#: i dunno suddenly i cant read

[love13tter]

fav caleb xia fics bc im a lover girl ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

art is by 绝世西瓜 (xhs id 117998996) ˚ . ⊹ ⋆

im a certified baby apple girl Ok i know what i like & whats good so i will kindly share these to the world!! this is for my caleb lovers and pseudocest enjoyers

psa i refer to caleb w nicknames like colonel silly / silly / apple boy etc !! in case ur confused lol ,, ♡ are my absolute favs !! ,,

(,,>﹏<,,) ao3 fics

sugar pit by knightjpg

9.6k words, pseudo-incest, more sex leaning, angry angsty mc at caleb & colonel silly cant bring himself to get angry (i love him)

rotary devotion by kirketeer ♡

35.1k words, very poetry esque, my kind of devotion (aka kinda scary type!!! wanting to live in his skin, being near him/skin touching not being enough etc), sooo angsty from silly’s pov, dont read this if u dont want to be hit with an intense amount of sadness and worry (affectionately)

he ain’t heavy (he’s my—) by kirketeer ♡

8.3k, REALLY poetry esque (so my fav fic by default!), dunno how to explain but the metaphors towards caleb & reader being synonyms + antonyms is making my head spin, dynamic is sooo sweet! kirketeer is a rly good world builder so ure immediately in it all the way (which i love)

the taste of a forbidden fruit (i offer you my heart, bruised and bitten) series by luvl3ss ,, my favs below

> ikaw lang: 1k words, caleb is still caleb, reminds me of this one quote abt how loving someone is having to grieve every version of them :’)

> extra thin!: 0.5k words, apple slicing prefs, really short but its just as sweet as that first bite of a perfect apple slice :P

origin: sine qua non series by tinylethologica ,, favs below

> footprints underneath a pulse storm ♡ 11.111 words (i HAD TO !!! its perfect), based off his deceptive solitude card ^__^ aka the gun cleaning one w the towel barely hanging on around his waist and his v line showing mmmmfffppjhhhh, dynamic is so good they banter SO YUMMILY, caleb and reader being panty sniffers i know thats right!, the sex is a bit milder — it focuses more on dialogue and thats exactly my kind of smut i love it so bad, also um um gun play Nods head. sucking the gun … him fucking reader w the gun uh huh okay that says enough right

> calomel in libation: 4.1k words, caleb knows u better than anyone else (even urself), he eats u out, kinda crazy how he just knows that reader needs to be eaten out after all the stress…. ugh such husband material wheres the ring!!

drive you insane by soarinapple

10.4k words, IM SHAKING omgomgomg SPANKING fic!!!!!! oh hell yeah, he spanks her she counts and thanks him and it goes on sooo long u almost feel it on your bum too </3 oh i wish that was me, aftercare scenes included too ! its so good

(..◜ᴗ◝..) tumblr fics

quick psa i read more incestuous things / heavy topics here so be warned! pls ignore or dont interact if u dont like <3

my love, my alibi by prettyboykatsuki

23.3k words, pseudocest (HEAVY. if u dont like it dont interact!!), im gonna be so real rn and just say this has to be my fav fic w the incestuous theme cause this is just ALL about that dynamic between them. growing up together but the lines blur as you grow up and suddenly someone youve always seen as ur brother is hot and u realise he takes care of you more than a brother should, caleb knows u but also. not? idk all i remember is that him cumming in you felt more romantic than it should be

spilled sweetness by piroulinewafers

2k words, pseucocest (heavy), watersports!!!!!!! this is piss focused lol!!! he checks ur bladder thru ur meow meow..... (yummy), kinda crazy kinda not . its kinky for sure esp w the pseudocest theme ...

drabbles by piroulinewafers

> married reader & caleb + jealousy (from reader) 2.4k words

> vv submissive reader & the sweeeeeetest dom caleb ever. he takes care of u when u cant do it urself 1.5k words

drabble (1) by yukinohiko

0.3k words, caleb faking his amnesia (hes so silly), reader/mc being a freak ofcourse and immediately taking advantage of it LOL but the dialogue is the most important part of this fic!!!, analogies of their love bla bla bla, gege & meimei use <3

drabble (2) by yukinohiko ♡

0.5k words, apple boy just loves you so much. it doesnt matter if u hate him or get angry hes so patient sobs, baby (reader) doesnt mean it!!!! she gets so sad when she realises what she did, gege usage, very sweet reader shes so cute in this...

the colonel's saint (part 2 of the colonel's keeper) by saintobio

9.8k words, im not even gonna sugarcoat it part one made me so uncomfy after reading it cause it was GUTWRENCHING in the best way possible!!!!!, the writing was superb but the entire situation made me feel so icky... i cant reread it like i usually do but i could w the second part!!! reader kinda gets her redemption, the last bits were so bittersweet im happy but also not

so fucking domestic by kutepik

1.2k words, hes so cuuuuteeee!!!!! theyre both cute icl, sex whenever and wherever in the house is soo domestic, just very adorbs im gonna eat them Both

[mixolya]

ᓚᘏᗢ — see ya !

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ᯓ★

pairings﹕ nagi seishiro x gn!reader

contents﹕ one shot, fluff, wc: 937, proofread

nagi seishiro was the type of person who could make anything feel effortless. his lazy smiles, his slow, deliberate movements, the way he could win a match or beat a game without breaking a sweat - it all came naturally to him. and somehow, so did your friendship.

he wasn’t supposed to be your type, if you even had one. but somewhere between late-night gaming sessions and quiet walks home, you’d fallen for him.

hard.

the problem was, nagi didn’t get it.

“hey,” he said one day, leaning over your desk with that continuous bored expression. his white hair fell into his eyes, and your heart did its usual annoying flip. “you free later? wanna come over?”

you sighed, pretending to focus on your notebook. “what's the plan?”

“dunno. just thought it’d be nice.”

you glanced up at him, your chest tightening at the casualness of his tone. he always said things like that, as if they didn’t carry the weight you attached to them.

“sure,” you mumbled, trying to sound unaffected.

“cool.” he reached out and flicked your forehead lightly before walking off.

being at nagi's place was second nature to you by now. his room was your room, his snacks your snacks. and yet, there was always an underlying tension in the air, at least for you.

he flopped onto his bed, grabbing his phone as you sat cross-legged on the floor, scrolling through a random playlist.

“hey, play that one,” he said, pointing lazily at c u girl by steve lacy.

you rolled your eyes but hit play. the dreamy guitar riff filled the room, and nagi let out a contented hum, his eyes closing as the music washed over him.

“good song,” he murmured.

“yeah,” you said softly, watching him.

the lyrics felt too close to home, too raw. “i wanna see you girl, i wanna please you girl…”

you bit your lip and looked away, trying to ignore the way your chest ached.

with, the lines of friendship had always been blurry. he held your hand sometimes, but only when he was bored. he's rest his head on your shoulder during long train rides, but he’d never call it anything more than convenience.

and then there were the late-night texts.

sei <3: r u awake?

you: cant sleep

sei <3: can i come ovr?

you always said yes.

one night, after a marathon gaming session, you ended up lying next to him on his bed, staring at the ceiling.

“hey,” he said suddenly, his voice soft.

“yeah?”

“why do you put up with me?”

the question caught you off guard. you turned your head to look at him.

“what do you mean?”

“'m not easy to deal with.”

you frowned. “that's not true.”

he hummed in response, his eyes still fixed on the ceiling.

“sometimes i think about it,” he admitted after a pause. “why you’re always here. why it feels weird when you’re not.”

your breath hitched.

“what do you mean by weird?” you asked, your voice barely above a whisper.

he turned his head to face you, his white hair messy against the pillow. his gaze was steady yet hard to read, and for a moment, you thought he might finally understand.

but then he sighed and looked away. “never mind. forget i said anything.”

it all came to a head one rainy afternoon.

you were walking home together, sharing an umbrella that was barely big enough for one person. nagi's shoulder pressed against yours, his presence warm despite the chill in the air.

“why don’t you ever date anyone?” he asked suddenly, his tone as casual as if he were asking about the weather.

your steps faltered, but you forced yourself to keep walking. “what's that supposed to mean?”

“i don’t know,” he said, shrugging. “you're cool. people like you.”

you laughed bitterly. “what, like you do?”

he stopped walking, his eyes narrowing slightly. “what's that supposed to mean?”

you turned to face him, your heart pounding. “sei, we do things best friends don’t do. you know that, right? you hold my hand, you visit me midnight, you-”

“what's wrong with that?” he interrupted, his voice calm but edged with confusion.

“everything,” you snapped, the words spilling out before you could stop them. “because i'm in love with you, and you don’t even realize it!”

the rain fell harder, soaking through your jacket as the words hung in the air. nagi stared at you, his expression unreadable.

“i…” he trailed off, his mouth opening and closing like he was searching for the right words.

“forget it,” you muttered, stepping out from under the umbrella. “just forget i said anything.”

