#//so these are excellent to get me thinking

[madamechrissy]

Baby You're a Star

Art in the banner by Kerravi on x!

Summary- You meet Satoru Gojo at a wild Hollywood party, insanely out of place, waiting for your friend to show up. The two of you hit it off, spending time together, and share a kiss, but you're a good girl, and you just don't do this, but he is the top pornstar there is, and the top .01 % on OnlyFans. Once you find out, you know there's probably no match, as Satoru doesn't date, and you don't sleep around, but after meeting, you keep in touch- and soon Satoru can't get hard without thinking of you, and you get over curious, and join a livestream of the boy you like. Just how will that go for you both!?

Warnings- Toxic attraction, jealousy, arguments, very emotional, fighting and break ups, reader being depressed and emotional, Jenna being protective, Nanami giving no fucks, Satoru being contemplative and slightly less stupid, fingering, sexual tension, light choking, public play, squirting, reader is better at feelings finally, and A LOT more angst WC this chap- 11k

A/N- Taglist closed- this chap is ANGSTY you've been warned, please comment/rb if you enjoy <3

<<<Chapter Four - Masterlist- Playlist- Chapter Six>>> (coming soon)

Chapter Five

“Nanami, you didn’t have to…” Nanami Kento is at your front door with two coffees in hand, smiling that handsome smile, eyes behind his dark green glasses.

“No worries, love. I was passing by and remembered bringing you home, I realized it’s right here.”

“Thank you!” You lean forward and press a kiss on his cheek, the guilt eating at you slowly.

What if he knew you did a fucking porn shoot the other day?

He knows your situation, but what would he think of that, in fact what do you think of that? Of yourself, as Jenna said, changing for Satoru? He’s never pushed you into anything, and these things were all brought on by your own self interest - of wanting to be just everything for him so that he would not stray. It was selfish of you, knowing his career.

You knew he wasn’t interested in more, but let yourself live in the delusion, the thoughts that you could be enough to fill all of the voids there, when in fact he has made his own thoughts clear. He loves spending time with you, he loves fucking you, the two of you make excellent money - triple last time actually - so for Satoru, it’s clearly a convenient situation.

Nothing more.

Not having seen Satoru for a couple days, he texted you several times through- out the day, he called you before bed, it all felt too good, too natural, too perfect for his perceived friendship, the one that you were honestly ruining with how you are. You wish you could be normal about it all, that you could just enjoy whatever this was, but her words keep ringing in your mind.

Losing yourself.

Are you?

“This is my favorite,” you say as you take a sip, gesturing your head for him to come in then. “I just stress baked some muffins, want some?”

“Stress baked?” He asks, amused now, and you giggle a bit, sighing.

“Mmm, yes I do that.” He eyes the kitchen counter, with about thirty six muffins already on it, of different flavors. “Take some actually.”

“What do you do with all of these?” He grabs one and sets his coffee down on your counter then.

“I bring them to all of the neighbors, they love me.” He chuckles, the sound throaty and inviting, biting into one and moaning, shutting his eyes.

“They’re so good,” he’s licking a bit off his lower lip, and you smile, grabbing one and nibbling yourself. “You look like that, work hard and bake?”

“You’re giving me too much credit.” He bites again, raising a brow.

“Seems like quite a woman to me.”

“Nanami!” You playfully shove his chest a little, and he takes your hand, it feels so warm and good, swallowing your much smaller hand in his. You enjoy it, you just wish you felt something like you did with the elusive pornstar you’re hopeless for.

“Would you like to-” the doorbell rings, you smile as you drop your hand.

“Let me grab that,” he nods, sipping his coffee, when you open the door, and see Satoru leaning in the doorway, coffees in his hands. “Oh!”

“Got your favorite, sweets.” He steps in, leaning his tall self down to kiss your cheek, when he catches sight of Nanami in your kitchen.

Shit.

“You got company?” His tone is strained, and you wonder why - he clearly had been a little irritated about your date, but it’s not like he’s made a step for you all to go further. And you’re too fucking scared to bring it up and lose this.

“He stopped by to bring me coffee. Looks like I’ll be well caffeinated." You smile, but Satoru’s blue eyes are darting across your shoulder at the buff man leaning against your counter.

“Muffin?” Nanami’s words make Satoru unreasonably furious, how comfortable and at ease he looks in your kitchen.

“I’d love one.” He steps past you, you’re closing the door, the tension as Satoru steps in is far too palpable, it seems to amuse Nanami more.

Nanami hands Satoru one, and he yanks it from his hand, biting it and setting down his cup, moaning and shutting his eyes then. “Aren’t they yummy?”

“Fuck,” he moans again, looking at you now. “You bake this good?”

“Stress baking, that's all.” You smile a little, standing between the two men that just tower over you, Satoru is taller by a few inches, his head isn’t far from your ceiling actually, spiked up white hair precariously close to brushing against the textured white paint above you. “Nanami was in the neighborhood.”

“Was he?” He nibbles one again, smirking over at Nanami, who casually takes a bite.

“I thought I’d see her, ask her on another date.” Satoru’s jaw tenses, and you wonder if this is the moment he’ll finally say something.

“Oh, another date? Second date, huh?” His tone is feigning ease, but it’s so clearly not at ease at all.

“Mmhmm, maybe this weekend?” He brushes a lock of your hair back from your bare shoulder, and you smile. “Lunch?”

“I can have lunch.” It’s not like Satoru is gonna-

“I’m taking her to lunch tomorrow.”

“You are?” He glares at you.

“Yes, I was coming to ask you to come to lunch with me, actually.”

“Were you… well, what about Sunday?” Nanami asks, and you smile brightly up at him.

“Sunday works for me.”

“Perfect. I’ll leave you to hang with your friend,” his tone hints he knows exactly what type of friend Satoru is, but he’s clearly unbothered, kissing your cheek and leaning down. “Text you later?”

“Absolutely.” You walk him out then, feeling vivid blue eyes glaring fucking daggers in your back. You pause, locking the door, hearing the silence in your home, aside from the whirring of the old air conditioner cooling the home the best it can in the heat, and Satoru’s sigh.

“He’s awfully friendly.” He mumbles, and you turn to him now, hands behind your back as you walk slowly, feet padding along your tile.

“He’s very nice, yes. But it was also nice of you to bring me this. Thank you, Satoru.” You say softly, smiling up now, a hand on his arm, just for him to tug you  against his chest. You gasp at it.

“He’s too comfortable here, don’t you think?” His whisper is low, as he leans down, an arm on either side pressing you into the counter now, as his hard thigh slips between your softer ones.

“You’ve only been here once, and you’re comfortable too,” his brows lower, you gasp as your heat presses on his hard thigh now, he senses how good it feels to you, clearly, one hand slipping up your spine. “Satoru…”

“God I want you so bad, don’t you know?” He murmurs, kissing you then, it’s a harsher kiss than you’re used to, the hand slipping under your thin silk top, making you shiver while you soak his thigh, your hands slipping up his chest. “Look so fucking beautiful.”

“What are you doing here?” You ask softly, pulling back now to look up at him, feeling how tense he is.

“I need a reason? Did he?”

“Of course you don’t need a reason, but what’s he got to do with anything? Who I go out with, what’s it matter?”

“What’s it matter!?” He can hardly believe your words, in no world did Satoru Gojo see anyone else, so fucking blinded by you. Was it not the same?

“We’re not together, are we?” You’re silently begging for him to say something, but instead he pulls back, heart racing under the palm that drops now.

“I don’t want to see anyone but you, to fuck anyone but you, isn’t this… isn’t this something you want? Just with me?” He’s cupping your face, kissing you again, hungry, desperate, making your lips swell with his kisses. “Me fucking your pretty pussy till you pass out?”

You whine out, how can you not do so when he’s slipping a hand down, over your breast, making your nipple taut against his warm, hard palm, that’s gripping and squishing your breast. “Mnh but…”

“Don’t you want me to bury my face against that perfect cunt?” He’s touching you there, you can hardly breathe, it’s all Satoru, making you dizzy.

“I didn’t say I… mnh!”

“So wet, for me? All me?” He’s making your panties soaking wet with his long fingers, pulling back with glossy lips to watch your pretty eyes roll back. “Is that all for me?”

“You’re acting…” he’s got you trembling, soaking the cotton panties now, pressing your thighs together. “Satoru stop.”

He does immediately, pulling back in confusion. “What’s wrong? Did I kiss too rough? I'm sorry I…”

“No, just,” you cross your arms, hugging yourself, looking away. “Does it always have to be sexual?”

Satoru stands there, his own vermillion lips swollen from kissing you, his breaths coming hectic as he stares down at you. “What do you mean, always sexual?”

“That's all we do. Did you come here to fuck me?”

He laughs harshly, a sound you haven’t heard from him then. “I came to see you, just like the last time, you’re the one who said ‘let’s fuck’.” His words smack you with reality.

You had.

To try to save your fucking feelings, but all you did was fall deeper, deeper into him, the abyss that’s Satoru Gojo, the man you want all the time, but not just sexually. You want him near you, next to you, waking up in the morning and making him breakfast, and not just for him to leave to his penthouse after.

You want way too much.

“I did say that, but then we did have sex. So was I wrong?” His jaw tenses, he slips two fingers under your chin then, forcing your gaze on him.

“Do you want to be with him?” You glare at his ridiculous words now.

“I never said that, but would it matter? We are just ‘friends’ hmm?” Your words are harsh, way too harsh for the sweet girl he knows, and he feels it, the anger rising inside of him, making him so furious at the thought of someone with you.

“So, you’re gonna what, go fuck him?”

“Is that who you think I am!?” He gives a nasty little smirk, it’s a cruel one, something you’ve never seen on his face.

“You had no problem sleeping with me, not knowing me.” You step back, and the moment it spills from his lips, he knows he’s wrong, but he’s so fucking furious, he’s blinded to any good fucking reason. The hurt written on your pretty face is enough to make him feel like getting swallowed whole.

“I trusted you, I felt comfortable with you, the connection I…” you trail off, not wanting to make a bigger fool of yourself. “It wasn’t just random. You really think that’s what it was? A random hot guy I said - huh, let me call him and fuck him?” He tilts his head now, brows lowering.

“Isn’t that what it was, you saw my stream and wanted me? Now you think I’m making it all sexual?” You gasp, teeth clenched, almost unable to breathe you’re so fucking furious.

“You’re trying to fuck me because you’re jealous, so yes, that is making it all sexual. Surprised your phone’s not filming.” You shove at his chest and he grips your wrists, leaning low.

“So what, you got all the expertise you needed? Gonna go apply it to someone now?” Satoru’s words are so hurtful you can’t take it, you feel your heart pounding in your ears as you look at blue eyes gone cold.

“Excuse me, you think I used you for experience!?” He raises a brow then, while your hands clenched into fists at your sides as you drag them from his grip.

“You asked me for experience, remember? Weren’t you the one who started all of this, made it sexual? Asked me to show you things?”

His words resonate through your head until it spins, you have to sit down you feel so fucking sick then. Was he never even interested in you? Was this all you who caused it, who pushed it, when he never wanted it? The thoughts swirl through your mind quicker and quicker, nauseating, you shake your head and blink back tears then, looking up at him.

“I should never have pushed myself on you,” he blinks snowy lashes then, lips parting. “No, I shouldn’t have, you’re right.”

“I didn’t mean it that-”

“I am sorry I did, I’m sorry I asked for that. I was so pathetic.” You barely hold back a cry, and Satoru’s frozen, you have it so wrong, don’t you know his dick literally doesn’t work for anyone!? Don’t you know you’re all he can fucking think of, constantly, every waking moment?

“You never pushed yourself, ever,” he leans down, arms on either side of your chair. “Look at me.”

You do just that, and your tears break him. “What?”

“I didn’t mean it like I didn’t want you, I did. I just meant you crossed the line to make it sexual, that’s not to say I didn’t want to, but you were a good girl.”

“Were. Being the key word. Now I’m what, some pornstar fucking booty call?” You’re shaking your head, swiping at your cheeks, thinking of Jenna’s words. “And it’s all my own doing.”

You’ve lost yourself.

“Baby you’re still a good girl, I didn’t mean it like that.”

“You’re right, you never would have hit me up for it, would you have?” Satoru pauses then, hands gripping the arms of your chair so tightly his knuckles whiten.

“I never said that!”

“Why would you, it’s Hollywood, you can have anyone, I just inconvenienced you, I should have never tried to join your world.” You’re standing now, brushing past him, he grips your wrist, his own emotions rising - especially one - panic.

He can’t lose you.

“It’s not what I meant,” he brushes his hand across your cheek, sticky already with your tears, feeling your body tremble as he holds you closer. “I shouldn’t have said it that way, I was just upset.”

“It’s true, don’t take it back now.”

“You think I don’t want you!?” He’s gripping your upper arms, shaking you gently, you’re sniffling, shaking your head as he stares at you in disbelief. “How can you think I don’t?”

“Maybe you felt sorry for me.” Satoru laughs then, before fucking glaring down at you.

“That’s the last thing I fucking feel,” he leans down until his lips are just a breath away from yours. “I want you so badly, constantly, why do you think I just showed up to your work, asked you out, begged to come over?”

“To film things.” He blinks like he’s been slapped.

“You think that’s it?”

“Some fun maybe, I think I am the one who took this seriously, when I started it from the beginning.”

It all hits - you are the one who asked him for more, and now you’re upset it’s just sexual, when you knew. You always knew. You knew your feelings, you knew you couldn’t handle this, but it was all you could have of him, and you were selfish, so selfish. And so in love.

“I wanted you that moment I met you, did you forget our kiss?” He whispers softly, fingers brushing your hair back, making you tremble.

“It’s only sex?” You ask hoarsely, he falters then.

“I enjoy you much more than that.”

“As a friend?” Satoru can’t speak then, he just stands there, staring down at you, swiping more of those tears from your cheeks, your lip is trembling. “Satoru, I feel like I don’t know myself anymore.”

“What do you mean? You’re so uniquely yourself. Nerdy, cute, adorable,” he’s smiling with those plump lips, as if that would cheer you up, avoiding the blatant question you gave him. “You are like no one I know.”

“I’m trying so hard to please you, that I’m forgetting.” He blinks again, so clearly confused, not seeing the numerous ways you have been bending yourself, molding yourself to fit him. Maybe he doesn’t see the change, maybe he just doesn’t know, but Jenna was so right, she was absolutely correct.

You don’t remember who you are, trying to be everything for Satoru, and he can’t even tell you if it’s more than a friendship.

The hurt tears its way into your chest, it’s unfair of you to ask him, to demand anything more of him, it’s not fair. You did all this, caused all this, you can’t be mad at him for being him, a pornstar. You’ve let your fear of not being enough make you do things you never would, and it’s all starting to sink in, everything you’ve done with him, like it’s not even you anymore.

You let being so selfish for him change you.

You’re sobbing now, and Satoru’s unsure of what to do, he doesn’t know your inner turmoil, but he does know seeing you cry makes him deeply emotional, it breaks his heart to see you hurt. He hugs you closely, as you cry against his suit jacket, sniffling and shaking, while he rubs a hand up and down your back.

“What is it? Is it what I said? I didn’t mean it that way, I’m sorry… I just…” You shake your head, sniffling and leaning back, looking up at a face you’ve fallen so deeply in love with.

“I’m losing myself.” You’re breaking down again, this time leaning back. “What you said was right.”

“It wasn’t, it was mean and… I’m sorry, please.” He feels his own emotions choking him, throat closing up as he struggles to take a breath, feeling the suffocation of his own mistake.

“I’ve acted that way.” He shakes his head, blinking back his own tears as you cover your face, breaking down right in front of him. “The fuck have I been doing, I called you.”

“I’m glad you called me-”

“I asked you.”

“I wanted you too. I was so fucking-”

“I fell in love like a fucking idiot, when you were honest from the beginning who you are.” Satoru pauses then, heart hammering as you turn away, but not before he glimpses how puffy your cheeks have gotten from your tears.

“You what?” He whispers, and you shake your head, swiping at your tears, shoulders shaking with the wracking sobs.

“I shouldn’t have tried to join your world, and then I was so dumb I got jealous,” he touches your shoulder feeling you tense.

“Jealous, you?” You laugh through your tears, truly fucking losing it, as you nod, looking back at him, and he sees the reddened eyes, the sticky drying tears, you bit your lip so hard it’s tearing the skin.

“Yes, very. I’m selfish and so dumb. It’s your career. I promised never to judge it either, and for what, you to judge me.” The anger sets back in, throwing his hand off and turning now. “You need to go.”

“I need to go!?” You nod, sniffling as you bite down harder, the motion jerky when he pulls you against him. “No, I am not leaving you like this.”

“I won’t be your pornstar anymore,” your words strike their chord, they hit him right in the stomach, as he barely processes your earlier words in the haze you have him in. “That’s all you want.”

“It’s not! You wanted that!”

“No, I just wanted to be enough.” At your last broken word, you can hardly face him, he tugs you against him and you’re stiff, unmoving.

“You’re more than enough for anyone,” his soft words end you, the sweet Satoru you met that night is there, but he’s hurt you so badly now, the sinking realization that you confessed your love and he hasn’t even acknowledged it. He’s stroking your back gently, letting you cry against him. “We never have to shoot, I told you that.”

“But you’ll fuck other women?” Your words are harsher than he’s used to from your sweet lips, he buries his face in your neck, swallowing.

