#//But people he himself has chosen to be around that he's fallen for; THOSE he frets abt most often. The last thing he needs is to make the

[dutybcrne]

Ayato seldom moves to pursue the subject of his affection for one of two reasons, 1) He fears his status would mean they'd feel pressured to simply accept his feelings, and 2) He feels showing his feelings for them creates a possibility they could be endangered by it should others somehow find out or begin to speculate.

[pochipop]

＃ALICE IN BORDERLAND !! ♡ — THERE'S NO HELL IN WHAT I'VE FOUND (CHISHIYA X READER).

#. synopsis! — chishiya has fallen in way too goddamn deep .

#. characters! — chishiya .

#. warnings! — brief mentions of canon-typical gore, slight angst .

#. word count! — 1.2k .

#. alt accounts! — @ddollipop (nsfw) @yyolkchi (reblog/spam) .

#. others! — navigation & masterlist .

#. a/n! — i have not finished season 2 yet, but i wrote this all in one sitting after seeing the first two episodes + falling for this silly man all over again lolol. i might branch out + write more for this fandom (but i will never write for niragi, so just a heads up on that!)

It really did just have to come to this, didn’t it?

Chishiya is a lot of things, but stupid isn’t one of them. He knows that when it comes to surviving in a place like this, there are times when you have to sacrifice others and be willing to carry that burden for the rest of your life. There is no easy way out. Either you die and go on to whatever happens next, —if anything happens at all— or you push others to the wayside in lieu of saving yourself, preserving your own survival, and you live to see the monster you inevitably become. 

And call him crazy, but Chishiya was okay with becoming a monster if it meant he could save himself. Hell, he’d done so much of the work from the shadows that it would hardly be fair to let him of all people meet his tragic end here.

But you just couldn’t help yourself. You had to crawl under his skin, —make him care about you, make him fall so hard that he was left to question whose survival mattered more. When it came down to the wire. . .

He’d have chosen you.

That’s the scariest realization of all, he muses. These games, all the gunfire, all the explosions, all the fatal electric shocks. . . They paled in comparison to the realization that his biggest fear wasn’t his own demise anymore. It was yours.

As the game comes to a close and those of you left standing slowly reacclimate to the best state of normalcy one can muster up given the circumstances, he hates that his first instinct is to slip away, knowing you’ll find him soon enough. He may have been foolish enough to catch feelings, but he wasn’t so dumb that he’d show such a weakness around anyone else. Though he’s sure the likes of Kuina or Arisu have long since caught on, —he won’t be the one to confirm a damn thing, and he expects that you’ll keep your mouth shut about it as well. It’ll be a worse liability than it already is if word gets out to the wrong people.

Chishiya slips away before anyone has the chance to acknowledge his presence, leaving his absence unaccounted for by everyone but you. Of course, you noticed him sneaking away, parting from the group like a snake in the grass. . . You’ve always been a little too perceptive for your own good.

Fatigue claws at you like a famished predator, weighing your body down a great deal. You smell of sweat and the blood of the young girl next to you who hadn’t been quite so lucky. Still, you will your body forward and follow in Chishiya’s footsteps after lingering for just long enough to throw suspicion off your trail. While you certainly aren’t a master of manipulation, —you are clever in a way that even someone like Chishiya has to respect. You know how to take care of yourself, even in a twisted world like this.

He wishes knowing that gave him any kind of peace, but he’s afraid he’s reached the point of no return. It’s not that he doesn’t believe you can survive just about any of these games on your own. . . It’s that even if he does, the worry lingers just because it’s you. 

Fuck. 

He really can’t believe he’s done this to himself. It’s so untimely, so completely and utterly ridiculous, —so much so that he convinces himself his mind is just playing tricks on him sometimes until you fall into place at his side again and all such thoughts are forced out the window from his vice-like grip. 

“Ugh,” you grumble, arm tucked below your chest as you cradle your own torso, “there you are.”

Chishiya offers you little more than a sidelong glance before returning his stoic gaze to the skyline. The sun sets as you bring yourself closer to him, keeping a comfortable distance. It ends up just like this far too often, and Chishiya frowns at the thought of closing the barely-there gap, brushing his shoulder against yours. Maybe later in the night when the lethargy really starts to hit him and his inhibitions lower ever so slightly, he’ll let himself fall apart just enough to hold you for whatever time of fleeting hours remains. That way, he can blame it on the fatigue, on the cold, on the temptation of sleeping next to a warm body.

It’s not because it’s you, it’s just because you’re there.

And maybe if that were the case, Chishiya wouldn’t be quite this frustrated.

“Surprised it took you so long to find me,” he says finally, keeping his eyes straight ahead. “You’ve been getting slower about it.” 

“Oh, well excuse me for not rushing after you like a lion on a gazelle,” you answer sarcastically. “Not like my lungs almost gave out down there or anything.” 

He doesn’t say it, —but he’d trade his breath for yours if it meant you could reach him faster. 

“That one wasn’t so bad,” he shrugs. “We’ve both been through worse.”

His worst is just beginning, it seems. You close the gap yourself, resting part of your weight against him, and he feels his heart flip itself into a tailspin. For the first time in so long, Chishiya isn’t sure where to go from here. He’s trapped inside these feelings and they’re inching closer to swallowing him whole by the second. They run so deep he might as well be drowning in them.

“Easy for us to say, I guess,” you mumble. “We’re alive. Most people who end up here aren’t that lucky.”

“True enough,” he acknowledges softly, making no move to push you away.

He never does. 

You stand in silence with him for a while, watching as the sky turns dark and the bright colors of the setting sun are swallowed up by a deep, velvety navy. There’re no stars to be seen, nothing for you to wish on. . . It’s a little childish, but any sliver of normalcy you can manage here, you’ll take with open arms. That’s why you let your feelings for Chishiya blossom freely, refusing to stifle your heart’s desires for the sake of some stupid game of life and death.

If I die right now, I’d rather do it with you than be alone. 

Chishiya wishes you’d never said those words to him, —not because he doesn’t reciprocate, but because they resonated much too wholly for comfort. If he can help it, he won’t be going out in a place like this. But more than that, he can’t imagine letting your flame be snuffed out without a ravenous fight.

Silence reigns once again. It’s a characteristic feature of your gentler moments with Chishiya that are few and far between, but when they happen, you like to think you cherish them the best way you know how. Beyond that, you also like to think Chishiya finds even the slightest sliver of peace with you. 

He doesn’t confirm or deny anything of the sort, but you wager that’s a flimsy yes at the very least when the tension in his shoulders melds away and his head rests gently against your own.

You can’t make any promises about tomorrow, —but for now, things are okay. And if that’s the best you’ll get here, then so be it.

