#//changed the name so this doesnt break containment again lmao

[halfawitch-willow]

She Wanna Kick Back (Kiss Me Now) ❁ Daylily

Hunter and Willow dance together as the clock runs down for the new year, and learn about mainland traditions together. The next morning they both remember they're awkward disasters and react accordingly Takes place Jan 1st @thegcldenguard

HUNTER

Hunter, overall, was glad that he had come out tonight. He'd thought about staying in -- or at least, just popping to the Acorn Drop and returning to the comfort of his dorm room in his new pajamas (a Christmas/Solstice/Birthday gift to himself) and slippers, but well, so many people he knew were going out out and as evidenced by his dancing outing with Eilonwy, going out out wasn't always bad!

So, here he was! Approaching midnight, dancing with friends, a couple of drinks in him, neck tie loose, jacket off, and just generally.... well, more relaxed than he usually was.

"They have jello shots!" Hunter said to Willow. He'd already grabbed one for her and handed it over with an enthusiastic smile. "Glittery ones!"

WILLOW

Willow was equally loosened up, her leather jacket left in a closet somewhere and her feet a little sore from dancing. She'd gone back onto the floor after the conversation with Archemedes, and with a little more alcohol in her, had been able to relax and put Luisa's dance lessons to good use.

She gasped in delight as Hunter handed her the shot, and sure enough, it was very glittery. "Yes!" she cheered, taking the little lid off. "Now, is it spinach flavored?" she joked, knowing that her Dad had tucked a pack of spinach gelatin mix in Hunter's care package per her request.

HUNTER

"I'm actually not quite sure what the flavor profile is," answered Hunter, missing the tease in Willow's question. He eyed the strange silvery glitter jello, and shook it a little so it wobbled. "Perhaps champagne? Moonlight? Well, one way to find out, I suppose!" He knocked the edge of his shot glass to Willow's. "Cheers!"

WILLOW

Willow giggled as she echoed his cheers, tapping the glass to his and knocking it back. It still had that sour sting and gloopy texture that made her think of the Isles, and she shook off the sharp taste with a laugh.

She was still swaying back and forth to the music as she contemplated the taste. "I think it's pear?" Willow said, unsure, rising onto her toes so Hunter could hear her over the music.

HUNTER

Hunter smacked his lips. He furrowed his brow, trying to decipher the flavor. All he could really think, though, was glitter, which was not a flavor. So he just nodded along to Willow's assessment.

"I think that's right! I'm not sure, though. I think I've had too many drinks!" Hunter laughed. Why didn't he do this more often? (author's note: It's because Hunter would be having a very rough morning)

There was some shuffling around them, people pointing at their phones and looking at the time. Just five or so minutes to midnight.

"D'you think we could squeeze in one more dance for the New Year?" asked Hunter. He was feeling… Fun! Carefree! Zesty! Like a lemon!

WILLOW

Willow laughed with him, feeling sort of weightless. She never thought she'd be able to do this - party and laugh with friends without fear of it all being some elaborate plot to embarrass and harm her. She felt warm, and safe, and happy; like she was in freefall with her broom in hand.

At Hunter's question, Willow nodded with a beaming grin. "Yes!" she cheered, grabbing his shot glass and placing it and her own on a nearby table. Once they were out of the way, she grabbed his hands in hers and tugged him back towards the dance floor. There was a clear spot by their friends and Willow quickly claimed it, not letting go of Hunter as she started dancing.

HUNTER

Wow! Why didn't Hunter drink more? He wasn't thinking about where he was putting his arms or legs, or the fact that Willow was holding onto his hands tightly, or the fact that she looked very pretty when she smiled and danced. Well, he was, but it wasn't making him nervous. He was just having fun!

Everyone around him was having fun. It was easy to get swept up in the revelry. And get swept up, Hunter did! He spun Willow around, and then someone knocked into him, so he stumbled a bit forward and nearly crashed into her, but in, like, a fun cool way that made him laugh again.

Hunter did not recognize the song playing, but it was fun and fast -- well, till it faded out and everyone started counting…

Oh right!

"Fifteen!" shouted Hunter, in time with the others.

WILLOW

Willow laughed as Hunter spun her around, messy curls spinning around her, then snorted as he nearly stumbled into her. One of them was always tripping over the other, it seemed. Her hands went to his hips to hold him steady, her invisible tail looping loosely around his calf.

"I got ya'," she promised, giggling. She looked out over the crowd as the music faded and the counting started.

