#// this was so dumb and fun to think of thnk u

[tewwor]

🎰 maybe otherside verse jiwon andddd supernatural muses pls!! 👀

Send 🎰 for me to put our muses into a random list generator then post the first five as potential ships! (accepting) @interxstitial

amaro — i got nothing, um.... i haven't really written amaro outside of other vampire interactions ( it's always bad, he's always hissing and spitting ). so idk how he usually is????? probably nicer, more like a decent person in society. maybe even helpful?? sympathetic? might try to see if he knows any exorcists or hunters that have come by whatever the hell's going on with jiwon? or there's the, 'oh no i need to feed desperately and you should really not be here' plot device as an option.

walter — .. why are we back here. i thought i got rid of him ( i hallucinated it ). is jiwon still working for this bastard? he can leave at anytime, i promise. walt won't say it, but he totally can. idk put shit on his coffin during the day, that'll be funny

simon — no! run! he will try literally everything to strike a deal with jiwon! but the outcome will never be good or beneficial to him!!!! simon's sooooo nice and bubbly at face value, but he's garbo i swear. the option of him being in a band with a normal human + parasitic angel-thing is also an option, because the idea of him using a fanbase to collect souls is... right there for the taking.

m. — if you though ravi was eccentric ( he still is in a fuckboi kind of way ), then make way for the archaic version AND his ravi's literal obsession ( one-sided nemesis ). is this actually mothman? yes, but m. will always deny it. and oddly enough? a lot people let it slide. i think the idea of jiwon being in his lamp emporium is very funny in the way that.. there are so many fragile things to shatter and if m. has even the inkling of something off about jiwon he'd be so quick to punt him outside, but also join him out there because he loves to yap so much. but also, um, m. tends to have diasters happen around him so..... maybe.. it impacts jiwon too?

clarence — hey man, you want some emotional support? here, clarence's full of it. even if he's super fucking weird and constantly glows and never really... dies. he's here for you, jiwon.

[monster-bait]

Hey there! I just had a couple of questions? First being, while I know its hard to get started with followers and traction on tumblr - especially lately - Do you have any tips for tags I could use or blogs that wouldn't mind being tagged in the monster fics that I've begun writing? I really want to join this community of awesome monster lover authors. Which brings me to ny next question, can I tag you in my stories? Tumblr notifs are very dumb but I hope you'd enjoy them! Thnk u -Kat

First off—OMG YES, PLS TAG MEEEE!!! I miss SO much, you guys. I reblog what I catch onto my bookshelf page, but I miss a ton of great writing from the community at large, so please, feel free to tag me, always! And that goes for anyone reading! If you’re writing exophilia/monster stories or adjacent-themed fanfic, you can always tag me! I encourage it! I’ve been introduced to so many great writers in the community by being tagged in their work— @margoteve, @frostsinth, and the wonderful @weasleasley, just to name a few!

As far as who else to tag, I have no idea and can’t speak for anyone but myself, but I’m sure it’s a question others have as well, so if you’re reading this and you’re a blog who enjoys being tagged in other people’s writing, sound off in the comments or reblog!

Second—check my #writing woes tag for posts specifically about starting out and building a following and keeping a following, I know I’ve written them. 

Tags: the tags I use on every single thing I write are: exophilia, monster boyfriend, monster lover, monster x human (if that’s the kind of story) _ _ _ girl/boyfriend (fill in the blank with creature type), and my own tag, monsterbait writes. I will say, when the tagging system is working, it makes some decent recs on my dash. If you go to the actual tracked tag’s page, it’s a frustrating mix of the same handful of creators (not that they don’t deserve to be there, but often the “top blogs” and posts are accounts who are no longer active, which I imagine is extremely frustrating for a newbie reader/fan!) but the recs generated on people’s dashboards are by most recent post, so new writers and stories without 600 notes actually have a chance of being seen by more than just their followers!

My writing woes tag will have more, but I will give you this bit of advice, because I think it’s important for a creator just starting out: this isn’t an easy platform to break into, but it’s by far the kindest to creators. I have NO idea how to get people to follow me on Insta/FB, short of begging (which I’ve done.) ((It still hasn’t worked.)) 

Gaining followers at a steady clip is a numbers game—the more content you churn out, the faster your follower count will increase. A bit of caution, though: the faster you churn out content, the faster you burn out the part of this that’s supposed to be fun. Ignore jerks in your inbox, write stories you love, and don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for not writing fast enough/the story they want. 

Good luck, don’t forget to tag me, and I can’t wait to see you show up on my dash!! 💖💖💖

[dxmagedrose]

GET TO KNOW THE BLOGGER!

Tagged by: my lover @hammurabicomplex​ I’m tagging: anyone and everyone who wants to pick this one up! share with the class if you feel like it! tag me in it!!

PRESENTING. RANDOM DEEP DIVE WITH INDIGO-MUN AT 2AM ;

FIRST NAME Good fucking question… It’s (sort-of) currently Dylann! I was Kieran before that, though; it’s still used as one of my first names and I’m not used to Dylann quite yet bc I’ve just started using it. 

Indigo is one of my middle names though, and I’ve used it as an online handle elsewhere forever so I use it here now!  [ Fun etymology facts: Dylan(n) is a mythology name generally meaning “born of the wave” (aspiring diver & a water witch at heart). Kieran means “little dark one” bc of my love for horror, && I chose Indigo bc as a kid to be it was neither boy (blue) or purple (girl) and was both and neither as well as my absolute favorite color as this vibrant ass mystical color. ]

STRANGE FACT ABOUT YOURSELF hmmmmm…. I’m a horror lover at heart, so as a child (I wanna say 12), I was walking through an antique store (I have a few cool finds, I considered putting my other one as the fact tbh) and I turned the corner and I saw these two dolls staring back at me at the foot of the stairs of this antique building. my blood froze, and i felt my stomach drop. i got actual, physical goosebumps stumbling across these two creepy dolls staring back at me in the corner, and i couldn’t leave the store without them. perhaps the little painted porcelain boy would be somewhat spooky by himself if it wasn’t for the terrifying lidded gaze of the porcelain girl with the hairline fractures and slightly open lips. i cant look at her. i dont really find dolls scary, I like to find the spookier ones ones, and she makes me paranoid as hell. i keep her face covered and her up in my closet except for when i bring her out to show her off proudly as the spookiest thing I have but……. i dont really collect dolls anymore.  even thinking about her brings a fearful tear to my eye.  i don’t like to think about her for very long, but that’s why I’m so fucking proud to own her. ( YES — I’m THAT white person in the horror film )

TOP THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU FIND ATTRACTIVE ON A PERSON hhhhh a beardy jawline, high cheekbones, crooked canine teeth >:3c

A FOOD YOU COULD EAT FOREVER AND NOT GET BORED OF b.l.t.’s with avocado. ahhhh. my mouth is watering just thinking about it, oh my god. just a bit of salt and pepper???

A FOOD YOU HATE barbecue anything, i hate the taste of bbq sauce, you keep your nasty black goo to yourselves at the grill. twice in my life i have presented with barbecue pizza and both times i cried literal tears. why would you do such a horrible thing to a person? what kind of a monster are you? how do you sleep at night?!

