#//i don't know shit about coffee either HAHA!

[troublcmakcrs]

‘It’s fine’ and ‘that’s all’ cut into Tweek like knives, and he flinched at both of them.  His family ran a business, though, and customers had every right to become irritated when they didn’t receive what they expected to, whether that be a particular order or timely service or whatever else.  While Tweek would have liked to be faced with patience and understanding, one’s workplace was not the environment for that.  He was mildly wounded by Gregory’s clipped responses, but he could not say he didn’t deserve them.

Gregory was right to assume Tweek was annoyed with himself.  He hated the way his brain worked—or rather, didn’t—how it couldn’t retain information for ten solid minutes and constantly put him on different planes of existence.  Flake, deranged, a spazz, an idiot—rude descriptors for him, maybe, but not inaccurate ones.  Maybe no one in South Park was normal or right in the head, but he craved being abnormal the way other people were, not the way he was.

He gave Gregory a tight smile, the friendliest he could manage at the moment, and wrung his hands to still their twitching, although the shiver just migrated up his arms, to his shoulders, down his spine.  “That’s right,” he said, almost as if he knew it all along.  “Thanks for that.”  He wanted so badly to apologize again, and another ‘sorry’ rested in the back of his throat.  But Gregory might really take his head off if he uttered it again, and people liked to hear ‘thank you’ more than ‘sorry,’ so that was what he said instead.

The numbers persisted, and he wanted to write some of them down because sometimes, it helped quiet them to do that, or at least gave less urgency to them, knowing he had something solid for deciphering later (although he had never decoded a single one of them).  Without thinking, he turned toward a pen and receipt paper on the counter but stopped himself in time, realizing he could not afford to get distracted again.

Vanilla latte, vanilla latte, vanilla latte…  He repeated the order to himself several times as he readied another mug, over and over again, forcing the words to be as loud in his head as he could so he could hear them over the numbers.  Vanilla latte, vanilla latte…  Thankfully, it was an easy enough order to make, just coffee and milk—and in this case, vanilla syrup—and it didn’t require a lot of thought and layering like some other drinks.  It did, however, call for more milk than coffee, which made his error in overfilling the mug all the more embarrassing.

It took all of two minutes to finish the order, and Tweek spent both of them in silent concentration.  He caught his tongue touching the roof of his mouth on the word latte and had to check himself to ensure he wasn’t mouthing the words as he went.  He considered putting a little flourish on it but figured it was better done than perfect and presented it to Gregory as it was.

“S—” he started, scratching at his cheek, then corrected, “Thanks again for waiting.  I hope you enjoy.”  The counter was a little tacky, maybe from the spilled coffee, or maybe from something that happened earlier.  Either way, Tweek thought it best to get a wet rag and wipe it down while he had a moment.  Then, he would attack the receipt paper with the pen.

He tried to put the numbers out of his mind for now, knowing he would only get overwhelmed if he worried about playing catch-up with them.  Talking seemed to be helping somewhat with that effort, so while Gregory probably cared nothing for excuses, for Tweek’s own sake, he continued.  “I usually don’t… work the fr-front by myself.  I don’t—don’t know where my parents went.”  He laughed wearily, throwing his head back slightly, then bent over the sticky spot on the counter again.

“I’m the only one here now, so I’m a little—”  Frazzled, out of sorts, stressed—all the things you should never confess to a customer.  He smiled again, just as forced as the last one, and shook his head.  “Well, never mind, you know.  Let me know if you need anything else.”

        Initially, there'd been brief moment of silent shock from Gregory when he'd begun watching the other blonde overfill the mug. Just being left to watch in surprise as coffee overflowed from the mug, spilling out onto the counter to create its own little lido around the mug. However, his silence didn't last very long once he'd realized Tweek didn't seem to be noticing himself what he was doing. At least, he certainly assumed the other boy hadn't noticed what he was doing based off the reaction given once he'd spoken out about the spilling coffee.

        He'd been annoyed at first with the other boy after having spoken out, watching as he snapped out of wherever he may have been in his mind to quit spilling the coffee out of the mug. That annoyance didn't last though, as he continued to keep an eye on the other as he murmured apologies and left to the sink. Just watching the other boy murmur and whisper to himself felt rather... pitiable. He didn't know Tweek well enough to gauge if this was out of the ordinary or just normal behavior for him. He'd, of course, been aware from mentions and in passing that Tweek wasn't 'normal' but then again, it was South Park, nobody here was. Even if you wanted to pretend you were, like he did himself. But that was beside the point... it wasn't difficult to tell from just silently watching for a few moments this felt odd. Wrong.

Whispering things to himself or, perhaps, seemingly nobody? He couldn't quite tell himself. He could tell the first bunch of whispers when Tweek was away from him to retrieve paper towels appeared to be angry, annoyed with something, before settling into some other emotion. One Gregory couldn't make out from where he was based off the tone or expression the other carried.

        “ It's fine. ” Gregory eventually replied to the apology that only seemed to only be somewhat towards him, unlike the others that had been almost like idle chatter to fill the void in his opinion. His expression that had originally been somewhat scrunched up in annoyance now having softened into something more neutral, something more like he was looking at the other blonde with some form of pity, as he watched the spill be cleaned.

He almost felt as if he should have offered some sort of assistance for the other's mistake. Though, the paper towels had been behind the counter and Tweek was already handling it anyhow. Even if he seemed to be handling almost as if he were annoyed himself, Gregory would say. From how he'd stomped around, to how he'd slammed one of the paper towel halves down upon the coffee puddle. It seemed as if he'd become annoyed... but perhaps not. He didn't particularly sound it after all.

        There came a sigh from the blonde Brit once Tweek finally came to apologize again and question what he'd ordered in the first place. Typically, such a thing would annoy Gregory. He wasn't one to enjoy repeating himself — even if he was one to enjoy talking so often if seemed he enjoyed the sound of his own voice — but he already felt a bit bad for Tweek so his annoyance didn't reform itself fully quite yet.

        “ It's fine, ” He repeated himself, “ I ordered a vanilla latte. That's all. ”

Both repeating himself on giving a simplistic 'It's fine' to Tweek's apologies and on repeating his order. And, despite himself not exactly being outright annoyed at the other, some annoyance did seep into his tone — in particular, it had been during the moments he'd addressed the repeated apologies in that simplistic manner.

[before-it-felt-like-a-sin]

Prompt or hcs where teen Nat does pizza delivery for $$ please

Like your family orders a pepperoni and a pineapple and she pulls up and you bond over your mutual hate of pineapple. Order from the same place again to see her and strike something up.

Talk to You

This is so cute! I wrote Natalie as a lot cooler than she is in canon (we know she's a loser) but I really like this one <3

I might also write a part two to this but I need to put something out this week haha

Warnings: none

-----------------------------------------------------

You sat on your couch, reading, when you heard your doorbell ring.

"I'll get it!" You called to your parents. They had ordered the pizza about an hour ago, and to say you were hungry was an understatement.

You opened the door, expecting the normal delivery guy. His name was like Carl or something. You kind of felt bad for forgetting. But instead of an awkward, gangly boy, a very pretty girl was standing outside your door.

Natalie Scatorccio. You knew who she was, of course. Not only did she play for the only relevant sports team at your high school, but she was infamous for being a bit of a delinquent. Not that you minded. It hadn't kept you from crushing on her for years. And here she was. Standing outside your door. With pizza. And you were wearing a pair of ratty sweats and a tee shirt that absolutely didn't fit. Not to mention your lack of makeup and your hair was a mess. Not the ideal look for seeing your crush.

"Oh! Hey!" You said, taking the pizza from her, "Natalie, right? I didn't know you delivered pizza."

"Yeah, it's Natalie. Or Nat. Either one is fine. And you're... y/n? I can't believe that you're someone who eats pineapple on pizza. It's basically sacrilege to me as an Italian."

"You may have gotten my name right, but you're so wrong about the pineapple thing. My dad loves it though, so we get one with pineapple for him. The other is for me and my mom." As you set the pizza on the coffee table, you realized you didn't have your wallet on you. "Shit. I'm really sorry. I don't have my wallet near me. Can you wait a sec while I grab it? Feel free to come in."

Before she could respond, you had turned around to walk up the stairs to your bedroom. She awkwardly stepped in the threshold of your door and waited for your return.

She had seen you before at school, but she didn't realize how pretty you were until now. She was debating leaving her number written on a napkin when you raced back down the stairs.

"Here you go!" You handed her two $20 bills. "That should cover the pizza plus the tip, right?"

"Uh, yeah. It should," she replied, pocketing the cash. "See you around?"

"Hey, if you keep delivering, you probably be here again next week," you said as she walked out the door. She turned back to smile at you.

As you picked the pizza boxes up to bring them into the kitchen, you decided that you were going to make the pizza girl fall in love with you if that meant getting pizza every night.

-----------------------------------------------------

You found yourself in the same position the next Friday night. Your parents had ordered pizza. You were reading a book on the couch. But this time, you were hopeful that you'd open the door to see Natalie.

When the doorbell rang, you were ready. This time, you were a bit more presentable. Mascara and lipgloss. And a real outfit. You were irresistible, goddammit.

Opening the door, you were yet again faced with Natalie holding your two pizzas.

"Is this going to be a weekly thing?" She asked, handing you your boxes.

"If you want it to be," you joked, taking the pizza. "Although, this time I have my wallet. Not wasting your time."

"Damn. I don't get to stand awkwardly in your doorway this time," she said, leaning on the doorframe.

"Mm. Sorry to disappoint. I'll make sure to note that for next time." You handed her two twenties again.

She took them from your hands and smiled before walking away. You shut the door behind her and cringed. This was supposed to be the day she asked you out. Goddammit.

It was fine, right? You just needed to formulate a game plan. You'd just have to be hotter next time. Maybe forget your wallet again. Hell, at this point, you debated just asking her for her number.

No. You wouldn't do that. For the fantasy to come true she has to ask you out. That's the rule.

God, you were a mess.

-----------------------------------------------------

You'd seen her at school all week. She'd nod, or smile, and even said hi one day. Today had to be the day she finally asked you out. Right?

Yet again, it was Friday evening. Two pizzas on the way. Makeup was on. Outfit was cute. Hair was pulled back with some framing your face. It was perfect.

The knock on the door startled you out of your book. She was here.

You walked over to the door and opened it. There she was, standing with the two pizza boxes. Gorgeous as ever.

"Making this a habit, huh?" She asked, handing the boxes over.

"Maybe I just want to see you. Did you ever think of that?" You respond, taking them.

"You see me at school every day, so I'm not sure that's the truth. I think you just really like pizza."

"Hm. I guess we'll never know, then."

"One of life's greatest mysteries. Why y/n's family orders pizza every Friday night."

"Fuck off. Also, here." You hand her the two twenties yet again.

"Thanks," she says. She smiles before shutting the door.

Shit. She didn't ask you out. Again. Your parents were going to get really sick of this pizza thing soon.

As you walked to the kitchen, you noticed something on the top napkin. Someone had written on it. When you picked it up, you saw that it was a phone number. When you read the note, you nearly lost it.

"You don't have to order a pizza to talk to me, you know. But here's my number." The note read. Below was her phone number.

It took all your strength not to call her right then. You knew she was at work, but that didn't matter. Well, it did. But only because you knew she wouldn't pick up. And you didn't want to look too desperate.

Instead, you brought the pizza to the kitchen and called your parents in. You'd eat dinner, and then call her. Or even later, maybe. You weren't sure when she got off, but you knew the pizza place closed at 10.

It was going to be a long few hours.

-----------------------------------------------------

You looked at the clock for the third time in the last five minutes. As expected, it read 10:12. You decided not to call until 10:17. That way, you wouldn't look too desperate, or like you were waiting for a specific time. Five more minutes. You could do it.

Once again, you picked up your book and tried to read. Instead, you started stressing about what you were going to say to Natalie when you called her. God, why was this so hard.

Finally, after five excruciating minutes, you picked up your phone and dialed the number Natalie left on the napkin. It rang once, then twice, and halfway through the third, when you were about to give up, she picked up.

"Hello?" She said.

"Hi. This is y/n. I called the right number, right? You're Natalie?" You asked.

"Yeah, it's Nat. I didn't realize it was you at first."

