#//since I used so long I included the first draft I wrote under the cut heheh

[thevessaliuz]

[ chin up ]

non-verbal angst prompts | @gloomy-glen

Jack shouldn't loose his temper like this- he'd just yelled at Oswald. Even when he knew that he shouldn't. And now his eyes are burning, he feels the tears welling up, his head is bowed, he's hiding his face behind the hair that's covering his vision. He hopes Oswald would not notice.

But then Oswald lift his chin with cold fingers, and he's exposed. His treacherous hair falls away, and he meets Oswald's cold, dark eyes.

And Jack feels fear.

Like the first time, when Oswald saw through him and he'd poured the glass of water on him without thinking. To hide himself, to break the contact, because he feels naked when Oswald looks through him like this.

Because Jack wants to hide his emptiness.

His different personas are not enough to decieve Oswald.

When Oswald told Jack that Lacie will die, he did not cry. Yet, now, he is crying. She's left him the earring. He almost can't believe it.

He is standing with the ribbon clenched in one hand, looking out the window- the sun is still beaming. The cruel days continue, regardless of what happens. He hears the door open, turns his head too fast, sees Oswald enter. Knows that Oswald sees him too, sees the tears running down his face. He tries to hide them with his head down, the hair falling across his face.

What an embarassment, to be seen like this. By Oswald of all people.

Will he think Jack is foolish, crying about the inevitable ? His hair can hide his face, but the tears that fall onto the wooden floor make sounds that are loud enough to be heard. He wishes Oswald didn't see...

[gamebunny-advance]

Doodle Dump: Misc. Edition

Time for misc. doodles~

Notes under the cut.

1: "Ikigusare Idols". Like many people, "Injection Girl" randomly appeared in my Youtube feed, and I was admittedly charmed by them. It's like they're from a bygone era, but they just put out another music video last month. Currently, my favorite song is "スーパーZ指定ガール". (Content warning for mass violence in the lyrics.)

2-4: "Clown Doll Redesign". So, since I've started doll customizing as a hobby, I tend to lurk on the Dolls and CustomDolls subreddits on the lookout for inspo and info. Not too long ago, someone posted asking for advice/critique on their doll ideas. So I sketched these (and some notes on the original design, which are not included here) as a response. In the end, I never did reply because I don't actually have a reddit account, and I thought it would be weird to make one solely to criticize someone, so I'm just posting them here.

My main critiques were that there wasn't a lot of contrast in their color choices and that the blue and red hair seemed random when the rest of the design was pink/green. So, my main goal was to increase the contrast between the pink and green, so the different patterns would stick out more and to unify the pallet a bit more. The skintones differ from the reference because the doll they said they were going to use was a G3 Frankie Stein, who has bluish skin and a prosthetic left leg, so I'm not really sure why their sketch uses the original green skin or why the silver leg is on the wrong side, but it is what it is.

The first 2 are straight pallet swaps, but the 3rd is based on a second design that the OP made. They originally asked for users to pick between the two. Most people said they preferred the blue and yellow design because it was more cohesive, but the OP replied that they really wanted to make the pink and green one work somehow, so that's why I focused on using that one as the base, but I still included a version with the alternate pallet and patterns.

Here's a link to the original thread since I'm kinda reposting their art by including it with sketch. Just maybe avoid linking back to me >_<;

5-8: "Music Junkie Soundwave". In a similar vein, there was another user on the subreddit that wanted opinions on a potential Transformers fashion doll line, citing a video that one of their friends made on the idea.

Now despite having a limited knowledge of Transformers, and I'm still pretty green to the fashion doll world, I wrote a whole-ass dissertation on the idea because magical girl/boy robot dolls are totally something I'd be into.

But, for a similar reason to the clown doll, I didn't want to make a reddit account just to critique someone (though I still have the original response in my drafts).

When I finished writing that response, I decided to sketch how I would go about the idea as it'd been proposed, and created this Soundwave doll idea. Admittedly, he's very inspired by Giacomo from Pokemon Scarlet/Violet (never played it, but I do like some of the character designs in it). I dunno if the overalls are a little dorky, but I couldn't think of another way to represent his chest-deck in a meaningful way.

9-10: "Kingsley and Mamuta". I tried to make some human? designs for them, but it's not going great. I really wanted Mamuta to still be monstrous, but designs like that aren't my strong-suit... Kingsley I'm just not satisfied with yet.

11: "OC Line-Up". Just a few OCs of mine. From left to right: Carol, The Prince Formerly Known As Frog, Shapeshifter, and Fizz.

12: "Rival". An idea for a rival to Kun3h0, ala Shadow the Hedgehog and Wario. I made another sketch recently that goes in a very different direction, but I kinda want to finish that so I haven't included it in this dump.

[acacia-may]

Hiya Acacia! For the ask game; may I ask for 4, 7, 31, and 46 please 🥰?

Hi there, Lyra! Thank you for the ask, friend!! 💜 These replies got really long so I've put them under the cut.

4. What is the plot bunny you’ve been carrying for the longest? optional bonus question: do you ever wonder why you haven’t written it yet and experience deep existential dread?

Since I have way too much WIPS, I am going to take a very narrow focus for this question and make myself choose from plot bunnies I have never written anything for (rather than including any existing wips). In which case, I've got to go with my Langris x Finesse Beauty and Beast AU where the Golden Dawn is all turned into the palace furniture (It's based off the Disney movie (loosely) and Alecdora Sandler made an excellent uptight clock, William was a candlestick, and David is particularly hilarious as a wine glass). I wanted to write this one so badly but just never could figure out how to make it into an actual story rather than vignettes of scenes and shenanigans, so it never came to life. 😭

And yes, I feel deep existential dread when I think about all of my wips and the stories I will (probably) never get to write... 🙈

7. Tell us about the plot of the first fanfic you ever wrote

I think I was "writing" fanfiction pretty much my whole life. When I played make-believe as a little kid, it was always continuations of my favorite stories or putting my favorite characters into AUs. I remember writing some short stories about my favorite book and cartoon characters too, but I'm not sure what my very first one was about. I want to say it was Star Wars because my friend and I wrote this whole series when I was about 9 called "The Adventures of Space Cat" (which was my friend's Star Wars OC: a talking cat who was basically adopted by Luke, Han, and Leia and brought on all their adventures after the end of the original trilogy).

When I was in middle school, I wrote what was essentially Ben 10 Alien Force fanfiction for an epic poetry school project and just changed all of the names and some of the more specific details. This absolute gem (I say with total sarcasm) is unfortunately lost to time but my sister swears she vividly remembers this one particular line that was basically, "Character A paused during the battle because of his trauma and confidence issues" (which I think probably says a lot about me & the kinds of characters that compel me even back then...).

I don't think I got serious about writing fanfiction until high school though when I wrote my big, long Secret Garden epic which was 46 chapters and 176,134 words long (and was going to be a duology so was technically never finished even though book 1 has a complete first draft...) The plot was pretty basic. It was a sequel to my favorite book of all time, The Secret Garden, and (believe it or not) a period romance that took place when all the characters were adults mostly during World War 1. It was split perspective and had OCs as major characters too, so it was, honestly, a really ambitious project.

I made so many changes to it after I had a complete draft so I'm honestly very relieved I never posted it anywhere and just shared it with my friends and family irl. They seemed to like it well enough but...it's a bit of an embarrassment for me tbh as I feel my writing has gotten so much better since then. A friend I met in college wanted to read it but I had made so many changes to the draft & had never finished the 2nd draft so it was basically unreadable (i.e. the beginning no longer matched the ending, random plotlines were taken out and added ect.) so I wrote Secrets and Sugar Mice for her as a little taste of my overall ideas and also to introduce her to one of my OCs (and I actually did post that to AO3 (linked here) if you are at all curious).

Writing that story helped me grow so much as a writer, character creator, and storyteller and I'm so grateful for the experience, but I'm not sure I will ever actually resurrect this project, especially since I'm not sure this particular 100+ year old book has much of a fandom.😅

31. Tell us about one of your characters who’s an absolute joy to write

I've answered this here (about one of my OCs) and here (about Black Clover canon characters I enjoy writing), but since we're doing blast from the past here a little, I will give a shout out to very first real OC, Julia, who taught me so much about how to create a character and fit them into an existing world (and as an eventual love interest for an existing character). Some of the most fun I have ever had as a writer was writing her and Colin's quick-witted rivals to friends to lovers plotline. They're both highly intelligent people, strong-willed, and stubborn as heck, and their plotline took place in a hospital (mostly during the war) where he's a doctor and she's a nurse and they are just butting heads about how best to run things at every possible turn. They end up playing up their rivalry because neither wants to admit defeat or that they actually have a lot of respect & admiration for each other and want to be friends. (Secrets and Sugar Mice is about that specifically if you're at all interested).

Here is a short excerpt if I can be completely self-indulgent (just a short little exchange between her and her dad (who technically is a canon character but we know next to nothing about him so he's basically an OC too lol):

Julia stopped abruptly, staring at the medical supply cabinet. It was exactly as she had left it with supplies organized for practical use—bandages next to gauze as they would often be taken together and so on. It only made sense after all—at least to Julia anyway. Some people were of the opinion that it would be better if the supplies were arranged alphabetically.

“Dr. Craven didn’t rearrange the cabinet today,” said a voice from behind her. She turned and found her father, Dr. Louis Cartwright, dressed in his white coat with files in hand. He smiled slightly at her.

 “So I see.”

“He was very busy,” her father explained. “It’s alright if you’re a bit disappointed.”

Her cheeks flushed, but she frowned. “Why would I be disappointed?”

Her father sighed and smiled knowingly at her. “I think you enjoy your little squabble over it.”

Julia could feel a deep blush rising in her cheeks, but she huffed indignantly. She most certainly did not enjoy arguing over the cabinet. It was bad enough that Dr. Colin Craven had somehow convinced her father to move them across the country to work in his hospital, but to then refuse to organize said hospital in a practical manner was even worse. Well, perhaps the rest of the hospital was alright, but this blasted cabinet simply wasn’t practical. She had reorganized it almost immediately, and he had rearranged it right back stubbornly insisting he couldn’t find anything unless the supplies were organized in alphabetical order. She insisted that putting frequently grouped items together saved time and rearranged it again. Then he reorganized it alphabetically again. And so on and so on. This had gone on for months now. It was a matter of pride not something she enjoyed—or at least not something she’d ever admit to enjoying no matter what her father said.

“It’s a matter of principle only, and if this is a sign that Dr. Craven has finally conceded, I would be glad of it.”

Her father laughed—his dark eyes sparkling. “I think it’s more of a sign that he was busy and had lots of patients today. I suppose, we’ll see tomorrow. Unless of course you want to ask him. He hasn’t left yet.”

Julia blinked. As much as she relished the idea of him admitting she was right about the cabinet, she was fairly certain that, as her father had said, this spoke more to Dr. Craven’s workload than to him conceding to her.

“I think I’ll just wait to see. Plus, I think this is a new record for my organization system.”

Her father chuckled quietly to himself but shook his head. “Don’t you think this cabinet squabble has gone on long enough?”

“We haven’t reached a resolution yet.”

“I don’t think you’ll ever reach a resolution this way.” Her father sighed. “I don’t understand why you won’t just admit you want to be friends and find something else to talk about.”

Julia’s cheeks grew hot, but she huffed and shook her head. “I don’t want to be friends.”

Her father raised his eyebrows and tilted his head slightly at her. Julia fidgeted. He could always tell when she was lying. The truth was she wouldn’t mind being friends. In fact, maybe a part of her did want to be friends—but at the same time she barely knew the man, and the little she did know of him was not particularly flattering. Still, she couldn’t help but concede that he was at least intriguing—this heir to a grand estate who spent his time as a doctor in a country hospital—or at least he would be if he was actually sociable from time to time and wasn’t so stubborn.

Julia huffed again. “It’s beside the point. Even if I did want to be friends, he clearly has no interest in making friends with me.” She sighed. “And besides, even if we did try to make friends, I doubt we would even get on—we so often disagree.”

“I think you’d get on extremely well if you got to know each other a little better. You have lots of common interests.”

“Which he never talks about,” Julia protested.

“He’s just shy and…”—Her father paused as if thinking of the right word—“awkward.”

“He’s very opinionated for someone who’s shy,” she countered her brow furrowing. 

Julia’s father laughed, but he smiled kindly. “He is a bit of an odd duck, but he’s a kind person at heart and very generous.”

“Why don’t you make friends with him then?” Julia teased with a chuckle.

Her father laughed. “I already am friends with him, and it’s quite pleasant.”

Julia wrinkled her nose, but her mouth turned up in the corners in spite of herself. She sighed. “I know that you’re very fond of him, Papá, and I can tell that he admires and looks up to you, but he has been nothing but cold and standoffish to me. Arguing about that cabinet and occasionally discussing work related issues is the full extent of our interaction. It’s not nearly enough to build a friendship.”

“I haven’t seen you try to talk to him about anything else, either,” her father countered pointedly before his face softened. “I know he wants to be friends, but I don’t think he knows how to strike up a conversation with you especially since you’re so set on disliking him.”

Julia sighed. “I’m not set on disliking him, but it is difficult to like someone who is so often disagreeable.”

46. what time are you the most productive when it comes to writing?

First thing in the morning or the middle of the night. But I think it changes based on my health and how busy I am. I am a very slow writer in general so it takes me a lot of time in the drafting/outlining stages before I actually sit down to start writing.

[ukrainenews]

Daily Wrap Up April 12, 2023

Under the cut:

Russia has tightened its conscription law before a widely anticipated Ukrainian counteroffensive in the coming weeks, including introducing electronic military draft papers. The lower and upper houses of parliament rushed through legislation that will make it significantly harder for Russians to dodge the draft while automatically banning registered conscripts from leaving Russia.

The United States imposed a large tranche of sanctions on more than 100 people and entities around the world for their ties to Russia’s war in Ukraine.