“I don’t want anyone else, haven’t I made it clear?” He’s hoarse, his own tears falling along your neck.

“But you’ll go back to it, you’ll have to.” You grip the shirt he’s wearing, crumbling the expensive material. He swallows, sighing then.

“I won’t want them.”

“But you’ll have to.”

“It’s my career,” he pulls back, sighing as he watches your broken face. “You seemed to enjoy it, what’s changed so much?”

“I didn’t enjoy it, I enjoyed you. Now I don’t know what I think of myself.” You’re blinking the rapid tears, shaking your head again, as if to make them stop.

He never loved you, did he?

“Maybe you should be an actor, you made me believe there was more,” Satoru scowls at you now, tugging you against his chest, cupping your face with his other hand tightly. “Stop.”

“I do care so much, god you’re all I want. I literally can’t even fuck anyone else.”

“So your dick cares for me?”

“That’s not what I said! You wanted all of this, how are you going to be mad at me for giving it to you!?” You laugh again, the sound so hollow, as Satoru feels his heart breaking.

“I can’t just fuck you. Clearly. And I knew it, I knew I needed feelings, I knew I’d fall - I’m a fucking idiot.”

“You’re not!”

“I am. Satoru, I can never do this again, it’s breaking me apart,” you hold your stomach, as his blue eyes drip with tears, and you want nothing more than to be in his arms. “I can’t just have sex with you.”

“I don’t want anyone else, how fucking clear can I make it!?” You smack the hands that try to brush your tears, earning his glare, blue eyes a storming blue, so vivid it’s painful to look at. “I want you, I didn’t mean what I said. You’re just done with this because of some words?”

“I’m done because I can’t take this pain anymore.”

“Pain?” You take several breaths, hands shaking as you try and fail to stop the onslaught of tears. “What pain? I’ve done nothing but make you cum, like no one ever fucking will.”

“It’s sexual, see? Is that all shit is to you!? I’m not just a body.”

“It’s not just your body-”

“It seems that way. No, I won’t fuck Nanami, okay? If that’s your very weird fucking concern, considering after I swallowed your spit you did a gang bang, and after we fucked you fingered a girl on cam.” Satoru scowls deeper at you, as you finally let it all out, everything you’ve acted fine with.

“That’s my job! You fucking knew that!”

“I thought I meant something.” He pulls you by your wrists again, you jerk them out of his hold, hyperventilating.

“Calm down, fuck I didn’t mean it.”

“Your smirk… the way you… no, you meant it. You think that’s who I am? Then you never fucking knew me!”

“I don’t know you!?”

“You know my body, that’s not enough.” He’s kissing you again, and for a moment you falter, as he’s overtaking your lips.

“I want more than your body,” his words fall flat, you can’t believe him anymore, not after what he accused you of. “I want more. I enjoy you, fuck why can’t I keep enjoying you? Why are you overthinking everything!”

“Mmm, no.” You pull back again, shoving at his chest, he’s crying right with you, and you want to stop this, let him do anything he wants, but it hurts too fucking much, nothing should hurt this much. “I can’t have pieces of you.”

“I’m right here, use me, all of me.” He’s trying again to kiss you, but you’re pulling back, making him glare. “Now you’re done with whatever experiment you were fucking doing?”

You gasp. “I should ask you that!” You smack at his hand, making him grip your wrist again, both of your chests heaving. “Turning the nerdy good girl into a pornstar? That some twisted 90s rom com!?”

“The fuck, I didn’t make you do shit, it’s been your choice!”

“I regret it.”

The words are enough to make him step back, his eyes going cold. “What?”

“I regret filming it.” You do, and you hate that you do. You see him swallow, adam’s apple bobbing in his throat, his own hands shaking. “I don’t regret you, I don’t regret the moments, aside from me pushing myself on you, for that I am sorry, but I do feel horrible about myself now.”

“I gave you the choice, you hit share.”

“To please you. To make you need me, want me, to keep you. Selfish, stupid,” you shake your head again, chest tight as you rub it, blood pressure through the fucking roof as it all comes out, everything you kept inside. “I don’t blame you, you always asked permission, consent, all of it. This is on me.”

“So we never do it again, I don’t need it to fuck you, I don’t care if you film it again-”

“It’s your career.”

“I want you.” The words should feel good, the way he cups your face and looks at you, it should mean more, but you’re far too deep in your feelings to be okay with him just wanting you.

You forgot who you were.

“This isn’t me,” you say softly, cupping his face then. He shuts his eyes, snowy lashes dripping with tears. “I can’t be this anymore, it’s not me.”

“People change, why regret what you enjoy? Why regret doing something that made you-”

“I feel awful that I did it.”

“Shit…” He takes a breath, feeling responsible for your broken words, as you stroke his cheek, trembling in front of him.

“You didn’t do it, it’s not your fault. I’m disappointed in myself, I should have known I couldn’t handle it all. You with other women,” you look down, hand falling. “It was selfish.”

Satoru doesn’t know what to say, what to do besides kiss your forehead, holding you close to him. “I feel like you’re fucking ending things.”

“I am.” He freezes now.

“We don’t have to film!?”

“I can’t. I can’t do this. It’s not fair to either of us,” he says your name, quietly, earning you looking at him as you step back. “I will never regret what we did, I just regret trying to make myself something I wasn’t.”

“Don’t do this, don’t end a good thing? For what?” He’s shaking your shoulders, as if trying to drag some sense into you.

“I caused it all.”

“You didn’t, I’m sorry I-”

“I need to be alone.”

Your next words break him, he stares at you with wide eyes. “What?”

“I need to be alone. I’m sorry.” You walk to the door, he is behind you then, hand on yours over that knob, hard body behind you, his other arm wrapping around your waist now. “Satoru…”

“Don’t kick me out of your life,” he’s pleading, he feels so pathetic then, standing behind you and resting his head on the cool door over your head, taking a breath. “I don’t want this to stop, to end. I wanted you from the moment I saw you at that damn party.”

“But now I’m not that girl,” you’re shaking, as his hand tightens over yours. “I don’t know who I am anymore.”

“You’re still her, what do you mean!?”

He doesn’t understand.

“I am glad I met you, Satoru Gojo. I have never met anyone like you, and I probably never will.”

“Don’t do this.”

“Thank you for being so thoughtful, so caring,” you’re choking on your sobs, looking behind your shoulder up at him as he cups your face. “Thank you for being so many of my firsts.”

“Don’t thank me,” his words are harsh, as he kisses you again, and you fall into them so sweetly, whining into his lips. “Don’t push me away.”

“I have to find myself again, and I can’t like this.”

“I just don’t understand.”

“I know.” It’s quiet, as he kisses you again, letting you go and shaking his head. “I’m sorry for all of this.”

He says nothing else, letting you turn the knob, rushing out without another word, as you turn and rest your back against the door, sliding down and collapsing on the fucking floor, devastated. It’s like your heart is ripped into pieces, sending the man you love away, when he fucking begged to stay.

You feel horrible, his crying eyes and the way he asked you not to, but how the fuck can you keep going like this!? Even then, he didn’t bring up being more, he didn’t say ‘I love you too’ as if wanting you physically was enough. But for him, that’s what this was, it was what you brought up, so enamored by your feelings, you thought you could have him sexually and it would be enough.

It would never be enough for you.

Curled into a ball on the floor, you don't move for hours, the sun setting through the blinds and casting its shadows across the floor as you hold your stomach and just sob. It's late when you finally pull yourself up, seeing the numerous calls from him, over and over, but you don't call him back, you can't anymore. Instead, you call your friend who's also called you a good five times.

“Jenna?”

“Baby what's wrong!?”

“Can you come over?”

*****

Jenna holds you that night as you keep apologizing, you were an awful fucking friend, damn near kicking her out in some hopes that she was so wrong, for Satoru to prove her right - only worse. Never once did Jenna herself think he would say what you sob to her then, she thought Satoru was a good person, just an industry standard, but never spiteful.

“Shit baby,” she murmurs, as you hiccup, hugging her tightly as you lay on your couch, take out and wine along your living room table. “I wish I wasn’t right.”

“He accused me of… wanting to use him!? I never… Jenna I never…”

“Shh.” She’s trying to calm you down, but you’re so fucking devastated, every time the phone rings and you want to answer it, she holds you tighter. “You can’t just give in and be treated like that.”

“I was slutty, going to him.”

“You were curious about your feelings.”

“I… yes…” You rub tissues on your sore nose, sipping your cheap wine and sighing, looking at your beautiful friend. “I loved him when I met him, Jenna.”

“I know,” she sips her own wine, frowning. “I wish I warned you more.”

“You didn’t know I would fall like this. It’s all my own doing.”

“Is it? He knew you were innocent.” You shake your head, sighing and leaning back against the couch, resting a hand on her thigh now.

“I was a bitch to you.”

“You were just hurt, fucked up on him. I forgive you.” She takes your hand, and tugs you into another hug. “He’s so good I almost fell fucking him.”

“Jenna!” You glare playfully, then laugh, for the first time since you had to send him away. She shrugs.

“It’s his pussy eating skills.”

“Jenna it’s so not that.”

“They gaslight you.” You playfully shove her then, laughing and standing up, grabbing both glasses.

“Will you stay tonight? Have more wine?”

“You know I will.” You smile and lean down, pecking a kiss on her cheek. “Don’t fall in love with another pornstar.”

“I’ve always loved one.” You tease, something feels relieving, despite the love in your fucking heart, to release all those feelings, to speak them out loud. “I’ll make us some popcorn on the stove.”

“I’ll find a movie!” As you walk out to the kitchen, your phone rings, Jenna fuck-you buttons it, glaring at the picture of Satoru.

She cannot stand that he hurt her best friend like that, and she’s not gonna be very fucking nice if she sees him again.

It keeps ringing, over and over, when she finally picks it up, walking out to your balcony. “Stop calling her,” Jenna’s voice is on the phone, Satoru laughs harshly, after being so excited to speak to you, it’s your protector. “I’m serious.”

“She’s a grown woman, not a little girl.” He says, and she scoffs.

“She sure is, but guess what? She was innocent, Satoru, innocent before you got her into this fucking world.”

“It was her decision!”

“Because she’s in love with you, fucking idiot!”

“She’s…” He trails off, he could swear at this point he imagined that confession in the middle of the argument, the ‘break up’. Where you broke his fucking heart in ways he didn’t know it could be.

“She did it to please you, she said she’d lose herself to be anything for you.” Jenna’s furious, quiet words break Satoru down. “You’re the experienced one, she was damn near a virgin.”

“She chose-”

“You shouldn’t have offered. You shouldn’t have changed her, she was perfect the way she was! Now she hates herself.”

“Jenna, I…”

She takes a breath, sighing. “I’m being too harsh, I’m sorry, okay? But as someone in this industry, why would you get a sweet, innocent girl into it? If you cared, you’d protect her, like I do.”

Satoru lets it all hit, slowly, her furious yet emotional words, a girl that clearly loves you, cares for you, and she was right. She was so right.

“Fuck…” Is all he can manage, as his mind whirls to a time when he was not too different from you.

He’d been a nerdy boy, even though his looks carried him far, he wasn’t very experienced, not until he fell in love with a girl in her early thirties, while he was in college. He’d pursued her, he’d begged for her, when he found she was a pornstar? He lost his virginity on set. It had been by far the most popular video there even had been at the time, it went viral.

That’s when they became the power couple.

But every time he saw her with anyone, it broke his fucking heart, he couldn’t stand seeing her on shoots, even when she’d coo at him that he was her favorite, even when he lived with her. He wondered if she liked other men better, he made sure to become perfect, the best there was, and soon she told him she didn’t recognize him any longer.

He says soon, but it was a four year relationship. One where they fought and fucked all the time, one where she was tired of the lifestyle and he was young and brand new. He let the fame get to his head, and she ultimately broke down and apologized for bringing him into this world, but he laughed, brushing it off.

He was happy she did, so happy.

His life was perfect, full of money and beautiful women.

Right?

“I told her you were a good person,” Jenna’s words over the phone bring his attention to the present, as he sinks into self loathing. “I feel I was wrong.”

“You’re not wrong, okay? I didn’t… I didn’t realize.” She sighs again, a long pause as he sits there, feeling the emotions catch in his throat.

“You’re not good for her, Gojo.”

Her words should make him fucking furious, but he’s not, he’s just so very sad now. She was right about it all, he was horrible for you, he made you not recognize yourself, regret your actions. Satoru never grew to regret his actions with his first, even though he was so enamored with the lifestyle at the time, perhaps he’s never fully digested it all.

He thought you’d love it, the attention, the money, that you’d feel so sexy and confident, that the two of you could be that couple. That he could have the best of both his worlds, keep his career and have the girl he desires more than anything right by his side through it all.

He was fucking selfish.

The girl that was in that damn party, nervous and giggling, fiddling with her long sleeves and blushing as he teased her? The girl who took a shotgun from him and got high from that, nervous as she kissed him? The girl who trusted him to show her things, who allowed him to do filthy fucking things without question, eager and open to anything he suggested.

The girl you were, who he changed unintentionally, would have never filmed any shoots of herself, wouldn’t have shown her body, no she just wasn’t that girl, and that was what drew him to you. His hands tighten on the phone as her words ring too fucking true, as they read him inside out.

“I didn’t mean to, Jenna. I really didn’t mean to.” His words seem to resonate with her.

“You saw it as some fun, I get it okay, but she’s not the girl you ‘have fun with’ she’s the one baking you cookies and taking care of you when you’re sick. She’s the shy one, who you have to drag to a damn party, the sweet one who makes sure you get home safe when you’re shitfaced. She’s a good girl, and now she’s devastated and stuck in her bed, feeling horrible.”

“Then let me talk to her-”

“She can’t get over this if you keep on.”

“Get over me?”

“She’s broken-hearted. I’ve never seen her in love like this, even with her ex it wasn’t even close, whatever you did, I need her to snap out of it, before she can’t get past this.”

“Jenna, I didn’t know she felt that way.”

“You don’t know a lot of things. Just stop calling her, I will help her.”

“Jenna-” She hangs up, and his next calls are sent immediately to voicemail, until he curses, throwing his fucking phone, then sobbing into his pillow that night, at the ultimate realization of what he’s done.

He changed you, the parts he fell for, so selfish he didn’t even notice a single sign that you did it all for him. And now he was supposed to just let you go?

How can he even move on without you?

*****

“Shut the blinds, ugh.” You cover your face with a comforter three weeks later, as Jenna is annoyingly there again, she comes over every day as you’ve taken two weeks off work as of the other day to rot in your bed.

“This is your vacation!? The fuck, get up.” She’s yanking the covers as you scowl at her, covered in sticky tears and hair all matted up. “You look like shit.”

“Who is there to look good for now? Let me wallow.” You yank the covers back until Jenna has dragged your ass off the bed, you hit the carpet and wince. “Jenna!”

“No, you’re taking a fucking shower. You are not letting him destroy you like this. Now.” She’s picking you up, you sigh then, just hugging her. “You stink.”

“Sorry,” you’re crying, it’s all you do. Cry and cry and cry over him. Over the man you love that you sent away, you could at least have him in your fucking bed, but no, this is all you have. “Why do you deal with me?”

“Because we’ve been through it all, you’ve dealt with how many of my manic fucking episodes?” You sigh, smiling through your tears.

“Don’t deserve you.”

“You do, and you deserve to move the fuck on. This shit happens, okay? We get up, get looking hot, and go out.”

“I can’t go out, I can’t have fun, I feel no joy without him.” The words are hard to get out of your throat, they’re the truth, but it’s a truth that’s hard to admit.

Without Satoru it was like there was no light in your life, sure Jenna was amazing, and sure you had people in your life you cared for, but Satoru haunts your every fucking though, dream, waking moment. If it was just sex, if it was just a fling, why are the dreams not just that? For every wet dream there were five of just holding his hand on a fucking beach somewhere.

You woke up with one of him holding you yesterday, only to be smacked with the realization that he will never again, touching the cold pillow and wrinkled sheets from your tossing and turning. You slept over and over, dreaming of him again, when he’s a phone call away, it was pure torture, a cruel fucking joke, that you fell in love with Satoru Gojo.

So close yet so impossibly far.

“What about the hottie from work? He keeps asking you out, and he’s fine as hell. Why not try?” You shake your head, sitting on your bed and sighing as she starts rummaging through your wardrobe. “Satoru isn’t the only man, baby.”

“He is the only one for me. Fuck was I too harsh to him-”

“No, he was a dick. You stood up for yourself like a good girl.”

“Don’t hit my praise kink, Jenna, I have a thing for pornstars,” she sticks out her tongue at you, grinning as you finally laugh a little, sniffling. “Nanami is sweet, and handsome, but I think he may want something serious. I don’t think I could give it to him.”

“You could if you tried to let this go. I know you fell, but he’s not going to change, so what good is any of it? Do you have anything slutty?”

“No, not really.” You stand up, going to the mirror and wincing. “I look like shit.”

“You really do.”

“Jenna!”

“Sorry,” she’s so not sorry, frowning as she digs up a lacy ass top, which is just lingerie. “Ooh this!”

“That’s not clothing, Jenna.”

“Sure is, bitch. I know you have some cute skirts…”

“Jenna I’m not gonna be any fucking fun. I’m too depressed.” You start brushing the rats' nest on your head, wincing as the memory hits.