"Yeah, sorry. I didn't know when you got off work so I don't know when to call and I didn't want to call while you were at work, so I called after you would be closed. Which is now."

She laughed at your rambling. "Don't worry about it. I'm just glad you called at all. It was kind of a jump to assume you liked me just because you kept ordering pizza."

"Well, I ordered the pizza because I like pizza. But you were a bonus. I can't really complain if a pretty girl is delivering my dinner to me."

"I think I can do better than just deliver you dinner. How do you feel about going out with me tomorrow?" She asked.

"Oh, I'd really like that," you replied, smiling. Your mission was successful.

"Perfect. I'll pick you up at seven, if that works for you?"

"See you then."

"See you then. Night, y/n."

"Night Nat."

[miss-ery-3]

heyyy friends. long time, no see haha. you've probably all forgotten about me, but i'm here to tell you: i'm back (once again) bitchezzzz😎

i don't think i've checked in for like...... 3 months ish?? four months maybe??

quick update: i've been constantly switching between almost not eating for days, to eating everything and anything since then. i'm very thankful for the days, where i haven't eaten, because i haven't gained tooooo badly, and i'm still a lower weight than when i started this blog last summer (almost a year ago i think!!!). i am still about 3 kgs down from that, i think. i know it isnt a lot, but it is better than being the same weight or heavier!

well, other than that, life has been quite shit. ive had several breakdowns, including at my doctors :'DD yayyy she then referred me to a therapist and told me that i suffer from stress, anxiety and possibly ocd. yippie. love that for me

my bf and i have been not-so-good either, but we're still together, although most of the time we spent together is spent crying and talking about our relationship and all the suffering i've been through in the time we've been together. yippieeeee. loveeee that for meeee

if ANYONE remember my ✨pants of horror✨ which are a size xs-s, i just tried them on, and they do fit, although a bit tightly.... last summer, i couldnt even get them over my fat fucking thighs. small victories everybody

WELL

my stats atm are:

Height: 162 cm/5,4-ish feet (i think?)

Weight: 56,6 kg/125-ish pounds

it is currently 6:15 pm where i am, and i have had a lot of water, coffee and a bowl of greek yogurt today, so my weight is probably lower than 56,6 kg when i wake up tomorrow. i will update you :**<33

ttyl

[sunwarmed-ash]

Brothers- Tumblr exclusive snippet

Hank x Gavin x Connor (main fic ship) Hankvin scene

@sweeteatercat @tentoriumcerebelli Alright so I saw this scene the other day in my head so here you go haha it should be in the next chapter which is still taking foreeeeeeeeever to write itself

🔞,canonical violence, adult content

Since Connor left for work, Gavin and Hank haven't spoken a word to each other. Not as the result of a fight or anything, they were just- each lost in their own thoughts. Mostly about the tin man and the ongoing mystery of the party. Hank needed to talk. That was obvious by the fact he was currently hand washing their week’s worth of neglected dishes even though they have a perfectly functioning dishwasher. Don’t get him wrong, Gavin is glad he’s chosen hand washing dishes over Black Lamb and a revolver, but, well, now that Connor’s out for the night, maybe they can actually talk through some shit.  “Hey Hank, you good?” Gavin asks, knowing the answer well before its spoken. “Absolutely fucking not,” Hank huffs, tossing the sponge into the bath of warm bubbles before turning around, “I’m worried outta my fucking mind!” “Yeah, I know,” Gavin sighs, he gets it, he’s feeling it too. He’s been feeling it since Connor fleed the party then came back looking even more traumatized. Connor hasn't brought it up again. And neither have either of the humans. Til now. “Want a beer?”

Hank sighs and turns back to the sink to rinse suds off his hands. “Got any of that weed left?” Hank asks instead. Gavin’s eyes raise in surprise but he nods.  “Yeah, actually. Gimme a sec.” Hank nods.  “I’ll make us some coffee.” - The beginnings of their mutual high is just what the two of them needed. They haven't taken one second to prioritize self care over the past three weeks and the wear is evident.  This shared joint is doing the job wonderfully. Gavin can feel muscles in his body that have been tight for years finally relax.  They smoke in the shared silence in the kitchen until they finish their coffee.  They don't talk again until they move to the bedroom, and Hank says what they've both been thinking.  “We're not really gonna let that asshole get away with it, are we?”  “Which one?” Gavin asks. Because in reality they still don't know any additional details of Connor’s potential assault last night. And from what Connor exposed to Gavin, neither does he.  “Reynolds,” Hank answers, anger clenching his jaw tight and turning the end of the name into a hiss.   “Fuck no,” Gavin growls, “I got half a mind to finish what you started as soon as we get back. I know I’m a quicker draw.” “Gav,” Hank sighs and Gavin really doesn't know what Hank expected him to say.  “Come on Hank, you know he deserves it!” “He deserves to have his dick cut off and fed to him. But, well, there's a right way to do things and a wrong way. Revenge is the wrong way. Or so I’m supposed to believe.” “Yeah?” Gavin scoffs hatefully, “then what the fuck is Justice then?” Hank sighs, nodding his agreement.  “Restoring order, not, furthering chaos. It only makes shit worse.” Gavin snorts.  “I think you're going insane trying to be the civil, level headed monk you’ve had to be the last three weeks. That’s not you Hank. You may have convinced Connor but I’ve known you too damn long.” “You're right. Which is why I need your help to make sure we don't get caught.” “Fuck yeah, there he is,” Gavin chuckles before biting hungrily into Hank’s lower lip.  - Gavin really didn't expect the premeditated murder of a coworker to get them both worked up like this, but neither of them were particularly well adjusted individuals.  He's grateful for it, because Hank’s fucking him hard. Harder than they have in years. He’s seen Hank fuck Connor like this, but he has yet to have his own turn with this brand of Hank.  “Phck, come on,” Gavin gasps, holding onto their headboard for some illusion of stability as Hank gripped his hips harder and doubled down. “Hank…” Gavin begs, gaining only a warning bite into his neck for his trouble.  “Try again,” Hank says, licking over the wound before biting another claim into his throat.   Gavin swallows in a desperate attempt to get his breathing under control. In addition to Hank’s teeth that are driving him insane, Hank’s huge hand is wrapped around his cock now, the tip of his pointer finger running across the piercing and making Gavin delirious with pleasure.  “Daddy,” Gavin pants, fingers itching to touch but his throbbing throat reminds him he’s not in charge. “Phck- phck, please.” “There’s a good boy,” Hank growls and Gavin is warm putty in his hands. It never takes much. Hank Anderson has always been one of his biggest weaknesses. Hank’s other hand goes into his hair and grips it, yanking it back until Gavin’s back is flushed with his sweaty, hairy front.  “Phuuccck,” Gavin wheezes, “come on, I can take it, fuck me,” Gavin’s ass clenches hard around the thick muscle, taking pleasure in the fact Hank’s following moan is as strung out as he feels.  ”Yeah, you can. Always been able to. Almost like your ass was made for me.”  Each of Hank’s hands engulfs Gavin’s hips again. His only warning is a single squeeze before Hank angles Gavin’s hips where he wants and snaps into him.  Gavin chokes for more reasons than one.  “Maybe I was,” Gavin whispers before another series of thrusts have his tongue unable to form anything but moans.  “Yeah, maybe you were baby.”

I'm obsessed with Hankvin okay? I will not apologize.

follow me here #sinful sunday, and on ao3, I post new stuff every sunday!

buy me a kofi?

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

Change | Changing

Basically I love all of your Roman angst especially the one where Roman and Logan go to the rage room because you captured their dynamic so well and in a way that a lot of other writers don’t. So! On that note! What if Logan is thinking about how Roman always seems to brace himself before talking to Patton, and Roman tells him that their relationship isn’t as bubbly as it seems (because I always see Royality referred to as the sunshine couple haha). Specifically how Patton interacts with Remus, or how he (and Janus) react to Roman trying to come out, etc. – anon

Ok ok ok, so I know you basically just posted Change, but I’m already obsessed.. Can I perhaps request a part 2 where Roman struggles with asking for help(taking care of himself, working on projects, etc) and the others try their best(and maybe make mistakes) to help him? – anon

okay ik it’s been less than a day, and i don’t know if you’re still taking requests, but i would LOVE to see a part two to change. it was so touching to me, and i just want to see roman comforted so bad. thank you and no pressure !! – anon

Read on Ao3 Part 1

Warnings: internalized homophobia, bullying, implied/referenced abuse

Pairings: none

Word Count: 7329

Roman is over the top, bombastic, and enthusiastic. He is prone to fits of passion and emotional outbursts. Such is the nature of Creativity. But the others...don't like that. They aren't exactly ambiguous about it either. Or, Roman struggles to walk the line between being himself and being something the others can tolerate. It gets far worse before it gets any better. But it does get a little better.

"Hey, Princey?"

Roman nearly snaps his pencil in half as he shoves the notebook into the couch cushions.

"Whoa," Virgil mutters, holding his hands up as Roman whips his head around to look at him, "easy, Princey, it's just me."

He doesn't move.

"Right, fuck." He takes a deep breath and makes an effort to soften his expression. "Uh, hi, Roman. I was, uh, what're you doing?"

"Nothing."

There's a soft popping sound and Janus appears, turning to look at him. He swallows heavily and pushes the notebook further into the bowels of the couch. Several expressions flicker across Janus's face before he settles on a deep sigh. "Good morning, Roman."

"Hi."

"Would you like to explain what's going on?"

"N-no." His heart thuds in his ears. The pencil groans in his hands. "I didn't do anything."

"I'm not saying you did, sweetie."

"I really don't think he did, J, I just, uh, I spooked him."

"I can see that."

They're doing the thing where they talk about him like he's not here. As much as it makes his skin crawl, it does mean he has a better chance of slipping away. At least he would if they both weren't looking at him like that.

"Did you need me to do something, Virgil?"

"What? Oh, uh, no, Princey, I, uh…" He scratches the back of his head. "I just, um…shit."

Janus looks between the two of them, toying with a seam at the end of his glove. Before Roman can summon up the courage to say something, anything, even a lie that Janus might not call him out on, he hears footsteps on the stairs.

"Oh, well, this is a party, isn't it?" Patton's voice floats into the room. "What're we doing?"

The sight of Logan appearing behind him is enough to snap the rubber band in Roman's chest. He snatches the other notebook from the coffee table and sinks into his room, shoving a chair underneath the door handle and yanking open the door to his closet, huddling in the dark with his precious cargo clutched to his chest. His breaths ring out in the dark, cramped space and it soon grows muggy and stuffy from the force of it. The notebooks wheeze in his grip. He closes his eyes and presses his forehead to the spiral until he's sure it's left a mark on his forehead.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid Roman, letting himself give into those urges again. Why did he run away? Now they're all going to be talking about him again, like he's still something they have to work on, not like he's a person with needs and boundaries that they just keep pushing in ways that he can't deal with. Not now, not like this, not when he's holding what's basically his heart in his hands and they're right there looking at it. If he were working on Thomas's things, it'd be different, because he knows how to get flayed for those, he has practice with that, but not with this.

Well, Roman, he hears Logan's voice in the back of his head say, if you didn't want anyone to know about it or ask about it, you wouldn't have been working on it in a public space.

Maybe you all could fuck off and leave me be and let me do whatever I want, how about that? But he won't say that, even though he wants to, because they would never let him get away with being angry out loud like that. Not Roman, not like that, not about this. So he ran because it was easier in the short term even though he knows, he knows they're going to rip him to shreds about it later.

***

He was right.

"We just want to understand, kiddo," Patton's saying, like Virgil can't hear the way Roman's trying not to heave his lungs out of his throat, "it—I understand that it made you feel upset when Virgil asked you what you were doing, but do you get why it was a little hurtful that you just ran away without answering him at all?"

He just nods silently. He really didn't mean to hurt Virgil, but honestly Virgil wasn't really the problem. It was the fact that everyone else came at once and they were all standing around him and he was curled up on the couch with his hands shoved into the cushions like they could hide his soul from them because he didn't want to be hurt and it wasn't ready to breathe around someone that wasn't him.

"Roman? Kiddo? Are you listening to me?"

"Yes."

"Okay. Can you tell me what happened?"

