heroic gesture that the image was attempting to convey, just like the rest of the room's stained glass imagery.

" i should be... apologizing to you, " twilight mused, retracting her hoof and resting it on the floor with a soft clack. " perhaps there was something we could've done different. we all cannot help but blame ourselves, but she... she wouldn't have wanted us to do that, to blanket ourselves in grief, and ponder why it had to be this way. she was a pony who clung to grief too, as she did when you were banished, but still, she... lived on, for the world you both had created. "

the only difference was that celestia knew luna would return, and she held onto it. in this era of life... that was not possible.

twilight knew that necromancy was real. she knew that she could defy the cycle of life and death and return things to the way they were. pretend it never happened. bring celestia back. fix this mess. she knew a pony who could do just that, despite how many times she scolded her for attempting to do so. she knew she could revert everything. but, death was as much a factor of life, and she was no stranger to it.

acceptance of what had occured was the only comfort she had, even if it took thirty years to get to that point. but she hadn't lived for thousands of years. she didn't know if luna would follow the path that she did, and pass the stages of grief. in all honesty, twilight wasn't sure if she had fully accepted what had happened either... she didn't like to let go of anything.

" nothing is the same but, equestria still stands in her image. a life-long legacy that she has given to us. what she has built for all of us still stands. this is her memory, " twilight says, pausing only when her voice broke. " nothing is going to bring her back, but... some of her will always remain. in myself, and within you. and within equestria itself. i... am sure that she is watching over us, wherever she is. "

twilight doesn't believe in the afterlife. but, celestia's death might have changed her mind.

the first true time she saw the mare in front of her was blurry. she had been small and pale, confused and scared. recognizing little except bright white looming over her. it had been so quiet in her head it had been deafening. nothing mattered except celestia extending a hoof, almost burning warm after the cold of moon. she'd recognizes the elements, those wearing them were insignificant other than her sheer embarrassment at having tried to harm them.

they had been true friends once. twilight was the one who helped bridge a thousand year gap. showed her all things new, showed that she had changed, that she could be loved without fear. though luna never really did like nightmare night, there were much better things ponies had invented to do under her starry sky. she had disagreed with celestia's decision to ascend her pupil much as she disagreed about her decision to rely so much on six ponies who may as well have been fillies compared to them. now, she has no idea what she would do without the younger alicorn. cadance had her own empire to run. how celestia ran equestria alone for so long is a mystery.

when they'd been younger, the title of princess had seemed fitting. after a few hundred years of outliving the rest, growing more and more confident more powerful, queen was better. luna should ask where twilight fits in that. a part of her bristles at making them equals in rank when her sister hadn't even been gone a century. some had spoken about twilight claiming herself empress. with how the purple alicorn had militarized unicorns against everfree, commander or general seemed more appropriate.

"we have not yet begun our duties." if she was even going to. the night had been quieter than ever. as if their enemies stalking around her dream realm, their borders knew luna had become far more dangerous. an unprecedented time of peace excluding the forest. one ear twitches as she waits for twilight to gather herself. green eyes are out of tears. crying, sobbing, wailing, destroying stone under hooves took so much energy. energy that was better spent protecting the nation luna had worked so hard to establish and protect with her sister.

summer sun celebration. festival of the two sister. day of mourning. how strange - awfully ironic - that it had gone from missing one alicorn to the other. again, it was a bad political move to remove herself from such a public event. equestria deserved a leader that could face them not one who hid in the shadows. "the longest day of the thousandth year," she murmurs, withers shivering and feathers fluffing. "i'm so sorry-"

i miss you so much big sister.

her breath hitches with a terrible shuddering gasp almost as if she'd been stabbed. the loss felt that way sometimes. a knife to the gut, horn to the heart. luna turns away, gaze on the arching ceiling carved with meticulous flowery detail. "would cadance like to join us? she was...is our-my niece." maybe she could stand it if all remaining alicorns were there. maybe then luna could bear to take the sun and moon as celestia once had, cross them in the sky the last time they would be together at the same time until the next year.

it's not fair to put so much on a young mare, alicorn or not. she should do better. needs to do better. celestia would be so disappointed. "forgive us, twilight sparkle...you had her longer than we were back. our...nothing is okay without her. we were meant to rule together."

