#// this was very interesting!! i unfortunately can't say anything but wow this was so fucking in depth omg

[mugram]

Random thoughts on Keisuke... I don't think I can say much of new information because he's pretty open about everything but I wanted to share.

(also I want to say in advance I'm sorry if I mix up he and they pronouns when talking about both Keisuke and his friend in the text, I get easily confused with English pronouns and also my brain is fried)

It's straightforward that he killed someone for the sake of his friend, but I think his actual victim might be his friend.

"You should have known this wasn't good for them. You should have known this wasn't good for them. They're dead because of you." — x

From the MV it appears his friend was bullied by a group of people, so maybe he killed just one person, like the leader, and the others from the group killed his friend. Keisuke appears to think that his murder is justified and also says that he should have done more. Should have killed more people to make sure that no one is a threat to his friend anymore?

I would also see as a possibility that his friend committed suicide but I don't know what would be their reasons... I will explain why it could be a possibility later in the text but I base it only on Keisuke's feelings.

Also idk but I feel like Es misunderstands Keisuke's murder? Maybe I'm missing something...

Because Es implies that Keisuke killed the teacher who didn't pay attention to what was happening. But I think Keisuke killed the bully, with the way he's putting an emphasis on protecting his friend. Killing a teacher wouldn't do anything, quite the opposite, he'd kill the only means of protection — the authority.

Also both the bully and the friend are referred to with "someone" in the text, but the teacher is referred to as the teacher. And Keisuke kills "someone". (I will bring up the "someone" thing later as well)

His friend and their bullies seem to be classmates while Keisuke is in another class, and he is taking a glance at their classroom several times through the MV. I think this glass vase mentioned here is on the desk of his friend rather than on the bully's.

The flower language of pansies and violas is "thoughtfulness" and "thinking of me ." The flower language is a comparison of the way the flowers, which tend to bloom with their heads downcast, tilt their heads when thinking about something. — x

Although it is not well known, pansies also have the flower language of " Don't leave me alone ." This comes from the fact that pansies are multi -flowering plants that produce multiple flowers on one flower stalk. The flower language of pansies , including " Don't leave me alone, " "Thoughtfulness," "Memories," and "Think of me," all evoke the image of unrequited love for someone. — x

Also more on the "someone" thing:

Someone groans as they hop onto the brick wall, sitting next to Keisuke. "Hey." — the friend

"Hey, is your friend coming to save you?" Someone sneers. — the bully

“STOP– PLEASE!” Someone wheezes and coughs. — the victim. While chronologically it appears to be the moment of Keisuke's direct murder because after that Keisuke drops the weapon, I think it could mean both this and the murder of his friend overlapping.

The "but, please, keep yours" line is especially interesting to me... It's an implication that his friend failed to keep their promise. And Keisuke is very serious about promises. He's very naive in a sense that he thinks the world is a very just place and any contract, promise, rule is going to work.

While I'm here... I don't know how it will go for all the duos but 01-02, 03-04 duos appear to be similar in 01-03 and 02-04 pairing as well. All of them focus on law/rules/contracts. I think that 01-02 theme is law and 03-04 theme is trust which overlap a lot.

01-03 follow the rules, believing that the world is just, and fail to protect someone. 02-04 avoid following the rules, 02 for obvious reasons and 04 is a detective which isn't particularly a lawful work, it's somewhat about finding loopholes in law. 01-03 are kind of naive, trusting themselves to the rules and not preparing themselves for the possibility that the rules can fail them; 02-04 try to appear cynical or skeptical, they're dealing with breaking the law so they might be used to searching for additional means of security and always being on guard.

There's also that the first duo seems to secure themselves with their own power, while the second duo seems to secure themselves with connections, a network of people. Okay not talking too much about duos as this is an ask about Keisuke but I wanted to point it out.

Back to the promise thing. Because his friend failed to keep their promise, I wonder what Keisuke really feels about them now. Like— If they're dead it's hard to call it "betrayal" but... The feeling that the dead person "betrayed" or "abandoned" you is indeed one of the ways of coping with their death that happens in real life so it might be a possibility. Especially when it's a suicide case, anger like "why did you leave" and "why didn't you tell me" etc is very often a first reaction. "Think of me" and "don't leave me alone" pansies... So, this makes me think that his friend might have committed suicide as another option.

But I guess it's fine if you need to leave

Hm???? Now that I think about it maybe his friend was considering suicide in general, with the bullying being one of the factors that made them suicidal. So Keisuke killed their bullies in exchange for a promise that they will stay alive, but they didn't. Keisuke says that he could have done more — like getting rid of the bullies wasn't enough to make them stay.

I think that the lyrics are directed at several people, including his teacher and his friend. At first they appear to be directed only at the teacher, and Keisuke's feeling of betrayal is understandable here: the teacher is ignoring the problem. (However I wonder what kind of promise Keisuke is making to the teacher? Or maybe it's a promise he made to his friend (to stop the bullying), so like, "because you're failing me I'm failing another person"?)

I promised

So, why won't you listen?

Conversation with his friend happens during these lyrics:

Did it not mean anything

To you?

But, I guess it doesn't really matter.

This makes me think that he feels betrayed by his friend as well.

"I promise I'll tell you about it tomorrow." They sigh and lean forward. "What's been going on with you?"

But, I guess it doesn't really matter.

Also in the words that the bullies are saying to his friend, this particular phrase is highlighted... It's formatted the same as the lyrics/Keisuke's thoughts.

"What a disappointment."

More lyrics that appear during Keisuke's conversation with his friend:

I'll trust you just for a little longer

You made me a promise, so I hope it meant something

Also what I find interesting is that at first Keisuke says he's not asking for anything in exchange for his promise.

There's no fee

Just a promise it will happen.

There was never a fee.

However, at the end he asks the other party to keep their promise.

But, please.

Keep yours.

Like, hm... he expected that him being loyal and kind and going for such drastic measures would be enough for the other party to do whatever he wanted them to do for him (I think he wanted them to stay with him, speaking generally, I will mention it a bit later), but they didn't. If the other party is a friend, and a best friend, as Keisuke keeps on repeating in his interrogations, I'm pretty sure he feels that this friendship was broken/betrayed...

There's also that Keisuke's friend appears pretty distrustful of him. They avoid answering questions and give empty promises; Keisuke feels hurt in the lyrics, he's aware of this distrust. I think it's because they don't want to be a burden, but hm... It's like this friendship is not as close as Keisuke believes it to be.

They seem to know each other for a pretty long time, saying that they're graduating soon but they wanted to visit a museum possibly long before graduating. Maybe they used to be closer friends and are now growing distant and this especially hurts Keisuke, he's holding onto them being "best friends" trying to cope that there's no trust in this friendship anymore.

There's also a motif of the upcoming end of sorts...

I know we're going to graduate next year

But I guess it's fine if you need to leave

Like their friendship is going to end soon. But if they were best friends and knew each other for a long time, this friendship wouldn't be easily broken by graduation, right? This is why I think first and foremost Keisuke wanted the friend just to *stay*, he's fearing that the end is near. The question is why the end is near... Could be just because they're growing distant for whatever reasons but idk, can't help seeing more points to the suicide theory perhaps...

For any Wardens interested in theorizing, please take a look at this theory and analysis into Keisuke Izumi!

[mostofthingsmostofthetime]

I just finished the first episode of Heartstopper, so here are some of my thoughts in no particular order.

The opening song is cool (will probably look up the shows soundtrack like I did with XO, Kitty).

Why did the camera focus so much on Charlie's bag & Elle's drink? Is it product placement?

Wow, no hate to the actor, but Charlie's eyebrows are THICK!!!!

Tori is beautiful but also kind of looks like a ghost (I think she’d be great for the role of  Violet Baudelaire from A Series Of Unfortunate Events) & why was she so pushy about the "dream guy" thing? Like let the poor boy breathe.

Is Nick's actor that much taller than Charlie's? I hadn't noticed.

I’m sorry, but knees are so weird to me lol. Also obligatory, 🎵 she's a runner she's a track star🎵.

Wait, is that PE teacher that will later interrupt the team theorising about Nick & Charlie's relationship? It's crazy how they’ve found actors who look so much like the characters in the graphic novels (other casting directors should take notes).

Ok fair enough about wanting your team to be good & wondering if the quiet, skinny, nerdy, boy is even into sports but the shit about him being gay is so stupid (bet it was Harry that said that).

Glad Charlie didn't get injured learning rugby, lol.

Nick's shorts seem a lot smaller than Charlie's ones do, but maybe that's the costume designer's way of helping Charlie’s actor look more skinny?

Omg Stephen Fry, what are you doing here lol?

Wow, people weren't kidding. Olivia Colman really did show up just to say one line. What a legend, lol.

Ben, did you really make Charlie walk all that way for such a lame ass kiss? Also, let him talk about his Christmas, you jerk!

I don't think that Form tutor is very good at his job (while Nick thankfully turned out to be nice) it’s usually not a great idea to put the skinny, gay, nerd that has already been bullied with the bigger, popular, seemingly straight, athlete, especially at an all boys school!

Ben, you dick. Like I get wanting to keep your relationship secret, but you did not need to pull the 'who the hell are you!' card. All you had to do was say hi in a confused/uninterested tone (then apologise later). If anything, your reaction came off more weird than what Charlie did.

I'm sorry, but I don't get the leaf animation. I mean, I GET it, just why leaves? Why not flowers or hearts or something? It just doesn’t seem that impactful to me, but maybe they have a deeper meaning that I'm just not grasping yet? If so, please let me know.

Ok, so I'm torn over the gay teacher. Like artistic? That's cool. Those glasses? Cute. Him giving Charlie a safe space to eat lunch? Great. Him being worried over Charlie potentially being bullied again? Awesome (take notes, Form guy), but his advice to Charlie seemed slightly lacking. Obviously, honesty & communication are important in relationships, but I'm a little surprised that possible safety concerns weren't addressed at all, especially from a fellow gay guy. Like I get that he doesn’t know the kind of guy Charlie's "dating" & that just because someone doesn't want to come out yet doesn’t mean they should be labelled as dangerous but internalised homophobia can make some people lash out & after everything Charlie's been through his clearly more likely to be vulnerable to situations like that.

Nick is a golden retriever in human form, they're 100% correct 😊.

Isaac? What happened to Aled? I hope he still shows up. He may be quiet, but he was so cute during Charlie's 15th birthday in the graphic novel.

Interesting to get to see Elle's time at Higg's (fuck that transphobic teacher & whoever was throwing sandwiches at her). Sad she doesn’t have any friends but I'm sure that'll change when she meets Tara & Darcy. Wow, is it strict over there, though, like you can't even be on your phone at lunchtime? Damn! Surprised they did it this way, though, as I was assuming they'd just make Truham co-ed so all the characters could be in the same place.

Tao, my guy, the drink thing is sweet but that hair is.....certainly.....a choice 😅.

The shots of Charlie looking at food, without eating, make me ☹️.

I gotta be honest, the montage of Nick & Charlie saying hi to each other was a little cringy to me compared to how it came across in the graphic novel, but they're meant to be teens, so I'll let it slide. It's also an effective way to highlight how differently Charlie's "boyfriend" treats him compared to an acquaintance.

Ben's hand covering up Nick's smiley face got me like ☹️/😠. They're not even together yet & I already felt like telling him to get off Charlie, like that boy is not for you! It’s ridiculous, lol.

Ben what you did was fucked up but it's hard to be scared of someone who looks so much like a meerkat in a wig (no hate to the actor) also did it seem like he just....skidded away when Nick pulled him off Charlie? Like, was the actor wearing Heelys lol? Or had someone just mopped the floor without telling anyone? Also, it's lame to wear a coat when you're cold? What in the toxic masculinity are you fucking on about Ben?

Omg the bathroom scene was so adorable, but I wanna know what kind of pen Nick was using because being covered in that amount of ink is crazy 😆.

Overall, it's very cute. I like Nick & Charlie. It’ll probably take a bit longer for me to really care about the other characters. Ben can catch these hands! And I’m looking forward to watching the Narlie relationship develop.

So while not overly ground breaking (though obviously important for LGBTQ+ rep) it's definitely enjoyable in a comforting sort of way which (considering medias fascination with marginalised suffering) is obviously important for queer youth but also must be quite healing for queer elders. Because you deserve wholesome, cheesy, romance just as much as anyone else.

[orcelito]

orcelito's trigun fic recs!

making this for @trigunfanfic's fic appreciation week! this is a nonexhaustive list & not in any particular order (aside from the smut fics, which i separated into another section). just a few fics i rly love & think should get more attention!!

so Here are the multichapters (some of which have smut, but it's not the focus):

someone to last your whole life by catchatter / @needlab7

this one is sooooooooooooooooooooooo 🥺 i was reading it as it was being released and MAN it drove me insane. every bit of the post-trimax love and healing i couldve ever wanted. genuinely one of my fav trigun fics. it's just so well written & evocative. it really does feel like Vash and Wolfwood... and just. aughghghgh im gonna have to reread it sometime bc it truly is something special

CAUSE OF DEATH (See instructions and examples) by neatrogenous / @floofyfluff

this is the other post-trimax fic that Changed My Life. i read it all in one go in one euphoric hyperfocus. i felt every emotion known to mankind. it is just. slkdfjsldfjlskdfj god. i adore how Vash is written here. both of them, really. it just feels so much like them. someday, i will reread this one Too...

Make it to Daybreak by @hypermoyashi (on both ao3 and tumblr)

god. what to say about this one. honestly i have never watched Demon Slayer so going into this fic i was missing that context, but i never felt like i was actually missing out on much. Allen does such a fantastic job at bringing u into the world without having to know anything about it at all. i LOOOOVE demon vash sooo much. so very much. im a little behind on updates rn sldfsdfkj but im excited to catch back up bc everything about this au is just Sooooo fun. everyone potentially interested in Demon Vash should read this. Do it. Right Now. 🥺 pls

Trillium and Ivy by @shastafirecracker (on both ao3 and tumblr)

AUGHHHHHH omfg this one was one of the first fics i read for trigun, and MAN it really set a high bar for me. im a little picky when it comes to modern aus, but this one is just so.... WONDERFUL... i read the entire thing in the first half of my day one day and spent the rest of my day in a fugue state. it was just SO SO SO good. i recently reread it and even having read it before, it was just as wonderful to read. realistic relationship development, compelling Saverem drama, all of it. it's also probably my favorite fic for the depiction of Vash's injury & recovery. the first time i read it i was just blown away by how realistic it felt, right down to the trauma memories of watching bargain bin movies while he was stuck in bed. honestly i could rant for forever about this one lol. it truly is special.

and RELATED TO THAT,,,

Wildflowers, also by ShastaFirecracker

i actually didnt know these 2 fics were written by the same person at first lol. Wildflowers got linked in my trigun server & i checked it out bc Fuck Yeah trans wolfwood. and then had my world just blown away. it's SUCH a good fic, & i really am such a sucker for fantasy au. and i was just absolutely gushing about how realistic the depiction of trans wolfwood was even before i finished the fic. SUCH a great fic. so imagine my surprise & delight when i went back to reread Trillium and Ivy and realized -- OH FUCK, it's by the SAME PERSON !!! such beautiful writing, For Real. i really do love these 2 fics.

Sun, Moon, and Stars by tragic_unpaired_electron (can't find a tumblr link on the fic or ao3 profile, so if anyone knows them feel free to share this with them pls !!)

WOW LOOK it's a fic that doesnt have VW as the main focus!!! unfortunately the only one of those on this list (i May be a tad predictable...), & it really earned its place here. it's just such a fascinating fic that answers the question of What If Tesla Survived? i adore the exploration of her strengths and struggles, as well as her sibling relationship with Knives and Vash. it's so INTERESTING, and it gets into the meat of fighting for the rights of Independent Plants (and plants in general) and just. man. i read this and wanted to devote my life to one Tesla Saverem. she is so precious and hard-headed and SUCH a good big sister. pls do read it, it's such a lovely fic

and NOW...

onto the smut fics lol.

there are Plenty of very good smut fics around, but these are the ones that really stuck with me. either for being Different than the norm, or just being very... well. ya kno lol.

dont worry about the picture this paints of me lmfaoooo

you'll never get enough by tagteamme / @phaltu

AGHHHHHHHHH oh my god this fic made me FEEL things. it's a boxer / gym au, and MAN does it do it well. u get the sweaty gym setting, u get the homoeroticism & horny pining, u get the blatant masochism that drives them both... im just obsessed with it. that stove scene is going to stay with me For Life. & the smut is of course VERY good, but the Vibes... oh the Vibes are so impeccable. obsessed.

there is a season for all things by SolidShrimp (cant find their tumblr on the fic/profile, but i Know ive seen them on tumblr 🤔 if anyone knows their url, pls do me a favor and send this to them!)

THIS ONE.......................... man. man. man. man. like i know xeno is The Average for fandom vash, except the normal flower "plantussy" doesnt really do much for me. im too much of a monster fucker for that i guess. it's not BAD, just not particularly exciting. this, though? now, THIS one left an impression. ive already gushed about it to the writer in the comments of the first fic (havent kept up with the sequel fics, tho i really should catch back up sometime) so i'll keep it brief here. just. such an UTTERLY delightful inhuman vash portrayal, to the point where his reproductive biology is just plain incompatible with Wolfwood & Meryl's (oh yeah, it's mashwood, which is WONDERFUL...). wolfwood and meryl are in over their head trying to figure out how to get vash off in his own way, but they do their Absolute Best!!! it's just rly sweet and i adore the way the writer went Full Ham into the inhuman aspects. utterly delightful.