GUILTY PLEASURE the sims. constantly. always. i’ve sunk thousands of hours into my households. oh also uhhhhhh i run two 80s horror blogs, one being a shitpost blog with occasional art of mine and one gremlin fanfic ship blog for horrible, terrible self indulgent fanfics i’ll get the courage to finish writing & post so i can be cancelled on tumblr for at some point. NO, i won’t link them. as i pretend they’re even all that hard to find, within a day i was found on both by someone i admire here a lot :’) ilu bby thnk u eternally for supporting ur local horrifying dumbass wtf

WHAT DO YOU SLEEP IN the same clothes i’ve been wearing all day usually, my sweats & long sleeve raglans or my hoodies. i like being cozy day & and out. and ugh. efoort. just throw me in a blanket in a cool room and im out.

SERIOUS RELATIONSHIPS OR FLINGS serious relationships with some openness or poly. i wish i could fling! just not exactly easy for demisexual autistics lmao.

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN THE PAST AND CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOUR LIFE, WOULD YOU AND WHAT WOULD IT BE I think I would be adopted by my grandma as a kid. It would save me some trauma but mostly I think it would get my autism diagnosed way earlier and save me angsting all these years of wondering why & thinking it’s my fault I’m struggling so much and so loud and affectionate and different in a world that i didnt fit in the same way. 

ARE YOU AN AFFECTIONATE PERSON when i get drunk i text people how much they mean to me in my life. does that answer your question? ahhh. i’m sometimes a cuddle monster with friends, i message people with long texts about how much they mean to me, but I sometimes really don’t like to be touched at all. 

A MOVIE YOU COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN FLYPAPER.  F L Y P A P E R.  FLYPAPER.  FLY, and, I can’t stress this enough, fucking PAPER. ( Though also Whole Nine Yards and both Re-Animator & Bride ). I have watched Flypaper already like, 5 times this week and I’m still not done, and the other movies have been on repeat for days in this household within the last year. In the past it has also been Donnie Darko & the new Nightmare on Elm Street.  roast me.

FAVORITE BOOK White Fang by Jack London. Have I actually ever finished it? No. Do I still own a copy I’ve had since childhood thru multiple dogs eating it, taking it to and from school, and highlighting and circling all the best parts of chapter one ever since I was a kid and it was too hard of a book for me to read? You bet your ass. If I ever need inspiration I just reread chapter 1. Although one of my other favorites was Broken Monsters by Lauren Beukes. But White Fang is like, a weirdly personal text. We stan London’s writing in this household.

YOU HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO KEEP ANY ANIMAL AS A PET, WHAT DO YOU CHOOSE FENNEC FOX!! I used to daydream about having my own named Shiloh when I was a lil kid. they’re adorable little things and i am obsessed. i mean, gimme any fox and im happy, marble foxes, red foxes… but I was obsessed with fennec foxes. Also tbh ferrets. I want a ferret.

TOP FIVE FICTIONAL SHIPS [IF YOU ARE AN RP BLOG, YOU CAN USE YOUR OWN SHIPS AS WELL] Rosa & @ninetyscnds‘s Luke, Rosa & @iimpulsivity is already screaming my name, Rosa & Constantine, Jesse & Andrea from Breaking Bad, and the joker and harley of 80s sci-fi Dan & Herbert from Re-Ani.  I am but a simple opossum. 

PIE OR CAKE Pie! I’ll take both pumpkin & melty apple over cake. also, cheesecake is more pie than cake soooo, pie wins.

FAVORITE SCENT my dogs / my blanket. :’)  It’s the most grounding smell in the world. 

CELEBRITY CRUSH oliver jackson-cohen, i’m fucking GAY and im angry about it. there i was, minding my own business, and i saw that asshole in a certain SHIRTLESS GIF and it AWOKE SOMETHING IN ME. dont talk to me about it, holy shit im obsessed with beardy men now god fuckkdafjaask i hate him why did he make me this gay i was perfectly fine being into girls but NOOOOOO him and his dumb hairy chest and sweet rugged face and I——  I also am obsessed with the archaeologist & television personality Josh Gates and may or may not be considering making a fan blog for him bc idk if my anthropology docuseries host is Dad or Daddy but i love him lots

IF YOU COULD TRAVEL ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD YOU GO I would go on a dive with anthropologists and archaeologists doing fieldwork research in the ancient cenotes of the Yucatán Peninsula. My actual dream job, catch me crying & fantasizing about being underwater documenting Mayan skulls given as offerings. Fuckkkk, I love anthropology so much!!  take me anywhere in the world to immerse myself into culture & archaeology.

INTROVERT OR EXTROVERT Introvert. I have a real life friend I see roughly once a month, and that’s it. Plenty of online relationships, I’m chatty, message me all day every day. but i dont do people well.

DO YOU SCARE EASILY I used to! Really bad. I don’t as much anymore. I do get paranoia a lot still. Having therapists telling you that the FBI could be outside your house watching you through your windows will kind of nervous. ( no google results for: yes hello fbi i am a writer please dont put me on watchlists i just have research i need to do for this idea im working on, would you like to try again? ) I have nightmares nightly but not they never make me afraid, they just make me feel like crap. jumpscares and loud noises and seeing people reaching into their pockets dont set off as many brain alarms anymore tho!! progress haha.

IPHONE OR ANDROID I like my android better bc of capabilities but meh

DO YOU PLAY ANY VIDEO GAMES My mom, her husband & I play COD for family game night, and Silent Hill is my life’s blood. I’ve sunken hours into Sims & Skyrim, and Norman Jayden from Heavy Rain is my #1 fictional character in existence, why do i love the druggie babies

DREAM JOB Oh… You’re asking me to pick? I’d love to be an anthropologist doing work out in the field. Underwater archaeology is peak, but I’m also heavily considering being a body recovery diver or police diver. I’d love to see myself in uniform someday, if possible. Just the thought makes me teary eyed & proud.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITH A MILLION DOLLARS fund my person creative & educational endeavors. get myself a spooky ass abandoned house to make my own home to create in, and travel to the world’s best dive sites. just live a mild life of education, creation & exploration. that’s the dream TM.

FICTIONAL CHARACTER YOU HATE dr. hill is a gross and whiny lil bitch this post brought to u by the miskatonic crew, how is everyone here an even worse bad guy than herbert west precious dan excluded talk shit get hit tho john winchester from spn and both walter white & todd from breaking bad are all in my crew of hated characters. i jusT…   the reani novel is difficult to read because i have to deal with this old sack of shit.

FANDOM THAT YOU WERE ONCE A PART OF BUT AREN’T ANY LONGER Supernatural :-)

… AND THIS CONCLUDES A DEEP DIVE WITH INDIGO!! //

[lonely-canadian-shrimp-universe]

Good Omens:A First Foray

The First Impressions of a Viewer with No Context

I knew a good chunk of the plot because at first I honestly wasn't going to watch it, so I didn't really shield myself from any spoilers on tumblr.

