#//idk if there's any I've never actually mentioned to anyone ever but these are close

[mysecretlittlelibrary]

Secrets That Whisper & Shout

Pairing: Moonknight trio (Steven mainly) x Reader

Word Count: 3.9k

Warnings: idk brief mentions of violence

Genre: fluff & minor angst

Summary: you are extremely intrigued by your neighbor and the voices you can sometimes hear in his head because of course your neighbor seems extra susceptible to your powers

***

It's an interesting way to live life, being able to see into people's minds. To alter their memories, control their actions, hear their deepest inner thoughts even if you're not trying to sometimes. It can be weird but you just try your best to live your life normally. Right now the biggest hindrance to your delicate balance of normal is your neighbor. He lives across the hall for you and unfortunately, for some reason, you keep finding yourself inside his mind. It happens when you let your mental guard down for a little too long. You've always compared people's minds to houses, or offices full of filing cabinets, your powers give you a key basically but it seems like your dorky neighbor's mental door is never closed let alone locked.

The weirder part is what you hear when you do find yourself in his mind. For most people, the voice in their head sounds like them- and while you've never really spoken to your neighbor, you know for a fact there's no way he's simultaneously a nervous Brit, a cocky American, and a grumpy Spanish speaker. There are three voices in his head as opposed to one, they speak to each other and seem entirely independent of one another. You haven't intentionally done any snooping in his mind but you can imagine his mental filing cabinets are entirely different than any you've been in. It's not really your business though so you never look into it. No matter how curious you are about how and why he has three voices in his head. 

You know very little about your neighbor. From accidentally listening to his mental debates you think his name is Steven. The other voices have names too but you're unclear who is who because you've never stuck around long enough to discern that. He's not very social and only leaves his apartment for work or errands. He hardly ever takes phone calls and he never really calls anyone- except, around the time you moved in he used to call his mom pretty often but you think she never answered and eventually, those calls stopped. The strangest detail you've realized is sometimes he'll sneak out of his apartment, through the window and you have no idea where he goes or what he does but he's always back within a week. You don't mean to keep tabs on him, sometimes you cast your magic out to scan for threats and you'll notice the lack of presence in the apartment across the hall.

He's a curious case, your neighbor across the hall, and today you've decided you're going to bite the bullet and speak to him. Your curiosity about him is the main reason and you hope that being able to assign personhood to the voices you hear will quell it even a bit. You cross the hall and knock on his door confidently before you can convince yourself not to on one Saturday afternoon when you know he's home. You checked first. There's some shuffling on the other side of the door and eventually, it opens a bit hesitantly but it opens.

"Hi! My name is y/n. I live across the hall from you." You say, your chosen tone is friendly but soft.

"I'm- Steven. Can I help you?" He asks sizing you up.

"I hope so! I was baking cookies and even though I went to the store before I started I guess I didn't make a complete list of things I needed because it turns out I actually don't have enough sugar so I was just wondering if you had any I could borrow by chance?" You ask. You are baking, but you also definitely have enough sugar, it just seemed like the simplest way to initiate conversation. A bit cliche but it's a classic for a reason.

"You want to borrow sugar?"

"Yes. A cup if you have it." You hold up your measuring cup with a smile. Steven pauses for a moment before he answers.

"Sure. I've got some. Come on in I'll pour some for you." He says walking into his apartment. You follow him in glancing around. The studio style flat is full of books littered everywhere, it's the first thing you notice when you walk in. Steven takes the measuring cup from you and quickly grabs his container of sugar to pour some.

"Thanks so much! I'll bring by some cookies to repay you!" You tell him.

"Oh, no thank you. I appreciate the offer but I am vegan and I'm sure you don't intend to bake vegan-friendly cookies so-" He trails off with a shrug. You frown but make a note of the information. He's vegan. "I've never seen you before." He says after a moment while he puts up his bag of sugar.

"That's probably because you don't leave much besides for work. I've lived across you for over a year." You muse.

"Hey! I- I leave!" He turns to look at you.

"To do your laundry at the witching hour when you're the least likely to run into people?" You smirk a bit at him.

"No." He huffs.

"Thanks for the sugar, Steven. Hope to see you around more." You toss over your shoulder as you walk back into your apartment.

You do make a handful of vegan cookies for your neighbor, even though it wasn't your plan, after checking to find that it really is just a couple of minor changes, vegetable oil instead of butter, water or nondairy milk instead of eggs, and since you don't already have vegan chocolate you leave out the chocolate chips- at least according to the recipe you found. They're basically sugar cookies and you only make six for Steven, some of which you sprinkle with cinnamon to make up for their plainness, but you imagine they're a decent thanks for the sugar you borrowed- even if it was a ploy.

A couple of hours later, you knock on Steven's door again, this time with a small Tupperware container for the cookies you made him. He opens it again with the same confused frown after a few moments.

"Hi again! I know you said not to bother with the cookies because you're vegan but I wanted to say thanks anyway so- I adjusted my recipe to accommodate. They're sugar cookies except two of them are cinnamon, I wasn't sure if you like cinnamon so I didn't make them all cinnamon but the cookies are vegan. So, thank you, for the sugar." You say handing him the plastic container.

"You adjusted your recipe so that I could have some cookies?" Steven doesn't seem to believe the words even as he says them.

"Yes. I know you said I didn't have to bring any but I wanted to anyway. Since I did use your sugar to make them."

"Thank you. I appreciate the effort. I can't wait to try them."

"If you ever need anything, just knock." You tell him and wait for his cautious nod. "I'll be seeing you." You say leaving without waiting for him to agree with that statement. From then on, Steven does in fact make a point to speak to you more often. The first time is a couple of days later, he runs into you in the elevator and tells you he enjoyed the cookies. He'll definitely speak to you when he sees you around the building but it's on you to actually make plans if you want to see him otherwise and sometimes you do. You invite him out to lunch, have him over for tea, suggest movies to watch together, you even visit him at work every once in a while. The first time you went to his job you didn't even know he worked there, I mean he'd told you he worked at a museum but you never thought to ask which one, but once you knew he worked there you definitely made a point to pop in and say hi when you're around and he's working. It takes a while but you manage to build a pretty good friendship with him over the next few months to the point where you're hanging out a couple of times a week these days. In fact, he's supposed to be over later today to show you some movie he's been dying for you to see. For now, you're sitting on your couch reading a novel until he gets here. It'll be another few hours before he comes knocking at your door. 

You've really enjoyed getting to know him, more than you expected to honestly. He's as sweet and awkward as he comes off at first glance but there's something endearing about his gentle shyness even when he's raving about whatever thing has most recently captured his attention. You find yourself looking forward to the time you spend together more than you like to admit. You have no idea if your fondness is reciprocated to the same extent and you also have no idea how to broach the subject with him. Much like a skittish animal, you're always careful about how you make changes to your dynamic. It's something you try not to dwell on, if he likes you or if you'll tell him you like him and how to do so, things are good between you two and as they say, if it ain't broke don't fix it. 

Your head snaps up at the sudden rush of fear you sense. The book in your lap long forgotten anyway as you had been lost in your thoughts until the dread you felt in your very bones pulled you from them. It's not your own though, that panic, and you have to take a moment to pinpoint the source. You gasp when you realize it's coming from Steven. It's been a while since you felt someone's feelings so uninhibited and you rush out of your apartment before you can even consider a plan. He must be in trouble for you to feel his alarm this way. When you reach for his doorhandle you hear some sort of crashing sound inside and you force open his apartment door to find Steven evading someone attempting to corner him in the apartment.

"Steven!" You gasp when the masked intruder chucks some sort of dagger at him.

"Y/n?! Get out of here!" Steven shouts at you from behind the couch. You ignore him and charge the attacker by launching yourself using Steven's side table. The attacker can't react quickly enough to the kick that you aim directly at their chest and they go down hard. You don't give the stranger a chance to get up and strike either of you, taking advantage of their disoriented state you slip into their mind, 'suggesting' that they leave and forget they ever came here, forget Steven even exists and forget you while you're at it. When the masked assailant stands again they climb out of the window they came through without saying a word.

"Are you alright Steven?" You frown turning your attention to where he's frowning from behind his kitchen counter. When did he move behind the kitchen counter?

"What just happened?" He blinks at you.

"I am- a magical being of sorts-"

"Like a witch?"

"Something like that. I mean- I can do magic in the more traditional sense, like spells and such but most of my powers are telepathic. I can read minds and alter memories, reshape reality-"

"What?" You hardly register Steven's shocked exclamation.

"I mean that can take a lot of energy depending on the scale, like I obviously can't do it for everyone, everywhere, at the same time but like- I could say, make it look and feel like there are spiders all over this room." You shrug.

"Why would you ever-"

"Arachnids are a common phobia, it's gotten me out of some touchy situations." You say.

"That doesn't explain what just happened though." Steven shakes his head.

"Oh, I can control people if it comes down to it. I just- made the person leave and forget you exist."

"You can do what?!" His eyes widen.

"I don't use it! Usually. I've only done it a couple of times to protect myself or someone who really needed it." You shrug.

"And your protection was to force someone to do something else against their will?!"

"Hey, that person was literally trying to kill you! I could've taken the violent route instead but I'm not a fan of it!"

"So that man-"

"Doesn't remember being here, doesn't remember attacking you, doesn't even remember you exist. You're safe." You say.

"Holy shit."

"Look I wanted to be honest with you because I care about you but if this is too much for you to handle then- I will leave all I ask is that you keep my secret to yourself."

"You won't just... take it from me?"

"I don't want to. And I won't, unless that information in your hands becomes a threat to my life."

"Have you ever used them on me? Your powers?" He asks. You pause for a moment considering how to answer. Admittedly he doesn't seem to be taking all this super well, you wonder if it would be worse to just say no but looking at him you can't bring yourself to tell the lie.

"I have. Not- on purpose and nothing altering. No mind control or memory changing or reality reshaping- absolutely nothing that changed anything about you it's just that sometimes your thoughts are loud. You yell in your head a lot- in several voices. Sometimes I can hear them." You explain.

"You can hear them? The different voices?"

"Yes. I don't quite understand it but I never snooped I just- would leave when I realized it was happening again." You say.

"I think you should go." Steven says avoiding your gaze. Your shoulders drop for a moment that you're sure he doesn't see.

"I see. Alright but Steven-"

"Your secret is yours. I won't tell anybody." He says quietly. You nod although he's still not looking directly at you.

"Okay. If you need anything- my door's open. Otherwise, take care- Steven." You say and exit his apartment before he can respond. Steven's reaction hurts more than you'd like it to, you suppose you wouldn't have been able to keep the secret from him forever though. It would've come out eventually, especially if you got any closer to him as you had considered. 

The next two weeks are weird. Steven doesn't text you, or call you, or come over for tea or lunch, you make a point not to visit him at work as you are positive he's avoiding you based on the fact that he's clearly adjusted all of his habits so as to not run into to you around the apartment building. That- you think stings more than his initial reaction. To think he was so put out by your revelation that he no longer wanted to even risk seeing you... Whatever, you wouldn't dwell on it. The world keeps spinning. A sudden knock on your door interrupts you before you can focus back on what you were working on. With a confused frown, you walk over to the door and look through the spyhole to see Steven standing in the hall, and that surprises you immensely. For on that knock was sharp and harsh in a way you've never heard Steven knock on anything ever, but also for him to just show up at your door after 2 weeks is... unexpected. You pull open the door and lean casually against the frame.

"Hello." He nods and you immediately notice he does not sound like himself. You quirk an eyebrow at him.

"Steven? Hi. What are you doing here? And- why are you talking funny?"

"I'm not Steven my name is Marc Spector." He says.

"Did you hit your head or something?" You snort crossing your arms in confusion.

"No? I'm perfectly fine."

"Right except your name isn't Marc Spector it's Steven Grant. Unless you've been lying to me since we met which- would certainly be interesting but I don't think that's what's happening here." You say.

"Not quite. See we have a... condition-"

"Do not tell me about what's wrong with your body!" You put your hands up to stop him.

"It's psychological." He says.

"Oh okay. Proceed." You say.

"It's called dissociative identity disorder. My mind is- fractured. Essentially this body houses more than one consciousness." He explains.

"This sounds very Jekyll and Hyde and if you're coming to me to say you're a serial killer I don't-" You trail off when suddenly something clicks. "Holy shit you're one of the voices in Steven's head!" You gasp. You knew he sounded familiar but you didn't pinpoint it until just now.

"First of all, it's my head okay I am the original. Secondly- Steven told you about us?!"

"If he did do you think I would sound as confused as I do right now? No, he didn't tell me anything. I just realized why I recognize your voice." You say.

"Recognize my voice?" Now he's looking at you like you're crazy.

"I can hear you sometimes. You are quite loud- especially compared to the other one."

"You can hear us?" His eyes are wide as saucers.

