#//Figure out what's what; if there's a way to go abt their respective things without Problems

[munipe]

muehahahahahh

could i rq childhood bsf!saiki crushing on reader???

sry if its uh too much💔

helloooo sailor :33

It started out with his sense of justice when he saw your popsicle get taken away by some overweight boys who were far too chunky for you to take down. As all arguments and negotiations are settled in prepubescent years, he challenged them to rock-paper-scissors, in both your honor and his (they had lost their honor).

It evolved into you clinging like a leech. He, for some reason, always won rock-paper-scissors, so who were you to complain! Those who always prevailed in the game of chance, were bound to be a lucky charm.

Really, it was his psychic powers, but same thing, right?

It turned into him coming clean in high school. He planned to tell you fairly earlier, but as his precocious mind had warned him about how loose-lipped children were, he put it off. You handled it well, he’d say. Yes, there was ridiculous requests and questions, so much so, he did indeed turn into a cat, for you.

He still refuses to admit he stifled down purrs when you gave him scratches.

It was no matter, though. You’d accepted him the way he was, which solidified you in his confidante book (as the only one in that book).

You had become the rock too big to move now, figuratively and literally—in his bed, reluctant to move.

“Kusuo~” You had whined, snug as a bug in a rug—except the rug was his sheets. Perhaps he was far too lenient on you, letting you lounge around like a lazy house-cat in his home.

“This is my bed, move.” It was only around you where he truly spoke. He’d often go so long without moving his mouth, it’d feel weird to use once more. You had known him far too long to know that he wouldn’t forcefully move you.

“But your bed is so comfy!”

“We have the same beds.”

You groaned gently and scooted closer to the wall, “Just get in, there’s no issue with it!”

He thinks you’re insane. What if his mom walked in? He’d hear her thoughts and footsteps. What if you fell asleep and got cuddly in your sleep—he’d only mind because he’d blow the house up on his sleep…he couldn’t admit that to you. His only option was to get in.

So as he slipped into bed next to you, book in hand as he held it up right to read, he kept a respectable distance. Nothing too close or far, this was a twin-sized bed, after all. The pages flipped for a few minutes, the silence wasn’t uncomfortable at all. He only noticed you once more when he felt your unconscious body sneak towards his, effectively pressing your forehead to his shoulder.

Granted, if he was asleep, he’d have imploded, but he wasn’t asleep. He gently wrapped his arm over your head to bring you closer. If you asked…he’ll just lie, he’s a great liar.

idk how i feel abt this one

[faerghusfucker]

my evolution as a fe3h fan is rlly funny to me lol. i played the game for the first time when i was 15 and now at 19 im playing through three hopes (yes im super late dont ask) and the fact that there have been times where ive been obsessed with EVERY HOUSE is rlly funny to me

at the start i was a claude and golden deer stan through and through bc funny meme house and also the nemesis fight

then when i was starting to get a little more politically minded i fell into the “edelgard did nothing wrong” camp because. yeah!!!! meritocracy!!!! united!!!! fuck religion!!!

and now as an adult with a lot more awareness and a lot less edgy atheism i came to the conclusion that not only is imperialism and destroying people’s lives for an ideal you have no concrete way of upholding bad, but the entire “let’s get rid of crests” argument is not even a solid one because it centers adrestia and doesn’t take into account the other two regions’ need for heroes relics.

correct me if i’m missing something or if i’m wrong, but no one in adrestia’s nobility actually has a hero’s crest. if they have crests, they’re saint crests, and saint crests have compatibility with sacred weapons, which are different to heroes relics because anyone can use them without turning into a beast.

additionally, adrestia doesn’t have any immediate neighbors that could cause them trouble. it doesn’t directly border a non-fodlan country, and they seem to have taken care of their brigid situation by kidnapping petra. the empire has no immediate threats.

the kingdom and alliance tho????? they border sreng and almyra respectively, which seem to invade at the drop of a hat and force houses gautier and goneril respectively to be in constant combat. those two houses literally DEPEND ON THEIR RELICS FOR SURVIVAL. until someone figures out a better way for them to defend their lands, they NEED crests!!!

obviously this isn’t necessarily a good thing, since we see the path that miklan and rufus as crestless older sons go down, but it’s not like the kingdom is exactly keen on keeping this in place either. in three hopes they talk a ton abt how crest bloodlines are dying out and how something needs to change. hell, sylvain is someone who directly benefits from faerghus’ crest dependency and yet in his supports with shez, he’s going and devising powerful weapons that people without crests can use!!! we see time and time again that the young nobles of faerghus are interested in the same things edelgard is: establishing a more equal society, and decreasing the need for crests. but why doesn’t she just collaborate with them to that end???? why doesn’t she hear dimitri out when he tries to talk her out of continuing on this path????

oh yeah. the church.

i’m probably gonna yap abt the church later lol i’m running out of steam on this ramble. tiktok is banned and so this is what i’ve resolved to do while i sip my morning coffee lol bear with me

[yawarakaizai]

Yan!dazai mindbreaking angel!reader ooo

ⵌ WATCH HER BREAK JUST LIKE A DOLL

SENDER Angel!Reader (Fem) RECIPITENT Yandere!Dazai (BSD) CONTENTS NSFW DARK CONTENT 16+ , obsession/possession, drugging, mind-breaking, reader is a hostage?, unhealthy relationship, dubcon/nc??, abuse (physical implied + mental), slight somnophilia, lowkey angsty, dazai is an asshole!, smut part isn't really detailed (WARNING; This relationship is unhealthy and should not be used as an example. Reader here does not hold Dazai accountable. If you are in an abusive relationship, please seek help from someone you trust or a professional! This fanfic does not idolise nor condone abuse within relationships) NOTE All these years of feeling inadequate and dumb. You were proud to have grown accustomed to Dazai's routine, even if he had promised you months ago he had changed. COMPANY Dolly

A/N combined 2 asks I ACCIDENTALLY DELETED THE ASK BUT IT WAS A YANDERE DAZAI NSFW IDEA im so sorryy ... also any other yan dazai req ! !! srry for the long wait ;; !! reader is an angel !! she was kind of created ,,? kinda like sigma !! the og req had an idea abt aphrodisiacs but ... not sure if i want to write about them just yet :( so sorry!!

Dutiful and pristine, you were a model wife.

Delicate and gorgeous. Just how he liked you to be.

You were brought her to serve as his prize. His reward for years of watching you from afar, stalking you like a lions meal. And you, pure and kind-hearted, not once ever suspected a thing.

Dazai was your co-worker after all. A smart, handsome man with a positive future.

Back before this all, you were nothing but a mere fascination to not only him, but your peers as well. You were never offended or hesitant to answer questions others would have about you. How you came to be, whether you remember anything, and if those feathers of yours regrow.

You coped with everything by dissociating as much as possible. If you could believe hard enough - Dazai was still the Dazai you knew before. The man next to you who'd pout when ordered to finish his report, the one who would turn to you and try to flirt or make you giggle, knowing Kunikida would never dare give out to you.

How could anyone, after all? You only manifested a few years ago. What was it, eleven, or twelve. You can't remember. There was little you remember anyway.

The first few months with Dazai were a blur. You'd have blacked out for the majority of the day until he'd wake you up and force you to eat. If you'd refuse, he'd starve you until you'd beg.

You had tried to protest by going days without food or water but he always got his way in the end. You had to give in at some point.

The biggest obstacle was finding the guts to hate Dazai.

You were afraid to hate him. You were afraid to hate.

He'd treat you so gently and with love. Funnily enough, you blamed yourself for it all. You didn't know why or how, but you felt like if you had done things different, none of this would have happened.

Osamu was sweet. He always did what was right. You respected Kunikida and Fukuzawa immensely. If they trust Dazai, then so did you.

If you knew that you were a lamb handed to a wolf, maybe you would have ran much earlier.

Dazai did not show himself upfront. No. First, it was the mind games. The ghastly figures that would appear outside of your window in the form of blackened shadows, doors you remember closing being wide open when you return home, bangs and creaks around your home when you lived alone, your items disappearing from their usual spot, laundry vanishing completely, and countless mysterious messages from anonymous.

Second, it was you asking for help. You turned to who you admired best. The Armed Detective Agency. Ranpo scanned your phone. He read each message out loud before looking at you, then back down at your screen. He slid it back towards you. " There's nothing suspicious. It's just a prank. "

You felt relief. Ranpo had his ability, after all. The ability to figure out any mystery. He could not be wrong.

How dumb of you to think Ranpo would not be the first person Dazai would go to for his sick joke.

Third was the fever. It hit you like a brick. It was the first time you had been infected with a human illness. Dazai kindly offered to tend to you in his free-time, as everyone else was too busy. You were grateful that Dazai, an important member of the ADA, was sacrificing his time in helping you. He'd stop by almost every day and night to feed you and make sure you're alright. The more you drank that chalky water he'd give you daily before bed, the more you lost your ability to walk.

Fourth, was the inevitable. You waking up in a bed that was harder than yours. Upon observing around you, you realised you weren't in your house. And you don't recall ever sleeping next to Dazai. Naturally, you were afraid. You were in hysterics while he tried to calm you down, telling you stories on how it's safer for you to be here, and that you were an ungrateful bitch for not being grateful enough to him.

You didn't want to hear any of it. So? You were kept in his lovely basement.

There, you were badly treated. Sleeping on cold concrete and eating what scraps he'd leave on the floor for you like some animal - any form of resistance was met with harsh punishment.

You lacked survival instincts. You not once ever felt the need to. Working in the ADA, you were nothing but an accountant. You'd hear about the missions they'd go on, but to you it all seemed like the things you'd see in action films.

But this was real. The way your heart pounded in your ears every time you'd hear steps coming down and the way he'd tug your hair 'till your scalp would burn is something that the actors would never be able to portray properly.

It took you a while to realise you weren't going to make any progress by doing the opposite of what he wanted.

Though, you were admittedly conflicted.

You provided Dazai something interesting. If you let him use you, to spare yourself of his harsh punishments, would he get bored of you? Would he rid of you completely? Would he treat you more terribly to purposely make you act out just so he'd have a reason to strike you?

These were questions that would keep you up.

You couldn't be strong-willed for long. Hope that Kunikida or anyone else would come looking for you dwindled as the days went by and none would come but Dazai.

At some point, you had lost your voice for a while. In that period, Dazai took complete advantage of the fact. When you could do nothing but thrash and cry until you submit underneath him.

He'd pull out, collapse next to you and hold you close to his bandaged chest and apologise until he fell asleep with your hot breath against his skin.

Dazai had been your first time. He took an angel's virginity. You were frozen for the rest of the night. You were almost neutral to what had happened. You even wiped his tears away with your thumb. He apologised. He must surely be remorseful. He promised he wouldn't do it again.

You lost your halo that day.

'' Fetch me some water, I'm thirsty. "

His hand came off your head where it had been caressing.

