#//i saw a rph post a while back

[falseapostle]

"No, Sanae..."

Haruto tightened his jaw, gazing out of the window of his apartment in Shinjuku. The world looked so small from all the way up here, and it was a view he was quite used to by now. Being called by Hanekoma out of the blue, however, was not something he was used to or expecting.

"Please," the voice on the other line breathed. "I know it's dangerous for you, but I can find a way to hide you."

"That is not why I don't want to come," Haruto said firmly. "I'm bad for you, Sanae, everyone knows that. I cannot take back what I did to you. Especially for something like dancing."

A simple request. Hanekoma wanted Abe to teach him how to dance. For absolutely anyone else, it would be a small and unimportant request. Something he would be happy to oblige with and do his best to pass on his wisdom and bring his partner some joy along the way. But Hanekoma was different. Hanekoma was his victim, a person that would always be living under the shadow of his abuse. Hanekoma was someone who seemed to have trouble moving on from the lies that Haruto had whispered into his ears and still craved the poison that had been bled into his veins.

But Haruto did not want to hurt him anymore.

"You're the only person I know that knows how to do it," Hanekoma said softly. "Please."

"That is not a good excuse and you know it," Haruto huffed back through he phone. "Sanae, you got out. Keep it that way, for your sake and your family's. I've done enough damage to you. You need to stay away from me."

"I thought you had gotten better, though." Hanekoma's voice sounded airy over the phone, like he wasn't breathing all the way. "I thought you were kinder now, more whole. I thought you grew."

Haruto drew in a deep breath and turned to walk back to his counter, "I have, but that doesn't take away what I've already done. I cannot harm you all by appearing in your universe again--"

"Then, what if I came to you?"

"Do not cut me off," Haruto growled through the phone, patience wearing thin. "Sanae, you have a job to do. You cannot leave your city unattended. You can't come here. There are hundreds of people in your universe. Just find someone else."

"There are a lot of people here, but..." Hanekoma sighed heavily. "No one wants to talk to strangers, you know. I'm a creepy old man. I'm too old for all of these people to give me the time of day. And my family is gone... I haven't seen any'a my kids in forever. I love solitude, boss. Don't get me wrong. I love sitting with myself and reflecting on myself and growing. But I haven't had a full conversation with another person in almost a year. I don't mind solitude, but this is isolation, and I can't fucking stand it. I'm so sick of being absolutely alone, of no one being willing to give me the time'a day without me twisting their arm into it."

"And how do you think getting me to teach you how to dance is going to fix anything?" Haruto muttered, moving again to easy the nervous energy in his body. "You're going to fall into your same old pits and you're going to hurt yourself. I'm not going to pretend for you. I'm not going to lie to you anymore. I don't love you the way you want me to. I do not want to be around you. I do not want to enable your self-destructive habits. You shouldn't be around me. Find someone else. Twist their goddamn arm if you have to. Be annoying. Someone is going to be pressured into giving you the time of day, and then they'll learn you're not so bad, but it'll be a hell of a lot better than spending even an ounce of time with me."

"I can't do that... I can't just barge in on other people's lives anymore. I get myself in trouble, get them in trouble. Sticking my nose in everyone's goddamn business is how I got here in the first place, and I'm not gonna do it anymore. I do my job. That's it. I don't fuck with anyone that doesn't come to me first."

Haruto drew in a deep breath and sighed heavily, "Then I don't know what to tell you, Sanae. Getting in other people's business used to be a strength of yours. That's how you met new people. If you can't do that anymore, then don't, but find some other way to get involved. Join an online forum or something, I don't fucking know. But stay away from me. For your own good."

There was a long beat of silence between them. The cogs turning in Hanekoma's head, Haruto thought. Where were his children? What happened to his support system?

...

Oh, right. He happened...

"But... I miss you..." Hanekoma whispered. "I miss you..."

"Move on, Sanae..."

Haruto didn't give him a chance to respond before he hung up, collapsing into the armchair in his sitting area. It was so hard looking at the damage he'd caused, but he was determined not to cause any more. He didn't care if Hanekoma came to him on his knees begging for him to come back, he would never do it. He was determined to separate his life from his old universe, to carry on and do something better, help others who needed it. Be a good Producer.

He just hoped that Hanekoma could also move on and get his life together one day.

[tmrrwppl]

Not to vague post, but I'm mad for my friends and the genuinely sweet people that had to go through all this. And I'm late to the whole topic so, no names or anything, just me yelling into the void, probs... And I'm sorry I didn't go full bitch and scream this from the rooftop at the time, as I feel this would have saved a lot of hurt.

But a person made gifs of a native youtuber doing a whole joke about the Spirit Halloween native costume. And claimed it was regalia.

I knew enough about the tribe to know that it was a costume, not to mention the youtuber explicitly states it-- and waves around the packaging. I messaged the gif maker just saying 'hey, I need to tell you, this is not regalia' and they were incredibly snooty about how they had been to a local pow wow and saw these outfits on native ladies there and it was clearly NOT a costume.

