#//I haven't really used the queue properly in....I don't even know how long.

[kingspuppet]

I set up the queue to give it a try. Right now it's mostly art of Goro (shocking I know) and a little, tiny bit of musing stuff. It's gonna post twice a day, but I'll adjust that as needed. So hopefully it won't get too invasive and won't completely dominate my blog. But if anyone notices any issues just let me know! 💙

[moyokeansimblr]

Update

Not feeling so hot and I'm not going to do anything impulsive at 8PM on a Friday evening but

here is a link to a sfs folder with ALL of my content that's currently only hosted on patreon.

I want to add individual sfs links to the tumblr posts but that's a lot and I'm now regretting never adding alt dl links this whole time... and sorry I don't think the downloads in the sfs folder are in order... it also might be some other things, like fixed meshes or stuff. tbh I just added everything I've made after April 3rd 2023 since that was the last time I uploaded anything to sfs.

I guess while I'm here... I was going to wait until after I finish up the last of my active requests (probably by Monday, I'm almost done) but I desperately need a break from CC. I sent a group message on the 17th to my $4 and $6 patrons encouraging them to cancel, but I know not everybody knows patreon even has dms so maybe you'll see this post and I'll reach out again in the coming days so nobody is wasting their money. I am so immensely burnt out and I need to not create for a while. This is completely my own fault, nobody made me work on CC for 8-10 hours 5 days a week for the last several months and I fully knew it wasn't sustainable ages ago but I kept doing it because it made me feel good, until it didn't. Quite honestly, even before I sent the group message the instant wave of relief I felt just having made the decision to take a break... that caught me off guard but just confirmed I need this. I do feel really awful about it because I feel like I'm letting people down but at the same time I don't want to hate creating which was already happening. That being said, I don't know how long the lull in CC is going to be, and if you're only following me strictly for CC I apologize. As said I am still finishing up one request I still had, I'm about 75% done with that as of this post. But that's gonna be it for a while.

There is a part of me that wants to stop using patreon completely and unpublish my creator page (which is what I'm not going to impulsively do tonight without properly thinking it through...since there are positives like how easy it is to download files and whatnot) but I'd again encourage not only those who joined the $4 and $6 tiers but also the $2 tier to cancel so that you aren't wasting your money. If I did do this I would definitely do the individual sfs links on everything first. I'd not just leave you guys unable to download my stuff.

So, what does that mean for this blog? I'll spare ye, impatient readers, who have already read a lot because I ramble⬇️

Well, as of posting this I still have THREE HUNDRED AND TWENTY FOUR Strangetown posts in my queue. And I'm not tired of playing that.

I'm looking forward to having an opportunity to do all of the things I've been neglecting. I'm finally going to go through the subfolder within my downloads of everything I'm downloaded the last few months and decide if I wanna keep it in my game or not. And finish default replacing everything. And all my other various little projects I haven't been doing.

Also, I want to start playing Veronaville 😮I've already started downloading lots from kattaty to replace the in-game ones, and I found a cool replacement for the neighborhood map. I am leaning towards making a new sub-blog for this so that you don't have to try and follow Strangetown/LFT posts and Veronaville/ALT posts at the same time. I've only ever played the Veronaville sims for like one day as part of a super failed megahood years ago so I'd like to get to know them.

So basically, I guess I'm a gameplay blog for now? Until I want to create anything again anyways, but I don't know when that will be.

I don't know how to end this post... I'm sorry for the disappointment, but thank you so much for enjoying my stuff 💛💛

[fivewholeminutes]

so. wembley.

Once I have finally gathered my wits the words did not want to stop coming. This rambling is long; apologies for that. And for the messed up tenses I hate tenses we only have one past tense why is English like this

No photos/videos yet, they are still not properly checked/deleted/edited by me.

It was. Unsurprisingly. One of the best days of my life. But also, I don't remember much from my life, so don't trust me on this one. (Kidding, it totally WAS one of the best days of my life). And uhh... I have a problem with processing events and emotions, so it still feels like I have seen it on a TV screen instead of, you know, actually, physically having been there? Idk how to explain that, I still have to convince my brain that I've been there. I feel detached from it completely. But!! I!! Have!! Been!! There!!

