#/CUS i don't want people to get all upset with me /

[penandswords]

When Rima 1st arrived in the city. She was overstimulated.

Trapped in a world full of far to many first.

Constant noise created by the city, compared to a small town that was mostly quiet. New Faces she had to learn to trust, All while knowing she couldn't go back to the Old Faces she knowingly betrayed.

Fear of the new, and Guilt from the old.

No Sleep, She could barely bother to eat anything.

It felt as if two worlds were slamming into one another, with the force of colliding stars.

Those first 3 months Were hell. Meeting person after person, and listening to varying opinions on the situation she blindly tossed herself into.

A lot of pacing from one side of the room to the other. As the anxiety overwhelmed her that she couldn't keep still.

Until eventually, all that stress and fear came crashing down, and she let herself fall to the exhaustion, and the storm of feelings she'd been trying so hard to shove down.

[sensitivegoblin]

Ramble/update/vent

[gadriezmannsgirl]

Can you write one where reader teases Fermin because he’s pretty short 🤏🏼 compared to other players and Fermin takes it too seriously and becomes insecure and then reader tells him it’s not a big deal and that she loves him being a shortie with a big ass 🍑 or smth like that with fluff in the end ☺️

Thank you

Warnings: A tiny bit of d*ck sizes conversation, hints of morning love, mentions of Fermín's big ass (Yes, that's a warning); mr. sunshine is a bit insecure 'cus of his height in the fic, nothing major or explicit happens

Lack and Excess -F.L16

Summary: Your boyfriend's insecure about his height but don't worry, you reassure him that despite his short height you love him either way

"Let me get that for you, preciosa" You hear your ten months boyfriend say, you were making some lunch seeing as your parents and two younger siblings were coming over to have a nice evening with you and your boyfriend, Fermín at his house.

"It's okay, mi amor. I can get that"

"Shush" He said tapping your bum softly

"¡Fermín!" He laughs winking at you as he extends his arm to reach for the plates, however his fingers couldn't reach them. He sighed and got on his tip toes managing to bring them down and in front of you

"Seeing as you want to help" You began with a smile "I need your help to bring down here that salad bowl"

"No worries"

"But you can actually lift me up so I can pull it down"

"I can do that" You give him a look

"Venga amor, it's not time to show anything. It'll be easier and faster if you lift me up, my parents are going to be here in approximately thirty minutes and I still need to get ready"

"I'll be fast, don't worry. I'll just go, grab it and give it to you so you can do that delicious salad I'm already dreaming of" You smile blushing at his comment

"Rápido, López" (Quick, López) He got in front of the counter and got on his tip toes but still with that he couldn't reach the bowl

After a few minutes of trying and even jumping a bit, he turned to you and mentioned for you to come "Done?" You asked but he didn't said anything, in fact, he didn't even looked at you, only at the floor.

You felt his arms wrap around your waist and pull you up, your hands instantly went to his shoulders, you grabbed the bowl and a few seconds later he pulled you back on your feet.

"Gracias" (Thank you) He hums still not looking at you, you kissed his cheek several times to thank him; you can clearly sense that he got upset "Fer" You call him forgetting about the salad

"What's up, amor?"

"Are you upset?"

"Why would I be?"

"Let me rephrase that... I know you're upset what I don't know, it's why. You were sunshine-smiling a few seconds ago and now you have this angry face"

"You don't know if I'm upset"

"We may not have ten years together yet but we do have ten months and during those months I have been dating you, I got to know you and everything about you. I know how to read you. I know when something's bothering you, I know when you're happy, I know when you wanna leave a place, I know when you wanna cry, when you're mad, everything Fermín. And you do the same for me. Please, tell me why are you upset?"

He looked at you and the looked at the floor "Because I'm short" He mumbles

"Ah?"

"Because I'm short" He repeats again

"What does it have with you being short?"

"Everything. It has everything. On the pitch I can't do most headers, it's really putting me off people are doubting me because of that and now off pitch, I can't even bring down to my girlfriend a simple salad bowl. Can you believe that?"

"It's also normal for girls to have short boyfriends, I don't understand what you're going for"

"Why did you choose me?"

"What do you mean?"

"I have seen your ex boyfriend's, Y/N. All of them are at least two heads taller than me"

"So what? Fer, I don't care about their heights, I don't even care about yours! And please don't get me wrong, I love you and your height, I meant it as I don't really pay attention to it, yes, we're almost the same height with you being a few inches taller than me, so what? Yes, my exes's were way more taller than me but so what? They also called me little and I felt insecure in that time but I don't care about it now. You shouldn't care about what other people might say about you, you know who you are and what you are. Your family and friends know that too. I know that too. And that's all it should matter to you"

"You're perfect just the way you are, mi amor. I'm short and that's the way I'll be. You're short and that's how you'll be. However, we as a couple can help each other and be one single tall person. That's good for me and it should also be good for you, Fer"

"It is"

"It doesn't look like"

"You gotta understand me, preciosa. I see all these couples where the girl can't do something and the guy is always there to help her, I wanna be that for you but I can't because I'm short"

"We're an unique couple and we don't need for the other to do all the work, like I said we can do the work together" You smile "I really like the fact we're almost the same height and you may be small but you have such a big heart, a big personality, you're a big person in general; what you lack in height you make up for with other things" You say and soon you see a smile coming to Fermín's face

"What other things?" He wraps his arms around you bringing you into him

"Such a dirty minded you are!" He laughs "But you do have a big ass and I love my shortie bofyriend with big ass"

"And what about my-?"

"You know I love him and his size as well" You cut him off with a big smile on your face and some blush covering your cheeks

"I love how shy you can get when you were going at it this morning"

"Shut up" You hit his chest softly "I love you, all of you" You put emphasis on your words making him smile widely "I gotta go and shower" You slap his bum twice before receiving a few slaps back, you smile and kiss his lips

"Can I join you?"

"No!"

"Why not"

"My parents will be here anytime"

"Oh come on!"

°°° °°° °°° °°°

Taglist: @gaviymarcsbride @stuckinaf4nfiction @elijahslover @azzpenswrld @http-isabela

[caparrucia]

I read your post about the Dead Dove Do Not Eat tag, and how you think people should take more responsibility for their own experience in the fandom sphere, and I very much agree with the points you raised. I just have a question regarding this one:

" "But what if I read something that wasn't tagged X?" Well, that's very unfortunate for you, but if it is genuinely that upsetting, you have a responsibility to yourself to only browse things explicitly tagged to not include X."