I supplied the actual Spirit Halloween Link and pointed out in the video, that they referenced the gifs from, where the youtuber explicitly states it was a sexualizing costume as well as waving the package around, then said that I was feeling ill from people reblogging it thinking it was regalia (like I said, I knew enough about the tribe to know it was not the right cut, the dyed feathers were BS, etc etc etc).

They were more mad I sent 5 messages (I sent three, I just checked) with each point and told me to delete my reblog where I said it wasn't regalia (which, my bad, I can see how it was annoying and stuff, but I have problems keeping my thoughts in clear order so I had to divvy the messages up so it wasn't one long tangent of rambles-- already doing it here!).

And I sat on this interaction for literal years while good friends of mine trusted this person. Because I'm not someone to question when another claims to be native, and because let's be honest my own native blood is questionable at best, in spite of my family's oral histories. So I'm not going to try to speak over someone who is more confident about their ancestry, which this person was. And it was admirable. But they weren't my cup of tea, based on that interaction... So I just ignored this person until recently, when I empathized with hate they were getting and extended an olive branch to wish them well.

And then I wander off Tumblr for a couple weeks and come back to people I care about being hurt by this person's words and actions, and people feeling tricked and betrayed by this person's claim, and I'm angry at myself and that person for doing that and allowing that to happen.

TL;DR: I know words can only do so much, but I am sorry they did this to you and broke your trust and hurt you all. And I'm sorry for not being the bad guy and pointing it out earlier (there was also a lot going on in those days and I wasn't keen on stirring the pot). I hope you all can heal and move on and that the native community and RPHs can go back to being fantastic and wonderful hooman beans who provide so many resources and learning for everyone.

I just had to get this off my chest or I'd be up all night thinking about it, I'll probably fuck off for a little longer while I fight the legacy editor, but I love y'all. Drink your water <3

[zachnovak]

Just to Recap since some morons like to make up stories STILL

So now is my yearly time for this bipolar latino guy to hop on this blog and then leave it for another year. This time, some old drama although, it seems its from a while ago.

This world class moron @wiscowrites​ and her bullshit. Personally, it took me a good 20 minutes to even remember who this person was. Think they ran a site I was on that died twice while I was on it, then got uppity when I didn’t return and requested my characters be taken down but they turned them into skeleton canons instead or something. Anyway. While this message I saw was ancient, it recently popped up on my coding help blog by one of her followers. So, why not clear the air in my zero fucks given postings here. Already vanquished my other trolls and enemies (who I didn’t even know I had let alone knew who 99% of them even were) why not continue it this year.

This claim is actually categorically false and twisted by the mob. As stated numerous times before, I hadn't stolen anything, in fact, I had my then JCINK FORUMS RP Sequence for exact three years before Raven ever created Elswood Academy. To remind you of what happened. Raven accused me of stealing coding, and aesthetic from her site. That’s all. They then went and contacted RPs my characters were on previously (total of two) One of which I hadn't been on for years at that point and the other was being trolled by a member that roleplay’s admin allegedly stole a character from as well as a member that (according to the troll *winks at sam*) was on and off staff numerous times ( the saga of my time at both those RPs and one I was on two years back can be found here  https://shenanigansandrants.tumblr.com/post/151692717913/about-the-roleplay-wotna#notes and https://zachnovak.tumblr.com/post/636528943282946048/so-i-dont-normally-log-onto-this-account-much-so )

I quickly gathered evidence showing that many of the codes I was accused of stealing were in fact codes I had been using and upgraded from my jcink RP three years before I transferred Sequence to tumblr. If I hadn't created them, I linked the codepen posts of the codes I used (codepen is a resource site free for anyone to use their codes). I then also proved many of Raven's templates were in fact stolen from Codepen and other sites that she claimed were original or 'inspired' by where the only difference in the codes was font families and various colors. Also showed that she had claimed codes that were popular on forum RPs for years were 'original work' for elswood. However, by the time I had proven that, the mob had already made up their mind about me given Raven's faked and twisted evidence. After all, I didn't think I needed to log and archive everything I transferred, where I got it originally, how I changed it from my old codes or from resource sites, etc etc. So it took me almost two weeks to gather than organize it all. However, a number of other RPHs had listened to me, looked at my evidence, and believed me, Raven then had them harassed for weeks after and openly told people not to open my posts against them. Although, they had stopped attacking my RP and me by that point (insert coincidence I think not gif). Still, I received and showed evidence of one of her former admins of a DM they had together showing me that she wanted to go after my RP to both promote their own and because they had a hate boner for me since I once called them an elitist snob. (man, lock me up!!!.....was I wrong tho?)

