#//well we'll cross that depression bridge when we get to it

[itjazzbicch]

Biker Prince Charming

Pairing:  Shinichiro Sano x GangLeader!Fem Reader 

First time writing for Shinichiro, so I hope I did well! 

Summary: After high school, the reader creates her own gang to create a statement and makes a big name for the gang, and when her crew crosses paths with Shiniciro's gang, she reveals to Shinichiro that she is the leader, making him wonder and need to know how she changed and wants to fix it...

Warnings:  Swearing, mentions of past bullying, depression implied on the reader

Word Count: 1.2k 

"You just wait, you suckers! Our boss will be here any second!"

The only thing that my first division captain told me was that someone crossed into our territory, her vice-captain gave them a beating, and one of them escaped to get back up.

It wasn't like we were newbies around town, so only an idiot would come over to our side in the city.

"Listen, I'm not the kind of guy to fight girls," That voice. Shinichiro. "I just want to talk to your boss and work this out. Alright? Who is your boss, anyhow?"

Excessive bullying led me to create a gang full of girls to show these douchebag guys that we girls were strong too.

"Why, that would be me," Smiling at Shinichiro at the top of some steps in the alley, he was astonished.

We were childhood friends, and I understood why he was so shocked. Shinichiro knew how timid I once was, standing up to people who bullied me, always trying to make me smile. There was no denying that we had a strong friendship.

"Shinichiro, I had no idea this was their territory!" That guy that my girls took down looked like gangs were new to him.

"Bet you know now, huh?" One of my girls laughed at him, kicking some dirt at him, but stood straight at the sound of my command:

"Cut it out. Now."

Everyone in the alley stayed silent, eyes on me while I stood next to the street sign by the stairs with our emblem spray painted on it.

"See that, rookie?" Talking to the beaten-up guy on the ground, he watched me, learning and understanding, "That's our emblem. You see this somewhere? Get the hell out. Almost every gang around here will beat the crap out of you just for crossing territories."

He only nodded, scurrying away from my gang, hiding behind Shinichiro, who was still staring at me in disbelief.

"I'm fine with letting this go, Shinichiro, but it won't happen again," So much for Shinichiro wanting to talk to me, walking up the steps, not bothering to look, I commanded to my gang, "And girls, we'll discuss this tomorrow. I don't want to hear about any other bullshit tonight."

"Yes, Boss!' They all acknowledged and then parted ways.

I took my time up the stairs, pausing when I heard footsteps behind me.

"We still need to talk, Y/N."

Now, Shinichiro wanted to talk since everyone was gone. Of course.

"Then talk," I spat, not even bothering to look at him.

"What happened to you?" He couldn't get over the fact that what he was seeing from me was reality, "You're the Leader of that crazy chick gang? Really?"

"No shit. You just saw," Turning my head and beaming an eye at him, I lost my patience a long time ago, continuing to be straightforward, "So, if you want to talk, talk."

It was evident that he needed some time to process what just happened, thinking quickly and then offering:

"Meet me at our spot, and we can talk in a bit? I need a second. I can't believe this shit."

That made me laugh, finishing my walk up the stairs:

"You're not the first to say that to me. We're not kids anymore, Shinichiro. A lot has changed, but it's whatever. I'll see you later."

With my motorcycle at the top of the stairs, I kept laughing at him. He looked dumb standing there so puzzled, making my bike roar before I took off.

Shinichiro and I used to hang out when we could under a bridge on the far side of the city. I liked to go at night because you could see the shoreline from there and the sunsets were always beautiful.

Sure enough, when sunset rolled around, I drove over and found Shinichiro putting out his kickstand:

"Perfect timing, huh?"

"I guess so," I sighed, parking and slouching back on my bike, "So, you finally gonna speak your mind now that it's just us."

"Yeah," He murmured, still thinking and admitting, "I think it's pretty cool that there's a gang full of girls out here kicking ass. Talk about girl power."

"Your buddy learned that pretty well today," I laughed softly, explaining, "Some of my girls are crazy."

"I saw," Feeling his eyes on me, I knew he would start asking questions and spark a long talk, "But you know none of my guys would hit a girl. Why do you guys go and-"

"Don't even," I snapped, sitting up and glaring at him, "We don't just go and start fights with everyone we see. As Leader, I will admit my girls thought it'd be fun to pick on some dummy today. But you saw how they instantly shut up and stayed still when I told them to. Didn't you?"

Nodding to answer my question, I continued to show how I ran things in my gang:

"They did it because they knew they messed up, and I don't mess-ups. I'm ripping them a new one tomorrow at our meeting. You need to realize I'm not to be pushed. So, if you're trying to push my buttons, leave."

"No, Y/N," Turning to me, there was hurt in his voice, leaning to me and reminiscing, "What happened to the sweet girl that I knew?"

"She died," I said with no emotion, staring back into his eyes, "She's gone."

"Naw," Shaking his head, determination in his voice, "I can bring her back to life."

I wasn't ready to tell him why I felt I died inside and drastically changed, throwing another smart remark, "Yeah, right. Good luck with that."

"Think I won't try?" He always had good intentions and was trying to help, being bold by guiding me off my bike, keeping an arm around me, "I'm cool with being your knight in a leather jacket who rides a motorcycle."

I couldn't stand the charm he had, how cute his smile was, it almost made me fall, but I caught myself, straightening my posture, whispering dominantly:

"I don't need a knight when I don't need to be saved. You're making me think you're jealous because we both know no one would stop talking about you if you picked me up."

"I'd give up my whole gang just to save you and have you," Shinichiro's words took me aback because he wasn't a liar, needing my all to hide my emotions as his came out, "I can see it in your eyes. I can see the hurt. You know you have me, don't you?"

"I told you," Having to turn away, I got back on my bike, starting the engine, "People change. You think I need saved? I only realized who I really am."

"Come on, Y/N," My words hurt him, going to say more till I reached in my pocket, wrote on a small piece of paper on top of my thigh, then handed it to him.

"Look, I'm not completely heartless," I sighed, looking away while handing him my number, "There's my new number. Maybe we can hang out sometime, but no more, biker prince charming, shit."

That managed to put a smile on his face as he accepted it, getting on his bike too, trying to spend some more time together:

"A least go for a ride with me before you go? We can even race if you think you can."

He was a bit confused as to why I was laughing like a psycho, not knowing the power my bike had, having to tease him again as I blasted off, screaming at him:

"You don't stand a chance against the boss, pretty boy!' 

2023 © itjazzbicch — do not repost or translate my work. Likes, reblogs, and comments are always welcome. 

[hils79]

Hils Watches Lovely Runner - Ep 1

Time to start a new drama and this is another one I found via gifs on @sarah-yyy's blog, which is usually a good sign of quality :D

I love starting a new drama. Is this going to ruin my life (positive) or ruin my life (negative). Only time will tell.

Wow this is the most awkward radio call ever. I have no idea how radio shows in Korea work but surely they'd do some sort of screening before having an idol call a random woman who can't walk and offering her running shoes as a prize. I don't blame her at all for being pissed off.

Also, this wasn't what I was expecting from the synopsis. I thought she was the sunshine one and he was the angsty one. Well, we'll see what happens I guess.

Oh no he's a sweetheart and I'm crying already. This does not bode well for the rest of the drama

Looks like my bedroom 😅

I realise that as someone who is also fannish I probably have a skewed view of things but I was freaking out on her behalf when I found it this belonged to her idol and people kept playing with it.

Holy shit that's nearly £2k no wonder she was freaking out

Oh, now he's the tired and angsty one. So I'm guessing since he saved her when she was ready to end it all now she's going to save him. I really feel like I've seen him in something before but there's nothing I've seen on his MDL page. Maybe it's just because he actually looks like an idol.