You looked up at him through long lashes, slowly nodding your head and raising to unstable feet.

Ever since you were allowed to stay out of the basement, he's been helping you regain your ability to walk after the drugs had left your knees shaky.

Your movement was slow but gradual, at least.

If you wished to remain with Dazai, you'd have to obey him. And obey you did.

You fetched him his requested glass of water albeit spilling a tad bit on your way back, you presented him with it.

He peered in, then slouched back into the couch, gaze returning to the television screen. " I said orange juice. "

You were sure he said water.

" But you said water. " Your voice was meek compared to his.

" Are you saying I am lying? "

That shut you up.

You apologised, and travelled back to the kitchen to throw away the water and replace it with orange juice.

You'd bring it back, and he'd look at you with disappointment. " Why are you bringing me orange juice when I asked for apple juice? "

He sounded so convincing that you thought maybe you were mishearing. You held the orange juice in your hand tightly, apologised, and left to get the apple juice.

By the time you returned, you were shaking. The apple juice was dripping from the overfilled glass and onto the floor. You were trembling. " It's- It's apple juice. Because y-ou said.. "

Your gaze was so distant. You were so far away. You were no longer on this Earth. Dazai had to keep you grounded.

" You must be taking me for a fucking idiot. "

He slapped the glass right from your hand, your whole body jolted in shock when the glass shattered against the floor.

You two had just been cuddling on the couch, watching a noir movie like a happy couple would.

Dazai had to keep you grounded. He had to keep you on a leash lest you wander.

" Get over here. " He sighed out after a long pause. Instinctively, you answered, " No. "

It's been so long since you were punished. You didn't want to go back to them.

" I didn't do anything wrong ", your voice croaked out to reason. You should have figured at some point Dazai would get bored of a normal life style.

" I said get over here, Y/N, my patience is already running low. I'm not going to hit you. "

And no matter what you've been through, you'd wake up praying Dazai was kinder. He had overheard your nightly prayers one day and in an act of irony or sympathy - hung a cross over your bed.

You fiddled with the hem of your skirt before waddling to between his spread thighs. Hand reaching for your hip and guiding you down to sit on his lap, you avoided eye contact.

You were clearly afraid of being punished for something that was not your fault. You couldn't tell Dazai it wasn't your fault. That would be calling Dazai a liar. And that would get you hit. Good wives don't get hit.

True to his word, he did not raise his hand to you at all.

Once he opened his mouth to speak, you attentively turned to him. His training worked wonders on you. He made himself your God in a matter of months. You no longer worried your pretty little head on whether Kunikida would save you. All you had to do was clean around the house and prepare Dazai's meal - living to serve your husband.

" You've been such a good girl, don't ruin it with this, 'kay? " He didn't sound mad anymore, but you could still pick up on the fact he was not exactly happy with you either.

" Yes, 'samu. " You nod, toying with your fingers nervously.

" You're such a sweet wife. So dumb. So cute. Love seeing you panic. "

You bit your bottom lip at that, chewing on skin.

'' D'ya think It's about time we started our own family? "

You thought at first you didn't hear him properly. You knew you were trying to convince yourself so.

" Ahah.. " You were hesitant. He picked up on it. His dark brown eyes felt like lasers. " I don't think I can. I'd love to, 'samu, but I can't. "

He let go of his soft grasp on your hip to allow you to stand up.

It was 9pm. You should head to bed.

His silence and poker face felt foreboding.

" Goodnight, love. " You tried to remain cheerful.

You went to bed earlier than Dazai. You climbed into your shared bed after having taken your nightly medication.

You fluffed out your wings - once white, now grey - then tossed and turned until you slept.

" Hah.. hah.. "

The burning heat is what hit you first.

Confusion was second.

" Wakin' up, pretty baby? "

Your mouth opened by itself before your eyes did, and when you tried to speak, to ask what is going on, you let out a soft moan.

You feel something sink in deeper in your pussy, the wooden bed frame hitting against a wall. Oh.

" 'Samu! " Your eyes shot open upon realising what was happening. Dazai had not done this for a while. The room was dark. Judging by how dry your mouth was, you had been fast asleep for a while.

Dazai was propped on his knees between your thighs, naked from what you could make out.

You looked further down to realise that he had shoved his dick in you while you were asleep. Your nightgown was pulled up over your stomach and his hands were holding on loosely to your hips.

Your hand reached out to grip onto his wrist, your legs unable to close. " No, you said you were gonna be better, you said no more of this. " Oh, you sweet poor child.

" It's alright. " He responded casually, pulling out just to slam back in. Although your vision was limited, you could feel his piercing stare studying your contorting features. " Just this once, yeah? "

You remembered your conversation with Dazai earlier. The sudden question about having a child.

When you tightened around the base of his shaft, he knew what you were thinking.

" Don't get all scared, baby. You'd make an amazing mom. " He would bend down, his mouth next to your ear as he'd begin thrusting.

You lay unresponsive and silent, staring at the ceiling - your only solace.

His huffs, groans and sighs muffle themselves on your pillow, your body would temporarily jolt in spasms with each orgasm.

Dazai continued for hours.

At some point, your hands were tangled in messy brown hair, your mouth hung and your voice would plead for 'more', 'there', 'deeper'.

Your sweet husband never pulled you back when you drifted off to space with your longing gaze.

He barely even met you in the eye.

Dazai finished his rounds before you noticed. It was a period of him not touching you that made you turn your head sideways to meet him laying next to you, his chest still raising and falling as he'd regain his breath.

You hadn't moved your body.

Adjusted to the dark, you couldn't help but stare at the pitiful man who spoke nothing to you.

An emptiness weighed your heart down and the liquid love he had planted in you seeped - unwelcomed.

You still felt bad for him. Surely, definitely, this was not his fault.

" I'd like a girl. "

Your lips trembled, you smiled to hide it.

" Two.. daughters. "

The corners of your lips quivered with your fake expression. He could see your eyes gloss and your shivering body, blinking rapidly until your tears slid down.

You never did want children. Not with Dazai, at least. Not for another few years. Not here, not now, not with him. Not this Dazai.

He left you waiting for a while, until he rolled onto his back and looked up at the ceiling that enamoured you with amazement when he had made love to you.

" Yeah. "

He sounded uncertain, before continuing his response. You had expected it. All these years of feeling inadequate and dumb. You were proud to have grown accustomed to Dazai's routine, even if he had promised you months ago he had changed.

" 'm sorry. "

" I know. "

©yawarakaizai 2023 ﹒﹒ reblogs appreciated! requests open :3

[dishbug]

totally reasonable lenght for a ramble that stemmed from a singular screenshot (repost)

this was on my old blog thats no longer available so im reposting it here so its actually findable, its completely unchanged (other than name capitalization) og date : September 28th, 2024, 4:02 AM

happy wandysong 6th anniversary!!!!!!!!! to commemorate the moment the rot is in strong this 3 am, also yeah here is my ramble im gonna copy paste and add onto from my discord dms ty

thinking abt this dialogue in act 5 when Kiwi told Audrey that their whole thing literally is just singing and nothing else which yknow she is reasonably surprised by but it gets much better when you consider that not much later you can ask Miriam a few questions before entering moonscape where she basically just figures out in that moment and explains to you that the space in the spirit world and thereby all the -scapes are "shaped by your mind, and by the Overseers" basically meaning that different people see different things in it, with the castle staying as the only constant "anchor" point. with this info you can reasonably assume that most of Audreys experiences are very much slash pow zap focused so it is absolutely fair for her to go "how the fuck" when the bard tells her theyve just been singing their way through the spirit world this whole time.

(also yeah i know in intermission she's already at the overseer castle but!!! hey!!! just think about it.... thats what this is for...)

also im so glad Miriam is so smart and is the one giving us this random loredump bc i love thinking abt things too deeply and this definetly scratches that itch especially w it almost giving an extra layer to an interraction between two already pretty complex characters i enjoy very much

like ok i just love how this interaction you have w Audrey is optional and this optional interaction you have w her is given extra thinkability with MORE OPTIONAL DIALOGUE

and its not like a "oh Miriam explain to me how the fabric of the universe works" type of thing its just the "why do we land far apart?" question right before you enter solarscape together. and she just. figures that out on the spot. i love how its a question the bard would ask and isnt really directed from the "players perspective". i mean yeah duh its there bc youre curious too but its phrased in a very reasonable and incharacter "yeah ofcourse they'd worry about that" way

theres really nothing implying it would be like. an important bit of lore just by how its presented and tbh my little peabrain can only confirm is important is bc you have the option to ask her to repeat it. ......or maybe Greg was just proud abt that bit of worldbuilding

this also makes me wonder how she "experiences" the -scapes. since like, first time she entered it was chaoscape AFTER queen chaos was killed so there was like... literally nothing... she herself describing it as "dark and empty" since the -scapes kind of collapse without their respective overseers.

so in act 4 when she asked what it even was like in the -scapes im wondering if kiwis response altered her expectations or EXPERIENCES (ooooo)... anyways le sigh this is probably where she was starting to figure out that it like. works this way. reading and paying attention to dialogue is so rewarding in this game bc my previously UNEDUCATED!! mind was thinking that she just failed to get in w kiwi but this is so much more interesting !!!! wow my brain is just way too quick to just accept that things work like my first assumption without thinking too deeply abt it....

also something something about being able to go back into dreamscape after you exited without singing the overseer song again. maybe dream king got lazy idk.

wow what a lovely ramble that basically went back to the very start of the game for no apparent reason <3 i hope this was atleast some part entertaining or atleast readable

[iam-lnt]

Hetamyu is great and here's sort of a......theatrical analysis pov of why

last time i ranted about "hetamyu being great" (👈this post right here) i'm not exactly being clear, and since the production itself has much that I can analyze (already written a 2k article abt the stage 💀) I figure I can do better

So I...analyzed all Hetamyu that I've seen (excluding the live mash-up versions since technically those are more like concerts than theatrical plays) from the following perspectives under cut

(warning: it's long as fuck. I'm not even kidding. I opened the cut myself after finishing it and I felt like I'm going to faint)

I've warned y'all.

Symbolic and innovative staging

Stage is something often overlooked as a regular audience, which, when doing analysis, should not be. Whatever happens in the play happens on the stage, and thus the stage, when being designed, will be closely linked with the play itself. The stage in hetamyu use the classical three-side proscenium stage, which is what one would imagine when saying "a stage".

The stage of hetamyu episodes holds meaning with respect to the historical period/symbolic, thus assisting in story/theme telling. Examples:

The great world: Round middle part of the stage with the spin-able plate in the middle; a callback to the time period (great exploration) and its ideal that the Earth is "round", like the stage. 