"Fourteen!" Willow joined in, bouncing on her toes.

HUNTER

Everything was sparkly. Glitter. He was never really good at looking at reagents, but they all seemed to be coalescing in one very hazy and dreamy blend, the crowd's excitement tangible.

He looked down at Willow, looping an arm around her shoulders, as the countdown went on.

"Ten - nine - eight!"

WILLOW

When Hunter's arm went around her shoulders, Willow easily pulled him in closer so she could wrap her arms around his waist and drop her chin on his chest. She felt weightless with her happy buzz, and so safe and sound tucked away from the roiling crowd. He was so handsome up close, she noticed with a giggle, with his fluffy hair and pretty eyes. Willow beamed up at him, dimples pressed into both of her cheeks.

"Six - five - four!"

HUNTER

"Three --!"

Hunter leaned into Willow. She smelled very nice, but then again, that could just be because everything else smelled like liquor and sweat.

"Two--!"

She had nice dimples. Hunter thought about telling her this, but then he'd miss the --

"ONE!"

The crowd erupted. Screaming! Cheering! Kissing! Hunter cheered. He screamed. He --

He glanced down at Willow again, and that floaty dizzy feeling of the alcohol started to concentrate right in his chest.

WILLOW

When the countdown hit zero, Willow threw her head back and screamed along with the crowd, grinning from ear to ear as she rocked back on her heels, anchoring herself with the arms around Hunter's waist. She rocked back, laughing, and pressed her face into his shoulder, hugging him tight. "Happy new year!" she said into his shirt.

When she turned her head to wish the rest of their friends the same, she realized that most of the people around them were kissing as confetti and glitter canons went off everywhere and the music bumped back up. Was that a mainland tradition?

Willow thought that was a really nice way to roll in the new year, with a little bit of love, so she reached up to grab Hunter gently by the jaw and brought him closer to her level. She pressed a chaste little kiss to the corner of his mouth, giggling as she nudged her nose against his.

HUNTER

It was perhaps a surprise to no one reading that Hunter had never kissed anyone before.

That is not to say he did not think about it. He had, in fact, thought about kissing people. Mostly specific people. Sometimes not. Sometimes he just watched a couple across the quad and got hit with a vague sense of loneliness that he tried to shake off.

Willow kissed him. It was soft, a quiet moment amidst all the revelry. For a second, Hunter froze. He wasn't sure what to do, where to put his hands (or his lips for that matter). But it was warm, and Willow was smiling, so he ended up cupping the side of her face with his hand, puckering his mouth in a way that he felt made sense to kiss her back.

"Well! Happy New Year!" he said, when he broke the kiss (not because it was bad, but because judging by everyone around him, the options seemed to be to start making out with tongue or to stop and giggle; and Hunter wasn't sure if he wanted to do that first thing right now). "Huzzah!"

WILLOW

Hunter kissed her back, his hand cupping her face, and Willow melted. She leaned into his hand with a happy little hum, loving how his palm fit around her cheek, and her own hand slid from his chin to cup the back of his neck.

It was nice, being held like something he wanted to keep close. That anyone wanted to keep close, really. She tucked the feeling inside herself for safe keeping.

When he broke the kiss, she grinned at him, eyes sparkling. "Huzzah!" she cheered with a laugh, punching the air with the hand that was previously around his neck. She dropped her heels back to the floor (when had she gone up on her toes?) and brought her hand back down to sit on his waist. She started moving to the music again, hips swaying back and forth, bopping her head along. All while leaning into his hand with a happy smile.

(She didn't even realize how tightly her tail had wrapped around his leg, like she wanted to cling to the moment. In the morning, the memory would mortify her. But that was hours away.)

                                   ─────────•~❉᯽❉~•─────────

HUNTER

Hunter's head was throbbing. He lay facedown on his mattress. Technically, he'd been awake for a bit, watching the narrow crack of light across the floor grow wider and wider and longer and longer. But his head hurt too much to do anything about that.

Around him, the charmed plush bird and bee bobbed in the air.

He knew what day it was, but he kept telling himself he had more time, more time, more time to drag himeslf out of bed (and maybe throw up) and look presentable. So he closed his eyes, ready to rest a little more --

There was a knock at the door.

"It's open," Hunter croaked. "Give me -- a second to sit up."

WILLOW

It'll be fine, Willow reassured herself as she stood outside Hunter's dorm room. She had a water bottle in hand and both a lesser healing potion shot and aspirin bottle in her pocket. Eilonwy said he didn't look upset. Everything is totally fine!