"Yes, never on purpose though. I'm a telepath. I can read minds and change memories and alter reality and stuff like that so- sometimes I can hear you- which by the way we still haven't answered the billion dollar question why are you here?"

"Steven has been moping around for over a week now and every time we force him to leave he looks longingly at your door so I came to find out what the hell you did to him because I swear-"

"I didn't do anything to him. I told him I was a telepath and he freaked. He's been avoiding me since. All on his own. And before you start throwing around threats I'll warn you Marc Spector that I could take hold of your entire fractured little mind without even breaking a sweat. So tread carefully if you're going to start swearing things." Your eyes narrow at him.

"He's been avoiding you?" He blinks.

"We talked about my powers, he asked me to leave, and so I did. Probably assumes I'll take advantage of him using them or something." You shrug.

"Well you did just threaten me."

"It wasn't a threat it was a warning. Besides I'd never hurt Steven, you I don't know and you did start a pretty menacing sentence that prompted me to- never mind."

"Now I'm confused. If he's avoiding you, why is he moping around the apartment?" He frowns.

"You're asking me. You're the one that shares a body with him." You say.

"Explain to me exactly what went down?"

"I was in my apartment and someone attacked Steven- I don't know who or why but could feel it so I went over to help and I used my powers to get rid of them."

"What'd you do? Launch him out the window?"

"No? I just made him forget about us and where he was but when he mindlessly climbed back out the way he came in without attacking us I obviously had to explain some things. I guess Steven didn't take it all that well." You shrug.

"That doesn't sound right. I think you should talk to him."

"I- don't think he wants to do that." You shake your head.

"No. No, this has gone on long enough. Hang on." Marc says.

"Marc seriously mind your-"

"Y/n?" He grimaces. You recognize immediately that it's Steven you're talking to now.

"Steven- one the uh- voices? Marc? He thinks we need to have a conversation. Does he make a habit of meddling in your life this way?"

"Less often than you might think but- I do owe you an apology." His head drops.

"What for, exactly?"

"How I- handled things before. I was... cold, it's just that when you said you could hear Marc and Jake I was worried about what else you-"

"I'm sorry, who is Jake?" You shake your head at him.

"The identity disorder thing- there are three of us as far as we know. Myself, Marc, and Jake." Steven says and you nod as you piece it together.

"Would it be presumptuous of me to guess that Marc and Jake are not your only secrets?"

"No actually. Marc is an avatar."

"Of what?" You ask. Steven's shocked confusion prompts you to fill in the gaps, "I've met avatars for each of the sins so, one of those maybe? Or a celestial body of some sort? The moon perhaps- I'm guessing you don't mean in the same sense as the cartoon boy because people with elemental manipulation do not refer to themselves that way in real life so-"

"Khonshu." Steven says when you trail.

"What?"

"He's- Khonshu's avatar."

"Egyptian God. Interesting. Correct me if I'm wrong he's the god of justice, right?"

"That's right." He nods.

"So the guy that was attacking you a few weeks ago was probably mad at him for- something related to that."

"Most likely. Can't imagine a museum guest putting a hit out on me for not having any more pyramid pens or something." Steven scratches the back of his neck and you chuckle a bit at his joke.

"Interesting."

"Look- that day, I wasn't sure if this was something I was ready to tell you. I've never told anyone this before, the only person that knows is Marc's ex-wife, so when you said you could hear our thoughts I was worried you knew more than just that there were voices in my head and- I'm sorry." Steven trails off with a sigh.

"So- what changed? Why are you telling me now?"

"Well Marc revealed himself to you." Steven says. "But more than that I just- really hate not being able to talk to you. I like my life way more with you in it but I- after how I reacted I sort of figured I'd earned my misery, that I didn't deserve your forgiveness because when you chose to trust me with your secrets I turned you away, I even judged you, instead showing literally any modicum of support of the person I care about. I made an ass of myself."

"I wasn't upset with you, you know. I mean as far as shitty reactions go yours doesn't even make the top 5. You didn't tell the apartment building to gather their pitchforks so- I count that as a win." You shrug.

"I would never-"

"I know." You nod. "While we're- confessing our sins anything else you wanna share?" You ask with a chuckle. Steven holds your gaze for a long moment and there's a brief second where you consider finding out for yourself what he's contemplating so hard, you won't of course, but the silence drags long enough to make you want to rescind the question. Eventually, Steven's hand grabs your arm and yanks you towards him. His eyes are so wide at the action you'd think he's not the one who pulled you but before you can ask him about it his lips are on yours. The kiss is short and a bit unsure but his mouth is soft against yours and when he pulls away still with that wide-eyed look you do nothing but blink at him for a moment.

"I- I'm so sorry that was- I mean Marc was- I didn't plan- I wasn't going to-"

"Steven." You place your hand against his cheek to halt his frazzled rambling. "Did you want to kiss me?" You ask.

"I've wanted to kiss you for months." He breathes.

"Then don't apologize. I've wanted to kiss you too."

"Really?"

"Yes so- I think I'm going to do it again." You say pausing long enough to give him an out. When his eyes flutter closed you take that as your sign to lean forward and connect your lips again. You're sure in that moment you could do this forever and you silently wish to whatever powers above that you'll have that long to do it as many times as you wish.

***

A/N: I'm thinking of turning this into an anthology (like There is No Right Way) of the moonknight trio dating a telepath because I think it would be interesting idk- anyone interested in more of this dynamic?

[notsorryiml8]

Concerning Kakashi's skill as a teacher, I think a lot of the differing opinions how good he is is caused by differing ideas of what he's supposed to do. I've seen a lot of fanfic that "fixes" him and makes him more of a drill sergeant, having him decide how team 7 trains and what roles they take. A more true to canon take, I think, is that his job is to be more of team leader than having a master-apprentice kinda role. He teaches mission procedures, handing clients, and basically how to live as a ninja. He could probably give them some advice, about actual jutsu and stuff, maybe recommend certain teachers, make sure they aren't being irresponsible, etc. I think that he shouldn't have had to teach them tree walking, that being something they discover on their own, maybe with hints, but had to ignore subtlety due to the Wave mission. Like, the only other sensei that actually seems to be teaching their assigned student actual jutsu is Gai and Lee, everyone else, even close pairs like Asuma and Shikamaru, seems to be more like role models, or mentors. Idk if I'm explaining it right. TLDR Kakashi's a good sensei, his role in team 7 was never to be a drill sergeant/combat instructor, that role is fulfilled by master/apprentice relationships like Gai and Lee, and Sannin and team 7.

I may be wrong, but I don’t ever recall questioning Kakashi’s teaching skills. Heeeck, I’m one of his most ardent defenders 😊 lol. But I do also recognize his humanity.

I think Kakashi became a better sensei over time, but didn’t necessarily start out as a “good” sensei. But, before anyone jumps on me, that’s the nature of any job; especially one you never wanted. You learn by experience. A fresh, out of school, green neophyte on their first day ever on the job anywhere is not going to be as skilled as someone who’s been there 20 years, five years, or even just one year.

Kakashi, as a sensei, was just as confused as Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke were as students. Dude was winging it, because there wasn’t any other way. He wasn’t expecting them to pass, nobody else ever passed his test before and he didn’t have enough faith in the Konoha ninja education system to believe they’d create a team of kids who could work as a team. He was only in school for a year, if that, so he didn’t know what those kids were learning. So, he wasn’t prepared. Or even lowkey, he may not have wanted them to pass because it meant, omg, I have to be responsible for other people, tiny other people, tiny other people with no skills.

In Anbu, yes, he was a captain, but that was different. Anbu was loneliness. Anbu was darkness. Anbu members were expected to be cold-blooded killers. And Anbu members typically weren’t 12 (he, Itachi, and Yamato/Tenzo were exceptions). He also didn’t have to teach; just train. Different ballgame.

Anyway, I digress, back to Team 7, one was the son of his sensei who he trying desperately to not remember because it hurt, not to mention the kid was feral (yeah, I said it, 12-year-old OG Naruto was feral - severe neglect will do that); another was the last member of his clan that was brutally murdered under the authority of the village, so that kid was a just a wee bit unhinged; and the third was the this little kunoichi that from his perspective probably shouldn’t have been in the ninja world in the first place because it was a cruel, cold, brutal life and she was “normal.” He didn’t know what to do with a normal kid - he was never one. In the end, he accepted the situation for what it was and learnt as much as he taught. And that’s the beauty of it - the teacher became the student and the students became the teacher.

It seems like the academy teaches bare basics - heck, he graduated in a year at age 5. I’m not downplaying his skills by any means, just stating the freak of nature that he is, completed years long training in just a fraction of that time and not sure if that says something about him or the education system - they weren’t prepared to work with prodigious kids and that says a lot. Yeah yeah yeah somebody will say they were at war, so they let the brat graduate. But that’s another post.

Anyway, that being said, I agree the academy should teach more. I strongly believe they should, at a bare minimum, learn their chakra nature while there. That seems like common sense. Just give out the litmus paper and test them and group them accordingly (I find it hard to believe that there are a bunch of shinobi going around not knowing what nature they have. Guess it would be based in your clan??). The basics of chakra control, water walking, tree climbing, etc… Makes you wonder what the heck they did teach them while there. I’m beginning to think it was just regular school and they learned some “cool ninja stuff” here and there - clones, substitution jutsu, taijutsu…

That being said, from what I garner, your clan is supposed to teach you their secrets and jutsu. Your sensei can’t do that. The school is supposed to teach you the basics 🤷🏽‍♀️. And your sensei is supposed to hone those skills. Take you on missions so you can learn in the field. Train your skills. Find your talents and strengths and enhance them.

As for Gai, Asuma, and Kurenai. I believe they all trained their students in different ways. My girl Kurenai doesn’t get much screen or page time, so you don’t know what she did or didn’t do or the hours she put in with them. Same for Asuma. You only get to see Gai’s team so much because Rock Lee is so awesome Gai is Kakashi’s rival, so more screen time by proxy. That’s not to say Asuma and Kurenai didn’t spend hours upon hours training their squads. Which I believe they did because at the end of the day, the K12 kicked butt and that required intensive training. Remember, all because you don’t see it happening, doesn’t mean it didn’t. They’re all amazing sensei in their own right. If you think about it, all those kids made it to the Chunin Exams, meaning a minimum of 8-9 missions. Remember Iruka tested Team 7 before the exam to see if they were ready. Thinking or hoping someone tested the other teams too. Which means those sensei had to put in time with them.

As for drill sergeant Kakashi, not sure if you’ve ever taken martial arts, but I have/do. Sensei are not the nicest people by any means- out of the dojo, they can be, but on the mat, when training, you might as well have a drill sergeant. They yell in your face, they throw you around (painfully). They want you to be serious and understand the seriousness of it. They are training you to fight and yes, you do learn techniques that can be lethal and how to use weapons irl. So, they have to be serious and they do work with you based on your own skillset. So, there’s some merit to that, historically. So, in a world that’s built around the shinobi system, Kakashi as a drill sergeant-sensei is possible and that doesn’t make him any more/less good or bad than the other sensei. Same for Kakashi as mentor-sensei. I think he became Team Leader Kakashi with the introduction of Team Kakashi, when he acknowledged them as his equal. But at the end of the day, why can’t he be all three? There’s a time and place for each role and no one size fits all approach to teaching. At the end of the day he was trying his best. They all were. And he was a good, but flawed, sensei. They all were.

[atypical-artisan]

Punch out but make it pride 2!!!!

Even more gender and sexuality hcs for the lads, including Mr Dream, and pizza pasta. I've talked abt some of them already but I'll do it again!!

Gabby Jay:

As mentioned in my aroaspec post, Gabby is grey aroace. He'd never been attracted to ANYONE until he met Doc which, unsurprisingly, shook him up a bit. Finding the term 'grey' and understanding his aro/asexuality was immensely helpful for understanding himself and becoming more happy in life.

Realizing he was trans also came late in his life- roughly his mid 30s after Joe came out to him and explained what being trans was. Gabby had a bit of a mental crash afterwards, re-assesing his entire life and all the discomfort he'd been feeling since he could remember. But now he feels very comfortable with himself and happy in his body.

Piston Hurricane:

Gay, gay, homosexual, gay. Sure, he didn't know it when he was younger, but this man is absolutely gay. For years he thought he was bi, but after realizing that every 'chick' he'd ever dated ended up coming out as a trans man during or after their relationship, as well as many guy's gay awakenings, he came to the realization that he was very much a magnet for gay guys (Knowing or not). He kinda likes it though because it's a funny anecdote.

Cis, plain and simple. But he is way more knowledgeable about trans people, particularly trans men, because he's close to so many of them. He's an excellent ally!

Bob Charlie:

Attracted to anyone, but has a slight preference for men. He's honestly too loosey goosey to attach himself to a label, but if asked he normally says "Eh I'm bi... or pan... idk I like people." and shrugs. He likes the term queer quite a bit, though.