Satoru brushing your hair, after the first time you’d come over, so sweet and caring as he ran it through, as he pulled you against him and smiled. The brush wavers in your hand, the ache in your chest growing again until you almost couldn’t breathe. You wonder if he feels anything close, if he ever did, or were you just something new for him to try?

His mean words melt with his sweet ones.

Done with your experiment?

Baby you are a star, already.

Gonna use it on someone else?

Best I’ve ever had.

You hate him for it, not for the accusations but for the fact that it showed he never knew you, and you thought Satoru truly just got you. But maybe the two of you never got to know each other, maybe it was something physical, some intense chemistry that you confused…

How can that be?

How can that be when what you miss most isn’t his body, isn’t the orgasms or pleasure, but the touches, the cuddles, the sweet smiles, the quiet moments in between where it felt perfect? No, you can’t explain it away, as easy as it would make it, this mix of love, longing, and hatred, is eating you alive, palpable and real as the physical manifestation of Satoru himself.

You’d always love him. But do you love you anymore?

“There’s a DJ I know at the EDM club… let’s go out and party babe, let’s let go and get free drinks and dance!” She’s yanking out a skirt that’s too tight on your waist and rides up your ass now. “This one!”

“An EDM club?” You sigh, shaking your head, but she’s got her mind set on it, shoving you to the bathroom now.

“Go shower, and scrub that hair twice, dear god.”

“Jenna…”

“No, you’re getting the fuck out tonight. Now.”

“Fine.”

You wish you weren’t just crying in the fucking shower, sitting there and hugging your knees, just missing him.

******

Satoru’s dancing in the middle of the EDM club that night, but it’s more physical, more going through the fucking motions, as the sounds reverberate, and women are giggling, dancing on him. He tries to have fun, to remember who he was before you, it’s been three weeks since your friend begged him not to call, and you’ve not reached out one time since.

He stalked your socials, not a single post, like you’ve ghosted everyone, not that you had much anyway, just a few pictures of your baking or cooking and those few blurry selfies. The selfies that make him ache, that make him miss you as he looks at them over and over.

Satoru took down both of your videos, he doesn’t feel right keeping them up after you said you regretted them, that made him feel so fucking horrible. You said it wasn’t his fault, but how can he not feel responsible for bringing it up in the first place? How can he not let your friend’s words sink in deep?

You were innocent, and instead of cherishing that, he saw the opportunity to make bank with you, to enjoy the only woman he wanted and keep his career, to just win and win and win. At the cost of you, of your self worth clearly, and your self esteem, all for what. For others to see you, what he wanted for himself, the thoughts made him fucking sick.

What is money, what are hollow comments, what is any of this when your eyes were full of tears, when he has to jerk it to the fucking memory of you, when he can’t make it to a shoot and just stares at your pictures. When he watches the videos of you two and instead of getting excited feels overwhelming guilt? You were a grown woman, but you were innocent, and he corrupted it, unintentional as it was.

He still was responsible.

He wants to fucking apologize, he wants to beg you to come back, he knows he’s horrible for you, he barely knows himself at twenty eight, and you younger than him seem to at least remember who you are. He missed all the signs of you changing to please him, but it all started falling together these past weeks of being alone, of avoiding his job, of avoiding everything.

He can’t avoid it forever, and he shouldn’t. You were gone.

He backs off the girl dancing on him now, tapping her shoulder. “I need a drink, sweets.”

“Sure Gojo!” She grins and dances with the other girl who was grinding on him, as he finds Suguru leaning against the bar, having a drink, along with a few other of the usual stars, including smirking Toji and Sukuna, who he can’t deal with right now.

“Make it a double,” Satoru murmurs to the bartender, who slips him her number with a little wink, he tips her well and smiles.

Did he really enjoy this?

He leans back, freezing then, when he thinks his fucking eyes are playing tricks on him - it can’t be.

You’re feeling the energy pulsing through every inch of your body, hands touching you everywhere, losing yourself in the strobing lights, the sweat dripping as you jump up and down, laughing again for the first time in so long. Jenna’s dancing with you, then other girls and guys, as the beat kicks up, and everyone throws their hands up in the air.

A girl kisses you, then Jenna, making you blush, covering your mouth as Jenna grins at you. “You’re so cute!”

“Hush!” You shove at her playfully as you both shout over the loud noise filling the intense room, internally feeling guilty for enjoying one night without him, without the man that has your whole fucking heart.

But it does feel good, to shut your eyes and feel blissful nothingness, the drinks simmering through your veins until you’re dizzy. You feel a man’s hands on you, gently pushing them off with a smile, thanking god you wore your contacts because you fear for your glasses with the amount of jumping people. You lift your arms up, back to Jenna again, as you two lose yourselves.

Satoru sees you, skin glistening with sweat in the middle of the dancefloor, jumping up and down with a grin on your face as Jenna jumps with you, bodies all surrounding you, making him glare as he sips his drink. He’s going through fucking torture without you, and you look so happy, so free.

Was he truly horrible for you?

Was he selfless enough to stay away?

“Satoru, maybe try to talk to her?” Suguru says in his ear, loudly over the blaring electronic music that has hundreds bouncing together, kissing on each other, touching  each other.

Satoru used to eat this up, all the music and energy, kissing women and having them feel all over him, especially when he was a little younger and partook in the party drugs, as many of them were on. But even now, he should enjoy it, the looks women give him, the way they touch his body, how they all dance all over him, he should enjoy the feeling.

He enjoys nothing, now, nothing but the memory of you gives him, what it leaves him with, the feel of you in his arms, against his skin, god the night he danced with you and you were so nervous. Clearly still awkward, Jenna is guiding your moves, when Satoru watches several men touching you, trying to rub and dance on you - it was normal in an EDM club, it’s what you did.

But you back off them, with a little polite smile, back to Jenna in moments, when your eyes finally catch his, and you stop moving like you were, your body slows, your eyes get fucking sad, he can see it clear as day. You walk away, and he curses softly, following you around until he catches sight of you walking in the bathroom, and he follows you right in.

“It’s a girls bathroom, Satoru.” You say then, splashing water on your face, when he comes right behind you, turning you quickly, the water drips down your face as you breasts heave up and down in an outfit so slutty he’s sure it’s not yours. “What do you want?”

“What do I want!? What do I want?” He’s blinking back his emotions now, laughing and shaking his head, cupping your face with his huge hands as the DJ shifts to another song, the bass vibrating your bodies, while your breaths come quicker and quicker.

You can hardly stand it, seeing him again, it’s like nothing even exists but him, but your love for him, a love you know ruins you, changes you for the worst. You rotted away for weeks and for one moment had fun, one moment thought you could let some of the pain go, to realize what this was.

But the moment you see his desperate, hungry eyes, taste the liquor on his breath as he leans down, you’re hopelessly lost. You swallow nervously, eyes fluttering shut for a moment, trying to gather yourself, the shots running through your body along with the headiness from the dancing, all mixing with him. With Satoru Gojo, whose hands feel far too good on your skin.

“I want you back, god I’ll fucking do anything,” he whispers, desperate and needy when you open your eyes again, two tears slipping from their corners. “I’ll let you do anything to me.”

“Don’t say that, god…” You take a shaky breath, pulling back, when he presses you against the black and gold counter of the fancy bathroom, his thigh right between yours, feeling your heat. Your hips roll before you can stop yourself, moaning softly as he sighs, his hand slipping down your body slowly.

“Anything to feel you again, please. Fuck I miss you,” you bite your lower lip, shaking your head. “I do, god I do.”

“Satoru…”

“I need you. I need you.” He’s kissing you, messy and desperate, licking the gloss and sweat off your lips with his long tongue, while pressing that thigh up. “Look too good to be out there, dressing this slutty?”

“Fuck you,” he moans, never expecting those words from your sweet lips, but all they do is make him needier, when you yank him by his dress shirt, hand crumpling the material. “I hate you.”

“You hate me, huh?” His whisper infuriates you, you’re crying as you nod, arching your hips up again.

“For making me fall for you, yes. I hate you, Satoru.” You pull back, turning away, only for him to drag you against his chest, making you look at your own reflection, dilated eyes, messy hair, your tits nearly falling out of your bustier.

“I could never hate you, sweetheart,” he grips a breast, yanking it out of your top then, making you whine, as your head falls back. “Look at your pretty fucking face.”

“No.” He grips your chin, forcing you to stare at him towering over you, his arms wrapping your body, one hand trailing down your nipple, tweaking it and making you whine out, rolling your hips. “Hate it.”

“You hate this?” You nod, sniffling back those tears, but your body responds to him violently, your cunt drenched when he brushes you over your panties, moaning as he fingers the slick, sticky cum. “Pretty pussy soaked, isn’t she?”

“From… dancing…” He scowls now, and you smile.

Good.

He changed you, the old you would never fucking say you hate him when you’re in love, the old you wouldn’t smirk at his anger. No, you were so sweet, so needy and pathetic for him, and you can’t let yourself slip again, not when you’re still not sure you’ve found yourself. Because you changed, irrevocably the moment you met Satoru Gojo.

“I know you’re lying, you know I’m the only man to ever make you cum,” you glare, but it’s cut off when he bends low, burying his head against your neck as he bends at the waist, your heels giving just enough height for him to slip your panties to the side. “Hold them.”

“No.”

“Hold. Them. To. The. Side.” His whisper almost ends you, the commanding tone you want to submit to.

“No.”

“Now.” He orders, in the only way he can, and you feel him slipping his fingers up and down an already messy cunt, tit slid out of your top, the other threatening to right in this club fucking bathroom, as his blue eyes look at yours int he mirror. “Now.”

“Fuck it,” you scowl as he smirks, doing just that, as the music reverberates and you bend down, pulling your lacy panties to the side, screaming out unwillingly when two fingers bury themselves. “Fuck!”

“Nasty mouth, bratty attitude, where’s my sweet, submissive girl huh?” He smirks as he slips those fingers deeper, pressing your spot with wicked precision, pressing that spongy spot as his other hand grips your breast rough in his huge grip. “Wanna squirt for me again, just me?”

“No, no I - mnh! There, shit, there,” your eyes roll back as his other hand wraps your throat, his desperate whines loud in your ear mixing with the loud squelching of your hungry cunt as he fucks you with his fingers. “Hate you.”

“Yeah, I know baby,” he’s so ready to watch you again, watch you fall apart, as he curls that spot you need, over and over, feels your gummy walls gripping and pulsing his finger with the beat of the goddamn music, watching your glittery skin and lips and eyes in the fucking mirror. “I’ll never hate you.”

“Shh,” you can’t take it, his fingers, his glistening eyes, those pouty lips parted while he moves his hand up and down inside your cunt until you’re about to cum, so intense again. “Stop, too much I’m gonna-”

“I feel it, let go, make a mess f’me, just me huh?” You can’t stop it then, his fingers fucking you just so, you feel all that pressure deep in your tummy, about to explode, making you scream out into his lips as he captures them, hand squeezing your throat as all the pressure builds.

He moans against your lips, messy kisses, saliva just dripping as he hits that spot that makes all the pressure release, and you feel yourself squirting all down his fingers, down your thighs, down the bathroom fucking tile. You scream out at it, as he makes more come out, torturing you as he pulls back and moans, looking at your face with those fucking eyes of his.

“That’s it, squirt everywhere, slutty pussy only does it f’me, say it,” you shake your head, whining and shaking as the mess gushes all over him, and he’s rock hard and thick against the small of your back, whining. “God I miss you, I need you, wanna drink you.”

“No, you can’t…” You’re drunk off him, lost in him, as he slips his fingers away from the mess you made, shoving them in your mouth, and you eagerly suck them up and down, looking at his reflection in the mirror with dilated eyes.

You’ll always want him.

You’re ready to fuck him then and there, ready to forget anything, to feel his cock stretch you out sure, but also to kiss him, to feel his energy, to feel so beautiful under him, around him. You’re shaking, thighs trembling and sticky when he turns you, lifting you and slipping his hands up your messy, sticky thighs, glistening and drenched all the way to your ankles.

“Look at your mess, sweetheart,” he taunts, bending down and licking a thigh desperately, moaning as he looks up at you, he’s too much, fuck he’s too much. “Missed your taste, can’t get it outta my fucking mind.”

“Satoru, please…” You don’t know what you’re asking, hands in his silvery locks, the texture you missed, as he presses hungry licks of his pink tongue on your skin.

“Didn’t miss me, right? Don’t want me now? Hate me?” He’s glaring, stopping his kisses to cup your face, his chin glistening from the arousal that he got pouring from your cunt, eyes locked with yours. “Do you hate me?”

“No,” you’re crying, chest heaving now. “I love you, and that is enough fucking torture.” He pauses, faltering then, as he brushes tears from your cheeks.

“Did you ever think that I-” the door opens, and the two of you quickly celebrate, you adjust yourself, thanking god the drunk girls don’t notice your undress, when you realize what you’ve done.

Let him have you a literal mess, let everything you’ve tried to get over for weeks get destroyed with his lips, his fingers. You confessed again, so pathetic, you can’t even face him, not when he is waiting for you out of the bathroom, you dart off, gripping your clutch tightly and hearing your name ring in your ears, along with the music and the sounds of cheers filling them.

He wants you, sure, but would he ever love you?

You quickly grab Jenna, desperate to run away, to try to compose yourself, how can you stand strong when all it takes is a look from his eyes and you’re ready to give him anything he wants again? It’s toxic, and you fucking know it, what he does to your body, your brain, your heart.

Has he done shoots?

Will he do them?

Why do you care when you’re not his!?

Will he be inside someone else, and you could have kept him if you went along with it all? The thoughts race as you and Jenna run out of the club, and you feel those blue eyes on you from somewhere in the dark club through the strobe lights making you dizzy. You can fucking feel Satoru, the man responsible for your soaked, sticky panties and thighs.

You could never hate him, but who are you without him anymore? It’s like you can’t recognize yourself, so consumed from his touches, from his empty words - miss you - what did he miss? Was it you, or your body? What did he think of the love confessions you were dumb enough to spill twice now?

“Baby you okay?” Jenna asks, as you two climb in the back of the ride, and you shake your head, bursting into tears.

She holds you, so confused, because you don’t say what happened.

You’ll never be okay without him, will you?

*****

Satoru can still feel it, you squirting and gushing in that fucking room, clinging to the memory he tries a month later to get hard on set, how long could he put it off, it’s been almost two months since that fight now. He hasn’t heard your voice since that night, he finally stopped calling again, realizing you were done with him, realizing the amount of times he fucked this all up.

He never told you how he felt, how could you know?

He doesn’t even know how to describe it, the void in his chest as he thinks of you, as he misses you, knowing you live an hour away, he keeps thinking of just showing up, telling you. That he’s never felt this way, that he’s never felt the need, the hunger, the all consuming desire for you as a human being, your laugh, your kisses, your grin.

Your silly jokes, the innocent way you moved against him, so shy at first, to the wildness of that night out, how you arched against him, how you said you hated him, how you said you loved him. And he almost said it back, he just needed one more moment to fucking say it, the words he hasn’t said since his ex fucked his brain up, made him so cold.

But he feels more for you in a short time than he ever did her.

He fell for you, just like you did, but he was so fucking stupid, all he could do was explain it away, to keep his lifestyle, his career- and what did any of it matter without you? What was anything without you in his life now, a life he thought was beautiful, was just a hollow shell since he met you.

Parties, drugs, women all over him, fame and money, what the fuck was a yacht party with beautiful women, when the girl he loves hates him? What was a trip to some rich fucker’s island, when the girl he loves is back in LA? Were you moved on, did you find a guy to treat you right, better than he had?

One that doesn’t make you cry?

“Ready, Gojo?” His pretty costar smiles at him, and he clears his throat, nodding with a fake smile.

Were all his smiles fake before you?

Was everything just a stage, waiting for you to enter his life, to change everything?

You changed so much for him, but he never changed for you.

Satoru’s flexing for the cameras, it’s what he did. You two were done before you ever became anything, weren’t you? You have not once reached out, why should he feel bad, there’s nothing there. He has to move on, like you apparently have, he has to have his career back, and maybe now he could, if he could just ignore the stabbing, gnawing ache in his soul.

Satoru’s slipping his fingers down her spine, smacking her ass and watching handprints form, while she’s whining and arching up for more, her hair falling back behind her shoulder blades. Satoru tries to remember that he once enjoyed this career, that he enjoys pleasing women. He tries to remember you want nothing to do with him anymore, that you ‘hate him’.

But your hate is sweeter than anything.

He could almost do it.

Her hair is the same as yours, as he pulls it gently, her ass arched up for him so pretty. Satoru could almost pretend it’s you, with that condom on, maybe he could shut his eyes and remember you instead. Maybe he could go through it, you two are done, you’ve made it so clear you want nothing to do with him now, and he couldn’t blame you for it.

He could almost slip his cock into her, he thinks, while he fingers her, feels how wet she is. He could almost imagine you, squirting and gushing and whining as he felt your tight, perfect cunt. He shuts his eyes, snowy lashes casting shadows along his high cheekbones, as she moans, this moan that’s not even close to the sounds you make.

He could almost do this, he’s going to have to move on, right?

“I need a career change.” He says suddenly, fingers inside his costar stilling, the set goes quiet. “Shit… um, sorry.”

He’s walking off, wiping his hands off when his manager comes to him.

“Satoru… what the fuck?”

“I can’t do this anymore.” He murmurs, remembering you in that club bathroom, the way you felt in his arms, the anger you held, your pretty little face, the way your lashes fluttered shut. The way you kissed him, how he’d licked that arousal off your thighs, but moreso your words.