Oh no she's me

I love her

So the boy she had a crush on when she was in school got kicked out for fighting after her accident. I smell a love triangle...

Unrealistic because she was running late and the merch hasn't already sold out

Um...no?

Ah, so when she said she was late she meant fannish late not actual late. But come on, if that company doesn't respect your free time before you've even started working for them they def won't if you get an internship with them

So they don't value her time and they don't work in an accessible building. Fuck them, honestly.

Admittedly I've never been to a kpop concert but that can't be a thing, surely. We got stuck in the snow on the way to a hockey game once and no one cared that we showed up halfway through the game

Oh no and she lost her ticket. I mean that's on her I would be checking for it every 30 seconds, but then I have anxiety 😅 I really need to stop expecting realisim from a time travel romance drama.

Aww look she's having a good time even though she couldn't get in to see him. He made her into the sunshine one and now she's doing to do the same for him.

I wasn't expecting them to meet until after the time travel thing. But here he is to save her again. He's a good boy.

Is it going to turn out he saved her back then too. Ooh, or was it the other guy that she had a crush on. I'm sure this will turn out to be significant

Me when Seonghwa wears literally anything

I have definitely never done this *cough*

Do people just not help each other in this drama? The person who knocked her phone out of her hand and smashed it didn't even stop, and the person who crashed into her and made her lose her watch apparently is cool with letting a paralysed woman crawl around on the ground trying to get it back.

Well, shit. A significant time of death though. Right at the start of a new year. I'm sure this is magical somehow.

Wibbly wobbly timey wimey

Wait, why has she suddenly got joggers on under her skirt? Those weren't there when she ran out of the classroom to find him

Okay, the irony is not lost on me that in 2008 he was training to be on the olympic swim team and in 2022 he drowned in a pool. But also this poor kid getting glomped by a random girl he doesn't know in front of everyone

Gotta love a romance that starts with a confession the first time they meet. I mean I know it's not their first meeting for her but it is for him

Haha! She mean let's both not cross the bridge into the underworld and stay alive. He thinks this random girl wants to move in with him.

Ooh so she was talking about his depression in the future and he thought she was talking about his shoulder injury that he's hiding from everyone. This has layers! I like it!

You can tell it's the past because there's a DVD rental store

I love dramas with emotionally significant umbrellas (see also Tale of the Nine-Tailed

[icedmetaltea]

Just lettin ya'll know I'm ok

(random irl stuff to journal below, keep scrollin)

Wanted to wait to come back till

1. I wasn't dealing with mega gender dysphoria, my masc/neutral days are few and far between but by god it's been nonstop masc/neutral days lately and been a lot of just hating my body (and myself in general)

2. got the ebt stuff figured out, which I haven't yet, my doc put in a ref for a different place to sign a thing, waited 2 weeks for them to call, only to find out it was the wrong place and now I have to wait for the next place to call... which like yea I'm worrying about food but talking about it in therapy has helped somewhat. She reassured me even if that doesn't work we WILL find some place that'll sign the form I need to be eligible again

3. I wasn't dealing with as bad of depression/anxiety which like... idk. I've definitely been doing better anxiety-wise but idk if that's bc it hasn't been as hot lately or I've been feeding myself better. I know I must've been eating under 1200s calories the past few weeks bc the scale finally stopped going down and I know for a fact my anxiety gets bad when I'm hungry so I think for about a month I was unintentionally starving myself, SO making myself eat at least 2 nutritious meals a day now

At the same time I think perhaps my pmdd symptoms are... reversing time schedules??? Usually my anxiety/depression gets way worse before period but now it seems like it's fine before and terrible during/after????? Makes zero sense but who knows. Also it's a couple days late now so health anxiety is going off the shits about PCOS or something again UGH

Making SOME progress with therapy, am able to be outside for 5 mins without feeling that horrific sense of dread so that's something.

I've also been coming to the realization that I may have some form of DID?? Not the type where you lose time/blackout/completely have entirely different memories and starkly different personality switches but I've definitely been noticing now that I've been putting more attention to it how I go into different "modes" and sets of interests throughout the weeks and I mean... it's not secret I have imaginary friends I talk to on the daily. I've had an issue figuring out where "they" end and "myself" begins since childhood. Plus I already deal with derealization/dissociation/occasional age regression so it's not out of the realm of possibility. May bring it up next therapy apt. Kinda worried to bc I never want to get rid of them and I'm worried that would be one of the goals, like... just no. I can't think of anything more lonely.

But yea just random stuff I needed to get outta my system, sorry about all the suicidal stuff, it's just really hard. The future seems so bleak. And if one thing sets me back, like doctor stuff, food issues, etc my brain is like "DEATH WOULD BE EASIER LOL" BUT there's a chance trump/a republican candidate won't win, a chance climate change will be reversed/humanity will adapt somehow, a chance I'll be accepted for disability and live a halfway decent life, and if not... well, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. But for now there's food in the fridge, for now mom and dad are alive, for now we're ok.

[toujokaname]

Card shuffle / Episode 11

Author: Akira

Characters: Aira, Hiiro, Tatsumi, Mayoi

"I'll win by any means necessary. The winner is justice, and I was raised for the sake of protecting Amagi justice."

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[ Read on my site for a better viewing experience using Ois~su ♪ ]

Season: Winter

Location: MDM Stage

Aira: (Hm~...? He seems strangely confident despite being Hiro-kun? No, wait, isn't he always like this?)

(It was weirder in the summer when he was depressed, doubting himself.)

(Even then, he quickly perked up after I held him in my arms and comforted him.)

Hiiro: I'll surrender the opening move to you. After all, Matrix's plan was full of flaws, and there wasn't any indication of who should sing first.

Tatsumi: Discovering these shortcomings on the spot for the first time is also unsettling. It feels like crossing a tattered suspension bridge.

Mayoi: I hope we all make it across without falling... Uuu, if it comes to that, please save yourselves even if it means sacrificing me!

Hiiro: Hehe. In that case, we'll all fall and then work together to crawl our way back up. That's the way ALKALOID does things ♪

Mayoi: (Fufu... Thank goodness. I was concerned that Hiiro-san might have changed, since the Crazy:B members were strangely taken aback by him...)

(But, Hiiro-san is still Hiiro-san after all. Always earnest, bright, and positive. A good kid...♪)

Tatsumi: —Oh, our song's intro has started playing.

Mayoi: Ah, they haven't even sent the signal yet, but you sure are quick on the uptake.

Hiiro: Umu. I anticipated this turn of events, or rather, I realized Nii-san's strategy, so I informed the staff of our arrangement beforehand.

Aira: ...?

(S-Something's off... But messing up the start of the song would be the worst, so let's focus.)

(Being around Hiro-kun always makes me feel like I gotta be the mature one, but I'll show that we're perfectly fine without him!)

"♪~♪~♪"

Tatsumi & Mayoi: "~...♪"

Hiiro: "♪♪♪♪♪"

Aira: —Huhh?!

Mayoi: H-Hiiro-san? Why are you singing, um, didn't you say you'd let us go first? It's our turn now, isn't it?

Hiiro: "♪~♪~♪"

Mayoi: (Eh? Did he start singing his part of the ALKALOID song out of habit, or conditioned reflex?)

(No, Hiiro-san wouldn't make such a careless mistake...?)

(So, this could be some kind of scheme! What kind of...?!)

Hiiro: —Hehe, sure enough, it's painful for me to deceive everyone, so I'll confess. I'm sure you guys won't slack off on stage even if you know the truth.

Come on, look behind you.

Aira: Behind...? Ah, when'd they put up that screen?!

Mayoi: H-Huh? Huuhhh? But w-waaait, it's our turn now, right?

Yet the screen reads Crazy:B, not ALKALOID?!