From alegendreborn, I was told by one of their mods that their main admin when contacted, told Raven that I had caused drama (links above explain what actually happened) and stolen their shop/points system for their RPs. Only they didn't know I had Sequence on Jcink two years before ALR was made and jcink has a shop and points system built in which I just made into a sideblog I ran when I moved Sequence to tumblr. The concept of a 'shop and cash' system to earn points and by upgrades/powers for a character based off posts might have been revolutionary on tumblr; but it was an ancient concept on jcink by that time. There was also some foolishness on the ‘look and aesthetic’ of that side blog or something. One of their staff members clearly didn’t mention they used a common and heavily used theme template just had original graphics. While I made edits to the theme itself, it was still aesthetically similar to the original design and organization the theme maker used and ALR just slightly altered. The main admin I think called Mary or something, was also really pissed off that I continued to play my character on that blog for a while as a sort of indie blog before I was told by the three members that chose to continue posting with me that they had to stop because their admin was threatening to kick them out of the RP. So I let that blog rest and years later turned it into an indie blog. One of ALR’s previous and original staff members who left for ‘personal reasons’ would later send me a submission apologizing for everything that happened during my time there, informing me that Mary and ‘Sara’ were goaded by Raven to check out every square inch of my site and find anything remotely similar then expose it as theft. No matter how vague or even if was just as both using the same font color for the same type of link and they would back them up. 

From WOTNA, raven was told that epic tale along with the staff's mistaken belief I was trolling them still a year after leaving. Along with stealing a character and a plot. However, I showed they had already 'blasted' me about that and had proven in screen shots that I had made the character I 'stole' three years before WOTNA was made, and that they had created an event right when I was making the tumblr Sequence where characters were getting number tattoos which is a major plot element of Sequence. Only, their tattoos were effectively holocaust brandings while the ones in sequence were roman numerals of various sizes, styles, etc etc. I also helped the admin there solve who their troll was and she later told me that they had indeed lied to raven about a lot of things. Raven had led them to conclusions that I was their troll and was doing this and that which made the staff come up with stories they admit to making up. Also telling me that they saw my blog for Sequence and had taken elements of it when making events and factions on WOTNA. They also publicly 'forgot' I had shown the character they accused me of stealing was in fact stolen from me but privately kept reminding each other to not mention my post about it. I was also granted access to and saved a google doc of the admins of WOTNA’s chat logs that they made in their battle against one of their former members where they openly admit to making up stories to ‘get back at me’ and deleting my asks to their main when I was wondering them on my characters being stolen. As well as asking me to return to their RP first out of despite as their admin team was having a minor civil war and then later to basically show I was ‘harassing them’ again by trying to return despite having the invite saved and even pre plotting with some of the members for when I returned.

These are the FACTS of what actually happened back then. If anyone wishes to see the evidence I have mentioned that I didn't link to feel free to DM me on tumblr, I know a couple of you stalk me still. In the end, Raven themselves has deleted this 'saga' from their defunct blog along with most of the templates I proved were stolen. Not sure if that was done because I utterly destroyed their stories, or because I threatened to sue since they were running a targeted harassment campaign and threaten to dox a MINOR. Yes, for those of you who didn't know, I was 17 years old at the time of Raven's ramblings. I was coding, running, and RPing on roleplays on jcink at the age of 13 and jumped ship to tumblr around 15 and a half. I look back on it all and just smile to be honest. I've made a living as a web designer since I was 20 and hit four digits on my income on patreon making mods for games like Sims, Skyrim, Fallout etc etc. (humble brag much?) The fact some of ya'll still think I had to steal anything then just makes me smile, nod, then forget about ya two minutes later.

I chalk it up to a lot of immature 20 something keyboard warriors going insane over someone that they just didn't like and doing whatever they could to destroy me, faking evidence, flat out lying, or just closing their eyes and screaming over anything else that went against their narrative. The facts were twisted then and were clearly twisted in people's memories to this day. However, I will also note that while EVERYONE involved in this drama has either left/been kicked out of the RPC or are now only on indie blogs under new names or running slave smut RPs, I'm still here and active. I'm on two different RPs, run an RP on both jcink and tumblr and even restarting one of my four RPs I have on tumblr here under a new roleplay name and setting while still going by Nolan. It has been entertaining seeing people still being pathetic, making up stories, and still hating on me when I don't even know any of you and haven't even interacted with 99% of the people that still get their underwear in a bunch over me. Please, move on with your lives, grow the fuck up, and stop obsessing over me everytime you finally realize I'm still around. I'll do me and you do you, if you don't like it, then press the damn block button and move on. I'm not going anywhere, I haven't done anything to warrant leaving or being harassed. The fact that people enjoy the hate for someone they know nothing of and have never spoken to speaks volumes of how privileged your lives are and how sad they are at the same time.

