#//but I hope everyone who struggles with self harm is okay today

[h0nkch0c0late]

FEELING LOW

Jack Kline x Reader (platonic)

Summary: ever since you were young, you've struggled with your mental health. Dean and Sam always tried to help you, but nothing ever worked. You were back in that funk once more, holed up in your room. Jack, though confused about why you were sad, wanted to make you feel better.

WARNINGS: mentions of depression, mention of thoughts of self-harm and suicide.

Today was just one of those days where you didn't want to get out of bed.

Instead, you lay there in your bed, staring up into the darkness where your ceiling should be. Your blanket was pulled up to your chest as you unconsciously played with your hands.

You felt like the worst person in existence. Like you were a neucance to everyone who was around you. You absolutely hated the feeling, but you couldn't help it.

You thought about tearing your skin apart, just to see how it felt. Sure, you had been sliced by monsters, being bled almost dry, but this was a different kind of pain. This was the pain you wanted.

And the mode you thought about it, the worse you felt, and you dug yourself into a deeper hole.

Sam and Dean stood outside your door, Sam holding your breakfast as he gave a worried look towards his brother.

Dean took a deep breath as he knocked, hoping that this time you'd answer. He hated when you got like this, knowing you weren't okay and he couldn't do anything to fix it.

After a few seconds of silence, a very broken "go away!" Came from the other side of the door.

Sam closed his eyes in slight frustration as he let out a sigh, "Y/n, you need to eat."

"I'm...not hungry." You replied, your voice cracking as if you were on the verge of tears.

Jack, hearing the commotion, made his way towards the brothers from his place in the kitchen. Castiel had gone out to get more groceries, leaving Jack on his own.

"What's going on?" He asked, his head tilted in curiosity.

The brothers turned their heads towards him, his small grin turning upside down as he noticed the look on their faces, "is something wrong?"

Sam and Dean glanced at each other before Sam answered him, "Y/n won't eat, and won't come out of her room either. It... happens sometimes."

"Is she...sick?" Jack questioned once again, now standing directly in front of the brothers.

"No, kid, she's not sick. She's just... really sad." Dean responded simply, looking back at the closed door.

Jack went silent for a moment before his eyes lit up with an idea, "Maybe I can make her not sad!" He suggested with a grin.

"Look, Jack, you cant-" Sam began but was cut off by Jack taking the plate of food from his hands and disappearing. Presumably into your room.

----

As Jack appeared into Your room, the darkness did not go unnoticed. The only way he was able to navigate through her room was the light that peaked through the crack under your door, showing the lump that was covered by blankets.

"Are...you okay?" Jack asked, standing next to the bed, looking down at you.

Your eyes never wandered from the ceiling as you responded, "No. But it's okay, I'll be fine in a bit."

You were lying, of course, as you thought about running the blade of your knife over your skin and maybe getting yourself on whatever hunt the boys tried to get you to help with.

Jack knew you were lying, his frown deepening as he placed the plate of food onto her bedside table, turning on the lamp.

You shut your eyes tight to try and rid of the unwanted brightness in the room as you groaned.

"You need to eat." Jack told you sternly, only repeating what the boys had said.

"I'm not hungry, Jack." You mumbled, slowly opening your eyes, trying to adjust to the light in your room after hours of darkness.

The dark circles under your eyes proved that you hadn't slept that night, much less had slept in the past week.

"You haven't slept." He mentioned, his head tilting slightly in curiosity, as was normal for him.

"Haven't been tired."

"But you need it."

"I sleep when my body decides it's time for it. Right now is not time for it." You chided, crossing your arms against the blanket over your body.

Jack knew not to push further with you, knowing from Sam and Dean that you were in a fragile state. He sat down beside you on the bed, not breaking his focus on your tired being. "Why are you so sad?" He asked.

To you, it felt like he had already asked a million questions. But you always had a soft spot for the kid, so you never snapped.

"I'm not sad, I'm just..." You didn't know what you were feeling. Most times it was different. Sometimes you would say it was because you felt too sad, other times you said you felt empty. You'd say that your emotions were so overwhelming that your brain didn't know which emotion to pick, so it broke. There was no real feeling for you.

"Just what?"

You sighed before making it simple for him, "Never mind. Yeah, yeah, I'm really sad." A crack in your voice slipped out as you said it, making the sentence feel even more broken than it was.

Jack knew that the response to someone's sadness was to hug them (as seen from the many times the brothers, Castiel, and Y/n had hugged each other after tough times), and thought that maybe that's all you needed.

So, he pulled you up into a sitting position and hugged you tight, a smile growing on his lips as he felt your arms wrap loosely around him, your head placed in the crook of his neck.

You felt tears prick your eyes as you reveled in the sudden comfort and reassurance that the hug brought you. The evil thoughts that plagued your brain had died down just a little as you focused on the moment.

You knew that the hug wouldn't ward off your depression forever, but you were glad that it was enough to keep you feeling sane for this tiny little bit.

And suddenly, you began to feel your eyes drooping, sleep slamming into you like a freight train as the many sleepless nights finally caught up with your body.

Jack felt your arms let go of him slightly, fingers grazing his back as they fell limp with sleep.

Just in time too, as Sam and Dean (now joined by Cas) open the door, concerned about the silence that had fallen between the two.

They all sighed in relief at the sight of the sleeping woman, Jack finally letting go of her and gently setting her back down.

They took note that the next time this happens, Jack will be the first one they send in.

And yes, Dean, in fact, ended up eating her breakfast instead.

‐--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hey yall! Thanks for reading <3 this fic was more just projecting what I've been feeling for the past couple of weeks into my writing, and at first I felt a little iffy posting it. But with a little push from a friend (reminding me that this fic would be read by a lot of people who would find comfort that someone could relate to them) I decided, fuck it!

@pinchofhoney

[a-d-nox]

pac/pap (creature feature: beholder): what do you see that no else does? what aren't you hearing?

welcome to my october pac/pap creature feature series - instead of having a single pac/pap this month, there will be five! every monday (at 5p / 17:00 EST) this october, a new creature will be coming out to play as the sun begins to set earlier and earlier... keep an out; you never know what is lurking in the darkness...

today's creature is the beholder: song queued: "somebody's watching me" by rockwell! do you live in the mountains or near cave systems? the beholder is likely right underfoot or lurking in shadows of your mountainside as we speak... the beholder is a fictional monster originally depicted in dungeons & dragons, a fantasy role-playing game. this creature is a floating orb of flesh with a large mouth containing hundreds of sharp teeth. a majority of its face is a single central eye; surrounding this creatures head are many smaller eyestalks each with their own powerful magical abilities. this creature is mainly reliant on eyes - but where are their ears? their hearing is akin to a snakes - poorly developed and prone to common diseases/infections.

take what resonates leave what doesn't - nothing is 100% for you because these aren't personalized so please no angry comments or dms about what i am saying not being a good fit for you or that you "don't claim" just keep scrolling if that is the case. be kind, self reflect, and have fun.

last pac/pap: how can you be more honest with yourself?

masterlist of pap/pac posts

want a personal reading? click here to check out my reading. options and prices!

pile one

you see other's pasts more clearly than they themselves do. for instance, you can see and understand more clearly why they are discontented in their present / how their past effects their future. you also can see how people can best heal from their past to have a better future. and because of that, you know that change is an inside job first and foremost.

you are likely struggling to hear your feelings; mainly, you are struggling with intuition and self-trust. taking life too seriously and not making time to play and explore causes a lot of strain on any of us. we then struggle to understand our emotions and thus lack a knowledge of what truly brings us joy and happiness. be more sensitive to your, and others', feelings. don't take things too seriously - play; have fun - and realize that not everyone is trying to harm you or your feelings.

pile two

let's face the facts - you see everything. you have a true curiosity when it comes to the world around you. you can also see good thing come towards you from a mile away - chances are you can sense who/what is good or bad for you. keep a watch for opportunities in the world around you; they are surely set to appear.

you aren't hearing the universe shouting at you not to settle. there is no time limits on life. listen to your gut - if you feel something is missing, listen. it is never too late to fill the spaces in your life that you feel are lacking. follow you heart and your instincts when seeking what exactly those missing pieces are. know it is okay to release the things that once brought you joy - you are allowed to change. it's time to declutter life.

pile three

you see what motivates others - you see what they truly want beneath the front they put forth. you also understand what you do and why you do it. you know when someone wants recognition versus when they want attention from others. you might also see the ideal state of things; in that respect, you are sort of an optimist!

you aren't listening to those, and yourself, that it is time to let go and free yourself from false hope. hope is a good thing to have but know that when a pattern presents itself or when you are stuck in a cycle, sometimes it is up to you to walk away. it's not enough for you to hope that things will change, you are have to take action for things to get better. hear me when i say that you must free yourself from your past and from the destructive things in your life - the new year in around the corner; drop the old in time for the new to come in. it's alright to make difficult or unpopular decisions.

want a personal beholder reading? tip 2.99 USD with the comment "beholder" and i will privately get back to you with what you see that others don't AND what you aren't hearing!

other then that, thank you for reading! don't forget to comment down below which monster you believe is coming to join us next monday?

[aroyaltailor]

semi-hiatus (vent warning)

Currently failing Spanish 102 and things are not getting better. In a move that I'm sure will surprise none of those who follow this blog, I am going to be taking a hiatus from any writing. Yes, another break! Another hiatus, putting off work on this blog and leaving the replies I owe to rot in my drafts. The words simply do not come out of me, and I'm still struggling with perfectionism that blocks any genuine attempts at getting anything done. I basically have to learn the entirety of Spanish, or at least the relevant information for the class, because if I fail I won't be able to graduate this semester.

It's the same damn thing every time. I've submitted a request for the counseling service provided by my college, but they have a two week waiting period due to the huge influx of students needing mental health help these days. I genuinely believe that I've reached a point where I need professional help with my writing, and that I have somekind of OCD that prevents me from simply writing the first draft without needlessly fussing over every word.

I really didn't want to have to make this post. I was holding on to the hope that things would be alright. I was hoping that everything would be okay. That I'd be able to create legitimate routines, learn how to comprehend Spanish, and that I would be able to have the time to sit back and focus and work on building this blog.

The first exam of the class is next Tuesday, September 10th. I won't lie, I'm basically spiraling at this point. Self-care is at a total minimum, and I haven't really been taking care of my health either. I'm not eating much, both out of lack of hunger and the simple fact that my household doesn't have any food available. Today alone, I've been slouched over the table in the upstairs study rooms of my college, staring at this damned screen all day. Suicidal thoughts, a bit of self-harm with a pen, it feels just as bad as organic chemistry. And the genuine possibility that I might be kicked out the house if I fail Spanish 102 isn't helping matters. I don't really have anyone to talk to either, not in-person at least. Not really even online either, but that's probably too jaded for me to say. Doubt anyone will even read this, but that understandable I guess. Everyone has their own problems, so many people do, and they can't pause and stop when they have their own concerns to deal with, especially for someone that hasn't really produced anything.

Let's just say it isn't getting better. It's not. It's getting worse. I can't be on here as much as I want to, and I'm beginning to think that I've been damaged permanently by what happened to me. My dad had lung cancer, I did everything I could, but that's all I can say about it. Even just typing that sentence has me bawling now.

I'll either pass Spanish 102 this semester or I won't. If I don't, I definitely won't take it well. I'm sorry for everything I've said about how I'd made progress, or that I'd be around to do replies only to post nothing at all. I'm not doing well and haven't been for awhile.

Hopefully things will get better. But then again, I've said that before haven't I? Time will tell. I'm sorry to everyone for the times I've wasted their time with starters or replies I haven't responded to yet. Blog isn't even finished yet, but if I pass I'll try. I promise I'll try.

[sweetmoons]

Let's talk about the representation of EDs in Heartstopper season 3

TW: Discussion of Eating Disorders, OCD, self harm, and other mental health topics.

*Some spoilers*

So I just watched season 3 of Heartstopper today and I really really wanted to talk about this because I haven't seen many people talking about it and it's so important to me. Before I say anything, I do want to clarify that the reason I'm speaking about this is because I have struggled with disordered eating for about 6 years now, I'm in recovery currently (yippie!) but it is something that was and still is a big struggle in my life, so I want to comment on how I feel Heartstopper captured that experience.

I will just say from the beginning I think this is the best representation of an Eating Disorder I've personally seen in a piece of fictional media. If anyone has any better examples let me know I would love to check them out, but in my personal experience this is the best I've seen and it honestly shocked me. In the comic Charlie's Eating Disorder is a big part of him definitely but they don't talk too much in detail about how it's tied into his OCD, likely because of comic length restrictions. Now personally I don't have an ED tied to OCD, but I have a friend recently who was doing a project where he was trying to find non-villanizing depictions of OCD in movies and TV, and he was practically tearing his hair out in frustration at how little anyone EVER said OCD by name. So when they in detail talked about how EDs are sometimes caused by body image issues but there's also EDs caused by compulsions (which is what Charlie has) I was honestly so shocked (in a good way).

Just them mentioning how EDs can be caused by compulsions (and also sometimes cause more compulsions) was more than I've seen in any show I think. But when we get to the depiction of what Charlie is actually experiencing I think it shines even more. Now obviously not everyone has the same experiences with their ED but some of the reactions and feelings from the characters hit so close to home that I cried.

Charlie saying he thinks about food almost all day, him lashing out and getting angry at people around him when they try to force him to eat, Charlie saying he's not sure if "I'll ever go back to normal. Whatever normal is." All of those moments resonated so hard with me. And the depictions of relapsing with self harm and not eating were a nice depiction too, showing that just because he started getting help doesn't mean he was magically fixed, and Geoff saying to him "Relapsing doesn't negate all the progress you made." HOLY FUCK That is SUCH an important message for people to hear holy shit.

AND I LOVE LOVE LOVE THAT NICK BEING HIS BOYFRIEND DOESNT MAGICALLY FIX HIM!!! I feel like in a lot of media just with depictions of any mental health disorder, when the mentally ill character has a partner and their partner is like "I luv u pookie bear 🥺" the mentally ill character is just suddenly okay??? Like having a partner was all they needed??? But they emphasized so much how Nick couldn't "fix" him, not only because Charlie needs more help than from just one person, especially professional help, but also because NICK IS JUST A CHILD HIMSELF!!! That's such an important message for kids watching to hear and something I wish I heard as a teenager.

Also the general reaction of people around him to his eating disorder was very accurate to my experience. Charlie's extended family making comments about his appearance and weight despite everything and saying that he seems "like nothing ever happened" just because he got treatment. Oh my god that's so accurate. The line of Charlie saying "I hope I get Grandparents that don't comment on my weight" made me laugh because OH MY GOD that shit reminded me of family gatherings so much. Plus Charlie's frustration of everyone treating him like he's fragile, won't even lie it made me tear up because that's something I personally still struggle with to this day from family. The strong message to the audience that just because someone's disgnosed as mentally ill doesn't make them any less of the person they were before their diagnosis is so so so nice to see.

Sorry this was a lot of me yapping because honestly this is so significant to me and I know it would've been so nice for me to see this 6 years ago when I was 15 and first started developing an ED. But I think Heartstopper is truly doing something incredibly amazing with representation in their show that hasn't been done much in the past and I'm so happy to see this.