[levitatingbiscuits]

i think it's kind of insulting to anakin as a character when people pose him as a perpetual victim of everyone around him instead of a very powerful, very intelligent man who was responsible for his own actions.

i've noticed that a lot of diehard "anakin did nothing wrong" people very deliberately try to erase his agency and portray him as much less intelligent and capable than he actually is. the thing is, we know that's not the case! anakin was incredibly intelligent and successful and admired long before he became vader. he had a deep understanding of jedi philosophy, even if he was unwilling to apply it. we know this, not just from his explanations to padme and ahsoka about what jedi do and why, but from how good he is at killing jedi. anakin could hunt them down better than anyone else in the empire because HE USED TO BE ONE and he could predict exactly how they would behave based on their worldview, ethics, way of life, etc. he just didn't want to behave that way himself. he is the most dangerous person in the galaxy not just because he's powerful, but because he's SMART and he knows his enemy. he might have anger issues, but he's also very calculating and a "cunning warrior." the only one who could send him into a blind rage was obi-wan, but he learned from that and shaped his fury into a weapon he could use to devastating effect. vader was able to kill obi-wan because he learned from his mistakes; he was able to manipulate luke into almost falling multiple times. anakin in the OT is a man who has spent two decades honing his craft as a highly successful, extremely powerful sith. he is in control of himself and his actions, and that's why he's such a formidable villain.

so it kind of rubs me the wrong way when people say that he was always a fragile mess that the jedi order fucked up, or that he was palpatine's helpless puppet. i don't think anakin was traumatized by having occasional disagreements with the council. if that were the case, qui-gon and obi-wan would have both fallen long before he did. anakin was a powerful force user who disagreed with the council and vocalized it, not a bullying victim. i don't think obi-wan is responsible for all his choices, because that implies anakin traded being watto's slave in favor of being obi-wan's, when the whole point is that he chose to become a jedi as an assertion of his own freedom and personhood. palpatine might have thought that anakin was his attack dog, but anakin PROVED HIM WRONG and once again destroyed his chains by defying sidious in favor of love and compassion. his story ends with him embracing the jedi way, saving his son, and being reunited with his old teachers in the Force.

anakin chose to die as a jedi, just like he had once chosen to live as a sith. the power to make those choices was always HIS, not the council's or obi-wan's or palpatine's, because his story and the galaxy at large were always shaped, ultimately, by his choices.

[coffeesugarandsand]

Middle of the road

Damon is depressed and overdramatic <3

-Angst and fluff -Damon Salvatore x Reader -Might turn this into a series

Damon had fallen on his face many times, it's hard not to when the only family you have left hates you, even more so when that family is your own brother.

Tonight was one of the worst blowouts he and Stefan have had in a while. It was about Elena, it was always about Elena. Bunny Blood isnt satisfying Stefan's hunger anymore, but of course, Stefan won't listen to anything Damon has to say because keeping the Rabbit diet is safer for Elena. In other words, Stefan doesn't want to end up like the selfish and arrogant Vampire that Damon is, the one that Elena hates.

So now here Damon is on a Friday night quite literally falling on his face as he's basically blackout drunk on alcohol and blood, walking down the middle of the road. At one point he lies down in the middle of the road, mind to dizzy to keep walking.

"Damon?" A familiar voice calls out to him. Elena's younger sister, Y/N Gilbert. "Middle Gilbert? What are you doing out here, hasn't your sister warned you about the vampires? They're dangerous y'know." Damon slurs, his eyes closed.

"Damon, are you drunk... Why do you have blood all over you?" Y/N leans over Damon. "Dont worry I didn't go on a spree, it's only blood bags, o-" Damon slurs out as he finally opens his eyes and looks up at Y/N.

"I wasn't worried, why are you out here like this?" Y/N brushes his hair out of his eyes as she tries to stand him up. "Fight with Stefan" Damon sighs out, complying with her efforts to stand him up. He stumbles before he swings his arm around Y/N's shoulders.

He laughs before looking at you confused "Wait, why are you out here again, Middle Gilbert?" He says, trying to balance himself on his own, and failing miserably. Y/N grabs his shoulder "I was at your house actually. Everyone is freaking out about Klaus and I needed some air." "Air is good, I like air."

"Me too" Y/N laughs at him.

Y/N looks around for somewhere to sober Damon up, deciding his house isn't the best option considering how many people are there. Y/N leads Damon to her house and into her room, dropping him onto the bed. "If you wanted me in your bed, you could've just asked" Damon hums shutting his eyes again. I roll my eyes and go get a wet rag to wipe Damon off making sure to grab a hoodie and sweats from Jeremy's closet.

"Roll over lemme wipe your face" Damon groans as he rolls over, but puts on his usual arrogant smirk when he sees her. "Gonna give me a sponge bath?" He grins wider. "Shut up" I slap his arm before wiping his face. I look down gently wiping his face, occasionally forcing Damon to drink some water.

As he sobers up Damon starts to become more aware of his surroundings and his current state. "Fuck..." "Sober now? talk to me."

"Stefan chose Elena over me, which isnt unusual but I'm just...tired of it y'know. Everyone has chosen anyone except me for over 100 years" Damon expresses, while trying to mask his emotions.

I run my hands through his hair trying to calm him down, trying to prevent him from getting himself worked up again.

"I understand...well not the over 100 years part but being everyone's second choice, Elena is everyones favorite, the golden child, and before my parents died Jeremy was their baby. I just fell under the radar" We sit in silence for a minute, with the fact that both of us had such messed up lives, and complicated feelings.

"We have each other"

"Yeah we do"

For those who asked https://buymeacoffee.com/nutmegs12

[eldritch-spouse]

How many people could Siadar! Vesper fit into his slit? Imagine he could fit a dozen in there and they would have orgies in there.

TW: Is... Is this slitvore?? Did I invent a new kind of vore?

Here's the thing! Siadar Vesper has two slits.

Both of them essentially lead to the same location with the same organs, but they're there. Given his size and the varied natural limits of a siadar's anatomy, Vesper would be able to stuff a mildly alarming number of humans within his slits.

He's gentle as he guides his lessers into those warm and wet cavities, nudging the more hesitant ones- Not that those are many, given the intoxicating, cloying scent of Vesper's arousal would just about make you want to roll around in there like a dog.

It's intensely stimulating for Vesper to feel lessers walking, crawling or simply leaning into certain sections of his walls, hearing the vibrations of wanton moans as the creations he most loves perform acts of intimacy within him- In the sanctum of his loving form! Sometimes he can't help it, and he fingers himself along with the sensations, taking care not to push anyone who stands too close to his entrances.

Reach far enough within Vesper's slit and you'll find his cocks, already likely engorged and throbbing hard enough to send pulses through his own walls and jostle some people. He's making a great effort to not just let them slide out and turn an orgy into a disaster. His hips move without his command as soon as his chosen begin playing with their higher's needy lengths, and Vesper nearly squishes some people from how hard his walls clench.

Of course, by now, you're all prepared to move somewhat out of the way when it feels as if he's close to orgasm, because those jets of cum do absolutely have the capacity to drown people if not handled carefully. Many have fallen out of his slit unconscious or in the midst of drowning due to not taking heed.

It's always a bit of a gamble however. Because sometimes Siadar Vesper feels as if he shouldn't let his lessers leave just yet. They should remain within him, where it is safe, where it is pleasurable, where they may always worship him...

[marvelstars]

TPM

The phantom menace movie is so important not just because of Palpatine´s conspirations but because it shows exactly what were the systemic failures that allowed for Palpatine to get so much power, it´s very important for the plot of the prequels even if it wasn´t appreciated at the time.

Queen Amidala appeals to the laws of the republic to help free her world from an illegal invasion and the only answer she gets is that they will discuss it in a comitte because they are not even sure she is telling the truth while at the same time the Federation is putting her people in camps. This leads to her accepting Palpatine´s counsel to nominate him to become Chancellor and use what little power she has on the Senate as a Planetary leader to call for a vote of no confidence on Valorum, who was actually the only one who helped her by sending the Jedi because he was totally unable to help her in his own arena of the Senate. He only could help her going behind the system not using the system.

The Senate could have chosen to listen to Padme and help Naboo, they didn´t, it was a mid rim world of little importance to core worlds so their problems were added to the agenda for when they could have time.

Fans forget Anakin wasn´t in canon the only one who criticized the republican system, Queen Amidala goes back to her planet telling Palpatine she hopes he can do something to bring back sense into the republic because it was failing.

This is central to the plot.