Ukrainian and Spanish defense ministers have denied claims that NATO troops are fighting against Russian armed forces in Ukraine, refuting allegations that emerged from a leak of highly classified Pentagon documents.

The World Bank will provide Ukraine with an additional $200 million in aid to restore its energy infrastructure, Prime Minister Denys Shmyhal reported on April 12.

Ukraine's upcoming counteroffensive has been delayed due to a combination of factors, including weather, slow equipment deliveries, and an insufficient amount of ammunition, the Washington Post reported on April 12. The long-awaited counteroffensive is seen as a critical juncture to take back Ukrainian territory under Russian control, and failure to do so could push Ukrainians to the negotiating table, the Washington Post wrote.

Russia has tightened its conscription law before a widely anticipated Ukrainian counteroffensive in the coming weeks, including introducing electronic military draft papers.

The lower and upper houses of parliament rushed through legislation that will make it significantly harder for Russians to dodge the draft while automatically banning registered conscripts from leaving Russia.

The changes were pushed through with little public debate, fuelling speculation that Russia plans to announce a second wave of mobilisation, something the Kremlin has repeatedly denied.

The Kremlin spokesperson, Dmitry Peskov, said the changes were intended to improve the military registration system and had “nothing to do with mobilisation”.

“When the special military operation began, you and I saw that in some places we had a lot of mess in the military recruitment offices,” he told journalists on Wednesday.

That is exactly the purpose of this legislative initiative: to clear up this mess and to make it [the system] modern, effective and convenient for citizens.

In September last year, Russia’s first mobilisation since the second world war caused unparalleled chaos and anger across the country. More than 300,000 men were conscripted to fight in Ukraine, while an even larger number are believed to have fled Russia.

Under the new legislation, call-up papers will be deemed to be served as soon as they appear on Gosuslugi, a government portal widely used by Russians to pay bills, and will be considered officially received by a prospective draftee after one week, whether or not it has actually been received.

-via The Guardian

~

The United States imposed a large tranche of sanctions on more than 100 people and entities around the world for their ties to Russia’s war in Ukraine.

Wednesday’s sanctions are the latest action meant to diminish Moscow’s abilities in its war in Ukraine and punish those who are supporting it, including through helping Russia to evade existing sanctions.

Sanctions on Russian billionaire and associates: The latest sanctions target a wide network tied to Russian billionaire Alisher Usmanov, who is already under sanction in multiple countries, and were taken in coordination with the United Kingdom.

According to the US Treasury Department, Usmanov "is one of Russia’s wealthiest billionaires" who "holds significant interests in the metals and mining, telecommunications, and information technology sectors."

He is "known to be close to multiple U.S.-designated, senior Russian officials, including Russian President Vladimir Putin as well as Dmitry Medvedev, current Deputy Chairman of the Security Council of Russia and former President and Prime Minister of Russia," according to a statement. Sanctions on international companies and a bank: The US also imposed sanctions on companies based in China, Turkey, and the United Arab Emirates, which the US Treasury Department said is supporting Russia’s military industrial complex in defiance of existing sanctions.

The Treasury also sanctioned the International Investment Bank, "a Russia-controlled financial institution" in Budapest, as well as its Moscow-based subsidiary and several former and current executives.

"The IIB’s presence in Budapest enables Russia to increase its intelligence presence in Europe, opens the door for the Kremlin’s malign influence activities in Central Europe and the Western Balkans, and could serve as a mechanism for corruption and illicit finance, including sanctions violations,” according to the Treasury Department. Sanctions on organizations that target children: In addition, the US State Department is sanctioning two Russian entities "that support Russia’s efforts to undermine the sovereignty and territorial integrity of Ukraine through the militarization and indoctrination of schoolchildren: The All Russian Children's And Youth Military Patriotic Public Movement Youth Army, and the State Budgetary Educational Institution of Additional Education of the Republic of Crimea Crimea Patriot Center,” Secretary of State Antony Blinken said in a statement.

According to the State Department, the so-called youth army was created by Russia’s Defense Minister Sergei Shoigu and is "responsible for militarizing and propagandizing schoolchildren in occupied areas of Ukraine." The "Crimea Patriot Center" is "an organization whose objective is to provide youth with a ‘military-patriotic education’ in order to prepare them for service in the Russia’s Armed Forces," it said.

-via CNN

~

Ukrainian and Spanish defense ministers have denied claims that NATO troops are fighting against Russian armed forces in Ukraine, refuting allegations that emerged from a leak of highly classified Pentagon documents.

“It is totally false that there are NATO troops in Ukraine,” Spanish Defense Minister Margarita Robles said Wednesday at a joint news conference in Madrid with her visiting Ukrainian counterpart.

“It’s not true that there are NATO personnel in Ukraine,” with the exception of military attachés, Ukrainian Defense Minister Oleksii Reznikov said. Responding to a question about the document leak, Reznikov said it "has a lot of data that’s not true (and) is no longer current. The beneficiary of this operation is Russia or its allies or sympathizers," adding that he is confident that Ukraine’s US allies will work to "neutralize this leak and avoid this in the future."

Ukraine has "full confidence in our in our American allies" in spite of the leak, he said. From Spain’s perspective, Robles said the unity of NATO and European Union allies remains strong and Russia will "not achieve a break in that."

Update on tanks: Robles said Spain’s first shipment of six modern battle tanks for Ukraine will leave soon via ship and should arrive in the war-torn country by the end of this month. Along with these six Leopard 2A4 tanks, Spain will also send 20 armored vehicles, she added. Spain will later send four more of the Leopard tanks "as soon as possible," after they are repaired.

Reznikov said Ukraine asked Spain for air defense systems, including combat jets, artillery rounds, and for training and technical advice in amphibious military operations, including undersea mine removal. The Ukrainian defense minister said he would meet with executives of Spanish arms makers on this visit. He and the Spanish defense minister were also expected to tour a military hospital in Madrid treating Ukrainian troops severely wounded in combat, including those whose limbs have been amputated.

-via CNN

~

The World Bank will provide Ukraine with an additional $200 million in aid to restore its energy infrastructure, Prime Minister Denys Shmyhal reported on April 12.

According to Shmyhal, who met with officials from the World Bank earlier in the day, the funds will be used for the reconstruction of the electricity grid and heat supply systems in Kyiv, Kharkiv, Mykolaiv, Sumy, and Chernihiv oblasts.

Ukraine is collaborating with the World Bank to implement a war risk insurance project that aims to attract foreign investments before the war ends, Shmyhal added.

Russia has launched over 1,200 missiles and drones against Ukraine since October in an effort to destroy Ukraine's energy infrastructure.

In addition to causing damage to infrastructure, the attacks resulted in numerous casualties and forced blackouts to deal with the resulting energy deficits across the country.

During an evening video address in early March, President Volodymyr Zelensky warned that although winter was over, the threat to Ukraine's energy infrastructure still remains.

-via Kyiv Independent

~

Ukraine's upcoming counteroffensive has been delayed due to a combination of factors, including weather, slow equipment deliveries, and an insufficient amount of ammunition, the Washington Post reported on April 12.

The long-awaited counteroffensive is seen as a critical juncture to take back Ukrainian territory under Russian control, and failure to do so could push Ukrainians to the negotiating table, the Washington Post wrote.

According to the Washington Post, the recent U.S. intelligence document leaks are also complicating matters, given that they delve into details about the Ukrainian military, which could potentially force them to alter plans for the counteroffensive.

Reconnaissance missions are ongoing in Donetsk Oblast to "test" Russian defenses but that doesn't mean Ukrainian units are ready for a full offensive, a Ukrainian corporal told the Washington Post.

For a full offensive to move forward, Ukrainian military units need more heavy equipment, armored vehicles, and training.

According to a Ukrainian captain stationed outside of Bakhmut, an embattled city in Donetsk Oblast, newly-mobilized Russian troops were being brought in to dig reinforcements and did so with any material possible, "even trash," the Washington Post reported.

Speculation about the integrity of the leaked intelligence documents is ongoing. Ukraine officials dismissed the classified documents leak on April 7 as "fake."

Senior U.S. officials told the New York Times on April 7 that the leak prompted an investigation by the Pentagon.

National Security and Defense Council head Oleksii Danilov said on April 6 that “no more than five people” are filled in on Ukrainian plans for the counteroffensive.

-via Kyiv Independent

[lyrsui]

currently working on a poetry manuscript,

and that's been true for the last four years. but around this time in 2019, i had a handful of poems, and i had some vague ideas of what i was writing about--at first i thought i was writing a satirical commentary on internet culture, but then as i wrote more and more, i had these other pieces that were like... sadder. in early versions of the book, i tried to tell a straightforward sort of "story" but the poems didn't work quite that way. so, i found other ways to sort them.

so, what have i accomplished since then?

in the fall of 2019, i probably had like 6-8 poems tops

then i signed up for a yearlong writing program at the start of 2020. it was costly, but it helped me a lot. it was a crash course in poetry. i read books. i wrote new poems. at the end of the program, mid-2021, i had something like 20-25 poems, but i was not yet at a full-length count.

i spent another year writing poems on my own. i joined a writing workshop or two but mostly i wrote in solitude. i finally got to about 35 poems by the summer of 2022. i felt hopeful.

in fall 2022, i submitted my manuscript to first book contests. i had done a lot of revising on my own. i asked a person or two to be my beta-readers. i felt good about most of my poems, as i had been diligently revising the 2019 drafts to their best, and i was nervous about the newer pieces but happy to have them included.

i received a lot of rejections. but i had two poems published online, and a third included in a horror poetry anthology. i was also named a semifinalist for one of the book contests i'd entered. these were all small wins.

i took a break from the poetry stuff to focus on school, then on job hunting. now things in my life have settled down and i am back to thinking about poetry.

i signed up for a poetry conference this weekend, where real live editors offer their genuine feedback and talk craft with us. i'm excited by the opportunity. i was given the first ten pages of notes and some of it was cutting, but goodness it's been so long since i really had sharp feedback on my work, and i am appreciative of it nonetheless. the conference runs till Monday morning. the notes are truly invaluable.

i plan to pursue an MFA in 2025, which would only be an extension of the $$$$ i am invested in my writing already. the yearlong workshop was several thousand, the conference a couple thousand as well. the manuscript consultations i plan to pay for will also run me a few hundred each, and the submission fees add up quick. truly, no one is lying when they say that writing is a pursuit mired in privilege. I am grateful to work a day job that makes a lot of all this easier, but it's cushioned work, isn't it? i recognize that more and more lately.

i am not mentioning the price tags to brag, but really just to highlight that money has felt so necessary in lieu of organic connections or inner networks. money isn't buying me placements in top tier lit mags but i feel like it is buying me the notes and feedback to guide my revision towards stronger poems that may one day be lit mag worthy.

i am excited by the work ahead. invigorated by the energy of knowing i have work worth launching into the world. i plan to use october to edit and refine, as there are many upcoming contests and i want to have better drafts to send along than i sent last year.

i plan to sign up for more paid workshops that will help me with drafting my fiction. i only have one short story under my belt, and i'd like to slowly round out that list too, eventually having three then five then ten, all in rotation to lit mags submissions too. i want my name to hold weight eventually. to become familiar.

it feels really good to have clear dreams and a clear plan for my writing career. my goal is to work on these poems and continue trying to place them. to partake in writing programs that may help me get exposure to other editors and mentors, etc. i hope that by the time i am ready to apply to MFA programs that I will be able to ask for a reference or two out of these workshops. by the time i apply for a poetry MFA, i hope to just use the published poems and an unpublished one or two as well, to feel confident about my abilities. then i'll generate a second book of poetry, who knows about what, and publish that too.

it's all fun to think about!

[demonslayedher]

Buri-senpai~ it’s me again! It seems like the Kamado family was respected in town. How do you think the townsfolk would’ve reacted once they realized that Tanjirou hadn’t been visiting with charcoal, only to check up on the family where they see the wreckage. Perhaps Tanjirou had left a rushed note, noting how his family was attacked, how only he and Nezuko were alive, and how they won’t be able to visit for a very long time. If that’s the case, I don’t think Tanjirou will explain the cause 1/3

2/3 of the attack, but there’s a chance that Saburo would’ve eventually realized that a demon had attacked them. Also, side notes: if Kaigaku was still a demon slayer during the events of the red light district, do you think he would've heard about Zenitsu's contributions to the defeat of upper 6? I had read your amazing Ukogi fic and enjoyed the characterization of Kaigaku's crow embellishing his achievements as a slayer. I also enjoyed Matsuemon's fondness of Nezuko and it seems like

3/3 he was ‘conspiring’ (for lack of a better word) with Oyakata-sama behind the scenes, with how the events at Asakusa with Tamayo played out. I'm sure Tamayo's existence was pardoned by the Oyakata-sama of Yoriichi's time. Also, sorry for the length! I enjoy your input on everything!

Going to reply to this in a couple parts, but allow me to first borrow one of my LINE stickers to express:

I'll reply to the fic stuff under the cut, but I'm really honored by your close reading and consideration of one of my favorite fics, "The Legend of Ukogi." But first for your question about Tanjiro!

Honestly, I was surprised by the village's upkeep of their home, including nice new tatami and shelves which Nezuko noticed in the extended epilogue included the Volume 23 version of Chapter 204. I would had assumed they'd have a mess of a home to come back to (and wrote my canon diverent/continuation fic that way, for the first draft was written after Chapter 204's magazine publication but before Volume 23's publication). At least nowadays in Japan, uninhabited homes are often left as-is and fall to shambles, even in cities, causing problems for the neighbors as they become home to pests. Upkeep is an issue, and it seems unlikely the townspeople would had gone out of their way to keep the site of a tragedy so nice.

However, Gotouge seems to stress that the Kamado family, simply for being good people, were often humbled by being on the receiving end of such kindnesses. Even Sumiyoshi and Suyako were on the receiving end of this, as mentioned in a Taisho Secret in Volume 22, for having helped a local lord's wife and son while they were in peril without knowing who they were. Even though they tried to refuse reward, they made sure they had a nicely fixed up house anyway (side note, they moved in to Yoriichi's and Uta's abandoned house).