For Flapjack and Clover, she thought with a little nod before taking a deep breath and knocking gently.

Hunter's croaking voice came through the door and it was a bad sign that she was already a little pink. She opened the door carefully, trying not to make too much noise, and slipped inside. "Don't push yourself," she said softly as she closed the door silently behind her. "If I could still be horizontal, I would be."

HUNTER

"I don't think I've ever felt this bad," said Hunter, even though he knew that was a complete lie.

But, it was close.

He managed to turn around at least, then slowly propped himself up on his forearms. As he crawled back to consciousness, it did suddenly dawn on him that Willow kissed him last night.

Right! That happened.

Hunter wasn't sure if he should say anything about that. Or if he shouldn't. He just blinked at her, scrambling to find something to say.

Then, he grabbed the floating bee out of the air and tossed it to her.

"Here you go! It's your turn."

WILLOW

Hunter blinked at her, and Willow blinked back. Her stomach started to sink, and she was glad she'd worn her concealment stone so he couldn't see her tail lashing nervously behind her.

Then he threw Clover at her, and Willow squeaked as she caught the bee in her free hand.

"Muck, Hunter, don't take it out on Clover," she said, flustered. She still kept her voice low, because making his obvious hangover worse probably wasn't going to help her mission. She nuzzled her nose in Clover's fluffy ruff in greeting before gently pushing her back into the air, letting her spin in circles as Willow approached Hunter carefully.

"I brought peace offerings," she said, showing him the water bottle before setting it on his bedside table. She dug in her sweatshirt pocket next, pulling out the potion vial - portioned for one dose - and the aspirin bottle and setting them both down gently. "Jeremy's in the kitchen making hangover cure," she said, not looking away from the table. "Not sure what's in it, but it's very green and he swears by it, if you want some."

HUNTER

"I wasn't --!" Hunter started to defend himself, but then he just let it slide when Willow came over with water, a potion, and aspirin. Besides him, Flapjack flapped his wings, bumping into Hunter's shoulder.

The charm on the plushies wasn't good enough to account for collisions, so he plucked it from the air and turned it so it faced Willow, and soon Flapjack was back on his way.

"If I manage to get up, I'll make my way over there," groaned Hunter. "Or maybe I'll see if he delivers." He reached for the water bottle, taking a small tentative sip. "I trust you're feeling a smidge better than I am? Considering you're up and all." He glanced at Willow, and then found his gaze focusing right on her mouth so he immediately picked up the bottle of aspirin and began reading the dosage instructions instead.

WILLOW

"You missed the twenty minutes I spent trying to teach my heart vine to pick up that aspirin bottle and bring it to me in bed," Willow said with a faint grin. "And then the hour waiting for it to kick in."

Also, and Willow would not confess this under oath or hex, she'd already puked the night before, so she'd gotten most of the grossness out already. She'd been tempted to strangle Jeremy for turning on the blender while she was in the kitchen, though.

She lowered herself to the floor, sitting cross-legged between the two beds, and resisted the urge to start combing her fingers through the tuft at the tip of her tail just to vent some anxiety. She took a deep breath through her nose for four counts, then let it out. "Are you feeling too bad for me to apologize?" she said softly, staring at the floor. "Cause I can wait if yes."

HUNTER

"Apologize?" Hunter's brow furrowed. He looked up from the aspirin bottle (very insightful reading, actually!) and cocked his head at Willow. "Why… are you apologizing?"

Oh no -- did she regret the kiss? But why would she apologize then? Hunter really didn't want to talk about that right now, mostly because he didn't know what to say other than the fact it had been nice. But, also, maybe Willow was apologizing about something else? Hunter racked his brain, trying to think of something -- anything.

"I don't think there's anything you need to apologize for," said Hunter. "Is there?"

WILLOW

Well that wasn't the response she was expecting. Willow looked up at Hunter, head tilted in confusion.

And then she remembered that Hunter never really reacted to her the way that others from the Isles did, that he never had, and she felt bad for thinking of him that way. She'd been conditioned to expect anger, disgust, maybe a bit of pointing and laughing at the mudbreather who dared to want things. But that wasn't fair to Hunter, who had only ever been sweet and understanding to her.

She blushed, glancing away as she twisted her fingers together. "Well, now I'm thinking my hungover brain was overthinking things," she said shyly. Willow took a deep breath. "I was going to apologize for kissing you last night without asking first. Drunk or not, that wasn't cool of me, and I should have checked if it was okay."