Kick me once again, and say we'll never part by epsilontauri (doesn't look like they're on tumblr? there's just a link to their twitter on the fic. but if anyone knows them, feel free to send this to them!)

this one is. so. very. AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. ok i will be honest this is probably my favorite vw smut. and it's barely even smut. the sequel is definitely much more sex, but this one is. well. it's some extreme, dangerous, and barely negotiated S&M. as the saying goes, it's neither Safe Or Sane, but it sure is consensual! it's just so. well looking at just the tags sure does reveal it. horrible coping, it's an intense fic, but it's just so.......... DELIGHTFUL........... i really really really love fics that stick to their guns like this. and i love how even though Wolfwood had a GREAT time, we get to see how it kinda freaked Vash out (he did Not like hurting Wolfwood), so the sequel is good for a fic where they're both genuinely having lots of fun. this one is actually rather not fun for Vash. but it's just. it's about the Extremity of it. the Possessiveness. pushing someone to their absolute limits!!!!!!!!! this is another fic that i rambled in the comments about bc. yeah. yeah. it's. just trust me. if ur into fucked up dudes being fucked up dudes, this is the fic for you.

& OKAY i think that's my list. again, it's nonexhaustive, but ive had enough typing i think lol

hope u guys enjoy the recs 🥺

[historicallyaccuratecheese]

So uh...that thing I said about my tma hyperfixation slipping recently? Well, I wasn't lying, but...holy shit, if it didn't come back quicker than I expected! As I'm sure many of you are aware, they recently announced a live performance happening in London surrounding Hill Top Road, and...I am so ridiculously excited for it. Now that I've booked my tickets, I am wholeheartedly back on the listening train and set on finishing it before October 30th next year.

As I have said in current my pinned post, I don't think I'll be continuing to write down all of my thoughts for every episode, both because I don't have the time or energy, and because I want to start using this blog for pleasure more and just post about whatever thing's on my mind. That being said, I finally got back into the podcast with MAG 87 (a bit of a weird new start, I know, but...whatever), and...I definitely have some things to say about it! So uh...yeah, read beneath the cut if you want to hear a bit of that! :)

But first, I'd just like to give some brief thoughts on MAG 85 and 86. Unfortunately it's been quite a while since I last listened to them, and I don't really have much motivation to go back and re-listen, since I'd like to keep things moving forward, so...a lot of my hyper-specific thoughts have evaded me. That being said...I thoroughly enjoyed both of them!

MAG 85...despite being extremely frustrating to form any coherent thoughts about, was an absolutely stellar episode! And I mean...being confusing is kind of the point so I can't complain that much. Like, it is entirely impossible for me to decipher this one, I can't tell if it means fuck all or is the most important thing ever, but...whatever, it was good! It's no secret at this point that I really like all of the stuff surrounding The Spiral (particularly a certain distorted door man...), so this was obviously a great time for me and was stellarly written. I did find quite a bit of intrigue in the post-statement though, namely Georgie....I mean, bless her heart, but holy shit she needs to re-think her dating life, and also what is seemingly the reveal of the name of one of Gertrude's late assistants. ...Eric Delano. At first I didn't think much of this name reveal, I mean, I assumed we'd learn more about him later, but the intial reveal doesn't tell us much. However...for reasons I'll explain later, I recently reffered back to the transcript for MAG 62, and...wouldn't you know it, Mary mentioned an Eric back there, one that both she and Gertrude are familiar with. I have no idea what his connection to the former could be if there really was one at all, but uh...based on the context he's brought up in, I'm guessing that his death had something to do with whichever one of ✨the horrors✨ he was devoted to (likely The Eye if he was indeed an archival assistant, but...then again Gertrude's alliegance to it as The Archivist can still be questioned so I'm not saying anything conclusive for the time being), and the "what's left of him" remark means his death was...probably a bit of a slow build. Anyways...all very interesting.

Now, as for MAG 86...holy fucking shit. As far as I can tell this one if quite infamous among the fandom, and...yeah, I can certainly sympathize! I really don't think I have much more to say about the statement that hasn't already been said, but just...wow. It's another example of a statement that doesn't really seem connected to the overarching plot, (I mean...there are some similarities between the monster in this episode and Maxwell Rayner, but I feel like I'm supposed to read into that more than the two almost certainly being extensions/servants of the same darkness power, plus if we assume that the Rayner body swapping theory is true, and that he only does so when the current one is starting to get really old, and specifically targets children for hosts, then like...why is he possessing an adult? Why was he outside of a body for so long? This is a really long section inside parentheses holy shit.) but it is just...so incredibly memorable and terrifying. The way that throughout the entire episode, it builds up its concept of a monster that is one with the darkness of night itself and only encroaches towards when you aren't conciously hiding from it underneath a blanket, but then at the very last minute completely subverts this idea by revealing that its patterns were just a farce meant to lure Benjamin into a false sense of security...it's genuinely haunting. And of course "The blanket never did anything" is a quote for the ages, like...just wow. (Also the way it left a noticeable stain on him reminded me of Void from Hollow Knight but that's off-topic).

Otherwise though, this episode had a lot of great non-statement content! While I am...still absolutely terrified by the prospect of Melanie working at the institute now, along with her blatant naivete and denial (although granted I'm thankful that she's much more open to investigating what the hell is happening than Season 1 Jon was), I really liked her reading the statement here. Lydia Nicholas does a great job making her read sound different from the statements Melanie gave herself, I mean...she genuinely sounds horrified by the end which like...same girl. I also love how she says "marker" at the beginning and end, it's such a small but charming detail that highlights how she's still used to her old way of looking into and documenting the paranormal really well. Also, somewhat off-topic but...WHY THE HELL DOES ROBIN PATTON SOUND SO MUCH LIKE GEORGIE'S SHITTY DATE?! Like...I was so prepared to learn that Georgie got mauled by a shadow monster upon listening to MAG 87 but...nope! Genuinely...what was up with that? Uh...regardless, we also have Tim who...I found to be VERY interesting in this episode. Firstly...the line "Who am I even sad for?" was just...an absolute gut punch. It's no secret that anything regarding the inherent tragedy of Sasha's character is enough to make me cry, but like...despite my occasional frustrations with him, it's stuff like this that makes me feel like...just, Tim Stoker, they could never make me hate you. But outside of that...something is absolutely up with him.

I just...find it so weird that he seems to almost instantly recognize what happened when Melanie starts talking about the two Sashas, like...how is it that HE seems so understanding of what's going on when she, the only person other than Elias who was able to see through the facade, really isn't? I mean, sure, there have been a few statements about The NotThem before, but only one of them actually had the archival assistants involved in any follow-up, and I mean...Tim is like the office diva who's just here for shits and giggles! ...That's an overexxageration, I'm sure he had his reasons for joining the institute that'll be revealed in the future, I'm just saying he's absolutely the most lax person here, albeit the way in which he's lax has changed over time. But like, why does he, of all people, remember this singular statement that he looked into over a year ago at this point in the timeline? I mean, I guess he did take a bit of an interest in the table when it was delivered to the institute, and was also the one to tell Jon about the delivery, but...Jon himself didn't even clock that the table and The NotThem were inherently connected to one another until after reading Lawrence Moore's statement and hearing about how Adelard Dekker bound the thing, so why should I expect Tim to be any better? Just...what is the deal here? On top of that, I found it really interesting how he just...stopped reading the statement and went on a rant at the beginning. As far as we can tell, statements seem to...draw people into them in a less than normal way, likely explaining why they portray the person who gave it while reading out loud, and why they seem so shocked and breathless when they stop (except for Jon but granted he's been doing this for a while whereas Martin and Melanie are new to this). The only other exceptions to this are Elias, who's method of reading "Alice Tonner's Statement" were...unique to say the least (and is also a practically confirmed to be claimed by The Eye like Jon while the archival assistants might just be touched so...there's also that), and Gertrude, who is...admittedly a bit of a mystery, but if we go with the assumption that as The Archivist she was also claimed by The Eye like Jon and probably all before her, and take some of her, um...fiery machinations into account, then...yeah, I feel confident in saying there was probably a bit of resistance to all of this spooky archive shit on her part.

So then, what's the deal with Tim? I mean, I once proposed the idea that "statement begins" is a sort of paranormal trigger phrase that draws people into the statements as an explanation for why Gertrude, a character who doesn't say that, seems so unfazed while and after reading a statement, but...this episode actually deconfirms that notion, because Melanie doesn't say it and still comes out uneasy. So...Tim not saying "statement begins" probably means very little. I mean...I guess it also felt like Melanie was getting drawn in over time so...maybe the fact that Tim didn't even start the actual story has something to do with it? Well like...my point is, this and the instant understanding of what happened to Sasha is enough to make me feel mighty suspicious of Tim. Like, I don't think he's some evil villain or anything but...I mean to say that he's shifted from "just some guy who got stuck in this whole mess" to "someone who might very well have a much bigger stake in the lore and narrative than I initially thought". And like...I know Season 2 Jon was an insane bastard who was not to be trusted but honestly...I also kind of think it's weird Tim came to the institute despite there being no history in paranormal studies on his record. So...what do I think's going on with him? Well...I think he very well might have some sort of connection to The Stranger. I don't get the sense that he's actually working for it or is in on The Unknowing or something, because even thought deceit and false appearances is kind of The Stranger's thing from what I can garner...Tim seems pretty genuine in his confusion. If not, then "Who am I even sad for?" would have significantly less weight to it. But...I just wonder if maybe he's been touched by it beyond just being decieved by The NotThem, and...maybe that has something to do with his past. It would explain why he recognized what was going on with Sasha after hearing Melanie's account (I am...very tempted to say that he lost someone to The NotThem before, but...I don't know how you'd expand on that given that the thing is currently rotting in an underground ditch. Sure, it's not actually dead and could theoretically bust out at any moment, but...eh...we'll see), and mabe also why he was able to seemingly tear himself away from the statement, since The Eye and The Stranger seem to be VERY naturally opposed, maybe more than they are to any other one of ✨the horrors✨, except for MAYBE the darkness because The Divine Host's insignia is literally a closed eye. Ultimately...these are just two relatively small details and I'm making a lot of assumptions based on them, but...I really feel like something interesting is about to happen with Tim. I mean, I really hope so, I've said before that I badly want to see more about his character get revealed so that I can form a more clear opinion on him, but...I'll just have to wait and see.

And then finally, something that really surprised me...Melanie and Jon meeting up! This was a delighful surprise, not only because I love their interactions with one another, but also because...it's really interesting plot-wise. Firstly, we got some more information on Melanie getting "sort of shot" (it's been months and I still have not stopped thinking about that). Apparently she was shot in the leg...by a ghost. Oh...homegirl is so haunted by one of ✨the horrors✨ and it is not even funny anymore. I don't really have much to say about this reveal, other than that...I'm very intrigued by it and hope she makes another statement of her own soon. Because uh...that sounds important. Anyways, I think the most interesting thing here is the deal made between the two of them. Melanie helping Jon out with gathering additional resources is very intriguing...kind of, I mean, I'm writing this post-MAG 87 so I already have a decent idea of what her doing this for him might do...and given the context I kind of hope she doesn't help him with what he's trying to do because I prefer my archivist raw and not cooked but...we'll get to that. But uh...otherwise, I am EXTREMELY interested by the fact that Jon has...supposedly told Melanie everything. Like...I desperately need to listen to MAG 88 right after I post this just so that I can hopefully see the fallout of that conversation at the institute. Like...will they learn about Sasha, Leitner, Elias, Gertrude, ✨THE FUCKING HORRORS✨?! Just...how do you reveal all of that to the new girl at the institue when meeting up at a café, and better yet, how do you expect her to share all of that information with her new coworkers she barely knows at a place where they are constantly being watched by a guy who probably doesn't want them knowing that?! And like...how the hell do you "start with Sasha?" Like, I have genuinely tried imagining that conversation between Jon and Melanie in my head multiple times (i swear I am a normal person), and...I just cannot make that work. Like Melanie, I'm sorry, but Magnus Institute Lore 101 requires that you start with the worm lady, okay? Just...wow...how is that going to go down? Anyways...those are my main thoughts on MAG 86! ....Yeah, the disparity in stuff to say between this and MAG 85 is kind of laughable. I swear I like it, I just...cannot write anything coherent about it. Regardless...onto the main event!

But before that....just one little thing I recently realized regarding the episode "Hide and Seek" namely its title. Not only does it refer to The NotThem chasing Jon, but...I just realized that The Stranger "hides" and The Eye "seeks", but in this episode, the seeker is a manifestation of The Stranger and the hider is a man claimed by The Eye. ...God damn that is really clever.

So...MAG 87. ...I would say I was surprised that definitely not Elias Bouchard managed to find out where Jon was hiding Gertrude's tapes but...I'm not. Because. Come on. Man...I just realized how unfortunate it is that right after Basira gave him that gold mine of information, he was forced to leave all of that knowledge behind. ...Yikes. Anyways, uh...I guess I should start with the statement here! Let's get the obvious out of the way. Sebastian Skinner you will always be famous. Put this man right next to Joshua Gillespie and Karolina Górka and let them form the most powerful polycule in human history because OH MY GOD I LOVE HIM. King and patron saint to all neurodivergents across the globe, he deserves all the riches he could ever desire. Yeah...despite all of the genuinely unnerving imagery and lore revelations in this episode, I have to say that Sebastian alone makes this one of the funniest episodes in the show by far. The man is LITERALLY asked to unclog human flesh from a sewage pipe in a creepy building in the woods by a very creepy woman who offers to FLENSE him...and he is just completely unfazed by and oblivious to the whole situation. I just...I can't get over that. In fact, he is so unbothered by it that Megan is GENUINELY APPALLED by it, but also so ammused that she calls over a servant of a completely different member of ✨the horrors✨ to LAUGH ABOUT IT, and then calls him back, not even to neccessarily kill him, but just to rub it in his face how actually scary things are. Just...absolute comedy gold, I love it. I will remember this man always, and it is actually kind of heartbreaking that he did not survive in the end if Gertrude's comments are anything to go off of (also yes hi Gertrude I missed you :D).

Outside of that though...yikes was this a freaky one. I mean, really only the second half if I'm being honest, the first part was still hilarious. Just like...so much disturbing imagery. The way he describes "Megan" burying her plastic hands into his skin, how Jude Perry just cruelly laughs as he cries out for help, and then a workshop filled with a bunch more of the sentient mannequins from MAG 83 skinning a bunch of severed heads, it's just...ugh! Same goes for Megan's face slipping away and Jude burning his shoulder right as it seemed like she was going to let him get away, just...yeah, very disturbing statement. Overall I really liked it, good mix of comedy and horror that builds the plot surrounding The Stranger, The Unknowing, and...surprisingly The Lightless Flame up really well. And speaking of which...

The best part of this episode for me is definitely all of the new information it gives us and the way it pushes the plot forward, both in the statement and the comments made by Gertrude and Jon. In general, I feel like Season 3 has done a great job at pushing the plot forward so far, even if it's felt a bit slow for me due to my hiatus. Firstly, I'd like to discuss what we learned about The Unknowing, because...wow. Now, Jon says that he believes The Unknowing is a "ritual" and...yeah, there probably is some truth to that. Now, I do still think that the destruction of The Magnus Institute probably plays into The Unknowing, both for reasons that I've discussed before, none of which have been debunked here as far as I'm concerned, but also because this episode confirms that while The Stranger is definitely the one leading the operation, other members of ✨the horrors✨ have the potential to get involved as well, namely what we now know is called "The Devastation". Amazing name by the way, I especially appreciate its existence because it was getting annoying having to differentiate between "Lightless Flame" as in the power and "Lightless Flame" as in the cult. Now, I know that Gertrude kind of suggests it is possible that Jude Perry (who uh...yeah! Really cool to get a new named freaky person here!) was just here for shits and giggles, and I mean...to an extent she probably was given Sebastian being a guy that exists, but let's assume that she actually is working with agents of The Stranger on The Unknowing. Now, as far as I can discern, there...really doesn't seem to be much that would make The Stranger and The Devastation natural allies when you look at things through a thematic lense. Like, compare this to The Vast, the isolation power and the darkness power, all of whom are allied via Daedalus, and you have clear thematic correlation. The Lukases, Fairchilds and Divine Host are working together because of the loneliness, size and darkness of space. Meanwhile, The Stranger and The Devastation don't have much in common...except for a common enemy. ...Or rather, seperate enemies that are allied with one another. Yeah so...The Stranger hates The Eye and The Devastation hates The Spider, and it does seem like The Eye and The Spider are allied in a number of places. Now, according to Gertrude, The Lightless Flame had...plans of their own that recently "went up in flames" (she actually said that by the way, I never thought I would hear her tell a joke), likely due to the loss of Agnes as we can tell she was definitely important to her given all of her "destiny" talk. Er, on that note, I guess I should mention that it's entirey possible that Jude Perry is the only member of The Lightless Flame allied with The Stranger, since all of the other named ones (Agnes, Diego and Arthur) are....very very dead, while she is implied to still be out there. Regardless, this makes me think that her and/or The Lightless Flame's involvement with The Unknowing could be a sort of...next best option. Like, maybe their plans involved getting rid of The Spider, but since Agnes' death has left them in disarray, their siding with the member of ✨the horrors✨ who seeks to take down The Spider's bestie. And...the best way to do that is probably through wrecking the institute. So uh...yeah, I definitely think that The Unknowing will involve destroying the institute, but...I have reason to suspect there's more too it than just that.