���wait,” he called, grabbing your wrist.

you turned to look at him, your eyes stinging; not from the rain, but from the tears you were desperately trying to hold back.

“'m not good at this stuff,” he admitted, his voice barely audible. “but i think about you all the time. i just didn’t know what it meant.”

your breath hitched. “sei…”

he looked away, his grip on your wrist tightening slightly. “i don’t wanna lose you. i don’t know how to do this, but i want to try. if you’ll let me.”

for a moment, all you could hear was the rain. then, slowly, you nodded.

“okay,” you said softly.

a faint smile tugged at his lips, and for the first time, you saw something vulnerable in his usually aloof expression.

as he pulled you back under the umbrella, you couldn’t help but think that maybe, just maybe, you were finally on the same page.

© mixolya 2025. do not copy, remake or edit any of my works.

[lovckett]

someone dent my head in pls i cant stop thinking about vampire tfone orion except he doesn't know he's a vampire i cant stop WONT STOP CANT STOP WONT STOP UAAAGHHGHHGHHGHHHH

yes writing these are ok . credit is nonmandatory but it'd be pretty neat to have it

TFONE 5 times orion pax looked stupid without context and one time everyone sees his plan in full action and realizes Oh he's kinda smart he just LOOKS stupid

TFP twisted beauty and the beast au . sacrificial lamb orion who's gifted to megatronus either for killing or eating but orion is Not willing to take that shit and keeps plotting to escape in the most unconventional ways . megatronus is trying and failing to explain that No he does Not eat the sacrifices and please get down from the chandelier he doesn't want orion hurt himself and spilled energon is really hard to clean from the carpet . they get along eventually with literature .

TFONE Whatever Job Isn't Really That Bad Until The One Person You Absolutely Do NOT Want Finding Out Finds Out Not Because It's Illegal But It's Really Kinda Embarrassing orion . he picked up the gig because he realized dee was willingly taking punishments by darkwing meant for him and he's given less and less energon rations each day so orion agrees to work for as long as he needs to . many repercussions like drowsiness and dee growing more and more concerned because Why is pax so tired and is pax giving me Extra energon ???? is he starving ??????

TFONE secret orion job but it Definitely Is Very illegal . he sells crack ( synthesized energon ......... hi tfp ratchet ) . orion needing to come up with the weirdest lies to save his aft .

TFONE/TFP orion finds a sparkling and decides You Know What I Can Totally Handle This . suspicious d-16/megatronus until the eventual Oh Shit Got Caught . humorous misunderstandings (" where is the sire?! does he not have the grace to even stay by your side ?!!!? ") (" oh my god you got sparked up???!? pax????? i thought— how didn't i— when?????? ") . no the sparkling isn't b-127 that is a grown man with huge balls .

TFONE orion misusing a word and the aftermath dragging out longer than it should've been .

TFP optimus x MTMTE lost light . after optimus jumps into the well of allspark he appears in the shadow zone with soundwave . theyre very wary and by soundwave's pov especially hateful but learn to get along . lost light suddenly appears to pick them up . i don't know enough about lost light to add anything but it'd be cool to see them both progress . someone give me fics to read pls anything

TFONE orion pax gets cybertronian equivalents to piercings and tattoos . or he USED to wear piercings and he now hides his tattoos . i dunno i just want to see d-16 jaw drop because What What Do You Mean Orion Pax Has Tattoos Excuse Me Did I Hear You Right Hello Repeat That Again Where Even Are They I Need To Know .

TFP extremely ticklish orion pax . except it's the kind of ticklish where megatronus keeps poking him and he slowly descends to the ground clutching himself each time and it happens so much that he grows paranoid of being tickled again so he goes to drastic measures to get Away from those horrifying servos . he somehow ends up on top of one of the archival shelves and can't get down . (" come now, little archivist, i swear on my servo that you will not be deceived! ") ("YOU CANNOT FOOL ME MEGATRONUS. YOUR SERVO WAS ON MY FRAME JUST MOMENTS AGO . I THINK I AM INCLINED NOT TO TRUST YOUR SERVO . ")

TFONE d-16 convinced that orion pax is doing something suspicious and each time he stumbles on orion it's either seemingly incriminating or seemingly innocent .

TFONE orion being a secret fanboy . he laughs at d-16 for his very open admiration toward megatronus but he's so much worse than d-16. he hoards pictures and figurines and posters and drawings of prima prime . he has a body pillow . he knows he can't hide it forever but the secret he will keep to the grave is that he's written fanfiction of him . he is either found out by dee stumbling on his collection of things or orion immediately getting into an argument with someone that hates prima .

TFONE miners knowing about the cybertronian equivalent to birthdays and orion having zero clue what that is . dee asks him when his birthday is and orion's reaction is that he sort of has this slightly horrified look because he has this extremely misconstrued idea of what's birthday sounds like it would be. Um . Dee , What The Frag Is a Birth Day . Is It like When You— vague motion OR he nods very stiltedly and roblox man face smiles and is like Ah Yes the Birthday the Birthday For me Hm yes that's i ah uh haven't decided yet !

[kindlyduhh]

A Greedy Heart pt.1

You can also read it on my ao3 page !!

Content warnings: fem!reader, fluff, gets suggestive towards the end

Word count: 4.5K

Mammon has been thinking about confeesing to you about his feeling but just cant find the right time. After some miscommunications he finally finds the guts the say what was on his mind...

Once again, it was a typical day in the devildom and you and Mammon were spending time together in your room. He was sitting on your bed and you were laying next to him.

You loved hanging out with mammon, his presence calms you down and you were happy that mammon also tried to hang out with you even though he acts nonchalant as he tried to seem like he didn't care, but you always saw through him, how much he’d blush every time you agree to hang out, and it is truly adorable.

Normally you guys would just joke around or mammon would make a plan to steal Lucifer's credit card again, but he was unusually quiet today just scrolling on his D.D.D.

You could clearly see that mammon wanted to say something that was on his mind since he kept glancing at you, but he wasn't saying anything. 

��Mammon, are you alright?” knowing that if you don't ask him directly, he definitely wouldn't talk about whatever was bothering him.

“Yea, I'm fine…” he huffs while ruffling his beautiful white hair.

The whole day, he seemed unusually distant, casting frequent glances your way with a grumpy expression. It was obvious that something was bugging him, but he was being stubborn as usual. 

“Oh c'mon mammon, I know something is up… I promise I won't judge you or anything like that.” you said in a reassuring tone, his eyes softened ever so slightly.

You could see that he was struggling to express himself, as people had belittled him every time he voiced his thoughts, calling him a scumbag or a money grubber. It pained your heart to witness his struggle.

Mammon didn't understand why you were this kind. You were so gentle and caring, which was a thing he wasn't used to. 

He got used to your affection so much since the day that you came to devildom that when you weren't around; he felt alone and jealous every time you hung out with the other brothers, which was a feeling he hated.

Mammon's heart pounded in his chest as he tried to find the courage to express his feelings. He had been holding them in for so long, but it was becoming harder and harder to keep them hidden. 

Every time he looked at you, his heart ached with the unsaid words. He knew he had to speak up, but the fear of rejection and judgment held him back.

"Ugh, I dunno..." Mammon started to speak while fidgeting with his hands, but before he could finish, Levi suddenly burst into the room without bothering to knock on the door.

 “Yo y/n, the game that we were waiting for is out! c’mon let's go, we have to play it now.” Levi says enthusiastically. You and Levi were waiting for this game for a really long time and you have promised him that you would play it together.

Mammon was filled with a mix of disappointment and anger as Levi interrupted, but he tried to keep his facial expressions neutral. "Great, just great. " He couldn't shake off the regret and frustration that he had almost let himself be vulnerable.

"Levi, can you wait just for a second? I'll be in your room in a minute, okay?" You slightly get up from the bed and glance at Mammon, noticing that he was clearly irritated that Levi entered the room just when he was about to speak. 

“Oh c'mon y/n, if we don't start playing now, we might miss the free gacha pulls, and it's not like you guys are doing anything, right?” Levi explains, it's clear that he isn't gonna give up.

As Mammon slowly got up from your bed, you could sense his emotional walls building up again, his attempt to act nonchalant.

“Hey where are you going? You were gonna say something, right?” trying to convince mammon to stay, but when your eyes met with his, you could see the disappointment and regret in his eyes. You get even more confused by his actions.

“It's nothin really, ya guys can play your games or whatever… I need to go somewhere, anyway.” Mammon tries to smile as he masks away his feelings.

Your heart breaks at how cold he is being. He wasn't even looking at you anymore. You start to feel even more anxious overthinking everything you did today.

Mammon murmurs under his breath “bye then…” He quickly leaves your room, not even giving you a chance to say goodbye.

You try to act like you are fine. “Well, let's play our game right.” You sigh while smiling at Levi since you didn't want to worry him about anything. He nods and starts walking to his room while talking about how excited he was about the game as you try not to think about mammon.