He swallows. This is a trap. It almost always is. "I was working. Virgil startled me. I…I lied about what I was doing and Janus appeared."

"Why did you lie?"

"Because he was scared, Pat," Virgil breaks in. Patton looks away for a second and Roman can breathe again. "He lied because he was scared. Honestly, I think if any of us had spooked him and asked what he was doing I would've gotten summoned because he was scared."

"Oh." Patton looks back at him. "I…I wish you wouldn't be scared of us, kiddo."

Do you think I want to be scared of you? Do you think I'm doing this on purpose? Do you think that when I woke up this morning I went 'yeah, I'm gonna be so scared of the people who are supposed to be my family that I'm gonna run away whenever they so much as talk to me?' Is that what you think is going on?

But Roman can't say that, so he just bows his head and tries not to let Patton see the anger that escapes to flicker over his face.

"Can you tell us what it was now? Now that you know Virgil's not going to hurt you or anything?"

"I didn't think he was going to hurt me."

"That's good! He's not gonna do it now either, and neither am I."

"I know."

Patton grins and raises his eyebrows like he's waiting for something. He is. He's waiting for Roman to tell him what he was working on. Behind him, he can see Virgil making a face.

"You don't have to tell us, Princey. It's cool. I was, uh, I was just looking for something to talk about. We, um, there's a new map on the co-op game that I was gonna tell you about."

"Oh, that sounds fun!" Patton gestures between them. "Why don't you two go play it?"

"Now?"

"Yeah, why not?"

"Uh, sure, Princey, if you're up for it. We can, uh, we can go do it in the game room."

"…sure."

"That'll be fun. You two kiddos can tell us all about it at dinner." Patton grins and reaches out to pat Roman on the shoulder and Roman manages to make himself stand still for it. "Have a good time, okay?"

Roman nods wordlessly as he sinks out with Virgil. They appear in the corner of the library with bean bags and the game stuff. Virgil scratches the back of his head.

"I, uh, I'm sorry, Princey. I really didn't mean to make this such a big deal. We don't have to play right now if you don't want to."

"It's fine. It's not your fault. And I want to play."

"You sure? I can always tell Pat we tried and then changed our minds—"

"No. Let's play."

Virgil still eyes him as he sets it up, as if he could tell better than Roman if he really has the capacity to do something like this right now, but eventually they both just sit down and boot the game and play the new map.

It's fun. The mechanics are still frustrating when they don't work right. The graphics are good and the art style still makes Roman think of that one place in the Imagination where the rocks sit very close together on the coast and the water glimmers from the cracks in between them when the waves wash up near the grass. Virgil doesn't try to talk about anything other than the game while they play. In the pit of his stomach, slowly growing, is the certainty that he's going to be asked about this later and he's going to have to talk about it.

"Hey," Virgil says quietly when they're waiting for a loading screen to finish, "uh, I don't wanna freak you out again or anything, but I can…I can tell you're worrying about something right now."

"It's fine."

A pause as the Imagination ripples. Janus can't detect any lies in here, which means he can't be summoned because of one, and technically it wasn't a lie. Roman is fine right now. Virgil coughs into his hand.

"Just letting you know that if you want to talk or have me listen to stuff, I will."

"Thanks."

The screen finishes loading and they keep playing.

***

There are many castles in the Imagination, not just the main fairytale one near the big double door entrance and Remus's tall black tower on his side. One of them, nestled in the dip of the mountains near the edge of the crystal lake is an expanse of soft grey stone, almost perpetually lit by lavender skies and a pale pink moon. The underwater caverns are nearby, after all, and due to the way the clouds form from the heat during the day, they only clear at night when the air cools off. Long gardens frame the clear streams that cover the castle's grounds, filled with flowering trees and small ornamental shrubs. The evening finds Roman tending carefully to one of the small ponds near the northern end of the walking paths, carefully fishing out the fallen twigs and weeds. Moonlight shimmers off the surface as the bag at his side slowly fills. The cool water is a mercy on his hands, still tingling and achy from the day before.

Logan gave them all a presentation on how emotions can manifest physically in the body once. Virgil talked about how Thomas holds his stress in certain parts of himself and Patton added how sometimes he'll get sore when Thomas is feeling a lot. Roman didn't bring up the fact that he gets bruised as the Ego too, because they would've made jokes about it—and given him more bruises—but he thought about it a lot in the few days afterwards because he needed a way to make the bruises go away without the others noticing them.

As he dips his hand into the water again, he lets his breathing get a little shaky as the water laps at his knuckles and palm. It's not like a burn, where the skin is hot and achy and throbbing, but it's the same sort of heat. Where he's just sort of hurting and it makes him hot and gross and he just wants it out of him. He's wearing short sleeves tonight, so he doesn't feel too bad about dipping his arm in all the way to the elbow, letting the water wash the vulnerable skin on the underside of his forearm. The sensation of something just there leaves him breathless for a moment, before it shudders out of him again. It laps against the vein in the crook of his elbow and his eyes grow heavy for a moment. A warm breeze blows over the back of his neck and he closes his eyes. The juxtaposition between the warm and cold parts of him make it a little easier to clench and unclench his fingers.

He opens his eyes again. As he moves his arm gently back and forth, the reflection of the moon distorts and coalesces, breaking apart and reforming as easily as, well, as water flowing over stones. He does it a few more times, just enjoying the way the water feels, before he pulls his arm out and dries it on his shirt. He reaches for another fallen twig and puts it in the bag.

The others don't know about this castle. They don't know about this dip in the mountains, they don't know about this garden, they don't know about this pond.

He switches the bag to his other side and dips his other arm in the cool water.

***

"Well, I think that's everything I have," Logan says, adjusting his glasses, "is there anything else?"

"Nope!" Remus bounces on the balls of his feet. "Can't wait to get started!"

"Let's hear from everyone else, Remus, before we do that, but I love your enthusiasm."

"Aw, thanks, Pat-Pat."

Patton giggles and glances at the others. Virgil shrugs and Janus makes a slightly offhand waving gesture. Logan looks at Roman who quickly looks down at the sheet of notes in front of him. He tries to read over them again but the letter swim until the page just looks like it's covered in squiggles.

"Roman? You okay, kiddo?"

"Yes."

Janus doesn't quite hiss, but he must do something to signal to Patton and Logan that he's lying. "Roman, if you've got a question, you can ask it."

Trap. Trap. That is a trap and I do not want to be scolded right now. "I'm just thinking about it. You know, I—these are things that I'm gonna do so I'm just…thinking."

"You just gave these to us," Remus adds and Roman leans into him without thinking about it, "you gotta let the brain juices brain juice for a bit before we're gonna have much of anything."

"But you just said you couldn't wait to get started?"

"Yeah, me, Pat, 'cause that's how my brain juices juice. I gotta go start throwing stuff at walls. Ro's not like me, Ro's like Ro. So you gotta let him be like Ro."

"I see," Patton says in the indulgent-not-indulgent tone that always makes Roman's ears ring, "well—"

"How about this: I have a few other things I need to go and work on," Logan says, "and then if Roman has anything he'd like to talk about, he can come and find me later?"

"Yes," Roman blurts out before anyone else can say anything, "yeah, that'd be—that'd be good, thanks, Logan."

"Of course. Come knock on my door whenever you'd like, alright?"

"Great, that's all settled!" Remus's hand is warm and solid on his shoulder. "Bye!"

He sinks them out and into Roman's room, quickly wrapping his arm around Roman's waist as they sit heavily on the ground. Roman's breath catches slightly in his throat and he quickly tosses the notes onto his desk before he can mess them up. That awful curdling feeling in his stomach wriggles and writhes and Remus pulls him to his chest.

"Hey, hey, Ro, it's over now. It's over now, we're in your room, it's just me."

Roman squeezes his eyes shut and turns to burrow into Remus's hold. Remus lets him do it without complaint. He won't get in trouble for being a mess around Remus. Remus won't care. Remus will be happy if he's being a mess because then it means he's not holding it in and hurting himself and Remus can actually help him. He won't be mad if Roman's messy or upset right now. He stood up for Roman when it was getting bad again. He got the others to leave him alone at least for long enough that they could get out. But isn't that running? Didn't Roman just make Remus help him run away? Isn't that just as bad as him running away by himself? Is he going to be in trouble for that too?

"Hey, Roro," comes Remus's voice in his ear, "stay with me. Come give me a cuddle, okay? Just come here, stay right here with me, everything's over now, it's just you and me and I want you to cuddle me because it'll make us both feel better."

Roman does. He wraps his arms around Remus and lets Remus topple them to the floor and squish out all the parts that are making his stomach feel like it's trying to tie itself into knots. His chest feels all achy again and he's so frustrated, because he doesn't want to be like this, he didn't use to be like this, but now it's like he can't go through two conversations without having to run away.

Remus is warm. Remus is solid and warm and safe and he's right here and he's not going anywhere. He can be okay with that for a little while. The longer he sits with this awful shit in his stomach the worse it's going to be when he eventually has to deal with it because his body is stupid like that sometimes and he hates it, he hates everything about it, but right now he has Remus here to love and he'd rather spend that time cuddling his brother than hating the fact that he's so fucking fragile that he can't even talk about things anymore.

Remus must summon some sort of blanket because there's more weight on top of him now and he actually manages to let out a breath when he feels it. He peeks out from Remus's shoulder and sees a version of their old blanket forts covering them. Sheets make the light into pretty colors and there's a gentle breeze through one end. There are blankets covering them, enough to make Roman feel soft and small in the way that you only feel when you're still too young and the bed feels like an ocean and the blankets are comforting creatures that just want to hold and protect you. Remus shuffles down a little to wrap his arms more securely around Roman and oh, he feels—it's—he's—

"Stay here with me for a little," Remus murmurs, pressing his cheek against Roman's, "we're safe in here, okay? Can we do that?"

Roman nods. He tucks his nose back into the crook of Remus's neck and just breathes.

***

He texts Logan. He doesn't want to risk hanging out in the hallway for longer than necessary and if he has to walk there and walk back he doesn't need the added weight of failing to do something as simple as visit someone. Logan texts back right away that he's welcome to come over. He can't decide whether that's a good thing or not and so, before he can overthink it, he texts again asking if he can sink in.

It takes Logan a moment longer to say he can and Roman breathes a sigh of relief. He gathers up his stuff and sinks carefully into Logan's room, appearing just by the door. Logan looks up from his desk and smiles, actually smiles, getting up to go over to him.

"Roman," he says, and fuck, he's talking in that sweet soft voice again, "thank you for coming."

"Thanks for letting me sink in."

"Of course." He motions toward the desk and the second chair. Roman sits down, carefully keeping everything in his lap. "What questions can I answer for you?"

"The, um, they're just small questions, sorry. I just—I was looking over the bit you said about the pacing that you guys wanted and I'm—I don't think I get…it."

"Alright. Let me just pull up my notes…there. Okay, the pacing—can I ask what it is you don't get about it?"

"Maybe you can—sorry, can you just…go over it? Maybe I took my notes wrong."

Something flickers across Logan's expression but he nods and starts going over it. Roman follows along with his notes and sure enough, he hasn't necessarily missed anything, but it feels like there's a piece of the puzzle that Logan can see that he just can't find. When Logan finishes, he bites his lip for a long moment before he glances up. A furrow forms between Logan's brows when he sees what Roman's doing but he doesn't comment on it.

"I just—I'm sorry, I promise I'm paying attention—"

"I know you are, Roman, you don't need to apologize." When Roman hesitates, Logan adjusts his tie and leans a bit closer. "I'm not going to be angry at you, Roman, I give you my word. You came here to ask questions, I am here to work with you to find answers. You are not doing something wrong, I won't be angry, you needn't apologize for anything."

Roman just stares at him. Actually stares, because who the fuck is this and what did they do with Logan? As if he could hear the thought, Logan smiles ruefully and takes off his glasses to clean them.

"What Remus said, about letting you work through things in the way you need to, something in it resonated with me. I suppose I've been—no, I have been taking you for granted in the past with these projects, or at the very least not appreciating the extent of what you do. I'm making an effort to be better about it."

"Oh."

"Is…I know you've only been here for a few minutes, but is it working at all?"

"Yeah. This is…nice. I like being able to talk to you."