In the new world: The big book design in the background can 1) engross the audience in the story as if they’re reading a book themselves, 2) add to the historical sense of the play with the parchment-like material, 3) as the actor themselves move the page it feels like they're telling the story themselves, and also adding onto the fact that if actors flip to the page before, it's like someone's trying to turn back history

The world is wonderful: The high platform behind can be symbolic for its height representing the strength of a nation behind higher than others; it’s also a way to isolate the one on top with those on ground level to highlight a specific character via height

The general staging of hetamyu is progressively more creative. Examples:

The great world: movable stair pieces

In the new world: ngl that book design is pretty good

Fantastic world: use those tall iron rack/frame things to mimic a boat and the hang-down cloth to mimic the Fuji mountain.

That's really something bc often theater production will not choose a realistic display of everything, since all they have is a limited amount of stage (not like, for example, tv series where they have green screen or sth). Choosing a creative yet fitting method to narrate a wider perspective is soooo important and inspiring. Hetamyu, being stories of grand history stories, obviously cannot put a palace, a tank, a wall, or a mountain on stage. So they either 1) leave it blank and up to imagination accompanied by assisting dialogues/actions or 2) use shapes that are alike to the presented view. If done well, you wouldn't even notice that "things are not real", bc despite no realistic object is presented, the whole atmosphere allows your brain to fill the gap--all the reason why hetamyu exceeds expectations in this field.

The use of comedy

It's easy to notice that hetamyu is laughable as hell. Not joking, I cannot finish a play without shaking with laughter somewhere (although it tend to get serious and angst towards the end…will talk about it later), and I'm sure most have similar experiences. This means that comedy is well used in production of hetamyu. I'd like to divide the comedy parts in hetamyu into two components:

--Personality of characters-- This one is easier to understand. The wacky idiots we have in original hetalia manga/anime is basically the source of humor, including but not limited to 

Italy whipping out his white flag

America yelling "I'm number 1"

Which is working well, of course. But one thing that I’m glad is that hetamyu didn’t stop there with the characterization—it expanded on what should be "them being just dumb" and turned them into real and heart-felt characters, such as

Italy preferring peace over war (Grandpa Rome etc etc)

America actually being number 1 in the world and feeling "lonely" (in The world is wonderful. Ah I love that line sm)

Of course we can see that many of the said expansion on characterization is already done in original hetalia, and it’s true, hima already handled their characters well. But my point is that hetamyu did not use comedy solely for comedy, it did not use stupidity/egocentrism/bickering only for the laughter—it's a reflection of unique traits of characters, which in turn makes us love them even more.

--Improvisation-- The script itself purposefully leave out certain parts for the actors themselves to improvise. Now I'm not sure if it's a common thing generally in Japanese theater production of popular anime (I'm guessing it is), but I always love this design. Usually, one play will have multiple points for multiple characters' improvisation skits. 

The actors themselves (from what I've seen in BTS videos) will plan out jokes to tell during these improvisation parts. For one, these skits break the fourth wall well, bc actors would often use irl examples (eg commercials, quotes, songs, films, famous ppl) to mimic and/or cue; for another, it's a weird extension of the character themselves, so it's funny because the characters we know are being weird…either ooc or completely in character. Examples of there improvisation skits include

The great world: America drawing random stuff on a pull-out blackboard and explaining it to everyone when Japan asked. [The improvisation is what would be drawn and how he would explain.]

Fantastic world: How France and England would bicker and exit the stage. [The improvisation is how their arguments would turn to different topics and how France will end their conversation with a one-liner; and also an extended improvisation of the other one-liner Spain commenting on them two]

Expanding just a bit here, these improvisations remind me how Commedia dell'arte (an Italian theater tradition) will have "Lazzi", which is a set sequence of improvisation, in their play production. I think it follows certain steps to create a Lazzi but I…did not do my research on this one, sadly. Also I think it can correspond to "jig" in English. [Sprinkling in random theater knowledge even if this whole post is basically theater knowledge]

Themes, ideals, and conflicts

Typically, a theatrical production will have an "intention" of some sort, which would be what the producers want to tell by staging a play. From the intention derive possible themes and ideals. Conflicts, on the other hand, is used for pushing the plot forward and towards a climax, consequently telling a propelling story (see the classical plot diagram). A arguably successful play will most likely have insightful themes and perceptive ideals along with a well-set conflict to tell the themes and ideals. 

—Themes and ideals via the plot— Hetalia has little plot, or to say a hella lot of plot bc it's the whole freaking history. Thus, hetamyu chooses this approach: tell a story in a certain historical period (or as the show develops, multiple periods). We see hetamyu tell stories of the great exploration, the unification of Italy, the opening of Japan, and so much more. 

What's impressive is…it is hard enough to tell a good historical story, it is harder yet that hetamyu is dealing with nation personifications for god's sake. I commented once before that it's pretty amazing that although there's a decent amount of typical fandom fights in hetalia (just like others), during the course of my being in the fandom, never have I seen once that hetalia meddle with political arguments. It has so much potential for political fights but I’ve seen…none. Like literally how. Hetamyu handled some of the most dangerous topics (like world wars and colonization) and advocated peace over everything. Okay hetalia did that also, but that's another story. Also credits to @thecursedislander for pointing out a possible symbolism of peace = pasta since Italy's supposed "weakness" is actually a brave advocation for peace and cheerfulness, I think that realization broke me somehow.

You'd expect this "history story + peace and love" troupe to, ugh, fade in its usefulness if it's used too many times, and yes the producers of hetamyu noticed that. This is why, when I finished watching Fantastic world, my jaw dropped—hetamyu tackled a problem called "Japan's lack of culture due to recent history, and also it's relationship with his mentor China". Okay that’s impressive as hell bc consider the real world audience and um idk real world politics???? I'm impressed at the production teams' insightfulness in history as well as their dedication to bring a light-hearted and loved show on stage. Like I would often describe to my friend, the themes tackled in hetamyu made me believe that whoever wrote the script must have either a Philosophy or a History degree or sth, because the sort of "realization" brought forth by the telling of themes is just that brilliant and open-minded

—Setting up conflicts— Every hetamyu has a main conflict accompanied by sub-conflicts. Example:

The great world with the main England-America relationship

The world is wonderful with the main North/South Italy relationship, 

Fantastic world with the main Japan inner conflict and his relationship with China, along with sub-conflicts such as Japan-Netherlands or Japan-America. 

This approach is useful because it avoided the show being just a chaotic mess of idiots running around doing stuff. Now it's…a chaotic mess of idiots running around doing stuff and trying to fix their problems/the main conflict. Welp. You get the idea. Essentially conflict pairs help set up a reasonable plot for the 2 hour show to go on while showing all the drama. Also who is in the conflict tells a bit of the theme, like how Japan-China conflict can call back to the theme of culture integration etc. 

Other production elements

Just going over them quickly bc this is already too long…yeah.

Lighting: use of different colors of light to indicate shifting of atmosphere on stage; e.g. iconically the opening scene for The world is wonderful/flashing lights to add to tension on stage/blue to create an atmosphere of freezing cold during Russia's scenes

Music: Not much I can say other than the songs are getting progressively better. Compare those in Singin' in the world and the newest The glorious world and you'll see what I mean. I feel like the composers add more into the instruments, like strings, guitars, keyboards, and stringed their melodies together better. 

Props: Also getting better, and more creative. Like Chibi America's cradle, the HRE hand doll, and all the stuff lying around the stage in The glorious world. 

Actors and casts

This is not my strong point in analysis bc this is technically not included when analyzing a play. But I decided to add this in anyway, because if a play is good enough it can educate not only the audience but also the actors themselves. 

—Specific roles— I like the fact that actors have specific roles when it comes to producing a play; like Russia's actor specialize in telling the oldest corniest coldest jokes ever, Germany's actor being the only voice of reason and thus a good choice for ending improvisation skits, and Italy and America's actors being the absolute kings in chaotic improv. 

—Characterization— I ranted about it once before I think, but the actors of hetamyu giving the characters a new set of characteristics is something I dig so much for. The most obvious one got to be England; his actor Daisuke literally portrayed this supposed gentleman as his original sassy self, which is hella fun. Other actors do similar things, but I'd argue those are harder to spot bc they matched their characters' freak pretty damn well.

—Wholesome, encouragement, and growth— So this whole family of hetamyu cast is wholesome as hell. It's like that with many other shows, in which the cast bond over the experience. With hetamyu it’s better because they have a long time span—the first hetamyu Singin' in the world came in 2015, and the last hetamyu The glorious world just ended touring this year in 2024. 

Also, the break after the first three production (in which they started a live one, thinking that it's the end of hetamyu's production and they're not going to make new shows together…I'm not sure about the reasons tho) and the return afterwards are great opportunities for the cast to bond over.

We can see the growth of multiple cast members, e.g. Ryoki, Italy's actor, was only 16/17 when he first starred in 2015, and bro's now 26 and striving in his career as a singer, and Gaku, Prussia's actor, was a rather new member of the cast (starting from In the new world) and can be quite shy, but other members encouraged him and cheered him on and look at him now! Okay he's still like the bullied kid in the cast but at least he knows he's loved by the fam (/hj). 

One last thing, I like how the main casts won't forget to include the ensemble cast into their improv skits just for fun. Cuz like, without the ensemble the play wouldn't be complete, so even if they're just dancers for background aesthetic and props moving, they're still a crucial part of the play. And I adore the fact that main cast also keeps that in mind. Respect. 

I can go on about the cast dynamic for ages and start a new rant on their acting skills or sth but I'm afraid I've already run too far away from our topic. Point is, show so good the cast is in tears (literally)

Conclusion

I have no good conclusion for all these...(gesture helplessly above)...stuff. So in conclusion hetamyu is awesome and we love hetamyu 4ever.

Also feel free to spill any thoughts & suggestions !! Diverse pov/opinion needed for better analysis and my brain may or may not be deprived of braincells <3 in da hetamyu club we all fam

[fullscoreshenanigans]

What do you think would happen if Emma had been sent to lambda instead of Norman?