(Great, now she was thinking about it again. How nice it had been, being held so close and handled so carefully. How he'd glittered with Happiness the whole time they'd danced. She'd told Eilonwy she'd had fun, and she'd meant it. She liked it.)

HUNTER

"Oh." Hunter blinked. He titled his head. On one hand, he appreciated that Willow was concerned about asking his permission. That made him feel, well, good in a way he couldn't really articulate. But on the other hand --

"Well, I'm glad you did," he said. The aspirin bottle was suddenly looking very interesting again. "Because. Well, I wanted to, but I wouldn't have. I mean. Not that I wanted to kiss you -- I mean!" He blushed, snapping his gaze back up to her and stammering. "That came out wrong! I just -- I mean, people do it. Kiss. On New Year's. I saw it last year. And I thought it might be nice. But I would've been too scared, so I'm… glad you did it first."

WILLOW

Willow watched Hunter stammer, his face red, with wide eyes, and felt a wave of relief roll over her. All of her anxious energy bubbled out as a giggle, and then she was laughing into her hands, trying to smother the sound so it wasn't too loud for his hangover. Once she calmed down, she smiled up at him brightly, her dimples making a repeat appearance. "Well I'm happy to help," she said, relieved.

"Yeah, I noticed everyone was doing it and Drunk Willow thought it was brilliant way to ring in the year, so," Willow shrugged. She leaned back on her hands, much more relaxed. Her feet happily tapped on the rug.

HUNTER

"And it was!" Hunter said quickly, because he didn't want Willow to think that he didn't enjoy kissing her. Because he did. It was nice. Very nice. Which probably was not saying much, because he did not have a lot of comparison points, but he liked it.

He also liked Willow's laugh. It was pretty. In sound, and in the way her Laugh became little bubbles in the air.

"I liked it," he said, just in case he hadn't (he couldn't remember). "And I'm glad it was you." His face felt like it was on fire right now, which did not really help his throbbing headache. "I mean. I've never done that before."

WILLOW

Willow's cheeks were also burning, and she'd decided the safest place to direct her eyes were at her own toes. She tugged on a curl shyly, twisting it around her finger to give her embarrassed energy some kind of outlet.

"… Me neither," she confessed. It felt a little easier to say now that she knew that they were in the same position together. A little safer. There was a little potted plant that had been clinging to life on the windowsill and it was positively luscious now, singing happily as it fed off of Willow's emotions. She kind of wanted to die.

"I'm glad it was you too," she said, looking up at Hunter and giving him a shy smile. "You're a really kind person, Hunter. I'm glad we're friends."

HUNTER

Hunter didn't know if he'd describe himself as kind. And honestly? For most of his life, he would say it was more important to be strong, or powerful, or smart, or skilled.

But Willow looked at him now, a shy smile on her sweet face, and she called him kind, and that was all Hunter wanted to be.

"Me too," said Hunter. He offered his own shy crooked smile, and cleared his throat a little as he ran a hand on the back of his neck. "Now, uh, what was this you said about Jeremy's magical hangover cure?"

[rottingsparrow]

Part 4! Of rereading Lore Olympus. Ep 31-40

Gotta be real I keep forgetting to post these even tho I'm reading them but it's fine. Obviously I won't finish before the end of the 2 week break (this Saturday) but after this I may start reviewing episodes as they come out, who knows. Last part:

Ep 31

Theres so many other reasons you shouldnt work together but ok

Also shes literally so smart right like thats canon

Artemis is cool hera,,,sometimes

Which two sons i wish i knew the lo family tree as opposed to the real one yknow

How do heras powers work she felt her pain but doesnt know who??

I would kill for a comprehensive list of family tree and powers, dont even have to spoil powers just please i get so confused

Ep 32

Train ur fuckin dogs hades i think ive said that before

He changed skin color again but like not just light vs dark thats a whole diff shade of blue

Hehe threaten low class workers so cute and quirky hades

Why is uh psyche/whatever her nymph name is wearing more traditional clothes while not in the mortal realm

Love the dog

Hades has a point, even tho it makes no sense for him to have said that

Ok also point out in the like future episode he wants persephone to call him Aidoneus but doesnt like when others do it why

Thats my same thing with him calling her Kore like i know in the future its like explained or whatever but idk

Aphrodite has a point it was a favor in a way

A dumb way but yknow

I remember everyone losing it over the “im only interested in the dead ones” panel but looking at it its so lame LMAO changed his entire face shape for a panel

