#/hello! hopefully this is an okay response if not feel free to lemme know <3 always happy to change things / toss different muses at stuff
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âYeah, because rolling up and trying to murder a bunch of people wouldnât result in any of us getting killed in the process. Prime way to preserve human life.â Zander retorts sarcastically, rolling his eyes at her outburst. Sure, he would be lying if he pretended he didnât under where Anika was coming from. He was pissed too, making peace wasnât exactly something he wanted to do. But it had to be done for the survival of the group, none of them could afford letting their emotions cloud their judgement at the moment. Was there a chance negotiations wouldnât be effective? Of course, but murdering everyone they had issues with wasnât a solution in the long term; all thatâd bring was an endless cycle of violence, a life for a life on loop until there was nobody left. Considering she currently wasnât contributing any actually useful ideas to the conversation, he should have let her run off in peace, and yet the second she storms off towards her house, heâs chasing after her. âSlow down, Anika. Nobody is saying please and thank you is the solution here, at least none of the smart ones are. But we also canât be rash and get everyone killed because weâre pissed off. If youâre actually concerned about losing more people, take a deep breath and try to actually help instead of doing something rash or idiotic."
âĄÂ open to: m/f/nb âĄÂ anika hunt - member of a community that is at odds with another in the apocalypse
she stood near the edge of the group, listening, hues fixated on the fire burning in the middle of everyone. diplomatic ideas were being thrown around every which way, offering half thought out plans about negotiations, keeping peace. it all just pushed her over the edge she had been teetering on. " or how about we fucking kill them all ? " anger took over because it was the only thing she could hold onto over guilt and grief. " hm ? " the girl gave a shrug, her voice cutting through all the others with multiple sets of orbs landing on her. " they've taken enough â people, supplies, peace of mind, what more are you willing to lose because I'm tired of it. " the loss of someone she cared about had twisted into a need to make someone pay. " think they're just going to stop because you say please and thank you ? fuck this. " final words mumbled as she rolled her eyes and headed off towards the house she currently called home, not that home had really existed in a long time.
#scbrvght#scbrvght (anika)#scbrvght (anika and zander)#(zander)#/hello! hopefully this is an okay response if not feel free to lemme know <3 always happy to change things / toss different muses at stuff#if you're like 'yes would be down to write but not that muse' etc etc. also sorry wee bit rusty because i haven't had time to rp in a bit!#//also sorry for Zander coming in so hot like he's a good muse but he doesn't sugarcoat his opinions :/
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Alix Appreciation Week, day 3: Favourite Ship
Did I blatantly cheat on this prompt? Of course. Which ship? All of them  None of them Wait until the very end and see. Am I cruel enough to break 13 kidsâ hearts in quick succession? Yep. Am I sorry about it? Hell nah >:D
It was that time of year again.
Every shop window was advertising specially themed chocolates, cards, flowers, every radio station blasting out love songs non-stop, every pavement of every street filled with couples holding hands and using this day to be as mushy in public as they wanted without the usual repercussions. The very air was filled with the stench of romance, so thick it weighed down on everything, worming its way into every nook and cranny and smothering everyone like a blanket of stale marshmallows.
In other words, it sucked.
Alix hurried to school facing straight ahead, ignoring anything that made this day different from any other. Hopefully during class sheâd be free from it, right? She could always just zone out and ignore anything the teacher was saying if she needed to.
Unluckily for her, she didnât even make it to class unscathed. While pulling textbooks out of her locker and stuffing them into her bag, Marinette shuffled into view, a ridiculously bright blush covering that freckled face of hers.
âHi Alix!â she squeaked, waving enthusiastically for a few seconds before clearing her throat and seemingly trying to appear less nervous. âI, um, just wanted to say hi to you before everyone else b-because I â well not that I donât want you to say hello to anyone! N-no wait⊠what I mean isâŠâ
Her face glowed so bright it was like she had eaten one too many tomatoes. Did Marinette always stutter like that all the time? Usually she only did that around Adrien, right? But then again she hadnât spoken to Alix for quite a while, seeming to just run off whenever getting near her, so if her attitude had changed in the meantime then there was no way of knowing.
âWhat do you want, Marinette?â Alix said. âJust spit it out.â
She was already half expecting it. Everyone knew what Marinetteâs stuttering meant. But that didnât make it any less awkward when Marinette finally managed to stammer out, âWill y-you be my Valentine?â before hiding her face behind her hands and taking a step back.
So, the class rep herself had been hit with Cupidâs arrow in the cruellest way possible, huh? Alix sighed. âIf I say no, will you get akumatized?â
Marinette shook her head frantically. âNo, of c-course not! Donât worry! I⊠I just⊠um⊠bye!â She ran off without another word.