You loved him.

And it all finally sinks in - he has no clue if you’ll ever even fucking talk to him again, he has no clue if you really hate him, but he knows he can’t do this life like this any longer. He can’t be with someone else in a world where you fucking exist - no, It was only you.

“I need a change of career.”

This chapter hurt my fucking feelings, my god they're dumb esp Satoru - BUT promise next chap will be a little less angsty <3

Taglist 1 - @juicu @kalulakunundrum @gojoswaterbottle @aldebrana @simp-plague @wedojustbevibin @lucciferr0 @officialholyagua @privthemis @coffee-and-geto @homesickes @msniks @emi311 @mai-505 @ren-ren23 @yihona-san06 @emochosoluvr @sylvermoon @bunheadusa @karvokr @starmapz @queenexplosonmurderr @musiclover2119 @saitamaswifey @reagan707 @midorissi @ghostskilledmyaddiction21 @itsinherited @maisiefrancesca @gyarubunny @theonlyhonoredone @chosslut @simperisksksk @xlilycoco @howlsdarling @femaholicc @maymaymarch @miseryyouth-99 @swoozleee @zeunys @cryingdevil @leafynightmares @princess-bblgm @gojosconsort @insomnicshello @joonunivrs @myahfig4 @silviscosplay @iluvjjkmennn @nutellajade

[cheftsunoda]

Hi! Could you do a story where a single mom and her kid are put somewhere and the kid recognizes one of the drivers voices from their role in cars? The kid once they hear the voice they could go to the driver and ask for an autograph. Could it maybe have some social media in it. I just think it might be cute. Thank you.

movie star — lh44

smau + blurbs

lewis hamilton x!single mom reader

yn gets invited to the paddock by her brother who happens to work for the ferrari team. yn brings along her young child, ella, who happens to be a huge fan of all the cars movies. what happens when ella recognizes lewis’ voice just from his few set of lines?

fc : zaar goedemans

not proofread

(a/n) : i was inspired to write about lewis again im sorryyy. such a cute idea love :)

—

yourusername

autodromo enzo e dino ferrari di imola 📍

liked by lewishamilton, scuderiaferrari, yourbff & 52,097 others.

yourusername : ella’s excellent knowledge of the cars franchise got us an exclusive tour from a very special racing legend;) thank you @/lewishamilton ❤️

tagged : yourbrother, yourbff & lewishamilton

—

yourbrother : didn’t even thank the one who brought you to the paddock in the first place…🥴

liked by yourusername

yourusername : thanks hoe

yourbrother : a “thank you so much. you are the best brother ever” would’ve been preferred.

liked by yourusername

yourusername : we can’t all have what we want now can we?

scuderiaferrari : The cutest little tifosi ❤️😁 You both are welcome back anytime!

liked by yourusername

yourusername : the biggest honor ❤️🫶🏻

yourbff : i walk away for two minutes and you are off with lewis fucking hamilton🤭 best weekend with you and my niece tho❤️

liked by yourusername and lewishamilton

yourusername : what can I say? the man is a smooth talker

liked by lewishamilton

charles_leclerc : Ella did not seem too impressed with me😭 It was so nice to meet you guys, hope she had the best time!

liked by yourusename

yourusername : great to meet you, charles! get yourself in a cars movie and she will love you:)

liked by charles_leclerc

yourusername : if it helps I know @/yourbff was never excited to meet you

liked by charles_leclerc

yourbff : yn pls stop embarrassing me

liked by yourusername and charles_leclerc

lewishamilton : Definitely the first time I was ever recognized for my voice acting instead of my driving😁 Love to you both 🫶🏽

liked by yourusername

georgerussell63 : WAIT! is this the adorable little girl with the hot mum you were talking about??

liked by yourusername and lando

lewishamilton : that is the last time I ever tell you anything

username00 : who is this girl??

username8 : her brother is an engineer for Ferrari I believe

—

I don’t know what kind of spell my brother cast on me to agree to this, but somehow, I let him talk me into dragging my four and a half year old through a Formula 1 paddock.

“To be fair,” he said this morning as he handed me the guest passes, “it’s not every day your daughter gets to see real race cars up close. You’re the cool mom now.”

The “cool mom” is currently sweating through her sundress, trying to keep her child from launching herself into a garage.

Ella’s been buzzing since the second we walked in, practically vibrating with excitement. “Mommy,” she whispers like it’s a big secret, “do you think there are Cars cars here?”

I bite back a laugh. “Sort of. These are real race cars. No eyes on the windshield, though.”

She seems skeptical but accepts the answer—until she hears a voice behind us.

“Yeah, we’ll be on track in fifteen. Let’s go over that telemetry—”

Ella gasps. Like, audibly.

I glance over my shoulder just as she whips around and bolts. “Ella!” I call after her, panic rising. “Come back here!”

Too late. She’s already launched herself at a man in red Ferrari gear—who turns just in time to catch her before she crashes into his legs.

“I knew it!” she squeals, staring up at him with wide eyes. “Your name is Lewis Hamilton! Like in Cars! You were the car in the movie! The British one with the shiny paint!”

Lewis—yes, that Lewis Hamilton—blinks down at her, clearly stunned. And then?

He laughs. Full-on, genuine, belly laugh. “Wow, I haven’t heard that in a while.”

I catch up just as he crouches down to her level, still smiling like she just made his entire year.

“I liked your voice,” she says seriously. “You sounded fast.”

I feel like melting into the concrete.

“I’m so sorry,” I rush out, cringing. “She’s been obsessed with Cars lately and heard your voice and… well, now here we are.”

He looks up at me and flashes that movie-star smile. “No need to apologize. That might be the best fan interaction I’ve ever had.”

My cheeks are burning, and not from the sun.

“I’m Lewis,” he says, standing now—still holding my daughter’s hand like it’s the most normal thing in the world.

“Yeah,” I say, trying not to sound like a complete idiot. “I figured.”

He glances between me and Ella, and I swear I see something spark behind those sunglasses. Something soft. Curious. Maybe even interested.

Ella’s still talking a mile a minute, hands animated as she tells Lewis about her Lightning McQueen pajamas and how she thinks Ferraris are “way cooler than Francesco Bernoulli, actually.”

Lewis listens like she’s giving a press conference. Nods, laughs in the right places, even kneels down again when she starts talking about how she wants to be a race car driver when she grows up. It’s… oddly heart-melting.

“She’s got good taste,” he says, standing again after she finishes her full review of Cars 2. “And quite the memory. I think I said four lines in that movie.”

“She watches it on loop,” I reply with a sheepish smile. “I think she could recite it backwards by now.”

“Poor you,” he jokes, then chuckles. “Actually, I take that back. That’s a solid film.”

“Strong performances all around,” I say, trying to keep it light, though my heart is hammering. I’m talking to Lewis Hamilton. Casual. No big deal.

He grins, and I swear the sun gets just a little brighter. “You’re her mum?”

“Yeah,” I say, glancing down at Ella, who’s now twirling around like she’s doing celebratory donuts. “My brother works with Ferrari, so he invited us for the day.”

“Ah. The guy in the headset who looked mildly panicked when she ran over?” he teases, gesturing toward Matt a few garages down, who’s giving me a thumbs-up and a very smug grin.

“That’s him. He’s never letting me live this down.”

Lewis laughs. “Well, I’m glad he brought you both. It’s nice having a bit of joy in the paddock for once. Most people here only run toward me if I’ve said something controversial.”

“Ella just thinks you’re a cool car,” I say, smiling.

“Honestly, I’ll take that over a journalist any day.”

There’s a beat of silence, but it’s not awkward. It’s… comfortable. Easy.

Then he surprises me.

“Can I get you a coffee or something?” he asks, glancing back toward the hospitality suite. “We’ve got some time before the next briefing. And I kind of want to hear more about your daughter’s movie critiques.”

I blink. “Are you—are you asking me out in the paddock?”

He shrugs, that same charming grin on his face. “Just coffee. Unless you want it to be more.”

My face feels like it’s on fire.

“I’d like that,” I manage. “I mean—the coffee. Not necessarily more. I mean—not not more. Just… yes. Coffee is good.”

He laughs again, clearly entertained by my slow-motion trainwreck.

“Come on,” he says, offering a hand. “I promise the coffee’s better than the movie acting.”

As we walk side by side, Ella skips ahead of us, humming the Cars soundtrack like she’s soundtracking our entire lives.

—

I don’t know what I expected when Lewis Hamilton invited me for coffee, but it definitely wasn’t this. Not sitting across from him on a shaded terrace at the Ferrari hospitality suite, both of us laughing while Ella colors in a cartoon car on a napkin someone kindly fetched just for her. Not the easy conversation. Not the way he kept looking at me like he wanted to memorize my face. And definitely not how comfortable it all feels.

“Okay,” he says, leaning back in his chair after Ella proudly announces that her drawing is him and “not Lightning McQueen this time.” “I have to ask.”

Uh-oh.

“Are you…” He glances at me, then lowers his voice, playful but deliberate. “Single? Just to be sure.”

I blink. Then laugh, a little surprised. “That obvious?”

“Not obvious,” he says, smiling. “But I don’t go around offering coffee to taken women. Or, you know, giving them the ‘Cars 2’ VIP experience.”

My cheeks warm. “Well, yes. I’m single. Been single for a while, actually.”

He nods once, and I swear I see something shift in his expression. Something a little more… serious. But still soft.

“Good,” he says, then pulls his phone out from the pocket of his red Ferrari team trousers and hands it to me. “Because I’d really like to see you again. Properly. Outside of this chaos.”

I blink down at the phone in my hands. He opened the contact app. My name is already typed in at the top.

“I mean—if you’d want to,” he adds, suddenly a little less sure of himself, which I find wildly endearing. “No pressure.”

I look up at him and smile. “Lewis, you let my daughter lecture you on Cars 2 for ten minutes and still wanted to talk to me after.”

He grins.

“Yeah, I’d want to.”

I type in my number, hesitating only slightly before adding a little 🚗 emoji at the end of my name, then hand it back to him.

He looks at it, chuckles under his breath. “Perfect.”

Ella tugs on my sleeve, then looks up at Lewis with hopeful eyes. “Can you be in Cars 4 too?”

Lewis raises his brows at me, pretending to think. “That depends. Will your mum come with me to the premiere?”

I nearly choke on my iced latte.

Ella looks between us and shrugs, already focused on her next drawing.

And just like that, I know this day is going to be one we won’t forget.

—

yourusername

liked by lewishamilton, yourbff, georgerussell63 & 75,099 others.

yourusername : in love with life <3

—

username00 : oh it’s lewis 100 percent. those r his tattoos

username5 : never ever thought I’d see !dad lewis

yourbff : hold on I’m screaming

liked by yourusername

charles_leclerc : Hope Ella likes the helmet! It was one of my first when I was young ❤️

liked by yourusername

yourusername : you are an angel! she absolutely loves it and i told her it came from “Charles the cool Ferrari guy” 🫶🏻

liked by charles_leclerc

username00 : Charles gave the child an old helmet?? Im screaming

username10 : omg it’s Roscoe

georgerussell63 : does ella like mercedes??

liked by yourusername

yourusername : unknown. however she would probably like you as she associates British accents with being fast :)

liked by georgerussell63, lando and lewishamilton

lando : smart kid

liked by yourusername

—

It’s been a month since our first date, and honestly? I still don’t believe any of it’s real. Sometimes I catch myself smiling like a lovesick teenager when I’m washing dishes or folding laundry, just remembering the way Lewis looked at me over coffee that day. The way he waited for Ella to finish her story before speaking. The way he texts me goodnight every night, no matter what country he’s in or how late his schedule runs. He’s busy — obviously. He’s Lewis Hamilton, and that comes with endless media, team meetings, travel, and the weight of an entire sport on his shoulders. But he’s never once made me feel like a burden. Never once made Ella feel like too much. We’ve spent weekends together when he’s in town. Park visits. Breakfasts in my tiny kitchen. Late-night talks on my couch with Ella fast asleep in the next room. I’ve watched them build a little world of inside jokes and shared grins. And every time I see them together, my heart squeezes. Still, it’s been five days since we’ve seen him in person, and Ella’s already asked when he’s coming back “from the big car work.” I miss him too. More than I expected to. More than I probably should, after only a month. My phone buzzes just as I settle on the couch with a glass of wine.

FaceTime from Lewis ❤️

I answer without hesitation. His face fills the screen, slightly fuzzy from wherever he is — a hotel room, judging by the neutral headboard behind him.

“Hey,” I say, smiling. “Didn’t expect to see your face tonight.”

He grins, and something about it looks a little softer. A little more tired than usual.

“Hi, beautiful. Had to see you. And maybe ask when I can get a certain tiny helmet-wearing human back in my arms.”

I laugh, shifting the phone so he can see Ella’s drawing of a “race car house” she made earlier. “She misses you. She told the preschool teacher you live in the Cars universe.”

He chuckles, then goes quiet for a second. “I miss you both.”

My breath catches. He says it like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. Like it’s not still blowing my mind every time he chooses us.

“I miss you too,” I admit. “It’s not the same without you here.”

There’s a pause. Then, he leans closer to the camera, a little more serious now.

“I’ve been thinking,” he starts. “I’ve got back-to-back races coming up, but I don’t want to go another couple weeks without seeing you. Or Ella. What if… you came with me? Both of you.”

I blink. “You want us to travel with you?”

“I do,” he says gently. “Only if you’re comfortable. I know it’s a lot — new places, media, the chaos. But we’d make it work. I’ll take care of everything. I just…” He runs a hand over his jaw. “I want you there. Both of you. It already feels weird being away.”

My heart flips. Like actually flips.

“She’d lose her mind,” I whisper, stunned.

He smiles. “I hope so.”

“And me?” I tease, raising an eyebrow.

His eyes soften. “You already have.”

—

There’s something surreal about standing outside my apartment at 6 a.m., suitcase at my feet, coffee in one hand, watching Ella bounce in place like she’s about to launch into orbit.

“Do you think the jet has snacks?” she asks for the fifth time in ten minutes, clutching her tiny backpack like it holds national secrets. “Like popcorn? Or cookies? Or astronaut food?”

I laugh softly, brushing a piece of hair out of her face. “I’m sure it has snacks, babe. You’ll probably get to pick.”

She gasps. “Even juice?”

“Even juice,” I nod solemnly.

She’s practically vibrating now, and I can’t blame her. I’m nervous too…not because I don’t want to go, but because it feels like such a big step. Not just a vacation or a getaway. It’s a real peek into his world, the fast paced, private jet, race weekend chaos that Lewis calls normal.

And the fact that he wants us there? That he asked for us?

A sleek black SUV pulls up to the curb, and Ella freezes like a deer in headlights. “Is that him? Is it Daddy Lightning?”

I stifle a laugh. “Is that his new nick name?”

The door opens, and there he is — hoodie pulled up, sunglasses on, all sleepy-smile and early-morning calm.

“Morning, ladies,” he says, stepping out and immediately crouching to Ella’s level. “Are we ready for our big adventure?”

She throws her arms around him without hesitation. “Do you live on the plane?”

He laughs, lifting her up with ease. “Not quite. But we’ll be on it for a few hours, so that’s close enough, right?”

She nods seriously. “Do I get to sit in the front?”

“We’ll see what the pilot says,” he winks.

Then his eyes meet mine over her shoulder, and something quiet passes between us. It’s warm. Grounded. Like he sees me in the middle of all this whirlwind, and still chooses me anyway.

“Hi,” he says gently.

“Hi,” I smile, nerves melting the second he takes my suitcase from me like it’s instinct.

The ride to the airstrip is a blur of laughter, Ella’s endless questions, and Lewis glancing over at me like he can’t believe this is real either.

And then we’re there — standing at the base of a sleek private jet, the sun just beginning to rise behind it. Ella clutches my hand and whispers, “This is like the movies.”

I squeeze hers. “Yeah, it really is.”

Lewis helps us up the steps, his hand on my back, and the second we step inside, Ella gasps.

“It’s like a flying living room!”

She’s right — plush seats, soft lighting, snacks already set out like a welcome gift. Lewis sets our bags down and gestures for her to explore.

“Make yourself at home,” he grins. “You’re officially part of the team now.”

She spins in a slow circle, then plops into a seat with a giggle. “Best. Day. Ever.”

And I can’t help it — I look at him, heart full to bursting, and whisper, “Thank you.”

He turns to me, eyes soft. “You don’t have to thank me. This just feels… right.”

And as the engines hum to life and Ella starts singing the Cars theme under her breath, I realize he’s right.

—

The second we step into the paddock, Ella’s already tugging at my hand, eyes wide like she’s just walked into Disneyland for motorsport lovers. Which, to be fair… she has. She’s got her oversized Ferrari cap on — gifted by Lewis, obviously — and her little team tee that nearly reaches her knees. There’s a lanyard with her paddock pass bouncing against her chest, and an expression on her face that says she’s exactly where she belongs. We’re barely past the entrance when she spots someone and gasps dramatically.

“Mama,” she hisses. “UNCLE FERRARI!!”

Before I can even ask what that means, she’s bolting straight across the walkway — and right into the arms of Charles Leclerc.

He lets out a surprised laugh but catches her easily, crouching down as she throws her arms around his neck like they’ve known each other forever.

“Bonjour, petite fille,” he grins, his accent soft. “Uncle Ferrari?”

Ella nods solemnly. “You’re the red one. My favorite.”

