#//wanted to write something for this which is why it's backdated
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𝓬𝓮𝓵𝓮𝓫𝓻𝓪𝓽𝓮 - baekseul
backdated - feb. 24th, underwater party @bxunbaek
Seulgi felt cute in the outfit she picked out for the party. Sure it wasn’t flashy and over the top. It wasn’t even covered in cool little under the sea decorations but it was the a pretty shade of light blue so it fit for the theme at least. Captivated by how the area the party was held was underwater, she found herself fixated to watching any sea life that allowed itself to make an appearance to the party goers. Instantly she snapped a few photos with her phone before pocketing it again, eager to find a moment later to paint the scene she witnessed. There were many photos that she took that would become paintings later. The singer was going to use any free time to keep up with her hobbies at any chance she got.
Pulling herself away to focus on the party, she instantly found Baekhyun which relieved her to no end. Sure she had other friends there but she wasn’t against spending more time with the male whenever the chance arose. Making her way over to him, a smile spread across her lips. “Oppa! You enjoying yourself? I felt the need to come and spend time with you since I feel I haven’t seen you the whole time we’ve been here.” She’s not disappointed by it since she had been dragged everywhere possible it seemed but she didn’t regret it at all. “So wanna try those odd colored drinks with me? If you don’t we can leave instead and I can draw you like I mentioned to you before. You can even have the drawing afterwards.”
#★━━━━disappear in that moment / echo#para / celebrate#para / baekhyun#//here this is after forever lol#//wanted to write something for this which is why it's backdated
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I'm feeling weird about an interaction I had the other day, and I'm wondering if I could get... I dunno, advice, I guess? From the usual commenters here.
So, context is that three-ish years ago, I got hate-brigaded in the fandom where I did most of my writing, in a way that came out of nowhere, and also in such a way that I felt like I deserved it. I ended up deleting everything I'd made for that fandom off the internet just to make it stop, including nearly six years of an art blog. I got a reality check later from friends whose credibility I trusted a lot more than random strangers on the internet, and eventually reposted most of the fic (backdated to the original dates of posting), and do actually still post fic in that fandom (also backdated to avoid notice). I also post a couple of fics on that account that are not backdated where I write with OCs from the original fandom fic in other fandoms.
The other day, someone who had been working their way through kudosing my stuff in the old fandom posted a complementary comment about it on the most recently updated of the two fanfics that isn't in that fandom, said they liked my OCs in the original fandom fic, and asked if I'd ever be interested in writing about that original fandom again. I explained that I was still writing fic in that fandom, it was just all backdated because most people really did not seem to like what I was writing.
And they responded saying that was too bad, and asking my opinion about a character they love, noting that it's pretty obvious from my fic that I don't like them and wondering why. And, like, this was probably just someone who was looking for fandom connection... but the character they were asking about is one of the most popular characters in the entire fandom. Most of the people still actively writing fic in this fandom are writing about this character, so if they wanted people to engage with about this character, they had basically everyone but me to engage with. And the person who set off the initial hate brigade against me that lead to me deleting basically my entire internet presence for months had this character as their URL.
So in my brain, I immediately go, "bait, this is bait," and delete this person's comments, delete my one response to them, and lock down comments on all the works on that account. And I know, I know that's paranoid overreaction. Based on their kudos pattern, this person was clearly working their way slowly through all the things on that account, which is not something someone who was only there to bait me would do. The only slightly off thing they did was comment on an unrelated most-recently-updated work instead of one of the works for the actual fandom. Probably they didn't realize that most people have comment emails turned on and didn't know I'd see a comment if they posted it on one of the older works, and they definitely didn't know what asking that particular question would do to me.
But I just... don't know how to exist in a fandom space any more without intense paranoia. I want to keep writing these things that bring me joy, and I do, but I miss being able to have my comments open without fear. I miss being able to post to a blog that wasn't locked down from Tumblr search. I wish I could interact with ANY fandom these days—not just that original one, but any fandom at all—and not feel like someone is going to turn on me out of nowhere. I can't overstate how out-of-nowhere that hate brigade was: my average fic got maybe 2 kudos. My art blog had fewer than 100 followers, and on average I got like 5 notes. I still to this day don't know why the person who set it off had such a hate-on for me, because it was clear from some of the anons I was getting that they'd built up a hell of a litany of ills to pile on my head, while all being vague enough that I never quite got a clear picture of what they were accusing me of.
I know part of the solution is to grow a thicker skin, and to block frequently. And I've been working on that, I guess I just... thought I was doing a bit better at growing a thicker skin and not being reactionary and the other day's incident made it really, really apparent I'm not, and I don't know what to do about it, because apparently the therapy is not doing enough! (Not that my therapist understands fandom...)
Any advice?
--
I mean... it's PTSD or something of the sort. Treat it as such.
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Fanfic Writer Interview
Thanks to @bunnys-tales for tagging me! Seems like this should be pretty fun!
How many works do you have on AO3?
I have... 245 fics on there. Wow, I remember when I hit the 200 mark, like, a couple years ago. To be fair, I've been writing and posting fanfics (originally on FF.Net but I've posted and mostly backdated all of my fics onto AO3 as well) for almost 13 years now.
Your top 5 stories by kudos/likes:
I was a bit surprised when I checked because the one that's been number 1 for years now has finally been usurped.
I generally don't necessarily go by kudos (especially since I know that there are re-readers out there like me), but I do appreciate every single one.
So here are my top 5 kudo'd fics!
1. Rite of Passage (BSD fanfic) - Basically, the ADA and PM go drinking together and try to figure out what sort of traditions (or rites of passage) they go through to truly be deemed members of their organization. And it turns out everyone has basically had at least a bit of a crush on Chuuya. Can't blame them.
2. Hell in High Heels (VLD fanfic) - This was basically my top kudo'd fic ever since I posted it in 2018. I'm surprised I have something that's finally surpassed it since every fic I've written that I thought might never did quite as well (though it has had time to accumulate). In it, for a mission, Lance crossdresses and it turns out he can pass pretty well (and work it in heels). I had ideas for some sequels but never really got motivation to try them, though it was basically more shenanigans and Klance moments.
3. With Flying Colors (VLD fanfic) - Forever salty about how the show treated Lance and the Blue Lion. I never got over the Blue Lion never being given a defining trait like the others were at the beginning (except later she was implied to be the easiest or most easy-going which is why she easily accepted another paladin - which wtf), so given the nature of water, I gave her and Lance the trait of versatility and how Lance portrayed at different times all the traits that the other Lions looked for as well.
4. Maid of Steel (BSD fanfic) - I'm sensing a pattern, but in this fic, Chuuya has to crossdress in a maid cafe (to Dazai's delight and Atsushi and Kunikida's bewilderment) to try to investigate a case that's been affecting the PM as well. And then he kicks some butt. Just a fun time here.
5. In the Shadow of Death (Gravity Falls fanfic) - Originally inspired by some fan art (and then inspiring some in turn, Grunkle Stan manages to adopt/befriend multiple death omens over the years of him living in Gravity Falls and they love him so much, they won't let him die. Mostly written when I had free time during substitute teaching.
Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?
I certainly try to respond. Sometimes I get in the habit for a decent stretch but then I get busy and forget and then it feels like it's much too late as it's for something I've moved on from or I don't want to bother them and it's just.
I do try to respond as I'm able.
What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?
Hmm. Okay, I'm gonna be honest. I don't actually remember half the stuff I've written. Sometimes I have to remind myself of what exactly my own fics are when they get kudos or comments if it's one of my older fics. And I do write a lot of angst (as much as I write hurt/comfort), but a lot of the time, it's angst with happy ending so does that really count?
And it's really a matter of what kind of angst you're talking about. Same Song, Different Verse revels in the parallels of Vanitas and Louis and how both wished for Noé to kill them (which - I wrote this before the Amusement Park arc ended with Vanitas actually saying he wanted Noé to kill him). In Can't Turn Back I basically tortured Castiel for half the fic and had him deal with the consequences in the other half. Watch Your Back addresses both Stan's sordid past and his current memory issues. Adora realized that Catra had been lost as well atop of everything else in season 4 in Gone. I have multiple fics where characters die or seem to die (and may come back at the end or in a sequel fic).
So really, this is up for debate. I'm not sure what would be considered the angstiest ending, because even if things are better, the root issue may be one that can happen again.
What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?
Like I said, I love my angst with a happy ending so...
Maybe one of my sweeter fics like Reciprocated Affection (BSD), Knot Matching (Trickier Than It Seams) (VNC), Girls Become Lovers (Who Turn Into Mothers) (She-Ra), or The Scrapbook (Gravity Falls and ends a series of fics taking place in the finale)? All of them have different flavors of happy endings but it does have good and caring vibes at the end.
Do you write crossovers?
It might appear like I've written more but that's because Case Study of Vanitas has tags for both the anime and manga separately. So when I wrote something that applied to both, I marked both.
In actuality, I've written exactly 2 crossovers since I'm not really interested usually in exploring those possibilities. One is a fanfic shipping Belle from Beauty and the Beast and Cinderella (Disney Animated versions) that I wrote for Valentines' Day challenge in my college anime club (but it turned out to be really good so I shared it) and the other is a Stanchez fic that I wrote for a mini-bang event since I thought they'd make an interesting ship and it was a whole thing for a while.
Have you ever received hate on a fic?
I think I've gotten a few comments before, but the only thing that really comes to mind isn't necessarily hate. Like, back on FF.Net, for a Stony fic that I had clearly marked as Stony, I had someone constantly commenting for several chapters about why it had to have a romantic flavored ship especially of Steve and Tony. Since that site doesn't let you respond to reviews/comments, I addressed them in an author's note in the fic (pointing out that I had marked it and I could do what I want so why were they here if they didn't like it) and the anon immediately became apologetic and then asked if I was mad/forgave them multiple times for the next few chapters. It was more weird than anything.
Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
No.
Have you ever had a fic stolen?
Yes. My fic What Is Love? for VNC was stolen, terribly translated into Spanish, and then posted as the first two chapters of a fic of what I presume were even more stolen stories translated into Spanish to avoided being found out for stealing on Wattpad. I never gave permission for a translation and they didn't even link to the original or say it wasn't theirs. Luckily, someone let me know, since I don't use Wattpad, and I went through the steps on Wattpad to let the admin know and it got taken down by showing I'd posted mine first and all my fics on AO3 for years have been tagged not to be copied to other sites.