Ep 33

HECATE HECATE WOOOO

Im but a simple man

Hades texts like an old man i know he is one but

Also i am dying to know how his business works including as the god of the underworld like. Give me something

Then again, maybe i am a lil dumb when it comes to this

I always thought he was giving the little elevator friend a sugarcube lmao

I like how minthes ears react to her emotions

Stop fighting at work omg this would be the worst place to work at

“Hey can u do ur job”

Ep 34

Why this subplot ugh

The crown floats yet is sideways after she hits him

Also haha hitting

Also their relationship does confuse me just a tad bit yknow

All the clues were there hades you dumbass

“Cancel all my meetings” DO YOUR JOB

“This doesnt affect you in the same way” cause hes a man or a king or both but also kings seemed to get treated the same by their subjects until they are dicks and excute their power

From what ive seen

Then again we havent seen poseidon do that but that brings me to the point of I wanna see poseidon realm

thats . so creepy hades ew

“Smth must be done about this” like fair legal action right?....right?

Who reads newspapers these days anyways wait a second

Ep 35

See the laptop having news makes more sense like sure we make newspapers but ppl dont use em as often

“Biochemistry Theory” fun fact I switched majors to specifically avoid taking chemistry

What are they typing he just started speaking

What type of nymph is thetis bc i know minthe is a river nymph but thetis has fancy ears

They are so mean to each other lmao

The financial situation and the fact that they both are like sleeping with the kings confuse me why do both of them do it.

Like retrospectively i understand it but when i first read it i was like “are nymphs supposed to be like hookers??” so i was lost for a bit

“Hades micromanages computer usage” oh what a shit boss

Also the meal ticket she has a job sure hades gave it to her but

Idk maybe im slow

What an awful way to do a heart shape i just tried it wtf

“Crying is for wives” damn

Yes body issues that dont get brought up again right? Like she all of a sudden gets bigger boobs and i dont think hades pays ppl enough for cosmetic surgery

You guys know this is a work setting

Has rachel ever had a job bc this feels like a comical trope seen on tv the workplace drama yknow

LMAO IN THE LAST PANEL RACHEL FORGOT TO GIVE HER NYMPH EARS

Like fully normal ears i know its a mistake but its funny

Ep 36

“Not my circus not my monkeys” queen

Hades is it not your circus how dont involve hecate in this

“Stop starin at me with them big ol eyes”

Oof that does not look good on you, i mean why didnt you give her the coat

“I thought you didnt get jealous” ok she may have said that but literally everything about her contradicts that

And i love this part bc he doesnt call her crazy and they talk, i mean he hides some of the truth which like fuck him, and then they try to talk about the party and

Ugh i know minthe is supposed to be an antagonist but rachel does this weird thing where she tries to flesh her out, then realizes it would be an easy set up for a redemption arc and screws her over again

I know the ppl in the mortal realm are generally frightened of hades but why are ppl in olympus

“I wouldnt expect anything less from a goddess” so we are going to bring in the racism/speciesism that occurs in this story right

Its the middle of the day isnt he supposed to be in the mortal realm moving the sun or some shit

Ep 37

“Last night” Rachel its ok to space things out sweetie

Ok ok so one thing i hate about her characterization of apollo is he goes from being delusional to knowing what he did was at least slightly wrong and i hate both are fine stories but pick one he either is so infatuated with persephone that he thinks that they had a great time or he wants her for her power

And! A transition from one to the other would be fine, but she goes back in forth in his characterization

Little red vines look cool

Hehe cerberus

How did he escape tho

I love that dog

Ep 38

Oh its the greenhouse again

But this time it represents the evil feeling?

Idk but i like eye symbolism im lame lol

Why was she sleeping in the chair

When did she get those clothes i dunno if eros would buy her business casual

Artemis really sees all the signs and then goes “meh”

Like points out the possible crush on persephone just connect the dots they are so close

Why is there not more than one door

Why is no one getting off

How does rachel think train stops work

Ep 39

Also not thatanos with an undercut lmao

Ope its thanatos i mixed it up

Also minthe you just actively arent doing a good job like lmao how are you not getting fired

Hades smoking a cigar is so old and gross tbh

What an awful boss

That man has a point dont stand infront of the door

She gave her a little flower nice

Minthe i know ur being spiteful, weird bc hades explained shes just the daughter of a friend( i know its a lie but still) but just do your job

“It says restricted access but that lady says it was fine” i would just wait until someone came out theres no reason to go inside