A sturdy house as returns for their kindness seems to be as much of a running theme in Kamado history as is Hinokami Kagura and making charcoal. We do see that Tanjiro is pretty popular among the townspeople and everyone knows they can rely on him, and if Tanjiro's highly biased word is to be trusted, Nezuko had a reputation as a local beauty. In good whether the little kids must had gone into town a bunch, and Tanjiro (and Inosuke's) continued charcoal business (despite the increasing reliance on electricity) in the Fanbook #2 extended epilogue shows that the Kamado family has always had a reputation for high quality charcoal. Certainly, they've been well-loved long enough that their tragedy would not go unnoticed.

As further evidence of this, in the Giyuu Gaiden, a hunter even notices that on a different mountain nearby there was a family of charcoal farmers slaughtered and a suspicious person in a half-and-half haori was seen around there. Clearly, the villagers were quick to notice the incident and start looking around for the man who might had done it!

But we're still left with the question of how quickly they'd have noticed the absence, how word got around, and just how much they knew. My initial thought in response to your Ask was "there's no way Tanjiro had time for that, he had bury his family and get Nezuko dressed and hurry and go!" but then again, this is Tanjiro we're talking about. Tanjiro who faithfully keeps a diary for Nezuko no matter how tired he is, and who faithfully keeps in touch with all his penpals even with all his demon slaying work to keep him busy. If anyone would had written a letter, it would had been him.

It's possible that his reasoning would had been for Nezuko's sake. Should word get around about the incident, and about Nezuko being a demon, people might suspect she was the one who did it. Even Tanjiro had to consider that possibility when he was first shocked by her transformation, though he had the evidence to clearly determine that she was innocent. So maybe if he did leave something, it might simply had been to inform people that Nezuko still needs help, and he's left to take care of her.

To the townspeople, Tanjiro's word is trustworthy. As soon as someone discovered the incident (and perhaps a letter), word would probably get around pretty fast, and if Tanjiro had circumstances that forced him to leave for Nezuko's sake, that implies that they might make a return once she was alright. That might be what inspired the townspeople, who cared for generations about their local charcoal farmers, to have their hearts wrenched with sympathy for the tragedy these two surviving children have been through, and to try to do what they can by taking care of the house while they're gone.

As for knowing if it was demons or not, it's possible only Saburo knew that. There's so much we don't know about Saburo, but my personal headcanon is that he lost his family to demons and was rescued by the Demon Slayers. While others might have been quick to blame the suspicious man in the half-and-half haori, anything said by Saburo, a man perhaps known for keeping to himself with a sullen personality, was dismissed or taken for mere superstition. Saburo, having told Tanjiro to stay with him that night, might had already felt something was off, and when the feeling kept bothering him, he might had gone to check on the Kamado family and been the first one to discover the massacre. Letter or not, he'd have known Tanjiro survived, and might had gotten there soon enough to trace the footprints to deduce to that one of the other older children must had survived too.

Now because of fic spoilers, Bird Fic commentary below!

As I was doing my best to make that fic fit alongside canon, I tried to consider where the birds might and might not been able to influence the events of canon, and that made Denroku (Kaigaku's crow) one of my favorite small bits to work with. Even though he never makes an appearance in the story (only mentioned as a slightly antagonistic bird), he struck me as having the most potential for influencing events.

Since we see a general pattern of the birds being very invested in the Slayer they work with, I imagined that Denroku would pick up on Kaigaku's ambitions. When he got in trouble for embellishing Kaigaku's achievements, that's when he tries the reverse, taking assignments into his own talons and leading to Kaigaku fighting an enemy out of his league. While most of the Kasugai-garasu would had immediately reported Upper Moon 1 so that a Pillar could be summoned, Denroku's underhanded drive to see Kaigaku promoted is what leads to a situation the Corp would had preferred to avoid.

And that brings us back to Matsuemon, who does his best to promote his underlings' achievements to get Tanjiro recognized as a Pillar. He is protective of Nezuko, having picked up on that from Tanjiro, but honestly, I had not considered Matsuemon leading to Tanjiro's encounter with Tamayo. Letting Oyakata-sama know about it, though, that does seem in character for Matsuemon, which we'll get to!

As for why Tanjiro encountered Tamayo so early on, I posited in this Ask that Oyakata-sama probably was hoping Tanjiro would make a connection with her. Gotouge has stated that the demon Tanjiro was sent to investigate in Asakusa was Tamayo. Like you, I assume that Kagaya's forefathers must had chosen to pardon her existence out of Yoriichi's good word for her, and we know from his later mention of her to Tanjiro and efforts to reach out to her later that he's probably always been curious about a way to gain her trust.

What probably gave him the idea to use Tanjiro, a kid with a demon sister, was Urokodaki's letter. We didn't hear the full letter read allowed at the Pillar meeting, but my thought is that Urokodaki wrote highly enough of Tanjiro that Kagaya was like, "aha! This is it! This might be the person who helps me gain Tamayo's trust!" and that was why he sent Tanjiro to Asakusa on his second mission. As for whether Matsuemon knew that or not, I suspect not initially, but he might had gotten aware of it overtime and been in on the loop of birds who know this but help keep it on the downlow, as per Oyakata-sama's request. Matsuemon might had also been given special instructions to report details to the Kasugai-garasu who initiated the personal correspondence between Oyakata-sama and Tamayo. Knowing this egotistical bird he probably would had loved to brag about it, but he's smart enough and respects the Corp mission enough to know when to keep silent about his achievements.

EDIT: Ack! I forgot to respibd to your Kaigaku question. I do assume Kaigaku was still a Corp member at that time and he probably heard and that it ticked him the hell off. Even if he didn't know the details, the fact that Zenitsu would had been credited with fighting an Upper Moon would tick him off with jealousy. Not to worry, Kaigaku, Upper Moon 6 is only the bottom rung of the Upper Moons. ; P

[lostinfantasyworlds]

Hi! First of all, I just wanna say that UNTL is definitely one of my best reads this year. Thank you for sharing that masterpiece.

What should we look forward to next year? Any WIPs?

Omgggg I am so honored sldkfja;sd thank you so so so much 🥺😭 ❤️I just —

I do have a few WIPs and I will give little summaries of each under the cut!! They are in order of when I will most likely finish them)

 Under the Northern Lights post-canon PWP oneshot - I’ve had all kinds of little snippets pop into my head of Inuyasha and Kagome’s lives together within the UTNL universe, and I always write them down. Most of them are smutty because I can’t seem to help myself hahahaha. This one is the most fully-formed idea that I had a few months ago, and wrote down a whole rough draft in my phone. It actually takes place on New Year’s Eve, which is why I was hoping to have finished UTNL well before the end of the year so that I could have posted this follow up oneshot on/around NYE, but OH WELL. It’s mostly just porn anyways, but includes a tiny hint of plot that actually ties in with the epilogue! (you will see a reference to “New Year’s” in the epilogue, so just know that you will eventually be getting to read the whole story 😉)

The First and Last - Modern AU that could either be a long oneshot or a multi-chapter depending on how long it ends up being. Currently it's only about 4.5k words, but still super rough so it could definitely end up being multi-chapter. I'm so excited about this one because childhood-best-friends-to-lovers is one of my all-time favorite tropes (Kim Possible and Ron Stoppable were my first ship before I even knew what shipping was...), and now I'm FINALLY going to have a story of my own using that premise! This story is inspired by the summers I spent as a kid at my grandparent's cottage in Maine. It was in a very tiny coastal town, and was on a quiet street with a few other summer homes, so I would see the same kids every year and we would all hang out. And I may have had a smol crush on one of the boys that I would see each summer😏. So this story is InuKag in a very similar situation!! I love this one and can't wait to share once I go back and fill in all of the middle parts 🥰

Sometime Around Midnight - Modern AU multi-chapter based on  a song of the same name by The Airborne Toxic Event. I actually came up with this as my first multi-chapter AU back in January/February before UTNL randomly forced its way into my brain and took up my entire life for the rest of the year. I'm still really excited about this one, and have a whole elaborate backstory planned out, but am actually really stuck on how I want the plot to go past the initial couple of chapters (which starts off as pretty much just a retelling of the lyrics of the song). It won’t be super long, probably only 3 - 5 chapters, but I really can't decide on an interesting enough way to end it 😆.  I'll figure it out eventually, though!

The Girl at the Rock Show -  Modern AU enemies-to-lovers fic that I wrote for @goshinote’s birthday back in October! I was only able to get it to the point of being a super rough draft (that was still over 6k) by the time of her birthday, but I promised to get back and finish it eventually, which I still plan to do! I debated whether to publish it, since it’s very much written for Jane and her interests with lots of inside jokes/references lol , but I figure I might as well share it because someone else might enjoy too! The basic premise is that Inuyasha and Kagome are both working at a concert venue and do not get along at first. But....✨sexual tension✨is there and so begins a FWB type of situation that of course turns into something more...

A couple of canon-based very short oneshots - I have ideas for little missing scenes I would’ve loved to see in canon every so often, and have a couple of rough drafts written. One is my version of a little follow-up to the almost kiss in TFA episode 18, and the other is a post-canon idea of how InuKag’s first kiss might have happened based on the manga where they never kissed inside the jewel! Both are short and sweet and very fluffy. I started off with most of my ideas being canon-based, so I like to return to that as kind of my bread and butter after writing a lot of AU. I just love love love Inuyasha and Kagome’s dynamic in canon, and I consider it a fun challenge to write within that world and keep them as in character as possible!

Apart and Together (very tentative title, pls ignore lol) - This is actually the first fic I ever started writing after finishing the series! It is basically just my ideas of what might’ve happened during the 3 year separation, and how their reunion would have gone. It’s actually already like 20k words hahaha, but I started it so long ago when I knew nothing about writing, and have shifted my views on certain things, so it will require a lot of editing/restructuring to get it finished. Eventually!

Untitled Multi-Chapter epic-style long fic based on Darling in the Franxx - Post-apocalypse AU where demons (led by Naraku) have taken over the world and humans are forced to live in small areas under constant attack. Inuyasha and Kagome (and others) are paired up on a mission to gather fragments of the Shikon Jewel, in an effort to stop Naraku from getting them first. They don’t get along at all at first, but learn to trust and rely on each other over time, although they grew up as part of a selection of kids that were raised to be soldiers so they don’t know much about humanity/love/etc. Also there is a twist! The premise is loosely based on the anime Darling in the Franxx, minus the sexual robot stuff hahaha. This will probably take me forever to write tbh. I have a loose idea of the plot, but nothing really written so far. I want to write the entire thing before posting, so it might not end up getting posted next year but we'll see!

That is ALL of my WIPs that have actually been fleshed out into full story ideas! I have a handful of random scenes jotted down in my phone that could potentially become stories if I thought about them a little more, but I don’t like to have too many open WIPs at once, so I’ll try and get a few of those out before trying to come up with anything else.

Thank you SO SO much for this question, and for your support of UTNL! It means the world ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

[stray-kids-react]

S/O likes enjoys writing/writing lyrics

Masterlist

...

Bang Chan

° You owned this special and locked diary for years, where you kept all your bottles up emotions and feelings in.

° One of those feelings evolving your long time crush on Chan, including the words 'Sexy, Cute, Inspirational, Hot, Prince, and A Literal Angel' all in quite a few pages. Luckily your now long time boyfriend has never seen these fangirl/boy paragraphs.

° Chan was all of those words, no doubt about it. But it is still hard to look at those paragraphs without cringing at how desperate you sounded in your mind.

° Chan however apparently loved your affectionate paragraphs, flipping through the pages as you walked through his studio door. Your heart sank as pure shock and terror rushed through your veins. No one wants their private thoughts to be read.

° The tips of Chan's ears were firetruck red, as a beaming grin flashed towards you. You noted that he read through the entire diary, knowing all the dreams and wishes you had that involved him. No skeletons were left in your closet anymore, it was bittersweet.

"So you really think I'm an angel who is also the sexiest person on earth?" he teased, cupping your face in his palms.

"Well duh, but you can't tell me you didn't think anything like that towards me-" You defended, cut off by his sweet kisses.

Lee Know

° Minho found out about your true feelings towards him while reading some song lyrics you wanted to show 3Racha.

° He needed to know who you loved and admired so dearly after reading this, constantly by your side questioning anything he could. After literal weeks of conspiracy, you couldn't take his suspicion anymore and admitted everything.

° You are now much more secretive with your songs that you've written, but that won't stop Minho from looking everywhere he possibly can. He is determined to find them.

° After so many large steps that were taken in your relationship, he wants to see how you truly felt throughout them. From the first date, first time, to the promise ring he fave you last week. Minho wants to say it's to tease, when it's truly because he loves you.

° He loved the way his stomach did kart wheels as his heart fluttered when he first read your words. He hasn't felt that amazing feeling in a while and needs to re live it, luckily for him he noticed a place he has never thought of checking.

"So kitten, you really want to marry me don't you?" he commented, a soft smirk across his glowing features.

"Why wouldn't I? You're you. And how'd you find those?!" you replied, tone changing as you saw how many he actually had.

Changbin

° Changbin was struggling to create a new song, he seemed to accidently make similar beats and lyrics to their past hits.

° You would sometime write up different songs when you were bored, but you never showed them to anyone thinking they weren't great. But Changbin looked in need of some type of inspiration, so you brought out your journal and placed it infront of him.

° His expression was unreadable, either about to thank you for the amazing inspiration or laugh at your cheesy words. You just wanted him to say something.

° Changbin began to smile shyly, showing you a page he just read over. That page happened to be the most recent and the one you completely forgot about. It was a draft about 10 different ways you could tell Changbin that you loved him.

° You really wanted it to be special when you would say it to him, but luck didn't seem to be on your side that day. You were at least glad that he was smiling, showing positive signs that he isn't feeling awkward or doesn't feel the same way about you.