Have you ever had a fic translated?
Yes. Back on FF.Net, someone asked to translate a couple of my SPN fanfics into Russian and they linked back to my original so it was okay.
Have you ever co-written a fic before?
Kinda. A person here on Tumblr and I went back and forth, writing and responding on a post that helped build a story until they couldn't go on. But I don't remember who it was, where those posts are (must not have tagged it as fic as it was kinda a write and response that we unintentionally started), and I can't remember what we were even doing. It was fun though, even though it's lost in the Tumblr slurry.
What’s your all-time favorite ship?
Uh... It changes. Probably between SKK or Vanoé just due to how recent those are, though I still love both Lumity and Raeda and I will probably never recover from Klance or Kagome/Inuyasha.
What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?
I have a YGO fic lurking at the bottom of my Google Docs that I probably will never touch again. I also have whole lists of fic ideas for fandoms I've moved on from.
Of my recent stuff, I don't know if I'll ever finish my VNC Anatasia AU that I started writing. I am trying to finish my other VNC WIP about hanahaki right now though!
What are your writing strengths?
I've been told multiple times across fandoms that I have very strong characterization. I think dialogue plays a huge role in that and I always try to get the spirit of the characters down.
My plots are also pretty good as well because people seem to be able to follow and enjoy the threads I weave.
What are your writing weaknesses?
I am also bad at getting to the point. Like, I have to have decent set-up which usually takes up pages before I get to whichever scenario the fanfic is actually about.
I'm also terrible at symbolism (it's something I struggled with in school - very much a "why can't the curtains just be blue" type of person back then) and as a result I'm not sure if the themes I want to get across are being properly conveyed. But I worry about my themes getting across even without symbolism that I'm trying to incorporate.
What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?
I mean, I have done this. I've written Lance speaking in Spanish and characters in VNC may get a sprinkling of French (though I'm more familiar with Spanish since I at least took a few years of that in high school though it's been years).
Though I think I've usually put in translations somewhere to help readers who don't want to try to translate it themselves.
I think it can be interesting.
Wait, does sign language count? Because usually I just indicate that's what they're speaking in when I've had characters use that.
What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?
At the moment? None that I can think of. I'll probably only know once my attention shifts.
What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?
Ah, I can't pick just one, because again, there's usually something in each fandom I've written for that I'm particularly proud of. But I'll try to narrow it down to 3.
Words is a RWBY White Rose fanfic, one of the first ones I did for that fandom, for the ship week. It's probably also my only blatant soulmates fic that uses those tropes.
Archiviste is a VNC Vanoe fic that explores Noé not only losing Vanitas, but also beoming a cursebearer due to it. And all of his worst traits are elevated as he does everything he can to get Vanitas back. I liked exploring his darker side and also evil Noé is hot.
Finally, one of my most recent fics is this super long one shot On My Knees (Looking for an Answer) for BSD (that includes SKK). As my friends pointed out, it's basically a Chuuya character study from everyone else's point of view and I really loved writing it despite how long it took.
Tagging: Anyone who wants to do this but specifically I encourage @theroadtosomewhere @neontoad @blindblossom @xlillyle
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🌿💫💥
hello!! nice to hear from you <3 and thank you for these asks.
🌿how does creating make you feel?
this feels like it should be easy to answer. the act of writing often makes me feel like - ugh, i can't do this today. but if it's going well and i've written some good dialogue or something, then i'll feel - pleased, kind of the way i would reading some good dialogue, but also because i'll feel smart and like, yeah - i've got this. because i create in fandom, it also makes me feel part of something bigger, and then hungry for COMMENTS. vv much: when are the comments here, i need instant validation in trade for this fic.
💫what is your favorite kind of comment/feedback?
i love all comments, thank you for comments! my favourite kinds are the ones where people try to predict what is going to happen, or talk about why they think something is happening, while i post, and then i think 'yeah, that'd be cool', or 'hm, not that, but it gives me an idea'. this is sad times for book-writers who could be accused of stealing ideas, but for me as a fandom person i just slap a note at the front saying 'thank you to X for giving me this awesome idea in their comment!'
💥find your least kudos'd fic - say something wonderful about it.
oof. my least kudosed fic is a harry potter fic i migrated from ff.net and backdated, it's unfinished, and it has ZERO kudos. the plot is that the marauders are all in slytherin, which may or may not have been an original premise twenty years ago, i don't know - it almost certainly isn't now.
i forced myself to read enough of it to answer this question and discovered it's in james potter's first person!! (not a well liked POV outside of carry on). honestly, it really could be worse, even though it's mostly just him grumbling about the premise of the fic.
meanwhile, there's some nice repetition i set up:
Sirius is one of things that makes being here bearable. I'm not sure but I think he likes it. Peter does too, you can tell when he whoops extra loudly when I make a great pass or when Sirius forces Snape to sing HMS Pinafore in falsetto. Sometimes I laugh too. Sometimes I'm the one torturing Severus; too much of the time it's my wand pointing at him, my lips curling into a sneer of triumph. Sometimes I hate myself for being who I am.
and then later on:
Yes, Remus is certainly different. Perfect Mr. Prefect Sirius calls him; mocks him. As if being a model student and not wanting to turn Snape's hair violet or make him tap dance across our breakfast table is a crime, or a character flaw. Sometimes I hate Sirius for being like me.
i could have written these paragraphs today. and i think i'm quite good at writing now. TWENTY YEARS ON. so well done little me.
(check out the two semi colons, though. that's how you can tell i was 16 when i wrote this 😂)
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Writing Update - February 2023
I was hoping to get some writing done tonight but the brain didn't want to cooperate, so I guess I'll wrap up my February. XD
Frank talk: my output was absolutely horrendous this month. Last month was about 6200 words; in February I only wrote 3,723 words.
My muse started to wander all around again, which is probably why I didn't write much. The rotation seems to be: 1) Pick away at a chapter on a fic until it's finished! 2) Bask in the glory while I play video games for a week instead of write. 3) Start picking away at a chapter on a different fic. 😐
Anyway, I also did some serious thinking about the TF Big Bang. While I do really enjoy participating in them, I think I'm going to have to bow out this year. There's a couple of reasons for this. First, I don't have many story ideas that I think would fit comfortably in 15k. I have lots that will probably come in around 8-9k words, and a few that I'm sure will probably land around 20k or more. The ONE story that might be suitable is sort of half written right now, but it's also got a load of smut that's going to happen in the middle and I always write smut with glacial slowness. Don't know why. XD
Secondly (and probably more importantly), this summer is going to be absolute hell for me at work, and I am reasonably sure it's going to affect my "fun" writing. I am a writer at work, and while the type of writing I do for work is very different than my fan fiction, it does use the same parts of my brain. And I've noticed that after a really hectic day at work, the writing part of my brain is just worn out and needs to rest. (This is also why I'm reluctant to tackle the 20k+ story idea.)
I might see if I can volunteer my time to be a beta reader, since editing/reviewing is different enough from my work writing that I think I could swing it.
In the meantime, I have been spending a lot of time this month worrying over whether I should attempt the BB even with my work schedule. I'm hoping that having come to a decision will give my muse time to breathe (since it's been frantically trying to figure out how to manhandle some of my ideas into something suitable), and let me get back to working on the stories I already have in progress.
That said, here's how the rest of the month went for me.
Posted
Pet Names. 950 words. A reposted story; it was backdated to its original posting date so it didn't appear on the "front page."
WIPs
These are the stories I actually put words down for this month.
Sun and Moon (working title). 43,000 words. I am really hoping I can get the confidence soon to start posting this soon. I need to stop going back and rewriting the first few chapters over and over. >.<
The King and the Bounty Hunter. 10,100 words. This was my muse's obsession this month. I got through the chapter in progress and then dropped it like a hot potato.
Again and Again and Again. 1300 words. I briefly flirted with the idea of making this my BB fic but I don't think I can stretch it to 15k. Also it's a thing I'm not writing. Really.
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If We Cross the Bridge.
"Dear Love, By the time you read this I will be gone. Where? I wont say. And I know you must be wondering with a frown on your face that why am I writing this letter all of a sudden. Backdated, aint it? Well I know you must be tired of all the works and troubled for me, for us. You would probably ignore my calls or texts for the time being to live away from the reality and that's okay. I would have done the same if I was in your place. So I chose this age-old practice of writing letters. Just read this when you feel free. I know we both were imperfect, but perfect for each other. However, not all love stories have a happy ending and unfortunately our's is one of them. But I cannot blame you and I guess it's the same the other way round. We both knew something got missing in us - the sparks? the ecstasy? the excitement? the attraction? the desire? Or maybe the endless LOVE? Not that we weren't trying but each trial made us lose hope on US. We faught a lot more than usual. We were exhausted. We knew it was the time for us to end this love before things turn toxic. Then something was stopping us. What was it? Our bond? The memories that we made? The happiness? The affections? Guilt? LOVE? We didn't know. We just knew we need to take a break from each other; to understand what we wanted, to understand ourselves, to breathe.
We were so busy sorting US out that we really forgot how this world looks like..
So we must end this...
The bond? The affection? The stress? The LOVE? Again, I don't know. But you know this is healthy for us, right? We need to check on ourselves. We need to know if our love interests have changed overtime or not. We need to be mature enough to handle commitments. If we ever cross paths again , I hope we see a better version of ourselves.
But I will remember this love because those feelings were real. Our memories were precious. The love was oh-so pure and innocent.
So I can't tell if this is a GOODBYE for now or forever. I wish we are together as a lovely couple in parallel universe. But now I bid my farewell to you. Take care of yourself. Don't do drunk driving. My phone number will be the same. Just because we aren't a couple anymore, doesn't change the fact that I will not care, morover when its you. Anyway, last but not the least, always remember me because I will never forget about US.
From
A little human you used to know."
.
.
. Few droplets of tears were falling on the piece of paper.
Tears? Oh yes. Of course they were tears. His eyes formed a puddle of tears and gradually he let them fall..
Why was he crying? He didn't know.