Hiiro: That's right—It's not ALKALOID's turn now, it's my turn as Crazy:B.

At least, officially.

Aira: W-What do you...?

Hiiro: Even a makeshift trick like this can be effective under these circumstances.

You were prompted by me and started to sing, thinking it was your turn first.

But actually, as I told the organizers beforehand, it's Crazy:B's turn now.

This showdown is being broadcast live, and the screen should be showing "First to Attack: Crazy:B" right now as well.

Tatsumi: So—

Hiiro: So, you're performing now, not as ALKALOID, but as Crazy:B.

You're singing ALKALOID's songs, which our fans who have gathered here love.

Me, Aira, Tatsumi-senpai and Mayoi-senpai, our full ALKALOID lineup. Just the perfect four of us, untouched by any odd elements.

Tatsumi: ... Is... that so.

Hiiro: Umu. Naturally, the fans will be delighted and vote for you a lot. I'm sure they'll give you high scores.

That's why I'm on stage wearing ALKALOID's outfit instead of Crazy:B's.

To outsiders, this will seem like a complete ALKALOID performance.

ALKALOID fans will certainly give it the highest score possible. That's what they wanted to see.

And as the first team to attack, you'll get a high score that the second team will never be able to compete with.

However. It'll be the officially announced first team that will get it, us in Crazy:B.

Aira: Eh? Eh? M-My head's spinning from all this ALKALOID and Crazy:B talk. Is this really happening?

Hiiro: It is happening, Aira. You've been fooled by me, and inadvertently aided the enemy.

You've stormed the castle with all your might, and reaped the spoils of war.

But. Every single one of those spoils will belong to us, Crazy:B.

What is this kind of thing called in the city? Let's see, an own goal?

Even if you sing your heart out as the second performers now that you know the truth, it's futile.

I won't sing then. So, you'll become an incomplete ALKALOID without me.

And the scores you'll receive will be lower compared to the first attackers.

As a result, the first match will be won by the first team, Crazy:B.

Even though only the official members of ALKALOID are on stage, the winners will be Crazy:B.

Hiiro: —Hehe, how amusing ♪

Mayoi: T-This is outrageous...?

Tatsumi: Indeed. I never imagined Hiiro-san was capable of committing such a horrible deception...

Hiiro: I'm sorry. It pains me, too. I didn't want to deceive you.

However. I really am sorry, but this is a competition.

I'll win by any means necessary.

The winner is justice, and I was raised for the sake of protecting Amagi justice.

Aira: ......

[ ☆ ]

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[kissoflightning]

A Long Way Down

KissOfLightning

Summary:

What were Chris Miller & Gavin Reed up to that night after Hank & Connor took over the investigation at Eden Club?

Rating:

Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning:

No Archive Warnings Apply

Category:

Gen

Fandom:

Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)

Relationships:

Chris Miller & Gavin Reed

Leo Manfred & Gavin Reed

Characters:

Gavin Reed

Chris Miller

Leo Manfred

Additional Tags:

Leo Needs a Hug

Hurt Leo

Emotional Hurt/Comfort

One Shot

References to Drugs

References to Depression

Suicide Attempt

Gavin Reed Being an Asshole

Chris Miller POV

Language:English

Series: Carl Dies

Published:2023-11-20

Words:2,371

Chapters:1/1

A Long Way Down

Notes:

What were Chris Miller & Gavin Reed up to that night after Hank & Connor took over the investigation at Eden Club?

First half is serious, second half is silly fluff~ Chris Miller gets a POV story like he deserves!   CW: Attempted Suicide

Work Text:

Saturday, November 6th, 2038

Gavin Reed was inspecting the crime scene; the man known as Michael Graham had been found dead at Eden Club. The scene showed the deceased man in a bed with bruises on his neck, and an incapacitated brown haired female Traci android across the room. Gavin examined Michael's corpse closely; the bruising was an indicator the victim had been strangled. "Now the question is..." Gavin speculated out loud as he crossed his arms. "Did the android act with the intent to murder him, or did he just not know when to call it quits? Is the killer a deviant or a defective android that wasn't inspected properly?"

The door to the room whooshed open. As the cop and detective noticed who had entered, Gavin opened with "Lieutenant Anderson and his plastic pet. The fuck are you two doing here?" He sounded confused.

"We've been assigned all cases involving androids." The android informed.

Oh Reed was NOT going to happy about that! "Oh yeah? Well you're wasting your time. Just some pervert who uhh...got more action than he could handle!" Gavin laughed boisterously.

"We'll have a look anyway. If you don't mind." Anderson told him.

Surprisingly Reed did not complain or cause a scene. "Come on let's go." He told Chris. The detective passed between Anderson and Connor wafting his hand in the air. "It's uhh..." He sniffled. "Starting to stink of booze in here." He purposely nudged against the android on his way out.

"Good night Lieutenant." Chris said in farewell before leaving. The cop did not have any personal qualms with Connor; he was polite and seemed to know what he was doing. As for the lieutenant, Chris held respect for him in the highest regard.

Gavin stormed off to the car and slammed the door shut after entering.

Chris settled into his seat. "Well you handled that surprisingly well." He pointed out.

The detective shoulder checked and pulled out of the parking lot. Once Gavin was on the road, he shouted angrily "It wouldn't have done shit if I had an outburst in there! It's FUCKING BULLSHIT Chris! Every time there's a case involving a fucking android, Drunkerson gets it just because he's been paired with that pretentious plastic prick! I'm SUPPOSED to be working in homicide - but my cases keep FUCKING getting taken over by that obnoxious tin can! At this rate I'm going to get my fucking job REPLACED before I can get a promotion!" Gavin angrily slammed his fist on the dash, and lost his grip on the wheel for a moment before it veered to the side.

Chris' heart rate escalated. In panic he exclaimed, "Shit Gavin! You're going to get us killed! How about we stop somewhere for a bit to chill out."

The detective took a heavy sigh. Chris understood Gavin needed to vent, but none of this was his fault. "Okay...there's a place I like to go when I need to think. We'll stop there for a bit." Gavin declared.

As Gavin drove along Ambassador Bridge, Chris noticed a figure standing near the ledge. "Shit! I think that person's about to jump!" Chris warned.

The detective stopped his car and activated his hazard lights. Thankfully there was not much traffic coming through. "Chris, stay a few feet behind me." Gavin ordered while cautiously stepping out of the car. "Hey, you! What are you doing?" He shouted to the individual standing on the ledge.

As the figure looked back and talked to Gavin, they recognized who it was. "I'm going to jump! Please leave me be. I can't go on anymore!" The man's name was Leo; they had seen working at the coffee shop until a few days ago. Chris recalled the detective complaining that everyone there had been replaced by a 'fucking android'.

"I'm with the Detroit Police Department. As per the law, I can't allow you to do that." Gavin stated.

"Why the fuck is taking my own life against the law anyway? I'm not hurting anyone except myself." Leo retorted.

"Firstly that's likely not true; you're hurting those that care about you. Secondly, if suicide wasn't illegal, there would be no way for us to intervene." Gavin argued.

"You're wrong on the first part; nobody fucking cares about me. Both my parents are dead and I don't have any fucking friends! I'm going through Red Ice withdrawal and I'll never make it out on my own. I'm better off dead."

Gavin's hands were shaking...he seemed really worried. He was probably fond of Leo, as Chris was; seeing the same people on practically a daily basis, you naturally grow attached to them. Despite Gavin being irritating seventy percent of the time, Chris saw him as his friend, and he would despair if something were to happen to him.

"I've been where you are Leo! You don't need to do this! It feels like you have nothing now but...hell my parents are alive, but they're fucking dead to me. I've been through hell and back, but I had the strength to pull myself out!" Gavin exclaimed. Was he really telling the truth? Or was this all part of an act to convince Leo not to jump?