"I love you too my adorable bean." He chuckled, pulling you into his lap as he held you close to his racing heart beat.

"I'm guessing he new comeback is going to be a love song now?" you teased, burrowing into his soft black hoodie.

Hyunjn

° Your relationship use to be a cat and mouse situation, one day you two were best friends and then the next you two were rivals.

° Your anger and frustration towards one another was simply a way to hide your true emotions. Both of you found each other attractive in and out, but were too stubborn to confess. That is until he walked into your room and pressed you up against the wall.

° Your rivalry left out the door once you started dating, the only ounce of it was left in the small playful bickering and teasing. Which happened every day of the week.

° You walked into the dressing rooms, noticing Han and Felix giggling as your presence became known. This wasn't a usual giggle of theirs, something was going on. You knew that for sure once you saw the way Hyunjin presented himself.

° A sly smirk across his lips as a couple crumpled peace of paper were in between his fingers. His steps were long and powerful, as he held his head up high while nearing you. This usually meant he found something to tease you with.

"I didn't know you liked me for five years, coming up with so many cute pet names if we ever dated." He teased, hiding his blush.

"First of all, you went through my desk without asking me. Second of all, I am whipped for you dumb dumb." You replied.

Han

° You weren't a very vocal person, having trouble expressing your thoughts and emotions through words everyday.

° That reason alone is also why people think you and Han are a perfect match. He helped you come out of your shell and be comfortable in your own skin. All of those actions sent your heart into a frenzy, finding there way into pages filled with emotion.

° Han knew about your habit of writing cute quotes on your palms and arms, or just randomly taking out your journal and starting a new page.

° He respected your privacy even if the temptation of knowing every little thought you have was very very strong, he held back and let you write in peace. However, when you dropped your journal without knowing. Han held it and the temptation took over.

° As you had a chat with Seungmin, he turned around from your eye sight and flipped through the pages. Many of them expressing how much you love him and how much he helped you without him even knowing. This effected Han immensely.

"Hannie are you crying?" you questioned, noticing the forming gloss over his sparkling chocolate orbs.

"Yeah, but it's happy tears. I just never knew how much you cared about me, and it makes me feel important." He explained.

Felix

° You cannot hide anything from this adorable koala, he knows you too well and can find anything you've hidden from him.

° You learned this the hard way when you asked him for help when forgetting where you left your journal, panicking since the last place you saw it was at Minho's. Felix knew you usually placed it near your bed and assumed it to be under the covers.

°His assumption was spot on, but you had no idea that he had found it yet. Felix took this advantage to skim through a few pages, smiling at the sight of his name in the book.

° His name was mentioned ever since the day you first met, January 7th 2017. He was written as this attractive aussie that had your knees weak, he laughed silently at the realization that you fancied him since the first day you met. He loved it.

° Felix walked out with the navy blue book tight in his grip, his ears a bright shade of red. You knew he must've read some sort of page about him, but you weren't nervous about it. It couldn't have been anything more cheesy than what you say on dates.

"I can't believe Han knew about your crush on me that entire time." Felix chuckled, shock filling his expression.

"And I can't believe you never knew how much I truly admired you." You teased back, kissing his freckle speckled cheeks.

Seungmin

° Seungmin met you at a library, you were working on a soft poem about not being able to find the right person.

° That whole meeting seemed like something right off of a romance movie or fanfiction novel. Writing about giving up on love as an amazing guy happens to cross paths with you. But both of you laugh at the whole cliché nature of your meeting.

° Seungmin loved how you wrote, taking him into the story each time. He felt so special whenever he found something referring to your relationship, feeling fuzzy inside.

° He liked to bring some of your poems on tour with him, reminding him to stay strong when being away from you. Letting him know that you'll always be there for him when he needs you, even if you are both countries away from each other.

° Felix once found his stash of poems that you wrote, he never teased him on it but would still smile excitedly at how sentimental Seungmin was becoming. Seungmin knew he was becoming cheesy and mushy, he hated yet loved it.

"Do you know how much you have effected me?" he questioned, tracing the curve of your jaw with his thumb.

"Or maybe you have an addiction to me, ever think of that?" you responded, smiling widely as he rolled his eyes at your words.

Jeongin

° You worked under JYP entertainment to help create songs for different groups, Jeongin noticed you during his break.

° You rarely got to work with Stray Kids since they made 99% of their own songs, but that didn't stop Jeongin from trying to get to know you. It worked in his favor, since you began to develop a living in him after two months of hang out together.

° Jeongin likes hearing certain songs you create or in the process of being created, cheering you on and telling all of his members when you created a song.

° He liked to give you the credit and appreciation you rarely get, most of the credit going towards the artist who performed the songs you created. Jeongin wanted to let you know how proud he was of you daily, even if you got shy from it.

° Whenever you showed him different samples of songs you were working on, he'd dance in his seat with a beaming smile. Even when you were tired and wanted the day to end, his admiration and addicting smile would make your mood change instantly.

"I am just worried because JYP has been pretty harsh on the past few songs." You sighed, tired and frustrated.

"He literally wrote a song about women's butts. I'm pretty sure you're more talented baby." He reassured, patting your head.

[protectchara201x]

(ignoring all the other juicy Deltarune 2 stuff to shove Chara Talks into it lololol)

I haven’t been super active on this blog because frankly I have like, three? looong analysis/theorycrafting posts I’ve been putting off working on and it fills me with shame to log in and see them waiting in my drafts.

But.

With the release of Deltarune Chapter 2, I wanted to talk kinda in general about how I thought it could impact the fandom’s perception of Everybody’s Favorite Demon Baby, and also point out something in specific about the Weird Route that might connect back to Undertale.

Putting it under the cut to avoid spoilers and long-winded ramblings for the unwilling. Includes spoilers for the Weird Route.

(NOTE: may update later if I notice more things for to put in section II. I’d like to make a full list of parallels if I can tidy them up.)

I. Pre- vs Post-Release Thoughts (you can skip down to II if you don’t care, it is genuinely Long and Pointless)

Okay, so first off. I got SO worried like, the day before the new chapter dropped? It hit me that whatever new stuff we got out of this, people would connect back to Undertale, and. Honestly, I really do hate connecting everything back to Chara, because I do think of Kris as their own character and I really like them and don’t want to ignore everything they got going on. But, I am first and foremost a shameless Chara stan and they’re very important to me, so I kinda... did spend a few minutes reeling from all the new DR stuff as its own stuff, and then immediately started thinking about how this would reflect back on Chara in Undertale lol.

But that’s ok for me to do here because this is my All Chara, Only Chara, All The Time blog, so I am gonna only really talk about Deltarune here to talk about them lol.

So yeah, I started getting anxious beforehand worrying about how everyone would take any and all implications and apply it to mean “aha, Chara IS evil!” The fakeout with the pie reveal in the anniversary stream was a big relief, but I still got worried leading up to the release about what could be in it.

Because part of why I’ve always thought that “Chara was genuinely evil from the start” and even “ok maybe not TOTALLY evil, but Chara was still a kinda bad person” were unlikely was, even if you throw out all the other popular Chara-sympathetic theories. To me, both these takes just seemed too below TF’s talent and the way he wrote all his other characters with depth and love; a Chara like the one these theories propose just doesn’t belong in a world created by TF, and the way the Dreemurrs talk about them overall, the way TF made a point of having Chara say they were guided and repeatedly, correctly blame you the player for the destruction in Kill-All, I was sure that he never intended them to ever be as bad as the fandom sometimes tried to make them out to be.

... Like, mostly sure. Like, 80% sure? Because he never ever talks about them, so it’s impossible say for sure, and it is still theoretically possible that “Chara was and is bad” was the cold-ass take he’d intended all along. So yeah, leading up to the release, I started getting antsy that whatever new lore came out of it, either he’d directly confirm “Chara was a villain?” “*cocks gun* Always has been” or there’d be something that’d at least heavily implicate them, or could be twisted to implicate them, as a negative force. More ammo to be used against them in the Chara Debate Circles would be a drag, and outright confirmation of them as a villain would honestly break my heart and I’d be forced to disown Toby Fox, My Beloved Cool Dad.

And, right now? Tell the truth, I’m SO relieved and I am SO happy. And not just because of how much depth and characterization it seems Kris is getting! (imo, because rn I just headcanon them as an unhappy teen desperately trying to keep their new friends going on adventures with them and trying to fight back against the player’s control)

I love how this chapter seems to be TF doing course-correcting based on fandom interpretations. Because Kris just isn’t evil, even if they are a knife teen, even if they are the Knight, they’re just NOT evil and that’s canon, baybeeee; it’s made clear in this chapter and the previous one that they love their family even outside of the player’s control, they care about their new friends even outside of the player’s control, they’re established as a weird creepy kid but no one sees them as scary or evil, they’re just Kris, and even in the Weird Route, TF made a point of hammering in the differences between Kris and the player in the Weird Route: Susie and Ralsei notice how distressed Kris seemed after you have Noelle ice Berdly, Noelle heard a voice that she said wasn’t Kris telling her to kill, and the FUCKING Spamton fight: “Kris called for help... but nobody came” again and again, and then “You whispered Noelle’s name”... you, not Kris.

I know TF has never commented much on fans’ perceptions of Frisk and Chara, or who exactly is pulling strings in different routes. But after all this, and especially after seeing all the little winks and nods to fandom jokes in this chapter (what comes to mind: pulling everyone’s leg by seeming to have Kris attack Toriel with a knife only to reveal that pie theory was right, Susie not liking Ralsei’s real face as much as his shadowed one, Ralsei with a gun getting referenced with the ad, Kris getting a joke fixation with knives after the fans made Chara and Kris have knife obsessions as a joke), and seeing what looks like him try to correct some things (what stuck out to me was doubling down on showing that Kris is loved and valued in their family: lots of fans came away from Chapter 1 thinking that Kris was not valued as much as Asriel, but here we see that Toriel is supportive of Kris’ friendship with Susie, and it’s stated that Asriel is the one who used the crappy controller, not Kris) -

I think while he hasn’t commented directly, while he admitted to being overwhelmed by Undertale’s success, while he tends to be pretty tight-lipped about the lore (whether that’s because it’ll be addressed by future chapters or because he prefers to let fans sleuth it out), this chapter convinced me that Toby does keep tabs on fan reactions in Deltarune, so he probably does with Undertale too and would know about all The Discourse surrounding Little Mx Pink Cheeks (and in turn, popular theories like Narrator Chara... Toby if you integrate Narrator Chara into Deltarune being a borderline creepypasta and have the narrator start talking directly to the characters or to the player or the characters start talking to the narrator I will lose my damn B E A N S).

(Kris and Chara not being demonized and the narrator interacting directly with the characters were the only two things on my wishlist going in, I was fine with literally anything else happening lmao)

I even kinda think he’s going out of his way to separate Kris and the player because we didn’t get it before with Undertale, we still insisted that Frisk or Chara was the one doing it, and he’s even using Kris to show that even if this kid can be scary, maybe even mean, and maybe they’re even the Knight (with their reasons unknown), they’re still not a bad kid, they’re still funny and likable, and they still genuinely love their family and friends - which falls in line with Undertale’s cast of complex but likable people who can be antagonists and make mistakes but still aren’t truly bad people, and imo is a direct response to some people fixating on the idea that Chara was always evil because they seem scary/complicated.

... Which is a long way to say that I came out of Deltarune with my confidence fully restored about TF’s intentions with Chara and Kris. Even if he never comments on Chara directly, now I really don’t think TF thinks they’re evil or ever intended for them to be. Deltarune convinced me more than ever that Chara is meant to be complex, yes, and able to be influenced to do horrible things, but they were never intended to be as malicious or shallow as some fans insist.

TLDR:

Toby Fox read your mean fanfiction where Chara is a bad abusive serial killer no one likes, and he made Deltarune in revenge.

... Hm? Ah, you’d like me to get to the point! Right this way!

II. Undertale, Deltarune, and The Point

While no doubt some will still take the voice Noelle hears to be Chara influencing her to turn her into a murderer (I haven’t gone looking for it yet, but I’m sure it’s already a thing because I know this fandom), since it’s made too clear by the game that they can’t blame Kris for this one, I think at this point that’s just being too stubborn to consider other ideas.

If you believe in the totally made up idea used in so many fanfics that Chara is an evil spirit trying to whisper in Frisk’s ear to kill everyone, literally (for some reason) the embodiment of raising stats, and gets more control over people who have increased LV to take over their body... sure. Could be them, they did talk about moving on to the next world and all. I mean, that wouldn’t really make sense because it’s literally never implied in the actual game that Chara encourages you to kill outside of the Kill-All Run or even wants you to, certainly not as the narrator and we get no hint of them doing this as an unseen, unheard third-party either.

Not to mention they’re NOT literally possessing you because of increased LV; they don’t control you even with high LV in any Undertale route other than arguably the Kill-All, and if you fail the Kill-All and it turns into a high-body count Neutral, Chara suddenly stops using first-person narration and showing up in mirrors entirely even though they were showing themself before, the LV remains the same or even can get raised as high as LV 19, nor do they suddenly take over in any other Neutral runs. We can speculate on why (personally, I’d place this either on Chara’s mindset, such as them sinking into shock from the trauma or becoming more assertive as the player feeds their megalomania, or as a sign of Frisk’s withdrawal, leaving Chara alone in the body to take the reins and act out the player’s orders), but canonically, no, Chara does not take over due to high stats.

In fact, there’s even more evidence against this. First-person narration also exists for fleeing your battles in Undertale, even on Pacifist runs with base stats, 0 EXP, and an LV of 1. Since Chara is established to use first-person narration to refer to themself, is the only one who canonically does so, and is confirmed to be present even in all runs through their name and memories always showing up, it seems pretty likely that Chara can take control to flee battle. That means an increase in stats is not a sign of their presence or control, in Undertale or Deltarune.

