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inspired-by-the-music · 4 years ago

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For You: Stand By Me

Taglist: @jineunwootrash @angels-from-california @jayjaydawn

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Recommended Reading: For You: 4 O’Clock; these works have separate, independent, but deeply interwoven timelines.

Chapter 14: The Boy I Love Forever

Lei’s POV

To tell you the truth, I didn’t want Sehun to apologize for kissing me. Despite the glare that darkened his features when he swore that he wouldn’t apologize, I guess I was relieved by the imagination that there was nothing to regret about that memory after all. I guess I tingled at the thought that maybe he meant to steal my breath away, meant to make my heart race, meant to fill my every thought.

To tell you the truth, I didn’t want Sehun to apologize for delivering the news that Donghae wouldn’t attend the Christmas party. No apology would fill the void in the holiday left by Donghae’s absence. I didn’t want Sehun to apologize for bringing that old photograph back to Mom at Donghae’s request. The damage was already done. Besides, even in my moment of pain-fuelled rage, I knew that no blemish in the evening was really caused by Sehun’s hand.

It was obvious that I was straining to find some grudge to hold against Sehun. As long as I was angry about something, I could ignore how devastatingly handsome he looked in the pale winter moonlight. I could ignore the painful hammering in my chest when his eyes met mine. Anger could obscure the memory of his baby-soft lips on my freezing cheek just inches away from my parted lips. I could tell myself that my body was suddenly warmed by burning hatred— not by his touch.

The trouble is, I didn’t believe myself. I never believed for a fraction of a second that I had outgrown my adoration of Sehun. Sehun, who was always calm, cool, collected— the very definition of the quiet stoic strength I sought to emulate— until that night. Sehun, who somehow fell for my unconvincing act and believed that I stopped loving him. Sehun, who believed that I was actually capable of hating him in any version of the universe.

I didn’t want to hear his apologies. I didn’t want to hear his insecurities. I didn’t want to watch his eyes widen in horror as he stared at my broken mistletoe crown in his hands. I didn’t want to watch him walk into the snowy darkness at Yesung’s demand. I didn’t want Yesung to usher me into the house that should have been warm enough to thaw the block of ice in my chest. The burning fireplace and the cup of hot chocolate Lucas forced into my hands and the multitude of sympathetic stares from everybody, (especially Baekhyun, who tried to smile at me from the couch) didn't reach the block of ice, though.

Maybe a part of me wanted to risk annoying Sehun by chasing him into the dark. Maybe I wanted to abandon the morbid sense of pride that I developed over the years of denying myself the right to love who I loved. Maybe those tears that filled his eyes exposed that what I hoped was hard-won strength was actually a deep sense of shame.

Once Lucas and I were alone in my bedroom, I admitted to him (and, more importantly, to myself), that I absolutely wanted to follow Sehun at least one more time to tell him that I didn’t hate him— that I never hated him— that I could never hate him. Once I realized that anyone thinking that I hated Sehun was worse than everyone knowing that I loved him, I confessed the truth.

A Collection of Truths:

Every part of me was in love with Sehun— even the ones I tried to keep hidden in the dark.

Even when we were screaming on the porch, I wanted to kiss Sehun.

If loving Sehun was a weakness, I didn’t want to be strong. I didn’t care who saw me in my weakened state.

“Is that so?” Lucas asked, wide-eyed, sipping from his mug on my bed. He was nice enough to act surprised by what he knew all along.

Burning crimson after my unrestrained honesty, I set my mug on the floor and crossed my arms. “I’m not gonna repeat myself or anything. You heard the first time.”

Lucas nodded out the window. “He’ll probably want you to repeat it once or twice, though, so you might as well practice with me.”

I followed Lucas’s gaze to find Sehun standing atop a pile of snow just below my window. At first, my heart thumped at the thought that he had come to find me because he also wondered how he would sleep when we stood on such uncertain terms. Then, when moments passed and his eyes were still intently trained on the mistletoe in his hands without sparing one glance at me, I realized that was not the case. It was a happy accident that he was so close, still barely out of reach.

Maybe Lucas was right when he cheered, “It’s fate! What are you waiting for?”

I was still too afraid to take the first step toward Sehun when he was just a blink and a breath away. Shrinking away from the window so he couldn’t see me if he looked up with the wind, I mumbled, “I can’t go out there.”

“Why not?” Unable to meet Lucas’s disappointed frown, I stared at the place on my wall where Sehun’s poster once stood.

The paint was still faded. There was still an outline of his place that I could not yet fill even when Lucas urged, “Lei, he’s literally right here! If you don’t want any of that stuff that happened tonight to leave a scar, then just go out there and make a new, better memory!”

Lucas spoke with such enthusiasm that I almost believed that I could climb right through the window and into some fairytale with Sehun. Then, I opened my eyes and remembered that every image of myself as a princess was crafted for the stage. It wasn’t real. Fairytales weren’t real— especially not on that night when my mother’s heart was broken.

“What about Mom?” I asked, throat tight with the recent memory of her tears and the knowledge that she was probably still crying down the hall. “Do you think that I should go out with— with some boy while she’s—”

“He’s not some boy,” Lucas interrupted. “He’s Sehun. The person you’ve loved since you said hello. Your pain and Mom’s— they’re both valid— and I don’t think that she would feel any better knowing that you’re avoiding happiness for her sake. Mom told you to have fun at the party, and we both know that the person who will bring you closest to fun is right out there, twiddling your broken crown in his hands!”

Fun. Was that a word I ever associated with Sehun? No.

Still, Lucas was right. Like the coward I was when it came to him— to Sehun, who I couldn’t quite trust to hold anymore of the heart he warned me to guard— I searched for any reason to legitimize my fear. I was willing to use my mother as a shield, as a right to forfeit what I was too afraid to fight for only to lose.

Like the hopeless romantic that I was when it came to him— to Sehun, who could steal my heart from afar even when I confined my admiration to seconds-long glances out the window— I searched more desperately for something to encourage me to act on the urge to meet him halfway or most of the way or all of the way.

Does that make me weak or foolish or childish or submissive? I used to wonder before Lucas permitted me to let go of my stubborn definitions of strength.

“Just go.” He nudged my ribs, smiling softly. “Take all of the time you need. I’ll cover for you if anyone downstairs asks where you went.”

When I still didn’t feel brave enough to take the first step, Lucas asked in a small voice, “Don’t you think you’ll regret it if you let this moment pass?”

Maybe it was because of something Taeyeon once told me in the moonlight of her kitchen; or maybe it was because Lucas had to go to the trouble of opening the window for me; or maybe it was because of the sharp sting of the winter wind that made my eyes water as Sehun’s had on the front porch; or maybe it was because of the constriction of my heart when he looked at me, eyes filled with a unique blend of amusement and disapproval at my sudden appearance out of the second-floor window— but the overwhelming emotion of the night was regret.

Regret at all the time wasted in misunderstanding. Regret at all that time wasted crying in my room under the watch of the moon when I could have been with him, Sehun, who held out the world in manageable palm-sized pieces even when he glared at me from the driver’s seat like I was a stubbornly ignorant child. Regret at all the time spent apart that inclined me to believe that he didn’t love me even when it was written clearly on every feature of his handsome face, even when it was woven into the bandages he tied around my bleeding wounds, even when it was etched into every line that formed into his forehead with the furrowing of his brow.

Regret at the ragged sigh that fell from his pretty parted lips when I confessed that every glance at him made me want to sob into my palms, omitting the all-too-humiliating fact that everything about him still sparked my childhood curiosity of what it might be like to be destined to love one person forever. Regret at the fact that I couldn’t spend the rest of the night and the rest of my life in his car with my hand in his with the dawning realization that he loved me.

He loved me. Sehun loved me. Sehun loved me enough to forgive me for yelling and running and tiptoeing around his feelings that were too good to be true.