From a few steps behind us, my brother bursts out laughing.

“Oh really, Ella?” he calls over. “What does that make me then?”

She blinks at him, thinking very hard. “Uncle Ferrari boss.”

I nearly choke.

Charles is now laughing, absolutely delighted. “You’ve been upgraded,” he tells my brother with a wink.

“You see what I deal with?” I murmur as I walk over, cheeks warm.

My brother grins. “Honestly? She’s already more popular in this paddock than most of our drivers.”

He’s not wrong.

And then—like some sort of comedic timing conspiracy—Lando Norris strolls in, clearly intrigued by the toddler-sized Ferrari fan in Charles’s arms.

“What’s all this?” he asks, eyes twinkling as he bends down. “Who’s this little legend? Is this the Ella?”

Ella turns her head, still in Charles’s arms. “Who are you?”

Charles chuckles. “That’s Lando. He drives the orange one.”

She squints. “Like… orange Lightning McQueen?”

Lando gasps, offended and flattered all at once. “That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever called me.”

Right on cue, George Russell appears, sunglasses on, sipping something green and healthy-looking, clocking the scene instantly.

“Don’t tell me we have a new favorite on the grid?” he says with a teasing glance at Charles.

“She already declared me Uncle Ferrari,” Charles says smugly.

“Uncle who?” George repeats, eyebrow raised. Then he leans down toward Ella. “And what am I then?”

She eyes him, deadly serious. “Uncle Sunglasses.”

George looks personally attacked.

“She’s not wrong,” I mumble, trying not to laugh.

Charles passes Ella back to me and says, “You’ll have to earn new titles, boys.”

I smile as Ella curls back into my arms, thrilled and smug and totally in her element.

Lando looks at me for the first time — really looks. “You must be YN.”

“Guilty,” I laugh. “And mildly horrified by the chaos she’s already caused.”

“No chaos,” George grins, offering a hand. “Just a ray of sunshine — and, let’s be honest, the new face of the Ferrari junior program.”

Charles nods sagely. “It’s settled then.”

—

yourusername

liked by lewishamilton, charles_leclerc, lando & 122,099 others.

yourusername : well ella has started collecting f1 drivers like infinity stones

tagged : yourbff, charles_leclerc, lando, georgerussell63 & lewishamilton

—

charles_leclerc : uncle ferrari is her favorite, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise ❤️🇲🇨

liked by yourusername

yourbrother : the second she realized how cool charles is — I became chopped liver 😁

liked by yourusername & charles_leclerc

charles_leclerc : nah bro she gave you a promotion…you are still clearly number one here 😁

liked by yourusername and yourbrother

yourbff : she is just like her auntie fr

liked by yourusername

yourusername : I can’t with you

username00 : this is so cute omg

username10 : and the heart hand with lewis. They are def dating

lando : uncle orange lightning 💪🏻🧡 I should ask for a movie deal

liked by yourusername

yourusername : ella would def help write the script

F1 : Ella is definitely going to make Cars 4 happen and half the grid will be starring in it! 🎬

liked by yourusername

yourusername : probably called “all my uncles are race cars“

georgerussell63 : honestly uncle sunglasses makes me sound like the fashion icon i am. such an honor.

liked by yourusername

carmenmmundt: is ella looking for an aunt sunglasses ??❤️

liked by yourusername

yourusername : she is looking for any excuse to extend our family😁 welcome ❤️

liked by carmenmmundt

lewishamilton : you all might be uncles but daddy lightning reigns supreme 🤍

liked by yourusername and lando

yourusername : still can’t believe that’s your new name 🤦🏻‍♀️

liked by lewishamilton

lewishamilton : it’s my honor

liked by yourusername

—

lewis’ pov

Three months. Ninety-something days since our first date. And somehow, it already feels like a lifetime — in the best way possible.

I’ve fallen in love twice in that time. Once with YN. And once with the tiny, bossy, endlessly curious human who came with her.

Ella.

She’s currently sitting cross-legged on the floor of my hotel suite, wearing her favorite Ferrari hoodie (that she refuses to take off even when it’s 24 degrees outside), munching on grapes, and watching Cars for what I think is the third time today. Maybe fourth. I’ve lost count.

YN is finally getting the full day to herself I’ve been begging her to take — massage, facial, lunch with her best friend, the works. I practically shoved her into the spa robe myself this morning while Ella shouted “BYEEEEEEEEE MAMA!” like she wasn’t secretly obsessed with her.

Honestly? I was more nervous than I thought I’d be.

It’s one thing to be with YN and Ella, our little trio. But just me and Ella? On our own?

Turns out, I didn’t need to worry.

We’ve been building forts. Making up names for the pit crew. Drawing faces on fruit. She told me earlier that my beard makes me look “wise like a lion.”

I’ll take it.

Right now, she scoots closer to the couch, then climbs up beside me without a word. I put the remote down and wrap an arm around her shoulders automatically.

“Still tired, munchkin?”

She nods, rubbing her eyes. Then she curls into my side and rests her cheek against my chest like she’s done it a hundred times before.

We sit in silence, just the hum of the movie in the background and the soft weight of her against me. It’s the kind of stillness that feels sacred.

Then, out of nowhere, she mumbles it.

“Love you, Daddy.”

My heart actually stops.

It takes a second for my brain to catch up. I glance down, thinking maybe I heard her wrong — maybe she meant teddy or Laddy, the dog from the movie or some imaginary character I’ve missed — but no.

She’s looking up at me with sleepy eyes and the softest smile.

Like she knows.

“Did you…” I start, my voice catching. “Did you just call me—?”

“Daddy,” she repeats, gently. “You’re mine, right?”

Something in my chest breaks wide open.

I gather her into my arms fully now, holding her like she’s the most precious thing I’ve ever touched — because she is.

“Yeah, baby,” I whisper into her hair. “I’m yours. Always.”

And I mean it more than I’ve meant anything in my life.

When YN texts me an hour later.

how’s my wild child??

She’s perfect. Everything’s perfect.

Remind me to tell you what she said today.

(You’re gonna cry, by the way.)

—

your pov :

I knew something had shifted the second I walked back into the hotel suite.

It wasn’t anything dramatic. The lights were low, Ella was tucked into bed, and Lewis was sitting on the couch in one of his hoodies, staring down at his hands. Calm. Still. But there was something in the air — soft and heavy, like a truth waiting to be spoken.

He looked up when he heard me come in and smiled that quiet kind of smile I’ve only seen him give when it’s just us. No cameras. No circuits. Just him and me and Ella.

“Hey,” I said, voice gentle. “How’d it go?”

“She was an angel,” he said softly. “You should go to the spa more often.”

I laughed and walked toward him, kicking off my shoes and sitting beside him on the couch. “Did she make you watch Cars again?”

“Twice,” he nodded. “And she made Lightning McQueen a girl this time. She renamed him Elaina.”

“Of course she did.”

He looked at me then — really looked at me — and I felt the air shift again.

“She said something today,” he said, voice lower now. “Something kind of big.”

My heart stilled. “What do you mean?”

“She called me ‘Daddy.’” His voice cracked the tiniest bit. “Just… said it like it was the most normal thing in the world.”

My breath caught.

Tears welled in my eyes instantly — fast, overwhelming, real.

“She what?” I whispered.

“She looked up at me, smiled, and just… said it.” He paused. “And I swear, YN, I’ve never felt anything like that in my life.”

I covered my mouth with one hand, completely undone.

“She’s never called anyone that before,” I said, barely able to get the words out. “Not once.”

“I know,” he said, scooting closer. “And I didn’t want to tell you just to tell you. I wanted to tell you because… I realized something.”

I blinked up at him, heart pounding.

“I love her,” he said simply. “So much it scares me. But I love you, too. Completely. Quietly. Loudly. All of it.”

My breath hitched. His eyes never left mine.

“I don’t want this to be casual,” he continued. “I don’t want to be your maybe. I want to be your person. I want to be hers. I want to be ours.”

Tears slid down my cheeks, but I was smiling now.

“You already are,” I whispered.

He leaned in, resting his forehead against mine.

“So then let’s make it official,” he murmured. “No more soft launches. No more pretending we’re not already a family.”

I kissed him — soft, grateful, all-in — and whispered against his lips.

“Okay. Official.”

And it felt like the most natural, beautiful yes I’d ever given.

—

lewishamilton

liked by yourusername, yourbrother, charles_leclerc & 5,090,787 others.

lewishamilton : didn’t just fall in love with my beautiful girlfriend but also fell in love with her mini me ❤️ my girls for life

—

yourusername : my whole heart ❤️😭 we love you sm

liked by lewishamilton

yourbrother : did not have lewis hamilton becoming my brother in law on the bingo card for this season but so happy for you guys!

liked by yourusername and lewishamilton

yourbff : never thought id see her become a wag😭🤭 so happy for you both. thank you for making my best friend so happy lewis

liked by yourusername and lewishamilton

charles_leclerc : So happy for you both❤️ and give my sweet little ella a kiss from uncle ferrari

liked by yourusername and lewishamilton

georgerussell63 : Happy you found two people who make you as happy as you deserve to be, brother. Even if one of those people calls me uncle sunglasses 😎

liked by yourusername and lewishamilton

yourusername : maybe one day if you’re lucky you’ll manage to get an uncle george out of her but no promises

liked by georgerussell63 and lewishamilton

georgerussell63 : nah I wouldn’t trade being uncle sunglasses for anything in the world ❤️

liked by yourusername and lewishamilton

lando : ella really said im gonna meet my goat, get my mom a boyfriend and add like 20 uncles to the family and made it all happen. she is rlly that girl

liked by yourusername and lewishamilton

yourusername : she loves her uncle orange lightning 🫶🏻

liked by lando

—

🧚🏻🦋🌙🌵🪲

[luna-rainbow]

@ashacrone sent me an excellent video essay about how and why CATWS is the best MCU movie and about half way through I had to stop and watch the real thing cos it made me so nostalgic and emotional 😂

New things I noticed this time around that I probably should have noticed ages ago:

The Winter Soldier theme has two distinct leitmotifs: there's the haunting digitised scream, and there's the percussion triplet. I think last time on a random rewatch I noticed that during the very opening of the Causeway scene, i.e. Steve, Nat and Sam are just driving on the road in the car with Sitwell, "the scream" comes on momentarily before their conversation takes place, as a foreshadowing. This time I noticed that during Nick Fury's car chase scene, much of the BGM was built on the Winter Soldier percussion triplets until it quietens suddenly and "the scream" comes on while the Winter Soldier comes into focus. I love the foreshadowing in the music

On the subject of music, the end of the line scene after Sarah's funeral plays a very similar tune to the end of the line/fall from the helicarrier.

I think I mentioned on the last rewatch that it's interesting Sharon says she was sent to "protect" Steve when he's a super soldier, and he probably clocked very quickly she was sent to monitor him, hence his very curt "neighbour" the next time he sees her. I think I may have written it in another meta too about whether Sharon (given her later going rogue as the Powerbroker) was a double agent who had a hand in setting up Fury's assassination. She somehow heard/noticed music coming from Steve's room before Steve, the super soldier with super hearing, noticed. Sure, maybe it's louder inside her room than it is from the hallway, but strange that she felt the need to bring it to his attention? It was almost as though she said it purposely to get Steve on edge -- remember Steve's reaction is then to climb through his window rather than go through the front door. This would have exposed his presence to the Winter Soldier who is most likely already in position on the opposite roof, especially if we go by the theory that the Soldier used Steve's eye line to triangulate where Fury was located. I know Pierce spends a lot of time questioning Steve about why Fury was in his apartment as though he wants to know what information Fury passed onto Steve (and that might be true), but likely part of the plan was also to frame Captain America in order to remove him from any kind of influence, so the Winter Soldier was instructed to wait until Steve was inside before finishing the assassination.

Steve's look when Fury shows him his phone that says "ears everywhere". It screamed "OF COURSE MY UNIT IS BUGGED OF FUCKING COURSE OF COURSE YOU DID IT".

There's this interesting small detail during Fury's car chase: he asks the AI to calculate the route, and he's told that one particular road is gridlocked, but there's another road that's more open. That is, of course, the road that the Winter Soldier was waiting for him on, which means SHIELD was controlling the lights/traffic to lure Fury into the trap. A callback later in the movie proves this -- when Steve dives through the glass ceiling and runs, Sitwell says, "All traffic lights in the district go red." So SHIELD had the capacity to control traffic, and they definitely did it to bring Fury into the Soldier's path.

When Steve was at the hospital after Fury's assassination, he was in his civvies, and Rumlow was rushing him to get back to SHIELD. Interestingly, when he arrives at SHIELD to speak with Pierce, he is in full battle suit (despite, obviously, the Strike team pressuring him to make things quick, he still took the time to change into his suit). The elevator fight is set up like an unexpected escalation given the civil way his conversation went with Pierce, but clearly Steve had been prepared for a fight as soon as he stepped foot inside SHIELD.

When he goes back to the hospital, he's back in a different set of civilian clothes and he doesn't don that particular suit again, instead opting to steal his old uniform from the museum. More than a statement against SHIELD, I wonder if he disposed of the suit because he's worried it had tracking embedded?

One minor detail during the elevator scene - Steve was initially standing near the back of the elevator and watching out the window. As the second group of people got on, one of the men says "excuse me" to Steve, forcing him to step aside and closer to the centre. Steve had already noticed Rumlow's team had their hands on their guns, but once he was forced into the centre he turned and gave the two guys who displaced him a very long suspicious look (one of them had the sweat dripping down his face). When Rollins gets on, that's when Steve was like "pretty sure all the players are here" and said the famous "does anyone wanna get out" line. I just love the way the action was set up, as they intentionally but subtly forced Steve into the middle and had him surrounded, which I think is also when it clicked for Steve.

Hilarious tiny detail when Steve and friends arrive at SHIELD HQ during the final act: they knock on the radio room and the guy who opens the door is faced with Sam and Maria pointing guns at him, and Steve going "excuse us". The guy throws his hands up and then does a little sideways wave to wave them through....XD Dude was like Cap I'm on your side <3

Look, if anyone can put themselves through the electrocution scene, Bucky actually lets out a strangled whimper before the electricity starts firing *heart shatters*

Steve's trembling voice as he pleads, "Don't make me do this." D=

Steve's thousand yard stare when Sam asks, "What makes you happy?" and his resigned, "I don't know." =(

I am firmer in my belief that Pierce intended for Bucky to die during the launching of Insight. In his speech to Bucky, he says "I need you to do it one more time". It just sounded very final (and besides, once the helicarriers are in the air, they don't have a need for an assassin who needs to be electrocuted every few days to keep in check). This might be partially why Bucky made no attempt to leave when the Helicarriers were crashing, because his mission was to bring down Steve and die there -- so Steve really did save him in more ways than one.

I feel like I love this movie more on each rewatch. So much thought was put into the script and the music and the action. Characters were so competent, which made the stakes feel so high and personal. The MCU really peaked with this movie and Black Panther.

[imhighoncrack]

Legendborn Hcs

•‌ selwyn either speaks too loud or so softly that he can barely be heard, because he has trouble adjusting to normal people hearing abilities. Like, he literally has problems uderstanding the right volume for his voice‌

• as a kid bree watched the og dragonball series because her dad piratated it for her (totally not projecting on this one)‌

• during his "rebel phase", nick got one of those illegal and unhygienic piercing, the type you get in a park, drunk, at 3 am done the friend of your friend's cousin. It ultimately infected and he got it off, though he still has a small scar on his eyebrow because of it‌

• bree had a huge strawberry phase when she was a kid: strawberries were basically the only fruit she ate, along with strawberry flavoured anything‌

• alice 100% knows how to do a joint lever/lock because of a self defence course she took‌

• sel goes around yapping about philosophy/literature and william is the only one putting up with him (this lowkey reminds me of my older brother)‌

• martin davis ate dirt as a kid‌

• valec either smokes 3 packs a day or is extremely against any type of cigarette‌

• bree absolutely LOVES sports bras‌

• her and alice definetly were the kids that rang the bell at anyone's house and then ran away‌

• alice bakes a lot‌

• nick is too lazy and hates shaving his beard, though it doesn't grow uniformally in all of his face and looks terrible when outgrown; because of this he still shaves it instead of starting to grow it properly‌

•nick also is an excellent swimmer‌

• will got his appretiation for tea/infuses from the (i think it was his uncle, i'm not sure though) uncle who trained him, who always said they helped patients. After finding out from nick what he did (constantly healing nick from the abuse injuries without raising a finger about it), will started to get weirded out by drinking tea/infuses, but still loves them too much to stop. He's still learning to find a new meaning in his tradition and stopping associating it with his uncle‌

• zoe and elijah 100% beat eachother's asses as kids, though they still were incredibly affectionate and caring with eacother. Their relatives couldn't wrap their heads around it‌

• selwyn doesn't particularly love sweets. One of the few types of cakes he tollerates are sachers

• bree reminds valec of his mom

[yuma-mukami-garden-god]

How’d the boys react to a s/o that’s a misandrist? Like they’ll just say something borderline or just down right misogynistic and she responds with something equally misandristic

Shu Sakamaki

Unbothered but observant. He'd lazily raise an eyebrow when you countered his typical lazy sexist jab about women being "too emotional" with a dry, "Coming from the gender that starts wars over bruised egos?" He wouldn't be offended—just intrigued by your sharp tongue. “Heh... So you hate men? Fine by me. Just don’t expect me to care.”

