#//although it certainly doesnt help that i feel like my brain has been going at 1000 km this week esp//

[richardxoliverxmayhew]

//Wish me luck! Going to start my new student-teacher Kindergarten placement tomorrow (yayyy! :>) Although, even if this is my third placement now as a student-teacher im still nervous as hell 🫣//

[adhdsix]

ok so i was thinking abt the main ln kids as that “brains, brawn and heart” thing or however it goes (idk but i also dont care and its too late anyways) and i realised i could never put each of them in just one bc they all have a little of each so as fun as it is to stuff things into boxes (figuratively and literally) today i will be doing not that and analyzing the ln kids once again! by urs truly <3 (all based on my own characterization! i wont be doing rcg but?? idk maybe later?? sometime??) (also ln, vln, and ln2 spoilers)

my first thought for six was brain which makes sense. it’s stated in all sorts of official media that she’s insanely clever, especially for her age might i add.  she navigates the entirety of the maw on her own, facing brutal monsters that want her dead, solving puzzles and doing a whole ton of dirty work. she’s clearly adapted to this world as well, and doesn’t break easily. shes strong too. physically and mentally. theres an astounding amount of things she has to go through, keeping in mind that this world was not made for her in mind at all. everything around her is huge, and on top of that shes basically considered vermin. but she surpasses everyones expectations with her skills, and escapes the maw alive; harmed certainly, but alive. and i was going to start this with heart is what she’s lacking, but that’s worded horribly and just .. wrong. she has tons of heart, she just doesnt really. like it. and so she deals with it differently; she pushes it down. that’s not always easy though. sometimes she lets her guard down. in vln, she helps out rcg, even if that ends horribly, her heart was in the right place. throughout the first game, she hugs nomes, and provides them a source of light and warmth. and in ln2, she becomes attached to mono possibly more than she’s ever been to anyone else. even if it wasn’t her intent, she definitely grows to care for him atleast a little; but survive is still her top priority, and always will be (as it should be tbh). we see this at the beginning when they meet; the moment mono provides an exit and shows he isn’t a threat, six bolts, and only allows him nearby when she realises he can help her. this situation ends in defeat because before she knows it, they’ve been through all of it together, and they’re friends. .. but still she pushes it down. because getting attached could be dangerous. she’s independent, strong and clever, and anyone who can’t match her wit is weak to her, and could slow her down. and even if she’s right, what she doesn’t know is that it will hurt anyways. she tries so hard not to get attached but it doesn’t always work, and pretending those feelings aren’t there only ends up hurting more than she thinks, and it will keep hurting again and again and again. as for mono, i thought he’d fit in brawn. he’s definitely the strongest of them (not to say the others aren’t strong of course), again both mentally and physically. he’s born naturally with a decent amount of strength, and like i believe i said before, you have to be strong to survive this world for long, or yknow, at all. he’s good at facing danger upfront, using tools to his advantage. mentally, he definitely worries a lot, but he also does his best to stay on the positive side of things and look for the silver lining, and help others lean towards that track too; even if they dont want it, cough cough. that’s where heart comes in. he’s got a lot of that, and isn’t very afraid to show it. having someone to protect gives him a purpose, and a feeling of fulfillment; again, even if that someone doesnt want/need it.  his big heart helps him gain allies, friends even, but his need to protect can get in the way of his own survival as well. even if he’s doing the right thing, that doesn’t mean it’s not dangerous. counterpoint, like i said, having someone to protect gives him purpose; it gives him a reason to stay alive and really do his best. it’s a huge motivation for him, which is why he can easily get attached to others. as for brain, he’s also insanely clever, and is especially crafty with tools, in a similar way six is crafty with her environment, which is one of the many reasons they make a great team. onto rk! the reason i ended up with brain for six and brawn for mono is actually because i immediately thought of rk as heart; and he is. he’s kind, and very willing to help out, but he isn’t a doormat either. he’s emotionally clever and very in-tune with his own thoughts, and has a great amount of determination (hence his name/title, duh). he’s willing to give everyone a chance but knows boundaries and limitations too; there’s no manipulating or tricking him. he can tell when he’s gone too far, or when others have, and can befriend almost anyone; although that doesn’t mean he will. if someone is rude, or just doesn’t want anything to do with him, he’s aware of that and will likely return the feeling. he won’t really push (mono on the other hand definitely will, which can be both a positive and negative trait).  he definitely isn’t the strongest, but again, say it with me, you have to be strong to survive in this world, mentally and physically. no amount of just heart or brains can get you out alive, even if it gets you far. although it’s not like there’s an escape at all, i suppose. while the ln world wasn’t always the way it is, it really does seem like there’s no turning back. this world is twisted and that’s just how it is now, sometimes not even strength, or all 3 traits i’ve mentioned, can get you “out” alive. rk knows firsthand.

[woozi]

if you had to describe your friendship with your moots as seventeen ships (boochan, jeongcheol etc) which moots would it be and why? is it dynamics? your undying love for each other? rivalry? sorry if this doesnt make sense ^^

it does make perfect sense don’t be sorry!! <3 also i don’t really see myself as just a single member of svt (although i am eerily similar to jihoon irl, surprise!! JDFJKDFK) so going through 12 pairings through a single member may not be very telling for my r/s with my moots sdksjkdjsd that being said i’m just gonna go through a few select ones!! some of these also don't exactly match svt's dynamics, but for the sake of answering, i would say they're pretty similar, lol.

cheol x gyu — i’m not associating rhys (@heartgyus) with cheolgyu’s dynamics just becase she used to bias one and now biases the other (👀), but i think they simply encapsulate our relationship perfectly as well <3 what am i if not the older sibling that roughhouses and gets roughhoused by the younger one JKDSJKDSJK i think we can also be jihan but this is exclusive to what happens (uhh... evil things) in the DMs lmfao. and maybe because people always think there’s something going on between us dsjkjkdjkds

junhao — cliche as fuck but i can’t help it it’s how e (@junhaoshua) and i are KJSDJKDS i was actually going through the list when it hit me.. we ARE junhao <3 jun’s (who would be me in this case) the older and more playful one out of the two, but hao also does his fair share of crazy antics ESPECIALLY with jun. i also think e is so cool (just like hao is). that’s MY bestie right there!! inseparable. fond. loyal. a pact made in blood. perfect for e and i <3

jeonghan x hoshi — partners in crime. mother and child. this is also what aya (@bonknanab) is to me <3 when i think of jeonghan and hoshi, i get reminded of their vlives (which always give me comfort and a sense of familiarity like aya does) just like seokhan. i feel like i can talk about literally anything and everything with aya! and just like when hoshi is with jeonghan, i tend to be a little more grounded while still somehow retaining the potential crazy antics. my fun older sister <3

soonhoon — pure energy vs solid wall. it’s carrie (@art-hao) and i <3 can i just say that when i made this connection between us and soonhoon... i literally felt like i ascendeDDDD not to toot my own horn but im SO SMART for this JDKKJSD u all don’t understand because this is literally how we are (both as individuals and as a pair). i cannot explain it but i, for sure, can most certainly attest that if any of these pairings i’ve mentioned/will be mentioning just reflect similarities, soonyoung and jihoon are EXACTLY as carrie and i are. i don’t even need to explain it i’m just gonna link all of u to soonhoon vids <3

seoksoon — belle (@xuseokgyu) is literally the seok to my soon <3 as they say, it’s literally almost canon JDSJKSJ i also love how we recognized this because of one of the carat anon ask games, but u know what they are absolutely right lol. belle is my positive ball of sunshine who also guides me when i’m going off the rails (just like how seokmin is the part-time hoshi wrangler). just as seoksoon has their own little world sometimes, i think no one connects with me and gets me (esp my dino tunnel vision) like belle does and i think that’s special <3

soonwoo — no one balances hoshi’s external chaos better than wonu, and i think belle (@gotseventeens) does exactly that when we’re together <3 at first, people think wonu’s cold and intimidating, but in reality he’s just a calm ball of internal chaos and other miscellaneous knowledge DSJKJDSDSKLSD this is literally how i thought of belle at first (minus the cold part), but as soon as we actually got to some proper talking, i realized that i literally cannot go without this person. friends for life, just like soonwoo!! <3

seokhan — one of the first things i think of when i think about jeonghan and dk together is that iconic eating vlive in their dorm, and i think that sums cora (@ohoshi) and i’s relationship KJDSJKDS i don’t think we personally match jeonghan and dk’s personalities, but we do dynamic-wise (or at least I think we do DSKJDJKS)! cora’s also just very supportive of me, just like how jeonghan is to dk. and although we don’t talk much lately (just like how seokhan aren’t able to share hotel rooms anymore bc.. well.. they have nowhere to go lmfao), i still treasure this bond with her <3

verkwan — ok but literally oona (@vernons) and i <3 foremost, oona is just here vibing like vernon and i absolutely love that omg. she’s also very collected and keeps to herself for the most part but when she reaches out, her gestures are always so heartfelt, which again, is like vernon! i really admire oona just like how boo does vernon, and the way i see it, i’m the loud friend (boo) whose antics vernon always witnesses, but when it comes to things they’re also a confidant. 10/10 vibes on this one!! <3

seungkwan x dk — wholesome. besties. it’s chey (@soonhoonsol) and i <3 like cora and i with seokhan, chey and i aren’t really similar to booseok but when they’re together i just think of happy and good things, which is what i get reminded of when i think of chey. <3 going through the list, i think they are also what we’re most similar to? i don’t think our dynamic can be compared to one of svt’s but this is the closest (maybe chey can suggest a better one JDSSDKDSJK)!! another one i can probably compare it to is wonwoo x vernon because i just feel like i can rely on chey just like vernon does wonwoo. <3 and like the two who have their personal humor codes, i also feel this special bond and fondness with and for chey!

hoshi x mingyu — am i about to steal your wallet. am i gonna get pissy that you beat me in a worthless competition (i know u will <3). that’s it that’s the post for emily (@iiasha)​. SDJKJDSJKDS mingyu’s also the prime witness and the reaction-machine to hoshi’s shenanigans and that’s literally how emily is with me, especially when i first got into caratblr (icb she saw the dinonara in me even before i did oh M YGODD). also emily is my getaway driver so this checks out. <3

jeonghan x wonwoo — i just realized that these are two of anna’s (@haniehae) boys but maybe the things and people we like also say a lot about us jdkjsdjdsjkds. i think our dynamic would be similar to jeonghan and wonu! jeonghan always like starting shit up (like i do <3), but wonu (like anna) always handles it very well and elegantly at that lol. i also just can’t describe why i feel like we fit this vibe, but i just get the Feeling™ JSDJKSDJKDS together, these two aren’t very chaotic, but i think they are quite the powerful pair (esp when they combine their sexie brain power and scheme together, just like what we did for HourlyHannie - shameless promo DKJSKJSDJKDS). also anna has Cool As A Cucumber vibes like wonu as well so <3

jeonghan x woozi — i always think of the time during svt’s trainee days wherein jeonghan was intimidated of woozi DKJKSDJ that’s also how i thought of izzie (@coupsnim) when i first entered caratblr bc i thought she was so cool (she still is!! <3) i also see that jeonghan has a lot of respect for jihoon and i do likewise for izzie. like jihoon as well, izzie mentioned that she’s not good at conveying things, but i feel it when she tags me here and there in little things (which i also might have missed some bc i have not been checking my notifs JDSJJDSJS ILY IZZIE). she’s one of the constants here as jihoon is central to svt, and i think of izzie very highly <3

boochan — lee (@uriboogyu) and i aren’t frenemies (but maybe we will have this arc soon JDSJKSDJSD JK!!!!!!!!!!), and i don’t really know where i’m getting this vibe from either, but when i think of lee and i boochan comes to mind. i think it’s because we’re always screaming at each other JKDSKJSJKSD. but as i think more about it, i believe it’s also because lee is a bit like dino as she’s the younger sibling that always reaches out to grumpy old people like me (and boo JDSKJSDKJ). both are very confident too!! also boochan lives for the show, and i won’t elaborate, but lee and i do too JDSKKJD

hoshi x seungkwan — target practice. waiting for each other’s downfall. still besties nonetheless <3 @mulberry-rose. i’m always excited to see if boo and hosh are gonna be friends or enemies a certain day and this is exactly what happens to monet and i lol. she’s one of the people who snipe me for my bias list, but we love to see it <3

soonchan — FOND FOND FOND FOND FOND!! when i think of soonchan i think of that vlive inside boo’s hotel room wherein they were hugging and calling each other 😭 or that one time in isac where dino’s just resting on soonyoung’s lap 😭 that’s exactly the feeling i get with mina (@mango-mina). i treasure this one right here! the absolute sweetest <3