[terrifyingstories3]

i'm in school and have a practicum and things are BUSY but i'm still crying about characters and it's been a birkhoff month so

i think his favorite feature about himself is probably his facial hair. it just feels Right and he wouldn't feel like himself without it. when he's first beginning hormone therapy he cries when he starts growing facial hair and it's just this moment of gender euphoria for him. it makes him feel comfortable in himself and increases his confidence x10000 and if you know birkhoff there are aren't a lot of things he puts a lot of effort into maintaining (his vision is absolutely terrible and he's needed new glasses since FOREVER, he could use some dental work, his diet consists primarily of energy drinks and sugar, he's probably slightly anemic), but HE TAKES GOOD CARE OF THAT HAIR.

he has crushes on all of his friends in varying intensities at mostly varying times not always. he kinda wants to kiss all of them. he doesn't think this makes his feelings for people less significant or meaningful though he's very serious about how much he wants to make out with everyone

he has different kisses for everyone and that sounds weird. i know. but he can show you and it's not not true. he's a really good kisser according to the people he has kissed and it's not unrelated to how much thought and intention he puts into his kissing. you don't necessarily expect it because he's like That Nerdy Guy but he'll rock your world

that being said when he really really FALLS for you he FALLS for you and it's life changing

he has top surgery sometimes in his twenties (??) i want to say and he'd like to have bottom surgery but it's complicated for a lot of practical reasons given His Life as an ex division argent. there are just a lot of factors there holding him back but he'd want that someday.

i think hes really big on death of the author. i think reading and engaging in media was really important to him, especially as a kid growing up "different" and alone and lacking support and resources and he's not willing to give up stuff that gave him comfort and hope because an author is horrible. he might kill them , but, (okay, probably not, he's not really a Killer, though he has killed, a few people - it was really traumatic though so it probably wouldn't happen. his bestie nikita might kill them tho), he's not gonna let something that got him through be tainted (though he wouldn't participate anything that's gonna fund that author either. but that wasnt really an issue he owns the internet he can read anything he wants he wasn't really paying anyway wfkjwf)

has bunny slippers and loves them dearly

pretty much always cold. wears a lot of layers because of this. he's generally more comfortable in layers anyway - given his top surgery there is some vulnerability attached with being shirtless (especially in the time period the show airs in but currently too), and he generally always has a shirt on, but not necessarily for insecurity so much as there are situations where he doesn't feel safe to do that OR he just doesn't want to deal with people, and has mentioned before, he just likes layers.

he's very aware of the vulnerability in having that conversation with people and also just the emotional exhaustion that can accompany it, and the privilege he has as someone who typically doesn't have his gender questioned, so sometimes he's just like nah i'm good not subjecting myself to this or i don't feel like it today. he's also aware that there's the potential for it to be dangerous for him even if he doesn't anticipate it. but generally speaking, he's not necessarily self conscious. he has bad days and struggles with dysphoria at times, but for the most part is comfortable in himself, and most of his insecurities aren't specifically trans related. he has a lot of doubts about himself and his worth to people and regrets about harm he's caused in the past, and that's more likely to manifest in discomfort in himself regarding anything to do with his gender or presentation of it.

he has a lot of pride in having overcome the things that he has, which can sometimes really make him look like a dick. for example, he's really proud of all this money he's managed to acquire as a hacker and it like. very much comes off as this shallow selfish vain love of money and luxury and like DOES HE GET A POOL EVEN THOUGH HE DOESN'T LIKE WATER BECAUSE IT FEELS MORE FANCY AND LUXURIOUS? yeah lmao. it's there he can be a dick. but when he brags about His Money or His house it's generally less about possession and more about... his pride in himself for having been able to acquire those things, and recognition that for a lot of reasons these aren't things he was ever supposed to have by definition of who he is in the perspective of society and his family.

he was never supposed to be happy he was never supposed to have anything he was never supposed to feel secure or have any type of power in his life and so.. he's really proud of himself for getting there!!!!! he's overcome A LOT, when he was all alone and had no resources and nothing except himself. and he doesn't see expressing that as something that's to the detriment of anyone else because it's not about anyone else it's about him and what he's survived and overcome. he's like fuck yeah i stole money from this 1% of the 1% jerkwad and got away with it. he managed to scrape by and survive and THRIVE when he was never supposed to, and he won't feel bad about how he did that. it was him against the world and he made it through and that counts for something. he's a survivor and that means something.

so yeah he brags about being a legend and stealing all this money and it's CRINGY but it really does come from something deeper.

security is something really important to him and something he's very conscious of. he had no security as a kid and having the tools and support to be who he is and take the measures he needed to become who he knew he was and receive the care he needed is something that was never guaranteed to him and he wants that. and with the money, he can give that to himself, and that's IMPORTANT. and he never wanted to want for that again he never wanted to have to desperately scrape for it and he shouldn't have to. and that's a big part of who he is. he's selfish in a lot of ways and he recognizes that, but that isn't something he sees as selfish per se. because he doesn't live in a world that's going to help him, he never has, and that means he has to help himself. and if the world won't give him the tools to do that, he'll take them.

that being said he really is this family guy and he just wants to live in a house with all of his friends forever. yes even this person who steals all his favorite snacks and this person who doesn't pick the wet towel off the floor and this person who Drives Him Crazy with their tapping. he loves them and would take care of them all of his life and it's actually the ideal life for him. and while he can be selfish with love, curl around His People and let the world burn because they're the most important, there's truly a lot of selflessness in how he loves, too.

he can be very cowardly but he's also the definition of do it scared at his core. he's scared, he's so scared - of hurting and dying and losing the people he loves, but he does it anyway. he's tortured and he never wavers even for a second going right back to the life that led him there. he's scared so often about so many different things but he doesn't let that fear stop him (eventually. it takes some time.) which also makes him very, very brave.

there is a lot in him that just wants him and the people he loves to be safe, and would be very content with that. he's not a person who needs to be out there saving the world or slaying dragons, and he doesn't think he really needs to be. there are a lot of people out there like that already and it's enough to try and keep them from flying too close to the sun. but he's also a person who has recognized he's caused a lot of harm in his life (particularly as an instructor at division who was just really A Dick), and he cares a lot about remedying that.

[dreamkidddream]

I’d like to request hc’s of the Brothers and Diavolo reacting to an MC that’s so cute, she could pass off as a doll. If she stands perfectly still, she could pass off as a full sized doll until she moves again. She has adorable doe eyes, wears cute clothes (Lolita fashion or just has an anime girl style), and even makes cute desserts. If the usual MC was weak and frail to them already, Doll!MC seems so dainty, precious, and fragile; these guys would ban paper if she ever got a paper cut.

Oooooo this is really interesting! I can just imagine Doll!MC just making everyone so scared every time she moves because they could probably hurt themselves just bumping into a wall because they look so fragile lol. These were short, so hope you enjoy!

Update: here’s part 2 with the other Undateables!

The Brothers and Diavolo Reacting to Doll!MC

Lucifer

...maybe he made a mistake in picking you for the exchange program after all

You just look so delicate, and just so pure. 

You have definitely made cute little snacks and brought it to him while he locked himself in the office with paperwork

He lowkey highkey likes it no matter how he brushes it off with the usual thanks. Keep doing it, MC, he really appreciates it

When you get in trouble and he gives you the usual lectures, he can’t look into your eyes for long

Geez, he already can’t stay mad at you for long but now he can just feel his resolve cracking

If you get hurt oh Diavolo prepare for helicopter parent Lucifer

As soon as you accidently cut yourself in the kitchen (it would be the tiniest cut, barely noticeable),  you’re no longer allowed in the kitchen unsupervised and can’t handle anything with a sharp end (whether its a butter knife or kid proof scissors that would be safe for Luke to use unsupervised)

“Let me do it for you, I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Lucifer, thank you but I’ll be okay. It’s just a frosting spatula it’s not sharp-”

Will punish his brothers 10x worse and demons 100x more if he finds out you got hurt (doesn’t matter what the injury is, could be so much as a paper cut there will be hell to pay)

Constantly checks on you when he can’t see you in person

Handles you so lightly that you barely feel his touch

Move over Belphie, you’re the baby of the house now 

Mammon

Protective x100000

Is still tsudere around you, but doesn’t insult you as much

Who are you kidding as soon as he looks into your cute doe eyes, he forgets what he’s saying 

Complains about having to do stuff for you but doesn’t mind at all really. He loves it because it feels like you’re depending on him, and that makes him feel worth something.

“C’mon human, let the Great Mammon carry your books! You’re gonna hurt yourself and I don’t feel like hearing Lucifer’s mouth today!”

It was just your planner and a small recipe book that Luke gave you, and it weighed less than 10 pounds but okay. You don’t complain either when you see that he genuinely wants to help and do these things

Basically your loud guard dog and secret service agent rolled into one

He’s gotten into trouble more than once for “protecting you”. A student barely bumped your shoulder and Mammon already tackled him. Lucifer was not pleased (but he secretly understood)

He can’t help it that you’re weak and surrounded by hungry demons! It’s a pain to go through this much effort to just protect you, since you look so helpless

MC he’s just worried that you easily break if a demon so much as breathes on you but he likes that he can protect you because he knows that he can keep you safe. You’re just too cute and sweet okay??

Also stand in his room after watching a horror movie to freak him out and he’ll be sounding like Mariah Carey lmao

Leviathan

RURI-CHAN IS THAT YOU??!

Is for sure having an otaku/weaboo freakout moment

You blend in with figurines so well, every time you come into his room he asks you to stand next to them so he can feel that his collection is complete 

He does it sometimes when he streams so people can think he has a rare limited-edition life sized doll that they can’t get. Makes him feel superior 

DRESSING YOU UP IN COSPLAY 100%

You’re like an anime character but in real life and he does not know how to handle it 

Can’t stare into your eyes, it makes them too flustered because he’s used to seeing it in his otome games and not from an actual person that he likes

Who needs maid cafes when he has you? You even dress and make anime themed desserts (once he built up the courage to ask you to make it for him)

Has to calm his beating heart every time he talks to you, you’re too precious for him MC! 

Your like his very own idol, minus the singing and dancing. However, if you can sing and dance....

Levi.exe has stopped working 

Satan

Thought you were a real doll until you introduced yourself

He really thought that someone brought you to life Pinocchio style

You looked like a princess from the many stories that he read, and he was smitten

Treated you so graceful and elegant like until he had his rage moments, which he told you to stay far, far, far away from him until he calmed down completely

Secretly placed a hex on you to where if someone tried to attack you or touch you with harmful intentions, they would be somehow be subjected to looking at their worst fear

You were wondering why that random stranger was just staring wide at you with extensive terror, but then you saw Satan grinning, so you left it alone. You thought it was just some weird demon thing

Loved when you made him cat-themed desserts

If you wore cat ears while doing it, he will turn extremely red

If you meow for him, he won’t know how to handle himself 

Asmodeus

You are just the cutest thing he has ever laid his eyes on!!

Besides from himself of course, don’t get it twisted he’s still #1

He has most definitely had more than one photoshoot done with you both. And you guys have been trending on the Devilgram a couple of times already

Really you guys trend at least twice a month, and his fans love you!

They always ask where he got the doll from but he always laughs and says that “it’s a secret”

Imagine their shock when they see you walking and talking at RAD, some are amazed and some are downright scared

Fashion shows! 

He lives for dressing you up in cute clothes. Your style already suited you and he had great tastes so the new outfits he got you were just *chef’s kiss*

The cute little desserts that you made for him, he always posted it on the Devilgram before he ate it. They were just so cute MC and he couldn’t not show his fans!

Is the most careful brother when it comes to keeping you out of danger. He refused to let his body or skin damaged, and he wasn’t about to let it happen to you either! You are both way too dainty and fragile to let anything happen

Also spa days and self-care nights weekly!

You’re the perfect match made just for him MC

He finally has someone that can understand his struggle of being beautiful, bless you MC

Beelzebub

Soft boy is scared of touching you :(

He towers over you, and he’s scared to even be near you

It takes some time, but he starts to warm up to you

Is always gentle with you, no matter the scenario

Holding hands? He is hardly gripping your hand, said hand fitting loosely in his

Getting hugs? He’s meagerly holding you, not wanting to crush you

You once complained to Beel that it wasn’t fair to get half done hugs (if you were hugging, you were getting a real hug, not a scared one). 

He made you swear that if he was hurting you to let him know, so now you have your very own signal to use for him just in case

He was very tempted to wrap you in bubble wrap and just carry you around like that

He LOVES your sweets, even more than Luke’s and Barbatos’

No matter the size, he loves them, mainly because you made them and it was made with love, just for him

It always makes him feel so warm inside, and he doesn’t feel his appetite gnawing at him like usual

No one is dumb enough to try anything with you both in his presence and not, unless they want to end up either a: deep into the ground or b: into his stomach

You just make him feel all warm and fuzzy inside, and he just loves everything about you. He just loves you

Belphegor

Hm, you look cute 

For a human

Acts like he doesn’t care, but you’ve caught him blushing before (he still does it too)

Won’t outright admit that you’re charming in your own little way, but he does in his sarcastic way like usual

“MC, you’re such a half-pint. You’re like my personal sized teddy bear.”

Has cuddled with you like you were his personal teddy bear (and still does, but you don’t complain at all)

Has a secret sweet tooth and eat your desserts whenever you make it just for him (and he doesn’t even share it with Beel, that monster)

Demons just have to look Belphie in the eyes, watch him flex his claws, and they all of a sudden forget about whatever they were planning. Good

He hates that you look so fragile, but at the same time he kinda likes it

You just look so soft, and you’re just so kind

It makes him feel like he’s protecting and caring for you, and that makes him feel calm and peaceful 

Please make sure that he’s okay MC, he’s scared that he’s gonna mess up again

Diavolo

The Prince of Hell is both surprised and pleased at your appearance

Do all humans look this charming or is it just you??

If someone as soft as you can survive living and going to school with demons, then this is great

Knew that you weren’t a doll, but still liked to admire you like one

Has asked more than once for pictures, you are just too enchanting!

Wants to have a portrait painted of you so he can hang it up in the castle

LOVES you baking for him! Loves when Barbatos does it too (even though it is kinda part of his job), but it feels different with you. It feels...domestic in a sense. Makes him feel like Diavolo, your friend and very interested in being your boyfriend, instead of Lord Diavolo, the prince that will be residing over Hell in the future

No one would be foolish enough to hurt you. If someone was, they wouldn’t even get the chance to lift a finger before they were directly dealing with him. Don’t take his kindness for weakness, he still is a demon after all, the future King of Hell to be exact

Was scared of touching you at first, but quickly grew out of it! He can handle his own strength, and you guys also have a signal to use just in case he does squeeze a little too tight

Will want to dress you up in royal clothes (if you were okay with it). Nothing is wrong with your current style, as a matter of fact it suits you! He basically just wants to play a fancy game of dress up/have a fashion show with royal clothing

Will take 100s of photos, no exaggeration

Asmo will be jealous, so be warned

Plus, he wants to know how his future lover/ruler would look in a crown so he can start taking measurements. You can never be too ready, right MC?

[weirdkpopgirl]

Enhypen Reaction: When You Need Comfort

Reaction: When you need comfort

Reaction: When their s/o needs comfort

Genre: Mostly angst...a little fluff

Warnings: uh...some sensitive topics like food, nightmares, and mental health, self-harm. Please be aware of this before you read!

A/N: I wrote this for anyone who is going through a hard time and needs comfort ^-^

❉ ╤╤╤╤ ✿ ╤╤╤╤ ❉

HEESEUNG

This time you sprang up from your bed, sweating bullets. Sobs escaped your mouth, as you remembered the horrifying nightmare you had just woken up from.