That being said, I was hooked right from episode 1. I went into it thinking I was gonna be all over Crowley (given my other favourite characters in most other franchises) but the first time Aziraphale smiled I M E L T E D. SO PURE AND SWEET Also when "Aziraphale" was said I had a moment of 'oh. that's how you say that' Also the earth and my mom share a birthday. When Nanny Ashtoreth showed up I KNEW I was gonna need more content of her. Wife 100%

The fact that, try as they may, Zira and Crowley are completely incompetent and really only matter in the last like 16 minutes before the end of the world is really great. It's like watching a show that's about the really interesting side characters you get to see for 2 minutes and WISH you got 6 hrs of. Thank you, Neil.

Ep 2 we get to meet Newt and Anathema and omg I love them. I need Anathemas wardrobe ugh. And newt??? disaster Newton Pulsifer??? he's a mood. Not totally sure how I feel about their relationship but I love the contrast of "hey we just met like an hour ago and we're dating now thnks" to "we've known each other for 6000 years but there's no way he likes me the same way? side note, isn't it funny how the world is always emitting a low buzz of love my dear?" "ngk"

Agnes is amazing and I love how sassy she is. 10/10. I love how Aziraphale is not at ALL concerned about being shoved against a wall by Crowley. Like not one bit. He's like "oh finally, it's only taken you 6 millenia" honestly same

Ep 3 gives us the 30 minute cold open who's only purpose is to show how these two kept coming back to each other for 6 millenia, no matter how the last meeting may have gone. Here are a few thoughts:

Crowley has very pretty hair. Also I could 100% see by this point how these two have been gay for each other since day 1. Er rather day 7? Golgotha Crowley is v pretty and learning later that those are traditionally female garments was a treat. That scene was otherwise hard to watch, and they definitely thought so as well. The globe theatre was really fun to watch, I love Shakespeare. Sadly, Hamlet reminds me of my awful 10th grade English teacher. she ADORES that play. So thanks,  Aziraphale.

Bastille= PEAK GAY LOOK

I'd seen the church scene and "you go too fast for for me in MANY a gift,  but hearing them was OOF. Michael Sheen didn't have to go so hard on that line but OH BOY DID HE EVER. I may have cried.

I honestly didn't realize that the intro didn't play until the middle of the episode until I rewatched it??  like that completely flew over my head.

THE BANDSTAND. THE E M O T I O N. AZIRAPHALE WAS SO HURT. he was so torn because so much of him still wanted to believe in the good of heaven, but his heart (or the angelic equivalent) had long ago sided with Crowley. When Crowley came back and asked him to run away to Alpha Centuri??? UGH. that dude instantly assuming they're gay? same. same random dude. same. And omg Crowley praying??? to God??? he cares about humanity and it SHOWS. By this point I was REALLY relating to Aziraphale. His reluctance to stray from what he knows and was told reminds me so much of myself. that A n x i e t y.

the end of episode 4 and into episode 5 HURT. the bookshop? "I lost my best friend"? The fact that Crowley was ready to give up and wallow drunkenly through the Apocalypse because continuing on or running away held no meaning if he didn't have Aziraphale by his side. I cried. On the other hand, defiant Aziraphale? "Angels can't posses people" "Demons can..." YES BBY STOP BLINDLY FOLLOWING ORDERS!!! FREE THOUGHT BABEY!!! Now: Shadwell and Tracy. Shadwell is hilarious and I love him, end of story. He's just so... out there. crazy dude. Madame Tracy on the other hand? AMAZING. her actress (I can't think of her name and I have a REALLY ONE TRACK MIND) absolutely KILLED it. AMAZING. The seance?  That dude who WAS JUST LOVING EVERY SECOND? Loved that so much. still cracks me up. When they first get to the airbase and Crowley compliments his dress and Aziraphales like OwO like fellas they gay.

1970s crowley... the mustache... "Can I hear a Wahoo?" Hastur... love him... "What's a computer" part of me wants to think he's just fucking with Crowley because who wouldn't but also he's so deadpan and yo I can't read expression AT ALL.

Love the fact that Crowley was ready to yeet off to a far off star system light-years away, but at the same times like "you expect me... to go to TADFIELD? In this weather??? Maybe I should drive but I mean, have you SEEN the TRAFFIC Angel? And now the M-25s on fire. Great."

Hastur going from on top of everything and tearing Crowley down to panicking because YOU'RE DRIVING TOWARDS A WALL OF FIRE.

snek eyes :3c

"Young man your CAR is on F I R E"

ALSO the horse people getting lost is peak entertainment. Honestly the horsepeople are great. War? Gorgeous. Famine? Love him. He's got style Pollution??? They're amazing, and also THEY THEM PRONOUNS BABEY. that made me v happy bc I just got used to usin em myself uwu. D E A T H. He knows his aesthetic yall. love it.

suppose nows a good a time as any: THE THEM.

I didn't really like Adam at first, he seemed a bit snobby. he's grown on me now but... ngk. Wenslydale was an instant fave. he's adorable. love him. Brian? total mess. super genuine. Great kid. PEPPER. she's great. she's sassy. she's gonna go far in life. all together, they're a tight knit group and I love them and they're all my children now thabks. and the parallels to the horsepeople? p e r f e c t

Alrighty Episode 6!!!

The beginning terrified me. All this time I was rooting for Zira and Crowley to finally get their happily ever after and yknow how most media is nowadays. There's a reason Fix-it Fics are so popular. So the beginning of the episode scared me. Also Beelzebub 💖

I love the Them vs The Horsepeople. "I believe in Peace, bitch."

I didn't even realize til later that that was Aziraphales sword. didn't even catch that line.

When Beez and Gabriel showed up? THAT DUMB SMILE OF GABES? I really hated Gabriel. The way he treated Aziraphale REALLY rubbed me the wrong way and I just did not like him one bit.

W I N G S. PRETTY WINGS. also didn't even realize that what Crowley did was STOP TIME. LIKE WHSOHDOEBE WHaT? ??

 "it burned down... remember?" uuggghhh kill me with how soft and gentle he's being!!! he knows that bookshop MEANT something to Zira hdoehekdn

T H E B O D Y  S W A P

the caught me COMPLETELY off guard... at first. I was completely unaware right up until "crowley" was attacked. I caught that little "Tickety boo" and I paused screaming like CROWLEY WOULD NOT SAY THAT IN THAT SCENARIO NO WAY THAT IS N O T ANTHONY J CROWLEY W H A T 

The heaven scene solidified my then hatred for Gabriel. I like him now but oof that scene he's still VERY punchable.

Crowley: Nearly threw hands with the Archangel Gabriel

The Hell trial. So Extra. Asking for a rubber duck? iconic! "Michael, dude!" oh mood.

when they switch back and it's all revealed? G l o r i o u s. They played each other so well!!! honestly props to Michael and David, their acting was PHENOMENAL.

The ending. A happy ending. The amount of love with which Zira says "to the world" killed me. I'm dead now thanks to that. I'm typing this from the grave,  that's how powerful that line is. Honestly, knowing next to nothing going in was kind of wild and my crazy reblogging spree actually got some of my mutuals to watch the show which is pretty neat. Going back through 3 more times now, Aziraphale definitely resonates with me the most. I actually have a small blurb I wrote on the positive effects he's had on my perception of myself in terms of stimming.