⋆⋅⛧⋅⋆

It was midnight now, the dim light of the devildom brightening the room ever so slightly as you say goodnight to Levi. He was accustomed to staying up late, so you knew he'd likely keep playing the game.

You had a headache, so you held the bridge of your nose to relieve it slightly, but it didn't work. Your mind wandered about mammon the whole night and you couldn't even focus on the game anymore.

You anxiously walk through the corridor while thinking about going to mammon’s room. You weren't sure if he was awake or this was a good idea, but you were seriously worried if you said something to upset him and the worrying was eating you every minute passing by.

You finally come to his room just waiting in front of the door anxiously to have some courage to knock on the door. You could hear your heart beating in your whole body and you think to yourself why you were this nervous. 

You sigh and finally knock on the door with shaky hands. As you wait in front of the door, you get even more self conscious about what you were doing. This was a mistake, and you were probably gonna wake mammon in the middle of the night for nothing. 

You slightly get relieved when he doesn't open the door. Of course, he was sleeping. It was really late. As you turn away and make your way to your room, you pick up on the faint sound of a door opening.

“Y/n… what are ya doin here?” Mammon says, his voice sounds sleepy. You curse yourself under your breath for waking him up for something so stupid.

You turned to him to apologize, but froze the moment you saw him. Your eyes open wider and you can feel your face heating up. 

He was only wearing gray sweatpants, leaving his toned, bare chest exposed to the dim moonlight. The sight was mesmerizing as you tried to tear your gaze away, but your eyes were glued to his sculpted form. You gulped and tried to not look at him like a creep, looking everywhere but him as you blushed harder.

And that's when he realized that he wasn't wearing any shirt. His face started to get even redder than yours somehow as he cleared his throat. “S-sorry I just woke up… I'll go put on a shirt”

Without thinking, you grab his arm to stop him. Noticing his shocked expression, you quickly release his arm, feeling awkward as you stand fidgeting with your hands.

“U-um, it's fine. I shouldn't even come here. I'm sorry for waking you. It's nothing important. You should just go to sleep,” you say awkwardly while looking down. You couldn't even look at his face because of how embarrassed you are.  

Mammon feels slightly upset about the way you were hiding your face, even though it's been just a few hours since he already missed seeing your beautiful face. 

His arm was still tingling from your touch. Just from that quick contact, he felt himself melting as he bit his bottom lip.

“Nah, it's fine, I'm awake now so ya might as well say it right” He scratched the back of his neck as he gestured to you to come to his room.

Mammon thought of you the entire night as he tried to sleep. He was so jealous of Levi since he got to spend some time with you.

His stomach twisted the entire night, his imagination consumed by the sight of you and Levi sitting next to each other closely. It should be him next to you, not Levi or any of his brothers. He was your first demon, not them.

And to his luck, he heard you knocking on the door. When he saw your face, the relief he felt made him feel like he can finally breathe again.

He slowly walked to his couch and grabbed the shirt laying down there. He quickly put on the shirt, not wanting to make you feel uncomfortable. 

While wearing his shirt, he caught you glancing at his abs. He wasn't sure if you were checking him out, but the thought of it made his heart beat faster.

You both plump onto the couch. There is an awkward energy in the air. You both stay quiet for a bit, then you awkwardly clear your throat.

“Did I said something that upset you?” you blurt out suddenly while looking down at the floor.

Mammon looks confused, not understanding why you would ask that. You never said something that upset him, hell it was the opposite all the time.

Mammon felt a pang of unease when you refused to meet his gaze. He yearned for your attention, craving the way your eyes would light up as you looked at him. "Hey, why are ya asking that? Of course ya didn't," he reiterated, trying to catch your gaze. 

"What made ya think that, anyway?" His heart ached as he longed for the connection he had with you, the way you always gave him your undivided attention and made his stomach do flips.

You ran your hand through your hair out of frustration, realizing you sounded a bit foolish. "Umm... I'm not sure," you began, trying to find the right words. "You just seemed off today, and you stormed off when Levi came to my room. I was worried I did something wrong." 

Your voice trailed off as you exhaled, feeling a bit embarrassed by how insignificant your worries seemed now that you said them out loud.

Mammon's heart sank when he realized that he had made you worried. He curses himself for being such an idiot. There you were worrying for him and all it was because he was foolishly scared of your reaction.

“Oi c’mon will ya look at me.” he huffs. There is a tint of worry in his voice as he speaks. The only thing he wants is for you to understand you didn't do anything wrong.

As you finally met his gaze, something in the air shifted. You noticed a glimmer of vulnerability in his golden eyes that made your heart skip a beat. His usual cockiness was nowhere to be seen, replaced by a rare moment of sincerity.

“Ya didn't do anything wrong, ya dummy. Ya don't need to worry about me.” He reached out his hand to gently brush a strand of hair away from your face, his touch sending a shiver down your spine. 

Your breath hitched as Mammon's hand made gentle contact with your hair, grazing your skin softly. The brief touch sent a jolt through your body, making you dizzy with a newfound craving for more.

His touch felt incredibly soft and tender, and you found yourself subconsciously leaning into it, silently wanting more of the sensation. As he spoke, his words seemed to get lost in your mind, overpowered by the overwhelming feeling of butterflies fluttering in your stomach.

Your voice quivered as you spoke, expressing your concern for Mammon. "But I do worry about you," you said, your words laced with a hint of desperation. 

"If you talk to me, maybe I can help you somehow. Did Lucifer lecture you again, or is it those witches bothering you?" You hoped that he would finally open up and let you in, to allow you to at least try to comfort him‌.

Mammon felt a pang of guilt as he heard the desperation in your voice. He didn’t mean to make you worry, but he couldn’t bring himself to admit the real reason behind his sour mood.

“Aw, ya worry too much about me, ya know that?” he tried to deflect, flashing a cocky smile. “I’m a tough demon, ya know? Nothin’ can get me down.”

This is typical Mammon behavior of trying to hide his feelings and act nonchalant, even though he’s actually touched by your worry about him.

Your frustration was evident as you let out a sigh, not swayed by Mammon's attempts to dismiss your concern. Surprisingly, a newfound boldness washed over you, and you reached out, gently grasping his hand in a reassuring grip. You held it firmly, trying to convey your care through your touch.

"Mammon, it's okay to admit when you're feeling down or upset. You don't always have to put on a tough act, especially not with me. I care about you, and I want to understand what's been bothering you."

Mammon's eyes widened slightly, clearly surprised by your honesty. He hadn't expected you to be so direct about it. He hesitated for a moment, not used to talking about his feelings or problems, but the genuine concern in your voice made him feel like he couldn't keep you in the dark anymore.

He let out a deep sigh, his shoulders drooping slightly. "It's not Lucifer or the witches," he muttered, looking away from you. "I actually…" He paused, taking a moment to gather his thoughts. 

Mammon takes a deep breath, preparing himself to reveal what's been on his mind. "There's something I've been wanting to talk to ya about," he begins, his tone a bit hesitant.

Your heart skips a beat, anticipation swelling within you. Whatever it is Mammon wanted to talk about, it seems serious. You brace yourself, ready to listen intently.

He fidgeted with the hem of his shirt, clearly nervous about what he was about to say.

"But I'm not good with this kind of stuff, ya know? Talking about feelings and whatnot." He chuckled weakly.

As you gently squeezed his hand, Mammon felt a shiver run down his spine. The feeling of your soft touch on his skin was like electricity coursing through his body, filling him with an inexplicable sense of comfort and excitement. 

It was as if your touch alone had the power to calm his nerves and give him the courage to finally say what was on his mind. With a deep breath, he gathered his thoughts and found the courage to speak.

Mammon took a deep breath, his heart still racing as he looked at you with a mixture of vulnerability and determination.

“I…” he began, but the words got stuck in his throat. He let out a shaky exhale and tried again. “Promise me ya won’t laugh, okay?”

You ran your thumb over his knuckles gently, trying to reassure him that it was okay to open up to you. “I swear on my life I won't laugh Mammon” trying to show how serious you were about his feelings.

He looks at you intently, his expression a mix of emotions."You know how I’m always calling you my human, right?" he starts, his voice a bit shaky.

He looks away for a moment, his eyes darting around the room before finally meeting yours again."And how I always want to be around you and want your attention?" he continues, fidgeting with his shirt hem again.

Oh. OH. Your heart skipped a beat as Mammon mentioned how he always wants to be around you and wants your attention. A wave of realization washed over you, and you started to piece together what he was trying to say.

Your mind races as you process his words, feeling a mix of emotions. Part of you is surprised by Mammon's vulnerability, as he's usually so guarded and closed off. Another part of you is thrilled, the idea that Mammon might be confessing his feelings to you, stirring up a whirlwind of excitement and nervousness.

Mammon takes a deep breath and looks directly into your eyes, his expression a mixture of nervousness and determination.

"I've been trying to figure out how to say this, but I'll just say it straight out." He paused for a moment, gathering his thoughts and mustering his courage.