“Bad dream?” You suddenly heard Heeseung’s voice murmur in a sleepy voice. You almost forgot that he was staying over tonight.

You grabbed a tissue from your nightstand and blew your nose, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

Heeseung sat up and gently stroked your hair in hopes to comfort you, “You’ve been having a lot of nightmares lately. Is everything okay?”

“This week has been so stressful,” You said honestly. “And you know stupid me always overthinks every little thing.”

Heeseung caressed your cheek, “One, you’re not stupid and two, do you want to talk about it?”

You shook your head, “No it’s okay. I’m okay.”

“Are you sure? Do you need anything?”

You nodded, “Just...just hold me please.”

If Heeseung was more awake he probably would’ve smiled at what you said. He happily brought you to lay back down on the bed and held you as you asked him to. You instantly felt better by his warmth and touch.

“Good night Jagiya,” He whispered.

You snuggled closer so your head could rest in the crook of his neck, before pecking his lips.

“Night, Heedeungie.”

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JAY

You really didn’t want to go to Jay’s dorm at 11 pm, when it was nearly midnight. Especially because he probably had a hectic schedule today and he needed to sleep. But here you were, pathetically standing at his front door wearing only a thin sweatshirt, shorts, and sliders.

“Noona? I didn’t know you were coming,” Niki was the one who answered the door.

You tried to smile at the younger boy, “I’m sorry...but is Jay home?”

Fortunately, Jay had already headed toward the entrance after Niki went to answer the door. His heart rate increased when he recognized your voice. He motioned for Niki to let him know he could handle this. The maknae nodded and carried on with his nightly routine.

“Jagiya, what are you doing here?” He asked without thinking. “I mean not that I mind at all.”

For a few seconds, you looked at Jay who looked exhausted, most likely due to hours of dance practice. You regretted why you even came here in the first place when Jay and his members needed to rest.

“I-I...it’s not a big deal actually,” You lied. “I’m sorry for bothering you guys at this hour, I’ll just leave-”

But Jay took your hand before you could take off, “No you’re not bothering us. Stay.”

When your eyes met his own, he could tell that you need him right now. He knew better than to let you slip away like this when you clearly weren’t okay. He could care less if it was late.

He knew it must’ve been really bad because you never came to him like this. Usually, you kept to yourself. He felt a little guilty for feeling happy that you finally came to him.

“Were your parents fighting again?” He asked after bringing you into the dorm’s living room. He gestured for you to come to sit beside him so he could bear hug you.

“Yeah…” You replied, almost inaudibly. “My d-dad was cursing at my mom and she was saying really hurtful things.”

“And you couldn’t sleep?”

“Yeah pretty much…” You gave a half-suppressed laugh. You always made it seem like a joke when you were talking about your struggles. It was how you coped.

You wiped away tears that fell without you knowing, “I don’t understand why they don’t divorce already. Our family is already a wreck.”

“If I could make everything better with the snap of my fingers, I swear I would (Y/n),” Jay gently moved your head so you could rest on his shoulder.

You wrapped your arms around his neck and hugged him tighter, “Can I stay here, just for tonight? I promise I’ll leave first thing in the morning.”

“You can stay here as long as you want Jagiya,” Jay kissed your temple. “Hell, you could even move in with us if you want.”

“Jay, you know your managers will not allow that.”

Jay shrugged, “I’m sure we could work something out. Besides, I need someone to help me cook for these six children.”

He smiled when he saw you laugh at his humor. At least you were feeling a little bit better.

“But seriously, you’re always welcome here,” Jay said. “Don’t you ever feel like you’re bothering me because you’re not, okay?”

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JAKE

“(Y/n)-ah, I made some ramyeon for us!” Jake came over to you with a steaming pot. You weakly smiled when the puppy came to sit down next to you at the table.

“I’m sorry Jake,” You said quietly. “But I’m not hungry.”

Jake set the food in front of you and pouted, “Really? But this is your favorite!”

“That’s why you should eat deliciously for the both of us,” You encouraged, patting his shoulder.

“Jagiya, I know you’ve been skipping meals recently.”

In contrast to his words, the kindness in Jake’s voice didn’t change in the slightest. You could hear the genuine concern in it though.

You’ve never had such a sweet boyfriend like Jake before. He always wanted to take care of you as much as you took care of him. So whenever something felt off about you to him, he immediately wanted to find the cause so he could help.

“I’m just on a diet, Jakey,” You ruffled his hair, trying to downplay the situation. “I’ve been wanting to lose some weight.”

“Diet?! Why?” Jake was so confused. He had never seen you like this before. “You don’t have any weight to lose, Jagi.”

You avoided eye contact, looking down at your hands.

“I just don’t like the way I look okay?” You said in almost a whisper. “I want to be pretty like all those girls in the k-pop groups.”

“But you’re just as pretty as they are, (Y/n)-ah,” Jake said, not understanding how you could think you weren’t. He absolutely adored you.

“Did someone say something? Is that why you’re dieting?”

You quickly shook your head, “No, not at all. I was just looking through Instagram the other day and I got insecure.”

“I understand how you feel. But you’re perfect the way you are,” Jake said. He made sure to be careful with his words because he didn’t want you to feel hurt.

“And you shouldn’t starve yourself,” He added, taking his chopsticks and twirling some noodles around them. “It’s not healthy and I don’t want you getting sick.”

“Jake…” You looked petulant when your boyfriend held up some food to your mouth.

“Please eat. Just one bite, I promise!”

You just couldn’t resist those brown puppy eyes of his, could you? With a defeated sigh, you let Jake feed you. When you did, he kissed you happily on the lips.

“That’s my girl!”

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SUNGHOON

“What’s wrong?” Sunghoon asked when he saw the look on your face. It was a mix between mild panic and disappointment.

Your eyes didn’t leave your phone, “I-I got 0.5 off on my math test.”

“What? That’s pretty good!” Sunghoon smiled, thinking that you were happy. But you weren’t, you really weren’t.

You knew that everyone hated that overachiever type of person who got angry when they got anything lower than an A. But it wasn’t just that for you. The standards you brought onto yourself was anything you did that was less than a 100, was considered a failure in your eyes.

“I-I don’t know what I did wrong. I should’ve studied harder,” You started to ramble to yourself. “Damn it, now my grade is going to lower.”

Sunghoon’s smile was crestfallen when he heard this. He knew how much of a perfectionist you can be but he didn’t think it was to this extent.

“(Y-Y/n)-ah, are you crying?”

You quickly swiped your cheek with the back of your hand, “I-I’m sorry. It’s just I really want to get straight As by the end of this semester.”

“I know you do. You’ve been working so hard,” Sunghoon said, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. “But you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself Jagi.”

“I know...but I can’t help it,” You said, trying to keep your voice stable. “I just feel like I could do so much better.”

Your boyfriend sighed, wanting to cheer you up. He understood the feeling of not being good enough.

“It’s okay to want to improve,” He told you. “But your grades don’t determine who you are (Y/n)-ah. You can fail a class and I’d still think you’re the smartest person I know.”

You couldn’t help but laugh at Sunghoon’s ridiculous statement, “You’re just saying that because you’re my boyfriend.”

“No, I mean it,” Sunghoon insisted. A teasing glint appeared in his eyes. “Should I show you that I mean it?”

“Sunghoon I don’t think-” You tried to say before Sunghoon shut you up with a passion-filled kiss.

He was going to make sure you knew how much he truly admired you, no matter what your expectations of yourself were.

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SUNOO

“I wasn’t yelling at you (Sister’s Name), I was just saying that-” You tried to keep your voice calm. You were flustered enough as it is because you were having an argument with your sister when your boyfriend was here.

“Stop acting like you’re better than me,” your younger sister retorted. “At least I’m not the one who cuts myself!”

Sunoo watched as your face turned red at her sister’s hurtful words. You wanted to scream and tell your sister to shut up and that she didn’t know what she was saying. But you knew that you wouldn’t be making anything better. So you stormed into your bedroom.

Sunoo quickly ran after you, “(Y/n)-ah!”

He made sure to close the door when he entered the bedroom. There you were with your head in your hands, trying not to pull your hair out.

“(Y/n)-ah…” Sunoo slowly walked over to hug you because he knew you needed one.

Tears streamed down your cheeks, “I-I can’t believe...I can’t believe she said that to my face. Sh-she has no idea how crappy I feel.”

“I know,” Sunoo spoke softly, gently patting your back. “Don’t listen to what she said about you.”

You pulled away but still held his hand, “I’m sorry you had to see that.”

“It’s okay,” Sunoo reassured you. “I’m right here by your side. So you can just let it all out alright?”

You giggled when he peppered your face with kisses. He always did that whenever you were feeling down.

“Thank you, Sunoo-yah.”

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JUNGWON

It was late in the evening and you two were the only ones still awake at the dorm. You had come over earlier to bring them food and by the time everyone finished eating, it was too dark out. So Jungwon insisted that you stay the night.

That’s what brought you two sitting together on the sofa and just talking. One of Jungwon’s favorite things to do with you was to cuddle and talk for hours. You always listened to whatever was on his mind, whether it was good or bad.

But tonight was different because Jungwon wanted to listen to you talk. He didn’t want you to think that he didn’t care about your life and how you were doing. So you just told him about school and how things were going at home. Somehow the topic traveled to your mental health which was something you hated talking about with others.

“It’s okay, Jagi,” Jungwon reassured you. “You can talk to me, I promise not to judge.”

You let out a shaky sigh, “To be honest I haven’t been doing that great.”

Jungwon sat up straighter so he could listen to what you had to say. Just by your first sentence, he could tell that you’ve been holding in a lot of feelings.

“I just hate myself so much,” You confessed quietly. “And I know, I know there’s something wrong with me.

Even though he wanted to say something, he stayed silent and placed his hand on top of yours.

“But I’m afraid to get help because my-my mom has anxiety and my sister has her own problems and I-I know it’s hard for my dad to handle,” You added, feeling tears build up.

You mentally cursed yourself, you didn’t want to cry in front of Jungwon but your heart wasn’t listening to you. You couldn’t hold it in, no matter how hard you tried. Jungwon held your hand tighter when the first tears fell.

“I don’t want...I don’t want to be a burden to them and I don’t want them to see me as weak. So I decided that when I’m older I can find out what’s wrong with me. But...but sometimes I’m afraid that the longer I wait...the longer I wait...I’m scared that something bad will happen.”

At this point, any walls you had built to protect yourself were taken down. You usually never let yourself be vulnerable in front of someone. You don’t know why you were being so emotional right now. Maybe...maybe it was because you had bottled it all for so long and everything has piled up until now.

Nonetheless, Jungwon didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around you. He felt upset with himself because he didn’t know you were feeling like this and he wished he had known sooner.

You harshly wiped your tears away and sniffed, “I don’t even care anymore, Jungwon-ah. I’m fine and I’m...I’m sorry for telling you all this.”

“Why are you sorry?” He frowned. “I’m your boyfriend, so you should tell me these things. I’m sorry if I made you feel like you couldn’t.”

Jungwon held you tighter and kissed your forehead, “If you ever want to get help, I’m right here for you. And if you don’t then just come to me whenever you need to.”

You listened quietly to Jungwon’s comforting words and let the warmth of his hug envelop you. For the first time, you didn’t regret spilling out your heart to someone. Then just thinking about Jungwon made you realize that-

“You’re not alone Jagiya. I may not understand everything you’re going through but I love you a lot and I don’t want you to feel like a burden anymore, because you’re not.”

“You love me, Jungwon?”

Jungwon looked into your eyes for a moment before he leaned down to kiss you tenderly.

“More than you and I could ever imagine.”

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NIKI

Niki didn’t know what to think when he found you sitting on the floor, hopelessly crying in the dance practice room. You had been here since last night, trying to perfect this one choreography. But you kept making the same mistake no matter how hard you practiced. At this point, you were losing confidence and breaking down.

Niki kneeled in front of you, “(Y/n)-ah?”

“I keep screwing up this one part in the dance Niki,” You cried out in frustration.

Niki gently reached his hand to wipe your tears, “Don’t cry, (Y/n)-ah. It’s okay.”

“No it’s not okay,” You said in denial. “If I don’t get this dance right, I won’t be able to debut. And-and then I’ll let my members down, my managers, and you.”

“(Y/n)-ah, you’re going to debut. I know you are,” Niki tried to encourage you. “Everyone has those off days, even me.”

You had stopped crying by now, which left Niki feeling relieved. Still, he made sure to hug you.

“Let’s just take a break,” He said. “I promise to help you with the choreography later, okay?”

He smiled when you nodded and cutely sniffed like a bunny rabbit. He wasn’t used to taking care of others, but he learned a lot from watching his hyungs. So just like his hyungs, he was going to make sure that you didn’t overwork yourself.

❉ ╧╧╧╧ ✿ ╧╧╧╧ ❉

[arthurflecksgirl]

Hey, how is your day going so far? I hope it's splendid! Can I request an Arthur x reader where the reader is recovering from self harm and he is proud of them? You can choose it to be sfw or nsfw. Thanks in advance! :)

Hey Anon, Thank you for your ask. I 'm okay and I hope you are doing well,too?! I am soooo sorry this took me so long but I finally sat down today and wrote your request. I was thinking about that request since you first send it to me. It was a beautiful one but also a tough one. Itˋs a sensitive subject and I was struggeling with how I wanted to write it. I was afraid to write it in a way you wouldnt approve so I am a bit nervous posting this and I hope with all my heart that you will like the result. This request was close to my heart but a bit of a struggle until I finally sat down. I am sending love to anyone. Especially everyone who had to go through this or still does go through it.

Words: 1900

Trigger warning: Mentions of self harm

Arthur nervously chewed on his pencil ,while the blank page of his journal was staring at him like it expected something good to happen. More than one good thing happened in his life recently and he absolutely hated how difficult it was for him to put his emotions into words. Words worthy of how he truly felt about not being alone anymore. He felt like the emotion of it was a seed he didnt knew how to water properly ,to make it the flower that was a written page in his diary. One he would like to show to you , randomly in the middle of the night. To proof how he felt inside. Blooming.

He always felt like he wasnˋt good with words but so much better with showing his feelings off in a different way. A movement of his body when you were slow dancing across the bedroom, a piece of music hummed into your ear while he was pulling you closer, the touch of his thumb brushing your cheek before he leaned in to kiss you. Body language was his way to express what was growing deep inside of him. A love so immessurable, he was becoming a new man. And you were his garden he wanted to spent the rest of his life in. He wanted to build a cabin right in the middle of the gardens heart and plant roses and violets. Once he figured out how to water them and which flowers demend more sunlight or which ones prefered the shadows. He wanted to learn every aspect of your soul. Flower by flower. Petal by petal. To let his roots grow towards yours. Arthur touched the artificial flowers on his desk. They reminded him of who he used to be. Unreal and far from what he desired to be. No sunlight could have touched him  enough to let him grow.

Until there was you. His garden. He finally became what he was supposed to be. A sunflower. The flower of joy and happiness. But also the flower of the man who once drank yellow painting to commit suicide by putting happiness inside himself. At least that was the rumor Arthur heard on tv when he watched a documentary about Vincent Van Gogh. And he was quiet fascinated by it. Somehow the though was relateable to him. In a very abstact, sad, beautiful way.

„Last week“ he wrote , trying to draw a sunflower but it just didnt turned out the way he intented to. „She  finally felt comfortable enough to wear a short sleeve in front of me. I guess that means she really does feel save around me. Ah, it means the world!“  Arthur smiled to himself when he drew a tiney heart and filled it in. His heart was so full of you. Just thinking about the way you took off your comfort sweater for the first time to show him the scars of the past ,created a feeling in his heart he couldnˋt name. 