This scene is connected to Anakin being rejected by the Jedi Order not because he wasn´t skilled enough or because there was something bad with his character, it was because of his age and because he worried about his mother, a slave living in a world run by slavers with a bomb inside her body that could go off at any point in time.

Anakin´s fears for his mother were not irrational, they were logical and understable, the Jedi could have still rejected Anakin and help free his mother if only in thanks for services done in favor of the Order by giving asylum to a Jedi Master during one of his missions if doing the right thing wasn´t enough motivation.

The Jedi Order choose to ignore Shmi´s situation and accept Anakin only after he showed the magnitude of his skills in the force, not because of the good he did for Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan and Naboo without expecting anything back, Anakin did it because it was the right thing to do but this clearly wasn´t the reason why he was accepted as a Jedi, bad beggining for a difficult training with a child who was a former slave with the scars to show it and then the Council agreed to send him to someone without any previous experience as a master, as a favor for a knight and in honor of one of their fallen comrades not because he was the best possible teacher for a future Jedi.

Neither Anakin or Shmi fate were of importance to the Jedi which also lead to them allowing Palpatine to tutor Anakin since he was a child, because what does it matter? Anakin is the outsider, he needs to fit himself into the Jedi Order´s mold, not the other way around.

Would they have been so careless with other padawans of their order, letting them be teached by a politician who pressured them to allow confidencial contact with them? or this kind of negligence was just part of Anakin´s particular situation?, I hope for the good of those padawans this isn´t the case with them and even if it isn´t, they are still treating Anakin differently, just in a negative manner.

Those two plot points are the direct link to ROTS but they are often ignored by the fandom, a shame because this is point a that leads to point b and c, AOTC and ROTS.

The fight, the battle of the fates, was fought in TMP and the Republic and the Jedi Order lost it, they just didn´t realize it at the time.

[subway-boss-jericho]

Queuing posts for most of my AUs! Check out this Masterpost! ᵈᶦˢᶜˡᵃᶦᵐᵉʳ ⁻ ᵖˡᵉᵃˢᵉ ᵈᵒⁿ'ᵗ ᶜᵒᵐᵐᵉⁿᵗ ᵃᵇᵒᵘᵗ ᵗʰᵉᶦʳ ᶦᶜᵒⁿᶦᶜ ᵏⁿᶦᶠᵉ ᵇᵃⁿᵍˢ! ᴵ ˡᵉᶠᵗ ᵗʰᵉᵐ ᵒᶠᶠ ᵒᶠ ᵗʰᶦˢ ʳᵉᶠᵉʳᵉⁿᶜᵉ ᵗᵒ ᵏᵉᵉᵖ ᵗʰᵉᶦʳ ᶠᵃᶜᵉˢ ᶠᵘˡˡʸ ᵛᶦˢᶦᵇˡᵉ.

The Spirit Keeper

-Premise- I am going to try so. hard. to summarize. (TW: Side character death(s)) When the sky turns red, all of Hisui falls into anarchy and chaos. The hero that Sinnoh sent to protect them was banished from Jubilife and never seen again- Whisked back to the present, to spare them from the calamity to follow.

Amidst the destruction caused by the worsening space-time distortions, after the deaths of too many to count, Ingo finds himself praying to a god that wasn't his atop the Shrouded Ruins that overlook the now erased Diamond Clan encampment. He offers a plea to Sinnoh, of Pearl, Diamond, both or neither, if there is anything they can do to prevent this tragedy from wiping the region away.

Sinnoh is displeased with the fighting of the clans, of the hostility between factions, and the cold betrayal of the hero it had chosen. It will not simply wipe the slate clean, after the callous actions of the Hisuian people- After their rejection of its help. However, Ingo is a brave and compassionate soul. In this moment and throughout his time in Hisui, he has never displayed these spiteful behaviors.

In exchange for a duty, those lost will be revived, that broken can be rebuilt, and this region can turn a new leaf. The stones around him bear representation of his new duty. He must collect them from all across the region- Any soul he is able to secure, protect from the distortions that would eradicate them, will be given a second chance once the calamity passes. The final condition is that, once those souls meet their second death, he must seek them out to contain them again. A punishment, a time to reflect on their actions. Once Sinnoh deems it enough, then they will be released to the afterlife and Ingo will be released from this duty.

Ingo agrees to all of these terms. And so he seeks out the souls of the fallen- Unceasingly and desperately saving every single person, and with the combined power of their lives he withstands the shattering sky.

They are reincarnated. They rebuild. The nobles have fallen, and there is much damage to undo. They may live their lives once again.

But when they fall, Ingo will return. He will collect them, and he will keep them. He will fulfill the full breadth of his agreement- No matter how many centuries pass.

-Noteworthy Points- Yes. That was me summarizing. This story is so complicated and has so many layers please understand.

Ingo is functionally a Spiritomb, Ghost and Dark type, with the combined life force of 442 souls. This makes him functionally immortal, with a supernaturally fast healing capacity and a very difficult-to-contain level of power. He can hear the thoughts of all 442 people and often manifests them in the form of little green soul orbs. Not all of them are happy with this arrangement, but some people get used to it faster than others. They are fully aware, under no strain, and are not hurt. Essentially, forcibly travelling with Ingo is their sort of limbo- It's not all bad.

Ingo unfortunately cannot say the same, it is extremely rough to be the container for so many lives and still keep oneself sane. His willpower is overwhelming, and it's the only reason Sinnoh made this 'deal' to begin with- Because it knew Ingo would be the only one capable of this sort of thing without bias or prejudice. The calamity is solved, Hisui is preserved, the people get a reasonable amount of mercy (then comeuppance,) and Ingo can be- slowly -returned to his own time period. It is not easy burden, but it will be borne. Now, all that's left is to wait.

(Forgot to mention, the reference on the far right- Spirit Farer Emmet -is a sort of branch in the timeline. It's not the canon way the AU goes, but a friend made it up and I liked it enough to keep it :> The concept is that Emmet also makes a deal with Arceus and basically helps ferry Ingo's many souls over to the afterlife, thus releasing him from his duty. Won't elaborate more, this post is already like 4x the length of all the others.)

If it wasn't obvious, this is one of my favorite main AUs and also one of the oldest

-Links- Artwork - Commission by Fronomeeps Artwork - Fanart by Pixelga1axy Artwork - Fanart by Rudeboimonster Short Comic - Being haunted by yourself

[schrijverr]

Wake Me Up Before You Go 6

Chapter 6 out of 6

5 times Buck falls asleep on someone + 1 time he wakes up by himself

On AO3.