All in All this show hit me in a way I did NOT expect it to, and I'm glad I found it when I did. I was at a point where I was kinda feeling like I'd never really have a fulfilling relationship because of my asexuality, and then I found good omens. I def read the characters as ace while watching it and it was amazing seeing two characters who can love each other fully, without the need for anything explicit. The show was an instant fav and I'm trying to find a physical copy of the book (that I can afford) so I can read the original text. This is a story that's going to stay important to me for a very long time, I can feel it.

[seraphimic]

not to just pop outta the woodwork to say some random shit before fading back to the warped grains or anythin but !

ive was thinkin abt some of my memories where i was humiliated and embarrassed and felt like a complete weirdo outcast and i realized they all got lots in common??

like i remember signing up for the talent show when i was in 2nd grade i think?? bc i LOVEd playin piano and i wasnt vry good at it back then but i was like “o well im learning and itll be fun!” but then i ended up going right after some other kid played a long classical piece like a mozart virtuoso child and she got a standing room ovation and then i went up, played the theme song to titanic on one hand with a buncha mistakes, and ran out of the room as soon as i finished

and when we got to music class next week the teacher was all like “when u said u were playing celine dion i expected more!!” and i said somethin like “but im 8?” and everyone laughed at me

and then when i was in 6th grade we had to start changin into gym clothes in the locker rooms nd this one girl constantly gave me weird looks and i thought it must be cause i always wore the same gym clothes cause i didnt have any others but then one day she bumped against me during stretches and made a big deal like “EW... DONT U EVER SHAVE UR LEGS?” and i just went “lol no im 12?”

and the same year i stopped getting straight a’s cause the workload was unexpected and i couldnt handle it on top of all the mental shit hitting the fan and all my teachers and family were acting like it was my own fault like i got lazy and dumb and my teachers would always call me out in class if i didnt raise my hand bc they said they expected me to kno the answer even though if a kid isn’t participating its a good sign not to embarrass them in front of peers but WhatEvr!

anyway yeah this is rambly and stupid but i feel like a lot of my own self doubts and insecurity issues about dealing w/ social interactions or literally doing anythjng that someone could comment on is based on the fact that grown ups expect way too much from little kids and they teach their own children to help impose these rules from society on other kids around them and we’ve basically been making each generation more suicidal and mentally fragile than the one before it bc we expect so much and focus on teaching the Marketable Stuff instead of valuable stuff like “heres how to be a functioning happy human instead of a cash making machien”

thnk u for comin to my tedtalk

[makkkkkkkkkkk]

heres my first draft collage essay:

Animals. Animals are coo. Much better than people. People suck and aminals are better. So i want animals to live and poeple, well i could care less. So to make this happen animals need to live and we need to take care of them. I want to take care of them, i want to help them . i want them to ive cuz i like their cute faces fluffy or not. I like animals i want to work with them more than people and i decided to be a vet before i know other animal jobs existed, so now im stuck with this cuz if i say i wanna do something else everyone around me freaks out, so im not allowed to do anything else. The problem is im dumb as rocks so not the delemma is i need u to let me in cuz i need to be a vet and going to school is the only way. I dont want it to take 8 or more years so please let me in your 5 year programe cuz i hae school and will kill myself if i have to do 8 years rather than 5. Please let me in i love animals so much. Medicine is cool. Humans are dumb. Humans are using animal medicine on them selves and refusing the human medicine. Animals dont do this, much smarter and easier to work with. I like animals and want them to live. I like all types of animals, i cant choose. Though working with pet/farm animals is the simplest cuz a job will hopefully be easier to find. Ok i think casts are cool. Helping broken kitty with broken leggo is fun, i thnk. Trying not to get bit by the pacient s also another slice of fun. Uhhh why do i want to do this. Idk i just wanna die tbh but thats not an option. Or is it. Jk. unless. Lmfao. Kmn. how the fuck am i supposed to already have the skills to be a vet when im going to school to get these skills. Fuck you. Why cant you just let me in please. Im good i promise. I turn in everything importiant and i always put a smile on even when i feel like dying lmao kmn. Fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!. Jk jk please let me into school

god i hate it here <3333333333333333

[littlelovelymemes]