It has been a while since you let him know about your struggles with self harm. And Arthur could tell that it wasnˋt an easy thing to do. He would always remember the moment he first saw your naked arms. The pattern of hurt on your fragile skin. This moment of vulnerability and strengh. He wanted to kiss it. Arthur wanted to kiss along every single scar to show you how beautiful you were to him and how much he belived in the power of a gentle lip kissing where it hurts the most. But he didnˋt. Arthur wasnˋt sure if it was the right moment yet. He didnt wanted to do anything wrong. So he just sat there, thinking about placing kisses all over, while he picked his own eyebrow with his fingers.

„One day“ he wrote underneath the heart „I will kiss  her scars and she will feel what I felt when she was taking care of me“. Arthur put the pencil down and took a deep drag of his cigarette. Smoke filled his lungs but he wished it was your breath instead.

A familiar noise interrupted his daydream as he put the remains of the cig in his pink ashtray. „Hey darling, Iˋm home“. Your voice made him feel all warm and fuzzy inside. The way you called him darling was music in his ears. His favourite song he repeated in his head when he was at work or taking the bus. He sometimes hummed the words „Hey darling“ , as if it was a prayer. „Hey darling Iˋm home“. Home. That was never the word he would have used to  discribe the place he was living in. Never what he thought of when he felt the worn fabric of his couch underneath his naked skin or was lying in the bathtube, checking for how long he could handle to keep his head under water. This place with all itˋs heavyness wasnˋt home. But it transformed into a home eveytime you opened the door to wrap your arms around him. A genlte kiss upon his forehead. His noticlable frown  underneath your lips. Hey darling, Iˋm home. You are home, finally. We are. A home.

Arthur shifted his position ,so your lips immediately found their way to his forehead. „Forehead kisses“ he thought „Are her way to tell me how much she cares“. He closed his eyes for a moment. His dark lashes covering his piercing eyes like a curtain, to feel the moment with all itˋs gentleness. When Arthur opened his eyelids again he noticed something wrapped around your wrist. His heart stopped for a moment. The thought of you harming yorself again hit him so hard he forgot how to breathe. „Y/N…are you….okay? Oh my god…“ Arthurs index finger reached out for your wrist. He barely dared touching it. His tear filled eyes blurring his sight.

„Yeah, I am. How was your day, Arthur?“ you replied as you sat down on his lap to kiss the corner of his mouth. You noticed his lips trembling underneath your own. A tiney earthquake emerging from within. His day was okay while he was sittin on his desk thinking of all the beautiful things he could write to you. Until you came home with a hurt wrist. Now nothing remained okay. Seeing you hurt was worse than his own pain. Your wound was his wound. Arthur held your face between his hands, unable to responde with a kiss.

„Are you…. Are you hurt?“ he whispered, pointing at your bandage. He wanted to be here for you. Now more than ever. His mind was travelling back to the day you found him with a bleeding forehead after he hit his head against the wall. He recalled your hand resting on the spot that hurt so much and how it lead to the first forehead kiss he received in his life. Thatsˋs when he knew he wasnˋt all alone in this anymore. Thats when he knew that, yes there will be bad days , even together but he didnt had to face them on his own anymore. There was someone looking after him. Someone willing to ease the pain. To heal his wounds. Old or recent. He remembered how gently you held his hurting head, fingers brushing  back his hair to clean the wound. Heˋll never forget the first act of kindness and love from a loved one.

And now it was his turn to tell you itˋs going to be okay. His turn to take care of your wounds.

„No baby, Iˋm not hurt. Iˋve got a little suprise for you…“ Arthurˋs eyes glanced deeply into yours „A…. surprise? What do you mean?“

You lifted your arm smiling at him. Thats when he noticed your wrist wasnˋt bandaged but wrapped in some kinda foil. You slowly started to unwrap it, a big smile lingering on your face. „Darling, I hope you like it“.

Arthur couldnt belive his eyes. Were once was a scar six letters showed. Written on your wrist. Six letters so familar, he started sobbing.

„Oh Arthur….“ You touched his cheek „You like it?“

He covered his mouth with his right hand, mumbling.

„I thought about this  for a while now. Getting your name tattooed to cover my oldest scar“.

A single tear ran down his happy face „Thats…. Just…. Wow. I…. donˋt know what to say. Thatˋs my name. You got a tattoo of my name. „ Arthur couldnt stop staring at the letters. „Can I….touch it?“.

 You smiled „Not yet, itˋs still fresh and I need to put some cream on it.“

„Oh! Yeah…. Of course.“

Arthur tried to understand what was happpening right now. A minute ago he was afraid you hurt yourself again and now  he found himself looking at a tattoo that was his very own name. Part of you.

He felt your other hand touching his blushing cheek „I really wanted this to remind me of how beautiful things can happen after experiencing so much pain. There is this scar and itˋs still there but somehow it belongs to my past and it doesn´t define me. It never did. And now there is you. The light that came after the dark. The one who understands my scars and eases the pain by loving me for who I am. I love you, Arthur, I love you so much itˋs so demanding and beautiful and …..now youˋre always on my mind, in my heart and under my skin.“

Arthur gently lifted your hand, careful enough to not touch the tattoo. „I love you“ he whispered „Can I…. can I kiss your…“ goosebumps covered your skin as his upper lip found itˋs way to travel across your arm. Soft kisses, thoughtful and warm, scar after scar. You couldnt help but cry a little. Arthur froze „My god, Iˋm sorry I only wanted to…“

„Donˋt stop“ you whispered through the tears „Please….“

The light in Arthurs eyes came back when he realized it was happy tears running down your cheeks. Tears of relief and inner peace.

„Remember when you found me after….“

„I do, Arthur.“

„That was the first time I felt truly loved“ he breathed, while he continued kissing your skin.

„You found me at my worst. And loved me. Especially where it hurt the most“

You closed your eyes, concentrating on the softness of his lips. His presence was medicine. Calming and warm like a favourite sweater.

You remembered  very well. It was the day you knew that you would give the world to protect this man. The beautiful soul that Arthur was. You couldnt change his past but write his future. You and him together. Sitting in front of a blank page, where anything was possible.  Every yet unborn poem was demanding to be written. Every small moement of happiness. And when the pages get torn and some parts get blacked out, you would be here to put a sticker on it. Heart shaped. One thatˋs glowing in the dark. So when he openes his journal at night he couldnt see the scribbles and blacked out parts. Only the bandage that was love.

Just like the words written on your wrist.

Arthur.

 

„I wanna do the same for you“ he mumbled between the kisses „Loving you where it hurts the most…so...“ he lifted his face, looking at you „…where does it hurt?“

„Every inch untouched  by your loving hands“.

Only a heartbeat later Arthurs thumb gently brushed over your bottom lip as he whispered „Let me take care of that“.

[maplecornia]

chapter 35

𝔴𝔬𝔯𝔡 𝔠𝔬𝔲𝔫𝔱: 3.04K

𝔤𝔢𝔫𝔯���: romance | slice of life | fluff | angst | bts x female!reader | ot7

𝔰𝔲𝔪𝔪𝔞𝔯𝔶: You watched them from the sidelines ever since you were a young teenage girl. Now you’re grown up, they’ve returned after 2 long years and everything has changed. What happens when you pull back the mask and find the darkness within? What happens when you see that they’re broken?

𝔴𝔞𝔯𝔫𝔦𝔫𝔤𝔰: cliffhangers | angst | fluff | slight mentions of self hatred | depression | mental health illness | self harm | occurs in the year 2024 | set in a timeline where BTS went to the military together | slight language

tags: @kookaine | @fangirl125reader | @kookiebbyxx | @taradevonne | @rae-bear | @mangminnie | @pixiekooo (not taggable) | @cana

"For your information, I am very against this."

"I thought you were looking forward to starting your training."

You glare at Namjoon when he makes the snide comment, and he has to struggle to keep his smile hidden at the reaction. Pouting in your chair, the stylist has to press her hand on your back to remind you to sit straight. At your reluctance, Namjoon's smile only grows and you struggle to ignore the rise of adoration in your chest.

Rolling your eyes you turn to your reflection in the mirror.

You're nearly unrecognizable.

With heavy lashes brushing against your cheek each time you blink, contour thinning your face, dark eyeliner helping your eyes pop out against the blush on your cheeks, you find it had to remember the way you looked before. Were your eyes always this bright? Did you always have this curl to your lashes? Were your cheeks this rosy, did you have that red hue to your lips? Did they always look so full and appealing?

Swallowing hard, you wonder if you're ready for this.

When Jin told you you'd be modeling today you thought he was joking. But BangPD wouldn't joke about something like this and when you got the call from him it only secured your fears. Biting your bottom lip, you fidget once more in your chair, the stylist sighing behind you.

Sheepishly, you go still, choosing instead to wrap your hands tightly around the arms of the chair. The stylist resumes their work silently, no doubt unaware of the insecurities rising in your chest. Namjoon is different, however, and noticing the way you've suddenly gone silent he glances towards you in worry.

"Is she ready?" Jin's voice breaks through the busybody chaos of the dressing room as he enters, the stylist performing the finishing touches to your hair.

Still holding forms of animosity towards him, you roll your eyes adeptly ignoring him. If he notices he doesn't show it, just angles past your retreating stylist and places his hands on the back of your chair trying to catch your eye. You raise your brow his way, refusing to return his smile. Noting the growing tension, Namjoon clears his throat, heading over to you as well and helping you out of the chair.

"I should hope so, doesn't she look ready?" He murmurs a bit nervously, and nudges you, clearly screaming at you to make nice with Jin and let bygones be bygones. You roll your eyes at the not-so-subtle signs and force a somewhat convincing smile towards the veteran. Jin nods in satisfaction before leading the three of you to the door, bowing respectfully to the rest of the staff.

Jin shivers in anticipation as he heads down the corridor. "Kind of nervewracking huh?"

Glaring him out of the corner of your eye, you scoff.

"Wasn't this your idea?"

Unfazed, Jin leans down peering into your eyes.

"Was it?"

Biting the inside of your cheek, you flick his forehead with your thumb and forefinger and he reels back, groaning in pain. You can't help but smile in satisfaction, but when you turn to Namjoon, his disapproving stare is enough to make the smile fade away.

"He started it." You mutter under your breath as you enter the shooting area.

Multiple set pieces and lights, bustling people hurrying from one set to another, sounds of photos being taken, bright flashes, and shouts from one side of the room to another. Models in flashy apparel, makeup artists, and stylists are ready to touch up anyone who needs it.

As you come face to face with the sight, you have to refrain from cursing underneath your breath.

"Ah Yen, good you're ready." At the voice, you blink out of your reverie only to find Sejin standing before the three of you. "Thank you for doing this again."

The head of BTS' management team, you've only met the man once before. He looks the same as he did then. Tall and intimidating, burly but with kind eyes. Graying black hair and signature glasses rest on his nose, a soft smile always playing on his lips. He puts you at ease, gives you a sense of familiarity and comfort.

"Of course, sir." You bow your head respectfully towards him, ignoring the incredulous look Jin makes beside you.

"Favoritism." He murmurs under his breath, and you wonder silently if Sejin will notice you elbowing him hard in his gut.

"They won't show your face that much, so all you have to do is stand there and look pretty for the camera. Simple enough, right?" Sejin explains, either pretending to be or completely oblivious to the exchange you and Jin just had. You nod as he turns away, picking up a call from his phone.

"Yeah..." You shakily look down at your hands, praying for them to stop shaking. "Simple."

Namjoon glances your way and reaches for your hand, prepared to offer you some words of encouragement, but another voice breaks through the chaos and he flinches away as soon as your head snaps up once more.

"Let's get going everyone!"

A man stands amidst the bustling crowd, with a clipboard in his hands and an earpiece secured in his ear. A couple of people are constantly trailing after him, asking questions and then darting away to carry out another set of tasks. He wears extravagant yet down-to-earth clothing, something that lets you know he's important but still a part of the background.

"Who's..." you start to say, but Namjoon, following your gaze, already answering your question as he folds his arms.

"That's the director for the shoot." He sighs, almost in exhaustion. Jin nods at his explanation getting the same worn-out look on his face at the sight of the man.

"He's just a little...eccentric." He adds to Namjoon's assumption, and you can't help but snort. Luckily, Jin doesn't seem to notice.

"That's rich coming from you." You mutter under your breath, holding your hand over your mouth to conceal your small giggles of laughter. Namjoon nudges you again to remind you to be respectful, but even he can't keep the smile off his face at the comparison.

"You must be Yen!"

At the shout from across the studio, you flinch as you turn to see the director just a few feet away from you. He takes your hand in his and shakes it excitably, and you have to resist the urge to remind him of personal space.

"My name is Deokhwa, thank you for filling in today."

You smile weakly at his enthusiasm, trying to read his excitement and understand why it's necessary.

"It's no problem."

Almost as soon as he was by your side, he turns on his heel and heads the other way once more calling out instructions to the staff members scuttling around.

"Can we get Taehyung and Jungkook into hair and makeup, please?! This should have been done ages ago!" With wide eyes, you watch him leave, your hand still outstretched where he had shaken it moments ago.

"Is he always like this?"

"Sometimes it's worse," Jin whispers in your ear, and you can't help it, you laugh, any hostility held against him now gone. There wasn't any reason for you to be mad at him, but it's just startling.

Aren't you supposed to be prepared for things like this? But standing here, you couldn't feel more out of place.

"Suga and Jimin, get into costume! Someone touch up Yoongi's hair please, he fell asleep...again."

Swallowing hard, you consider turning on your heel and running out of there. You wonder what they'd do if you just gave everything up now. You'd be okay, right? You've dealt with letting down people before. This wouldn't be anything different.

Then you remember.

The only person you'd be hurting would be yourself.

Clenching your jaw tight, you root your feet to the ground, refusing to let yourself get intimidated. Yes, you're not fully prepared, but you can do this. You have to do this.

"Hoseok!" Deokhwa calls for Jhope who's dawdling around near Suga. He turns at the sound of his name, Yoongi opening an eye, half-delirious and half annoyed. "Are you ready?"

"Yes sir!" He nods, a little too excited. Suga winces from his place beside Jhope, and pulls a pillow off the couch he was sleeping on.

"Then you and Yen can go first, alright?" Deokhwa decides, crossing something off of his clipboard. Jhope nods, saluting the director with a wide smile.

"Roger that!" He shouts once more, unbeknownst of Yoongi winding up behind him, and smacking the pillow straight into his back. Jhope shrieks, startled before turning to Suga and delving into a slight argument.

Namjoon, shaking his head at the encounter, almost forgets that you're right beside him. It's only when you take a deep breath to steady your nerves does he remember, turning to you. Biting his bottom lip, he considers reaching out to console you but pulls away hesitantly. Instead, he clears his throat, gathering your attention.

"Don't worry so much." He murmurs, glancing your way and sending you a slightly awkward but reassuring smile. "You can do this."

You return the smile, finding his concern to be comforting before turning to Deokhwa and heading over there to meet Jhope.

Maybe he's right, maybe you can do this.

Or maybe you're in over your head.

Standing in the middle of the set, you find yourself freezing, unable to move at the sight of so many eyes on you, so many cameras pointed your way. Ready to capture your every move, your every expression, your every misstep. You can't move, afraid that you'll screw everything up. Everything is so perfect, everything is set where it's supposed to be, what if you'll break it when you touch it? Anxiety growing larger and larger within your gut you try your hardest not to break down.