Tried being trans, def had fun, but landed on being a dude. Turns out he mostly just likes skirts n dresses lol.

Dragon Chan:

Realizing he was bi came through his exposure to the internet, but he never got any relationship experience until he was 22. For the longest time he felt like his attraction was 'fake' due to being too shy and preoccupied to consider dating. But he's slowly improving his confidence and healing that part of himself with Heike.

He's cis, but he's very attentive towards gender stuff and very curious about other's own experiences with gender because it fascinates him.

Masked Muscle:

God this man does not give a shit about the gender of the people he's with. He doesn't really care about anything except how hot someone is and how compatible they are lmao. With that being said, he's actually quite fond of the pan community (Even if he's run into some serious assholes) and enjoys the solidarity he has with other m-spec labels! Technically he fits other labels too but he prefers the look of the pan flag and so calls himself that.

He's cis through and through, doesn't really care about trans people's genders, even if he doesn't understand half the stuff he comes across online he figures it's just not his business. Even for people he knows personally he doesn't delve too deep into gender cause he simply doesn't see the point in it, though he does respect them, obviously. Heike tried to explain what being multigender was to him once and it completely flew over his head, absolutely no hope for this man fr (Positive)

Snes Aran Ryan:

Bi, with a very strong preference for men he really doesn't like to admit to himself. He spent most of his life only being with women and avoiding his feelings for men, until he almost lost to Hurricane because he found him so hot. It was hard, but also not cause he very quickly found a guy to crush on. He's still very out of the loop when it comes to the community and gets terms mixed up all the time.

Cis and pretty dumb about trans stuff. He straight up didn't understand that nonbinary wasn't a 'new gender' until Heike sat him down and explained it to him for an hour. It still confuses him a lot but he does his best adhering to proper pronouns and respecting people.

Heike Kagero:

gay, nonbinary

Heike is gay in the sense they're only attracted to men or nb men. Gay is just a term of convenience for him, really, but it works and it feels right so he's in no rush to change it.

As I mentioned in my first hc post about them, they struggle to find a perfect label but mostly sticks to nonbinary and bishonen to describe themself. He realized he wasn't 'quite' a boy from a very young age and made it clear to his parents that'd he'd be more than expected. They supported their child and have been very resolute in their support for their sexuality and gender.

Mad Clown:

Labels? The fuck are those? This bitches gender AND sexuality are noting but WACKY!!!

For real though, Clown just doesn't attach himself to labels that much- aside from very esoteric ones that are mostly silly and fun, he doesn't use them for his gender or sexuality. However, he does prefer women and generally more feminine partners.

Narcis Prince:

As I've said before in my first hc post about him and the aroace hc list, Narcis really can't decide on his orientation. Though he knows he's attracted to men he's not sure if he's interested in women romantically and sexually or just likes the way women look. He's also growing to believe he's demi or greyromantic because he has very little interest in romance and hardly distinguishes it from friendship.

He's very confident in the fact that he's a man and also very confident that his body is perfect just as it is. Narcis has Klinefelter (xxy) syndrome and gynecomastia as a result. His parents were horrified to discover he had it and heavily pressured him to get surgery to 'fix' his body, but it only led to him thinking they were idiots. He wears a shirt in the ring mostly for practical reasons because of it, but otherwise doesn't care how other's see his body because what matters is that he likes it.

Hoy Quarlow:

Hoy is old and doesn't get the desire for newfangled terminology. He doesn't mind people using it and respects other's labels but he finds it too cumbersome to label himself. He sees himself as nothing more than a free spirit, flowing from relationship to relationship like a breeze.

Like his sexuality, Hoy doesn't have much use for labeling his gender. When he was younger, he only thought of himself as a man. Nowadays, interaction with people like Heike and general curiosity made him, and his twin sister, realize their feelings on gender are no longer as concrete as they once thought. These days they'll steal each others clothes and go out as the other for a bit of relief from their 'expected' gender, a la a many of shakespeare's comedy plays.

Rick Bruiser:

Cis and straight (Mostly)

What else can I say, this guy is p simple. He's got no (Strong) attraction to men. (Tho he'll admit that Hurricane and a few of the others are p easy on the eyes if you get enough drinks into him.)

As for his gender- any form of non conformity was beaten out of him and Nick from a young age. He hates anything feminine and always needs to be one of the most masculine guys in the room. (Deep down he does deeply enjoy jewelry but doesn't go past rearing silver rings in his ears. Even gold is too gay for him.)

Nick Bruiser:

cis and gay but homophobic

God this man is so gay it's painful- he's had a crush on literally every guy in the wvba and especially Joe (Though that particular obsession is extremely unhealthy). However, because of his upbringing, he's deeply homophobic and disgusted by himself, forcing himself to date women even though he doesn't even care for them and isn't attracted to them at all. His life would be so much easier if he accepted he was gay, but that's not happening any time soon.

As with Nick, any gender non conforming traits were beaten out of him young. As an adult he deeply overcompensates for being gay by being hyper masculine and is extremely fragile about his masculinity.

Peter Punch/Birdie:

Peter honestly can't pick a label. He's bi, he's pan, he's gay- he can describe himself in so many ways and going down a rabbithole of cool labels and awesome flags only left him more confused and constantly stressing if he was using the 'right' ones. Nowadays He just shrugs and says he isn't straight. That's good enough for him and it'll be good enough for everyone else.

As with his sexuality, his gender is extremely hard to pinpoint. Even though he experiences dysphoria, it's very touch and go and his feelings on gender and presentation are so fluid and flexible that words are hard for him to find to describe himself. Even pronouns are pretty hard to settle on!

Mr. Dream:

Again, as mentioned in my aroace post, Dream is, well, Aroace!! It took him years to realize and process but nowadays he's very comfortable with his orientation and very close to the aroace community.

Though he is cis, he's also intersex, which, for him, is a very important part of the lgbt community. He found out VERY suddenly in his late 20s when, during what he and his doctors thought was appendicitis, they found he actually had Persistent Müllerian duct syndrome (PMDS) and fibrosis on his ovaries. Everything was removed and they later found out he has 45,X/46,XY mosaicism as well. All of this left him questioning not only his gender but much of his life beforehand. Though he's okay now, he advocates heavily for the intersex community and overall better knowledge and acceptance of them.

Pizza Pasta:

Refuses to label himself. He's interested in hot people, that's all you have to know. (Though he does find the bi flag very pretty and when pushed, uses that term exclusively)

Cis and doesn't give a shit about what other's do with their bodies. He thinks the whole debate about trans people is ridiculous and that people should be left to do what they want.

[strawberry-skies-xx]

13, 20, & 22 for the fic asks! fic i choose for 22, of course, that fucked up girl <3 and the mori dazai fic w the matcha tea....both fics have me by. CHOKEHOLD

*walks in 2 days late w iced coffee* that reblog spree on your blog is bc i couldn't find the og post btw and i had the (naive) hope you didn't reblog shit at the speed i did

13. Do you prefer writing multi-chapter fics or single-part fics? Do you prefer reading multi-chapter fics or single-part fics?

i prefer reading AND writing multi-chapter fics, bc its so much fun to explore stuff. however. The Horrors. i can dream about writing a multi-chapter fic all i want but it doesnt mean ill ever finish it (rest in piece my fleabag fyozai fic that's infamous on my bsd server bc i never shut up about it. also the fyozai betrayal AU fic. pensive emoji.)

20. Which fic have you put the most work into? Which fic have you put the least work into?

you make miette search through 84 published works for this...

the fic i'd say i've done the most research on is this one (mafia Dazai training Akutagawa) but the fic i've put the most work into being really good and me liking it has to be this one. its not BSD, but its a character study of a guy from another fandom and his interest in death and passive suicidality. i spent 3 days postponing every single other obligation other than food and just sat in bed writing this. 4th day i did nothing but chores and then i didnt write anything else for a week lol

least work is hard bc i have a philosophy that i can do whatever i want forever so i Will just write something in an hour and post it with no research, all pure self-indulgence. but i'll use a fic i should have done research on: this one. i really should've planned that out better. idk if anyone still follows me for httyd or has read that fic of mine but i do plan on rewriting it someday

22. Have you used any symbolism in [insert fic]? What does it represent?

OH boy.

so. fucked-up girl fic actually doesn't Have much real symbolism, only a couple remarks on my headcanons for various things.

today he had to eat an apple whole because he could not pick up a knife-

this one is easy, referencing dazai's suicidality and the fact he is trying. just a slight reference to him actively changing/being unable to do something, and also his issues with food.

He starts targeting.

Dazai is very, very still.

Atsushi backtracks so fast that he stumbles over his words, forgetting entirely Dazai’s contradictory explanations,

little things about dazai's manipulation in everything. boy can't admit shit. he's very roundabout with admitting anything close to himself (why i hc fyodor is so good for him, because they can trade those vague references back and forth and understand each other) and a trait i assign to him is saying vulnerable things in as few words as possible. he doesn't explain stuff.

Dazai’s body aches, and he turns, walks over to his desk, sits down. His clothes constrict.

gender issues but also, as mentioned in my comment on your fic, i hc dazai just hates his body. he has to shower with the lights off sometimes, can get dressed without looking at himself once. he very much dislikes perceiving the fact he has a body.

The ADA thinks that they’re dating. Him and Yosano. 

not symbolism or a hc but this was the premise of the entire fic. the agency thinking dazai and yosano were dating when really dazai just had severe gender envy

“Zai.”

little hc! yosano specifically uses this nickname for dazai when affectionate. atsushi and kunikida don't use any actual nicknames derived from his name; chuuya uses this nickname sometimes; ranpo uses this nickname somewhere between chuuya and yosano bc ranpo is putting in the least effort to get his attention lol

The conclusion is obvious. Dazai should explain that’s not what he means, but he can’t get his mouth to work to speak honestly. 

this whole conversation was the biggest indicator of dazai being unable to elaborate/saying things in as few words as possible. he's not a pathological liar, i just think sometimes it is physically painful to have to elaborate vulnerable things verbally for him. e.g. "it's because you're a woman" and yosano having to debate the fact dazai could be going after her, dazai Knowing what kind of conclusion she'd jump to immediately As a woman, and yet he just cannot explain it further because it is vulnerability. HENCE why i like him and fyodor, because fyodor can make those kinds of connections as quick as dazai can.

"Women are really pretty~”

not a hc or symbolism but. Boy why do you talk about women so much and yet date none of them. almost actively make yourself undesirable to them. Sir. My guy. i know what you are

“There’s a word for it?”

special lil hc i have. the mafia is very open and accepting because they simply have bigger priorities than who's kissing who. mori simply does not give a shit if his agents are consorting or if his lead agent goes from a girl to a guy. he won't provide monetary support and unless it's physically disabling he won't make exceptions to rules, but if he's told that someone's pronouns have changed or whatever he'll go "cool" and change the name/pronouns in all of the system, start using them, and be done with it. his only concern is performance and as far as he cares, sex and gender are irrelevant. (on that note, harrassment isn't tolerated because why are you harrassing them for being gay when you can harrass them for the multiple enemies they didn't kill last mission. cmon now.)

this also comes with the caveat that the kids raised in the mafia aren't really educated on it. they're taught normal class subjects, e.g. math, english, etc. and they're taught mafia protocol, and they're allowed to get their own reading material, but the mafia puts in as much effort to teach them about queer people as they do to teach them about heterosexual people. (they do get sex ed tho, which is basic as ever, and which dazai is a whole menace during)

and dazai, obviously, would not really be that interested in either to read about. being brought in so young, i think he was never really taught bias against queer people, so when he had the revelation that he liked chuuya he was just kinda. oh ok. and when he has the feelings about his body that he doesn't like it, he has much bigger priorities (namely the quickest way to die) than figuring out whatever the hell that is.

so it ends up that dazai just kinda is queer and has no idea what it is. he knows he hates his body and he knows he likes chuuya, probably has some surface level knowledge of gay/bi/lesbian/etc. but otherwise no, he's never sought out specifically to figure out the terms for what he's feeling. he actually really hates perceiving himself in any way lol

He still looks like himself,

this little bit: he hates perceiving himself in any way, but he still wants to be him. he doesn't want to change his name or his reputation or whatever else, he doesn't want to be a different person. he just wants to be a dazai that he likes.

It would look wrong be inconvenient for him, and take so much effort. Just… so much. So much that he can’t handle. Managing himself is hard regularly - adding on this, whatever it is, would be biting off more than he could chew. 

there's a river called de nile-

dazai is denying the fact he thinks being a woman would look wrong because of his years of being in a masculine body like he is, hence the calluses mention. but he also is right, that he wouldn't be able to upkeep it. he has to be in a better spot/it has to be something very slow and gradual for him to be able to keep it up long enough to maintain a desirable appearance. he's sorta using it as an excuse to not do it but also he just doesn't want to put in that much effort into it.

now for the matcha fic!