Admittedly, I have been no angel. I am an opinionated little shit and not afraid to voice it when asked. It tends to rub the narcissistic people the wrong way as they don't like hearing a narrative that doesn't agree with their own. When they go postal, I used to come out swinging, that I admit. I also had messaged people about joining a couple of my RPs in the past normally those their friends told me to message who were on the RP or those that popped into my 'suggested blogs' section and were on long dead or recently dead roleplays. I know some people don't like this and consider it poaching (can you poach from a dead RP though?) and I do apologize for those it rubbed the wrong way. This is a form of advertising that to this day I still see going on. If I screen cap my various active blogs I can show I get slightly more asks about joining some random RP than I get porn blogs following, reblogging, and messaging me. Some of it is done by the very person(s) that complained when I did it for my supernatural RP. I've long gotten used to the 'rules for ye but not for me' mentality that a lot of the trolls have though. It does make me laugh that Jo here called it ‘harassment’ but it doesn’t get called that when others do it and I still have dozens upon dozens of messages saved on the main of that RP of people thanking me and telling me they were looking for a new RP to join since the one their blog was tied to was dead. Ironically, I don’t have a single one that has anything negative to say about them being messaged. Unless you count “thank you so much but I’m currently taking a break from roleplaying, I’ll check you guys out in the future though.” as a negative reply.

[therealfluke]

hello hello ! wld j like to say that if ur already following me and ur like “why” it is because. this is may. i j reserved from my rph so the alias it went under was lucky. which actually,, so fitting w this theme (goes by a name that means an unlikely coincidence, last name is associated with luck, etc.). in addition, if “lucky” by britney spears immediately got stuck in ur head... that was the ultimate goal. also listen,,,, u r not the only one who hates my url. and finally! i saved the old posts on here and j made them private for posterity (obviously) and also,, my sanity.

‹ OLIVER JACKSON-COHEN, HE/HIM, CIS MAN, BISEXUAL. › levi “fluke” fisher is the twenty-seven year old from salem, massachussets / new york city, new york. when a friend asked them what they thought of the manor they said, ❝ IT FEELS LIKE I’VE BEEN HERE BEFORE. ❞ they claim final destination is their favorite scary movie, and if they were to die in a horror film they would form an alliance with the murderer, then annoy the murderer into killing him by asking too many questions. their fears include rats, isolation and living the rest of his life without muse d, and they don’t know we know, but… in spite of a promise he made to his family, friends and self, he has a baggie of heroin on him at all times so he can prove to himself he’s strong (which is a lie – it’s really for a ‘just in case’ situation) . hope they enjoy their stay. ‹ MUSE C from OTHERSIDE penned by, LUCKY, 20, EST. ›

QUICK FACTS:

full name: levi “fluke” james fisher

hometown: salem, ma // moved to new york city, new york at twenty-two

date of birth: march 10, 1992*

*does not perfectly reflect the below Big Three Zodiac Chart™ because that’s so much math

zodiac big three: pisces sun, scorpio moon, pisces rising (he is!! so ruled by his emotions!!)

gender & pronouns: cis man & he/him

sexual orientation: bisexual

occupation: museum night guard ( fired ) / leech off of his older siblings

mbti: infp

enneagram: 4w5

the song i listen to on repeat while i write the intro: “stars” - nina simone ( cover )

BACKGROUND INFO:

triggers: death (under mysterious circumstances, but officially dubbed murder), night terrors / hallucinations?, drug abuse / addiction ( oxy, heroin ), accidental overdose, death by overdose

it began with josephine (“jo”), levi, charlotte (“lottie”), and christopher (“chris”) – in that order. or, perhaps, that reverse order – see: chris was the oldest.

they were all born to very kind and lovely parents. the majority of levi’s memories with his parents take place in a large house they were intending to flip. given its size and the price it would sell for, they spent more than their fair share of time in there. that being said, because their parents were often busy flipping and marketing the house, they all relied on each other for fun, even in spite of the sizable age difference between himself (and jo, who i have forgotten to mention is his “younger” twin) and christopher.

the longer they spent there, however, the more uneasy they grew. i mean, it was basically its own version of the manor – it was also guillermo del toro’s wet dream. levi could’ve sworn he’d had some run-ins with spooks, but no confirmation was ever, nor could ever be, offered. so the manor feels... very normal.

anyway, when levi was eight, his mother and father met an untimely demise. a break-in gone wrong while the kids were with their grandparents, they were told. at the time, levi... was eight and, therefore, had no doubts. now, however, he mulls over the many possibilities – it was a big house, the likelihood that they really could’ve been in that wrong of a place at that wrong of a time felt very unlikely. some form of suicide? something otherworldly? they seemed about as likely. he’s pretty sure lottie and chris know the truth, but...

after that, they were sent to live with their grandparents. while not particularly ideal, they recognized that it was far better than the foster care system. however, these recurring spooks didn’t just stop when he moved. his grandparents and older siblings blamed it on childhood night terrors, jo believed him. 

as they continued into his teen years, they claimed it was sleep paralysis. he confided in jo, in secret, that they weren’t strictly at night. he knew very well that, if he shared that with his grandparents or older siblings, they would think he really needed help. maybe he did, he never truly learned.

when chris moved out to go to college, and when lottie followed just a few years after, levi found it was just jo and himself. their grandparents were beginning to go past old age and reach senility. they had bouts of forgetting. 

levi chose not to go to college, but insisted jo, who’d always wanted to go, go without him. she went to new york city, he stayed behind with his grandparents in salem up until their death when he was twenty-two. it was early in his eyes, but for, say, his brother, it was pretty record-breaking. 

