#//whatever new thing you’re doing to make tumblr like TikTok sucks!//

[13xwishes]

@staff / @support you guys need to do something about this. This is getting out of hand! You failed back in 2019 with the ban! Actually get rid of these spam blogs this time! I’m getting four or five a day! This a safe haven blog!!//

[i-am-grell]

I’m Back! Throw Anime at Me!

If you’re new here, I suck at starting and finishing series and making choices, so I let Tumblr pick which anime I’ll watch next.

I’ve just returned from vacation, and have the freedom once again to include longer series - and long long series (description of how that’ll work below with the propaganda) - in these polls!

As always, propaganda* (*rambles about series I haven’t finished and how little I know about series I haven’t started yet, etc) below the poll. You’re welcome to reblog if you wanna bully your followers into voting for your fave. Other people’s followers and assorted Tumblr users: you don’t have to know me, follow me, or like me to throw anime at me. You don’t even have to like anime if you just wanna press a button. Go wild.

Propaganda:

How the long long series will work in my polls:

We all know some anime series are hundreds - even thousands - of episodes long. When it comes to these polls, rather than straight-shotting through these beasts, I’ll break them up by however the series is naturally divided (by season or arc - whatever that series has chosen). If there’s a shorter season/arc, it may be combined into the next one (for instance if one arc has 16 episodes and the one after has 30, I’ll watch 46eps for that poll option, since that’s pretty manageable. We’ll play it by ear, folks). I’ll always be specific in the propaganda about how far I’ll be watching for that particular poll and update my pinned post with my progress for that specific series after. The series may not show up in back-to-back polls for the sake of taking breaks and not burning myself out on the same thing.

Rambles about the options:

Blue Exorcist - I watched everything available circa 2014/15ish, but now there’s more? Apparently? I guess? Cool! I’ll probably rewatch what I have seen since it’s been a while and proceed from there.

Free! - I watched ISC and ES as they were airing. In sub. And y’all know I prefer dubs (of course I went back and watched it when there was finally a dub). But while everything past Eternal Summer was airing, I was in my busy period… 😬 Still have to finish it - but to be clear, I will be marathoning everything, starting yet again with Iwatobi Swim Club. Also I absolutely don’t mean to influence the vote but the longer Free! stays in these polls, the more 50% Off! quotes I get to use. If you ever see “backstroke for days,” assume I’ve run out.

Zombie Land Saga + Revenge - This has been in the polls before and I’m sure many of you have seen my propaganda for it before. TLDR: Love it, wanna finish it, TERFs aren’t welcome here 😌

Bungo Stray Dogs - I think about Dazai at least once a day and I haven’t even watched this show. I have 1) seen pictures of this man 2) listened to anime tiktok simps talk about this man. Do with this what you will.

One Piece - There’s a quote from an episode of Um, Actually… where Mike Trapp says he hasn’t read Wheel of Time because, while he’s always meant to, it “feels like nerd homework.” One Piece is my “feels like nerd homework.” For the purpose of this poll option, if chosen, I will start One Piece by watching the first arc.

Mashle - Anime OP make brain go brrr. Also from what I understand, it’s regular guy brute-forcing his way through Legally Distinct Hogwarts.

[wifegideonnav]

I'm new to Tumblr. How do Tumblr users usually engage with each other?

well first of all welcome haha. the main ways to engage with people are:

liking and reblogging. platforms like instagram and tiktok run on likes and an algorithm, but on tumblr, people almost exclusively use their dashboard and turn off suggested content, so they’re only seeing what people actually reblog onto their dash. that’s why people on this site are so adamant about reblogs, because likes basically do nothing. i saw someone say once that anything you would like on a different social media, you should reblog on here, and i totally agree. and don’t worry about how old a post is, or about reblogging something you’ve previously reblogged. there are posts from 2014 that i regularly see on my dash a decade later, so literally don’t feel awkward, it’s 100% normal to engage with old posts.

tags. there are three main ways tags are used: labeling original content so people find it in searches, internal organization systems when reblogging or posting (for instance, many people have a tag for their original posts, and will tag reblogs by fandom or character or whatever - important note that reblogs do not show up in search results), and to make sotto voce comments on a post. it’s normal for people to make jokes, add their own commentary, ramble about something semi relevant, or say something to op in the tags on posts they reblog.

reblog additions. every time you reblog, you have the chance to add something to the post, which unlike tags will be retained when someone reblogs from you. a good rule of thumb is to comment instead of tagging when it’s something you actually want other people to engage with, as opposed to tags where you’re just kind of expressing yourself lol. don’t be surprised however if you see people’s tags getting screenshotted and added to a reblog. if this happens because the screenshotter likes what the tag writer said, it’s jokingly referred to as “passing peer review.” (and of course people screenshot tags to criticize or mock them as well.) essentially, tags are like being at a big group dinner and saying something to the person next to you as an aside, and then sometimes that person goes “hey everyone listen to this”

post comments. there’s also an option on every post (unless op has turned it off) for people to comment on the post itself, not on a specific reblog. mostly this is useful for talking to people on personal posts or posts with reblogs turned off. on a bigger post, just reblog it and put your thoughts in an addition or tag.

asks. seems like you figured this one out! lmao. asks are used for a wide variety of things, but essentially it can either be a prompt for someone to make a post or a way of having an interaction/conversation with someone without dming them.

dms. these work like dms everywhere else, except the functionality is limited and it kinda sucks.

games. there are also many varieties of games that people play with each other, ranging from ask games (things like “rec me some music” or a post with prompts and people send you some from that list), tag games (typically there are questions you answer then you tag other people to fill them out for themselves) handwriting tags, follow chains, giveaways, name/url playlists, and more. with the addition of polls, brackets have gotten popular too (eg the tumblr sexyman bracket). there also used to be a lot of in-character ask blogs, where a user would set up a blog and roleplay as a specific character that people could send questions to (there still are some but way fewer and way less popular than there used to be)

to be honest i feel like i have to put “discourse” and “drama” on this list too. people on this site loveeee having the most insane arguments of all time and then everyone else memes the hell out of it. google “sonic for real justice” for an example lmao. (of course there’s also very unfunny political and fandom discourse that goes on as well. i would advise you to avoid discourse blogs as a general rule regardless of whether you agree with their position or not)

tagging people. you can also @ people in posts you think they’d like or if you feel like they have relevant input. typically this is something you would do either to people you’ve spoken to before, or a big blog with an established persona and rapport with their followers (eg if you follow a blog about snakes and you see a random post with snake info that seems wrong but you’re not sure, so you tag them to ask for their expertise).

and this isn’t a specific “mode” of communication but it’s also a thing to “interpret” (for lack of a better word) other people’s posts. for instance, people drawing a photo from the original post (i cant find it but there was a post going around recently where op posted an aesthetic photo of an egg cooking and then several people painted it), or people trying/recreating something a post was about (example). it was also a thing for a minute there where people would rewrite funny exchanges as shakespearean dialogue

those are all the ways i can think of, although im sure i’ve missed some (if other people think of any pls add on!). good luck, and i hope you’re able to meet some cool people!

[joe-is-gay]

Hey, Hey, Hey! Joe here :p

SCROLL PAST THIS BLURB FOR THE OLD VERSION :3

2025: I’ve came back to Tumblr mostly due to the fact that TikTok is getting banned (pins a location on me, does it not?)

I want this year to be a year where I can be “open” more. I’d do that on my instagram, but I have classmates that follow me on there that’d I’d be uncomfortable with learning about my, albeit still forming, identity.

I’ve always liked having the idea of having a blog, but never had the time or place for it. And so, I’ll be using tumblr for that. I don’t care if anyone reads it, I just want to be able to get myself out into the world. It’ll make me feel good. Hopefully this’ll work out for me.

I want to get out of my loop of “edgy” humor; while I enjoy it, I don’t think like that all the damned time.