I like the tags on this art by @norman-ratri-truther:

#i cant tell what roleswap scenario would be interesting #Emma and Norman swap places in most ways. Emma wants to eliminate the demons / Norman wants peace OR #Emma goes to Lambda/Norman goes to Goldy Pond HOWEVER Emma still wants peace. and Norman still wants to eliminate the demons #like is their opposite views on demons more so a result of the things they experienced after leaving Grace Field? #or does it rely more heavily on just who they are and how they were raised AT Grace Field #would the experiments at Lambda be able to push Emma into wanting to kill the all the demons? #would meeting Yuugo/Lucas/everyone at Goldy Pond. would meeting Mujika/Sonju make Norman want peace? #i feel like it wouldn't. i think it would change things a lot but i feel like their initial goals could remain the same #i mean ultimately they fit perfectly in the spot of the story that they are in #but its fun to think abt #i just need to figure out how Ray would be changed. i thought abt it too much in the context of Norman and Emma (via @polychromatiica)

#possibly the most interesting direction I’ve seen for this concept #like— Lambda!Emma will have to face moral crises and quandaries that canon!Emma never did #but I don’t think that would be enough to break her idealism (it didn’t really break Norman’s either) #an Emma whose ‘nobody can die’ philosophy and leadership is genuinely challenged?? that’s terrifying to me #an Emma who has to decide whether or not to ‘mercy-kill’ the mass production children— but she’d definitely make that a group decision #in that way she’s healthier than Norman but also crueler and this idea is INSANE #and Goldy Pond!Norman will confront a wider range of demons—Sonju and Mujika but also the corrupt GP aristocrats #he wouldn’t hesitate to go for the kill with Leuvis #and he’d still be surrounded by kids who hate demons and have suffered because of them #BUT he’d have a far healthier adult figure in Lucas (if not Yugo) then he ever had in canon #and he wouldn’t be nearly as much of a ‘savior’ figure this time around #so there’s all sorts of ambiguity with that #and RAYYYYY #a Ray who escapes with Norman not Emma? #he definitely still gets better mentally but it would look so different!! #because I don’t think a Ray who escapes with Norman has been ‘shocked’ in the same way that canon!Ray has #because Ray already respected Norman as the ‘best’ of them #and without Emma’s victory allowing him to fall for the ferocious joy and surprise of her perspective he wouldn’t change as much or as fast #because ‘you don’t have to give up’ comes from Norman but Ray needed Emma to pull him out of his mindset #Emma expands Ray’s world and Norman transforms it (via @esthelle-wanders)

#LOVE THE IDEA OF THIS AU SO MUCH!!!! #it would be such poetic/narrative justice if they went through each others experiences with their respective worldviews still in tact #i can imagine Emma seeing her worldview justified because both human researchers AND demons are at Lambda #so both are equally capable of being human/horrible #while Norman has a much more hostile view of Yuugo like he originally had with wanting to leave Ray behind #it would be so interesting if Emma's mentality while seeing Yuugo suffer was “we have to save him with the kindness he never got but we did” #while Norman and Ray's would be “being kind didn't save the one person who wanted to save everyone so why should we save him?” #it would be SO interesting for Ray and Norman to have a more selfish/grounded perspective in Goldy Pond #prioritizing the info on Minerva and getting out to save their own family and not risking their survival for someone else's (via @graphx)

I'd probably opt for a nature-based perspective, even though with Emma and Norman switching stances along with their roles there'd still be a difference in how they interact with the people around them. This is something that would crop up in a Lambda Ray AU too, but neither he nor Emma would let the Lambda kids elevate them to the level of a god. There's less distance and more communication, even if they opt to keep the secret of suffering from Lambda illness.

What kind of seals it for me is Norman being the most ruthless out of the trio (he gets it from his mother) in addition to him having the most rigid, black-and-white morality. I talk about this a bit here too, but he's prone to placing those he loves on pedestals. It's why he's so devastated and angry when he discovers the truth about Isabella and Grace Field and when he discerns Ray is the traitor. He would have been content to sacrifice Ray if Emma hadn't interfered, even if he would have regretted it later, because Ray had firmly slotted himself as an enemy in his mind.

(Chapter 4 | Chapter 14)

Emma's perceived death further fuels his loathing for demons and enshrines her atop the pedestal he's placed her on, but now in even more of an ethereal way. Her ideals were just, befitting of one filled with a wellspring of benevolence, and in a kinder world they would have been the moral underpinning of the universe.

But the world they find themselves in is far from that, and surely her ideals wouldn't extend to demons, not even ones that seem as human as Sonju and Mujika. While it would be foolish to not take advantage of the help they offer, in the end, it isn't worth the risk, and Sonju says as much.

(Chapter 46)

It's more pragmatic to extend Emma's kindness and understanding toward fellow humans like Yuugo. Even if Norman and Ray would be much more quick to cut their losses on this or with anyone who established themselves as a threat to their family if push came to shove (and they would have a back-up plan before approaching him), there's still the possibility of appealing to their shared hatred of the demons and uniting over that.

Also unlike in a Lambda Ray AU, I think Ayshe's father would be alive, and he and Ayshe would be aiding Emma in her cause, if not the whole group of scrapped demon followers of Minerva that Shirai originally wanted to include.

(Mystic Code Book Chapter 4)

[crazysodomite]

i study gamedev and today's lecture was on the origins of the stealth genre... got to nerd out about constantine's mansion 😁 i mostly know abt the series from watching a friend play thru the first game but it was still very heartwarming to see it discussed! i have special permission from my prof to help and edit his presentations for future students (bc im a game history n genre nerd) and given ur the resident tumblr thief expert in my eyes, i wanted to ask what interesting facts should we mention abt the series' mechanics and their influence on the genre? what would a true thief fan like to not be overlooked in the genre wide discussion? sorry if it's a confusing question, i just like hearing people nerd out either way...

also just seeing u mention it in any context makes me very happy inside, brings back good memories :] did you know the stealth genre started with a prototype game about shoplifting? it then got bought by taito and turned into the 1980 lupin iii game!

umm i feel like im too doopid to really do thief and its mechanics justice... i dont think im a thief expert just a thief fan... i haven't played a lot of other stealth games except thief so it's hard for me to judge and compare!

one of my favorite analysis videos on thief from a person who just uploaded this banger and was never seen again...

i think nowadays the 'safe bet' is to not create anything too difficult or challenging for the player, sometimes rudimentary stealth mechanics are included to 'be an option' but stealth as an actual genre is pretty dead right now.

it's hard to imagine a game being created nowadays focused mostly on stealth, with complex mechanics and large sprawling levels without a minimap and objective marker pointing you where to go.

i think a lot of these things can be accessibility features or just things developers include to avoid player frustration. after all someone is probably going to get upset and quit the game if they spend hours walking around the map not understanding where they're supposed to go.

but in the end the levels themselves should be constructed to be able to be navigated without objective markers and minimaps. for example i rarely even look at the included map when im completing a thief level because i just kinda expect to complete the level and figure out what to do simply by exploring, listening to conversations, reading notes, paying attention to the environment, etc. though i do really appreciate being able to see which room i'm currently in on the map like in thief 2...

and i'm not even gonna lie i looked up guides for certain levels in thief because i couldn't figure out what to do, but i would rather have this point of frustration instead of a game i can just turn my brain off and press buttons at random to complete, that doesn't respect my intelligence at all. and thief games are far from perfect, especially since the devs were rushed and the company ended up going bankrupt, that's why its especially sad to not see any real thief successors or even an actual demand for a good stealth gaming experience.

there's a reason the community around thief is still going strong, developing FMs, discussing the game, creating huge campaigns, porting the game mechanics to a newer engine, etc. if the skeleton of thief wasn't good enough to warrant such a long lifespan none of that would happen! thief is so good, despite being a game literally older than me, that people would prefer to play a thief fm instead of whatever 'stealth mechanics' the newest AAA game cooked up. anyways heres my santances i hope you like them.

i would love for mechanics introduced in thief to be built upon with newer technology. for example more robust dynamic light mechanics like those introduced in deadly shadows (not pushed far enough sadly... but the possibilities are so exciting) as well as more robust audio and various other improvements that could be made if there was actual interest in stealth games anymore... i mean hell a lot of people who made FMs for thief went on to make other games (dishonored) but then those games still don't really hit like thief does.

okay im just gonna highlight some points bc i genuinely do not possess the capability to write in english. gets scared

I think an interesting comparison can be made between the light gem from thief and like, the 'detection meter' some games with 'stealth mechanics' have nowadays. What does the light gem do? It shows which light level you're currently in. There is predictability and consistency in how enemies react to you at different light levels. Your Actual Skill matters, not what perks you chose on the progression tree or what 'stealth skill' you used on your character. If you're at the lowest 'hidden' light level you are basically safe from enemies unless they walk into you and you can plan your next movement, if you're in a higher light level you need to pay close attention to enemies to not get spotted. Can you actually play the game without the light gem? I think yes, since your detection is mostly sound-based cues, and the light gem simply gives the player concrete information to play better and get predictable, skill based results. The 'detection meter' is there because most games don't really have light/shadow mechanics or robust stealth-based enemy AI. You need to visually show the player they've been spotted because in most games the sound design is not catered to stealth and you won't hear an enemy seeing you, or the level design is constructed in a way where you will be spotted by someone looking at you from across the map and not understand where that came from, etc. Frankly in most games you're not even put in situations where you can weave your way around enemies, follow them, sneak around them, etc. You can either press a button to knock them out from behind, or you 'discover' a passage that allows you to bypass all enemies since stealthing 'on the ground' is literally not possible because of the AI that like, spots you based on proximity and nothing else. Or there's like, a meter that goes up the longer you stay around the enemy before they spot you, etc.... You don't feel like you make your own stealthy way, using the tools and circumstances you've been given, and instead you just 'discover' the pre-determined 'stealthy way' intended by the devs.

Sound. I probably can't even name a game where sound matters more than in thief. Sound information is as important as visual information in thief. You can tell which specific level of alertness an enemy has simply by their voicelines. Different floor materials make different sound levels (which may not be super realistic, but it's a sacrifice thief makes for the sake of gameplay), different speeds you move at make different levels of sound, your items and arrows make sound, enemies can use sound to alert each other, etc. An enemy doesn't need to see you to be alerted, and you can hear how many enemies are in a room, what direction they are coming from, and if it's safe to come out of a room based on sound proximity. Also you can press your ear against a door to listen. I genuinely can't name another game that utilizes this.

Okay ummm.... Thief mechanics are robust enough to allow for all kinds of different playing styles. You can use your tools or you can not use any of them at all, you can knock everyone out or go completely undetected by anyone, the thief community makes up their own rulesets for playthroughs not intended by the devs at all, but those are still possible and fun to do.

Stop with the 3rd person view camera. More leaning from a corner and listening to your enemies, less 3rd person camera where you can see enemies while being completely safe and undetected. The first person view is extremely important to thief in my opinion, and adds an incredible amount of immersion. Also, thief never fucking takes away control from you to play an animation or a quick time event!!! It's infuriating when games do that !!!