Very big hc and symbolism for this fic: Dazai's ability.

it is an ability nullifier, and i stand by the idea that abilities have some kind of effect on their user and are somewhat sentient. Atsushi's tiger, for one, is not only a transformation but the shape of the ability inside him, and Kyouka's Demon Snow is a whole being as the ability itself.

so for Dazai, he described it once as an "anti-ability." which. what the hell. whump beams him.

i have the hc that Dazai's ability makes him cold because most ability users can feel their ability hummign beneath their skin. most abilities are warm, alive, and it's like a constant low electric current or adrenaline rushing through them, as omnipresent as a heartbeat or breath. just a fact of being alive is that feeling. so then: when Dazai nullifies other people's ability, they can Feel the absence of it, they can feel very empty and very cold. when Dazai is the host of that nullification ability, it's just that electric warmth reversed. an icy cold, all the time, because NLH is a black hole as opposed to a sun. (all my metaphors relate NLH more to an icy lake, but that's the dichotomy)

i don't ascribe Dazai's emptiness entirely to NLH, but i do think it contributes and that he has a complex about the relationship between his own issues with emotion, empathy, and the fact NLH lives inside him.

and that cold gets much worse whenever Dazai actually does nullify an ability depending on how strong it is/how much is being used at the time, therefore the remark about him making a science on how bad it'll affect him, and that scene about him being overwhelmed by nullifying Chuuya's ability; he miscalculated, and was caught off guard by NLH activating so strongly, esp given his injuries and physical weakness already in that moment

and another little HC: Dazai's hinted to have been in an even worse place before Mori and abilities are said to be activated from trauma. so i like to hc Dazai's ability as activating from the result of being tortured with abilities, from a deep desire to stop the torture, also in some kind of lab setting. and from there, Dazai escaped, and Mori got this very damaged child.

so then, through the matcha fic, Dazai latches onto it because the warmth of the tea chases away the cold of NLH.

another thread through this fic: Mori and Dazai's relationship. i think Mori was trying to keep Dazai alive as an asset to the mafia, and that he never... regretted? bringing him in as much as wished Dazai had never shown up at his doorstep in the first place, because Mori sees the value of his skills way too much to regret using them. but Mori also knows kids aren't supposed to do what Dazai is doing. and he also sees the emptiness in Dazai and all his general issues. so it's this very messy tangle of like. Mori can't care for him like a father because, yknow, mafia boss and Mori himself also has manipulation and control issues, but also he's much fonder of him than most others, even Chuuya. no one else would have been able to get away with all the shenanigans Dazai inflicts on him (that kid bullies mori so hard. it's very comical). Mori is simultaneously training him and raising him in a life-or-death environment for them both and it's so messy.

“I’ll make us all some hot tea!” Atsushi raises an eyebrow, skeptical. “Are you sure you won’t… burn the Agency down, Dazai?”

little note here: i think dazai curates an image of incompetency specifically because of his competency in the mafia. obviously everyone there knows he's actually competent, but he hides just how competent he is. partially to get up to his own shenanigans hiding his mafia connections and whatever else, but also partially because he doesn't want to be known as something like the demon prodigy again.

when it's serious, they know he can hold his own (prison arc) but otherwise. he is faking so much incompetency.

“I’ll make a deal - if you manage to make matcha tea as well as I do, I can get you your own expensive set for the holidays~”

ok listen. listen. the slap that dazai gave atsushi lives rent free in my mind because of the moment of hesitation just before it. everyone villainizes dazai for slapping atsushi while entirely ignoring the brief hesitation just before it.

dazai was both trained (as an agent) and raised (as a teenager) by mori. and oda was not a very good dad either. he doesn't have the best role model, for one. but he's also very self-aware when he's older and i think he can separate "father" mori and "mafia boss" mori in his actions. he knows when mori was trying to raise him and he knows when mori was trying to train him.

now. now guess what dazai is to atsushi. a trainer. and dazai is still taking the place of someone older and more experienced teaching atsushi not only combat skills but also life skills/growing-up skills. and we all saw how dazai got with akutagawa; that was an environment conducive to that kind of treatment, where that was being encouraged.

now the agency doesn't condone physical violence and dazai knows that. and he is very clearly trying to be a good person like oda asked him to. so, with that moment of hesitation, he clearly did not want to slap atsushi. but someone else's post words this better: he got complacent at the agency, forgot mori's ruthlessness, and with the threat against atsushi and release of Q he remembered he couldn't be so complacent and began to slip back into the old mafia thinking as a way to survive.

and with atsushi breaking down and not listening to him, the agency threatened by mori and Q, a threat that made even dazai flinch, i hc he got overwhelmed, knew there was one method that got guaranteed results, knew the agency didn't condone it, but was overwhelmed enough that he just. lashed out in a way he knew guaranteed would work, and would get atsushi to listen to him.

so . very long rant just to say that i think dazai is fighting, a bit, to balance his experience of being trained-and-raised, with him training-and-raising atsushi, but he knows the difference clearly between the two and so he'll cherrypick actions like the deal mori made with the matcha tea.

deep breath. it's been like an hour and a half. jfc. anyway there's your answers hsfdbhsdf i have many many thoughts on dazai

ty for asking!

[osaemu]

mini-announcement, i probably won't be posting/interacting over the weekend because i have a big tournament and i'll be spending time with my team !! just a heads up in case you're wondering why i haven't replied to you or your ask yet :,) sorry about that 🤍

cw: discourse under the cut.

i didn't want to have to make this post, but lately i've been receiving a lot of anonymous asks about a certain blog and unfortunately, it's gotten to a point where i feel like i have to address it. don't take this post as being hateful in any way—this is just something i just wanted to get off my chest. this isn't a big deal, so no reblogs either, thanks.

the bottom four asks all came within a span of five minutes, so i think it's a reasonable assumption to make that they were all sent by the same person. as for who that is, i'll get into that at the end of the post.

but first of all, i can say without a doubt that i have a personality of my own. case closed. nobody's actually said how we're similar in any way, so i'll assume these are all from no-lifes who couldn't find anything better to hate on.

second of all, my netflix banner was actually inspired by another blog, who i won't namedrop for the sake of their peace. and either way, our banners don't even look similar, nor do either of us own netflix. x x

and finally, those are actually the two most braindead asks i've ever received. are we copyrighting letters now? does anyone own the letter e?

don't compare blogs/writers—it's never ended well, and it never will.

even after getting these asks, i still didn't say anything about it because.. i don't really care. everyone's entitled to their own opinion, and what you think of me is up to you.

moving on, i think tee left tumblr sometime in between that time and now, and i was told by a mutual that i was mentioned within the post. if i'm being completely honest, i didn't read all of it because we have each other blocked anyways and it was a lot to read through.. so i skimmed over the bit about me, but didn't really see anything of interest, which is why i didn't address it.

i also had anons on at the time, and i did think it was interesting how i didn't receive a single ask about tee from then up until today, about a month later. up until a couple hours ago, i hadn't even thought about her because, again, i don't care. this is tumblr dot com, not my love life. most of the drama here is over pixels anyways, so i don't waste my day thinking about it.

neither of these are particularly interesting, but the fact that you weirdos are still associating me with someone who i'm not even mutuals with is.. not to my liking.

idk what false accounts the second anon's talking about, because i don't go looking for drama. if you need proof, here's how many sideblogs i have... (click the image)

zero!

as for the idea that i'm jealous of tee, i'm perfectly fine with the amount of followers i have now. i've always been open about my satisfaction with my interaction rates, and that hasn't changed.

and obviously, tee's a good writer—when have i ever said otherwise? if it was based solely off of writing, i would say that she deserves every single one of her followers, maybe even more. i don't think anybody on this app would disagree with me when i say that she's genuinely one of the best fanfic writers i've come across.

however, i won't support someone just because i like their content. i've stopped listening to many artists because i didn't like who they were as a person, and similarly, once i read the reblogs on a certain callout post, i stopped consuming tee's content as well.

there's a reason i avoided making this post in the past—because i don't really have anything to say. tee and i have never had a directly negative interaction, as i'm sure you all can see in her archival post. the reason i don't support her anymore is because i didn't particularly like how she never spoke up about her followers sending death threats to other followers. that's it.

while i have my guesses as to who sent those anons, i don't care enough to find out. and i think it's better that way. this conflict's been dragged on for long enough, and this is my way of saying that i'd like to be excluded from this narrative from now on.

tee, if someone sends you this post at some point, feel free to contact me if you'd like to clear anything up. we're both adults, and i think we can agree that nothing monumental has happened between us to cause any of this. honestly, the only people dragging this on are the weirdo anons in my inbox.

to whoever's reading this post, thank you for listening to my side of the story—it was nice to be able to get this off my chest. wish me luck at my tournament, and i'll be back after the weekend !! 🤍

[siilvan]

Solitude

Characters: Mylène "Petra" Scholten de Ridder

Summary: The feeling of being alone. (Or something like that.)

Genre: Light angst? Idk, it's just sleep-deprived rambling lol

Warnings: Semi-proofread, light cursing, some mentions/allusions to canon-typical violence, again it's just random shit

Word Count: 1.5k

Note: I wrote this in a few hours because I've been an emo bitch lately and figured I'd do what I always do when I'm sad, AKA take it out on my oc (◡‿◡) I might leave it up, I might cringe after I wake up and delete it, who knows honestly? I promise I'm working on things people actually want to read, btw

If Petra was one thing, it was a woman not easily phased by trivial matters. War, violence, exhaustion, death – all things she was experienced with. All things she knew how to handle on any given day. She earned both her call sign and her position for exactly that reason, even.

Now, if Mylène was one thing, it was a woman constantly weighed down with the things she faces on any given day. War, violence, exhaustion, death – it haunts her every waking moment. She had learned to deal with it over the years, how to put a pin in her emotions for the sake of getting the job done. People needed her to be the steady hand, so that’s what she became.

She never quite learned how to deal with the loneliness, though.

"Just call me if you need me, okay? Any time, I don't care when or where. I'm there."

The words felt foreign as soon as they left the captain's lips. She wasn't used to hearing that. She was always the one people came to rely on.

A heavy sigh escapes Mylène's lips as she unceremoniously flops down on the sofa with her old scrapbook in-hand. It was a hobby her mother had, one she didn’t understand until it was too late to even tell the woman that she learned why she loved it so much.

That's another thing she was. Sentimental. All she ever seemed to do when she was alone was reminisce. The good days, the bad days, the moments that she was sure went right in and out of anyone else's brain – her first sniping lesson with Price, the first time Nikolai called her "Mila," the first time she heard Ghost's genuine laugh, when she and Soap discovered their mutual love of art, the one single time she almost beat Gaz in a race… small moments, but ones she held close to her heart.

As she flips the near-overstuffed book open, she's immediately greeted with another memory. One she was honestly surprised she could still recall so clearly, considering she was only six years old during it.

A photo, taken in the dead of winter. Her family was in the states, visiting her aunt and uncle for Christmas. They were at the dinner table – her aunt was to the left, her honey blonde hair tossed over her shoulder as a few streaks of silvery grey finally started to show, with a three-year-old Emiel sitting in her lap and babbling away to her. To the right was her uncle, the grey in his dark hair and beard far more visible as he leaned back in his chair, a soft smile resting on his lips as he watched the six-year-old in his lap frantically scribble away on a piece of paper with a crayon. In the back, standing in the backyard and visible through the half-open glass door, was her father – younger, not yet the man she knew him as – and her two cousins, tossing a football back and forth and laughing away. Even her childhood dog was there, a blur in the picture as she ran after the ball.

Her mom wasn't in the photo. Judging by Emiel pointing somewhere behind the camera, she was the one taking it.

The more Mylène thought about it, the more it almost became funny. There was a point in time when she was surrounded by people, almost too many for her to keep up with. Her gaze lifts from the page; she tries to ignore the wetness clinging to her eyelashes as she looks around her living room. Other than her, it's empty. Her brother was somewhere else in the world, surely finishing another sensitive mission that Laswell assigned to him. "I want the best for the job," she always says. Her aunt and uncle were still in the states, but every time she thought about them, all that seemed to come to mind was how they lost fifteen years to the anger of her father.

After years of losing people left and right – allies, entire teams, patients in her care, civilians, friends – maybe it was for the best that she was alone. Even the task force had some close scrapes over the years, moments when she worried about losing one of the people she had come to consider a second family.

Mylène closes the scrapbook with a heavy thud and sets it down on the small coffee table in front of her. She shifts, pulling her knees up to her chest and eyeing the cellphone sitting next to the book. It was silent, save for the occasional spam email or update from her superiors. If she wasn't a woman ruled by her sense of pride, she'd consider sending someone a message.

Maybe she could text Freya and ask about her progress with the recent training exercises she gave her. Or, maybe she could text Christine for an update on the new batch of recruits. Maybe she could even come up with some lame excuse to text Olga, ask her how she's doing after her company rapidly expanded out of the blue.