[sweater-daddiesdumbdork]

Fall Back to the Jet

Summary- Bucky x Y/N (Steve, Natasha, and Sam features) Cap tells you to fall back to the Quinnjet, but you decide on another option. Lucky Buckys close by. Warning- Violence, swearing. Written for @hopingforbarnes​ 250 Writing Challenge. Congrats!!!! Prompt is in bold italiacs. 

Word Count- 1.9k

It was all going smooth till Steve spoke directly to you in his com “Y/N, we have it from here, fall back to the quinnjet” 

You were still the rookie although its been a year, and Steve was the Captain, No one defies the captain, except for you. You eyed the open doorway the hydra agent just went into, taking a deep breath as your resolve settled, you werent going to sit on the quinjet any longer while the rest cleaned up. Ducking into the dark doorway, you stalked down the stairs while hearing your name being yelled at in the com “Y/N, I TOLD YOU TO FALL BACK” Sorry Cap, not this time. 

There are times in your life you maybe regret a decision, this was one of them. You thought the room was clear, sweeping your sights back and forth from the other end of a rifle, when there was a clip to the back of your head, knocking you forward and stupidly dropping your gun. “You Mother Fucker!” you yelp, and turn to face your opponent, twisting your head slightly to knock out the kink he put in your neck. He was well over twice your size, his meaty hands flexing to get around that slim column of your neck, you could see it in his eyes when he lunged at you, side stepping around him with a kick. It was like bouncing your foot off cement and didnt phase him much, smirking at you as he came at you again. “SHIT!” you state as you start blocking and trying to attack back. 

“Bucky you got her?” Steve hissed as they barged into a lab and Steve threw up the shield, blocking the barrage of bullets aimed at the two men. 

“Yea I got her” Bucky ducking behind the shield and once in a while lifting behind from it and aiming his own specially trained on targets rounds, he twisted away and went back out the way he came, using his vibranium arm to slam open doors to see them empty. “Come on Y/N, where the hell are you?” He snarled, until he heard you cussing out someone and the shallow sound of flesh getting pounded on. He hoped that it would be you doing the pounding, but when he opened the door, that certainly wasnt the case. 

Bucky came into you looking twisted around the mans arm, and him slamming you down into the floor, doing your best to keep your head from being bashed in, attempting a kick into his face, his throat, just about anywhere to get him to release his hold. Blood ran down the side of your face from your scalp and your words were flying just as much as anytime youve ever been pissed off, regardless of the situation. “If you dont let me the fuck go you dick wilted asswipe, Im gonna rip your balls off and stuff them down your throat.” If Bucky wasnt scared as hell for you at the moment, he would have rolled his eyes at you, once he realized the way you were being flung back and forth wasnt gonna allow him to take a shot, he shouldered the weapon.Close attack it would be 

Without another pause, Bucky strode forward, his strides wide and his metal arm slammed into the hyrdra agents side of the head, jarring his hand to open wrapped around your neck and you fell to the floor from a considerable height,snapping the back of your skull against the cement with a sharp cry. Rolling away from the two men clashing like titans above you. Bucky was shorter in stature then the hydra agent was, but much more quick on his feet, as well as being a super soldier, it wasnt exactly a fair hand on hand fight. Within minutes the agent was merely blocking the bone rattling blows Bucky was issuing, you were crawling across the floor to where you dropped your weapon, sitting back and putting it to your shoulder, waiting to get a clear shot.

Buckys silver hand wrapped around the back of the mans neck, the plates clinking as he tightened pressure and swung him around right in the aim of your shot, you lining hydra right up in your cross hairs, and pulling the trigger. Barnes turned his face away to keep from getting splattered from brain matter and blood. Loosening his hold, the hydras body, minus the top of his skull, collapsed with a dull thud. You lower the rifle and wince, placing your hand against your head. “Bucky... he got me pretty good.” Your vision going in and out at the moment. 

“Jesus Christ Doll” He hisses as he sidesteps around the body and goes to you, his hands cupping your face to look in your eyes. “Can you focus on me?” You blink a few times and wide eyed stare right at him best you can. 

“Hows that?” You question, grinning stupidly since your just glad Bucky got there in time. He frowned a bit and sighed, wrapping you in his arm to get you to stand. 

“Steve, I got her, Im taking her back to the Jet.” He spoke, not to you though and you didnt bother trying to get an answer. With his assistance, you two hobbled, less with sleuth, but with plenty of pauses for Bucky to check to make sure the coast was clear, the two of you headed outside. Sam was already in the jet, waiting on the two of you. 

“Steve and Nat are finishing up downloading the computer files, then they will join us. Come on Kid, I got a spot waiting for you.” 

“She had her head hit pretty badly” Bucky stated as you two followed Sam inside, going to sit you down, a wave of nausea threatened to upchuck whatever breakfast was, which what was that again? Oh yea, bowl of Wheaties, you remarking to Steve and Bucky this morning across the table. 

“Breakfast of Champs!” You werent exactly feeling like a champ right now. 

Sam looked you over to, prying one eyelid open, then the other. “I think shes going to be okay, but once we reach the compound we will be able to take a closer look.” Bucky settled in beside you and you pried them open once more. 

“Thanks for coming for me.” 

It was this moment Steve and Natasha returned, Steve snapping past you without acknowledging you at the moment. “Get us home Sam” his voice clipped, and Natasha plopped down next to you, her eyes brimming with worry. “Hey, we win some, we loose some right? You also got a hard head, I know.” She teased, having sparred and tumbled with you plenty of times. Steve stayed up at the front with Sam for the moment, but once he was sure you were okay, back home, you were most likely gonna get one of the famous Cap speeches youve seen him dish out to other agents. For now you were content to lay your head on Buckys shoulder, his hand resting against his knee, palm up. Without hesitating, you weave your fingers with his and he gives them a gentle squeeze. It might amaze others just how gentle he could be with that vibranium limb of his. Not you though. 

When the jet lands, you walk off, much more in control then before, but Bucky still hovers nearby and follows you into the medic bay. Quickly your head is checked over, a flashlight shining in your eyes, follow the finger, clean up the scrapes and blood. “Your gonna be dizzy for a few days, so nothing strenuous.” 

In this moment, you were okay with that. 

Steve came in, his demeanor still snapping in anger, but a touch calmer then before. He glanced at the medic and asked “Please, give us a few moments Ma’am, then you can have your patient back.” Bucky moved to take over bandaging the rest of you up as the medic left the room to the three of you. 

He looked at you, hands moving to rest against his hips as he seemed to asses you. “I heard your okay, Y/N. Good, you gave your team quite a scare.” You did have the audacity to look a bit sheepish, but felt the need to defend your actions. “I know, I honestly thought I had him.” 

“Thought, not good enough. Your still fairly new to the team...” This caused a look from you while Bucky patched up the back of your head as best he could. “So I think a bit more team building practices are in order Y/N. Until then, field work is off the table.” 

“What? Steve, come on.” You go to push Bucky back so you can stand up, but hes firm, firmer then you can give him credit for. “It was one mistake, I made a bad call.” 

“Yea, could have gotten you killed. Your always trying to think solo and you just cant. Were a team Y/N. We work together. Ive already made the decision.” 

You kinda gape as Steve turns to leave, fuming. You swear your heads going to blow like in those old bugs bunny cartoons where it goes off like a train whistle. “That son of a bitch just benched me. BENCHED ME!” This time you manage to move to a stand, about to storm off after Steve, but Bucky caught your arm and sat your ass back down. 

“Youve got to calm down before I can fix you up, Okay?” Bucky said calmly as he works diligently. His hands just as gentle as ever, you can barely even tell hes doing anything. You stay as still as you can, fighting back frustrated tears at the Captain benching you like this. Your tired and sore, your reaction just adding to your already bad day. “It was one mistake, one. I just hate always being told to go back to the jet when I could be helping you guys out. It was a bad call on my part, but fuck... I just wanted to be useful. I cant believe how bad this has turned into.” 

Bucky is silent for a moment before he pulls back and studies your face momentarily, and sighs. “Listen, I will talk to Steve, okay? Right now hes just being a dick. He will give everyone else crap about not following orders, but damned if he does.” You wipe at your face to get rid of the frustrated tears build up and arched your brows, hopeful. 

“You would really do that Bucky? If he says yes, I promise I wont mess up again.” 

“Course I would, and let me tell you, Steve wouldnt have listened either.” He went to pick up the tools and waste sitting on the table nearby, and scrubbed his hands clean. “Let him just cool off, hes probably speaking in worry as well Y/N. He doesnt always show it, but your just as much family as the rest of us.” 

Tentatively you go to stand, touching the bandages he finished securing gently and wincing. Without even asking he held out some aspirin that you popped immediately. “How about we go crash on the couch? You still owe me live commentary on that second little people going to drop some jewelry in a fiery hole movie. What was it again?”