My reason is...well, Gertrude was actively trying to stop it. We know that she and Leitner tried to burn down the institute, or at least the archives, right before her death, so if The Unknowing only sought to do the same thing as her...why would she try to stop it? There has to be something else it seeks to achieve, and we have...at least an inkling of an idea of what that might be now. But um...on the note of Gertrude wanting to stop it, there's that! We now know for certain that Gertrude was not just fighting against The Eye from within the institute, but also The Stranger as well...which makes me think she was probably fighting against all of ✨the horrors✨, if the fact she was against two immortal enemies is anything to go off of. I also think this episode debunks the idea that she was secretly a servant of The Devastation due to her tendency to burn and explode, both because of what I just said but also because she talks about Jude Perry and The Lightless Flame in a way that makes her seem...on a different side from them. But like....that doesn't make her whole character any less bewildering to me! Hell, I think this makes her MORE bewildering! Not only do I not understand how she was able to even attempt doing so much damage to The Eye when she, as The Archivist, was presumably claimed by it, but like...how the hell was she going agaisnt EVEN MORE?! How is she just..able to fight against every side in this war between eldritch abominations, especially when her only known allies were three assistants who all died horribly, and an old librarian who while definitely powerful, is implied to have met her relatively late into her life? Even Michael, a character whose only discernable goals are to cause chaos, look hot while doing it and sit back and watch the world burn is at least aligned with The Spiral (albeit seemingly more by nature than by choice or experience). And like...better yet, WHY?! What motivated her to join The Magnus Institute and start fighting all of these things? My best guess is that she, like Jon, was motivated to join due to prior interest in the paranormal, and only learned that the institute was just as paranormal as everything it's been studying later on. The only discernable difference is that while Jon came in search of knowledge, I think she might have come in search of blood, but like...that's not a lot! Just...god. "Interesting" does not do this character justice. I love this arsonist grandma so dearly but like...I need her secrets now. And the funny thing is, I'm not even done talking about her yet! But...for now, back to The Unknowing.

So there's a few more details regarding it I want to point out. Firstly, it seems almost confirmed that while The Anglerfish and its minions, Breekon and Hope, Jude Perry and at least for a time, The NotThem, are all actively involved in The Unknowing, The Other Circus is the main organizer of the event, which makes sense as it does seem to be The Stranger's equivalent to the groups like The Lightless Flame and The Divine Host. (Mentioning that, I...kind of wonder if The Divine Host is involved here as well? I mean, not only are they seemingly aligned against The Eye, not only do they share some thematic similarities with agents of The Stranger, but...they've also been planning something for a while. There's Natalie Ennis' mention of a plan "three-hundred years in the making", which just so happened to have a part of it enacted...presumably not long before Gertrude's death. ...We'll get to the timeline shenanigans in a second. But uh...they also recently had their plans sold out to Section 31 by...who is most likely Elias, a guy who has expressed his desire to stop The Unkowing, albeit somewhat nonchalantly. Regardless, uh...we know that The Other Circus is in charge of this whole thing, but namely...somewhat by the name of "Orsinov". But...seemingly not Gregor Orsinov, the ringmaster from MAG 44, as Gertrude refers to this Orsinov with a "her" pronoun. Assuming that this is not a continuity error, then this likely means whoever is running The Other Circus is not the same person as Gregor, but rather a relative, spouse or even child. ...Preferabbly not that last one as I do not like the image of someone who is unlikely to be a normal earthling procreating. Alternatively, uh...congrats on the transition I guess? I know that sounds like a joke, but...it is worth noting that considering The Stranger is like...the shapeshifting one, a change in gender is not impossible here. Ultimately I'm fine if they go down that route, I just...don't hope they would frame that change in gender as an inherently scary thing? But...eh, I have faith in Jonny not to do that. Either way, there's some interesting directions they could take this in. Gertrude also mentions that Orsinov has...a world they wish to bring about. ...THAT doesn't sound good at all. I think this is pretty definitive proof that there's more to The Unknowing than I initially thought, and that it has much larger implications than just the destruction of the institute. I also assume this would be where the "ritual" aspect Jon alludes to would come into play, although I don't really know how to interpret that dialogue at the moment. Other than that...well, we know that all of that skin will somehow play into The Unknowing, and that there will also be "dancers" there who are wearing that skin. I assume these dancers are probably the various sentient(?) mannequins that agents of The Stranger have been producing, as "Megan" does seem to be wearing skin herself. This...also might explain what the deal with Sarah Baldwin and Daniel Rawlings is. I've thought since MAG 54 that the original humans who stumbled into Old Fishmarket Close were skinned by The Anglerfish, and that skin was given to monsters who serve it. Now it seems very likely that The Anglerfish's victims are actually "dancers" in their own right, so that's cool! I mean, it's terrifying, but it's cool! Uh...The Unknowing is seemingly fast approaching, which...yeah, definitely makes sense, I would be surprised if it didn't at least attempt to succeed this season honestly. And finally...this isn't from Gertrude's comments, but I didn't know where else to put it, but uh...we know that The Stranger also goes by the name "I Do Not Know You". ...I just thought that was neat.

Now, there's one last aspect of Gertrude's presence in this episode that I would like to discuss, that being...the timeline of her death. Unfortunately, my only real flaw with this episode is that it has quite a few, not plot-collapsing at all, but still pretty frustrating continuity errors that muddle the timeline a bit. ...Or does it? Because upon further thinking, I actually realized, what might seem like an impossible timeline...could actually be a clue. ...Yes, I am fully aware I probably sound a little crazy just by saying that. But first of all...well yeah I am crazy, we've established this before. But secondly, if it does turn out that these are just continuity errors...honestly like...whatever. I would prefer it if they weren't but I won't be super upset if Jonny made some minor mistakes, especially since he otherwise does a remarkably good job at keeping track of a timeline that is often not delivered to us in a chronological order. Now, there is one detail that I really can't rationalize being anything other than a mistake, and that is Jon saying that this tape was recorded a year or so before Gertrude's death. That is just...blatantly not true, as this statement was recorded in April of 2015, and Jon had been The Archivist for a quite a while by that point. Ultimately though, this doesn't really matter, especially since MAG 33 kind of established than any continuity error said by Jon regarding a statement can be explained by him being a little bit dumb on occasion. And by a little bit dumb I mean he smashed the table I'M STILL NOT OVER IT I KNOW YOU HAVE CHILDHOOD TRAUMA ABOUT SPIDERS BUT SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK?! But otherwise...well, it's a bit complicated. This isn't the first time that we've gotten conflicting statements regarding Gertrude's death. In MAG 25, we're told that she died in May 2015 on the same day screams were heard from Hither Green Chapel, but in MAG 40, Elias tells her she died, or...at least went missing, in March. This means that this statement could either take place a month before...or a month after she died, and...I actually think either one could work. Stay with me. Let's start with the easiest assumption, that being that she died in May.

If this is the case...well, there's really not much to say. This statement was recorded a month before she died, end of story. As for Elias, well...he was the man who killed her, and we can say without a shadow of a doubt that he lied in the statement he gave after the Prentiss incident. The only problem is...I don't know why he would lie about the date of her death specifically as that seems kind of disadvantageous, but...I can just chock that up to him being a silly guy who does what he wants. Alternatively, you could assume that Gertrude went MISSING in March, but actually died in May, but...that wouldn't really explain the blood in the archives (although it's entirely possible that detail was another lie), and on top of that, wouldn't explain why Jon had her date of death recorded as being in May when she was only confirmed dead when Martin found her body in the tunnels in July of 2016. So...yeah, it's not perfect, but there are workarounds to this line of thinking. But...what if we take an alternative line of thinking, one that is less likely but a bit more fun? What if we assume that this statement was recorded a month...BEFORE she died?

You see, I've just been thinking...there has to be...SOMETHING more to Gertrude's death, right? Like, sure, it made sense for the whodunnit mystery to be concluded in Season 2, but like...her death is such an important catalyst in the story, and I find it way too hard to believe that it's as simple as "Elias shot her because she was trying to burn down the archives". (Oh uh...and this doesn't really connect to what I about to put forward, but I have to wonder...why did it take Elias so long to kill her? Like, she was working against The Eye at least since the late nineties, and he should've known about this because...well, you know. Unless gaining all-knowing powers from his patron took over 20 years, but like...I find that unlikely. ...Why did he wait?) I just...feel like there's more too it. And uh...you know how I mentioned I went back to the transcript for MAG 62? Yeah...you might see where I'm going with this. I went back there because in this episode, Jon mentions the page of the skin book that Gertrude got from Mary. Now, he very quickly disregards this as being at all connected to The Stranger (while also commenting on how confusing this all is, which....you and me both buddy), and I have to agree with this. While I am implored to raise an eyebrow at how all of the human heads that were being harvested for skin in the workshop here were hung on the same stuff used for Mary's book, we know that the book connects to a seperate member of ✨the horrors✨ called "The End", and while ✨the horrors✨ do collaborate with one another, we've never seen a Leitner that's connected to more than one of them, the same principle applying to artifacts and claimed people. But...I don't think the book being mentioned here has to be a throwaway line. If you recall MAG 62, Mary gave Gertrude a page of her book. Now, the page already had writing on it, seemingly implying that someone's spirit had already been bound to it. But...then I remembered that Mary seemingly bound herself to the book...and that's when I had an idea. For a long time, I've wondered how Mary could've possibly done what she did, but then I realized...is it possible that she removed chunks of her skin before dying, did all the spooky writing and incantations, and THEN overdosed on painkillers, which ultimately resulted in her being bound to the book? Because if that's the case...what if the same happened with Gertrude? Because like...Gertrude is shown to be familiar with the smell of burning skin in MAG 62, so like...what if she had pieces of her skin removed at some point, and then Mary used those pieces to create the page that she would then give her later on? Then, if we assume Elias killed her in March, this resulted in Gertrude being bound to the page as a ghost, therefore explaining how this statement was recorded after her death? This would also explain her mysterious remarks about needing to recover and being unable to stand, because she would be adjusting to a new state of being! (Side note, can I just say that I thought Gertrude sounded like...noticeably more aged here? I don't know if that's just a result of me not having tuned in for a while but if it isn't...great job Sue Sims, you really sold it well :). ) Now...all of that said, how likely is this?

Honestly not very, this is kind of crack. Plus, there are a number of very easy alternate explanations to these mysteries. The remark about burning skin could come from an earlier encounter with The Stranger or The Devestation, and honestly...it is entirely possible that Mary got help from Gerard when being bound to the book, because not only was he suspected of killing her, indicating he might have been at the scene, but all of the statements where he seems to be on bad terms with her take place after her death in 2008, so...yeah. It's very likely that the death in May thing is the case, or that...all of this is just one big jumble of continuity errors, which is honestly fine! But...eh, I like this idea quite a lot. Alternatively, I could argue that she's a ghost similar to the Archivist seen in MAG 53 but...that's pure speculation. Well, whatever the case, I just hope that there's a bit more to Gertrude's death and the circumstances surrounding it then what we've been given so far, because...I think there's a lot of untapped potential there.

Well...to wrap all of this up, I'd like to discuss some of the stuff Jon said. Firstly, he mentioned how weird it is that Gertrude was recording tapes all the way up until she died, along with how strange it is that only a small handful of statements were actually transferred, at least...as far as we're aware. I...honestly have to agree with this, but I think I have a decent enough idea as to what the deal is here, but it's not perfect. For a good while now, I've assumed that Gertrude intentionally kept the statements "disorganized", so that her successor would get all of the information they need as quickly as possible, and I think a similar thing might be going on with the tapes. All of them cover pretty important stuff, MAG 53 giving insight into The Eye and the institute, MAG 62 showing us some pretty important events, MAG 44 and 87 both tie back to The Stranger and The Unknowing, and MAG 77...uh...well look, there's probably no way she could've known that The NotThem would infiltrate the institute, especially all those years ago, but the tape does give us a clue to the existence of a statement from the ever-mysterious Adelard Dekker, and given how that statement has gone missing for unknown reasons...I think it's probably pretty important? Granted this theory isn't perfect, I mean, why would she be recording a statement that gives information regarding The Other Circus when she says in this very episode that she's surprised The Unknowing is something...like...actually worth worrying about in the present? And why would all of these tapes be buried alongside her in the tunnels...unless Elias put them there...which...ok that actually checks out. Anyways, this line of thinking isn't perfect but...I think something along these lines makes sense. The second point of intrigue to me is uh...Jon's plans. Which...oh boy.

*DRUMROLL PLEASE*....

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, BOYS AND GIRLS, HORRORS AND MICHAELS, GIVE IT UP FOR ANOTHER ROUND OF "NEW PLOT POINTS IN THE MAGNUS ARCHIVES THAT ARE REALLY EXCITING FROM A STORY PERSEPCTIVE BUT TERRIFYING WHEN YOU CONSIDER HOW MUCH IT'S GOING TO SUCK FOR ONE OR MORE OF THE CHARACTERS!!!" 🎉 🎉 🎉 🎉 🎉 🎉 🎉

So...Jon...ever-knowledgable and sane...has decided that it's a great idea to try and track down Jude Perry. You know, that lady who sets people on fire? I just...look, Melanie, if you know what's good for you, which I know yo-...actually nevermind you went to India fully aware that you might get murdered by ghosts, which you almost did, so...no. But if you have gained the ability to know what's good for you, which I hope you do, then you will NOT help the smelly man track down the professional arsonist. Like...dude?! Hello?! Like, I know the situation is dire, I know The Unknowing is a rapidly approaching threat, and I know that after BPM and the flashbacks to your childhood trauma you've accepted that there's really no way out of this mess, but like...damn, this is not a good idea! Not even Season 2 Jon would do this! Don't get me wrong...I think this is super exciting, not only because I have a particular bias towards the stuff involving The Lightless Flame (...mostly Agnes but shhhhhh), but because...this is EXACTLY what I wanted Season 3 to do. Finally getting out there in the world and actively trying to find all of the shit from the statements. It is...extremely dangerous and terrifying, but...also very exciting. I don't want to get my hopes up too high, after all it is entirely possible that Jude Perry has moved far out of Havering, or has even died at this point, but...man, if we could actually HEAR a member of The Lightless Flame speak...I might actually lose my god damn mind. Well...I'll just have to wait and see.

And finally, the ending of this episode. ...Yeah, that's genuinely terrifying! Hearing the calliope music slowly creep in, and then getting Jon's genuinely horrified reaction...it's so unlike what I'm used to so far, it comes at such an unexpected moment...and my jaw was genuinely left wide-open at it. That's uh...that's not good. Jon...I think you have a bit more to worry about than just police now. Oh, and just because I haven't really mentioned it, um...yeah I absolutely adore Georgie! She kind of has a very similar appeal to that of Basira for me, being a really down to earth and real-feeling character in a world filled with people who, while I absolutely adore them, are objectively freaks of nature. And while I do still think I like Basira a tad bit more, if only because I just feel like I know her better, I actually think Georgie is a better example of this trait! She's just a really friendly and supportive friend to Jon who has...unfortunately gotten a bit wrapped up in this mess, and...yeah, what can I say, I find her very endearing and hope to learn more about her and her past with Jon. I will say, I do find it a tad bit frustrating that Jon is pushing her away and refusing to get help from her, especially when he kind of resolved to stop doing that at the beginning of the season, and ESPECIALLY because she is the exact kind of person he needs at the moment, but granted, I get the sense he's doing this more out of care for her than suspiscion or malice, and I mean...yeah, I'd also be hesitant to tell her...all of that. And also...holy shit the statements really ARE an addiction allegory! Jesus Christ...Jon, what the hell is going on with you right now?

Well uh...yeah, that's all I really have to say! I was definitely surprised by how much I managed to write here, and I'm very happy that my tma fixation has seemingly circled back around earlier than I expected! I hope you enjoyed reading this and that this new kind of format worked well, this was certainly much less of an investment of time and energy for me at least, and I had a good time with it! Like I said, I'm not going to be dead set on writing about every detail of every statement anymore, and lengths of posts I do write will probably vary either do to time or how much I even have to say, but...this should be a decent example of the kind of format I'm going for! Anyways, I'm...probably not going to listen to MAG 88 just yet because it's late, so I'll save that for tomorrow morning! Anyways, it's nice to be back on tma, and thank you very much for reading all this! :)

[mrsshabana]

Hey there, i Just found your blog and i think i read all the posts already. ♥️♥️♥️

So I've been thinking abt this for a while:

Let's say Gyu has a lover, they're together for a long time, she gets sick and he offers to turn her into a demon to save her, she refuses and says she'll just find his in her next life. However, gyu can't bear the thought of losing her so he turns her against her will. Once she becomes a demon she's very upset so she keeps trying to die (trying to cut her own head, going after demon slayers, trying to walk out during the day)

How would Gyutaro (canon and fanon) react to this?

Wow! Thank you so much! I know I have a lot of posts so that means so much to me that you enjoyed them enough to read them all. 💚 Thanks for the question! (And sorry it took me awhile to respond) But I think this is such an interesting idea, and I hope you enjoy what I came up with!

Gyutaro turns you into a demon against your will

TW: Mentions of suicide and depression

Gyutaro is selfish. And he indulges in this selfishness when he decides to turn you into a demon against your will

He can't lose you. He just can't. You are the first person to accept him and all of his flaws, loving him through them all. And he knows he will never be able to find another person like you. And even if he could, he doesn't want to. He doesn't want another version of you, he only wants the you in this moment. The you that he has fallen deeply in love with.

He will do anything to keep you. Which is why he resorts to turning you into a demon.

When you react negatively to being turned, Gyutaro will be very upset with you. He'll say, "How could you be so ungrateful? I saved you! You would have died if it were not for me!"

The two of you will fight about it for hours, until Gyutaro gets too pissed off and decides to leave. He'll stay gone until he feels he's calmed down enough to have a proper conversation with you. Only to return, seeing you trying to decapitate yourself.

He'd run to you, slapping the sword from your hands, "What the fuck are you thinking?! You tryin' to get yourself killed?"

"Yes, I am! Because I much rather die than be a demon!"

Hearing you say this would break Gyutaro's heart. Throughout the course of your entire relationship you've never seen Gyutaro get very emotional. But this will make him burst out in tears.

He'll hold you close, and bawl his eyes out. Spewing out apologies and promises of making sure you can live happily as a demon.