So, when I'm writing fanfics, and putting them on Ao3, should I tag their lack of things they don't include? Like, none of my fics include self harm, because I'm not willing to read it and even less willing to write it, should I put "#no self harm" in there, for people who have a worse reaction to it than I do and are following your advice?

Not asking "is it a moral imperative" because I know it isn't, but is it something you think would actually help anybody?

So, let's talk about context, because like all great spats in Fandom, this is about context.

Tags are contextual. They're flags that are trying to bring a specific demographic to your fic. Or, conversely, keep a certain demographic away from your fic. Tags are also never comprehensive. It is impossible to tag a fic comprehensively, because there will always be more tags. You can tag for the food that appears, the clothes, the political framework taken for granted. You can tag for gender or sexuality of the characters, even if the story is not about that per se. (See the large number of people annoyed when you write trans characters in stories and don't advertise it widely, despite their genital configuration having anything to do with the story at hand. Hi, Pokemon fandom. No, I will never forgive you the harassment and transphobia.)

The wording in the post, I acknowledge, might appear very dramatic at first glance. But that's because it's responding to a very dramatic, very aggressive statement. The way that certain people weaponize their trauma to try and shut down art they do not like. "This triggered me!" Is a really shitty comment to get, as a writer. Because it's usually a trap. If you extend sympathy, you will quickly find that the person yelling at you about this doesn't want platitudes or commiseration or actual resources to manage their triggers. They want you to take your fic down and remove it from the world, because "it triggered them." They want to treat your fic like a dog with rabbies: putting it down is the only conceivable solution, and no amount of polite rebukes (or, let's face it, annoyed snarking) will get you anywhere. They are not having a conversation with you. They have deemed you responsible for doing them harm (your work triggered them, therefore you, personally, set out to trigger them) and they're not willing to take anything less but the obliteration of your work as restitution.

The response "lol, that's a you problem, if it's so bad, you have a personal responsibility to not read anything that isn't explicitly stated to not include the thing that triggers you" is very mean. I acknowledge that. But it's not a response that comes from community, it's a response that aims to communicate clearly and concisely that you're not available to entertain any kind of overwrought nonsense and that you're not available to be emotionally blackmailed into removing your work from circulation.

Triggers are like allergies. The people that have them have to manage them to their best of their ability, and the people who don't have those triggers could stand to do more to be accommodating, for sure. Current tag culture is in fact the result of years upon years of the Wild West Internet that us old farts are constantly talking about. See, in the old internet, there was no social expectation for tagging. You got a title, you got a rating (not always!), sometimes you got a pairing. Anything else was a roulette. Like literally anything. I used to be in FMA fandom way back before AO3 and tag culture was a thing and let me tell you, the amount of times I ended up mid-incest fic because the initial premise sounded like a cute brothers bonding scenario? More than once. There was no tag for incest. Someone threw a fic into an IRC channel with a generic "this one was good!" and it could be ANYTHING. Literally anything!

Here's where I disagree with a lot of The Olds who whine about The Old Days: the Old Days way of doing fic? Awful. Shitty. Traumatizing, legitimately. I love tag culture. I think tag culture is one of the nicest, most amazing things we as a fandom have come together to do. It gives so much freedom for the author to choose how much they want to spoil/warn form, and it also gives readers so much freedom of choice! It's a great system! Not a perfect one. No system is perfect. But it's a great compromise. I don't think people understand how utterly revolutionary the Archive Warnings are, in AO3. Just narrowing it down to those four! (Underage, Non-Con, Graphic Violence and Character death, for those uninitiated, as well as the opt out of Chose Not to Use Archive Warnings.) This system allows the most widespread triggers and preferences to be respected. If you don't like fic about people under 18 doing anything relationship related? Slap that Underage and the Choose Not To Warn archive warning in your exclude options and you're good. Same for non-con. Or Character death! The way the Archive is setup, this guarantees you will not see fic with that.

That's revolutionary! It's great! We should hype it more.

This is one of the reasons why I'm so testy about the Dead Dove tag. I know the ship has sailed, the tag has changed meaning and it is a completely different function now, than when it started. (This is also why I don't respond to the handful of people who insist that my history is wrong and the tag is useful actually! They're missing the point of the post and also I was there when the tag first came about. I'm in the reblogs of the original post.) The problem with Dead Dove is not itself, but that its a symptom of people - most commonly antis, but really, this isn't a group-specific behavior, stupidity is policy neutral - using tags not to find fic to read or to filter out fic they don't want to read, and instead using them to find people to harass. That endangers the whole system, because people stop using understandable, straightforward tags for their stuff and instead start making convoluted spaghetti tags that only make sense in-group to try and avoid getting caught in the harassment campaign. And that sucks! That kind of behavior should be publicized and blacklisted in fandom. Ostracize people who try to misuse categorization tools as weapons of abuse, and endanger the entire system in the process. Fuck them.

To your point, should you add "no self-harm" to your fic? I don't know! I don't know your fic. Does it make sense for you to add it? Do the rest of the tags in your fic paint a picture that might require that clarification? I think the underlying conversation is that people who fearmonger about their triggers and try to use their trauma to bully strangers on the internet are really very stupid. Most stories don't include a tag about self-harm because most stories don't include any self-harm at all. Same with sexual acts. Or crimes. Tags highlight content that might be expected based on the culture the fic is coming from. If you write fic for the alien incest show (Trigun) and your fic somehow doesn't have any aliens or incest in it, it would be worthwhile to tag it for it. Just because people might expect it! Or if you're writing about depression and spiraling and mental health crisis for a character but very specifically not about self-harm? Yeah, that'd make sense to highlight that.

Ultimately, as the author, you get to choose the tags you put in, and in doing so, you choose the audience you're targeting. This is where the triggers as allergies metaphor breaks though. Fanfic is not a necessity. It's a privilege. It's a gift writers give their fandom and no one in their fandom is entitled to it. That's why tags are optional. That's why you can still rawdog fic the way we used to, and read through "Chose not to warn" And all the stories that have a fandom and a pairing and a rating, and then nothing else. No one's life is being endangered, if they don't get to read any given fic. Does it suck to be excluded in a community space? Sure! But it's not life or death and treating it like such is the source of much of the headaches around this.

Fanfic is a gift. If you have very bad triggers, you have a responsibility to yourself to only accept gifts that are explicitly for you (tagged around your personal triggers). You can always ask, but an author is always entitled to decline to tag their work. And they're not being an asshole for it. Social media has poisoned people into seeing any interaction as a you vs them situation, but the truth is people are just trying to vibe.