I hope you enjoy your stay :)

OLD VERSION:

sort of, not really new to tumblr (i’ve had other accounts but they sucked ass lol)

i’m a minor so don’t be creepy tf

i like will wood (& the tapeworms), lemon demon, that handsome devil, and other things like art and shit :p

i’m whatever

hmu (if you’re not some 80 year old pedophile), or don’t and just watch me reblog and post dumb shit

————————-

DNI LIST: Basic DNI criteria, people who like to start shit

INTERACT LIST!: Will wood fans, Will wood (the music artist)/hj

[bastard-of-a-bog-being]

Sometimes I feel like I talk too much and people are going to think “all you ever do is talk about yourself!!” But like

I share my stories so I don’t sound disinterested but like I’m trying to hold a longer convo

I share my stories hoping you’ll share one back, not because I can Only Talk About Me. But it sure is awkward if I end a story with, “have YOU ever felt that way about people in the grocery store? What’s YOUR wacky medical story?”

I hate feeling self conscious over normal human interaction and having this little bug in the back of my brain showing me a slideshow of the text posts I see on here accusing people of “traumadumping” to their friends or “this isn’t about you stop trying to relate to people with your own personal experience” bullshit. Y’all wanna accuse people of being toxic friends because you’re toxic and can’t acknowledge that friendships get messy. Your first response to anything is “I don’t owe them anything. It’s not my job to teach them. I’m not their therapist” but like, you can’t drop a friend because they didn’t know something you knew and you were an ass to them about their uninformed opinion.

And you’re right! It’s tiring when people vent all the time! But guess what? Friends are supposed to support each other. If my friend needs to vent because they’re going through a shit time and having a mental breakdown, and I say “ugh! You’re so toxic. Stop traumadumping on me, we all have problems. Fuck off and learn the world doesn’t revolve around you! Go talk to your therapist or something it’s not MY problem you feel unliked and unwanted.” Guess who’s the toxic friend in that situation? You need to be the friend who says “that’s shit! I hate those people for making you feel shitty. Wanna get some pizza and go bowling and pretend the pins are the people who said or did Thing to you?”

Some of you have the WORST takes on friendship and it’s pretty clear you were either The Mean Girl/Guy in high school/toxic friend, or you straight up only received socializing skills from Tumblr and now TikTok and you MAYBE need to go outside.

I was homeschooled and sheltered. My friendships were short lived. I moved to a new state at 10 and somehow ended up it a city full of people who hate you because you weren’t born here. They’ve all known each other since before you ever THOUGHT you’d end up there. My socializing skills were a little jacked up, to say the least, and ADHD made it worse, and depression made it worse.

I found a solid friendship with a guy who I’ve seen Once in like three years. We kept in touch after he moved and we text or have three hour phone calls and we vent and sometimes I talk more than he does, because he’s not as much of a talker, and that’s okay. Because we’ve learned our way around it.

I sincerely beg you, if you are so quick to accuse people of “traumadumping” and “being a toxic friend” over normal interactions with friends like venting or freaking out when someone isn’t as Informed As You or maybe Likes Something You Don’t, first consider your own behavior and interactions. Are you a perfect friend? Are you satisfied in your friendships?

If you can’t handle venting and people with different opinions or whatever, maybe your friendship style is just a quick chat about the weather and moving on. That’s okay! But life really IS about compromise and understanding that everyone has a different set of life experiences and communication styles and not everybody thinks of what they’re doing as malicious. Sometimes it’s just HOW they communicate with you. Sometimes it’s how they show love.

But I highly implore you to get out and socialize with friends and form messy bonds. Have a friendship worth crying over when it breaks. Because god it’s gonna SUCK it’s gonna HURT but every moment of JOY is going to be worth it. Don’t like going to bars to socialize? Find friends willing to go bowling! Find friends willing to look a little silly and do karaoke with you! Find friends who are creative and want to do art projects or mini films with you! Struggling to find friends you have things in common with? Join a club, or form one! I know finding new friends isn’t easy. compromise with the friends you DO have because you can still be friends even if you don’t share every interest. You’ll find something you guys both like doing if they’re willing to compromise as well. (And I know that isn’t always easy, in a world full of people who hate compromise)

And remember: social media is a fun treat! But the “social” part is kind of a misnomer. It’s not a good substitute for social interactions long term, especially when so much of it is manufactured to look “perfect”. When you’re expecting everything to be Perfect. But life really is about the memories sitting with your toes dipped in the creek, looking at tadpoles, playing board games, making fun of movies… and sometimes, the occasional ugly messy venting because you or your friend need a shoulder to cry on.

[merrilark]

Honestly I'm surprised we get any extras at all given how much this "fandom" complains about absolutely everything. From the very first piece of information we get about a new season, you get all the negative Nancies shouting their opinions about how much they hate certain storylines or distrust The Writers or expect the new material to suck because they had a prophetic dream or whatever. (Maybe I’m overly dramatic but I’ve wanted to quit this fandom so many times because of all the negativity, it’s not even funny.) And this doesn’t just happen here on Tumblr but also on Twitter and Instagram (and I’m sure TIkTok as well), on the official Netflix and TUA accounts' posts. If I were on the marketing team I’d not be super enthused about engaging with the fans, either. There’s actually just been an article on Business Insider about how Netflix’s data analysis team kind of runs its creative decisions (/how-netflix-uses-data-creative-decisions-renew-tv-films-analytics-2022-9?r=US&IR=T). They advise on which shows to acquire, which to renew, and how much money to spend on them by analyzing performance but also audience insight. I wouldn’t be surprised if that included social media even though the article doesn’t outright state it. And this practice is contentious, sure. To quote the article: "Sometimes it was helpful and sometimes it was totally useless," [a former exec] said of Netflix's analytics. "If something is really unique or a risk, they're not going to say, 'Go with God,' or 'Take that risk.' They'll say, 'Our data does not support [it]." So if you’re wondering why some of Netflix’s decisions seem really random or stupid maybe it’s because someone listened to an algorithm rather than using their own brain, which is definitely a flaw Netflix needs to work on, especially for a show like TUA that does fall under the “completely unique” category imo. On top of that, ST is a Netflix-only production while TUA is actually co-owned by NBC Universal. So the reason Netflix’s own social accounts aren’t as active in advertising the show is likely because some of that responsibility falls on NBC. And the reason we don’t get more tie-in media for TUA as ST does could very well be due to Dark Horse being involved in the whole business – they gave us the S1 “making of” book and the Klaus spin-off and the National Comic Book Day poster but could definitely do a lot more in terms of cross-advertisement. So the lack of content and merch doesn’t entirely fall on Netflix’s shoulders, I think. TUA is very different from ST not only in audience appeal but also in the amount of copyright holders, businesses, and decision makers involved.

Ahh, darn, the article is behind a paywall! But just from what you said, that’s fascinating. I find it heartening that Netflix seems to want to listen to fans and what they’re saying, and yet troubling that it seems it’s largely done through an algorithm. They’re missing the mark by this much! 🤏

A lot of big corporations seem to be leaning that way--that is, toward using algorithms rather than putting in all the elbow grease themselves, which, yeah, is rarely good. Algorithms can be clunky and they never work as well because they aren’t capable of understanding nuance. But if the algorithm is picking up a lot of negativity from people complaining about the show, then I can see how Netflix might decide pumping more money into TUA is less worth the risk.

As for the whole TUA and NBC/Dark Horse thing, yeah, I was wondering something similar about that! ST is a Netflix original, but TUA is a pre-existing IP so I would think that even if Netflix has the license to stream TUA, they would have to go through more paperwork to do the things that they do for ST, and how NBC or Dark Horse prioritizes franchises is a whole new can of worms. It’s hard to point fingers at any one responsible source, but then I also don’t really think it’s necessary to point at all. “Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth” and all that.

[rynhaswritersblock]

masterlist 🕊

hi!! welcome to my masterlist!

i try to make all of my imagines as inclusive as possible. PLEASE let me know if i discriminate against any group in any way; this is a safe space for everyone!

fluff 🧸 | angst 🕯| steamy ⚡️| personal favorite 🦦 | from an event ✨ ↬ i write predominantly fluff!