Ep 40

Why would they not have a lock on this place actually

Why wouldnt she just leave the way she came

When did hades put on his glasses

How is it hades fault what

So many questions yknow for such a short episode

Also does this place not have security cameras in places that are tartarus

[ganondoodle]

yr brain? galaxy level. i wanna hear all ur lore and stuff

you know what ? im gonna write the basic plot for soogas backstory here now too-

- his parents were both sheikah soldiers serving the royal family, they were nearly never home so he barely even knew them and was pretty much living on his own from a young age on

- they both died while on a mission far away, but that didnt change much for him other than him having to find a way to earn money himself now

- when he was a teenager he was recruited by the royal family (he wanted to tho) which is also where he met Hibiki (my only real zelda Oc .. sorry gotta involve them now- this is how they look, although they are older here than when sooga first met them

i think i forgot to post this on tumblr lmao; anyway they are an artist and a bit older than sooga)

- since they were both outcasts with no relatives that cared about them they quickly became friends (tho it was def more one sided at first bc Hibiki is a way more extroverted ) tho Hibiki has been a bit longer in the army so they rarely went on missions together and only hung out during breaks or when they had both time off

- even after years of training they both stayed in the lower ranks of the army and never managed to climb to a higher one, part of the reason was that Hibiki didnt do a good job of being a spy, not bc they were detected, they just never had much information to report for some reason and Sooga always defended them when they got bullied by higher ups for it (you know how he threatens ppl) which in turn made him less liked and got him almost kicked out once (and yes, Hibiki did have a crush on Sooga but he never realized that even tho they made it REALLY obvious)

- you know the story how link got appointed as zeldas bodyguard ? with him deflecting a laser from a malfunctioning guardian to protect the princess ? yeah, so in my hc, while he did deflect it it didnt straight up hit the guardian back but rather was simply redirected and although Hibiki tried to pull Sooga away it still hit the left side of his face which is how he got that big af scar and lost his eye

- he survived and of course Hibiki was there to take care of him whenever they could, but the more time went on while he recovered it was made clear that the higher ups wanted to kick him out of the army after his wound healed bc they didnt think he was fit to fight anymore missing an eye (thats what they said but it was pretty obvious they just wanted a reason to get rid of him) 

- Hibiki reassured Sooga they would do everything they could to convince them otherwise bc they knew that all he ever wanted to do is be a strong and respected soldier serving the royal family, but who would listen to the worst spy in the whole army .. he got kicked out anyway of course and was forced to work as a farmer (more like help other farmers really) 

- from then on Hibiki was trying to be a better spy, so they could earn enough respect to maybe get the army to welcome Sooga back into their ranks

- but one day when Sooga returned from some field work he noticed a new grave at the corner of the village, and asked who died, it took some time for him to find out it was Hibiki who fell in battle bc after they left the village they never returned so the other villagers forgot even their name, the army brought their body back into the village since they were borne there and didnt have any living relatives

- that was what pushed his resentment for the kingdom and the other sheikah over the edge really, he stole some ancient hidden away sheikah scrolls from the elder of the village and used them to teach himself some techniques ... or at least TRIED to, the only one he was able to manage was a half functional clone, which he used to fake his death and live a live in the shadows, staying away from settlements out of fear of beign recognized

- he made his way into the gerudo desert where he never went to before, and in a cold night snuk undetected into the yiga hideout in the search for shelter since he wasnt equipped for that kind o extreme weather .. tho he didnt realize what he just did

- in the morning he was found after all and, understandably, attacked bc wth how did that guy even get in here ?? after he managed to survive for pretty long given the circumstances, he tried to flee but was stopped by master kohga himself, and while kohga was monologing about .. stuff, Sooga realized this might be his chance to live a proper life again and that pretty close to what he always wanted, so he promptly asks to join them

- positively surprised kohga of course cant just accept him into the clan like that, i mean Sooga was wearing sheikah clothing and got UNDETECTED into their hideout and took a nap there for several hours before being found, thats suspicious as hell

- after being put through several tests and challanges he is accepted into the clan after all-

- now fast forward post calamity (just a few years tho) the topic of Soogas origins comes up and he tells kohga alot but is interrupted bc koh ask him if the friend he was talking about was “a kinda weird artist” ... turns out Hibiki died in a clash with the yiga clan and ... was killed by kohga himself.