Well, hopefully that would be all. Why did Marinette like her, anyway? Usually people found her intimidating. Or annoying, that too. Not worth hanging out with much. Whatever Marinette liked her for, it had to be something superficial, since no one in the class knew her very well at all.
Alix stood up on the lower shelf of her locker to reach the things she had put at the top â why did these lockers have to be so tall, seriously â only for her fingers to close around a loose slip of paper. She pulled it out and had a read.
I know you probably donât think of me this way, but youâre so brave and inspiring and I wish I could pluck up the courage to ask you to be my Valentine in person. But I canât. So have this letter instead, as a token of my feelings. I hope you have a great day today, whoever itâs with. ~J
Seriously? Did Juleka really think Alix wouldnât recognize her handwriting? No one else dotted their âIâs with stars. Maybe Juleka wanted her to know it was her, though, at least subconsciously, and so didnât even try to hide it.
Unfortunately, that wouldnât change anything. Alix stuffed the note in her pocket, slammed the locker door shut, and looked around for Juleka. Probably best to just return this note as soon as possible before that gothy bundle of nerves spent too long getting worked up waiting for some kind of reaction.
She ran up the steps to the classroom two at a time, not looking where she was headed, only to directly run into someone at the top and bounce backwards, almost falling right back down. The person quickly turned around and grabbed her hand just in time.
âHey dude, slow down there! You donât wanna get hurt!â
Looking up, she saw Nino beaming down at her. Oh, thank goodness it was him and not a teacher or a snitch. She did not want to get in trouble again for running in school, or her dad would kill her for real this time.
âActually,â Nino continued, âyouâre just the person I was looking for. I wanted to talk to you.â
Still holding her hand to stop her falling, he loosened his grip slightly and gently pulled her up onto the landing.
âI made a new mixtape,â he said, not looking at her now. âItâs, uh⊠I could send it to you. If you want. I mean, itâs for you.â
The warm smile on his face had turned into an all-too-familiar cheesy, nervous grin. The same kind of grin that so many people had on this particular day of the year, a grin that spoke volumes about how they were feeling on the inside. A grin that Alix did not want to see.
âYou made a mixtape for me?â she asked, trying to keep disappointment out of her voice.
âYeah!â Nino rubbed the back of his head, looking at the floor. âItâs, um, a Valentineâs Day present, I guess, if you want itâŠâ
Alix promptly let go of his hand and wiped her own hand on the side of her shorts. âIâm sure your mixtape is great. But um⊠could you send it to me on a different day of the year? Like, any other day at all? Any day that isnât this day?â
âSureâŠâ His face was falling.
âDo send it though. I wanna hear it.â
âUm, cool, Iâll do thatâŠâ
Why did he still look sad? People always seemed to take rejection so hard for some inexplicable reason, no matter how nice you were about it. It didnât feel good at all, hurting peopleâs feelings like this⊠but what was the alternative then? Lying to them?
Whatever. Alix gave Nino a brief smile before pushing past him and heading to the classroom. As soon as she walked through the door she saw it there â a crimson rose, lying on her desk. Oh come on, what now? Stomping over, half expecting it to be a joke, she picked up the flower and was about to toss it out of the window when she caught the faint scent drifting out of it.
No, it wasnât normal flower fragrance⊠it was perfume. And a very familiar perfume.
She turned to the back of the classroom and slammed her hand down on the desk. âROSE!â
Rose, who had been sitting in her seat at the back with a textbook up to hide her face, jumped and dropped the book with a thud. Her face was almost as pink as her dress.
âY-yes?â
Alix clambered over the desk in between and made her way over, dropping the flower right in front of Rose. âI think this belongs to you. You seem to have lost it.â
Maybe an indirect rejection would be a better way to deal with poor, sensitive Rose, at least if she didnât want another akuma on her hands. In any case, Rose blinked a few times with those giant eyes of hers, taken aback. Clearly that wasnât the response she had expected.
âActually⊠IâŠâ
âLemme guess, were you gonna give this to Juleka?â
Roseâs eyes had rather alarmingly begun filling up with tears, but the mention of Julekaâs name managed to stop her from actually crying. âOh, well⊠I didnât think of that, butâŠâ
âYou should do it.â That would kill two birds with one stone, as the saying went. Alix wasnât even sure what would cause sweet girly Rose to go for someone like her when Juleka was already her type, anyway. Or what would cause anyone to go for her at all.
Without waiting for a reply, she turned and vaulted back over the desks towards her own seat.