Regret at the reluctance with which my bandaged hand reached into the pocket of the warm black coat he dropped over my shoulders to brush against the fragmented mistletoe crown. Had curiosity struck me sooner, I could have plucked it from the pocket, held it over my head, and seen that flustered regret-numbing smile dash across his face sooner.

“Put that away,” Sehun instructed, reaching for the mistletoe. As I lifted it out of his reach, he tried (and failed) to bite back laughter. “Seriously, Lei. You don’t need a silly broken piece of mistletoe to get a kiss out of me.”

“Really?” My heart fluttered. I lowered the mistletoe, but I didn’t quite drop it back into the pocket. “Do you mean that?’

He raised his eyebrows. “Yeah. Are you getting excited?”

Because I now knew that he was flirting— and all of those similar comments that surrounded our first kiss were other attempts at flirting— a bubbling warmth spread through my chest. That warmth pulled my lips into a smile that I couldn’t have fought away with all of the effort in the world.

At the risk of further painting myself as an absolute fool, I’ll admit that I would have been content to kiss Sehun forever if he hadn’t broken away to again confess, this time breathlessly against my lips, “I love you. I’m in love with you, Lei.”

And I— I wanted to remain skeptical just in case he changed his mind with the rising of the sun, just in case I was dreaming again.

More than that, though, I wanted to believe him. I wanted to believe that the lights in his eyes weren’t cast by the moon or the stars or the strings of lights lining my house; I wanted to believe that those bursts of light were some physical manifestation of his affection for me.

I already believed it, so I told myself that it didn’t have to last forever to be beautiful. If he was a moment that I embraced with my all, then there would be nothing to regret at breaking dawn. If nothing else, I would make him my most beautiful memory My most beautiful dream. My precious Sehun.

“Sehun,” I said because I could never say his name enough even if it flew from my lips for the rest of my life. “Do you remember when I said that you can walk with me anytime?”

“Yes.” His lips fit with mine. They were warm, soft, gentle, not at all what you would expect from him at a glance, not at all what you would expect without knowing him as intimately as I did. “I remember.”

“I meant that,” I said between kisses, almost wanting to cry each time we parted. “Always— always, I will keep a door open for you, and I’ll protect our memories, so if you change your mind—”

“What?” His face paled. A frown twitched in the corner of his mouth, and I wish I hadn’t said anything. “Lei.” He said my name sweetly, sending me into a spiral when I thought I couldn’t fall deeper. Sehun sighed my name, stealing my habit of preparing for the worst-case scenario. “You don’t have to believe in forever to be in love, but you shouldn’t offer to carry the weight of goodbye on your own. I understand that your mind rushes ahead to goodbye, but I wish it wouldn’t— at least not with me.”

Being seen as clearly as Sehun saw me in that moment was frightening and comforting— a nightmare and a dream. Had he been anyone else in the world, I would have wanted to disappear, but Sehun— Sehun didn’t have to see me to know me.

“I believe in forever,” I argued quietly. “I know that I will love you forever.” Then, set ablaze by the embarrassment of my honesty and the thought that I admitted to feeling too much too soon, I stuttered, “I— I mean—”

Sehun didn’t have to speak to silence me. He only smiled, deepening my blush and stealing my voice. “You don’t have to take it back, Lei. You can love me as much as you want for as long as you want. Please.”

The word ‘please,’ forced all remaining air from my lungs. I never before needed Sehun’s permission to love him, but once his plea hit my ears, I realized that I must have craved it for quite some time. No sooner than the words passed his upturned lips did I lean into him once again for another dream-fulfilling kiss.

Maybe I should have considered whether we were in danger of being caught by party guests— specifically Yesung, who would have been most disappointed to find me kissing the boy from the crown-breaking incident— or paparazzi. After all, someone was always watching. That fact had been impossible to forget since Sehun first taught it to me. That truth echoed in every corner of my mind until those moments Sehun’s lips were on mine, until those moments when Sehun breathed into me and left no room for thoughts other than ‘I love you, I love you; forever I will love you because forever I have loved you.’

Pulling away to try (and fail) to catch my breath, missing him instantly, I asked Sehun, “How did we get here?”

His pale face was flushed crimson. His blush was visible even in the moonlight. If only I knew the words to describe how beautiful he was as he shrugged and grinned, tracing some shapeless form on my cheek with the pad of his thumb, maybe I could create a portal back to that moment when the stars aligned.

“I’m not sure,” he answered. “I’m just glad I followed you here.”

Thinking that life was as it was meant to be for the first time in a long time (maybe for the first time) because Sehun was by my side where I could see him, speak to him, hold him, kiss him, and love him like I always dreamed about, I smiled at him.

I walked into warmth from the frozen snowstorm separating Sehun’s car from my home to find Mom, Grandma, Heechul, and Lucas watching a drama starring Park Seojoon, my favorite actor.

For all of about two seconds, I was relieved that the party cleared out during my absence because that meant I wouldn’t have to listen to Yesung lecture about boys, I wouldn’t have to hide my smile from Kyuhyun, who would have instantly pieced together that I had been out with the boy on Super Junior’s hit list, and I wouldn’t have to stomach Baekhyun’s sympathetic puppy eyes that still seemed to burn into me when I glanced at the then-empty couch by the window he earlier claimed.

Before I could comfortably settle into the couch and peel back the curtains and blinds to see if Sehun’s car still sat within sight, Heechul immobilized me with his glare. “Did you have fun on your midnight rendezvous?” He asked loudly as if oblivious to the fact that Mom laid her sleeping head in his lap.

Fun. Maybe that was a word I could associate with that tingling sensation that set me alight at the thought of Sehun. Maybe that was a word I could use to describe the act of kissing him in that dimly lit space that I still remember in perfect detail with each blink of my eyes. Maybe that is the word for that surge of breathlessness that accompanies every memory of those moments when we touched.

When Heechul looked at me with fire leaking out of his eyes, though, I knew that I couldn’t say any of those truths aloud. I shrank under the understanding that I was not expected to respond. Even in Yesung’s absence, I was in for a scolding. Dropping the curtains, lowering my gaze to the palms I pressed flat against the skirt of my dress, I elected to brave it silently.

I made the wrong choice. “Aren’t you going to answer me?” Heechul’s roar stirred Mom into sitting upright.

“I—” I shook my head, face burning as it always did when I was the center of attention— “I figured you were asking a rhetorical question.”

“I wasn’t!” I looked up in time to watch Heechul’s eyes roll. “Where did you go? Who were you with?”

Normally, I would have been too flattered that Heechul cared about me to feel at all stifled by his rare protective outbursts, but something about his tone and the glint in his eyes sparked my temper ablaze.

Before I could reply with any degree of sass, Grandma lied without glancing away from Park Seojoon’s face on the television, “She asked for my permission before leaving, so you don’t have to worry, Heechul.”

I should have been content to leave the confrontation at that. Because Grandma ranked above Heechul in the family hierarchy, he bit down on his tongue despite the persistent urge to berate me that stained his face a dull shade of red.

Emboldened by the belief that I had done nothing wrong, I reminded Heechul, “I’m 21 years old, so technically I’m allowed to go where I want, whenever I want, with whoever—”

“You were out with your abusive-ass boyfriend, weren’t you?” Heechul fumed.

My face burned at Heechul’s blatant misunderstanding of Sehun. I was speechless, numb and nauseated by the screaming thought that nobody had ever been as wrong about anyone to the degree that Heechul was wrong about Sehun.

Lucas whirled around in his place on the floor to stare at me with sparkling eyes and a smile that flourished even in the tense atmosphere established by Heechul’s tantrum. “Boyfriend?” He repeated hopefully, giggling at the grin that tugged at my lips because the dream that Sehun could be my boyfriend— the first and only person I would love without limitations— was, for the first time, not a vague abstract concept.

Sehun was within reach, I knew, because I held him.