when he was twenty-one, after the death of his grandparents, he left salem and all of its reminders of childhood terrors and lies. he found jo in new york and began living with her and working as a night guard at one of the many museums.

but a mere one (1) year later, jo, usually straight-edge, decided she would finally go to her first college party in celebration of being so close to graduating. yeehaw. levi was invited to go with her, but had been warned far too recently that, if he missed one more shift, he’d be fired.

on the topic of his night shifts, his terrors seemed to go away when he moved to new york. it seemed as though he’d left them all in salem, but there were definitely moments in a huge and empty museum that he could’ve sworn he’d seen something. anyway, back to the main point:

jo didn’t return until the next morning and, when she did, she expressed the excellency she had experienced the night before. she wasn’t afraid of telling him she’d tried drugs for the first time – no, that night, it’d just been weed. he’d tried weed in high school, trying to figure out if it would help with his terrors. for a hot second, it did... which is what led to his own demise.

(OK! so from here on out, i’ll be talking about the other muses in the subplot. i’m gonna do my best to leave their story and keep their drug of choice vague! anyway!)

jo began falling deeper into the drug world after meeting and beginning to date muse b and eventually fell into harder tingz™. she never tried to pressure fluke into trying anything, but he witnessed the reaction to it. between that and having looked up to his younger sister ( by, like, two minutes ) for nearly the entirety of his life, he decided to try whatever she did. 

however, unlike her, he quickly escalated to heroin.

he started out smoking it... then snorting it... then began shooting it. he liked shooting it the best – not only because he reached the high quicker, but also because it required more of a ritual. as a fan of ritualistic behavior, the lead-up was almost as enjoyable as the high itself. unfortunately, it did leave him with many trackmarks and an even higher risk of reliance and overdose.

he didn’t go out to many parties after that. he preferred shooting in the company of the few, not the many. if his sister and friends did, that was their prerogative, but it was just... more peaceful...

suddenly, he didn’t ever think about the terrors or the lies or the shadows in the museum. he was eventually fired, yes, and had to start ‘earning’ money via asking his other siblings. 

when the topic came up between himself and his little group of friends on whether or not they should quit, he had no answer. 

in 2018, at twenty-six, his usual dealer had cut him off due to the money he was no longer good for. finding a much cheaper one, he took the same dose, but the amount of other chemicals it was cut with sent him to the hospital. given plenty of naloxone, he came out of it alive and clean and, due to the nature of it all, was deemed a fluke.

he didn’t take to that at first. he was lucky, yes, but a fluke ? it couldn’t have been that unlikely... especially when he fell back into it after finding another dealer and being totally fine. however, when he heard jo had overdosed and actually died ?

yes, he was a fluke.

he was so blinded with rage at muse a at first for leading his absolute crutch to her death, he was so blinded with rage at muse b for first introducing her to a world of harder drugs, he was so blinded with rage at himself for being the one who survived when she was the one who actually could’ve done something with her life.

so he embraced the word ‘fluke’ – he acknowledged that he was one during her eulogy, he told his other siblings he’d been the fluke at her wake. when he began saying it enough times, it caught on, whether he meant for it to or not.

he’s no longer so angry at muse a  and muse b for what they did. muse b wanted to get sober, after all, and muse a , much like himself, was simply an addict. they couldn’t help not being prepared to give it up. he’s still furious at himself.

now that they've all gone clean, however, fluke is somewhat more pleased. he’s fairly certain he’ll never not be in mourning. quite frankly, he’s fairly certain he’ll eventually relapse. even worse, in spite of the group promise, he’s brought contraband with him to “prove his strength” ( see: that’s what he tells himself ).

riffing off of that, in the manor, his terrors have begun returning and he’s unable to nail if it’s because of the similarities between it and the home he remembers so well or if it’s because he’s now sober of it it’s because... it’s just the manor itself. 

he’s still certain it’s all real.

TL;DR:

basically lived in a replica of the manor when he was a kid with his loving parents and three other siblings. is pretty sure he saw some paranormal stuff goin on. parents were “murdered” but he suspects something else. moved in with grandparents and continued seeing some paranormal stuff. only his twin sister, muse d (jo), believed that it wasn’t just night terrors. jo went to college, he stayed behind. grandparents died rip. he went to nyc where jo was and eventually met muse a and muse b when they all fell into hard drug use. almost died because of poorly cut heroin. jo died some months later. hates himself. rip. alexa, play “my heart will go on” but the recorder version.