Even dishonored, a game i actually really enjoyed, is still really lacking in stealth. You spend most of your time perched up on weirdly placed objects above your enemies that make it safe for you to basically teleport from place to place while being undetected by enemies. Dishonored has more of a focus on actually engaging and killing enemies, which imo is really unnecessary. I should actively avoid engaging with enemies in any way in a stealth game. In a perfect stealth game, no enemy sees or hears me at all, while i can still weave around them and pick their pockets, complete all my objectives while exploring a wide map that makes sense and is rewarding to explore, and be able to get out unscathed...

here are my new sentences 😁

[unloneliest]

im so fucking good at making sexy little leverage aus and then never writing them. this is my ma spencer au, which has been lifted directly from my twitter with minimal editing, & which i am haunted by always.

ok so the au. this is going to be very long. every time i listen to spent gladiator 2 by tmg i think abt the leverage team/eliot specifically.

lyrics for context:

so i was thinking abt an au where eliot was never on the team, bc like. eliot fully got Out of the game, but interacts w them on an early case and ends up falling in with them anyways? BUT i also think a lot about how hard it'd be for any of them to retire bc there's people who hate them who know their faces, yknow? so how WOULD eliot be able to have retired &what has to change for eliot to be that comfortable getting out?

so i figure he maybe got out of the moreau situation earlier. maybe he broke up with the horse girl but they stayed on good terms, and maybe he never did the worst things he ever did for moreau because he had his Getting Out Of There chef connection moment sooner.

but that doesn't undo how recognizable eliot would be to various parties and i was like. well then. what if the chef who was that pivotal person for eliot was a trans woman and was as pivotal with eliot being gendery as she was with eliot retiring?

so like. early 2000s nonbinary/transfeminine he/she eliot spencer finding a few small towns to live in pretty at random but having a home in each one and cycling through them with no discernable pattern?? and being a loved part of the local queer community in all of them?

it's similar to my "eliot never left home and is luke gilmore girls but also co-created a queer bar in his town" au (aside: thank you @lycanqueer for pointing out that connection ages ago, i have been unwell about it ever since).

like . eliot!!!!! eliot probably first connecting with the team bc of the two horse job and slowly begrudgingly helping, joining in on the tap out job, etc.

eliot being like a parent figure to various queer kids in the different towns and they call him "ma spencer" and she wears his practical boots with flannels still but maybe they're with a more feminine tank top and maybe you're as likely to see ma spencer in a no nonsense knee length skirt as a sturdy pair of jeans. and maybe sometimes he braids her hair . and she's mr. spencer too and well respected by the folks of whatever town he's staying in, too stubborn and helpful and intimidating not to be!

eliot being openly down for a casual relationship both with parker and hardison from when she first gets to know them onward—and him keeping his past quiet still, but it getting harder to keep the parts of her life seperate as he finds herself getting closer with the team & with more serious feelings for parker and hardison.

maybe the team's hitter is Tara? i feel like she's capable of that? but she has to be the grifter when sophie goes on her break and eliot joins in "Just Once" but it ends up being more than that.

eliot would have a lot of complicated feelings abt joining in—like, both being happy with the peace she found & not wanting to risk that but still feeling like he needs to pay penance and that this is a way to do that.

and then season 3 hits completely different. i think this eliot would talk about his past once she found out they were targeting moreau, but i think team dynamics would overall be super different in general. the team would be way less of a unit with nate than when you see things from his perspective—espeicially without eliot always there to insulate the team from the worst of him.

anyways im gonna be thinking about this for the next 800 years. will i ever write this fic? probably no. but ma spencer is so real to me

[specialgradefckr]

i sent an ask a while back and i try to space mine out between being answered so i don’t add to the overwhelming pile of people you have to talk to, but i feel the need to say this, as i’ve seen a lot of asks recently with you talking abt not realizing people liked certain stories:

i’m a satosugu kinda critter, so ive really only read the stuff with the two of them in it (or either of them solo). that being said, ive read all of both of them. i wanted to take a moment to show a little love to all of em so you know your hard work is appreciated across the board :3

frat boy gojo? more like brat boy, i wanna kick his ass and also see him improve as a person bc i love him. and kick his ass again.

twincest? guilty pleasure.

clone gojo? i laughed in utter delight when reader gets a well-deserved comeuppance. i also have a lot of thoughts on the technicalities of it bc im a nerd but those can stay in my brain vault.

catching strays? i’m foaming at the mouth imagining the character development for all three of them yes PUHLEASE.

byhtd? delightful. the series i was drawn in by.

insane married couple? sign me the fuck up im not leaving there alive.

the horrific satosugu kidnapping situation in heatwave? made my tummy hurt and my dink hard at once.

suguru’s chastity belt? i regularly use the mental image of him being mean and offering his “help” as yerk it material.

satoru being an oblivious idiot about us being able to smell now? delicious.

murderous intent heatwave fic? damn right i’ll tear his throat out if he goes around to other people, and he’d probably enjoy it.

speaking of nerds, nerd!gojo? the only thing more pathetic than him is bully!reader and i love them both so much.

sorcerer breeding? i might’ve cried a little.

weed brownies? NO SATORU HOLDING IT IN DOESNT DO ANYTHING—

cuteness aggression? i’m gonna fold this man like an origami swan.

brat reader vs brat enjoyer gojo? i’m gonna kick him in the fuckin teeth.

in it for the money? me too gojo, me too.

here kitty kitty? this one simultaneously made me nauseous and desperately horny. it’s up there with the heatwave satosugu kidnapping.

suguru leaving us for his wack ass cult? i might’ve cried a little part two.

three terrible people? perfect, we all deserve each other.

desperately-needs-a-mother-figure-gojo? poor little wet cat of a boy, i want to mean-dom him into going to therapy.

i’ve loved each and every one of these, and your writing has honestly made it so much easier for me to just enjoy dark content without feeling so horrifically guilty about it or needing to figure out why i’m so “horribly deranged” (my therapist thanks you for your service). you treat the subjects with so much delicacy and respect, unafraid to acknowledge how horrific and frightening a lot of these circumstances are and not romanticizing/dismissing their weight for even a moment, yet still leaning into them in a way where you’re not perpetuating guilt and shame for enjoying their fictional interpretations. it’s incomprehensibly refreshing, and i adore every second of it. even if nobody else does, i will eat up whatever you write, pookiekins <3

-🃏 (i haven’t signed off on the other asks i sent before but i figure i should start somewhere)

p.s. i don’t think you were the person who wrote it considering it’s not on your list but i read a ficlet abt hunter!gojo basically yoinking nymph!reader and fucking her stupid and it’s never left my mind since and even if you didn’t write it, it reminds me so much of your style in the way it sticks onto my brain and buzzes around in there

🃏 anon? are you gojo kinnie or have i am i accidentally two-timing you and gojo kinnie with the same icon bc i took so long to answer this ask? in light of the clone!gojo series that WOULD be very funny but i hope now skhjfdglshdg

but anyways!!! thank you so much for taking the time to remark on all these works. i remember each and every one of them, so well; what i liked about it, what i struggled with, how interested i was in the different parts of it when it was written.

hearing someone talk about what they thought of all these little special trinkets and fun little pieces of mine is such a gift <3 i kept this ask around for a while bc it really just delighted me when i first got it. i would look back at it again and it would cheer me up all over (:

i really feel you on the satosugu stuff though sdhfkjglshdfg. although i moonlight as a sukuna fan, those two (and gojo specifically) are my truest loves... not that you couldn't tell from my post history skdfgldshg.

hehehe since you did have thoughts on the technical aspects of clone!gojo,, i hope some of them were answered with the recent asks and fics! clone!gojo is another one of a growing list of fics that i'd like to put on ao3 just because of the contents... the clone thing can definitely have some weird implications, since reader literally created clone!gojo skfjhgsdhg

and weed brownies gojo!!! that wasn't super popular but my god i loved it. i have this feral attraction to gojo as a character that makes it easy for me to write readers who are yandere for him and skfjhglsdhg given gojo's tastes... *gestures to geto* he LIKES THEM CRAZY WE ALL KNOW IT. i stand very firm in my interpretation that gojo would be a yandere apologist who plays down a yandere's problematic aspects bc he thinks it's all super romantic and sexy skfghjdhg

plus OH MY GOOOD teacher's pet gojo deserves so much more backstory and development tbh! i have a babysitter!reader/gojo draft in mind specifically bc of how much i think gojo needs a mother figure i swear khjfgldhsg

but anyways!!! i'm really glad you enjoyed my works! i do tend to have a broad range of fic ideas, from dark "holy shit that's fucked up" content to cute pg-13 nerd!gojo/bully!reader, and i really love writing for all of them!

i think a big part of my content is that, in every work, my main focus is the characters. there are fun plots or settings or twists here and there but i'm really there to write interactions between reader and my favorite boys. i like getting into everyone's heads, even if those are very, very dark places.

for that reason, i personally don't really concern myself with the thought of whether i'm romanticizing a character or not. i just try to keep the characters acting realistically (or at least, keep their thoughts/feelings relatable), and let the narrative emerge from there.

i think as long as you keep the characters rational, describe their thoughts/feelings, where they're coming from, people will just understand what's happening, even if it's deeply wrong. often the characters themselves know that things are wrong but don't have better options.

at the end of the day, you've grasped the point of it really well; these works are here for you to enjoy a perspective of a fictional character going through interesting, emotionally gripping events. it's here for you to experience, to sit through like a roller coaster. some people laugh, some people scream, some people get turned on XD. there's no such thing as a wrong reaction, just an experience you get to go through!

[extantodyssey]

god i am so crazy about otto. i keep wanting to talk abt his specific mental issues and then i remember that literally none of that is canon. just headcanon extrapolated from subtext within the game. i've been living in headcanonland for so long that i keep forgetting how little material this dude actually has in pn2. anyway you ever think about how the portrayals of him in each of the psy7's minds (save for helmut's) are either nonexistent or straight-up negative??? and also how he's the only psy7 member without a designated pair and just gets thrown in with whoever is Left in a particular situation??? because i do. i think about it. but on a lighter note you ever think about otto and helmut being besties? because i do :) i think that, despite being a scientist, otto has the mind of an artist. i think he treats science like an art. so i think he and helmut get along. (and also they're my 2 faves so of course i have to make them friends)

i am right there with you in headcanonland LOL, it’s so easy to forget that some things are literally just Something I Made Up

fun fact i literally think about that CONSTANTLY!! and it’s sort of difficult to try and figure out how much of the negative portrayals are more-so a reflection of the person’s psyche or their actual feelings about otto? and no matter what i can only imagine how devastating it would be for otto to find out that’s how he’s viewed by them!

i think it would more or less make sense for there to be some resentment there from the remaining psychic 7 with otto continuing to be in the public eye and the most well adjusted (on the surface), but i have always thought of it as otto just forcing himself to keep going because someone has to and he wants to keep their legacy alive in some way, especially as the first one ford recruited

and oh my god, professional third-wheeler otto mentallis, it literally KILLS me to think about it! and it’s not like he’s really making any other friends so really he’s just as isolated as the rest of the psychic 7 that are left even if he’s the only one still involved in the modern psychonauts (besides ford)… and even after the game, everyone else is reunited with their pair and otto is just left lonely, kind of seeming like he will continue to isolate himself even if he deflects with a joke about the crab sandwich

and i totally agree with you about otto being more of an artist than just a scientist! i think that’s very clear in how he talks to raz about his inventions being dreams and how all his machines are emotionally driven. i absolutely love the idea of him and helmet being besties and being able to talk to one another about their own respective passions :^))

[mazzystar24]

OMG i still feel like I'm in a fever dream. I keep refreshing tumblr just to make sure that it HAPPENED.