Logan smiles. He actually smiles at him and fuck, Roman's not going to start crying right now. He's not gonna. "I like talking to you as well, Roman."

He swallows heavily and looks back down at the notes. "I think I'm confused as to why you've decided to go with this structure. It feels…I don't know how to describe it, but it doesn't—with the way it's been described to me, it feels like it's uneven."

"Uneven how, if you wouldn't mind explaining further?"

"Like—if you're loading passengers onto a train, it kind of feels like you're putting a lot of people in the first car, and then like, two or three in the next few, and then everyone else in the back cars. Does that—I'm sorry, that probably doesn't make any sense at all."

"No, no, I believe I understand. You think the distribution of events is off, correct? The flow of it stagnates in some places and moves too quickly for the audience in others?"

"Yeah."

"What would you suggest, then, to improve it?" Now Roman well and truly stares at him, so much so that he chuckles. "What?"

"You're asking me?"

"You are Creativity," he says, still in that sweet and gentle voice, "I daresay you have far more experience and knowledge of how to do something like this than I do."

Roman looks back down at the notes. Now that this isn't a to-do list anymore, it's a sandbox that he actually gets to play in, he doesn't—he can't—he doesn't know the answer anymore. He doesn't know what he's going to do. Is he going to do something? "C-can I—I need time."

"Of course. I would expect nothing less. Will you let me know if you need a sounding board or when you've got something you think is workable?" He nods. "Lovely."

It takes a few more moments of them sitting there in silence for Roman to realize Logan isn't going to tell him to leave.

"Do you want me to go?"

"If you want to, I've no means to keep you here. I also understand the appeal of co-working in a space, so if you'd like to, you can."

"Wait—you'd let me—but I—"

Logan tilts his head slightly when Roman's words die in his throat. After another moment, he slowly reaches out and runs his hand through Roman's hair, cupping the side of his face. Roman's eyes flutter shut at the contact, breathing in the smell of old books and ink as Logan just holds him. He'd done this when Roman was having a panic attack too; he just touched his cheek and the shock of it interrupted the worst of the feedback loop and then he'd just sat there, letting Roman rest his head in his hand and breathe. It had been so small, it shouldn't have reached into Roman's chest the way it did, but it was a small thing of just I'm here, I'll be here with you for a moment, that it took his breath away.

It takes his breath away again now, Logan's hand just there, supporting his head. After a moment, he hears the creak of a chair and the grip shifts slightly, then another hand cards through his hair and he opens his eyes to see Logan standing over him.

"I am sorry," he whispers, "that I have hurt you to the point where you believe me to be an authority figure out to get you. I am truly sorry, little one. Yes, you can work in here with me if you like. Yes, you can ask questions and take the time you need to work on things at your own pace. I will not be angry, I will not be upset, I give you my word."

"You were so mean," Roman nearly whimpers back.

"I know, little one, I'm sorry. I was cruel and arrogant and you didn't deserve any of it. I falsely believed that I could…control you, as horrible as that is to say out loud, that I could in some way improve Thomas's efficiency by being so rigorous and strict." He crouches down so Roman doesn't have to look up anymore. "But that's not true, and all I've done instead is cause you pain and strife. So I'm not going to be like that anymore."

"You're gonna be nice."

"Yes, exactly, little one. I'm going to be nice." He smiles and strokes Roman's cheek. "I like being nice to you."

"I like when you're—when you're nice too."

"Then this should work out splendidly."

***

"Logan tells me you've been making good progress with the script," Patton says during a pause in the dinner conversation and Roman's hand twitches under the table.

"It's going okay."

There's another long pause before Patton laughs. It's not a very happy laugh. "Are you going to tell us anything else?"

"Like what?"

"Like maybe what about it is going well? Are there things that you didn't expect? Are there things you need help with?"

Roman swallows some water and jams his hand between his leg and the chair. "There's not a lot to talk about. It's just…going."

"You used to be so enthusiastic about talking about your work, kiddo."

"Shit happens, Pat-Pat," Remus grins, "nuts and bolts and squids and ink and all that."

"Yeah, that's how I remember the saying going too."

"Language, Remus, and besides, like you said, your process is different from Roman's. Maybe it's not like that for him."

Roman bites his lip and puts more food in his mouth. Patton won't ask him things when he's actively eating. Across the table, he glimpses Virgil and Janus sharing a look and then Virgil's kicking Remus under the table.

"Hey!"

"You deserve it for reminding me about the time you decided to turn our couch into a giant octopus."

"But that was fun!"

"Having hickies the size of basketballs on my ass for three weeks was not fun, Remus, Thomas couldn't sit down on a sofa for like, a month after that."

"Not to mention the fact that the bear trap was left out in Virgil's hallway."

"Yeah—wait, it was what?" Janus blinks innocently and Virgil narrows his eyes. "You asshole, you said that you didn't know where it was!"

"Did I say that?"

"Don't get cute right now, J."

"Aww, you think I'm cute?"

The conversation quickly derails into Dark Side hijinks and Roman slips gratefully into the background. He sneaks a glance at Patton just to check that he's no longer about to be put on the spot and sees him alternating between bemusement and exasperation. He's safe for now. He goes back to eating and completely misses the concerned look Logan shoots him about halfway through dessert.

***

"Roman," Logan says one evening when the two of them are alone in the living room, "I'd like to go on one of those walks in the Imagination with you again. Would that be alright?"

"Like—the ones on the path near the flower fields?"

"Yes, there. That would be perfect."

"Um, okay. Do you want to go now?"

"If that suits you. There's still an hour or so before movie night officially starts."

"Sure."

Logan smiles and the two of them go up to the Imagination's double doors. Roman pushes them open and late-afternoon sunlight shines over rolling hills of blooming flowers, a single dirt path framed by elegant wooden fences tracing through the sweeps and contours of the valley. Logan carefully takes one of his hands and starts to walk, letting Roman decide the pace. A gentle breeze wafts the aroma of the new blooms through the air. Clouds tinged with orange and pale pink drift across the sky. The grass rustles and their feet crunch lightly along the path.

They walk past a tree growing atop one of the hills and Logan takes a deep breath.

"Little one?"

"Mhm?"

"I have a question for you that you needn't answer."

"Okay?"

"I've noticed that you…when Patton talks to you," Logan begins and Roman's hand twitches. He pauses, taking the hand in both of his and pressing his lips to it. "Precisely."

Roman swallows. "You want to know why?"

"If you would be comfortable telling me, yes."

He's quiet for a long while. Logan doesn't push. They walk up and down a few more hills before he sighs. Logan guides him over to a bench and they sit in the warm silence together.

"Do you…I don't know if you remember this," Roman says quietly, "when Thomas was struggling with being gay."

"I remember the time frame, yes."

"Did you know that was the last time Janus and Patton agreed on something before the, um, before they all came back?"

"I suppose I knew it in an abstract way, or at least it was something I knew to be true, but I didn't—no, I didn't know that was the last time."

He falls quiet again. The prickle along his skin is back. The ache in his chest blooms anew. Old wounds press against the inflamed nerves hidden under layers and layers of scar tissue. He feels heavy.

"They were so sure they were right."

"That they were right?"

"Yeah."

***

"You know how this goes, Roman," Patton says, his voice as hard as a ruler smacking against Roman's knuckles, "the prince falls in love with the princess. He saves her, they get married, happily ever after. You know better than to say something stupid like that."

"But it's not stupid! It's not—"

"Roman." Now Janus looks at him with that falsely pitying condescension. "You want to tell good stories, right? You want to tell stories that people will like, that they'll praise you for, right? You want to be good for the people you're telling stories for, don't you?"

"Well…"

"You know how to be good." Patton folds his arms. "You'll tell the right stories. You will, won't you?"

Roman's throat prickles. He twists his hands into the cover of his notebook. Janus raises an eyebrow, reaching out to snatch it from him. He yelps, scrabbling to get it back, but more arms hold him back as Janus flips through it. His eyebrow keeps raising higher.

"Well, well, well. Looks as though our little prince isn't as honorable as he claims to be."

Hot, thick shame bubbles up in his mouth. Patton holds his hand out and Roman tries to lunge for the book but Janus squeezes his side, making him collapse into the rest of his hands. Patton turns the pages and each one feels like it's ripping his skin off. He doesn't stop thrashing, not until Janus snaps at him to be still. Patton's mouth hardens into a thin line and he sighs like he's disappointed.

He takes the book and drops it into the trash can.

"No! Give it back, it's mine, it's not yours, you can't do that."

"Stop."

Roman grits his teeth and yanks against Janus's grip because Janus is grabbing him and it hurts and it's not fair that he's getting hurt when he didn't even do anything wrong. Patton steps close enough that Roman can't avoid looking at him and just waits for Roman to tire himself out.

"Apologize."

"What? No, I'm not going to apologize! I didn't do anything wrong! You're the ones who hurt me and stole my stuff!"

"If you're so sure you didn't do anything wrong, then why did you try and hide the notebook?" He takes a step closer when Roman doesn't say anything. "Why did you try to lie to us? Why wouldn't you tell us what you were making? You knew it was wrong, Roman, you knew it all along and you did it anyway because you didn't care. You didn't care that it was hurting us, hurting Thomas. And you did it anyway. Do you know what that means?"

There's a lump in his throat.

"That makes you selfish, Roman. That makes you very, very selfish. That's not very prince-like, is it?"

"…no."

"I asked you a question."

"No."

Patton's quiet for a moment. Then: "there won't be any daydreams for Thomas until the end of the month."

Roman's head jerks up. "What? You can't do that!"

"Thomas needs to have good dreams. Daydreams are already a privilege, as Logan said. If you can't be trusted to give Thomas good dreams, you don't get the reward of being allowed to daydream."

"But that's not fair!"

Patton raises an eyebrow. "Do you think you've behaved in a way that deserves a reward? Or a privilege? Have you been good?"

"Don't lie," Janus sings, still tugging on his arms and poking him in the side, "I'll know if you lie."

"Roman, I asked you a question."

Roman doesn't say anything. Janus pokes him again. He doesn't say anything. He gets poked again.

"Stop poking me!" He yanks his arm away from Janus's grip. "Let me go! You're being mean!"

"My, my, Roman, what a temper you have. We've been talking using our inside voices, why are you shouting?"

"He's right, Roman."

"What do you mean he's right? He was poking me!"

"And that gives you the right to shout at both of us?" Patton's voice makes Roman shrivel up. He sighs again and it hurts. "I'm disappointed in you, Roman. I thought you'd know better by now."

"Maybe I do know better. You're not Romance, you're not Creativity, what if I know better than you do?"

Patton raises his eyebrows.

The room gets cold.

Janus chuckles in the background as Roman gets smaller and smaller and smaller—

***

Roman blinks. He thinks about the story he'd told himself when he was younger to fall asleep faster, about the two boys in the village who went to go explore a nearby forest and fell in love. He thinks about the notebook thrown in a trashcan that he never saw again. He thinks about the bruise on his side and the locks on the Imagination that burned his fingers whenever he tried to touch them.

He thinks about hearing Remus cackling joyfully on the other side and wondering why he had to be good when Remus didn't just to enjoy being himself.

He thinks about feeling like a puppet. He thinks about strings and wooden handles and smiling when it hurt and talking with words that weren't from his own mouth. He thinks about tears and sniffles and hissed whispers and too-red noses. He thinks about aching hands and twisted stomachs and chests that wouldn't stop feeling like someone's hand was in there, rummaging around. He thinks about standing very still as someone else talked about something he tried to talk about years ago, he thinks about the rage building up on the underside of his tongue, he thinks about the phantom sting across his knuckles from when someone ordered him to be good and apologize.

He thinks about how much it hurts and how scared it makes him.

He hasn't said any of this to Logan. He just said that they were so certain they were right and Logan seemed to understand what he meant. He let Logan pull him in for a hug and promise that he would try and help in any way he could. He knows Logan's been watching them interact now, that Logan's been seeing how scared he is whenever Patton tries to make him talk about something he doesn't want to. He knows Logan's been talking to him quietly and gently and being nice and it helps. It does.

But he knows it can't last forever.

***

It doesn't.

***

The wolf is the one to find him. He's tucked deep into a crevice in the mountainside, the wind whipping across the rock. He lost feeling in his fingers long ago. The shadow falls over him and he barely blinks. A nose the size of his chest nudges his head and jaws that could swallow houses part to take him in between sharp teeth.