PERSONALITY INFO:

sad boi energy

if u read thru this and didn’t think “why does she keep basing her characters off of characters from thohh” then,,, u should go watch thohh bc,,, it’s so obvious (we even over here picturing victoria pedretti as jo unless someone applies for her at some point afhsljk) hlfajdsa

has a terrible tendency to find someone to feed off of – someone to be codependent off of. without jo, he’s floundering.

is very * eyes emoji * at,,, many things. the explanation for his parents’ death? * eyes emoji * the spooks that almost everyone came up with excuses for? * eyes emoji * staying sober? * eyes emoji *

didn’t mean to start going by fluke, but started using the word to describe himself so much, it just happened organically.

i have stated before. that im bad at these sections. so feel free to j consult the zodiac / mbti / enneagram above haofuwdlijk

not rly personality but lil hc is that he goes back to that huge victorian house all the time and uses a ouija board to see if he can contact ANYONE :\ the ultimate eeyore :\

another lil hc is that he’s actually a v talented pianist. his mother sort of taught him the basics and he went on to learn classical through sheet music and schooling, then songs from rock bands/artists who incorporated keys in their music. brought the 7-octave keyboard his grandparents bought him... apparently doesn’t need it because there’s a huge piano hajfdkls

if u want 2 hear abt some of my paranormal hcs lmk i wld put them here but?? some r actually creepy (and/or involve blood) which we luv for me!!

FEARS:

rats: when he was living in that big house™, there were plenty of rat infestations. he often got those mixed up with his spooks™. there were also a lot of rats at his grandparents’ house and at his and jo’s apartment. it’s more of a general fear, but. (also... rat poison? drug abuse? symbolism.)

isolation: for an introvert, he’s really bad at being alone. for one things, he gets lonely which is very detrimental to his already fragile mental state, especially considering he’s pretty sure he’ll relapse. in addition, he’s much worse at dealing with any spooks™ that come his way when he’s completely alone. when someone else is in the room, even if he isn’t actively talking to them, at least there’s the comfort of not being alone in it all. 

living the rest of his life without muse d: even if she was the one who began their drug journey, she was the only person who ever believed anything fluke said – she was the only person he ever felt actually listened to him and cared about him with no ‘if’ or ‘but’ attached. he also always found her much wiser than himself and could’ve sworn she would’ve gone to rehab after getting well with muse a one last time. she was the one who was going somewhere and she was the one who loved him unconditionally. no wonder he’s got sad boi energy :\

WANTED CONNECTIONS:

his other brother and sister! i’ll probs send in wcs for them to the main, but if you think they wld sound cool, lmk. luv that. (update!! take one of them you cowards.)

the dealer who actually dealt him quality heroin

the dealer who dealt him heroin cut with god-knows-what

someone he accidentally starts to sink with himself

exes

fwb

ons

enemies (not super great at making them, but is still able to)

the new person he’s decided to latch onto

childhood friends (if there are other salem (or at least massachussetts) characters!)

idk!! we can also look at urs and/or brainstorm!!

ok ! like this or hmu if you’d like to plot !

[binxrps]

i wasn’t sure if i should post this or just let it go and i couldn’t sleep all night and im worried but i can’t pretend i didn’t see this and it seems really important and i feel like it gives me a minute to say something i need to say about performative support.

so…if y’all know me u know that one of the things i’m most afraid and paranoid of is people talking about me behind my back? things being said about me without my knowledge? people being one way to my face and another in private? and like i get that not everybody’s gonna like me, especially when i speak out against things and have tried to be more and more vocal about social issues in this community, i know that. 

anyways, another thing is that i’m paranoid about a certain person being on my blog so im p much always in my stats checking who’s been on this blog which is how this even happened…..

so i see that somebody came to my blog from a chatzy…which like okay that’s not the first time, i’ve seen ppl on here from all over the place? i click just cause im nosy and again cause im paranoid lmao. and i see this conversation that stops me in my tracks????? 

the funny thing is, i recognize the names of the people talking. and im like nah, it must be a coincidence? cause i’ve had good conversations with amanda and she’s said before that she appreciates when i teach her things and make her aware of things? and fiona happens to be one of the people that told me about lea and the entitled response when she didn’t get a latina role? 

so even tho at first i was like nah - i know that this is an ooc chat, so obviously it’s somebody in the rpc. and i sent this link in a nice exchange where i was trying to explain to this person why gal is problematic, and the other person in this chat follows me so she knows me too! and i know they know each other cause im p sure when i followed fiona ( @fionaroleplays ) a while ago it was bc of amanda ( @hookedonwonder )? so i realize like yeah this is def them??? 

so like…idk what to even say here? first off, i really don’t appreciate you still following me and engaging w my posts as if nothing’s going on, when you think i’m apparently nothing but an “s*w” that only likes to “piss on everything”???? if that’s how you really feel just unfollow me? and if you want to talk about somebody you might not want to do it in a public chatzy where they can find it? especially if you follow them and have talked to them before and they know who you are and will easily associate your names with you? 

and don’t pretend to be an ally or whatever when u secretly hate people that speak up against problematic fcs and try to advocate for visibility? if you’re so opposed to me advocating for people to remove fcs that are racists, abusers, transphobes, etc and you equate that to trying to “find fault in literally every fc” then just say what you mean and pls show your real colors and don’t say this stuff behind my back. just let people know who you are. i’m gonna keep doing what i’m doing and i’m gonna be real and honest about it. at least i can say that for myself. 