Mom rubbed bags under her eyes that were darkened by fatigue and running mascara. “What are you talking about? Lei’s boyfriend is right here!” She pointed at Lucas, misunderstanding our relationship for the millionth time.

“Stop living in a fantasy!” Heechul corrected her before I could.

The sharpness of his tone didn’t seem to bother Mom in the slightest way. Her eyes only narrowed in genuine confusion as she tried to resign herself to the fact that Heechul was right when he said, “Lei never dated Lucas! I’ve told you a million times— they’re siblings!” Jabbing a finger at me without glancing my way, Heechul told Mom, “She has a thing for that boy with the angry eyebrows and angrier temper!”

I squirmed at the knowledge that Mom and Heechul were among the millions who speculated about my relationships. To distract Heechul from Mom, who had enough to worry about without him yelling at her, I yelled, “My relationship with Sehun is none of your business!”

“Sehun?” Mom gasped, bringing a hand up to her lips. Her shoulders sagged. “You mean you’re really not dating Lucas?”

Thankfully, Lucas distracted Mom from the fact that Heechul, Grandma, and I rolled our eyes. Turning to place his hand on her knee over her red pajama pants, probably staining the fabric with buttery fingers, Lucas sweetly answered, “No, Mom. We never dated. We’re best friends.”

From that moment on, following a subtle nod at Lucas, who had never before gone to such lengths to deliberately deny our dating allegations, Mom never again mistook us for a couple.

“Sehun?” Mom repeated, focusing her bewildered gaze on me. “You were out with Sehun?”

The answer was obvious because of his coat that still hung loosely over my shoulders and the blush that colored my face at the sound of his name. Still, I nodded my head and closed my eyes to block out the sight of Mom’s mouth falling open in utter surprise.

“If you’re shocked by this,” Heechul hissed at her, “then you should have seen them fighting on the front porch!”

“That was a misunderstanding!”

I don’t know who I was trying to convince with that outburst: Mom, whose gaze flickered between me and Heechul; Grandma, who finally paused the television drama to devote her full attention to the real-life drama unfolding before her eyes; Heechul, who still glared at me, impossible to convince; or myself, who plummeted from my height at the memory of the fight on the front porch that Heechul would not let me forget.

Lucas, the only person who didn’t require convincing, agreed uncharacteristically quietly, “Yeah. Sehun has loved Lei forever. He’s just learning how to show it in a new way.”

Deaf to Lucas’s opinion or otherwise dubious, Heechul insisted, “I didn’t misunderstand a damn thing about him snatching that flower crown off of your head! Don’t be stupid enough to forgive a jerk just because he lies and says he loves you!”

At my ragged wheeze that filled the room instead of my adamant declaration that it wasn’t a lie— that Sehun meant it when he said he loved me— Grandma cut her eyes at Heechul, Lucas dropped his gaze into the bucket of popcorn in his lap, and only Mom was brave enough to argue.

She placed a soothing hand on Heechul’s shoulder. “Heechul, calm down. That’s what happens in young love— misunderstandings, dramatic arguments, more dramatic reconciliations. Sehun is a sweet boy, so I’m sure—”

“You didn’t see what I saw!” Heechul frowned as he shrugged out of Mom’s grip. “If that’s that guy’s idea of love, then he needs to stay the hell away from our girl!”

My stomach turned at the mere thought of never seeing Sehun again, and I glared at Heechul for speaking such a tragedy into the universe. This is precisely the sort of thing I should never admit, but I knew that I would have gone behind Heechul’s back for the rest of my life to continue walking with Sehun even for moments at a time in the darkness.

I was dangerously in love with him, all too willing to risk my reputation and other relationships. That’s not necessarily a good thing, but it’s the truth. Thankfully, Mom didn’t seem to buy into Heechul’s prejudice against Sehun. I didn’t even want to know whether I would disregard her advice to chase after a boy, even one like Sehun.

Crossing her legs in her seat, Grandma asked, “Lei, is Sehun the one who kissed you in the dining room?”

My face burned at the memory of Baekhyun’s brief kiss. I wasn’t grateful to Grandma for bringing it up. How could she have forgotten Sehun’s face after all those years I spent showing her his photographs and detailing everything he ever meant to me?

Before I could recover from embarrassment long enough to shake my head in response, Lucas gasped, “Sehun kissed you in the dining room? When were you gonna tell me that?”

“Sehun didn’t kiss me in the dining room!” I fixed my flustered gaze on Lucas, crossing my arms tightly over my chest as I hurriedly explained, “Baek did, but only because mistletoe was involved!”

Lucas raised a skeptical eyebrow, opening his mouth probably to remind me that the last time I said something like that, the boy hadn’t kissed me only because mistletoe was involved.

My eyes screwed shut as if that would blind me to the rather obvious fact that there was something bittersweet— but mostly sweet— in Baekhyun’s kiss because there was far too large of a gap between the present-tense version of myself who was in love with Sehun and the me of my dreams who was born to be the mirrored moon to Baekhyun’s burning sun. This was not the time to embrace the hope that I would get there someday, to the place where dreams and reality meet, to the place where the sun touches the moon. So I bit my tongue and comforted myself with the belief that there is a time for everything under the sun.

“Baek?” Heechul repeated through his frown.

Again, Mom tried to conceal her gasp with her hands. “Baekhyun kissed you?”

I said, “It wasn’t a real kiss!” but that didn’t feel very much like the truth. I hoped nobody saw through my claim as easily as I could.

“Oh,” Grandma nodded as if to distract me from the confusing spiral of Baekhyun-related thoughts. “So Sehun is the one who was heartbroken by the kiss?”

That easily, Grandma returned my attention to Sehun. Just by imagining that Sehun had been at all affected by that brief peck on my cheek, I jolted awake from every Baekhyun dream and found my footing in a shallow pool of remorse. It was fruitless to wish that the kiss hadn’t happened (especially since I had done nothing to provoke it). It was probably equally as fruitless to wish that I hadn’t been too focused on Mom’s moment of heartbreak to notice Sehun’s. Still, I did. A lot of my thoughts are fruitless.

“Oh, so he’s the jealous type too?” Heechul groaned. “This guy just has every perk, doesn’t he? You know, Lei, you’re not any better than the girls you always criticize on these shows—” he gestured wildly toward the television— “the ones who always overlook a perfectly nice guy like Baekhyun for some douchebag like—”

“Stop it!” My voice shattered as I screamed, rising to my feet and balling my fists at my sides. “Just stop it! I don’t care if you’re trying to protect me! I’m not going to sit here and listen to you misunderstand my favorite— my forever—” my chest heaved while I stuttered around the best way to describe Sehun— “the person I’ve loved for most of my life!”

Silence fell over the room. Everybody looked up at me with widened eyes because a.) I never raised my voice, b.) I never admitted to loving anyone or anything, and c.) I always had this rule about waiting until I was alone to shed tears.

I know I had broken that rule before in front of Sehun, especially when I was younger and more volatile, and I had sobbed into Lucas’s chest once or twice, and there was that time Changmin caught me in a brief fit of tears backstage, but Mom and Heechul— they were both so shocked by my outburst that they both stood as if to rush toward me.

Looking back, I wish I had allowed them to embrace me or dry my tears. I wanted to let them get close to me, but I guess I was too embarrassed. I guess I had not yet broken my longtime habit of running from overwhelming emotions.

I raced upstairs to my bedroom, thinking that if Donghae had been there like he was every past Christmas, he would have known what to say to diffuse the storm inside of me. Maybe he would have waited until I was alone in my room to gingerly knock on the door, sit by my side, watch the moon and stars with me through the window, and say everything that I needed to hear to smile again.