-
-
Class itself was uneventful, thankfully. By the time the bell rang Alix had almost forgotten what day of the year it was â at least, until she leapt to her feet and felt the crunch of paper in her pocket. Oh yes, Julekaâs note. Juleka herself had come into class late and there had been no chance to talk to her. Maybe it would be better to get it over with now.
Alix was just turning around to go when she felt MylĂšne put a hand on her arm, pulling her back.
âAlix! Wait a moment!â
She had to bite her tongue to stop herself snapping What now?!
âAre you doing anything later today?â MylĂšne asked.
âWhy?â
âWell, I was wondering ifâŠâ She was twirling a strand of hair around her finger, biting at her lip. âSince itâs⊠Valentineâs DayâŠâ
Really? Was this just because they sat next to each other? It wasnât like MylĂšne ever willingly talked to her outside of class time, about anything other than needing a hand with schoolwork. People seemed to find the prospect of spending Valentineâs Day alone so horrifying that it almost seemed not to even matter who they asked.
Or at least, that was what it looked like from what she had gathered over the years.
âSorry, Iâm busy tonight,â Alix said simply, shaking her arm free and walking off. Out of the corner of her eye she saw MylĂšne curl up a little â okay, maybe there were a few genuine feelings there after all, oops. Still, that didnât change her answer.
She headed to the back of the classroom as everyone else was leaving and thrust the note right into Julekaâs hands without even a greeting. âI think you accidentally put this in my locker.â She was sure it had been no accident, but rejecting Rose indirectly had worked, so maybe this would too.
Juleka was hard to read. The hair covering her face made it almost impossible to see anything, not to mention she was one of those tall people, so it was hard to see her face anyway. But her quiet mumbling did indicate some kind of response.
âDid you mean to put it in Roseâs locker?â Alix continued, lowering her voice enough that Rose nearby wouldnât hear.
âHrnnhrhhnnrhn,â Juleka said, the visible sliver of skin on her face going red.
âI bet Rose would love it. Donât worry, I wonât tell her. Iâll let you do that.â
âHrmmbbffrrrrâŠâ
âYou can do it.â
Alix gave her a thumbs up, then had started walking away when she finally heard Juleka actually speak.
âWait!â
She turned around to see Juleka shuffling around nervously.
âTh-this was meant for you⊠but itâs okay. I get it. Iâll give it toâŠâ
Her one visible eye shifted to the side as she trailed off.
âHey, Juleka?â Alix said, trying to force herself to be nice for once. âIt was pretty brave of you to tell me. Good going.â
Juleka smiled. âThanksâŠâ
Cool. Now that was sorted, hopefully the rest of the day would be free of any sorts of shenanigans, because honestly, this was getting kind of ridiculous. Whichever cosmic entity was up there firing Cupid arrows at all Alixâs classmates, they had a really sick sense of humour.
-
-
The rest of the day was not free of shenanigans, of course. Alix was heading out of the empty locker room for lunch when someone suddenly grabbed her by the scruff of the neck and yanked her up into the air.
âHey, midget!â
She had known who it was before she even heard the voice. âWhat the fuck do you want, Kim?â
He dropped her and crossed his arms. âI have a challenge for you. Well, kind of a challenge. A bet thing.â
Oh, thank goodness. Finally something normal was happening on this lawless, godforsaken day. At least she could always count on Kim to be his usual annoying self. âWhat is it?â
âWell I wanna prove myself and no one else ever takes my challenges seriously except you, so like, I have to ask you, itâs not âcause I want to or anything, IâŠâ
âGet to the point.â
âFine!â His face had suddenly gone the colour of his hoodie â not a good sign. âI bet Iâm totally a way better kisser than you, so I challenge you to a competition!â
Not him tooâŠ
She smacked her hand on her forehead. âNo. Just⊠oh god. No. Ew.â
âIâm not asking âcause I want to!â he said quickly. âItâs just that no one else would do it, and like⊠I mean, Iâm definitely gonna win, but if you somehow win instead then you can take me out for dinner or something⊠okay even if I win Iâll take you out for dinner, howâs thatâŠâ
âIs this all just an excuse to get me to go out with you?â
âN-no! Well⊠unless you want it to beâŠâ
Alix rolled her eyes. âJeez, at least ask me properly.â
âOkay, okay⊠do you wanna go out with me?â
âNope. See ya.â She shoved him aside and left the locker room, calling out a quick, âAnd donât go getting akumatized over it!â behind her shoulder as she went.
Not even a second had passed before ChloĂ© was standing in front of her, hands on her hips, haughty smirk on that cold face. âI heard that.â
âSo what?â Alix snapped.