Ships: none

Warnings: none

~~~

+1. Maddie

Other than Eddie and Hen, no one pays specific attention to Buck and his sleeping habits – save that naps are frequent.

However, Eddie and Hen both note how Buck doesn’t fall asleep on people often, though it’s been happening more here and there. Sometimes he sleeps in the engine now or during long shifts. They don’t know why, but it doesn’t seem like a thing worth pointing out. It’s not as comfortable to sleep on someone as some make it out to be, Buck can just be prioritizing his own comfort. Though, that doesn’t seem very Buck like with how affectionate he is.

It’s not until the party they have to welcome Karen back to being healthy that it gets explained and others notice it too.

Buck is later, having stayed to work overtime during their latest shift after someone from the B shift had a last minute family emergency and couldn’t come till later. He is still making it to the celebration, but it’s later than the others and straight off a shift.

Despite his exhausting day, he arrives filled with smiles. He hugs everyone hello, stuffs his face as he compliments the food, then runs around with the kids. They can all see the rings under his eyes, but valiantly partakes in all the celebrations regardless.

It’s not until they kids have retreated inside to play video games and the evening is starting to wind down that he collapses on the garden seat next to Maddie. He dramatically drapes himself over her as he groans.

“Dramaqueen,” Maddie ribs him fondly, pushing him slightly, but not enough to actually move him.

Buck, like an adult, sticks his tongue out at her.

Maddie rolls her eyes in turn, but her fingers start carding through his hair as she resumes the conversation she was having with Athena. Soon the exhaustion finally claims him and Buck falls asleep.

As the evening winds down further, it gets colder and people start to move inside. None of them want to wake Buck, so Hen gets a blanket and Maddie maneuvers herself out from under him, before tucking him in, leaving him to sleep as she joins the others inside.

They’re all having a good time when the door swings open, revealing a sleep ruffled and slightly panicked Buck. Out of breath he says: “Maddie’s gone. She left.”

People are taken aback for a moment, unsure where this is coming from, figuring he probably had a nightmare of sorts. Chimney is about to tell him that Maddie has gone to the toilet, not up and left them, when Buck continues ranting.

“She was just there, I saw her. I- I never should’ve fallen asleep. God, I’m such an idiot. If I had just stayed awake-”

“Buck,” Bobby manages to cut him off, making a soothing calm down gesture with his hands.

“What!” Buck snaps.

“Maddie is fine, she’s in the bathroom. She isn’t gone,” Bobby tells him calmly and gently.

Immediately Buck deflates, face flushing as he realized what just happened. He sheepishly rubs the back of his head as says: “I’m sorry. Brain is still catching up. I just remember falling asleep on her, kinda freaked when she wasn’t there when I woke up. My bad.”

When he says that, the others remember the few times Buck fell asleep on him, the odd reaction to them being there when he woke up… as if he expected them to be gone, to have left him.

Now that they think back on his behavior, how careful he is not to fall asleep on anyone, they can guess it’s a fear he has, or something that leaves him anxious at least. Those times he did fall asleep on any of them both spoke to his exhaustion and his trust in them. It is an honor to be chosen by Buck like that and all are grateful for not leaving him in those moments.

However, this isn’t the moment to make a big deal out of it. Buck looks embarrassed and uncomfortable, wanting the whole thing to be over.

So, Athena gets up and says: “Well, let’s get you some tea so you can relax again. We’re discussing Karen’s new office in the redesign of the building.”

“Oeh,” Buck exclaims, gratefully grabbing the new topic of conversation, “are they letting you have a say in it?”

And with that they leave it behind them, but if after they tug Buck towards them when he’s sleepy and stay there the whole time, that’s no one’s business but their own. And when Buck starts falling asleep on them more and more, no one comments on it.

[thecubspeaks]

[Gale/Shadowheart, because my boss is randomly not in today]

The water laps softly against the dilapidated dock and Shadowheart beckons him over. The others are discussing plans, swapping gear, the air heavy with an inexplicable certainty that this is a point of no return. Gale sends her a silent, questioning look, but approaches, tucking themselves just far enough from the others that they can speak quietly and not be overheard.

Shadowheart just looks at him a moment, green eyes solemn, her pale hair bright even in this dim underground light. She reaches out and lays a hand on his chest, over the orb. Automatically, he lays his hand on top of hers.

“She never took it away.” Her voice is very, very quiet.

“The orb? I’ve explained, she will once I–”

“The spell. The charm Elminster brought you. To detonate it, should you need to. She still wants you to be able to do it.”

Gale can’t speak for a moment. But such moments never last, for him. He forces out a laugh. “I could hardly bring her the crown in that case.”

“Then why didn’t she take back the spell?”

It isn’t like that, he wants to protest. Shadowheart has seen the worst of a goddess’s vindictiveness, and– well, yes, at times Gale has felt that he has, too. But Mystra has forgiven him, or at least begun to. He has promised his way back into her grace, and she will cure him. This is the beginning now.

But none of that actually answers Shadowheart’s question.

Shadowheart clenches her fist in his robes. She, of course, knows all too well what it means in those vanishingly rare moments when even he cannot supply something to say. She is one of the only people– perhaps the only person– with whom he feels he can be silent. But this is not the easy silence that settles on them when they sit together in the early mornings, she in prayer and he in study, or at the end of a long day when they have both tapped the very depth of their magical ability and just sit, slumped together on his bedroll or hers after everyone else has gone to sleep.

When Gale can’t break it, Shadowheart does.

“You can’t. You have to promise.”

He tightens his hand around hers. “I can’t promise that.”

“You have to.” She squeezes her eyes shut. The first time he saw her cry was only a tenday ago, when he held her in front of a crumbling statue of Selune and felt his eloquence fail him once again as he tried to reassure her that she had freed her parents– that she had done the right thing. He can hear the threat of tears now, but they haven’t fallen. “I can’t… I won’t let you.”

“We cannot know what we will find when we reach the brain,” Gale says. It feels like something inside of him is crumbling apart. The newborn confidence, perhaps, that all could go back to the way it had been. That he could be himself, Mystra’s Chosen, once more, and the rest– the orb, the demand she made– could somehow be forgotten. That he could unknow what he has learned about the whims and will of gods. “If it comes to a choice between me or the entire world…”

Her eyes flash open, and she pins him with a look of fierce determination he hasn’t seen in a long time– perhaps even since the Shadowfell, since Shar spat her out a crumpled heap on the ground, looking like something inside of her had broken for good.

“I choose you. I choose to believe in you, in us.” Her gaze softens slightly, but there is still a stubborn set to her jaw. “If this is the end, my love, then it’s the end for both of us. But I have had enough of loss.”

“I don’t want to die,” he whispers, his own voice growing rough. “I don’t want to leave you.”

“Then promise, you idiot,” she says. “Now is not the time to suddenly discover humility. There will be another way, and you will find it. So promise.”

He laughs and bends to kiss her, heedless if the others see– and for once, she seems to be, too. But they’re either too distracted, or uncharacteristically decide not to comment. She holds him tight, too tight, and then lets go. Tears shine in her eyes, but they still don’t fall.

“Let’s go,” she says.

“Let’s go,” he agrees. “To victory, my love.”

[villainessprefect]

~Tell It to My Heart~

title: Colors of an Apple

Prompt #8: Dancing together while one person falls, the other lands on top of them and the fallen one laughs. The other confesses.

Epel x gn!reader

Read on AO3

Pomefiore's ballroom is a grand yet private stage. It can hold many students although its magnificence shines when smaller groups are present. There's more room and more freedom for those to practice when a crowd isn't present. And it feels more personal when it's just two.

Like you and Epel, for example.

While you are no stranger to the dorm or this room, it feels different without the SDC group. Even if the competition has long passed, you have hardly stepped foot in here since then. With your role as the manager over, so was your time in this part of the dorm. You nearly forgot how imposing it felt just to stand in here.

"Sorry for draggin' ya out here," Epel lets out a huff.

"It's okay. We were supposed to hang out today anyway," you reassure him. You tilt your head to watch as he fiddles with the speakers.

"I know, but we coulda been doing somethin' better."