- Hibiki always carried a sketchbook in a bag around with them, and the clan took it after their death bc they thought it might contain useful info, it didnt, but since the sketches in it where pretty good they kept it anyway even if it was only half readable since it got soaked in blood

- that is a reveal that tested soogas loyalty to the clan like nothing else could (everyone in the clan including kohga, was expecting him to turn against them again, but were still waiting for him to actually betray the clan)

- sooga didnt turn on them tho, reason was, he managed to seperate the pages of the sketchbook that were stuck together from blood and discovered finely detailed art of the hideout, of its interior too and even of kohga as well

- Hibiki never had much info to tell their superiors bc they snuk around the hideout when on a mission but never with the goal to rat the clan out. they secretly admired kohga and the clan, even wanted to join them for a long time, but never got to do it bc they didnt want to leave Sooga behind but also .. they were afraid to tell him bc he was so focused on becoming a good sheikah soldier they were sure he wouldnt feel the same; they were torn between wanting to join the yiga but afraid of destroying their friendship with sooga ..

when they got into that fatal fight with the clan, kohga didnt even attack them with the intend to kill and they could have easily dodged or parried the hit, the reason they didnt was, ironically, bc they were so stunned by admiration of seeing their idol right in front of them they didnt move a muscle until it was too late...

this got longer than i thought, maybe i went into too much detail here, but anyway this is a summary of the backstory i came up with for Sooga, it doesnt end here tho, this is more like the story of how sooga became part of the yiga; after all of this comes alot more tho it wouldnt make much sense to add that here too xD 

sorry for the long af post, i hope its somewhat understandable ;__;

[not-tryin-2-have-a-debate]

part 2 poetic waxing

i keep getting really mad at my ex the second i realize i was thinking something thats not real

because to the best of my knowledge she read this blog and heard me talk about my expiriences for so long and then she,,,,completely misunderstood them and tried to replicate them in a way that doesnt. make sense. and isnt what this is. and im still hoenstly really offended by that because wow. and i just wanna say like. especially since this blog is pretty much entirely Unseen now

like

im still terrified to recognize myself as psychotic

i dont want to be psychotic

im afraid to talk about it with my doctor or even touch on the symptoms and eps of it and im terrified to get put on pills for it and its a shit show

i think with the people im closest to i try to normalize the idea of being that way with myself

and i pretend the idea of being psychotic doesnt terrify me and say it freely because its not going away and im scared and i need to learn to not be so scared if im going to deal with it in any capacity i need to be able to recognize it

it was a long process.

i didnt start being that way overnight and i didnt recognize it until way after it started

and its not just 1 thing

to me the embodiment of it and the whole problem is that youre just constantly trying to figure out whats real and whats going on like your being hit on all sides

id describe my perception of and ability to perceive reality as a wall thats always being eroded down but can also have parts break off or have holes blown in it at any second...and im constantly trying to build the wall back up and reinforce it and repair it. but i usually dont have a fully formed wall and even if i got there id only be able to maintain it for so long until half of it got blown up again. etc etc wall metaphor if i leave it itll just fuckin collapse entirely

but yeah yknow like.

a delusion isnt just ‘when you think something that isn’t real.’

and like not to dip a bit too much into tumblr vocab and context or whatever but like,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,the way Neurotypicals take symptom descriptions at total face value is...tiring. idk how else to describe it. theres so much context missing.

these symptoms for me started up when i was a kid and got worse.

it was because i have so much family history with this shit that i finally noticed it and compared and recognized the beginning to get worse problem

because ive seen it in my brother and my uncle and my grandma and my family for years and i know it up close and personally

i dont just have some kind of kooky thoughts that i recognize arent real while im having them. my ability to do that at all came with practice and time and repitition.

i dont know when im not dreaming.i see and feel things that arent there.

i think thoughts that i cant recognize as mine and are usually a bunch of nonsense word salad shit.

i have real prolonged trouble recognizing myself as a human being thats physical and has human limits.

i have toruble percieving the present. i have trouble remembering the past.

i constantly really for real feel like ive seen this before.

every time i have deja vu i like have a whoel fuckign Moment lmao

i assume people think the worst of me and want to hurt me.

i assume the end of the world is happening out of nowhere and i really think its happening.

i think God is trying to punish me.

I think spirits are coming after me.

I really believe it.