"Well I'm not strong like you Detective Reed! I can't even function without Red Ice! I blamed the android but..." Tears streamed from Leo's eyes. "My dad DIED because of me! I broke into his mansion and stressed him out while I was high on that shit! He died of a heart attack." As Leo broke into a sob, Gavin cautiously moved closer, and Leo noticed. "Don't fucking come any closer! I'll really do it!" The man threatened, but his whole body was trembling.

Gavin took the gamble and gradually inched closer. "Don't do it. We can talk this over. We can get you some help."

"I'm a worthless piece of shit." Leo closed his eyes for a moment and steadied his stance. "I'm better off dead." As soon as Leo closed his eyes, Chris took the opportunity to sprint towards him.

Leo stepped over the edge, and Gavin lunged forward catching the man's right arm. However, Leo slipped off anyway due to the wet terrain resulting from the storm. "Shit.. I'm losing my...CHRIS!" Gavin shouted frantically.

"Help me. I don't want to die!" Leo exclaimed.

Just in time Chris clutched onto Leo's left arm, and Gavin readjusted his grip on Leo's right. "Okay on one...PULL!" Gavin ordered as they pulled Leo back up.

They were successful in their endeavor and in the aftermath, the three men were heaving. After catching their breath, Leo was trembling. "I...I'm so sorry. Thank you for saving me." He gasped with weariness in his breath.

"All in a day's work!" Gavin said cheerily as he smirked and did that weird double wink. For the life of him, Chris had no idea why Gavin thought that was appealing.

"How are you feeling?" Chris checked in on Leo.

"A bit traumatized but better...I think. I'm starving actually." Leo stated.

"Anyone feeling like going to Denny's?" Gavin asked the group.

"I could eat." Chris answered with a grin.

Gavin and Chris were seated in a booth beside each other and across from Leo. The officer was staring at the menu, having flipped through the whole thing over four times. "You decided what you wanted to eat yet, or are you going to continue reading that menu like it's a fucking novel?" Reed complained.

Chris always struggled with deciding what to eat. "Uhh...uhh."

"Just fucking pick something god dammit! I'm starving!" Gavin groaned.

The waitress approached, "Hi, my name is Tabitha, and I'll be your server today! Are you all ready to order?"

"Thank fuck! An actual human waitress! Yes, we're ready to order, right?" Gavin responded, checking in with Chris and Leo.

"Oh yeah! I know what I want!" Leo said cheerily. "Gimme a chicken tenders and fries. Hold on the gravy - your gravy tastes like shit!"

"And what are you having to drink?" She asked.

"I'll have a hot chocolate! Make it extra chocolatey if you can! With marshmallows, whipped cream, and sprinkles." He answered with a cheeky grin.

"Sure I can throw some Oreo chunks on top of it too for no extra charge if you'd like." She offered.

"Oh FUCK YEAH!" Leo chortled enthusiastically.

"What are you, nine?" Gavin ridiculed.

"It's my go-to drink when I've had a rough night, alright!" Leo protested. "Geez for a person who's trying to convince me to continue living, you're doing a terrible fucking job!"

Chris smirked. "That's just the way Gavin is. I think if he went five minutes without being an asshole, he'd spontaneously combust!"

Leo laughed at that.

"I'll have what he's having." Chris added. Chicken tenders and fries did not sound half bad, but the image of that hot chocolate was dancing in his head.

"And you?" The waitress asked Reed.

"I'll have a lumberjack slam with eggs over easy, and rye bread." Gavin ordered.

"And to drink?"

"I'll have a beer, like a REAL man. Pint of Guinness."

After the server left, Gavin stated directed at Leo, "I hadn't seen you at Starbuck's recently. When we were there it seemed to be completely taken over by androids. It's shitty your job got replaced by those fucking things!"

"I wasn't replaced. I was fired. I'm not surprised in the fucking least that the shitty manager wouldn't bother to hire any more humans. Sheryl and I were the only ones left. Some asshat decided to throw hot coffee on her because it 'tasted old'. She ran out crying. I jumped over the counter and beat the shit out of him." Leo explained.

"I'd imagine it'd be hard to keep a job after that." Chris concluded.

"Yeah, no shit. It wasn't the first time I messed up at work. I can't put up with that fucking shit at all without Red Ice. I've only gone 24 hours without it and I'm losing my fucking mind! I can't sober up on my own...I can't do it. And I have no-one...that's why I..." Leo expressed as he seemed like he was about to cry.

"Listen, if you need someone for emotional support. I'll be there. I don't have a fancy place, but you can stay in my apartment for a little while, and give you a chance to go through rehab." Gavin's tone softened to Chris' surprise. What could his ulterior motive be this time?

"Really, you'd let me stay with you? It'd be great to not be alone right now." Leo responded. Tabitha came up to the table with their food. Leo rubbed his hands together as he gleefully shouted "Thank fuck! I'm starving!"

"First the hot chocolate for the cutie." The server announced placing the drink on the table near Leo.

"Hey, what about me?" Gavin protested.

Blatantly ignoring him, Tabitha proceeded, "And the second hot chocolate for the handsome gentleman over here."

"Oh I get it! I must be the hottie then." Gavin assumed.

"And Guinness for the asshole." She deadpanned.

"The...hot asshole?"

"The average-looking asshole." She deadpanned once more before handing over the food. Her tone brightened back up as she cautioned "Careful sweeties, it's hot!" She glared at Gavin, "Except for you, you can burn your hands."

Chris and Leo laughed heartily. "Okay, that settles it! I'm paying for the whole table so I can give you a proper tip!"

Gavin turned to Chris and glared at him as the server left. The detective shook his head and shrugged. "She must just have terrible taste."

"Yeah, you keep thinking that." Chris sassed as he took a sip of his hot chocolate.

"Fuck you Chris." Gavin grumbled.

"No thank you!" Chris replied. Leo belted out laughing.

"What about you, Leo?" Gavin asked as the man was sipping his beverage, pulling away and leaving a whipped cream moustache.

"Huh?" He responded.

"Do you think I'm attractive?" Gavin clarified.

"Oh- yeah I do!" Leo confirmed.

"See?"

"But I also have a terrible taste in men." Leo added with a giggle. Gavin frowned and Chris laughed.

After taking another sip of his hot drink, Chris stated, "Well your taste in men is nothing like your taste in drinks. This is damn delicious!"

"Can I try it?" Gavin asked Chris sheepishly.

"No. Thought you said men only drink beer!" Chris scoffed.

"Leo?"

"Nah! This is all mine! Order your own!" Leo told him.

"Pfft!" Gavin huffed.

After finishing their meal, a familiar Dean Martin tune played on the radio. Lay some happiness on me. Soon the brighter side, you'll see! No more loneliness to be! Lay some happiness on me. Leo started bobbing side to side. "Hey, this old ass song is pretty nice."

Chris expected the detective to make some snarky comment, but instead his gaze was focused on Leo. If the officer was not seeing it first hand, he would never believe that Gavin Reed could actually smile.

Tabitha came back to the table with a tray of dessert. "Three slices of apple pie on the house." The waitress announced as she placed them down. She looked at Reed. "You're actually a sight for sore eyes with that smile!"

Leo had taken a bite of his apple pie and complimented, "This pie is BITCHIN'! Thanks for the free dessert!"

"I'm glad you like it! Here's the bill. Pay whenever you're ready!" She smiled at Chris as she left the statement with him.

"Excellent service! We'll absolutely be coming back." Chris complimented. After the server left, Chris noticed that not only was Reed's gaze focused on Leo, but they were reciprocating with a soft smile. The officer thought back to when he first met his wife; she was a waitress at a diner when they first met and they looked lovingly at each other just like that. Chris looked forward to coming home and snuggling in bed with his beautiful wife. In the morning he would tell her and Damian about how his day went. He took part in saving someone's life today. For the time being, it felt like everything was going to be alright; he had not felt this blissful in a long time.