The most damning blow to the idea that Chara is the voice corrupting Noelle are the lines in the fight with Spamton I mentioned. Kris called for help, but nobody came. You whispered Noelle’s name. Well hold on. If that’s Chara, shouldn’t it be “I whispered Noelle’s name”? As soon as you’ve officially started the Kill-All in Undertale, Chara starts up their “It’s me, Chara” schtick right away, right there in Toriel’s home in the first area, and if they weren’t the narrator before, they’re beginning to speak through the narration now. If the voice was Chara, surely Toby Fox knows it’d be a way bigger “oh shit” moment if the creepy scary hidden route once again switched into first-person, scaring us the same way he did before when we first saw “It’s me, Chara” and knew something was wrong; unfairly or not, their reputation as a villain is still well established and hinting to Chara’s presence with a simple “I” would drive the menace even further, if he intended for them to simply be a demon that possesses player characters when you grind enough. But it’s still just you. The player.

The Weird Route does even more to help Chara’s case than that. Not only is it made pretty clear that Kris and the player are separate, and the player is the one responsible for corrupting Noelle and making her kill... consider how similar Noelle and Chara are, in the Weird Route and the Kill-All Route.

This “voice” that “guides” them in growing strong, compelling them to kill everyone in order to fight for them, eventually driving them to murder people they know. Chara calls themself “the demon that comes when people call its name”, and you whisper Noelle’s name to have her appear to kill Spamton. Noelle’s conflicting emotions towards Kris and the voice as she is manipulated, as she becomes more violent and sadistic, as she goes into shock; does that not sound like Chara, who flipflops between holding you dear as their partner and wanting to move on to the next world together, to be together forever, and them being disgusted by your refusal to accept consequences and the perverse enjoyment you get in killing everyone again and again? Chara, who clings to their quirky narration for much of the Kill-All, but keeps slipping up, who becomes terrifyingly cold, aggressive, power-hungry, and even sadistic, yet still calls Undyne “the heroine”, still seems to still care about their locket, still has moments where they seem to falter?

Noelle does put up significantly more resistance to the voice’s commands than Chara does, and at least much more visibly shows distress and trauma. I don’t think this is a black mark on Chara’s chara-cter either, or an indication of them being more violent or cruel.

For one, while Noelle is still herself with her own soul, it is heavily implied by Chara, Flowey, and Undertale’s lore that Chara was reincarnated without their own soul, at best perhaps attached to Frisk’s (or yours): as I speculate in one of my currently unfinished theories, while monster souls are made up of love, compassion, and hope and thus Asriel was reincarnated without these qualities, it could well be that human souls are correspondingly made up of their own multiple traits, namely determination, patience, bravery, integrity, perseverance, kindness, and justice; if true, a soulless Chara would be lacking these qualities, which would make them less equipped to resist the player’s commands or to feel as torn up about it.

Also, the player has a hold on them both as “party members” to the player’s vessels, but it is also possible that the player naming Chara and having them directly attached to Frisk also gives them a stronger connection to Chara they can abuse, similar to how Kris and Frisk (as the player’s direct vessels) have much less autonomy than Kris’ party members.

(Fun observation: We know that when the thing controlling Kris forced Noelle into becoming a killer and using her to kill Berdly, Kris was horrified and shaken-up according to Susie and Ralsei. How do you think Frisk felt watching Chara be used to slaughter the Underground and then erasing the world when they’re totally corrupted?)

And lastly... look, Noelle and Chara are both minors, but Chara is significantly younger - a small child compared to Noelle’s teen. I know it’s fiction and strong wills and determination and anime is real and all, but a traumatized young child who died two violent and awful deaths back-to-back, may have literally experienced being a corpse in their own coffin/grave for who knows how long, and then came back ”confused” only to immediately start hearing a voice relentlessly commanding them to kill everyone?? I can absolutely see a traumatized kid shutting down and just going with it out of fear at first, before the LV sets in.

TLDR:

What you do to Noelle in the Weird Route is the same fucking thing you do to Chara in the Kill-All Route.

[cashewally-sarcastic]

It is hku’s 6th month anniversary, and it’s been a growing theme (tradition?) that I tend to write essays for said occasion, most of them being jokes. But instead, today I present a different kind of essay, one that isn’t written as a joke for once. This is an essay focusing on the grey morality of hku, and focuses on Siv as the example of said grey morality. Because of this, I do have to warn that there are major story spoilers ahead, so if you haven’t read hku or aren’t caught up to current events, I would recommend not reading this! This essay isn’t going anywhere, and spoiling yourself isn’t a very fun experience!

With that disclaimer out of the way, the essay (as per usual) is under the cut! Enjoy!

~~~

The Grey Morality of HKU

We live in a world that is not purely black and white, but instead many different shades of grey. Writing greyness into stories is difficult, especially when trying to create morally ambiguous characters, which is why most character conflicts in fiction is black and white. Moral greyness in characters is a very thin tightrope to balance on, since such characters fall in between heroes and villains, and bring layers of depth and complexity into the world. Most humans are not purely good or evil, and morally grey characters showcase this well. These characters can be incredibly complicated, and thus, it's difficult for authors to commit and stay on their tightrope. Sometimes they lean too far to one side and their intended moral greyness gets destroyed. But in Hyrule Kingdom Updates, or HKU, Quill not only walks this tightrope with ease, but does backflips on it and performs a whole circus act with their characters mimicking the same routine. One of these talented tightrope-walkers that performs in such a circus act is Asivus Hartell, better known as Siv. 

Siv is one of the main examples of the grey morality of HKU. He’s the sarcastic, pessimistic orator that serves as the role of the narrator for the story.  Introduced as a psychological egoist, or someone who believes that everyone’s actions are derived out of personal interest, his personality, attitude, and actions all reek of the scent of “villain”. He’s cynical, hates almost everyone in the castle, and is also a criminal. Over time, his egoist beliefs are slowly challenged, and when his ties to the people who challenge his egoist morals are cut, his egoism goes even further downhill, leading him to become a utilitarian existentialist.

Utilitarian existentialism is hard to properly define, as there is no clear-cut definition. It is the combination of two different philosophies, utilitarianism and existentialism. Utilitarianism is the belief that actions are right if they are useful or for the benefit of a majority; if it provides the greatest amount of good for the greatest number of people, it’s the right thing to do. Existentialism is the belief that there are no set morals for life and no specific meaning to life— people are free to create their own meaning and define their own existence. Utilitarian existentialism is the combination of these two beliefs, and Siv falling into this moral belief can lead to its own opportunities, both for the plot and for himself.

Siv, by the dictionary definition, is a villain. One of the core beliefs he holds, mostly thanks to his egoism, is that everyone is a terrible, selfish person except for him and Ganon. This is not only harmful to the rest of the population because of the possibility of the Calamity being revived, but it’s harmful to Siv as well. Thinking everyone is bad except for the entity that’s weaponizing your malice, or manipulating your trauma, is not the most healthy thing. In addition, as the readers, we can see things from multiple perspectives, and therefore know that not everyone is a terrible or selfish person. By seeing these multiple perspectives and knowing these things, we root against Siv and his goal of resurrecting the Calamity, for his view of the world and the people in it is flawed. Siv succeeding in his objective wouldn’t be good for anyone, including himself. If this was Siv’s only belief, it would be more of a clear-cut black and white story, and Siv would just be a villain. However, that is not the case.

The other core belief Siv believes is one that Astor leads him to: Getting rid of all the terrible, selfish people in the world is the morally correct thing to do, as the kingdom would be a better place and he’d finally be happy. “Defeating the evil in the kingdom will make everything end up good” is a mindset that many stereotypical heroes share. This is the belief in the stories of many people’s childhoods, and people root for them because it’s usually correct in the context of said story. There’s nothing fundamentally wrong with Siv’s belief; he does have a point and does deserve to be happy. Furthermore, most of the problem causers in Hyrule would be gone, preventing all the hurt and trauma all the characters have to cope with from happening again. For example, getting rid of Ligero is something the entire reader-base has been cheering for since the old man was first introduced. It would be satisfying to see people such as those face consequences for their actions, and as readers, we like satisfying endings. Unfortunately, the problem is that Siv believes everyone is bad except him and Ganon, so he’d be getting rid of everyone, and effectively resurrecting the Calamity, something that devastated the kingdom and brought a massive amount of death, in the process. Taking that into account, you wouldn’t want Siv to succeed. And as a bonus, killing anyone and everyone he could possibly care about in any capacity would not be good for his already crumbling mental state. All of this creates a mental tug-of-war  in the reader’s head, because they're rooting for Siv to succeed but also hoping that Siv will fail. Is he in the right? No, because not everyone is a bad person and killing everyone by raising the Calamity isn't ever the right thing to do. But is he in the wrong? Also no, because utilitarianism isn't inherently bad, neither is existentialism, and the moral principle itself can have good intentions. Quill writes Siv to be a very complex character with no absolute right or wrong mentality. There’s no surface answer to if Siv is correct in his thinking or not, as this moral greyness goes a lot deeper than the surface level you see within the dialogue.

Siv walks upon the same morally grey tightrope that we, the readers, fight ourselves over within our own mental game of tug-of-war. His moral ambiguity is a huge part of his characterization, as well as a major highlight on the plot of HKU as a whole. The picture Quill painted is not only in multiple shades of grey, but also full of color and life. And out of all the shades of grey Quill used in their masterpiece, one of the most interesting shades is Siv. Quill did an excellent job at exploring this moral greyness and it shows well; you can truly see the care that they put into Siv as a character through how he affects the world around him. The kingdom of Hyrule is not made of black and white, but instead, is painted in multiple shades of grey that reflect our own world within itself, since nothing is as simple as it seems. 

