#//Clearer voices and images in his memories he can grudge against; means less likely to forget them as they were | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

intcrastra · 3 months ago

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While Jing Yuan does hold Dan Feng and Yingxing so fondly in his heart, and will say it as such ( and truly DOES feel that way ), he also bears a heavy resentment against them both at the very same time. For leaving him, just as Baiheng and Jingliu did. For not asking him to come with them and partake in their plan, keeping him in the dark and ultimately leaving him alone to pick up the pieces of his heart after each and every loss.

He loves them dearly even now, but will never forgive them this.

#hc; jing yuan #//He would never act on it nor EVER want to admit it to Dan Heng in particular #//Esp when the man declared himself to be a different person to Dan Feng #//Jing Yuan respects that and has taken to remembering such; even with how hard it was to accept #//Part of why he is so unwilling to let go of those feelings are bc it helps keep them in his mind longer #//Clearer voices and images in his memories he can grudge against; means less likely to forget them as they were #//And he’ll be DAMNED before he lets either go #//His love and adoration for them will never waver nor change #//He holds a torch for them both; even now. even with how he feels regarding the Incident #//But even with that; he still carries a certain bitterness abt it all #//He was very angry in his grief immediately after the last time he saw Dan Feng. kept it together until that point #//Then just Shattered when he had a moment to himself. and subsequently forced himself to pull it together to keep going #//The resentment helped loads; up until talks with certain others and a certain young lad came into his life #//Then it was their support and the positive feelings they brought him through bittersweet nostalgia that really helped him most #//Still; even that is not enough to diminish the more negative feelings he does hold; not Entirely #//To this day; he’ll still find himself questioning DF&YX’s motives; if things could have been different if he’d been there. If he could ha #saved or ultimately died w them. Sometimes drives himself mad w the possibilities yet will never stop poking at the ache #//Bc that is the last thing they ever gave him—how could he think of casting it away so easily?#//Or smth; may come back and edit this jdbfnw #//It takes the right person to ever get it out of him; and even then it takes trust and prodding to make him admit it #//Once he does though; he can work to get over it and set that part of him at ease

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