He hates himself for what he has put you through, and will dedicate his life to making you happy. Giving you expensive jewelry and the prettiest humans to feast on.

All he truly wants is for the two of you to be happy together.

But, he can't have that. Not after what he's done. Being turned into a demon has caused you to spiral down into a deep depression, that even your lover cannot pull you out of.

After your numerous attempts to end your own life, Gyutaro will resort to more serious measures.

He will purposefully underfeed you so you are too weak to fight back. Too weak to try to escape the lair that he keeps you hidden away in. The only way in and out is through travelling through Daki's obi. Every time you try to enter it, you get spit back out.

There's no escape from Gyutaro. He keeps you locked away. He can't risk you hurting yourself and at this point you have become more of a hostage than a lover.

The lack of nutrition has left you a pliant husk. Having no other choice than to be the model lover for Gyutaro.

If you are good and give him the affection that he wants, then he may spare a limb for you to eat.

He hopes that one day things will go back to how they used to be.

But unfortunately the damage has already been done. And there is no going back.

[babiebom]

yeah me too! my friends and I actually do have some plans of streaming together, so that should be fun... if we ever stop procrastinating 😆

a whole week?? wow that's some top notch commitment 👏

props to you guys lmaoo

I hope to see the fnaf movie soon, but the 5 of us can't settle on a date so it's tricky :/

hopefully soon we can actually watch it tho lol

unfortunately, there doesn't seem to be a romance mod for Mr. qi yet 😕 😞

im half tempted to attempt making my own, but I dropped coding agess ago lmao.. don't know where I'd start 😅

altho I think if i were to make one, he'd not move in w the farmer. idk he just doesn't seem the type. he's got the vibes of rich hubby on vacation who sends you stuff.. that might just be me tho lol

speaking of, may I request nsfw mr. qi headcanons with an ftm! reader?

tysm :]

-🔮

A/N:omfg? Idk how I didn’t see this until now I’m no sorry! I hope you’ve gotten to see the movie by now especially with how many spoilers are on EVERY app. If you ever do make the mod let me know! I wanted to get back into coding but then remembered that I actually hated it so unfortunately I can’t. I do wanna try to make a game in itch.io(is that the website for the games?) that is the choose your own adventure fic that I’m writing but I don’t know how i would even do it. Also agree with the rich hubby thing. I don’t think he would ever actually settle down ANYWHERE. like he’d be home like 2 days out of the week at most.

Tw:Sexual content! Cursing

ALSO idk if this should go under warnings, but I would also like to say that I am not trans myself, so if I write something that’s inaccurate or offensive make sure to let me know, I’m trying my best to write from that pov I just wanted to….warn? Let you know? Like I do not mind writing this at all(no transphobes allowed) I just want to make sure that I’m writing/understanding well!!

Wc: 30 bullet points

Sdv Masterlist

Also fucking and making love are two DIFFERENT things

I 100 percent believe that gender identity doesn’t matter to Mr.Qi at ALL.

I also think he doesn’t care about bottom/top surgery at ALL

Like he is a fan of mystery, of the unknown that’s what he likes, and he likes people that also have those interests, or people that make him interested in a similar way.

(I think he would be pansexual? Demisexual?)

So in his mind he knows that you have nothing to worry about. He also knows that emotions don’t follow logic half of the time and that your nerves can’t be dispelled just by him saying that you have nothing to worry about.

So he shows you.

Depending on if you’re a romantic/sentimental person or not he does different things

Like would set up and entire display with roses and everything, music playing and snacks to make you feel loved and comfortable

but if you’re not the type of person to like that sort of thing he would probably do something more chaotic like a scavenger hunt for you throughout the day(which arguably could be seen as more romantic) that leads you on a wild goose chase and allows him to set something up at home(your home but like whatever)

Making love to him is very sweet. He tries to keep the teasing to a minimum

By minimum I mean he only teases in the beginning, and not how he usually would. Would probably edge you for a little just to make your first orgasm mind blowing then would get on with it.

He does slow his pace down for love making because it’s more…spiritual(?) like it’s an exchange of love and it’s not only for pleasure y’know. It’s literally to express how you feel for each other.

NOW FUCKING IS A WHOLE DIFFERENT THING

I do think he would be on the more dominant side, preferring to tease and take control, coaxing out things you didn’t know you had within you

Will let you take control though

He is a man of curiosity

Wonders how you will behave when given a dominant position

Doesn’t refuse anything you want to do, but is mischievous the entire time. Has a stupid smirk on his face that makes you think that you have absolutely no control.

Idk if it’s magic or what but always does SOMETHING to make everything more sensitive.

Is VERY into blindfolding

Wants genuine reactions without self consciousness getting in the way.

Good/smart/naughty boy are a part of his vernacular and he will use it only when you’re too fucked out to react to him saying it in any other way than incoherent whining.

Probably into shibari and likes to be tied up and tying you up.

Blindfolds + shibari is a normal night ngl.

The glasses stay on during sex idc

He makes sure by the end of it that both of you are sweaty and out of breath

Likes having sex in different locations with a tiny bit of risk. Like he doesn’t want the two of you to get caught

But he wonders what would happen if you did��

The sexual experience with him is always a good one somehow even when he wants to try out weird kinks.

[skayafair]

What is it with me being drawn to the most fucked up personalities ever 🤦‍♀️

Let's talk Hilbert, pt. 1

There was a post where I was totally freaking out in the tags but it's got buried in the drafts, so I'll just go off it here, but hopefully in a more constructive way. I really hope my mind didn't lose its ability to do this yet. Buckle up, this is going to be a long one. (I mean it.)

I want to rant about how wrong the accent sounds and how the character is yet another example of a distasteful trope in north american media, but the fuckheads in the government confirmed this trope in multiples so whatever. Besides, I can't really complain when the character turned out to be compelling and... well. "Complicated" would be a bit of an overstatement I think, but - complicated enough to spur some thoughts.

So my first thought was the one I started the post with, because after the first shock of Hilbert's mutiny settled and future episodes revealed more of his behaviour, backstory and character overall, I had to admit with a certain amount of inner horror (10% to 20%) and frustration (at least 80%) that yes. "Oops, I did it again".

I have a history with such personalities, feel drawn to them and have been really, really trying to stop this nonsense for a year, but. Uh. Looks like this code runs too deep to scoop it all out just like that, huh. Anyway, back to the topic.

Well, this time I at least know exactly why the character compels me so much. "Airlock, please."

I'll start with why I've grown to be okay with "mad evil russian scientist" trope - not because the above mentioned fuckheads in the Gov confirmed it (they did and I hate them and what they're doing but unfortunately can't do anything about it), any generalisation based on a trait like nationality, gender, race and so on is a very bad thing I don't want to participate in no matter the circumstance, - but because Hilbert was given an actual well-rounded personality, and, most of all, I can't help feeling tons of respect to it. He is pretty smart, after all - knows several languages, has a degree in molecular biology, and apparently AI programming is a walk in a park for him, although his skills in this department aren't as great compared to actual specialists (but then again Maxwell is in a league of her own and is far above most of her colleagues even, so everything is relative). Being this well-versed in a field not directly connected to his own and mastering several foreign languages is. Well - wow. I'd respect this alone.

Hm, I'll start again, from the beginning.

Hilbert turned out to be the character I felt more interest towards pretty soon (the other two being Hera and - later - Eiffel), probably after that joke about "people keep saying that, and yet my problems keep going away". There wasn't much time between the moment he stopped being just a comic relief and his betrayal, but that time was enough I guess. Because the very first thing that grabbed my attention and kept it till the end was just how easy he is to understand. Seriously, of all the characters - I can barely trace what they could potentially do or think, they aren't defined enough for me (and that's fine, I feel this way about most people), - but this one is crystal clear.

It's his whole... personality frame? the way he speaks and thinks? It's just very clear. Not always as logical as he'd like to believe, but close. Most things he says are very reasonable, and... ugh. I'll round back to this anyway, so better let the cat out of the bag right away: I'm ND, and I've seen some people headcanon him to be autistic, and I don't really have any better way of describing why he's so understandable to me. It's just the way neurodivergent people think - different for everyone, of course, and NTs can do this like that too (after all, there are SO MANY unintentionally autistic or ADHD characters out there), - but there are still patterns, and I recognize them here.

It's in his reasoning and actions before the Christmas "surprise" - mostly calm, collected, speaks very directly and straight to the point. He mostly keeps up this pattern even when he lies.

And then, once you learn where you stand with him - after the mutiny - you know. Even when he hides something, it's clear that he's keeping things. He has a very distinct moral code and follows it, so when lying has no point anymore, he doesn't. I don't think he lied to the crew after the initial betrayal at all? Idk, I may be forgetting things, listened to it just once yet save for the first 10 eps (because I can't get through the last one and went back to the beginning).

There's a kind of trust in this transparency. Yes, everyone knows that Hilbert knows far more than he tells and if he doesn't see a good reason to, he probably won't say a word he doesn't want to. But the fact is, you still know about that. It's obvious when something's missing, the spaces are glaring. I have a feeling he doesn't like lying all that much, or rather doesn't see the point of it unless it's strictly necessary. Why wasting the resources when you don't have to and can direct them to more pressing matters, like saving the humanity, am I right?

So that's two points. The third - one when I REALLY realized I'm stuck well and deep - was the "Airlock, please". No hesitation, nothing. Just a polite choice. That short line fucked me up well.

Because after his betrayal I was horrified. I like how the podcast doesn't let any terrible moments slip or stay "behind the scenes" - no, if there's a life threatening situation, the audience doesn't have the luxury of sitting it out safely unaware. We're going to experience and hear it all, "present day, present time". So when Minkowski was shut out of the ship in outer space, while Doug was desperately trying to come up with a solution, I obviously empathized with them. And all this time we were listening to the doctor, proceeding with his orders in the most cold-hearted manner possible. He heard it all, too, and didn't waver. This was terrifying and I honestly couldn't imagine how this character was going to be present for the most of the podcast - I wanted him dead, the sooner the better. And - as a parallel line of thinking - couldn't help feeling it was such a waste. I started liking this character, he was goofy but really easy to understand, and it's very nice to have someone like this. Obviously everything was going to change from that point.

But then. The way he went through all the interrogations, all the insults and mocking? And his fucking choice to die right away rather than to give away the information he didn't think was intended for his former crewmates? Before that answer I thought he was keeping his mouth shut because of the company only, fear of the higher-ups or something - he did follow their orders and threw away the lives of two people who weren't strangers to him, so it was a reasonable assumption! Minkowski seemed to think the same, judging by her remarks, but no. And that moment, that single answer turned my understanding of this character upside down. None of that dignity was just a show, he really meant it.

I realized he didn't fear for himself. At all. A complete disregard of self, was it? It seemed so that moment, and yeah, it was fucking compelling - the only thing that mattered was his work and his dedication to it. If it was only that, I wouldn't be typing all this though.

Before I continue, I'll note that even this trait - this dedication - is very relatable and understandable to me. Some years ago the only value I saw in myself was in what I loved to do the most - drawing and translation. I'm very mid level, and even this may very well be an overestimation of my skills, but those were the only things that mattered to me. If I didn't do them, what was even the point of me? I didn't feel I fully lived otherwise. I overcame this way of thinking as it is pretty damaging, but I still remember it perfectly. And I still need for what I do to matter. If I manage to make some positive impact on the world around, however small it may be, that would be enough, and that would be the only thing that matters after I'm gone. Hilbert though makes this approach absolute because of his trauma. So yeah, I have a lot of complicated feelings about this all at once. It's tragic, it's admirable, it's heartbreaking and feels like the only way at times, it should never happen.

I also know very well what it means to be able to disregard pretty much anything if I believe this is the right way or the aim to be important enough. I unintentionally made my friend cry once because of this and keep this memory as a reminder of why I should always try to see other POVs and a broader picture. The absolute, applied to human principles, is a bad idea in most cases.

Also, I like that he has a no-nonsense personality but regularly engages in said nonsense. I know in the first few episodes the creators just didn't understand where to go with the podcast yet and that's why everyone and everything is so different there, but I need for things to make sense in-universe, so I'm partial to the POV that Hilbert just put up an act and dropped it later. But still, he did participate in the crew's shenanigans and didn't seem to complain about it. And Funzo? Please, it was A DELIGHT. There was NOTHING, no reasons to take part in the game but he still did. The doctor is pretty goofy when he lets himself, huh? I like this fun part of his personality. The best sign the personality is still very much present.

[astro-naut9]

TRAVIS AND VERIN!! (Idk how to respond to tumblr stuff

HAHHAHAHA wellllll .... uh, Taivas and Verin... ermmm.... Okay, this is gonna be short since I could barely rp as Verin in the server because of reasons that's really not personal i just dont know how to explain thr reason BUT ANYWAY brace yourself— or not

Okay, so lets start with Verin first. Verin is basically from the Pirates Era, aka 1600s to 1700s, and had been doing typical pirate stuff since he was a little boy. He was trained for it even, but a day came when his crewmates fucked up badly. Now, he's no Captain or a first-mate. He was just some crew, a cook, and a cleaner. Despite that, he did try to warn the others of another ship. A very big ship. He told them, no don't fuck with them, and his crew was like, yea we fuckin with them. So uh, yea shit went down.

Verin survived for some reason, and since his crew all died stranded on a very big island, he decided to run away and hide. He is a coward, fyi. Pirates can't be cowards, but he's built diff �� ANYWAY, he found a place. Decided to get in — woopsies, it was a WITCH'S HUT!!! He got mistaken as an intruder (he is, actually, he was just in denial) and the witch cursed him and sent him to the void. BUT! The witch made a mistake so instead of sending Verin to the void, he was sent into another universe.

Boom, PRIDE SMP PH HELL YEA

Anyway, Verin dropped to Taivas' airship and passed out. Taivas got curious (poked the unconscious guy. rude) and decided to keep him for a bit. Verin woke up confused, then began bothering Taivas with questions because almost everything from the PSMP did not exist in his world. Taivas, interested from where the other came from, had agreed on a deal to help him. So the deal was that Taivas will help Verin get back to his dimension in exchange of some stuff from that universe (which, well, idrk but Verin's world is so boring actually its just ours. i guess a toaster could be an exchange).

Buuuut Verin is really, uh, idk what you call it but he goes off sometimes, disappearing and coming back. Unlike him, Taivas gets lost so he helps him out as well. Anyway, with Verin being lost, he had uh, discovered something that was about to turn his life into shit: Engineering.

Taivas was an engineer and he had watched him create some stuff from a distance. He wasn't good at it, but he was trying to learn just by looking at his friend's work. So, he set out one day to gather some materials for the ship that he was planning to build. Unfortunately, unlike his universe, there were monsters that appears during the night. So, he got in a way with one; a skeleton with wither powers (its not a wither skeleton!!!).

It hit Verin in the chest and had to call out Taivas (no phones whatsoever, but its like a walkie-talkie but message stuff. Yes, Verin knows how to read and write). Taivas took a long time trying to save him. Verin noticed something weird about his own body, and asked if Taivas sees it. Spoiler alert, he didn't. Taivas didn't see shit so Verin shrugged it off as a hallucination. BOY WAS HE WRONG!!

Anyway, that strengthened the deal. Both of them had agreed to just go live together. Verin as a former cook of a pirate crew decided to be the cook for Taivas. It uh changed the deal— Verin now cooks for Taivas as Taivas helps Verin out in finding his dimension. ANYWAY, they live together, help each other out, yada yada.

And for the deal, Taivas became a witch to understand more of witchcraft as Verin did say that a witch had cursed him to be here. Like oh wow im not inlove w u n all but i would totally learn witchcraft for u my buddy!

Then, Taivas came back home with a uh subtle change. Warden stuff. He had an obsession with it and Verin did notice but he didn't say anything about it. So then, Verin also had some changes— not subtle. There were black sharp fragments growing out of his body (theyre extra bones, actually. wither bones). Taivas noticed it and called him emo (HE IS NOT EMO!!!). He didn't get it whatsoever so he js ignored it until days passed and both of their uh, changes evident.

Taivas was more sculk-like now, with blue-ish skin infecting his body and Verin was becoming more pale and dead, with the bones becoming bigger and obvious. It was sticking out on his body but blood did not come out.

So then, Taivas had begun infecting his surroundings with sculk. Verin disappeared more frequently. Taivas missed eating his favourite (cabbage rolls) without Verin being present so he tried to look for him and stuff and then... well more to come i guess... there's already a plan for the both of them we've made but thats for another time :)

[misiwrites]

4KINGDOMS RE-READ ADVENTURE part 8

Chapter 33: the tyka hide-and-seek

this one got a pretty banging opening paragraph ngl

takao's daily hobby is just running around the garden finding kai. then talking to him. and kai is like fuck off. and takao is like ok :) i'll come again tomorrow! (and he does)

ralf's been setting up traps for miguel in the castle AJSDBHGD i forgot

so eventually takao is like wait. why do i always know where kai is. YER A WIZARD TARRY

the scene of him finding kai in the labyrinth is cooler than i remembered, pleasant surprise

this was a well written chapter. i got nothing to say. pleased

Chapter 34: the elders promise rei a reality tv appearance

yes we are back to rei unfortunately

it's the second time he talks about himself as a zoo animal. on brand. i mean white tigers are very rare

rei finds a library book that talks about some ancient king having invented the qiang spear fighting and he's like HA HA! FUNNY JOKE! AS IF A BYAKKO-OU COULD BE DOING THAt

oh lol rei thinking that he'll be able to do whatever he wants when he turns 18. you think! i have bad news for you

also rei feeling like he's been abandoned in the palace, better get used to that too. it feels weird reading this now after having worked on the newest byakko-ou chapters because here rei is still all preserved about olivier and doesn't like him much. but he does like the elders enough still to start talking to them in the council

holy shit rei is such an ass, talking shit about both olivier and mathilda here left and right

always thought myself it's fucking funny that daitenji is one of the elders. like idk what kind of role you'd expect him to have but here he is. a tool

this also was actually an interesting chapter, i can't believe i've written good things sometimes. a lot of tension thrown around between the elders and olivier and rei here. i can see this is where i was starting to plan the story much more systematically than before, probably started using my physical notebook for musing

Chapter 35: romantic tyka apple tree garden date (that involves blood)

takao: it was almost funny that kai carried me out of the garden like a princess! but not quite.