âSo, I just want to say: join the club, darling!â
âUh, what club?â
ChloĂ© let out a little chuckle with her hand covering her mouth, like one of those evil rich lady anime villains. âThe club of girls who are too good for that loser, of course! Surely you know heâs asked me out plenty too?â
âYeah, everyone knows. I also donât care.â She tried to walk past, but ChloĂ© stepped into her path and blocked her way.
âBoys arenât good enough anyway, wouldnât you say? So boorish and unsophisticated. Donât you think⊠someone else would be a much better choice?â
She had her hands clasped together now, batting her eyelashes.
âIâm gonna throw up,â Alix muttered.
âOh, youâre just like them!â ChloĂ© stomped her foot and folded her arms, turning away. âSo⊠so⊠oh, I donât know! Rude-spirited! Tomboy! I thought maybe youâd be a little different today.â
Yeah, most people did act different on this day. But Alix acted the same every day, and if ChloĂ© didnât like it, then tough.
âI donât have time for this,â she said, rubbing her aching forehead. âYouâre like the seventh person to make a move on me today and itâs really weirding me outâŠâ
âHmph!â ChloĂ© flounced off, her nose upturned.
Alix breathed a sigh of relief â only for every bit of relief to vanish when she heard a timid little voice from somewhere to the side.
âThat was really cool of youâŠâ
No, not another one, not againâŠ
But sure enough, she turned aside to see Sabrina sidling over, the look of admiration on her face that was usually only reserved for Chloé.
âDonât even try it,â Alix warned.
âOh! Um, no, of course I wonât!â Sabrina looked down, her doormat personality suppressing anything she would have otherwise said. Was that bad? People didnât like keeping their emotions bottled up, right? Maybe it would be better to hear her outâŠ
âOkay fine,â Alix sighed, âjust say what you wanna say and go.â
Sabrina nodded, still looking down at the floor with her hands clutched to her chest. âYouâre really cool and I wish I could be more like you and I know if I ask to be your Valentine youâll probably say no but I do want to soâŠâ
For goodness sake, it was like being the protagonist of one of those awful dating sims â when was it going to end?!
âYouâre right, Iâd say no,â Alix replied, âbut you know what? If you wanna be more like me, Iâll teach you to rollerskate at some point.â
Sabrinaâs face lit up. âReally?â
âYeah. And hereâs another tip: if you wanna be like me, stop being a mushy dork like everyone else.â
Sabrinaâs face fell again. âI canât help itâŠâ
And that was the problem, wasnât it? No one could. That was what made it even more frustrating to have to turn everyone down.
âFine. Just⊠ugh, Iâm getting out of here.â
Alix walked off as quickly as possible. Maybe going home for lunch was the best idea, where there would be no one else to bother her. School was being more cursed than usual today.
She was out of the schoolâs front doors when she heard someone calling her.
âHey! Alix!â
It was Adrien, standing at the door of his limo and waving at her. She apprehensively waved back. Was he about to start too? She didnât trust anyone right now.
He ran over to her. âIâm so glad to see you â youâre one of the only girls I know who doesnât completely fangirl over me on Valentineâs Day, itâs getting so tiringâŠâ
Her hopes shot up again. âReally?â
âYeah! Itâs so refreshing! IâŠâ He looked past her towards the school entrance, his face filled with alarm. âOh no, here they comeâŠâ
Alix turned around to see a bunch of squealing fangirls running through the doors, waving posters and autograph pads. Adrien grabbed her arm.
âWe probably shouldnât stay here or weâll get swarmed â come on!â
He had pulled her into the limo before she knew it, leaning across her to shut the door. The screams of the fangirls could still be heard, but they wouldnât be able to see anything through the tinted windows.
Adrien quickly shuffled back into his own seat, grinning sheepishly. âUh, sorry⊠Theyâre kind of wild, arenât they?â
Alix just nodded. Whatever she was going through today, poor Adrien clearly had it a hundred times worse.
âI was just going home for lunch, maybe youâd like to join me?â
âSure,â she said. Adrien probably needed a bit of sanity in his life right now.
âGreat!â He smiled that sunny smile at her, putting on his seatbelt. âI just hope Nathalie wonât tell my fatherâŠâ
Alix put on her seatbelt too. Yeah, Adrienâs restrictive life sounded less appealing by the second. Hopefully by being a good friend to him, she could at least cheer him up a little.
-
-
Halfway through her third sandwich, sitting at the end of the long, empty Agreste dining table, it occurred to her that Adrien had shuffled his seat closer. Noticeably closer.
âThank you for being here,â he said, resting his head on his arm, not even eating.