✰ * º ❛ even more popular text posts ask meme. ❜

‘  my kink is getting some fuckin sleep.  ’ ‘  omg here goes your lil crybaby ass.  ’ ‘  the beatles wouldn’t even fucking exist if big time rush hadn’t paved the path for them so shut the fuck up.  ’ ‘  don’t start buddy. don’t you dare.  ’ ‘  gay rights? true, as a gay, i am always right.  ’ ‘  not to vent, but: fuck.  ’ ‘  the worst pain is to make small talk with someone you once told everything to.  ’ ‘  i think i accidentally break my own heart a lot.  ’ ‘  sometimes ‘brb’ stands for ‘be ready bitch’ so you have to be careful.  ’ ‘  i want to kiss you in a way that makes you not want to kiss anyone else ever again.  ’ ‘  shout out to the people who are still friends with me even though i’m a fucking idiot.  ’ ‘  it’s safe to assume that at any given moment i want to go back to bed.  ’ ‘  i’m a big fan of anything that will help me chill the fuck out.  ’ ‘  i don’t go through people’s pictures on their phone cause i wasn’t raised in the jungle.  ’ ‘  i think we, as a people, just need to have a glass of water.  ’ ‘  i don’t have enough black clothes.  ’ ‘  sweetie, i could sleep for ten years and i’d still be tired.  ’ ‘  i would sleep so much better with your arms wrapped around me.  ’ ‘  me??? tired??? sleepy??? yes, constantly.  ’ ‘  i’m pb&j -- petty, bitter, and jealous.  ’ ‘  the fact that sloths aren’t extinct somehow proves that if you go at your own pace and mind your own fucking business you too can succeed.  ’ ‘  i wish i could be the person i want to be, but i’m too tired.  ’ ‘  i always look sleep deprived. is that hot?  ’ ‘  just because there’s always room for improvement doesn’t mean you’ll never be good enough.  ’ ‘  my heart is a soft and sensitive mess.  ’ ‘  all i want is a big garden and no responsibilities.  ’ ‘  honestly someone not liking beyonce is a deal breaker and not for any political reasons, but just like you’re probably, definitely really boring.  ’ ‘  hey guys, i’m a huge fan of genuine love and affection.  ’ ‘  now i’m falling asleep and she’s calling a crab and he’s having a smoke and she’s kissing the crab.  ’ ‘  i’ve been ever since i heard ‘lonely’ by akon at 9 years-old.  ’ ‘  my new years resolution is to stop.  ’ ‘  i’m irritated cause i’m not lovable in a romantic soulmate way.  ’ ‘  i hate knowing that people that ruined parts of me still live and function like nothing ever happened.  ’ ‘  i know i’m cute, but you can remind me.  ’ ‘  hey, just wondering, but are you fucking kidding me????  ’ ‘  i can’t wait to be in love with someone who is also deepfuck in love with me and we love each other forever n’ ever.  ’ ‘  me? clingy? yes. please don’t leave me.  ’ ‘  girlfriend application compatibility question: do you keep your depression pile on the bed or on the floor?  ’ ‘  anything heart shaped is automatically 200% better. this is a fact.  ’ ‘  today’s agenda: screaming into the abyss.  ’ ‘  going from ‘today is a good day’ to ‘i hate my life’ takes me approximately 2.6 seconds.  ’ ‘  everyone needs to wash their face and go to bed.  ’ ‘  i’m worth so much more than the ways i’ve been treated.  ’ ‘  hey, can i claim you guys as dependents on my taxes?  ’ ‘  i really just ignore phone calls. like leave a message. i don’t check those either but like  ’ ‘  i honestly just want to pack my bags and go travel the world and see and explore everything possible.  ’ ‘  remember being little and thinking dandelions were fun or a pretty color or something and every adult in an 80 mile radius wouldn’t let you say that without screaming IT’S A WEED.  ’ ‘  why did we just accept catdog?  ’ ‘  my ‘stay in bed all day’ game’s too strong.  ’ ‘  you deserve to be loved without having to hide the parts of yourself that you think are unlovable.  ’ ‘  i always forget that i literally don’t owe anyone anything!  ’ ‘  i wonder what it feels like to know what the fuck is going on.  ’ ‘  honestly... us girls? us women? we always out here, knowin.  ’ ‘  would an alien think i’m pretty?  ’ ‘  i love boys, but only as a concept.  ’ ‘  why do parents get mad when you sleep in all day? like i’m staying out of trouble and i’m not spending your money like what’s the issue here????  ’ ‘  i identify as an inconvenience to the world.  ’ ‘  i seriously regret telling anyone, anything, ever lmao  ’ ‘  dating me is like dating a five year-old. i need all of your attention and i’m cranky if i haven’t had a nap.  ’ ‘  i’m literally tired of myself.  ’ ‘  don’t introduce me to ur parents unless you plan on marrying me because they’re going to love me and ask about me for the rest of your life lol  ’ ‘  what the hell is a straight person? only straight thing i know about is the edge of my beloved sword.  ’ ‘  i highly recommend never having feelings.  ’ ‘  self care is going into a cornfield at night to get abducted by aliens.  ’ ‘  staying up late with another human is such a weird thing like you get this special bond and a what-is-this feeling  ’ ‘  do u ever feel like ur not even friends with ur friends?  ’ ‘  um no offense but whom’st’ve going to loveth me?  ’ ‘  date a girl who fucks everything up.  ’ ‘  not all who mcfreakin wander are mcfreakin lost.  ’ ‘  i may legally be an adult but don’t be fooled. i have no idea what i’m doing.  ’ ‘  a fun and interesting fact about me is that i’m a fucking idiot.  ’ ‘  you can start again anytime!  ’ ‘  all you can do is learn your lesson. there’s no point in wishing you had did differently. the past is the past.  ’ ‘  i can’t believe an angel like me has to suffer so much.  ’ ‘  you’re all so obsessed with love and being loved. what about just going to sleep?  ’ ‘  i’m smart, but i do dumb shit anyway.  ’ ‘  tbh i never deal with my emotions. i just let them ravage my body and then go to bed and then i wake up and do it all over again.  ’ ‘  first of all: i don’t know shit, so jot that down.  ’ ‘  i’ll just ¯\ _(ツ)_/¯ my way through life.  ’ ‘  i’m tired of things costing money.  ’ ‘  don’t you hate it when you’re dead inside and run out of apps to refresh?  ’ ‘  who cares? do better, move on.  ’ ‘  i don’t need a significant other. just a significant income.  ’ ‘  appreciation for everyone who’s ever talked to me bc i’m annoying and dumb.  ’ ‘  thnks fr th mntl llnss.  ’ ‘  what  hasn’t killed me has just made me overly sensitive and defensive.  ’ ‘  i don’t know shit ya’ll!!!!! i’m just out here.  ’ ‘  binge-watching is great until you run out of the show and have to start watching it weekly like some sort of medieval peasant.  ’ ‘  i’m in the wrong realm and i think everyone can tell.  ’ ‘  this might come as a shock but I’m Not Feelin too good my dudes.  ’ ‘  i’m alive, but only ironically.  ’ ‘  there she goes again being over dramatic and by she, i mean me.  ’ ‘  do you ever feel like have tried Too Hard to a friend and now you have become That Obnoxious Weirdo?  ’ ‘  lgbt: lasagna! garfield’s beloved treat.  ’ ‘  my favorite phrase in the english language is ‘i shit you not.’  ’ ‘  i’m a real boring bitch! a snoozer!  ’ ‘  i honestly look so good lounging in an oversized t-shirt and no pants. when will someone experience the blessing of domestic living w/ me?  ’ ‘  you don’t understand how hard it is to take a selfie when you’re ugly.  ’ ‘  you son of a mumford!  ’ ‘  hi, i’m here to ruin everything.  ’ ‘  you can tell a lot about a person by looking at their hands. for example, if it’s a skeleton hand then they’re dead.  ’ ‘  the year is 2020 and i am found guilty of treason against the united states for vague blogging that i hate someone and donald trump thought it was about him.  ’ ‘  everybody calm down, we’re going to be fine! :))) we’ve weathered worse than this! :) :) :) :) really all this panic just seems like a huge overreaction imho   ’ ‘  no beta readers. we publish our crap writing like men.  ’ ‘  i need $$$$$ not feelings.  ’ ‘  ‘idk imma see’ = i ain’t coming, never was coming, never considered it, never gave it a single thought, only remembered cause you asked again.  ’ ‘  oops, i don’t care lol  ’ ‘  why girls always crop the halo out of their selfies? stop being so modest. we know the truth.  ’ ‘  maurice, you’re not gonna fucking believe this,  ’ ‘  i always get told i look like a bitch bc i’m always glaring while i walk, but i’m not glaring, i’m squinting. i have sensitive eyes. they’re watering.  ’ ‘  concept: it’s 3 am. candle lit room. a record is spinning. you’re kissing me. we have no worries in the world. we’re warm and content.  ’ ‘  i need to go into the forest and scream for an hour and a half.  ’ ‘  pls kill all men who yell at girls from cars.  ’ ‘  life really isn’t what i expected it to be. less quicksand. almost no quicksand to be honest. lots of metaphorical quicksand tho.  ’ ‘  i have a question for u: like are u done... like is it over?  ’ ‘  we all have that one person who ruins your day by being alive.  ’ ‘  we all have that one person who ruins your day by being alive. for me, it’s myself.  ’ ‘  whenever i see police i always try not to act suspicious and fail internally even though i never did anything wrong.  ’ ‘  new years resolution: less bitter, more glitter.  ’

[wcstwood-blog]

* zoey 101 vc * are u ready ?! folds hands i am usually so late to errything its annoying butofc im early for dis ….. i am, como se dice DUMB bc i decided to throw a party last night @ me ( mtv welcome to my... ) crib & i was getting shiet ready and dint realize we opened he he he. hi kweens and kweenettes , im one of the trashy admins™ here: bea …but u can call me…. anytime…. im 19 and im livin it up in the pst bc we$t co@$t bih. i lost my hoots & hollers when the gals n i started this rp cuh i luv rich kid rps so much sm and hunter is a muse ive been dyin to play whever i can tbh tho i just really ᵘʰʰʰʰ love matt daddy . plz on Everything That i Have , plot with me, hunter is deada$$ the biggest drama starter and u won’t regrat plotting wit me cuz i’ll show u a good time boo boos . under the cut is where u’ll find more about him >:)  just so y’all kno … i lava u <3

i will now put a few cute lil facts right over here if ur all 2 lazy like i tend to be