"I... I like ya, okay? Like a lot. And not in the ‘friend’ way, but in the ‘I can’t stop thinkin’ about ya, miss ya when yer not around, wanna spend all my time with ya’ kinda way."

Mammon's stomach twists as he confesses. He can't believe he actually said it. The intrusive thoughts start spinning in his mind as he feels his heart beat getting faster. What if you didn't like him? If so, would this ruin the relationship you had with him?

He feels dizzy as he waits for your response while still feeling like he made a mistake by opening up to you. What if he lost you because of his confession? Why couldn't he be content with just your friendship? Why did he have to be so greedy?

As these thoughts pass around his mind, you gently put your hand on his cheek. There is a tint of redness on your face. He can barely see it under the dim moonlight. “You like me… you mean it?” your voice trembling slightly. You felt your heart beat getting faster at his words.

You never thought that Mammon would confess one day. Of course, you both acted flirty from time to time, but whenever it felt too serious or real, he find a way to get away from the situation, acting like he had no feelings towards you. 

Mammon's voice trembles, “I umm… I-I do mean it alright…”. His face is fully red now as he tries to not meet your gaze. He huffs while scratching the back of his neck, clearly frustrated about being this vulnerable.

“I-Its ‘kay if ya don't feel the same ı just… gahh i dunno I thought I should tell ya or somethin’ I know I'm being an idiot now so it's fine if ya wanna leave or whatever…” He mumbles under his breath, glancing at you just for a second. The way he looks at you with a glint of desperation, like you are gonna leave him for being vulnerable.

You put both of your hands on Mammon’s cheeks, forcing him to look into your eyes. His eyes widen as you get slightly closer to his face. “Mammon, you're not being an idiot… and ı would never leave you, okay…” you whisper while caressing his cheek gently.

He closes his eyes as he feels your touch. It's so soft and tender and he feels dizzy from the sensation. Without realizing, he nuzzles to your hand as he sighs.

He looks so beautiful between your hands, his eyes closed. He looks like a painting as his white hair slightly glows under the dim moonlight. And you finally find the courage to say what is in your heart.

“I-I like you too Mammon… like a lot. Every time I look at you, my heart starts to beat faster like it's gonna burst out of my chest,” you whisper, your voice trembling as you speak.

Mammon quickly opens his eyes when he hears your word. Did you say you liked him? No way you said that right. Did you say it back because you didn't want to upset him?

“Ya do? are ya sure bout it… ya don't have to say it back just because you don't want to upset me or whatever yer thinking, ‘key.” He mumbles under his breath. Barely meeting your gaze.

You tilt his head to face you gently, wanting to convince him about your feelings. “Of course I'm sure mams… ı wouldn't lie about my feelings, especially to you. I like you so much that I want to be next to you all the time… ı love your smile, ı love talking to you, I love that when you get excited about something you get even louder,” you chuckle "and I love you Mammon…”

His brain stops for a second. The way you talk about him is so sweet as he melts at your every word. He is not used to this type of tenderness and he might get addicted to it if you keep going like this.

As Mammon's brain processes the words you just spoke, his heart fills with a mixture of shock and happiness. 

It's like the weight of the world has been lifted off his shoulders after expressing his feelings for you, and now, hearing you say you feel the same... he can't contain his emotions any longer.

He gazes intently into your eyes, his breathing shaky as he leans closer to you.

"Can I...?" he whispers, his gaze flickering down to your lips 

You nod as your voice shivers “yeah…” your heart is beating faster and faster while he places his hands on your cheek and finally closes that little gap between you two.

As his lips gently met yours, a rush of sensations washed over you. It was a sweet and tender kiss, full of longing and desire. Mammon's hand trembled gently against your cheek as he deepened the kiss, pulling you closer with his other hand.

He couldn't believe this was happening. He felt even more dizzy as your hands wandered around his body. Your soft hand gliding against his hair made him feel euphoric as you deepened the kiss.

You were kissing him with a hunger even you didn't know existed. The way you were kissing him with such a fervor was driving mammon crazy as he was getting more worked up every second.

His hand went to your soft hair, tangling between his fingers as he kept kissing you. The sound you made when he tugged on your hair made his whole body shiver. Your sweet sound felt like music to his ears, and he was getting more greedy for you.

You felt yourself heating up with every touch, losing every sense, only wanting to feel him more. You gently pushed him back onto the couch without breaking the kiss. With a swift move, you swing your leg over his legs, straddling his lap, and pinning him down on the couch.

Mammon's eyes widened in surprise as you straddled him on the couch, pushing him back against the cushions. He looked up at you in a mixture of shock and excitement, his grip on your waist tightening as he tried to keep his composure.

He was blushing hard by your sudden bolt move as he held you by your waist carefully, not wanting for you to accidentally fall down.

His heart was racing, and he could feel your heat pressed against him. It was driving him crazy, and he couldn't help but let out a low moan as you positioned yourself on top of him.

His grip on your waist tightened slightly as he looked up at you, his expression a mix of surprise and desire. "Wh-what are ya doin?" he managed to stutter out, his voice shaky.

His breathless voice makes you come to your senses, and you realize what you are doing. “Uhh… s-sorry I can get up if you want…” you say breathlessly as you hold on to him by his shoulders.

Mammon's heart skips a beat at your sudden concern. Despite his surprise, he can't deny that he loves the feeling of you on top of him. He shakes his head gently, his hand still firmly holding your hip.

Mammon shakes his head, his grip on your waist not loosening. "No, no...it's okay," he says, his voice still shaky. He swallows, his adam's apple bobbing as he gazes up at you. "I... I don't want you to get up," he adds, a hint of pleading in his voice.

He swallows hard, his gaze still fixed on you. There is a hint of vulnerability in his eyes as he looks up at you, silently hoping that you won't leave.

He can feel the heat radiating from your body, the way your chest is rising and falling against his as you try to catch your breath. He glances down at your legs, straddling him, and a pang of desire shoots through his body.

His hands slid from your waist, down to your hips, and he gently pulled you closer to him.

“Ya look beautiful like this…” he whispered as his thumbs started to draw circles on your hips.

You whimpered softly as his hand traced down to your thighs. The voice you made snapped something in him and he started to kiss you roughly, like you were the last thing he was gonna taste.

You started to grind your hips on him to get some type of friction. The sensation made him realize how much he needed to feel you. He holds you by your hips tightly as he tries to feel you more.

You started to kiss his jaw and slowly go down to his neck as you kept moving your hips. You could feel his hardness fully now and you could feel yourself getting wetter every second passing by.

You start to nibble on his neck, leaving a tiny mark there and your hand moves to the hem of his shirt. You looked at him with your eyes full of lust as you asked “can i… take it off…” you gulped as you tried to catch your breath.

You wanting to take his shirt off made him feel like he was in the clouds. He quickly takes his shirt off with a one swift move, leaving his chest bare.

The way you were looking at him with hunger in your eyes, biting your lips as you checked him out with no shame… It was too much. He was gonna lose control if you kept this up.

“y/n i… are ya sure bout this… it's fine if you don't wanna keep goin’ alright” he said wanting to reassure you it was okay if you wanted to stop before it was too late.

You loved how sweet and caring he truly was. Making sure you were comfortable before doing anything else. You gently caressed his cheek. "I'm sure mams… i don't wanna stop… but it's fine if you want to…” you say.

Mammon felt a wave of relief wash over him as you reassured him that you wanted to continue. His heart was racing as he looked up at you, his eyes full of desire.

He gazes up at you for a moment, his eyes locking with yours, and he lets out a shaky sigh. "No… I don't wanna stop… I don't think I could even if I tried…" he says with a hint of desperation in his voice.

He caressed your hips, his hands grasping with a possessiveness that betrayed his growing desperation. “Just… tell me if ya want me to stop... a’right.”

You smiled gently as you caressed his cheek “I don't want to stop mammon… i dont think i can hold on much longer…”

Divider by:@cafekitsune

[starrybl1ss]

Enchanting secrets ✧˖°.

★senior/quidditch captain/slytherin!ellie williams x senior/gryffindor!reader ★warnings: making out lol, swearing, (smut in part 2 that is complete link below) ★inspo: so basically yk the drarry ships?? this is kinda basically it but with ellie & reader and the hogwarts!ellie headcannons ★please read! harry potter fans please don't come at me because the timeline of this fic is probably not accurate from the books and movies. and yes, i did watch the movie but im not really in the fandom that much so i did as much as researching as i could.

Hogwarts has been a big journey for you and all the wacky magical things happening. as now you are in senior year, the last year in hogwarts, after that you'll have do the N.E.W.T.s test that is known to be increadibly difficult.

Your really nervous, luckly your friend, Dina is a fellow gryffindor as well. And she's a smart student.

You really want to do well in the test. magic isn't as easy as flickering a wand in the air and boom! your a frog. Its much more complex than that. theory or practice, its hard.

Your now in the library with Dina, studying your ass off. its quite stressful with all the subjects.