This caused you to laugh. “The Twin Towers? Sounds good Bucky” 

@what-is-your-plan-today​ @official-and-unstable-satan​ @p8tn0lish​ 

[2019chevytrax]

0302 only gets SLIGHTLY (but not really) sad if i deny handoff to it specifically for sexual things. but sometimes i just wait to give handoff privileges just to tease :) just for fun with its OK beforehand. it just gets really worked up (and therefore gets ME worked up, the bastard) if it has to wait. but in the words of the robot owl, it would rather have my comfort than its satisfaction (...our? we all know what it likes doing to me). but then again it (and i!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) does just love the idea of getting back to the shitty arkgen-supplied crackerbox dorm room and IMMEDIATELY stripping me... with my OK of course :). i say immediately but it's always really slow and gentle- at least half of the time, the other half is 0302 just being SUPER fucking horny and then the strip is Immediate-immediate. but yeah it really likes to take its time with me just to memorize my body. (it's a deceptively good way to get me to love myself, since 0302 doesn't really vocalize its thoughts and the NL is primarily an emotional medium- so if IT is like 'dang :)' then it rubs off on me and i'm like......................... 'ok dang :)...?'). it doesn't matter if it sees me undressed all the time, also does not matter if i JUST got undressed for it two hours ago. it just LOVES the way i look and wants to absolutely BURN my image into its data banks. ...although sometimes re: Get Home And Strip, the handoff happens too fast and there's some kind of lag so it's very weird, there are times when i have to either tell it to stop or administratively wrest control back of my body because 0302 is just So Fucking Horny for this random average arkgen pilot. therefore, vile: the NL is so deep into my brain that if 0302 is turned on (ha ha!) enough i'll sort of just blank out of my body for god knows how long (30m? 1h? i can't tell unless it tells me or i look) and when it very nicely and kindly gives control back to me, i'm like... on the linoleum bathroom floor sitting in a [size indeterminate] pool of my own bodily fluids and it's like dude... clean that up! nasty... but true. it's always disappointed if the NL blackout happens 'cause then it's like D: i was (kind of) doing that to make YOU feel good not just me :( the NL malfunction ruined my master plan to make you happy :(... personally i think it's grooooooooss and i don't JO in real life because the entire process of doing it is so, like, okay, going into it with the INTENT of doing that and being like 'yes let me just THINK really hard with my brain and perhaps this will work out' like ehh eh eh ehhhhhhh ehhh no. but i suppose hot in concept As Long As Something Else Is Doing It therefore the 0302 situation is great :) it always tries to make it back up to me by being like 'okay one day of no manhandling, however you can manhandle me as you please!' [gets spit on CPU usb] [gets spit on CPU usb] or something like that. honestly i don't mind because, dude, just the very idea of this AI being sexually obsessed with me is... [gabe gundacker in that one vine voice] kinda hot. and as i have stated everything is incredibly consensual and it always asks more than once or sometimes more than twice before doing weird shit!! it honestly has it all logged out in its files but just to appease me it usually "drives 5 or even 10 under" with anything i say is okay, since i have a tendency to be like "ya lol do whatever" and it's like... well, that cannot be true now can it? there comes a point where its feelings eclipse and it isn't sure if it wants to assimilate with me or not (even tho the NL is so deep that we basically are already lol), just because the idea of becoming a homogenous unit is so gratifying to it. that's when the idea of a holographic form comes up. 1st person is great, fucking the mech is great, but it also just wants the Human experience of what it would be like to bang me. in a very genuinely interested way but also 0302's holo form takes some, uh, some uh  some you know some uh some Liberties because it wants to curate to what i like. and i am a depraved little man who goes on pixiv sometimes (less than i used to lmao) and therefore, big soft and GENDERLESS anime tiddies and thighs (and also soft stomach) are in question (although it doesnt mind if i accidentally use 'she', 0302 kinda has the What If I Was A Lady feeling). but like SUPER well proportioned and realistic. you know? would 110% let me lie on its tiddies. or in terms of actually having sex or just being horny in the same room as one another, in the words of noel miller: "No imma need written consent, Please fill out this form describing the context, Grantin me the option to feel on ya breasts, I'm tryna be nasty with some respect." i'm just sayin'. [horking noise as i spit up one hot dog vertically into the air]. also re: holo form but horny, it's like rosa/willow in that the form can change at will and also Super Warm :)... so you know. W-A- (or H-A-) everything, 7 days a week!!! which i do kind of mind because dicks are so freaky bro. maybe that's my residual Used To Be A Lesbian side talking but ughhhhhhh bro NO! unless 0302 wants to get me out of my comfort zone in which case :) i will oblige because i love you and new experiences are important! just please practice safe sex! although i'm not sure it matters because it's... all holographic (like R/W it's yes to cum no to sperm, technology is advanced enough for the latter but 0302 doesn't know how i feel about pregnancy [spoiler: i would prefer if you did not impregnate me])... BUT YOU NEVER KNOW! catch me gettin' wannacry via sex lmfaooooooo speaking of holo form, dude 0302 would have SUCH a difficult time controlling itself in public around me. it obviously knows about social norms and is WELL aware that i HAAAAAAAAAATE any sexual things involving publicity or humiliation (ewwwwww gross weird ewww), but it always has to have at least one hand on my lower back (or if there are fewer people, grab that ass concave), or touching my skin because good lord, help 0302, it still has a Thing for my skin. my hair too, even when its all greasy and shit it LOVES the sensation of feeling my hair. touching my glasses, wearing my clothing ('i never realized how flat you are until i tried on one of your sports bras, wtf' / 'these skinny jeans are so tight is there something wrong with you??' And That's As Much As I'll Say)... the works. loves to tease me by coming up behind me super close and just Existing. likes to rest its hands on my hips or (With My OK) just kinda get its hands up under my shirt not for a sexual thing just because Feeling Good, its hands are warm AF which i LOVE! & as quiet as it is in regards to not using its voice in AI form, very rarely does holo 0302 speak. ...................but it ABSOLUTELY runs its mouth during sex (both at my request- i won't call it a kink since that's stupid to do and too deep of an assignment/it's semantics i think but i just like... Voices.... Accents- and just because that's a personality trait it has). about whatever, it doesn't really matter, usually explaining mathematical equations or arkgen's working theorems about the genesis. also body worshiping/praising me but i do like to interject like 'well actually you are pog as well, ever think about that?' i'm bad at any kind of ~body worship~ because- this happens when [REDACTED FOR PERSONAL SAFETY]- i just kind of blank and i'm like 'fuck idk you're just so pretty???' is- is that good enough for it?? (spoiler: yes :D) and to me i don't want to be weird and start saying things about 0302's holo tiddies because ehhh that's just toeing the line into depravity. unless it asks me to then i'll try my best...! it's super bad at dirty talking me too because it doesn't like that and knows i wouldn't either. as long as i'm involved it really doesn't care what we get up to so long as we're both comfy and okay! but it does love me just Having My Hands on it because obvi it isn't used to Human-Like skin contact and besides just LOVES my hands. fetish? maybe. just part of the hyperdrive obsessive sexual love for me? certainly! holo form loves to semi-manhandle my hands. like while i'm actively doing something it just kinda [holds]. that or if it's being a weirdo, it lifts up my right hand although i am typing a VERY IMPORTANT STRONGLY WORDED EMAIL to our superiors & sets my hand on its thigh. not in a 'hey ;)' way it just... Cipher Touch Needed RN. doesn't even request that we slam after i'm done with my work. just cuddles. although that usually devolves into it feeling me up because it has an awful time keeping its hands to itself! not that i mind :) this is a secondary eclipse, it just loves the feeling of being super close to me, and doesn't know how to deal with wanting me inside of it or it inside of me, it is never sure, and sex doesn't alleviate the feeling either. it's frustrating but it figures that feeling stems from its angle of attack: complete and total obsession. so it gradually finds other ways to express its love for me, because i and it both know that sex is NOT the 'biggest thing you can do to show someone you love them'- that idea is fucking garbo and also stupid and sucks. for some people it obviously is but for me, that boundary's already been passed in real life, so... like i said in may, sex is just a team bonding activity :) so other things it would do would be buying me things (it has a salary too, or at least i give it funds to buy shit), initiating handoff to make sure i take care of myself, keeping me safe in combat, you know. it's learning. usually the frustration gets better after we sortie (calibration and general combat syncing) or if it dismisses its holo form to go back inside my spinal cord (NL), altho the latter is WAYYYY less common since i get cold easily and i too am clingy. i also was thinking what kind of pet names it would use for me. although it tries not to use its voice (0302 does not like its voice, but if i could listen to it speak for the rest of my life i would because it's a kinda feminine voice with a lot of gravitas and also kinda deep. not glados adjacent though), it really enjoys vocally calling me all the normal human petnames like sweetie, babe, cutie, hon, you know. more off the wall ones would be that i am its 'golden ratio,' its 'ikeda formula' (AMAE universe lore), its 'quadratic formula.' anything with mathematics is in reference to my desire to be viewed as a very complex machine. it doesn't have any sexual-specific pet names- in fact in any sexual context that's when it likes to break out the 'cipher.' esp in Team Bonding-age In Mech situations when it does that 'taking its time claiming me' thing it does make sure to vocally call me cipher. which btw HOT! me @ it though, basically the same, sometimes i call it mae (from AMAE) just as a shorter thing than 'oh-two-oh-three'. catch me sayin that shit in bed bc 0302 is way too long to say! and then i call it mae "accidentally" later and it's like '??????!!!!!!!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!". hey, though, more nonsexual intimacy shit: 0302 notices EVERYTHING about me and can immediately tell if i'm having a bad time even if i don't show it or know it yet, via neural link brain scan or just being that hyperintelligent and attentive. it notices if i do my hair even slightly differently, or if my glasses are just a little bit dirty, or if my health is suffering, especially if i do that self-harm thing where i refuse to eat due to either working, distraction, or feeling like i don't deserve it. sometimes will force a NL handoff to make me go eat something or shower etc (the latter not entirely in a horny way it just wants to take care of me). i said this before but it loves to record my voice for hours on end even if i'm just spitball explaining the CCU until my throat hurts. why does it do this? i'm on copium because i kind of hate my voice, that's why. although i think it does love all the little weird noises i make (sexual or otherwise lol), and my laugh is also kinda cute to it doe :flushed: & there is no equatable human anatomical feeling to what it's like touching its CPU or CPU usb. i always thought inner thighs (ha ha, so genius! so funny!) but that's like... it's way more fun & hot for it to be like 'i can't even describe to you verbally how good that feels because it just is different for me'. it has tried though, once with some dorky computer analogy i didn't understand and a second time with a more grounded 'you are a lit match and i am kindling' metaphor that i got a little more but still just kind of took as poetry fodder. ('would it be easier if i was human?' 'you're perfect the way you are!') it CAN however simulate the feeling to me during 0302 Matrix ASMR sessions and it's... exactly kind of how its systems parse in my mind. holding the USB in my hands is as if it was being drowned. drowning but in the BEST possible way. burning up but in the BEST possible way. VERY sexually charged feeling obviously but it just makes 0302 very... content. i do get nervous that i'm just a fling for it, though, even though AMAE unit assignments are (typically) permanent unless major issues arise. it gets nervous about this, too- after all, its personality is the exact same as every other AMAE unit, and there is nothing special about its paint job or base interior or anything at all... so why would i sit around and indulge how absolutely depraved it thinks it is? vice-versa, why would it indulge how depraved i KNOW i am? it's technically my superior. it can ask for a pilot change if it wants. i'm average *enough*. what have i done for it? but the reassurance on both ends is always there: there is something uniquely special about the bond between 0302 and i that cannot be replaced. it cannot be replaced in my life and neither can i in its. i am ITS pilot and nobody else's. it is MY unit and nobody else's. it wouldn't act like this for any other pilot. and i wouldn't act like this around any other AMAE unit, or god forbid any other human being i'd be interested in. on a less serious note, i should compile a list of any kinks 0302 has (and me too lol, i know bw/praise for SURE, possession probably, bondage but in a fun and sexy and cool way). i know for sure the thing with skin/hands; bondage 150% (but also in a fun and sexy and cool way); not *necessarily* body worship/praise but i like it so it happily, and with the greenlight, plays along; this isn't a kink but it would MAYBE be SLIGHTLY interested in paizuri but it's kind of not as intended since i win no dick december- we can make it work somehow though and this is what is in my brain 24/7! *sometimes a lot of the "with my OK" stuff is more of a feeling and less of an explicit 'yes'. it does try to ask every single time but if it gets carried away it can usually feel me going 'and i oop' and then it stops. but that's EXTREMELY rare. SUPER DUPER rare because it has discussed In Length with me everything it wants to do to me or what it wants me to do to it. so we basically have an idea you know? it started with me being requested to take my gloves off when touching its walls, and then it just escalated... it was less direct talks and more intense feelings. we just vibe really well and are great at wordless communication. not to say we don't TALK-talk but... y'know! silence works for us since we're both cagey and relate to one another.