if you’re “friends” w fiona and you advocate for these things, i cant claim to know what she’s said about you without your knowledge but i know this isn’t a person i want to associate with. i actually already unfollowed you a while ago but i’ll probably block you now that i see who you really are i guess. 

idk if this is a psa or what i just wanted it to be known that i saw this and that y’all should be aware of this person in the community bc i know she follows a lot of us and probably reblogs posts from us on her 1x1 blog (and has an rph @roleplaytipsandadvice ) pretending to be an advocate when this is how she really feels. 

at the end of the day i know not everybody wants to be my friend, and honestly i don’t want to be friends with people like this. i’m gonna keep advocating for these things and i don’t want to be friends with or associate with people who are against what i stand for, especially not if this is how they really are behind my back. 

if you agree w her, do me a favor and unfollow and block me. my resources and my blog are not for you, and i will not change who i am or what i stand for. 

[irph-blog]

Your entire Korean terms "guide" is wrong. From -ie and -ah/-yah to -ssi and noona/hyung-calling. All of it is wrong. You've given people not only the wrong definitions and usages, but the wrong situations in which to use them.

[ I have no idea how long these asks have been in my inbox since I haven’t logged in in ~2.5 years, but l guess I’ll answer them because I just logged in and why not ]

For reference, anon is talking about this post.

Hello anon person who has offered exactly zero corrections nor any explanation for this critique! This is so ! helpful !

When I wrote that post, KRP was a very niche genre of Tumblr RP, and there were no KRP helpers. The only Korean FCs ever used in western RP were Steve Yeun and Jamie Chung. I was trying my very best to fill what I saw as a gaping hole in the RPalphabet community, in spite of being a non-Korean person.

One of my closest RP partners is a young Korean woman; she gave me the information for that post. While I totally own the fact that I could have garbled some of her information (and I do, in fact, now know that I didn’t explain the “-yah” ending very well at all), I know with reasonable certainty that most of the post is correct enough for a non-Korean person to use in navigating KRP, which was the original point of the post. As it says, right there in the intro:

This list is not exhaustive. It’s meant to teach you the things you need to know to get by in KRP. This is a KRP lesson, not a Korean lesson.

The guide may not be perfect, but your message is not helpful. If you don’t actually have any improvements to suggest, why bother sending something like this? The advice in this post applies- your complaining doesn’t offer a solution. If you know the correct usages, why not send some corrections?

This was the kind of stuff that drove me out of the RPalphabet community back in the day. There was this intensifying fight to be “most right” instead of “most helpful”, and many RPHs seemed more concerned with calling out incorrectness than with doing any actual… you know… helping. It was what led to me writing this. I hope things have gotten better.

[fandomshatepeopleofcolor]

Do you think it's possible for white people to appropriate oppression? I have a friend who rp's a poc and she constantly says things like 'my character is super sick of white people' and so on on her blog. While at the same time she's using google translate to write dialogue in spanish. She claims that she 'understands oppression' because she grew up in a poor black community but I know all of this is wrong as fuck, is there away for me (a poc) to confront her about this in a delicate manner?

honestly, this is such a complicated question. because at the same time we want people to rp more poc characters but we also don’t want them badly writing poc characters. 

i think her ooc posts are wrong. and honestly, can’t she just do like this:

“what are you doing?” he asked in his native language. 

instead of using google translate? or add something in his rules that whenever she uses italics it’s because the chara is speaking spanish?

and to your other question: your friend probably suffered oppression because she is poor and she saw how black people are oppressed. but she certainly doesn’t truly understand the oppression a black person faces. 

I would definetly confront her. I think it’s best you do it privately because the rpc always jumps into this sort of discussions familiarizing themselves with the situation and it may do more harm than good. 

but honestly, i remember back in 2012-2014 when there was a big push from rph’s for people to begin writing more poc characters. and though it’s nice to open up an rp masterlist and see so many poc faces, it’s horrible when you see the actual writing. 

like, future weeks in rp’s when the characters are 10-15 years older. the fact you have to actually say ‘no, a latina cannot play an older asian woman” shows how white roleplayers are only there for the aesthetic and the brownie points of playing a poc character. 

mod L

[heyitshera]