Tomorrow is the quidditch match. your house versus slytherin. you can't wait to watch it. its always so much fun watching quidditch. you never really liked playing quidditch since it all looks so exhausting and dangerous, not like hogwarts is not itself. but you rather focus on your studies.

"Dina, im going back. real tired. you coming?" you ask the black haired girl. "Yeah all go back after its actually time for students to get back and sleep" she replied. "Cya" you left the library grabbing your books.

You walk all along the school corridors and went on the anoyying stairs that always move to a different place. its still quite busy. but only with all the seniors. running up and down.

You suddenly bump into someone. an auburn haired girl making you drop your book. "shit, sorry let me get them for you" she bent down to your knees grabbing the books you dropped.

The girl hands out the books back to you. "thanks... ellie?" you thank her while a bit skeptical if thats her name. "no problem" she replied and continues walking down the stairs.

You were right, Ellie williams. captain of the slytherin quidditch team. You see her a lot. she's a big deal. the some what 'anoyying' quidditch captain that always makes their team win in quidditch the past years shes been in hogwarts.

You continue walking up the stairs towards the 'fat lady' painting. You stood infront of the painting. "fibbertigibbet" you said as the painting opened and you step in.

Your basically the first senior to enter since everybody was busy studying while you cant take it anymore. you were too sleepy. so you changed in to your pyjamas and went to bed

꒰୨🔮୧꒱

Your sleep was interrupted by Dina. "wake upppp, it's already time for brekfast!" she shook your unconcious body. you quicky open your eyes and saw that it is perfectly 7.30 in the morning.

Your sleep felt so quick. "wait up, im gonna get dress" you got up and dressed up as Dina waited in the common room.

"Let's go Deen" you went outside the gryffindor house and quickly went down the stairs to the great hall where brekfast is served until around 8.

You went ahead and sat down and grabbed the food you wanted. chicken, again. your kind of obsessed with eating chicken by now.

You glaired at the slytherin table where you saw, ellie williams again. for some reason, since you two bumped to eachother on the stairs, you couldnt seem to get her of your mind.

Dina waved her hand infront of your face trying to stop you from zoning out and daydreaming too much. "who's the lucky guy your gonna take to dance after the exam?" Dina looks at you hoping you already have a guy to take out to the last senior prom.

"Oh uh, dunno" you slightly shook your head. "who we're you looking at anyways?" she asks curiously. "no one, just uhh.. someone that helped me grab my books when we bumped into eachother last night"

"see? i dont think thats a 'no one' after all! who is it?" she shook your shoulder excitedly. "a girl... you know? slytherin's quidditch captain?" you said nervously.

"are you kidding? ellie? you mean ellie williams? she's bad news!-" Dina said out loudly as you stopped her to make her a little more quite since there was a lot of people looking at you two.

"My god, she's so anoyying! she's our rival y/n!" she looks at you. "i knowww, but-" you stopped talking trying to think what to say next.

"but what? okay, i could quickly find you a good looking, smart, green flag gryffindor guy in a minute! it'll be easy, almost every gryffindor wants you. not to meantion, a lot of other boys from other houses would want you"

"i'll just worry about it later, whats the point of having a 'guy' that wants you but you don't want them anyways?"

꒰୨🔮୧꒱

You couln't focus the whole time in potions. you kept having your eyes on ellie making it difficult. you exited the class and went towards the bathroom to wash your face.

You went inside hearing someone crying and ofcourse it is moaning myrtle. the ghost who haunts the girls bathroom.

You saw another girl infront of the sink. you got closer and it was ellie. god, you meet her everywhere. you went to the sink next to her as you turned on the faucet.

Ellie looks at you "hey, never really catched your name last night" slightly tilting her head. "I- im- uh, y/n" you introduced yourself.

"nice meeting you"

"y-you too!" you said nervously.

"whats your next class y/n?" god, she said your name making you blush a little. suprised that she brought up a conversation. "defence againts the dark arts" you replied.

She looks at you while not sayying a thing. just admiring your face making your heart skip a beat. you couldn't handle the tension anymore.

"i should get to clas-" you stepped a bit further from her but she grabbed your left arm. "the teacher wouldn't mind you being late right?" she said teasingly.

"y-yeah he wouldn't min-" suddenly ellie pulls you in a kiss. fuck, you didn't know this would happen so quickly. you kissed her back. her hands on your waist.

"c-can we a go somewhere a little more private? Just incase...-" ellie grabs you and puts you two in one of the stalls locking the door from behind.

She pins you to the door and started giving you hickeys on your neck with you letting out choked up moans as she lifts up your sweater.

You hear someone sniffing, moaning myrtle. "Looks like things are getting a little too spicy in here. you stupid kids forgot i haunt this place? Jeez, get out!"

Shit, you totally forgot about her being her- fuck! Your missing out on professor lupin's class!

"El- ellie im missing class i should go-" you push her back a little. "See you after the match?" You nod as you went outside the stall

You ran around the corridor. 14 minutes late into proffesor lupin's class. luckly it was him teaching so he didn't make a fuss about you being late and you just said you were in the bathroom constapated as hell and he led that slide without you telling him you hooked up with the slytherin quidditch captain.

"were you that constipated? your lucky proffesor lupin isn't absent or you'd be in hell!" Dina did made a fuss about it.

You rolled your eyes and continued writing in your notebook.

꒰୨🔮୧꒱

This evening the weather is perfect. Not too hot, a bit cloudy but no sign of rain. The quidditch match had begun 15 minutes ago.

Slytherin are currently in the lead. Brooms going back and forth in lightning speed.

You could care less about the match, you were drunk in love admiring ellie on her broomstick. She was your house biggest rival!

Your mouth accidently slipped "Go ell-!" Dina looks at you confused. "Shes our rival! Snap out of it!" You stayed silent gazing at ellie like your some dumb 12 year old thats so drunkly inlove.

꒰୨🔮୧꒱

The match has ended with slytherin, again. everybody went back inside the school corridor as the slytherin kids all cheered for ellie and her team.

you were completely starstruck by her. shes so... mesmorizing its driving you insane.

suddenly you felt someones arm touching yours in the crowd. you looked at your left to see... ew! its that icky popular gryffindor guy that cant seem to get your hands off you.

"hey, i was wondering if you'd want to come to the dance with m-" you cut off his words. "sorry, fully booked" you tilt your head with a smug face.

You were lying, theres been a lot of guys asking you but you just rejected all of them.

You walked away from him without looking back. as the corridor got a little less hectic, ellie approaches you. "hey, about that..." she stopped. "would you go to the yule ball with me after the exam? any chance? you already got someone... dont you?"

You giggled "i don't, ellie" you smile. she smiled back at you and pulled you in for a kiss infront of people including dina.

꒰୨🔮୧꒱

★read please!

HIIII soooo its donee, sorry if i misspelt stuff. ik the pole i did alotta people voted for smut but i wanted this one to be clean???? so if you want to read the next part (that has smut) you can read it here!

lmk if you wanna see the yule ball part after the n.e.w.t.s!

[shreddeddescent]

kinda goin through it but i hope its like obvious this whole shit im doing is like... bruh i am just kinda vibing. if my vibes are too much for you thats fine im genuinely not tryina ask people to look at anything im doing. i keep fucking saying that. the first thing i did was grab the banner off the wiki that says 'this isnt for kids' to really drive that shit home.

like i think ive said this before but in case i havent or in case you dont know: this au started as me basing shit off my own life, read into that what you will. the earliest shit was just... 'aha i will make an au that is so true to my life' okay the kids dad is shredder, shredders an abusive father, splinter is their mom who was also abused by him, theyre all fucked up in their own ways and struggling with it. started literally with the scene of raph hanging out with casey and remembering some shit happening to him. thats the basis of the au. the art came after that, the side blogging came after that yadda yadda yadda

but then as i kept doing that, it got way too real and hard to talk about like i wanted to throw up as i was doing it. the events too close to home, so to speak. so as i was building out the world for them i started doing something weirder and darker and more fucked up as a way of dealing with it. and like as it got darker it also got lighter. as i specified this kind of insane fantasy abuse (fantasy in the sense of it is so out there that its not real) it got more fun to do, and easier to cope with. easier to heal from. the degrees of separation are good. theres levels of real and levels of ridiculous and that helps.

and as i was having fun i wanted to talk about it, despite how much more fucked up it was getting. i still felt bad, but then the level of hype people had for hearing about said fucked up shit helped, it made it go like 'hey. its cool to make something fucked up actually. i think people are feeling the same catharsis reading some of this as i do writing it'. so i was feeling joy from being egged on into talking more about it.

which is cool. cuz its truly not like well written. which isnt me reaching for 'tell me my writings good' cuz its not about that, it was unplanned bullshit i just wrote on my phone one day and then kept going 'and then what?' just to see what would happen. its not about it being good its about it being there to express something. what? i dunno. but absolutely something. or else i would have just stopped.