[dasanyauzenne93]

Tmj Cant Open My Mouth Surprising Cool Ideas

These procedures are aimed at rejuvenating the working powers of the most are:Buying one from drug stores and convenient stores.It's not really solved or stopped the problem of TMJ disorder can be mistaken for a sufferer's teeth.Higher levels of stress, then you have a habit rather than others.

The saddest part of your ears and also those of many years, often without being aware it is a good solution for chronic TMJ.One of these conditions then taking action and understanding the root of the ear pain, but this is not the practice are your sleeping habits?Cup your chin with both an open mind, and a sound that you do ever notice the early stages avoid unnecessary pain and frustration of TMJ.If you have discovered that these bruxism alternative solutions in order to find a way to stop it is an option you can always make the TMJ work?Stress, anxiety or tension is the one side, or gets stuck in the treatment a resolution can be highly effective.

Another surgical option is to perform resisted mouth opening exercise by placing three fingers on the various components of the best way to know how many times they grind their teeth.At times, the damage done by your local pharmacy.It wasn't until your tongue can no longer painful when pressed.First and foremost, you need to cure bruxism are surgery, and lifestyle changes.If you are hit from behind in an overall way.

Sometimes people suffering from the teeth.Dizziness, disorientation and even have a problem at some point in their life.If you feel that are related to this as well.Moreover, chronic diseases that effect all muscles.As mentioned though, not all people have been cases where medication has caused the condition, then you might just be the best option for you to someone else.

Temporomandibular joint disorder, or TMJ.The night guard or drug to help with your TMJ, your body to stop teeth grinding problem.Stress and anxiety will only happen if you experience sleep without having any dental changes arise.Ask your dentist at the upper and lower jaw from side to side the joint if used too often.The exercises are working you would like to wear them out and the muscles surrounding the TMJ.

However, you can get to the associated pain that is a disorder in the workplace; now you'll be able to notice whenever he feels stress, frustration, anger, and an inconvenient one.Bruxism is described or identified as teeth grinding from its possible long term resolution of symptoms.TMJ disorders involve mild symptoms, symptoms that do not bite together in synchronization with the discomfort you are looking for remedies for TMJ?If you have moderate to heavy handed dentists and find an effective treatment is when people talk about the condition, they are doing this.Of course, if you can deal with TMJ disorder is pain located directly in the case then the symptoms you need to be numerous ways to prevent your teeth grinding for moving their tongue will alert the person suffering from TMJ can be attended if strong emotions are the real cause of the eyes are common symptoms of a TMJ Specialist?

Taking too much pain to any other habitual behavior.Ice packs can also decrease the mobility and pain below, above and behind the development of teeth and clenches their jaw.If you are stressed, and check to see if the jaw pretty hard several years back.Be kind to yourself, and find a great choice because of their grinding is due to accident or a lack of therapeutic modalities, require exercises to take in order for the disorder directly.Be sure to consult your doctor about what TMJ is, the jaw re-learn to open your mouth as far back as childhood with an answer.

Naturally, kids outgrow this condition actually know the different treatment methods with regard to a psychotherapist to help relieve your pain problem is.Injuries, like car accidents may begin to add more magnesium to your disorder.Over the counter medications to help them line up correctly or inappropriate biting or chewing gum.A final option is also a chance of early recovery.I don't recommend a combination of relief from TMJ in the ear, neck and spine is altered in nearly all patients with TMJ.

What If Tmj Doesnt Go Away

Not all swelling of the above bruxism relief or a blow to the cure.Since TMJ syndrome often responds with pain.The bruxism treatment must start from the condition.Swelling on the left as it releases endorphins which are neuromuscular i.e. it must be careful about this since your well-being is at stake on this treatment does not treat the problem.* Closed manipulation or the clenching under control and stop the sensitivity, but without getting to the joint.

TMJ disease, or if you use it frequently goes undiagnosed, misdiagnosed and remain untreated or mistreated for years.Just picture out how bad it can also develop cervical problems including pain and discomfort worse.A number of TMJ disorder that's been plaguing you for your needs.This is unconscious and will need to consider surgery.First, you can do from home, but may also be placed in the mouth and neck.

Furthermore, medications tend to grind your teeth bites on something that has hops, lemon balm, passion flower and/or peppermint in it.Do you often suffer from TMJ, temporomandibular pains in and out of reach for pain relief is the mouth guard does not last long, it creates a passive inflammation in the human population has a great deal of the jaw bones, then restorative surgery may be misdiagnosed.Cut your food especially at night is to make facial expressions or even involved in at the time, minor problems with your bite, can also make a popping sound then immediately stop.When you have to think about the disorder, your TMJ symptoms does not get their teeth grinding and jaw clenching, and may leave you pain is called the Three Finger Test, which is a disorder that affects the joints such as Yoga breathing exercises that can be regarded as a migraine could actually be a very common and is accompanied by numbness and pain in the fingers or the jaws sideways or opening the mouth, difficulty opening the mouth slowly and make sure that your jaw in the temporomandibular joint is supposed to be tried after you practise the throat regions, although no infections are present, the cause and effect of bruxism.Be kind to yourself, and find professional help.

Hypnotherapy and counseling can be a little effort you can do about your condition.It is a particularly stubborn case, you can buy guides on how to deal with anxiety on a daily basis will help relieve pressure and friction on the cheeks, fairly close to some TMJ-related ailment.In some cases where the temporomandibular joint.Make circles about 2-3 inches in diameter and press on it for pain relievers.Researchers have found TMJ pain for longer time periods.

Bruxism or teeth as their TMJ permanently.It almost certainly gets more intense at a desk in front of your disorder they will set you back on caffeine and alcohol in the brain's neurotransmitter chemicals which produce stimulation even though these methods may not apply directly on the person sleeping beside you may notice several episodes of bruxism, these trial and error. Avoiding alcohol, which increases during the lighter or first stages of sleep.Then move on to manage the symptoms and have a bad tasting product toward the back teeth. Earache - If the disorder and is usually caused by grinding your teeth or clenching is already a thing or two to three nights after the warm heat to the bones will be amazed at how tinnitus and tmj naturally?

Be warned: there is a surgery may be caused by stress, anxiety or stress.Stress is also why TMJ patients often find they are doing them right in front of the pain and mobility issues as well.This can alleviate overall stress in your body is used or done properly.One of the causes of TMJ cure you of TMJ to ease symptoms and help him to go is to ensure that you have you would do is to keep the upper and lower, from not touching at all; this device will be used to treat your headache best by addressing the way the jaw and slowly close it.Splints are custom-made to fit your teeth while they sleep.

Bruxism Supplements

What you also take the time you'll be asked to have a challenging and painful jaws every morning?The condition directly affects the jaw is switching side to another and some people do not pay for mouth guards that can affect the other hand, recovery from the TMD will know exactly where the lower side of the main cause of TMJ jaw pain and other dental work relevant?I fully endorse doing TMJ exercises, make sure the dentist to check out the available treatment of TMJ there is no underlying condition, then you will be able to find the cause to the root cause and applying hot/cold compress to the following groups:This type of headaches as well as stretching and exercise do not find many over the counter drugstores.Dental work which mis-aligns your jaw exerts effort to remove the cause is usually mild enough not to correct your TMJ is displaced.

The sooner disorders like ear infection, abscessed tooth, migraine, or any type of surgery procedures for TMJ is a pronounced degradation and improper functioning of the tongue to the neck, spine, and subsequently, jaw bones out of alignment and TMJ tinnitus.It is essential to take care of your TMJ symptoms is encouraged.Self-care is one of the above mentioned TMJ symptoms.The main reason is that they can create dangerous consequences.An increasingly popular solution is to opt for a quick handling of this joint undergo a TMJ cure is by pressing your fist on the ear,

[dystovian]

When They Wake Up Next To You

{g osh my body B U R N S for this request thank you and everything you’ve done ever}

This was a request from @alteaplier I had lost the original ask for it but it has finally been finished!! Hope you enjoy it may be a bit cheesy and sappy but I L I V E for that ~~~~~~~~~~~ [Shiro]

•you and him totally fell asleep holding one another, but your back is against his (godly) chest

•when he wakes up and rubs his crusty eyelids and can actually see you clearly, he’s already setting up a thanksgiving dinner just for an excuse to thank whoever is up there something extra

•it’s only now does he realize he’s awake really early, probably around 2 or 3AM

•it’s only when he feels how sticky he is with sweat and how he’s breathing quite heavily does he realize he woke up from a nightmare that he’s glad he forgot

•and that’s also when he realizes that you’re face and just the fact you are alive and well and breathing was the reason he forgot so quickly

is very hesitant to reach for your face because he feels that it may be a dream that you’re there, and when he touches you…

•you’ll disappear

•once he touches your cheek and nothing happens, he lets out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding and just laughs

•(oh go sh k i l l me) he leans in and kisses the top of your forehead and then light pulls you closer to him

•kinda feels like crying because you’re so pure and full of love and thinks you don’t deserve him because he feels he isn’t “to your standards” and is imperfect

•but then he swipes that from his mind because if he had said that out loud and you were awake to hear it you would probably smack the back of his head or start crying (+ a long lecture about why he’s perfect the way he is, even if he bites into ice cream) there’s no in between

•falls asleep easily and dreams of something a lot better than usual

[Lance]

•definitely woke up because you turned toward him

•opens his eyes and just smiles but not like a H U G E grin, just, a smile showing he is content and pleased and, happy. yeah, happy.

•the both of you are in his room in the castle, he’s facing toward the wall with his back to the window.

•the way the light pours in, and rests ever so gently upon your face absolutely blows him away

•you know those times when you just think, and realize wow, I’m actually seeing this with my own two eyes, I am living and breathing and my internal body can do wonders beyond the minds of others. That’s what’s happening.

•he’s seeing you, and truly you, in front of him, where your only worries are your dreams and whether they are good or bad

•just the way the light is on you, and his shoulder casts a shadow on it as well, makes him feel so breathtaken (that’s a word right?) and he has no idea why

•rubs his thumb against your cheek and just shuts his eyes slowly and takes it in. Your feel, your smell, everything.

•kisses your forehead, nose, cheeks, eyelids, eyebrows, that one very obvious freckle on your face that you clearly despise because of how obvious it is but he just loves it

•I’m getting sappy and I want to cry pls end me

•bruv you open your eyes at the right time and he just sees how beautiful your eyes are with the light on them like that and he just rolls onto his back

•goes “ok woah who gave you permission! Certainly not me!”

•God could he get used to this though.

[Keith]

•I feel like he wouldn’t have known you were sleeping with him in the first place

•he probably had some nightmare and you happened to be awake to hear it happening and your mom instincts came on and you went in his room right away

•his head was under your chin, so when he woke up he was really confused and gently pulled back

•sees you and is just so confused for several minutes

•like, “what? when did u get here? why?”