âYeah, no problem,â she replied. âI wasnât exactly having the best day either.â
âI never have a good Valentineâs Day⊠but youâve made it a bit better.â
Well that was depressing. And suspicious, too. Hopefully he wouldnâtâŠ
âYouâre, um, really cool. Different.â His hand shifted over, ever so slightly, to rest on hers, far too warm to be normal. âIâm really glad youâre here with me, you knowâŠâ
âIs this a date?â Alix asked, her mouth still full of sandwich. Adrien blushed.
âIf you wantâŠâ
Date? Right now that was another word for nightmare. Wait, was this a nightmare? Was she dreaming? Would that explain why today was so unprecedentedly bad? But no, she was wide awake, and all of this was real.
âWell in that case this isnât a date,â she said.
âOh, okay.â Adrienâs smile disappeared, and he took his hand back. The rest of the not-date continued in an uncomfortable silence.
-
-
By the time Alix arrived back at school, she had made up her mind that from tomorrow onwards, she was making proper friends with all these kids. It seemed like she didnât know any of them very well at all, and had also happened to make a lot of them rather sad today. Breaking hearts was nowhere near as fun as it sounded. Perhaps by being friends with them, it would ease the guilt somewhat.
Of course, her day immediately got worse when the monthly stomach cramps hit full force â âmonthlyâ as a loose term, considering she was only 15, and her hormones did not seem to know the meaning of the word month. She rushed into the toilets and hoped she wouldnât be too late for class.
Running out into the locker room a minute later, she almost bumped right into Ivan, who was towering there as sullen as ever with his phone in one hand and a piece of paper in the other.
âIvan! Dude, get out of my way, Iâm gonna be late for class and I donât want another detentionââ
âI wrote you a song,â Ivan grumbled.
âUhâŠâ
Without another word, he hit the play button on his phone. Out poured a heavy metal track that would put Kitty Section to shame. Ivan began singing unintelligible lyrics off the piece of paper â well, less like singing, more like screaming.
Alix just grabbed the phone out of his hand and paused the song. âThatâs nice, but seriously, I donât have time. But thank you for this wonderful, sibling-like performance, youâre so much like a brother to me dude, itâs great, I gotta go though. Bye.â
She handed the phone back and ran off, leaving him standing there bewildered. Had that got the message into his brain? Hopefully it had. And hopefully he wasnât going to get akumatized over it. Dealing with an akuma attack today, on top of everything else, would just be too much.
-
-
She hadnât been expecting anything more to happen before the end of the school day. Obviously, she was proved wrong when paired up for the next class project and sent off to the school library for research during the last lesson, and immediately began to expect nothing but the worst from her project partner. He did not disappoint.
âSo,â Nathaniel mumbled, pulling a book off the shelf and passing it to her. âWhatâs up?â
âMy level of bloodlust.â
His eyes widened. âThat sounds like something Jules would sayâŠâ
âJules? Oh, are you friends with Juleka?â She hadnât expected him to be, considering how he always kept to himself all the time. But Juleka didnât let just anyone call her Jules.
He shrugged. âA little, maybe?â
Alix pulled up a chair and sat down, plonking the book down on the table without bothering to look at it. Â âYouâre a bit like me, arenât you? Weâre the leftover classmates.â
He sat down next to her. âWe really areâŠâ
âNo best friends. No true close bonds.â
âExactly!â
At least Nath understood. He was different, of course, usually being a full-on loner, not interacting with the others at all. But he knew what it felt like. Maybe, just maybe, he would relate to her in another way too. Maybe he wouldnât be different at all on this cursed day of this cursed year.
âCan I draw you?â he asked suddenly.
âWhat?â
His face had gone so red it was blending in with his emo hair. âI⊠youâre so⊠I mean, I wonât make a comic or anything! Unless you want me toâŠâ
She rolled her eyes. âYeah whatever, you can draw me. But stop blushing.â
He just blushed even harder.
âYouâre still doing it!â
He looked down, his fringe falling to cover almost his entire face. âS-sorry! I canât help itâŠâ
âNo one can, apparently.â It wasnât blushing she was talking about exactly, and Nath seemed to understand.
âItâs okay, Iâm not asking you to be my Valentine,â he said quietly. âI know you donât like stuff like that.â
âHow do you know?â
âJust things I noticedâŠâ
True, he must notice a lot, sitting at the back all quiet. Usually he seemed to have his head in the clouds. But maybe sometimes he paid attention to what was going on down on earth, too.
âYouâll find someone to be your Valentine someday,â Alix said, hoping she didnât sound too fake. âNow, are you gonna start drawing me or what?â
Nath smiled. âSureâŠâ
-
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The school day finally ended. Was the torment over yet? Please say it was. This day had already been too much to bear. But Alix was pulled out of her rather murderous thoughts when she closed her locker to see Alya standing there, leaning against the locker rows, sporting the tell-tale flannel she often wore, and a rather dazzling smile.