We've been waiting for this for so long, i can't believe that they made Buck Bi!! Also here is the thing i want Buddie to happen and I am a hundred percent sure that it's happening (i don't know why people are thinking that it's not like???) the way i could see this going down is buck and tommy exploring their relationship and Buck beginning to question more and more things such as his relationship with Eddie. I WANT and him and Tommy to be in a relationship for a while (because they're actually pretty cute) and eddie pining. tommy will be the catalyst for Buddie.

Also: Oliver stark literally said, Buck has a crush, gets the person (exactly what happened with tommy) and that he has to work for his relationship to work and ryan saying "closer than ever??"

I also hate the fact that so people are mad and hating on the actors , that it wasn't with Eddie. Like of course a Buddie conformation would've been great, but we all knew that that wasn't gonna happen in this episode? We got FUCKING BI BUCK !!! Let's just celebrate this and just watch this beautiful story unfold. I really love reading your prediction and your positivity, please continue with that !!!

What do you think is going to happen in the next episodes? Sorry for the long ask!!

Sameee like I keep trying to be normal then I REMEMBER I’m like wow I didnt hallucinate that??

Exactly like they flat out called Tommy a plot device, confirmed he’s here for a little bit and that it’s a fling, so enjoy it as much as you want to while it’s here but don’t lose hope for buddie people? like legit this is the biggest confirmation buddie is on the horizon

YES THE INTERVIEWS HAVE BEEN REALLY FEEDING INTO MY DELUSION

Like let’s not forget Ryan saying they’re trying to give the people what they want🫡and that they are closer than ever - like legit he has no reason to say this in the same season buck realises he’s bi unless something BIG is gonna happen for buddie (maybe not full canon but vibes???)

Anyone hating on the actors can legit fight me.

Oliver and Ryan have been such troopers for the fandom and Oliver now with this storyline you can tell how much he genuinely loves buck and like understands him as a character but also how to give this storyline what it deserves. Like Oliver has been endlessly respectful to the fandom too like he’s been making sure that he doesn’t get peoples hopes up while also trying to play buck in a way that is true to the character. Like did you guys see his message to the fans? Or his interview talking about how he was gonna actively play buck as bi this season as much as he can even before he got told abt the kiss. Like that man hasnt just been supportive of the fandom he’s been an advocate for us and for buck which is such a wonderful thing.

Also yeah it wasn’t Eddie but do people realise that it’s VERY hard to write an up to now presumed straight character’s self discovery in their 30s LET ALONE TWO?? Like Tim found the easiest way to set the scene for the new audience and the GA who won’t have picked up on early seasons undertone and the little things planted throughout and while I would’ve loved buddie without the middleman I completely understand why they did it this way and I’ll enjoy seeing it unfold

And YES EXACTLY BI BUCK like that alone is a MASSIVE win like we are getting such rare bi rep of not only a guy in a very “macho” job and a womaniser type character BUT ALSO a person figuring stuff out in their 30s not in a repressed full of sex shame and guilt way but in a they genuinely just never explored that side of them!! Like that’s so huge we can talk for hours about how many queer rep stories are just plain depressing but this one is so authentic while also being quite light and sweet

Also aww thanks I genuinely love these asks sm (me? In love with everyone who sends me an ask? More likely than you think🤭🤭🤭)

Also omg I’m sorry this is so long like I spent most of this talking about everything except your question😭😭

Okay so predictions:

So we know that Buck is gonna tell some people and some will be surprised some not so much and some will be like it’s about damn time, my bets are:

chimney- surprised but maybe not through insider info (Maddie)

Maddie- KNOWS HAS KNOWN but the only shocker for her is that it wasn’t Eddie like I can imagine the confused and so tired face rn, I think she probs has either thought he knew or knew he didn’t and just was giving him the time and dropping as many hints as she can in the meanwhile

Bobby- supportive father icon, KNOWS (and while he also I fully believe is the buddie captain as well he will play it a little closer to vest if you get what I mean- but inside he’s going insane and his eye is twitching because he poached Eddie for his dumb bi son only for them to ACT married for six seasons and go to him for dating advice abt other people constantly and now that his son is a man kisser it’s not the man Bobby was hoping for😔 pray for him y’all)

Hen- she’s the it’s about damn time response

Athena- also might be the it’s about damn time response

Ravi- in a permanent state of confusion- not about this he’s just confused always (also still fully convinced the poor guy thought buddie had been married cos that headcanon is endlessly amusing to me)

Now for actual plot I think that like the date is low-key a train wreck after the Eddie and Marisol interruption and that either we get a chenford-like double date or we just have a brief intereuption from Eddie and that’s a minor thing and like it’s buck admitting it’s his first date with a guy who hates throws a lot of questions in the air because Tommys reaction was a bit 👀 like I think it’s more or less confirmed that Tommy was repressed for a while when working with captain dickhead so maybe he’s like gonna be taking a step back cos he thinks buck needs more time to like explore this part of himself (but I hate that trope so hoping not) or maybe we get the buddie shipper daydream and Tommy is like more aware of buddie than buddie are and he either says that to buck as the reasoning but buck doesn’t tell Eddie that OR he says something cryptic about it to buck and buck doesn’t fully understand and he’s like you will eventually👀👀👀 (I need a lobotomy yes the delusions are a part of me now)

I hope that Marisol gets the fuck out right about now but I say that every episode 🫡 (edy’s face and voice make me wanna scream I hate her homophobic, transphobic ass sm)

Anyways I’m gonna shut up now bye love ya thank ya and sorry 🫡🫡

[aquaquadrant]

I recently found yours Hels to Pay AU and I love it so much that I'm going to rant about things that I find really neat in no particular order

Helsmits names:

Dr. Clear - MumboJumbo. It took me a while to get it but wow it makes sense seeing as the phrase "mumbo-jumbo" means nonsense and clear is the opposite of that. Also funny considering the coherentness of each one

BadTimesWithScar - GoodTimesWithScar. Classic

AnimosityGaming/Timmy - SolidarityGaming/Jimmy. Wonderful. Animosity and Solidarity are opposites as well so that's cool

bXMiner - XbCrafted. It's the two halves of MineCraft. Also reverses the letters of his name

Bravo - Tango. Derived off the phonetic alphabet I would assume

Dbubs - Bdubs. Reverses the letters of his name

Patho(s? I'm not sure) Lair - Etho's Lab. Ethos and Pathos are Greek words meaning character and emotions respectively. Lair and Lab are similar to each other. And they have similar nickames taken from misreading their names (Etho Slab and Patho Stair). Genuinely my favourite name of yours.

You have other helsmits but I can’t think of more words for them so moving on

Dr. Clear is Alister's spy. He told Bravo about Tango indirectly just before they opened the portal, and also managed to get Atlas to slap him in front of Bravo. He's also incoherent enough (faking?) that Atlas wouldn't consider it

Dbubs pathologic lying? How sometimes he doesn't even realise it? How when he did and said something he didn't mean (I hate your stupid face) he felt bad?

Pathos feeling at home in the crimson jungle. Feeling absolutely horrible for ignoring Dbubs whispers whenever he leaves.

Pathbubs is my new favourite ship but god they're about as healthy as that Panera Lemonade

I'm not saying Tango's theory about confusing the universe is wrong, but where was Tango's Portal meant to go if that was the case? It was an actual Universe Portal, so it's not like someone figured out how to make one and then left it there. I think the Universe made the id display to Bravo as Hermitcraft so he would enter it, because Hels just sounds like a bad place. In my head this means the Universe looked at Tango and Bravo and said, "my bad, you need to switch places"

Now that Tango and Jimmy are in Hels, once the Portal is broken, they will be unable to escape back to Double Life by themselves, as their coordinates will still send them to Hels. They will need to meet up with someone else's doppelganger to get back to Double Life.

Thank you for writing an amazing AU

thank you, i’m glad u like my hels names! it’s something i always spend a lot of time thinking abt, deciding where i wanna pull the name from, whether it’s an opposite thing, helsification, name scramble, or some other significance. clear’s full name is actually clear cut, which is even more of a contrast to mumbo jumbo, and it is technically pathoslair but he goes by patho the same way ethoslab goes by etho, dropping the ‘s’.

ah, pathbubs… i love them sm… man i really need to write more of them sometime 😂 absolutely unhealthy but DAMN they compel me…

as for your questions about the universe portals… i’ll just say that no player has figured out the real explanation for the swap yet. they’re working off what they know and certain assumptions they’ve made; in tango’s case, the assumption that he’s an evil creature who would never have purposefully been brought to hermitcraft. in bravo’s case, the assumption that tango’s mere existence resulted in a massive mistake (even tho plenty of other players have joined hermitcraft without being swapped with their hels counterparts…). they’re silly gooses <3

anyway thanks so much for sharing ur thoughts, i LOVE to hear what y’all are thinking and theorizing about with regards to the fic. it’s like enrichment for me.

[cloudypinkblink]

yo here is a fun headcanon i have that you might like

ex delinquent Sayuri, Satsuma knows about it and knows she can easily beat him up

masaru and chika are unaware about it and just think that their mom was in some kind of school club that involve fighting or something

This energized me for the day, so please have these doodles and a new AU/personal HC

So this is the Sayuri ex-Deliquent thing; my personal little HC for it is that she and Satsuma are actually childhood friends (neighbors, probably) and that Sayuri and Suguru met in school, and clashed heads (a lot like our two beloved boys in the modern era....) (thie little chibis of the main trio represent their mirror for the back in time AU trio) Rentarou (calling him by first name feels sacrilegious, but it feels even weirder if I don't bc I refer to the other two by first name LMAO) does have a crush on Sayuri, but it's the type of thing that passes/is dealt with as they get older, bc he respects her and Suguru. He is very very much the one that kinda reigns them both in, but also gets dragged along. Suguru is a doctor, which is why he's being deligated Smartie Pants role; after all, Touma is a genius but also loves to box and isn't a weakling, so I figure Suguru is similar. Suyuri is very rambunctious; I think she's not only a regular delinquent, but definitely one of those girls that don't want to be looked down on for being a girl. So she likes to be tough and fight like the boys, and she doesn't take it well when someone (coughcough Suguru coughcough) criticizes her because he means well- the only person she kinda listens to is Rentarou, because he's her childhood friend. Suguru is fairly polite, actually; he's not an overly violent guy and while strong and athletic, has a more passive personality where he tries to solve things with words. It's Sayuri that later changes that mindset a bit, and gets him to enjoy and see the merits of talking with one's fists LMAO (so a good influence!). Rentarou comes from a strict, law enforcement family and he is under a lot of pressure to do good; his family isn't fond of Sayuri given her delinquency, but they're friends and there is no stopping that. He often feels more refreshed and encouraged after spending time with her, which is one of the reasons he develops a crush on her. Suguru and Sayuri try to avoid each other, and get into fights and arguments nearly any time they DO see each other- but then they keep getting into silly shenanigans (with poor Rentarou dragged along one way or another) I kinda want them to find out abt Digimon around this time, but I'll delve into it later.