Reiji Sakamaki

Visibly irked but tries to maintain composure. He’d say something smug like, "Women are often too impulsive to handle authority," and you’d snap back with, "Men need authority to feel relevant—like toddlers in suits." His eye twitches. “How... uncouth. Such vulgarity is beneath you. But perhaps I should’ve expected as much.” He’ll still argue, but now it’s personal.

Ayato Sakamaki

Ego bruised, immediately on the defensive. “Women can’t beat men in anything. That’s just science.” Cue your, “Except in living longer, multitasking, and not starting bar fights over video games.” He gets loud. “Tch! Chichinashi, who do you think you're talkin’ to?! Ore-sama’s not like other guys!” He’s mad but also obsessed.

Kanato Sakamaki

Childishly enraged. He'd spout something like, “Men are stronger and better. It’s only natural,” and you’d innocently reply, “Yes, naturally overcompensating for their fragile egos.” His eyes go wide. “SAY THAT AGAIN. TEDDY, SHE’S INSULTING ME!” His tantrum will be epic. He takes it extremely personally.

Laito Sakamaki

Amused and turned on. “Oh~ Bitch-chan, men are born to lead, and women to follow~” You’d purr back, “And yet, you all get lost without GPS.” He’d laugh, hard. “Aww, you’re so mean~ I love it. Talk dirty to me more~ Maybe you do hate men. I can be your exception.”

Subaru Sakamaki

Deeply conflicted and internally spiraling. He makes a gruff comment like, “Tch. Girls are too sensitive,” and you fire back, “And boys are too emotionally stunted to cry without apologizing for it.” He’ll go silent. “Shut up… That’s not—! Damn it…” It hits a nerve. He doesn’t argue, just sulks. He’ll think about it for days.

Ruki Mukami

Annoyed but oddly respectful. He drops a line like, “Females tend to act on whim rather than logic,” and you tilt your head, “Unlike males, who act on testosterone and end up dead?” He smirks with a slow clap. “Touché. You have a sharp tongue, Livestock. Dangerous… but oddly enticing.”

Kou Mukami

Publicly laughs, secretly seethes. “Girls just want attention, huh?” You’d flash a fake smile, “Better than needing validation from the number of zeros in your bank account.” His fans don’t hear the venom in his tone: “Ahaha~ So cute when you're jealous~” But behind closed doors? He’s salty.

Yuma Mukami

Takes it as a challenge. “Women can’t handle real work. Ain’t built for it.” You huff, “Men can’t even handle a cold without crying like it’s the plague.” He grins wide, “Hah! Yer mouth’s got fangs, Sow.” He lives for it. Will arm wrestle you on the spot just to prove something.

Azusa Mukami

Confused and hurt. “D-Do you… hate me? Because… I’m a man?” You’d soften, “No, Azusa… you’re the exception. You don’t act like the others.” He clings to your words like gospel. “O-Okay… I’ll be… better than the others… for you…” He doesn’t get the nuance, but he’s trying.

Shin Tsukinami

Gets aggressive and territorial. “Women should know their place.” You shoot back, “Men should stop assuming the world owes them one.” He snarls, “Tch, you’ve got a big mouth. Maybe I should remind you why we rule this world.” You’re now in a dominance battle. Good luck.

Carla Tsukinami

Coldly intrigued. “It is natural for males to dominate in power and status,” he says calmly. You meet his eyes, “And it’s natural for men to fear women who don’t kneel.” There’s a silence. Then he smirks faintly. “Fascinating… You would’ve made an excellent queen in another era.”

Kino

Takes it personally, gets petty. “Typical girl, thinking she knows better.” You smirk, “Typical boy, thinking confidence makes up for lack of substance.” He huffs. “Tch. You think you’re clever, huh? Bet you still cry during sad movies.” You roast each other constantly—he’s pissed, but he likes the tension.

Karlheinz

Mildly entertained, vaguely condescending. “My dear… misandry is merely the inverse of the same emotional irrationality you claim to hate.” You tilt your head, “And yet I’ve never met a man who wasn’t terrified of being outsmarted by a woman.” He chuckles. “Clever… but you still play the game by my rules.”

Richter

Deeply offended, dangerously aggressive. "Women exist to serve men," he might sneer. You return, "And men exist to prove Darwin was right about extinction." His face drops. “You insolent little—!” He does not take it well. Be ready to dodge furniture.

[mayora97]

I'm usually with the Lily critical posts, but I don't think this level of blame is warranted. Just because I do believe she thought she was helping.

She told Severus he was wrong for hanging around aspiring deatheaters and going as far as breaking curfew to stalk the marauders around in order to catch them doing something wrong.

Is this bad advice? No. It's actually excellent advice.

Is it fair to shift all the blame and responsibility on to Snape to have 'better' friends and deal perfectly with the constant stream of harassment and bullying from the marauders?

Is it helpful to ignore all context and go straight to looking at Snape's faults and shortcomings?

Is it mindful to take the time to nag at James WHILE Severus is suspended in the air, upside down, blood rushing to his head for like a solid 10 minutes, after being quite viciously and randomly attacked, when a simple hex to the back of Potters head would've at least afforded Severus some dignity, stability and time to recover.

... I'd say no. And man do the interactions between Severus and Lily stress me out.

Lily is trying to be helpful by giving unsolicited advice, holding people accountable, and telling them how they should handle themselves. I don't think she's being manipulative or self-righteous. I think she's incapable of understanding why someone like Snape would struggle to 'act right' because she's comparing it to how she would handle it. How she handles Petunia's bullying, the glaring racism from the purebloods, and James's... err.. attention.

Not taking into account that, unlike her, Snape:

1. Snape was born into poverty and raised in a chaotic and unsafe household

2. Was clearly neglected and overly self-reliant (dressing himself in mismatched, oversized, clothes and taking it upon himself to teach Lily about magic) meaning this kid has had no guidance, has had to 'wing it' with limited recources all his life, and is grasping for any sense of belonging or self-worth

3. Likely enstranged from everyone in their muggle neighborhood besides Lily, so little to no practice with social interactions outside of their little friendship that he has had to 'earn' by teaching her things she might find interesting

4. I'm not saying he's definitely autistic, but... the obsession/hyperfixation with dark arts, struggling impossibly to explain things to Lily, pissing James off in the train on accident (if his suprise at his reaction is anything to go by), the intense eye contact, the way he walks, the way he talks, not reading the cues when Sirius practically lead him to his death. Like, the full list of signs can be a post by itself, but any of these will make you very unliked/unsafe even to the best of your efforts/intentions.

5. The marauders don't treat her anything like the way they treat Snape, just as the deatheater hopefuls treat Snape differently than how they treat her.

6. Snape has never known a day without disrespect. I don't think he was excluded from being called a mudblood by his housemates (or his mother for that matter), and I don't think it registered as the worst of his worries. His experience of this word wouldn't be the same as Lily, and while you can blame him for abusing others with it, he can't be blamed for feeling whichever way about it when it applies to him too.

7. Lily being non-compliant in Gryffindor gets her somewhat nagged at by her friends. Severus being in Slytherin and non compliant can get him targeted and blacklisted. The consequences just aren't the same.

8. After years of magical education, both of them are essentially incompetent in the muggle world. But if they had to resort to moving back, at least Lily has her family for support, whereas Severus has his family as an additional detriment.

9. Lily is never critisized, and people NEED someone to hold a mirror to them in order to improve. Whereas Severus is constantly criticized and invalidated no matter what, so where tf is he supposed to go if left, right, up, down, backwards, and forwards, are all the wrong answer deserving of divine and worldly punishment?

It makes sense that Lily gets frustrated and feels done with Severus because he's refusing to take her advice and 'be better'. It makes sense that she prioritizes her own happiness when it becomes clear that nothing she says or does to 'help' Severus pays off. To her, he never shows a sign of improvement or even readiness to follow her advice.

She's a child. She's not a therapist. She's not clairvoyant. Her empathy and understanding of the world are limited. Her energy and time are limited. The weight of trauma and the lens of a neurodivergent person are unfamiliar to her.

To ask her to be a good friend to Snape is like giving abstract algebra to someone who gets good grades in math. The support that Snape needs is beyond anything that can be reasonably asked of one teenage girl. Especially while they are both trapped in an environment that compounds and preys on his trauma, and demands of them to pick one of two sides.

Not to mention her own circumstances. She's being asked to give loyalty to someone who is prancing around with people who wish her 'sort' harm, never truly knowing who Severus feels loyalty to until she pretty much got her answer. She's being pressured by her peers, under a ton of stress because of the political environment at the time, she's the only somewhat reliable prefect from Gryffindor, her sister is an asshole so she is always around at least one or more asshole not knowing a day of peace from the unrelenting assholeness of people... Give her a break.

Blame any of the adults.

Lily Evans was incredibly lucky that Severus had his self-esteem in the negatives and was emotionally dependent on her because if it had been me, and a so-called friend watched me get bullied and abused for years by a gang of rich kids she lowkey thought were funny (like, seriously, that alone is insane), and then gaslit me about the abuse I was experiencing, only to cut me off because I lashed out under intense emotional distress… I swear, I’d lose it.

Like, no, I wouldn’t literally hurt her, but if I’d been Severus Snape, I’d either have smashed her smug little face in or come up with a twisted, slow-burn revenge plot to make her beg for mercy.

Lily Evans: the queen of double standards and moral inconsistency. No sense of loyalty, no real ethics, absolutely no personal code.

[decaffeinatedcandycane]

You ask them to set you up with one of their buddies ~

Price - Dumbfounded. Flabbergasted. Taken aback. Did you kiss the brick before throwing it at him? Just take Makarov and hurl him at his direction, why won't you?

His adorable employee wants a boyfriend and is too shy to ask men out. Oh, he has to fix that, doesn't he.

He has to find you a man, hm?

You will go to your little date, doll. He will personally drive you there, get you seated in the overly expensive restaurant and enjoy the shock on your face when he takes the seat opposite of you.

At the end of the date, he will offer to drive you to your home and when you question why he is driving to his estate he will deeply chuckle, "I said your home luv, not your house."

Ghost - The lieutenant is an excellent matchmaker, so it's not an odd request.

What is odd is, why are YOU asking him to set you up?

You can't find normal guys.

And you think you will find them amongst his team? Well, you will. And Ghost knows that. But he is too attracted to you to give you away to one of his buddies.

"What about me luv?" he randomly spits out while you are in his office, breaking the comfortable silence. Seeing the look of confusion on your face he adds, "Wanna try me? On a date."

You agree and drag him to your room for dinner. Ghost doesn't hesitate.

Yes, it's 10 am.

Yes, he is not hungry and you have no way of cooking food in your room.

Yes his team watch as a 5' something woman is dragging him across the halls.

Yes, this doesn't sound like a proper date.

But, his pants get tighter and tighter with every step he takes and he will be a damned if he denies your offer.

Soap -

Ha ha ha, good one. You have a Scottish military baddie at your desposal and when you finally date, you want him to introduce you to another man that isn't him?

Not a chance.

Soap has been planning to date you since he saw you. That's also the moment he started planning your house. Yeah, he got it bad...

Soap isn't subtle. He smiles like the Cheshire cat and relentlessly hits on you, even after you agree to go out with him. He will show off and get handsy, until you finally have enough and shove him in the nearest closet, where he promises big game, only to turn into a whimpering mess once you suck on his neck.

Kyle - He lies like the brat he is that there are no matches for you in his field. You see right through his bs, you always do, and take matters into your own hands.

But when you ask one of his buddies out yourself, you notice how Kyle mood shifts. He gets snappier, more bitchy and overall childish. When you finally confront him, he pushes you against the nearest wall, let's his hands roam around your body and doesn't break the kiss until you gently push him away.

"Break up with him." Kyle purrs into your neck.

"Yes, sergent." you whimper.

"Good girl."

[aniimamundi]

New microfic/drabble chapter for my Drarry fic!

Synopsis: Draco awaits trial while under house arrest at Grimmauld

I'd intended to finish this fic by the end of May. But I think it'll take another 3-4 chaps to round it off 😅 Also, I'm working on an extended/longer version of the fic to post on ao3. I'll drop a link when I post the last chapter on Tumblr ☺️

Link to chapter 1

Chapter 31: Why

He wanted advice about career options when he gets out. Doesn’t want to depend on his dad.”

That makes sense. It’s a good thing. But, still. 

“He could have asked me.”

Hermione gives him a look. 

Fair enough. Harry has no idea what he wants to do with his life. Career-wise. 

“Well did he … did he …”

“No. He’s found someone else.”

Harry tries but he can’t stop his face from crumpling.

“For fucks sake, Harry!” Hermione throws up her arms in exasperation. “He’s in a cell. By himself. All the time. Who will he take up with? A guard?”

“Why won’t he write to me then? Why won’t he see me?” he cries.

“I would suggest getting rid of all of those feelings of self-doubt. Then analyse what you know of Draco, of his nature. And then ask yourself these same questions.”

Hermione has always given excellent advice. So he does what she says.

First he clamps down on the fear that Draco has gotten over his feelings for him, or that he never had any feelings in the first place.

Then he remembers Draco’s fierce pride, of his tendency to defend via attacking, to present a cold and detached front to protect his emotional vulnerability.

Draco wouldn’t want Harry to see him in what he probably considers a pitiable state. Of course he’d try to brace for rejection by creating a distance.

Harry can understand. But he can’t accept it. He’s going to see Draco one way or another.

Next chapter>>

[mediumgayitalian]

Can you recommend long fics preferably over 200k words pls (all solangelo centered) 😞

okay so i searched through all my bookmarks and, unfortunately, ive only got 3 fics over 200K, two of which i'm certain i've already recced, and one i'm not quite done myself (but that i am enjoying a lot):

august by @cordelia---rose

Somehow, Nico's life only gets more confusing after he defeats a primordial Goddess. Will Solace accounts for about 90% of that confusion. (A journey through August, and all its ups and downs.)

i have recced this series once i have recced it a thousand times. it is my own personal canon. as long as my fics do an okay job reflecting the will and nico here, i'm happy. august (will's version) has to be one of my favorite fics ive ever read and the updates keep me sane. i LOVE this fic. there is such care in it. it is done so amazingly well and cordelia, in general, is an EXCEPTIONAL author with an unbelievably good handle on characterization and humor.

2. PJO Arranged Marriage/Royalty AU by @gatesofember

In a fictional world inspired by 18th century Europe, Artemis arranges the marriage of Will, the illegitimate son of Duke Apollo, and Nico, the Prince of Pluto. Percy, Prince of Neptune, marries his lover and childhood friend, Annabeth, a foreign heretic native to the islands in the north. After his older sisters pull out of the succession and his fiancee leaves him, Jason, Crown Prince of the Juvian Empire, faces the manipulative power of his stepmother alone...until he finds a new woman to marry.

i love this fic. it is unfinished however and will remain so. ember has an ending outlined on their blog, and who knows, anything can happen. lol. HOWEVER this is definitely worth the read. if anything it will inspire a royal au that lives in your head, like it lives in mine. plot was so so so so catching.

3. Will Solace and the Socialites of Olympus University by @sarcasmandships

Will Solace has enough problems. Between juggling two jobs, surviving pre-med classes, and making sure his roommates don’t burn down their Harlem apartment, the last thing he needs is a hopeless crush on campus legend Nico di Angelo. But try telling that to his heart. Nico and his rich, mysterious, ridiculously good-looking best friends (affectionately dubbed “Nico and the Seven” by students who can only dream of being that cryptic) are the stuff of gossip and wild rumours. Mafia ties? Maybe. Vampire coven? Sure. Time travelers from an alternate dimension? Definitely plausible. Will’s sure he’s never stood a chance… until a spilled drink, a cigarette on a balcony, and one very unexpected dinner invitation send him spiralling into Nico’s orbit. Now he’s stuck somewhere between flirting and a full-blown existential crisis. Because falling for Nico di Angelo was not part of Will’s academic plan; and he’s about to learn that extra credit doesn’t cover emotional disasters.

ongoing, but excellent. i am on....chapter 11?? i think?? so a quarter through. i broke and read ahead to some of the smut lol. and some of the prequel also bc it is excellent. but i am back on the straight and narrow and reading this painful slowburn persist. i am very excited to see where this goes bc anything stella writes is a BANGER and im not just saying that bc we're moots. she genuinely has a very good idea on how to write the push and pull and flow of a relationship, from romantic to platonic to in between and outside.

okay that's it that i have for 200k+. however. i have SEVERAL 20k+ fics?? if you would like?? shoot me an ask and ill do a list of those

[chigsprincess]

Current boyfriend

doing the current boyfriend prank with them -h.chigiri, e.otoya, t.karasu, s.itoshi, y.isagi

Chigiri Hyoma

He’s so excited to do couple content thinking it’ll be something adorable and sweet.

You start your video casually, smiling at the camera while he sits next to you all clueless.

Then you start your video with: “So I’m hanging out with my current boyfriend today…”

He immediately whips his head to the side to look at you, bitch slapping you with his hair in the process. “Current? What do you mean current?”

He pulls the most offended Pretty Boy™'s face ever. Chin tilted, brows raised, lips pursed. “Excuse me? I’m not an iOS update. There is no next version. This is the final product, and it’s perfect by the way!”

You try to keep it together and continue the video, ignoring him, but he looks like you just killed his entire family.

“Nooo I’m sorry baby, I didn’t mean it! It’s just a prank.”

That just makes it worse, he immediately sends you a glare and walks out of the frame with a hair flip.