[The End]

Notes:

The second two thirds of this became an eating at Denny's scene with almost no actual plot, but I felt so fuzzy when writing this! I hope you enjoyed it too!

If you enjoyed the story, consider leaving a Kudos/Comment on AO3!

[daniel-chess]

So much for taking up writing

I thought it would be fun to start writing about my interests back in april. It's still what I want to so. During this time I had just started a rehab programm, after completing a 3 week detox from alcohol in that same clinic. It took four and a half months to start rehab, because the insurance coverage was still up in the air and I coud've rushed it to start that rehab programm sooner, but you know how it is, when you're not well and have to do things, that require you to be well. It's similar to the jokes I hear from americans on the internet on how they need experience for an entry level job, but also need an entry level job to get some experience.

Anyways. Rehab was the most important thing I could've done for myself to get my life back on track. It helped me to a new persppective on life and what it is, that I want out of it. While being there, I got a diagnosis for having ADHD and have tried some meds and different doses and settled for one that worked well and had the least side effects (although I don't feel any anymore side effects after taking it for a couple of months). Having learned mindfullness in therapy and adjusted the medication, I was released from rehab in the middle of july. Since then, for the first time in my life, I've been able to independently make a plan for the future, I actually wanted.

I got two jobs to bridge the gap time between getting discharged from the clinic and starting the job I want. I took up a slightly above minimum wage job at a groceries delivery company working in the warehouse, packing peoples orders and stocking up shelves. That money makes me independent of people, I do not want to ask for money again. But I do it for 4 times a week. The second job arose from a relative of my girlfriend. They work in a newly opened kindergarden and in the previous one, they had a chess teacher for the kids, which they can't afford now. That teacher is coincidentally the head of my chess club.

So I took on the job, going there once a week and teaching two groups of kindergardeners chess. It goes exactly like you'd expect. They don't have the attention span yet to have me explaining chess for hours on end. I don't even think most adults would. But I teach them bit by bit and introduce one piece at a time until in the near future, we'll be able to play a full game and I can actually start to teach them, how to beat their family at chess. But we'll cross that bridge when, we get there.

That's it for now. Like I said, I want to write here and I'll see how much time I can make for myself to actually follow through. I'm excited to share more about my journey playing chess and about my everyday struggle to keep that hole of addiction and depression behind me and care for myself like my family couldn't. I hope anyone who might end up reading this is also doing fine and if not, gets the help they deserve to feel better. Theres no need to suffer.

[squidincsstuff]

Yeah, uh-huh, caliche

let's be honest, I can't get you off my mind

moving on and staying stuck is like I can just cannot decide.

We made the perfect couple because we're both

one-of-a-kind. Yes, no .well maybe. Should we give this another try?

I'm having trouble handling all these pictures I see online,

so I close my eyes and drift away and just wish that I was blind.

We might have work if we had met at a different time,

but we'll never know.

I've stopped looking for things I'll never find.

I'm giving this my all as I'm trying to follow my calling,

and as I am talking about the times I have triumphed, I have fallen.

I try to smile but I'm not the one who pretend.

Look, I wrote you a million texts I just never hit send.

I'm not trying to hear that I'm better off without you.

Cleary you don't understand that there is just something about you.

I don't have the time,

I'm busy taking an early grave.

I sat around waiting for something that never came.

I'm dead inside, as I exhale the coldest breath.

It's hard to accept the present when your life is so full of regrets.

At moments I just want to end it all,

diminish through the stress,

but God will whisper quietly that he's not finished with me yet.

But our relationship lately is non-existent

because anything I talk about, I fear he doesn't listen.

Am I being tested? Am I being heard?

The last time that I prayed I was yelling at the words

"f you and this entire concept and this idea of love!"

Take me back to how it used to be.

I like it the way it was back when everything was simple,

no responsibilities.

Now it's nothing but drama and honestly it is killing me.

Silent screams turn into Survivor dreams.

I always share my story but I'm as private as can be.

I'm staring at this blank page like fuck it, it can write itself.

I do this s alone so f it I don't ever need your help.

Forget it I don't need it.

The struggles that I'm dealing with there has to be a

meaning. Everything I'm going through there has to be a reason.

Failure is the only topic untilthe moment I succeeded.

I told you from the gate,

I would always be there by your side and even

though we don't speak, what I said, it still applies.

Challenges with bridges I have crossed,

it's crazy to think I can deal with

death better than I can deal with loss.

My listeners know me more than my friends do.

I've caused so much damage but I never really meant to.

I never cared about opinions from anyone else but people have more

faith in me than I have in myself

THIS is me I never plagiarized the script.

Learning to love myself again has been my greatest gift.

All these images of me and you, you and I.

regardless of what has happened, understand I truly tried.

You're one of the most gorgeous girls that I have ever seen before.

When it came to the attention, I was begging till my knees were sore.

I gave you a piece of my heart. You gave me a piece of yours,

until we parted ways, both of us thinking that we needed more.

Yes, I got you.

I'm the one to defend your back.

I will always be your number one fan, always remember that.

I'm giving you the vision of a twisted,

manic depressive suppressing my confessions,

masochistic randomly Pleasant Expressions that are essential.

My journey never was less than,

experiences, at first, convey it through my messages.

You're special. Don't let anyone ever tell you different.

I promise you these intentions were good and never malignant.

Be proud of yourself for everything you've fought through.

The only thing that these other girls

have in common is that they're not you.

so go and get everything that you want and nothing less,

because you deserve the world, yeah, you deserve the best.

These mistakes were only mine, and I own.

Before I feel this pain again I'd rather die alone.

You're the one of the most beautiful souls I have ever known.

I travel such a dark, hideous, gruesome, and lonely road.

I almost called you just to hear your voice,

but then I threw the phone, thinking "what's the point?".

No chemical could ever fill this void.

only you

'Cause you're my drug of choice

[ghostbustersreborn]

Chapter 2.

Tara woke up, letting out a sharp gasp.

"Egon, she's awake."

The three surrounded her.

Her eyes widened when seeing their bullet hole wounds.

She let out a small scream, backing away from them.

"It's okay sweetie. It's us, we're not going to hurt you." Ray assured her.

Her eyes darted between the three of them.

She looked upon their wounds again. She slowly gazed down to hers. Her stomach was ripped open, it was barely a stomach any more. Well, at least she didn't feel any pain.

She looked back up at them, tears ran down her face.

"I know sweetie, I know." Ray sympathized with her.

"Come on." Egon motioned.

She crawled towards them.

Ray held his arms out for her.

She buried her face in his chest.

"Are we dead?" She asked, her voice coming off muffled.

Egon breathed out a sigh. "Unfortunately, our demise has been met." He confirmed.

*

The four with Tara in Ray's arms stood amongst all the other deceased.

"Let me get this straight, Ray. You're sayin' we're dead?" Winston double checked. "Because, I always pictured Heaven a little more.. soft and cloudy, I guess."

"There's the rub, Winston. We're dead but our souls most likely weren't scheduled to arrive in the afterlife for quite some time." He explained as they went down the stairs.

"Obviously, according to popular belief. We've been shunted off to purgatory." Egon stated.

"Purgatory, huh." Winston hummed.

"Think of it as a giant waiting room. An otherworldly limbo; in essence, a cosmic, karmic containment unit to house our souls." "Until, such time as we'd have been rightfully judged." Egon continued.

"I can't believe we're actually here!" Stantz gushed. "I would never have thought when I woke up this morning that by tonight we'd all be murdered and sent to purgatory! You have to admit, it's pretty wild."