Sayuri is a little embarassed about her past? She was quite a bit worse than Masaru; yes he gets into street fights but he's also good about chores, caring for his sister and trying to do right by her- he doesn't skip as much school as she had, and usually she can find a valid reason why. Embarassment aside, she wasn't going to let Masaru tackle the world without knowing proper technique, and Suguru left too early to really teach him (but late enough to get him riled up, and you know Sayuri gave him an earful abt that when he came back LOL) She lets her kids believe whatever, not really ready to tell them she was a wild child herself. (Chika later finds out; Masaru does not and Chika is both excited she knows something Masaru doesn't know, but sad she can't share her findings, given they theorized about it) Sayuri of course chilled out and became softer as she got older, but it was mostly when she got her kids that she really calmed down. She wanted to be someone that they could tell mistakes to, who they could be honest with, etc etc., But when Masaru or Chika get out of line, there's a certain edge to her voice that definitely has their backs straightening. This is a really fun AU and I bet you weren't expecting me to want to delve into it but I 10/10 will. This is gripping me by the THROAT what have you DONE to me.

[rillils]

what hurts me most is thinking abt people realizing just how YOUNG bucky actually is

it's so fucking unfair, it just breaks your heart to even think about it, doesn't it?

consider catfa. here you have a young man barely into his late 20s, when you're technically a fully grown adult, but really you're most likely still trying to get your shit together, you know, still figuring out how Adulting™ really works - and then it's one tragedy after the other for him

Bucky has his whole life ahead of him, and instead of getting to choose a path of his own, of building a life for himself, he is:

drafted into a war he never even wanted to be a part of

captured, forced into hard physical labor and ultimately experimented on against his will

kinda roped into going back to the front lines after being rescued (not against his will this time, but let's face it, there was no way in hell that he would have gone home while Steve was still out there putting his life on the line)

captured once more when his whole team thought him dead, tortured in every possible way, taken apart, experimented on some more, quite possibly put on god knows what kind of substances, either to further improve his physical performances or to aid in keeping him docile and easier to manipulate - or, well, for both of those reasons I guess

brutally stripped of his identity, his memories, his free will, his humanity, and reshaped into a killing machine, a weapon to be used whenever necessary, and, as they say, put away wet. and then rinse and repeat for sixty-nine years.

the truly horrifying part is that they didn't just hurt him, they also forced him to hurt other people. people whose lives were taken by his own hands, when he was barely even an unwilling passenger in his own body. so here he is, just… grieving,

both for himself - the years he lost to torture and brainwashing, and can never get back again; and the life he could have had, with all the people he loved, in the place he used to call home - and for all the victims of the Soldier and their respective families, left to mourn their loved ones, often without even knowing why.

he could have lived a normal, quiet, happy life, but all of that was taken away from him.

BUT but but butt butt

here's the thing.

actually, here's a couple of things.

you see, pieces of crap like Endgame will try to convince you that, if things didn't go exactly your way the first time around, you should just give up on your future altogether and fuck off to the past, where you can live out an unhealthy fantasy and have a creepy, dystopian-coded life as-- well, not even as yourself, just as somebody else wearing your own face.

don't listen to pieces of crap like Endgame, they give the shittiest kind of advice.

because! because even after everything he went through, Bucky's still alive! his life isn't over. and that's the beauty of it! he SO can still be happy, and do all the things he didn't get to do back in the day. sure, the timing might not be what he originally thought, back before the war, but just because his plans got derailed doesn't mean that he can't build his own life now. and that's exactly what he's going to do, one step at a time - and YES, with Steve by his side, if I get any say in this (and this being my answer to an ask on my blog, I get all the say lol)

so I hereby declare that Bucky gets to be as fucking happy as can be! like, SO MUCH FUCKING HAPPINESS, YOU CAN'T EVEN QUANTIFY IT. so much fucking happiness, you'd think he might get sick of it!!!! but he won't!!!!!!

I think he does find that calm he so desperately needed. I think he gets to find himself again, gets to meet all the parts of him he thought he'd lost, the ones even he had forgotten. I think, he even gets to meet some new sides of Bucky Barnes he hadn't had the chance to discover yet.

I think he learns that some days are worse than others, and on those days, he learns to show himself a little kindness, and a little forgiveness for not being who (he used to think) he was supposed to be, and a little love for who he is.

I think he also learns that, while there are some bad days, and there will always be, most of them are actually, surprisingly, good days. I think he learns that he has the right to have good days. I think he learns that he deserves to have good days. I think he learns that it's okay to feel good; that there's nothing silly or lazy in just sitting outside in the sun, and basking in its warmth like a happy little lizard, and wishing you never had to move from that spot at all.

I think he gets to be the nerd he always was deep down; science nerd, space nerd, book nerd, any sort of nerd flavor he can find the time and will to explore.

I think he gets to build a home for himself, with the man who always meant Home to him, more than any house ever could.

I think he gets to wake up to good-morning kisses, and to good-morning fingers carding tenderly through his hair, and good-morning playful groping under the sheets, and good-morning "sorry I just kneed you in the groin, lemme kiss it better for ya", and good-morning giggles because Steve's bedhead achieves epic levels of Bird's Nest first thing in the morning, and good-morning pretty eyes looking back at him from Steve's pillow, drinking him in like no sight in the world will ever be as heartrendingly beautiful as Bucky waking up next to him in their big, big bed, and good-morning "how do you want your eggs?", and good-morning "let's skip eggs and have french toast today", because today, today he's feeling good.

and that's only the start, honey 💕💕💕

[shieldborn]

🤍 WHITE HEART — what are three of your oc's neutral/questionable traits?

i forgot this said three so it's under the read more bc im writing a lot. this was such a fun prompt it made me think a whole bunch :) but tldr: keeping a lot of big feelings locked up tight, keeping gear and equipment looking very clean and orderly, and liking fighting more than winning.

1. despite being pretty excitable and expressive with the party over other people's life events, she holds back a lot about her own feelings and vulnerabilities. she likes to retreat to somewhere she can be alone to figure things out. in small ways, it means teaching herself how to cook without telling the party until she feels confident enough to make something they'll like. she doesn't think they'd be rude about it, and taste-testers would probably make her a better cook, but there is something about being seen trying that makes her pull away. in big ways, it meant not talking to anyone abt her feelings when she died and going out at night to try to rage-room her way out of feeling vulnerable.

2. something that carried over from her soldier days even though she doesn't remember it, is being very particular about taking care of her gear and equipment. she can't clean things with magic, so her nightly routine includes really deep cleaning everything to get all the blood and grime out. lyra will sometimes prestidigitate her armor if its really bad, but she finds an element of the routine and slow, deliberate labor soothing. if it had been a long journey, it could be a process that takes hours. it's not so much about public appearance, but a form of respect to take care of the things that protect her. her shield might be covered in nicks and scratches, but it'll shine.

3. she likes fighting more than she likes winning. there is no satisfaction for her in an easy win, and there is no respect or glory in punching down just because you can. the breathless satisfaction of a good fight comes from being tested by someone stronger than her and just scraping by. along this line, she doesn't usually strike first. in letting someone come to her, she feels they are entering into a kind of social contract where they are making their own bed to lay in, rather than her initiating something that could otherwise be avoided. this is very close to this conversation from one of the dragon age games. so even if its disadvantageous, she'd rather have all the cards on the table in an all-out brawl than sneak around to get the jump on someone.

[circular-bircular]

Mmm. I caught a few free minutes today to sit down and respond, so let's unleash this one, shall we?

Below the cut is an ENORMOUS ask, and a (incredibly long, as much as I may try otherside) response. It's about the recent "censorship" (???) drama.

TL;DR: Everyone is allowed to be angry in life, and policing that is kind of outrageously infuriating, especially in spaces where people struggle with things like emotional regulation! I'm allowed to be upset and express that upset, just as much as anyone else. Me expressing frustrations isn't "demonizing" people or attacking them, and I'm sorry if it comes across that way. If you feel I'm attacking you by posting on my own blog how I'm upset about something, or feel I'm attacking you by reblogging posts on tumblr to dissect ableism in articles you yourself posted... Figure out that feeling, or block me? Good lord.

I am not posting anything more about this topic. Please don't send asks about it, or I will simply be deleting them.

Okay. For context, these two asks (combined below) came in about 3 days ago. I was wondering if I should post them in a different format to slim them down, but genuinely, I think I want to present this as I received it. Here it is (with your system name censored, anon -- I recognize your concerns about harassment):

abt frameaclouds post :: politely + trying to come to the table not to argue but to point this out I dont think you can blame a blogger for seeing people reblogging their post from you legit screaming "how dare you" or "fuck you" at them and them then assuming that it's probs best to just block and keep back from that whole group of folks. I liked some of your additions and thought they were interesting as one of frameaclouds followers.... but the way you and others focused almost entirely on nitpicking LB Lee's stuff and some ways things were phrased (ex. - like point 3; all frameacloud said was that DID does not require trauma. you then... agreed and shouted at them?), and the way a lot of you jumped to calling it censorship and silencing when frameacloud refused to engage afterwards, really kind of makes it look like you're interpreting their post and actions in the worst light possible. it makes it seem like you're coming from a place of bad faith. you mentioned some cool perspective in your reblog, where you talked about how it came off to someone who had your specific background and knowledge and what u found the issues to be, but you haven't done the reverse: you haven't considered how your reblog was going to come across to an otherkin whose been around for a really long time and who is probably used to dealing with tons and tons of trolls who are going to take what they say in the least generous way possible, twist their words, + use it to belittle and harass them. like this is an otherkin who's been around since the grilling times and usenet days. and a bunch of people who seem to be in ur circles citing back to the post and kind of beating their chests about it even tho frameacloud is making a point not to fight or argue about it and to just block and move on...and u urself described ur response as a 'rant' which has a pretty diff connotation than 'discussion' or 'criticism'...well its likely to just project that kind of image further, that ur just here to flame war, even if thats not what ur doing or how u want to come across. ik that's how it came across to me and even after seeing some of ur past posts on ur blog that i really liked im still a little skeptical that this ask isnt gonna be either trashed mocked or taken out of context by u or someone who follows u. and also i want to remind people that like......... u r not owed access to anyone on socmed. frameacloud and any other blogger is allowed to block anyone for any reason. and its unhealthy to say that ur owed other ppls blogs and posts to platform on. respect other ppls boundaries without villainizing them cuz otherwise ur just opening up a can of worms to lie in. and ik u said in a later post that theyre well within their rights to block u but u also reblogged a post before that calling it censorship. so like... this is what i mean about coming off as disengenuous and troll-y, stuff like this is why even if i liked some of ur reblog i wont rb it. if i rb it and end up deleting it later am i gonna be told by others that im 'censoring' u? if i make a mistake and say something wrong in a tag am i gonna get jumped with a 5k word essay from four different ppl telling me how much i suck? its a hypothetical but only sorta with whats been happening on ur blog and elsewhere in this discussion. its bad form and its not super fair to frameacloud who still hasnt done legit anything yet but block ppl and i really cant say enough how much i dont blame them with some of whats been said n what sort of conclusions ppl r jumping to abt them. (also now that im thinking of the context if u did come across as bad faith engagement to frameacloud then they probably didnt respond to ur ask because it screamed BAIT to them cuz ik in their shoes id think the same. i mean their blog 99% runs on queue...the last post they reblogged that wasnt on their queue was ONE post on the 11th from their boyfriend and be4 that ONE on the 9th...all while u have someone gossiping in a prev ask that they 'often do this'. i can see frameaclouds POV)