I woke up so early that foxes were still roaming the streets. Didn't talk much with people around me in the queue (hello anxiety), but they were lovely! I signed the blue flag for iii from me & Lia, got the sticker for Projekt Atlantic, received some bracelets, exchanged some bracelets, put some sea creatures tattoos on people (LIA I FORGOT TO GIVE YOU THE WHALE!!!), slept on a pavement, bought merch for myself and others (I've never had anyone to buy concert merch for before, it's such a nice feeling 🥺).

And queueing for so long was so fucking worth it! Third row, baby!! For the first time in the middle!! (Which was my downfall later, but the pre-show me was not aware of that just yet). I couldn't actually hear HEALTH that well, but I really liked their drummer, he was enjoying himself and his joy was contagious. (I've checked them later though and. Last album, my beloved.) During the break, well, you all know what was happening, I have been liveblogging everything (sorry about that <3). The moment someone in the crowd literally screeched when they saw the new masks on instagram was a blessing, I wouldn't have survived seeing them in new masks without a warning. Also, my blind ass would probably realise 3 songs in that they have different masks, I shit you not. Besides, it was super fun having a mental breakdown here on tumblr with y'all <3

When Espera entered the stage, everything else stopped being of any importance to me. I remember my first thought was "oh yeah, sure, the ladies are dressed up and moving like this and you expect me to focus on anything else that is happening on this stage?". And of course, my second thought was "I GOTTA TAKE PICTURES FOR DARYA". Naturally, I was trying to keep up with everything else anyway. I haven't seen ii all too well though and it makes me sad :( Alas. I've had a good vantage point for the ladies. Yeah. Brain went brrrrr every time I was looking at them. Where was I again-

I was still coughing at that time. I got a terrible coughing fit after literally 3 short screams during HEALTH and my idiot ass has left all the lozenges except one in the hotel room an hour before the door opening. I thought I would have to spend the rest of the night not singing along nor screaming and felt utterly heartbroken for a few minutes, but after my Holy Grail Lozenge (and a LOT of water from the venue's crew) my cough has abandoned me for the duration of the whole ritual (thank you, Sleep). Even though, when Sam told us that we have to sing, my only thought was "I CAN'T FUCKING SING EITHER, MATE". But I did. Oh, I so fucking did. I sung my lungs out and did not cough even ONCE.

But you know. I was exhausted, anxious, surrounded by strangers and had more sugar in my veins than red cells at that point, so I wasn't my best self. I really thought the karaoke was for shits and giggles at first. "Oh yeah, it's The Most Popular Song, let's see how it sounds when 10k people sing it without the singer's help!", you know. Thought it was for the recording the announcements warned us about. But then we sung Granite. Ohhhkay. And then The Love You Want - certainly not a song they would leave for an impropmtu singalong. It was then that I (belatedly) realised that yeah, something really was wrong and so my heart broke again. So many preparations! Their biggest gig so far! Even iii managed to be there! And something had to happen!! Specifically!! To Vessel!! Of all people!! That was just not fair. He totally didn't deserve this. But it's just life and its endless fucking bad surprises for everyone, huh.

I didn't have enough time to collect all the broken pieces of my heart from the sticky floor and mend them after this realisation, because after Vessel joined the singing for the last few lines of TLYW, he dropped to his knees in front of us crying and thanking everyone. That sight is now carved into my brain. This is when I realised the 3rd row was a mistake. The psychic damage it gave me is irrevocable. Do you have those moments that you will never forget? A few seconds of an (usually traumatic) experience that will haunt you forever, replaying in your mind like a broken record? It was a bit like this for me. It wasn't traumatic, mind you, but it was definitely something that made a permanent dent in my heart and a home in my brain. And I wouldn't change it anyway.