Closing the door behind myself, I admitted for the millionth time that I missed Donghae so much— too much. I hoped that I would be brave enough to tell him the next time our paths crossed. Speaking with Sehun assured me that that day would come sooner or later; I just hoped that we wouldn’t accumulate too much time apart because, really, I needed him then. Needing people is scary, I think, because you never realize how dependent you are until you’re alone.

I reached into Sehun’s pocket for my phone, somehow emboldened by the night’s twists and turns to take fate into my hands, somehow believing that I could bring our paths together on my own. Before I could dial Donghae’s number, though, I noticed the poster on my wall— the poster I hadn’t seen in two years— Sehun’s poster.

My phone fell back into my pocket. After I pulled the two halves of the mistletoe crown out of the pocket and set them next to the ribbon on my vanity, I tiptoed over to the poster. My heart pounded as if Sehun were really in my room, watching as I peeled the pink sticky note off of the poster’s face, laughing at the blush that spread across my face as I read:

“Don’t kiss this too much! It’s just a poster!” — Lucas

I guess I had to laugh at the memory of my childhood self rising onto her tiptoes to peck at the poster’s lips. I guess I had to squeal at the realization that Lucas had returned my box of memories. I guess there was no choice other than to jump onto my bed, all too eager to pull out its contents one by one.

I was surprised to find that the items collected no dust in the years they spent on the highest shelf of Lucas’s closet— which I couldn’t quite reach no matter how I strained— or wherever the hell he hid them. He must have meant it when he promised to take care of them. I shouldn’t have been surprised; Lucas always kept his word.

Fastening my bracelet on its rightful place around my wrist, I imagined how different life would have been had I known when I first wore it years ago that Sehun and I would eventually find our way onto the same path at the same time. I wondered how different life would have been if I had known when I first removed it that the bracelet wouldn’t be too heavy forever.

Of course, no warning could have prepared me for the first kiss by the piano, or the second one on the porch, or the third kiss in his car, or the fact that in the span of one night I would lose track of how many times his lips brushed against mine, but I— I don’t know. It’s not that I regretted the years of longing for him and dreaming about him. How could I regret something that made up most of my life?

All I know for certain is that if I could do it all again— if I could go back to the start, knowing how it all would end— I would take back every cruel word I said to him in those two years that I tried to hate him. I did regret all of that time. I still do. I make up for it every day.

Now, I think there is more strength in wearing a broken heart on your sleeve than hiding it behind a crumbling stone mask. Now, I know that no wound heals when left to fester in the dark.

Maybe Heechul knew that too. Maybe that’s why he turned the light on when he walked through my door without knocking. There was something like an apology on the tip of his tongue before his eyes fell on the box.

“What’s that?” He asked, pointing.

Hesitantly, I answered, “Memories,” shielding Sehun’s pictures from Heechul’s eyes that, despite having softened considerably during his walk up the stairs, could have gone icy at any moment at the slightest provocation.

Heechul’s eyebrows shot up in an exaggerated expression of interest. “Oh?” He held out a hand. “Let me see.”

I shook my head. “Believe me: you don’t want to see him.”

I spoke quietly because I feared that we were on the brink of another fight— because I feared that I might have needed Heechul just as much as I needed Donghae— because I knew that I couldn’t have endured being at odds with him too.

More often than not, Heechul was a handful. He could trigger my migraine more quickly than anyone else I knew because he was loud, attention-seeking, and he had little (if any) concern for social decorum. In short, Heechul was annoying, but the very attributes that counted as flaws also counted as virtues. That made Heechul the most unique person I ever met.

Although he never expressly stated so and he was never inclined toward sickeningly sweet gestures, I never wondered whether Heechul loved me. It was evident, unspoken, embedded in my perception of the world.

I— I know that love isn’t supposed to be earned, but I think I have always been cripplingly afraid of losing it. That was probably my biggest flaw: biting my tongue, clenching my fists, packing ‘fruitless’ thoughts into boxes all in a desperate effort to cling to everything in my life that ever resembled love for the briefest second.

Still standing over me, Heechul softened his gaze. Maybe he saw my flaw and pitied me for it. “They’re pictures of that boy, aren’t they? The one you love?” We both reddened at that accurate description of Sehun.

“Yeah,” I whispered, moved by Heechul’s effort to control his temper and treat me like the piece of glass I had always been. “They’re pictures of Sehun.”

Heechul sat at the edge of my bed on the other side of the box and again held his hand out. That time, I trusted him with the photographs, but I watched anxiously as he flipped through them. “If you love him enough to collect all of these photocards, why did you have them packed away in some box?”

“I tried to grow out of him,” I admitted, tracing my thumb over the bracelet’s cotton candy charm.

Heechul’s head tilted as if to ask ‘Why?’ so I continued, “It’s exhausting to be in love with somebody who can’t love you. I thought it would make me strong if I could stop. I thought that if I never saw these things again, I would grow up, but I—”

Looking into the box to find that old My Melody keychain from my tenth birthday smiling at me, I sighed, “I must have been doomed from the start or something.”

“That’s a bleak outlook on love.” Heechul carefully placed the photocards back into the box and surveyed the other objects. “You aren’t doomed because you’re attracted to someone. It may not be easy or pain-free, but you don’t have to be with somebody just because you can’t stop loving him.”

“But I do want to be with him.” Drawing a deep breath, I tried to explain, “I— I know that you’ve only seen us together at our weakest moment, but I swear that Sehun is a good person. He’s the best person because he always tries to do the right thing, and he has always tried to guide me onto the best path even when we were lost in the dark. Most of the time, he’s almost inhumanly calm and patient, but right now he’s a little clumsy with his feelings because he never planned to date, and he probably never expected to love me, and—”

“Lei,” Heechul interrupted, nearly laughing at my lovesick rambling. “You don’t have to convince me that this guy deserves your heart. You’re 21, and you can go out with whoever you want, and collect photocards of whoever you want, and I— why are you looking at me like that?”

I shrugged my heavy shoulders. “I don’t know. I guess I don’t want you to think that I’m a fool for some boy who doesn’t even love me. I guess when I love somebody, I want you to love them too.”

“Oh.” As Heechul scratched at the back of his neck, his eyes flickered away from mine. He cleared his throat. “That’s not going to be easy. I’ll try because I can see the little lights in your eyes when you talk about him, but I remember the tears that were in your eyes when he snatched your crown.”

“Oh,” I muttered, knowing that nothing I could have said would wipe that scene from Heechul’s memory.

Fidgeting, Heechul admitted, “I know that you’ve always said that you would never date, but I always imagined that you would end up with someone who gives you crowns. I— maybe that doesn’t make sense.”

I picked at a loose thread on my quilt and fought the sudden urge to cry. “It makes sense.”

“And even if I tried to forget, Yesung would never let me.” Heechul rolled his eyes. “His bitching about the punk who stole our princess’s crown totally killed the party.”

Again, I mouthed, “Oh.”

Once he noticed that my eyes were glossy with tears, Heechul huffed, “I can’t handle all of these emotions. You and your mom are killing me tonight!” He fanned himself before declaring, “Fine! Fine, I’ll forgive that boy, but only because I think your mom is probably right about how young people act. She’s always right, damn it!”

“Really?” I couldn’t help but smile. “You’ll forgive Sehun?”

“Yeah,” Heechul grumbled, “but only because I remember this one time that your mom and I had a huge ass fight in public. I did something really, really stupid, so she slapped the shit out of me, and for a second there, I really wanted to slap the pink off of her lips—”

I cracked up at that completely unprecedented phrase, and Heechul cut his eyes at me and crossed his arms. “It’s not funny, Lei! It really hurt, and I had to walk around the drive-in with a handprint on my face!”

“I’m sorry,” I said, grinning as I remembered how Sehun helped me find Mom and Heechul when I got lost at the drive-in, how he let me hold his hand because I was afraid to walk in the dark, how he laughed at the voices I made up when translating the film into Korean.