No, no… She's a woman with too much pride for that. Johnny, Kyle, Simon… She didn’t have a viable excuse for bothering any of them. Between their work and their partners, she doubted any of those three had time for her, anyway.

Price? No, definitely busy with the missus. Nikolai? She can never predict what he's up to, but she assumed it was probably work or his own love, too. Laswell? God, what weak excuse could she even come up with in that scenario.

"Any time, I'm there."

She lowers her head and lets her chin rest on top of her knees. She was only home because she had to be – the captain claimed she was working herself to the bone and needed the time off before she ran herself ragged.

"You can take a week off," He chuckles, patting her shoulder before squeezing it in a firm grip. "Everything'll keep running when you're gone, I promise. We won't fall apart without you."

She laughed at the time. "Just give me a call if Johnny blows one of his fingers off, he's already almost done that three times this month alone." She said.

Was she selfish for feeling a pang in her chest? "It's natural to want to feel wanted," she can already hear someone wiser than her saying. Who could she actually say that to, though? Everyone around her was too busy and too interested in their own lives. She was just… well, herself. Lieutenant Petra; always stable, always the guiding hand, always the last one to complain when times get tough.

Her phone buzzes as the screen flashes to life. She picks it up and sees her brother's name in the notifications. When she clicks into their messages, it's a picture of him sitting in the back of a helicopter, his gear half-stripped off but his mask still on, covering the lower half of his face and leaving his smeared eye black and messy hair on display as he gives the camera a little thumbs-up.

Always his way of telling her he's okay after a mission. Whenever she was sent out, she'd do the same. Mylène sends a quick reply – "Try and spend more than three days at base when you get back." – and turns her phone off again.

It would be easy to message someone at this point and tell them the truth. "I'm feeling lonely, do you have time to chat?" are just nine little words. She was always the one telling her teammates and the soldiers under her command to reach out if they ever needed her, and yet the thought of doing the same felt like an impossible goal.

She turns her phone on its face and leans back against the cushion. After years of being her own shoulder to cry on, why was she suddenly feeling so lonely? She didn't need to be coddled, she didn't need to be someone's baby, she was always capable of relying on herself and no one else. She promised herself that the last time she broke down in front of someone else would be the last time she let herself do something like that. She didn't need it. She could take care of herself.

Mylène pushes herself off the sofa, worrying at the inside of her cheek. Everyone has their priorities and people they're already focused on caring for. She has herself, and that's all she needs. She doesn't need a shoulder to cry on or someone who knows how she's feeling all hours of the day.

"Verdomme…" She lifts her hands up and presses the heels of her palms to her eyes. "Get it together, Scholten…" She mutters in the empty room, drawing in and releasing slow, deep breaths until she can lower her hands to her sides once more. She handles it, just like always.

She has herself, and that's all she needs.

[mysteriouswolf]

Adding a read more cause it's literally just my random thoughts and a bit of a vent:

Being acespec and arospec as a minor fucking sucks. Because if I even begin to mention it to anyone besides some of my close friends, I get shut down with "but you're only *insert age*. Things change as you get older. You'll want those things someday."

And it hurts. It hurts it hurts it hurts because I KNOW. SEXUALITY IS FLUID. I KNOW THIS OKAY? And I don't need you to tell me that. I just- I want to be met with "okay. If you never want those things, that's fine. You're your own person who gets to choose what they want and what they don't."

I know things might change. But I want support for who I am now. Because I hate to break it to you, but almost everyone I know has had at least a crush, if not a first kiss and a romantic relationship by this time. And I don't want one. I don't have any interest at ALL. And I don't remember really ever truly wanting it except for wanting to fit in with other people.

I dunno why I'm so suddenly upset about this. I haven't even came out to anyone recently. It's just hitting right now and I don't know why

Oh wait fuck I need to take my meds. Wait this makes so much more sense now. That's why I'm freaking out--OHHHHHHH WAIT OKAY IMMA GO DO THAT

I'm not expecting anyone to really read this besides maybe Royal, Char, or Geode. If you're here and actually made it this far, hi lmao.

The other thing that bothers me a lot is just like- I have this one friend that I've had since 7th grade. They're really kind and supportive, but they've got a lot of shit they deal with in their personal life too. (Home issues, anxiety, anorexia, etc). And so I'm always there to support them because I care about them so fucking much and they really care about me. And if I ever need help, I can go to them and they won't question it.

It's just- they've like...been infected with romance-fever. For the past year. And it's all they wanna talk about, and usually that's fine because it *usually* isn't repulsive to me. But sometimes it is and I feel like they don't know how to communicate with me otherwise

Also random side note. They like guys. I don't find guys at ALL attractive (very rarely I get aesthetic attraction towards a guy but usually it's like one on the Internet or a fictional character lol) but they wanna show me whoever they're currently dating and I don't know how to react. I'm just like...yeah. cool.

And for the record, I'm not gonna stop being their friend. I care about them too much for that. And this literally won't even be an issue anymore cause I don't think I'll have any classes with them next year and they're mainly a school friend so whY IS THIS STILL BOTHERING ME

Oh

Wait

It's cause it's 10pm and I literally just took my meds. They haven't done their magic yet

Right

Okay. Good. Then my brain will go back to normal soon.

You get a picture of Rosie is you actually made it this far into the post. I'm impressed lmao.

Imma go listen to some music until my brain shuts off now. That's probably a good idea. I'll probably put on your cover of Well It's Better Than The Alternative Royal because it's stuck in my head and it's really nice to hear someone singing who isn't doing it to like. make money. Just to sing and make their friend happy cause sing. :)

Idk if that made any sense. Okay. I did a shit ton of work today. I didn't know setting up a fish tank for the first time was so much work. But not I am tired.

Byeeee

-Mysterious

P.S. I found a really pretty shell today :333 Also wtf does P.S. stand for???

[cwritesforfun]

(Clueless) Cher Horowitz x Fem!Reader: I Kissed A Girl

The reason Cher had been pushing away boys is because she is into girls.

** I don't own any of the characters, except for Y/N and her best friend, Skyler ** Y/N = Your Name **

Cher's POV

I called Christian and told him to come over because I was having a major crisis.

He arrives and I yell, "Got it daddy!"

Christian walks in and says, "Hi gorgeous!"

I smile and hug him back before dragging him to my room.

I ask, "Christian, how ... how did you know you were into guys?"

He shrugs and says, "Always thought they were good looking. Then one day it kind of clicked that yeah men are attractive."

I slump down onto my bed and lay on it. He lays next to me and asks, "Why were you wondering?"

I answer, "I feel weird."

He asks, "Weird. Cher, you're not. You're Miss Popular. Little Miss Perfect. Not Miss Weird."

I reply, "Josh kissed me again, but I didn't like it like I thought I would. I do find him hot, but I just don't want a relationship with him... now can you promise to keep a secret from everyone?"

He nods and pretends to lock up his lips.

I get closer to him and whisper, "That girl... Y/N ... well I find her hot too."

His jaw drops and he whispers, "Never would I ever have pegged you to like girls."

I ask, "Why? It's not too hard to understand right?"

He answers, “Cher, you push away every guy that has ever flirted with you. At first, when we started hanging out, I thought you might be into girls, but I gave up on that dream when I heard that you kissed Josh the first time. But this, this is exciting news to me."

I reply, "Well keep it a secret. I don't know what to do about my crush and I don't want to tell anyone about it."

He asks, “Why?"

I answer, "Coming out to my dad. That would not be good. Not to mention, I have a reputation to uphold at school."

He replies, "You'll feel more free and more like the true you when you do come out."

I ask, "Is Y/N bisexual or lesbian?"

He answers, "I know her best friend is gay and his name is Skyler. I don't know her sexual orientation because it's never come up in conversation when I'm with him and he doesn't seem like the type of friend to share his best friend's personal info."

I ask, "Omg are you dating him?"

He sighs and says, "I wish sister I wish."

I exclaim, "I have an idea."

He turns and replies, "I'm listening."

I exclaim, "We should hang out with Y/N and Skyler. Invite them to go do something, but don't say it's a double date. I want it to be chill and I don't want Y/N to know yet."

He replies, “If you walk with me to ask at lunch, consider it done."

I nod.

He asks, "So why Y/N?"

I answer, "Why not? She's perfect. She's kind to everyone and has close friends. I'm actually kind of friends with her or I mean I hope she considers us friends. She's also very smart and doesn't flaunt it around like some people. She's a nerd, but a nerd I like."

He replies, "Yeah wow you definitely like her."

I laugh.

We then watch a movie where Christian basically drools over the guy then he leaves.

That Night At Dinner

My dad asks, "Was that Christian I saw here earlier?

I nod and he asks, "Why was he in your room? I thought he was gay?"

I answer, "He's still my friend. I can be friends with anyone with whatever sexual orientation, Daddy. He can love whoever he wants and I will always be his friend. Do you have a problem with that?"

He shakes his head and replies, "Not at all."

See this is why I don't want to come out to him. He doesn't seem fully okay with people in the LGBTQ community. I mean I guess he is okay with me being friends with Christian.

Next Day At School - Lunch

Christian and I make our way to where Y/N is sitting with Skyler. She's laughing at something he said and he's cracking up with her. I've never seen a cuter friendship. Nope. I mean I guess Christian and I could be cuter. Idk.

When we walk up, both of them stare at us and Skyler asks, "Christian, what's up?"

What about me? I guess we've never really talked. Haha. Ok.

Christian answers, "Cher and I want to hang with you two outside of school."

Y/N answers, “That sounds great. We are pretty free on Monday afternoons or weekends."

I answer, “This weekend works for me. Anyone have any objections?" Everyone shakes their head.

Skyler asks, "What will we be doing?"

Christian shrugs and says, "I'll call you about it and you can tell Y/N."

They both nod and we walk off.

Last Class On Friday

Y/N is beautiful. I could stare at her all day. She writes down notes so fast and she always tries to make eye contact with the teacher as he's talking. What a good student.

I feel someone tap my shoulder and see Christian. He whispers in my ear, "Stop staring. It's kind of obvious."

I smirk and slump in my chair a little. Oof I really don't want people to know about my crush or sexuality yet.

Mr. Hall asks, "Cher! Christian! Anything you two want to share with the class?"

Oops.

Christian quickly says, "Sorry sir. Our apologies for talking."

Mr. Hall sighs and goes back to teaching.

After class, I pack up fast and walk quickly over to Y/N.

I say, "Hi Y/N."

She looks up and asks, "Hey Cher. What's up?"

I answer, "Just checking in to make sure that you and Skyler want to hang this weekend."

She replies, "Yeah we're down. Skyler said he would pick me up for whatever we're going to."

I nod and smile.

I say, "Yay see you this weekend!"

She replies, "Yeah see ya soon!"

We both wave and I partially skip out of the classroom.

Saturday

I could barely sleep last night. I'm so excited for today. Oh but what do I wear? Christian said we are going to go to this cool art museum that is exhibiting sculptures of Greek Gods and Goddesses then we should go out to lunch. I mean it honestly sounds dare I say cool.

I call Christian and he answers.

((Start of conversation))

C - Christian     Cher = Cher

C - Hi Duchess.

Cher - Omg. Christian. Stop. Haha.

C - I'm leaving my house in 10, so be ready in 20 minutes, okay?

Cher - That's not long enough. I have no idea what to wear. It's tragic.

C - Wear a matching set with small heels. We'll be walking around the museum, so nothing that would hurt.

Cher - Ooh I have an idea. Thanks.

C - Bye!

((End of conversation))

I find a matching skirt and cardigan with fuzz on the edges. I then find heels that are comfortable and jewelry. I grab a purse and put some necessities inside. I grab a pair of sunglasses and smile. Good Job Cher!

I walk downstairs and see Josh talking with Christian.

I say, "Hi boys!"

Josh asks, "Where are you going?"

Christian answers, "Going to eat with people from school and a museum."

Josh snaps, “Cher, you don't seem like the museum or the whole other people type."

I groan and say, "Bye Josh."

I close the door and walk to the car with Christian.

We get inside the car and we drive off.

As we drive, we sit in silence. I don't mind it until he slams on his breaks. Christian then screams in the window and sighs. He then keeps driving.

I say, "I mean did you see Josh's face when you said we were going to the museum? I don't get his stupidity. I could've punched him."

Christian laughs and says, "I take it he has no idea you are into girls."

I reply, "No. I can't tell him right now or my father. My dad by the way said some comment about being friends with you and I could've smacked him too. I did tell him I would always be your friend no matter what though."

He replies, "Thanks. Glad to be your friend forever Cher."

I smile.

We arrive at the museum and we park in the lot.

We walk to the front of the museum and I see them sitting on a bench talking.

We walk up and I say, "Hi Y/N and Skyler!"

They both say hi and Christian asks, "Whose ready for these sculptures?"