[catacombbee]

theory time. spoilers for sbg new episode 74

does anyone actually fucking trust Maverick rn? im so fr i don't trust him one BIT.

Alex i trust. Alex seems like he has good intentions (especially with him telling Aiden he wasnt supposed to tell them) but how much could he really help? it doesn't feel like he's very high up the totem pole yk. maybe we'll have like a- Alex sticking his neck out to help/save the kids somehow and dies for it, perhaps on accident

but anyway I DONT FUCKING TRUST MAVERICK AND YOURE DUMB IF YOU DO im kidding. im kidding you're not dumb. im kidding you're amazing and go drink your water rn pls

i have SO MANY THOUGHTS ON

1. the fact he's trying to get the kids to trust him

2. the fact that he went to BEN first of all people

starting with no. 1, i think he wants something. he so CLEARLY wants something. i don't TRUST THIS MAN he may be HOT but he is UP TO SMTH!!! what i don't know is what he wants from the kids. getting them on his side and trusting him feels like a way of getting more information out of them, and what could he possibly be digging for if not more information on the phantom realm?

Alex was asking Ashlyn about the fact that they all asked for ASL books at the same time and thus must have some way of communicating. i think they must know it has to do with the phantom realm (though they don't know that it's an entire separate dimension i think) and Maverick wants to know more about how they're communicating. with the promise that he will protect them from the rest of the government, which i think might just entail "keeping you for ourselves"

and how does he get the kids to trust them? making himself seem like a good option, and separating himself from "those who put them here." the government. the bad part of the government. and how does he do that?

well that's where we come to no. 2

they have cameras. they can watch the kids and how they're acting. in fact, they've been watching the kids for a while now. if i were to pick anyone to try and talk to to get on my side having observed them from a distance, maybe id pick Taylor or Logan. the others are stubborn or unpredictable in their own ways.

So why Ben?

Maverick is trying to draw several comparisons in Ben's mind, especially with using language like the above and like this:

What Maverick is trying to connect in Ben's mind is this:

The authority = The government that locked them up here

The government =/ Maverick and his people

He's trying to get into Ben's mind and say "Hey. We want the same thing you want: to get rid of this place." The way he calls them a bunch of pigs ALMOST makes me hesitate on thinking he's being insincere, but on the other hand would that phrasing not resonate with a jaded teenage boy who's been in trouble before?

Maverick went to Ben because he saw a way in through Ben. Even though Ben is violent and stubborn (right now. and towards the staff), he recognizes that he can use Ben's past as a way of leveraging himself to a higher status in Ben's mind. Besides, if he can get one of the more stubborn kids to crack first, he's got a much easier way in with the others.

Furthermore, this will lead to more observation. He must know the kids are communicating somehow, he just doesn't know how exactly yet. This part isn't Ben specific, but by talking to one of them, he then gives himself the opportunity to watch the rest more closely for any mention of things he's said to Ben. Evidence that they have some way of talking. A way of figuring out how they're doing so.

Maverick is using Ben's past to manipulate him into trusting him.

and im pissed off abt that

BUT THATS JUST A THEORY. A GA-

anyway though i just wanted to rant about this episode and how it made me feel cus im upset and i want to hug Ben. if you don't like my theory and/or have a different one please please reblog and yap about it (nicely) i LOVELOVELOVE hearing different opinions on headcanons and theories and such. OR BUILD ON MY THEORY! i like yapping pls yap to me okay bye

also ty @arcaneafterhours for giving me screenshots cus i can't screenshot. ilu

[corawithfanfiction]

REMINISCENCES I Winter Soldier

somewhere, I have a watercolor you did (episode 2)

My Materialist

warnings: confrontation, encounter, nightmare, old memories, facing trauma, breathing problem

summury: To confront his past, Bucky goes to visit a familiar face.

Ask for permission before quoting or translating!

•  REMINISCENCES •

Recall or “remembering ” refers to the mental process of retrieving information from the past. It is one of the three basic processes of memory, along with encoding and storage. There are three main types of recall: free recall, cued recall and serial recall. Psychologists test recall as a way to study memory processes in humans and animals.

Bucky sighed and looked at the apartment building in front of him. He ran his hand, the fleshy one, through his short hair, thinking what a bad idea this was. He had just wanted to disappear and instead he found himself living with several people in the same building. After all, it was the best choice, she knew. Maybe he wouldn't have any neighbors interfering, maybe he could get one miserable word out of his mouth. Maybe he could prove again that he really was Bucky.

He took a deep breath and walked to the front door with a single suitcase and new keys, then followed the stairs. His apartment was 305. He remembered it was on the first floor, easy to reach. She started walking and looking at the numbers on the doors.

301. 302. 303. 304-

The door suddenly opened and he saw a girl coming out. He suddenly tensed as he realized how nervous, almost scared she looked.

Scared?

He was surprised when the young woman appeared in front of him. He didn't know what to do, he had to say hello. Well, maybe, if she was more… normal. When she finally looked at him he still looked upset and immediately apologized, gestured and talked about how he thought something had happened.

Something?

He wanted to raise one eyebrow in response but she couldn't shake a strange feeling.

“Don't worry. I'm new here and, um… it looks like you're here with me. Nice to meet you, I'm Bucky.” he tried to sound as free as he could and put on one of his best expressions. He was really trying, but there was something dead on his face. He then focused on her hesitant gaze, grabbing the hand she gently offered him.

It was only a second, but that touch somehow pushed him back. Without even realizing it, he frowned and realized that he hadn't been paying attention for several minutes to the embarrassed smile on her face.

Great, he had already made an embarrassing figure. He cleared his throat, waved his hand briefly and, without making too many claims, walked past her to the door of her apartment.

He quickly opened the door and entered with his suitcase, locked himself in and leaned against the door, then closed his eyes and those eyebrows reappeared.

There seemed to be something wrong with him, especially 'him'. Maybe she was in trouble and could help, even if she wasn't in the mood to babysit. After all, after all, knowing at least one person, adding one contact to her phone, in addition to the psychologist she was obliged to see and who was constantly following her to check on her condition, was an excuse to finally start over.

Wasn't it?

(When I was writing Polina, for some reason I always had Dakota Johson in my head:))

Polina opened her eyes again, breathed slowly and let her muscles relax a little. Still, her mind could not move itself.

On the other hand, her mind had a sensitive passion for details, especially those blue eyes.

When she heard heavy footsteps going up the stairs, she was sure it was the same damn footsteps, and without thinking she opened the door and went out into the corridors. It was only after she turned around and almost tripped over the stranger that she later apologized to.