Why did they think you were ready for this? You don't even know what to do, much less how to do it even if you could figure out how to move again. Deokhwa tries his hardest to give you directions, but it's lost within the noise in your head. Static grows, mixing in with the bright lights and eyes staring at you, waiting to devour you and pick you apart as though you were a doll meant for their enjoyment.

When his hand wraps around your arm, sending warmth throughout your shaking body, you find yourself completely helpless. He pulls you to his side, his hands strong and sure behind you, making sure that you won't fall on his watch. You look to him, wondering if he can see how vulnerable you are at the moment, wondering if he knows that you aren't as strong as you pretend to be.

Jhope only smiles, brushing your hair off of your forehead and giving you a soft kiss in their place. You blink, shocked at the sudden show of affection, and equally as shocked when the camera flashes, taking a shot of the encounter.

Flinching, you turn to the camera, and the director, who's grinning from ear to ear. "That was great! Keep it up you two! And Yen, it's okay to be nervous at first, don't worry you'll get the hang of it."

Sheepishly, you nod, any fear or anxiety you had before quickly fading away in an instant. As the shooting commences, you turn to Jhope who has since let go of you and let out a soft sigh of relief.

"Thank you."

Hoseok glances at you from the corner of his eye, chuckling to himself as he takes your hands and leads you over to another section of the set. Dubiously still posing for the cameramen of the shoot. You notice, and can't help but smile. He really is kind.

"For what?"

At his question, you give him a look, but the innocent smile on his face only grows wider. It's a smile that tells you he knows exactly what he did, but he won't admit to it. You roll your eyes at the notion, finding it so like him, and yet so infuriating.

Instead, he picks up a bouquet and hands it to you. "There's nothing to thank me for, it's only right to help out someone new on set."

You take the flowers delicately into your hands, finding them to be an exquisite array of daffodils and sunflowers, a few peonies dotted here and there. You raise the flowers to your face, inhaling the sweet scent. As you do, Jhope smiles affectionately, multiple flashes from the camera capturing every second. However, the two of you are too distracted to care.

"Do you know what these flowers mean?" He asks you, and you look up at him, shaking your head silently. He chuckles at the curious spark in your eye and takes one of the daffodil petals into his hands, stepping closer to you.

"Daffodil's represent rebirth and new beginnings." He explains. "The first bloom after winter fades."

New beginnings. You wonder if there's any left for you to find.

"The sunflower is simple. A sign of happiness and good fortune. Peonies are difficult, however."

"How so?" You ask him, and he smiles, lifting a one from the bouquet.

"They mean something different all over the world. In Greece, they are known to represent bashfulness. In Japan, they're associated with bravery and honor." Looking up at you through his long eyelashes, he brushes his finger across your cheek as he tucks the flower behind your ear. "Generally though, they can be known to represent prosperity and love."

At the mention of the word, both of you look at the other. There's something in his eyes, something that reminds you of the way Jungkook has looked at you before. The same electrifying look that Taehyung has sent your way. The same connection you shared with the masked man.

He only pulls away from your touch long enough to set the flowers aside, then his hands reach for yours and they soon intertwine together.

Maybe it's the strange feeling of the set or the weird way the flowers have resonated with you, but you can feel your heartbeat increasing with every step he takes towards you. He presses his forehead against yours, and you find yourself avoiding his eyes, your cheeks flushing a bright red. Swallowing hard, you look up to find his eyes hooded, all traces of his once comforting smile now gone and replaced with something more sentimental.

"What?" you whisper.

"What do you mean?" This time, he doesn't smile innocently, instead, his warm hands tighten around yours, creating a cocoon around the two of you. You take a shaky breath, trying to refuse the loud pounding of your heart in your ears.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

He offers you no answer, only takes a step closer, your bodies now able to feel the other's warmth. A comforting feeling, one that lets you know that you still breathe and feel the same if not a bit different from the other. He presses his thumb against your cheek, rubbing it softly over your skin in a delicate motion. With wide eyes, you look up at him, wondering what is there that has entranced him so.

"Did you know you have a freckle here?"

Before you can move or even respond, Deokhwa's voice cuts through the cocoon, and the both of you are brought back to the harsh reality you had once escaped from in the arms of the other.

"Alright! That's a wrap, good job you two. Hoseok you can now get changed for your solo shots, and Namjoon get ready you'll be next."

When Jhope pulls away, you find yourself frozen, and confused.

Was that...was that all an act?

Watching him bow slightly to the director and cameramen, but still stay a considerable distance away from you, you can't help but feel a bit slighted. It all felt so real. Could he really have been faking it--?

And so what if he had?

Blushing profusely, you place your hands on your cheeks cursing and begging the rosy hue to erase itself from your skin.

Honestly, Yen, what were you expecting? He doesn't even know you that well, certainly not as well as Namjoon or Tae...

And why are you bringing those two into this?!

Inwardly, you groan. Having all of these idols around you 24/7 isn't doing any favors for your heart. Biting your bottom lip, you feel the darkness growing inside of you once more as you remember your promise.

Not now Yen.

Not yet.

Chuckling nervously, you turn to Jhope.

"You're good at this."

Hoseok looks towards you, once more feigning innocence. You almost want to strangle that puppy dog look from his eyes. It's as though he refuses to show you a real side to him. It's maddening, you can't seem to figure him out.

"What do you mean?" he asks, and you force a smile, beneath your grimace. Taking a deep breath, you pull the peony from your ear, smiling softly.

"You know...faking." You say the word before you realize how insulting it could be interpreted. At Hoseok's slight eyebrow raise, you grimace noting that he took it exactly that way. You stammer, scrambling for the right way to make up for your wrong usage of words. "I mean, you're a good actor! I almost believed that was real."

Jhope looks as though he wants to say something in response, but before he can, Deokhwa call from beyond the set, near a couple of stylists touching up Namjoon's makeup before he heads up.

"Come on you two! Come take a look at the monitor."

You nod, silently thanking God for giving you a weird and eccentric director. You don't notice the odd way Hoseok is looking at you, nor do you realize that he's taken a step closer to you. Placing his hand on your shoulder, you jump a bit, turning to him, but his lips are already by your ear, his breath hot and dancing on your skin.

You try your hardest not to shiver as he whispers his next words, the sound reverberating in your eardrums.

"I wasn't faking anything."

𝔞/𝔫: i feel like we have hardly any Jhope moments so here you go! i hope this is a nice one, even if it's kind of short ;-;

chapter 36 here

check the Infinite Stars masterlist for more chapters

check my BTS masterlist for other BTS content

check out my masterlist for other kpop fanfics

[squishy-mochi-is-bright-pink]

hi! uh—sorry if this is confusing, it’s my first time making a request. uhm—i’ve just been feeling rlly down lately and was considering self harm. so, if it’s okay with u, can i request for tsukishima/sakusa/osamu (u can choose if doing all is too much) seeing their s/o with a fear of sharp objects about to self harm but not going through with it and them comforting their s/o? u dont have to do it tho if ur not comfortable with it, i just wanted to try asking :)

Characters: Tsukishima and Sakusa

CW: self harm, sharp objects

Genre: comfort

Word count: 1, 616

Summary: You've been struggling with thoughts of self harm, which then lead you to a fear of sharp objects. Your boyfriend notices and tries his best to help you.

A/n: your request wasn't confusing at all, don’t worry. So sorry I didn't get around to writing Osamu but I hope this is alright. if you ever need someone to talk to im here, or you could request as much or as little as you want. Just remember self harm isn't the answer, alright? Remember you're loved <3

Tsukishima

Okay, so even though everyone says that Tsukishima doesn’t care or isn’t a good boyfriend to you that is a big fat lie and you know it. This boy is super observant. ESPECIALLY when it comes to you.

You’re his baby and the love of his life, and one way he shows his love to you is by paying attention to everything you do and acting accordingly. He’s usually subtle about it though. You shiver? Oh, look extra hoodie. Tense up when one of your classmates approaches the two of you? Oh no something came up with the team and you’re both required to solve it.

Slight rant aside, he notices immediately that something is wrong. It may take him a little bit to figure out what exactly but he’s looking into it immediately. By the end of the day, he’s checked with your friends if anything is bothering you, he’s found out whether or not you are behind on work or if school is stressing you out. But nothing.

Luckily for him, it was Friday, thus, he was coming over to your house after school (practice). Usually, he’d come over and do some homework then you’d watch a movie together and honestly you could use some affection right now.

When he arrived at your house you were already showered, dressed and waiting at the table to start your homework. He came in and placed a gentle kiss on your forehead and sat down across from you, he’d already changed into casual clothes after practice.

Tsukishima exalted deeply for the first time that day and let himself relax now that he was alone with you. He’d spent his entire day trying to figure out what was up since you’d been acting weird for a little while now and he was back to square one. Nobody he’d asked knew anything that might have upset you, and he’d asked a lot of people. More accurately he’d asked Yamaguchi to since he knew people found Tadashi less intimidating. However, he still hadn’t had any luck in narrowing down the issue.

You seemed to be focused on whatever work you where doing so he decided to do some of his own work and ask you about it during the movie. He pulled out his maths book and a pencil from his pocket to begin working on the algebra homework.

After around thirty minutes of working together with some lofi playing in the background and occasionally asking for help from one another, his pencil lead snapped in the middle of an equation. Slightly irritated, he went to his bag to retrieve a sharpener but couldn’t find his pencil case. Shit, he must have left it in his desk. Oh well, he won’t need it till Monday anyway.

  “Hey, Shortcake,” that stupid nickname he’d gave’ you made you look over to him “do you have a pencil sharpener? My pencil case is at school.” At the mention of a sharpener, you squeaked out no far too quickly. Okay, somethings up. He’s sure of it now. 

So he gently set down his pencil and placed one of his hands on yours. When you looked up and made eye contact you could see how concerned he looked. Though it isn’t just concern, there’s something soft and loving there too. It’s because of this that you just aren’t able to break the eye contact, even though you’d much rather check your house slippers for bits of dust. 

“Baby,” he starts softly, “I know somethings up. You’ve been different for a few days now. And as long as you’ve been in my class you’ve never forgotten your stationary. Do you want to talk about it? Or we could do something else if you want.” By now there were tears beginning to slowly roll down your cheeks and Kei had gotten up to wrap you up in a hug. “Come one baby.” he says as he guides you over to the couch to sit down.

Once he had you settled in beside him he started to rub gentle circles on your back and waited patiently for you to calm down enough to talk to him. Once you had calmed down a little you began to explain everything. From the thoughts of self-harm to avoiding anything sharp or dangerous just in case. And he just sat there and listened. All the while gently rubbing circles and patterns into your back. He listened to every word you said and took it all in making sure to give little nods or hums of acknowledgement, enough to let you know he was listening without interrupting you.

When you’d finally finished telling you everything he simply scooped you up in his arms and hugged you as tight as he could. “Baby, Y/n. I’m so proud of you. You’re so strong and I’m so glad you didn’t do anything.” he gently kissed the top of your head and whispered, “I love you so much.” 

You snuggled further into him and he turned the tv to your comfort movie, even if he didn’t love it or would much rather watch a documentary about dinosaurs.

Sakusa

Sakusa is another boy who people wrongly assume is a bad partner. I object. Although he is slightly more hesitant when it comes to physical affection in public he’s one of the best boyfriends you could ever ask for.

Generally, when the two of you hang out he has a routine to ensure there is no fear around germs and he can be as affectionate as he wants. You both take showers and change into freshly washed clothes when you arrive at either home before you spend time together.

Because of how naturally observant this boy is, and the number of showers he’s had to take at your house he has your shower products almost memorised. He knows what they are, what they do and where they go. Honestly when you’re running low on something he’s more likely to notice than you are. And of course, being the loving boyfriend he is, he’ll remind you to add it to your shopping list or even go shopping with you.

This mans love language is probably quality time or acts of service, so if there’s an opportunity to give you a hand or just spend time with you he’ll take it.

Today was just another day, well not exactly, Sakusa was coming to spend some time with you today, which honestly was not rare at all. You had both fallen into a steady routine of taking showers and changing before spending time together. He would never ask you to do it but you knew it made him more comfortable. Plus he far preferred your shower to the locker room one.

So as always he walks into your house, puts his bag on the table and walks to your bathroom to take a shower. When he’s in the shower he notices that your razor is missing from its normal spot. He thought that was a little bit odd. Mostly because he has never seen your razor missing before. Any time he noticed something was missing before it was always just running low on shampoo, or body wash or only having one bar of soap left.

It isn’t that weird so he just makes a note to himself to remind you about it later like he always does. Once he’s finished and changed into his favourite sweats and second favourite hoodie (you’re currently wrapped up in his favourite). He goes to your room and curls up beside you as you’re preparing to put on a movie.

By the time Sakusa had remembered what he needed to remind you of the movie had been playing for around 20 minutes. So he decides to just wait until after the movie to bring it up. With that decision made he just decides to focus on the movie and how you feel giving him cuddles.

After the movie was all finished and you and Omi where cleaning up, when he brought up the missing razor. “Hey baby, remember to add razors to your shopping list. Yours is missing” he mentioned as he placed your throw pillows back on your bed. He paused in the middle of fixing your pillows, that was not the reaction he expected. Something was up. When he turned around and saw you near tears he rushed over to check on you.

“Baby, talk to me whats wrong?” hes says in the most soothing voice he can muster when he reaches you. You dont respond, just crying a little harder and hugging him back. “Its,” you sniffled a little, “its nothing Omi. Ill be fine” you sniffled again trying desperately to pull yourself together.

Sakusa pulled out the handkerchief he kept for you in his pocket. And by the time you'd told him everything he was crying too holding you. "it's gonna be alright baby. I'm here, we're gonna get through this together."

You fell asleep holding together, knowing that you weren't alone. And wouldn't be as long as you have him and he isn't leaving any time soon

[spunky-89]

When it Rains it Pours

A/N: I’m back again, who knows for how long, but what matters is that I made a thing and I get to share it with you all. 

WARNING I made a self fulfilling fic during a dark time so it might be triggering to those with depression and I do talk very briefly about self harm....so yeah

WC: 3k

--------------------------------------

Life was wearing you down. It felt like everything was going wrong. You were failing two classes, your car was totaled, your mom was sick, you weren’t sleeping, your parents were arguing all the time now, and that was just scratching the surface of your problems. Not to mention the fact that your mental health was plummeting. The only good thing you felt you had left was your boyfriend, Stiles. He was always so supportive and he was there whenever you needed him. But soon enough, you knew you would lose him too.