Skyler jumps up and says, "Let's go!"

We all laugh and start walking to the museum.

I turn to Y/N next to me and say, "I like your outfit Y/N."

She turns to me, puts her hand to her mouth, and says, "Wow did the fashion icon of our school just compliment my outfit? I feel so accomplished at something. Cher, I love your outfit too by the way."

I reply, "Aww I'm the fashion icon of school. That's nice to hear. Thanks for complimenting my outfit. It took me forever to pick out what to wear today. I have no idea why."

She replies, "Oh girl same. I called Skyler and forgot what he said we were doing today. I didn't want to dress too fancy or too casual, so I settled for something in the middle."

That starts a conversation about fashion and we manage to completely miss the art in the first exhibit.

In the second exhibit, we both gasp and awe at the sculptures. We read about them and we walk around it. Skyler and Christian disappeared like 10 minutes ago, but they said to have fun. Apparently they wanted to go to another sculpture exhibit.

I say, "Smile. I want to take a photo of you."

She replies, "Omg I brought my camera too. I guess we can take photos of each other throughout the day."

I reply, "Sounds like a wonderful idea to me."

As we walk, Y/N asks, "What God or Goddess would you want to be?"

I answer, "Aphrodite. I love love and I love playing matchmaker with people. Not to mention, I love fashion. I feel like I definitely would enjoy that."

Y/N replies, "Not to mention, you are a beauty."

I feel my cheeks heat up and I say, "Y/N, thank you. That is so sweet.”

She replies, "No problem."

I ask, "Which one would you want to be?"

She answers, "Probably Athena. Athena is so wise and I've always wanted to be really smart. She's also in charge of handicraft and warfare, so she's a bad***!”

I reply, "But you're already so smart!"

She replies, "Thanks. I'm not as smart as I know my family wants me to be or even I want to be. But, I try my best and that's all I can do."

I reply, "Well I think you're one of the smartest people in our grade."

She scoffs and laughs.

I say, "You sit in front of the classes I have with you, you pay attention, and teachers respect you. I think you're hella smart."

She replies, "Wow I had no idea you were watching me that much, but thanks for the compliment. I appreciate it."

Oop. Ahahahaha.

Before I have a chance to respond, she says, "Don't worry about the whole watching me thing. I understand. It's okay."

I smile and look away. Does she understand? Does she think about me and watch me?

We finish walking through the museum and I notice it's golden hour outside.

I exclaim, "Omg come with me!"

I reach out my hand for her to take and she takes it. Wow I love her hand in mine. It just feels right and wonderful.

I take her outside by this tree and I pull out my camera. She smiles and poses. She does several other poses and I take lots of photos of her.

We switch places and she takes photos of me.

An young looking lady walks up to us and asks, "Would you like for me to take a photo of you two together?"

I answer, "Sure that would be great."

I hand her my camera and we pose. We take smiling photo, a serious photo, and a funny one.

When we finish, I thank the lady.

She exclaims, "You two are cute."

We thank her and she walks off.

Y/N exclaims, “Open your gallery. I want to see how those turned out."

I open it and I move my camera to show Y/N.

To see my camera screen, she's standing an inch away from me and I can feel her breath on my neck. Omg!! I could freak out!

We look at the photos and they seem to have turned out great. Just saying if we do date, we're going to be a hot couple.

I glance at Y/N and she glances at me. I feel my face heat up and before I say anything, I hear, "There you two lovely ladies are!"

I jump a little and I see Christian with Skyler.

Y/N asks, "Where were you two? We didn't see you after the first exhibit."

Christian and Skyler smirk at each other then they both laugh.

I ask, "You didn't f*** did you?"

Skyler shrugs and Christian says, "You're just a virgin. You wouldn't understand how sex can drive you."

I reply, "I'm highly selective."

((Above quote is from the movie))

Y/N asks, "She makes a good point, but now can we get lunch?"

Wait did she say I made a good point? Aw.

Skyler replies, "Yeah good idea. Come with me, Y/N. Christian and Cher, follow us."

I nod and we follow them.

We make it to a diner and we get a table for four. I sit next to Y/N while the boys sit across from us.

We order food and we wait for it.

Skyler turns to us and asks, "What did you two do while we were gone at the museum?"

Y/N replies, "We went through the Greek sculpture exhibits."

I add, "Then we went outside to take photos of each other and this old lady took a photo of us together."

Christian asks, "And nothing else happened?"

Both Y/N and I shake our heads.

The song, I Kissed A Girl by Katy Perry, comes on over the speakers. Christian raises his eyebrows at me and I start laughing. I see Y/N and Skyler having a staring contest.

Y/N eventually blinks and says to Skyler, "You win."

He smirks and Y/N turns to me.

She asks, "Ever kissed a girl?"

I shake my head she leans over to me.

We kiss and after, we both turn back to our food.

Christian asks, "How was it, Cher?"

I answer, "Hot."

Y/N replies, “That's you baby."

Awwwww.

I reply, "But it's also you."

She smirks at me and I lean over to her.

I kiss her on the cheek and ask, "Wanna go on a date just us two sometime?"

She answers "I'd love to."

:)

..........................................................................

THANKS FOR READING!!

[stevengrant-enthusiast]

Drunken Confessions

note: Hello!1 I'm having brain rot and currently procrastinating on my research paper. and instead, I wrote this. This is the first fic I've ever written, so please be kind! Please excuse any grammatical mistakes (I wrote this at 2 am). I don't know if anyone will actually read the shit that I post here, but I'm just gonna use this blog as a creative outlet. Love ya'll and enjoy

SUMMARY: You are sad because of Jake Lockley. You are drunk. You tell him that you are sad in your drunk state. That's it.

Pairing: Jake Lockley x gn!Reader (Marc and Steven mentioned)

Rating: fluff! and angst?? Kissing. idk

Warnings: ***I DO NOT HAVE DID** Unrealistic depiction of DID. If I wrote something that is offense, please let me know and I'll fix it ASAP. mentions of alcohol. Established relationship. No use of y/n.

Word Count:900

♥ ♥ ♥

Drinking when sad is never a good idea. But when your friends drag you along their bar hopping adventures on a Saturday in London, you already knew that getting pissed drunk was inevitable even before the night began. 

Your shit attitude tonight didn’t arise from the fact that you were late to your work today or because your boss chewed you out for a mistake your co-worker made on a report, but rather something- or someone- else. Jake Lockley. 

It’s so stupid. You know Jake. He’s a night owl and your schedules don’t really match up. He didn’t mean for it to happen but you guys have just been out of sync lately. And before he knew it, it had almost been 2 weeks since you last saw each other. But as the days went on, you couldn’t help but feel that a piece of you was missing- like a black and empty void growing bigger and bigger everyday. 

You guessed that tonight (plus the alcohol) was the final straw, the tipping moment that sent you into a dizzy nightmare of paranoia. Or more realistically, your sobriety had left you along with your rationale and critical thinking skills, because by the end of the night, you had fallen into the deep conspiracy that Jake was avoiding you. He didn’t love you anymore and never wanted to see you again. 

And before you could clear your head of this catastrophe of a thought, you were at their doorstep. Still drunk and wobbly. 

Slowly, you give three knocks on the door and it opens almost immediately- it’s Jake. You figure (even in your drunken state) from his hat and tie that he is on his way out for the night shift as a cab driver. It’s Saturday night, so yeah. A lot of drunk strangers are probably looking for a ride back home at this hour. 

But right now, you see him. In his white shirt. A little scruff of a beard. You didn’t mean to cry, but you couldn’t help the tears that fell fervently at the beautiful sight of him. 

“Mi vida?! What’s wrong? Are you hurt? Did someone hurt you?”

Of course his mind would go to that. But instead of answering, you just look at him with glassy eyes and a slight frown. His eyes are blown open with concern and his brows in a furrow. His hands are readily reaching out in a desperate attempt to comfort you.

You subside the tears for a moment to gather the courage to ask him the impending question that has been bothering you for the past couple hours.

“Jake.. Where have you been? I missed you..”

His face relaxes and tilts slightly up in realization. He pulls you inside the flat by the waist and holds you close. 

“Lo siento mi alma… I’ve been so busy lately. I’ve neglected you.”

Your heart breaks silently at his words. Here’s Jake, busting his ass on his job. Dealing with annoying drunks every night and coming home at the crack of dawn. And you’re selfishly centering yourself in his problems. You look up at him with a face somehow sadder than before.

“No, no. Don’t be sorry. you didn’t do anything wrong. I- I just thought you didn’t want to see me anymore. I’m sorry.”

“That's insane mi corazón, you know that. But I'm so sorry for making you feel that way. You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“It's just.. just sometimes I'm too sensitive I guess. And.. I feel like I'm not there for you when you need my support or anything else.”

You choke on your words as they come up. In an attempt to fight the tears that are on the verge of spilling, you bite your lower lip and bury your face into his chest, soaking up his white shirt.

Jake gently cups your face in his big hands and tilts it to meet your gaze. He looks at you with his puppy dog eyes that kind of remind you of Steven. But unlike Steven, his look carries a sternness behind them. It's a bittersweet look, but it tells you that he's here for you. And he is serious about you.

“No. You’re perfect for me. You don't owe me anything. And I’ve missed you too, angel. so much.”

“I care about you Jake. I wanna know what you’re up to, y’know? I wanna hear about your day..”

“I know love. I’ll come out more often I swear. I guess I didn’t want to bother when you spend time with Steven or Marc.” 

Your heart swoons at him concerning over your relationship with the other moonboys. You love them all equally so so much. 

And the truth is, of course Jake missed you. Everything about you. But for him, just seeing you through the eyes of Marc and Steven was enough. The mere sight of you gave him all the strength he needed to go on about his day. He just forgot for a second that you also need him as well. The thought makes his heart warm and he smiles. 

“I wanna spend time with you too, dumbass!” you reply.

You both start laughing and before you know it, you’re kissing him. It's a little sloppy, given your state, but it's with earnest conviction. You kiss him like he’s water and you’re dying of dehydration on a blazing desert. It’s a kiss that’s gentle yet powerful, both parties so needy but cautious. It’s crazy. You didn’t know you were capable of giving and receiving so much love before meeting these three. And you thank the stars for letting their paths cross with yours. 

To your disliking, you part from his lips. 

“When do you have to leave?” you ask.

He checks his phone for the time.

“In thirty or forty minutes? Why?”

At his response, you crash your lips back onto his face and push him to the bedroom. 

♥ ♥ ♥

THANK YOU FOR READING. Maybe ill write a part two if I can gather the courage to write smut.. As of now, I can't do it without getting into a laughing fit all alone in my dorm, making me look like the JokerTM. (I think my roommates are worried).

[justalilpearlie]

Introduction/Fun Pearlie Facts

Was abt time I did one of these.

Hello everyone, my name is Pearl, Pearlie or Sam/Sammy if you're feeling like it. Friends also call me Martini sometimes.

I am a minor, my labels... we dont talk about them (fem presenting ftm gay/mlm + trying out gendervoid and verinix + bigender??) uhmm and I go by He/She, tho mostly He/Him by strangers- I can She/Her myself and close friends/mutuals are allowed! (I also go by neos: Void/Moon/Sweet/It/Fluff/Love/Fizz/Paw)

I'm from Argentina, born and raised, never moved. Speak fluent english and spanish.

I got the 'tism and the adhd, aswell as BPD and a few other things I wont list right now! But yeah I'm psychotic (ooo scary word.. lmao)

- -🌄-📀-🌙- -💚- -💛- -✨-🌄-✨- -💛- -💚- -🌙-📀-🌄- -

I'm an IRL of many, mainly c!Pearl (mcyt), Samuel Emily (fnaf [games canon]) and Shin Tsukimi (yttd). If you don't like it you can leave, block me, or whatever, cause you aint gonna change my life or how I am. I'm in therapy, which unlike random hate and harrassment online, does help me :)

I like to roleplay, draw, sometimes make playlists or moodboards.. And my biggest interests right now are Life Series (+ evo + new life), Empires1(+ a bit of e2) and FNaF! (i dont rlly like the books tho lol..)

I use kin tags for reach cause I'd love interaction from any fellow lifers or empires ppl, hermits aswell!! Tho I havent finished s8 or s9 yet...

Fictionkins, therians and traumagenic systems all welcome!

- -💥-🐺-🌙- -❤️- -💛- -✨-💥-✨- -💛- -❤️- -🌙-🐺-💥- -

DNI prefferably:

- Basic DNI criteria (proshippers, homophobes, transphobes, racists, TERFs, ableist, etc)

- Endos/non-traumagenic "systems" DNI. block me if u want, i wont argue abt it in the comments/reblogs. or interact if u want but im not gonna follow u back or anythin shrugs.

- reality checkers or anti-IRLs DNI. I aint "romanticizing" shit, I'm existing and living my life, if thats a problem to you too bad cause my psychologist aproves of what I'm doing, since I aint harming anyone and I myself am doing dandy.