He's carried back to the safety of the forest, laid on his side as the wolf laps at his numb, scraped limbs, just this side of too rough. He stares into the darkness with salt crusted at the corners of his eyes. The wolf huffs and curls around him, blowing warm air over his freezing body before lifting his nose to let out a long, almost mournful howl.

Wings. A distant cry. The ground shakes.

Snuffling scales and warmth, true warmth. A tail wrapping around him as another snout nudges its way into his chest. His dragon rumbles as the wolf resettles, the two wrapping themselves about him as though he were nothing but a little mouse, shivering and scared in the too-big world.

***

"Hey, Princey," Virgil says quietly as Roman steps through the door, the wolf nudging him all the way through, "don't worry, we're not here to yell at you or anything, we, uh, we wanna help."

Roman eyes him warily, hardly daring to look at Janus for too long.

"Remus and Logan are still talking with Patton. They're not gonna be done for a while. We're here to help you, okay? That's it." Roman doesn't move. "We can—shit, Princey, you're bleeding."

He looks down. Oh. So he is. He hears a shuffling and jerks his head back up to see Virgil holding a first aid kit. He gestures wordlessly between it and Roman and after a very, very long moment, Roman nods.

"Okay. I'm gonna come over and just clean it, okay?" Roman nods. "Thanks. I'm gonna…start moving now."

Janus doesn't move an inch, his concerned expression remaining fixed on Roman's arm until Virgil pronounces it clean. Then, and only then, does he look up to meet Roman's gaze and stand. Roman flinches, Virgil steadying him, and Janus stops. Slowly, deliberately, he takes off his gloves—all of them, all six hands, and takes a step forward. Roman's breathing picks up and Virgil squeezes his shoulder.

"I won't let him hurt you," he says softly, and Janus doesn't even react. Instead, he keeps coming closer. "Just—it's okay, Roman. He's here to help too."

Janus stops right in front of him and—oh. One hand fits around the back of his neck, another around his shoulders, one around his waist—oh, no—

"Oh, sweetie," he hears distantly as his knees buckle, "you poor thing, shh, shh, hush now, it's going to be okay."

His mind goes haywire. Janus doesn't do this, not with him, not like this. Janus isn't this gentle, this tender, this kind, whatever you want to call it. There are so many hands rubbing his back, running fingers up and down, or just holding him, there's a soft voice in his ear and he's lying against something solid and safe. There are kisses on his temples, his cheeks, his forehead, his nose, he's shaking, he's so scared.

"I don't know what to do," he hears distantly, "he's—Virgil, what do I do?"

"He's scared shitless, J, he doesn't know what's going on."

"I know, I know, I just—" another kiss, a harder one, pressed right to the crown of his head— "oh, sweetie, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so, so sorry. I'm not going to hurt you, I promise, you've been so brave and so strong, my sweet prince…my sweet, sweet prince…"

Roman's hands twitch. He touches the fabric of Janus's cloak and holds a single fold between his fingers.

"Yes, yes, that's it, it's okay, you can hold onto me. I've got you, you see? I've got you and you're safe and everything's okay. You're okay, you're safe, I'm going to look after you from now on, I promise. It's okay, sweetie, oh, you've been so brave…"

"…Janus?"

"Yes, sweetie? What is it, what do you need?"

"Are…are you mad at me?"

He feels Janus's chest stutter against his own. "No, sweetie, I'm not mad at you. You didn't do anything wrong, you're so good."

"G-good?"

"Yes, sweetie, you're so good. You've been so good, it's okay, you're safe now, you're going to be just fine, I'm going to help look after you, and so will Virgil and Remus and Logan—we're all looking after you right now, okay? It's okay."

…well, fuck.

***

He's not left alone with Patton for a while after that. Remus sticks closely by his side for any meetings, Virgil's always lurking in a room somewhere wherever Roman is, and Logan texts him throughout the day with random little facts and interesting things he's learned. It doesn't feel bad, per se, to have all of them looking out for him like this, but it doesn't feel good either.

Patton does explain that what he's been trying to do is encourage some of Roman's old habits—talking about his stuff, sharing his opinions—but he didn't know that it was making Roman so scared. He's not thrilled about the fact that Roman's so scared of him, but hey, neither is Roman. They manage to find a way to coexist that doesn't involve the others acting like a barrier between them, but it isn't easy.

He spends more time in the Imagination with the others, showing them the places that he and Remus built when they were younger. They play games and watch movies and spend time together outside of working on things.

Then there's a movie night where only Patton and Roman show up early. It's…not easy.

But then Patton makes a joke that only he and Roman knew and the rest of them arrive downstairs to hear the two of them laughing their heads off.

And…yeah, maybe things aren't beyond fixing after all.

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[chvoswxtch]

Hiii

ik your requests are closed but if you have time n feel up to it, could you write a fic, blurb or even just head canons about how Frank would celebrate you and your birthday? Hes seems like the “anything you want is yours” kinda guy, even if it’s getting coffee then spending the day at home he would still make it special. Its my birthday haha and i dont want a big celebration just a low key day doing little things i love with the ppl i love. Omg this is sappy hahah but yeah if you have the time, thank you!! And I totally understand if you dont ❤️❤️

-Max 💥

OMG ANGEL

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAX !!! ❤️

my fic requests are currently closed, but i'd be more than happy to whip you up a little birthday treat! i'm gonna go with a headcannon if that's okay bc I have a lot of thoughts about frankie & birthdays I don't think I can properly translate into a blurb right now so please find my rambling below the cut :)

frank castle & your birthday

frankie strikes me as someone that is a hopeless romantic at heart, and I feel like his love language is physical touch but also acts of service. I think we've seen that he pays a huge attention to detail, so he might not go like all out for your birthday, especially if he knows you prefer something small and intimate, but he would definitely make sure it felt special

he would probably start by taking you to your favorite coffee shop, getting you a little birthday breakfast treat with your coffee, and it would probably be the one time he doesn't criticize your drink order (he definitely thinks plain black coffee is real coffee) or comment on how much espresso you added to it (i'm on that pedro pascal shit myself, & I know the only time frankie wouldn't give me shit about it is my birthday bc he's legally required to be extra nice that day)

"you're gonna be hoppin' around like the goddamn energizer bunny with all that. it's your day though. get what you want, sweetheart."

he would insist that you sit down at one of the cute little tables so you can enjoy your coffee and little breakfast together, while you try to get hints from him about what he has planned (he'd resist as long as he could but it's really hard for him to say no to you)

I could see him taking you to do something that you had been begging him to do for awhile. something he kept putting off, or there wasn't time, or he acted like he didn't wanna go, but really he was just saving it for your special day. maybe a trip to an art museum, the aquarium, some botanical gardens, or the zoo even

or maybe a romantic stroll through central park. he'd bring a blanket and your favorite book, let you cuddle up in his lap as he read to you, play with your hair and point out all the cute dogs you saw to each other

even though he'd already gotten your birthday gifts weeks ago, he'd take you to your favorite store and let you pick out anything you wanted

"what? i'm not allowed to spoil my girl on her birthday? if that's a crime, it sure ain't the worst one i've ever committed."

as far as the evening, I see it going two ways: frankie either makes a reservation at your favorite restaurant and invites your closest friends and family to keep it intimate, or he surprises you with a special dinner he cooked himself (your favorite meal) along with a homemade birthday cake (it might not be the prettiest, but it would be delicious) because we know frankie can throw down in the kitchen

if you went out for dinner, he would insist on giving you your gifts & card at home because they're special and sentimental and he's shy when it comes to things like that, and he likes it better when those moments just consist of the two of you

if you had dinner at home, he would roll his eyes when you begged him to sing you happy birthday, but he would oblige because he can't tell you no

"alright, fine. but you're patchin' up your own ears when they start bleedin'. you know I can't sing for shit."

he would ask you several times throughout the day if you were having a good birthday, because he wants to make sure that you are because he thinks you deserve nothing less than as close to perfection as he can provide

he'd also continuously tell you how pretty he thought you were and how much he loved you and how lucky he felt to get to spend your special day with you

I could see him putting your favorite song on and asking you to slow dance with him in the living room to it, drawing out every single minute of your birthday all the way up to 11:59 and making sure you spent every second of it feeling loved and special

"today's one of my favorite days. know why? cause it was the day you were brought into this world, and I think that deserves a goddamn celebration. happy birthday, sweetheart. I love you."

[writingforfishes]

i absolutely get that your hiccup stuff is kink and for arousal and stuff BUT i am so obsessed with learning about that part mark mentioned in the third fic where mark recounted that awful bout of hiccups otto got that made him want to take him to the hospital. i’m not even asking for a fic my whump appreciating ass just needs to know how that whole situation went down i need to know how absolutely FREAKED OUT mark was haha

Ooh. This is actually a good opportunity for me to flesh out that experience a little. I've thought about writing a little fic about it, but this ask gives me space to brainstorm.

CW: Fast hiccups, painful hiccups, long hiccups, and emotionally constipated cis men from the 20-teens.

I don't really know what precipitated this epic hiccup case of Otto's while Mark was living with him. It might have just been a random event, or it might've been instigated by dietary choice. That part might not be important.

I think it all started, though, when Otto got the hiccups from coffee that morning. They were a little stronger than normal, but Otto didn't really pay it much mind. He wasn't as aware of his hiccup patterns until Atticus revealed their kink to him.

Mark is on his way to hang out with friends from work, or something. Maybe a work meeting on his day off. Detectives have those, right? I dunno.

Mark probably acknowledges Otto's hiccups in a bro-y joke-y sort of way.

Mark: Gotta lay off that coffee, dude!

Mark maybe pats Otto's chest affectionately as Otto laughs.

Otto: I can h'mk!mk! stop an-anytime!

I think it's kind of common for coffee to replace alcohol as a safer vice. I can see that being sort of a private joke that Otto is a coffee-holic in lieu of alcohol.

Mark is gone for a couple hours or so and when he comes back Otto still has them, just as strong as they were that morning.

Mark: Oof. Got them again?

Otto: Still hu'up! Still have them, ac-hilp!-actually. Huck'm!

Mark: Jeez, man. You okay? That's-shit-that's at least two and a half hours now.

Otto: They're k-kinda hulp!hukkah!hmp!-oof! Kinda starting to hlmp!-uh, hurt a little.

Mark probably asks him what he's tried to get rid of them. Otto never really had a reason to try to get rid of them as either he'd been too drunk to care, or they didn't bother him as much before and he just waited them out.

Mark just sits there and watches his friend wince through volleys of hiccups that are obviously painful at this point.

Otto: Ugh. I'm f-fine. Hu'ulk! They'll stop hulp! stop eventually. Hu'ulk!

Another hour passes though, and they have not stopped. In fact, they seemed to have dug their heels harder into Otto's diaphragm. He can't focus on his work and his chest and back have started to hurt.

Otto has eaten, but it hasn't helped, and his throat has also started hurting. He probably doesn't share all of this with Mark but it's obvious Otto is not having a good time.

Mark maybe tries to distract him with conversation or watching something on tv, but it's obvious that even that is being shadowed by Otto rubbing his chest and half-hearted chuckles and smiles. It's when Otto doesn't babble that you know something is wrong, and he'll have gone a bit quiet and less prone to spout random knowledge or correct Mark's inaccuracy when relating to history or some niche topic Otto happens to know all about.

Mark even sets himself up to be corrected a couple of times. Otto not taking the bait and just nodding along with the conversation are red flags to Mark that this is more than just an annoying bout of hiccups.

I imagine perhaps that Otto has gotten some air trapped somewhere in his body and every hiccup is sort of pressing that air in an unpleasant way. He may have tried belching but can't actually get anything out because a hiccup interrupts the attempts. So, at this point perhaps Otto is not only sore from hiccuping but also in pain from a pocket of air that he can't get rid of.

It's most likely at this point that Mark get concerned enough to actually start wanting to go hard on curing Otto's hiccups. And Otto, being more and more exhausted and in pain from his hiccups, probably goes along with it. So, they go through the litany of drinking water in various ways before Mark suggests holding his breath.