“Anyway,” Heechul hummed, “the moral of my story is that anyone can do something rash out of character, so I understand. I get it. I’ll let your little boyfriend off the hook this time, but he needs to learn to control himself if he doesn’t want Yesung to kick his ass. Pass that along on your next midnight rendezvous.”

Too happy to point out that Sehun wasn’t technically my boyfriend, I nodded. “Alright, Heechul.”

“And you—” Heechul stood and started toward the door, beckoning me to follow him downstairs to resume the drama— “don’t forget that you deserve the world because I don’t want to have this talk again.”

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sehun-smut-blog · 7 years ago

Text

Dial Up - Sehun [M]

“Are you alone? I guess that’s what I’m getting towards.” Sehun said, and you could feel his smirk oozing through the speaker. The words themselves paralyzed you, and you didn’t want to admit that they made your core tighten.

“I’m at work, Shun, what are you getting at?”

“Phone sex.” He stated matter-of-factly, as though it was the most normal thing in the world. “Duh.”

or the one where sehun and you have phone sex... at work

word count: 1.9k

contains phone sex, slight voyeurism, sex at work

Knee deep in editorials, you would certainly rather die than continue revising, rewriting, wash, rinse and repeating. The new intern at the firm was a little shit, doing the absolute minimum amount of work possible, which left you floundering to fix their lazy mistakes. You had already been so deep in helping them not lose your job, your own work wasn’t getting done.

Twirling the pen between your fingers, you blew a loose strand of hair out of your face, scanning the article for the next inevitable comma splice. Jesus, where did they get these interns, the local landfill? Reading this was driving you absolutely insane, you were one more misuse of ‘literally’ away from punching a staple through your brain. At least you were in the privacy of your own office that you’d be able to go in peace.

When your phone began buzzing, you welcomed it with ease. Normally one to ignore it and return to work, at this point you would rather die than continue editing. Any distraction was a good distraction.

“Hello?”

“Hey baby.” Sehun said, his voice deep and gravelly lilting from the speaker. You could tell he was tired, stunned he was even calling you. A higher-up at a local law firm, he had finally been invited on a business trip to Japan. He was so excited, he hadn’t shut up about in months.

“Sehunnie.” You said, leaning back in your chair with a little smile. You had tried to leave him alone, knowing he would be busy trying to close this deal. “Are they keeping you busy over there?”

You heard Sehun groan slightly, and could imagine him rolling his eyes. “I’ve sat in on so many meetings at this point, I feel like my ass is moulded to the chair.”

You just giggled at his dramatic attitude, leaning your elbows onto the desk. Even through the walls, you could hear the incessant buzz of chatter, printer machine whirring, and the fax beeping non stop. It was the only thing preventing you from just relaxing into Sehun’s voice. “That sounds awful.”

“It really is, jagi.” Sehun sighed, and you could hear him rolling around. He must be back in his hotel room.

“What are you doing?” You asked, setting the pen down on your desk.

Sehun grumbled slightly, and you could hear the huskiness in his voice. “Laying in bed. Missing you.”

You rolled your eyes at that. Sehun was never one to be sappy, unless he wanted something, that is. You crossed your legs slightly, lips pursing. “Are you now?” You smirked.

“Mmhm.” Sehun said, his voice extra low. “Where are you, baby?”

“In my office. I need to revise all the intern’s work, it’s driving me fucking-”

“What are you getting at, Sehun?”

“Phone sex.” He stated matter-of-factly, as though it was the most normal thing in the world. “Duh. Have you gotten stupid while I’ve been gone?”

You rolled your eyes. “I’m at work, Sehunnie.” You coaxed.

“Hmph. I’ve heard that before, but we both know it ended with your pretty little ass being spanked over your desk.”

You clenched your eyes (and thighs) shut at the memory, but could feel your heart thudding at the thought. Locked doors, spanked and fucked over your own desk. You could practically feel Sehun’s large hands gripping your ass at the memory.

“God, I’d love to do that again, it’s been too long since I’ve had you around my cock.” Sehun groaned, and you could hear the muffled sound of him moving again, making you bite your lip. “Once I get home, I’m going to fuck you so hard, it’s all I’ve been thinking about.”

At that, you groaned, standing out of my chair quickly. ‘Jesus Sehun, why do you have to call me sounding so fucking sexy -” you muttered, speeding over to the door, before locking it swiftly. All you could think about at this point was Sehun too, his words always making you crave his body against yours.

“Did I just hear a lock?” He said, voice lilting upwards in excitement. “You’re down?”

You sighed quickly, spinning back around on your heels. “Yes, of course. What did you expect when you know how much I loved our workplace rendezvous last time.” You said, voice turning soft. You knew exactly what he liked.

“Don’t mean to derail us, but I haven't done this in a long time.” Sehun said quickly, chuckling. “I’m sure you don’t mind, do you babygirl?”

You shook your head quickly. “Neither have I Sehun-ah, I don’t even know how to begin.”

You could hear him breathing on the other end, painting his memory through your mind. Would he already be half-hard, a tent forming in his sweatpants? Was he even wearing pants?! His cheeks are certainly flushed, they always are when he’s horny. Even the thought of his flush made your knees swim, knowing it was only common in the bedroom.

“What are you doing now, baby?” Sehun asked, his voice growing lower by the second.

“I’m leant against the door. I can hear people outside.” You said, hushed. Sure enough, the high-heeled clicks of women passing by outside signalled that you were barely alone.

“You should probably make yourself comfortable baby. How about settling down on that desk of yours, real pretty?”

You instantly obeyed his command, submissive as all hell. With his dominating tone, it was impossible not to be. “I shouldn’t be doing this.” You muttered, clambering up to your desk quickly, before scooting onto it.

“But you are, so enjoy it.” Sehun said with a laugh. “What are you wearing?”

“That knit sweater you got me for christmas, you know the one?”

“Yeah, I know it.”

“And a black skirt. Pencil skirt, that is.” You said, hands running along the seams of it absentmindedly. “It’s a little tight though, even Kyungsoo commented on it.” You quipped, knowing that that would make Sehun insanely jealous. He knew you and Kyungsoo had a little fling a long time ago, but when Ky works just down the hall from you, Sehun tended to get… possessive, around him.

Sehun just hummed in response, his breathing going more lax. “Jesus baby, why do you wear those tight little things to work anyway? Fuck, I can imagine you in that fucking skirt, you shouldn’t be wearing that around Kyungsoo.”

You just hummed in response, fingers tracing up your thighs. “I’ll have to save it for you then?” I asked softly, smirk growing.

Sehun gulped on the other end. “Yeah, I want to see it as soon as I get back.”

You rolled your head back, clenching your legs together harshly. “Can’t wait, but enough about me Sehunnie, what are you wearing?”

“I just got back from a meeting about twenty minutes ago, I’m still in my suit.” Sehun said, leaning back into the pillows behind him. Even the thought of Sehun disheveled, splayed out with his hand fisting his own cock was making you wet.

“Fuck, it’s like you planned this call.” You said, licking your lips harshly.

“I’ve been waiting for this call all day, Y/N. Are you touching yourself for me yet?” “Do you want me to?”

“Of course.”

As soon as he said, your hand pulled up your skirt, heart thundering harshly. Immediately slipping a finger inside yourself, you bit back an audible moan, stifling it down the receiver, to Sehun’s enjoyment and arousal.

“Yeah, that’s what I like to hear. Does it feel good, baby?” He said, slowly starting to palm himself over his pants. The friction was nowhere near enough, but even the slightest motion made him groan, imagining your hands around his cock. He couldn't help from zipping down his fly, a sound you clearly heard.

You bit your lip, humming out a ‘mm-hm’ to him quietly. You could still hear the hustle and bustle of the world outside your door, but could only focus on Sehun’s heavy panting on the other end. “Are you touching yourself too?”