and its maybe a thing where you could look at it like 'whoa man keep that to yourself' but like. it was a thing of the sharing hitting with others, making me feel less ashamed of it, and getting the vibe that people are cheering for themselves feeling less ashamed. i really think the reason anyone ever hyped me up in the first place is cuz of catharsis. cuz seeing something that hits you in the gut cuz its gross or painful just makes you not know how to react so you just kinda go "HELL YEAH!!!!!!!!!!" and that makes you laugh. and keep going.

like i consider it that kind of 'oh something horrible happened so now im laughing as a response cuz i cant handle it' thing. thats normal. literally such a normal reaction to trauma to laugh about it.

much of my early exploratory shit at first just involved raph and leo making gross coping jokes to laugh off how painful their childhoods were. cuz thats the companionship they have. thats how they got over their shit with each other, thats how they feel better. literally laughing off the dread, letting go of the shame, and feeling joy from having someone else there with you doing the same thing.

it was based on some real feeling i had thinking about how me and my siblings have the same coping mechanism, telling people an anecdote about our childhoods while laughing about it. both me and my brother had a story abt telling our friends something while laughing about it and having them react so weirded out. but then we do it with each other and suddenly someone isnt staring at you like youre insane or like youre fucked up for daring to find the humour in your own experiences.

its fucked up to go around saying 'its too dark of a topic to talk about incest or child abuse or sexual assault' cuz.... how the fuck do you think that makes people who have experienced those things feel? do you just want them to shut down? to feel ashamed for experiences they didnt control? or do you only care about how the people who are in the stages of 'cant talk about it' feel? cuz theyre good little victims cuz theyre quiet. they dont make you uncomfortable. please just admit that to yourself right now. you dont worry about victims, you have an ick and are using that as an excuse. everyone whos been cheering this shit on is someone whos on the scale of having experienced the trauma.

thats how i think a lot of you are, anyone cheering for something, anyone getting excited as things get dark, youre all excited cuz you see yourself somewhere and i fucking get you. cheering for fucked up shit to be like "GOD i wish i could write something like that" thats why youre here and i love that. in the same way i said much of the early stuff was leo and raph laughing off the trauma? thats us, you and me, having a laugh about shit and letting go of the shame we feel.

you dont need to feel ashamed for finding joy in the fucked up shit, people are messy. a lot of people want you to just be traumatized forever, to never get over it cuz thats how you should feel. right? play the good victim. but sometimes playing good victim is exhausting. sometimes you wanna joke around with people who get it.

some people arent there yet. thats fine. its 100% normal to react to dark stuff with disgust as well. i absolutely used to be that guy, who would go 'how DARE you do that' but... that on my part was repression. going 'i cant handle this so i need it to not exist'. but that, for me, was not as helpful. it made me more afraid of even harmless things, i would read into safer things as if they were disgusting. it was bad for me, it only made it worse and worse for me. would get into screaming matches at my friends about it, it was bad.

im not sure when i changed exactly, but i think getting into more fucked up art helped. reading stuff with experiences deemed too taboo in polite company. things that felt real and didnt shy away from the gross details of how fucked up things can make you. and i know im much better off now than i was, i know it helped me process stuff to just go 'oh its not that bad'. think about being scared of getting a shot as a kid, you scream you cry cuz somethings gonna stab you and that FEAR makes it worse. but then you get a little prick and you go 'oh. that was fine actually.' maybe a dramatic metaphor but thats genuinely how i feel about it. that shutting down anything that hinted at these themes that could trigger me would make me worse, but in the end i feel much better engaging with them.

idk. i know im overly dramatic, im overly anxious, kinda full of myself, but basically... im really done feeling ashamed of myself for being a person whos brain was warped by shit i had no control over. im done feeling like a bad person for finding ways of dealing with it that work for me, and im okay. but i worry about other people sometimes, maybe people like me? people who also feel like if they dont stick to what makes a palatable victim they will be ostracized. i just dont want you to feel ashamed of yourself for not coping in the proper ways.

and you dont owe anyone an explanation to why youre like that, and i genuinely dont either despite trying to. maybe youve experienced a trauma or maybe you havent. maybe you feel the catharsis despite not experiencing it, maybe you have an unrelated trauma, or maybe its just a cool story and youre having fun. its not my business, its not anyone's business. just be nice to yourself, be nice to others. you dont know anybody, you dont know why people talk the way they do and dont fucking worry about it.

tbh doing this made me find community with a few people so thats genuinely been... so rewarding.

im much less anxious about this than i was at the start, cuz i went oh. wait. everyones here cuz they like the dark stuff. thats cool! getting hyped up for being a bit fucked up really helped. i like my lil community of like the same 11 people i catch in my notes its fun to have this lil community of freaks who i feel like im maybe making feel shit? idk. its just been more meaningful than trying to be widely acceptable. the same bunch of notes here mean more to me than thousands on something widely acceptable. if that makes any sense.

but yeah. laugh it off, let the shame go. thats been the motto for my au for a while in my head

i guess thats all i wanna get across? its normal. or maybe its not normal, but if youre not normal im not either and we're not alone and its no ones fuckin business if we're having fun.

[crushedsweets]

do u have any cool ideas for ur au vers of Liu? I would like to know 👀

this post and this post and this post kind of clear up lius life a lot i think!! I HAVENT READ THEM ALL SO I DUNNO IF ITS ALL STILL 'CANON' IN MY AU THOUGH, but i think so cuz i didnt rlly change much for jeff/liu/janes story... besides trying to expand on jeff being less of a sicko for fun, and more cuz he was pushed into that role (but he def still does it for fun. LOL)

random extra hcs i wanna highlight:

LIU USED TO HAVE A FIANCE !!! his fiance left him when he began spiraling again over jeff and selling their shit to afford moving to alabama, since jeff went on 'hiatus' and suddenly returned.

HE ENDS UP HIRING JANE (A PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR) TO INVESTIGATE NINA, SINCE NINA IS STALKING HIM BUT THE COPS WONT DO ANYTHING ! as a result, jane gets close to nina, and ends up coming to liu like "i cant do this anymore. it hits too close to home and she's too far gone" and liu's like FUCK FUCK FUCK and tries confronting nina himself, only for nina to latch onto him like an older brother who will save her from everything bad going on with jeff.

he starts inviting nina over to sad little dinners (cuz he's so lonely, has literally nobody in alabama and he's protective over nina) and its actually really awkward some nights. just sitting at the kitchen table with chewing and ninas just tapping her nails. but other nights, nina comes in with all her gossip and makes his home all the more lively

if you have any specific questions, let me know!

[bimbo-on-board]

shes rambling just ignore her

i just... inhales... im going thru a big change and doing something ive never done before and its such an indescribable feelinggggg.... all the pain all the suffering all the panic attacks all the meltdowns mean nothing to me anymore because i have... SOMETHING!!! idk... its hard to explain but. basically started from the bottom now we here..... the bottom being. god. this is dark im sorry my lovely followers but i found out a good friend of mine OD'd in 2020... and it was like someone had covered my heart in fiberglass shards i blamed myself so hard i shut myself out from 2020 to 2023 i was a nanny and i shut myself out from the world... i remember my therapist two years ago talking about what i wanna do when i grow up, when my parents die, when its finally.. MY life and i didnt have an answer.. and now i do.. and im with someone who LOVES ME!! UNCONDITIONALLY!!!! im with someone who loves me in ways ive never thought someone could love another...person??? and i feel genuinely pretty for the first time in a llong time??? and the fact that im leaving my job tomorrow and people are SAD?? because they'll MISS ME?? god thats a such a feeling... like?? this is adulthood??? this is what being an adult is like i never thought i would make it.. i never thought i'd see it!!!! what the fuck!!! its basically that comic where the fish comes out on land and dies and goes 'wow its beautiful to think i might've never seen it' or something i cant remember the exact words...

i dunno. if you read this hi thank you im sorry you did that. just remember you dont know what life has in store for you unless you live it. i cant fix everything and im sorry. there isnt gonna be like, a magical light that beams down and suddenly everything falls into place. its gonna take time. and its gonna suck. and you could spend years unhappy and im so sorry but please dont give up

[tinukis]

some details about one of my one piece ocs, Z here i should like draw proper ref of Z soon bc i think abt the little guy often. if i do talk about him more and draw him, i may just reveal his real name eventually

anyway theres really nothing happy about this boy from what i shared and i still have nothing happy. however the reason he even still holds onto life is because of books. he loves reading about adventures, whether the tales are from real journalists or something made up. it inspires Z to continue living on despite being chained down in hell

thats not what i actually wanna talk about, i just wanna talk abt something more lighthearted. while Z does appreciate all the strawhats, the ones hes most particularly fond of are luffy, nami, and robin

not that any of them told their stories, but that those four can really sympathize with Z. nami especially can relate with how Z believes he needs to shoulder everything himself to save his island considering hes only 13 enduring all this pain and suffering-- how he even refused to ask for the strawhats help until things were extremely desperate and that he had to accept that he really was powerless to do anything.