For a moment, he considers just leaving and escaping this damned dorm on a blastcycle. As simple as that may sound, it's not. With Rook keeping an all-knowing eye on him, breaking free would be impossible. So, he has no choice but to bend to Vil's whims and do as he commands.

This week, the housewarden seemed intense on getting Epel back into dancing. Something about posture and keeping up appearances and knowing the basics so he doesn't make a fool of himself or whatever. All the first year knows is that he has to learn the waltz and show his skills off to Vil before being granted some freedom. Or move onto the next course of beautiful torture that Epel can't wrap his head around.

Surprisingly, Vil grants him a choice of partner. He does have duties to attend to, so he allows Epel to choose someone to practice with while he's out. Of course, he expects the best from both him and his chosen partner, but that's something he leaves out, more so because he knows that you would give it your all regardless of Vil's watchful eyes or not.

You were his first and only choice for a partner. He couldn't tell if it was due to the burning feeling in his chest or the fact that you were one of the only decent people in this school. Sure, you're a little odd, but he knows that he can trust you. You wouldn't make fun of him for being forced to learn a cliche dance nor run to his housewarden if he tried to run off. If he slipped into his real self, you wouldn't laugh at him either. You're definitely strange but in a welcoming way.

Crystal blue eyes glance your way. His gaze lingers on you as you begin to stretch. While you may not have been on stage for the SDC, the warmups were drilled into your head just like the rest.

Maybe dancing wouldn't be so bad after all. He does get to be with you, dance with you. He does have to kinda teach you too, but today is just the basics. It's easy enough and he won't bark at you as Vil does to him.

"Alright. The song is going to be on loop so we can just keep on going. Pick up wherever we leave off and all that."

He doesn't sound enthusiastic and his lack of excitement doesn't fit with the music that begins to fill the room. Yet, it still pushes him towards you. Epel takes your right hand with his left. His right hand is placed against your back and you put your left hand on his shoulder. Space is kept in between you both and he can't tell if that's a good or bad thing.

"I'm ready whenever you are," you chirp, unlike him you're filled with zest. Perhaps it's a little infectious. He can feel his heart begin to drum against his chest. He can't back out now and look like a shy, dainty little thing. Even if this is some prissy and proper dance, he'll commit to it.

Epel takes in a breath and recalls what Vil has taught him. He repeats it to you, although in a less wordy way. He instructs you on the steps and how it's one foot first and then the other until you get the hang of it. You have to move in a 'box' for this dance.

Starting off is relatively easy. One step. Pause. Another step. Pause. Repeat. You pick up on it fairly quickly and he's glad. This lesson won't be taking all afternoon at this rate!

There's just one thing that irks him a little. And that's your height. It doesn't normally bother him and you're not that much taller, but when it comes to this, he feels inadequate. If he's supposed to be the lead and does cool things with you, how can he when he's shorter than you? If he swings you around or does some fancy dip, can he even hold you? Would you even trust a small, weak thing like him?

He hates that feeling bubbling in his chest. He wants to be cool for you. And he wants to ignore the voice of his housewarden scolding him in his mind for getting wrapped up in roles again. He just wants to be manly, damn it.

Those seething feelings begin to pile up more and more. The repetitive movements aren't helping with his growing temper. If only this was more exciting, more fun.

Epel is about to ask if you're enjoying this or if you're bored like him, but he doesn't need to when he catches your eyes. They sparkle with such determination that it's hard to believe that these lessons were for him and not you. You're lost in the dance, muttering out the timing to help as you continue to move. While you have a lovely gaze, Epel wants to see it break into something better.

"Wana go a bit faster?"

"Huh?"

Epel sneers, his true colors showing as he frees himself from his quiet persona. His grip on you tightens, he closes the gap between you both and quickens the pace. The tempo is lost, but he doesn't care. Now you're both dancing outside of the box and going at a racing pace. He likes that you can keep up with him and the fact that you're smiling and trying to hold back a laugh.

Now comes the cool part.

The videos make it look so easy and he's certain that he can pull it off. If he can, then he can rub it in Vil's face after impressing you. All he has to do is dip you, hold you steady, and let you bask in his glory.

Unfortunately, that does not happen. Lost in his hype, he takes a misstep. His feet collide and he does dip you, just a little too much and unintentionally. A squeak escapes from you and your hold tightens. Epel does his best to save you before you fall, but instead, you bring him down with you.

Colliding with the ground isn't pleasant nor is the extra weight pressing down on you. You wince and groan in pain. You're pretty sure nothing too serious was injured, maybe a little bruise, but nothing major. As you try to shake off the pain, you look to Epel. He's hovering over you, hands resting beside your shoulders almost as if he were pinning you down.

"Are you okay?" He asks.

You blink and stare up at him. Somehow, in the depths of your mind, you find this scene quite funny. The entirety that led up to it too. It just felt so...natural. Just like Epel to do this. Even more so with the weird mix of worry and sparkle that shone in his eyes. He finally had fun even if it all ended up like this.

So, you laugh.

And as you laugh, Epel is caught off guard. The sound of your voice echoing throughout the room wasn't something he expected to hear today. It's charming and makes his heart beat even faster. He's always loved the sound of it and knowing he was the cause makes him proud.

While he's not one to dwell in the spirit of his dorm, at this moment he'd say that you're the most beautiful thing in this world. Your smile, your laughter, your everything.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Sorry about that." Your laughter dies down but giggles still linger. It disappears once your eyes meet with his. And as you try to catch your breath, you find it to be stolen away. Lips press onto yours with the taste of apples. He doesn't keep your breath for long though.

"You're really beautiful," he mumbles, cheeks burning. He does his best to keep a confident stare on you but even you can tell that he's nervous.

"Th-Thank you," you gulp, unsure of what to do now. Your heart is racing a mile a minute, your mind is unable to process what's going on. So much has happened and it's hard to believe this isn't a dream. "Do you...want to keep dancing? Or..."

"I'd rather just see ya smile again." And perhaps steal another kiss too. At this rate, he might just do it again.

[brightwanderer]

A phoenixflare idea I may or may not explore in fic at some point: Joshua falls first.

By, oh, give or take 20 years or so.

It’s hero-worship when they meet as children. Joshua is painfully aware that Clive is the one the Phoenix should have chosen, while he’s a frail pile of embers terrified he can’t live up to expectations. Dion, meanwhile, is the strong, brave, perfect heir, who bears Bahamut’s strength so easily, so chivalrous and noble. Everything Clive should have had, everything Joshua wishes he could be - and yet beneath it all, the compelling hint of a loneliness and uncertainty Joshua knows well.

Then, Phoenix Gate. Joshua loses everything. He spends his adolescence being raised in secret and shuffled around by a cult that worships him as something close to a god. Even his closest companion cannot treat him as an equal. I’m sure he’s lonely, and as he learns more of Ultima, I’m sure he longs for someone else to share the burden.

Imagine Joshua drinking in every story he hears of Dion the Bold. Maybe he daydreams about the handsome prince sweeping in to take him away from this stressful, secretive life. Maybe he imagines them joining forces to save the world. Maybe as he gets older, other thoughts creep in, fuelled by everything he hears about how handsome Prince Dion is as an adult.

(Maybe he hears rumours that the prince does not care for women, and maybe it makes his heart flutter with ridiculous hope.)

(Maybe he also has some fairly intense thoughts about what a man with a body like Dion’s could do to him in, on, or anywhere near a bed, but let’s keep this relatively PG.)

Imagine Joshua nursing this crush for years, for more than a decade. Clinging to it like a long-lost keepsake, finding it changes with him as he grows: from something innocent to something heated to something complicated and deep.

Because when he’s old enough and strong enough to travel on his own, of course his ears still prick up at every mention of Dion’s name. The battles he’s fought for the Empire. The orders he’s been given, sometimes less than honourable. The Empire’s growing greed, first glimpsed in the treachery at Phoenix Gate, now writ large in its annexation of Rosaria - then later in the invasion of the Crystalline Dominion. The people all say Dion is a good man, a thoughtful leader, a true prince. Is he uneasy with the change in his country and his father? Does he see the shadows lengthening too? Or is he complicit, no longer the shining idol of Joshua’s youth?