âHey Alix,â she said, throwing out a finger-gun and winking. âYou look tired. Well you must be, âcause youâve been skating through my mind all day.â
Alix sighed. âHow many more of these have you got?â
âPlenty. If you were a triangle, youâd be acute one. Are you from Tennessee? âCause youâre the onlyââ
âYou sound like Chat Noir.â
âUh⊠is that a good thing or a bad thing?â
âRight now, if Iâm being honest, a bad thing.â
Alya grinned. âNo problem. Iâll cut down on the bad puns and cut right to the chase. How about dinner?â
âI already have dinner plans, sorry.â
Alya looked at her carefully, even adjusting her glasses slightly. âAre you just saying that because the bad puns put you off?â
âBad puns or no bad puns, my answer is still no.â
âHey, fair enough. I hope you have a good dinner, whoever itâs with!â
Out of everyone who had asked today, Alya had the most genuine smile on her face after being turned down. Alix smiled back, more genuine than usual too, and gave her a friendly punch in the arm. âYou too. See you tomorrow.â
Alya waved and walked off happily. Was she seriously okay with it? Or was she just acting? In any case, Alix put her bag over her shoulders and started walking off too â home, finally!
Well, almost. She was almost across the courtyard when Max caught up with her.
âAlix, there you are!â
She allowed her spirits to lift ever so slightly. Max liked dudes, right? At least, she thought so. She wasnât 100% sure. But maybe he would be the first person today to not bother trying anything, and her day wouldnât be a total disaster after all.
Of course, that was too much to ask for.
âI have a scientific experiment I need your help with!â he said. âMarkov isnât around, right? No? Good⊠alright, listenâŠâ He lowered his voice. âI have never experienced an actual Valentineâs Day date before, and before I actually ask someone I have any interest in, I think it would be beneficial to go through a practice run with someone else first so that I know what to do, just as an experimental thing, andââ
âAre you asking me out?â
âHypothetically speaking, yes.â
At least he didnât sound very nervous about it, which was better than could be said for pretty much everyone else.
âYou donât need a practice run,â Alix said. âJust go for it.â
âBut I need something first to build my expectations on! I canât just ask out Kiâ uh, someone else who I actually like, without first experiencing what such a thing would be like myselfâŠâ
âIs there, um, anyone else you can ask for help? Anyone who isnât me?â
Max sighed. âYouâre refusing, arenât you? I understand. Itâs fine.â
âLook dude, itâs not personal, itâs justââ
âYou are uninterested in the fundamental concept of Valentineâs Day whatsoever, yes, I know. Come to think of it, I donât even know why I asked you in the first place. I suppose perhaps I thought your objective point of view might help give me some perspective.â
âUh⊠yeah.â
He smiled. âWell, I hope you have a good day anyway. Iâll find someone else.â Speeding up, he walked past her and out of the doors.
Alright, well that was all her classmates. Every single one of them. Surely, surely there couldnât possibly be anyone else now. People in other classes were terrified of her, there was no way. From here on she could make it home without any more grief, without any other awkward advances, withoutâ
âAlix! Has Max already left?â
That robotic voice flooded her with relief. She turned to see Markov whizzing over.
âHey Markov!â she said, fist-bumping him as he came to a stop in front of her. âYeah, Max just left.â
âAh, I thought so. I feel like on Valentineâs Day I should leave him be to have his own adventures.â
Oh, thank goodness for Markov. He was a robot. Unlike every human she knew, Markov would feel the same way about this day that she did.
âCan I talk to you about something?â she asked.
âOf course!â
âCool. Well, Iâve just had a really weird day. My classmates donât even care about me that much, Iâm not that close with any of them, but they all seem to have crushes on me⊠why? How? Like, how does that even happen? What do they see in me? Whatâs the point?â
Markov was silent for a few moments, processing all that, before speaking. âRomantic attraction appears to be a rather unintuitive, arbitrary human emotion. I will spare all the technical details. But in many cases, it is not necessary to know the subject well to experience attraction to them. The attraction itself involves a desire to want to get to know the subject better, much like regular friendship.â
So her classmates wanted to know her, just as she wanted to know them. They were just a bit more⊠sappy about it.
âAs for why they all seem to like you in particular, well, there are many reasons!â Markov continued, his internal fans whirring a little louder. âAs you are slightly more withdrawn, there is a mysterious charm! And yet you still have a friendly personality, and one that is spirited too. AndâŠâ
Dark blue blush circles were creeping up under his cheeks, his volume lowering.