⇝ ok so as u all now know hunter is the resident fucker up in this binch , tbh i’m pretty sure he low key runs the local gossip column he is so extra ( like he’s that d r a m a t i c )

⇝ his mom and dad are basically just both fake ass peeps & they’re both hecka dramatic like her mom deadass planned hunter’s birth so it happened in the middle of her best friend’s wedding alkshdig and they’ve been passing him from nanny to nanny ever since he was like 3 years old ok fr tho i recommend reading his bio (when i rewrite it a bit bc it’s a 2/10 ¯\_(ツ)_/¯) to fully understand all the shit that happened w his parents and how much it fucked him up i cRY … so p much for now he’s got major mommy & daddy issues

⇝ long story short he shits on everybody, i f u think he wn’t shit on you ur  100% wrong he has bowel problems clearly

⇝ homeboy is the actual walmart discount chuck bass, like his looks are meh & he dsnt really care for himself /that/ much but *anything inconvenient happens/trying to get what he wants* “i’m hunter westwood.” (DEADASS JUS REFER TO THIS VIDEO AND DIE…https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0UHpZlzvMnc) like he suffers from extreme #godcomplex sdjnkjsdfjsd pls help him

⇝ so p much this is him on the outside always ready to fiTe n never back down but this is the broken bean on the inside

⇝ no one throws more shade @ hunter than hunter (ง'̀-‘́)ง

⇝ oh and – he’s also a hoE like he’s so horny that he’s probs stuck his dick in a bag of cheetos at some point but lbr he’s always gettin some w someone n wherever he goes he just leaves a strong of broken hearts behind

⇝ i don’t know what else to say ok but like really he is just a douche without a cause but deep down like way way d own he is actually a pretty decent person who just can’t figure out to be happy bc he just hasnt ?? ever felt truly happy?? like yeah he could easily just turn his life over n everything and have a divine intervention or smth extra like dat but he just wants his parents 2 LOVE him is that so much 2 as k for ?? hu h ? huh ?? ? so he just messes shit up to try to get their attention even those he’s a twenty-four y/o M A N S, i will FIGHT hunter if he doesn’t get his shit together i s2g

fun facts:

⇝ he has two dogs and they’re rescues and he’d die for them (the only things he’s committed too whoops) ⇝ he’s covered in tattoos that mean absolutely nothing and when people ask him about them he changes up the stories behind them every time ⇝ aggresively italian (from his ma’s side) has a pasta maker if u don’t like to eat dont hang out w him sdjfkdsk

….. n yeah i mean , i suck @ these so if u wanna kno more abt him just ask some q’s & i’ll give u a’s

*flips a table lovingly* come plot with me !!! ! or i will come plot with u, i’ ll hunt everybody doWn i swear 2 hunter !

jk .. that’s all i think .. thnx u for bein a trooper n reading all of that if u did *in my best youtuber voice possible* comment below “bea is a nut suckin idiot” to confuse the subscribers (;; hahaha thnks again !! ( oh & look down below for some plot ideas *wink wink* )

but yea like this and i’ll falcon punch my way into ur dm’s w shitty puns n memes

also everyone should join the #hunterdefensesquad™ just sayin

- ̗̀ some p lit plot ideas bc y not  ̖́-

[quackspot]

you should maybe write how you feel and maybe some people can try to help you identify if it is what your feeling? you don’t have to but it might help

ohhh yeahh i  dont realy feel it any more also thnks for listnign to me ramble its like 11:35 pm and i usally sleep around like this time i guess KLJSFKLFSJKDLIOKLFSIJDKLAJOHFIJKLSMDAJIDSF normally 10-11:30 ish 

also i talk abt m boobs for like 1 sentence m sorry about it but i dont feel like deleting it and its only a little irrelevant so like .    if ur way older than 15/younger or dont wanna see that thn its at the end of the 2nd paragraph

also in th last big block of text i mention like depression / suicidal feelings or w/e so like  if u dont wanna see that dskjflgjdskl 

ALSO ANOTHER NOTE thts completely unrelated but i shuld mention if i make a short text post or a text post like this i’ll normally tag my stuff like //*tw* with whatever is usually tagged but there like if i answered an ask with “*tw cookie* said gay rights indeed” i’d probly post it in the cookie tag but if it was like uhh i dunno there’s certain situations but yeah i’m gonna tag this as //depression and //suicidal thoughts n stuff heck yeah 

SOOOO uhhhhh im going to use kiley as an example i hope its k with her but i thinkit was just the thrill of puppy love or whatever because it only lasted like .  1 month but whenevr we called each other m’love or some other sweet thing i was like o///o fkdsjhgyuajkfeaslkjklejfklkslfekajlfksjld i really liked calling her m’love but !!!! i seriously crave physical contact and thts why i broke up with her, twice, which is rude of me ,   especially when i wrote a whole ass essay just to try to help her understand it was written at 1 am with proper grammar and i think it took like 30 minutes to write .  i basically wrote 2 essays just to break up with her? dead ass like th first one was only 2 paragraphs n the 2nd one was, longer, of course, 1 am writing compared to 3 am n stuff jkldfshuijkasfdikgdasjkl 

truly she did make me feel nice!!!! i really liked to say goodnight to her n stuff and im sorry but i dont quite remember anything besides the feelings i sometimes got which was like kind of right now where my chest is a little hurt but im happy actually my chest may be hurting right now because bras r dumb or w/e i should wear some with cups someday, whatever, therye not what im used to, cupless bras for rr   ever ! at least until i  remove my tiddys some day because im certain they’ll be too big for my comfort someday and im talking about myself rather than my feelings huh

ANYWYAS THE FEELING UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh cant quite describe it it’s rather hard to recall it since i haven’t felt it in like, a month .  i usually felt it when hanging out with kiley like on minecraft or smoething it was mostly extreme happiness and it was fun to be around her most of th time 

anyways my throat kinda feels fjunky my right eye hurts n my left nostril’s the only one i can breathe through good night im taking an allergy pill tomorrow when no body awake because that could be the case or it could not, who knows, whatever, its in my genes just like de pression o-o.   and adhd i think? yea my mommy has adhd but i dont think i do . i’m pretty sure i only have like a light form of depression and a light form of social anxiety i feel more nervous about social situations than i lay in bed thinking “i should do something” but feeling nothing and not doing anything whatsoever that only happened on like april fool’s day of last year and probably a few times where i had to mow man outdoor chores sure do put me in a rather bad mental state . aka mowing / shoveling snow off the drive way i should probably tell someone that like i feel like dying whenever i have to shovel snow and it’s utter torture to mow i certainly am going to live in an apartment or something of the sort to avoid this horrid nightmare fuel of a chore. \

wait i was supposed ot be going to sleep also my brohters in hte bathroom so like ://///// / / // / / /  