AGAIN WITH THE COTTON (CANDY) CLOUDS

takao keeps having weird experiences in the garden and kai is like, it's your magic. and takao is like i don't have magic, and kai is like yes you do. and takao is like no i don't. and kai is like yes you do and this is why. and takao is like wow you said more than 5 words to me in a row

takao is adorable being like "i thought i was pretty mature for having accepted that i didn't have any magic even though i'd been SO disappointed about it earlier!" yes you are a good mature boy. when you let yourself process things first which you never do

okay here, my favourite line that i have ever written, when takao takes a good grip on ryuushinken and gives it a pull. put this in as the quote when you in the future refer to me as a famous author with beautiful prose:

It slid out like sausage in gravy.

Chapter 36: rei gets his ass handed to him by sir livliv

takao is having a mental breakdown over his magic because it's SO uncool, but also over kai leaving soon (or so he thinks)

rei's life is boring and slow again, is it ever anything but

i sure had fun coming up with what kinds of metal-related magic rei's ancestors had. one of them is just uri geller. the one who ate coins was fun

olivier is trying to make rei LOOK AT THE FOLDER! LOOK AT THE FUCKING FOLDER YOUR MAJESTY!!!! and rei is like i can't i'm gay. and runs off to have a call with max

wowow max being like I WOULDN'T MIND FAKE BEING SICK AGAIN SO I COULD LIE IN BED FOR A FEW DAYS! be careful what you wish for in my fic. idiot

he also calls rick "a little bitch"

max telling about his adventures in okkusu like yeah rick was a total ass, we didn't get along at all, hated everything about it. then we had a big fight. now we are friends. and takao's reaction is "Fastest way to a dude’s heart is to punch him in the face"

rei getting all jealous that max has people other than him in his life. it sure is a struggle to be a rei in love.

it's also a struggle to be a rei being told by olivier that he's a stupid little shit who thought he could do things behind his knight's back while olivier knew everything all along

and then this line probably exists in about 100 different variations in the story, because rei never learns

Olivier seemed to read right into my thoughts – which he always did, and would always do, and truthfully I had been a complete fool for ever forgetting the extent of his powers of observation.

so, like takao&ralf, rei&olivier have a nice little king&knight moment of promising each other they'll share everything with each other from now on. and then they actually do! unlike ralf and takao

this chap was not well written tho. it probably took me two hours to go on a quest to fix just about every part of this in some way. i wasn't a good writer after all, emergency over everyone can go home

Chapter 37: max is back

and he was supposed to be all mature and let his feelings for rei fade away but he comes back and is like I FOCKIN MISSED HIM!!!!!!!!!

Ah, well. That only meant that I would have to start over. (But I allowed myself to admire his sad, beautiful face for just a bit longer first.)

i know right. who doesn't love a beautiful sadface

giancarlo being all proud that he got to solve a thing with olivier. he also in love.

gianni is surprisingly smart in this chap and tells max he should focus on the north instead of going around trying to fix rei or whatever. fair. he's also the one suggesting that. you know your highness. why don't you just go to the west to meet the other kings. and max is like. it's not as fun as repeatedly risking my life for rei tho

[black-rose-writings]

Watching Shadow and Bone Season 2: Episode 4 - I don't like how far we are in the timeline already

Last one, then I'm going to bed. Not worth messing up my finally normalising sleep pattern for this shit of a show.

Love the intro. Yes, please, tear Ravka down, if you wish to do so.

I hate Vasily, but that is a fair reaction.

I notice an interesting change in the dynamic here. This is Nikolai's turf and they're discussing it over dinner, insetad of being marched into the throne-room and looked down upon by the King.

Less than year... If I have the timeline right, it's been barely half a year.

Also, Zoya of all people is one to talk. I mean, she's tellingthe truth, for once, but like...

So... if the ugly uniform the Queen's idea? Like, sure, I guess, but why the fuck would Alina choose to wear it later?

And I see Baghra is back to being preachy.

Ah, yes, the Fold is the reason people hate Grisha. Definitely no pogroms happening before that happened. And Kirigan will definitelly stop trying to change the world if its gone.

And I see the "West Ravka" plot has been forgotten.

Alina "My responsibilities start and end with tearing down the Fold" strikes again. And Vasily is watching her... making out with her boyfriend. Dear Saints, if he's going to accuse her of being a traitor because she's kissed another guy, I think he'll have to execute his own mother, too.

I like this Alchemi kid. And Baghra's being preachy again.

"Endured years of abuse at your orders". Genya had her agency. Had being the operative word, because she unfortunately became popular and that necessitated that be removed.

"Everything I learned, I learned at your knee" Finally, someone said it.

"Redemtion" my ass. Still don't know what exactly she imagines under those words.

Well, that's a change from taking four whole episodes to kill a person.

I guess everyone believes in the Saints, now.

I mean, I guess we have to have a fake plague somehow without Nina being maimed by drugs.

Ah, yes, the two options: Evil villain and sunshine idiot.

Dear god, I wish he was a spy. Unfortunately, autistic people make for terrible liars.

"There's always a cost" he says as if he knows anything about it.

Dear lord... I... I think I know where the crows are headed.

The Crows are going to be heisting the fucking sword from Amrat Jen. Fucking calling it now. I have seen no spoilers.

Called it. It would have been more impressive if it hadn't been like 2 minutes later, but this show presumes the viewers have no concept of memory, so they can't really bring it up once and then bring it back an episode later.

I'm like 90% sure Nina is faking betraying him, but okay.

Now, that sounds like a trap if I've ever heard of one.

Or not.

This was a good scene in the book and they've made it good in the show. No complaints here.

Except maybe that I still have trouble deciphering the fucking Irish accent, but that's on me.

Wow, would you look at that, a previously unadressed plot point we're bringing back.

I mean, that's one way to distance Alina from the monarchy so her stance is not as dumb, but like... the show needs to pick its villains and stick to them. I hated getting constantly hit with "Well actually" in Fate and I will hate it here. I have absolutely 0 faith that the show will actually make this work out in a remotely satisfying way.

Oh, look, corsets suck joke.

Also, like... Alina, I don't think insulting the crown prince is a good idea. But given that we're deaing with Alina "I like to give big men with guns lip" Starkov, I shouldn't be expecting a sense of self-preservation.

Pekka's getting what he deserves.

Very awkward crush confession.

Oh, they did actually bang previously.

Wow, look at that, Kaz is being snarky about *checks notes* a slave he just freed being concerned about slaves.

Okay, nevermind, Alina really went for the first army chic on her own. She's really commited to Grisha assimilation.

I am not a make-up expert (in fact, I don't know jack shit about it), but I'm not a big fan of Alina's make-up in this scene. IDK what it is, it just kinda rubs me the wrong way. I think it's the lipstick.

"Coming from you that means a lot"... what? Why? What does she know about ruling? Like, yes, I just don't think her input in private is all that valuable.

Vasily deserves to get his arm ripped of by the Nichevoya. In fact, it can't come soon enough.

Just on time.

Yes, please, have the confrontation.

Baghra? Protecting anyone but herself? I mean, everyone else is being remade into a better person, why not her?

That's some weak-ass table, if she's able to break it.

"You obsession with the Fold is naive" my man is spitting facts.

"We're going to change the world" "That is never going to happen" So you do admit change is evil and only morally correct choice is perpetuating the status quo. I mean, I knew that already, but sure.

The Fold? The Fold is the only thing he has left? Okay. I personally think you're full of shit, but sure.

I personally prefer the book version of this confrontation... that one was intimate and she had a goal and an agency.

I didn't agree with that goal (sacrificing herself to destroy Aleksander), but it was a goal, it was intention.

I'm honestly angry I kinda want to watch another episode to see what more they fuck up, however... I should really go to sleep. I'm cooking tomorrow and I'd rather not hurt myself because I'm sleep deprived.

[itrustmydiscoverweekly]

Gaddamn I did not expect to love brat so much

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️(4 out of 5 stars)

this gets such a solid 4/5, I loved it so much. It is completely the opposite of last week's energy (yet oddly still British) and just unlike anything I tend to listen to. I really was not expecting to fall in love with this album in the way that I did.

I definitely enjoyed it being entirely collaborations, I think it is an amazing showcase of everyone's talent who worked on the album. Unfortunately, I did listen to this album in a vacuum away from the original brat. I have heard the most popular songs of course, but this was my first experience with this album cover to cover (although I did only listen to disc 1, the collabs, in the interest of my time).

I definitely was not expecting such emotion out of this album as it is here and it was a welcomed surprise.

Opinion time! (as always, not opinion order, just album order)

"Sympathy is a knife featuring ariana grande"- This may be filtered by my previous bias of liking Ariana Grande when I was little, but I like this song a lot. It is very catchy and their voices work together so well. I like that this song isn't afraid to be witty (notably at the end of the verses with the "who the fuck is she" lines) while still dealing with the idea of how people change and treat you when you're as massive as Charli or Ariana. I don't have a ton to say on the composition. Grande is a brilliant singer, and it's a dance track. I do like this genre when it uses silence behind vocals to build contrast with other parts of the song, which is used throughout this track.

"Talk talk featuring troye sivan"- Seeing Troye Sivan's name on this album was a little shocking, I had not realized he was doing music at this scale at all and not just the little 2016 gay guy YouTuber anymore /hj. The chorus here is addictive and I love how the conversation is formed between their different lines. I am addicted to the way Sivan's verse after the first chorus starts and how the music comes back. This is very much a pure, lighthearted dance track and it definitely was not a song I was expecting to have in my top 3 but here we are and I love it.

"So I featuring a. g. cook"- I love how the weird synth at the start introduces the melody over the back and gets that stuck in your mind before the rest of the song. I do love this song mostly for the lyrics. I especially know how music impacts memory and it's a beautiful thing (hell I have an album for every single week of my life this year). It very much is written as a love song for whoever "you" is (I am assuming a. g. cook, although I could be wrong). I do love how the song ends and changes the song from a more chill track to a much more electronic DJ track. It is a really cool song and I think it shows all of the faces of this album in a brilliant way.

Honorable mentions!! 🥳🥳🥳

"Girl, so confusing featuring lorde" I love Lorde very passively, stoked to see her on this album. Uh yeah, this song is transgender allegory/hj. But yeah, great song, super catchy.

"I think about it all the time featuring bon river" what a gut-wrenching song. The fear of running out of time is crazy and so pure and This song is able to give off the feeling of that anxiety is such an amazing way and I can't even describe how. It is gorgeous and catchy and a great song.

"Guess featuring billie eilish" so goofy and, wow, Billie Eilish AND Charli XCX on one track is absolutely what I needed this year. I don't have to explain Billie's verse, this is Tumblr. <3

[cilil]

I LOVE TALKING ABOUT THEM TOO AND YOU'RE GIVING ME FEELS😩❤️ (and also thank you for being so sweet, especially about the egg fic, it's very dear to me and one of my favorite things I've written🤗).

If I had to write Gothmog's inner monologue as he falls into that (stupid and clearly Balrog-phobic) fountain it would be "Oh no. Oh shit. Oh fuck." Which is not exactly Shakespearean tragedy material, but what I think is an in-character reaction. Because yes, in my mind he's thinking about all the people he loves and is loyal to and how they need him (not wrong) and how his mentally and physically ill Vala can't even bring him back.

The relief that he won't have to fight Eönwë now probably came as a bit of an afterthought once he was dead (assuming that slain Maiar are not immediately and not entirely dormant)/as an attempt to comfort himself. Though this also comes with the unfortunate side effect of Gothmog's Balrog siblings having to fight Eönwë, which in my headcanons has happened and he was responsible for killing at least one of them. Yet more drama.

(Though don't worry, it doesn't ruin their relationship or anything; knowing that everyone has their orders and the Balrogs would rather die than go to Valinor, Gothmog is weirdly chill about it. But Eönwë will of course assume he hates him for it and angst about it.)

Last words... oooh let me write this down. I could write about that sometime👀

And yes. Gothmog is the biggest softie with his bird boy. Always very careful not to set him on fire. Always keeping him warm. Would take him into a volcano for hibernation if Eönwë was more fireproof.

Omg wait there's asshole Eönwë fanon? The only thing I can think of is "nice guy" Eönwë in the context of Eönwë/Mairon, either doing something nasty to him post-WoW or an AU where he drags him to Valinor - not my default take, but something I certainly entertain for a fic if requested. But otherwise I thought Eönwë was in the clear... well, apparently not. Maybe he's guilty by association due to the prominent anti Valar fanon. I saw someone claiming once that he's problematic for saying a slur. Interesting claim to make about a character with one line of direct dialogue.

The weak and stupid allegations probably come from the Mairon issue as well, but like... is the narrative parallel between Melkor deceiving Manwë and Mairon deceiving Eönwë due to evil people taking advantage of the very mercy and kindness they deny others just invisible to people? I suppose themes are sometimes a bit tough to spot (though Tolkien spelled it out somewhere). But that's what it is. And I frankly think Eönwë - while he will most certainly beat himself up over this in later years - was wise not to continue the cycle of violence. Same goes for his treatment of Maedhros and Maglor. It was simply mercy. The very nature of mercy is that it's not always the smartest or most optimal thing or you get an immediate benefit from it (see also Bilbo and Frodo with Gollum: Technically it bit them in the ass to spare Gollum, but it also allowed for the One Ring to be destroyed in the end).

I also think Manwë very deliberately chose a Maia as his herald who can embody his ideals of kindness and forgiveness instead of some warmongering, vengeful spirit.

Sorry for the tangent, anyway -

A hypothetical duel between Gothmog and Eönwë would make for such a good dramatic fic. I'll write that one down as well👀

Eönwë is the kind of person you never want to be angry at you. And it's really not hard to stay on his good side, but my god, if he snaps you're in BIG TROUBLE. He's one scary raptor and he can take down prey above his pay grade too (Melkor).

As for the egg, I have this headcanon that part of the reason why it even exists is because Eönwë felt so lonely and it then came into his head that if he, you know, allowed something to come from his and Gothmog's shenanigans he would have something to love and take care of at home too, something that's entirely his own and made with love. I hope maybe Ilmarë and Arien are willing to be egg aunties and maybe contribute some sun and star fire to nurture the little phoenix Maia before they started gnawing on high kings of the Noldor (run Ara run)😌

(Same about Manwë and Melkor, also both platonic and romantic. Manwë was definitely very alone with this; normally he can tell Varda and Ulmo everything, but this they don't get.)

Hand on my heart: I have been sitting on a broad outline of an Eönwë-centric character study type long fic and one of its main themes is him struggling with his mental health. There may be some self-harm and suicidal tendencies involved. Because he blames himself for everything that went wrong and hates himself for being a warrior spirit and thinks he deserves to suffer for every single thing he did wrong. He's been spiralling ever since Gondolin and Númenor will absolutely drag him down.

Gosh I love these characters so much, thank you for letting me rant😭❤️

wait wait wait, it took me so long (i was binge-reading all your fics hehe) to realize the romeo-and-juliet type of relationship eonwe and gothmog have going on. its even better because tolkien once envisioned gothmog and eonwe to be the children of melkor and manwe so them meeting up secretly is sooooooo sweet but heartbreaking, like they are on opposite sides, and they know they'll eventually fight each other. but gothmog died first, so how did eonwe handle that. imagining him trying to live after gothmog's death is just asdkjakdakds

You're too sweet❤️❤️❤️

And yes, this is what really sucked me in too once I realized it! We (my friends and I) started out seeing Firebird as more of a crack ship or something that's maybe hot for smut, but then we realized the old Lost Tales connection and the doomed, tragic love and the parallels between them and... everything.

In a weird way, Gothmog falling in Gondolin was mercy for them both. Otherwise a confrontation during the War of Wrath would've been pretty much inevitable, especially if Gothmog had once again been ordered to go after the Elven kings (Eönwë can't just let him kill Finarfin and it's not like he's that terrible of a friend either). They would've fought each other, knowing that they have orders and that the other knows and understands this as well.

As for what the outcome of that fight would've been, I'd say 70-80% in Eönwë's favor, with this being a sort of average between "they duel and it's just them" (which is more beneficial to Eönwë) and "because the forces of evil cheat, Gothmog gets random assistance from other Balrogs" (similar to what happened with Fingon). Even if they refused to kill the other in the end, someone else on their side happily would. One of them would've wound up dead for sure.

Eönwë tries to take comfort in the fact that this scenario has been avoided and soon realizes that Melkor currently can't bring his Maiar back - so Gothmog also stays dead - but that means he no longer has the one person in his life who understands him. In all his other relationships, he has to perform; whether that's actually true or not is another question, but Eönwë definitely feels that way. It's not like he can tell, say, Manwë, Finarfin or Eärendil about his killer instincts and how he sometimes has the urge to hack, slash and dive bomb people.

What makes this worse is that Eönwë also can't express his grief, or at least he has to pretend it's just about Gondolin. How would he explain that he's mourning the evil Lord of Balrogs more than the brave warrior Elves?

It gets even worse in the one verse where he has an egg and now has to hatch it alone (which may or may not even be possible without another fire spirit) and can never tell anyone where it came from.