And Joshua is smart enough to doubt his own motives. He wants to approach Dion as a potential ally, but can he trust his own judgement? Does he really believe, in objective terms, that Dion will help him - or is he still in love with the stories he told himself all those years?

(And can he bear it, if it turns out Dion isn’t who Joshua wants him to be?)

So he hesitates. He waits. He waits until events make it clear that the Emperor intends to pass over Dion in favour of Olivier. Joshua knows then that whatever else, Dion is not a part of his father’s scheming. Approaching him is a risk worth taking now, as long as Joshua can put aside his childish daydreams and unrequited longing, meet the man as he truly is, see past the fantasy.

No wonder he’s tight as a wire when he steps into that tent. No wonder he keeps his hands gripped out of sight behind his back. No wonder he moves like every step, every breath, every word, is one he considered beforehand. No wonder he buys himself a few seconds picking up the fallen flower, restoring it, keeping his eyes off Dion as he fights his pounding heart.

And no wonder Joshua blames himself, after the fall of Drake’s Tail, that he didn’t go to Dion sooner.

[sincerelykent]

Satan always does his very best to challenge our identity. If he can destroy our identity, especially in Christ, then he has an upper hand. He never plays fair and always uses the same trick that he used on Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden: “Did God really say that?” (Genesis 3:1). This is why it’s very important to read the Word of God for yourself and also get to know God for yourself. Open up your heart to know who He really is. Satan challenged Jesus concerning His identity. The devil slithered his way up to Jesus and said, “If you are the Son of God...” (Matthew 4:3) What I love about this is that Jesus KNEW who He was and didn’t have to prove it to anyone, especially the devil, because the devil already knew who Jesus was. Why do you think the devil was trying to get Jesus to question himself, “If you are the Son of God?” Jesus replied back to the devil with “it is written." (Matthew 4:4) He hit him with what the Word said, and we have to train ourselves to do the same. If you hear Satan telling a lie to you, you tell him “it is written." Give him the Word and watch that lying devil slide back.

Matthew 3:16–17 is mostly known as The baptism scripture for Jesus, but this holds value in identity, especially from the Father.

“As soon as Jesus was baptized, he went up out of the water. At that moment heaven was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and alighting on him. And a voice from heaven said, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.” (NIV)

The voice from heaven is the Father speaking to Jesus and also John saying, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.” The Father was letting all those around know this is MY SON, confirming Jesus’ identity as the Son of God. The wonderful thing about this is, again, Jesus didn’t have to prove who He was. He didn’t have to do a bunch of things to make people believe who He said He was. It was made very clear who He was and who He belonged to. The Father sealed it, and when we allow God, our Heavenly Father, to seal our identity in Him, there is NOTHING or NO ONE that can take it away from us, only if we allow them.

The Message Bible records it like this “The moment Jesus came up out of the baptismal waters, the skies opened up and he saw God’s Spirit—it looked like a dove—descending and landing on him. And along with the Spirit, a voice: “This is my Son, chosen and marked by my love, delight of my life.”

Jesus was chosen and marked by love and delighted by The Father. Jesus was loved, and He didn’t have to demonstrate it because the Father confirmed it. Jesus’ identity was in The divine one (God). To know that we are marked and delighted by The Father is enough for me to SHOUT but just like Adam and Eve, we believe a lie over the promise. We were created to be the delight of God’s life. Our whole purpose of living is to glorify God. Everything He gives us is meant to glorify Him. I don’t know about you, but this does something to me. It’s difficult to do anything in this world if you don’t know who you are and who you believe in, because in this fallen world you will fall for anything.

Let me tell you this: our enemy hates us. He hates us with a passion and does not want to see us win in any way, but he is A LIE and in the end WE WIN because we serve a good God. Please do not give in to the blatant lies that the devil and his spillers spew.

Let God confirm your identity!

Don’t give an ear to the devil and all of his lies. See, the devil holds before us all the material prizes of identity. Look this way, you gotta be this, gotta make this much money, gotta have this car and this house, and have to be in a relationship/married to be loved. But all God wants is our hearts; he wants our hearts to do work in them. This is why we accept Christ in our hearts, believe that Jesus is the Son of God, our Savior, and confess that we are sinners that need a Savior to save us. Don’t get things twisted, PLEASE.

Having our identity in God definitely requires a clean life. To give ear to satan and ear to God at the same time is downright dangerous. You cannot serve two masters; it has to be one or the other. You are either going to believe God or the devil. You are either going to serve God or the devil.

1 John 2:16 talks about not loving the ways of the world. We are living in the world but we do not adapt to the way they do things.

“For everything in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world.” (NIV)

Lust of the flesh= Craving to do something contrary to Gods will.

Lust of the eyes= Craving to possess something contrary to Gods will.

Pride of life= Craving to be something contrary to Gods will.

Those desires listed above do NOT come from God. Many of us think, “Oh, God blessed me with this relationship,” but the truth is this relationship has steered you away from your relationship with God, has given you more heartache, broken promises, and challenged your purity. God is not saying to not enjoy your life; He’s saying don’t get caught up in those things that will destroy you and lead you away from Him.

The lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life will always get us in trouble because they are the backwards way of living.

God has given each of us something to do. We must do our part in the body of Christ. Don’t be worried or concerned with what another person is doing; keep your eyes on your own paper.

God holds true and authentic love because he wants the heart. He doesn’t want somebody who has all of the beauty on the outside but is mean as hell on the inside. No no no. God is about change.

It is vitally important for all of us to read, study, and speak the Word of God. That’s where we get all the answers to life.

[tf2-oneshots]

may i request a freedom fries fic where solly giving spy random hug attacks and spy pretending to be annoyed by them but secretly loves them because he’s touched starved? ty in advance!

GOD YES

Warning: none!

Rating: General

“Commander Chomp, deploy yourself.” Soldier sets one of his raccoons onto the floor, and the snarling beast skitters away. He climbs up the furniture and leaps towards an unsuspecting Spy, who immediately screams.

The raccoon lands on her arm, crawling and climbing across his body as the man rises. Spy shakes and flails in an effort to toss the creature off of himself. He crawls down her back, over her head, and under his armpit with those devil claws.

With a powerful twist of the body, Chomp goes flying and lands on a bookshelf. He gives a disgruntled hiss before hurrying to a nearby nest. As she stares at the little monster, Soldier comes in from behind and hugs her. Bulky arms holding much too tight for comfort.

“MON D—Soldat, why was I viciously attacked by that thing?” He turns around, glaring at the American whose arms rest around her waist. Soldier simply looks up with his darling grin as if nothing was amiss. Even as the raccoon loudly hisses from the nest.

“A distraction so that I could ambush you with a hug! Oorah!” In his head, it was the perfect strategy. Send Commander Chomp in to get Spy’s attention then surprise her! What Soldier failed to realize was the fact that Spy would have to defend himself from a rabid animal. The foam dripping from the jaws enough to prove that she should absolutely not get bitten.

“Your little ambushes are obnoxious, juvenile, and utterly pointless in the grand scheme of simple PDA.” Soldier did not understand a single word that statement. He simply gives Spy another smile and kisses her lips.

“Hehehe. Silly Spy, PDA are the people who keep our great American food and drugs safe!” How desperately Spy wants to correct him for a number of reasons. Her balled fists still, and he simply huffs with disdain.

“Dearest, you know how much I hate surprise hugs.” And yet, Spy finds his hands cupping Soldier’s square jaw. His firm, all American features that make Spy fan herself most days. Still, she leans in for a kiss, arms embracing the man tenderly. Such a peculiar partner Spy has chosen for himself.