"Yeah, pretty wild to be dead by thirteen. I had a whole life to look forward to, y'know?" Tara snapped.

"Exactly, what part of being dead do you not understand, Ray?!" Winston barked.

"Winston, makes a strong point, Ray. It's not like we hit the lottery here. Those ghosts set a trap for us and we strolled into it like a bunch of amateurs." He lamented.

"Biggest mistake of my entire life." She lamented.

"No sense beating ourselves up. What's done is done. (He switched Tara to the other hip.) We've been in tough spots before. Not quite this bad, sure, but if there's a way out, we'll find it, if not.. no sense crossing bridges before we have to." Ray encouraged.

*

Eight hours later.

"Man, that was a lot of stairs. My thighs feel like melted-" Winston cut himself short when he hit the back of his head when what felt like a bug bit him.

"Hold still, Winston!" Egon stopped him. "Ray, are you seeing this?"

Ray walked over and looked at the squished bug in the palm of Zeddemore's hand.

"It's another dead thing. Add it to the list." Little Venkman grumbled.

"Is that a mosquito? This is mind blowing!" Ray gasped.

"It.. is?" Winston said in confusion.

"How many insects get killed before their lifespan plays out?" Egon began to theorize. "It makes sense now that I think about it. It's highly probable that there are dogs and cats and all kinds of different forms of life trapped here."

Ray looked closer. "Hmm. It's definitely not faking." He made sure of.

"Put me down. You're excitement over our deaths is making me depressed." She requested.

Ray set her down.

She went to go latch onto Winston. Which was new, but he was the only one being realistic here and not excited over them being freaking dead.

Winston wrapped an arm around her, he felt bad for all that she had to go through today. She was only thirteen and had seen too much. A little too much.

"Egon, Winston (Tara shot him a look.) and Tara. The ramifications of the mosquitos 'death' pose some incredibly far-reaching questions." He began. "If it's possible for a soul to die while in purgatory, what do you suppose happens then?" He put out. "Could there be different levels to purgatory? Or what if this is all there is? What if dying twice removed one completely from the circle of life? Man! What I'd give for a copy of Tobin's Guide right about now."

"Uhh.. guys?" Tara went, looking to the group of people that were now standing in front of them.

"I think we've got company." Winston announced.

There was a younger boy who looked to be around Tara's age, an older man, an old lady, and two men who were identical twins that were attached at the hip like quite literally?

"Pardon our interruption, dears. By any chance, would you nice boys be the Ghostbusters?" Asked the old lady. "We were told to expect three of you wearing khaki flightsuits and a little girl in a shirt and jeans arriving right about now. Which one does that make you, Igor, Ray or Winston? And she is.. Tara I believe."

Tara stifled a laugh when the grandmom mistakenly called Egon Igor.

"It's Egon, not Igor." Egon corrected her. "This is Ray (he pointed to his left) Winston, and yes this is Tara (he pointed to who was standing by Winston's side.)" He properly introduced everyone. "If you don't mind my asking, what's this about? Someone told you to expect us?" He questioned.

"Come on! We could'a done this already!" The twin on the left whined. "If you blow my shot at crossing over, I swear-" The other began to say before the old lady shut them up.

"I just wanted to be sure we didn't consign the wrong ones to an eternity of oblivion."

"What do you mean by the wrong ones?" Tara asked.

"Sorry, dears. After a few months here, you could hardly blame us." She said.

"Excuse me." Ray stepped in. "Blame you for what?"

The group charged at the Ghostbusters.

"This!"

*

The group of ghosts were literally beating the shit out of the Ghostbusters.

The kid ghost in the blue cap was getting the shit kicked out of him by Tara.

Nobody messes with Tara.

"Nothin' personal, Igor!" Said the old lady.

"It's E-urf-Egon!" He corrected her once more.

The twins were punching Ray in the face.

The kid in the blue cap threw Tara out from under him having her face flat in the pavement.

"Ouch." She mumbled.

"The bosses figure you four are a threat to the status quo- even in here, dearie." She explained. "Try not to worry. They say oblivion is like diving into freezing cold water. It's unpleasant at first, but once you're numb, you won't mind so much."

Like that was going to make them feel better.

Now, the kid wearing the cap was on Winston's back trying to choke him.

"Madre De Dios! Sorry, Tommy!" The black ghost apologized when he accidentally punched the kid in the face instead of Winston.

He fell to the floor, sobbing for his dead mother.

Winston bopped him in the jaw, throwing him to the ground.

"Hang on, Ray!" He cried.

He ran over and slammed the twins heads against each other.

"Back off, man!" He ordered.

They dropped to the floor, moaning in pain.

"Winston, Thank God. For a second there, I could have sworn I was back in tenth grade." Ray admitted.

"You got beat up by conjoined twins in High School?" Winston inquired.

"You're telling me you didn't?" Ray said shocked. "Man, what kind of school did your parents send you to?"

"I have no-" "Rhetorical question, Winston. Come on, we better help."

Egon had his foot pressed into the old woman's back. He had Tara in his arms. The old lady had gone for Tara and he wasn't having it.

"Egon!" The guys yelled.

"Snap out of it Egon, this isn't like you at all!" Ray said pulling him away.

"Guys?" Egon said, snapping back to reality.

"Yeah, it's us. Take it, easy. It's over." Zeddemore assured him.

"Over? We'd only just started, dears. You have no idea the level of pain bearing down on you." She seethed.

"Let me at her!" Egon growled as they held him back.

"Egon, don't drop me!" Tara cried.

"Egon, no she's not worth it." Ray pleaded.

"Ray's right, man. She's just trying to rattle us. Maybe, keep us distracted until reinforcements arrive?" He guessed. "And you are also holding Tara." He reminded him.

"You're right, Winston. I lost my composure, sorry. She just kept pushing me and pushing me. I didn't want her to hurt Tara." Egon apologized. "We should go in case they're not done. We need room to figure out what exactly we've stepped into here."

They looked over seeing a crowd of people.

"Head for that crowd, we should blend in there!" He said.

*

In the crowd of people

"Stay together. It would be pretty easy to lose each other in here." Egon commanded.

In the midst of the crowd, they saw the familiar ghosts who beat them up not too long ago.

"Uh, oh guys." Ray directed their attention.

"This way." Egon began walking. "The deeper we go, the harder it will be to pick us out."

"We've got company, looks like the apple dumpling gang isn't done with us yet." Ray exchanged.

"All right, no problem. Just keep our heads down and stay together." Egon relaxed. "Winston can you-"

There was no sign of him.

"Winston?" Tara called for him.

"Where's Winston?" Spengler asked Stantz.

"He was right here next to me!" Ray claimed.

"Winston!" They began yelling for him.

"Winston, can you hear me?!"

*

Later.

They were sat up against a mountain, having given up on the search for their friend.

"Frankly, Egon, this whole affair has turned out to be a disaster." Ray said. "Being murdered and consigned to purgatory really hasn't lived up to my expectations." He vented.

Tara sniffled.

"Careful, Ray. It's been scientifically proven that negative thinking brings back negative results." Egon informed him. "Look on the bright side. At least we finally managed to lose that crazy old lady."

"...And Winston." Tara included.

"You know what else? I miss Venkman. He'd say something sarcastic and clever right about now and things wouldn't seem so bleak." Ray added.

"I miss him too." Tara teared up. "T-that ghost had the audacity to pretend to be him just so he could shoot me."

Egon wrapped his arm around the young girl, she rested her head on his shoulder.

"I have to concur, Peter does have a way of lightening the mood." He agreed with Ray.

"Poor Venkman. Who knows what even happened to him." Ray said. "In my head, I know this is the point where we've been slapped down. The odds are against us. It's time to stand up, fight back and save the day."