Maybe Eönwë goes into the War of Wrath so readily because he doesn't have much to lose. He doesn't feel quite at home or connected and has nobody to talk to about it and nobody to make him feel accepted and loved regarding the parts of himself that he always has to hide. But he also can't just... give up. He's immortal. Even if he died, Manwë would still be more than capable of bringing him back. And he has a purpose to fulfill.

So yeah. Poor Eönwë indeed😭

And now I'll go and dig up (pun intended) some Firebird headcanons for Ainur Week

[sevikasleftpussyflap]

Annoying

This is basically just a drabble of you and Sevika irritating each other. I can't see it going anywhere and I'm tired of it being in my drafts. Do not have high expectations :D

Inspired by my friend who has the best ideas. One being "Sevika taking your food from you by just putting your ass in a headlock"

Warnings: Very fluffy. Shitty ending.

“Hey. Hey.”  The bowl tips dangerously against your chest as your knees and arms form a protective barrier around your vulnerable snack. 

“Hey yourself.” Those large hands teasingly reached for you and her wicked lips curved into a smirk. “Don’t be greedy. I had a long day. Y’know, working to provide for my girl.”

“This is my snack. Make your own.” Teeth snapped playfully towards her wandering fingers. A sigh followed the retreat of her hands and a plop made you bounce on the cushions. Sevika practically took up the whole couch when she sat down, spreading her legs and making you curl further into the armrest. Before you came along, her apartment was bare of any furniture besides a bed and a nightstand. Most of her time was spent either working or at the brothel.

“So unappreciative.”

“I’m sure you have an endless list of women at Babette’s that’ll give anything to be your dutiful little housewife.”

“I’m sure I do. I don’t know how I got stuck with your dumbass.” The affronted scoff you aimed at her was enough of a distraction for her hand to shoot out, grab an atrocious amount and stuff it in her mouth. 

“Hey! Ugh.” An attempt to struggle was not made against the muscular arms that pulled you into her lap, cradled like a baby. Your disgruntled expression was difficult to maintain as you were jostled from the force of her chuckles. Usually you were the one to annoy Sevika, but when she was in a playful mood she was a force to be reckoned with. She didn’t mind using her size to irritate you in any way possible, which was unfortunate for you because she’s so fucking big.

“Hey yourself.” It was difficult to make out her words around her chewing. “I’ll make you more.”

The faux annoyance drained out of you and you squirmed your body close to hers, nuzzling your face into her neck. Sometimes your affection for her was almost unbearable and any distance from her was painful. If you could, you’d crawl inside her skin and nestle against her bones, never to be apart from her. You had told her this once, and she had called you a little psycho but held you tighter after that. 

“How was work?” You pop a piece into her mouth.

“Quiet. Had to cut some asshole's fingers off, but other than that, pretty boring.”

“If that’s your definition of ‘quiet’-“ A piece of food shoved it’s way between your lips, nearly choking you. Sevika smirked, her mind definitely not in an innocent place.

“I’m kidding. Hush.”

“Hey, don’t be ashamed of your hobbies. I’m sure there are other big, scary ladies that share the same interests.” Your eyes trailed along the column of her throat as she leaned her head back against the cushions, conveniently hiding the growing smile she didn’t want you to see. It was too late and only encouraged your antics. “Okay. You can stop talking now.”

“Seriously, you should start a club. Call it-” 

“I liked it better when you were scared of me.”

“It was more of the apprehension that comes with meeting any stranger.” A bold faced lie. You nearly shit your pants when you first laid eyes on the woman, her ever present scowl prevented you from speaking any coherent sentence around her for the first several interactions. 

“Oh, uh-huh. So that’s why it took so long to get a date with you?” Her hand dug purposefully into the wrong pocket of her vest, jostling you more than necessary before she went to the right one and pulled out a cigar.

“Date, wow. If that’s what you call a 48 hour bang-athon.” You widen your eyes and puff up your cheeks with air. “And yes, had to make sure you had good intentions.” Like not coming to collect your soul, grim reaper that she is. 

“Never say “bang-athon” again. Gods, you’re embarrassing. And running from me did that? Flighty little shit.” 

“I told you, it was speed walking and I thought you were coming to fucking kill me.” An arm wrapped around her neck to stabilize yourself, nearly falling off her lap from how hard she laughed at your expense. “Anyway, win any of those card games you like to abandon me for?”

Her next words lost their usual bite as they were spoken through chortles.

“Yeah, a big one. Finally have enough money to leave your ass.” Flame sparked a few times until the cigar was lit. The first attempts were sabotaged by you blowing the flame away from the freshly cut tip, only stopping to laugh as the meanest looking glare cut to you. “Stop that. Annoying.”

The words came muffled around the cigar which only made you laugh harder, earning you a cloud of smoke blown at your face.

“Don’t talk about yourself like that.” It was her turn to laugh as you hacked out the words.

[anystalker707]

Pleasantly Surprising

Pairing: Gerard x Reader Word count: ~ 4 000 Genre: Fluff / Enemies to lovers Summary: (Y/n) meets a nice group of guys in a concert. Warning: Blood, but no violence or wounds description.

Requested on Wattpad

a/n: This one if for you blood kink bastards </3

(Y/p) = Your pronouns

Feeling the cold night air filling my lungs with a faint smell of grass is much better than the smoky and sweaty, heavy air present among the public that gets worse near the mosh pit. I lean back against the brick wall, feeling the cold surface through the thick jeans of my jacket, digging into my shoulder blades as I try to control my breathing, quietly watching the band leaving the stage to give place to another.

My throat feels dry, aching the slightest after I swallow around the sharp and cold breaths, so I look around for a stand to buy at least a soda, ankling over to the nearest one. The line isn't actually that long – thank hell –, but that doesn't prevent a random bastard from trying to cut in line.

"Hey, what in the fuck you think you're doing?" I raise an eyebrow, pulling them back by their collar and they just look at me with this sulky face, bottom lip sticking out and lip ring glowing lightly under the reduced lighting. "No cutting in!"

"Says who?" they retort bitterly. "What you gonna do about it?"

"Aw, bold, aren't we?" I raise an eyebrow, glancing down and... the motherfucker is wearing school clothes, lacking the tie and shirt untucked. Private school. "What are you? Not like the other kids? The line isn't even that long, stupid."

"Fuck off," they sigh, shrugging out of my grip and harshly fixing their clothes.

"Frank– Fuck, Frank, the hell, can't we leave you alone for a single second?" A random voice suddenly interrupts our interaction before a tall person approaches, a motherly and worried air lacing their gaze. They look from me to Frank before exhaling, raising an eyebrow, at which Frank shrugs. "I'm sorry for whatever Frank did, he–"

"Fuck, no, Ray!" Frank cuts them off, "you're not playing the good guy here! I was just trying to–"

"Trying to cut in the line, yeah, very nice of you, isn't it?" I roll my eyes, twisting my mouth. At least he isn't lying, but is he stupid or something? Why would he try to convince us what he was trying to do was alright?

It looks like Frank is going to argue for a second, but ends up just groaning through gritted teeth and looking away with a sigh and tense shoulders.

Ray doesn't look any amused, only observing Frank like who looks at a puzzle after having tried to solve it for weeks without success. They shake their head, turning to me instead. "I'm Ray, he/him, nice to meet you. Sorry for Frank, what he did is... unfortunately usual."

I observe him looking at him from head to toes. School uniform just like Frank's, tucked shirt, loose tie. "Hi. I'm (y/n), (y/p). And don't worry, I would've done the same," I breathe, looking away from the two to hand the person behind the counter the money after pointing to the drink I want.

"What?" Frank gasps. "You would've done the same and still acted all like that towards me?"

I roll my eyes, sighing. "Me doing it doesn't mean I like being affected by it." I grab the change, shoving it in my pocket then step aside for Frank and Ray, cracking the can open.

"Y'know–" Frank crosses his arms over his chest, throwing his nose in the air, "–my momma says that you should treat the others as you want to be–"

"Aw, honey, so you'd like me cutting in the line right in front of you? Shamelessly?" I raise an eyebrow at him, unable to hold back a grin when his face gets bright red, hands balling into fists. Not gonna lie, it's kinda cute how he twists his mouth. Frank is about to curse when Ray is shoving a couple of cans into his hands – a sigh leaves his lips instead. "Two for each?" I question and sip on my drink.

Frank smirks, looking at me with humor. "Yeah, wanna watch me drink them at once?"

Ray rolls his eyes at Frank, shoving him out of the way after noticing there were people behind them. "We're actually with two other friends. Are you alone here? Do you wanna come along?" He smiles, ignoring Frank's complaints, so I opt for doing the same.

"I guess that'd be nice," I hum, shrugging. Otherwise, I'd be going home right now and Ray actually seems nice... I mean, Frank does too, but I'm not feeding his ego.

The other two stand against a brick wall when we find them, both quietly chatting to each other until seeing us approaching. The first one doesn't exactly react, more interested in the can Ray hands him, but the second, greasy punk, hums questioningly, straightening their posture as taking a good look at me almost like I did to Frank earlier. "And who are you?"

"(Y/n), (y/p)," I mutter, looking at them from over the rim of the can, taking a sip of my drink.

"Found lying in the trash when I approached," Frank adds, but doesn't seem so confident after I playfully shove him aside.

"Gerard, he/they," Gerard replies, eyes never averting away from mine. What is he, kind of a gang leader? Got a hell of an ego, though a bit differently from Frank – I'm noticing a pattern here, huh. "Mikey, he/him," he continues, nodding to the other guy.

I throw my empty can in a trashcan before leaning in towards Gerard. He tries to escape the touch, but he's against a wall, there's nowhere to go. How cute. "Belleville High," I say, finally able to make out what the small black letters embroidered on the chest area says, and step away, allowing Gerard to breathe. "Isn't it that private school? Catholic one? Wow, who'd know I'd find BH students here!"

"Stereotyping, are we?" Frank raises an eyebrow. It's impossible holding back a smile at him.

"No, never," I chuckle. "It's just a... rare occurrence. You came here right after school?"

"Not really." Ray shakes his head. "Just didn't have the opportunity to change. Good thing it's Friday, tho," he chuckles humorlessly and I nod in a silent agreement.

"And where do you study?" Frank takes a better look at my face. "If you study, that is."

I scoff, but don't reply just yet. Mikey is the most tidied up out of the four whereas Gerard has his tie loose around his neck, shirt untucked, blazer all wrinkled. "Of course I study, dumbass!" I glare. "But I'm in the public school near the park. But I've seen you before." I nod towards Gerard. "Just don't know where."

Gerard's eyes narrow. "Are you sure?"

"It's not always that I see a greasy vampire looking around, so yeah."

A silence hovers between us for a moment, both of us staring at each other until he feigns unamusement, looking away – I smile with a stupid pride swelling in my chest.

The night ends with us exchanging numbers after a solid hour of joking around and throwing sarcastic insults at each other. Teasing Gerard was particularly fun because he often ran away from the whole joking or at least tried to and even Mikey laughed when it failed, though sometimes succeeding when Frank finally managed to get the spotlight on himself. Ray is sweet, despite being the perfect example for 'looks like a cinnamon roll, but can actually kill you.'

Gerard got my attention, to be honest.

Saturday and Sunday go by quite slowly and thankfully texting the guys every five minutes doesn't make it as depressing as usual. Texting Gerard isn't the same as texting Frank – who replies a text to each word I send him –, however. Gerard often replies with a word or a vague comment and guess what? I'm only more interested.

No Gerard manages to slip between my thoughts during school, but it ends up happening as soon as I step past the gates. Belleville high, isn't it? Shitty elite, but they don't really seem to be like that... let's see if that wasn't just great acting. That's not even a mile away from here. I look down the street, the direction opposite to where I would usually go. It won't hurt to say hi, right? Not to mention I've got nothing to do for the rest of the day.

Belleville High's classes finish about ten minutes later compared to my school's, so I don't bother walking too fast, but not slow enough to let my palms get clammy or overthink anything. Amazing how I can feel like this about people I only met once. Okay, whatever, take a deep breath because I guess I know these curls.

"Look at who we have here!" I throw an arm around Frank's neck, interrupting whatever they were doing and attracting wide eyes towards me. Turns out I found them earlier than expected, hanging out in the park.

"Damn, are you everywhere?" Frank raises an eyebrow at me and presses his lips together, though never stepping away. Blood?

"Who knows?" I joke. "Also..." I trail off, only now taking a good look at them. "Man, what in the hell fucking happened to you guys? Seriously–" I yank a paper off Frank's back, sighing at the 'kick me' written across it and hand it to him, shaking my head. What fucking idiot did this? How the hell did they even get into a fight? It doesn't seem like they were fighting each other.

Frank groans poorly, wadding the paper into a ball and tossing it at the nearby trash can. He's got a few scratches above his eyebrows and blood trailing down the corner of his lips. Mikey and Gerard are probably in the best state out of the four – Gerard got blood trailing down his nose and same for Mikey, though on opposite sides and Mikey's cheek is smeared with blood. I can't say the same about Ray... I don't know how he's not even wincing with all that blood trailing down his face.

"Well," Mikey breathes, bringing a hand to the back of his head, "you can say that–"

"Why do you even want to know?" Gerard steps forward, hands clenched into fists by his sides. "You got nothing to do with it, okay?"

"Aw," I breathe a chuckle. So he wants things to happen like this? But does he have the nerve to keep it? I may not have known him for long, but the attitude is clearly foreign, unmatching. "And what, baby? You lost, didn't you? And you're a fucking sore loser!"

"I just don't see why you should know." He twists his mouth, looking at me uninterested, but it doesn't take long until he's looking at me with these eyes, irises barely seen, eyebrows scrunched close. "And don't talk to me like that! Maybe it would even be better if you fucked off and left us alone, don't you think?"

Man, he talks a lot. Too much. No wonder why he's in such a state. Maybe he'll shut up if I...

"Holy..." Frank trails off with a quiet chuckle and I'm certain Gerard would have glared at him if he wasn't processing what just happened.

Meanwhile, Mikey and Ray stare at me with wide eyes – as wide as Gerard's, but they're not as petrified as Gerard is, for sure, only with hesitant, unsure grins on their faces. I suppress the urge to laugh at Gerard, instead more focused on rubbing my tongue against the roof of my mouth, trying to get rid of the salty and metallic taste.

A quiet sound comes from Gerard as he finally moves, maybe a groan, not sounding really comfortable. He brings a hand up to his lips. The perfect trail of almost dry blood is now smudged, following the direction I licket it to, having the blood smeared across his chin and bottom lip. "Ugh, ugh, ugh," he groans, frantically cleaning his lips and chin with the back of his wrist, against the sleeve of his blazer. "What the fuck? You're gross!"

I roll my eyes with a sigh. "Man, I wonder why I thought being an asshole could be solved."

"Eh, trust me, he isn't normally like this," Ray says with a shrug, looking at Gerard like if he was a chained angry dog even after receiving a glare.

No one gives Gerard's tantrum much attention as we soon sit down on the grass and change the subject before we can notice. Surprisingly, Gerard sits down next to me. Even more surprisingly, he leans closer at some point and whispers, "well, look at who's the vampire now."

Saying Gerard's words got stuck in my head would be an understatement. Maybe it's a nightmare, maybe it's not, but it does get me randomly blushing or stupidly grinning during random times of the day. Nonetheless, school the following day does help a bit with cleaning my head a little.

After a few hours of staring at blackboards, the setting changes to staring at records hanging on the walls and it's honestly better. Incoherent, loud chatter being changed to music of my choice is a lot better, even if I need to talk to a customer now and then.

"This is the place I told you about. I've only been here once, but it seems good," a voice says from the outside, but I don't look up from my homework.

"Never been here," someone else says. A pause follows then their footsteps sound clearer and I sigh, shoving my things on the space under the counter.

"Hello, good afternoon," I say automatically, holding back a groan at how my eraser insists on falling and grabbing it fast. "How can I help you?" I finally look up just to freeze. And the four have the same reaction, to be honest. "I knew I had seen you before," I say to Gerard.

"What a small world!" Frank approaches, immediately narrowing his eyes and throwing his nose in the air as looking over to me. "So you're not a rebel who only wanders around and goes to free concerts during the night and stalks us?" He raises an eyebrow, looking around the place, inspecting the shelves full of records and CDs.

"So you only got one set of clothes?" I mock, staring at his school uniform.

Frank exhales, shoulders dropping. "We just got here from school." He motions vaguely to his messenger bag and I nod, humming, not like it matters a lot.

While we talk, Ray and Mikey wander around, talking quietly to each other and sometimes taking a record in hand, but Gerard... he stands there awkwardly, observing Frank and I with a lost gaze. What is he doing? Trying to act all cool like last time? Or doesn't know how to react?

"Hello," I greet, which sounds more like a question. Frank turns around to look at him, apparently understanding Gerard as much as I do.

Gerard presses his lips together and steps forward, also leaning against the counter. "You didn't mention you work here."

"Didn't have a reason to." I shrug.

The corner of his lips twitch and he's holding eye contact until sighing. "Okay, whatever. Got anything new on Misfits or Pumpkins? Also, Bauhaus." He glances at me, black strands falling over his eyes for a moment before he's pulling them away. Cute.

"Of course." I grin, moving to the cabinets behind the counter.

Frank eventually darts off as I show Gerard the records and cassettes like he wanted. I glance around to make sure Frank is paying attention to whatever Mikey is telling him and Ray before I turn to Gerard again, grinning lightly. "Y'know," I mutter, leaning forward with my elbows over the counter. "I've got passes for a bar concert tonight. Wanna come?"

"What do you mean by passes?" His eyes never avert from the records – he runs his fingers over them delicately, examining each of them closely.

"Each ticket was about ten dollars and they're sold out, but the store is sponsoring the event and I got free passes." I smirk, watching his eyebrows raise lightly. "I usually can get one person in with me. What do you say?"

He pauses. "Why me?"