ââŠwhile beauty is subjective, I would argue that you are rather⊠well, I believe the colloquial term is âhotâ, though that denotes temperature⊠though perhaps thatâs why my internal drives appear to be overheatingâŠâ
No way. No way. Alix just stared, unable to believe what she was seeing.
âIs this what it feels like?â Markov was saying now, the blush spreading all over his face. âI⊠I suppose I understand nowâŠâ
âIf I ever meet the real Cupid,â Alix said, her hands curling up into fists, âIâm gonna strangle him.â
âWhat? Why?â
âHe seems to think itâs funny to shoot his arrows at everyone and make them all fall for the one person he never shot anything at, ever.â
âAre you speaking in metaphors? I have trouble understanding those sometimes. Itâs so poetic though, I would have no objections if you continuedâŠâ
His dotted eyes were slowly transforming into hearts, and Alix had had quite enough.
âThatâs it. Iâm not talking to anyone else for the rest of the day. Iâm going home.â
âOh⊠well have a good day!â
She ignored him and strode right out of the school doors.
-
-
Home sweet home, at last. Her father was out working late, Jalil was spending the night with some bae from uni, so Alix had the house to herself. She grabbed a bucket of ice cream from the freezer, went to her room, and turned on the TV to pick a good movie.
Oh, how nice it was to be alone! Being the classâs third wheel had never been fun, and being the classâs collective crush was even worse. At least the one person she could always count on was herself.
Well⊠it was a little lonely in here. It was Valentineâs Day, after all. As much as she hated to admit it, she didnât want to spend it all by herself. For the first time her brother wasnât here to hang out with, so someone or something else would have to doâŠ
She picked up her rollerskates and lay back on the bed in front of the TV, holding them close. If there was one thing she could always, always count on, it was these skates. They had been with her through countless races, countless challenges, the very best and the very worst of times, even being akumatized along with her.
She helped herself to a scoop of ice cream and curled up around the skates, waiting for the movie to begin.
âSomeday Iâll find a real friend to spend this day with, someone like me,â she whispered to them. âBut in the meantime, youâll have to do. Happy Valentineâs Day.â
#i barely even proofread this cause it got too long oops#alix appreciation week#miraculous ladybug#alix kubdel#and everyone else#random stuff#aish writes#we are miraculous#pretend this is a universe where no classmate ships are canon yet
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hello liv !! i hope youâre doing wonderfully and, if not, i hope things get much better for you going forward đ
iâm in need of some advice, if youâre comfortable sharing !! i saw your recent post abt how youâre greyaro, and i was wondering how you came to that conclusion? iâve always thought i was aro/ace (like ... since i was 11, and iâm almost 18 now), but was always brushed off because i was too young, i simply havenât met the right person, etc., all valid criticisms of course, so i waited ... and i know iâm still very young and havenât even seen a fraction of what life has to offer, but it seems like nothing has changed. iâve never had a crush (at least, on a real person ... fictional characters are another story lol), and in fact, iâm very in love with romance as a CONCEPT, when itâs a story/poem/movie/etc., but the idea of actually practicing it is ... gross, ngl. even the idea of KISSING someone (let alone all the other stuff) grosses me out, i cringe whenever i see a couple kiss, whether thatâs fictional or irl, simply because it doesnât appeal to me.
iâve had many guy friends have feelings for me and all it does is make me uncomfortable, because ... i want to just have friends, iâm not interested in anyone, platonic relationships in practice mean a lot more to me than romantic relationships. but then again, i also do crave falling in love and finding my soulmate, tho i donât know if thatâs because i WANT to or because thatâs whatâs expected of me, if that makes sense?
i donât know if i worded myself correctly, and youâre completely free to not respond, of course !! if anything, iâm just grateful to get all this off my chest, lol, youâre quite a safe space for people to just ... speak and know theyâre not going to be met with judgment, youâre amazing that way đ
!!! hello my sweet anon !!!!! đ iâm doing alright today!!! thank you for checking in!!!!!
and thank you for trusting me enough to share your thoughts and ask for some advice!!! i donât mind sharing at all!!! especially if thereâs a chance it might help somehow!!! iâm putting it under a âread moreâ because it ended up getting a little long (sorry about that)!!! đ
honestly!!! i felt really similarly to how youâre feeling now!!! i never really dated in middle and high school. a part of me wanted to! i had crushes on people, and i loved the idea of being in a romantic relationship, but i got asked out several times and i got anxious about it every single time. there was once or twice when i was younger when i said yes to being somebodyâs girlfriend, but i just ended up panicking about it for several days until i broke it off.Â
i didnât really think about it a whole lot! each time i said yes to someone asking me out, i hadnât had a crush on them for very long before that, and i thought maybe i was just moving into things too fast and thatâs why i was uncomfortable. or they just werenât right for me. also! i have an anxiety disorder! and i was sure that played into things too. dating was new to me, and new things make me nervous. i figured iâd get older and come into my own and things would settle down.