It was late in the evening, lacrosse practice had just ended and you were waiting by Stiles’ jeep. It was cold and dark and you were beyond tired. But as soon as you heard him approach you slapped your fake smile on and pretended everything was fine. And apparently, you were a good actress cause he never noticed. He went on and on about practice and coach and the latest supernatural crisis. It actually made you calmer, hearing him ramble. Somethings never change and you were glad for that. Like your tradition of always stopping to grab a bite to eat after Friday practices. You desperately wanted to go, but you weren’t sure how long you could hold this facade of being okay. So with a heavy heart, you asked him to just drop you at home, making the excuse your mom needed something from you. Like the wonderful boyfriend he was, he offered to help and you could just order in. But you declined, promising to call him first thing in the morning. As you opened your front door you could hear your parents arguing again, but you kept your smile up and turned to wave at Stiles. As soon as the door was closed you let out a deep breath, dropping the fake smile and trudging to your room. You threw your bag on your desk chair and headed straight for your bed. You just laid there thinking as you tried to muffle the sounds of your parents arguing with a pillow over your head. You woke up hours later, somewhere around 2 a.m., and realized you fell asleep in your clothes. You quickly changed into something comfier, climbing right back into bed. You decided to start working on your upcoming english essay, but you struggled to come up with any words. Or better yet, you had the ideas in your head, the problem was getting those thoughts on paper. You barely realized you’d been up all night, the only reason you did was you noticed the sunlight beginning to filter into your room. You sighed and put your books and laptop away and tried to grab a few hours more sleep. You didn’t really succeed, falling asleep around 8 and waking back up at 9:30. You sent a quick message to Stiles to let him know you were staying home to study and to call if anything life-threatening was occurring. He asked if you wanted company but you denied. Not thinking you’d be able to put on a fake smile today. So you went to the kitchen to grab some food before you locked yourself in your room, determined not to do anything but study and do homework. You got so absorbed in your work you didn’t notice your phone blowing up with texts and calls. You didn’t notice that lunch came and went without you eating anything. You didn’t notice your severe dehydration, nor your hunger. You were numb to everything. So much so you ended up falling asleep at your desk to the sounds of your parents’ screaming match.

You kept this pattern up for about 3 weeks. You slapped on your fake smile at school and pretended you were fine. If someone asked you just said you were anxious about school and grades. Everyone bought it. 

With each day you were becoming more tired and drained. A part of you told you to tell someone, to get help, but the other, louder, part said no. So you kept it all in. It was starting to show. Your grades were slipping more, you were gaunt (luckily makeup kept anyone from seeing that), and you only wore baggy clothes to hide the obvious weight loss from not eating. It almost hurt that no one noticed your terrible state, but you didn’t blame them. How could they if you acted like everything was fine? What they did notice, was you pulling away from the pack. You didn’t show up to pack meetings, and the ones you did come to you never stayed for chit-chat. And worst of all, you hadn’t been alone with Stiles in weeks. You knew he would figure you out, he always could. But you didn’t want him to. He was already dealing with enough, he didn’t need to be worrying about you too. The pack would try and corner you at school but you learned to be slippery, learned to evade the wolves, other supernatural creatures, and the humans. 

You could tell you were hurting Stiles, and that killed you, but you thought maybe distance would be good. He could focus on other things and not have to deal with you. Yes, you decided, he was better without you. They all were. So you made a plan. You would break up with Stiles by saying you didn’t like him anymore and you were sick of the pack. That way it was kind of breaking up with everyone. Then you would have your mom pull you out of school and you could take online classes instead, limiting your chance of seeing the pack.

It was a Wednesday, after school. It was pouring outside but you knew Coach would still make the team practice. This was your opportunity. You sat in your car in the driveway of your home and called Stiles. You prayed he wouldn’t answer, as that would make things harder. When you heard his voicemail pick up, you took a deep shaky breath.

“Hey Stiles, um look, I know it’s kinda shitty to do this over the phone but uh, I don’t think we should be together anymore. I just don’t feel the same way I did, and I know it was wrong of me to drag this out and make it worse by distancing myself first, but I thought it would help lessen the pain. I’m sorry, I wish you the best.” As soon as you hung up your sobs were echoing through the car, meshing well with the sounds of the downpour. You didn’t do what you’d wanted, which was to sound like you were just uninterested and over the pack. Instead, your voice was shaky from holding back tears. You hoped Stiles wouldn’t notice and it would be enough to cut ties with the whole pack.

It took you about half an hour before you were able to get out of your car and start to head inside. By the time you got to the door, you were soaked. Your hands shook as you tried to get the key into the lock, but between the anxiety and the freezing rain, you had no luck. Then you heard the familiar rumble of Roscoe and you tried twice as hard to open the door, but you couldn’t so you just cursed as tears started to mix with the rain, hindering your vision. You could hear his feet slapping against the pavement as he ran to you. You tried to take a deep breath and focus but it was impossible. 

He shouted your name but you ignored him, almost cheering when you got the door unlocked. You tried to enter and close the door before he got to it but you weren’t quite fast enough. As you were rushing to slam the door he put his hand out and shoved against it, keeping you from closing the door. 

“Stop fighting me and just talk to me!” He exclaimed.

“Just go away!”

“No, I’m not leaving until you tell me what the hell is going on,” he grunted as he shoved hard and managed to slide in before you managed to push back. 

He grabbed your arm to try and turn you to face him but you chose to walk past him out the door, just trying to get away from him, knowing you would just take back everything you said, just to feel his arms around you one last time.

“Where are you-” He started to call after you but ended up giving chase instead. 

So you started to run. You didn’t know where you were running, you just knew you couldn’t stop. Unfortunately, with the torrential downpour, you were having a hard time seeing and ended up tripping over a pothole and falling to the ground. Your body ached and your skin stung at the contact with the street, but you ignored it and tried to push on. Unfortunately, your fall gave Stiles enough time to catch up to you. He grabbed your arms and helped you up, never once letting go of you. 

“Let me go Stiles.”

“No. Not until you explain yourself.” He shouted over the rain.

“Just go home!” You cried out.

He just shook his head and stared at you, standing in the middle of the street, the rain still pouring.

“Why? Why follow me? Why bother?” You asked finally, having to shout to be heard over the rain.

“Because I will follow you anywhere! Even into the middle of the street during a massive storm.” He called back.

“Why?”

“Because I love you!” He yelled, his voice letting out hints of frustration. 

It was your turn to just stare at him, tears mixing with the rain as it flowed down your cheeks. You still felt numb, felt like none of this made sense, that he should be happy to be rid of a burden like yourself. You lost all sense of self and felt your legs give out from underneath you, though you were lucky enough to not hit the ground again as Stiles was there to catch you and swiftly lift you into his arms. 

Slowly he walked the two of you back to your house, but you barely noticed, too stuck in your head. You didn’t even notice how hard you were clinging to him. He carried you into your room and sat down on the end of your bed and just held you as you cried. You occasionally babbled something like an apology, but he would just shush you and continue to rock you gently. 

When the tears slowed slightly and you were able to make complete sentences, you decided to just come clean about everything and if he left you, you would understand.

“Listen Stiles, I-”

“Nope, stop right there. Before we talk about this, we need to get into some warm, dry clothes before one of us ends up sick.” He said with finality. As he said it you finally realized some of the numbness you felt was because you were cold and wet. You nodded as you went to fetch some dry towels and clothes for both you and Stiles. You had stolen enough of his clothes and he had left so much that half his wardrobe seemed to be at your house. The two of you dried off and changed in silence. You were shaking the whole time and once you had finished toweling off your hair, you suddenly were terrified to face him. So you kept your back to him and fiddled with the towel in your hands. The tears had stopped, but when you thought about the boy standing behind you, they started to well up again.

You felt his arms slip around you and take the towel gently from your hands, putting it on the dresser before he tightened his arms around you and just held you. When he laid a kiss on the side of your head the tears started to flow once more. When the first sob bubbled out, he turned you around and just stroked the back of your head in a soothing manner. 

“Why are you still here?” you managed to ask between sobs. He sighed and led you back towards your bed, pulling back the covers and slipping under them before opening his arms and inviting you in. You climbed into his arms like so many times before, but what used to feel like heaven only made your heart clench in fear, terrified you were going to lose the one good thing you had left in your life. 

“So what’s going on with you, what happened?” He asked gently, laying on his back as you curled into his side. 

“Does it matter?” you spoke quietly.

“It does to me.” He said grabbing your one hand and holding it tightly before laying a kiss on it. 

You sigh as you try desperately to find words that describe the awful feelings you were feeling. He waited patiently, playing with your fingers absentmindedly. 

“I guess I-I just give up. I feel so numb now because like I’ve given all I can and it’s never enough, so why bother trying right?” You spoke slowly. You felt him go rigid as he turned your hand over to look at your wrists then pulled you to sit up and took your face in his hands, his eyes darting around your face. 

“Please tell me that doesn’t mean what I think it does.” He spoke with fear in his voice.

“What do you…” you trailed off as you cocked your head a little bit, trying desperately to decipher his question/statement. 

“Please tell me you haven’t been- been hurting yourself.” He all but begged, his voice breaking as he did. 

Oh. Your brain paused for a moment, registering the look on his face as he watched every twitch on yours. The real fear and worry you saw on his face stopped you, you knew he cared but you didn’t think that it was enough to cause this reaction to his query.

You shook your head in response, still at a loss for words.

“Promise me you aren’t lying. Please, just be straight with me.” 

“I’m not lying,” You recoiled at his seeming distrust of your answer, pretty much saying he didn’t believe you. His hands dropped from your face as you tried to move away. But a hand pulling you back kept you from going too far.

“Hey, hey, hey, please don’t do this. I’m just trying to be sure because if you are then I-I-I don’t know what I’d do but I’m just worried and you’ve shut me out for weeks and now this- I just want to know what’s wrong so I can try to fix it.”

“You can’t fix it, Stiles, I’m broken and in pieces, I am not your jeep that you can just duct tape back together.” You spoke, a harshness peaking out, covering all the other emotions. You heard him sigh as he tried to get you to look at him but you refused. 

“Of course I know that. But I’m not going to just sit here and let you- let you suffer and deteriorate. I can’t do that.” He said. 

“Why? Why not? Why won’t you just let me rot away in my room, huh? Why don’t you just leave? Be thankful to be free of me.” You all but yelled.

“Why? Are you serious?” He said softly, “Do you really think that low of yourself that you forgot all that we’ve been through together, the moments we had, the love we shared.” His voice felt like knives as he added, “Or at least the love I thought we shared.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Your heart breaking at the implications of his statement. You had gotten off the bed at this point and had backed towards the corner of your room, holding your arms tight across your stomach as you tried to curl in on yourself. They were right, the voices in your head were right. All you did was end up hurting him, now he hates you. Well, it’s not like you’re surprised, you weren’t worthy of his love, but hate, maybe you deserved that.

He groaned as he ran his hands down his face in frustration. 

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.” 

“No, stop doing that! Stop trying to hold onto me! Let me go, I’m not worth this.” You said aggravatedly, tears once again pouring from your eyes. This was it you thought, this was the end. You wanted to sigh of relief but you were too devastated to do so.

“Who decided that huh? Who decided you weren’t worthy? Cause to me I’m the one not worthy of you.” He said and you scoffed and rolled your eyes. “I’m serious, you’re smart, you’re beautiful, you’re kind and selfless, and so many other wonderful things. And I’m just a spazzy kid who brings nothing but trouble. Who has almost gotten you killed multiple times.”

You just shook your head feverishly as he advanced towards you. You tried to shrink back but you could only go so far and when he reached you he took your face in his hands and he kissed you. He kissed you like it was the last time he’d ever do so. And of course, you melted into it. He was the love of your life and nothing compared to the love you felt in that moment. His hands moved to wrap tightly around you, holding you impossibly closer. 

“Don’t push me away, let me help you.” He murmured against your lips. Your eyes stayed closed as you rested your forehead against his.

“I don’t know how,” you almost whimpered,

“We’ll figure this out, together.” He promised. You just nodded and let him hold you. And at that moment, you had hope again. 

[tazwren]

My two cents on the devolution of fandom spaces...

As a former mod of a fandom space and a woman of colour, I do not feel safe.

Seeing what has been done to so many in this fandom, by a particular group of white American women, in the name of moral policing is both abhorrent and demoralising. As it also is to repeatedly see the same narrative being shoved at everyone as the gospel truth.

A narrative that very conveniently either becomes about fic or has nothing to do with fic, depending on how people want to swing things. A narrative that will accuse a person of Jewish heritage of anti-Semitism, a person of colour of racism, a practising Muslim of being an Islamaphobe. A narrative that will define for you and me and all of us comprising this myriad of multitudes in the world what generational or personal trauma includes and what induces the same.

Those of you who know me, know what I’ve been dealing with the past few days & why I haven’t spoken up before now. Before I logged out a couple days ago, I saw what looked like more of the usual nonsense by the same group of people I’ve kept my distance from once their true colours were revealed. What I didn’t expect is that they would think themselves so above the norms of human decency and accountability that they would go after not one but two women of colour this time around in their rabidity. And many others who spoke up, as it turns out.

It hurts to see what these women, that I know of, have had to endure and to see the passivity of the community, save for a few voices, in sitting back and letting the circus rampage through town. It hurt when I was at the receiving end of it and it hurts now.

Why? Because it shows me a microcosm of the world that I don’t really relate to, that makes no sense to me with the values I was brought up with, and which reduces basic human decency to a commodity to be trampled upon and for you to be seen as weak for having. Because people who willingly laud you for your art / writing / wit, meet you with effusive claims of love and affection and friendship, who have no qualms in taking your help when it suits them, will throw you under the bus and let the wolves ravage you when it doesn't.

Before I get into that, let me talk a little bit about what has transpired over the past few days to a week, and what has been systemically taking place over perhaps the past year in this fandom.

One thing is that everyone who makes a statement about anything suddenly has people in their mentions demanding they show what gives them the right to hold that particular opinion. A critical thing people forget about fandom is that it is a place where people hide their identity for a variety of reasons, all valid, and this approach to fiction and conversations where everyone has to reveal every part of their past and identity as a means of establishing their "credentials" in order to present their views comes in direct contradiction with how fandoms operate. It violates people's rights to privacy.

The other is that there has been an increase in the voices that purportedly stand up to “speak for” the marginalised, the abused, those discriminated against and those who belong to minorities who “need to be protected / kept safe”. An admirable sentiment, to be sure. If it weren’t for the fact that none of these groups of people needed saving, speaking for or the protection of this particular group of voices.

Voices who only want to define and use these people as "model victims" to hurt other white women and establish their supremacy over both them and other POC. Voices that will present their "truth" as they see fit and sans context or present you with screenshots of snippets of conversations held in supposedly secure spaces that they have no qualms in violating in the interest of the "greater good" and claim offense / silencing if the misdemeanour is pointed out or action is taken against them, Voices that will conveniently categorize you as a "token POC" or "white adjacent" when you do not support or align with their narrative. Voices that belong to a predominantly white American group of women, whose real agenda, as is evidenced by their modus operandi, has nothing to do with real altruism or a drive for justice or indeed to right wrongs.

No, their agenda is purely power.

To hold sway over groups of followers, to shepherd them as though they are sheep who cannot think for themselves, and to set themselves up as white saviours who call out those who step out of line, or are deemed to be problematic and toxic and unsafe. To be the owners of the only "safe spaces" in fandom and to drive other groups and spaces to be boycotted or worse.

Now, I've long wondered, who indeed are these women to decide that for anyone? In a world comprising multiple cultures, religions, groups, subgroups, genders and which contains multitudes, who are these women and what gives them the right to foist their puritanical standards on everyone, very conveniently disguised as concern for the moral well being of everyone and the consumption, of all things, of fiction?

Certainly, there are many things in this world that people regard with justifiably equal dislike / horror / sadness. At the same time, there is much that is not shared, that is particular to a culture and to a person’s background. There is a multitude of perspectives that make the whole. And the white women of the United States of America have not cornered the market on what those are, or indeed even own any curatorship or censorship of the same. They cannot, because each person’s culture and background and joy and trauma is their own, as are their ways of dealing with it all.

That being said, let’s talk about their pack behaviour and the devolution I’ve witnessed on social media as basic human decency is bartered for clout.