He must have felt like a burden was lifted from his back. He was free. He had plenty amount of time for himself. He should be happy with HER decision, shouldn't he?
But no. One could easily see how devastated he was by the way he was crying out loud; crumpling the paper without noticing as if it was his way of showing how much in despair he was.
Why? He didn't know.
For the guilt that he wasn't good enough? Definitely a no because both of them tried their best. May be he could have done more? He didn't know.
For the bond?
For lust?
For the lost love?
For her? Her smile, her resting bitch face when she was outside, her weak stomach with an elephant like appetite, her silliness, her clumsiness, her mother like nature, her protective bff behaviors, her possessiveness, her beautiful body which she was really insecure of, her deep brown eyes with the deepest eyelashes he had ever seen.....
Or....
Or For the affection they hold for each other?
For their memories. Where they first met; when he started feeling butterflies for her whenever she was around her; when he confessed and came to know she felt the same for him; Their little but cute dates.. their hugs, kisses, cuddles; when they first made love; when they started planning about their marriage, honeymoon even kids and their names, all while cuddling; When both were goofing around; when they were thrown out of the museums, restaurants or shopping malls because they acted like nothing but some annoying and mischievous kids or some horny teenagers who made out just anywhere and everywhere; the first time they introduced each other to their families; when....
Oh god! He just couldn't count the amount of memories, both good and bad they made together for all these years.
He really had many reasons to cry and the first and foremost reason was HER.
Was this love? Or the memories that were haunting him right now? He was confused.
With this inner turmoil and a teary pair of eyes he got up and walked to his room. With the letter written by her.
He threw himself on the bed, lied there closing his eyes with his left hand resting on his forehead.
He was feeling restless. He opened his eyes and read the letter again and again.
After sometime he got up and thought, was this really what he wanted? He didn't know.
For all he knew, she was right. They both needed time.. He just couldn't make a wrong decision again by confusing love with habit. Of course he got habituated with her.
After all they were partners. Even now he knew she was just one call away if he just made an excuse of falling down off stairs. And same applied for him too.
So he just couldn't take this risk. He couldn't let his emotional crisis lead him to something he might regret later.
He needed to know that whether he was still in love with her or the feelings they shared.
Love is not materialistic. One can give hundred percent of himself on materialistic things and get results. Why? Because it's just a challenge between you and your potential.
But Love? Even if you give your hundred percent on love, the probability of your other half to give their hundred percent is uncertain. A little mistake, and it will ruin the whole relationship.
He looked at the empty side of his bed where she used to sleep. He smiled a little and read the letter again. A single tear left from his eye but he wiped it. He took a deep breath,
"Love, I hope we cross the bridge if our feelings ever get sorted out. If not, I promise I'll always remember you".
END
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Did you happen to see ALs short lived IG story yesterday? She’d posted a screenshot of a message between her and MS. Nothing major just him saying he was finished filming and he was heading home and it was pizza night, followed by loads of kissy faces. She commented over the post something like, “when it’s your favourite night of the week” or words to that effect. Puzzled as to why it was quickly deleted and how nobody else seems to have seen it/mentioned it. Seems like she was trying to copy GT and DT, with their recent wordle texts, but no one seemed to mention it, even over on the bird app. Maybe didn’t get the attention she thought it would. I know DTs been trending a lot lately, and sometimes GT can cause him to blow up on the bird app depending on what she posts photo wise etc. Maybe ALs trying to get some of the same attention and it fell flat?
Hi, Anon! I know you sent this like two weeks ago, so apologies for me taking a while to answer it--I wanted to answer the Anon about Georgia’s #MarriedSexting screenshots first, so that this one would have some context.
Backdating from when you sent me this message, the day AL posted the story you mentioned would be January 27th, just four days after Georgia posted the “what’s for breakfast?” text. (Unfortunately, I did not get to see the Insta story myself, so if you or anyone else has a screenshot, please do feel free to DM me, or send it in with an ask.)
That being said, my first thought on reading your message was that it seems like AL was copying Georgia yet again, which is nothing new under the sun. I think there are also a few possibilities for what could’ve happened and why the Insta story was deleted so quickly. One is that Insta lets you choose who you want to share stories with, so perhaps AL meant for it to be shared with Close Friends and shared it publicly by mistake. Or maybe it was a case of Michael probably being a lot less agreeable than David about having his texts out there, and consequently either he or PR asked her to take it down. Another thought I had was that AL has hardly posted anything since Christmas, so it could be that she decided (or PR told her) to wait to post until Michael’s birthday the following week.
The thing is, some of what she did post on Michael’s birthday didn’t really get much attention, either, and was just downright...underwhelming, in my opinion:
Once again...I am confused. The first picture is the same as every picture of AL and Michael, in that both she and he have the same tight-lipped smile, with his noticeably not reaching his eyes. And there could not be anything more generic about the “Happy Birthday, my darling!” caption, which just feels so...planned. Like a post you’d make and a caption you’d write days in advance and queue, rather than something spontaneous and heartfelt. The generic feeling of the caption also stands in stark contrast to the specificity of Georgia calling Michael David’s “other wife” in her birthday post.
And the second picture...Lord help me, because all I can say is that the first thing that came to mind when I saw the word “petal” was a really hot MS/DT fic where David is topping and calls Michael that as he is bringing him over the edge. I seriously doubt that is what AL was referencing, of course, but I’m fairly sure she was also not referencing an Aziraphale/Crowley fic of mine that is also called “Petal.” I mean...what are the odds, really. Haha.
It’s also interesting that, from what I’ve read and had said to me since this was posted, while “petal” can be considered a term of endearment in Britain, it runs the risk of coming across as condescending, depending on how it’s said and who’s saying it, especially if that person is a non-native speaker. And that was indeed how I perceived it in this post. But what really didn’t help was that AL chose such a bizarre picture to go along with it. It’s (again) a picture of Michael taken from far away--which seems to be her specialty--but it’s not at all giving the “romantic glance from across the blossoms” vibes that I’m guessing were intended. Because when you look at his expression up close, Michael actually looks, well...visibly annoyed.
I just...why? Why would you choose these two pictures? Of all the pictures she has of/with him, she chooses one from months ago (presumably the night of the NTAs, which is just...we know what happened there, and that she is still not pulling focus away from Michael and David)...and then one where Michael looks like someone just slayed the Welsh dragon right in front of him. If as you mentioned, Anon, the aim was to get attention, it really does seem like it fell flat. Georgia’s “other wife” post was the highlight of Michael’s birthday and even got the attention of the media. AL’s post/Insta story...didn’t.
Even more interesting is that Georgia’s post made it painfully obvious that whatever is between Michael, David, and her is between the three of them, and AL is not a part of that. This goes back to what I said above, about the generic nature of AL’s caption calling Michael “darling,” versus the intimate nature of Georgia’s, where “other wife” is a specific and personal nickname. Neither of these posts said very much, number of words-wise...but at the same time, both posts said a lot. I’m just not sure that it was exactly what some people were intending.
Ah, well. So much weirdness abounds these days, and it’s only getting weirder. It will certainly be interesting to see what (if anything) Georgia and Michael post on David’s birthday in April, and what else happens from here on out...
#anonymous#reply post#michael sheen#welsh seduction machine#also kissy faces sounds so over the top but also not surprising#yikes#choices#david tennant#soft scottish hipster gigolo#georgia tennant#'justthethreeofus' indeed#i actually probably could've written more because there is so much to unpack#discourse#anna lundberg
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The Cult of the Shard: Summary So Far
So... all my previous posts here have been backdated to the dates in the Write Your First Adventure workshop when I was supposed to have that bit done. This is my first post here that's actually accurately dated to when I'm actually posting it. It's December 1, and I'm supposed to be done with my RuneQuest adventure by now.
I'm not.
My last post before this, at the time I'm writing this, is dated to November 12. Not because it was written on November 12—it was written and posted on November 22—but because well, that's the last day of the workshop I've actually finished the work for. (Well, that's not entirely true; I've done another day or two but haven't posted on Tumblr about them yet, but that's because I decided rather than prioritize posting on Tumblr I'd prioritize working on the adventure, which sounds like a good idea in principle except that I haven't been working on the adventure much either.)
Granted, I do technically have a little extra time; the deadline for inclusion in the workshop bundle is December 8... so I still have another week. Is it possible I'll get it done by then? Yes, if I really buckle down and work on it, it's possible. Is it likely? I'm honestly not sure.
I started off behind, sure, but I sure haven't done much catching up. I thought, hey, I'll have Thanksgiving off work, maybe the following weekend, too; I can get a lot done then. I did indeed have Thanksgiving off work, and the following weekend too, and got very little done. Sure, Thanksgiving itself I was with my family, and the next day too, so maybe I have an excuse for not getting much done those days, but I was home by myself on the weekend and didn't get much done then either, and sure, I could say well I needed some down time off work, I needed to take a break, but I could make up excuses all day and it's not going to help me get it done.
It's not that I'm stuck. It's not that I don't know what to do next. It's just that it's been really hard to make myself work on it. I said before that I had a lot of unfinished projects, and this is probably why. Maybe it's just something about how my brain works. I start on something, I make some progress, and then my brain just... decides it doesn't want to work on that anymore. Why? Search me. Maybe it's because I know once I finish the writing I'll have to do the layout and get it all PDF-ready, and that's something I haven't done before, so at some level I'm kind of apprehensive to get to it. Or maybe it's just the opposite; maybe it's because once I it all planned out, I've statted out the most important characters, and the hard part of the writing is over, the rest seems like just easy busy work and I lose interest. I don't know; I just know that... I really don't want to work on it. I want to have worked on it. I want to get it done. But it's been very hard to make myself sit down and do it.
(Although I've never been formally diagnosed with ADHD, I think it's... very possible that I may in fact have it, which if so may be a strong contributing factor.)
Anyway, though, another thing I know from experience about my brain is that once I do get started on something new and get in the groove, then my brain often decides it wants to focus on that for a while. It's been long enough since I was seriously working on this adventure that it's entirely possible if I do manage to make myself start on it this will kick in and I'll be able to power through and get it done. At least, that's the hope. I'm going to do my best to muster my willpower tonight to actually sit down and work on my adventure like I ought to be doing, and I think there's still a chance I'll be able to put in the time over the next week and get it done, and it won't become just another of my myriad projects I started and never got around to finishing. Here goes nothing...