"But, we're dead. So, what's the point?" She shrugged.

"I hate to admit it, but I know how you feel. How you both feel." Egon confessed.

He then looked up to see a group of ghosts with a group of very familiar ghosts.

"Shit. Just when I hypothesized this day couldn't get worse.." He sighed.

"Why can't they just leave us alone?!" Tara whined.

"You're only making this harder on yourselves, dears. Why fight the inevitable?" Asked the lady.

"Could someone please explain to me what the deal is with this old lady?" Ray requested.

The three quickly jumped up and began to run for it just as the ghosts came after them.

"No more messing around, get them!" She demanded.

They began to climb up the mountain. They had no choice.

"This way, Ray!" Egon motioned. "Clearly, this is one of those times where discretion trumps valor."

"This has got to be karma! Egon, we have must have killed her dog in another life or something." Ray guessed.

"Or we killed her?" Tara put out.

"I don't know. She said something earlier about her bosses thinking we're dangerous." Egon recollected. "More likely, for whatever reason, there's a bounty on our heads."

"Yes, thirteen and being wanted for something I have no idea what I did. Such a great milestone for me, isn't it?" Tara asked herself.

"Well, that takes care of that dears."

"What the hell is she on about?" Asked little Venkman.

"They're conceding defeat! We did it, Ray!" Egon proclaimed.

"Ha! Next time, we'll be ready for-"

Standing before them was a big red monster.

"Well, here we go dying again!" Tara cried.

"The borders shall not be breached!" growled the monster.

"-eep!" Squeaked Ray.

"The first rule has been broken. You will be punished!" It jumped towards them.

It pinned them to the ground, salivating at them.

"Egon, this thing is amazing. Someone, find me a camera!" Ray requested.

"Are you kidding me, Ray?! This isn't exactly a good moment to ask for a camera!" Tara snapped.

"Excuse me."

"Pardon me."

"Coming through here."

"I can't move, Ray. I think this might be it." Egon told him.

"Yep. Death #2 can't wait." Tara said sarcastically.

"Negative thoughts bring negative results, Egon and Tara. Remember?" Ray reminded him.

"Back off, beastly. These are my family you're about to devour!" Came a familiar voice.

A hand came forward tugging out the tongue of the beast.

The three stood up, their eyes widened.

"P-P-P" Egon struggled to say.

"Ok. Safe to say that's about nine different kinds of gross." Ray commented.

Tara's eyes welled up with tears.

"Daddy?" She said, hoping it was him.

"You really must be really confused right about now. I know I was when I first got here. Who wants to know what's going on?" Peter offered.

Tara smiled.

*

[udekai]

okay so the thing about she-hulk's characterization of Matthew Murdock, drawing mainly off of the Netflix adaptation with some elements from the comics, right? Matt is a cocky, audacious, show-off (affectionate). And that mostly comes from the comics, but we see some of it in the TV series in a few key moments.

(See: "It's your scarf." / "What, you want me to cross my heart?" / "Don't get all sweet on me now, Frank." / "Your honor, I'd like to call a recess." "No need, I'm finished.")

But the Netflix series also takes place during just. Just the worst fucking time in his life. I definitely miss Sad Matt Murdock but here's the thing: the man has clinical depression. And like people with depression, he's going to have ups and downs. I'd say watching Wilson Fisk, The Hand, and Frank kill a whole bunch of good people, some of which were extremely close to him, would make him fucking miserable. This dude was in mourning for someone new every six episodes. Which stands to reason that if he managed to go more than a year without

A.) someone dying

B.) a major argument with someone he loves

C.) a catastrophe that affects the lives of the people in his neighborhood

then yeah, I think he could manage to have a good week every once in a while. And the Matt we saw in She-Hulk was characterized perfectly for a Matt that's having a good week. I saw a post somewhere that said the series highlighted the side of Matt that was flirting with Elektra, and being besties with Foggy, and I'd have to agree with that. I think She-Hulk shows a Matt that's in a good place for a little while, and I think that's actually a fucking fantastic thing, especially because Daredevil: Born Again, with so many episodes and possibly introducing Blindspot, is probably going to put Matt through a goddamn cheese grater.

And if that's the case, then giving him a happy silly little cameo in She-Hulk was brilliant. If not? Well, we'll burn that bridge when we get there.

[centralnart]

kakashi playlist

tired dog man my beloved

rambling abt the songs under the cut

scarecrow

stolen from kirpy's playlist, it just. fits too much. it's like a theme song. yknow. cause his name means scarecrow.

running up that hill

ah yes, the guilt. this is The Vibe, kakashi about everyone he's lost or feel like he's wronged in his life. survivor's guilt, trying to believe he's not worthless. i love angst and if I only could / i'd make a deal with god /and I'd get him to swap our places you don't want to hurt me / but see how deep the bullet lies

despicable

i don't have anything to say about this song just lyrics to share. it's very very anbu era kakashi tbh one day you will understand / why I pushed you away as I ran / and you will find a better man than I am and if I were you, I wouldn't love me neither the boy who fell into the sky / had no one there to watch him cry / he looked at you with his empty eyes

sleeping with ghosts

depressed almost adult kakashi, post minato death. his entire team is dead. he doesn't have any family to speak of. at least he's still got gai <3 soulmate dry your eye / soulmate never dies

hayloft I & II

it's literally just a vibe, there is nothing else to say i just wanted to have them in his playlist. it's unhinged and there's so many cool lines. also for some reason now on the internets hayloft is a trans song. trans kakashi my beloved <3

how soon is now?

the hatake urge to have daddy issues <3 kakashi's feelings about his father are probably very complicated, and i love the fic shadows, blinding for the hatake clan lore, but also for exploring both the way kakashi resents and misses his father since his death, and because of the choice he made to die and leave him alone as a child i am the son and heir / of nothing in particular

song to say goodbye

ngl when making kakashi's playlist i went through my library just picking the saddest songs i love. this is absolutely one of my favourite placebo song too. i feel like it is simultaneously his inner monologue to himself (you are one of god's mistakes / you crying, tragic waste of skin) (now, I'm tryin' to wake you up / to pull you from the liquid sky / cause if I don't, we'll both end up / with just your song to say goodbye) but also about obito and rin, who, to him, died before they got to grow up. they remained frozen in time, and more ghosts than people to him (before our innocence was lost / you were always one of those / blessed with lucky sevens / and a voice that made me cry)

on the nature of daylight

nice instrumental break, idk it makes me think that maybe after the war, even if he still had his ghosts, some parts of him have started healing. this song is like those split moment in recovery that you get, where everything is clear and you go it wasn't all my fault after all

lights are on

for some reason it made me think of babykashi having to learn to live without his dad. without any family. grief is hard, even more when you're a kid, so he probably only really processed some parts of that grief as an adult, looking back on his childhood, before and after sakumo's suicide god stood me up / and I don't know why / lights are on / but nobody's home

please, please, please let me get what i want

the truth is in the title, and also the lyrics see, the life I've had can make a good man bad

last words of a shooting star

kakashi dying in the pein attack vibe, just "well this is it i guess" and I am relieved that I'd left my room tidy / they'll think of me kindly when they come for my things / they'll never know how I'd stared at the dark in that room

no one is ever going to want me

i just. please listen to this song. in full. the build up and drop around 6 minutes in is insane.

I'm armed to the teeth / like a fucking animal / I ruin everything / I get my bony hands on

over the bridge of sighs / we will get a cross like christ, crucified

i wanna feel like i feel when i'm asleep

[meraki-kintsukuroi]

a star is dying, but the universe won't let it.