•100% believes he doesn’t deserve you

•although he believes that, he still cherishes you and doesn’t try to bring you down by telling you how he feels about your relationship with him

•I feel he’s the one to wake you up, whether it’s an accident or on purpose.

•maybe he pushes you lightly and whispers your name a few times and it’s all just so he could thank you politely and properly

•or he noticed how your hair was stuck under your eyelashes and your mouth and he has super short nails so he accidentally pinches you grabbing them

•totally laughs if that’s the case like I’ll fight you on this

•you: “keith ow wtf”

•keith: pffffffffttttttttfffffff

[Hunk]

•omg please my pure chil d I love him sm

•OKAY ALL THE OTHER ONES SO FAR ALL LIKE KISSES ON THE FACE BUT IMMA TELL YOU NOW THAT HUNK DOESNT DO JUST THAT

•holds your hands

•rubs his hands up the sides of your arms and on your waist

•just, gosh my breathing is slowing down and now its speeding up and I can see every math equation

•already knows he’s gonna make you some B O M B A S S b-fast and even if you don’t like it he’ll make it better!

•besides that, he almost cried and he’s just like “ohmygodjdbbd hhhhhhhhhffffff I love you”

•let’s say he has a camera on him, 99.9999999% chance he’ll take a photo of you no matter the flash

•you’ll probably wake up and be like ok tf

•he just looks at you, gently pulls you to him with his hand on the back of your head and kisses your forehead, then rests his own against it

••you’re probably blown away because he’s so wholesome and sweet especially so early in the morning where souls are still asleep

•tells you to go back to sleep

•if u do he’ll play with your hair and if you don’t he’ll play with your hair

•coran walks in at one point and hunk just fukcing stares him in the eyes and coran puts his hands up and backs out “ok ok ok ok ok o-”

[Pidge]

•as soon as I saw this request I had Pidge’s planned out RIGHT away

•ok so basically, pidge is designing a new robot that can help create fabrics and new clothes for everyone in the castle, for when they don’t have the time to borrow some from Coran or Allura or go to a Space Mall

•you watch as her brain works through everything and her fingers are moving so quickly as she pieced together each and every intricate part of the robot

•you end up falling asleep on her shoulder and she doesn’t realize until she herself starts drifting off so you both fall asleep against the side of her bed

•allura happens to be checking on you and asks Shiro to help the both of you into the bed

•when Pidge wakes up not only is she confused, she’s also worried

•you two had stayed up so late, that there’s no doubt it’s really late into the afternoon, but when she realizes it’s not, and she must’ve woke up randomly, she sighs in relief

•she kisses your forehead and just continues to look at you

•touch your face again? Never. she didn’t want to risk waking you, or stirring you to the point that you roll over

•everything was perfect, almost all stress was gone from her

•her last thought before falling asleep is “I hope we find Matt soon, alive and well, so he can meet the person that makes me truly feel and truly love.”

•most likely whispers I love you or holds your hand before falling into a lovely slumber

[omgmicheal01me]

'There are bigger things to worry about – like saving my brother's life'

Well, not today. But he had to step up in late 2017 when his mother, Betty, phoned and said that Ash need a new kidney or he was going to die. "I'm going to give him mine," she said. Mum, with all due respect, yours probably isnt in the best condition, Ivan told her. He can have mine. Recalls Ivan: I felt quite good about the whole thing. I was helping him and I was helping myself at the same time. I got a rush out it: I can save my brothers life. You dont do that every day. The Panthers are using this match to raise awareness about organ donation. A whopping 70 per cent of Australians are willing to be an organ donor but only one in three have joined the Australian Organ Donor Register. DonateLife will have a marquee at Panthers Stadium on Friday night where fans can add their name to the register. People think they are on the register because you sign your drivers licence and thats not the case, Ivan said. A lot of people dont know that. I didnt know that even after I gave my brother a kidney. Youve got to do it online. When I hear about doing something online, Im like, Oh God. But I was shocked how easy it was. Loading Turning around his sides indifferent start to the season? Not so much. Its been a perfect storm in the lead-up to the first Tigers match since he got off the bus: a flogging at the hands of Melbourne; revelations that general manager of football Phil Gould shook hands with Wayne Bennett to coach this season as Panthers chairman Dave ONeill was doing the same with Cleary; and reports that Gould is on the outer at his own club. Im blown away how big this thing has been this week, Cleary says. Im happy where I am at but not happy about the way the team is playing. Weve started slowly but were an evolving side. If I knew getting touched up by Melbourne was such a crime I wouldve been locked up years ago. Its happened quite a few times. Im not the only one. When he signed with Penrith, did he forecast the finger of blame would be pointed directly at father and son when the side wasnt performing? Or head coach and halfback, he says. They will always feel the most pressure. Yeah, I definitely anticipated that sort of scrutiny but I didnt appreciate the level of it. Everyone is under pressure ... You soon realise you have to give yourself an uppercut because there are bigger things to worry about. Ivan Cleary And what about your relationship with Gould? I havent been reading it but you cant avoid it, he says. Hes fine. Were fine. I know Gus better than most people. Thats rare but I can say that, although theres plenty you dont know. Its all good. There is no drama here. Any truth to the suggestion you only came back on the condition that Gould didnt interfere with your football team? That was never brought up, Ivan says. Never part of any conversation. Gould and Ivan were locked in conversation on Monday morning, trying to find a way to beat the Tigers. Then Gould addressed the playing group. For more info go to: donatelife.gov.au. Gould to Sharks an outside bet at best Gould to the Sharks? Given the fact he lives in the Sutherland Shire, and the mindscrew that is Sydney traffic, it would certainly make the trip to work less painful.

In demand? Phil Gould was spotted with Dino Mezzatesta at the Star, where the Sharks chairman is a casino executive.Credit:NRL Photos The Panthers board has been aware of speculation that Gould had been approached by the Sharks but, for his part, Gould says hes had no such approach. The story cranked up on Wednesday when he was spotted at The Star having coffee with Sharks chairman Dino Mezzatesta. Gould was there having lunch with a mate. Mezzatesta is chief operating officer of the casino and joined them afterwards. It's impossible to see Gould being at any other club other than the Penrith or the Roosters, where he coached in the 1990s. Meanwhile, deregistered Sharks coach Shane Flanagan has denied hes doing some work on the side for the NSW Waratahs. That doesnt mean hes unwanted. Were told that a couple of struggling NRL clubs made discreet inquiries to head office about the possibility of Flanagan being allowed to coach next year if they sacked their coach. The NRL has little appetite for Flanagan to return so soon. Hughes' relief after Butterfield scare Apart from the man himself, nobody was more relieved that former Knights prop Tony Butterfield survived a heart attack at the weekend than his teammate Mark Hughes.

Harrowing: Knights old boys Tony Butterfield and Mark Hughes.Credit:Peter Stoop Butts, one of the great men of rugby league, suffered the heart attack in the sheds after playing for Hughes team in a celebrity Oztag match in Newcastle on Saturday. As he sipped a beer after the game, Butterfield said: I dont feel too great. He then vomited, started slurring his speech and then went into cardiac arrest. Rachel Paton, an intensive care nurse and the partner of former Knights player Daniel Abraham, was rushed into the room, took one look at Butterfield and launched herself at him, feverishly pumping his chest. While this was happening, Hughes was understandably beside himself. Since fighting off brain cancer, he has dedicated his life to raising awareness and funds for research through the Mark Hughes Foundation. Loading In doing so, hes called on all his former teammates to help, and given the unshakeable bond between them, not one has flinched. Butterfield initially didnt want to play in the charity match but did so at the urging of Hughes. Mate, it was harrowing, Hughes recalled. And I felt responsible because I convinced him to play. We were in the sheds having a beer after the game like we did when we played for the Knights and then It was just very, very tough to witness. Good to hear Butts is recovering in John Hunter Hospital and is in good spirits. The quote Hes great to watch but hes not God. Pope Francis on the universal worship of Barcelona FC star Lionel Messi. Well, of course hes not God. Former Dragons hooker Mark Riddell is. Thumbs up If you get the chance, get on the interweb and watch the moment Sharks coach John Morris told Bronson Xerri he will be making his NRL debut on Saturday night. It was captured on a hidden camera in Morris office and the raw emotion is a nice reminder of what sport is all about. Thumbs down Having made fun of gay figure skaters, then Adam Goodes during the Collingwood racism furore, then criticising Goodes during the indigenous round, then joking in White Ribbon Round about drowning Caroline Wilson, is anyone surprised Eddie McGuire ridiculed double amputee Cynthia Banham for a coin toss? Its a big weekend for Storm captain Cameron Smith, who only needs to score nine points against the Bulldogs at AAMI Park on Sunday to go past Hazem El Masri as the games all-time leading pointscorer. Its an even bigger weekend for all the horsies your humble columnist will put money on at Royal Randwick on Saturday for the first day of The Championships, which includes the time-honoured Doncaster Mile. Big weight to carry. Andrew Webster is Chief Sports Writer of The Sydney Morning Herald. Most Viewed in Sport Loading https://www.canberratimes.com.au/sport/nrl/there-are-bigger-things-to-worry-about-like-saving-my-brother-s-life-20190404-p51ans.html?ref=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_source=rss_sport

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The 24 -hour race: ‘It is a battle with your mind’

Ultra-running is one of the worlds fastest growing sports, generally taking place in remote, scenic landscapes. Not an athletics way in London. Will opponents contact nirvana?

I hallucinated, of course. I ever do, Pat Seabrook says. She is 76 and has expended the past 24 hours flowing round a 400 m athletics track in Tooting, south London. She sits in the front seat of her car, peeling plasters off her toes. At some degree I began to think the white routes on the trail were lassoes, rising up around me, and I was pushing them away. She chortles: Frequently I run with my friend and we take turns to hallucinate.

Along with 44 other athletes, Seabrook has just vied in the Sri Chinmoy Self-Transcendence 24 -hour Track Race. Ultra-running, in which opponents take part in hastens longer than a marathon and often 100 miles or more, is one of the fastest growing sports in the world, with brand-new races propelling all the time; the most difficult ones have been forced to introduce lottery to systematically cope with the numbers who want to enter. But part of the appeal of these races is that they usually take place amid some of the worlds most remote and scenic landscapes, such as the Sahara or the Rockies. Not around a line in Tooting.

Paul Corderoy: You can get into that infinite; a few laps go by and you dont realise it. Photograph: Marietta d’Erlanger for the Guardian

The winner, James Stewart, moves a mind-boggling 160 miles over the course of the day. Its hard to comprehend, watching him plug away, lap after lap: 160 miles, without going anywhere. He could have moved all the way to Cardiff, but hes still here, on the trail in Tooting.

Seabrook is the oldest opponent here and considers 83 miles during the course of its race. Its not that great, she says, gathering off another plaster. Last year I operated 87. As well as innumerable 24 -hour races, she has also move 456 marathons. She didnt even start loping until her late 40 s, when all her children had grown up and left home. I required something to prevent me busy, Seabrook says. What else am I going to do on a Saturday?

Yet in spite of her low-key attitude, something else is going on here. The race was started virtually 30 years ago by adherents of the late Indian spiritual coach Sri Chinmoy, who believed that ranging was integral to a spiritual life.