The person she was looking for was right in front of her, she said something to him casually and only then realized she had made a mistake. When he had finished speaking, it was as if his eyes had become clearer, as if he was not the ruthless killer: yet she would have recognized those eyes anywhere. A different glow, but it was still him. It was impossible not to recognize that body, and even with short hair he had a strange passion for detail in his mind, so he had no doubts.

She hadn't spoken that day, so she couldn't tell from the voice if it was really him, but this time she was sure. His whole body froze in place, but when he noticed her questioning look and that doubt in her eyes, he decided to start his own game. A kind of hide and seek, because if he really remembered her he would kill her instantly.

Wouldn't she?

He said his name was Bucky, but Polina remembered him as the Winter Soldier.

When he left without much of an excuse, she released that great agonized sigh she had been holding in. She was standing in the corridor with her eyes wide open.

She didn't know how or why, but she didn't remember. He believed he had played well, even if he had noticed the trace of suspicion, maybe he was safe.

Or maybe this would be the beginning of a long game of cat and mouse.

TAG LIST:

@jaxz21 @thosehppeople-hiatus @vikingqueen28 @opoyend @bitter-semi-sweet @woow-ies @mariahelaboh @sshewonders @buckybarnesfic @onlyforyuto @jvanilly @galensmistress9 @i-am-amora-the-enchantress @piper-mcleans-wife @infinitely-yellow @fallinginthe-void @sigynxlokiwifelover @verytyrantcat @hextech-bros @literaryavenger @starr-sixx-90 @runlolaren @angiexsv

[ceo-mochee]

Right I'm gonna say it cus I've seen and heard enough.

If you ship something toxic, Do NOT complain when people hate it.

(NOTE : Do NOT send me hate asks/comments if you choose to read this, cus I really do not gaf if you hate me for this. It's just my opinion and I wanted to get it off my chest.)

If the ship your shipping is a healthy pairing and people are hating you for it, then sure you have a reason to be upset. However if you're shipping something like Romesse, Aidesse or I don't know...... AXDEN.... (which are pretty toxic ships in general (my opinion)) then yeah people have a right to hate the ship.

I will agree on some part that attacking people is not a good thing, and this goes to both sides. People who don't like your ships shouldn't have to force you to change that, but at the same time if people hate on the SHIP itself (and are NOT namedropping people), then why should you be so worried? I literally watched one of my moots get attacked by someone because they wrote about not liking Axden.

Hell I'm even gonna take a quick minute to slander this ship now. Why? Cus it's pretty toxic- Aiden bullied Axel and tried killing his friends, do you reaaaaally think Axel would be friends with someone like Aiden, let alone get in a romantic relationship with him?? Yeah I don't think so either.

Here's the thing tho, this is just MY OPINION. If you disagree, COOL! But making a huge fuss about it and attacking others who disagree is only fueling that belief that "its not the ship itself, it's the shippers that are the problem." Getting pissy cus you CHOOSE to read someone's opinions and decide that because you disagree, and believing that you should go send anonymous asks attacking said person is also just making yourself look real pathetic.

I'm sorry, but if you're gonna get sensitive over a fictional pairing getting hate, then I don't know what to tell ya. s

I, of course, may or may not be the one to talk. I've shipped Axel and Lukas together for a long while and I may or may not have been hurt by some people's opinions myself, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna go off with my pitchfork and torch and bombard someone with hate asks/comments, you know how much easier life is when ya just silently disagree with one's opinions and move on? It's amazing lemme tell ya.

So far I've only seen this happening with the ship Axden (Axel x Aiden), which is pretty damn bonkers if you ask me. Why can't y'all just accept the fact that no matter how much you preach, self project onto characters, or fuss about your own opinions, not every single person is gonna agree with you. My ass already got turned into a damn PTSD trigger to one person (who I'm of course choosing NOT to namedrop) cus I disliked that ship.

"I know Aiden bullied Axel but... but I made it to where he redeemed himself!!!"

Okay??? Still doesn't change the fact that you're getting upset that people are understandably uncomfortable with that ship mate... do you understand how happier we would all be if you'd just BLOCK people who disagree instead of burning an innocent user at the stake because they dislike a toxic ship.

Like seriously if you're gonna get upset and attack someone for not liking a (pretty toxic) ship that you like and not just like- Idk- BLOCK them... then you're probably already a lost cause my friend.

[corvidae-00]

Tsudere /sub touch starved Jax in heat that pretends to hate the reader but does things to secretly be with them x a fem happy but smart Uzadere that loves being in the circus.She loves adventures,animals,cute things,fighting,food ect! lots of energy too but can be pretty insensitive and a little selfish with a little crush on jax. I feel like at first jax would completely reject liking her then he would be extra mean,then Maybe subconsciously know he likes her amd hates the feeling lol. cus he copes by trying to not have feelings and tries to act "tough". its pretty obvious that the reader is in love with him but his dumb ass cant catch on . She gives lots of compliments which makes him flustered and mad ( he is mad bc he thinks nobody likes him that much, he is mean to her to make her go away but it doesn't work ) but he pretends not to care. the reader would definitely confesses first tho. Sorry for such a long request its just that not many people write jax in this sorta way so i had to be detailed lol. also if you don't wanna use female pronouns you can make it non gender ofc 😅tysm for even reading such a long thing! and you don't have to do this at all lr you can switch it up. Anything is VERY appreciated tho😊 also i feel like max would be a massive virgin due to how annoying he is...he definitely a horny bitchless rabbit-

AHHHH! MY FIRST ASK ;0; Thank you!!! And i personally LOvE Jax- like its an issue 0-0 but im so happy to write for him first! your request is amazing and i truly love it! i hope i did it justice!!! i hope you dont mind HCs! if you did want a story just hit me back up in the answer box and ill write a lil something for ya! ;)

MDNI BELOW THE CUT+ Warnings: Smutty smut themes, bottom Jax <3- Cussing, swearing, the norm