#Write Your First Adventure#RuneQuest#rpg#ttrpg#tabletop rpgs#Glorantha#Storytelling Collective#RPG writing
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Some Behind-the-Scenes Turnabout Dishwasher stuff if anyone is interested
Now that I've had a semi-okay night's rest, I can finally talk about some Turnabout Dishwasher things. First of all, I'm in absolute awe from all the kind things people have said in their tags while reblogging my promo post. I was a little stressed last night after I posted the final chapter, so that's really made me feel better.
In any case, some background stuff on the story:
When the Trilogy came out on Switch in spring of 2019, I decided to replay all of the games again in chronological order, finishing with my first ever playthrough of SoJ. While I was going through them (especially while replaying Investigations 2), I decided to start recording my headcanons and fic ideas into voice memos after work every day. Eventually that turned into transcribing them all and trying to organize all of those notes into a timeline. I ended up with 3 different fic ideas: a Narumitsu fic, a Raymond Shields fic, and a joint Klapollo/Blackmadhi fic. To this day I have no idea why I decided to combine all of those things. But it happened. I fuckin combined them. Also as a side note, by Chapter 32, I had transcribed over 400 voice memos.
Ever since I was 11 and wrote shitty Pokemon fanfic, I've always written in "script" format, with piles and PILES of dialogue. I'm not a trained writer (and the only fiction I read is fanfic lmao), so that format is really the only comfortable way I know how to write. When I first started turning my transcribed audio notes into anything resembling a "story", it originally looked like this:
As you can imagine, that's not a very easy thing to turn into a publishable fanfic. I actually never intended to publish it at first, because I hadn't published (or written) any fanfic since 2008 when I wrote terrible Wolfstar stories on livejournal.
THEN in March of 2020 I finally finished my first playthrough of SoJ, ending with Turnabout Time Traveler. It's not a particularly great case by any means, but the fact that Miles and Phoenix talk about weddings had me like "shit I need them to talk about weddings A LOT more". So I wrote "Thought Provoking". It of course was completely in script format, but I still really wanted to publish it. So I tried out the "text box" thing using Photoshop. It allowed me to cut corners a bit by not having to write out any "she said" or "he thought", which is something I never learned how to do well because, like I said, I've only every written in "script" format.
So yeah, chapter 1 of Turnabout Dishwasher eventually started to look like this:
which is a lot easier to turn into "text boxes". The text boxes themselves take about 7 hours per chapter to make, and then another 2 hours to link them to AO3.
The absolute bane of my existence is that AO3 isn't able to detect the images as text, so my AO3 word count is always cut in half. I know there are ways to code it, but with the amount of dialogue I have, that wasn't really feasible. By the end of my story, I had amassed 14,500 dialogue box image files for Turnabout Dishwasher alone.
So anyway, when I posted chapter 1, I accidentally published it in the middle of Narumitsu week 2020, and my draft was also accidentally backdated. So it didn't really get a lot of visibility. But I kept plugging away at it and I'm really glad I did.
Also, I originally planned on combining the Klapollo and Blackmadhi parts, thinking they would be small, occasional additions to the story. SOMEHOW it turned into Klapollo and Blackmadhi having completely separate chapters. I'm glad I made that decision though, because I was able to tell full stories about all four of those characters.
I don't really know what else to say about this story right now, other than that I've been so grateful to everyone who has read it. I'm probably going to take a long break from writing AA fic for now. But I do have plans for some Turnabout Dishwasher "bonus content" in the future.
If there's anything else you want to know about my story, please feel free to ask!
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Beyond The Veil: Chapter 2
The process to set up the identity and quirk registry was laughably easy. A few dead parents there, guardianship placed under a ‘family friend’ (Eras) here, a few medical appointment files and normal average family shit and ta dah! You have a fake identity!
It took maybe a month to backdate everything and erase any feeling of fakeness from the identity. That left Eras with 3 months to go through their businesses, all under different identities that have nothing to do with each other yet are run by the same person, and take some money out of her bank account to pay for the tuition when the time comes.
When she was done, one Muska Viridis had an application to sign in on testing day and a fool proof identity for when she attended the actual school. Sure she still had to pass but considering her abilities that wouldn’t be too hard.
Eras spent the last 2 months until the exam outlining everything that would be considered for the written portion of the exam and helping Muska study. It was, sadly, the reason for the nickname “teacher mommy” that became her phone's contact name for the rest of the time before the exam and Eras hated it. Which didn’t help with getting the nickname removed at all.
When the exam day came, Eras had to drag a sleeping witch out of her bed and shoved her towards her closet to get ready. The groaning and complaints fell on deaf ears as Eras literally wore noise canceling headphones for that exact reason. Heading to her own closet in the observatory, Eras got dressed in her protective motorcycle gear since she was the one driving Muska to the school. Hell to the no were they going to ride a train with people on it.
They met at the door and Eras handed Muska the extra helmet that was black with cat ears. A tribute to Tibbles. Speaking of the familiar, Muska said good bye and started cackling after the meow that followed. Again, Eras lamented being unable to hear the cat.
They walked together to the bike, a sleek motorcycle that was black besides the neon green highlights. Muska commented on the fact that Eras was obsessed with the color which only led to a snort of acceptance. Eras was self aware afterall.
A speedy delivery got them to the School gates of the obnoxiously sized highschool and Eras could practically feel the nerves coming off her friend. Ignoring all the looks from other examinees as they saw two people riding on what looked like a motorcycle from the future dressed in all black, (Eras had 5 PhD’s, she def built a motorcycle that trumps all the others) Eras flipped up her helmets visor and stared at Muska as she hopped off and took off her helmet.
“Kick ass witch bitch,” giving a smile of encouragement, Eras suppressed a fist bump in victory when Muska snorted and stopped being as nervous as before.
“You got it Teacher Mommy.”
Eh, some things are worth the sacrifice. If Muska stops being as nervous when she cracks that joke then Eras will only glare for a few seconds.
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Ok, Muska thought as she approached the sign in table, just gotta kick gum and chew ass.
Stopping momentarily to gather her thoughts because that obviously was not what she meant to think, she allowed herself at least a snort and kept walking. Eras’s words followed her all the way to the written exam room and as she watched the other students file in.
Calming herself down, Muska kept all her focus on the task at hand. Vaguely she registered a green mop of hair sitting in front of her and a blond off the side of the green student. Ha, Eras would like him, she idly thought as the proctor walked in and introduced himself as the Pro hero ectoplasm.
Ignoring the excited vibrations coming off the student in front of her, she had practice with that since Eras would vibrate and gesture animatedly whenever speaking of the things she enjoyed, Muska watched as the exam booklets were passed out. Hopefully the exams were structured better to retain attention then the old standard tests in America but she had doubts.
To her surprise, the exam actually was structured differently. It was easier to read at least. At the end there were two questions that were moral based. Smart, considering she was applying for heroics.
What do you think of how today's society portrays heroes?
And
What's your opinion on the labels people put on quirks?
Oh, this was not what she was expecting. Despite being out of the loop physically, the media was always a good place to stay in touch with society. Eras was the one of the two to actually make trips into society monthly for necessities and to check up on her business attachments, yet Muska made sure to stay in touch. She really didn’t want to walk into town one day and understand nothing like a boomer.
This meant she knew exactly what to write.
When she finished those last two moral questions, she found herself finished an hour before the time was up. What the hell did Eras do to her? That was not a normal study cram if it meant she finished this early. Getting up, as was allowed, and ignoring the stares she walked up to Ectoplasm and dropped off her test before immediately leaving out the right side door to the waiting room. Not stopping to see the surprise mixed with fear on Ectoplasm's face.
(Somewhere a rat was cackling as he watched the cams to the written exam room.)
Thankfully, she was allowed to have her phone while waiting for the next part of the hero course requirement. The practical. Scrolling through her phone, she was somewhat aware of the slowly filling waiting room. It was a nice room, filled with chairs and bean bags. She was melting into a purple bean bag chair of her own, ironically her hair was the same color so it added to the effect.
An hour and a half passed before the group of examinees that stayed behind for the practical portion were led to a theater where an obnoxiously loud hero called Present Mic called their attention. Muska snuck a picture and sent it to Eras and said “Present Mic? Presentation Microphone.” not waiting for the response since she knew what to expect, Muska paid attention to the lecture.
A few “YEAHS?!?!?!?” That fell on stressed students with no outward reaction later, a boy with navy blue hair and robotic movements stood up with a raised hand. She already hated him.
After Presentation Microphone called on him with a “Yes Little Listener!?” Muska had to sit through one of the worst types of questions she had ever heard, literally they have an exam brief packet he was getting to that robot, and a fucking ettiqute lesson that was definitely not deserved.
She took her foot off of the empty seat in front of her and slammed it onto the floor. The steel toed combat boots caused a resounding sharp thud that silenced the students as she leaned back and spoke.
“Now I don’t know exactly why your panties are in a twist but Presentation Microphone over there was getting to the section of the packet if you would just shut up and wait. What are you going to do as a real hero? Rush the debriefer? Also, did you seriously call out someone for muttering and saying they're not serious about the exam when that's a natural way for some people to think? What did you want him to do? To not take this seriously just to be quiet? Unruly hair too? That's just rude, do you not know what the word curly means? Shut up you pretentious asshole.”
The navy blue boy in question was left a spluttering mess as he slowly descended into his seat. Present Mic looked stunned on stage before he hid a snort with his hand, which Muska definitely noticed, and shook his head before grabbing the students attention to continue. She could have sworn that the Blond hottie that she noticed before was shaking a bit with restrained laughter. Huh.
After skimping on the locker room, she never went to any middle school still in existence so she wore athletic gear to the exam, Muska loaded onto the bus for her exam site and waited until they were finally moving. She noticed that blue boy was also on her bus, still seeming shocked by what transpired earlier and Greenie was sparing her glances filled with curiosity and awe. Oh god, attention.