I'm not sure if Otto has experienced his body's paradoxical reaction to holding breath to cure hiccups before. If he had, perhaps he didn't recall it. Or perhaps this was the first time he'd cared to hold his breath. Or maybe he did as a kid and found out his hiccups' reaction to it and subconsciously never tried it again.

Regardless, Otto holds his breath out of desperation. Like, he holds it really hard, too. All the way in. And, at first, as he's holding his breath, the hiccups do stop. But then after a few seconds he feels painful thump in his chest as they fight against the pressure of his expanded lungs.

He can't help but let it out and Mark does freak out as Otto is hit over and over again by the fastest hiccups Mark has ever seen anyone have.

Mark puts a hand on his shoulder as Otto holds a fist over his mouth and closes his eyes trying to ride out the attack.

Mark: Shit! Are you okay?

Otto: hmk!hmk!hmk!huck'm!hmlk!huck!huck!hu'uck! Y-ye-ah. D-d-am-mit! hulk!hulk!hlmp!huck'ah!huck'uh!hup!hup!

Mark: Dude, this isn't normal. Maybe we need to go to the emergency room. God, man. Are you breathing okay?

Otto shakes his head in negation at going to the emergency room and waves his hands. Then realizes his mistake and tries to talk again.

Otto: L-lem-me hup!hup!hnk! l-hup!-lie nk! d-do-hup!-dow-hmk!-n f-hmk!-or a huk'm!-li-tt-le b-mk!-it. I-'m o-hmp!-kay.

Otto is getting a little out of breath but soon the hiccups give him breaks to breathe, only lasting as fast as they were for a few seconds at a time.

Otto goes upstairs to lie down but Mark promises he's gonna check on him. Otto gives Mark's shoulder a squeeze in thanks and goes up and tries to relax.

I imagine it takes another hour or so for the hiccups to finally calm down and eventually end after Otto is able to completely relax. He's probably able to get that air out of his system as well with a good belch and perhaps that was what was causing the irritation the entire time. I dunno.

Maybe Mark comes up with a soft knock on the door.

Mark: You okay?

Otto: Yeah. Man, I'm so tired though.

Mark: Why don't you take a nap. I'll order us some dinner in a little bit.

Otto: Hey...you okay?

Mark: Yeah-yeah. You just scared the crap out of me with those hiccups. You sure you're good?

Otto: I'm good. Sore and tired, but good.

Mark: Okay. Good. Just...you know...don't die on me, okay?

Otto: Not in my agenda, kid.

As much as someone who's ten years older than another person can refer to them as a kid.

Mark: Okay. Cause you're kind of important.

Otto: Careful. You might actually show that you care for me.

Mark: I do. Dude, you didn't have to do any of this shit for me that you've done. You let me in your house and have dealt with everything I'm going through and I was not an easy person to deal with. I'm at least that self-aware. I do care about you. I hope you get that. Like, that I'm not just using you, Otto. I don't want it to seem like that.

Otto: It doesn't. But hearing you say that is kind of nice. So, thanks.

Mark: Yeah, sure.

Otto: ...okay. So, when I wake up from this nap are you going to still be this emotionally vulnerable because we seriously need to talk about you doing the dishes more often...

Mark: I hate you.

Otto: Got it. Hey, thanks for checking in on me, though.

Mark: You got it.

Soo, liiike, something like that maybe?

[possibilistfanfiction]

Ava and beatrice foster-fail and adopt a dog, bea’s first concert, idk, one of them goes to the dentist?? Also I know you’re in LA but would love to see them in a Winter Situation haha

'bea,' you say, 'hey, what's wrong?'

she's obviously stressed, sitting very still behind the desk in her home office, clenching her jaw, a little bit of her hair sticking up from, you presume, a nervous tic of running her hands through it.

'is it really bad?'

'the worst,' she says, in such a dramatic way that you know it's all actually fine. the war has been over, now, for a few months — there are leftover battles, loose ends to tie up from time to time, but her pouting seems to be more about — 'it's time for my semiannual dental cleaning. next tuesday, at 2 pm.'

'oh, well, that's chill, right?' the last time you'd been to the dentist, mostly upon bea's insistence, your dentist, dr. pang, had been cool and had even let you look in the toybox usually reserved for kids once you'd finished. maybe because of the halo or just dumb luck, but you hadn't had any cavities. 'you brush your teeth with that fancy toothbrush, like, three times a day, with your little timer. i'm sure your teeth are perfect.'

it doesn't help: beatrice just grimaces. 'i — i just don't like the dentist.'

'that's okay. sometimes we just don't like shit, you know. do you want me to come with? we can get lunch after or something.'

'you would —' she pauses; you'd talked about this recently, in couples counseling, how when you offer to do something for her, it's because you love her, because you want to, and nothing generative comes, for either of you, from her denying what she wants. 'i would actually like that, quite a lot.'

'okay then,' you say. 'next tuesday at 2 pm — you, me, and dr. pang's cool toybox.'

/

you realize very quickly on tuesday at 1:50 pm that 'i don't like the dentist' is a euphemism for 'i'm absolutely terrified of the dentist,' because beatrice is about to break your hand and also vibrate out of her own skin as soon as she pulls into the parking lot.

'do you want to do some grounding exercises or something?'

'no, ava,' she says, irritated, but then gathers herself. 'sorry. no, i'm fine.’ you raise a brow and she just huffs. 'i just don't like someone being that close to my face.'

'you have no problems with me being that close to your face. just imagine that dr. pang is me.'

it gets her to laugh, reluctantly, but you're sure she is imagining it. 'that's more terrifying, actually.'

'okay, me with a degree in dentistry. important edit if you're unwilling to have any imagination.'

she just rolls her eyes.

'you're gonna be just fine,' you say. 'and i'll be there the entire time, okay?'

'yeah,' she says, dragging a hand through her hair and then smoothing it down carefully, checking her reflection in the visor mirror once, and then setting her shoulders like she's about to go into battle; you stifle a laugh; you love her. 'okay.'

/

'you have someone to drive you home and take care of you today? you shouldn't have any pain, but you'll be a little out of it.'

bea nods, stiffly, but then points at where you're sitting in the corner of the waiting room. 'my partner, yes.'

'looking forward to the part where she'll be a little out of it, honestly.'

bea rolls her eyes at you while the receptionist laughs, and then, when bea is done with any paperwork, she comes and sits next to you. you lace your fingers together. 'you know, you've had, like, pretty bad injuries and surgeries and stuff, right?'

'yes, ava, obviously i know that.' she pinches the bridge of her nose. 'it doesn't help me, in this situation, to compare. i know it's — it's not logical, to be so afraid of a cavity filling.'

'nah.' you squeeze her hand. 'that's not what i was gonna say.' you smile at her, like you're not at the dentist's office, like you're out by the beach in the morning after she's surfed and you'd brought donuts and coffee and kiss her and shoo the gulls away. 'i just meant that, you know, i've been scared during those, but i got to hold you afterward and help. and i know you're feeling really scared, but i can be brave for you right now, and then i get to spend all day holding you and taking care of you. which, beatrice, i love to do. okay?'

she tucks her head into your neck, just for a second, just like heaven, and then nods. 'i love you. okay.'

/

bea is ... laughing. at nothing, you're pretty sure, if the blank tv is anything to go off of; she'd fallen asleep in the car on the way home but the second you got her situated on the couch she'd just started, well, giggling, and she hasn't stopped.

'what's so silly?'

she rolls her head toward you, sloppily, and you are so grateful for this time, for this life, for this life: beatrice trusts you — to build a home, and to keep her safe. 'everything,' she says, and then snorts, which makes her laugh even harder.

you smile and kiss her forehead. 'i promised camila i'd record this. keep going, whatever you're vibing with.'

she happily tells a very rambling story about the time you'd tried to make pasta from scratch, interjected with some non-sequitur facts about flamingos, giggling the entire time. she's in her favorite hoodie and joggers and had, very intensely, insisted on taking her socks off. you send the video to camila when she seems to finish on her own, trailing off and then just staring at you with a helpless little smile on her face.

'ava?'

'yes, bea?'

'first, you're so beautiful. i love you so much. can you believe there was ever a time i thought i could spend my entire life not acting on my desires of the flesh?'

you decide to just roll with it. 'honestly? no. you're, like, the gayest person i've ever met.'

'you're jealous when women flirt with me at the bar or the beach.'

you roll your eyes, let yourself trace her freckles and the gentle slope of her nose, scratch your nails gently against the buzzed sides of her hair. 'mostly for fun,' you say. 'i know you're coming home with me at the end of the night.'

'always.'

'did you have a second?'

'what?'

'well, you said first, so, i'm not sure where you were going after that.'

'oh,' she says, and then squints into the distance, like she's trying really hard to remember. 'can we please order thai tonight. i'm thinking about it always, in the back of my mind.'

'always?'

'oh, yes,' she says. 'that green curry fried rice i had last time?' she kisses her fingers and then holds them out. 'life changing.'

you laugh and grab her hand from the air, tuck it against your cheek and kiss her knuckles. 'as long as you let me have the extra spring roll.'

'you know i always let you do that.'

'yeah,' you say, 'you do.'

'ava?'

'yeah, bea?'

'i could tell you that i love you in every language ever spoken and it would never be enough.' she puts your joined hands to her chest. 'there are no words, for how i feel for you.'

you kiss her, even though she tastes kind of weird after her cavity filling. 'i love you too, in all the universes.' i came back for you, you mean, but you don't say it aloud, not now, not when it's sunny and warm and she's open before you, herself. 'now, why don't you nap. i'll turn on something exceedingly dull so you don't get distracted. and i'll order thai.'

'you're the best. i can't wait to marry you one day.'

it makes you feel warm; the halo hums. 'that'll be the best day.'

/

'ava.'

'hmm?'

bea stalks out to where you're drinking coffee on the balcony, the sun already at its mid-morning warmth. she means to look intimidating but she has on a pair of little striped sleep shorts and an old crewneck sweater, one sleeve pulled over her hand and the other pushed up to her elbow; her hair is sticking up around the cowlick in the back, like it always does after she's gotten a fresh haircut and sleeps in.

'what did you send to the group chat?'

'oh, you were in excellent form yesterday,' you say, not sorry at all. 'had a lot of opinions on flamingos and margot robbie. gotta say, can't even hold that one against you. she'd be a great choice for a threesome, i agree.'

'i did not say that.'

her blush is bright and goes all the way down her neck, to the tips of her ears. 'nah, you didn't.' she slumps in relief and you laugh. 'but now i know you think it, which is fun.'

'so... these videos of me, medicated, are — innocuous?'

'yeah, i didn't send the one where you went into detail about you riding my face to our friends who are nuns.'

she sits on the chair next to yours and buries her face in her hands. 'was i a pain?'

'not at all,' you say, and smooth a hand down her spine and then rest it on her neck and massage the tension sitting there. 'you were cute. i like taking care of you.'

'well, i feel coherent today.'

'that's good, they said everything should be normal.'

'i'm sorry,' she says, 'for being scared, and then for being so high.'

you wave her off. 'don't ever apologize for being scared. maybe, at some point, you can apologize if you like, willingly eat too much of an edible or something, but don't apologize for needing meds to help you. i love you.'

she smiles softly. 'thank you.'

'i love you, bea,' you say. 'you gotta understand, okay? i love you, i love you, i love you.'

she kisses you, softly, and she tastes like regular toothpaste and home.

'i do want to state, for the record, though, that i have never had a cavity, and now, you have had two.'

she groans. 'don't remind me.'

[sempsimps]

toga head cannons + dating bits

so mha what a show i have been violently thrown back into it and currently re watching it along with another 4 animes anyway here i am ready to make this since I have like *checks notes * 16- nope 19- nope hold on 24! drafts and I can see more on the horizon so I'm finally letting my bisexual self get some crazy girls on my list

headcannons

She likes Hello Kitty. I think she would love Kuromi (I don't know for sure, as I've never watched it. I'm not really into Sanrio stuff.)

she has some skills with drawing but nothing too major. maybe a really good sketch once in a while, on some important documents (definitely got into a lot of trouble for doodling on her school books or anything like that. ik i did)

She chews on pens or pencils. possibly hoodie drawstrings, just anything, to be honest.