“Yeah, but I’m wishing it was you jerking my cock like this.” Sehun said, swirling the bead of pre-come down his shaft slowly. He was hard now, incredibly so, but only because he knew that you were on the end of the call. Tightening his grip, he let out a little whimper. “Fuck, wish you were here to suck me right now.” He moaned, knowing that your mouth would be so much more warm and soft than his hand.

You bit back a moan too, pushing another finger inside yourself. You fought to hit that spot, but you knew that Sehun’s thick, long fingers were much more skilled at making you come apart. “Shit, want you here, Sehun…” You whined, using your thumb to circle your clit. Each revolution sent your head reeling.

The sound of your whimpers were sent straight to Sehun’s cock, making him pummel it faster. His cock twitched, and he tightened his grip around it, willing himself to hold on longer. “Still fingering that tight little pussy of yours, baby?” Sehun asked, voice hoarse and breathless.

You matched his tone, fingers moving languidly inside yourself. “Yeah, but it’s not as good as when you do it.”

“Go faster, baby.”

Immediately, you adhered to his command, cursing slightly to yourself. As great as it felt, you knew it didn’t compare to him filling you up, bending you over and fucking the shit out of you. Nothing compared, really.

“I am Sehun, I’m going fast now.”

Sehun groaned, imagining you, spread eagle on your desk, fingering yourself to the thought of him. Shit, it was almost a dream come true, he thought, as his thumb circled the head of his cock, now flushed an angry shade of pink. “So am I baby, shit.” He moaned.

Your thumb circled your clit once, twice more harshly, making your hips jut upwards. “Shit, I think I’m close, Sehun.” You moaned quietly, praying that the phones ringing would drown out the noise you’re making.

“I’m about to come thinking about you wrapped around my cock baby, would you like that?”

Your head fell backwards at the thought of him, his thick girth filling you up as he pummeled into you quickly. It wasn’t hard to imagine, his hands had left so many bruises on your hips that you were surprised they weren’t permanent at this point. “I need it Sehun, I need you.” You whined, fingers moving faster.

You could hear Sehun panting on the other line. His hand was moving so quickly by now, it was practically a blur, the friction on his cock sending him reeling. “Jagi, I’m going to come.”

“Do it, baby.” you purred, listening to the other end as closely as ylou could.

On the other end, Sehun was a mess, hips snapping upwards in erratic, jagged motions. Dropping the phone, his now free hand gripped the pillow behind his head, as spurts of thick, white come were let loose, splattering onto his pants and tie. Eyes screwed tight, cheeks flushed, he could barely hear you on the other end.

You, however, were not much different than him. His deep, guttural groans sent you careening towards the finish line, fingers moving like lightning inside yourself, until you came with a harsh gasp. Tightening around yourself, you didn’t let your thumb stop tracing your clit until well after your orgasm had subsided.

“Jagi? Did you come?” Sehun asked, hoarse and breathless.

“Yeah, I did.” You said, your own voice thick and drowsy. “Shit, we should do this more often.”

“I completely agree.”

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your-fantasy-alive · 7 years ago

Text

We Are One-Pt 2.

Re Cap

**“You know, I’m disappointed in you all.” He says, tone saddened and heavy.

“What the hell are you…” says Chen but pauses as he sees me remove my gloves.

They now see, the burn of their emblem, embedded into his right hand. Black as day, for all to see.

“Boss…..” says Lay, shocked.**

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“What... but... how…” says Sehun, lost for words.

“Pick his big mouth ass up and go get a table, now.” He says, turning to go and order for them at the counter.

“Yes sir” they say, synchronized as Suho and Lay go and pick the hurt Chanyeol off the floor.

As he walks away, he hears his men whispering to each other as they walk to find a table.

This should be fun

As they all sit at the round table waiting for their boss, they start firing blame left and right.

“How did you not know that was the boss?! You knew him first!” Baekhyun whisper shouted at Lay

“Its been a fucking year! What was I supposed to do?! When we met, he had on all black and it was in a dark ass alley! Tell me you would have remembered him” lay, frustrated, says back. “Chanyeol big mouth ass had to go and try to rough him up! I told your goofy ass to stop throwing the gang around like that. Now look where it has gotten you, a broken arm given to you by the boss.” Says Lay

“I mean, he kind of deserved that one though” says Chen, laughing.

“Then here goes Sehun lispy ass trying to defend him from the boss. He probably would have gotten laid on his ass.” Blurts out Xiumin, looking over at the maknae.

“Hyung, don’t bring up his lisp, you know how he is about it.” Says Suho, putting one arm over Sehuns’ shoulder.

“Of course, you would defend him at a time like this. What we need to be figuring out is how we’re about to get out of this one” say Kai, sitting in the middle of the blame game.

“I think we should just see what the boss says then go from there” says Sehun, finally speaking.

As soon as he says that, Kyungsoo makes his way back to the table and sit in front of his men. His gaze is strong but wandering. He remembers his men, but they seem to have changed.

That’s not good… or is it?

“Hello boys, how are you?” he asks, gazing into each pair of eyes.

At first no one responded but then Kyungsoo cocks his right eyebrow and responses were shouted from all different directions.

“Good”

“Alright”

“Fine”

“I have to use the restroom badly”

“You broke my arm”

However, one question stood out the most.

“Where have you been for the past year?” ask Kai.

He looks over and gazes at him and holds eye contact as he responds,

“Watching”

“Watching what?” asked Sehun.

“Things”

The members all looked at each other wondering how they were going to get through to the boss. They know they made him made but he’s basically giving them the silent treatment.

“Look boss…. I know that we made you angry, but could you kindly actually talk to us. We haven’t seen you in a year and yet you’re acting like you aren’t happy to see us. Give us something.” Says Xiumin flatly.

“Oh, I’m sorry, am I supposed to be happy because of a group of men who can’t remember the morals I set forth before them? Am I supposed to be happy because of a group of men who can’t respect me? You tell me, what exactly am I supposed to be happy about?” Kyungsoo says lowly, gaze turning harder with each question.

They all sat there, slowly freezing up remembering the trouble they’re probably in.

“Don’t freeze up now, it’s time to talk. Chanyeol, since you like to talk so much about the gang so much, you tell me what’s been going on in the past year.” He says

“Uhm… Well…. the was this time that…. Or maybe when we… you see we kind of...” He says, stuttering over his words.

“Exactly, because you can’t. Do you want to know why you can’t?” he asked, voice dropping even lower.

“You can’t because you guys have been fucking off all of your responsibilities. I left a year ago on this very day and the gang is still the way I left it. Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice to know that I still have all my members. It’s nice to see your faces after so long but the fact that my gang is still a gang and not an empire makes me upset. I gave you all the foundation and wanted you to build while I was gone. I gave you all a year to create something, anything and I don’t see it. So, this time, Lay, tell me what happened in the last year.”

“Well… while you were away, we have been trying to figure out ways to expand and what we should expand to. Since all you said when you left was ‘when I come back, it’ll be time to run our empire’ I thought that meant that when you came back, you would lead us. I’m sorry boss.”

“Rule number 29 Yixing”

“Right….. Alright.”

The other boys looked between Lay and Kyungsoo, lost in what that meant.

“Rule number 29? What does that mean?” asked Chen

“Never say you’re sorry” blurts out Sehun

“ How did you know that? “Asked Baekhyun

“That doesn’t matter Baek. Right now, what I want to do is have us eat and then take me back to HQ. I want to see for myself what’s been going on. Alright? Right now, eat” says Kyungsoo, for the first time, cracking a smile.

At that moment, their food is being brought towards them

“How did you...” says Suho started to ask “, never mind.”

“Eat up and then when we’re done, let’s begin”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Heading to HQ was a silent and Kyungsoo didn’t know if he should be happy or sad with that fact. He knows that they are all scared by the fact that they made him mad but that didn’t mean that he didn’t care for them any less. Maybe he was going too hard on them the first day back?