Thankfully, after her show earlier, people avoided talking to her. She walked up to the front near the gate and had the perfect view of a now normal again blue boy heading towards Greenie who seemed to have something to say to someone up front near her. Making sure he felt it, Muska glared. Putting a bit of energy behind it so that the boy felt it. Indeed, blue felt it and started to look around as Greenie escaped without knowing it. When the blue boy's attention landed on her he jumped. A feeling of satisfaction followed as he immediately avoided doing what he was about too.
Turns out, Greenie wanted to thank a bobbed brunette with permanent blush for saving him from tripping earlier. Wow, so nefarious. Suddenly Present Mic called out for attention and merely said ‘go’.
Fueled by chaotic energy and the ability to complain if she was wrong, Muska immediately set off into a sprint into the city to find a high building to crouch on. She noticed greenie had done the same and soon Blue passed by with car-like speed.
Ah, a speed quirk.
Deciding on a building of interest, Muska scaled it with help from the energy that surrounded her. She could feel that she really needed to use her quirk more often considering it was draining faster than she expected. She had enough to take out some scraps of metal but not enough to use continuously to enhance her physically. Thankfully, having a vampire best friend meant she had to be at least better than normal athletically. Eras, the bastard, didn’t have the word fatigue in their vocabulary. Being dead had perks.
Plus they lived on a mountain. Even walking was a form of exercise.
After scouting where she wanted to go, Muska made her way through back alley areas that were neglected and filled with 2 and 3 pointers. Perfect prey. Borrowing from Eras’s vocabulary, it was time to hunt.
Scraped robot after scraped robot, Muska lost count about how many points she had grabbed, time passing by fast yet indescribably slow at the same time. Soon enough, a rumble followed by shaking ground followed the 5 minute warning. Turning her attention up, past the buildings guarding the alley way she was in, she saw a fucking skyscraper of a robot.
What kind of high school exam bullshit is this????
Suddenly, the energy in the air and surrounding harmony spiked, gathering nearby into the shape of a person who was charging towards the robot. Dropping what she was doing, Muska ran. The energy was impressive. The largest she has ever seen used before and that's saying something.
Once she reached the open main road where the 0-pointer was terrorizing innocents, Muska sucked in a harsh breath. Brown hair was stuck under a slab and greenie was the origin of all that energy. It was pouring directly into his fist and legs, none of it staying in the main body as protection for whatever they were going to do. She cursed and started running towards brown hair first. She wasn’t going to be able to convince greenie in time to save his limbs if she wanted to help out Brown from being turned into a concrete slab.
Reaching the girl just as Greenie jumped and Muska had the sinking realization that they did in fact break their limbs, Muska flipped the concrete off and assessed the damage. A small fracture in her left ankle but otherwise unharmed. Nausea, but that looks to be quirk exhaustion in effect. Lightly touching the ankle, Muska focused on mending the bone beneath the skin, welding it back together and accelerating the healing.
Just as the girl's face started to lose some of it’s pale pain filled expression, Muska saw the exact moment when she looked up and probably saw Greenie do whatever caused that loud slam.
Suddenly, Brownie jumped up and slapped something, hard. Snapping her gaze up, Muska caught sight of greenie, positioned to slam into the ground, with a broken arm and legs, floating.
“Oh? Guess your quirk can turn obviously injured people into kites huh?” Muska said, all snark and sarcasm like usual. Newly dubbed GravityGirl looked like the snort she gave in response hurt, which while nauseous probably did.
Walking over and holding her arms out underneath greenie, Muska nodded to GravityGirl to release her quirk, leaving Greenie to fall into her arms bridal style. All knight in shining arm vibes as well.
“Hey Green, what the fuck were you thinking not protecting your body from that much energy?” Muska asked, there was obviously enough power in whatever greenie did (probably punched the bot) to wreck a city block let alone a robot designed to be destroyed.
Greenie looked shocked and devolved into a stuttering apology for whatever reason and Muska sighed. Then his eyes lit up and he went off on a tangent of questions about Muska’s probable quirk and what it probably could do.
Muska just nodded and listened as she sent a questioning glance to GravityGirl who gave a thumbs up despite the pale face. Feeling for Recovery Girl's presence, Muska jerked her head in the nurses direction and walked with Greenie still in her arms. Not that the guy could walk if he was put down.
When Greenie noticed he was rambling he slapped a hand over his mouth and started apologizing for bothering her, which didn’t sit well with Muska. That was a red flag.
“It's fine green, My quirks called energy manipulation which I can use in several ways,” Muska started, technically the healing wasn’t her quirk but that didn’t need to be known, “I can use it to sense other energy, make myself invisible, make a forcefield as a shield, and solidify it to act as solid ground in the air as well as boost myself physically in needed scenarios like climbing a wall, etcetera.”
“That's so cool! And oh my god I started rambling about your quirk despite not even telling you my name! I didn’t get to thank you earlier as well for defending me! My name's Midoriya Izuku.”
Whelp, greenies got a very green name, Muska thought with a suppressed snort.
“My name's Mus- well I guess I should introduce myself as Viridis Muska here. I’m used to first names then last. How about you GravityGirl?”
Said girl perked up at being included and smiled a million watt smile.
“Uraraka Ochako! GravityGirl is an adorable nickname! I've been wanting that as my hero title since I was a kid! But wait, used to introducing your first name before last? Are you not from japan?” She asked, tilting her head despite her wobbly steps to follow.
“Yea, I'm from Canada but I’ve been in japan for a few years now. Old habits die hard.”
They walked with small talk towards Recovery girl, Midoriya was still stuttering hard though so that's another red flag. It didn’t feel like shyness and more like learned nervousness. However, unless they saw each other in school, she couldn’t do much about it. When they came up to Recovery girl, Muska watched bemused as the older woman ripped into them for not being careful with themselves. Especially Midoriya. Muska was able to get away scott free and with some extra energizing gummies that were interesting. Maybe she could use them for something or at least figure out how they were made.
As she headed to the gate, Muska caught sight of a familiar figure leaned up against a motorcycle off the the left in front of the gate. The last bits of tension left her shoulders as she approached.
“How’d it go?” Eras asked, helmet still on and hiding her facial expression but the smirk could be heard in the tone.
Swatting a shoulder as she grabbed the extra helmet she sighed.
“Thanks to your personal version of hell and undead perks, The written exam was a breeze and I was more than ready for a light jog with the occasional scuffle with fucking robots.”
Eras laughed as she sat on the seat of the bike, turning the vehicle on and removing the peg. Muska slipped on and grabbed the hidden handles on Eras’s leather jacket. A personal touch so that she would have easy access to something to hold on to.
“Sounds like a blast, victory playlist?”
“Victory playlist.”
Shuffling to find the specific playlist, Eras connected to both of their helmets that had bluetooth in them so they could talk to each other and listen to music. Once started, Eras revved the bike once, startling nearby students.
Before they left, however, Muska spotted Midoriya and Hottie on their way out of the gate. Mido seemed to be trying to talk to the annoyed blond with little success. Flipping up her visor and tapping Eras to wait, Muska waved to them. The blond looked confused but also curious and Midoriya lit up like a thousand suns.
“Hey Midoriya, try not to break anything next time if you get in, wouldn’t want to harm that cute face huh?” She called out with a smirk. Eras turned her covered head to their direction and despite having a hidden face, the movement back and forth between them was universal language for confusion.
Midoriya stammered out an affirmative with a bright red blush and covered his face with his arms. The blond seemed annoyed so Muska made a decision. Deciding to be bold, she lost any and all social shame after the first century, muska called out to the blond as well.
“Hey blondie, hope to see you soon, it’d be a loss to not see that face again.”
Decidedly, confusion must not be normal in the blonds life if their face was any indication. He looked like the old math lady meme in the funniest of ways. Without allowing a response, Eras kicked the bike into gear. Knowing Muska wanted the dramatics of it. As they drove away, Muska gave a sly small tilt of the hand to come across as a wave as the gate to UA turned into a small speck in the distance.
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AO3 Fic Writer Review
No one tagged me, but I wanted to do it. At this point, I have no idea who’s done it or not, so if you haven’t and want to, consider yourself tagged.
How many works do you have on AO3?
93 (+1 where I’m listed as the coauthor, but I’m the artist for the collaboration +1 unrevealed fic for TRSB 2021)
What’s your total AO3 word count?
395,609 (which I think includes the unrevealed fic and does not include the co-author fic)
How many fandoms have you written for and what are they? Written and posted?
Silmarillion, LotR, MCU, Doctor Who, Star Wars (Prequels, OT, Rebels, Fallen Order, the Kanan comics are now its own fandom tag too but I tend to lump that within Rebels), Young Wizards, BBC Merlin, Babylon 5, X-Men movies (early 2000s films), Mutant X
What are your top 5 fics by kudos?
To Remake the Universe (MCU; 15526 words) Kudos: 452
In Deep or in Darkness (MCU/Young Wizards fusion; 58746 words) Kudos: 384
An Unexpected Welcome (The Silmarillion & LotR; 2121 words) Kudos: 255
Evolving Roles (Star Wars Rebels & Prequels; 2835 words) Kudos: 216
Never Discussed But Silently Acknowledged (Star Wars OT; 1800 words) Kudos: 188
Do you respond to comments, why or why not?
Always! The fandom culture I “grew up in” has as its mores that you do that. Also, people reached out to me to tell me they liked something I wrote, so I feel it’s a bit rude if I don’t at least say thank you in return. Not being able to thank people who leave me kudos was the main reason I started doing my weekly kudos thanks posts because not being able to do severely bothered me. I don’t expect those people to ever see those posts, but I feel better doing it.
What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?
I’ve written a couple with major character death as the ending.
Do you write crossovers?
Yup! I’ve written a BBC Merlin fusion with LotR, a Young Wizards crossover with SW OT, a YW crossover with Doctor Who, a MCU crossover/fusion with YW, and a SW & Silmarillion fusion.
Have you ever received hate on a fic?
Yeah. I existed on ff.net. Of course I got hate and it remains the site I get hate from. Though I have received sporadic hate on AO3, but it’s never approached the extent from ff.net.
Do you write smut? If so what kind?
I did it once to challenge myself and never again.
Have you ever had a fic stolen?
Only the usual website scrapping that seems unavoidable, but no plagiarism.
Have you ever had a fic translated?