PETER PARKER imagines - anywhere from 1k to 10k words

desperate times and desperate measures 🧸 ↬ you're an avenger on a fake date with peter to get information from a group of villains, and peter has to think quick in order not to blow your cover... wink wink

far from home (part one, part two, part three, part four, part five) 🧸🕯 ↬ you and peter sit next to each other on the plane to europe and what begins as a friendship turns into so much more

can’t help it 🧸⚡️ ↬ you and peter have been dating for a few months now, and being the kind boy he is, he always asks for a kiss when he wants one. when kissing he always lets you set the pace because he's afraid to hurt you (because of his powers), but this time, his feelings are too much…

sista-sista 🧸🕯 ↬ you (peter's sister) were recruited by nick fury multiple years ago. ever since he discovered you, he took you in and trained you to work behind the scenes at S.H.I.E.L.D., and was the one to help you recover after being kidnapped by a terrorist group and experimented on (which resulted in you getting your powers). nick convinces you to work on a mission with peter, resulting in your coming clean to him about your past and the biological relationship between the two of you

study date 🧸 ↬ you and peter have been friends for most of your life but have slightly grown apart this last year due to peter's spider-man duties. finally, the two of you get together to work on a project and things... happen?

fancy-schmancy 🧸 ↬ you and peter sneak out of a fancy charity event because adults are boring and there’s better things to do

competitive 🧸 ↬ you and peter have had an interesting relationship due to the fact that you're both competing for being number one in your class. but, over time, a small, unexpected romance grows out of the rivalry

laser tag 🧸⚡️ ↬ tony organizes a game of avengers laser tag. you and peter are on opposite sides and have made it clear to each other that you will fight to the death- whatever it takes

NINE-NINE! 🧸 ↬ you and peter spend most nights watching brooklyn nine-nine together and have found just how similar the two of you were to the show's lead couple, jake and amy

how about a kiss, saumensch? (part one, part two) 🧸🕯 ↬ when peter sees you reading the book thief and talking about it afterwards, your love for it makes him want to read it. so, he does, and he decides to follow in the steps of rudy steiner, asking for a kiss at every chance he gets

take your things and go (part one, part two) 🧸🕯 ↬ you and peter have a love-hate relationship that makes some advances when the two of you land in a close situation

holy water!  🧸⚡️ ↬ after catching you and peter getting a little heated, natasha decides to take things into her own hands... in the messiest of ways

letters 🧸 ↬  after too long a wait for you and peter to just get together, the team decides to get you together their way

curiosity killed the cat 🧸🦦 ↬ peter parker is a photographer. the boy is absolutely obsessed with taking pictures of anything that attracts him, anything that catches his eye... anything, particularly you

under the mistletoe 🧸🕯 ↬ high school holiday parties can lead to unfortunate circumstances... especially when it involves your lifelong enemy and one godforsaken garnish

spider-man chapstick 🧸 ↬ nostalgic finds at new york bodegas can lead to flirtatious and awkward encounters with the boy you call your best friend

the benefits of fake dating 🧸 ↬ although incredibly annoying, flash thompson’s arrogance was just what you and peter needed

valentine’s and pickup lines 🧸🦦 ↬  sometimes, having to do mj's job for her can work out in the best ways. especially when it's valentine's day and a certain local hero has an errand to make

midtown morning announcements 🧸🕯 ↬ as a reporter for midtown tech's daily announcements, it's easy to get carried away with ideas. especially ones involving the newest superhero from queens

brace-face 🧸🦦 ↬ in which you get braces, peter is persistent, and mr. delmar gives you free slushees

take a bullet 🧸🕯 ↬ you and peter go on your first mission without the team, flirting can be a powerful tool, and cliches like "taking a bullet" for someone don't seem so unrealistic anymore

bad date 🧸 ↬ maybe trying to get over a crush on your best friend wasn't such a good idea after all

trust issues 🧸🕯 ↬ it wasn't peter's fault that he had trust issues after his mentor's death and his most recent superhero friend's manipulation, but it also wasn't your fault that you just wanted to be his friend

locked out 🧸 ↬ y/n can't remember to grab her keys, peter misses the old days with you, and may baked extra cookies

peter! from physics! 🧸 ↬ y/n can't be controlled by wallets, peter parker gets crushes too easily, and crime in new york is abnormally low

to the man who let her go 🧸🕯 ↬ fuck brad davis. yeah

odd one out 🧸🕯 ↬ thanos' plan was to wipe out half of the universe, but what happens when the universe isn't evenly numbered?

swing and a kiss 🧸 ↬  crushes from english class and a *touch* of ptsd turn into a new form of transportation, messy rooftop shenanigans, and a lecture from one (1) tony stark

i want it, i got it 🧸 ↬ newfound confidence during karaoke night certainly can end up in peter parker making bold moves

stolen kisses 🧸 ↬ secret dating always ends in getting caught, especially by a suspicious best friend and a group of superheroes that’s been rooting for you and peter for years.

wish i were heather  🕯 ↬ a relationship that never happened and the wrong one that did.

blurbs - under 1k words

party confessions 🧸⚡️ ↬ you and peter get paired up for seven minutes in heaven

go fix my car, assbag 🧸 ↬ you catch flash bullying peter in the hallway and you decide you've had enough of his crap (haven't we all?)

over-protective peter 🧸 ↬ when flash harasses you in the hallway, peter steps in and gets maybe a bit too angry…

movies and cuddles 🧸 ↬ the avengers have a movie night and you and peter end up in a slightly embarrassing situation

let me show you 🧸 ↬ peter helps you frost a cake in the avengers' kitchen at midnight and it turns into a food fight in which your father, tony stark, catches the two of you mid-fight  

scaredy-cat 🧸 ↬ you and peter are dorm neighbors (at MIT, of course), and he helps you out of a sticky-spider-situation

condensation 🧸🦦 ↬ cute neighbors drawing on condensated windows sure have the key to your heart

may? 🧸 ↬ sometimes, peter parker is a bit too caught up in the moment to realize the words that come out of his mouth... but, all for the lolz, right?

care package 🧸🕯 ↬ life is tough, but when a boy donned in red and blue shows up to make you feel better, it isn't so bad

eau de cologne 🧸⚡️🦦 ↬ avengers galas normally annoy you, but the scent of a certain hero can most certainly distract you

massage for massage? 🕯 ↬ unrequited feelings hurt, especially when your hands are the one massaging away his pain

a drive to montauk 🧸 ↬ a peaceful roadtrip with peter

moonlight tears (part one, part two) 🕯 ↬ depression took you away from yourself, but peter didn't let it take you away from him

the penis game 🧸🦦 ↬ a group of boys at the library plays the penis game and none of them manage to get above a quiet yell, so you take matters into your own hands

peter parker for pepper spray! 🧸 ↬ y/n lost her pepper spray, old men in new york are creepy, and peter parker just walked out of delmar's with a sandwich in hand and a kind enough heart to help out an enemy

english lit meet-cute 🧸 ↬ all it takes is an awkward mishap and some confidence to finally get you and the boy you keep seeing around campus together.

overnight beach trip 🧸✨ ↬ in which you and peter take a trip to the beach for a night.

headcanons - stories in the form of chaotic bullet-points

internship 🧸 ↬ tony stark not only helped in bringing together a group of people to protect earth, but also in sparking young love

dirty talk (part one, part two) ⚡️🦦 ↬ to the public, peter parker is the epitome of innocent, but after a conversation at lunch, he is determined to prove the opposite

hallway bookworm 🧸 ↬ girls reading and crying while walking in the hallway sure do seem to have an effect on peter parker

tiktok famous (part one, part two, part three, part four) 🧸⚡️ ↬ the wonderful chaotic adventures of y/n and peter making tiktoks

midnight at delmar’s 🧸 ↬ working alone late at night can be dangerous. 'nuff said

i go hard like thanos 🧸 ↬ popping off to an absolute banger during an avengers meeting is the best way to set yourselves up for failure

quaranteens 🧸 ↬ how you and petey boi spend your quarantine <3

gross 🧸🦦 ↬ chaotic mess in which you pull a Dumb Bitch Move and write a song for peter while relying on the hope that he never sees it

new york boy 🧸 ↬ life is hard when you visit your uncle in new york and all of a sudden there's a cute boy named peter parker in your life

giant teddy bears 🧸 ↬ first dates are awkward, peter sucks at dance dance revolution, and the night ends with a giant teddy bear and something sweet

actual books!

flicks (currently on wattpad; i will not be uploading this to tumblr as of now) ↬ in which a girl named indigo and a boy named peter bond over the love of movies, the loss of parents, and the power of saving the world | bonus imagine! 

lmk if any of the links are faulty or if there are any other problems with the imagines! i have been on this site working on transferring my work for hours i have the brain of a strapless croc rn pls forgive me!