The Reader definitely brought light to the Circus, when she first appeared she was the TALK OF THE TENT, everyone was happy to finally have someone around to liven up the place- > besides jax- the little shit made it his sole duty to make sure Reader was the punchline of his jokes or somehow always "in his way" and the Reader often got the butt of the assult. > Jax being Jax when the feelings for reader started to arise- he got scared- a little worried- upset even. More at himself than you but still pretty pissy- this just made the tourment wose oh lord- > Reader found this fun, more ways to annoy and poke and proad at Jax, finding his constant target on the Reader absolutely hilarious > Reader always calling the oblivious rabbit pet names!!! *Toots, Fluff butt, Shnookums (Only because it pissed Jax off and everyone would laugh), babes, Etc Etc, > Jax STILL oblivious to the reader ;0; taking it as her teasing him and pushing him and oh no we cant have that!!!! Jax haaates it. Secretly likes it HATES IT- >Despite the tension between the two Jax would often threaten Caine or sneak the other circus members things of value to be around reader. not knowing why- HE IS MADLY IN LOOOVE he wanted to be around Reader!! SMUT >Jax in heat is something i dont think even he saw coming- like they are digital code- BUT DAMN- > Stuck in his room alone humping a pillow and pulling his ears over his face embarrassed beyond belief at his own actions > Reader was coming to annoy Jax concerned why she didnt see him at breakfast (His favorite meal of the day may i add- >Knocking on his door reader had a shit eating grin "Sleeping in pookie?" She calls through the door only a groan and a loud huff was the response she got >Thats rude. Reader thinks and just assuming he is having one of his man period days- Reader enters his room- and boy is the sight she sees amazing- Jax face down and ass up with a pillow under his hips, face flushed a deep purple and his overalls down to his waist- > Reader and Jax are just staring at eachother with wide eyes >"G-GET OUT!!" "Nah i dont think i will" >Lets just say reader helps the little bunny get the relief he was so looking for- >They dont argue as much anymore-

----------------------------------------------------- THANK YOU FOR READING!!! I hope you enjoyed your request and it was too your liking! im still getting back into writing so its a slow process!! let me know what you think!!! thank you so much!!! <3333

[st4rr-girrl]

If you don't mind could you do Henry bowers x fem reader that almost like craves him or better yet she severely touch starved? If not that's ok feel free to ignore this!!

I’m sorry I didn’t see this request, babe, but sure! I’ve got u. I’ll just do it in head canons cus it’s easier <3.

Touch starved

H.b

Warnings; mentions of abuse & abandonment, swearing, mentions of suicide & suicide attempts.

To say you were touch starved was an understatement.

You literally craved touch.

To an unhealthy point.

So when you and Henry started dating he was surprised.

At first he would be like “bitch gtfo me.”

But please, we all know this man is just as equally touch starved.

(But he didn’t know he was until he met you. )

From the abuse and abandonment he’s experienced, how tf could he not be.

And plus, he secretly enjoyed your touch.

You two were always holding hands.

And you were never seen anywhere over 2 feet from each other.

You were basically attached at this point.

You guys could not go over an hour without touching eachother.

Or even be separated at the most.

And that’s when y’all would sneak out and cuddle, or fuck or whatever y’all wanna do that day.

You guys don’t see anything wrong with it

But other people….

They think ts is so unhealthy.

Cus what if y’all break up?

What if one of you dies?

Not even you guys know what you’d do.

But anyways.

Y’all don’t care what other ppl think.

But when he’s upset, and wants to be alone and ur js clinging onto him.

He gets pretty pissed and says some stuff he shouldn’t say.

You try giving him the cold shoulder afterwards.

But you cave in as soon as he apologizes because you both can’t stand not holding eachother.

It’s not even sexual at this point.

You guys just crave each others affection.

The gang gets pretty annoyed at first.

But then they learned to accept it.

Cus you two obviously weren’t just gonna stop.

And besides, you two healed each others internal wounds.

So nobody could really complain.

Everyone noticed that Henry became less violent, and you became less suicidal.

You stopped trying to kys every two seconds.

Which sounds like a big improvement to me.

So basically, you and Henry are both touch starved.

To an unhealthy point.

But y’all level it out so it’s ok.

:)

[sojirai]

actually idgaf. i feel better temporarily but here's the text from my uber melodramatic breakdown about self sacrifice / "therapist friend"ing / emotional burnout from discord + me fixing it. for the jirai gang. under the . under the Cut , if you will.

ᓚᘏᗢ 🩷⠀ ━─ breakdown below

trigger warning just in general this sucks

• ───────────────── •

Turns out i as an alter greatly overextend myself socially and emotionally and compensate for my lack of deep vulnerable moments or true security that i constantly try to provide others by gathering egotistical praises about my personality or ability or how nice and good i am at serving and caring for others and the bottling up has turned into repression so i have been having panic attacks and breakdowns and lashing out and psychosis during my antispychotic medication and not knowing why and dismissing it but all along it was ... Giving out way more than i get back (i do it to myself mostly)

Being the new best friend who makes life so much better and always tracks and is fun and sincerely loving for like 8 people all within 4 hours everyday can make your head spin until you dont even know what YOU really want or who YOU are or what YOUR memories are because nothing nothing nothing matters only other people perfect friend best friend best boyfriend best husband housewife best daughter best son best employee. And then you forget everything. But your body doesnt. If you can maintain your composure and comfort and make jokes and compliment and work and fawn and stay quiet and apologize sit stay roll over come don't get upset when they bite you Defend them anyway loyal dog. And the drugs dont get you. And you sleep enough. And you eat. And you drink water. Because you think youre just your body. Your nervous system starts to kill you and breakdown. You start to go insane a little bit at a time. And people will watch. And frown and pat you and say oh oh im here for you. Im listening. You dont even know whats wrong, and if you do, youre not allowed to say. Its bad to say. Its probably not even true. Its just a selfish feeling. You have cluster b, dont you? Youre just being self centered again. Everyone does enough for you. This is enough. Maybe you need a break. Its probably a lie. Nothing is wrong. Youre just so good you overperform! Youre unable to take a break. You always have to be doing something. You have an episode. You take a 10 minute break. You come back. You never address the root cause. You leave for a few hours to do something you like for yourself. You worry about all the time youre missing with others. You come back. Everythings on fire and youre not in service mode. Youre scared and feel like it's your fault for not being there. Everyone says it's not. But just because they say it doesn't mean you couldn't have made things better or they're not all accustomed to your presence. That they all need you. Because you made them like this by always being nice unconditionally. You don't have a life anymore. It's for a bunch of other people. Your work and paycheck and time and energy and career and where you live and where you go are all gonna be for everyone else in your life and you're gonna say it makes you happy because you really do sincerely love other people and you love to be the perfect person and love to be devoted and WANTED. And you're gonna forget who you are because you never knew them. And be happy where you are. And you will have little moments of true vulnerability and that will be enough to go right back to the way you were for the next three weeks at minimum. Just one person you truly open up to and trust and some praise and validation and reassurance from everyone else that doesn't really mean anything like an OCD compulsion calmed down only to flare right back up again. Cus you were raised to be like this and now you're choosing to lean into it. Maybe it's all you know how to do to get people to love you. Something will always be wrong. And you will keep getting over the same thing every hour of the day until you die ♡

giggling. Im actively doing it all again. The endless passion for being kind and wanting to be the new best friend and make someone happy and not be the reason they feel disappointed or alone. Acting the most for them so that they have no doubt you adore them and everything they do. So they dont feel like you. Im actively insecure and need to cry for irrational reasons (i still cannot cry anymore. My expression is always blank / neutral when im upset these days). [redacted details for privacy].