I feel like she loves dinosaurs, like at least knowing some random facts from like stolen picture books or remembering an interesting thing from a museum, and I guess the Internet exists

Dating stage

she has been rejected a few times, which is obvious, so when she finds you, she is nervous about falling fast yet again and getting left. again. but she can't help it, and when you say you feel the same, she could happily fight and die for you x10 more than she already felt like she would

Blood jewelry absolutely 100% like a pretty heart-shaped pendent that's suspiciously liquidy and a beautiful red like take all my money (I will for the precious bean)

She is a criminal, so getting more domestic dates is kind of difficult. so there's options 1 she drinks someone else's blood to disguise and just dresses different from them, so it's less obvious and go to a coffee shop or something. OR 2 screw the domestic stuff! and go out to steal sweets or candy and idk steal a shopping cart, go spray paint some rich guys house, and do stupid shit like getting arrested only to call dabi or shigaraki for help as you both laugh at how stupid that was.

She would love it if you knew how to style hair or let her style yours and be matching

Speaking of matching toga would absolutely have pj's/ onesies for the both of you. examples I can think of would be the night and light furry ones (I think they neat) also those two peice ones so sharing two sets like, skull top and pink short and then having pink tank top and skull trousers.

Love language is physical touch, words of affirmation, and gift giving all the way. Holding hands? "Ah! We're holding hands haha, suck it, dabi your bitchless!". she needs soothing words during a cuddle session like fr tell her she's an amazing girlfriend. Anything you get her stuff like that is definitely her new bragging right, new hair clip? It's on, and she refuses to take it out until you do it yourself. A little pin it's going on her skirt, a keyring? She's putting at least two of those on the handle of her favourite knife. You made her a painting/ printed a photo/ wrote a poem or anything? It's getting framed and hung above her bed

She probably had lots of photos before you dated, but now she definitely has. 2 folders one is a digital file on her phone, and the other is stashed away, filled with secretly taken ones that she looks at when she misses you

If you're a hero, she'll make it a point to watch you and look at all your fan base online. "It's my turn on the TV my adorable partner is on." She would also want to go on every mission close to where your agency would be. If you have any merchandise, she has it already. If she sees other people wearing your clothing line, she would either compliment it or want to stab them (I can't decide)

That's all i can think of, and i want to do more, so anything else in the comments would be nice. im trying to ease my way into writing female characters. i might be bi, but i can't talk to women, so this was fun and a little difficult for me

[gorepill]

DANNY So I know you ship Polly with Curly and Jimmy but what is her relationships towards everyone else? Good, bad, meh?

!!! FUCK YES BRO IT'S YAPPIN TIME !!!

FIRST OFF ANYA; I like to think they're awesome friends tbh :) Polly really can't help but wanna take care of her, mainly just cause Anya is a couple years older than her daughter, so she's like "Augh...so young. My daughter would like you I think, do you wanna meet my daughter when we get back???" NOT THAT SHE INFANTALIZES ANYA OR ANYTHING, god now, after the shit her husband did when he was alive, no way she's gonna treat Anya like a poor lil baby. Pissed her off when it happened to her, but she is gonna do whatever she can to help and comfort her. *WHATEVER* it takes !!! "Just lemme know if y' want me t' break that freaks nose...! Really, I don't mind." BUT UNRELATED TO THAT CAUSE ANYA IS A DARLING THAT'S WAY MORE THAN HER TRAUMA OK. I do like to think they have sleepovers in each others sleeping quarters. I love thinking abt Polly doing Anya's nails, and giving that poor girl a well earned back massage cause FUCK OFF she needs it so bad. MAYBE would tell her abt her dead-husband as a "my 18-20 year old ass got thru that, and darlin' we can get you thru this." kinda way --- SWANSEA AND DAISUKE. Do not seperate those two. But I do like to think all 3 of them get sillay with it. I do like to think Polly and Daisuke convince Swansea to hillybilly hotwire like. a dvd player to the longue screen so they can all watch a movie occasionally- (movie monday in me head.... Polly wants to watch Despicable Me. Daisuke nods in agreement. Swansea complies...SAD; but don't worry, he can pick the movie right after!!) I like to think in an au where they survive and get back to earth, they'll all occasionally head out to a bar to have a drink. Swans pays cause, while he can handle his alcohol, Polly and Daisuke get two drinks in at most before they can't even see straight anymore. I also do like the idea of all three of them, but esp Swans and Polly, dancing cause it makes me happy :) joyous yayaya. Tho Swans does NOT like when Polly goes out of her way to sneak Daisuke an extra sweetner packet. ( "nahhh, let kid have a lil sweetner shit in 'is coffee! Let's be real Swans, I think he'd die if he drank it how we do...!"

----- OF COURSE WE'VE GOT CURLY CURLY CURLS. Smiles <3 lemme tell you I'm so normal about this man... Can not be overstated how mutual the feelings are. But also how Pllly is def the most active one there. Not ina "DO MORE NOW" why, but in the "I gotta go, gotta bring Cap'n a drink, poor man's prolly dehydrated." "Gotta go mop th' cock pit...haha whaaaat, boss man you're in here?? Ain't that craaaazy; hey can i sit there-" and plops right down in his lap. COUGAR'S ON THE REBOUND FROM HER PREVIOUS MARRIAGE and god damn she could not be more lovey about it. Would not tell him bout ex-husband past "Yeah... he existed!" Post Crash Curly, she's convinced (due to the stress fucking up her ability to think) that he did it though. Not sure why. She'll go into medbay when Anya's not there (bathroom break, perahps,_ and just stand over him. She'll either be holding an open bottle of mouthwash over him, contemplating pouring it all over his face to hurt him, or she'll be on her knees next to his cok,crying, cause why would he do that???? Why would he try to take them all out??? why the fuck does she still love him? She doesn't want to. She doesn't know the facts. ---- Jimmy.... oh jesus christ. She wants to snap his neck on some level, she wants him to be a better person on the other level, and on all levels he reminds her of her dead ass husband. Which makes the "hate him" and "want him to be better" levels even more extreme. She can get along well enough with him though. put on that professional coworker get along facade, and it's fine. Have a cig together in the bathrooms before she cleans the smoke smell out. Chit chat. both like "Shake That" by Eminem. I do like the idea that because she's actively nice to him, outwardly, in a way where she's not doing it to fawn, he straight up thinks she desires him carnally. And maybe some part of her, deep deep down, post-crash does. Not a part of her that will ever arise, though. "God you remind me of my ex-husband in the way I think you'd shoot me. But god, sugar, honey, Slimjim, I wish you'd do the last thing he did and BLOW YOUR FUCKIN' BRAINS OUT AND LEMME WATCH-" ----- COFFEE MACHINE She's on her knees, drinking straight from that dispenser, gluging that shit down and moanin on that shit.

[chemicalbrew]

tagged

by @radellama :3

Do you make your bed?

I haven't made my bed in like four years. There's no point to it any more 99% of the time these days.

What's your favourite number?

The normie answer is seven, the funny answer is zero. I do like them both!

What is your job?

A job you had that would surprise people?

(celibacy gif, but it says UNEMPLOYMENT)

I'll have to start looking for shit in a few years, though... I guess I should be looking for it now, too, because surely I can freelance and all that... I just don't want to. Sloth has always been my biggest sin 💚

If you could go back to school, would you?

Maybe... I wouldn't mind going back to high school, but also I don't see much reason to. I used to actually despair about not being in school any more a relatively little while ago, but now? I don't know, I think it's more important to try and look forward...

Can you parallel park?

Can you drive a manual car?

Favourite childhood sport?

(celibacy gif, but it says DISABILITIES) I will never be able to drive or do sports :D

Do you think aliens are real?

Ironically, I think my opinion on aliens and god is the same: they're definitely out there, somewhere impossibly far away, and incomprehensible. Probably don't care about us that much, either.

What's your guilty pleasure?

both are incredibly obvious answers, but fuck it

At this point, rerunning KZ counts as one because for fuck's sake, I have so much stuff in my backlog, but instead of getting around to any of it, I just... play the same levels for the 100th time without even getting any better, pfft.

In the sense of 'enjoying something that isn't regarded well', gotta be Brandish or DOD. When I actually get around to researching DOD1, it will be so over for you all...

Tattoos?

None and I'm pretty sure I don't want any. If someone offered, I'd probably do something floral on my arms, but I really don't care... With how often my brain switches gears, it'd be hard to find something I would never regret getting.

Favourite colour?

Usually I say blue and purple, but I think a funnier way to describe my preferences would just be 'the bisexual flag'. I'm not particularly partial to pink, but I like the more purplish shades of it, you know? Especially if it leans into the... bright neon aesthetic, I guess... idk how to explain

Favourite type of music?

everything rads doesn't like

I was actually put on the spot with this question a few days ago, and the best I could do was stammer out 'uhh... dance music', but the real answers are

Electronic music, particularly EDM, house, DnB, vaporwave and synthwave in that order

Music made using vocal synths

Video game music

all of which are incredibly nerdy and pretentious, but really, the overlap of these three types is where I feel most at home.

Do you like puzzles?

Never had the patience for big jigsaws, but enjoyed smaller ones as a kid. I am not opposed to a good puzzle game every once in a while, either, but I'm not particularly passionate about this sort of thing.

Any phobias?

Nothing too extreme, I think... or maybe I haven't had to see anything truly scary in ages, haha.

Do you talk to yourself?

ALL THE TIME. At some point I suspected I have OSDD, but I have no way to actually try and find out (even if I did, I figure there's really no reason to). All you need to know other than that is that the answer is ALL THE TIME in my head, and 'when no one is home' when it comes to talking out loud. It's especially helpful when I'm going through emotional and stressful stuff, obviously.

What movies do you adore?

Tale of Princess Kaguya, Perfect Blue, uhh what else did I enjoy... movies are hard

Coffee or tea?

Both, in copious amounts 🍵☕

I have specific flavor preferences, of course, but as long as it's tasty, I'll be drinking :D

First thing you wanted to be when you grew up?

I don't remember... I feel like I was focusing on trying to survive first, and then others kept telling me what I should be doing...

[tunaababee]

20 Questions for Writers tag game!

gonna chuck this under a cut since it's gonna be lengthy!! thank you so much for the tag @popjunkie42 <3 <3 <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3? eight! my one foray into DDADDS, a handful of Homestuck fics (notably Cats and Coffee, which i need to rewrite at some point!!) and 2 for acotar, though that number will be going up!!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 76,793!!

3. What fandoms do you write for? mainly acotar at the moment - i will probably dip my toes back into homestuck periodically though, it is where my roots lie!!

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? Strained (my one ddadds fic for a crackship) Cats and Coffee we will be everything we say Little Games Is It? (im pretty sure this was my first fic lmao)

5. Do you respond to comments? almost always, they make my day and mean so much!! if i don't reply im either busy and forgot bc my brain is like a sieve or happened to receive and influx and got overwhelmed!!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? probably Breathe, which i wrote while having severely unmedicated depression and also being angry at how they shafted my fave character!!

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? oh, hands DOWN wwbews. that is the fluffiest most tooth rotting ending and it was DELIBERATE!!!

8. Do you get hate on fics? im very lucky to have avoided anybody's ire, but i also love biting people on the internet sometimes and i am very liberal with my block button lol

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? i think i would die a little bit if i couldnt write smut?? i mostly write relatively sappy, breeding-kink heavy stuff haha. i want to dip my toes into stuff thats a little more taboo though!! (*cough* ascendant astarion mind control *cough*)

10. Do you write crossovers? no, personally i like keeping stuff in its own little pockets!! mad shoutout to crossover writers though <3

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? not as far as i'm aware!!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? no, but if anyone ever wanted to all they'd need to do is ask!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? nope, but i may have something in the works at some point soon 👀

14. What is your all-time favorite ship? no matter what, Karezi will always be my absolute ride or die, but Feysand is pretty fucking up there too!! i love most acotar ships, but in terms of homestuck ones, Arasol and Davejade are big faves too!!

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? there's an old Homestuck wip i have deep in the folders called Glitter that i remember the vague direction of? but i know that one is not seeing the light of day, along with a barely fleshed out bandstuck au haha. im determined to make my acotar ideas/wips see the world at some point though!!

16. What are your writing strengths? mm hard to say? i'm very pessimistic/negative about me and my work by nature, so it's difficult to say with honesty, but i like to think i convey emotion and inner thoughts decently well! i also think my dialogue is relatively grounded for the most part?