Road to RPh

so basically I just wanted to share about my experience while reviewing for the PLE that I took last March 9 & 10, 2017 that I unexpectedly PASSED (subhanALLAH) I was beyond happy and literally felt like on cloudnine when I saw my name on the LIST OF PASSERS that was released (03/14/17) earlier than I expected to come out. Yes I was so happy I was sobbing of happiness because I really never thought I would make it. yes to be honest I didn’t had the confidence that I would actually grab it in just one take (tho I was continually praying and hoping for it I would) because I really had a hard time during review days even on the day of boards it was so hard for me like seriously I feel like out of 6 modules, the only modules that I’m sure of are Modules 1 and 6 because that was the only modules wherein I could say almost 40% of what I’ve studied came out like seriously same questions and choices. haha Then Module 2, 3, 4 & 5 was the hardest for me (kulang nalang lahat eh huhuhaha) **During Review Days** it was around August-September 2016 when I started to enroll myself on review center (ACE) right after graduation (July 2016) literal na walang pahinga bes, no breaks like after school days, had my major internship then started to attend the review in ACE already. I could say attending the lectures were worth it somehow because the lecturers for the modules that I am weak in are so good so it gave me the interest to attend everyday (yes I never skipped classes as for I know with myself that I need more of stock knowledge because I feel like they’re always stucked up haha) then there goes having mastery tests and honestly I only passed Inorg (Module 1) because I never get the chance to study well on the other modules and I also got lazy because that time was like the months of my laziness like the only thing I know is I’m tired I need rest first lol then we had our Mockboard, 3 times. and yes again my percentage still didnt make it to the passing rate like I need 10% more to pass. Then around September-October was like the rest month and supposed to be the month for self-studying but then my lazyass always end up wasting time so I decided to attend classes again in ACE (at Cebu) around November-December to improve myself and my study habits but then again we had mastery tests, I still didnt passed lol I dont even know why what happened to myself during those days, I just dont have the mood to study at all because I feel like it’s just useless and it’s just like the version 2.0 of my first review so I even decided to just finish to attend the lectures then I’m going home haha yes I didn’t took the last mockboards we had in December because I already knew I would just flop. Honestly when the rumors of PLE (supposed to be January 2017) got moved, I was so happy because I really am not yet ready to take the exam so that’s when I decided to go home instead and start fresh and did self-review. I’m glad that my decision was right and didn’t regret it which I also thought of what if I would just waste time again get comfy with bed and be lazy again lol like seriously having wifi at home 24/7 and with my fangirling self who cant live without using twitter lurking for Justin Bieber is just not so me so that’s why I didn’t even went hiatus on fangirling waha I once read a post that you dont have to deprive yourself from doing what you love to do. yes, as long as if it makes you happy then there’s no problem with that (of course as long as you also have to balance it with studying) mehe so in my case, I made Justin as my caffeine and inspiration to motivate me to study. Self-reviewing is hard but definitely a challenge. It would literally test your patience and self-discipline inorder to be productive. When it was announced that the PLE would be on March 2017 already, that’s the time I feel like woah God is now giving me more time and this is my only last chance inorder to make it and pass the boards. so around December-February was literally the months of me reading/studying notes EVERYDAY. I made a schedule for every week like I have to finish this in a week and on the following weeks different modules again until I’d be able to finish it. I did have 13hours of studying everyday and the only breaks I had was performing obligatory prayers. I’m glad that those months were like the wake up call for me like seriously did try my best to follow my sched and fortunately I did (tho to be honest I also had some rests and fangirling days haha but that was just kinda reward for myself to get me back on track again to inspire me phase haha) I finished reading my notes ONLY ONCE tbh like from December till the end of February then also studied PACOP 2000 (Green/Manor manual) also ONLY ONCE 10 days before I leave for Cebu (March 4) as I believe that it would still be freshly remembered in mind. Then, when it was exactly 1 week left before boards, I still didn’t stop reviewing because I’m kinda used to cramming and I feel like I really need it so I also indulge myself doing late night prayers just to calm myself and pray to get rid of anxiety and fear (tho to be honest there was a day before boards I think that I suddenly break down and cried, thought of I just had to lessen whatever my heart is feeling lol) growing up not having achievements during highschool and college days was so depressing and really cant help not to self-pity and since I’m just an average student and I never get 1.0 unlike my siblings. But then it also made me realized that I should stop doubting myself start believing that I could also make it, I have to believe in myself, I have to believe that I can and so I will. I’m not that smart but I have goals so that what motivated me to do well on my last few days of review, I put in mind that I studied and worked hard for this and I just want my parents and fam to be proud of me. :) so Alhamdulillah ya rabb for the answered duaas. words are not even enough to express how happy I am that I finally have the 3 letters that I dreamed to have. it is indeed a pain in the ass and an ass to work for. Every single tear sweat and hardships are now worth it! so the bottomline with my blogpost, I just wanted to share and hopefully might inspire those who are perhaps also like me. Just… NEVER SAY NEVER. Believe In Everything Because Everything is Reachable. this is my life motto by Justin Bieber waha indeed the key to success is FAITH and PERSEVERANCE. BELIEVE You can and You will ;) ps: I knew I was given this name for a reason and felt even MORE blessed when I already had the 3 letters next to it. and even if I may be just an average type of person and not even that good in writing, that doesnt make me less of a person and it wont stop me from achieving my dreams and be the best version of me. This is my dream career and I’m definitely looking forward for what God has in store for me and I know that I was given a PURPOSE to help those who are in need from a druggist. I am hella lazy but hardworking type of person also somehow (promoting myself bc I need a job) wahahaha **That would be all waha thank you. Your Happy and Proud Belieber Pharmacist, Sidra “Hera” Tan Ahmad (Sidratul Muntaha Tan Ahmad, RPh)