but it kept happening! every time i got asked out, it would fill me with an overwhelming sense of dread. it would reduce me to tears. i hated it. and it didnât matter who asked! there were times where i was sure i had a crush on someone, but then they made a move on me, and it was like a switch flipped. the attraction was gone, just like that. i didnât understand it. i thought maybe thatâs just what relationships were like. that they all started out uncomfortable, and if i pushed through it, iâd come out on the other side and iâd actually enjoy them. but i really didnât want to do that!
i ended up browsing the arospec tags more and more. i came across the term âlithromanticâ and kept that in the back of my mind for a long time. iâve always developed crushes on people! but when it came to the people around me that i crushed on, it never felt good when it was acted on. and when it came to unattainable people that i crushed on, like celebrities and fictional characters, i started to think that i liked them because they were unattainable, which meant they were safe.
and honestly, i might have stuck with âlithromanticâ as a label, but i started leaning towards grey aro / grey ace because i ended up having two positive experiences with romance and affection! theyâre a little long so i wonât include them and make this response any longer than it already is but! if youâre curious to hear about them just lemme know! all that really matters is! they helped me realize that youâre supposed to enjoy romantic relationships. when itâs right, it will feel right. and yeah, it might make you nervous! but itâll be a different kind of nervous. when i had these positive experiences, i wasnât filled with dread like i had been previously. i was happy! i was excited! i realized that all my previous experiences werenât just me being anxious, or me being too picky, or me trying to self sabotage my romantic relationships by making a big deal out of things that werenât a big deal, they really were not right for me. my positive experiences helped me realize that i am capable of romantic attraction, but itâs few and far between. itâs the exception, not the rule.
so. everything youâre saying makes PERFECT sense. i get it. i get it!!!Â
it can be a process to figure out, but i wanna share a few things that have helped me on my journey. and hopefully they will help you too !!!
1. i said this before, but i wanna reiterate it !!! romantic relationships are supposed to be enjoyable for you. theyâre supposed to bring something to your life. theyâre supposed to be fun! youâre supposed to like the person that youâre with, and look forward to being with them! and obviously relationships will have rough patches, things wonât be perfect all the time, but at the very core of it, you should feel good. if you donât, then there is no reason to be in one. i used to think that i was missing out because i wasnât dating when everyone else was, but youâre not missing out if you donât want it in the first place!
2. you can adore romance and still be arospec !!! it really is a spectrum, and there are so many places to fall on it. like! i love romance SO MUCH. i talk about it. i write about it. i read about it. i watch movies and tv shows about it. i crave it for myself !!! and iâm still arospec!!! some arospec people love it, some hate it, some want it, some are repulsed by it !!! some are all of the above, just depends on the day! and there is no wrong way to be. if you like it, if you want it too, thatâs okay. if youâre not sure if you want it, thatâs okay too! itâs okay to explore that !!! regardless of what answer you come to, it doesnât mean that you canât be arospec.Â
3. i think if i waited until i was 100% sure that i was arospec before identifying as grey aro, i wouldnât ever. there was a very long period of time where i held off on using the label because i thought maybe in a year, two years, three years, iâd date more and iâd have good experiences and iâd realize that i was wrong. but there will always be the possibility that iâll date more and iâll decide that iâm not arospec. and thatâs okay. iâve been using the label for about 6 months now and it feels right to me. it feels like it makes sense. but ultimately! itâs okay if one day i feel like it doesnât! itâs okay if i do change my mind one day! itâs okay if i decide that i was wrong! itâs okay if i decide that maybe i was arospec for a while but iâm not anymore! our identities are fluid. we grow and we adapt and we change, and there is nothing wrong with that. it does not invalidate who we are or who we think we are or who we were or who we thought we were.Â
this has been a very long way of me saying !!! my journey was long, and it is ongoing! and it is okay if you are in the same boat! it is okay if youâre not sure, it is okay if you are never sure! the most important thing is trusting yourself and doing what you feel is right. sometimes that looks like talking things out. sometimes that looks like trying labels on. sometimes that looks like not dating. there is no wrong answer here !!!Â
iâm sorry again that this got so long, my friend !!! but i wish you luck as you explore who you are and what you want, and i hope that you know i will always be here to offer advice or support whenever you need it!!! đ
#i rlly did not mean for this to be so long but!!!#i hope that it helps!!!#ask#advice#anon#long post
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