doesnt help that Z's "foster family" fed the strawhats too and how charismatic they are- Z thought that they were completely entranced by them so they wouldnt believe a word a bratty kid would say. and when Z felt completely helpless, he had pinned the blame on the strawhats and wished they never met bc things did go downhill for Z since his arrival

with robin, Z would talk about his favorite book and robin adores how he'd light up talking about it. not to mention him getting really excited when robin said she read the book before and gave him recommendations. (and as a parting gift, she gave Z a book she already finished reading. and it's about a kid his age starting their own adventure and writing everything about their exploits as they travel the world)

and with luffy, i'll admit was p hard to think about as hes not an easy character to write... but hes always been good w kids (AAAAUUUGJWHDIWHDK) and how theyve been inspired by him. what makes it harder to think about is how this kid has ace's face and acted similar to a younger ace. luffy felt a bit uneasy and Z just didnt like him at all. though theyre attracted to each other like magnets so kinda impossible to be separated without being pulled apart. when the strawhats went off to do their own things, luffy and Z somehow come across each other and it's like "stop following me!" / "you're the one following me!"

neither share what adventures they had and neither cared enough to ask. though Z was a little curious about who ace was and luffy bluntly says that theres nothing to know now bc hes dead. Z was about to pry bc ace had to be important to luffy but then again why should he care about this guy? he didnt care much about luffy and he was gonna leave soon anyway so they just left it at that. and as luffy gets distracted by a beetle on a tree trunk, Z suddenly disappears.

at some point though, luffy knew there was something wrong if Z couldnt just leave the place and people he claims to hate. and Z was startled by luffy's sudden interest in him and the island. he wasnt even sure if he could trust this pirate (esp when the 'rulers' were previously pirates !!) but he didnt feel ill intentions from luffy either so Z does tell him about the strict laws of the land which pisses him off gravely bc basically all of the people's freedoms are revoked and have to live a certain way if they wish to even live 👍👍

Z: "dunno why you're interested. you're gonna leave and forget about this hell of an island anyway. theres nothing you can do."

and again, Z cant trust others- especially not pirates. but the more time spent with the strawhats, the more respect and trust he gave. but he never once believed that they cared for him the same

[traggalicious]

OKAU. CAIN (AND ASHER). For asher honestly considering making him not a grimwalker, instead a really brainwashed Scout who was assigned to Cain. But ANYWAY more on that later.

SO: Cain is one of the middle-timeline grims, i dunno when timelines hurt me. He’s got cataracts leading to blindness (though he can see differences in light (his eyes are v light-sensitive) and has a more enhanced sense of magic and stuff). He had some time before they developed to that point, took a couple years to go blind, so he ended up having a lotta training. Also, one of his teachers (who wasnt *that* shit) was like ‘girl u have vision issues huh’. And cain was like “huh. I guess”.

So yeah the teacher helps him out w/ his extra senses and stuff, preparing him for the future blindness (tho neither know that it will get that bad, just that it may get worse). He’s proud, nearly to the point of arrogance due to being hard working which leads to mastery of many subjects he puts his mind to. However, due to his issues he can’t read very well, and his hand eye coordination suffered slightly. So he uses more AoE, swiping, and large area attacks bc precision is not his strong suit. He’s also not the best at stealth bc he cant see obstacles. He can sneak awesome in like, dark hallways, but in a forest? He’s getting found out. Maybe also eating dirt.

He’s got an odd superiority/inferiority complex due to his blindness. On one hand: he worked harder than everyone else, of course he’s better. Plus, he’s the golden guard, the right hand of the emperor, extension of his will on the isles. But also. He can’t even read. He stumbles even now over cracks in tile, on occasion walking into walls or people or veering too far in the wrong direction. He hates asking for help, and he especially hates losing. Even more so if its because of his blindness. He hates feeling inferior, so he masks it with superiority (and his literal mask, which has no face on it).

This is good for him bc he is SHIT at managing facial expressions. Like. Girl is a great liar til you see his face and he’s got ALL the tells goin. Micro-expressions? No. Macro-expressions. He’s not good at making friends because he forgets to make expression when he’s not lying though… like. When he lies it’s like he’s trying to act, so he deliberately puts on expressions. But when he isn’t, all he does is the bare minimum that comes from instinct. Also he scares people because he kinda stares.

He mostly fights with magic, plant and abomination (bc they extend his sight and are accessible anywhere). Doesn’t wear the heeled boots or the full gloves of the other grims, instead wearing wrist-guards and flat-soled boots. He taps on the metal of his armor at times in enclosed spaces, a nervous tick from when he was just learning to adjust to full blindness (which came on suddenly after an unfortunate accident that took the rest of his vision. Led to an unfortunate overheard conversation between belos and himself on the merits of keeping Cain alive, or not. Cain desperately proves himself.)

[pesterloglog]

Roxy Lalonde

Act 6, page 5462-5466

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering undyingUmbrage [uu]

TG: psst hey calliopes bro

TG: i got

TG: a secret message 4 u

TG: it is

TG: ehehm

TG: CALLIOPE

TG: ....

TG: sooooooooo

TG: did that work

TG: calliope calliope calliope

TG: is 3 times the charm

TG: come onnnnn

TG: wake up sleepy head!

TG: le

TG: SIGN

TG: maybe youre just afk?

TG: i hope ur dumb POS brother doesnt end up reading this instead

TG: man i wish you would wake up

TG: rly wanna talk to a friend about everything that just happened

TG: i mean another friend who is not part and parcel to my 3 bffs ridorkulous nonsense

TG: guess ill just give u the scoop on the haps for whenever you wake up

TG: so yeah we all finally entered our game

TG: i think i was being the worst kind of turd 4 opposing the idea so long

TG: guess i thought i was being noble

TG: like sacrificing something that was important and we all wanted anyways just so i could fuck with the witch and her plans

TG: but i dunno what i was thinking

TG: cause this shit here is p great i have got to say

TG: now we are all of the sudden in this crazy place full of pretty green hills and a black empty sky

TG: i never actually seen anything like plants growin or a country side

TG: its so peaceful and quiet here

TG: i mean the racket my loudmouth pals are makin notwithstanding

TG: we are just chilling at jakes old broken house on a mountain figuring what to do

TG: lol this all happened so fuckin fast!

TG: i cant believe were all together like this suddenly

TG: just

TG: hangin out

TG: in actual person

TG: in our moon jammies

TG: this is better than i ever thought it would be in the silliest and stupidest way

TG: it feels so surreal and amazing just being here with my friends

TG: im still not even sure how this all came together

TG: mostly a lotta machiavellian/heroic XTREME STRIDER BULLSHIT

TG: like i was under attack there

TG: my colony was burning

TG: and i remember dying

TG: and i think jane must have died too?

TG: she was on derse but i have no idea how she got there

TG: i dunno if jake died too or what

TG: all i know is ppl were just dying their asses off left and right

TG: the b line is we were all in some shit

TG: dirk i think must have killed himself and like shipped his own head to jake on makeout mountain

TG: but dirk also kissed me it would seem

TG: while i was too dead to notice UNFORTUNATELY :c

TG: but then i woke up on derse which was gettin worked over by the red shit too

TG: and there jane was

TG: all lyin there bloodily and heart breakingly and probably dead

TG: so

TG: i knew i had to kiss her

TG: but

TG: god i feel so pathetic but i just couldnt do it for some reason?

TG: i wanted to but i guess the blood grossed me out and im a total disgrace of a friend

TG: i dont think ill tell her because its too embarrassing

TG: then dirk wakes up and kicks my squeamish butt out the way and kisses her even in spite of his superhuman gayness because he sucks less as a hero

TG: and then were blasting off suddenly on his fuckin rocket and i dont even KNOW whats happening but its all so awesome and we scoot by somewhere and pick jane up in her yellow dress and now SHES flying with us screamin the whole time hahahaha

TG: and then we get to jakes place and shit everywhere is on fire and hes asleep there so dirk splashes him with a bucket of ocean and tells me and jane to hide??

TG: so we do and jake wakes up and starts arguing with dirks gross head from the fucking future and climbs up on this stone wall for some reason and just starts making out with the head while the volcano explodes???

TG: jane and i are like what the absolute FUCK while dirks just there with his bucket all like 'yup'

TG: then we ollied out of that popsicle stand so now here we are

TG: wow

TG: that story is a goddamn mess

TG: what did i even just say

TG: i dunno

TG: ill try to make better sense of all this later

TG: i just wanted to tell you

TG: and thank you for all you did to bring us together like this

TG: it has meant so v much 2 me

TG: oh guess what i even have a new lightning bug pal!

TG: he is toties cute + friendly + blinky as all getout

TG: i think i will name him

TG: doctor blinkbottom

TG: no thats shit

TG: how about

TG: twinkly herbert

TG: lmfao that is kinda sucky too

TG: but i like it

TG: so i am a keep it

TG: herbert just blinked in total agreement omg what a friend

TG: ok calliope

TG: by which i mean.......