"Because you're the one I know the least." And also the one I'm interested in. "Pick you up at seven, what do you say?"

He sighs. "I'll text you my address."

.

"Wow, you're..." Gerard stares at me with a blank face, standing there and letting all the cold air get in. He rushes into the car, closing the door carefully.

"I'm...?" I raise an eyebrow, sinking my foot down on the gas, pulling away from the sidewalk.

"I don't know." Silence. "Not what I expected."

"Glad to know." I grin. "You're also not what I expected. You're never what I expect, to be honest..." He wasn't all open in the beginning, but also wasn't the asshole he was in the park – in his defence, at least, he had just gotten out of a fight, nerves still on edge. At the store, however, he seemed more like himself. "Also, you're looking good."

Gerard's eyes are surrounded by eyeliner and a red eyeshadow – definitely nothing I would see him in, but also nothing I'm disappointed about –, bringing out his paleness. And for the first time, he isn't wearing that stupid school uniform and fancy shoes are replaced by platform boots. A leather jacket clutches his shoulders, decorated with a few studs and patches, and covering a nice Slipknot shirt. And there are his jeans, fucking tight and I swear I hadn't noticed this guy got such a nice ass and, fucking hell, it's difficult not staring at his thighs flat on the seat, with a chain falling over one of them.

"Thank you," he mutters quietly. Even in the reduced lighting, I can see his cheeks gaining a red tone before he looks away.

The place is crowded, but not overly – which is why the tickets were even sold, at first place – and it's fun seeing Gerard's chin drop when he looks at the sign of the place. To simplify, everyone is either always wanting to play in this bar or come watch someone play and the tickets are not only always sold in small quantities, but also expensive.

"Let's go," I chuckle after having spent a good moment observing Gerard.

We jog across the street, towards the entrance, just straight away skipping the whole line. The guy in charge of letting people in looks at us indifferently, in a silent question, muscles clear under the tight staff shirt. Even if there's no visible difference in his expression, he does relax a bit after I show him my pass and steps aside to let us in.

"Wow," Gerard mutters, almost inaudibly.

"You like it?" I ask as we walk through the people. No answer comes. He stayed back, of course; the boy is kinda shy and hesitant, after all. "C'mon!" I take a hold of his hand to pull him with me until we're in the bar area, which's much calmer. He stands there for a moment, looking around, until I point at one of the stools, sitting down on the one beside it.

Gerard shifts on his seat, hands resting on his lap and clenched into fists. He observes everything with wide eyes and I can't bring myself to avert my attention away from him. He's beautiful.

When the band starts playing, however, the atmosphere starts changing. It's a classic punk band – the kind of people you'd see around in skate lanes, spraying anarchist messages on a building's wall or behind a McDonald's counter – and the music is good, nonetheless, raw and emotional and demanding. Great to dance to.

Gerard is shy, as already stated – what makes me wonder how he even agreed on coming –, taking a good time to actually stand up from the stool and join me.

His hand is warm under mine, maybe not as warm as his cheeks seem to be. I had taken it in mine to pull him up from the stool, only, but he didn't let go and... oh well. Aren't you interesting, Gerard? I grin to myself and take his other hand to pull him to dance with me; that if you consider moving around to the rhythm of the song some kind of dance, but Gerard doesn't complain.

I'm not sure how much time goes by – I only question myself about that once the band is saying good night, breathing audibly as they get off the stage. The live music is replaced by a momentary incoherent chatter when loud music fills the place again, this time coming from the speakers. Gerard and I are out of breath when averting our attention from the stage to each other. My arms feel a bit sore after all of that, almost the opposite to my numb legs.

"Wanna grab a drink?" I nod towards the bar. "We can go to the alley to take a breath, then."

"Sounds good."

The non-alcoholic drinks are as cold as the night air, suddenly making it even more obvious how much we jumped around to the band's sound. We lean against the wall opposite to the side of the bar and I look at Gerard, watching his chest rise and fall fast, only coming to a longer pause when he brings the glass to his lips. He observes something above us, maybe the sky, but I don't care.

"Your nose is bleeding again." I suddenly note, seeing the dark red trail now almost reaching his upper lip. Not a surprise. He hurt his nose not much over a day ago and all the jumping must have opened the wound.

"Fuck." Gerard brings a hand to his nose and sighs when seeing the red stain on his fingers; I chuckle softly, halfheartedly. "What? You wanna lick it again?" he teases, raising an eyebrow at me. He apparently opts for not ruining the sleeve of his leather jacket, regarding it more than his school blazer.

I roll my eyes, smiling helplessly. "Well, if you'd like me to," I decide to tease back, looking at him through half lidded eyes.

"Ah, you wouldn't dare!" He chuckles, blood staining his lips according to how he talks.

"You think so, honey?" I raise an eyebrow. A few stutters come from him, but I just grab his glass and set it aside with mine, on the ground, before stepping towards him. "Tell me, why are you always so... bold around me? It's clear it's not part of you, as Ray even said." I suppress a humorous chuckle at how he frantically backs away against the wall, having nowhere to go. This brings me memories. "Maybe it has a specific reason?"

Gerard's eyes are wide, lips twitching, though no word ever comes through and his expression changes instantly once I get a hold of his hips and pin him to the wall. Feeling the heat coming from his cheeks is almost possible and all that resistance is gone, tendering into compliance and shyness.

"Look at you, Gerard," I mutter, rubbing circles into his hips as leaning in. "How surprising can you be?"

Having Gerard only letting out a quiet whine in response as his hands rest hesitantly over my shoulders make my heart flutter in my chest. I finally lean in, pressing my lips to Gerard's; he returns the kiss right away, lips sliding against mine easily.

And there it is; the rich metallic taste of Gerard's blood. I run my tongue over his bottom lip, snatching a hum from him, which turns into a whining-gasp once my teeth sink into it slightly.

His hands tighten around my shoulders, I grip harder onto his hips in consequence and he's sent relaxing back against the wall. He never had control over the kiss, but he's suddenly just giving up on the power at once with a quiet sound, slowly wrapping his arm around my neck to pull me closer and I gladly deepen the kiss.

"Wow, love," I breathe as soon as we part the kiss, lungs screaming for air. Gerard doesn't reply verbally, with his lips brushing lightly against mine and, by now, the blood is starting to get sticky, on its way to drying, also on my lips.

"I hope we can go out more often," he mutters shyly, not long before burying his face in the crook of my neck.

[whumpmatsus]

So. Todomatsu always ACTS like he hates that Karamatsu is so eccentric, but we all know he actually doesn't mind that much. If anyone else made fun of him for that stuff, I can't help but think he wouldn't let it fly. So what about a situation where Karamatsu gets made fun of/bullied/put down by someone OUTSIDE the family for being the way he be and Todomatsu gets an opportunity to go into full protective mode over him??

OH SHIT the youngest of them goes feral

dare I say... RELEASE THE BABY!!!!!

God I love Zaimoku, it’s so good <3

-

If Totty is being completely, utterly, unfailingly honest with himself, his brothers need his help if one of them is going to be going on a date.

Really, he’s the only one who has any clue about how to act on a date! He could hit his big brothers over the head with a Clue-by-four with that shit and they still wouldn’t really get it.

Even so��� part of him thinks he shouldn’t really be following Karamatsu to a date. Karamatsu is the one Totty knows is never going to come running to him for advice or assistance, especially with girls; he’s got the undeserved ego of an avocado toast sandwich. Totty isn’t sure he’d be pleased to know his baby brother tagged along not because he has to sort out a schedule thing at work, but because he wants to keep an eye on Karamatsu.

What else is he supposed to do, though? Just let Karamatsu go alone and totally blow it? His usual behavior aside, Totty really wants his big brothers to be happy and have fulfilling relationships. He thinks if he can be there to keep an eye on things, well, maybe it won’t go so bad. Maybe Karamatsu will have a shot with this woman. Maybe he’ll get a girlfriend!

The very idea was enough to make him feel a little better about lying so that his brother will take him along. It eases his conscience, imagining that if he manages to help Karamatsu out to the point that the second eldest ends up in a loving, joyful relationship, (obviously as opposed to the past few horrible ones he’s had), then a little fib isn’t so bad, is it?

After all, if he were the one in need of something like this, he’d be grateful for his brothers’ help however they did it.

Of course, when he sees the look this girl gives Karamatsu, a look like the kind a baby gives after licking a lemon for the first time, Totty can’t help but wince. This isn’t off to a great start. He lingers by the counter, greeting Sacchi and Aida, trying not to look as if he’s watching his big brother’s date.

“Aren’t you off today, Totty?” Sacchi hums as she turns to start making a drink.

He nods. “Yeah, well, I can’t stay away, I guess, haha.”

Aida jerks her head toward the table where Karamatsu and his date are. “That’s one of your brothers, right? Still as painful as ever,” she teases. “Is he… oh, my God, he’s on a date??”

“Shhhh, shh!” Totty waves his hands a little, hoping to get his friends to quiet down a little. The last thing Karamatsu needs is to be drawing attention. “He thinks I tagged along to talk to you guys about my schedule. But, yes, he’s here on a date.”

Sacchi finishes serving her customer, one of the few in the shop at the moment, and then leans against the counter to look over. “Aw, good for him. He’s not either of our types, but he deserves a shot with someone who’s interested.”

He lets out a soft sigh. “Agreed there. I kind of just wanna keep an eye on him, you know? To make sure he doesn’t mess it up too much. He should have let me pick his outfit, ugh… that aside, he’s doing okay so far, though, I think.”

Aida frowns as she slides a cup of coffee toward her coworker. “Um, I hate to burst your bubble, but he’s got his work cut out for him. I’ve been to some mixers with that girl, and she always finds something wrong with every guy she hangs out with.”

“She’s right,” Sacchi adds. “Good thing you came along so you can carry him home, ‘cause that girl’s gonna tear him to pieces. I mean, she went out with Atsushi and the next day he was in here crying and telling me she made him feel two inches tall. Nobody’s good enough for her.”

Aida clicks her tongue. “Your big brother’s in big trouble, Totty.”

It’s Totty’s turn to frown as he looks toward Karamatsu. Unfortunately, Sutabaa is so small and he’s close enough that he doesn’t have to strain too much to hear what’s being said.

The woman is laughing. However… Karamatsu hasn’t even really opened his mouth yet. “Oh, my God! You’re my date, huh? Last time I let my sister set me up. That bitch, haha. Ah, well… wow, your jacket is hurting my eyes. Could you take it off?”

Karamatsu seems to be trying his best to smile. “O-oh, yes, of course.” He moves to tug it off, folding it over the back of his chair. “Please forgive me. Anyway, my name is Karamatsu. And you, my angel?”

“Ahaha, WHAT?” The woman raises an eyebrow at him. “C’mon, dude. Don’t call me that. I’m nobody’s angel.”

Totty feels himself starting to steam. You’ve got that right.

“A-ah… right, my apologies.” Karamatsu just keeps smiling. The expression on his face reads almost like he’s in pain. “Well, should we order?”

She gives a cursory glance toward the menu, then suddenly her eyes are drawn to Karamatsu again. “Oh, my God, hold on… is… is that your face on your shirt?! Holy shit! Are you really that full of yourself?”

Totty’s heart sinks as his brother’s cheeks flush bright red. This is not going well. And while, yes, Karamatsu probably should have picked a different shirt, what’s really wrong with what he’s wearing? Even though he’s a little over-the-top and dramatic, this woman can’t know whether or not he’s ‘full of himself’ when she’s barely letting him get a word in.

Totty is the most socially intelligent of his brothers, and even he doesn’t think Karamatsu’s actually doing anything wrong. He hasn’t drawn anyone else’s attention like he usually does, he hasn’t gone overboard with any poses, and he’s… kind of just being himself, slightly toned down. It’s not like he’s bragging or being a jerk. Hell, it’s just a strange fashion choice; how the hell does she think it has any bearing on what he’s like as a person?

“Damn,” Sacchi cringes. “She’s not wasting any time, is she?”

Aida gives a pout toward her friends. “He didn’t even do anything wrong yet. He’s been a perfect gentleman.”

“Yeah, he’s just a little odd and, like, a tiny bit painful. But he’s acting really nice and polite.” Sacchi sighs as she props her head up on her hand. “There’s no pleasing some people. Aida, why don’t you go take their order? Maybe you can accidentally spill it on that pretentious top of hers when you bring it to them.”

“Pfff, if only. I’m on it, though.”

Totty continues to fume as he watches his poor brother try to impress this girl, pretty much in vain. He gets the feeling that nothing Karamatsu says or does is going to be good enough. For some reason, that really pisses him off. Despite the fact that Karamatsu can be a bit much, that he’s overcompensating for being insecure on the inside, that everyone rolls their eyes at him… Karamatsu isn’t a bad guy. He tries hard to make other people happy and treats them with respect. Even his brothers who don’t always return the favor.

By the point Sacchi and Aida are finished making their order, the youngest is ready to explode at this woman. She never even told Karamatsu her name, but she’s spent the whole time talking him down. When she asked what he did ‘besides be super excruciating’, and he told her he didn’t really have a job, she laughed at him. He tried to save it by saying he occasionally played guitar at coffee shops, and she responded something along the lines of, “What kind of hipster loser does that these days??”

Listening to it just makes him so angry. She doesn’t think Karamatsu is attractive, she’s called him embarrassing more than once, and no matter what he does or says, she’s not happy with it. Why the fuck did she even bother going out with him, then?

Totty was worried that Karamatsu was going to screw this up; so far he’s actually managed to be a decent date. He wasn’t prepared for his brother’s date to be the shitty one.

Sacchi brings him a simple iced coffee while Aida returns with the serving tray, a fake smile on her face from laughing uncomfortably at one of the woman’s comments. “God, she’s exhausting.”

“I don’t even know her and I can’t stand her,” Totty mutterrs before taking a sip of his drink. “Why the hell is she treating him like that? He’s just… being himself!”

Being himself. Karamatsu’s really not doing anything wrong. He’s trying to talk himself up when this woman gives him a chance to, but who doesn’t talk themself up on a first date? He just wants to impress her.

It makes Totty feel a little guilty to realize that, honestly, all Karamatsu really wants is to impress everyone because he wants people to like him… including his brothers. If Karamatsu feels the need to seek love and acceptance from strangers like this girl, to the point that he’s willing to put up with the horrible way she’s treating him, what does that say about his brothers? It’s not the first time he’s sucked it up and dealt with something he shouldn’t have from someone just because he wants that person to love him.

His attention is drawn by the woman giggling a little too loudly. “Fuck, you wanna go out with me again? I mean, how do you think this is going? I’m two seconds away from sneaking out the bathroom window. You’re so obnoxious, you dress like an edgy middle schooler, and who wears sunglasses inside, especially when it’s raining outside? You’re, like, cringe incarnate.”

Completely contradicting every statement she made, she slid her hand across the table to take his, if only for a brief moment. The wicked look in her eyes, more sadistic than even Ichimatsu, made Totty’s stomach twist in anger. “I might keep you around, though. You seem like a guy who’d keep me laughing for a while. Maybe next time I’ll take you out with my friends so everyone can laugh at you.”

Oh, that’s it.

He doesn’t know if Karamatsu is oblivious to what she means because he’s blinded and deafened by the promise of another date, or if he knows exactly what she means but perhaps thinks it’s worth it. His eyes light up… and behind that hopeful spark is the pain she’s already put him through.

Baby of the bunch though he is, Totty isn’t going to sit around and twiddle his thumbs while some bitch takes advantage of his big brother.

“Oh, that is sooooo not happening!” he calls as he approaches the table. Although he feels a little bad about just stepping in like this, he’s not gonna let her get away with treating Karamatsu like that. Laughing at him herself was bad enough; parading him in front of her friends for all of them to laugh at him when there’s nothing wrong with Karamatsu isn’t gonna happen if Totty has something to say about it.

The woman gives him an unimpressed look. “Who the fuck are you?”

“T-Totty!!” Karamatsu,  on the other hand, looks immediately panicked. “I can handle this… please, go back and fix your schedule, and I’ll meet you at home.”

“Wait, you work here?” She tilts her head at him. “Oh, shit, hold up. You’re the asshole who messed up my drink last time I was here.” Her gaze flits between the two of them, and she laughs again.

“― Oh, my God! You had to bring your twin brother along to come on a date? You’re pathetic!” Her hand pulls away from Karamatsu’s. “Oh, you’re definitely coming out with me and my friends.”

Totty hisses and pushes her hand away from Karamatsu’s. He steps in front of his big brother to physically block this woman from him. “Keep your hands off him! You’re not taking him anywhere. He’s never seeing you again, because you treated him like… like, fuck, I wouldn’t treat a rock the way you treated him!”

He hears Karamatsu make a noise of almost-protest behind him; he can just imagine the other man sinking down in his seat and trying to hide his face. “Totty, please…”

“No! No, she doesn’t get to just treat you like dirt, Karamatsu-nii-san! You think my brother’s just some kind of dumbass you can show off to your friends and laugh at and treat him like crap?!” he snarls. “Well, guess what? He may be sort of a dumbass sometimes, and maybe he’s a little painful, and maybe he’s not the perfect guy you’re looking for! But he’s a whole hell of a better person than you are!”

Although Totty could kick himself for not saying anything to Karamatsu before, it might be best it’s coming out now. He doesn’t have a lot of time to really think about it or pretend or rehearse. What he’s saying isn’t practiced, it’s real. “Karamatsu is the kindest person I know, and you wish you had at least half the passion he does for the things he likes! Who cares that he wears a shirt with his own face on it? He was bending over backwards to make you happy, even though everything out of your mouth was word barf about how embarrassing he is! And, by the way, you’re wrong!”