Another thing that made me think that I will just fall down and never get up was iii & iv's hug. It was. So full of love and reassurence. Idk, you could just feel that emitting from them, okay? I was standing there thinking "yeah sure, just fucking murder me tonight instead, okay. Should've kept staring at Espera only-". Ah yes. The ladies. Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Where was I again-

The goosebumps when the whole venue yelled "they won't be missing you" during Nazareth, oh my fucking god. On my previous rituals, in way smaller venues, there's always been a handful of people screaming it. And everyone doing it? Unparalleled feeling. Bordering on the shrimp emotions scale.

The lights were spectacular. I cannot describe how amazing the light show was. I am sending a kiss to each and every light crew member.

Also, Vessel being more emotional during the ritual as a whole. The TLYW moment was the worst for me, but there were many others. (Ascensionism and Bloodsport stabbing me with a rusty knife the most.) I mean, who could've blamed him for the emotions, he would probably be very emotional even without the voice issues. Who wouldn't be!! It was a big night, after all. God, it must have been so difficult for him, I really, really fucking hope the love coming from his bandmates, crew and the crowd was enough to help him focus on the good parts of the evening only. And!! It wasn't even that bad!!! Sure, he lost his voice for a while, but once it was back you could!! Barely!! Hear!! The difference!! I have a whole new level of respect for Vessel because of that. And for staying onstage with us for the songs he couldn't sing. Didn't know I could respect him even more than I already did, but hey. Love being surprised like that. I have seen concerts where the singers were singing way worse live while being completely healthy. Like sure, you could notice he's not using so many uhh, how do you call this in English, vocal ornamentations??? and that his voice is strained, but it was still beautiful. Take care of your voice now though, dude, jfc. Thanks for the sacrifice, much appreciated, but TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF OR SO HELP ME GOD I WILL FUCKING FIND YOU- (kidding, kidding. or am i.) I also liked that he was leaving the more screamy moments in songs for us. Aiming the microphone at us, positive we'll have his back. Like yeah, yeah, other bands do that relatively often, but it's not something they usually do, you know.

I can't vouch for everyone in the crowd, but I sure as fuck did not have a SINGLE thought that the show sucks because of his voice issues. Like it didn't even occur to me. Honest to god. I was shocked when I saw on tumblr that people were leaving? Asking for a refund????????????? I was having the time of my life singing those songs. It was a once-in-a-lifetime experience, probably!! Who can say they karaoked whole 3 songs with the band playing for them live?? Your local karaoke bar could never. (Bonus points, you could hear Espera better bc of that! Yes, I know, you are not supposed to hear backing vocals too loud in general, I'm just saying it was nice hearing them, bc usually I hear them on recordings only.)

Yeah, sure I was disappointed after the show that there was no Euclid, but that's just me, a total whore for Euclid. It's a completely different thing than being a bitch who leaves halfway, because something out of the ordinary has been happening.

Anyways. I would like to wish all the crowdsurfers a very fuck you. Hope you will all step on a lego every day for the rest of your lives <3

Crowdsurfers and constant giving away of water (which I understand, it was terribly hot there and it was needed) were a bit distracting, I missed some things because of the commotion, the drum solo has been disrupted by me getting a (fortunately very light) kick in the mouth and DRUM SOLO IS SACRED. I HOPE THE CROWDSURFER WHO DECIDED TO GO UP IN THAT MOMENT WILL STEP ON 3 LEGOS DAILY. IT'S LITERALLY THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF THE RITUAL FOR ME AND THEY HAVE RUINED IT. Thanks to another crowdsurfer, I missed the moment the band was throwing stuff into the crowd and I promised Lia I will catch a pick/drumstick for them!!!!!!! I've had a banner for this occassion and all!!!!! And!!!!! For the whole time things were flying from the scene!!!! I have been under someone's legs and ass!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Side note: Vessel was throwing away his rings. That's so fucking cool, ahh.