Starts rambling about how he is your ‘forever boyfriend.’

He makes you promise to post the video with that title in the caption.

Fans love the video. Everyone comments on how whipped he is and how insanely handsome he is even when confused.

He films a follow-up video where he calls you his sidepiece. You totally beat him up with every pillow in your immediate vicinity.

Otoya Eita

He thinks the video is going to be super cute like some #CoupleGoals content where you talk about how you met or a “boyfriend tag” Q&A. He’s already flexing his jawline and fixing his hair in the camera before you even start recording.

He’s so ready to be adored. He is making heart hands, tossing in a wink, and saying, “Tell them how lucky you are, babe.” He thinks the world revolves around his charm.

Then you casually drop the line:

“So this is my current boyfriend…”

He instantly short-circuits. Like current???

“CURRENT?” he repeats like a confused parrot. “Babe. Current? What do you mean current? Who’s next?”

“I don’t know, Karasu maybe?”

He is done with you. He tries to laugh it off, but is secretly spiraling “You’re joking right? Babe? BABE??”

He calls his mom after not to report the prank, but to “double-check he’s boyfriend material.” His mom laughs for five straight minutes.

His fans call him a loser after they watch your video.

Karasu Tabito

He starts the video sounding like he’s giving a TED talk on being the perfect boyfriend. “Statistically, I am the ideal partner. High emotional intelligence, excellent bone structure, great hairline…”

Then you hit him with: “So this is my current boyfriend…”

“Current?” Raises an eyebrow like he’s about to dismantle a thesis.

He switches into full mock-debate mode.

“Interesting word choice. ‘Current’ implies temporality. That would suggest an expiration date… and I don't recall consenting to a limited-term arrangement.”

Despite all the sarcasm, his little smirk betrays him. He knows it’s a prank, but he’s having too much fun pretending to be betrayed.

His “revenge” is annoyingly clever Later, he casually brings home flowers and a card that reads: “To my temporarily monogamous partner may our contract be renewed indefinitely.” You hate him so much.

Itoshi Sae

He is not keen on the video idea, to begin with, but there’s not a thing he wouldn’t do for you in this world. Ew.

But when you start with: “So this is my current boyfriend…” he immediately regrets all the sappy crap he just thought about.

He pauses mid-blink. Blinks again.

“...What do you mean current?” His tone is flat. But his eyebrow goes up just a bit.

He doesn’t get dramatic, he just gets extremely cynical.

“You dating on a lease system or something? Shopping for a new one, or just testing the market?”

Plays along with your stupid idea, but when the camera’s off, he throws a hissy fit.

“Cool prank. Next time I’ll call you my trial run and see how you like it.”

Still pulls you into a one-arm hug and kisses your forehead though.

You totally gained Rin’s respect. Watched the video on repeat, just to see Sae suffer.

Isagi Yoichi

He was so excited to film with you.

“Wait, really? You want me in the video??”

He’s already glowing just from sitting next to you, and you already feel horrible for what you’re about to do.

You just drop the line to rip the bandaid off: “So this is my current boyfriend…”

Immediate malfunction.

Eyes widen. Mouth opens. He stares at you like you just admitted to second-degree murder. “C-Current? I—wait! What do you mean current???”

He tries to laugh it off, but he’s kinda taken aback. “Haha okay that’s funny… wait, it is a joke, right? …RIGHT?”

Then he realized this was you, he was dealing with and his confidence kicked in.

“I mean, I know you love me. I know I’m your favorite. You told me last week I was your soulmate and you cried about it, sooo…”

You press seven million kisses onto his face as an apology.

Even so, he's texting, "Still your current boyfriend?" with a heart emoji every time you go two hours without texting.

word count: 834

[punkrockmlchael]

Check Me?

Masterlist | Fred Hechinger Characters Masterlist

Customer: Anonymous!

Order: double scoop of pistachio almond with nerds

Ingredients: 18+ mdni, Fem!Reader x Simon Kalivoda (for obvious reasons, reader and Simon are both 18+), There might be some spoilers (nothing major but I suppose read at your own risk if you don't want any/haven't seen Fear Street 1994 yet), Second Chance Love, Some Heartfelt Conversation, Mentions of Blood, Mentions of dying/death, Smut: Kissing and Making Out, Fingering, Hand Job, Unprotected PinV (wrap it up, okay?), Creampie

Total: $27.36 (2736 words)

Order note from the scooper (Simon): "Hi, valued customer! Thank you for your order! I love this combination, some people think it's weird but I love nerds. Anyways, here's your double scoop of pistachio almond with nerds! Please, come back soon and get some more ice cream from us! I would love to see a pretty person like yourself here each and everyday."

Check out our ice cream parlor here!!

thank you to @keeryhours , @iitsmandii , and @robinbuckleywife for reading this over for me!

Josh followed Kate into the girls bathroom like a lost puppy, watching her every move as he went in after her. He was clearly mentally undressing her; a nervous wreck with each and every step he took behind her.

The pair both entered the girls bathroom, the door swinging shut behind them with a loud and obnoxious creak.

Deena and Sam were already walking towards the science lab together, tension in the air with each step they took together. The shared glances, the sudden shift in stances, the way Deena’s gaze lingered on Sam for a moment too long as they shuffled away to a secluded room.

Josh was with Kate. Deena was with Sam. And that meant that you were left with… Simon. Simon Kalivoda, in all his glory, or, lack thereof. It had been approximately two months since you had spent time with him outside of the group, the quick and sudden breakup a bit too much to handle. It’s not that he didn’t care about you, or that you didn’t care about him; no. It was quite the opposite, actually. You two just… needed time to grow and the best way to grow was by being apart (or, at least, that’s what your mom said).

Something about how high school relationships are meant to be fun but if you want something serious you have to put in the extra work. And, Simon hated putting in extra work; he was the definition of here for a good time, not a long time. But you were different. You wanted to have fun while excelling as a person. That’s what made you and Simon different… sometimes it felt like he didn’t care about excelling as a person; he was just there.

Living his life, day by day, with no care in the world. Selling anything and everything he could get his hands on to try to get out of the shitty town you both called home.

You were trying to excel now for your future whereas Simon was trying to make it to his future; he didn’t care how he got there, as long as he was able to leave this shitty place behind.

The slam of the science lab door brought you back to reality and you were actively aware of the fact that you and Simon were now left alone—just the two of you left with each other. Normally you would enjoy this, you would always try to sneak off and get some time alone with each other but… not now. No, now you were trying to avoid him like the plague; you wanted to avoid Simon and everything that had to do with him like he was cursed.

You sighed, looking down at the clothes in your hands before you glanced at Simon who was making his way towards the boys bathroom.

“Guess that just leaves us,” he smirked, opening the door for you.

“Wonderful,” you muttered under your breath as you made your way into the bathroom.

“Oh, try not to seem so excited,” Simon teased, following you into the bathroom.

“My bad,” you mumbled, “I just, always seem to be stuck with you.”

“Oh, you know you love me,” Simon smirked, setting his clothes down on the sink carefully.

“Hardly,” you muttered, shaking your head.

“Mhm, sure,” he shrugged, taking his shirt off carefully. He threw it in the trashcan before he undid his jeans and pushed them down. He pumped some soap into his hands before scrubbing them together, running them under the water carefully. The soap and water flew down the drain while Simon stood there, shaking his hips gently.

“Do you have any shame?” You asked, watching him dance in front of the mirror while washing his hands.

He glanced at you, shrugging. “We both know the answer to that. Plus, you’ve seen me in less clothes than this before,” he reminded you, drying his hands off carefully. He turned to you, watching you slowly peel off your sweater.

“Yeah, I know. How could I forget?” You asked, throwing your sweater into the trash can with his shirt. “Will you check me for any of Sam’s blood? I just want to be completely sure there’s nothing on me.” You said, looking up at Simon. He nodded, walking towards you slowly.

He walked around you in a circle, checking your entire upper body for any sign of blood. You undid your jeans and stepped out of them, looking at him as he eyed you up and down. “Nope, no blood,” he mumbled, his fingers grazing over your lower back gingerly as he walked towards the front of you.

“Thanks,” you nodded, trying to ignore the feeling of his fingers on your skin and the feeling of goosebumps that overcame you.

Simon looked at you, nodding back as he thought for a minute. “You still love me,” Simon said, moving closer to you. “I know you do, and it’s okay because I still love you…” he added, his hands finding your hips meticulously. “I miss you,” he mumbled, pulling your body closer to him. Your breath hitched, listening to his words carefully as they fell out of his mouth.

The feeling of his body against yours was something so familiar that you missed and craved desperately. Your bodies just fit together like puzzle pieces, molding together perfectly in all the right spots. His hands on your hips, your chests touching, your hips touching… every touch of pure skin on skin searing with the heat of desire and longing.

“You miss me?” You asked, your hands finding his biceps. Your fingers wrapped around them slightly, your eyes finding his. Simon flexed his muscles under your touch, something he would always do when your grip was on them.

“Course I do,” Simon smiled slightly, his face nuzzling into your neck. He placed soft kisses on your skin, remembering the spots that drove you absolutely crazy. Peppering your neck with soft and sweet kisses, he slowly backed you up towards the wall. He pinned you between his body and the wall, his right hand moved to play with the lace hem of your panties.

“Simon,” you moaned softly, head falling back against the cool wall. “I miss you, too, you know?” Your hands moved up his biceps gently, nails digging into the skin just how he likes it. He groaned at the feeling, kissing up your jawline. His lips found yours in a soft and gentle kiss, a kiss that was filled with love and passion.

“You know,” he mumbled, your name falling from his lips just like it has plenty of times before. “We do have some time,” he smirked, his fingers dipping into the front of your panties slowly. “We could have some fun.”

You gasped softly at the feeling of his fingers moving closer and closer to your core. “Mhm,” you nodded, eyes shutting as your dominant hand moved down his chest, tracing over the hair that sat there slightly. Your hand stopped at the waistband of his underwear, tugging on it before you released it, the elastic snapping back against his skin with a loud snap.

“Witch,” he groaned, his whole hand moving into your panties.

“Oh please, you love me,” you smirked, “you know you, ah!” You moaned, back arching off the wall as his middle finger dipped between your folds slightly. His middle finger rubbed up and down your folds slowly before he pushed it into you.

“What was that?” He smirked, pumping his finger in and out of you slowly as you shook your head. You had completely lost your train of thought, everything going out the window as soon as Simon had you where he wanted you. “Oh, cat got your tongue, now?” He asked, kissing your lips roughly. You whined against his lips, moving your hips against his hand for more friction. “God, you’re just as needy as I remember,” Simon kissed down your neck, his lips kissing all over your chest. “Actually, you might be a little more needy than I remember,” he mumbled against your skin.

You rolled your eyes at his words, groaning softly as you moved against his fingers more. “Shut up,” you mumbled, your hand moving down his stomach. You stopped over his erection, squeezing it through his underwear before you started palming him.

“Oh, fuck,” he sighed, his head falling onto your shoulder gently. His forehead rested carefully on your shoulder, a small groan that sounded awfully close to your name falling out of his mouth. “Missed this,” he mumbled, closing his eyes as you palmed him a little rougher. His hips bucked up slightly, pushing against your hand for more friction.

“Missed this?” You smirked, your hand crawling back up slightly before moving into his underwear carefully. You wrapped your hand around his cock gently, pumping it up and down a few times. Your thumb rubbed over the slit, collecting and moving the precum that had already leaked out. A whine left Simon, his fingers slowing their movements slightly before he continued to pump them in and out of you.

“Missed this,” he repeated, peppering your collarbone with soft kisses. “Missed you,” he added, kissing up your neck and jawline, meeting your lips softly. “Missed you so so much, baby girl,” he mumbled against your lips.

You kissed him back, the kiss soft and sweet. Despite the position you were both in, the kiss was one of love and affection, making up for lost time instead of being hasty and messy.

“Missed you too,” you smiled after pulling away from the kiss slightly. “Missed everything about you.”

“Yeah?” Simon asked, his forehead resting against yours. “Like this?” He asked, curling his fingers slightly. You gasped softly, moaning as you nodded your head.

“Definitely that,” you replied, pumping him a little faster. Simon groaned, his fingers moving faster as the pad of his thumb brushed over your clit gently. “Fuck,” you whined, moving your hips against his fingers again. “I can’t take this,” you shook your head, your hand releasing him as you pulled it back. “For the love of god,” you mumbled, looking at him. “If we might die tonight, the least you could do is actually fuck me.”

Simon grinned, his fingers moving out of you slowly before they played with the hem of your panties. “With pleasure,” he nodded, pushing your panties down slowly. “You don’t even have to ask me twice.”

You smiled softly, looking up at him. “I don’t think I ever have to ask you twice,” you teased. You pushed his underwear down carefully, watching his erection spring free. “Damn, Kalivoda,” you mumbled, kissing his lips gently. “Forgot how big you are.” You whispered against his lips.

“Oh, yeah?” He asked, moving closer to you. His tip rubbed through your folds gently, slowly pushing into you. “Need a reminder?” He asked, breath hitching as he slowly felt you around him.

“Yeah,” you nodded, head falling back against the wall gently as he fully pushed into you. “Fuck,” you breathed out, looking up at him. “A reminder, a refresher, whatever you want to call it,” you smiled, kissing him softly. “I’ll take it,” you mumbled against his lips.

Simon’s hands found your hips, holding them gingerly as he rubbed small circles on them slowly. He kissed you back, pulling out of you completely before slowly pushing back in. He kept his thrusts slow and deep, his right hand grabbing your thigh gently. He lifted it up carefully, thrusting into you deeper with the new angle. You moaned against his lips, your leg wrapping around his body as your arms snaked around his neck, your fingers tangling into his messy hair.

“You’re beautiful,” Simon muttered, kissing down your neck. Your face flushed a slight pink at his compliment, your fingers tugging on his hair gently.

“You’re just saying that,” you replied, looking at him. “I’m standing in the boys bathroom at school, in just my bra, getting fucked against a wall before we go on a manhunt for some undead killers sent by a witch that has haunted this town for hundreds of years.” You reminded him, shaking your head. “I’m not beautiful. This is actually probably the worst I’ve ever looked,” you laughed slightly.

Simon shook his head, his thrusts picking up speed. “It’s been so hard not telling you how beautiful you look each and every day.” He muttered, kissing your neck softly. “You’re so fucking beautiful, and every time I looked at you I was just so… jealous that you weren’t mine anymore. I wanted nothing more than to fall to my knees and beg for you to come back to me. Because, let’s face it. I am an idiot, I know that. I’m stupid, I’m dumb, I’m the worst person to probably walk this shitty ass town right now.”

“Not the worst,” you mumbled, shaking your head as he kissed your neck. “You’re not cursed by a witch,” you added softly.

“I’m not cursed by that witch,” he kissed up your neck, kissing your lips softly. “But, sometimes, it feels like I'm cursed by something else.” Simon’s thrusts picked up speed again, his right hand moving down to where your bodies were connected. His thumb rubbed tight circles on your clit gently, adding extra pressure as his thrusts turned sloppy. “I lost you, I fucked up so hard that I lost the one thing I cared about most in my shitty life; you.” He admitted, kissing your lips again.

You moaned against his lips, kissing him back as your hips moved against his. “Fuck,” you breathed, moaning Simon’s name as you clenched around him, releasing around him as he continued to thrust. “You’re not cursed,” you mumbled, looking at him. “We just went separate ways, I think it’s time we come back together?” You suggested, your hands moving down his arms gently. You squeezed his biceps again, scratching at the skin gently.

Simon groaned your name loudly, kissing your lips as he thrusted into you hard and deep, releasing rope and rope inside of you. He mumbled something incoherently against your lips while his thrusts slowed down. He kissed your lips a couple more times, stopping his movements as he looked at you. “You think it’s time for us to come back together?” He asked softly, a hopeful gaze in his eyes.

“Yeah,” you nodded, smiling slightly as you kissed his lips again. “Unless you don’t think we should?”

“No, no, I definitely want to.” He smiled, kissing you again. “I love you.” He pulled away from the kiss and pulled out of you, helping you stand back up carefully.

He moved quickly to clean himself up before walking towards you, helping you clean up as well.

You and Simon both got dressed in silence, but it wasn’t an awkward silence—it was sweet. A nice, comfortable silence as you shared glances at each other, looking away with blushes each time you noticed the other looking.

You glanced in the mirror and fixed your hair and your clothes before you slipped out of the bathroom with Simon.

You leaned against the lockers, arms crossed over your chest. Simon stood beside you, biting on his nails out of nerves as everyone rejoined the small group after getting changed. Kate gave Simon a look while Josh smiled brightly; Deena and Sam walking hand in hand.

“Wait, did you all go to pound town?” Simon asked, picking the vibes from everyone too well. After a moment of silence, Simon grinned like a Cheshire cat. “Me too!”

You looked at him, shocked at the words that just came out of his mouth before you groaned and hid your face in your hands.

“Wait, what?!” Kate smirked, looking at you. “The love birds are back together?”

“Shut the fuck up,” you smiled, shaking your head.

“Holy shit,” Deena mumbled, nodding along with Kate. “The love birds are back.”

You huffed, rolling your eyes as you walked away, towards a classroom.

“She wasn’t able to resist my charm any longer,” Simon smirked at the girls, running after you. He caught up to you, throwing his arm around your shoulder before he pulled you closer to his body, kissing your temple gently. “I love you,” he mumbled against your hair.