It only takes half a step for him to reach over to grab his coffee from the counter, assisted by Aida who’s smirking as she holds it out for him. “If my choice was between you or him, I’d be way less embarrassed to be seen in public with him than with you! He’s not perfect, but he cares about people, and he’s always there when you need him, and ― and all this stuff you think is embarrassing, who the hell gives a shit?! It’s what he wants to do and it’s not hurting anyone! I’d break my phone before I let my big brother go out with someone like you again! Maybe he keeps striking out with dates, but he’s never going to be that desperate!”

He feels a little bad about what he’s about to do. That feeling is mitigated by the fact that at least his coffee isn’t hot.

“And, you know, I actually am sorry about messing up your drink last time. So here, you can have mine!” Almost before he’s finished speaking, he’s dumped his entire cup over her head.

He doesn’t stick around to deal with the aftermath aside from seeing the look of abject horror on the woman’s face as the coffee makes her bad mascara drip. And even though there’s a little bit of guilt over the fact that he’s leaving his coworkers to deal with her, the fact that Sacchi and Aida are cackling while they gather up napkins eases his mind.

He grabs Karamatsu by the hand and leads him out, tossing his coffee cup on the way. There’s not much choice on Karamatsu’s part, except he doesn’t particularly look as if he minds that.

“You didn’t… have to do that, Totty,” Karamatsu mumbles. When Totty glances over, the second eldest looks more tired than anything. He knows that look; the exhaustion of something not working out, of thinking you had a chance only for it to all go up in smoke.

Totty huffs, marching the two of them in the direction that leads back home. “Of course I did! You weren’t going to do it, so someone had to. God… you’ve gotta stop letting people walk all over you, Karamatsu-nii-chan.”

The shift to the more affectionate honorific suggests to Karamatsu that this is really, truly something Totty cares about. He squeezes his baby brother’s hand with a thoughtful hum. “… If that’s the case, perhaps a romance for me just isn’t in the cards. I… really thought it was going to go somewhere this time.”

At last Totty slows slightly, from an aggressive pace to something a little calmer. He’s still pissed off that someone treated Karamatsu like that, and although he’s a bit upset that Karamatsu sit there and let it happen, he knows what it’s like to want people to like you so much that you’ll put up with nearly anything.

However, that’s also the reason he doesn’t want Karamatsu just putting up with it. He deserves so much better than to have people treat him like dirt. It’s not right to do that to anybody, but… especially not to Totty’s big brother.

“I’m sorry I kind of… tapped into Murder Totty in there,” he sighs. “Did I go overboard?”

Karamatsu shrugs. “Maybe a little. But I wasn’t truly enjoying myself and I didn’t want to go on another date with her. I just… didn’t know how to tell her no. I suppose I really am lucky you were there, too.”

Silence falls between them while they walk, then after a moment, Karamatsu clears his throat. “Totty… did you… mean all those things?”

“Huh? All what things?”

“Those things, you know… you said I was… kind and passionate and reliable.” He lets out a soft laugh. “You… you said you’d rather break your phone than let me go out with her again.”

… Oh. He. Did say that, didn’t he?

He pouts a bit, then squeezes Karamatsu’s hand. “Yeah, I meant it. Of course I meant it.”

Beat.

“But as much as I love you, I’m just glad I don’t have to do that.”

[eluxcastar]

I was being a single mom who works two jobs loves their kids and never stops (I have no children 💀 but it felt that way). Guess who's about to ruin the aesthetic dividers by haphazardly shoving every divider they've ever used in (update got pissed off trying to move them with my fingers they match now)

HOUSE OF WOLVES AU OMG, I feel like thematically that makes the most sense. If they have equal shares of that (or both wanted it/both knew they both wanted it), attacking where it hurts, Arle feels very Pantalone-like— she needs it for the orphanage, most likely, whether she's entitled to it or not. What better way to throw her off than to destroy it?

Leaving the orphanage unprotected would be a blind spot, and that's something to be exploited. He can weaponise the fact he sent loverboy after it, and even if she does get it, it'll be one last middle finger to say Pantalone got the last laugh. Tbh, I think it would be generally interesting for loverboy to have to fight those three, but also so extremely stressful because that's an uneven matchup. Strangely, I almost feel like they wouldn't totally want to fight each other either because none of them have anything against each other; they're just butting heads because the people they're associated with are.

I find it absolutely hilarious because, like, Dottore just existed doing his thing, and they all went, "Yo what the FUCK is up with that guy—" and made the tbf pretty sane choice to just not touch whatever is going on over there. Not everyone can be child reader protected by the threat of Arle's belt

His opinion of Pierro literally being

is so funny to me because, much like half his opinions on people, he's like, "WOW you're actually INSANE" like loverboy is too NORMAL. Get him OUT OF HERE

Also, the fact Capitano is so "You look like something a kid imagines under their bed or in their closet, but instead of eating the exposed limbs from outside the blanket, you just tuck them back under so they're nice and warm. Chill dude" I giggle

Tartaglia also feels so real because comparatively to the Harbingers, they are burdened by normalcy 💀 Tartaglia is so easy to be like, "Fight?? Oh, that's wonderful, no thanks—" and carry on because he may be microwaved but professionals have standards

LISTEN he's still got the temper but he just smiles through the pain of wanting to shoot people a little better now. It's about balance 🙏 you can be as fucked up as you want as long as you can hide it better than Dottore so people don't wanna kill you with hammers. You can't trust that face but for a minute you could think that's a man who wouldn't gaslight gatekeep girlboss (you'd be wrong)

Farsighted Pantalone is an interesting thought 🧐 unfortunately I am currently near-sighted, a blind bitch as some might say, so I will have to consult childhood me for that because I went from having reading glasses to distance glasses 😭 so if I ever wanted to write Pantalone leaning pov that would be a fun challenge

omg omg. loverboy who struggles to adapt to life again because he's in what should be a peaceful environment, he doesn't have to do anything like that anymore, and he should be fine. It somehow only gets worse, like being in a place where that's not acceptable fucks him up more, he's more violent than when he left because being a fatuu meant he had to be or he's get killed—for three years that was drilled into his head and now it's stuck with him. He reacts to the things working at the Northland Bank borderline conditioned him to, including scammers who think they can pull one over on him, and how was he told to deal with that? Break some bones.

Then the paranoia really starts to set in. What if he's too good at it? what if those three years were able to grind away at him just enough because, when he looks at all the people around him who assumedly also spent three years working for the fatui, the mildly envy-fuelled rose-coloured glasses he views a fraction of their lives through make everyone else seem so much more adjusted than he is, even though he tries to go back to civilian life like nothing happened.

it does a little bit make him a victim of perception, and he probably knows there's more than what little people present of themselves, but when you're struggling to fit back in where you're forcing yourself to fit, riddled with lingering guilt and the fear it got to you after all and are probably not living in the best circumstances now that you're without you nice fatui pay, you're gonna end up a little bit blind to reality and get stuck in questioning yourself.😭

I ACTUALLY DO I JUST NEVER POST IT because I may write it, but I certainly don't write it well, at least not that I have any confidence sharing. I imagine horny people are horny regardless, but I care even for the residents of horny jail, so I save them from the poorly written smut of my drafts. Idk how to explain in anything but the citrus scale, and I refuse to elaborate on that further because it's a relic of my days on a cursed orange app we all know and tolerate

all that is to say I'm totally fine rambling about it dw I keep a stash of nasty fics/art that would put a victorian nobleman in a permanent coma CIA couldn't waterboard some things outta me

BUT SO TRUE pathetic sobbing messes are just 🤌 I remember you told me about the corruption kink way back when you made the Kaveh request yes I remember these things it's archive memory still coming btw just on hold while it simmers again

I am inclined to agree, especially in Liyue. I think it would really kill some opportunities for him to have a former debt collector on his resume because that doesn't exactly speak to someone with a lot to offer but a good customer service smile. It's definitely not the kind of work history people would trust, especially not those who have bad blood with the Fatui 😔

That would also make an abundance of sense as to why dear old dad was so split between giving everything to the Tsaritsa and providing for his wife and son 💀 kid's gotta eat, and dad likes his job for the honour of it; it just works out to a father who went to get mild regularly in pursuit of following orders when loverboy was young

Literally, they DESTROY me. I have to write my own fics and save them for later when I get sappy over them and go back to read all the backstory and scenarios and stuff I wrote. It's a one-man show out here made for Riri by Riri 😭 throw them all in my notes, and when I feel sentimental, decide that it's the perfect time to go cry over Neru not being canon it or how cute Quintil and Skuld are or sob because Vela is so precious and I explode because Adam's her BOY her BABY and— this is not about loverboy anymore backtracking

RIGHT it's so delicious to think because it requires action from Pantalone that forces him to consider the viability of loverboy at all. He knows who he is, knows that guy is crazy because he tries to push him out a window, briefly considers making him bite the curb and ultimately decides to dig up some dirt on him and put this ViSiOn fROm ThE gODs of his to the test. Another opportunity to almost kill each other acquired

UNHAPPILY REFERENCE SPOTTED bro has such strong preservation he was working HARD GOING places all to get back to him husband who decided that fucker better have.wonderful explanation or he can chew lead. (Second instance of Pantalone being a little bit impulsive and rash because of anger)

————————

I ran out of images 💀💀

ME AND THE HOMIES VIOLATING ETHICAL BUSINESS PRACTICE WITH THIS ONE 🗣️🗣️🗣️🔥🔥🔥‼️‼️‼️ he wants that reinforced mop on his knees again giving him that same incredulous look he gave him back when Pantalone watched him first kill someone he wants to find the reddest lipstick he can in hopes of recreating that moment when he ran his thumb over his bloodied lip and made an even bigger mess of him

————————

the amount that has been written about this man is crazy we've got a whole essay here 😭😭 he's so spoiled but he deserves it because he's the baby boy 🙏

Ok lets go SImply reblogging your oneshot for my req isn't enough i need to analyze and annotate the entire thing like a literature professor and tell you Everything. (✿◡‿◡)

pantalone might be ooc

He's not!!!!!! by which i think this is fairly a Really Good portrayal of the guy considering the 5 sentences we know about him. He's strict!!! frankly a little scary!! And also chill and positive about loverboy!! But it felt Just Right!!!! ( •̀ ω •́ )✧

descriptions of blood

description so good i might as well have killed that man myself

...pretend that his lore has a spot where this fits perfectly

I think i can make it fit!! would you be cool with making minor changes if so?

"You're very good at what you do."

Imagining the same voice as sebastian michaelis saying this with the sexiest buttersmooth voice is eviscerating me. Very self-indulgent but praise kinks will always slay so hard.

...on the verge of stabbing him a moment ago. 

This,, and the small thing i wrote about loverboy launching them both out the window to escape an onslaught of assassins in my other req. get you a ship where one of them has completely normal knee-jerk reactions to kill the other <3

...as he crushes their hand beneath his shoe without mercy

Fatui Harbingers - House of Wolves - KIERU 0:15

...Instead, Pantalone looks unfazed by it all, stopping as he reaches the other side of you, free of most of the blood. He greets you with a knowing smile as he usually does.

hey ririto this is so ominous and eerie for some reason not known to me. Just the backdrop of grey and snow and probably a gruesome corpse right next to loverboy and Pantalone has a silent smile through everything. Delicious sentence 10/10.

"I knew making you a banker was a good idea,"

THIS IS SO. The confidence and quite calm assurance that pantalone says this with is SO. You'd never be sure whether to lean into it and let out a sigh of relief,, o r back up further becuase it sounds so good but all in the wrong ways.

...thumb brushing across your bottom lip slicked with blood.

fellas is it professional to feed double edged words of honey to your young inexperienced subordinate while kneeling in front of his battered and bruised self who killed someone for you,, and run a gloved thumb across his blood soaked lip. ( ͡• ͜ʖ ͡• )

"Who knew you had so many other talents,"

you are infusing these dialouges with crack cocaine giggling kicking my feet while being slightly concerned because Sir. What do you mean by that.

"Ah ah," he says, a harshness seeping into even just that sound. "Stay."  You stay put,

thank you for making loverboy so Ouppy.

"Lord Harbinger," you try to say

yes,, this could be a minor thing to adjust: i think we could actually fit this oneshot somewhere AFTER he gets his vision,, and BEFORE Pantalone becomes the Harbinger Regrator. Can be a valid reason for Pantalone to see that reader failed to kill the assassin from their shitty negotiation meeting,, and wanting to newly test him again after he had his vision + ambitions awakened to see if he can get past the fear of killing NOW. (Even then,, maybe due to inexperience/unfamiliarity of using visions, reader didn't think to raise his advantage of supernatural powers against another visionless man in this scenario.)

I'd think his first kill was one of the factors that caused him to leave after his 3year duty, not sticking around for Pantalone's promotion to Regrator.

"You are much like your father."

Top 10 things Not to say to someone with daddy issues-

...they're as wet behind the ears as you are.

Dear diary, Today i learned a new speech of expression

...Pantalone's hand that rests on your chin moves... "Now, try again. Dear banker, whatever do you mean?" 

this whole paragraph. What on earth do you mean 'ooc pantalone'. This is the MOST pantalone thing you could've written. Strict and intimidating about improving reader's meek attitude. a Push in the right direction.

"Is this a test?" you manage, words muffled by the way he squishes your face like putty beneath his fingers.

(thank you for making loverboy so Ouppy) x2

...and you know who, regardless of how 'anonymous' that source may have been in his words.

I MAY BE STUPID. （；´д｀）ゞ I CANT TELL. who you are hinting towards 😭😭

"Hold this," he adds, an unnervingly tender instruction for the way he was just behaving. 

There he is. its reminding me of: the same pantalone that washed reader with a clock in my very first req to you.

...looking probably about as pathetic as you think you do.

POV: You're Pantalone looking down at Loverboy.

I forgot how much of a bug-eyed wet dog loverboy is before his time-skip "character development" so to say. Thanks i love him.

"next time someone approaches you from behind, don't wait to stab them. Don't reach for your wet knife with your wet hands, either. Both of those things will get you killed."

I think pantalone is entirely having too much fun with observing Loverboy try climbing the ropes to how REAL fatuus run business.

"Come now. You want to go home and back to Liyue, don't you? I'm tired of this cold." 

Σ(っ °Д °;)っ back to liyue??? Loverboy is Liyuean??? pantalone stays in liyue??? I ALWAYS THOUGHT arlecchino called pantalone a bitch in Signora's funeral for "never leaving the comfort of his homeland?" Whuh-?

ALL IN ALL,, CLOSING THOGUHTS,, GOOD FOOD RIRITO DINNER HAS BEEN SERVED, ATE, AND LICKED CLEAN 10/10 ILY

I GOTT THIS JUST BEFORE I WENT TO SLEEP AND ONLY JUST GOT THE TIME TO ANSWER IT BUT I KNEWWW YOU WOULD GET THE HOUSE OF WOLVES REFERENCE

That is true actually and I realised after I posted it that like, wtf is in character for him?? 😭 he's said like two things and while I have memorised those things they're not a lot to go off but I'm glad you enjoy him (ﾉ´▽｀)ﾉ♪

Also if you can make it fit, feel free ☆(≧∀≦*)ﾉ I sorta only had a vague idea of where it might go, but at that point in time, loverboy works abroad in the Northland Bank. I'll also throw in that he travelled there for that job and unfortunately does not come from Liyue 😔 (unless he's supposed to?? I got the impression he was from Snezhnaya) it was more a "I bet you'd love to be back at a desk job rn" or something to that effect, loverboy is going back to the bank once things are settled where he belongs but Pantalone isn't going with him (hence why they're in Snezhnaya when this happenscause I also interpret at as him not liking to leave Liyue)

I'm so glad the J Michael Tatum love never stops but also you're so right praise kinks absolutely do. I also noticed that them trying to kill each other is like, a repeated theme so far 😭⁉️ LIKE WHEN PANTALONE WENT TO FIND HIM LAST ONESHOT HE WAS GONNA KILL THAT FUCKER

Confident possibly mildly degrading Pantalone is literally my favourite thing, like I chew on him. I chew on him being unnervingly calm because what would he have in the eyes of a wet mop boy besides an unwavering poker face. Get yourself a man who uses the blood of your enemies like your lipstick and knows he made good choices stationing you at his shady probably money laundering black hole of debt he calls a bank

Yk I agree actually I was trying to figure the timeline out in my head and realised it would've made more sense to happen before he was a Harbinger so I agree with this revision that actually makes it fit the lore and if I ever decide to make it a longer multichapter fic I'll definitely fix that 💀 t'was a victim of laziness

YES YES THIS Pantalone basically shaping him up so he doesn't literally die and being strict with it get so him. He'll prompt him to say it again but won't let it slide because that behaviour isn't going to be beneficial, especially not with someone who may be working under him long-term

I went back to read the part about the anonymous source line came from, and I think I figured out what happened here, so allow me to explain  (;ﾟдﾟ)   Ok so, it has a bit to do with the weird way I wrote this because when I said I wrote this on the train that was half a lie. I wrote some of it on the train and the rest at the library where I also edited what I already had because the spelling mistakes were atrocious. I did write down who it was but cut it when I decided it cluttered the story a bit which retrospectively was also a mistake because I didn't think about the fact it would seem like I was hinting at something at the time (ﾟ▽ﾟ*) the shorter, boring answer is that there's no one Ririto did a big silly and cut context in the chaotic editing this suffered

LMAO NOT THE CLOCK AGAIN

I love him the wet mop boy. I was like I want him to be at least a lil pathetic rn because his concerns are completely different. He's thinking about how to not die, and how much he misses his mom and his much fatui dick his dad must've been riding before death to think this career path was worth it (slash JOKING but he is still wondering why his father would have done this job willingly) that and I think men who whimper are cute thanks for coming to my Ted talk

HE IS ENJOYING IT and I love it sm

Hehe I am glad to know you haven't gone hungry today (^o^) and such high ratings for the banker and loverboy