Yup! There’s been a few over the years, but the only ones I have links to are listed as related works on AO3.
What’s your all time favorite ship?
Oh dear. I… am not really in fandom for shipping. I guess the closest thing I have to an all-time favorite is Elrond/Celebrían. But even then, I don’t write things focused on it. It’s just there in the background.
What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?
I don’t post WIPs, so I don’t abandon fics like that. I also finish what I write even if I never post. Sometimes, that means I summarize what I know happens in the rest of the fic if I get tired of writing it. But the one story I can say I’ve abandoned is a Depa lives AU… and in the first chapter, Caleb gets pneumonia and ends up in a medcenter (and this is set post-Order 66!). I started writing it in January 2020 and got two chapters in. I have no desire to continue for a rather obvious reason.
What are your writing strengths?
Dialogue!
What are your writing weaknesses?
I can’t write action scenes for the life of me. I also have a tendency to not describe things.
What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?
If it’s there for a plot-relevant purpose, fine. If it’s there to show off the writer’s knowledge or as flavor text, not great. I especially cannot stand fics where dialogue is written in a conlang and not translated as though the writer expects the readers to know the conlang. (It happens in Tolkien and Star Wars fandoms. I hate it. I’ve quit reading otherwise good fics because of it.) We all know the characters aren’t speaking English or whatever language the fic is written in! So write out the dialogue in that language! Using the phrase “[Character] continued in [language name]” works wonders and gets the point across while still being understandable to your readers.
What was the first fandom you wrote for?
Written and posted? Mutant X. (My four earliest fics are only on ff.net; I need to crosspost (and backdate) them to AO3. One of them will reach the American legal age to vote in October!)
What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?
Rise Again From Ashes: After spending millennia wandering Middle-earth, Maglor returns to Valinor, where he attempts to adjust to both his Valar-imposed restrictions and living once more with the Eldar. 60,653 words, rated Teens. Maglor and Elrond-centric.
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Deluge by Suaine
Pairing: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon
Rating: Mature || Warnings: No warnings apply || Word count: 50,565
Summary: In the aftermath of Merlin's battle against Nimueh, the rain seems a minor complication, perhaps even a cleansing influence. When the rain doesn't stop, Camelot is pushed to the brink once more. This time, Arthur may be in over his head. Contains: a lot of wet boys in emotional scenes, Arthur knowing more than he lets on, Merlin being an idiot, both of them being a bit stupidly heroic, telepathic chess, rain (lots of), war, making out against a tree, coincidental druids, co-opted history, co-opted myths, magic, coming of age (metaphorically), and more magically annoying yet surprisingly un-floody water than you can shake a stick at.
Why I rec this: I’ve read this fic back in summer, and to be honest, I can’t even remember how I found it but I’m so, so glad I did. It’s imported and I think it was backdated, but god if it doesn’t deserve so much more love. The plot had me hooked right from the start and is so very unique, and I was completely unable to put it down until I was finished. It didn’t feel like 50k words, in the absolute best way possible. Not to mention that the writing/prose is just *chef’s kiss*.
What’s more, it’s maybe one of my favourite characterisations of Arthur; he’s struggling but trying so much, and his character development is just--I have no words. The other characters are written just as perfectly, and don’t get me started on the relationship between Arthur and Merlin. It has such a perfect mix of tension and softness, and the ending is an absolute masterpiece. Seriously, do yourself a favour and read it, if only because Uther is getting his due price for being an utter dickhead.
Favourite Quotes: (this was incredibly hard so I’m going with one, longer one.)
"I will not see you die, Arthur, I won't. Ever." Merlin's words rip out of him, ragged and sharp-edged. The enormity of Merlin's feelings sets Arthur spinning. He knew this, of course, even before the dragon told him all about the many ways in which Merlin had sacrificed for him and risked his life. He'd known, but to hear it is something else entirely; it makes it real and twists around his heart like a rose, beautiful and deadly. He's scared of this, terrified of what Merlin might do, what he might make Merlin do. But his fear is laced with a feeling more terrifying yet. He wants this, he craves the kind of love Merlin offers him, and he has no intention of passing on the offer. "Merlin," he says, voice controlled and a little smug, a little arrogant, like that first time they met - like he isn't sure quite what this is yet, but he knows it's something. "You are an idiot."
Merlin looks up, and it strikes Arthur how close they still are, how easy it would be to take Merlin's bottom lip between his teeth and bite just a little. "What?" Arthur grins. He's figured something out: he knows now that whatever happens, as long as they face it together, they will be fine. He won't make any promises for the rest of the world, and he can feel that niggling of conscience at the back of his mind, but that's okay. It's good that he's worried about being the kind of king Camelot would want, even as he knows he'll put most effort into being the kind of king Merlin wants.
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So, I was thinking about Nie brother tragedy times, because I didn’t even come CLOSE to getting it out of my system with that fic
(oh dear, this got longer than I expected)
So first, a few snippets on the things Nie Huaisang does and doesn’t value, and how... strained his relationship with Nie Mingjue is when it comes to these things (based on the last quote I’ve copied over for this post, I get the impression that they might have argued over art vs sabers a lot, but that the genuine, intense anger on nie mingjue’s part is a very new, very shocking development for nie huaisang)
First of all, generally setting the scene
One day, the moment [Nie Mingjue] returned to the main hall of the Unclean Realm, he saw about a dozen folding fans, all lined in gold, flattened out one next to the other in front of Nie Huaisang, who was touching them tenderly, mumbling as he compared the inscriptions written on each one. Immediately, veins protruded from Nie Mingjue’s forehead, “Nie Huaisang!”
Nie Huaisang fell at once.
He really did fall to his knees from the terror. He only staggered up after he finished kneeling, “B-b-b-brother.”
Nie Mingjue, “Where is your saber?”
Nie Huaisang cowered, “In… in my room. No, in the school grounds. No, let me… think…”
Wei Wuxian could feel that Nie Mingjue almost wanted to hack him dead right there, “You bring a dozen fans with you wherever you go, yet you don’t even know where your own saber is?!”
Nie Huaisang hurried, “I’ll go find it right now!”
Nie Mingjue, “There’s no need! Even if you find it you won’t get anything out of it. Go burn all of these!”
And then, introducing Jin Guangyao as a brother figure who understands Nie Huaisang in a way that Nie Mingjue doesn’t/can’t, and one who’s happy to indulge Nie Huaisang’s hobbies. In fact, even when Nie Mingjue is already generally pissed at Jin Guangyao, has tried to kill him in the past, and is angry right now, Jin Guangyao is still willing to speak up on behalf of Nie Huaisang.
All of the color drained out of Nie Huaisang’s face. He rushed to pull all of the fans into his arms, pleading, “No, Brother! All of these were given to me!”
Nie Mingjue slammed his palm onto a table, causing it to crack, “Who did? Tell them to scurry out here right now!”
Someone spoke, “I did.”
Jin Guangyao walked in from outside the hall. Nie Huaisang looked as though he saw a knight in shining armor, beaming, “Brother, you’re here!”
In reality, it wasn’t that Jin Guangyao could calm Nie Mingjue’s anger, but that since Jin Guangyao came, all of Nie Mingjue’s anger would be directed at him alone, having no time to scold others. Thus, there was nothing wrong with saying that he was Nie Huaisang’s knight in shining armor. Nie Huaisang was absolutely delighted. He greeted Jin Guangyao again and again as he grabbed the fans in haste. Seeing how his younger brother reacted, Nie Mingjue was so outraged that he almost found it amusing. He turned to Jin Guangyao, “Don’t send him those useless things!”
In a hurry, Nie Huaisang dropped a few fans on the ground. Jin Guangyao picked them up for him and put them into his arms, “Huaisang’s hobbies are quite elegant. He’s dedicated to art and calligraphy, and has no propensity for mischief. How can you say that they’re useless?”
Nie Huaisang nodded as fast as he could, “Yes, Brother is right!”
And then, more of Jin Guangyao being indulgent when it comes to Nie Huaisang.
BUT. Also.
Explicitly bringing up that Jin Guangyao is a pro at figuring out people’s likes and dislikes, and using that to figure out how to ingratiate himself to them.
Jin Guangyao nodded lightly and sat as he had been told, “Brother, if you’re concerned for Huaisang, softer words would do no harm. Why this?”
Nie Mingjue, “Even when a blade’s at his neck he’s still like this. Looks like he’ll always be a good-for-nothing.”
Jin Guangyao, “It isn’t that Huaisang is a good-for-nothing, but that his heart lies somewhere else.”
Nie Mingjue, “Well you’ve really discerned where his heart lies, haven’t you?”
Jin Guangyao smiled, “Of course. Isn’t that what I’m the best at? The only person whom I can’t discern is you, Brother.”
He knew of people’s likes and dislikes so that he could find suitable solutions; he loved running errands and could do twice the work with half the effort. Thus, Jin Guangyao could be said to be quite a talent at analyzing others’ interests. Nie Mingjue was the only person whom Jin Guangyao couldn’t probe out any useful information about.
Now, this is brought up in the context of how Jin Guangyao was never able to get this sort of read on Nie Mingjue, but it comes right at the end of a LONG passage where... yeah, this is exactly the thing he’s been doing with Nie Huaisang. And considering how much he leans into these tactics and how he’s already been established as a skilled spy and double dealer, it’s... telling that when he can’t do this to Nie Mingjue, he’s working his little brother this way instead.
And then, change of pace. One quoted passage about how as time went (and as Jin Guangyao cozied up to Nie Huaisang more, and as Nie Mingjue’s instability built towards that last qi deviation), Nie Huaisang even more clearly saw his brother as an adversary and Jin Guangyao as an ally.
If only Nie Huaisang were like Wei Wuxian and could feel how great Nie Mingjue’s rage was, he wouldn’t grin in such a bold way. He protested, “Brother, the time is up. It’s time to rest!”
Nie Mingjue, “You rested just thirty minutes ago. Keep on going, until you learn it.”
Nie Huaisang was still giddy, “I won’t be able to learn it anyways. I’m done for the day!”
He often said this, but today Nie Mingjue’s reaction was entirely different from his past reaction. He shouted, “A pig would’ve learnt this by now, so why haven’t you?!”