All in all, half of the things that happened there, I've learned from tumblr. The announcements about the recording, people leaving, Vessel being covered in runes (I WAS STANDING RIGHT BEFORE HIM AND DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING. A N Y T H I N G. I HATE BEING A BLIND IDIOT), the Espera ladies laughing at iii for not coming to the photo, hell, even Vessel trying to get his attention. I have NO idea what I've been doing back then, it's a blur again lmao. And. The most important thing: Vessel's "thank you". I didn't catch it back then. I don't hear it on my recording. Tbh I couldn't believe y'all for a long while that it really happened (I'm sorry). But it did and you know what? I'm glad the broken pieces of my heart were left on the arena's floor earlier during the show. I don't want them anymore.

I would also like to thank that one security guy in huge headphones who was our warning that another fucking crowdsurfer was coming our way. I hope the headphones guy's pillow is always cold on both sides, his skin clear, his crops- and so on. Our hero <3

There was also a moment during Atlantic (another important moment disrupted. Smh) where 2 security persons dived into the crowd?? I still have no idea what was happening, bc if someone faints for example, they are always brught to the barricade by the crowd and security picks them up, I've never seen security getting into the crowd before. And because of that, people around me were talking loudly during Atlantic. Kill kill murder kill

Still, Projekt Atlantic was a huge success and I am so proud of the organisers!! They're in the same category of lovely people as the big headphones security guy

Sending a kiss to @murderofcrow for this gif 🖤

To sum up. I will forever be grateful for this band. This music has activated the dormant parts of my mind. I am making art again. I am meeting cool people because of them. I have people to talk about it with who are as excited about it as I am. For the first time in ages I really feel alive again. And life is not good, far from it, to be completely honest with you, they haven't magically fixed all my problems, but I do have something that actually fucking works on me. I know Vessel wouldn't agree, but they are saving people. And you all, lovely ST pocket of tumblr motherfuckers who are reading this, you are saving people too.

And, last but not least!! In hot pink, because I can! Thanks to this ritual I could finally meet @vesselsscarlet and @thevenomousseprent in person!!!!!!!!! I love you guys, you are amazing and I can't wait to see you again 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 You've made me feel so loved that weekend and it's something I haven't felt in a while!!

[hils79]

Thanks for tagging me (ages ago I'm sorry I suck) @puppy-phum

-

1. why did you choose your url?

I am so boring I almost want to apologise for it. My url is just my nickname and the year I was born (yes, I am old).

2. any sideblogs? if you have them name them and why you have them.

I don't really use my sideblogs much. I've got one that I haven't used for years that I used to post some of my photography on @hal-photography. I've got one for an old UK convention that folded during the pandemic but that I used to do the marketing for @writerconuk and I've got a whump blog that I use to reblog my favourite whumpy gifs so that they're easy to find. Not sharing that one because I do not wish to be Perceived.

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

My original blog was set up in 2010. I had to nuke it after some unpleasantness in the Supernatural fandom (isn't it always SPN) and I've had this current once since 2011 I think

4. do you have a queue tag?

Nah, I don't queue things as a general rule. I do a bunch of reblogging first thing in the morning while I'm scrolling in bed and that's more or less it

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

I was looking for a new home after Livejournal finally properly died and most fandom folk were here at that time

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

It's a piece of DMBJ art that my housemate comissioned as a Christmas present a couple of years ago. I love it, and it was made specifically for me, so I made it my header and my icon

7. why did you choose your header?

Same as above

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

This RDJ/Paul Bettany exchange I ripped from Twitter. I have no idea why it ended up with 20k notes

9. how many mutuals do you have?

I honestly have no idea. Lots.

10. how many followers do you have?

Argh now I'm going to have to go and look. 2421. Wow.

11. how many people do you follow?

Wow this thing is really exposing me. 1908. I generally follow back so long as I can see that the person is an active fandom blog where we have at least one fandom in common.

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

I mostly shitpost in the tags

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

Generally for an hour in the morning before I get up and then however long it takes me to liveblog my next drama episode in the evening

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?

No, I don't think so. Not that I can remember anyway. I generally try and avoid conflict and if someone is annoying me I just block them and/or vent about it in a safe space with friends I trust.

15. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts

Makes me less inclined to reblog them tbh. Don't tell me what to do in my own house.

16. do you like tag games?

I am so bad at remembering to do them when I get tagged (see above about only really being on tumblr for an hour a day) but I do appreciate it every time someone thinks of me

17. do you like ask games?

Yeah, same as above. I love them but I am crap at remembering to answer the asks. I'm very sorry.

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

I'm not sure I could name anyone who is tumblr famous beyond the actual celebrities who hang out here (like Lynda Carter)

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

I have mutuals I admire and wish I was brave enough to talk to more but I wouldn't really call them crushes. As an aroace I don't really do crushes.

20. tags?

I'm going to tag a few of my newer mutuals so I can get to know them a bit better. Absolutely no pressure though @prolestari @queenbeyondthejudge @fangirl-bookaholic @huzzzah @life-is-all-about-perspective @loving-that-officey-feel @greenyball @hwasfeatherduster

[ask-bakabakabaka]

Rebranding this blog!!

Hello, 766 followers, many of whom are probably dead, inactive, or bots!! PSA to unfollow me now if you don't know me (Bunny) because I doubt you've been following this blog for the Touhou reactions, which I haven't drawn in like 8 years! ^^

I've been alive for all this time 'cuz this is my main, and I've been using this blog to like posts and interact with people occasionally, but I realized I can rebrand this account instead of being permanently tied to my 8+ year old art and (outdated but still kinda the same) sense of humor. Therefore, I will be doing that! I already have an art account I post art to, so I'm not replacing that one, but I'm probably going to become a Triple Baka (ask) account! (They apparently still have ask accounts in 2024 but I'm gonna go all in on a new one now!!) Essentially I'm becoming a Vocaloid/UTAU (SynthV)/Fanloid account. You're absolutely encouraged to unfollow me if you have no interest in Vocaloid and the like!

The transition will be a slow one but I wanted to announce it. I'm slowly gonna replace things with Triple Baka and my own art, but I will not be deleting old posts! This will still be an archive for my old touhoureactions stuff (cringe as it is rofl) because I don't really believe in deleting things. Someone kind even sent me an ask saying "thank you for not nuking this blog/keeping it up" and it's really sweet that someone said that to me lol.

As for why I'm transitioning to Vocaloid, it's obvious: I love it. I've loved Vocaloid for a long time (since 2012/2013) and recently I've come back to it-- I'll happily use my knowledge, reignited love, and improved art skills to make the Triple Baka ask blog of my dreams lol.

Touhou was a big part of my life and I still like it, but I've already slowly and steadily let Vocaloid (and SynthV) take the fore because of how happy it's been making me. I love Miku, Teto, and Neru a lot; in fact, I was rereading incredibly old posts of mine dating back to like 2013/2014 and I smiled at how I used to roleplay Teto and Neru-- it shows to me clearly how I portrayed and saw them. And now I love them a lot again now.

No idea if anyone will read this far, but before I fully transition, I will be answering all old asks sent to this account (I have about 40). Not gonna spam it, maybe I'll queue it, but I'll answer your ask after all these years with my new and less sloppy art lol, so that your ask isn't forever unanswered even as I change into a Vocaloid/UTAUloid/Fanloid blog. Even if the original asker/anon isn't around to see it, I'm gonna do that for the sake of completion. Please don't send any new Touhou asks, haha, 'cuz I'm only clearing up old ones, not trying to have new ones. Tbh, I actually have another duo that I love with my whole heart (Raccoon and Fennec from Kemono Friends) who I even gave their own blog, but hahaha, I wonder about making an askblog for them... They already have one so either I should revive it or I'll have them appear as cameos-- that's if anyone is interested in sending me asks at all for this blog's new intended purpose. xD I guess it's better if I stick to Vocaloid/etc. because that's the long-time interest I want to keep up/continue, whereas my love for Raccoon and Fennec has always felt like me trying to cling to the past, even though I still (today) love them with my entire being. I'll just draw those two in my art blog and accept requests/etc. either there or here when it comes to those two. They're my special little goobers (peanuts).