“And yet you are giving me a hug! The mission was a success! Medals for everyone!” Spy chuckles. Dear god, how could she have fallen for such a strange man? At least his hugs are warm, and his lips always in wait of a kiss.

“This is not a hug. It is a backstab.” Right as she aims the knife, Commander Chomp returns! He dives onto Spy, buried deep in her suit as she screams. The couple separate so that she can run frantically like an animal. Glasses and picture frames rattle as Spy slams his back against the wall.

Eventually, Spy removes her jacket and wraps it around Chomps. With the wriggling sack of raccoon in one hand, the other opens a window and tosses the animal outside. There, several of his companions sit in wait before returning to Soldier’s room through the vents.

“Soldier? My joyous light? I will kill you if one of your disgusting creatures touches me again.” Spy grimaces at her tattered jacket. She sighs, knowing how expensive it will be to replace. So much for seat warmers in his convertible. Maybe next year.

“You sound like you need a real, genuine American hug! Open your arms, maggot!” Arms outstretched, Soldier drags her in front of the fireplace. The two stand, Soldier happy to hug while Spy takes out a cigarette to smoke. What a strange man indeed. At least they missed the wine collection.

Gay people in my phone -H

[dropintomanga]

Meguru Bachira (Blue Lock) - Accepting the Monster

"Tell me, monster. What should I do? What will it take for those two to acknowledge me?"

If there's one hidden truth that's apparent once it's open, it's that we all have dark sides. With happiness comes sadness, with joy comes anger. We can't have yin without yang. However, there's so many of us who can't accept that we sometimes have inner monsters. We carry trauma that builds up over time stemming from childhood experiences and begins to take a life of its own when unchecked.

I'm going to talk about a very notable character whose claim to living is their inner monster and that's Meguru Bachira from Muneyuki Kaneshiro and Yusuke Nomura's compelling hit soccer anime/manga series, Blue Lock.

To describe Blue Lock in a nutshell, it's about young Japanese soccer strikers (players whose specialty is goal-scoring) being chosen to compete in a very rigorous training program called Blue Lock for a chance to become a striker strong enough to help Japan take on and surpass the world's best soccer teams. Bachira is introduced during a initiation game of tag, where whoever has the soccer ball last in their possession once a specific amount of time expires is removed from the Blue Lock program. Bachira "tags" the series' main hero, Yoichi Isagi, who had a chance to "tag" a fallen player and drive them out. Instead, Isagi tags a more competent player after Bachira encourages him to "tag" a stronger player. Bachira and Isagi would then form a friendship after that moment, where the former explains to the latter that he has a monster instead of him and is looking for fellow monsters and potential ones in the making, one of which is Isagi. The two would form a team and they looked inseparable.

Instead, Bachira was taken from Isagi after a game in the Second Selection phase of the Blue Lock program due to a rule stating that winning teams in that round can take any one of the losing team's players. Isagi becomes determined to take Bachira back from the team that took him and also prove himself to that team's captain, Rin Itoshi. When the time came for Isagi and Bachira to "reunite" in a rematch between the two teams, we finally learn about Bachira's past.

Bachira grew up really loving soccer more than anything else. He loved it so much that it irked his fellow peers. Bachira became bullied for being a bit too weird about soccer. Bachira's mother tried to comfort saying that Bachira is following the "monster" inside his heart. That "monster" was imploring him to keep playing soccer since Bachira's mother had a creative "monster" that drove her work. However, Bachira's "monster" starts to become problematic as coaches and other players noted how invisible they feel when they play with Bachira. Bachira notices that the people around him don't have monsters, but he still does and takes pride in it. However, the monster inside him starts to grow into extreme loneliness.

The first time I saw Bachira's past and the monster, it made me think about one thing - the Hearing Voices network. It's a mental health support network for people who hear voices in their head, see visions that are out of the norm, and/or have unusual experiences that can get extreme. Individuals facing their conditions are often treated with a lot of disdain and a lack of understanding. They have to deny and suppress their thoughts out of fear of being deemed crazy.

Bachira says that no one understands how he feels and what he sees. He was having a mental health crisis that went beyond depression and anxiety. Something that couldn't be easily fixed. It wasn't until he met Isagi that his perspective started to change. Isagi was Bachira's first real friend.

People talk about how some major mental health problems are caused by brain chemistry and bad genetics. But you know, sometimes, they are caused by a lack of attention when growing up as a child. What if relationships that were supposed to aid in your social development suddenly disappeared when you start to feel differently about things within good reason? What if the one thing you love was suddenly occupied by people who didn't want to be around you anymore?

Why wouldn't a "monster" start to appear in the face of terrible social context?

Bachira's monster was a response to his trauma and it becomes more apparent once the final Second Selection game was played. Bachira notices that Isagi and Rin are starting to eclipse him. He becomes hesitant over how to play during the match. Isagi and Rin's monsters were on a very different level because they were about surpassing their own limits first and foremost. Bachira also comes to a realization that because of Blue Lock, he doesn't need the monster anymore and not rely on other "monster" players (like Isagi) to justify himself playing soccer.

Bachira's words about not needing the monster anymore makes me think about how certain labels can be useful at first, but end up being harmful once they fulfilled their purpose. I don't know about any of you, but I felt this way when I was struggling with my "clinical depression" label. I carried it to a huge deal, but over the past few years and meeting new people that changed my outlook, I've been trying to shed that label slowly. I want to believe that I can still do great things and meet loving people even if my condition says otherwise.

I think about the people who receive mental health diagnoses and have been told that they're doomed. Next thing you know, their lives spiral out of control. What's worse is that the people who are supposed to help actually end up doing more harm than good. They get told that there's some things that are considered stable parts of life (i.e. hold a full-time job, have a romantic relationship, etc.) they can't do anymore. I think about the discrimination they face when it comes to not being "normal."

While some things are definitely affected for the worst, I do believe that people with mental health problems are more capable than they think. We can make good lives for ourselves with the support of others who believe the same. We can definitely take on the most basic things alone, but we definitely need people to treat us with compassionate understanding. Blue Lock may not be a mental health clubhouse, but I love how its unique combination of egoism and communal setting changed Bachira. I know there's definitely people like Bachira out there who want something that drives them to better themselves while bettering others.

And about the monsters inside of us, I think it's harmful to shame them. You better damn-well acknowledge them like Bachira did. They were doing the best they could to protect you. Though I think about something Bachira's mother said to Bachira when he was sad - believe in the monster in your heart. Sometimes, the monster in your mind is a lot worse than the monster in your heart. It can rationalize every thing that happens to you in a very binary fashion. The monster in your heart is your true/base desire and I believe Bachira finally awakens to that as he just wants to play soccer with joy no matter what anyone else says.

That's the kind of monster I want more people to embrace.

[walkswithmyfather]

‭‭Acts ‭9:1‭-‬22‬ (‭NLT‬‬). “Meanwhile, Saul was uttering threats with every breath and was eager to kill the Lord’s followers. So he went to the high priest. He requested letters addressed to the synagogues in Damascus, asking for their cooperation in the arrest of any followers of the Way he found there. He wanted to bring them—both men and women—back to Jerusalem in chains. As he was approaching Damascus on this mission, a light from heaven suddenly shone down around him. He fell to the ground and heard a voice saying to him, “Saul! Saul! Why are you persecuting me?” “Who are you, lord?” Saul asked. And the voice replied, “I am Jesus, the one you are persecuting! Now get up and go into the city, and you will be told what you must do.”

The men with Saul stood speechless, for they heard the sound of someone’s voice but saw no one! Saul picked himself up off the ground, but when he opened his eyes he was blind. So his companions led him by the hand to Damascus. He remained there blind for three days and did not eat or drink.