The little things.

Spinning a little again. It wasn't me that realized this.

I panicked so hard that I texted [my partner]. Mentally bawling and wailing and clinging. One person. Another adult who tends to be direct and will respond if i call out when i think they're not or ask more. Good judgment. Kind to me. Always kind to me. In love with me but not blind. They help me clarify everything. I broke down and told them everything about what my mom has done and said and the events of when i attacked her. And Vanny [DID regressed alter] switched in because im. Emotional. And she started to talk about ...

"I think Joy has an anxiety problem... everyday... he kind of freaks liks a panic attack. And the psychosis is worse for him. He takes all the trauma. Hes responsible for all of us, and for a lot of other actual people, too. Is it hard, are you tired?" And she kept thinking and staring and talking and she dug it right out of me. Exactly whats wrong with me. "No shit. Dipshit. Bullshit. You're not evil or selfish; you're exhausted. You're a genuinely nice person. No wonder you're burnt out; look at what happens every day of your life with every single person and thing in it!" Every little thing

I didn't even know. I never address it. I push through it and I forget.

I did this all to myself and others and its all my fault for making myself a martyr but im a little angry somehow. That no one paid attention or thought about it or cared as much as i cared and if they did they didn't show it the way i show it they didn't push the way i push.

And that's selfish and stupid. I set the bar into the sky basically heaven for myself. No one else will reach it. I cant be angry they didnt (i never expected anyone to, but somehow im still upset). Theyre too exhausted to give me that attention or push hard, and im not complaining, im not letting everyone know, im actively hiding it. Why would anyone push? Why would anyone try as hard for me as i do for them when i convince everyone i don't need it and eventually stop showing that i'm distressed at all?

That no one. Overanalyzes as much as me and is constantly looking for things like this. When i always am

Ridiculous. Nothing to be upset about. I did that.

I'll get over it. I got a little suicidal but Vanny touched me and said no and it will pass and then everything will be alright again. Knowing i act out sometimes. And you guys are my friends and i'm not angry at anyone i was/am just lashing out. I always. Get over it. I'm a bit tired of getting over it But The Way The World Works really doesn't care how tired you are and crashing out as cathartic as it is always has an awful aftermath and i'm already unstable. So no. I'm keeping my composure again and not truly forever ruining my life or relationships (again. Something i think of multiple times a day and never do.) Mature and thoughtful and thinking long-term. Again. I wonder if I will die like this always keeping it together overall even if I crash occasionally. Or if one day I will snap and do something really drastic and end up in prison or dead from it and if I will take anyone down with me. Ok anyway

Sorry for making an ass of myself. That was all very delirious and intense and kind of rude. I apologize and I'm . Gonna take a xanax

Ok we're fine

I was given dopamine

ᓚᘏᗢ 🩷⠀ ━─ end transcript

[sensitivegoblin]

Vent

[olivianyx]

I am planning to permanently shift to a better CR DR. Where i can easily manifest things + where my aunt is still alive. When she died nobody told me about her in fear that i might get into depression and they told me after 3 days. She and me had very great bond more precious bond then my own family and my parents. Even though she no longer here in this reality I still feel like she is still alive and I want to see her again and hug her again tell her about my achivements because she was the only person who listens to me and believe me on whatever I said also supported me whenever I needed. That's I wanted to enter in void state and permanently shift to better CR. But I have been struggling a lot no matter what I tried. I have entered the void state 2 times but i wasn't aware about it when i was in void state and when i wake up from there i always had mental breakdown. Can you please help me?

Hi! Thanks for the ask honey ❣️

So basically you're planning to permashift to a reality where your aunt is still alive right? Okay, but you don't need the void for it sweetheart. Ik how you're feeling rn cus trust me I've been there too. I understand how you feel. First of all why would you assume that you can't enter the void no matter what you do? You enter the void everytime you're asleep. Yes you do. But actually to permashift you don't even need the void. You can do with just a command or by living in the end, or using subliminals, affirming, visualising, whatever. I mean I don't understand why the void is too overrated and people seem to overcomplicate it in this community. I personally don't like the void even though I've entered it after 2 years. But there's sats, lullaby method, alpha state meditation and many more. The lullaby method and sats are equally as powerful as the void honey. You don't gotta stress about the void.

Second of all, please do work on your self concept and stop overwhelming yourself. Actually I believe self concept isn't necessary but if you're having a hard time please do work on for a week and go on with the void.

If you really wanna enter the void, then I'd recommend doing psych-k sessions and the Wim hof breathing technique with pink noise.

Just remember what ever you do, please make sure you're fulfilled internally. That's the only key to achieving anything ❣️

You're pure consciousness, you're awareness, the God of your reality. Why would the creator be upset or stressing over his own creations? He knows he created it and he has the power to alter it too. So stop worrying baby. You can do it! I'd recommend putting on some music and imagining it (the distraction technique) and then zone out which practically is your pure awareness state where you aren't bothered by your physical realm.

If you still got doubts, you still can dm me, I'd like to help you honey ✨

You can do this! Lots of love ❤

[if-loki-was-a-fox]

having started watching Wild Life, my autistic ass is now trying to assign the wildcards to tma entities

the snails are easy, they're obviously hunt, but i'm not so sure about the others. the changing sizes in the first episode is kinda giving spiral? possibly flesh. and i think the food switching in the second one could be corruption? mainly based on the hunger/starvation/various poisoning effects

you're the only other person i've seen talk about both so uh. d'you have any thoughts?

- 🦴

(I have so many thoughts, this post is about to spiral so far out of control 'cus I love musing on stuff—)

I was actually thinking about this exactly while watching the latest episodes! The snails had initially struck me as corruption, being slimy little bug-adjacent creatures, but that's so purely aesthetic that the moment you see them in action it's just incredibly clear that they're just straight up The Hunt, as clear cut as it could possibly be tbh.