Anyway, everything I do is totally self-indulgent and for fun, and I wanted to mark this transition properly and see if I can reduce my follower count by like 700. xD The only reason it got that high is 'cuz this is my MAIN-main account and I've had it for almost 10 years.

I'm switching from Touhou (an old love of mine) to Vocaloid-UTAU (another old love of mine but more recent). Specifically for Triple Baka: Teto, Miku, and Neru. I'll make profiles and an explanation and stuff of them soon, but you may start thinking of things to send if you want (I ship Teto and Miku btw, same age ranges ofc, so you should also unfollow me if you don't vibe with that 'cuz it'll probably crop up...).

It's been a good run and I'll keep and preserve everything here, but I'm becoming a different beast! I hope to keep at it for a long time! <3 This is still my MAIN-main, so you're always welcome to follow me/stay mutuals if you know me and wanna still stay buddies (I won't spam the timeline btw, I'll probably maybe queue like posts for one or two a day, if I'm that active), but yeah~. It's the end of an era and a transition to a new one! I'm excited tbh! But it will take time. ( uwu ) c:

Btw, I went through all my old posts (there aren't a ton so it doesn't take that long) and I cringed slightly at some of my humor but it did make me break into laughter a couple of times. Mainly because it's the old me I'm reacting to and I'm always like, "there's something wrong with her (affectionate)" whenever I see something that I know I probably (definitely) wouldn't say today. xD In many ways, I've changed from my old self, but I still try to stay friendly and kind, so if anything I made is offensive in any way, that totally wasn't intended! Offending people isn't really part of my sense of humor, so take everything I ever said/made in this blog with a grain of salt/older eyeglasses.

Newer me is cooler imo (the light in my eyes isn't gone yet even though not everything has been fun lmao) and I'm also more careful about the jokes I make, so know that I probably won't make any suggestive/risque jokes at all unless I find it SUPER funny and I can't resist. I doubt there will be any instances of that, but I'm just talking briefly about what to expect for the future.

I'll talk more about it later! For now, I'm gonna slowly go through all my old asks, which will probably definitely take longer than a week. Thanks for all the people who were with me on my journey, if they remember me, and thanks for the fun times! I really did have fun, so I look at this with fondness (even if I do cringe slightly ahaha).

It's okay to be cringe. 😂😂😂😂

[mikonezz]

Ask game!

thank you for the tag @spider-plants ! :) took me a while but here it is

1. Why did you choose your url?

I used to be itsabrightnight because I read a poem by Sylvia Plath I think(?) which I really liked. But I eventually changed it because nobody recognised my main blog when I liked/ followed blogs soo.. I just put another z there, which I wanted to change to something better but I haven't had any good ideas yet

2. Any side blogs?

My art account @mikonez and another that I made when I was 14 with a cringy superwholock reference. Fortunately I lost the password to that one :')

3. How long have you been on tumblr?

I created this blog on 26th of August 2015!

4. Do you have a queue tag?

No, I'm too lazy

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

UMm Harry Potter and Starkid fanart (and superwholock but shhhhh)

6. Why did you choose your icon/pfp?

Oh my bisexual icon? Because Mona the vampire is a bisexual icon.

7. Why did you choose your header?

My header is actually a photo I took of Dresden! I just thought it was prettee

8. What’s your post with the most notes?

Uhh on this account? I have no idea, probably a spn shitpost? But I genuinely don't know the stats don't go that far back

On my art account its my asexual jon art which got 12000 notes?? for some reason?? I am very overwhelmed by that.