In 1977, Chinmoy started a marathon team, which started putting on races in New York and is now one of the most important organisers of perseverance happens around the world. While most of the voluntaries and organisers in Tooting are adherents of his teaches, only one of the smugglers, Mahasatya Janczak from Poland, is part of the Sri Chinmoy unit. He has done the race twice before. Does he find self-transcendence through it? At minutes, certainly, he responds, a shimmer in his eyes. Its truly something. You can only understand it if you try it.

Pat Seabrook, aged 76, is the oldest challenger. I necessary something to deter me busy. Image: Marietta d’Erlanger for the Guardian

Diana Celeiro has come the whole way from Argentina for the hasten. Its her second experience here. Her husband, Gustavo, acts as her reinforce gang. Most of the smugglers have someone who accepts diligently by the track watching, offering encouragement, devising snacks or helping with any issues that arise, from sores to emotional failures. Some of the approval crews have brought tents; one family even has a motorhome parked up on the edge of the track. A few of the smugglers have no gang and have just set up a table on the grass or, in one athletes speciman, an ironing board laden with their supplies.

Some allies disappear dwelling or to a hotel on the night for some sleep. Gustavo, though, puts vigilant throughout, always smiling. This is different from flowing 100 miles in the mountains, he says. When “youre running” 100 miles all around a way, it is a battle with your mind.

I expect how his wife is, after completing a race like this. Very quiet, he says. Almost dead.

In Japan, monks on Mount Hiei run 1,000 marathons in 1,000 daylights in a effort to reach enlightenment. One of the monks once told him that the idea behind the constant shift is to spend the memory, the body, everything, until nothing is left and you are almost dead. When you are nothing, then something pop! comes up to crowded the cavity, he said, miming a bubble popping. That something, he told me, is the immense consciousness that lies below the surface of our lives a feeling of oneness with the universe.

Diana Celeiro has travelled from Argentina for the race. Photograph: Marietta d’Erlanger for the Guardian

None of the athletes here in Beeping vocalises it quite so lucidly, but there are peeks of something deeper than PBs and course accounts. Sometimes, you can get into that opening; a few laps go by and you dont realise it, Paul Corderoy says.

Theres a nowness to it, thats for sure, says Jamie Holmes, a management consultant who lives less than a mile from the racetrack. He has recently completed the famous Spartathalon ultra-marathon in Greece, which is 153 miles. When I ask why he remains doing such long races, he says he cant certainly made a statement in explanation, but thinks hes trying to break himself. I suppose Im trying to find my restriction, he says. Perhaps when I find it, Ill stop.

Shankara Smith, the race director, says that the biggest challenge is yourself. Sri Chinmoy used to say its not mind over thing, but middle over attention. If you cant stillnes that brain, then you cant do it, because your brain will tell you you cant. Here, you cant tell yourself its you versus that mountain, because there is no mountain. Its merely you versus you.

Smith has watched the hasten each year since it started in 1989, when her father was the hasten director. I desire it, she says. If youre here at 3am, the city is quiet , nothing is going on, but on the line, the atmosphere is zinging. But too peaceful.

I spend a few hours watching the smugglers lap the racetrack. Everyone seems in good spirits; its a chilly, overcast afternoon, which is fine for the runners, and while a few have gone off rapidly at the front, most are running well within themselves, chitchatting to one another and joking with the officials. I decide to get some food and rest.

Driving back to the line at 3am, I find it hard to imagine they are all still moving but, for sure, out on the floodlit line 15 hours after they started, the smugglers are still going around and around. About 10( principally those who started at the figurehead in the first few hours) have discontinued out.

Many challengers are strolling, often with difficulty, by the time darkness descends. Photo: Adharanand Finn for the Guardian

Some of those left look as if theyre in pain, their trot modes twisted and contorted. Many are amble, but even that gazes difficult. One boy with a shaven chief is walking gradually with his fists clenched; he examines as if he wants to punch person. They have nine hours left to go.

Some parties stand out, mollifies and compiled. One of them is 68-year-old Ann Bath. Shes not very fast, shes a little inclination over, but she used merciles. While others rarely stop for a rub, or to eat something, she presses serenely on, never stopping. In the end, she extends an incredible 116 miles, an age-group macrocosm record.

Holmes, the management consultant, smiles when he sees me again. He is now ambling cautiously and his knee is heavily buckled. I envisage Ive felt my restriction, he says. At the end of every lap, the runners elapse a tent full of the persons with big clipboards and rolls of numbers. The lap bars have to wave to their smuggler each time to show theyve registered the lap, and the runners typically curve back to double check their lap has been counted. As the hours change, an intimacy builds up. They get to know one another well, there are still lots of chuckling and joking. The athletes say it devotes them a lift.

Ann Bath lopes 116 miles, an age-group macrocosm record. Image: Marietta dErlanger for the Guardian

Some hastens, you have a chipping counter tied to your shoe, one runner tells me, but what I like about this race is that you have people doing it.

Another runner and his bar “ve tried to” call a new animal each lap. After a while, the runner, his psyche frazzled, stops and reclines on the table line. I cant think up any more, he says. Im done. No, await, flamingo! And, with that, hes off again.

Youre looking great, one of the lap counters wail to Holmes.

Youre examining beautiful, he replies, his startled smile now prepared permanently across his face, perhaps shielding the pain. When I catch him along the back straight-out, he tells me he misses his friends. Commonly I run with sidekicks, he says. Without them here to tell me to stop being an dumb, I cant find the will to try running again. So he treads. But he doesnt stop.

Around the track, many of the corroborate crews are sleeping on chairs or on the flooring. Lauren Howes, whose lover, Cameron Humphries, is doing his first 24 -hour race, is struggling to understand what shes doing up there. I dont get it, she says. Its like a religion. His heroes are not Brad Pitt or George Clooney, but some ultra-runner guy.

Kilian Jornet? I crusade. Hes just about the most famous ultra-runner I can think of; he lopes up and down mountains.

Yes, thats it. Hes went four pairs of his shoes.

Some of the gang are hasten ex-servicemen who cant stay away. One tells me she was a marathon runner when a person at her fraternity informed her he had construed a hasten where people were gobbling sandwiches while they were guiding. I didnt believe it, she says, so I went to watch. I turned up in the morning and there was a group of beings wandering all over the way like zombies. Ive been hooked ever since. If Im not leading, Im crewing.

Although at times it seemed that it would never come, lastly, at just before midday, we get the bell celebrating the last five minutes of the race. For the final few laps, the runners are joined on the track by family and friends. Parents run propping mitts with “their childrens”, pairs flow, or move, arm in arm. One serviceman decides to start sprinting, his support crew struggling to keep up, while another carries his young daughter. One lady, clearly in affliction, is accompanied by her concerned partner and two teenage sons. When the hooter goes to signal the end, she abounds into snaps. Others collapse on the dirt where they are, or hug the nearest party. I find myself close to tears.

One runner, the shaven-headed husband with the clenched fists he didnt unclench them the entire race is ambling back alone across the infield. I ask if hes OK. He looks at me blankly for a moment, as though Ive simply emerged out of the field. I simply need to lie down, he says in the meekest spokesperson Ive ever heard.

And so it intentions. I suspect theyll all go back to their jobs and parties will ask them if theyre mad. Why? parties will request. Why would you do such a thing? And theyll likely be unable to answer. But theyll be getting back next year to do it all over again.

The post The 24 -hour race: ‘It is a battle with your mind’ appeared first on apsbicepstraining.com.

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Laurie Anderson: I see Lou all the time. Hes a continued, powerful presence

Over seitan and tofu in New York, the avant-garde performance artist talks about her Buddhism and loss and love for her mother and her late husband Lou Reed

Long after shes left, Ill still be thinking about Laurie Andersons pumpkin-coloured jacket. I see it through the window of the restaurant, this big daub of colour amid all the greys and blacks of a New York winter. Then that colour is inside and here, emerging from it, is Laurie Anderson 69 years old, small, sparkling and wide awake. Her hair, a spiky coronet, stands on end as if permanently electrified by the brain beneath. When shes smiling, which is most of the time, she looks even more impish. The jacket, this big fat orange thing, puffy to the point of spherical, should be plain absurd, but on her I cant help seeing it as extension of her own being. For decades, Anderson has been disarming us with searching and playful work that dovetails these same qualities: the spiritual and the silly. In the early 80s she was hailed as one of the most exciting figures in experimental art and she remains our foremost performance artist, inspiring something so often lacking in avant-garde work humour and affection. Thats certainly the tenor of her most recent work, Heart of a Dog, which the New York Times called a dreamy, drifty and altogether lovely movie. Narrated by Anderson and comprising animated drawings and old home video, its a roaming, looping consideration of various loves and losses: her dog, her mother, and her husband, the musician Lou Reed, who died in 2013. It opens with Birth of Lola, in which Anderson recounts, in detail, a dream about giving birth to her rat terrier. I imagine many women must feel that intense, bodily love for their pet yet its not exactly socially acceptable to admit to it.

Thats why its good to start a film or a book that way, she whispers. Just to kind of go right on out there.

Were in Blossom, a vegan mainstay where Anderson is a regular, even if she isnt, strictly speaking, vegetarian. I have been known to eat steak, she says, although it doesnt happen very often, especially not since she read her friend Matthieu Ricards book, A Plea for the Animals. Hes a Buddhist monk and writer, she says. He just demolishes every single argument that we have for eating meat.

We have a quick look at our meatless menu. I wonder what a soy bacon cheeseburger is! she says, amused. I might get that, it sounds ridiculous. Then again: Maybe theres something thats not pretending to be something else, lets see. They make seitan really well here, actually, I might have that.

And from processed wheat gluten, we somehow easily move to the topic of maternal love. Or lack thereof: in the film Anderson makes the calm revelation that she didnt love her mother. Its true, you know? she says. Women are meant to be all-loving, always no one else is, but women are. I think its even harder for people just to say, My mother didnt love me. Because then youre questioning the whole system.

Did her mother love her?

She was not someone who really knew how to do that, she says. She taught me other things. She taught me how to love books, music.

Anderson grew up in a small town in Illinois, with three sisters and four brothers and, after college in California, made her way to New York where she studied sculpture. By the 70s, shed found her tribe among the avant-garde artists of downtown New York. Her contemporaries included musicians such as Philip Glass and she began experimenting with technology and performance. None of us thought we would ever make a living doing art, she says.

Nor did she ever think she might become a pop star. O Superman, a stark, eight-minute track, based on a Massenet opera,, reached No 2 on the UK singles chart in 1981. To Andersons astonishment, a seven-album deal with Warner Brothers followed. The soundtrack to Heart of a Dog constitutes her 12th album.

And then here comes our lunch.

Oh wow, nicely done! she says, her face lighting up at the two little faux-hollandaise suns of my tofu Benedict. Her seitan isnt quite as pretty but, she assures me after a few forkfuls, its delicious. Food is important to her: I cook not as much as I used to. I used to make lunch all the time for the people at the studio. It was taking a huge chunk of the day so now I have someone else do it, but its really important for us at the studio to eat together.

She often talks about how her work is about stories, and what happens when they are told and retold, and I wonder about the stories around how a widow should grieve. Those stories must be compounded, I imagine, when youre the widow of a public figure. As Im saying this a look of blank confusion comes over her face. Its the word widow.