Maybe a bit of The End with the whole instant kill thing, the invincibility/immortality of the snails, and the kind of inevitability of the snails getting you eventually

The other two are definitely a lot harder

Session 2's gimmick of not being able to eat food / having to eat blocks, with it's themes of eating, kinda reminds me of a lot of Flesh statements in first thought tbh, but without any actual meat (and in fact, meat being the one thing they solidly can't eat) it just doesn't seem to follow through on more than a shallow level. Though maybe from the more fandom angle with the gore-ish-ness of teeth cracking on stone, and how bloody swallowing your own sword incorrectly would be, that kinda fits Flesh

Thinking on the actual energy of that gimmick as it played out in the videos, with the huge change and upset to normalcy that leads to catastrophic results and mass panic, I almost want to say it has some Extinction vibes, but without the "man made"/"we brought this upon ourselves" aspect I'm not sure it quite works out

The Corruption idea I don't think I would have thought of on my own, but it makes some sense too. The whole idea of food making you sick, or of all the other ill affects from just trying not to starve/die, the variety of ways you're almost guaranteed to get poisoned and hurt before you figure out something actually edible..

Corruption and Buried are also both fun to consider with the imagery of having to eat dirt and the like. Buried doesn't have any other relevance tho as far as I can think

Rhyme's suggested The Stranger, as it's solidly an example of the familiar being made unfamiliar, but most manifestations of The Stranger play very heavily on it being other people that are strange and weird, in my observations, so I'm not sure if it's quite right

Spiral also works well with the familiar being bad incomprehensible tho I think. The gimmick doesn't make them doubt reality, but it does rely a lot on them being confused and no longer being able to understand and rely on what should be such a basic backbone to reality (eating food makes you less hungry). A lot of the fear and panic on that session comes from that I think, the logic of world not working the way it should, which fits Spiral fairly well

Session 1 I honestly don't know about. The size changing mechanic didn't strike as much fear into everyone as the other two, which makes it a bit harder to categorize what fear it does cause

Maybe The Buried at times, because there were concerns about getting too big in spaces that were too small

Or The Vast, because of the whole "too big" idea in and of itself, and how getting too big could theoretically play into fear of heights (though it didn't much actually do so in the videos). It also had several incidents of falling to deaths, which is pretty fitting for The Vast. Vast feels like the most aesthetically fitting tho, with heights and sizes being pretty big things with it

Spiral and Flesh definitely make sense too though, playing off of the idea of your very self changing. Constantly shrinking and growing with only a certain level of control to it does kinda feel body-horror-ish, and the whole questioning if what even was changing and if their sizes were changing at the begining could also play into spiral ideas. The whole thing was a bit dream-like

Thinking about how the different fears can play into stuff is fun :]

[silusvesuius]

Your Depiction of Ulfric is literal perfection. I’ve never seen anyone who sees him in a similar way to me, until I found your account last year. I fucking love miserable old man Ulfric who could never catch a break since the day he was born. Every major event in his life (he can’t even decide which one’s the worst) shaped him in the worst yet most interesting way possible. I can’t speak enough about him, his messed up self esteem clashing with his ego, his repressed emotions and sexuality, his shattered image of his own body and mind, the constant loud arguments between the voices in his head (mostly just him arguing with hallucinations) *I’m definitely not projecting here* his unstable mood, his flashbacks and his odd obsessions with random harmful patterns he associates with familiarity. Because to him familiar=safe even if he’s basically only familiar to a constant state of worry and feeling like he’s being targeted or hunted down.

None of this seems to be getting better, at least not in a notable speed. Yet they’re all existing within a strong and powerful man. It’s quite the combination, he’s being weighted down by all of that baggage but his back is too strong to bend. He appears as if he has nerves of steel from the outside, but really if anything is made of steel in his mind, it’s the vessel that he uses to bottle all of that trauma up.

I already had a vague idea of his complicated relationship (obviously) with Elenwen but your version literally felt like it opened my third eye. It is scrumptious and your art is so beautiful it depicts every essence of it all perfectly without even needing to include words. I fell in love with it at first sight.

dis answer is kinda long so i'm (crumpling it up and tossing it under the cut)

Omg wtf Thank you's 🥺🥺🥺💕💕💕💕 this is so well put together into words; i will do 9543 backflips for demented ulfric always. i've grown to like him in canon too cause he really has that, wouldn't even call it deceitful, weirdly-content personality.. but i don't think anyone in the writing room in sk*rim HQ knows how to write a character that has been through Anything, event of any kind, so he seems too 'perfect' for a person that has been through literal physical torture, to me, and his reactions to things that should be greatly upsetting are too mild. even though him being elenwen's victim is a piece of information that's easy to miss it seems like it also completely slipped out of the writing IOFDHDJFUIO LOL.. it all obviously adds up to him seeming more appealing as a fashie character to the audience, cus a visibly mentally unwell man wouldn't do it for most people, especially when you want to sway someone to be on his side of things.

i think it's quite smart for the st*rmcloaks to be presented as the more warm and welcoming types of people but ulfric should be the coldest of them all. Bro shouldn't even have the mental and physical capacity to seem Content with his life especially in that moment. he should be the type to use his civil war motivations as an excuse to stay alive if that makes sense, cause i don't think he really wants to live, but he has things to do to keep his mind and hands busy xchkvcjcvkl//

i also really love how ulfric only has galmar as someone he's really close to, it always seemed beyond genius to me, to write them like that, it's cute... he rly is the only person to suffer thru 4 hours of ulfric Peak psychosis monologue followed by 2 hours of trying to prove to him that th*lmor and imperial soldiers aren't hiding in the chests and under the beds of the palace LMFAOO galmar is the one guy who he can sob in front of and act like a little baby fishing for compliments and reassurance, and, not all that related to ulfric as a whole, but i strongly believe that having him be so vulnerable with galmar would make galmar really excited, it would make him feel good, like no other damsel in distress could deliver that feeling EVER. having such a seemingly-strong political figure rely on you Badly and madly would feel like something else entirely 💗 it's very off-putting and perhaps inappropriate of him to feel that way when ulfric is just searching for stability, but i think that even if ulfric knew galmar felt that way he wouldn't really gaf LOL. he'd turn to elenwen if there was no one else to go to cause he 'knows' her, and he'd torment elisif cause he 'knows' her as well.. but he would be completely closed off from making connections with other people 🏆

+ bonus; elenwen's feelings for him would border on everything at once, like, every type of relationship and connection that ever exists.. she really views him as the food she left over in the fridge and will get to eat when she's back from work as a reward

tl;dr him being scarier and more .. unkempt? from the outside would make him even cooler tbhs. he should become christian and develop religious OCD

[dana-chan-the-control-brain]

You don't have to answer this but I wanted to let you know you got me super invested in SunxEclipse stuff.