[gracereadstoomanybooks]

answering questions I’ve been asked on TikTok✨

.

.

.

QUESTION: how did you get into reading?

So, when I was in middle school (many moons ago) we had this thing called AR Testing. Basically, you read a book and take a test on it—the questions were things that happened in the book, it was really simple. If you got a good grade, you got points. The more points you earned, the more eligible you were for the reading party at the end of each semester. Me, being the nerd I am, got top of my class because I went through 8th grade level books like it was nothing. The librarian at my school brought me books from the high school to read since everything was easy for me, and alas, my addiction began. And now that I have adult money, it’s a true addiction. Also, telling my father “I’m bored” and his response being, “go read a book or something” so thanks dad.

QUESTION: what’s one book you ALWAYS recommend to people?

This one is tough because I’ve read THOUSANDS of books, but if I had to choose one, it would probably be Confess by Colleen Hoover. I fell in love with her work in high school when I first read Ugly Love, but Confess is the type of book that pulls at your heart strings, y’all. It has everything people love: humor, sexual tension, drama, love. GO BUY THE DAMN BOOK. Or honestly any book by Colleen Hoover—she’s a fucking amazing author.

QUESTION: outside of making TikToks, what do you do for a living?

I currently work at a restaurant and hate every second of it. If anyone tells you to become a server, DONT. It’s not worth the hassle, I promise you. Sure, you can make decent money but the amount of rude customers and shitty tips you receive each shift is very disheartening. If you really need a job, do anything BUT work in the food industry.

QUESTION: what’s your wattpad story about?

First question: which one? I have about 30 drafts sitting there waiting to be posted. But, I’m going to assume you’re talking about the Harry Styles fan fiction I’ve been working on for the past 4 years and haven’t had the courage to post. I’ll tell you a little about it: Elaine Aldridge is forced into a betrothal to a man she’s never met & loathes. She goes to his court and realizes things aren’t what they truly seem. And the guard her future husband sticks on her??? None other than Mr. Harry Styles. Add in some magic & deaths and you’ve got my story— The First Prince. (Honestly, that’s an extremely shitty description so if you wanna check it out go to my wattpad account)

QUESTION: how old are you?

Ahem. . . twenty-one.

QUESTION: what is your dream career?

Being a published author and having people rave about my books. That’s all. Or, an editor for a publishing company. Imagine reading all day and being paid for it🤩

QUESTION: what was your least favorite read of 2020?

I already KNOW I’m gonna get shit for this but....... the wicked king. YALL I LITERALLY COULDNT GET THROUGH IT IM SO SORRY, I STILL HAVENT FINISHED IT

QUESTION: current favorite author?

Sarah. J. Maas. I don’t know what it is about her writing style, but it’s addicting. Throne of Glass is hands down the best series I’ve ever read. A Court of Thorns and Roses is the first book I’ve EVER reread. Her stories truly suck you in and hold onto you—you get lost so easily in her writing and it’s like once you’re done with a series, nothing will compare. Or, at least that’s how I felt after finishing Kingdom of Ash. Honorable mentions: Jennifer L. Armentrout, Penelope Douglas, L.J Shen, Elle Kennedy and Kennedy Fox.

QUESTION: any recommendations/tips to give to a new reader?

I’ve always given this advice to people who want to get into reading: find what you like and start with that. If you like romance, I’ve got a list for you to choose from. Mystery? Another list. Sci-fi? I GOT YOU. Fantasy? Yes! Sports fiction? It might take me a second but I’ll find you a book. Nonfiction? I’m zero help in that category, honestly. The point of the matter is that you’re never going to enjoy a book if you aren’t interested in the underlying topics.

QUESTION: do you ever find yourself comparing your life to fictional life?

Yes. All the time. I daydream about being apart of the Inner Circle and living in Terrasen with Aelin and Rowan. I think about what it would be like to have real powers and a mate. It drives my boyfriend crazy—but he loves me anyway.

QUESTION: what are your most anticipated books of 2021?

Here’s a list:

A Court of Silver Flames by Sarah J. Maas

The Crown of Gilded Bones by Jennifer L. Armentrout

Gods and Monsters by Shelby Mahurin

Crescent City 2 (Untitled) by Sarah J. Maas

A Vow So Bold and Deadly by Brigid Kemmerer (I just ordered this one & it arrives tomorrow)

Blessed Monsters by Emily A. Duncan

QUESTION: why did you start a Tumblr?

Honestly, I used to love tumblr when I was in grade school (way too young to be on here then but what else is new). I like having an extra space to get my questions and comments out without having to compress it into a 60 second video for TikTok to see. Tumblr is a good place to blog & post things like this.

QUESTION: what’s your favorite song right now?

I’ve listened to Carry You by Novo Amor every day for the past two months and I cry each time.

QUESTION: why write Harry Styles fan fiction?

Simple: I love Harry Styles. I’ve been a fan of him and One Direction since they were on X FACTOR. Read that again. X. Factor. I used to watch their performances on YouTube before WMYB even came out. Of course, I love all of the 1D boys but I was always a Harry gal. And I look up to him in a way—I’ve read things about people wishing they knew him personally and honestly? I would never want to meet him. I like the version of him I’ve cooked up in my brain over the past 10 years. I like the symbiotic relationship I have with his music. Fine Line is a ✨masterpiece✨. HS1 is a ✨work of art✨.

now, some topics I’ve been asked way too many times and want to finally get to:

QUESTION: political views?

the saying “anyone but trump” has been in my brain for the past four years. No, I’m not a republican. No, I’m not a democrat. I like to think of myself as a progressive (ahem, liberal) Did I vote for a democratic candidate? Yes, and I’d do it again and again until the US isn’t one of the worst countries—I’m sorry, businesses— to be apart of. I wanted Bernie but got Biden, and I’m alright with that. And my girl Kamala🥳

QUESTION: how did you feel about the BLM protests?

I went to multiple BLM protests and donated a lot of funds to BLM & other organizations. It’s 2021, people... stop being fucking RACIST. And don’t be afraid to call racist people out! Black Lives Matter, even if no one is posting about it anymore.

QUESTION: thoughts on abortion?

your body your choice, queen! not my uterus, not my problem.

QUESTION: there was a comment on an old video of yours talking about r*pe, why did you delete the comment?

I made a video when I first started my account on TikTok about reading in public and feeling “turned on” by it. Go watch it if you don’t know what I’m talking about. BUT, some ignorant male decided to comment and say “this is how girls get r*ped”. Whew. So. I deleted the comment because ....

I am a victim of sexual assault. Along with a lot of other women. 1 in 5 women have been victims of sexual assault. Talking about being r*ped isn’t funny.

No one else needed to see his comment. I reported it immediately and his account was shut down.

I never got justice for what happened to me, and the fact that some random male—who had never even met me or seen me before my video showed up on his FYP—had the nerve to comment that? Unacceptable.

this question isn’t as controversial but

QUESTION: what’s the best way to get out of a toxic relationship?

okay, let me just start off by saying that the people around you who love and support you are going to be your backbone. Leaving a toxic situation is hard, and every situation is different, but my best piece of advice to offer you is don’t be afraid to ask for help. Your loved ones are going to be there for you when you need them, even if you don’t believe they will. If you explain what’s happening, someone you know and love will drop whatever it is their doing to make sure you get out safely. good luck my babes.

now, back to our regularly scheduled program:

QUESTION: any tips on making tiktoks?

Literally none. I post what I think is funny and relatable and if anyone agrees, I’m satisfied. Even if it’s one view, it’s good enough for me. So I guess my one tip is to not base your life off of an app and followers.

QUESTION: favorite Harry Styles fanfic?