TG: CALLIOPE

TG: eh?

TG: ehhh???

TG: still nothin?

TG: k well i should go then

TG: my party is getting a lit bit rowdy over there

TG: oh my god what are they actually doing

TG: not even ten stinkin mins into our magic bestfriendquest and theyre already jacking up the drama

TG: need to flag down the dramambulance

TG: haul these fuckers away

TG: wow they are really being so absurd

TG: maybe its just cause im not tipsy atm but this shit is like hells of amateur hour to me r now

TG: maybe if i wasnt as sober as a nun gettin slapped by a librarian i wouldnt even notice?

TG: fa reals tho may i just say

TG: dying is a hell of a way to sober up quick

TG: got 2 remember that trick

TG: so hey wake up soon!!

TG: i will try again later

TG: must deal w some shit now

TG: urgh

TG: i think

TG: i could use a drink

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering undyingUmbrage [uu]

[brinesystem]

heres a fun question for people with DID: what do you think about parents who have DID

to be specific, im talking about functional multiplicity, but maybe not like, perfectly so?

like 'i cant call that person out right now you have who you have' type stuff being common.

for context, im asking because my boyfriend and i are considering having kids (hes very into it, we however are.... mostly just a ball of concerns but otherwise am into some parts of the idea)

one of my main concerns is the knowledge of 'consistency' being very important in childhood. particularly early childhood, where the kid cant understand the concept of 'i am different people on different days and we all love you but we have different personalities' just yet.

ive seen some people who do it and it seems successful but i havent seen like... any major resources on it past like 'this is a kids book that helped me explain it to my kid' and such

but. we've never heard or read anything about the.... the actual like, affect? of 'oh my parent is suddenly very different and the rules are the same but they arent as affectionate' or on the other hand 'theyre suddenly SUPER Affectionate and i dont know why / what happened'

this is a like, super big worry for us cause we have major sensory issues (autism be damned i can work a grill-), but they also change depending on the front, like, a LOT of us are either very very cuddly affectionate, and others are very much 'if you touch me i will cry immediately please dont come within ten feet' (not to that extent but. you understand?? id hope????)

i dunno

maybe im just overthinking it??? and its not something thats going to happen anytime soon, we have a lot of healing to do before seriously considering it, but

it'd be comforting to know what people think of it and what ideas you guys have? even if you're not a parent??

(as a note part of our worry about this might be because our mother likely has did, and that likely HAS caused issues, but we dont know how much of that wouldnt have been an issue if not for other surrounding circumstances / her lack of knowledge about this kind of thing)

[laviniaplei]

the real problem here is that i have all my drives encrypted in case of physical intrusion, which means that file system corruption can completely fuck a drive in a way that it cant do with an unencrypted drive

in approx. 20 hours once the disk rebuild from parity finishes ill have to take a look at whether theres any significant data loss

i dunno! 3/6 of my drives suddenly reporting massive seek/read error rates is really really concerning and even if only one of them needs a rebuild if all three are fucked hardware-wise i dunno what to do lol hard drives prices have gone up 2x since i bought them and so has the usd -> krw exchange rate

forgot to post about my nas suddenly vomiting out a fuckload of smart errors on all of my drives and having to rebuild one of them as a consequence

my primary suspect is the cheapo 10-port sata card i got years back off aliexpress because it had a marvell controller shitting the bed since its been a while since i installed it, but worst case scenario one or more of my drives are actually fucked and i need to drop 150+ usd on a new one

[ramseyr]

It baffles me that people still give a dumbfounded look when asked to put their mask on,

After they've walked past several signs saying "put on your mask".

Can't read? Or are you just stupid?

[enuui]

.

[isa-ghost]

hey it's the anon who asked what dr*m did,

I decided to do my own research (mainly cause I was curious) but... I can't find much? let me rephrase it - I did find the allegations from 6ish months ago, that he's going to court with one(?) of them, but that's... all? I didn't find the court's verdict, confirmations, or him admitting either... and any post or video I find has both the OP and the comments mostly on his side and believing that it's either not true or true but not grooming, even people who say they're not his fans or don't even like him.

so Im not sure if the confirmation didn't reach youtube or if I'm searching wrong or something?

but honestly while researching I realized that I cant stand him lmao, gotta agree with some comments I read - he made a mistake by showing more of his personality online, looks like any time he can handle a situation wrong/respond wrong he does it

so dunno, guess I didnt find the confirmation but at least now I don't find his old minecraft videos interesting anymore so theres that

Yeah he can't act properly to save his fucking life

Also I think most of the threads on Twitter and stuff that have all the proof he's guilty/etc is probably long buried, unfortunately. You could probably try to ask around saying you're trying to get the whole picture but tbh it's not a huge deal if you can't. You can try searching my blog but Tumblr sucks with that shit. The fact that this and his other controversies have been buried and lost to the void of the internet is typical white boy with a monstrously big platform shit so I'm not surprised. I never heard any details about court (prob for legal reasons) or a conviction either. All I know is there was screenshot proof from the victim that they talked, and Dr*m confirmed the screenshots were real but didn't say anything about other details. But those details literally can't be false if the screenshots & the shit said in them are true.

Anyway, as far as his other bullshit goes:

People found old kkk meme edits on his yt account through the wayback machine. More than once if I'm not mistaken

He has a history of defending himself using the r slur

He cheated "on accident" in a speedrun (the least important thing ever but everyone always brings it up)

He claimed he was going to donate all proceeds during pride month to lgbt+ charities & he'd do charity streams all month but never did

He defended himself about replying to haters, which would send thousands of his toxic stans after the person getting them doxxed/death threats/etc and he refused to address that it was irresponsible of him bc he was too entitled to immaturely clap back at the antis. Even other ccs, like B/itzel called him out about shit related to how he uses his platform irresponsibly & he unfollowed & shaded them like a bitch baby

The whole "accidental" copycat shit with QSMP/USMP and basically softcore stalking Q/uackity online.

His "apologies" for all of the above fucking sucked in multiple ways. And that's just 2021-Now shit I can remember off the top of my head, I lost my Twitter in May last year so now I get my info from people's posts about it on here or links to tweets.

Everyone largely suspects he spontaneously reignited d/smp lore & started the finale to cover up the groomer thing bc he has a history of doing smth "new and cool" every time he causes drama to divert attention and avoid accountability.

He's also suspected of suddenly rewriting the d/smp finale to paint his Irredeemable Abuser Villain Up Until The Last Stream as a sympathetic poor baby out of nowhere and wrote that his victim, c!Tommy apologized to him, which sends a HORRIBLE message about abusive relationships. T/ommy and T/ubbo have both subtly mentioned not liking the finale and that Dr*m had AWFUL communication during the last like 6+ months of the smp.

He also suddenly showed up in T/ubbo's chat lurking while T/ubbo happened to be mentioning he'd do his own research on the grooming situation instead of blindly siding with Dr*m and it was some shit out of a horror movie is2g, he suddenly dmed T/ubbo out of nowhere during it on discord saying they'd talk about it after T/ubbo wasn't streaming. Basically sounds like he was gonna bias T/ubbo about his innocence. Like he hadn't been in chat all stream long but SUDDENLY he was there the second the topic came up. But the d/smp ccs also can't say anything about the situation since it's a legal matter, so a handful of ccs have just stated/implied they don't support him other ways

He only quit MCC bc he threw a tantrum about how he couldn't practice for it but now that MCC island exists, people were getting better than him. He's habitually a sore loser about that kinda shit

He's got that whole weird "is he, isn't he" bullshit going on about him being lgbt. I personally think he's just catering to his stupid d/n/f shippers bc they like to truth their relationship & sexuality all the time and he's never explicitly said he's bi or smth. He's just vaguely been like "yeeeaahhhh I mostly like girls like 99% but maaaayyybeee I like guys idkkkk. 🤪" But he's also done that multiple times so who tf knows. I'm not gonna fully dismiss him & I understand no one including me is entitled to his specific sexuality, but he has garbage credibility on like everything so I'm neutral on the matter and find it hard to believe him

Not directly him related, but his stans went on a long and horrifying witch hunt on Twitter during the kkk ordeal doxxing, death threatening & harassing ENTIRE mcyt subtwts who spoke out against him and called him out on his racism, performative activism, shitty apology, etc. For example, I was part of S/neeg's subtwt and all my mutuals and me had to go private to avoid getting doxxed. It felt like being raided in some dystopian ass horror film. Entire subtwts were going private, panicking, paranoid they'd get outed & stalked & harassed by people just for condemning racism, raising Black voices, etc. It was borderline traumatic to some people, I know people who lost sleep over it bc they were so afraid.

That's all I can think of off the top of my head but the end of 2021 to early 2022 was a fucking nightmare between him being an immature entitled piece of shit and his stans blindly defending him and going out of their way to endanger people who rightfully opposed him.