Now there was a believer in Damascus named Ananias. The Lord spoke to him in a vision, calling, “Ananias!” “Yes, Lord!” he replied. The Lord said, “Go over to Straight Street, to the house of Judas. When you get there, ask for a man from Tarsus named Saul. He is praying to me right now. I have shown him a vision of a man named Ananias coming in and laying hands on him so he can see again.”

“But Lord,” exclaimed Ananias, “I’ve heard many people talk about the terrible things this man has done to the believers in Jerusalem! And he is authorized by the leading priests to arrest everyone who calls upon your name.” But the Lord said, “Go, for Saul is my chosen instrument to take my message to the Gentiles and to kings, as well as to the people of Israel. And I will show him how much he must suffer for my name’s sake.”

So Ananias went and found Saul. He laid his hands on him and said, “Brother Saul, the Lord Jesus, who appeared to you on the road, has sent me so that you might regain your sight and be filled with the Holy Spirit.” Instantly something like scales fell from Saul’s eyes, and he regained his sight. Then he got up and was baptized. Afterward he ate some food and regained his strength. Saul stayed with the believers in Damascus for a few days. And immediately he began preaching about Jesus in the synagogues, saying, “He is indeed the Son of God!”

All who heard him were amazed. “Isn’t this the same man who caused such devastation among Jesus’ followers in Jerusalem?” they asked. “And didn’t he come here to arrest them and take them in chains to the leading priests?” Saul’s preaching became more and more powerful, and the Jews in Damascus couldn’t refute his proofs that Jesus was indeed the Messiah.”

“Deeply Known” By In Touch Ministries:

“Have you been so changed by Jesus’ love that you are willing to follow Him anywhere?”

“Yesterday, we explored the glorious truth that no one is beyond God’s reach. His love can rescue anyone, no matter how far the person has fallen. Along those lines, let’s consider Saul of Tarsus, who was later known as the apostle Paul. On the road to Damascus, which Saul walked while “still breathing threats and murder against the disciples” (Acts 9:1), he met the Savior, and everything changed.

Jesus called him by name, saying, “Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting Me?” (v. 4). But the persecutor couldn’t respond by addressing the Lord, because he didn’t yet know Christ. He didn’t have to wait long, however. “I am Jesus whom you are persecuting,” the Lord told the soon-to-be apostle (v. 5). And it was then that the great work began. Paul began “proclaim[ing] Jesus in the synagogues” and “proving that this Jesus is the Christ” (vv. 20, 22).

In John 10:27, Jesus said, “My sheep listen to My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me.” The knowing between the Savior and His servant became so deep that Paul, the “chosen instrument,” bore Christ’s name “before the Gentiles” and “suffer[ed] in behalf” of it (Acts 9:15-16). Paul listened. He knew the voice of his Savior, and he followed. May we do the same.”

[Photo by Marcos Paulo Prado at Unsplash]

[lovestuckyhatemarvel]

Okay so the entirety of the WEBTOON is out and so is the KDrama. Both have, in fact, been out for a bit, but I needed to get my thoughts together. Obviously, if you haven't interacted with either piece of media, this is going to be a spoiler it. I'm specifically going to be talking about suicide and the way it's used in the WEBTOON as this particular character backstory and subsequent original death were both changed a lot. If you don't want to read about suicide, fictional or otherwise, or you don't want spoilers, please don't read on.

And if you want to know what's going on or want to know the full context of the WEBTOON because you've either never engaged with the material or have only watched the show? I recommend reading the comic on manhwa instead of WEBTOON since manhwa seems to be totally free. And in order to not take a while (plus lot of ads since you get 1 free chapter per day + 3 ad chapters that last 3 days) to read it there, you'll need the webtoon app and 15 bucks. And no matter what WEBTOON is gonna really yell at you if you do even a single screenshot.

Okay, to start off with, there are some things that don't change for Mr. Yu regardless of medium. No matter what, at the beginning he's seen as cold and distant. He's also extremely buttoned up and more than a little bit awkward around Jiwon to the point where he actually seemed suspicious to me at first because he was just always around when something was about to happen, and Jiwon did not know why that was happening, so neither did I.

It takes until chapter 46 of the WEBTOON for it to be revealed that Jihyeok also traveled back in time and died before. Up until that point, his goals and motivation are still somewhat mysterious. Even though they are like, fully dating by that point. But I don't consider that the biggest change. After all, the WEBTOON is from Jiwon's POV mostly, and the show took a much more widespread approach, which made sense. Also the show had to condense the entire comic into like, 16 episodes. That's a lot to get through.

So here are the things that I actually consider the biggest changes to his character and I promise I'll explain why those lead to the writer's choice of death for him making way more sense for that version to me.

1.) Jihyeok has known that he was romantically interested in Jiwon since before they officially spoke to each other in college. He even specifically saves Pang (the cat) because Jiwon liked that cat and he saw her interacting with that cat. He even saved the cat for her after Jiwon's ex poisoned the cat (yeah, she's literally always had terrible taste in men before Jihyeok).

2.) He quit his job at U&K after Jiwon married Minhwan in an attempt to move on because he still loved Jiwon. Probably wouldn't have been good to be the boss over the newlywed couple you're secretly like jealous over.

3.) The day Jiwon dies, Jihyeok goes to visit her because he learned she'd fallen ill. He sees her take a cab away from the hospital and isn't sure if he should go talk to her. And then he hears a scream and arrives just in time to see her die. He is devastated and arranges and pays for her entire funeral while wishing he could give his own life to go back to fix his own mistakes. Like literally. We get this information extremely clearly.

I think all of this combined with the fact that otherwise in his life, he's made no other choices for himself, makes Jihyeok killing himself make a sort of tragic sense. And also I've seen people say that there was 'no reason' for him to kill himself, and I've just got to wonder if the people who said that read that chapter at all. He literally says multiple times across 2 flashback chapters why he wants to die. Like I don't agree with suicide, but as someone who has battled, and is still battling, depression my entire life, and knows what it's like when it feels like your life has been kind of chosen for you? Going through a situation that he did has got to be devastating. Like in a completely soul crushing way. And if you have nothing to anchor you in life, it's not surprising when that life ends in heartbreak.

And from a literary standpoint there is something deeply tragic about a man who didn't truly make a decision for himself until it was too late and so the only choice he actually makes is how and when to die. The show has a different sort of tragedy in that he never decides how he lives or dies in the show for his first life. I believe my interpretation is further supported by the webtoon making his new life filled with choice. Like a lot of choices.

He is constantly making actual decisions in his new life.

He actually pursues Jiwon, he stands up for himself and others more at work, he actually ends things with Yura and gets her sent away pretty quickly (she doesn't die in the novel and straight up isn’t in the WEBTOON), and then he actually quits for the right reasons. He quits because he never wanted to run U&K in the first place, so he goes off to run his own company and leaves his sister to run it since she's the one who wanted that life. And she's better at it.

And I honestly think the show makes his character a little weaker for not having his arc focus on his choices, both good and bad. That's not to say he doesn't start making choices in the show, but it's more along the lines of 'I'll actually commit to this choice other people made for me'. Well, with the big exception being marrying Jiwon.

Jihyeok's decision to take his own life wasn't a good decision. It's not one I can agree with in real life, but from a writing choice, I like it for the story way more than a random car accident. I like the implications for the character and his arc way more if it's intentional. I think it's a stronger choice if this time he chooses to live and not to die. And also I really liked how it got then mirrored in Minhwan inadvertently killing himself with what was supposed to kill Sumin. I feel like overall the deaths in the WEBTOON in general, but especially with Jiwon, can be governed by the idea of choice, and the show lost that a little bit.

Also in the comic he literally opens his eyes and the first thing he hears and sees in his new life is Jiwon and you cannot tell me that's not the cutest fucking thing.