I’m all for standing up for someone who doesn’t have a voice or a platform, or maybe afraid of repercussions to voice dissent. I’m all for being there for our fellow human beings as they face struggles of often unconscionable and unfathomable proportions. I’m all for holding people accountable for their negative behaviours as they impact the larger community.

What I am unequivocally NOT for is treating such situations as an opportunity to preach, to virtue-signal, to shame and to put on blast the alleged wrong-doers. I say alleged because that’s what most accusations are on these platforms—allegations to do with things that disturb our sense of balance or make us wrinkle our noses or that we deem bad, and therefore make the accused deserving of the full force of the community’s misbehaviour and censure.

I ask you if you were found guilty of a crime in real life—you know, the one away from your phones and keyboards—would you not have an opportunity to retain a lawyer, to plead your case in a court of law, to acquit yourself? Or, if found guilty, would you not have the opportunity for correction and rehabilitation? Yes, you say? (If you say no, then that explains the spate of state-perpetuated injustices across the USA, but that is a different matter).

Why then are people treated so abhorrently in this court of public opinion? What gives you, me, any one of us the right to judge people so vilely and with a metaphorical gun to their heads? What gives anyone the right to say you better agree with everything I say, retract everything you said and grovel for it or we will eviscerate you in public, shame you, force you to change or delete the content that offends us and still ostracise you and in some cases even threaten you with bodily harm or death, or doxx you?

Why is there no grace in how people are approached or dealt with? Whatever happened to allowing people to learn from their mistakes, where applicable, or hearing them out and giving them a chance to explain their side of something we may not fully understand?

Why is there no accountability for such behaviour on the part of the accusers?

What makes the rest of you sit back and allow this to happen? What makes you think this is in any shape or form okay to watch? Today, it is a virtual stranger at the receiving end, one you can distance yourself from quite conveniently saying Oh, she just mods a group I am in, or I only read their fics a couple times or I only followed them for their art or jokes or whatever flavour of excuse you choose. Tomorrow, it will be one of your own - or it may very well be you. And you'd better hope there's someone left to speak up for you.

The irony is you will have allowed it to happen by letting the wolf in the fold. By letting these white women manipulate you, and the community you claim to be a part of, so unapologetically, so maliciously and so unashamedly that before you can do anything about it the cancer has taken hold.

If this was happening in the world outside of social media, they would have to follow due process, to present real evidence based on facts (not based on emotions, rumours or perceptions) and would have to allow the person they are accusing to present a counter-argument, to defend themselves or be defended. Failure to do so is a miscarriage of justice and, depending on whether this is a professional or legal proceeding, they would either seriously risk their jobs or have the case thrown out of court. If not face action themselves for attempting to derail the process of justice.

Why then are they permitted to range so freely through the landscape of fandom, snarling and biting at who they please, or who displeases them?

I have no shame in saying I was at the receiving end of their behaviour for defending a friend they put on blast and I will tell you right here and now, I am a woman of colour who feels unsafe and attacked by these so-called self-appointed white saviours of your social media experience, these so-called upholders of the common morality—whatever that means—who will fight for you the evils of problematic and toxic writers who dare to have an opinion not aligned with theirs and who do not bow to their clout. Not that they care, so long as they can ignore this fact since it doesn’t fit their narrative. So long as they can ignore what has just been done to so many people in the name of cleansing the fandom.

If any one of these women were truly interested in alleviating the troubles and pains of the discriminated, the marginalized, the trauma-affected, I invite them to please come roll their sleeves up and help in the multitudes of troubles that wrack this world, not just in the backyards of their minds. My country is amidst a struggle for the basics of human life in this horrific pandemic and, prior to that, for basic constitutional rights for religious minorities. Do not patronize me and lecture me on trauma and racism and discrimination. Do not marginalise me in your attempt to pontificate and set your pearl-clutching puritanical selves above the rest, or assuage your white guilt.

A largely American audience or fanbase in this fandom is purely a function of access and interest—other cultures have vast followings for things you couldn't begin to fathom—and it doesn't mean you are entitled in any shape or form to be spokespeople for the rest of the world. We have no interest in being colonized again by white oppressors.

If you disagree with what I have said, I congratulate you on being a part of their coterie and wish you much joy in being the sheep in their fold. Kindly unfollow or block me on the way off of this post.

[im-a-star-boy]

The Final Apology

Ahaha, angst

TW: Flashbacks, implied self-harm (it’s very short but it’s there so be aware), Panic Attacks

@panna-pan

.oOo.oOo.oOo.

Summary: Tommy visits the Final Control Room one last time

Word Count: 1,874

Date of Completion: Tuesday, April 27th, 2021

.oOo.oOo.oOo.

Tommy stepped out of the portal, Ranboo trailing behind. The nausea of swapping dimensions quickly passed, leaving him to recover his breath quickly. He swallowed and stepped down the Blackstone staircase that never failed to make him shudder.

“‘Kay, let’s go,” He paused for a moment and opened his mouth to continue before hearing a soft ping against his thigh.

He paused halfway down the steps and reached for his communicator, tucked safely in his pocket. He heard Ranboo pause as he opened it and read through the message.

Eret: I made a perfect recreation of several historical locations on the server in my museum, including the button room.

He froze at the message. How he even knew what Tommy was doing, he didn’t know, and quite frankly he didn’t care, but he had an exact replica of the button room. He took a shuddering breath and felt Ranboo’s tail flick his ankle gently. “You okay?”

Tommy swallowed and coughed into his elbow before speaking. “Slight change of course,”

“Okay?”

“We’re gonna go to- um-” He took another breath, trying not to sound as terrified as he felt. “We’re gonna go to the actual recreation of the thing.”

“Wh- so not the recreation, just the actual place?”

Tommy quickly shook his head and reached for the totem in his pocket, gripping and ungripping it for some kind of grounding. “No no no, an exact re- a new exact recreation,”

“Block by block!”

Tommy shrieked in alarm and gripped at his chest as he saw Tubbo, earning a startled laugh from the shorter. “Don’t you ever fuckin’ do that again or I swear to fucking god I’ll kill you.”

Tubbo only laughed and shook his head. “Sorry- sorry! Didn’t mean to startle you big man,”

“You fuckers are trying to scare me, aren’t you? Fuckin’ hell.”

“We’re not! We’re not- I just had to finish the prison replica.”

Tommy shuddered at the thought and shook his head. “God, how did you even know what we’re talking about?”

“Oh, I ran into Eret and we had a little chat, I told him what was up and he told me he had a replica of the button room.”

“You fucking told him what we’re doing!?”

“Did you not want me to?”

“Fuckin’ hell, Tubbo! We might as fuckin’ well broadcast this live for everyone to see!”

Tubbo put his hands up. “Sorry, sorry, I didn’t know you didn’t want to tell him.”

The blond only sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “It’s fine, it’s… it’s fine.”

They fell into silence as Tommy led them to the museum. He’d never actually visited the huge building, despite passing it so often. He could see the huge quartz pillars holding the building up and reached to rub his arms anxiously. “We’ll um-” He paused, unsure what he was going to say, before deciding on just, “okay…”

Tubbo and Ranboo exchanged worried looks. They knew it would be bad, but this was bad. If Tommy was being honest in saying that the exile spot would be the easiest, then they had a feeling this would be so, so much worse.

“Here we go.”

“Oh…” Ranboo murmured softly.

“This is quite a lot more intense than I thought it’d be,” Tommy chuckled, seeming to be trying to lighten the mood.

His walk slowed when he saw Eret step out from behind one of the pillars, waiting for them. They wore a fitted red dress with gold hemmings and jewelry. Their crown sat atop their head as it always did, the multicolored jewels shimmering in the moonlight and reflecting the glowstone lamps. Their glasses hit their eyes, as they always did, but Tommy could imagine the sadness in them, seeing it in the older’s posture.

The three fell silent as Tommy approached the monarch. “Sovereign Eret,” He greeted softly.

“Tommyinnit,” He greeted in return.

Tommy felt his hands twitch at the greeting, all too formal, compared to what it had once been.

Tommy almost repressed the memory on reflex, but paused, just for a moment. Today was about reflection for him, reflection and facing his fears. This was one of them.

He swallowed and turned. “I’m not down for all this formal bullshit, I reckon we just get this over with, eh?”

Eret smiled softly. “You never have been, let’s go.”

Tommy let Eret lead him down the path towards the museum.

“How do you feel?” Tubbo questioned.

Tommy fidgeted his hands, trying not to scratch at the already open sores on his arms. “Give me a minute, Tubbo.”

Eret stalled as they entered the museum and Tommy took a moment to appreciate the building. It was large, larger than anything he’d ever tried to build. In the middle was a replica of the camaravan, there was a replica of the walls that used to surround L’Manburg, and a mess of a replica of that crimson egg towards the back encased in glass.

He turned to his right and paused to see two all-too-familiar rooms. Both tiny closed-in rooms with a button that single-handedly managed to break his heart every time they were pressed.

Eret gave him a soft look before leading him forward to the one closest to the corner. “This is it,”

Tommy remembered the last time he was led to this room, both times by Eret, both times trapped.

He stared at the sign. Final Control Room. Eret stood beside the doorway, giving him a look that seemed to say, ‘you can still turn back’, but he couldn’t. He was this close, he couldn’t turn away now.

He approached the steps and turned to face the Enderman hybrid. “Can you shut me in there, please Ranboo?”

The chimera nodded. “Um, yeah, sure.”

Tommy sent one last look to Eret, who offered him a small smile, before moving up the steps into the room.

He stood in the entryway for several seconds, giving himself a couple moments to take it in. It was block for block, just as Tubbo had said.

He glanced back at Tubbo and Ranboo who were giving him concerned looks, before speaking. “Lock me in until I say otherwise.”

Ranboo nodded mutely as Tommy turned, and placed two blocks, effectively locking the blond in.

He took a shuddering breath as shadows cast into the room, much as they had so many months go. He stepped forward, stumbling slightly, and spoke aloud to himself, trying to organize his thoughts.

“So this is the room I came in, and- and I pressed this button,” He reached down before feeling his limbs lock up.

“I- I pressed this button, I-”

He felt his throat close up as tears welled into his eyes. “I let them in,”

He gripped his hand into a fist and slammed it down onto the button, feeling the wood cave under him. He closed his eyes for a moment, expecting the sound of pistons to fill the room, expecting the sound of screams, of Wilbur screaming, of- of

Tubbo’s alarmed shrieks filled the room.

“A TRAITOR!” Wilbur cried, anger and anguish in his voice as Punz lunged at him.

Tubbo was the first to fall, being slammed into the wall where the doors had closed behind him and having Sapnap’s sword pushed through his chest. Tommy watched as his friend’s eyes widen before his body went slack, dying.

“GET OUT, TOMMY! GET OUT!”

Tommy watched as Punz killed Wilbur, Fundy dying quickly after to George’s blade.

And suddenly, he was alone, frantically mining his way out as Eret’s voice rang through the small room. “Down with the revolution, boys.”

He felt a blade dig into his shoulder and whipped around just in time for Dream to push a sword through his stomach. “It was never meant to be.”

He felt tears spill down his face as he desperately tried to catch his breath, trying to restrain his panic. Oh god- he killed them, he pushed the button and let them in, he killed them all…

He coughed and stood up hastily, stumbling until he was leaning against a wall, bile rising in his throat. He forced air into his lungs and reached frantically into his pocket for the totem, trying to alleviate his panic. He reached for one of the chests and threw it open, almost hoping something would be in there.

They were empty, just as they had been that day.

He struggled to slow his breath, repeating ‘I can do this’ under his breath as he looked around.

His panic didn’t subside, but now he at least had some reigns on them. He paced a little bit before turning to see the door sealed shut, and panic threatened to rise again. He pressed his hands against the wall, gripping the totem tighter, and sure enough, the wall was real, tangible, and he was trapped.

Suddenly, he was shaking again. “I-I gotta- fuck- speak my feelings, okay,” He took a sharp breath. “I am feeling like this room has a lot more to it than-than remembered,” He choked out.

“And- and, it’s hard to be in here, and I don’t want to, I really don’t want to- but I have to, I’m going to do what needs to be done.” He took a deep breath and paced, his hands shake.

He looked behind him and saw the wall again and suddenly, his panic was rising even more. Bile filled his throat, threatening to suffocate him as he tried to swallow down breaths. He felt his lungs constrict and gagged. His voice was tight as he tried to speak. “Let me- let me out I-”

His voice was small, weak, and oh so pained. He turned frantically and began opening chests, feeling light-headed. They were all empty until he got to Wilbur’s, freezing as he saw a book, sealed.

With shaky hands, he reached down and grabbed it, opening it up to see a short message.

I’m Sorry

- Eret

He stared at the message for several seconds and felt his panic begin to subside, his breath slowing at the sight. It was definitely the monarch’s handwriting, he remembered his signature when they all signed the first Declaration of Independence, not that it mattered much anymore.

“It’s okay,” he breathed aloud to himself. “It’s okay because times have changed,” he read the message once again. “And so have people.”

He closed the book before gently setting it down in the chest. “Not all people, but most.”

He turned back to the sealed entrance and took a deep breath. “I’m ready to come out!” He yelled.

The blocks were quickly mined away and he stepped out, the cool night air soothing his stress. He stepped down the steps and turned to Eret who still stood where he had. He offered the monarch a smile, genuine. “Thank you,”

Eret smiled back. “You’re welcome.”

Tommy turned and began walking towards the exit with Ranboo and Tubbo, before pausing at the doorway. “And Eret?”

The sovereign looked up. “Yes?”

Tommy met his eyes, wrapping his arms around his torso for a moment. “You’re forgiven,”

Eret’s breath hitched for a moment, but Tommy didn’t wait any longer, turning and stepping out of the museum.

He still had one more stop.

[ohmyasmodeus]

𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘦𝘮𝘰𝘯 𝘣𝘳𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘴𝘶𝘱𝘱𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢 𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘨𝘨𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘤 ♡

𝐭𝐰; 𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐦, 𝐬𝐮𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 

𝐭𝐰; 𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐦, 𝐬𝐮𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 

i actually want to thank you for sending in this request! i know it’s a sensitive topic but i’ve struggled deeply with self harm in the past and being able to write these as a request was pretty cathartic. i really hope you’re doing alright, anon, and just know that you’re never alone in your struggles ♡ i also want to add that you never know what triggers someone may have, so please add a trigger warning when you send in requests like this to me or any other authors ! thank you !!

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

♡ 𝘭𝘶𝘤𝘪𝘧𝘦𝘳

✧   You think he doesn’t notice, that he has better things to worry about, but he notices. Lucifer sees, and is… surprised. Horrified, and rightfully so. It’s highly uncharacteristic of you. Throughout the months, you have proven your capability and you continue to time and time again, going above and beyond to resolve issues between the brothers and in the Devildom. You are a strong person, and someone he wouldn’t have expected this behaviour from.

✧   But even the strongest can fall. He knows it all too well.

✧   “If there is anything I could do, anything to improve your experiences at RAD or in the Devildom as a whole, tell me. I don’t like seeing you in pain.” Lucifer takes your hand ever so gently in his, raising it to his lips to kiss your knuckles as he gives you the softest look. “I’m here for you. Tell me, my love, what’s weighing on your mind?”

✧   You won’t find your razor blades or penknives ever again, that’s for sure, and Lucifer makes it a habit to convince you to tell him how you’ve been feeling because he worries so much that it’s almost painful. Lucifer wants you to confront your problems head on. He helps you keep track of your milestones with beautifully handwritten calendars and brings you out on special dates to celebrate your weeks spent clean.