9. How many mutuals do you have?

uMM a handful? not many people follow this account honestly

10. How many followers do you have?

109 :) but a lot of them are inactive

11. How many people do you follow?

513 blogs but a lot are inactive too

12. Have you ever made a shitpost?

yea most of them were about supernatural rip

13. How often do you use Tumblr each day?

hmmm I properly scroll through like once a day but when I just posted something I check the reblogs a lot

14. Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?

never, that's my personal nightmare. A few years ago when I got an even somewhat negative response to something I said on the internet I immediately deleted whatever it was lmao. It honeslty became a really big issue, I was genuinely terrified for over a year of leaving comments anywhere in fear someone might not like what I said. I'm getting better at that though!

So no, I don't think you'll ever see me argue on the Internet lol

15. How do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

I really don't like when people tell me what to do so usually I will do the opposite djdj

but I did reblog the duck that saves me from those "reblog or something bad will happen" posts so I suppose I'm good!

16. Do you like tag games?

Yeee! I'm always surprised when I'm perceived by people, it's nice when someone thinks of you :)

17. Do you like ask games?

Also yeee!

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is Tumblr famous?

UHH many of them tbh. Mostly really amazing fan artists!!!

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

YES all of them >:) <3

tagging @pyrrhlc @notorious-wanderer @artsytrash @therealpercyreed @dropinart (only if you want to ofc ♡)

[sheerioswifties]

Hello all. I've been trying to figure out a good way of saying some things I wanna say and haven't been able to (so much is going on that like when I get on here and actually try to type legible text posts my brain just goes blank) so I just want to throw a quick little something into my queue. Mainly what I want to say is I'm sorry. To anyone that I may have inadvertently hurt or offended in any way at any time or, idk, I just, I'm very sorry. I never want to bother anyone or even be negative on here. Yes I have a sassy side and a sarcastic side, and sometimes I playfully troll or tease my friends, however I've found that those things don't translate so well on this kind of platform so it can come across as serious dissing or worse when that was never the intention, so again, I apologize, and I'm going to try and keep the sass/sarcasm/teasing to real life instead of on here so as not to risk accidentally hurting someone. I hope you all know I really, really never want any of you to ever feel hurt or let down or attacked or offended by anyone. I guess that's the other thing is while I'm so used to being put down myself in real life (abusive mother etc), that I don't really respond here to attacks at myself however if a friend of mine is getting heat, my big sister protective mode kicks in and that's when I might say things in defense. Or even just that I know how pain feels on so many levels I don't want others to ever feel it so if I hear my friends are hurting, crying, etc, then I get heated and want to do something... "she builds others up because she knows what it's like to be torn down" is like the quote I feel deeply. Anyways I feel like this is going all over the place, sorry. Also it's getting long, ugh I'm sorry, every time I try to write a quick personal note it ends up long I guess that's the writer in me I don't know. I'll try to wrap this up. Just please, everyone and anyone, hear that I'm apologizing. And if there's anyone out there bothered by anything I've ever said or done, please come talk to me about it. It might be a huge misunderstanding, even on my part, and if that's ever the case I want to hear you, I want to understand. And I'll gladly change anything I've done or do if it's bothersome. I only want to be a positive presence here. Yes it's hard considering how crazy my life is and how much pain I'm in, I bottle everything up and sometimes I explode because I haven't vented but I don't want that happening here. And sometimes I'll be like the animal that's normally kind and sweet but then if it gets a thorn in its paw and is in pain, it snaps and bites and you know what I mean? Like that's the best way I can explain it. High pain times make me extra on edge. And I mean we all say things we don't mean at times. I'm just always wanting to work on myself and grow and weed out those things so I'm trying I really am and just again I'm very sorry for any time I've snapped or lashed out, there's like a 99.999% chance it had nothing to do with anything here and was because I was in pain and venting. I need to find a good place like a field or something that I can go to to just scream and cry and vent it out because I don't like I can't ever really properly vent I really have to keep everything inside and I won't lie it's a huge weight. Ugh I'm rambling on too long again I'm sorry. Anyways I just really, sincerely wanted to extend my apologies out and again invite anyone who wants to talk about an issue to come talk to me. I won't be defensive or mean, I always listen and try to see the other side and reasons and everything. So just once again, I'm sorry. I love you guys. Xo