DONT MAKE ME CHOOSE. Duplicity is up there, along with Stall 1&2, and Kiwi. After? Absolutely not.

QUESTION: favorite WEBTOON?

y’all already KNOW. LORE OLYMPUS BY USEDBANDAID. Rachel is a genius and I have reread the series a million times. Hades is my soulmate and Apollo can rot in the fiery pits of the Underworld. also, if we’re talking about other webcomics, reading Walk on Water on mangadex...🤫

QUESTION: favorite movie?

Howls Moving Castle. I will be getting my “a heart is a heavy burden” tattoo very very soon.

QUESTION: I read your Elain theory on tumblr, can you explain a little more?

I thought I was pretty straightforward but I’ll say it again: she is always the “good” one and it’s too suspicious. SJM has already given one Archeron sister a happy ending, Nesta’s is obviously inevitable, but Elain? She has too many options for a happy ending. Lucien, who is her “mate”. Azriel, who is intrigued by her slightly. Her human guy—I don’t remember his name—who is disgusted that she’s not human anymore. Or, alone, planting flowers all day. BUT! My point is that she’s not truly happy. She was forced into the Cauldron just like Nesta. She was ripped away from the life she loved so dearly and didn’t want to give up. The man she was going to marry now hates her guts because she’s a High Fae. She has the perfect set up for a villain plot line and I’m all here for it.

well, that’s all I feel like doing tonight. hope you enjoyed my little q&a! be kind, and talk to you later! byeeee!

[bigbrotherlouis]

sasha i really want to get into hockey but idk where to start! i can't even recognise all the players :( what would you rec as a jumping off point??

i’m so mad at myself i was halfway through answering this and i accidentally shut my browser window and LOST LIKE FOUR PARAGRAPHS god. okay. here we are again.

hello!!! omg come on in the water is very nice!! i have good news for you! there’s like almost a thousand players in the NHL the 19-20 season alone, and that doesn’t count like any of the other hockey leagues, so absolutely no one expects you to know everyone. i don’t recognize everyone! a lot of times i stop  reading fic halfway through to google faces and then i instantly forget what they look like! also most of the time they have helmets on when they zoom around the ice, so like. not much to see there anyway.

more good news is that here on my little corner of tumblr we don’t make you memorise a roster to join in the fun. you can know as many or as little hockey players as you want and that’s all good with us baby! that being said, it’s really easy to collect players you love as your friends love them / as you read good fic, which is how i now love the entire flyers and avalanche teams, a good portion of the canes, leafs, oilers and canucks, and sporadic players off of teams that do not make sense to anyone who does not see my dash.

in my opinion, the best way to jump in is to pick a player or pairing that you enjoy, and just spread out from there as you want. personally, because that’s how i got sucked in, a really good pairing for that is travis konecny and nolan patrick, because tk is just Like That and patty occasionally looks Like That, and they are just like that in real life like canonically apparently? every link in that sentence just kills me, as does this tiktok, and everything in my idiots to lovers tag. they’ve got a really good dynamic of two halves of a whole idiot, moody bitch and the boy who loves him unconditionally, and they’re good for hilarious fic and also angst, if you’re going that route with fic. from a like more practical side, they’re young, up and coming, pretty dedicated to each other, and there’s a lot of content put out about them during regular times, either like actual content by official sports teams, or very well written fic. if you want a fic rec, i can pull that together for ya!

if tk/patty isn’t your thing, there’s a whole bunch of other people to pick! which is the nice thing about hockey! some particularly popular people right now in my circles (and also in my ao3 history) are: andrei svechnikov (please watch the video and post i’m linking here whatever you do), elias pettersson, brock boeser, quinn hughes, anyone on the avs bc they’re all SO horny for each other, pk subban, matthew tkachuk, leon draisaitl, connor mcdavid, mitch marner, dylan strome, jujhar khaira, claude giroux and then classique hockey players (people are going to yell at me for saying this) like sid and geno, tyler and jamie, jeff skinner, tom wilson and michael latta, and ovi and nicke.

that’s a lot i’ve thrown at you but just jump in with one or two people, and if you’re looking for anything in particular come and talk and i’ll give you some direction or explanation or whatever :) also if you wanna come off anon and be friends that way lmk! i love making friends! okay sorry for the long post and i hope that helped <3

[mingishoe]

if you would actually want to see one of these let me know!

(This is kinda long... I’m so sorry I’m not using the ‘read more’ option so I’m so sorry if I’m spamming your feed)

(Also PSA these ideas are all my own and Ik some of them might be a lil cliche but I promise they’re all my ideas and I didn’t take them from someone else! Except the tiktok one)

Young Dumb and Broke (Series) - So this one is a lil weird but hear me out... I’m a bitch for Sugar Daddy stories but this is like a lil twist. So basically you got out of highschool and somehow got a sugar daddy (completely legal!!!) and like you got a shit ton of money and he like paid for your first two years of college so like you’re living the life- then he like puts money in your account... like a lot of money... and he buys you a bunch of shit so you’re literally living the life in his penthouse or whatever and then like you’re like hmmm ion need a sugar daddy anymore so then you’re like lemme tell him and then he like gets mad and is like get the fuck out... then you go and find your own place and like there’s no need for you to be worried about money or anything but you still go get a job just so you can be busy and you find a cute cafe and you get a boyfriend who happens to be your old sugar daddy’s son and like shit be happening. So yeah that’s what I have as of now and I think that could be fun to write

Guns N’ Roses (one shot) - I’m an even bigger bitch for Mafia shit and like a Hongjoong/Jongho/maybe Seonghwa Ateez Mafia moment? And like maybe a lil cliche moment but like the MC won’t get kidnapped by him or whatever but like she’s a little nosy bitch. Like not an annoying nosy to where she’d get fucked up by the Mafia but like nosy so tHe ScArY mAfIa bOsS thinks she’s cute, you know? So like she obviously knows who he is and like thinks he’s hot and wants to fuck. So she messes with him and is like wHy dO yOu hAVe a bLacK eYe when she obviously knows why he has a black eye. N e way... I think it would be cute or whatever but also not like a cliche he kidnapped me and I fell in love with him kinda moment.

Pancakes? (one shot) - So I’m even a bigger bitch for hybrid fics. Ik Im a bitch for a lot of stuff sorry... N e way I don’t rly know how to write one so I’d have to do like research or whatever about it and figure out anatomy of like whatever animal I’m wanting to do (probably a puppy or a kitten or a bunny bc I’m a basic bitch and don’t wanna do something cool like a snake or anything... but like MC would find said animal sOmEwHerE or maybe adopt it from the actual animal shelter instead of a hybrid one just bc they were in the animal form and not the human-hybrid form, you know? And like they take him home and like their new pet or whatever falls asleep on her tummy and like when she wakes up it’s a whole ass man and she’s like uhh what the fuck is a grown ass naked man doing on me??? And like they both get scared and like she offers him pancakes (hence the name) and like yeah they just live life after that with some conflict but it’s all good.

Temptation (one shot) - so guess what else I’m a bitch for... Vampire AUs... like who isn’t??? So like I really fuck with San/Seonghwa vampire moment?But like I really really fuck with the MC being the vampire... like there’s not a lot of one shots or series with the MC as the vampire so I think that would be cute and different. But also again, idk too much about vampire shit besides the cliche stuff and I’m sure I could take a different route with it rather than the usual uhhh shhh don’t tell anyone I’m a vampire or imma bite you kinda stuff. Or the we met in a club and imma suck your blood and you may or may not live kinda thing, even though those are my favourites and I read those all the time.

*Idk what name yet* (One shot) - I also really really like Harry Potter house AUs with maybe San or Wooyoung of Ateez... but I’ve never seen a full Harry Potter movie in my life (please don’t attack me) and I would have to like watch the movies and read parts of the books or like research stuff about the Harry Potter houses EXTENSIVELY (unless there’s anyone who wants to help me) but I rly like the whole the really pretty girl that everyone is scared of is in the Slytherin House and the cute shy boy in the Hufflepuff House has the biggest crush on her. And like she fucks with him bc he’s a Hufflepuff but she likes him too and just doesn’t know how to show it.