- anti-kin also DNI cause most of my friends are fictionkins and if you talk shit abt my fellas idk i wouldnt like having u around much

CCs interact at your own risk. This is my domain, cyan man & moon lady. /hj

- -🪸-🐸-🌙- -💙- -🩵- -✨-🪸-✨- -🩵- -💙- -🌙-🐸-🪸- -

"Disclaimer"

- I talk about MajorMoon (Scott x Pearl) a LOT, if u didnt notice by the acc theme. These are my romantic memories, its a gay ship, not woman/gay man, so if it makes u uncomfortable or u hate it or whatever then ur probably not gonna like my content lmao. COUGH, consider joining us if you do like what you see... /nf We're a small comunity of supporters.. just me.. and a few of my peeps... that was a joke, sir. /ref

- This isn't roleplay, its my main acc where im ""unapologetically"" myself, but if u do wanna rp life series/empires u can always shoot me a dm and maybe I'll give u my discord.

- I talk about myself (c!Pearl) using 3rd person in many posts tagged with main fandom tags. This is to cause less confusion to casual fans slash ""normies"" (lhj) that well.. don't know what IRLs are! Also that way I feel safer and don't have to worry as much abt getting harassed and such for my identity.

- -🌸-⛰️-🌙- -💚- -💙- -✨-🌸-✨- -💙- -💚- -🌙-⛰️-🌸- -

Special People Mentions!! fps = * (1 or more.. wouldnt say in a priority sorta order but. more or less yea)

Family! <3 🌼@pehpurr* SISTER!! super duper cool, her art is great and you should check it out!! YOU. You're the brightest little girl (i say like ur not older than me) I'VE EVER MET ACTUALLY! You're so passionate and loving I freaking adore you!! I love you so much Scar, you're one of the best things to ever happen to me, Kanny &lt;3 ⚙️@gentlexmadman DAD!! you are my daaaad, you're my dad! woogie woogie woogie! ANOTHER amazing artist! mr "I know that guy-", very funny, Henry "Autism" Emily... the copper king, my father. Speaking to you is always comforting. Love you so much papa, you're amazing :)

Simply special <3 ☕@insomniac-coffeehouse** You're all simply so very special to me. I love spending time with you guys and playing stuff together, you mean a lot to me and I'm so glad I met you. I hope we're still close for this year and many more! You're incredibly talented, not only at art, at everything you do. You spark joy in my brain and my heart <3 From the bottom of my heart, I'm in love with the hope you bring to this world. 🍊Jack***, oh my dear Jacky, where do I even begin, sport... you really are my other half. Mi media naranja if you will. haha.. I love every second we spend together, I love your voice, I love your eyes, I love your smile, your laughter. I love your use of words, the way you speak, your humor, your seriousness and goofiness. You stiff fuck, you were made for me and I was made for you, and I wouldn't have it any other way. You're my everything, mi vida, mi luz, mi estrella. Mi amor, mi mundo. <3

New friends! 🍓@strawberrystarfield I know we met fairly recently but you're all incredibly fun to talk to, your art is also amazing, your accent is real pretty (cough for a bri-💥), you're real sweet and I love reading all your thoughts and critiques about things :} (love ya Aspen /gen) 🏜️@fagdykegtws My right hand man! I know we just met through the rarepair server but oh my god we're in the same brainwave!!! You're so fun to vc and chat with and you got the best ideas ever fr fr, love ya Chewy, you're real sweet even w how lil i know you ;)

That's it folks, love yall and see you around!

[rambosgirl]

🦉Positivity owl reporting for duty! This was sent by a friend who wants you to smile as much as your posts make them smile. Please list five things that make you unique, four things you are super passionate about and why, OR three of your favorite memories. Feel free to send the owl to those who you feel deserve to smile🦉

Awww I love this!

Five things that make me unique:

I'm very musical! I play the flute, piano, violin, ukulele, and sing.

I'm in college studying a combination of degrees, Animal Science and Psychology

I got married young (barely 20) and I'm loving every minute! (I also want a bunch of kids but pregnancy scares me so we're not gonna for a while) (Specifically I want a bunch of boys and a few girls cause I think it would be ADORABLE to have all the boys be so protective of their sister(s))

I'm such a girly girl. Ball gowns, makeup, frolicking through a meadow, all of it. I also have a tiara collection that takes up MUCH of my closet.

This is kinda weird but like... I get my period every 3 months instead of the usual 1. It's ver interesting in a 'idk what my body is doing - ever' kind of way

Four things I'm super passionate about:

Horse training!! It's what I want to do for my career, and I just feel so alive when I do it. I love building connections and friendships without saying a word, it just feels magical in a way

My family. I come from a family of 7, and we're super close. I have a special connection to all my siblings and parents (who did/are doing an amazing job), I just love them all so much. I know good families are something not everybody has, and that really makes my heart ache for anyone who doesn't have this (If this is you, know that family is something you can build with your friends and that you aren't alone, and I love you)

Going along with the horse training, my dream is to have a family farm where I can run my horse training business but ALSO raise my kids and be at least a little self-sufficient. (you never know when the zombie apocalypse is gonna happen XD) I want horses, cows, and chickens, and I've recently been thinking about goats too... Oh, and I want a big garden and orchard! I love fruits and berries, so lots of those. And flowers too

My religion! I feel like it allows me to be the best version of myself I can be, and the people are so nice :)

Three favorite memories:

My wedding day. It was rough, nothing went as planned bc of the rain we had to switch indoors (I dreamed of getting married at my aunt's ranch for my entire childhood and it didn't happen) we had close to no decorations bc they were at the ranch, just UGH! BUT! The people who came to my wedding were the best, they helped decorate, my dentist actually became the DJ, and I ended up having so much fun with my friends and family. Not to mention, I married my BFF, and now we have a sleepover every night (yay!)

I don't remember much of my childhood, BUT I love every memory I have of playing Barbies with my sisters. We always had the most unhinged plotlines to our games but there was always serious TEA. Looking back it was a fever dream but one I would love to go back to.

Any memory of my old project horses. I built special connections with them, and I love them so much. Especially with this one spicy Appaloosa mare, I would be working with her alone, she was SO wound up, mean, fearful, just everything. But I kept at it and got her to a place where she wasn't afraid anymore, and spending time with her became so peaceful I can't even put it into words. She still had her spicy personality, but to be honest I would not change that about her even if I could. She wouldn't be herself without it. It felt like we were in our own little world. And while I taught her a lot, I feel like she probably taught me so much more (I'm crying rn btw)

Dang, I needed this, thank you so much anon!! ;-;

[silencingspellsongs]

hellooo redacted nation, i come to you today with a humble question to test the waters a bit....

so for a while now i've been working behind the scenes on some stuff and i've mentioned it a few times on my blog but ok hhh here goes

tl;dr is that i want to make fan audios taking place in the redactedverse, but with exclusively original character speakers and listeners, and the audios would take place in my version of one of the other cornerstone cities (not one that's already named in canon)

these audios would be from a female presenting speaker (so F4A) and besides the worldbuilding and some easter eggs and references thrown in, would not be connected to the dahlia stories plot wise.

so i guess my question here is....

more rambling and i guess explanations of my thought process under the cut

i've been working on a couple different scripts on and off now for a few months trying to learn how to do scriptwriting for audios (oh my god it's so hard how does ANYONE do this 😫) and i have a one or two that are close to being ready to record so i've really started to think about the idea of actually doing this, which is why i'm suddenly so concerned about if anyone would actually want to listen to them 😅

i have friends that are really supportive and helpful of this project but none of them listen to redacted or audio roleplays in general so while i value their input, it's not exactly the same as knowing if the actual fanbase would be interested. saying to them "this character is a sadism demon! this character works for the department!" is equivalent to someone who has never heard of star wars opening a fanfic and reading that someone is a jedi, y'know what i mean? (i use this example as if i am not a bitch that has never seen a star wars movie in their life oop)

and even if the majority of ya'll aren't really interested in what i make, just knowing that a few people would be willing to give it a try will hopefully kick those doubtful thoughts out of my mind and get me inspired to finally finish something! 🥹🙏🏻

and idk if this all needs to be said but i feel better making this disclaimer: i'm obviously not affiliated officially with redacted, and i really stress the term "fan audio" because i don't want to try and claim ownership over his worldbuilding in any way. my intent is not to copy or steal his original ideas, i just want to show my love for his work by making something with all the stories in my head that it inspired. because of the nature of this, i don't ever plan on monetizing the videos if i ever got to that point. and while the characters i make and the storylines that would follow them along with the setting i make would be mine, all creative credit for the overarching worldbuilding itself will always be enthusiastically given to erik.

and i guess if you actually read to the end of all this rambling i could reward you with...... a little something...... a teaser if you will 🫣

[lunar-years]

Jamie's mum is EXACTLY what I expected, I always thought they'd be super super close and he would be an extreme mummy's boy and this just went above and beyond. I have no idea why anyone ever thought she was dead, estranged, absent or anything like that, but I also never thought James came back as young as some others seem to think he did - Jamie never would have lived with him or anything, he would have just seen him now and then as a teenager until it got worse and worse. But this ties into his mum and Simon - Simon knew about the poster rotation and the some of the players be mentioned retired a WHILE ago. Which makes me think the mention of James trying to get back with Jamie's mum when Jamie was 14 wasn't in any way successful, like he showed up and she was already with someone else, but he was allowed to form a relationship with Jamie. Jamie never says they did get back together. So based on that and the poster details think Simon has been around ten to fifteen years, meaning that even though his bio dad had an awful impact in his later teens, Jamie was actually raised by two soft loving parents. Which makes sense for what a sweet happy baby he is when he isn't being triggered by his dad.

Gold star for anticipating the dynamiccc :)

Idk, my own thoughts are complicated (probably too complicated to discuss articulately as I'm still giddily writhing from a fantastic episode, but I'll give it a short go). I don't think I'm ever not going to think the way he talks about her in previous episodes was very wistful and implies a level of distance (that yes clearly is not the actual case, but I do think it feels a little disjointed, lol). That said, I've had a million thoughts on Jamie's mother and very rarely the same thought twice, so I've always felt any interpretation of her was/is valid.

I think I'll probably continue to think along those lines about many things, especially the way his mum and Simon and his dad all fit into the same picture. For instance, I personally still feel the line is played in the Amsterdam scene as "this was not the first nor the last time my dad tried to get back with my mum" and whether or not he was ever successful, well, who knows/can be head-cannoned different ways. Same goes for the level of his dad's involvement and when it all began (all we know with certainty is that it's been at least since Jamie was age 14). I mean, I think you're right that Jamie never lived with his dad permanently or anything, but I think it'd still be fair to say he might've spent weekends with him, etc. Regardless of the specifics, his influence was clearly palpable.

Meeting his mum was so great though. It wasn't something that was especially on my radar as a plot I really wanted for the season (I know some people have thought about her at extremely great length, whereas I've just never felt particularly invested in her one way or another) but it ended up being SO FUN!! Their scene was the cutest and best (the sexy baby callback was incredible). 100/10.

[tsarisfanfiction]

Hi! Are you planning to write any fanfics connected to Eclipse?

Like idk maybe something from Will's or Nico's perspective? It would be intersering to see what they think about their fathers' actions and it would be funny to see them try to explain the whole thing to Will's sibling. "We were chilling in the Underworld while our dads were doing a quest for us in the Tartarus" is quite a story.

Or maybe Apollo visiting Hades (and Persephone, I think Apollo and Persephone would get along well and Persephone would be happy that Hades is fixing at least one family relation) after some time had past? More nephew and uncle bonding is always welcomed <3

Or something with Asclepius? Maybe from his perspective? How is his new punishment going? What about his wife and daughters?

I don't remember if they were ever mentioned in the books but in the mythology Asclepius has a wife - Epione and 5 goddesses daughters (Hygieia being most well known). All of them were healing deities so I imagine they were rather close with Asclepius (Hygieia was closely associated with Asclepius and worshiped and portrait alongside her father).

So in the context of Eclipse - I can't even imagine how they must have felt when their husband/father was thrown to Tartarus (aka the worst place that exists) and they had no power to stop it because nobody can say "no" to Zeus. They must be heartbroken.

Apollo should probably tell them that Asclepius is fine (damn, he probably have never even meet them if he couldn't visit Asclepius for the last 4000 years). Can he even tell them anything? I mean Zeus can't find out about Asclepius's change of punishment so it could be dangerous to tell anyone. Would Hades allow them to visit Asclepius too? 6 healing related goddesses visiting Underworld would be something rather suspicious so they would have to hide that well.

Actually, Hades and Asclepius could bond over missing their wives.