(or alternatively: you're burning out like a dying star but these hands that have loved you even long before will never let you go, even if it means getting burnt along.)

tags/warnings: hurt/comfort, light angst, soft fluff, references to depression and to the pandemic, and maybe probably a bit of child abuse it doesn't happen though its just mentioned, implied long-distance relationship, space, morbid, and colour metaphors, discussions about death and dying, shit writing and word vomit (bc im rusty as hell).

pairings : kindaichi yuutaro/reader (gn! reader & ambiguous relationship bc ytf not)

wc : 1, 755

a/n: dedicated to @haru-senji for being in the same situation as I and to all the other people who are as well, hang in there you guys, love you and please stay safe <3.

"Hey 'tarou are you up...?", Yuutarou hears you call out to him in the dark, breaking the silence in the night with your voice faint and small, almost lost against the loud howling wind of the dim sky.

He shifts, twisting his body to where you are, and in the dark--despite of it all--reaches for you when you don't pull or push him away and squeezes the hand you let him hold.

(Intimacy between skin has always been a line you jump in and out of and yuutaro wonders if there ever could be a day where he can hold you without you flinching or shrinking away, and without him saying that its okay despite the hurt in his heart or the deep open scars in yours.)

"Mm, yeah..?", he asks, voice a deep low rasp from the silence that had long been stretching between you, "What is it?"

There is a pregnant pause before you speak. It stretches long and wide much like the ones before and he can't help but be reminded of sea and the sky and he thinks that even in the vastness of it all with you besides him, your backs against the grass of some far away place, underneath all the darkness and twinkling nights, and far away from all uninvited eyes. He thinks that if you were to say anything here and now he would keep it lock in his chest until the day he died.

(Because happiness is limited in a world that is almost at its limit, only holding on to whatever thin silver lining there was to just not fall into the void of nothingness and cease to exist.)

"Do you know how a star is born?",

The ex-volleyball captain blinks once and then twice, and thinks of a grand king who he had served for three long years, of a boy turned king-enemy, to a friend that he had found once lost, of a gymnasium so big that it had to be the whole universe with how many stars, planets, and other celestial bodies there had been, but no matter how much he had thought of it, those astral objects that he had thought of was only at their prime and not at their beginning.

(Those people, those upperclassmen, those players, those rivals, his teammates, had been and always been stars--the moon, the sun, the planet--his universe.

He wonders how proud, those who have seen them at their very beginning feel? To see the rock with no fuel burn with utmost energy along with others who are just as bright as them.)

"No, I don't.", He says, a quiet thing and hears you hum, before feeling you twist and turn before finally settling again, not once letting his hand go as you did so.

(He does not comment on how closer you are to him now, afraid you'd pull away and distance yourself from him again.)

"How about when they die?", you ask him instead, and across the vast meadow he hears the crickets chirping this season's song "Do you know how they die?"

Yuutaro closes his eyes, and thinks of an explosion, of bright colours and a supernova exploding in the expanse of space, of the destruction that follows the grief that comes along with the loss of something as bright as a star.

He thinks of the king-prince-boy and how he had exploded into nothing but colours of red, black, and blue of the grand king who had burst out crying hues of green, grey, and teal, of a dark black empty gym with no bright light or palette in sight.

"They, uh, collapse i think...?" He says trailing off, trying to rack his left part of the brain of the lessons he hadn't slept in science class, "Yeah they do--And then they, they, uh... explode into supernovas? Yeah they explode into supernovas." He finishes unhappy but accepting all the same.

It's not like he was as blunt but smooth with his words just like his best-friend, not sweet like honey, or rough but straight to the point. He was still an awkward, tongue tied, and still fumbling idiot even after all this time. Even when he had hit a growth spurt or even after hitting a major milestone in his life, He was still the tall awkward boy people know who had just grown into an adults body to fit an adult's clothes.

You hum again, and he feels you inching closer, but not close enough to hold you the way he wants to--needs to--

(He pushes the greed--the fear of loosing you--letting go of you away. He can't, does not, will never be selfish, he can't allow it, not when he knows all too well what happens to you and the people around you, suffer through all too well.)

"Do you think we'll go out like that?", you ask him again, voice almost like a child afraid, "Like a supernova exploding in colours?"

He feels you shift again, and this time he thinks you're much closer to him than before and he thinks that you might be facing him this time too, he doesn't know it's too dark to see (but even so, even so, even so please come closer so I can hold you so--)

"Or do you think, we'll go out like a daisy crushed by the one who's supposed to take care of it?"

And something about that question, something about the way you say those words, makes his heart scream and mind twist in agony.

Because he thinks of the world, and how its marching to an unknown point and how much its scaring people. Thinks of you and your home that's only getting so much colder with each day passing. Thinks of himself and how he's just like a ghost wandering with a lover that's slowly collapsing--dying underneath the weight, of the pain of it all, that's too much for them to bear and not being able to do anything about it because-- "the only person who can save you is yourself, and you know that better than anyone else Yuutaro." His mother had once said.

And he knows, he knows, he knows, he goddamn knows, that things are getting worse for you--for him-and for everyone else, but he will fight God and his angels if it meant at least being able to carry some of the burden you had to carry all because the people who was suppose to do it but couldn't so you had to learn how to carry it all by yourself even after all this time.

Because Yuutaro with all his awkwardness and flaws had never been alone.

You however, have been painfully all by your lonesome.

And you meant to him that much to say the least.

"I don't know really." he murmurs truthfully, and squeezes your hand as an I'm sorry that i can't help you lift your pain that I was years too late to even try to do so and now you're hurting so much that you're almost at you're breaking point, and even if you don't know why or what, he still tries to.

Because he was just a ghost with no body or home wandering around this world, trying his darn best to find himself again for a lover that's slowly collapsing and loosing the brightness that they once were.

"Lots of people die in many ways you know?", He says not having one single clue about what's he saying but continues on because happiness is a fickle thing and is it selfish of him to hold your hand and keep you safe from the monsters that was supposed to love you for a bit much longer?

"We're not stars or flowers or anything,", He says with a finality he didn't know he had.

"We're people and we die when we die.", he goes on to say, and he thinks of an accident on the news, a tragedy in a script, and a genocide written on the history books, and thinks that for all the fire and hydrogen or whatever that makes up a star, planet, comet, or whatever. They were all still painfully human even on their last moments.

That they'd all bleed, cry, turn ugly, and at the end of it all die in more ways than one, because humanity is a fickle thing and they were no different.

That he was still human despite being a ghost of he once was, that you were still human even if you were a rotting corpse murdered by the monsters that were your own flesh and blood by the burdens and self-projections that they always had.

That the tyrant he had hated so much was just a boy underneath all the gore, grime, and blood, and that the grand king he had served underneath all the gold and silver and bronze was just human too.

They all were.

"But what if someone wants to go already and the people around them don't want them to...?" He hears you mutter softly, and he squeezes your hand again replying.

"Then don't.", He mutters tiredly just as much you are to the world, the monsters, and at yourself, "Live."

"Do you think we'll ever...", you trail off, and he knows from your tone that you must be struggling with what words to say so he squeezes your hand again because this is the only way you'll let him show his love for you other than his presence (because you're so, so, so scared and he is too, for you and for him as well.)

"Live again?"

Because he's a ghost of a star cluster once formed and you're a rotting corpse of a white dwarf floating in space with no way or direction to what home once was.

"I don't know really.." He says again, and crosses the gap between you deciding fuck it and presses his forehead against yours pushing on as he goes on, "But we'll cross the bridge when we get there all right?"

You don't pull away nor you push him away, instead you tense before relaxing again, and this time instead of him you're the one who squeezes his hand instead.

"Yeah we'll cross the bridge when we get there."

And in the dark--despite the dark, he thinks that maybe you're smiling in what it seems for a long while now, and he thinks that maybe, maybe he is too.

(And when morning comes maybe you both start trying to live again.)