You hummed, unable to hide the smile that was forming on your face. “I love you too, Simon.”

simon kalivoda taglist: wanna join? click the form here! ; @keeryhours ; @iitsmandii ; @bumblebeeswrite ; @prettycalla ; @alexa0813 ; @samslvrgirl ; @littlemissholy ; @robinbuckleywife ; @daliah-xxo ; @fallout-girl219

[thezombieprostitute]

Tech Tuesday: Bucky Barnes

Summary: You get a much needed win.

Warnings: Caretaker stress, Mentions of assault and violence, Work stress. Please let me know if I missed any.

Previous

Tech Tuesdays Masterlist

"Exquisitely done," Jefferson praises at your latte art. You smile at the compliment, grateful your nerves aren't making your hands shake too much. "The college students absolutely love the cutesy latte art. Really anything they can take a photo of and share online. You'll get much better tips for that kind of thing so I encourage all employees to practice new techniques and designs during the slower hours. The only catch is that you have to drink every cup you practice with."

"I'm happy to hear that. My...my last job didn't call for a lot of latte art so my skills are rusty."

"We're just getting out of midterms week so there should be more downtime for practicing," he reassures.

"You talk like I've already got the job," you chuckle halfheartedly.

"Because you do," he smiles. "And no, it's not just because my cousin recommended you. It's because you've got the experience, the knowledge, the skill. Plus, I need a manager who can help me handle all of these student employees."

"Manager?"

"Did Bucky not tell you? The turnover rate is high here because I hire so many students. I need another adult in the place who will stick around."

"I...I just wasn't expecting..." You take a breath to get your brain functioning. "What all does being manager entail?"

Jefferson chuckles, "so you accept the job?"

"I just need some more details before I fully agree, but I'm very inclined to accept."

"Excellent!"

Bucky remained in the cab of his truck for your interview. You'd asked him to out of concern Jefferson would be more influenced to hire you if he was reminded of the familial connection. He knows better, Jefferson never lets that sort of thing cloud his judgment, but he still acquiesced. You needed to prove to yourself you could do it. That's something he understands.

He sends another "thank you" text to Steve and Newbie. Honestly, if it weren't for them, he'd have likely ended up going to prison for assaulting August. It'd be well deserved, but it wouldn't have been good for you or Robby.

Bucky's gotta admit, he's been having fun introducing Robby to Dungeons & Dragons. He missed his chance to play with Jake's group so he could help you out. But he's thinking he might be able to start up his own little group with you, Robby, Steve and Newbie. Maybe. Something for the back burner. In the meantime, coming up with stories and characters with Robby is a lot of fun.

He's startled out of his thoughts by the passenger door opening. You climb in, all smiles, and cup his face with your hands.

"Thank you, Bucky," you say as tears start forming in your eyes. "I got the job. Thank you, so much, for getting me the interview."

"It's no--" he's cut off by a deep, passionate kiss that has him hungry for more. He grips the back of your head as he returns the kiss, moaning as you let his tongue push past your lips.

The kisses and touches become more intense and you want to lose yourself in them but you can't. You don't want to disappoint Bucky, but you can't keep going. You gently try to pull away and he immediately stops and lets you go.

"I'm sor--"

"No need for apologies, Sweetie," he says breathily, gently caressing your cheek. "You don't ever need to apologize for not wanting to go further. Especially after everything you've been through today."

"Thanks for understanding," you smile back.

"It's what a good boyfriend does," he chuckles. "Let's get you home so you can tell Robby and celebrate."

When you enter the apartment, Robby is fully engrossed in his Pokémon Eevee game and doesn't even look up from the screen. Knowing he's been just as stressed as you lately, even if it's in his own way, you gently sit next to him on the couch.

"Got you some McDonald's nuggets," you tell him as you place the bag on the coffee table in front of him.

"Thanks," he says in his monotone voice.

"I also want you to know I got a new job." Robby winces at your words; another change in his life. "But it's a good thing because my new boss isn't going to mess with my schedule. I'll be able to work the same hours every week. We're going to get back into a routine."

"That's good," he replies, tone lighter, relief in his voice.

"Do you mind if Bucky stays to celebrate the new job with us?"

"No, he's cool," Robby nods his head once.

"Thanks, Robby!" Bucky smiles.

Robby's smile widens, still never looking away from the screen. Bucky sits next to you on the couch, bringing the rest of the food you'd gotten to celebrate.

"Do you mind if we watch something?" you ask Robby.

"No," he shakes his head as he puts down the Switch. "Just so long as we don't watch some gross romance stuff," he chuckles.

"No worries there," you smile.

The rest of the night is spent with you cuddling up with Bucky, all three of you laughing, happy, and able to relax for the first time in a long, long while.

Next

Tech Tuesdays Masterlist

Tagging: @alicedopey; @darsynia; @delicatebarness; @ellethespaceunicorn; @icefrozendeadlyqueen; @jaqui-has-a-conspiracy-theory; @late-to-the-party-81; @lokislady82; @ozwriterchick ; @peaches1958; @ronearoundblindly; @stellar-solar-flare

[tomkaulitzssgirl]

Hii! I hope you're having an excellent day. Could I request a Tom (2017) where he's in love with the reader, always flirting and annoying her affectionately, but the reader always responded sarcastically, until one day he just got tired of not getting an answer and suddenly kisses her end to confessing his feelings.

Thank u <3

DOES THIS LOOK LIKE TEASING? TOM KAULITZ

you don’t really remember when tom kaulitz became a part of your life — only that one day he was just there, like a storm you didn’t see coming until it was already on top of you.

he was older. not by a lot, but enough to make you feel like he looked at you with a kind of amused patience, like he already knew what you were going to say before you said it. tom didn’t flirt like the guys your age did. no cheap pickup lines or try-hard compliments. no awkward hovering or weird bragging. he flirted with ease — smooth, dry, quiet — in a way that made your skin warm even when your brain told you to brush it off.

“you gonna look at me like that all night, or are you gonna say something?”

“i’m literally looking at the wall,” you’d mutter, not meeting his eyes.

“mm. lucky wall.”

he was maddening.

he’d show up to whatever gathering you were at — small house parties, dinners, lowkey aftershows — and find a way to sit next to you. not obnoxiously close, just… close enough. close enough to lean toward you when he spoke, voice soft and warm. close enough that his cologne lingered on your hoodie after you bumped into him. close enough that it made your heart act stupid, even though you knew better.

you always played it off. it was easier that way, he’d call you honey, you’d roll your eyes.

he’d say you looked good, you’d mutter something about his eyesight failing.

he’d brush your shoulder walking past, and you’d pretend not to notice how warm your skin felt for the next ten minutes.

it became a thing. you and tom. him quietly, consistently showing up — and you pretending not to care.

but deep down — buried under the dry tone and practiced eye-rolls — you felt everything. you felt it when he sat beside you and let his knee brush yours like it was an accident.

you felt it when he gave you his hoodie without saying anything, just because you looked cold.

you felt it when he looked at you like he already knew what you were hiding and was just waiting for you to stop pretending.

you wanted to believe it. that he meant the things he said. that he wasn’t just playing some long, elaborate joke on the younger girl who acted unimpressed every time he flirted. but how could you?

he was him — older, famous, steady. he moved through the world like someone who’d already lived a thousand lives. and you… you still felt like you were barely figuring out your first.

so you pushed it down. every flutter, every spark, every lingering glance when he wasn’t looking — you shoved it deep under the surface, tucked behind a smirk.

you also didn’t know why he bothered, maybe he was just bored, maybe he liked the chase, maybe it was just his way of passing the time between hotel rooms and rehearsals and everything else his world was made of.

you knew how he was, so you didn’t pay too much mine to it.

he never pushed. never made it weird. just hovered on the edge of something that felt like almost, and let you be the one to pretend it wasn’t there.

until that night.

⸻

your friend had invited you out — small backyard get-together, nothing crazy. music, drinks, people you half-knew. you didn’t expect tom to be there. he’d been in berlin the last time you checked. you figured he had better things to do than hang out in a suburban backyard full of twenty-somethings trying to seem like they had their lives together.

so you went. you wore something casual. let your hair do what it wanted. didn’t think about him at all — until you turned around with a drink in your hand and he was right there.

leaning against the fence, cigarette between his fingers, watching you with that unreadable look on his face.

“you following me now?” you asked, trying to sound bored.

he smiled slow, lazy. “if i say yes, you gonna call the cops?”

“i might.”

“they’ll have to fight me. i’m not leaving until you admit you missed me.”

you rolled your eyes, but your chest felt tight.

he looked good. annoyingly so. black t-shirt, rings catching the string lights, his hair tied back in that messy way you secretly liked. calm, quiet, completely unfazed by everything around him — except you.

you didn’t know what to say, so you walked off. it was safer to keep your distance. safer to flirt with the harmless guy from your music class who just happened to be there. theo. sweet, safe theo, who didn’t make your heartbeat speed up just by looking at you.

you laughed at something he said. leaned in a little. let yourself feel normal for a second.

and then tom was there.

he didn’t interrupt. just stood nearby, arms crossed, jaw tight, watching. something heavy in his expression.

later, when you slipped away to get some air, he followed.

“so, that’s what you like?” he asked, low and flat.

you turned. “what are you talking about?”

“guys like him. soft voices, easy compliments. doesn’t say anything unless he’s sure it won’t scare you off.”

you frowned. “he’s nice.”

“yeah. boring, too.”

you crossed your arms. “why do you care?”

he didn’t answer right away. just stared at you, like he was weighing something in his head.

“you know,” he said finally, “i’ve been patient. i’ve let you play this little game. the eye rolls, the sarcasm, the pretending you don’t get what i mean when i say you look good or when i tell you you’re all i think about when i can’t sleep.”

you opened your mouth, but nothing came out.

“i know i’m older,” he said, stepping closer, “i know you think i’m just messing with you. but i’m not some kid who flirts for fun. i don’t say shit i don’t mean. and i don’t watch you with some guy who doesn’t even see you and feel nothing.”

his voice cracked slightly. “i can’t.”

you were quiet. too quiet. your throat felt tight.

he exhaled. “i’ve tried. i’ve tried to be cool about it. tried to wait for you to take me seriously. but i can’t keep doing this if you’re gonna keep pretending you don’t know how i feel.”

your voice came out small. “how do you feel?”

his jaw flexed. he stepped forward — just enough to make you hold your breath.

“i want you,” he said softly, “i’ve wanted you since the first night we met. and every time you roll your eyes at me or walk away or pretend like i’m just joking — i let you. because i didn’t want to scare you. but you need to know. i’m not playing.”

your heart was pounding.

“say something.” he murmured.

you shook your head, just a little. “i didn’t think you meant it. i thought you were just… teasing. bored.”

he took another step, eyes dark.

“does this look like teasing?”

and then he kissed you.

not rushed. not messy. sure. slow, warm, real. his hand slid up to cup your jaw, fingers brushing behind your ear, mouth moving with yours like he’d been waiting for this exact moment since forever.

you melted. the sarcasm fell away. the walls fell down. and you kissed him back like you’d been starving for it, too.

when he pulled away, he didn’t say anything for a second.

then, softly:

“no more pretending.”

and you nodded.

because you were done pretending, too.

[paracosmicka]

I crap my pants when I get within a meter of spooky violins and I’ve never seen a single piece of Sonic media, but I am a devoted follower of ur blog regardless. Do I know what’s up? Never. Do I enjoy excellent hedgehog family art and interesting character designs? Always. Your art (especially animations) are so so so so amazing.

Xoxo,

Confused By Choice

I feel so honored to have people follow me solely bc my art but I especially respect the people that go out of their way to not understand anything because me too dude the amount of artists I follow where I have no idea what fandom their posting about I just love their art is quite a lot of beautiful art that I don’t know the origin of. My brain doesn’t have any more room for new fandoms for me to join why do you think half of my hyperfixations are just recycled from when I was a child.

Anyway this is very nice thank you OP but I do have to ask what do you mean by spooky violins??? 😭😭 As far as I know I don’t really post about musical instruments

[bluelikesmarmalade]

(COMPLAINING INCOMING)

OKAYH I've seen way too many people having misconceptions on Vee and Glisten thinkin they must dislike each other and to that I say NO???

Even if they did, doesn't mean shipping them is FORBIDDEN or anything-

That aside, I don't think they hate one another. Allow me to slam this wall of text in your face for a sec

FIRSTLY, Glisten doesn't hate Vee — he's jealous of her. in fact, he's jealous of all the mains. Might be because the mains are expected to act better than normal toons or ARE made better (the extra star in their stats hello 👋)

HOWEVERER, the primarily reason being the attention they get. They're the main characters and therefore they get plushies made of them (Cocoa too sbjxdirn main stealing position easter bunny) advertisements, character sheets, toon handlers, you name it, the mains are given more. Pair that with him genuinely believing he has to be perfect and you'll get a ★ recipe for immense jealousy ★

maybe idk it ryhmed

He would KILL (in a video game) to get a kid's drawing of himself, but only mains are allowed to get children's drawings, thus the random main character drawings hanged up in his room for seemingly no reason. He could only wish to have something like that for himself. even if it has "Sorry i forgot your name" written on it.

The Stage Fright poster with many hearts scribbled around himself? Yeah, it quickly goes from "as self-centered as ever" to "oh wait shoot... that actually makes sense" once you remember only the mains get to appear on posters.

That was probably the first and only time he ever appeared on an official poster and he was SO thrilled about it when it happened.

He's especially jealous of Vee, being on stage and having all eyes on him is what he craves. He wants to be seen as amazing as her, on a stage, as a show host. He believes if he can achieve his goal, he can be like her, or at least get close- To the point where he intentionally (or not sometimes) starts copying her mannerisms. Look at their poses, c'mon- one is clearly copying the other and it's NOT Vee. Dude legit has machine manuals two times his size in his room because SHE excels at extraction speed.

SECONDLY, Vee doesn't hate Glisten, she CARES about the other toons. (looking at you, Vee mischaracterizors who make her out to be a heartless bastard- i can enjoy that version of her too but its NOT CANON PLEASE)

I really can't outright say she hates anyone, not even Shrimpo cuz it was NEVER CONFIRMED!! (The closest she gets to hating someone is Dandy and even then, can only state she has some jealousy/envy feelings towards him. not sure If I can confidently say she hates him. Dislike? Totally. 110% definitely. but still haven't got enough info on what their deal is.)

Her telling Glisten he'll never be a good show host isn't out of HATRED, she's speaking her mind. She always says what she thinks is true, no sugarcoating, downright honest. And when Glisten doubles down on the whole "I'm perfect, I can do anything" schtick, she doesn't go full on insulting mode, though she does go full on sass mode-

If she actually hates him, I'd expect her to... I dunno, say something real mean?? And not something she actually perceives as facts?? Maybe not engage with him at all in any way??

When he asks her for help, you'd think she maybe would tell him off after he tried to pretty much take advantage of her (or maybe he was trying to make it seem like they're somehow best friends so it's not as embarrassing when he needs her help in front of other toons in the elevator idfk) but she doesn't do that. she agrees to help him.

This doesn't mean they're friends, it means Vee tolerates him enough to assist when he asks for something. maybe Vee has like a Fton supply of mics and doesn't care if he takes some

Anyway, the most I'll accept of the "Vee and Glisten are besties" headcanon is Vee somewhat getting along with Glisten for whatever reason but doesn't want to mingle with toons she sees as not talented enough for too long-

Now, I fw enemies to lovers and I enjoy platonic mirrorvision as much as the next guy, but no, I simply don't believe that is what they actually are.

No, they are NOT besties. No, they DON'T hate each other. I know, this is just MY OWN DUMB SPECULATIONS/HEADCANONS so please don't CHASE ME DOWN WITH FORKS.

I'M DONE, I'M OUT. I'M OUT THE WINDOW.

[monbons]

Do you make a new felt Simon & Baz every time or do you reuse them? I love them they’re very whimsical

This is an excellent question. The short answer is yes! Each Simon and Baz (and Agatha, Penny, Fiona, etc) is a new doll every time.

Since I think quite a few people wonder the same thing, here is a slightly longer answer too.

I started doll making as fanart. I wanted to give back to creators whose work I admired. Mostly fic writers, but some artists have inspired dolls too. (I'm working on fanart for fanart right now!) Once finished and posted, I mail off the dolls as gifts. It's my way of celebrating how much time and effort went into these fics and art pieces that I love!

Although I make dolls as fanart of fic/art less frequently now, they are still always new dolls. I treat each one as an opportunity to get better at my craft, perfecting old techniques or trying out new ones.

***The grand exception to the "always a new doll" rule was COC 2024, where the time constraints were so tight I physically could not have done that. For that event only, I made the complete set of dolls I would need for all 30 days up front, and then I only made outfit changes or props for each post.***

Even when not inspired by someone else's work, I almost always gift the dolls anyway. Most go to close friends I've made through fandom. Some go to my daughter who wants a copy of every doll I make. Only a few stay with me. (I only have so much room!)

No matter where they end up, all of them are loved. 🩷

Pictured clockwise from the top: Only Creatures Simon (@emeryhall), more than a footnote Dev and Niall (@mooncello), lingerie Baz and cheer Agatha from COC 2024, canon Penny, Shep, floral suit Baz, and Fiona, The Boy Next Door Baz (Simon lives at my beta @thewholelemon's house!), CORB 2024 ballerina Baz, and Beautiful Things Simon and Baz.