“Alright boss, let’s go and we can show you what we’ve been doing.” Says Suho as they all make their way into the building.

As soon as he walks in, he sees a giant Chandelier with blood diamonds all around, creating a dark yet welcoming entrance to the building.

“Who chose the chandelier?” he asked, as he continues to look around

“Chanyeol” they all said at the same time, thinking that they dodged another bullet

Kyungsoo turns towards him and say, “Nice choice Yeol” and continue to rake his eye around the floor until he reaches the elevator.

When it opens, Kyungsoo is faced with a 6’0 something giant with puffy lips and dark eyes. Maybe it’s the fact that he’s shorter but he can smell the strong cologne coming from the mans chest, making his eyes water.

“What the hell are you wearing?” he asked, wiping his eyes

“Huh? Cologne of course, what else would smell this good?” He said with a smirk

“A dead rat” Chanyeol says, walking into the elevator with the men following behind. The last to walk onto the elevator being Kyungsoo, putting himself in front of all the others, at the entrance with his back turned towards them.

“Ha Ha , very funny Chanyeol.” He says

“I’m just saying, it does kind of smell. Maybe you should pick a different type Kris”

“Yeah, I’ll think about it. Besides, who is the shortcake you have with you?” Kris says, turning his head towards the mans back.

“Woah…. Wait,”

“Kris watch what you’re saying”

“Oh hell…”

“Kris is it?” Kyungsoo says, stopping everyone from trying to save him.

“Yeah, Kris is right… Once again… you are……looking good boss” he says, trailing off when he sees 7 pair of heads shake and eyes get larger, fixing his mistake immediately.

“Ah, I see my boys are helping you out” he says with his back still turned, making everyone whip their heads back towards the front.

“Of course not, I was just joking around boss. I’d remember that face from anywhere” He said, ending with a chuckle.

His response had multiple eye rolls and Chen face palming.

“Hmm, funny. I don’t remember you and I remember every member that I left.” He said, turning his head to the side to side eye Kris.

“Boss, Kris is someone we added just after you left, he is very important to us. So, if you could kindly not break his arm maybe? Lay says, with a hopeful voice.

“Yeah, but his legs are free boss, take your pick. Left, or right?” jokes Chen

Kris then starts to turn paler then he already is and shuffles even further to the back.

“If you guys added him then that means he’s here for a reason, he’s fine. Next time Kris, manners will be necessary. Got it?” Kyungsoo says, turning back around as the floor dings.

“Got it” he says.

They then get off the elevator and make their way into the basement. One of the members then go and switch on the lights and one by one the lights above flick on to show them the first room on the tour,

“The armory boss”

Kyungsoo then slowly makes his way around and looks at all the weapons that the group has accumulated since he has left. It’s a nice size for such a small group. However, something isn’t right

“Boys, how often are these used?” Kyungsoo asked, continuing his walk

“Not very often, we actually barely come down here. No one really bothers us so, we just keep them here. “says Baekhyun

Kyungsoo turns around and looks at his men.

Don’t tell me they haven’t at least trained properly?!

“How many of you know how to use the weapons that are in this room, at this very moment?” he asks

Baekhyun, Xiumin, Chen, Suho and Lay raise their hands.

“hmm, we’re going to have to fix this because If someone were to come in here and try to take over, only you 5 would be able to protect the entire building. Forget everything else, protecting yourself is always the important thing. Knowing how to protect yourself is a vital thing to have while in a gang. It’s time for a little meeting boys, take a seat based upon rank at the round table.” He says, sighing at the end.

He watches them sit and realize how confused and unorganized they are.

This is going to be some work

He then goes and sits at the head of the table.

“Let me make some things clear before we get started. I understand the I have been gone for a year and that can be hard for any gang to withstand. No leader means that no one can help the gang move forward. I left someone in charge while I was gone,” he says, turning to give an eye to Lay, then turns to continue to look at them all. “however, I can tell that things haven’t progressed the way that I’d hoped. I want my gang, my empire to be strong, undefeated, and prepared. I recruited you all for different reasons, but I can see that you all don’t know why you’re here, so over the next two weeks, I’m going to train you guys, individually and in pairs, to show you why you’re here, why you are needed, and where you belong. We’ll get to every part of the building but right now, if someone attacked, we’d all die. That means it’s time to fix some things. It’s not going to be easy guys. Its going to be hard work, dedication, pain, but to grow, this is what must happen. My question is, will you guys, my eight men, let me train and lead you? If so stay seated, if not, please stand now because once we start, there is no backing out.” He finishes, looking at each member.

Each member has a look of confusion yet dedication; no one stood up.

“Boss, you have been gone for a year, but we have all stayed. If we wanted to leave, we had a year to do so. I think this is all the proof you need to know that we are here to stay, no matter what.” Said Kai

“Yeah boss, Kai is right. There is nowhere any of us would rather be, this is our home. We could only depend on each other while you were away, we’ve grown closer. We’re brothers and nothing, but death will take us away from each other.” Says Suho, with steely eyes.

As Kyungsoo looks around, he sees his men, the men he recruited a year ago sitting before him,ready to take on whatever is thrown at them, together, with his lead. His men, his brothers.

“Then lets begin” he said

All they waited on were the words that Kyungsoo uttered in this very moment to seal their fates in one.

Lets create an empire

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was supposed to post this yesterday but i got sleepy, so I’m posting it now! From this point on out, the boys are going to get a wake up call and I hope that you guys enjoy it and actually read it!

xM3x

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chogisad · 7 years ago

Text

Shinning Armor | Sesoo AU

Summary: Sehun is the crown prince and Kyungsoo can't stand the sight of him frowning.

For as long as he can remember, Sehun loved the summer carnivals. They were lively, and they were loud, and despite the guard's wishes, he liked to get lost in the chaos of it all. He loved the stands full of local crafts, and the common people loved the praise of the crown prince.

When someone tries to poison his dinner, the entire castle goes on lockdown. He's confined to his room, every meal is tested, and all visitors are barred from entering.

On the day the king tells him he can't attend the festivities, Sehun considers renouncing the crown altogether. He's angry and his resentful remarks can be heard throughout the stone hallways of the castle but the king-- on the orders of the queen--is infallible. As Sehun nears his 24th birthday, the danger is too great. They have too many enemies. Sehun can't always be so selfish.

"Trade places with me, Kyungsoo," Sehun groans into his pillow. The high knight leans against the door, watching the sad prince with pity.

"Babysitting a melodramatic brat all day isn't necessarily any better," Kyungsoo says, and he sidesteps the cushion Sehun flings at him.

"Seriously. Be the crown prince, Soo. You can lounge all day, and I'll go out there and protect the kingdom."

Kyungsoo can't help but smile a little. He grew up with Sehun. They were both being trained for very different things-- one would take the crown, the other would protect it-- but their classes often coincided. Kyungsoo was present for all of Sehun's weaponry training. He saw the way Sehun's long, elegant fingers grew to master a bow and arrow, the way he could hit a speck of dust if he really tried. His skills with daggers and blades were impressive too-- deadly even-- yet when it came to swords, the chosen weapon of all knights, Sehun was more of a danger to himself than to an opponent.

"You couldn't brandish a sword to save your life, Sehunnie." Kyungsoo remarks, trying to lighten the mood, and Sehun only frowns deeper.

Kyungsoo can't stand the sight of Sehun's unhappiness. He grew up alongside Sehun, training and protecting him. He grew up around the young prince's contagious laugh, his charming smile, his loyalty, his knack for bringing out the best in people. When those details, those integral parts that make up the prince, are astray, even Kyungsoo is thrown off balance.

He knows he shouldn't. He knows he'd be breaking rules and codes and laws, but Sehun's smile loses some of its shine and it feels like the entire castle is grieving with him. Kyungsoo can't help himself.