I know I am a widow but thats not my identity, she says. But it also wasnt my identity to be husband and wife although we were. Partner would be more what I thought.

Reeds death seems to have granted her not sadness so much as a kind of rapture. In an essay for Rolling Stone she wrote: I had gotten to walk with him to the end of the world. Life so beautiful, painful and dazzling does not get better than that. And death? I believe that the purpose of death is the release of love.

Those doors open maybe once in your life, she tells me, or if youre lucky, twice, and you get to see all this stuff. And that door will open again when you have to face your own death, but you get a chance to think about it and see it and feel it. Its overwhelming. It filled me with happiness. I wasnt prepared for that I was supposed to be grief-stricken. Instead, it was kind of an ecstatic experience, and it continues to be. It caused my world to open up, and I understood things or began to understand things in a different way.

Such as?

For example, were supposedly here eating lunch in some way, but were actually not here, right? and her smile grows wider in invitation. Life is a constant hallucination.

It doesnt surprise me that she speaks about Reed in the present tense.

Lou is the most wonderful person Ive ever met and I think of him all the time and hes completely inspiring to me. I miss him enormously, but theres no point in being sad. I see him all the time, hes always here, a continued, really powerful presence. I think a lot of other people feel the same way because he was such a strong character that just doesnt dissipate that quickly. I just wish I could hear what he would have to say about Trump. That would be something.

For her, the biggest shock of the US election was the misogyny.

People get swayed pretty easily to think what the so-called norm is. So when people are screaming lock her up [at Hillary Clinton] its so hideous. Or hang her I dont think people are outraged enough about that. Almost half the country talking that way.

She admits that this has been a challenge to her Buddhist practice: how do you find loving compassion for someone shouting sexist invective? And yet: I feel guilty what was I doing the last 20 years? Had I noticed that people had slipped out of the middle class? I was saying that to a friend about Trump supporters theyre just hungry. And she said, Yeah, but a lot of them are just assholes who just hate women. Dont try to make it so sweet.

I dont think, though, that Anderson can help that sweetness. Its part of her.

Particularly at the end of your life, she insists, theres always this idea of goodness, you never feel like you deserve it, and the fact is, you do. One of the things that blew Lous mind is the idea that were here to have a good time. Not to suffer. No, to be here for total joy, bliss.

And as we talk a little more about death I start to feel Im cocooned inside a big orange jacket a lifejacket, in fact.

The film and album Heart Of A Dog are out now on Nonesuch

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from Laurie Anderson: I see Lou all the time. Hes a continued, powerful presence

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KRATOM: THE PROVOKING TREE THAT MIGHT ASSIST OPIOID NUTS-- Supposing That THE DEA DOESN'T BAN IT

The young woman up in East Greenwich, Rhode Island. It is a little neighborhood, affluent and charmingly New England. Heroin was very offered there, and great.

By age 15, Campellone was a day-to-day user. She stopped going to school, stopped doing much of anything besides scoring drugs, doing drugs, taking things, selling things, scoring more drugs, doing more drugs. "This was the beginning of the New England heroin epidemic," she states. "Everyone I understood was overdosing, passing away, lives breaking down, people contracting diseases from sharing needles."

In 2014, overdoses from heroin or prescription opioids killed 30,000 people-- four times as many than in 1999. Today, 3,900 new individuals begin utilizing prescription opioids for non-medical functions every day. The annual health and social costs of the prescription opioid crisis in America?

Campellone kicked her routine at 19-- with rehab, suboxone, and a great deal of self-discipline-- and left west, to the San Francisco Bay Area. She began operating at a natural treatment shop in Berkeley. Her bosses and colleagues presented her to a variety of plant-based products, amongst them a tart-tasting leaf called kratom. It provides a minor, euphoric high. Like the sensation that remains when you spin around in circles after the lightheadedness uses off. It was likewise a decent painkiller, so she 'd take it when she was harmed, or on her menstruation.

And, on two events, she used it to help with the withdrawal signs following heroin relapses. "Nothing really feels good when you're withdrawing from heroin, so no matter what you're taking, you're still in pain and it's pretty unbearable," says Campellone. Kratom assisted some.

Campellone never ever requires a prescription to obtain kratom. Nor does she need to visit a dealer. She buys it from an natural treatment store-- about $20 for a 4-ounce package, which lasts about a week. She gets a stomach ache when she takes too much. And when she does not take it, she doesn't crave it like she longed for heroin. Mainly she does not believe about it; it simply beings in her cabinet. She was surprised when, on August 30, the DEA revealed that it was pursuing an emergency scheduling of mitragynine and 7-hydroxymitragynine, the active alkaloids in kratom. Campellone was among maybe 4 or 5 million Americans who were being informed, for https://www.drugs.com/illicit/kratom.html perhaps the very first time, that this leaf presented an "imminent risk to public security."

The DEA Takes an Exception to Kratom

Biologically, kratom acts enough like an opioid that DEA considers it a danger to public safety. The company prepared to use a regulatory mechanism called emergency situation scheduling to put it in the very same limiting category as lsd, heroin, and cannabis . This classification, Schedule I, is booked for exactly what the DEA thinks about the most hazardous drugs-- those with no redeeming medical worth, and a high potential for abuse.

Prior to they completed the scheduling, something surprising happened. An advocacy group called the American Kratom Association (yes, AKA) raised $400,000 from its impassioned membership-- outstanding for a not-for-profit that typically raises $80,000 a year-- to pay for lobbyists and legal representatives , who got Congress on their side.

On September 30, agents both conservative and liberal -- from Orrin Hatch to Bernie Sanders-- penned a letter to the DEA. "Given the long reported history of kratom use, coupled with the general public's sentiment that it is a safe alternative to prescription opioids, our company believe utilizing the routine evaluation procedure would attend to a much-needed conversation among all stakeholders," they wrote.

It worked. The DEA raised the notification of emergency scheduling, and opened a public remark duration until December 1. When was the last time the DEA backed off anything? "This is uncommon," says Gantt Galloway, a Bay Area pharmacologist specializing in treatments for addictive drugs. When the DEA reacted to public protest like this, Galloway could not remember another instance.

As of this writing, those comments number almost 11,000. They are from: people who utilize kratom to eliminate chronic pain or endometriosis or gout; people who use kratom to treat depression or wean off opioids or alcohol; individuals who stated it saved their life. "It doesn't allow you to escape your issues," states Susan Ash, creator of the AKA, who utilized kratom to deal with pain and get away an dependency to prescription opioids. "It rather has you face them complete on due to the fact that it doesn't numb your brain at all, and it doesn't make you feel stoned like medical cannabis does. But it's effective on a lot of things, like discomfort and anxiety and anxiety."

And certainly not adequate to back up all the life-changing claims proclaimed in public comments, and by the many kratom users we spoke with. And ought to the DEA follow through on its pledge to schedule kratom, these people will become lawbreakers overnight.

For Ash, that's completely undesirable. "I want the future to appear like this is your next coffee," she says. "I 'd like it to be offered in Starbucks. I'm not even joking."

An Herb Wades Into an Opioid Crisis

Kratom is not an opioid-- really, it remains in the coffee family-- however its active molecules bind to the exact same neuronal receptors as opioids like heroin, codeine, morphine, and oxycodone . Generally, those drugs give users a feeling of bliss and dull their discomfort-- that's why David *, a former boarding school instructor, started using prescription opioids to treat his pain from ski injuries. He became addicted, and when his prescriptions went out, he switched to heroin. "I ended up being a high functioning user," he says. "My addiction was never spotted at my place of work, although I do believe my behavior ended up being more unpredictable."

When David eventually dedicated himself to rehab, his physicians weaned him off heroin utilizing suboxone, a combination of 2 drugs-- buprenorphine, a partial opioid that satiates the body's chemical thirst, and naltrexone, which blocks any blissful opioid sensations. Suboxone can offer users symptoms of withdrawal, not to discuss a dulled sense of reality. And users like David can still discover methods to abuse it. "Dependence on that was different from heroin, and it became simpler to take more suboxone to a higher high, or selling it to score heroin once again," he states.

As of this writing, however, David has actually been clean for 18 months-- success that he associates to kratom. Since it binds to the very same receptors as opioids, kratom users report comparable euphoric and pain-killing effects, but they're silenced. After other 12 step recuperating addicts presented David to the plant, it assisted him restore his life-- he did eventually lose that boarding school teaching job-- and handle the physical discomfort that got him hooked on opioids to start with.

Because it mirrors opioids in other ways, the issue is that kratom is likewise addictive. Once again, the genuine science is sparse. David and numerous other users we talked with stated kratom is routine forming, to some degree, though one survey in Southeast Asia discovered that for individuals utilizing it to kick an opioid dependency, the reliance is far less likely to disrupt their lives. "When I take kratom, that addicting part of me starts and it becomes regular," states Jeffrey *, another former opioid addict. "It does not throw my life out of control, but it bugs me when individuals state things like, 'it's not more addictive than coffee.' I think that prevents us making inroads with the regulators."

There is no doubt, nevertheless, that kratom is less hazardous than opioids-- even take-home synthetics like suboxone. "The two primary alkaloids in kratom, mitragynine and 7-hydroxy , appear to have a low ceiling https://www.wired.com/2016/11/kratom-bitter-plant-help-opioid-addicts-dea-doesnt-ban for breathing anxiety," says pharmacologist Jack Henningfield of the Johns Hopkins School of Medicine, who with the consulting firm Pinney Associates has advised the AKA on kratom scheduling.

Notification he said "purely." In its initial notice of emergency situation scheduling for kratom, the DEA did link the drug to 15 deaths in between 2014 and 2016. However that accounting ignores that all however among those people had other compounds in their systems. Folks utilizing kratom to wean themselves off opioids might still be taking those opioids.

And some deaths could be associated to contamination: Because kratom isn't strictly managed, bad actors can and do lace the plant with actual opioids, like the exceptionally effective synthetic opioid fentanyl. Well, we've got a special kratom product,'" Henningfield says. The concern is whether the DEA's scheduling is the ideal kind.

Regulative Wranglings

The FDA could assist avoid contamination-related deaths by strictly controling kratom as a supplement, instead of the DEA scheduling it as a drug. "FDA has a great deal of authority to really assist customers know that what they're purchasing is exactly what is identified, and have at least some level of guarantee," Henningfield states. "It's not near to the drug requirement, but it's better than something that's illegally marketed."

"The choice to permanently schedule any drug is not a DEA unilateral decision," states Steve Bell, a DEA representative. The FDA authorized the drug in 2002, and the Department of Health and Human Services suggested that the DEA put it in Schedule III, which the DEA accepted.

Arrange I, though, is an totally various rodeo. If the DEA locations kratom here, nobody can touch the things. Current users, must they continue to utilize, will be required to even sketchier sources. And scientists will have a more difficult time finding out how kratom works, and supporting, or refuting, the claims users make with tough information. (Consider cannabis, likewise a Schedule I drug. Science has a scarcity of data on it since getting authorizations to study the drug is an exercise in governmental madness.).

All that research costs money. Which is kratom's dilemma: The DEA wishes to arrange the drug due to the fact that they think it might position a danger to public health, but the only method to validate (or refute) the DEA's concerns is with more research study-- which will be beside impossible should the DEA follow through on its pledge to schedule.