I spend my day crying and panicking and hiding from shit that isnt real.

i convince myself my whole life is some kind of divine punishment.

its on top of that and

its after years of that

and years of seeing family members older than me and farther into it than me degrading at the same time

that i think some dumb shit and immediately catch myself

or that i think im getting psychic messages and can immediately be like ‘ok calm down’

its because im trying to convince myself im NOT like a psychic prophet and ive been able to recognize it before that i can see a message for what it is and recognize what im doing

its bc ive corroborated the expirience with my brother after doing it for years and years already

i didnt wake up one day and start thinking i was a prophet but also recognizing thats crazy yknow

i thought i was a prophet and then as i grew up i started realizing that it was crazy because i found resources and saw what my family was going through and got so sick of the worst parts and thought something had to be wrong with that picture

and even then the messages arent a delusion

having dejavu and being suspicious of it isnt a delusion

wishing something was true isnt a delusion

believing in gods and spirits and weird reincarnation stuff isnt a delusion

they’re parts of a whole and thats only a few of the parts

like an example of levels

really liking a celebrity isnt psychotic

wishing you were married isnt psychoticdaydreaming about being married to them isnt psychotic

imagining they’re talking to you or they’re addressing something in an interview to you isn’t psychotic, in and of itself (imagining the message but also kind of beliving it also isn’t )

actually beliving they’re addressing you in an interview or something isn’t a delusion, and though its like Psychotically-associated isnt An Automatic Sticker Of Psychosis slapped on your forehead

forgetting you aren’t acutally married sometimes isn’t a delusion.actually beliving you’re married to them is a delusion.

you won’t be able to recognize it as that until later.

the other behaviors, for you, since youre having a delusion, will come off of that.

someone non-delusional who really loved to dream about it might convince themselves into some magical thinking about the celebrity.

for you though, its because you’re married. you’re literally actually married so of course they’re leaving little hints for you! you never get to see each other!

you rationalize it.

because you believe it and having someone put a crack in things you believe in is scary for anyone.

i mean especially wow if someone told you were werent actually married to your spouse and didn’t even know them? they didn’t even know youre name or that you existed? that would be horrifying. of course youd come up with rationalizations.

and that delusion probably started because you really liked them and because you were lonely. but also because youve been having some issues and either are psychotic, were developing psychotic symptoms, or like Had The Propensity To Be Psychotic in general yknow like. the seeds were there or you were already living life as a psychotic tree and this was just a new branch.

after a while they might start to get it.

they might start poking holes in there own reasoning and being brave enough to follow that path.

and hopefully from there theyll get to the still-beleving-it-but-also-recognizing-its-’fake’ stage.

there are a lot of reasons i dont want to be psychotic.

no one should want to be.

anyone who says they want to be is either someone who’s a disgusting creep thinking other peoples crisises are some hot edgy mysterious shit OR theyre a psychotic person trying to humor themselves and be okay with themselves.

and you should be ok with yourself but that shouldnt replace wanting to improve and manage that really scary world-ending parts of shit.thats a whole other topic though

like

i dont want to be psychotic because im terrified of slowly loosing my mind. thats a freaky prospect that no one should really want. i only want that when im suicidal and wish i just didnt have a mind to think with at all kind of shit.

i dont want to be psychotic because i dont want to keep having these episodes and seeing this shit and thinking this shit. a lot of it is absolutely terrifying. other things are less active but like...i wish i could trust anyone ever. i wish i could trust my own judgement. i wish i didn’t get obsessive and weird about contamination and not be able to eat food or need to contain myself from freaking out if certain people touch me. that shit isnt cowering from God under a desk but its annoying and i don’t want to be doing it. i wish i could stop doing it.

i don’t want to be psychotic because once youve had it confirmed that you believe things that arent real that makes it just that much harder to trust literally anything you think.i have to check everything with people because what if im wrong or assuming or jsut being crazy or i thought something up that isnt true.and we all seem to have an amazing knack for like doign that whenever we were actually with reality, and forgetting to do it when we do actually have something a little confused lol. maybe thats subconscious.

i dont wanna be psychotic because i want some things to be true!! you know!! and learnign they arent is, again, confusing and really scary. no matter what it is. but if its something that you like or that brings you some kinda positive shit then thats even worse to have taken away and have be a lie. and even worse a Crazy Lie.

i don’t know how much of my religious views to trust and thinking that anything i believe in or think is up for questioning brings up a whole lot of good things that i dont want to be up for questioning.part of the reason im scared to go on meds is because im really worried some good things will turn out fake and go away.

im worried about what all could just like...dissappear. what if the whole world changed. what if im wrong about more than i thought or something that id never even considered.

like.....im out of steam now but.

yeah. idk