OH O HO HOH OH OHO ALSO!!! i like a song a lot its called girls and u probably know what it is and/or heard it maybe? i dunno but its pretty good

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RGIMjoN2MGQ

[theworstbob]

yellin’ at songs: june, week two

the songs that debuted on the 6.10.2017 and 6.9.2007 editions of the billboard hot 100 discussed herein with an appropriate enthusiasm

6.9.2007

6.9.2007 15) "This Is My Now," Jordin Sparks 18) "You Give Love a Bad Name," Blake Lewis 66) "A Broken Wing," Jordin Sparks 80) "I Who Have Nothing," Jordin Sparks 99) "Time of the Season," Blake Lewis

So these are five performances from American Idol that America liked enough to pay for. I'm sure other people paid for Blake Leiws' version of "This Is My Now," and bless those nice people for believing in something. Jordin Sparks is probably one of the most talented people to ever win Idol; given how well she performed and how young she was, I'd argue she's the fourth-best winner. (Obviously, I'm not here to besmirch Kelly, Carrie, or Fantasia. Candice, Ruben, and Caleb are awesome, but like Jordin was 16.) I get why we don't hear much from Jordin these days, pop music is fickle and so few names in the 2007 list appear on the 2017 list, but she should've had more. Blake, yo yo yo, you know what, dawg, I think, hey, I think "You Give Love a Bad Name" is one of the all-time Idol moments, one of the few performances I still remember to this day, like there's no singing for a third of the performance that's goddamn amazing THAT DRUMMER THO, but he should've been bounced Top Three at the latest. I know I came here to review pop songs and not season six of American Idol, but these songs weren't hits, you weren't driving down the street blastin' a live performance of a 40-year-old British invasion jam, I'ma do what I want heck y'all.

30) "Big Things Poppin' (Do It)," T.I.

T.I.'s in a weird space in the rap game where he was one of the biggest names for a hot minute, there's not a soul in America that doesn't know "Live Your Life" or "Whatever U Like," but if you're making your list of the best MCs of all time, you're crazy if you put him in the Top 10. Hell, it'd be hard to put him in a Top 50. Maybe top 100, but there’s been nearly 40 years of rap music. T.I.’s fine, but I’m not sure I can’t name 100 rappers better than him, or who advanced the genre more. This song is an example of T.I.'s above-averageness: he does just enough to make it memorable, that hook gets stuck in your head for ten years and never leaves, but there's nothing in this song I can point to as being uniquely T.I. Like, the first T.I. song I ever heard had a hook from a Jay-Z song, y'know? It's a nice song, I had a fun time revisiting it, but I can't imagine I would've made my way back to this moment were it not for this project.

54) "Tarantula," Smashing Pumpkins

...I should like this? It's rock veterans making a solid rock song? If I have "I Don't Wanna Stop" in the top 20 I should probably have felt this more than I did? But. Here we are. I thought it rocked, but I also think several buttrock songs by bands that weren't way more important in the '90s rock, so the song needed to do more for me than that, needed to hit that "I Don't Wanna Stop" thing, and, ugh, is this expectation? Is this lingering bias against Smashing Pumpkins working here, and not an honest assessment of the song itself? I don't think Billy Corgan's a good person, but he knows how to construct a song, and hey, if I'm giving Shakira credit for being a Latin music pro, I should give Billy Corgan for credit for making a nice song I mostly enjoyed, however many reservations I have about enjoying it.  Ugh, fine. The guitar player whose name I probably should remember given that Smashing Pumpkins are a thing did work. I can't deny him his credit, unless I fail to remember his name, which, oops.

76) "4 in the Morning," Gwen Stefani

The Wikipedia entry for this song claims this a 1980s-inspired midtempo synth ballad, and, um, I've heard E MO TION at least 30 times. This is not E MO TION. This belongs nowhere near E MO TION. This would've been cut from Side B. How dare you sully the nice name of 1980s-inspired synthpop. How DARE you.

83) "Beautiful Girls," Sean Kingston

This bass does work. I can appreciate the nice bass in this song while thinking the rest of the content is trash. This song has a verse about how Sean Kingston went to jail in '99. What the even hell even. It's a far stranger song than I could have imagined, and I remembered the hook makes reference to Sean Kingtson being suicidal because girls are pretty.

95) "Lip Gloss," Lil Mama

...I love this. Look. Look. I didn't expect to form this opinion, and you know it. I didn't expect to be entranced by this "Grindin"-for-Kidz-Bop beat. I didn't think Lil Mama was gonna be that decent on the mic. I didn't think I would find the lyrical content to be any dumber than anything else that's ever been on pop radio. (”Something Just Like This” is in the top ten. Tell me this song’s dumber than that. Go ahead. “Spiderman’s control.” Tell me that line has more impact and weight than “All the boys be jockin’/They chase me after school.”) I didn't expect any of this. But here we are. I love "Lip Gloss," the song we all made fun of ten years ago. Like this is legit. This is not "Friday," this is not something I enjoyed purely as trash, this is something legitimate, something worth defending. Will it change the world? No. Am I sure I'm not just reacting to a vision of high school that is fun and carefree in a world dominated by media in which high schoolers are either getting raped or planning a massacre? Not entirely! But. I. Love. This. Song. It's nice and I like it. I don't care what this says about me, this song is great, and y'all can go get hecked if you have anything bad to say about this delightful little treat.

96) "Make Me Better," Fabolous ft./Ne-Yo

Very "last song of a unit of writing." It's not bad or good, it just sort of exists, so I can listen to it and check out, like, Alright! We will have either made jokes about or wrung our hands with self-seriousness over six pop songs, don't need to do anything special with this one, just shoehorn in the 6.9 acknowledgement in the first sentence and we'll be done in two! But f'real I don't have a ton of nice things to say about this song. Just standard Timbaland trash, with Ne-Yo doing his best to salvage it and an occasionally-interesting rapper raising an eyebrow at a challenge but remaining seated.

The Top 20 is poppin’. The Top 20 is cool. 20) "U + Ur Hand," by P!nk (1.13.2007) 19) "Doe Boy Fresh," by Three 6 Mafia ft./Chamillionaire (1.20.2007) 18) "Get Me Bodied," by Beyonce (5.26.2007) 17) "Lip Gloss," by Lil Mama (6.9.2007) 16) "I Don't Wanna Stop," by Ozzy Osbourne (5.26.2007) 15) "Stolen," by Dashboard Confessional (4.21.2007) 14) "Beautiful Liar," by Beyonce & Shakira (3.31.2007) 13) "Cupid's Chokehold," by Gym Class Heroes ft./Patrick Stump (1.13.2007) 12) "The River," by Good Charlotte ft./M. Shadows & Synyster Gates (2.10.2007) 11) "Say OK," by Vanessa Hudgens (2.17.2007) 10) "Alyssa Lies," by Jason Michael Carroll (1.13.2007) 9) "Never Again," by Kelly Clarkson (5.12.2007) 8) "Get Buck," by Young Buck (4.14.2007) 7) "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going," by Jennifer Hudson (1.13.2007) 6) "Thnks fr th Mmrs," by Fall Out Boy (4.28.2007) 5) "Candyman," by Christina Aguilera (1.13.2007) 4) "Because of You," by Ne-Yo (3.17.2007) 3) "Umbrella," by Rihanna ft./Jay-Z (4.28.2007) 2) "Dashboard," by Modest Mouse (2.17.2007) 1) "The Story," by Brandi Carlile (4.28.2007) 2017 be jockin’. It chases me after school.