The way they are in the show has always intrigued me. Like the way those two interacted had always felt different in a way??? And I'd always get all excited when I found little similarities between the two characters.

Rambling a bit but does anyone remember how in the Halloween takeover Eclipse forced Moon to go through the same pain Sun went through when they shared a body? And he just left Sun to chill and nap in his own mind??? (Probably the longest break Sun's ever had btw akskdh) LIKE WHAT HELLO???

And there were plenty of times Eclipse could have just killed Sun but. Didn't? Like when he got into SolarFlare's body. And when Sun destroyed Moon's magic circles, Eclipse explained to Sun how he could fix the problem instead of just letting him walk into the raw magic and tear himself apart? (Think that was the longest and calmest convo they ever had lmao)

The fuckinggg. Symbolic base Eclipse had on the surface of the sun.

Alot more I could say (especially about how similar Sun acts like Eclipse in manyyy instances) but very eepy almost midnight.

Anyway I like SunxEclipse. Would never admit that off anon tho because the world is. Very mean. Sometimes. :/

Glad I got you interested in Sun x Eclipse stuff too. XD

At this point in show lore, Sun is the one who knows Eclipse the most. So who knows where we'll go with that.

And yeah... Forcing Moon to go through the same pain that Sun experienced when sharing a body.... I mean, sure. It was probably to get Moon to suffer. But that also feels so vengeful and purposeful.

It was also worth noting in the early introduction of Eclipse, when he was in Sun's head and leaking out during intense moments of Gameplay Videos. (and I still stand by that Eclipse was the one who said "Chillapachino" that one time and was enjoying being Silly with Sun.)

But whenever Eclipse took over in gameplay, he was always a little more angry.... Sure... But like.... He was also way more assertive, and tended to stand up to Moon more. Something that EARLY Sun didn't really do all that much.

Maybe I'm misremembering, but I think he threatened to take away Moon's whacking stick at one point as well. But I might have imagined that and that might not have been a legit thing.

Not to mention GodEclipse kept Sun around of all people. He even killed Lunar in that dimension, but he thought Sun was worthy to live. He even wiped his memories so he wouldn't suffer too much. Even when we see GodEclipse he says "My Sun is dead" His Sun. Not like... "that nuisance" or "idiot" is dead... His Sun.

And Remember, GodEclipse is not TOO Much a Diversion from the timeline.

The only difference is that he won the fight with Bloodmoon and got the Star shortly after then. And he wiped everyone like he said he would, unlike Eclipse 2.0 who got upset cus Old Moon died and he had no one to monologue about his hate boner to.

Eclipse also in early episodes didn't really include Sun much in his evil Plans. His vendetta and focus was solely on Moon. Sun just kinda got twisted up in a lot of it due to circumstance and him being trapped in Sun's head.

But yeah... Lunar says that he knows Moon better than anyone cus he lived in Old Moon's head.

That goes both ways.

Eclipse and Sun know each other better then anyone at this point.

If there is someone to give Eclipse a chance, I hope it's Sun.

I feel Sun would be a hypocrite if he tries with Bloodmoon and doesn't with Eclipse.

But I guess we'll see.

[totallynoteggos]

lol hey this is just a vent post abt my life rn I don’t really expect any on u to read this

Tw if you do read this: talk of Anxiety, ppl not understanding neurological limitations, talk of vauge self exit and SH (its very minor) overall vent post shit

Sorry u have to see me in such a shifty mental state but I need to get this off my chest before I resort to violence

Once again, not KND stuff this is a Vent Post

I’m not neurotypical by any means I'm on some spectrum but all we know so far is that I have OCD and Anxiety. Also I'm going into the 9th grade which that In of itself is a stressful situation but in the last four years I've never stayed in the same school so seeing the same people is hella new to me. I have this really bad habit of going no contact with people after the school year is over because I usually never see them again. My mom can't seem to understand that there are simply things I can't do because of the anxiety & OCD (and I'm not using this as a reason to act out or defy her) abt 2 weeks ago we went to get food, now usually I order my food to make sure I get what I like and not have a mixup. And pls notice this was after a week long “vacation” that ended up being stressful and draining. But anyways there was a mixup and I ended up with a burger with all toppings instead of plain, which caused me to panic because I was hungry and stressed before already. And instead of trying to accommodate she stood firm in her beliefs that I need to get over it and just eat the damn burger. And I heavily insisted on not eating it and eating the fries instead. After a argument (and at the instance of my grandma) she bought me another burger and while in line I told her outright that there are some things that I physically can't do or else they send me into a panic. She that said that she “gets that” but I don't have to act out In front of my grandma which she idolized. And now like I said with the whole start of school she's saying “it wont be your best years if you don't let it be your best years” but I don't think she understands that I don't know how to do that. I've moved around a lot and I've been made fun of a lot due to my interests, hobbies and simply just to be the clown. Most of the people I befriend end up getting annoyed or just keep me around until I say something that doesn't make me the dumb and “quirky” one. And like I said I suck at keeping contact and now everyone still has their old friend groups and mine just see me as a joke or weirdo now. Its stressing me out so much and its only been two days, hell yesterday I would have thrown up from the stress but because I was so stressed I didn't eat shit so I didn't throw up. School stresses me out so much it's unimaginable, its the people, the sounds, the halls, the fact that people won't leave you alone, someone always talking or screaming, just please shut the fuck up so I can learn and be out of here. And god its so fucking hard not feeling what everyone else around you feels. My moms getting upset at me for not wanting to go on the busses when I have gone on one and it left 20 fucking minutes from my house cus the lady was screaming and I got scared as was about to cry. And now she wants me to try again with kids I don't fucking know who some how don't know personal space or manners. And back to the emotions things, why the fuck don't I feel the same as them, god I feel so fucking robotic compared to my mother and everybody else but they also make me feel like a god damned mutt. On one hand they think it's weird that I don't want to talk or to Interact but somehow don't realize that it's their fault I don't want to, and on the other hand whenever I'm upset or angry and actually show it its MY fault. Because apparently since I'm the youngest of my family im supposed to have the personality of pinkie pie and I have no problems. And because I'm quiet, friendly or just shy and I'm supposed to control my emotions because I'm a “young lady”. I've tried talking to my mom about home school because my school has that as a option but she says that I can't hide when she's been doing that too. Sometimes I feel like she cares more for the happiness of those she wants to impress rather than that of her family. But god if all of life feels like this then count me out cus its too much to be alive right now. I think ima take a shot or three of night quill and hopefully sleep until ITs to late to go to school

Goodnight