like i swear im not trying to start a fight but can u see how this comes off. claiming u want a discussion and then thanking someone who is calling blocking censorship, saying that theyre in their rights to block but then posting an ask that says this blog that makes maybe like two or three original posts a month "does this often", the original aggro all over the reblogs that stem from ur first reblog in the reblog chart... like frameacloud is the one who blocked first but u have to srsly consider why they did + why they refuse to engage at all + what it looks like to ppl outside of the type of syscourse ur used to, like them and like me. if u want ppl to listen, then this isnt a good way to promote the kind of discussions u say u want. it just drives ppl away and maybe it feels temporarly vindicating but its not helpful. i want to see the things ur talking abt talked abt more but if its always going to be like that and theres no way for it to be less like trekking thru a field of mines where someone might blow up at u for something u dnt even realize is wrong at the time then i dunno

...

So, first off, I apologize profusely to everyone for how long-winded I am. I write a LOT, a habit I have always, always tried to break, and I now realize just how much it is to see thousands of words in response to things. This is nearly 1k of words I woke up to right before leaving for my vacation. Talk about wild to read right after waking up. (I also apologize because what follows is similarly so long winded and I cannot figure out how to not do this).

I attempted to write up my response. Took a full day and a half, writing and writing and writing. And here's the thing, I wrote around 3k words trying to explain my perspective, trying to acknowledge what I agreed and disagreed with from your asks, from your perspective, and just...

Dude, I am so fucking done with this shit. Not your asks in particular, but with syscourse in general.

This ask presents me with a damned if I do, damned if I don't scenario. I could leave it to rot in my inbox, but then I'm a hypocrite for not engaging with discussions about things, which is what I say I want people to do. I could finish writing up my 3k+ word response, but then my words are going to be twisted as they always are because I'm long winded and I am just trying my best to (probably over)explain myself.

Or... I can just. Explain as briefly as possible here what I'm feeling, thinking, and doing.

So... Here goes my best shot.

One:

First and foremost, I could care less at this point about frameacloud. Good fucking lord, I have tried to keep their username in my head through all of this, but it's genuinely so hard and I just end up scrolling up. I have never interacted with this user before this, and I clearly won't be again. My beef is not with them. I could care less about this user or their business; they are a tumblr user who exists. Wow!

My upset was about how the conversation was cut off. That's all. That's it. Wow, it sucks how all conversations are cut off when people block others for any reason. I hate how long MY blocklist is, strictly for my mental health. I hate how many people I have to block to keep myself healthy, because it cuts off communication. Is it... condemning myself to saying, "It's a shame that they cut off communication like that" when I've blocked plenty of very vocal syscoursers?

No. As I've said numerous times through all this, people should be able to block whoever they want. Even if I talk about how upsetting that may be, I mean absolutely no ill will to the person who literally should not know I'm talking about how upset I am, because said person has me blocked.

Two:

I don't care why they blocked me. Maybe they personally hate me, maybe they heard about me from who-is-page or whoever (I know I've bumped heads with them in the past once or twice before), maybe they thought I was a troll, maybe they thought I was overly angry, whatever-

That literally means nothing to me other than " :( Fucking goddamn it, that means my response will be hidden."

What I am upset about isn't that they blocked me; I'm upset that the conversation was cut short and hidden in all aspects. By that I mean, I don't care I was blocked and hidden; I care that every single user who reblogged either me or SAS's reply was also hidden. Like. Every single tag was. I don't know if that's tumblr's doing, or OPs doing, or what have you, but again -- it doesn't matter.

All I'm saying is "damn, buddy, that sucks."

Three:

They didn't respond to my ask, and I mentioned that in my follow up post to show I tried to reach out genuinely. I didn't want people to think I was posting this without trying to reach out originally. That was all. It was once again me complaining that the conversation was completely cut off, regardless of the reason why it was cut off.

And here's where I'll address the elephant that I see, or at least the first one.

I'm allowed to be however angry I want on my blog, on my posts, and in my life. I'm allowed to shout, curse, and be pissed off. And no, they don't need to engage with it, and no, I don't need to be happy about that fact.

This is a tumblr blog, sir.

I'm not a medical professional or a debater on a stage in front of a podium. I'm a 26 year old trauma survivor who got upset about a fucking severely ableist post. I think I should be allowed to be a bit pissy about it.

Being told so frequently recently that I need to "be nice to convince people" is such whiplash, because less than a year ago, I was that person. I was the person telling everyone to let go of their anger, to be nice to convince the other side, that everyone needs to be polite. I did this so much that I literally was known as the Respectability Politics Syscourser. That was a legitimate label I used. I was told so often that I was a filthy centrist and that I was worse than homophobic bigots because I was trying to get everyone to just be nice to each other. I got fucking harassed for simply posting "Everyone should respect each other" to the syscourse tags.

Is that healthy?

A topic I discuss most frequently with my therapist at the moment is reclaiming anger. I struggle severely with loyalty and fawning, convinced that if I show any negative emotion whatsoever, I'll be hurt and shoved aside and abandoned by those I love. (Ouch). Here's just a few things I've learned in the past year or so:

Anger is the part of you that knows you deserve better.

Anger is a form of self-love.

Anger is a secondary emotion; what emotion lies under it? (This is the one I struggle with the most)

In... Fall of last year (the exact month escapes me), I ended up blowing up due to how long I had kept myself censored and kept myself "polite" for others. Due to how much anger I'd shoved aside and kept under wraps for the benefit of others. Because being angry would "reflect badly" on me and my friends; because it would make what I had to share less accessible to others.

... I'm done with doing that. Therapist's literal orders. In fact, if my therapist had his way, I would not have a system blog, be part of any system servers, or talk to anyone online who has DID, because the fact fucking is, none of you are safe to talk to. It will always be a triggering space. (Thankfully, my therapist also acknowledges that he is a singlet, doesn't know my brain, and that I am my own person who can make my own choices).

If OP of the post decided to make a big huge post blowing up in anger and frustration at how horrible I am, good for them. If you block me out of anger, good for you! I do not care, because I will be happy you are doing what is best for you. I am happy OP did what's best for them.

And equally, upset that a convo about ableism was hidden.

That brings me to:

Four:

Out of all the shit said and reblogged through that little single blip on the syscourse radar (I think around 10 posts out of 20 in that single 24 hours), I do regret posting that ask about OP "doing this often". That one is on me, and tbh, I'm gonna delete it. It was drama, and I do try to avoid that. I hardly added anything to it, and while I know my perspective on why I posted it, I also acknowledge that it'll do literally jack shit to explain why. So I'm just gonna delete it and move on.

But in everything else, I was only lamenting the fact that every response was hidden beyond those agreeing with OP.

I thanked Candlelight (the first user to call it censorship from what I can see) for stating that the responses were all hidden, but moreover, for mentioning that they didn't agree with everything I said. I spoke on that post primarily driven by anger at Lee's ableism. I KNOW it was not a perfect post. That's because I'm not a Perfect Debater(TM).

All I wanted was A DISCUSSION ABOUT ABLEISM!

(Note: This is commonly seen as yelling; for me, via text, I see this as EXTREME EMPHASIS. Sorry it apparently comes across as yelling! I see it as yelling a bit in my mind, but I can see how the TONE is lost in those cases. Right now, my tone is exhausted frustration, but I see no need to ACTUALLY raise my voice at you.)

I think that's the thing that's pissed me off the most. Everyone and their brother wants to either agree or disagree with me about censorship. I have my own thoughts on censorship (it's basically always bad, but there's nuance on all things, is exclusion censorship, etc etc) but those are not relevant because nobody has even fucking addressed the ableism.

The articles -- linked by OP, but who gives a shit at this point -- came off as ableist. I reblogged OP's post because they are the ones who posted the ableist articles to the DID tags. That is how tumblr is used, is it not? And yes, I expressed my anger... at the articles... on the post that had the articles...

And OP hid those critiques for their own reasons... and I lamented that they were hidden... so I made a post about it while explaining the context ('Hey if you're wondering why I'm making this big huge long post AGAIN, OP blocked my response and everyone elses, and yes I have tried to resolve it, but this one's plan B for getting the word out that these articles and ideas are really harmful online')

Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh. You see why this is so hard to keep short, right? I surely hope so. There's a LOT to tackle here, and a lot of emotions, and a lot of different topics/nuances.

FIVE: RAPID FIRE ROUND (With Review!)

I don't care about otherkin spaces or know shit about them. They're triggering for me. Bluh.

I don't blame OP for blocking me.

I don't hate you or want to attack you for this ask, sorry you feel that way.

If someone deletes a reblog, I just assume they made a mistake reblogging it? Do people attack others for this shit?

I nitpicked Lee's response because Lee's response was the most ableist shit I've seen in a bit, and I did that on OP's post because they're the one who posted it.

I didn't agree that DID does not always need trauma? I explicitly said it is always trauma based? I'm so confused about that point.

Is "Ranting" seen as trolling now? I use "rant" to mean "Shit, I went on for a LONG time." It's synonymous with ramble for me.

I don't know how to break it to everyone, but posting online means it is inherently unsafe, and someone may attack you or blow up at you. It's the world wide web. It sucks. (That doesn't mean it's deserved or that I endorse that behavior; it's just... life).

Ugh.

At the end of the day, I just want to be able to have my fucking disorder and scroll tags about my disorder without seeing:

It doesn't need trauma to form

Traumagenic systems are 'obsessed with suffering'

Endogenic systems are 'healthy' forms of plurality (As opposed to DID)

Yknow. Syscourse in general.

And similar shit.

Is that too much to ask??

Anon; I know this doesn't address all of your points. I KNOW I haven't gone point by point like I wanted to. My original draft did that, but I only got halfway before hitting 3k words, and you seemed... really adverse to a long ra- ramble, not rant. Sorry? Ugh.

Just take this, and I hope this topic doesn't come back to me, because I'm kinda done with it entirely at this rate.