Hail Mary (one shot) - So like this is probably the most cliche on the list but the fucking Priests Daughter kinda shit is the best kinda shit out there. Like I would REALLY FUCK WITH A N Y member of ATEEZ LIKE FUCK! N e way- like the MC would be the priests daughter and like E V E R Y O N E knows who she is bc 1. She’s hot. And 2. She’s known for being like a goodie goodie. She’s the kinda girl that like has straight A’s in every class, doesn’t go to any parties, is at church all day every Sunday with her father. You wear a purity ring around your finger and all the boys just want to be the one to make you take it off. But like whichever member I pick (I’ve been wanting to write this for forever but I can’t pick a member from the ones listed above) actually likes you and isn’t just fucking you to get your ring.

Bookstore Girl (one shot) - So... I’ve had this idea for over a year (way before I started writing on Tumblr) it’s not rly that interesting or really original or anything but like one of my favourite songs is Bookstore Girl by Charlie Burg and immediacy after the first time I heard it I thought “I’m writing a Namjoon fic based off of this song” and I have yet to do it. If you haven’t heard it before I really recommend you do! In the song it says “Oh bookstore girl, I wonder what your name is” and “Reading only the books that you'd recommend to me... knowing more than just your name, it wouldn’t be the same... remaining fantasy, that’s more romantic to me” and it really gave me the inspiration for like maybe the MC as the other regulars that Namjoon likes so he’s always asking her for book Recs or they’d just talk about books but he doesn’t know her name and it’s practically killing him bc he has the biggest crush on her but literally knows nothing about her. So yeah I’ve personally never rly read a fic like this??? But yeah i think it would be really cute.

Groupie (One shot) - so like PH-1 is like one of my favourite artists and like he has a song called Groupie and I think it would be really interesting to incorporate it into a fic. I was thinking maybe like Jin/Taehyung BTS or like maybe Minhyuk Monsta X would go good with this kind of fic? So like in the song it’s constantly asking if their a Groupie “Are you a groupie? Tell me straight up is you a Groupie? I’m trynna do me, don’t waste my time is you a Groupie?” And like I think it would be kinda a twist if he knew the MC was a Groupie but he didn’t care bc he actually really liked her and is willing to have her around as a Groupie than not at all. But like eventually the MC would like... stop being a Groupie? And like they’d end up together fr fr, you know?

Red? (One Shot) - So yk those TikToks, yes I have a TikTok addiction don’t come at me, that are like yOu aNd yOur sOUlMaTe sEe tHe sAmE cOlOur aNd oNce yOu fAll iN lOve yOu seE eVery cOlOur? So yeah those kind of tiktoks are really creative and I think it would be a really cool fic idea. This one is obviously not my idea but I could try and like make a spin on it??? If that makes sense? But I was thinking maybe Mingi ATEEZ

*idk a name for this one either* (One shot) - So you know how there’s like a million fics that’s like tHe dEvIls sOn, which no hate bc those hit different, but like there’s never rly any where the MC is like the devils daughter yk? I’m thinking either Mingi or Yunho Ateez. So like imagine the Devil sending his daughter to go collect this “pretty boy” and bring him down. He was said to be protected by the angles so you had to get him wrapped around your finger. You take an interest in the “pretty boy” and bring him down with you and you want him for yourself, let’s just say the Devil isn’t happy...

Wings (one shot) - So I’m really into the whole Angel/Demon and Heaven/Hell kinda thing incorporated into fics and like... I’m kinda thinking like maybe Angel!Yunho/Wooyoung(kinda funny Ik) and like Demon!San/Seonghwa and like you’re one of the few “angels” that can go back and forth through Heaven and Hell. You’re half Angel and half Demon which is the reason you could travel back and forth. You usually spend most of your time on the lower half... it maybe or may not be because of a specific Demon with wings so dark you almost couldn’t see them... however, in heaven... the boy with the whitest wings you’ve ever seen makes you want to keep going back. Your wings are gray, more specifically a dark gray meaning you’re more demonic than angelic, which makes you stand out in either place. The more time you spend with the boy with the white wings... the darker they become...

사랑해 (Saranghae) (one shot) - So like Ik there’s a lot of like HighSchoolAUs and I really really like them but I wanna take a little spin on it and do like a transfer student kinda thing. So I’m thinking maybe like Yeosang ATEEZ? So like they come to America (where you’re from) from Korea and you’re assigned to be their like? Idk what it’s called? Just kinda the person to show them around and make them feel welcome. So it’s a little bit difficult because of the language barrier so you try your best to learn Korean and he try’s his best to learn some English so the two of you could talk. You’re not good at korean, at all, but you know when you hear that word... you feel the same way.

[nikkiscarlet]

A million times this. I have gone off on boomer relatives for their takes on social media because they basically amount to “screen bad, rando sitting next to you good”, and as someone who suffered an awful lot of bullying and abuse by the people around me as a kid, and who still suffers from severe social anxiety and C-PTSD because of it, having the internet as my social outlet literally saved my life when I was a teenager. Getting your social needs met on the internet is entirely valid and I will die on that hill.

However, at the same time, I am barely present on most of the big social media platforms. I pop on to Facebook about once a week to check my notifications and then immediately leave again. I often forget Instagram exists. I avoid Twitter like the dumpster fire that it is, but occasionally it still sucks me in and I might retweet a couple of fandom posts or funny quips roughly once every few months. I will very occasionally google search terms with the word “reddit” in them so I can get what will likely be the most honest and detailed review of a product before deciding to buy it, but I think the last time I actually posted on Reddit was something like 2012. Even on Tumblr I have mostly just reblogged for the majority of the near-decade I’ve been here, only occasionally popping in with a comment. And I got a Tiktok account entirely so I could follow one man who yells at old recipe books. The only social media platform I actually spend regular, active time on is Discord, and I don’t even really think of it as a “social media platform” — I think of it as a chat client, like IRC before it. The truth is: I hate “social media”, because “social media” is a corporate walled garden that isn’t really built for actual community-building: it’s built for drama and data mining. It’s built to control your internet experience.

(It isn’t lost on me that the social space where I find the most peace and satisfaction is a place called “discord”.)

I’ve also been working on building a website of my own, old-school, so I can run my own solo blog and have a place to post my thoughts, art, and fic without worrying that the collapse of a business or moral-panic-purge will result in years and years of precious memories and creations being deleted in an instant. It also means I’m a lot less likely to have to worry about harassment, because most people just aren’t “surfing the web” looking for interesting new sites anymore: they spend all their time on the big platforms, so the kinds of people who make a hobby of terrorizing strangers on the internet for the instant dopamine hit are less likely to venture out to some nobody’s blog in the middle of nowhere, and I can post whatever I fancy in relative peace and quiet while still getting to show my friends the things I want to share.

I do think more people should abandon (or at least dramatically limit their time on) the big platforms and DIY a website of their own instead. I pay for server space, but free options exist: neocities is fantastic and incorporates social profile functionality. If you want to follow specific people/sites all around the internet from one convenient feed, you can get an RSS reader and subscribe to all the sites and blogs you want. (Notably, though, the big platforms make it really hard to follow anyone on their sites using RSS. Hmmmmm, wonder why.) Great thing about RSS is that everything is shown in chronological order and there’s no algorithm dictating what you see. There’s a bit more of a learning curve to doing things this way, but in the end you have much more control over your internet experience, have a lot more opportunity to get creative, and you’re probably having a lot more fun. The internet would be much better off for it, and I think most people’s mental health would be, too.

the internet HAS been turned into a series of easily swallowable pills for quick consumption and standardization and I don't think it's 'boomery' to discuss how the internet no longer feels like a wild wild west and has been massively gentrified for quick access to anything you could ever want or need and that next hit of dopamine. there is a difference between 'social media bad' and 'our experiences online are increasingly manufactured by algorithms looking to make money from scraping metrics of data about who we are to either sell us stuff or sell who we are to people who will sell us stuff'

[sincerely-yours-always]

Diary thoughts:

Seeing her name in your most recent reposts makes me laugh and cry at the same time. Why you keep the act up, and why I still follow you just to see the same things over again are the same question....