[clippedwingsmuses]

twilight startles when the mare's voice sounds from the shadows. eyes widen as she turns her gaze to the pony, her tone just low enough that she believes another soul occupies the space she stands within. the purple alicorn's expression falls, as do her ears, when she sees how the queen of the night looks, even from here. she clears her throat, feeling the full force of grief as it wafts from the blue alicorn. it makes her coat prickle with discomfort.

for a moment, she believes it would've been better if she had turned and left much earlier. but, she is already here. she does not want to waste time, neither hers nor the queen of the night's. she does it enough to know when it is an issue.

" queen luna, " she corrects herself after luna's firm reminder. " a-apologies... "

that was just one of the other things she was not yet used to, something else that had changed in the recent years. twilight had never felt like she was truly ready to take up the position of ruler of equestria, and she felt even less ready now. the way that queen luna stared at her only furthered this thought, and deepened the space that had grown between them since celestia's demise decades ago.

luna didn't want to see her, but she was already here.

...

" i... wanted to check up on you, " she says hesitantly, tossing aside her curiosities for the time being. " i apologize if i've interrupted your work, i-i knew you would be awake at this time, so i just thought... "

twilight stutters and stumbles. she shakes her head, eyes glossy as moonlight cascades over the tears that bubble within them. she lowers her snout, shutting her eyes tight, breathing in deeply to still herself and the heartbeat that beats up into her eardrums. her ears fully flatten to the sides of her head as she lifts it again, eyes soft as she stares up at the queen.

" equestria's day of mourning is soon. " luna knew that, she remembered. it was she that had suggested the idea in replacement of the summer sun celebration, even if her version of mourning was putting distance between herself and others. " i... i-i just wanted to... y-you've never been the front of the crowd sort of pony, and since then... the distance between you, equestria, cadance and i... it has grown further the longer time has passed. you've yet to join us for the ceremony, a-and i can understand why... "

" before the day arrives, i... thought it may be best if i came to ask if you were okay, " twilight says, and quickly catches herself. " i-i mean... i know well that you aren't; the nights have been ever darker since, and i haven't seen much change, but i-i want to help somehow, i... "

twilight trails off, attempting to find the right words. she trails off because she isn't sure what to say. she feels like she's stepping between landmines, and one wrong move will set them all off. she isn't sure if her broken thoughts are making any sort of sense.

her eyes wander, tracing the queen's figure ahead of her. the slow wave of her starry mane, the dark ichor of a black sky still draping over her coat, the glistening of her prosthetic in the dull moon's glow. she had grown familiar with these features in these years. but in moments like these, it felt as though she were staring at a stranger.

she felt that she was to blame for things getting this way. when she had been equestria's heir to the throne, it very well may have been. and it very well may be now.

years pass. seasons change. ponies are born, others die. even twilight changes. luna remains. everlasting, unchanging, constant. as alicorns are. except. . .not all of them. time didn't seem to run the same for such immortals. she had felt every agonizing endless second on the moon and yet she may have seen celestia yesterday. not decades ago.

it still squeezes her heart like a vice. hurts more than any injury she's had even the ones that would have killed her had she been a normal pony. luna should have gone with her. insisted that celestia not handle the wild forest on her own. they should've discussed it together. worked as a pair like they used to. instead celestia had died a truly horrible painful death - alone. the sky itself had gone dark as if in mourning and despite twilight's guidance of the sun, in luna's opinion it had never truly recovered. even her stars were duller in their grief.

for months, there had been no dreams. luna couldn't stomach watching others be happy. couldn't bear to see celestia in others dreams. she spent her nights wandering the halls of canterlot. their old castle that everfree wouldn't claim while one sister was alive. all night shift staff had been sent home in a royal voice order to let her grieve in solitude.

the dark horse had been all too happy to let twilight take over missing duties. she tried raising the sun once and white magic lashed out of long horn, tearing through the sky, brightening it with violent lightning instead. it was disgraceful for a queen, but luna was never good at dealing with her emotions regally. unlike celestia.

she doesn't want to talk to twilight. she doesn't know what else she wants to do. nothing much interests her these days other than dealing with the forest. restoring harmony even though luna would likely hold no part in that. day, night, sun, moon without you there's no harmony.

"queen," she corrects from the shadows in a tone more befitting nightmare. even the monster in her head had been rather quiet with the one who had banished them dead. luna forcefully shakes the black from her coat, returning it to it's midnight blue with dark spilling only down her spine. her eyes gleam in the scattered moonlight. mane and tail wave lazily with fatigue. "how can we help you, twilight sparkle?"