~~~

Want to read more about Siv’s morals? Quill wrote an in-depth explanation themselves, and does a much better job of explaining it than I do, so I recommend reading it if that peaks your interest! Click HERE to be sent to that post! (also major spoilers, so be warned)

~~~

Now, since you got to the bottom of this post, and because I might be a little too polite, I need to give some thank-yous to a handful of people.

The first thank-you is to Rev (@swordlesbianss) for giving me the push I needed to actually write this thing! You pretty much kept me accountable for getting this done by mentioning your essay (which I look forward to reading when it’s ready, take your time), so thank you, Rev! You definitely got me to actually start writing the original version of this essay, and caused me to write it to where it is now!

The second thank-you is to Aura (@auroraborealis1890) who beta read the first draft of this essay! You made sure it wasn’t completely incomprehensible, thank you so much Aura! By being able to read it at all, you were a huge help to what was essentially a crazy person’s ramblings. You’re a great friend and I’m very grateful you read my first draft of bullshit <3

The third thank-you is a huge one to Bunny (@bunnywabbit229) who polished up this essay! All of the tone, spell checks, and really beautiful analogies were proofread by Bunny, some invented by them! They took a good 5+ hours out of their day and made this little rock of an essay become the shining diamond it is! I could point out so many things that they made better, but I don’t want to gush for too long. Bunny, I know I already told you this but if I could buy you a large brownie pizza, I would because you helped so much and I appreciate it so much!

The final thank-you is to Quill, the author of @hyrule-kingdom-updates, who made the inspiration for this essay. You have made such a wonderful story that’s rich with so many amazing characters and astounding worldbuilding. You made a masterpiece that inspired an essay of over 1000 words and I’m in awe. You truly deserve to know how wonderful your writing is and all the effort you’ve put into your characters and story is not going unnoticed. So thank you so much for putting your story out into the world, Quill.

[thecandlesticksfromlesmis]

My sister's college's theater group decided to FILM their musical one person at a time and edit it together(!!) and I'm in engineering grad school, and am aware that art school is a v v different experience but this made me think: how are you guys doing this? Are you ok? How do you learn to direct if there can't be two people on screen together? Is it like the Tom Holland thing where he didnt know who was in scenes with him? Are the editing students happy about this? If you dont want to answer I totally get it but I'm asking because engineering not in person kills me so I just. Can't fathom what you're doing. I wish you the best 💙

HEY omg yeah it’s a mess. It’s been a mess since this all started and I think it will continue to be a mess for the rest of this year. 

Rest of post under the cut cause I’m just ranting.

So when everything first hit, all filmmaking was stopped completely, which for me as a screenwriter was fine because I am not required to be on set unless I wrote the script (or have been bamboozled into script supervising ugh) anyway. But I know it hurt literally every other discipline, especially cinematographers because they need to touch cameras in order to learn and the school provides all their tech. 

Towards the end of last year, the school started back up with productions, making it mandatory for all the films to be shot on our big sound stages (usually we have free rein of all of LA and a little outside it in shoot in) and to include a COVID safety supervisor. Our sound stages were upgraded with new air ventilation systems and the school also rented out other stages to accommodate the huge number of shorts that needed to be shot. 

In order to be on set you had to have proof of a negative COVID test and have isolated in your home for two weeks before shooting. On set was a big production of face shields and masks and sanitizer and staying six feet away from each other---except for the actors. The actors could be in scenes together, provided they did all the steps above and agreed to be close to someone in a scene.

No one is happy lmao. It’s pushed back thesis schedule SO MUCH, that lots of people in my class will still be having to shoot and finish thesis after we technically graduate this year. Technically, I’m still responsible for writing a script for a project that was cancelled and removed from the “you need to do this to graduate” list. It’s been rescheduled to shoot in August when I will be rigorously prepping for the huge event where I pitch all my project to industry execs. I don’t wanna do it, but my whole team still wants to so ya know 🤷🏼‍♂️

I have no clue how the fuck the production designers are functioning. I hope they’re still able to go to the school to access the building stations and literally all their materials. Editors have to go into the school to do their work because AVID costs so much money and no one is gonna buy it personally and that’s what they edit on! Directors are being dramatic as usual (lol I love some of them but goooood the shit they’ve put writers through y’all). 

Basically, it’s all around absolutely NOT what we signed up for to earn our masters. This school’s big selling point is hands on, collaborative work, and it’s really tough to do that now. Writers have less to deal with, but what I wouldn’t give to be sitting in workshop, giving notes to people in conversation form, rather than trying to have a natural dialogue over zoom. It sucks! And I miss my friends. 

There was this beautiful room on campus, that was a “no talking zone” in the library, that I used to work in every day. It was a room full of screenplays--like stacked shelves top to bottom of bound screenplays, some original behind glass doors, some signed by writers. It was really good place for me to focus on what I came here to do. I really really miss it. It made me feel a part of something! I have barely left my house for a year and now all the words I’ve written are trapping in our one bedroom apartment and it’s so stifling. The stories are blending together and GOD I can’t wait to get a break. 

I’m burnt out and tired of the one thing I know how to do. 

But I’m going to end this on a bright note! Mike and I are getting our second shot soon, we’re working on a film project right now, I’m finishing drafts of stories I’ve been working on for so long. If everything was the way it was before all this, the things I’m accomplishing would feel so small and not impressive. But now I’m realizing just how hard they really are to finish, and I should be less hard on myself in the future! 

Anyway, thanks for asking! Hope engineering grad school is going well. I’m sure it’s hard with all this going on too! Wishing you the best 💚 

[sugarcomatosed]

i love your stories so much!! and was wondering if you can give some writing tips perhaps? 🥺👉🏻👈🏻

Breaking this up into sections for you + putting it under a cut cause I went overboard. 😅

General Writing Tips

These work for both academic and creative writing.

Make an outline.

It doesn't have to be a formal one, but having at least a general idea of the scenes you want to include is helpful. If I know my fic is going to be a longer one (like Don't Hesitate was and my current WIP is), I break down the larger story beats i want to hit on a piece of paper or my iPad.

It's good to know what you're planning to do, in a any piece I usually have a single specific scene I want to do and depending on what it is, I might either just do the scene I want to or turn into something longer.

Draft, draft, draft.

I cannot stress the importance of going through and reviewing your work. This is a big part of any sort of writing.

Your first idea isn't always your best idea. As you work on a piece you might find your original idea is holding you back, focus shifts! Don't be afraid to let your work change as you go. It's not always easy to let go of your original idea but if you find it's not working, you have to let it change. Sections will need to be rewritten, things have to be readjusted to fit with later sections. Reread for clarity while you're drafting and look to see if this makes sense to you, or reads well to you. If you can't follow it and you wrote it, chances are your reader can't either. Did you use the same phrase again and again? Find and search it on your doc to double check.

Sometimes you have to cut things you really like because they just don't contribute to the fic anymore. Save those bits and use them somewhere else!In a lot of my longer pieces I will write a paragraph, realize that's not where it should go and cut/paste it into another part of the doc because the pacing/scene doesn't make sense where I had it originally, but it works somewhere else.

If you're stuck, skip around, come back and then stitch the bits you have written together.

Don't Focus on a Word Count

This might be controversial, but I'm of the opinion just because something is longer does not make it better. Some works are short, and that's okay! I very rarely try to aim for a specific count of words unless it's for a prompt exchange or a personal challenge. I write till I feel the piece is done. Some stories require more words, some require less.

Don't Hesitate is a great example of this again, because all I wanted to do was a bittersweet first kiss fic, but jumping write into the kiss wouldn't get the full effect I wanted. Meanwhile, with Old Habits all I wanted to do was write dumb comedic kisses, we didn't need a 2k preamble.

Get Someone You Trust to Edit

My go to editor for the past six years or so is one of my good friends. She has edited everything from college papers to my fics for me before I post them to read for clarity, find any funky phrases or misspelled words I missed, and I do the same for her when she asks! A fresh set of eyes makes a world of a difference. Find someone to trade fics with or ask a friend! They might have good suggestions you never thought of, or be able to tell what you were going for when you don't even know yourself.

I also rely on my friends a lot to brainstorm and talk my ideas out before I start because it helps me think and figure out what I need. It's super common for me to text someone and say "im gonna spitball at you, that okay?" and then spend twenty minutes chatting through my ideas.

Have Reference Material

For my 13sar fics, I regularly go back and review/screenshot videos of the dialogue to make sure I am staying consistent with story events, character nuance and small details. You don't have to go crazy, but it is really helpful to have your source material to go back to and check yourself against. In non creative writing I always had a pile of papers highlighted with my own notes on the margins.

Take Breaks/Pace Yourself

Know your own limits, and if you are working and working on something and it's not coming out leave it alone and come back to it. I'm really bad at this personally because when I get an idea in my head I want to see it through but sometimes you gotta step back! It's not healthy to keep working on things and overwork yourself. Stretch, get up go for a walk.

Write What You Want to Write

Don't focus on what people want to read. Focus on what you like. Find a topic, a scene, anything that you are passionate about and the rest will follow. The only time I write fic for other people is when I am writing for a friend. Even prompt requests I only take open ended ones, if I am not interested in writing it it's not gonna happen. I know it's super hard and I get really anxious sometimes about letting people down now, or worrying people won't like something but then I step back and remind myself this is a hobby and I'm doing it for fun.

Play to Your Strengths

You shouldn't try to write like me, you should try to write like yourself. Find what skills you have and use them to your advantage!

I can't give you a step by step list to write like me, because nobody in the world has my background! We're all unique. Everything I've listed so far I know because I'm not a beginner anymore! I'm in my twenties and have come from a strong academic writing background.

I took on an intensive course load in high school, and then went onto college for a sociology degree. I very rarely had test based finals and at the end of each semester would have five 10-15 page papers to submit. Straight up some of my skills come from having read and studied the works of anthropologist Clifford Geertz. I am not saying you should read anthropology/sociology texts. Unless you like that sort of thing lol

I also have 6+ years of theater experience (acting & directing), I use this all the time for my writing. When I think about a scene, I think about how I would work through it as an actor, how the character would move, and how would things read to an audience. The GOTE ("Goal, Obstacle, Tactics, and Expectation") method of acting by Robert Cohen is really useful hear if you want a more technical breakdown of what I mean by that.

This leads to a lot of what we called "business" in acting, doing small tiny things while you talk or move around on stage to give the sense you're a real human. I don't have to think or try on these sort of things because they're in my skill set already!

Things I do Personally

As in, these are not transferable skills this is just the stuff I do while working on projects.

Find a Vibe™️

I come into any fic with usually a goal I want to hit, a line of dialogue or something I want to capture. Just like, the general idea of a feeling a song even if the lyrics don't match up. Make a mood-board, a playlist, just find something you wanna do. It's less about the actual words on the page and what you're aiming to do.

Look to things that inspire you

Don't Hesitate got written because I wanted to write a fic that captured the same vibe as a scene in Macross Frontier, where two characters have a bittersweet kiss before the final battle and that scene still has me fucked up six years after watching it.

My current WIP is doing the same thing but with the song All I've Ever Known from Hadestown. Two characters working through loneliness, the sudden feeling of falling in love and the frustration that feeling can bring on sometime.

I don't plagiarize them word for word, but these are scenes that inspire me! I also patchwork quilt ideas together. Using Don't Hesitate again, I also ended up pulling from a bunch of shoujo anime, Toradora, Sailor Moon, Yona of the Dawn, Princess Tutu...specific scenes I enjoy to blend and create something new.

Goof Off While You Write

I name my documents stupid things, I write dumb placeholder dialogue or vague sentiments like "insert better word here", I make memes when I'm struggling and roast myself and my predictable tastes.

I spent twenty minutes texting a friend Juro's name with different letters spelt out and then the "fuck your chickenstrips" vine saying it was Juro during destruction. Just have fun with it!

Listen to J-POP On Loop for Hours at a Time

i am not kidding I do this all the time. Perfume, AKB48, anime idol osts, Sailor Moon's OPs/ED, vocaloid songs. I like technopop and Japanese is good because it usually doesn't distract my brain since I only know random phrases, but still know what the meaning og the song is.

I love music, it helps me vibe out.

Thank you so much for enjoying my work ;o;

I hope this is useful to you in some way! I'm so sorry it's so long winded but I am overly thorough and love to teach people ;w;

[rum-and-shattered-dreams]

WIP tag game

Tagged by the lovely @novantinuum  Thank you! <3

The game is simple: post a snippet (or visual progress on art) of one of your WIPs, if you feel comfortable doing so.

Tagging (if you’d like to) @darylstorey​ @geekyartemis​ @ramblesanddragons​ @iconicanemone @mother-ofthe-universedraws @eregyrn-falls @stanford-pines-618​ @athgalla​ and anyone else who sees this and wants to do it!

I only have two snippets that are anywhere near coherent enough to share right now and even at that they’re mostly in note/initial idea form, not even first draft form.

This one is from a bonus chapter of The Man Downstairs that goes into more detail about Stan and Ford’s first few days together in ‘82. They’re mostly still fighting a lot but trying to figure things out because they’ve realized they want to reconcile need each other (this is just a few disorganized lines to weave into the events of Stan actually leaving for a while because he didn’t understand that Bill was possessing Ford and everything that led up to them demolishing the portal. They’d also include Stan calling Ford out on his mistakes and Ford defending that he did try to take responsibility for them when he realized he’d made them but screwed that up too and a bunch of stuff about their failures in communicating with each other over the years):

Stan tells Ford how much he hates being himself & Ford looks at him wide-eyed & tries to just focus on him (instead of knee-jerk arguing back or changing the subject to everything else going on like they both have been), saying, “I’m sorry you feel that way, Stanley. It must be difficult. If it’s any consolation, I don’t think you’re a screw up. But, if I’m being honest, when you make a mistake or an accident happens, it might help if you took responsibility and said you were sorry instead of-”

“Oh great. Another way I’m a screw up.”

Ford sighs, “Instead of doing that…”

“You asshole. I just told you that I hate being me. I hate that I screw up so much. Maybe I wouldn’t feel that way if you didn’t always have to have all the answers and think you’re so goddamn special! Why do you always have to be mr. perfect?”

Ford opens his mouth to apologize again then snaps it shut. He thinks for a moment & says, “Because I’m not ordinary.”

“Oooh look at me. I’m Ford. I’m so smart I’m such a big deal and everyone else is dumb.”

“T-that’s not what I said!”

“I’m destined for greatness because-”