♡ 𝘮𝘢𝘮𝘮𝘰𝘯

✧   Mammon is around you 24/7, so there isn’t a lot you can hide from him. Even when you try to isolate yourself or get away to give yourself an opportunity to self harm, Mammon ends up either finding you or blowing up your phone until you give in and let him find you. He panics when he finds out. He panics hard. At first, he worries about Lucifer kicking his ass for letting this happen, but he finds himself completely distracted throughout the day with his worry for you. He can’t get you off his mind.

✧   (We all know he went through your room and found your stash. You’ll never find it again after how hard he panicked.)

✧   Surprisingly, Mammon speaks to you about it of his own accord. “Hey, so…” He looks away and shoves his hands in his pockets, uncomfortable with the pressure he puts on himself. “I’m your first man, and that means ya don’t keep any secrets between us. I wanna be there for you, so you should tell me when anything’s up, or just… come to me if ya wanna talk. Or anything. It would suck to have you all sad all the time, I prefer it when ya smile…”

✧   You end up having to coach him a bit on how you want to be comforted, but he readily supplies all the affection and reassurance you need. Mammon is endearingly worried about fucking up and it makes you smile. Everything he does makes you smile, really, because he works hard at cheering you up and making sure you’re too busy with his stupid antics. But at the end of the day, he’s there to give you a squeeze and patch up your wounds to try and help.

♡ 𝘭𝘦𝘷𝘪𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯

✧   PANIC.

✧   Levi is much worse than Mammon. He isn’t experienced with emotions or dealing with real people in the slightest, so when he sees a hint of your fresh wounds, bruises, or any of your gloomy thoughts, his first instinct is to panic. Without thinking, he grabs your arm and asks if you’re okay, telling you to stay still while he gets some bandages!

✧   “You can use my Ruri-chan bandaids! And, um,” Leviathan bites his lip nervously, and you watch as he plasters your skin in more cutesy band aids than you really need. “I’m sorry, I hope it doesn’t hurt too badly… But are you okay? Like, really okay on the inside?”

✧   He’s much more empathetic than he gives himself credit for. It makes him uncomfortable in the beginning, the thought of you hurting yourself and hurting so much, but he quickly mans up and makes himself someone you can easily go to for support without even noticing. He knows the feeling of being alone and not feeling like he’s enough all too well, so he does his best so you can avoid feeling the same way. Levi is always the one coming to you with brilliant new ideas for self harm substitutes, giving you colourful bands to snap against your skin, or trying to massage you to make the urges go away (until he gets too blushy to handle it, at least).

♡ 𝘴𝘢𝘵𝘢𝘯

��   Rage. It’s blinding, the torrential downpour of outrage and sheer grief. He should have been able to protect you from anything. The control over his emotions that he has spent centuries establishing unravels in that one blinding moment of finding what lay beneath your sleeves. It almost scares you. The grip he has on your shoulders is nearly crushing as he desperately leans into you, his wide evergreen eyes gazing into yours for an answer to all of this.

✧   “Who was it, ______? Who did this to you?” Satan’s voice is low, trembling with the barely contained emotion he holds inside his chest. It burns, acid in his veins as he almost refuses to believe that you had done something as terrifying as to hurt yourself.

✧   He wants to understand, he wants to know why you do these things, why you have these thoughts. Once he gets over the grief of not having been able to protect you from thoughts like this in the first place, he dedicates himself to learning how to help you manage. Satan tries everything with you, but most of all, he loves being able to hold you at night and caress your scars if you’d let him as you both talk about the universe and your emotions. Knowing how to help you allows him to help himself.

✧   He buys matching stim toys, one for you for whenever you might get the urge to self harm, and one for him. He tends to bring it around with him to fiddle with when he’s trying to get his wrath under control, so he never hesitates to lend you his when you don't have yours.

♡ 𝘢𝘴𝘮𝘰𝘥𝘦𝘶𝘴

✧   Love has never been something Asmodeus bothered with too much, often seeing it as an annoying companion to the sin he indulges in the most, but when he realises how much you struggle… he’s overwhelmed with it. Asmo is overwhelmed with the need to hold you and feel your touch, to tell you that you are the most perfect being that he’s ever come across, to make you feel cared for and needed. He realises that losing you would completely tear him apart; just as the knowledge of your struggles does.

✧   “Oh, my love…” Asmodeus sighs as he finishes securing the gauze over your self-inflicted injuries. The first aid kit closes with a soft click, and he kisses your forehead before taking your hand to give it a squeeze. “You need to tell me these things, when you think you can’t handle it anymore. We… we’ll find a way, we’ll find something better to do.”

✧   These emotions aren’t something he’s used to, and he often fumbles when you open up about deep issues, but he listens well. If you let him, he does what he does best. Asmo will rub soothing lotion into your scars and distract you with your favourite things, dressing you up in his big comfortable clothes while watching your favourite shows with you. He never seems to be short on the supply of sweet words, and he’ll be showering you in so much affection to make sure you know just how much everyone adores you.

♡ 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘻𝘦𝘣𝘶𝘣

✧   Beelzebub is the one that worries the most. Unconsciously, he treats you like porcelain, holding you delicately and making sure that none of his brothers say anything that could potentially upset you. Much like Lucifer, he glues himself to your side and follows you around with those puppy eyes of his. It’s more than likely that he’s had the same thoughts before, thoughts of permanently putting an end to the pain of loss and grief. Beel gives you solace in understanding.

✧   “You coming here was the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” Beel mumbles quietly as he holds you close, burying his face in your hair. “I don’t want you to leave. I love you. So please, tell me how I can make it better.”

✧   Beel needs you like you need him. At night, he can’t sleep without having you close to make sure he still has you. When he needed it the most, you held his hand so he could fall asleep, and he’s determined to do the same for you. He’s sure that with time, the both of you can make it better together.

✧   Always active, Beel likes feeling like he’s doing something tangible to help you. He’ll be the one holding ice cubes to your skin when you have your urges, or hugging you tight to prevent you from acting out if you’ll let him.

♡ 𝘣𝘦𝘭𝘱𝘩𝘦𝘨𝘰𝘳

✧   Much of Belphegor’s life has been pain and ruin, and after being isolated in the attic, he just about thinks he’s out of fucks to give. Everyone’s life has some pain. It’s hard to concern himself with a mere human’s while he has his own recovery to focus on and deal with. But after noticing your tendencies, he can’t stop thinking about you. It’s less of a concern, and more of hoping that the both of you could find something in common in your pain, letting the both of you be someone for the other to hold onto.

✧   Belphie looks over you lazily as you lie beside him, and reaches for your hand. He laces your fingers together, wondering what could be going through your mind. “A penny for your thoughts? Tell me… how are you feeling today?”

✧   His love is as quiet as he is, but Belphie shows his concern by making you feel seen and needed. You don’t need to be strong around him anymore. If you want to talk, he will always listen. If you just want someone to hold, he’ll keep you wrapped in his arms. Belphie takes pride in being someone you can hold onto and trust with your deepest secrets.

✧   Additionally; he sends you depression memes

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

[ducklettwrites]

DST Zine Tryout Fic: “Caught in the Rain”

Now Available on Ao3

Fandom: Don’t Starve (Together) Characters: Wormwood, WX-78 Pairing: Wormwood & WX-78 (meant as platonic but can be read as romantic I guess) Description: Wormwood is a good friend. Author’s Notes: My tryout piece for the next Constantly Obsessed Don’t Starve Zine. I’ve been wanting to write something sweet between Wormwood and WX-78 for a while. My headcanon going into this is that System Overload must be pretty overwhelming, and can lead to some not so great effects if the sanity gets too low because of it.   Minor trigger warning: there is depiction of a panic attack and minor self harm. Don’t worry, it all turns out okay.

Springtime was the closest Wormwood got to being on his lonesome again. He sighed. The ceaseless rain pelting against his tent. The small makeshift camp was illuminated slightly under the glow of a lantern. He wasn't sure if being in his tent meant the darkness monster couldn't get him, but he wasn't willing to take that chance either. At least this isolation was voluntary he supposed.

He knew how he got during the Spring. His bloom cycle didn't make him the best company. The buzz bugs became attracted to him and weren't exactly friendly to the friends he had back at the camp. A minor, though painful, nuisance to most, including Wormwood. They were a bit more fatal to the newest friend he had made this past Winter season; and he wasn't keen on being the reason for any of his friend's death. So he settled a deal with them to tend the farm further away from camp. They'd come every few days to pick up the fruits of his plant friends and bring him supplies. He'd be able to come back around Summer, when he'd be needed to keep the plants friends at camp from succumbing to the heat. He hoped book friend would be able to take care of them until then.

A crack of lightning shook the tent and Wormwood blinked into the starless sky. Rain batted against the budding flower at the tip of his stalk. He wouldn't be gone from his friends forever, just for a while. Still, it didn't mean he didn't miss them, quite a bit actually. For this reason, when he started to hear the somewhat familiar sound of metal clanking against metal, he thought it was just in his mind. When his head began to hurt, he could have a whole lot of things just happening in his mind. But his head didn't hurt; he felt fine. So, why did he still hear it?

He stepped from the tent, grasping the lantern tightly with his leaf hands. "Hello? Who there?" He called into the dark.

The sound of rain and the continued clanking of metal was his only response.

Wormwood moved closer to the sound. From between the shadows of the rain and dark was a glow. A halo of light accompanied by two glowing eyes peered directly at him. He blinked, confused. "Robot...friend?" He questioned why, of all his friends, would the robot come to him, this late, and in the middle of a storm.

But he was correct in his recognition. WX-78 caught Wormwood's gaze and returned the look with the same wide blank eyes they usually had. Except, something about them seemed... off. They glowed from head to toe and extra special light came from their eyes. There was a noticeable hum to them now that Wormwood stood closer to them. Though their face betrayed no emotion, every fiber of his being screamed that something was wrong with his friend.

At first he moved to hug them, embrace them and make it all better. But then he remembered that robot friend had explicitly told him that they hated hugs. He stopped before touching their casing. There was a sensation of electric energy pulsing off of them. A moment of silence passed between them, where he was frozen, too scared to make a move.

Then a shudder of electric energy worked its way up the robot. Wormwood jumped back with a start. A pained screech indicated that it was anything but painless. WX-78 was shaking now, gripping their head and shuttering their eyes.

"Let's get friend back to dry." Wormwood was careful not to touch the robot, instead using his arm to try and lead them back toward his camp.

They reluctantly followed. The trek back wasn't long, just wet. Thunder rumbled in the distance, and WX flinched at the noise.

"Not far now..." Wormwood said sympathetically "almost there, friend."

WX nodded with a creak.

The camp was in sight. Wormwood led the trembling robot to his tent. They eased their way down, sitting in front of the entrance. He set the lantern in front of them outside and moved to rummage through a nearby chest. For once he was happy that choppy friend and his friend killer had stopped by. He pulled the hunks of dead trees from the chest and tossed them onto the firepit. The resulting blaze made Wormwood jump a little. He returned to the chest to pull out an orange vest before walking back to the tent.

With the fire going, WX was settling at the entrance of the tent. They stretched out, sparks flying from their joints where water had seeped in. Wormwood settled next to them and handed over the vest. He watched as the robot donned the outfit silently. By far it was their silence which worried Wormwood the most. He had known WX long enough to know that they should’ve been complaining by now. They had always been outspoken.

"What happened to robot friend?" He wasn't used to having to make the first words in their conversations.

They hadn't stopped shaking completely. Their fists clenched and unclenched as they had to force the words to come out. It looked like quite the struggle. "LIGHT...ING." was all they could manage.

Wormwood nodded, trying to force down his own feeling of unease for the sake of a friend. He did remember that there was something about lightning that robot friend talked about; and he assumed that must've been what they were trying to tell him now. "Do you hurt?"

Another struggle, this time they could barely manage more than a few sputters and creaks. Their expression darkened. Metal fingers clawed at the side of their temples and Wormwood could now see noticeable scratches begin to form in their casing.

It was a quick reaction. He reached out and grabbed their hands away from their head. A jolt of electricity stung him but he maintained his hold. He could feel their shaking continue beneath his grasp. He looked them in the eyes and they returned the gaze. "Does head hurt?" He tried to sound firm, hoping they didn't notice how scared for them he really was.

They didn't even try to speak this time, just nodded and dropped their gaze to the ground.

Wormwood squeezed their hands gently to get them to look at him again. "It okay, friend." He said softly. He wished he hadn't used that green mushroom in the crockpot today, but at least he had one other way to fix his friend's low sanity. "Sleep." He gave the order gently, but was clearly not to be disobeyed.

WX didn't seem to be in the mood for arguing as they obediently lay down next to the plant. He settled himself in. Sitting up to watch guard until his friend woke in the morning.

"SHOULD...T...NEED...HELP…" The voice was barely above a whisper, an unusually low volume for the robot.

Wormwood patted their back gently. "Is okay, friend. Don't need to be ashamed for needing help. Everyone need help sometime."

There was a creak as they nodded, then the sound of a buzzing snore as they drifted to sleep.

[a-bright-ray-of-sunshine]

helloo, I love your blog & am so thankful for your existence!

For sunshine Sunday I just wanted to share a part of my story in hopes it could possibly help install hope in someone.

For my whole life, I have struggled with my mental health- whether it be suicidal ideation to anxiety to mood swings, the whole works. I’ve often found myself lost, and feeling as if there’s no point in continuing and even going as far as to harm myself and try to end it all. This time last year I truly didn’t see my life getting better or me ever being truly happy and I was certain, and I mean 1000% sure without a shadow of a doubt, I was destined for a life full of misery. I was so certain I almost was at peace with the idea- almost in a “it is what it is” kind of way.

But things do get better. Not much has changed physically in my life apart from me moving houses, but rather one day I made a commitment to myself to be the person I needed most. For months it was horrible, I felt like I didn’t know what to do and I was hyper aware of all the little things I was doing to self sabotage, and it sometimes led me to hating myself further. Yet with the help from my friends, various councillors and myself, I can genuinely say I am happy. I am in no way cured of my mental illness, but rather I live alongside it- it no longer is me but rather just is. I am so happy I am alive, and I am so happy I have the life I do, hardships and all, because without them I wouldn’t have the knowledge and tools I have today which allow me to be better. Compassion is key in these situations and I am a lot better at showing myself compassion when needed now. I no longer wake up hating the universe for not letting me pass away in my sleep but rather can’t get to sleep at night sometimes because I’m so excited for the new opportunities waiting for me in my future. All of this is down to me one day making a commitment to myself even though I didn’t feel like I deserved it. I now hug my emotions but don’t let them engulf me. Now, I am whole, sure there’s a few cracks but I’m whole nonetheless.

I largely thank people like you who run blogs like you do because without the positivity and affirmations, I would easily slip into depressive states. But thanks to people like you, I am constantly reminded of the good in the world and the fact that it’s okay to feel- I am not evil or bad, I am just experiencing human emotion! So thank you for everything you do, you truly are making a difference. And if anyone else is reading this, I promise you, it does get better, you can learn to love yourself and you can get to the point where even when your thoughts engulf you, you know better days will come.

Peace and love to everyone, always x

hiya lovely!! thank you so, so much for sharing your story!! i hope it can be an inspiration to others who might be where you were a year ago. i am so proud of you for getting yourself out of that dark place, that takes so much strength!! i hope you're having a fantastic day, peace and love 💛