Never expecting Nie Mingjue to burst out so suddenly, Nie Huaisang’s face was blank with shock as he shrunk toward Jin Guangyao.
So, I’m not terribly inclined to regard Nie Huaisang as a chessmaster manipulator type, more someone who’s good at sneakily inciting chaos, while Jin Guangyao relies on having ironclad control. But Nie Huaisang is definitely smart, and had plenty of time to put certain pieces together. I’m fascinated plenty by whatever it was that took him from ^^^ to this
(I love what fatal journey did, and I love the idea of jin guangyao making nie huaisang more actively complicit in his brother’s death, because that is deliciously fucked up, but I am also trying to be careful with any claims as to Absolute Canon, so I’m not going to go into the movie)
What I’m even more interested in... is the aftermath. I’ve read delicious self-recrimination fic from a variety of characters, but it seems like there’s less when it comes to Nie Huaisang, and I think that’s such a shame.
Because this storyline is so tasty! So tragic!! I love the one post I’ve seen a few times, where it contrasts lan wangji’s and nie huaisang’s reactions to New Brothers, where nie huaisang is like ‘new brothers! excellent!! I will expect backdated presents for each of my birthdays, thank you.’ Which, like... that might not be canon, but Jin Guangyao pretty much rolls with that exact idea. He works out what Huaisang likes best in no time flat, and starts bringing him all kinds of fantastic presents. And he starts arguing in favor of Huaisang’s own preferences and strengths to Nie Mingjue’s face.
There’s something that really gets me about the tragedy of a situation where someone doesn’t realize they’re caught between ‘someone who doesn’t understand me, but loves me’ and ‘someone who understands me, and uses that to use me.’
It kills me, because at the very end of Nie Mingjue’s life, Jin Guangyao was definitely using the disconnect between the two brothers as a way to provoke Nie Mingjue. He might not have caused the division, but he was happy to lean into it. He’s capable of mediation, but instead, he wholeheartedly takes Nie Huaisang’s side in these arguments, which looks gr8 to Nie Huaisang, but has the end of effect of infuriating Nie Mingjue, until that last time, when he finally snaps and qi deviates to death.
I just love the tragedy of realizing someone you thought was an ally was actually... probably indifferent to you, and was definitely using you as a tool to hurt someone you love.
(I don’t necessarily think that the relationship was established just to manipulate nie mingjue, I think jin guangyao tends to establish this kind of relationship with anyone who’s likely to be a power player of any sort, but I do think that when he wasn’t able to ingratiate himself with nie mingjue directly, nie huaisang was the best method available to steer him)
I wish there was more fic getting inside Nie Huaisang’s head as he works this all out, but it’s not like I have much confidence in my ability to write anything so much in his head and emotions myself, haha. My fic scratched some similar itches, but just taking things away from nhs pov dramatically limits how much you can do with this situation.
Because it really was an internal situation. Who would he have shared it with? Jin Guangyao definitely had spies in Qinghe, Lan Xichen would have been grieving Nie Mingjue and absolutely would have been reluctant to blame Jin Guangyao for anything, and it isn’t like Nie Huaisang ever had proof. The situation is so tragic and so isolating that I keep coming back to it in my head, and while I was writing the nmj fic, I reread the section I quoted above, and was struck by the nature of the relationship that Jin Guangyao established with Nie Huaisang, on this kind of emotional foundation, and how Nie Huaisang had to maintain that relationship, for years, knowing that the relationship was something Jin Guangyao used to hurt his brother.
#nie huaisang#nie mingjue#jin guangyao#the untamed#i do love jin guangyao#but also#my general position is#nie huaisang did nothing wrong :V
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Writing Update - April 2024
April was a good month, I think! We went to visit my family, and saw an eclipse! Of course, while we were away I didn't get a huge amount of writing done, and that was reflected in my stats.
Despite a push near the end of the month, I did not make my goal. I only wrote 2,652 words in April. I thought a lot about writing, but didn't get many words down. However, I did get a few things published, so that's good!
The sketches for the Reverse Big Bang were made available for writers a few days ago, and I've been spending some time poring over those options. There is so much good art, and I cannot wait to see the fics that come out of those pieces! I have a tentative list of my own picks; I need to get over my choice paralysis and just submit them.
I'm setting my goal for May at 3000 words again. It feels like a good place for me right now.
Posted
Another Day in Paradise. 4400 words. I had been wanting to work on this one for a while, and finally got around to it. It fills in the backstory on exactly what happened to Trailbreaker, as described by Hound in Mind, Body, and Soul. It's a little dark, which is probably why it didn't get much feedback. Oh well, it is something I wanted to write!
Diplomatic Relations. 1200 words. When the Transformers: One trailer came out, there was a tiny three-second bit that inspired this story. While my previous fic was barely read at all, I'm very lol'd about how well this silly thing was received.
Charge You Up. 1900 words. This fic was reposted/rewritten. It was backdated to its original posting date (November 22, 2017) so it didn’t appear on AO3’s “front page.”
WIPs
Sun and Moon (working title). 47,000 words. Still plugging away at this thing.
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An AU where the Wens aren’t so war-happy and instead are just an annoyance that the cultivation world has to put up with.
So, no war imminent, no Yin iron.
In the little story I wrote, the Wens are pushing for a political marriage between the Wen and Nie Sects. WWX and NHS are bros.
Wei Wuxian paused in his drawing when he heard a loud crash. It didn’t sound close but was definitely still in the Unclean Realm. And it didn’t sound like a training mishap. Wei Wuxian looked to Nie Huaisang to ask if he knew, and saw the other boy hurriedly getting dressed.
“It didn’t sound that close.” Wei Wuxian says, mistaking Nie Huaisang’s rush as worry someone might check up on them. Which Wei Wuxian would understand more if they were in Lotus Pier. Nie Zonghui once walked in on them and the man just sighed and walked out. But when one of Wei Wuxian’s Shixiong walked in they made a huge fuss and both Mie Huaisang and Wei Wuxian got lectured on propriety.
Apparently nude drawings of your friend are not considered proper. Who knew?
“No, it was from Da Ge’s office.” Ohkay? So why is Nie Huaisang getting dressed? Wei Wuxian doesn’t ask, more confused as Nie Huaisang shoves him gently and sits down next to him. He places opens a book and carefully puts it on the nude drawing, and then starts explaining Saber forms to Wei Wuxian.
Which is even more confusing, but Wei Wuxian goes along with it, carefully turning the pages of the book and asking questions about the forms that interested him. Considering he wielded a sword, these were mostly useless to him, however, it was still interesting. A few minutes pass before Nie Huaisang’s door is flung open and in walks Chifeng-zun. He doesn’t even look at them, immediately flopping face first onto Nie Huaisang’s bed. Wei Wuxian looks to Nie Huaisang, who does not seem surprised at all by this developement.
“What’s wrong Da Ge?” Nie Huaisang asks.
Chifeng-zun groans and doesn’t move for a minute before he slowly sits upright. And speaks through gritted teeth, “Wen Ruohan proposed a marriage treaty.”
“Oh?” Nie Huaisang prompts, completely ignoring how pissed off Chifeng-zun looks. Wei Wuxian is pretty sure he should be elsewhere. Not here. This felt like a private conversation.
“He wants to marry in one of his sons.” Chifeng-zun adds, not unclenching his jaw.
“Wen Chao. Wen Xu is his heir so he can’t be married outside of Qishan.” Wei Wuxian says before he can stop himself. Neither Nie Huaisang nor Chifeng-zun tell him to shut up or leave, so he feels a bit safer, and responds to Nie Huaisang’s surprised look. “What? I listen. Also, ew. Say no.” That gets him a whack from Nie Huaisang’s fan. “You hate him as much as me. Besides, you’re Sect Heir, just because Qinghe Nie puts righteousness and skill above bloodline doesn’t mean the elders would be happy if the Nie family bloodline ended with you. Perfect excuse.” Wei Wuxian defends.
Chifeng-zun scoffs, “It would be, if the marriage proposal had been to Nie Huaisang.”
“It wasn’t?” Nie Huaisang and Wei Wuxian ask at the same time, Nie Huaisang’s was filled with dread while Wei Wuxian’s was filled with confusion.
“Ew.” Wei Wuxian says after a moment, realizing what that meant. “Don’t marry Wen Chao, he’s gross.”
“Wei-Xiong.” Nie Huaisang whines.
“He is.”
Chifeng-zun snorts, “I don’t disagree. But that’s not a good enough reason to refuse him.”
“And you don’t have any others?” The look Chifeng-zun gives to Wei Wuxian is both terrifying and telling that he is literally at the end of his rope. And has no more excuses for Wen Ruohan. “Well, that sucks.”
Chifeng-zun huffs and goes back to laying down on Nie Huaisang’s bed.
Nie Huaisang opens his fan and starts fanning himself, thinking with a pout. “Wei-xiong, do you have any ideas?” Nie Huaisang asks, clearly at a loss himself.
Wei Wuxian shrugs, “Not really. You’re Chifeng-zun’s heir so the normal excuse of needing a child-bearing marriage is out. He hasn’t expressed any interest in anyone, and he’s made no move to be married. A political marriage to strengthen frayed ties between sects isn’t that abnormal. And it would reflect badly on QingheNie to outright refuse a marriage contract from His Excellency without a solid reason why.” Wei Wuxian shrugs again, “This is why I’m glad I’m just a servant. No political mumbo jumbo and arranged marriages. I just have to keep from insulting people and making the Jiang Sect look bad.”
“You fail at that a lot.” Nie Huaisang points out.
Wei Wuxian shoves him in response. “Shut up. The only way to get out of this is marriage to someone other than Wen Chao. And to not make it look like a personal slight against His Excellency, it’d have to appear to have already been in the works.”
“Like, backdate the paperwork?” Nie Huaisang asks, clearly thinking.
Wei Wuxian shakes his head, “No, a marriage contract isn’t necessary. Just, I don’t know, it’d have to be someone Chifeng-zun either talks to, has been talking to recently or someone staying in the Unclean Realm with no clear reason. An excuse can be made that Chifeng-zun was getting to know his potential betrothed before asking for their hand in marriage.”