“This is exactly what I’m talking about,” Ford mutters under Stan’s mockery, “I say something and I know what I mean but it doesn’t mean the same thing to anyone else.”

“I’m so far above those common people”

Ford stands and shouts, “I mean that I hate being me, too!”

“No one else could possibly- wait… what?”

“I mean that… Ordinary is good. It’s socially acceptable. Yes, a certain level of weird is acceptable in some circles. But I’m not even that!” he sighs - waits for Stan to argue back.

Stan stops. Pulls out a chair and sits on it with the back between his legs. Exasperated/annoyed but willing to hear him out, “Go ahead… I’m listening.”

Bonus snippet under the cut because this is getting long:

This one will probably show up in the next chapter:

Stan tells Ford what he learned in the bunker. Ford tells Stan he remembered a few things about F and was going to tell the truth about why he’s hesitant to meet the kids but Stan speaks first, completely interrupting his train of thought.

“Ford, are you gay?”

*mirrors Stan’s choking reaction when Mabel suggested to him that The Author was in a relationship with F

Stan continues “I mean, you know it’s okay if you are, right? You know I’d be happy for you no matter what you are, right?”

“I do know. And thank you for that. But I don’t think I am?”

“Why did that sound like a question?”

“Because… It is one. Stanley, I don’t actually know. I don’t think I’ve ever felt any differently about people based on their gender? It seems as though I simply… Have not yet felt whatever attraction others experience.”

“Well, that’s okay too.”

“Why do you ask?”

“Heh, mostly ‘cause of something Mabel said. She saw how you wrote about your assistant in your journal and wondered if you were in a relationship with him and, I know she always loves the idea of love but uh as far as I can tell, you were kinda living with the guy in a cabin in the middle of nowhere and apparently built a bunker together that had only one bed. It just made me wonder if she might be onto something that could help you remember him is all.”

“If we were in a relationship, I don’t remember it. But I suspect not since I did remember that he traveled here but had a family at home.”

“Well, I mean, sometimes that doesn’t stop people and especially back then sometimes a family knew the truth and acted as a cover-” Stan coughed and corrected, “Anyway, it did get me thinking… I just wanted you to know that… I’m not dad. Whatever’s in your past or whatever you decide about your future wouldn’t change anything between us.”

“You already know I feel the same about you, right, Stanley?”

“Heh, yeah. I do. Thanks. And just so you know, the kids… The whole family feels the same.”

[myevilmouse]

Today for Trivia Tuesday @jedimordsith suggested I write about my drabble skills and give suggestions to anyone wanting to write drabbles.  I recently wrote 28 drabbles for the Multifandom Drabble Exchange just for fun muwahahah.  Also this is why, since I went outside the Star Wars fandom I love and live in, that I created a new pseud, Złymyszeczka, in case you were wondering what was up with that. Fandoms that I dabbled in included Supernatural, Resident Evil, Harry Potter, Game of Thrones, My So-Called Life, X-Men, Wellington Paranormal, Quantum Leap, Labyrinth, Hercules (Disney), Cobra Kai, Lord of the Rings, Loki, Chronicles of Narnia, X-Files, Sherlock, Star Trek TNG, and more!  

Obviously I had to separate all that multi-fandom madness from the purity of my Luke and Thrawn smut!

So please if you check me out on AO3 for Star Wars stuff (and I sincerely hope you do!), note that you want to keep the evilmouse name.  I don’t plan on writing outside Star Wars fandom often, but on the rare occasions I do, it will get posted under the other name.

Back to the point:

Evilmouse’s 5 Essential Tips on Writing Drabbles

for your Trivia Tuesday, jump below the cut!

 So drabbles are 100 words.  Double drabbles, 200, Triple, 300, etc.  A lot of people find the exactness of this word restriction daunting, so here is my first tip for writing drabbles:

1)   Don’t think about the word count.

This may seem counter-intuitive, but the best way to approach a drabble is “I have to write a very short scene.”  Knowing it will be short (very short!) is enough to get you to the word count, and maybe push you over 3, 10, or 20 words.  That’s fine.  We fix it in the editing.  But if you get hung up about counting words when you are writing your drabble, you won’t write the best drabble you can!

2)  Focus on a single moment.  

When I say very short scene, think VERY SHORT SCENE.  It may be as simple as a quick verbal exchange.  It may be something you want to accomplish, i.e. a kiss, a punch.  Here are a couple examples from my recent experience:

One person requested a Chronicles of Narnia/MCU crossover and listed Prince Caspian and Loki as two characters they were interested in shipping.  So my goal was to write 100 words with these two characters.  

What shall we focus on?  100 words isn’t enough to explain why Loki is in Narnia or why Caspian is in Asgard. You have to trust the reader to accept the premise if they click on your drabble. 

What is your goal?  Here, it was to get these two in a situation where a shipper will be happy with their interaction. In my case, I decided they would be trapped somewhere together and alone.  That was it, that was the starting point for the drabble, which you can read here.

Another example: one person requesting a Star Wars drabble said they liked when female characters meet and interact and listed old!Leia and Asajj Ventress as favorites.  

Same question: what do you want to accomplish? In this case, two characters who don’t meet in canon having that opportunity.  A meeting.  100 words is our limit.  Do we care why or where they are meeting?  Probably not.  That initial interaction is the goal.  So for this one, I set what I hoped was a mysterious atmosphere and just simply wrote their initial exchange here.  Trust your readers to fill in the blanks, which leads us to:

3)   Let the “end” be as ambiguous as you like.

Drabbles are brief moments, as already mentioned.  They don’t need a proper beginning or end, they can (and sometimes should) leave the reader asking questions or wanting more.  I like writing drabbles that imply something happened next, and leave it up to the reader to decide exactly what.  

In the case of the Loki/Caspian drabble, knowing that Loki can teleport, and chooses not to, implies he has some ulterior motive in lying about his powers.  

In the case of Asajj & Leia, we know Asajj sent a comm to initiate the meeting but we don’t know exactly what she means by saying they will be “friends.”  Is she sincere?  Have some trick up her sleeve?  I don’t have to know!  But the moment is achieved.

That doesn’t mean that you can’t “end” a drabble if you want to.  I wrote a treat for someone who wanted Sarah and Jareth to end up together when she was all grown up.  So obviously the request has already dictated my ending.  In that case, I had a couple goals:  to tell the reader she was all grown up, to demonstrate how much has/hasn’t changed, and to make her wind up with that sexy Goblin King.  Mmmm yesssss.

Each of those goals, which may have appeared difficult at first, took exactly one sentence:

Curtains fluttered, an unnatural gust summoning the ever-present metropolitan cacophony into her apartment.

We know now that Sarah has her own apartment, old enough to live alone.

“It didn’t!” she glared, injustice manifested in that indignant whine she’d retained, like most of her teenage dreams.

In the film Labyrinth, Sarah’s always saying things aren’t fair.  So here we see she hasn’t quite gotten rid of that tendency to whine about injustice, and is still a dreamer at heart.

“This time,” Sarah took a deep breath, certain, “I’ll stay.”

She’s not hesitating, she’s decided, and she’s going to live happily ever after with her mystical consort (we hope).

The point here is that your drabble can be as conclusive or inconclusive as you like, and isn’t limited by the word count.

4)   Edit without mercy

Yes I KNOW that is the perfect adjective for Luke’s sparkling blue eyes, but if your word count is 101, those eyes are either sparkling or blue but not both!

Once you achieve your “moment” in the drabble form, you have to check that word count and CHOP CHOP CHOP.  It’s a rare thing to be under word count, but if you are lucky to be under, just add a few well-chosen adjectives and you’re done.  However, if you, like most of us, have just written 123 words of perfection and want to scream because there is NO WAY you can do the same thing in 100 words, you have two options:  write 77 MORE words and surrender to the double drabble, OR like I try to do, throw away the things you love until you have accomplished the same thing in 100 words.

To demonstrate this exercise, I set myself a task (because I haven’t saved drafts of my drabbles, sadly) to show you what I mean.  So right now at this very instant I’m going to write a drabble about Luke Skywalker being in love with YOU.  A Luke/Reader drabble, for example.  Let’s go:

Everyone groaned as the briefing ended.  It had gone on two hours too long for your taste, and judging by the mad rush to the exit, you weren’t alone in your assessment.  As you left the conference room, you almost bumped into Luke Skywalker.  The Jedi Master looked as handsome as always, but rather more casual than usual, his robes nowhere in sight and dressed simply in black pants with a blue shirt.  

“Excuse me,” you said, about to move past, flustered beyond belief.  If only he wasn’t so kriffing good-looking… It was stupid to lust after a Jedi—any Jedi.

“Actually,” he smiled, “I was waiting here for you.”

A wave of shock, quickly followed by confusion, made you even more tongue-tied than usual.

“Me?”

He nodded.  “Yeah.  Have dinner with me tonight?”

 OK here is where I checked the wordcount.  134 words. Ouch.  Quickly we have to edit because I’m not happy with the ending either. And 134 means some serious slicing and dicing.  Here’s take two:

The briefing seemed to end two hours too late, and judging by the mad rush to the exit, your colleagues agreed.  Leaving the conference room, you almost bumped into Luke Skywalker.  The Jedi Master looked handsome as always, but more casual than usual, robes nowhere in sight, dressed in black pants and blue shirt.

“Excuse me,” you said, moving past, flustered.  If only he wasn’t so kriffing good-looking… It was stupid to lust after a Jedi, but that hadn’t stopped you.

He smiled.  “I was waiting for you.”

Shock, quickly followed by confusion, made you even more tongue-tied than usual.

“Me?”

He nodded.  “Yeah.  Have dinner with me tonight?”

 OK we’ve done some serious slicing and are down to 109 words.  But I’m still not happy, AND we gotta cut more.

The briefing ended two hours too late, and judging by the mad rush to the exit, everyone agreed.  Leaving the room, you ran into Luke Skywalker.  The Jedi Master looked handsome as always, but more casual than usual, no robes, just dressed in black pants and blue shirt.

“Excuse me,” you muttered, flustered.  If only he wasn’t so kriffing good-looking… It was stupid to lust after a Jedi, but that hadn’t stopped you.

He smiled.  “I was waiting for you.”

Shock, quickly followed by confusion, made you even more tongue-tied than usual.

“Me?”

He nodded, and held out a hand.  “Come with me?”

Down to 103 words now and I managed to change the ending I wasn’t crazy about at first…notice what has and hasn’t changed between these short drafts... not much in the way of story, just how it is told.

Still have to edit more…three pesky words…

Judging by the mad rush to the exit, everyone agreed that meeting had been too long.  Hurrying out, you ran into Luke Skywalker.  The Jedi Master looked handsome as always, but more casual than usual, no robes, just dressed in black pants and blue shirt.  

“Excuse me,” you muttered, flustered.  If only he wasn’t so kriffing good-looking… It was stupid to lust after a Jedi, but common sense wasn’t your forte.

He smiled.  “I was waiting for you.”

Shock, quickly followed by confusion, made you even more tongue-tied than usual.

“Me?”

He nodded, holding out an inviting hand.  “Come with me?”

Now I’ve got 101 words and I don’t want to cut it, but I have to…*waves goodbye to “kriffing”*

Judging by the mad rush to the exit, everyone agreed that meeting had been too long.  Hurrying out, you ran into Luke Skywalker.  The Jedi Master looked handsome as always, but more casual than usual, no robes, just dressed in black pants and blue shirt.  

“Excuse me,” you muttered, flustered.  If only he wasn’t so good-looking… It was stupid to lust after a Jedi, but common sense wasn’t your forte.

He smiled.  “I was waiting for you.”

Shock, quickly followed by confusion, made you even more tongue-tied than usual.

“Me?”

He nodded, holding out an inviting hand.  “Come with me?”

So we have 100 words exactly, that imply Luke is into you and you have a future with him.  From starting the drabble to finishing it, took me about 18 minutes.  If you don’t pressure yourself, it doesn’t have to be a nightmare.  Which brings me to tip #5

5) Don’t stress, and have fun!

Sometimes I have spent as much as two hours on a drabble, but usually no more than a half hour to get it where I want.  When I do the “drabble a day” for Fictober, I try to limit myself to 15 minutes.  The point is, drabbles should be fun and low stress.  Don’t agonize about them!  Sure, you can edit for hours to fix each word to be absolutely perfect and convey something the same but different, but you can also just achieve that glimpse into a scene, that moment, and enjoy your work!

I hope you enjoyed this and/or found it useful.  If you’d like to read some of my drabbles, you can click on this #drabble tag, check out these drabble collections here and here, my story told in drabbles here, or explore my new pseud złamyszeczka for those other fandoms I mentioned.  Thank you for reading!

[strangerays]

Nothing in Particular Update #1

Hello, hello!! It’s been a really long time since I’ve written an update for this story! (this is a real update btw, forget the “first” one I had) To be honest, I haven’t been able to work on this story as much as I would like, being busy with classes and... well just life in general. (what I mean by this is that Shadow and Bone was released on Netflix) But! I do have some excerpts I wanted to put out there as well as some overall changes to the story.

Before I start: here’s the actual link to the story synopsis/characters!

TAGLIST (ask to be +/-): @wannabeauthorzofija @a-completely-normal-girl @baguettethebooklover @corkytheguar @writeherewaiting​ @raenawrites

STORY CHANGES/IDEAS:

First off: I had to rewrite 30,000 words and basically turn it into 10,000. The first draft was icky, but I turned it into something I really enjoy! This is a sign that writing is always worth it!!

I added in a couple of characters! I was starting to feel like the story might not have been balanced enough. Luckily, the muse struck me and I created Mars and Theo! Mars is a lovely (and enigmatic) older woman that Ray meets at a bird sanctuary and Theo is a new friend of Lonan’s.

There wasn’t much action in the beginning of the story, so I wrote a confrontation between Jude’s friends and another person that Ray spies on. This is how she meets Jude, and I am in lovvve.

The timeline for the entire story might be a little bit longer than I intended! I went into this project thinking it might only take place over a month, but in order for Ray’s mental health journey to be realistic, I’m going to shoot for an entire school year (around six-seven months). Honestly, I’m just happy I get to write a Halloween scene. As for the word count total HAHA I have no clue what that will look like.

I think Lonan will be a bit of a back-burner character! At first, I was a little wary of this decision since he’s my favorite, but I think it would be very exciting to have Ray hype him up before he ever appears in the story. That way, the reader sort of starts to think about him in one way, yet he might be completely different when he finally shows up...??

Chapter titles are one of my favorite things about this story. Also! I am a huge fan of short chapters! They move the story right along.

I prefer to write slower and use other projects to balance out this one when I get a little tired of it. Over the last month or so, I’ve gotten really into short story writing again! This has been really helpful in working on my specificity and pretty prose. Even though the short stories don’t contribute to Nothing in Particular, I’ve been taking a lot of what I’m learning and applying it!

EXCERPTS (UNDER THE CUT)

CHAPTER ONE: THE SPY

#1

During the summer between my sophomore and junior year, Lonan Herrings packed me into his Dad’s repainted Chevrolet, left his name sharp on his mother’s tongue, and drove to New York City at six in the morning. For the first time since we’d become friends, jealousy weighed our silence. He buzzed across the highway, even though we knew his mother had no intention of finding us.

#2

“Which animal would I be,” he asked, “if I left tomorrow and lived in the forest?”

“Why would you want to do that?” I smiled even though I knew he was probably serious.

His shoulders squared and he looked out his window. Two men in the next car shouted at each other, their windows down. Something about a mortgage. “You would come with me, of course.” He turned to me. “Which animal gets along best with a doe?”

#3

I shut my eyes to snap the cold. It might have been the fact that, most times, his gentle voice pulled ragged words from his throat, as if he had just stepped out of the rain after standing in it for hours. It might have been the way he cupped the rim of a camera with humble demure. I was never afraid to tell him anything in the patience that bled from him. His eyes were milky blue and he wore an olive jacket covered in pins that kept strangers interested. Since he seemed like he felt out of place most times, I never did. We were a grade apart; our friendship bloomed late. So long as I had a friend at all, I didn’t care how we’d met.