I don’t want it if I can never tell when you’re telling the truth or lying anymore. If I have to beg you to leave someone alone. If I’m constantly finding new ways you keep her in your world. And why if you want her in it so badly, why you wouldn’t just leave me alone ?

You don’t understand why it hurts me. Why, when I see she follows “my” playlist, the one you had made for me, and listens to it and thinks of you... how would that not feel like a knife in my back? Out of everyone in the whole world and out of all your playlists, why wouldn’t it bother me that it’s her listening to that one? Why out of everyone in the whole world was it her reposting your dd/lg and love posts? Why out of everyone she felt comfortable enough to take your hoodie home and wear it? That photos of you are still on her profiles when you so strongly didn’t want me to post or tag you on my own.

You were in my house, I was lying on your chest. You were snapping someone named kat and hiding your phone from me. You later tried to explain it was your friends gf, and it was private and just didn’t want me involved in their personal stuff. When all the photos and everything came out, you know what crushed me? That I didn’t know if I could believe you anymore. The thought of you flirting with kitty over snap while I laid on your chest a few inches from you... and then lying to me. How do I know what’s true or not? When you’ve admitted to hiding certain things from me, and lying the past few months... when you told me nothing had happened between you two before I saw that photo of you two kissing. When you told me you’d blocked her, to rediscover you guys following each other again several times... or more tumblr pages and reposts. The sight of that photo, all photos of you two... gave me this sick turning feeling in my stomach. Like I was stuck on a park ride nightmare and it wouldn’t let me off.

You act like regaining trust is my duty alone. Like i need to ignore all previous behavior and write it off as the past / you guys don’t talk anymore. But it’s not. It’s not my duty alone. You don’t like the thought of me trusting you. But how am I supposed to rebuild trust alone? How can I believe someone who keeps saying one thing, but actions don’t seem to line up? When if she really doesn’t mean anything to you and you don’t talk, why it seems so hard to not involve her in your life anymore?

You say that you didn’t leave me for another girl, that you left. For the 3 months before you left, I tried harder than I ever did in my life. I worked so hard on myself and to prove that I loved you and that I was seriously trying to come over... and in my mind, we were still trying? Still dating/daddy-baby girl? Still in love and trying to make it work? But you were on tinder and drunk making out with this girl and going on museum dates and who knows what else... and you don’t call it cheating because you didn’t believe that I was trying to come back and kept repeating we weren’t officially dating again until I came back. But to me? I was trying so fucking hard and you were kissing that girl and lying to me and who knows how much else you don’t tell me until I find it myself... and to me, you betrayed my trust. I sent you cute birthday gifts and so much money and tried to help you so much and that whole time... that whole time, you were playing me. You were out partying and getting drunk and doing whatever you did with this girl, and then got mad when I started asking questions. And I can imagine you getting mad now, if I tell you myself that I felt cheated, you would get mad and make me feel guilty for leaving countries and “leading you on” by dating you for so long (like doing long distance didn’t hurt/cost me too, and like you were the only one going through it, or like you didn’t try to break up with me like 10 times) and like somehow in this whole scenario... I’m the bad guy. All I did was love you with my whole heart and try to be honest with you in the throes of so much complicated life shit?!? For me - in those last few months- you broke my trust, my heart, the idea I had of you in my head. The thought that you were honest and loyal and were trying hard with me to be “team we”. You were Daddy. Mine only. And suddenly my mind was opened to the possibility and reality that you weren’t just my Daddy anymore. That you could and would be a daddy to other girls, maybe even this kitty girl. Because how do I know anything you’ve ever told me to be true, except for the fact that I wanted to believe you were true and honest and good? The fact that you still have her on snap and have hung out with her enough to give her your Spotify ... like what, was she in your car? Were you giving her a ride and she heard your music and liked it? Have you seen her more often than you’ve led me to believe?

How do I know anything or trust anything, Daddy? Why would you come back and say we should try again, when the one who stopped trying was you? Are you going to change your mind in 2 days time? Are you going to leave me again when you’re tired of committing to me? Or see her or others casually without telling me again? Are you ever going to have her actually blocked from you completely? Or would I still be begging you a year, 2 years from now? How can I love you so much and be so angry at you for lying to me like that?!? For pushing me to utter vulnerability and honesty when you couldn’t even do that about this girl? You had pushed me to the point I was willing to buy a plane ticket for the next week just to prove my love and commitment to you, and you... were doing.... I wouldn’t know what you were doing because you stopped talking to me. You want me to forgive and forget because “we all have our own demons and weaknesses”, because “you’re human”, because “you’re lonely”? I WAS LONELY. All I wanted was you!! I begged you in that letter, I would try calling, I would send gifts, I felt so lonely with you. How is it that you said you loved me so much and made me feel so fucking alone? Why would I send money and gifts and cards and letters, why would I send photos and call everyday if I wasn’t trying? Why was I blamed for everything? For getting mad about this girl and looking for things online, for getting mad about you not replying for 48hours... I sent flowers to your mom after your grandmas funeral. You made me cry in the bathtub on my own birthday. For leading you on? When I’ve been through my own trauma and shit and didn’t know what to do or how to come back to you without my family’s approval... and you bullied me. You refused to give me love or support, or get rid of kat’s photos until I had a flight date for you, and you made me feel guilty about not knowing. Like I didn’t love you enough, like I had kept you from fucking other girls and living your life. Like loving me was a boring duty that you were stuck with. You came to visit me on this trip I was so excited for, and all of a sudden you had this huge ultimatum that sucked the life out of me for the second half of your visit. All I had wanted was to be with you and hold you and hug you and cry and laugh and not think about how hard life was for a while... and it was every second day that you were asking me about when I was coming back and if I didn’t have a flight date, we were breaking up, and I didn’t know what to do. My anxiety went through the roof at the thought of losing you and I couldn’t think straight, how is anyone (let alone someone struggling with mental health) supposed to make a big life decision under that pressure in that time crunch?!? Like here, try and enjoy this time with this person but also make a quick decision which could result in you losing your family or losing the love of your life?! All I was asking for was some time to process, that I would still try, that the answer was no for now but you went home and what, rejoined tinder immediately and said yes to go hang out / go on a date with kat?

I’m crying so hard my eyes hurt. You may not understand why this girl is such a big deal to me but she is. I am not, NOT NOT not nOT going to do it. If she is still around and still has feels for you and you remain in contact with her through any means, I’m not doing to get involved with you again. And that’s big for me to say. Because I’ve repeatedly called you the love of my life... I don’t think you’ve ever called me that. But not even the love of my life is worth my mental health and I’ve worked fucking hard to get myself to this point, to where I can say that. I think this is what a boundary sounds like. You worry about our ddlg dynamics and trust not being the same... I’m telling you it won’t be if my boundaries aren’t respected. What’s in the past does not stay in the past. It affects me, still today. Your actions may be in the past but those consequences still continue to hurt me. And I’m not getting mixed up in some is it love - is it boredom triangle. My boundary is that she goes or I go. You guys have history and she wants you, and what you’ve allowed to happen between the two of you had hurt me. To deny that or ask me to dismiss it without acknowledging the hurt you’ve caused... well. I’ve said what I’ve said. I can’t trust someone enough to be little and vulnerable and safe with them, if I’m constantly unsure if I’m the only one / made to feel like she’s still in your life. You want me to trust you, I want to trust you. I’ve said before that I would gladly delete old flames if it made you feel like I was being reciprocal, and I will. But if I’m considering this yes and want to try and make it work with you, “team we”, she’s gone. Blocked. Idc if it’s Spotify, snap, tumblr, TikTok, a phone call, Facebook, insta, youtube, email, a group chat, messenger... I want to know you respect me, my feelings, my mental health, my heart, my loyalty and my boundary. Help me rebuild my trust not just with words but with actions, and I’ll do the same. I’m doing hard work with a lot of emotions/mental health/relationships issues on my own time and will continue to do the work and be a better me. But I cannot get over the breach of trust / this girl / you leaving without your help.