Nie Huaisang closes his fan and taps it against his chin for a few seconds before standing up, dragging Wei Wuxian up with him and leaving his bedroom and Chifeng-zun. Wei Wuxian was curious as to what they were doing but when he tried to ask he was shushed. And then they started sneaking around and Wei Wuxian isn’t so stupid he’d start making noise now, so he quietly follows Nie Huaisang through the Unclean Realm.
When they enter Chifeng-zun’s office and Nie Huaisang goes to his desk, Wei Wuxian hisses, “What are you doing?”
“You said yourself, the only way out is for Da Ge to get married.”
“Yes. But who are you engaging him to? And shouldn’t you get his permission? What if he hates them?”
Nie Huaisang pauses in his writing to look up at Wei Wuxian with a confused expression. Did his brothers feelings not factor into Nie Huaisang’s plan? “You- I thought-” Nie Huaisang clears his throat, “Da Ge likes them fine.” Nie Huaisang settles on, looking somewhat confused but also like he does not want to deal with this. He finishes writing, forging Chifeng-zun signature and then moving it to the top of a pile, “Uh, don’t be alone with Da Ge.”
What? “...Wasn’t planning on it.” Wei Wuxian was here to spend time with Nie Huaisang and do nude drawings in peace without Jiang Cheng or a Shixiong interrupting them and causing a fuss. Not that they told anyone that. Officially he was on a night hunt nearby (true) and decided to stop by for a visit. Two weeks ago. He hasn’t gotten an angry letter from Jiang Cheng yet so he’s not required home anytime soon.
“Good.” Huiasang says, and drags Wei Wuxian out of Chifeng-zun’s office. “Zonghui!” The man walks over to Nie Huaisang, not even questioning why they just left Chifeng-zun’s office when the man was in Nie Huaisang’s room. “I have to go do something, keep an eye on Wei-xiong.” Nie Zonghui was clearly confused, but nods in agreement. Nie Huaisang flees immediately after.
“Uh, hi?” Wei Wuxian says, since he’s pretty sure they’ve never been introduced. And the last time Wei Wuxian saw the man Wei Wuxian was mostly naked. So, he wasn’t sure if that would be brought up or...
Nie Zonghui salutes, “Wei-Gongzi,” Wei Wuxian salutes Nie Zonghui back,”did you have any plans?”
“No. Did you?”
“I was intending to head to the training grounds.” Nie Zonghui says calmly, in a way that added ‘but you take priority’ silently. Wei Wuxian had heard the tone dozens of time back at Lotus Pier, had used it himself with guests.
“Lead the way.” Wei Wuxian says with a shrug, following after the older man. He still doesn’t understand why Nie Huaisang abandoned him, or what was going on, but he might as well get to know Nie Zonghui. “So, what do you like to do for fun?”
#the untamed#wei wuxain#Wei Ying#wwx#Nie Huaisang#NHS#Nie Zonghui#Nie Mingjue#NMJ#CQL#mini fic#my writing#cql ficlet#potential future NMJ/WWX#seeds are there#now whether I write anymore and do something with the seeds is the quesiton#Also#if it wasn’t clear#NHS thought WWX was referring to himself when he mentioned someone staying in the Unclean Realm without a clear reason why#Because to the general cultivation world that is exactly what he is doing#Hence his confusion when WWX reveals that was not what he was doing and he has no idea NHS just proposed a marriage between WWX and NMJ
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What I did when I received a health bill for ~$11,000
Hey I just wanted to do this write-up because there’s a lot of health insurance and health care issues that require a lot of phone calls in America and when you get a big bill it’s a big shock, and I wanted to talk about what happened to me, how I handled it, and how you can start to handle it in an accessible way that’s not full of a lot of intimidating or overly specific language that may not apply to you. Plans can vary so widely and everyone’s needs can vary widely so think of this as a basic process breakdown for how you might handle a billing or coverage issue. Long story short, take a deep breath and get ready to make lots of phone calls but don’t worry, you can do this. You are the customer service line for yourself, that’s how I think of it - these are transactional phone calls with customer service workers with various levels of training and expertise, so you just have to be patient with yourself and with them.
Warning: this is very long but I broke it up into my story and my solution!
Here’s what happened to me, for context. You can skip ahead til you see the star emojis if you don’t care or don’t wanna read it! I have Crohn’s Disease and get regular chemotherapy to treat it, every 6 weeks, it’s expensive. I lost my full-time job in November 2019, and therefore lost my employer-provided health insurance on November 30, 2019. I had kept on my ACA Marketplace insurance (yes it was expensive to have double health insurance) because I did not trust my employer and I didn’t want to be caught without my insurance, and I was right. That way when my employer-provided health insurance lapsed, I would still have insurance I knew covered my chemo. At least, that’s what was supposed to happen.
My employer has an insurance broker. They filed the paperwork for the termination of my employer-provided health insurance, but for whatever reason that paperwork was not processed, and no one thought to check on it at any point until I asked them to. You can’t cancel your employer-provided health insurance yourself, you need the insurance broker to do it for you, but neither can you change your primary insurance with your provider to anything ELSE if you have employer-provided health insurance. So this put me in a situation of being unable to cancel or change my primary health insurance for December.
I had a chemo appointment on December 2, 2019, just two days after my employer-provided health insurance was SUPPOSED to lapse. I had warned my health providers that it was going to lapse, but every time I talked to them they did not show that in their system, it still showed the employer-provided insurance. I had to get my infusion and I figured whatever was going on, I wouldn’t be able to solve it until after the holidays anyway. I was right.
January rolls around and I get a membership card for my employer-provided health insurance so I know something is wrong. I have another treatment coming up in two weeks and I need a prior authorization to continue to receive it, so I start the process I’m familiar with of calling up my provider, asking them to submit the prior authorization (basically it’s paperwork that says, I need this medicine and my doctor says I need it so you need to cover it), and hoping nothing goes wrong. I make sure they know the situation with insurance. A few days go by, they say that my employer-provided health insurance is still listed as my primary insurance, and they can’t just bill it to my secondary. So we call up my employer-provided insurance, they say I’m still an active member. I call my employer, they refer me to the insurance broker who finds out the paperwork never went through and resubmits it. The cancellation process is started but it can take up to two days (and this is the beginning of the year so it ends up taking a week; I have to miss my chemo appointment because they WILL NOT administer this medicine without insurance coverage for some reason.) And then it takes another week to get the prior authorization run through my current insurance properly. I made fixing this my job for January, and I made calls every other day for three weeks. I spent four weeks in total, from January 2 to the 30th, resolving this problem. I was three weeks late for my treatment and I was extremely sick and it has resulted in my disease being less controlled.
I get a bill for ~$7500 for my treatment for January because I haven’t met my deductible for 2020 (which is obscene and another issue) but that’s pretty normal for me and I spent 6 months paying it down during a pandemic. I continue my terrible 2020 until two days ago when I receive a bill for $10,961.12 and now I know something else is wrong.
So when I resolved the insurance issue in January, they backdated the cancellation to show November 30, 2019. This of course meant that the employer-provided health insurance would rescind the payments from December that had been incorrectly submitted to them and processed; makes sense so far. This also meant that the prior authorization needed had been submitted to them and not to my actual health insurance, resulting in a bill that included the revoked payment AND the un-approved treatment itself for a time when I could not have done anything about either. Needless to say, this wasn’t MY fault so I started the process of resolving it. ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐
1) Collected information: my bill amount and date of receipt, account numbers for the billing and health insurance, the bill itself from my provider, explanation of benefits for that date from the health insurance company, anything I think would be helpful. Most people are not this prepared but it solves SO MANY problems when people are like “I don’t see this in my system” and you’re like “You’re not showing $xxx on xx/yy/zz from This Provider?” Prepare to take down the name of everyone you talk to, and their extension if they were helpful. It’s okay to ask them for their name.
2) Called my doctor’s office and get the number for billing since I didn’t know if I needed to talk to them or not. I did. (Thanks Bev.)
3) Called billing and asked if this amount was correct and see if they had more information about why I was receiving it. They said I needed to update the Coordination of Benefits for my health insurance (this is how it sounds, it makes sure medical bills get paid when and by whom they should) and said DO NOT let them make a duplicate claim because that would be automatically rejected.
4) Called health insurance and asked them about this balance for this date of service, they said they had a different amount and it was marked as paid. I said “so what is this.” They called up billing and confirmed that they had a claim for that date but for a different amount that was marked as paid. This call wasn’t very helpful.
5) Called back billing and asked if they could investigate further because health insurance said “we don’t have that amount for that date, we have this one and it’s paid” and they got me the claim number, denial code, and date of denial. This information is useful for finding out more and for filing an appeal or grievance, which was where this was headed at this point because they couldn’t file a duplicate claim (because like I said, they had one for that appointment for that date but for a different amount because of how it had been billed to the employer-provided health insurance incorrectly, so basically the whole process had been wrong and the amounts were wrong because of that.)
6) Called back insurance, they incorrectly routed me to a claims line for providers, who said I couldn’t do shit, it was the providers job to file a claim, and I should call them. (It’s not necessarily like that, although many providers do it when some kind of coverage is denied outright.)
7) Called back billing, they said I need to file the appeal and just bully the insurance company until they let me. (Lol, thanks Tanner.)
8) Called my brother, who listened to me complain and told me if this next part doesn’t work to get a pro-bono lawyer. I take a break at this point and go ride my motorcycle because I start to cry, so I start again early the next day.
9) Called insurance again, and asked for someone who can talk to me about a member filing an appeal on a denied claim. I say this specifically. Thankfully I finally got someone good and helpful, who listens to my WHOLE explanation of what happened and takes notes to file an appeal at first, but then discovers I actually need to file a grievance. I should get a letter of acknowledgement (written notice that they got my request to appeal/grievance) within five days, and I should get a written letter of resolution (solved one way or another) within 60 days. I’ll update when that happens.
A note here: Appeals are for when they deny to cover or pay for something for some reason, and you think they decided badly and you want them to try again. Grievances are for when something was wrong or in error or was mismanaged that resulted in a problem like mine.
Cross your fingers for me I feel dizzy after all this.
#insurance#american insurance#sorry I don't have room to explain how insurance works but I can write something if you want#disabled#disability#chronic illness#spoonies#aca
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