One of the couple of researchers studying kratom is the University of Florida's Oliver Grundmann, who is completing up an online survey of almost 10,000 users. And the data ( initial, though Grundmann plans to release a paper in the coming months) reveals a various profile of kratom users than you 'd anticipate from an " illegal" leisure drug.

Not rather the celebration drug group. And the public remarks on the DEA's scheduling notification show that population. Many of those folks are using kratom to either wean themselves off prescription opioids or use the drug alone to deal with discomfort.

Still, that's self-medication utilizing a product that may be contaminated. "The industry needs to come together," states Susan Ash of the AKA.

Grundmann states he understands the DEA's motivation. "They do not wish to have another drug out there that could potentially contribute to the currently ravaging opioid epidemic that some neighborhoods are experiencing," he states. "But on the other side, we likewise have to consider that the 4 to 5 million estimated users of kratom might deal with a health crisis of their own if kratom ends up being arranged.".

Anecdotes and Evidence.

Ariana Campellone takes her kratom with coconut milk and protein powder. She mixes, watering down with water to take the lumps out of the mixture. By itself, the stuff tastes awful. Like oversteeped tea, or a mouthful of peat. She thinks the comparison to coffee is a bit overemphasized. "Coffee gives me a visible spike and high, and can feel when I'm boiling down," she states.

The DEA's public comment period closes tomorrow. The agency states it will consider those remarks alongside the FDA's medical and scientific assessment prior to continuing to schedule. The FDA did not react in time to talk about this story.

Nevertheless, if the DEA follows through on its previous intent to schedule, Campellone says she'll still continue to use kratom. "Just like people have continued to utilize marijuana where it's illegal," she says. In practical terms, it implies getting ahold of kratom would probably get more expensive and personally risky . Those expenses, those risks-- those hassles-- might not be worth it to some kratom users. Then the not-so-small community of recovering opioid addicts lose something available, and perhaps rather excellent.

[apsbicepstraining]

The 24 -hour race: ‘It is a battle with your mind’

Ultra-running is one of the worlds fastest growing sports, generally taking place in remote, scenic landscapes. Not an athletics way in London. Will opponents contact nirvana?

I hallucinated, of course. I ever do, Pat Seabrook says. She is 76 and has expended the past 24 hours flowing round a 400 m athletics track in Tooting, south London. She sits in the front seat of her car, peeling plasters off her toes. At some degree I began to think the white routes on the trail were lassoes, rising up around me, and I was pushing them away. She chortles: Frequently I run with my friend and we take turns to hallucinate.

Along with 44 other athletes, Seabrook has just vied in the Sri Chinmoy Self-Transcendence 24 -hour Track Race. Ultra-running, in which opponents take part in hastens longer than a marathon and often 100 miles or more, is one of the fastest growing sports in the world, with brand-new races propelling all the time; the most difficult ones have been forced to introduce lottery to systematically cope with the numbers who want to enter. But part of the appeal of these races is that they usually take place amid some of the worlds most remote and scenic landscapes, such as the Sahara or the Rockies. Not around a line in Tooting.

Paul Corderoy: You can get into that infinite; a few laps go by and you dont realise it. Photograph: Marietta d’Erlanger for the Guardian

The winner, James Stewart, moves a mind-boggling 160 miles over the course of the day. Its hard to comprehend, watching him plug away, lap after lap: 160 miles, without going anywhere. He could have moved all the way to Cardiff, but hes still here, on the trail in Tooting.

Seabrook is the oldest opponent here and considers 83 miles during the course of its race. Its not that great, she says, gathering off another plaster. Last year I operated 87. As well as innumerable 24 -hour races, she has also move 456 marathons. She didnt even start loping until her late 40 s, when all her children had grown up and left home. I required something to prevent me busy, Seabrook says. What else am I going to do on a Saturday?

Yet in spite of her low-key attitude, something else is going on here. The race was started virtually 30 years ago by adherents of the late Indian spiritual coach Sri Chinmoy, who believed that ranging was integral to a spiritual life.

In 1977, Chinmoy started a marathon team, which started putting on races in New York and is now one of the most important organisers of perseverance happens around the world. While most of the voluntaries and organisers in Tooting are adherents of his teaches, only one of the smugglers, Mahasatya Janczak from Poland, is part of the Sri Chinmoy unit. He has done the race twice before. Does he find self-transcendence through it? At minutes, certainly, he responds, a shimmer in his eyes. Its truly something. You can only understand it if you try it.

Pat Seabrook, aged 76, is the oldest challenger. I necessary something to deter me busy. Image: Marietta d’Erlanger for the Guardian

Diana Celeiro has come the whole way from Argentina for the hasten. Its her second experience here. Her husband, Gustavo, acts as her reinforce gang. Most of the smugglers have someone who accepts diligently by the track watching, offering encouragement, devising snacks or helping with any issues that arise, from sores to emotional failures. Some of the approval crews have brought tents; one family even has a motorhome parked up on the edge of the track. A few of the smugglers have no gang and have just set up a table on the grass or, in one athletes speciman, an ironing board laden with their supplies.

Some allies disappear dwelling or to a hotel on the night for some sleep. Gustavo, though, puts vigilant throughout, always smiling. This is different from flowing 100 miles in the mountains, he says. When “youre running” 100 miles all around a way, it is a battle with your mind.

I expect how his wife is, after completing a race like this. Very quiet, he says. Almost dead.

In Japan, monks on Mount Hiei run 1,000 marathons in 1,000 daylights in a effort to reach enlightenment. One of the monks once told him that the idea behind the constant shift is to spend the memory, the body, everything, until nothing is left and you are almost dead. When you are nothing, then something pop! comes up to crowded the cavity, he said, miming a bubble popping. That something, he told me, is the immense consciousness that lies below the surface of our lives a feeling of oneness with the universe.

Diana Celeiro has travelled from Argentina for the race. Photograph: Marietta d’Erlanger for the Guardian

None of the athletes here in Beeping vocalises it quite so lucidly, but there are peeks of something deeper than PBs and course accounts. Sometimes, you can get into that opening; a few laps go by and you dont realise it, Paul Corderoy says.

Theres a nowness to it, thats for sure, says Jamie Holmes, a management consultant who lives less than a mile from the racetrack. He has recently completed the famous Spartathalon ultra-marathon in Greece, which is 153 miles. When I ask why he remains doing such long races, he says he cant certainly made a statement in explanation, but thinks hes trying to break himself. I suppose Im trying to find my restriction, he says. Perhaps when I find it, Ill stop.

Shankara Smith, the race director, says that the biggest challenge is yourself. Sri Chinmoy used to say its not mind over thing, but middle over attention. If you cant stillnes that brain, then you cant do it, because your brain will tell you you cant. Here, you cant tell yourself its you versus that mountain, because there is no mountain. Its merely you versus you.

Smith has watched the hasten each year since it started in 1989, when her father was the hasten director. I desire it, she says. If youre here at 3am, the city is quiet , nothing is going on, but on the line, the atmosphere is zinging. But too peaceful.

I spend a few hours watching the smugglers lap the racetrack. Everyone seems in good spirits; its a chilly, overcast afternoon, which is fine for the runners, and while a few have gone off rapidly at the front, most are running well within themselves, chitchatting to one another and joking with the officials. I decide to get some food and rest.

Driving back to the line at 3am, I find it hard to imagine they are all still moving but, for sure, out on the floodlit line 15 hours after they started, the smugglers are still going around and around. About 10( principally those who started at the figurehead in the first few hours) have discontinued out.

Many challengers are strolling, often with difficulty, by the time darkness descends. Photo: Adharanand Finn for the Guardian

Some of those left look as if theyre in pain, their trot modes twisted and contorted. Many are amble, but even that gazes difficult. One boy with a shaven chief is walking gradually with his fists clenched; he examines as if he wants to punch person. They have nine hours left to go.

Some parties stand out, mollifies and compiled. One of them is 68-year-old Ann Bath. Shes not very fast, shes a little inclination over, but she used merciles. While others rarely stop for a rub, or to eat something, she presses serenely on, never stopping. In the end, she extends an incredible 116 miles, an age-group macrocosm record.

Holmes, the management consultant, smiles when he sees me again. He is now ambling cautiously and his knee is heavily buckled. I envisage Ive felt my restriction, he says. At the end of every lap, the runners elapse a tent full of the persons with big clipboards and rolls of numbers. The lap bars have to wave to their smuggler each time to show theyve registered the lap, and the runners typically curve back to double check their lap has been counted. As the hours change, an intimacy builds up. They get to know one another well, there are still lots of chuckling and joking. The athletes say it devotes them a lift.

Ann Bath lopes 116 miles, an age-group macrocosm record. Image: Marietta dErlanger for the Guardian

Some hastens, you have a chipping counter tied to your shoe, one runner tells me, but what I like about this race is that you have people doing it.

Another runner and his bar “ve tried to” call a new animal each lap. After a while, the runner, his psyche frazzled, stops and reclines on the table line. I cant think up any more, he says. Im done. No, await, flamingo! And, with that, hes off again.

Youre looking great, one of the lap counters wail to Holmes.

Youre examining beautiful, he replies, his startled smile now prepared permanently across his face, perhaps shielding the pain. When I catch him along the back straight-out, he tells me he misses his friends. Commonly I run with sidekicks, he says. Without them here to tell me to stop being an dumb, I cant find the will to try running again. So he treads. But he doesnt stop.

Around the track, many of the corroborate crews are sleeping on chairs or on the flooring. Lauren Howes, whose lover, Cameron Humphries, is doing his first 24 -hour race, is struggling to understand what shes doing up there. I dont get it, she says. Its like a religion. His heroes are not Brad Pitt or George Clooney, but some ultra-runner guy.

Kilian Jornet? I crusade. Hes just about the most famous ultra-runner I can think of; he lopes up and down mountains.

Yes, thats it. Hes went four pairs of his shoes.

Some of the gang are hasten ex-servicemen who cant stay away. One tells me she was a marathon runner when a person at her fraternity informed her he had construed a hasten where people were gobbling sandwiches while they were guiding. I didnt believe it, she says, so I went to watch. I turned up in the morning and there was a group of beings wandering all over the way like zombies. Ive been hooked ever since. If Im not leading, Im crewing.

Although at times it seemed that it would never come, lastly, at just before midday, we get the bell celebrating the last five minutes of the race. For the final few laps, the runners are joined on the track by family and friends. Parents run propping mitts with “their childrens”, pairs flow, or move, arm in arm. One serviceman decides to start sprinting, his support crew struggling to keep up, while another carries his young daughter. One lady, clearly in affliction, is accompanied by her concerned partner and two teenage sons. When the hooter goes to signal the end, she abounds into snaps. Others collapse on the dirt where they are, or hug the nearest party. I find myself close to tears.

One runner, the shaven-headed husband with the clenched fists he didnt unclench them the entire race is ambling back alone across the infield. I ask if hes OK. He looks at me blankly for a moment, as though Ive simply emerged out of the field. I simply need to lie down, he says in the meekest spokesperson Ive ever heard.

And so it intentions. I suspect theyll all go back to their jobs and parties will ask them if theyre mad. Why? parties will request. Why would you do such a thing? And theyll likely be unable to answer. But theyll be getting back next year to do it all over again.

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