17. What are your writing weaknesses? so many. i struggle with writing out of order, so when i get stuck on something i get STUCK. i have a tendency to repeat names a lot, i struggle with scene transitions and when to call a scene done. i'm also either always going way too over the top or way too underwritten, i struggle with finding a good middle! there are probably many more i could think of but i don't wanna get too in the weeds.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? i haven't used other languages as far as i can recall? if i ever do i would try and get a native speaker to give it a read over, but otherwise i am afraid our old beloathed google translate would be carrying my ass.

19. First fandom you wrote for? that i published on the internet??? Homestuck. things that never saw the light of day?? shit man, i couldn't tell you. i've been thinking about cool things my blorbos could do since i was a kid.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written? very biased, but wwbews. i genuinely think its some of my best work, my first ever completed longfic and i put so much time and love into it!!!

---

tags, if you're feeling like it!! @reverie-tales @starfall-spirit @shardminds @damedechance @cauldronblssd @climbthemountain2020 <3

[lostfracturess]

ITS ONLY TAKEN ME A MONTH AFTER I SAID I’D SEND THIS 😭

Hi, I’m Kiko, and I get easily distracted and I put too much pressure on myself to write this so then my brain just didn’t want to even though I’ve read the chap so many times. And AHHHHH.

SO. S&C: say my name.

Holy shit. First of all, the smut? Incredible 😂 I really love the tension between these two. It’s so fun. Their banter and the payoff is truly great.

BUT AS FOR THE REST: The line that has been eating away at me for weeks is “he'd bleed for you, but couldn't heal for you.” THIS LINE. THIS LINE. OH, THE CRUEL BEAUTY OF THIS LINE. How true it is. It’s so much easier to be self-sacrificial and give into the destruction than to fight it sometimes and these two are such a good example of that. It’s clear he’s trying but addiction obviously isn’t easy to kick.

These two are so messy. So messy and it’s wonderful. They aren’t together but they are. She’s still so hurt by his former rejection, the fact that he essentially chose his addiction over her, and because of Geto’s advice on top of that, but she still loves him so much that she can’t get herself to give up and walk away

But the duality of how she truly does love all parts of him, even the ugly ones, but there’s a part of her that’s so afraid of losing him completely. That she is so conflicted and the little spiral she has when she’s thinking about how she loves him no matter what so why is she still insisting on trying to force him to quit? It’s because you love him, sweet girl. Because you care about him and don’t want to see him so miserable and in pain. You love him, but not the addiction. Because in the end, he isn’t the problem, the addiction is. It’s separating the two and I think you’ve done a good job showcasing the struggle in mentally separating them while also showing how she’s almost instinctively done it because she genuinely loves him so much.

Dumping her coffee on him was hilarious. Throwing her phone at the wall was so visceral and raw and I felt it in my bones. She was so impulsive in this part and tbh it’s relatable.

The party worries me. I totally get that she wants to have fun but sweetheart maybe find a party not being thrown by someone who wanted to drug you and take advantage of you because he’s technically gotten away with it which means he likely won’t be afraid to try it again. But you do you 👀👀

Gojo’s desire to keep her safe and from that party, her pent up frustration with how he pushed her away and now wants to act like they’re still together is just… so damn human. Yes, she knows she’s not being the smartest or most rational but that frustration and desire to have any kind of control over her own life is understandable. Again, these two are so damn messy and it’s so beautiful.

The entire bit where he’s begging her to say his name? Beautiful, heartbreaking, hot as fuck tbh. It was incredible. They’re both so depraved and it’s great 😂

Her insisting on going with him to deal with his family? That’s going to be a disaster but I eagerly await that chaos.

I feel like I was super scattered and incoherent in this and I probably forgot something but hopefully it made sense?? I’ve literally had a note in my phone to write this out in so I could do it in little spurts and then I go and just word vomit anyway… 😅

I hope you’re well and taking care of yourself!

- 💕 Kiko (@siriuslysatorusimping)

ahhhh thank you so so much for your analysis of the latest chapter, they mean so much too me as i feel like you really capture the essence of each chapter so well. sometimes i even come back to your messages to remind myself what is going on in my writing haha. kind of getting complicated with all those messy feelings.

but please don't pressure yourself for writing me these !! just pour your thoughts and they don't have to make sense or like in chronological order, i'll appreciate them either way !! <3

So messy and it’s wonderful. They aren’t together but they are.

ahhh yes, i love this so so much, idk why but that shit gets me. like knowing you're not really together bc of things happened but still are so close and intimate that it's basically still somehow a relationship. ugh, im weak.

It’s separating the two and I think you’ve done a good job showcasing the struggle in mentally separating them.

this will basically be the plot for next chapter. like digging deeper into that struggle all messy and painful hehe.

thank you again so so much for writing me !! wish you all the best and can't wait to hear your thoughts on the next chapter <3

[spotsupstuff]

I figured I'd let you know I've been listening to your rain world playlists on repeat for the past few weeks

it went something like this

"oh spotsupstuff has rain world playlists? that's neat, I'll check it out I guess" scrolling through em "mm yeah this are some pretty good songs ooh yeah I like that one wow they've got pretty good taste in music--" *notices favorite song about halfway through the playlist*

"...now I obviously have to listen to this playlist just so I can hear *redacted so people don't laugh at my music taste* in the context of all of these other songs"

well. um.

But seriously, your playlists are SO GOOD?? With practically every song on there I can be like "mhmm, yup, that's a Moon song right there" or "wow this song fits with general rain world vibes really well" or "damn that one's a little on the nose haha" or even "this song would work really really well as a rw animation. someone needs to turn this song into an animation... aw screw it I'll do it"

anyway that fulfills my daily allotment of "ranting in a cool person's inbox" hope you enjoyed g'bye

side note: you've turned me into a fish in a birdcage fan. I will never forgive you for this /j

kglsdmklg thank you!!! i Am quite proud of my music taste- fuckin listenin to songs basically 24/7 every damn day, i Better have a good sense of tunes at this point JGSKLJKCD

stars, i could yap about the songs i put into the main RW playlist so much- and then the Eo playlist, while still a wip especially later on, i try to organize according to the characters And the timeline n about That i could talk so so much toooo, the main RW one doesn't have that </3

like!!!

these three are supposed to describe the whole story at large, with The Nights being there cuz i'm plagued by the vision of Euros' last call to the group before he goes dark, along to a specific tiktok choir chain version of the song

intro songs for all of the characters that either namedrop them or describe them in a way. it's mainly the namedrops, but the first two belong to Zephyr because they are an inspiration for her character. Ptáčata (translating to young bird/fledgling) is for Sparrows, not only because of the very close namedrop, but also because the song describes her as a character very well n i REALLY wanna do a lil vid for her with that song

this song is specifically for Euros and Boreas

the first song here describes Fish's attitude and the second one belongs to his colony

this is AAAAAAAAAALL Notos songs

Euros theme song, The Song that Sparrows sings to Zephyr that makes her work on her perception of the Ancients (though the finished version is wonderful, the specific version that i've thought of being in that scene is this one), Rockabye is SUCH a Sparrows' mom song it makes me feral and Beer Fear is quite really connected to Sparrows' time in school just like Want to Feel Something, with that one being mainly sung by Euros with Sparrows sometimes chiming in

and This one is specifically for Boreas and Zephyr reuniting in the void, though the specific version i think of is This one

WITH THE MAIN RW PLAYLIST i'm mostly proud of: this one

Aggressively Gourmand song

this one as Saint-time theme song/progression of the story over all

THIS IS A VERY PEBBLES SONG and nobody can convince me otherwise.

Yes, he would drink coffee. Yes, i think he'd think it tastes like shit

and then absolutely like.. all the songs I have yeeted there because of my take on Suns

(this ☝ is their theme song to me, basically. thank u shkiki)

it's all Suns, baybeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!

[foxymoxynoona]

I made the mistake of reading the new MM chapter before work today and I am completely distracted! How can I think of functions and optimisation when I need to know how that phone call is about to go down...

I wasn't in the fandom when the tattoo drama first happened so I am somewhat shocked by the lengths people are going to but also kinda not surprised.... I cannot imagine anyone in my circle ever reacting remotely close to that, so I suppose that's where the confusion is coming in.

I really hope they make it through this turbulent time without any additional terrible things happening, particularly regarding Sasha's privacy. I also hope JK will be rational and not take personally the blackmail coffee she has to go to AND that Seojoon won't get in her head. What they need right now is time alone somewhere safe, some cuddles and conversation with the translation app. What a mess.

It is really hard to feel bad for the tattoo salon people. In no way would they or anyone else deserve death threats, I feel like that is surely a given. That being said, they tried to hurt others, profit from them and invade their privacy when they must've known to some extent that they'd be causing them harm, especially given the multiple requests not to take photos. I am hoping it's a lesson for them for the future in what revenge can bring. Unbelievably thoughtless and reckless on their part.

In the meantime, I am really hoping for Sasha's safety, in the literal sense, but also mentally and in terms of her opportunities in SK. Also for JK's mental health in all of this and their resilience as a couple. At least we know from reality that the craziness over his tattoos does eventually die down, hopefully they can ride it out together.

Amazing update as usual, I am having such a hard time plugging back in my real life and not being fully mentally stuck in the fantasy world you beautifully crafted.

I'm so the same, I HATE having to focus no IRL work when I am all wrapped up in a story. It's hard enough doing regular stuff --my husband and kids will usually be like ok go write it out please and then come back to us. I wish I could just take a week off work every time I'm in a real juicy part of the story haha. I wish I could just sit down and write nonstop for you all, we could escape into fantasy land together haha

I wasn't in the fandom when he got his tattoos either, when I joined up he already had them but I still saw SOME of the shit people posted in vlive comments and stuff even months or years after so while I don't know for a fact, this story response didn't seem too far-fetched to me to roll with it haha. I also drew inspiration for how I did see fans react to Seven sex version, and when Jungkook said "fuck" in the cover of Savage Love, and the eyebrow piercing, and the lip piercings!! I'm not on Twitter so I really only see what comes to twitter or in the comments of a live but... I've seen enough to imagine a world that felt sadly realistic for this story 😵‍💫

[f0point5]

honestly i liked how you created a female main character with an edge. most of the stories i've seen here somehow trying to justify their characters bad behavior. sometimes you don't need to do that. just because someone does a good thing they're not a saint or someone does a bad thing they're not the devil either. world isn't a black or white. yes you can argue how she was a bad friend to mick and their friendship expired their course but also how she's a ride or die for max. sometimes people fall out, you don't even a reason for that. there are many celebs who had a fall out with their "besties" but we don't know what happened at behind the close doors. a part of the reason why mick and yn's fallout was a bit intense it's because its televised through social media. everyone had an opinion about it which is by everything went downhill quickly.

anyways i love she's a little shit but you can also see she's a ride or die for you once you're in your inner INNER circle. which probably has two people but i also see her getting out of her way to defend lando because he's probably her second close friend after max. i love how she has an edge. she's literally antihero like there's good and there's definitely bad, my fav kinda people ngl

also lily's message 🫣 i was like "wait... hold on she's kinda right"

Thank you. I love an anti hero and I find it so hard to get into any fiction where the character doesn’t at least make the odd questionable decision, especially when it’s in line with their personality.

I think Mick and Y/N’s fall out is 90% media driven. Things being taken out of context and reported on when they had no business doing that, and then the hate. Like, if it had never blown up, maybe Mick could have just met her for coffee and told her how he felt and they could have squashed it. It’s like Kylie Jenner and Jordyn Woods. If no one had picked that up and made it the scandal of the moment, would that have been allowed to die quietly (I know they hang out now and apparently they were always hanging out just not as close but I mean the way Kylie had to cut her off publicly because of the media/public opinion).

She’s a little shit but she a loyal little shit haha. I do think she’s kind and has quite a nurturing side to her (eg. With Liam) but I also feel like she’s a bit like she’s one of those people who is so used to/unfazed by harsh words she doesn’t realise how other people hear them.

Haha Lily is that person you can depend on to be right, I feel like. Tbf there’s quite a few blonde wags but even Max has dated a green/blue eyed brunette lol.