“You would be a blue jay,” I decided. For only a second, I’d been worried that I offended him, until his mouth curved to one side and he laughed softly, as though he wasn’t sure he was allowed. His head hovered over the steering wheel. A patch of freckles absently creeped over the bridge of his nose like winter weeds.

This first chapter is a flashback to exactly a year before the second chapter takes place! After an argument with his mom, Lonan drives out of state with Ray. I plan for it to be all we see of Lonan (in the present) up until the halfway point of the story.

CHAPTER TWO: I WAS QUIET

#1

I was a firm believer that the best art was created when the artist was alone, angry, or depressed.

After Lonan secured his train ticket to New York, I was surprised to find that I became none of these things. We buried a time capsule, painted his walls cerulean, and drove two-hundred miles without a word to anyone. Some of my most colorful memories were unplanned in the beginning.

#2

Katherine Herrings’ bakery loitered over the coast of town, sheltered in pitch crags and shallow tide pools congested with cigarettes. I often ate lunch on the deck on my break. She was the only person I knew who – after everything her nephew had said – didn’t make him the first topic of our conversations.

An indie rock song that I recognized buzzed from a radio below me. I pulled my tablet screen down and pushed my chair out so the plastic legs kicked up and scratched the backs of my legs.  Slowly, I peered between my ankles, through the patio boards, and into the boat lodge below. Pumpkin-red hair plastered to my forehead in the heat that clung to the late days of September. Waves bubbled and crashed, peanut oil dripped from hot dog buns, and muffled gossip chirped like a family of cicadas. I bit my tongue at the bitter smoke that warped the wind.

#3

Jude laughed then, and her shoulders tipped, haughty. Waves hissed in her silence as the lights in the kitchen behind Katherine flickered. Her mouth opened slightly at the ring of dishes and laughter that danced with each other inside. A moment passed before she took a wide step back.

Together, her accomplices waltzed after her as she ran down the pavement, flecking sand until the night’s blue air gulped their outlines. Katherine beat a towel against the patio leg, then she slid and locked the door. Frogs jeered in the silence that pervaded the sea.

I whispered the name back to myself so I wouldn’t forget it. Jude Ahuja. I took a sip of ginger ale, and she buzzed on my lips.

The story cuts to Ray’s senior year of high school. Summer has just ended, Lonan has left for college, and her camera is broken. Jude is a bit like a character out of a film to her, and she wishes she could know more about her after witnessing a loud argument with Katherine Herrings, Lonan’s aunt.

CHAPTER THREE: PEOPLE-WATCHING

#1

Early into our friendship, I’d learned this patience. The first time he brought me to Sugarfell, he told me that all of the paths led back to the same place. As long as you played the game, you were guaranteed a prize. He didn’t speak much, but I knew he wasn’t a very good liar.

Less than an hour passed when I was met with silence. I crept up and down the same path four times. Each step sent a shock through my legs to my chest. The sun hadn’t risen to the highest point in the sky, still glimmering through tree branches in golden fractals, pulling on static darkness.

#2

“Are you crying?” he asked.

I shook my head fast. “No.” My voice barely reached a whisper. It was a lot deeper than normal.

He puckered his lips as though I had offended him. “But you were about to.”

“You said that all the paths lead back to one another.” I stood up from the jagged stump and shuffled through the leaves until the tips of our shoes were inches apart. “I knew you’d come back. And you did.”

#3

When I turned back, sore curiosity teased the emerald in Lonan’s eyes.

“Do you ever people-watch?” he asked softly.

This chapter is another really short chapter that I’m ultimately not sure I’m going to keep! I sort of included it by accident while Ray was riding her bike to the forest, but I ended up really liking it as a bridge into the next scene. Hopefully, I find I way to make it fit!!

CHAPTER FOUR: SUGAR-COATED

#1

Years with Lonan had prepared me for being alone. If you spend any long amount of time with someone, you’ll become a thief to their behaviors. Lonan observed too much. If I stared long enough, trees began to replace all of the people we’d ever seen. Oaks with roots that serpentined the ground like children splashing in the bay, pines with needles like spindly old hands, maples with hollows like watchful eyes.

#2

I did remember, but I couldn’t then. Blood gushed too close to his eyelid and dripped down his cheek like tears. There was a grace period in my life – likely when I was a newborn – when I couldn’t picture what my blood would look like on the light side of my skin.

And this is where I’ll leave off on the excerpts for now! I’ve been really focused on taking my time and setting things up before the next chapter, which is going to have lots more action in it. Things are going to start picking up again, so I’m really excited for that!

Thanks for reading if you made it this far :)

[callmefitz]

HomeBound, a TTP Fic

PSA- I don’t know how to do the “read more” thing and this is a long fic so, apolgies in advance for this long post. Also I wrote this at midnight in my notes app with absolutely no editing so, read at your own risk.

Summary: It’s been weeks since the Crown Prince of the Heartlands, Prince Wensclaus ran away from home. During his absence, he’s taken a spunky aspiring knight under his wing to distract from the pain of his disapproving parents. Although, anyone can tell it’s more than that. He genuinely cares for the kid. As for his own family, however, they are not content to lose him. Featuring aro/ace future Wensclaus, a non-binary TTP OC I made named Law, and an older, wiser, but generally unchanged Joan.

————-

Although it’s been years since Wensclaus has been to the Hinterlands, there’s something familiar about the way the wind whips at his hair, heavy with the promise of rain. There’s something familiar about the dull, incessant roar of leaves in the breeze, and there’s something familiar about the dry crunch of dirt beneath his heels as he bites his lower lip, drawing blood as he parries and ripostes a rather impressive attack to his left side.

This place definitely had never held the warm glow of home to him, but the landscape tugged at Polaroid memories all the same.

His assailant, far more used to the northernmost elements than Wensclaus, circled at a wide radius, letting limp their wrist in exertion and dragging the point of their sword in the dirt. Their face was leveled in an annoyed glare (it was rather early). Beneath their tunic, their chest rose and fell in quick succession.

“Careful,” Wensclaus muttered, “We just had the blacksmith sharpen that.”

His adversary lept back into action, once again assuming a rather bold offensive strategy, yet left their form with much to be desired. At any moment, really, he could send them toppling on their back, but this skirmish wasn’t staged for the purpose of an expedient victory.

Although they only employed a handful of successful attacks on Wensclaus, he couldn’t help but to find himself surpised by their skill level. That, or the fact that without the rigid background of swordsman training, they were afforded the ability to combine techniques in a fluid manner without so much as a second thought. It was a skill that he himself envied.

The sparring match between the pair often drawn a crowd of onlookers, as entertainment in the Hinterlands dwindled after Barrabas returned to the Midlands. However, the mist on the plains had yet to evaporate and the cock had yet to crow, so they were alone in their back and forth dance.

Or so they thought.

Through the mist, an imposing horseback figure drew closer and closer, regarding the fight with vague curiosity. She watched the epic climax, and subsequent end, as the younger swordsperson unexpectedly threw Wensclaus off balance and tumbling to the ground.

“Do you yield,” Law said with a false air of suave.

“Ah, I’ve been bested,” Wensclaus replied in a similar play of false airs, “I yield, I yield! Spare me, lest I suffer a worser fate.”

Law laughed and held out a hand to Wensclaus and pulled him up.

“Good work with your offense,” Wensclaus praised, “Your footwork has improved greatly.”

“While yours has only grown sloppier since you’ve been gone.” The mystery spectator cut in. Her horse drew closer in the mist, and with horrifying realization Wensclaus realized it was his Aunt Joan. She dismounted and strode towards the pair.

Wensclaus gripped his sword, unsure if he wanted a fight or a reunion.

The head knight in question stood with an innate intimidating posture that made Wensclaus feel like a child again. However, that clearly wasn’t the case; Wensclaus had grown into his gangly limbs and assumed a self-assured posturer, and the constant eroding factor of time had etched wrinkles into Joan’s face and dusted Grey into her hair.

“Look, It’s the no-fun police,” Law scowled, crossing their arms, yet hiding slightly behind Wensclaus. He only sighed.

“Your fathers have been worried sick for you, Wensclaus,” Joan said softly, “they miss you terribly.”

Wensclaus kicked a stone, “Thats very inconvenient for them. I hope they feel better.”

“Wen-“

“No.” Wensclaus shouted. He wanted to continue, but he then became hyper-aware of Law, himself over seven years their senior, ducking behind the heavy mass of his cloak and gripping it slightly. He sighed. Not here.

“Can we continue this somewhere else?”

——

After a whispered argument that warmed Wensclaus’s heart but ultimately convinced him of Law’s protective yet stubborn nature, he found himself seated across the table from Joan in the only tavern in town and Law sulking outside as they waited for the adults to finish up. A daunting mug of root beer sat in front of him, which was much more interesting than the steely grey eyes of his pseudo-aunt.

“I can’t believe they sent my babysitter to come pick me up,” Wensclaus began, deciding to skip the small talk and poke the sleeping elephant with a stick. Or whatever the idiom is about.

“Wensclaus,” Joan began.

“Like, ok, they have a kingdom to run, but I’ve seen my Dad pull holidays out of his ass so we could have a vacation. They could have come themselves-“

“Your fathers did not send for me, Wensclaus.” Joan cut Wensclaus off with an impressive gulp of definetly-not-root beer. “I doubt they even know where you are. Not that they haven’t been searching, of course. As far as they’re concerned, I’m farther up North to check up on a dwarf problem your Uncle Darling is having.”

Wensclaus’s face drew up as he straightened in his booth. “Wait, then how did you-“

“It just made sense,” Joan replied, “You experienced perceived rejection and to cope you returned back to the place where you first received rejection. The little knight you found, however, was a nice touch. They’re coming along quite nicely. I’m proud.”

The explicit praise did not fly over Wensclaus’s head, “I’m that predictable, huh?”

“You’re not predictable, just human,” Joan shrugged, then at Wensclaus’s face, continued, “That’s just what Cecily has been telling me. And for the record, I’m not telling them you’re here until you’re ready to be found.”

Wensclaus leaned back in his chair and stared down at the frothy mess of his root-beer.

“They all miss-“

“It’s just hard.” Wensclaus said, without emotion. Joan remained quiet this time.

“It’s hard when, you know, everyone is talking about you, like, oh look at Prince Wensclaus! He’s like, I don’t know, in his mid-twenties, and tied down to no one,” Wensclaus laughed dryly, “His parents, they were married by age eighteen. Basically invented love and all that shit. How massive of a failure do you have to be to not love anyone when those are your role models?”

“You must be pretty fucked up.” He wiped a tear from his eye. “God it’s just... it’s so hard. I’m nothing like them and... it’s so hard.”

“You love me, don’t you?” Joan said, “And what about your Aunt Cecily?”

Wensclaus regraded Joan strangely, “Well, yeah, but not like-“

“What about your Uncles up North, Darling and Percy?” Joan continued, “Or your little knight?”

“Joan, it’s not like-“

“Your fathers?” Joan pressed, “Do you not love them?”

“I do, Joan, but that doesn’t count!” Wensclaus snapped. A few patrons across the bar glanced over. Face flushing, Wensclaus lowered his voice and relaxed his clenched fists, “That’s not the point, it-“

“You’re right,” Joan said, “The point is that you feel angry because of the high expectations inadvertently placed on your shoulders by your fathers because you’re different. But to say you love no one is so... far from the truth. Love takes many forms, and they can all be fulfilling.”

Wensclaus gave no response, instead favoring the mug in his hands than making eye contact with Joan. He was holding himself back from lashing out again.

“When I came out to my father, as both gay and a knight,” Joan began, “He tried to fix me.”

This caught Wensclaus’s attention.

“He set me up with all kinds of guys,” Joan laughed, “even a pig farmer. Enrolled me in all these classes for lady-etiquette and had me fitted for a ball gown corset. I was so angry, I ran away.”

“But you and your dad get along great,” Wensclaus said, “He’s over at your and Aunt Cecily’s cottage almost every weekend.”

“Now we get along great,” Joan corrected, “But this was all when you were very young.”

This satisfied Wensclaus’s confusion.

“I guess in the end he was afraid for me and afraid for himself,” Joan said, “Everything I was doing he had never seen done before, and that was scary. When people are scared, they do dumb things, like threaten to estrange their children.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Wensclaus asked slowly.

“When Cecily found out about what my father had threatened, she marched her little sequined self down to the pub he was hiding out in and gave him a piece of her mind,” Joan continued, “After you left, that’s exactly what I did to your fathers.”

“What?” Wensclaus finally cracked a smile, “You yelled at my dads?”

Joan shrugged, “It’s not the first time. I love them, Wensclaus, I really do, but they can be incredibly thick sometimes.”

That sobered him up, “Yeah.”

“They reacted the way they did not because they didn’t love you anymore, Wens,” Joan reaches across the table and grabbed his hand, “They reacted that way because what you were describing was something they had never seen done before, and they were scared for what that meant for you.”

“That still doesn’t make it right,” he replied.

“You’re right. It was wrong, which is exactly why Rupert has written and rewritten his formal apology to you several dozen times, so you know that in fourteen different languages that he loves you no matter what,” Joan replied, “And Amir is currently drafting legislation to nationally recognize aromanticism as a romantic identity and provide funding to revise public service announcements to include it. It was wrong of them to react the way they did, and they only thing they want in the world is to take it back.”

“Wow, I-“ Wensclaus suddenly found himself speaking through tears, “I don’t-“

“I’m not going to force you to come home before you’re ready,” Joan said steadily, “But I want you to know that when you are, there’s a place for you.”

It was embarrassing, the way that Wensclaus began sobbing in the tavern like that. The eyes of half a dozen hitherlandians landed on his shaking frame as the head knight of the heartlands held him to her chest. She ran her fingers through his hair, just like she used to when he had nightmares about the Despair. But this was so much worse, because this was not about an enemy he could defeat; rather, it was the floodgates of relief mixing with the festering hurt that had been building in him ever since he stepped foot out of the palace gates. Dimly, he was aware of the soft reassurances his aunt whispered into his ear, but in his determination to speak through his tears it all was mush.

“I want to go home,” he said hoarsely, and he felt the same relief within Joan.

—-

As the door to the tavern opened, Law jumped up from the ground and ran up to Wensclaus. However, after they took in his tear-stained face and Joan’s arm on his shoulder, they stumbled back, as if flinching in pain and disbelief.

“So you’re going back?” Law seethed, “Just like that?”

Wensclaus made brief eye contact with Joan, who released her arm from his shoulder and walked off with a nod. He returned his attention to Law and wiped his eyes.

“Yeah,” he said, “I’m going back. I can’t hide here forever.”

“But they said-“

“And they realized they were wrong,” Wensclaus finished, “I want to give them another chance before I cut them off entirely. If Joan can do it... then I guess I can too.”

His rationalization only caused his mentee to spiral further, “A-And what are you going to do, huh? Just.... leave me here?”

Wensclaus’s face drew up as an emotional knife stabbed cleanly through his heart. This scene felt all too familiar, except never from this perspective.

“No, no, of course not. No. Never. You’re going to come with me and Joan,” he said, placing his arms in Law’s shoulders in an attempt to ground them, “I mean, only if that’s what you want.”

“I won’t fit in,” Law said quietly, “It will be... weird.”

Wensclaus laughed, “I didn’t fit in either. It’s not that weird.”

In a conspiratorial tone, he added, “Plus, everyone there is weird. Just wait until you meet my Uncle Darling.”

That caused Law to smile as they held their hands on top of Wensclaus’s on their shoulders.

“Wensclaus,” Joan called out from her horse, “Little Knight.”

The pair glanced up from their conversation as Joan trotted closer.

“You coming?”

Wensclaus straightened up, leaving a hand in Law’s shoulder.

“Yeah. Let’s go home.”