Asclepius: This new punishment is not so bad, I'm grateful that my father is allowed to visit, but I really miss my wife and daughters. Zeus didn't even let me to say goodbye to them :(((((

Hades who hasn't seen Persephone in 3 months and can't interact with Hazel because she is supposed to be dead: same :(((

Sorry, I got carried away, this is longer than it was supposed to be haha

Anyway, I love Eclipse (and your other ToA fics), thank you so much for writing this masterpice! I had so much fun reading it, I was never so invested in a fanfic in my entire life. It was absolutly amazing and I can't wait to read your next projects <3

Hi! I'm glad you liked Eclipse so much :D

I don't currently have any solid plans to write more in this universe, although it is a universe I'm sad to see go now that Eclipse is fully out there in the world so never say never... But none of my currently-planned projects are based in this universe, sadly.

Hygieia does appear in the books, but sadly in a more antagonistic role as her father's jailer (and also seems to be some sort of robot iirc, which was weird), so I'm not too sure how much she'd care about Asclepius being punished elsewhere. None of the others are ever mentioned in the books to my recollection.

There's definitely a lot of scope for side-stories and spin-offs from Eclipse, and even if I'm not the one that writes them, I'm always fine with people exploring that themselves if they want (ReadTheBooks on AO3 has already written and posted an Asclepius pov oneshot based in the universe!).

Sorry if this wasn't the answer you were looking for - I've got way too many projects brewing as it is and the problem with working a full time job is that free time is at a premium - but I really am glad you love the universe enough to want more content from it!

[nickfowlerrr]

Omg hi Bestie! I love your biker bucky Series. It’s my fav on the app. I was wondering if we could get some hc’s or a little blurb about what bucky would do when y/n got hurt whether it’s small or at the hands of his enemy 😫 Ily!

thank you so much omg!! <3 i'd be happy to write some hcs :) i've never written any before so hopefully i'm doing this correctly lol.

small injuries:

bucky is all over it lol.

he hates when youre hurt or in pain and needs to fix whatever is wrong as soon as possible

say you cut your finger while making lunch, he is on you like a damn blood hound the second you let that "ow" slip past your lips.

light admonishments of how you need to be more careful as he checks to make sure your finger is okay. all the while you're insisting youre fine and you just need a band aid

or maybe you're walking down the street and someone accidentally bumps into you.

before you even turn to see bucky's face, youre feeling bad for the guy who bumped you. you apologize and try to get out of there before he causes a scene on your behalf.

if looks could kill, the poor guy would already be dead. a few low growls from bucky about manners and how inclined he'd be to help show the guy some have him apologizing to you profusely, hands up to show he's not a threat as he scurries down the street.

"there was absolutely no need for that, buck."

his arm is around you in a flash, pulling you close to his side so no one would even have the chance of brushing into you again. "tell me about it, sweetheart. some people, ya know."

bigger injuries...:

if you thought bucky was scary before...

god he would be absolutely lethal. he almost ripped steve's head off when he had hurt you and steve is his best friend. could you even imagine what he'd do to someone he hated???

maybe someone comes into the diner one day and tries to intimidate you to get at bucky. with the surveillance bucky has on the place, no way the guys gets out of there without running into someone, if not bucky himself.

it wouldn't matter to bucky is he'd done nothing more than speak a single sentence to you, he'd have him outside before you'd even catch on to what was happening. if there's one thing bucky is good at, it's sending a message. and he'd make sure his message got across loud and clear.

if someone actually hurt you, idk...say a rival arms dealer gets a hold of you, bucky would burn the city to the ground to get you back. and when he finds you bloody and bruised, god help anyone in his vicinity. he'd be ruthless and act with no hesitation until he gets to whoever was responsible for inflicting the injuries to you. then he'd take his time. make sure they feel every bit of what he does to them.

when all is said and done and you're home, he doesn't let you out of his sight for a second. he's around 24/7 and he doesn't care if he's bugging you. you can tell him to give you some space but the most you'll get is him going across the room to let you breathe for a bit lol.

very tender and attentive to you. making sure you're doing okay and you're healing. any wounds are kept clean and bandaged and every time he touches you, it's as delicate as ever.

this isn't even to mention the mental/emotional things he'd be going through. the thought of you hurt bc of him is like his heart if being crushed in his chest, and it makes him sick. even just the idea of losing you has him all over you. he has to ensure you're here and while you're here, he's going to spend every second making sure you know how much he loves you, and maybe even moreso, he's reveling in the warmth of you and your love for him. i'd count on a lot of sweet, gentle sex, too bc at this point we all know these two can't seem to go two gd seconds without trying to fuck lol

[peterrrei]

i've been listening to your charmuro playlist a lot (i follow you on twitter lol, idk if you posted it here) and i was wondering if you'd want to elaborate on any of your choices...all the sad young men is one that caught me off guard but also makes so much sense to me

hi there! sorry for the very late reply! but oh my god. thank you for sending me this ask because it gave me enough motivation to write down some notes about my playlist and order it a bit because — its a lot LOL

first of all i would like to mention that yes, it’s a charmuro playlist, but you cannot take lalah out of charmuro ♡ so i’ve added songs that somehow fit her point of view, or hint at her presence. i love lalah so much and it makes me sad when people take her out of char and amuro’s relationship or minimize the impact that she had on both of them. (but don’t ask me to define whatever those three had going on because i don’t know. it’s vague. vague is okay in my mind but i would love to make people see my vision. in a few years i will maybe find the words to describe it)

ANYWAY THE PLAYLIST! i’m sorting it in a kind of chronological way, but it gets vague and blurry sometimes because i also think it’s important for a playlist to flow well (and to have songs that i actually like listening to! and it vagueness works for gundam....)

some examples:

∙ 1979 by the smashing pumpkins this song is really great because it truly is an anthem of a new young generation, which is a focal point of gundam! the pain and angst and comfort of late teenagehood/early adulthood ♡

On a live wire right up off the street You and I should meet <-( a jolt of electricity is the kind of feeling i can imagine newtypes feel when they connect with each other) June bug skipping like a stone With the headlights pointed at the dawn We were sure we'd never see an end to it all <- buggy stuck in the mud scene my beloved ♡

∙ familiar feeling by moloko i wasn’t even looking for charmuro coded songs when i found this band! but my delusional heart can see charmuro where the normal person can’t <3 anyway this is definitely a zeta song. i have in illustration in mind for the charmuro zine i’m very slowly drawing/writing that is completely based off their reunion in zeta and this song.

Nothing can come close Nothing can come close Nothing can come close

I never doubted it What's for you will not pass you by I never questioned it It was decided before I asked why It's all there ever was And it's all there ever will be How could you have questioned us? It's yourself you deceive

Nothing can come close To this familiar feeling We say it all without Ever speaking

god this song is so so so perfect and really encapsulates the hings about gundam that i love: vagueness, intense human emotions, sharing these emotions, identity and masked identity, love. perfection

Hush now No need to say the words At first sight you perfectly heard Love in all its entirety Is no less than we deserve I saw, your face Some place I felt this feeling before Is it deja vu? Do I somehow know you? <- this this this! adrenaline still filling the air after battle, amuro sits on the mechanical hand of a Gundam. he hasn’t seen one in over eight years. he has called for him before even realizing he opened his mouth to speak. char. amuro. who are you? do i know you? what is this feeling? have i felt this before?

∙ all the sad young men by spector you said it caught you off guard but it makes sense and i agree! i had the same thought process. it’s a song ive listened to many many times but it occurred to me that it fits charmuro only recently! well-- maybe it’s more of a generic gundam feeling. i am also working on a “generic gundam feelings” playlist.. it’s still private though. it’s called anime ja nai :’)

And no, nothing ever really started with a kiss &lt;- YEAH

I don't wanna make love I don't wanna make plans I don't want anyone to wanna hold my hand <- i don’t know if this makes me think more of char or amuro. and because of that it’s perfect

It begins in the places that we leave behind Every year that goes by a little less future on our minds These girls like to pretend they can't feel anything anymore (...........gundam women..........) Boys break like promises, but only behind closed doors (gundam men.......................)

∙ raise me up by hercules and love affair including an explanation of why i think this song is charmuro is difficult. it just is to me. just like truefalse/fakereal by the same band

My secret love Keeps me awake at night My secret love of the man My secret fight They put you down They pushed your face down They fucked you aver and around You kissed the ground You're the one I waited for your return I slept with rocks I slept with stones Stone was my home Energy Life danced right out of me When my father busted you free He also killed me <- kinda makes me think of zeon daikun dooming amuro ray to have an intense yaoi thing with his son. lol Oh raise me up To dance upon your head Oh raise me up To dance in the holes of your head <- !! Oh raise me up To dance in the cavities of Your eyes <- and this!!!!! i need more of this!!!!!!

∙ a beginner’s guide to destroying the moon by foster the people this song was suggested to me by my discover weekly and the lyrics instantly made me think of char and amuro. cca feelings

I can't blame you I can't save you But I will try for you and I For you and I, I won't find out All the dirty little things that you've done But I will try For you and I, I will breathe in All the truth I can stomach If it keeps you alive <-amuro (I would break you Before I let you fall into the blind For you and I) <- char We've changed the dreamers and the Preachers and the wise men on the hill To concrete stepping smilers terrified to lose their power and control We've been crying for a leader to speak like the old prophets The blood of the forgotten wasn't Spilled without a purpose, or was it? And now, I'm staring at the moon Wondering why the bottom fell out

and again:

To smash the wall of apathy Stop your self-importance And lift the weight off somebody else Yeah, you'll never be whole Yeah, you'll never be whole Until you lose control <- this is directed at both of them

∙ i might be wrong by radiohead major cca charmulalah feelings here...

I might be wrong I could have sworn I saw a light coming on I used to think There was no future left at all I used to think <- char (Open up, begin again Let's go down the waterfall Think about the good times and never look back Never look back) <- lalah What would I do? <- char What would I do? <- amuro If I did not have you? <- ooooooh yes! your lives were irreparably changed the day char stepped on side 7 in 0079 ∙ bleed by george clanton charmuro in its messiness, ugliness and intensity. i absolutely love the progression in the song. starting slow until it builds up to the explosion of kaleidoscopic sounds (that is not a proper way to describe a sound right? but i wouldn’t describe it any other way <3)

Someone else can make you happy Someone else can show you a good time A good time Someone else can say "I'm Sorry" Someone else can fight and tell you lies But not like I do Not like me Someone else can bite until you bleed Make you bleed Not like I do Not like me

∙ the man who sold the world (sung by midge ure. i just like that version better, sounds so ethereal. plus im a metal gear fan lmao) this song really evokes the change between masks char went through. amuro — there to see them all

Although I wasn't there He said I was his friend Which came as a surprise I spoke into his eyes I thought you died alone A long long time ago

Oh no, not me We never lost control You're face to face With the man who sold the world

(I gazed a gazely stare We walked a million hills I must have died alone A long, long time ago)

∙ day by bill callahan this is maybe one of the cheesiest songs in the playlist but i just love it so much. and. i mean. what is gundam without cheesiness? to me this songs feels a lot like a conversation between cca char and amuro. the kind of disdain towards the humanity that has reduced earth to such a wasteland planet vs the hope that humanity is indeed good and we must strive toward the light, even though it is so hard

Some people are a sickness on this land They're killing, they're taking They're stealing whatever they can Anything, anything, anything That is not bolted down Your life, your money, your heart, your faith, your bike

and then again:

Some would ask What are we to do With a world that crumbles to the touch? A world that spins and dies where it stands Like trying ain't enough?

but listen to me:

To family is all you can do And strive toward the light It's as dark as night Strive toward the light I know it's as dark as night I know it's as dark as night

It is day though

∙ la vita fa schifo by le feste antonacci umm haha italian moment. this playlist should have more italian moments and i am working on that. anyway the lyrics to this song is just life sucks life sucks life sucks life suckssss in various dramatic intonations. life did kinda suck for char and amuro right? lmao. i am the kinda person that says oh well la vita fa schifo over the smallest problems. i just thought it would be funny to think about char and amuro dying and both being like. well. la vita fa schifo. what the fuck was everyone’s problem.

∙ l’amour toujours by gigi d’agostino NOW HEAR ME OUT. this started as a meme between me and my partner. of putting this song over the credits of very dramatic movies. it’s because it was the credit song of uncut gems, it really stunned us the first time we finished that movie bc we joke about that song so much, it’s basically italy’s national anthem. so we joked about char’s counterattack ending and instead of beyond the time, l’amour toujours starts playing. po poporopo poporopo po poro po po poroporopo. but then also— you know what? the lyrics fits charmuro too. LMAO (delusional) I still believe in your eyes I just don't care what you have done in your life Baby, I'll always be here by your side Don't leave me waiting too long, Please come byI still believe in your eyes There is no choice, I belong to your life Because I will live to love you someday You'll be my baby and we'll fly away And I'll fly with you, I'll fly with you, I'll fly with you

basically the credits song of my playlist :')

um okay haha! i think i will stop for now bc this is a lot... thank you again for this ask!