(And yes, I know this is not in light of being your partner. But, like, you were the one that made it that way? You dumped me, left me in the lurch to go explore and do whatever you wanted to do, and have now come back to say you miss / want me again — and I’m feeling a lot of anger I didn’t allow myself to feel initially. I’m kind. I’m gentle. I’m sharp and sarcastic. I’m smart. I’m quick on my feet. I’m pretty. I’m a great friend. I’m soft. I cry in movies and around dogs. I am.... so so much. And the way you made me feel so unwanted and shitty and replaceable, I will never forget. You were... you were my anchor. And I felt I was yours. Until you got tired of this anchor and cut them off as dead weight... because, in your eyes, it seemed right for the anchor and the boat. So the boat could go sailing and meet other boats and be free, but what is an anchor without a boat exactly? You did what you wanted and what you thought was right for you. Not me. Because what I was asking for - reciprocal energy, attention, support, answers, a call back..: you couldn’t give me. And so you did what was right for you, the sail boat, to do. You cut ties and left. And then you got an anchor tattoo after dumping me? Or was it before. I don’t even remember time that well anymore. I think it was after. No yeah, it was after. Like here is this little momento I’ll remember you by as I move on and leave you behind, little anchor. I cried for a whole week after you showed me. Like here, I’ve left you but look at how much you meant to me and how much we could be, but I’m leaving you and don’t want you, but maybe someday I will?? I couldn’t even say your name. I just cried daddyy... like somehow you would magically hear me and remember me. The way I grieved for you someone would have thought you died. I couldn’t eat or sleep, I would cry at random moments and I could barely leave my bed. I wouldn’t let anyone touch my ring or try to take it off, I’d just lay there curled up, rocking back and forth and grasping at the ring on my finger. I am keenly aware that I haven’t been your partner for a fucking long time... because just when I thought we were close or still trying, you’d remind me. Too little too late. You don’t have a flight date. I’m lonely and human and you can’t be jealous. I don’t love you the same way you love me and I’m sorry. The end.)

((These tumblr reposts simply cannot allllll be old posts. Like I asked you to block her at least 2-3 months ago at the minimum, I don’t think repost queues are that long. Not looking for a fight on that but it has been your answer for every single repost I’ve asked about and I’m tipsy and it’s pissed me off))

Now that that’s all off my chest, I think I can talk to you without crying or exploding with sadness and jealousy. Or maybe I’ll just tipsy nap.

[void-galaxy-shenanigans]

Hi, we are a new system, we just realized and it’s a lot to take like the main host is learning everything about everyone and it’s overwhelming do you have any advice for a new system?

-Mod Casey (she/her)

Hi! First off I wanna say I’m proud of y’all both for figuring yourselves out & for asking for help (that's never easy).

We don’t wanna claim any of our advice is Word Of Gold™ that’ll work for all systems, but we can share some things that helped us as we figured ourselves out & I hope it’ll help your system too.

First few months:

-If you're in a safe place to do so, write notes to each other. Introduce yourself to anyone who hasn't met you, especially/including your host(s)/main fronting people. If you can't or don't feel safe to write physical notes, we've found Google Docs/Microsoft Word, locked journal apps, etc. to be useful as alternatives.

-Leave each other questions if it's safe to do so. Both for getting to know each other & getting to know system rules & how y'all wanna make choices for your body going forward. (What do you want most for our system? What do you want me/us to know about you? Are there people I need to know about when I front [(e.g. friends’ names, family members, anyone the whole sys is “expected” to know)]?, etc.)

-Take breaks. It's okay to slow down & accept that you don't know everyone & may not for awhile.

-As for your host specifically, it may help others want to talk to you if you leave notes letting them know you're ready & want to get to know them. It's common for others in the system to feel like you'd rather not know them, because they're traumatized too & because you didn't know them before.

-Journals. But this can be nontraditional too. We suck at upkeeping journals like “Nico was front, here's what happened today”. But all of us enjoy writing fiction, & we can project what happened that day onto a fictional character & write about it that way. It depersonalizes your stress & trauma, which makes it easier to write & easier to look back & process. We also found it made it easier for everyone to go “oh. yea. that's traumatic & shouldn't happen to anyone.” Poems can sometimes also be effective venting tools. So you can keep a “typical” journal, or instead turn it into poems or fiction - whatever is easiest/best for y'all.

-Try to spend time engaging in each others’ hobbies & asking what they like about it, &/or encouraging them to infodump about something important to them. It'll help them feel valued & help you feel like you know them better.

-If you feel safe doing so, maybe reach out & make some system friends. You'll relate to one another & they may have ideas (or reassurance for sys doubt - we all experience it) when you struggle. You can also wait to do this.

A year or so:

-If you feel safe, you could make some system friends at this point. I'd recommend some caution though, because other systems are traumatized too, & “hurt people will hurt people” if they aren't trying to heal (whether they chose final fusion or functional multiplicity isn't relevant, just healing at all)

-This may be the point to discuss with every headmate who will talk to you & write notes for ones who haven't spoken up yet seeing how everyone wants to heal. Whether they're comfortable with therapy at all, whether they want final fusion (becoming a singlet/losing the system) or functional multiplicity (better communication & teamwork), whether they want to work with other headmates to heal or prefer to do the work by themselves.

-This may be the point to ask/write questions to see if everyone is comfortable letting anyone IRL/any family or friends you've had for awhile know you're a system. It's okay & completely valid if you're not ready, but it's okay to ask. It's also okay if you only want to tell one person & no one else. Be careful with this one though, because there's still stigma & people might be bigoted & misunderstand y'all.

-Keep resting. You are traumatized. Your brain is in overload a lot of the time & you will burn out. You need & deserve rest.

-Once you know what kind of healing everyone wants & who y'all want to tell, make sure you follow through. It'll help build trust with the whole system & you want to be able to trust each other - it helps you have better communication & it helps you all work together.

In general/whenever:

-Don't keep people stuck to labels. Roles are important but they're not boxes. You can be a protector & still need protecting. You can be a little AND a gatekeeper. Roles are more like jobs - they tell you what the system needs & expects of you, & that's it. You can change your role, grow beyond; you can accept help when you're normally The Helper™; you can break down & have flashbacks & cry when you're normally the tough silent trauma holder. You're still people with needs that should be met, & you still need breaks. Be gentle with yourselves.

-Only if you feel safe doing so, you could make a system intro blog for your headmates to post about themselves either free form or using a template, &/or a system blog so you can either talk about being a system or share things & feel comfortable tagging names for who’s reblogging. (This goes for all social media but we'd recommend Tumblr as the safest, followed by TikTok, & because there's almost constant stress & drama I'd recommend not making a system Instagram. But it's up to y'all to decide.)

-Build trust. How you do this depends on all of you, on how you build trust individually & on what helps you feel safe. But being able to trust one another, we've discovered, is essential to teamwork, healing, & maintaining your day to day life together.

-Give everyone a chance, even persecutors/misguided protectors. Something Aiden quickly discovered - if you genuinely give them a chance, encourage them to front & let them know you appreciate that they kept you safe how they best knew & believe they're capable of growing & healing, they can heal. They can “reform”. They may take time to work with you, or talk/make themselves known at all, but it's worth it once you can. They've become some of our best caretakers, protectors, & soothers.

-Remind people you appreciate them. They may have unsafe/unhealthy or unconventional coping mechanisms but in some way they are still trying to protect you. Maybe they're trying to relieve stress through something that makes you hurt worse, or they're trying to toughen you up thinking that'll keep you safer from your abusers. But they are still trying. Try to figure out why they're doing it so you can redirect to something better for the body/system - thank them for keeping you alive & suggest ideas of ways you'd prefer them to help. From the perspective of a caretaker & trauma holder who overworks themselves until the body drops, even the people causing the worst harm can have good intentions.

-Don’t rush. Healing & getting to meet/know one another takes time. You'll get there at your own pace. Yea some systems know everyone in weeks to months but some of us take decades & some never know. So remember, you'll get there.

Overall, remember that you are alive, reality won’t always be traumatizing & scary, & you will be okay. You don’t have to be okay now, but you’ll get there. We believe in you & we’re proud of you.

~William & Spirit