"Run away with me." He proposes, looking down at Sehun, who's curling into himself on the bed.

"What?"

"I said, run away with me-- at least for a few hours."

Sehun narrows his eyes, distrust creeping into the amber irises and Kyungsoo hurries to elaborate.

"I know you love the lighting ceremony at the end of the festival. If you can make up an excuse as to why you'll be in your room all night, I'll escort you to the village and you won't have to miss it. We'll only be away a few hours."

Sehun blinks a few times before he's jumping to his feet. He tackles Kyungsoo in a hug and the older boy is forced to remind Sehun that they aren't kids anymore, that Sehun is a lot taller now. The younger boy ignores him and squeezes him tight.

"You're amazing. You're actually amazing." Sehun says, smiling so brightly Kyungsoo vaguely wonders if his face might hurt from it.

That night, Sehun feigns a headache and as the stars begin to appear, they make their way to the village on horse back. Kyungsoo knows in the dark he won't be recognized as easily but he still forces Sehun into black robes. He still hands him a bow and a hoist of arrows. He still double checks the prince has a dagger notched on his belt.

They mingle between the villagers and Kyungsoo knows Sehun will make a great king one day. There are still people selling goods and Sehun is charming. He keeps his head down but his compliments honest, and everywhere he goes, people are left smiling. When a little girl stares up at him with awe and recognition, Kyungsoo panics. Rather than hiding, Sehun kneels in front of her.

"Hello there," he says brightly, bowing his head to her. Kyungsoo watches with growing curiosity.

"Hello," her voice is small, unbelieving.

"Can you keep a secret for me, sweetie?" Sehun asks and she nods.

"I'm here on a mission for the king. Can you help me stay hidden?"

Her nod is more excited, brown eyes twinkling in the lamp light.

"Where will the lighting ceremony take place?"

She points north and Sehun curtsies, solemn and royal.

"Thank you. The king and I owe you a great favor." He says, placing three gold coins in her palm.

"Now get home safely for me, okay?" He motions her away, and the little girl bows once more before they lose her in the crowd.

"Did you just bribe a child?" Kyungsoo asks, unsure if he should be impressed or appalled.

Sehun shrugs. "I'm sure I'll have to do a lot worse as king," he says, jokingly, but Kyungsoo recognizes the edge in his voice.

They find a spot to watch the ceremony by the edge of the trees. Kyungsoo tries to focus, but his nerves are on edge. There are a lot of people, a lot of shadows, and despite the festivities, something sharper, ominous, rests in the air.

For a split second, however, Kyungsoo forgets his worries as his eyes fall upon the most beautiful sight he's ever seen.

Sehun outshines every lantern floating toward the heavens. He's smiling in wonder, entranced by the glitter and gleam of the lights, by the laughter and delight of the people he'll rule over one day. His eyes are alight with awe, and Kyungsoo watches as the dazed prince reaches for the lanterns, reaches for a little bit of their freedom.

"Its time to go, Sehun." Kyungsoo has to remind the prince a while later. Sehun understands; he knows even these good moments are momentary. He knows the privilege of the crown is also a weight. His smile is grateful, but downcast, and Kyungsoo wishes he could do more.

"Soo, I got you something." Sehun interjects before they reach their horses. From his cloak, he pulls out a small figurine and Kyungsoo's eyes widen.

Every detail is intricate. The tiny knight is made from a rich, dark wood. Even in the dim lighting of the waning festival, Kyungsoo can make out his own distinct crest on the armor, the emblem reserved solely for the High Knight.

"I guess the villagers got tired of carving me," Sehun jokes. Kyungsoo takes the figurine and smiles, wide, because he recognizes the wood. Sehun's chamber was mysteriously littered with the dark shavings before the dinner incident. He doesn't mention it and instead, bows to the prince.

"Thank you." Kyungsoo says, his voice deep, appreciative.

Their trek back to the castle is slower than from, with the stars as their only source of light. Kyungsoo is on edge because despite the quiet of the forest, something stirs in the air and the back of his neck prickles, like a foreign gaze has locked onto the two of them.

It all happens in an instant.

The horses neigh loudly just as the arrow misses Sehun by mere inches. His stallion, frightened, knocks him to the forest floor just as three cloaked figures appear out of the shadows.

"SEHUN, RUN!" Kyungsoo yells, before he upholsters his sword and meets the first assailant.

The moon bares witness to the clashes of silver. Sehun runs through the forest, his heart rampaging in his chest, begging him to go back to Kyungsoo. It’s the pull of loyalty, the pull of commitment, but Sehun knows Kyungsoo would never forgive him.

"IM RIGHT BEHIND YOU. KEEP GOING." Kyungsoo shouts and the forest echoes with the clangs of metal, with the crashing of armor. As he runs, Sehun reaches for his bow. He pushes forward and then whips around, kneeling, before his first arrow whizzes through the air. Its driven by instinct, driven by a need to protect, and it finds a clear target.

Sehun is about to notch another arrow when someone tackles him from behind. He rolls on the forest floor and goes for his dagger. The stranger is bigger than him, brute force and no tactic, and Sehun's body moves on muscle memory-- duck, hit, slash, side step, kneel.

But everything stops when Sehun hears Kyungsoo's painful gasp. His heart stutters, and the man takes the opportunity. His fist comes in contact with Sehun, and the breath gets knocked out of him. His vision turns hazy and a triumphant smile snakes across the stranger's face as he picks up Sehun's dagger, intent on delivering a final blow.

The man's arm slashes through the air, and Sehun can't do anything but close his eyes. The impact never comes and Sehun gazes upon a bleeding Kyungsoo, standing above the dead stranger. Kyungsoo drops his sword, and holds his arm, grimacing in pain.

"Y-you’re bleeding," Sehun whispers, eyes wide and fearful. He's still a little disoriented but he makes out the way Kyungsoo nods before he's motioning to the weapons littering the earth.

"Grab your bow. We need to get back to the castle. There could be more of them on the way." Kyungsoo grits out, and Sehun grabs what he can. He swings Kyungsoo's good arm over his shoulder and they stumble through the trees. Sehun tries not to think about how much blood Kyungsoo's losing, about the bodies they left behind, about the utter chaos that is about to ensue. Instead, he whispers reassurances to Kyungsoo, tells him he'll take the blame, that everything will be okay, that they'll be safe, and even Kyungsoo knows Sehun is also reassuring himself.

Half the guard gets sent out to scout the woods for any remaining traitors when the news breaks out. Sehun is present as Commander Junmyeon apologizes to the king for the actions of his knight. Sehun can't hold his tongue and after a lengthy lecture from both his parents, he's sent back to isolation.

He sneaks out hours later to visit Kyungsoo in the infirmary.

"The good news is: you get to keep your job," Sehun says as he plops down on Kyungsoo's bed. The high knight is pale, but alive, and still manages to try and shoo the young prince away.

"The bad news is: I'm still grounded." and like before, Sehun is pouting.

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes, even if the movement makes him dizzy.

"You're not being grounded; you're being protected." He points out, fully aware that it'll make no difference to his royal stubbornness.

Sehun goes quiet and Kyungsoo looks at him questioningly.

"About before," Sehun's voice changes; it's shy, and his cheeks glow with a pink hue. "Thank you for saving my life."

Kyungsoo nods in response. "You don't have to thank me. That's literally my job."

Sehun frowns, exasperated. "You're not supposed to say that."

Kyungsoo doesn't understand the hit and miss at romance.

"But that's the truth…. As High Knight of Exordium, my job is literally to protect and serve the crow-"

"Oh, shut up." Sehun says, and without warning, he kisses Kyungsoo.

Its sudden and Kyungsoo's eyes are wide in surprise before he eases into the feel of Sehun's lips. Soft and warm, just like the prince, Kyungsoo can't help but notice that his heart is beating faster now, than it did in any battle.

But that's something he'll worry about later.

Masterlist

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