6.10.2017

(42) "Strip That Down," by Liam Payne ft./Quavo

I'm actually kind of impressed that the individual members of One Direction each have solo projects significantly different from one another's. Like, Harry's doing a weird Queen thing, Niall's doing a basic white-boy soul thing, ZAYN is doing something shitty, Louis is havin' some Cheetos or whatever who cares, and Liam's actually made a trashy, dumb, fun pop song. I dunno, I didn't expect to be sitting in my apartment on 31 May 2017 realizing I liked Liam's solo career the most, but here we are. Kid made a less gross Jason Derulo song. I can appreciate a fun three and a half minutes. (Also: Quavo is sort of the 2017 T.I. He's ubiquitous. I have heard at least ten of his verses this year. I can't remember a single word from any of them.)

(43) "Deja Vu," by Lauren Duski (66) "Money on You," by Chris Blue (92) "The Dance," by Lauren Duski

For as long as they can wring ca$hdollars out of selling iTunes singles, The Voice will never die, even if they never end up producing a bona fide superstar. Of course, The Voice doesn't exist to find the next great superstar; it exists to help superstars win trophies, which is a weird vaguely dystopic twist on the reality singing competition genre. (Think of how many of the auditioners come from nothing and have made some amount of sacrifice for one chance to impress a millionaire with their mouthsounds. It's kinda fucked up!) I think Chris Blue has a decent shot at having one genuine hit; I'd stop short of superstar, but I think this nation could stand to fuck with a dude who can pull off Janet on live TV. (iTunes slept on "Rhythm Nation. That's one of those Eurovisiony heights The Voice can occasionally hit.) Lauren Duski's road to stardom is easier but also not; country music is wide and welcomes all with a recognizable name, but at the same time, I've heard her perform three ballads competently the last two weeks. The country music game is run by women who can fuck those ballads UP, y'all. I wish these kids the best and hope I see Chris Blue pop up here in a couple months.

(46) "Swish Swish," by Katy Perry ft./Nicki Minaj

In 2014, Bryce Harper hit a home run in the playoffs off Hunter Strickland. He admired his home run for a touch longer than is custom; one could argue he was trying to assess if it was fair or foul before he jogged around the basement, but facts are facts, he looked at his magnificent fly ball. Though Hunter Strickland's team would win the playoff series and, eventually, the World Series, Hunter Strickland never forgot the insult and harbored his resentment until, in 2017, two and a half years after the fact, Hunter Strickland pelted Bryce Harper with a 98 MPH fastball, finally earning retribution for the insult he suffered in 2014. The reaction from most people in baseball was that Hunter Strickland was an asshole and probably should have let it go, it was nearly three years ago and you won the World Series. Look. Is Tay Tay a good person? Probably not! Does this mean I want to hear a Katy Perry song about a years-old beef I forgot they had? No! But then again, I have never in my life wanted to hear a Katy Perry song, so I dunno, maybe she has the right, point is, Katy Perry makes bad songs and I hate that I started this project in a year where multiple Katy Perry songs were released. A new Carly Rae Jepsen joint dropped last week. I dunno, maybe we might've liked that more? I like it a lot more! I am going to think about the Carly Rae Jepsen song.

(47) "Crying in the Club," by Camila Cabello

This was dope! It's kind of Sia-by-numbers, "Crying in the Club" is a concept I feel I could have arrived at if given five minutes to think of a decent parody of a Sia-type song, but, enh, Sia-by-numbers is still a pretty snazzy pop song. Legit, tho, so I turned on the music video and was already groaning because it was 5:30, not realizing they played a preview of some ballad and not just "Crying in the Club." So there was a solid few seconds where I thought the song transitioned from morose ballad to club banger, and if I'm being real? If this song actually started as a morose ballad that just turned on a dime into the club banger? It might've been my favorite song of the year. I would've been way into that. The vanilla song's fine, I appreciate what it has to offer, but the song I thought it was for three seconds? Amazing.

(76) "Yours if You Want It," by Rascal Flatts

Rascal Flatts is like the music version of Diet Mountain Dew: my mom had it all the time, I'd have a can every now and then if I didn't wanna go to the store for a soda pop, I haven't had it in years, and when I'm 52 it'll be the only thing I drink because it goes down so smooth and gives me more than enough energy to do my yardwork. (Hahahahahah I'm never owning a home GOT TOO MANY IPHONES TO PURCHASE.) Still, it's a country song that isn't preening about how country it is. I'm OK with this. Diet Mountain Dew is a mostly OK drink.

(77) "Most Girls," by Hailee Steinfeld

Part of me kinda wishes Hailee Steinfeld would collab with T Bone Burnett just to acknowledge the fact she was ever in a Coen Brothers movie, and also I want to hear a T. Bone Burnett 2017-era pop song. I think we should sign a change dot org petition to get a T. Bone Burnett-penned joint with a Quavo feature. This is like people got together and said, "Okay, 'Scars to Your Beautiful' had a great message. What if there were a version of that song that didn't suck?" Like, imagine that, an inspirational song that's upbeat. It's nuts.

(94) "Boy," by Lee Brice

oh good a slow boring country song about some basic shit. "there'll be a small town night." goddamnit. i wonder if there's anyone in country music that might've been willing to turn a song like this into an examination on toxic masculinity, like if anyone in country would sing a song to their son about how their father raised them not to acknowledge his emotions and he doesn't want to be that cold to his own son, or let his son not express himself. i think country music as a whole is gonna stay a thousand miles away from tumblr phrases like "toxic masculinity," but i dunno, this song made me think of a song that could be better. it gave me an idea, at least. not that i actually, like, write music, but if i did, i would write country songs about phrases i read on tumblr. "and i swore i wouldn't do this/leave you danglin' like a leaf/'cuz you're the only girl on my mind/i'm none pizza/you're my left beef." get me to a recording studio please.

So Camila Cabello squeaks into the Top 20! 20) "Crying in the Club," by Camila Cabello (6.10) 19) "The Heart Part 4," by Kendrick Lamar (4.15) 18) "Selfish," by Future ft./Rihanna (3.18) 17) "Slide," by Calvin Harris ft./Frank Ocean & Migos (3.18) 16) "Felices los 4," by Maluma (6.3) 15) "Now & Later," by Sage the Gemini (2.25) 14) "Bad Liar," by Selena Gomez (6.3) 13) "DNA." by Kendrick Lamar (5.6) 12) "It Ain't Me," by Kygo x Selena Gomez (3.4) 11) "Craving You," by Thomas Rhett ft./Maren Morris (4.22) 10) "That's What I Like," by Bruno Mars (3.4) 9) "Chanel," by Frank Ocean ft./A$AP Rocky (4.1) 8) "Either Way," by Chris Stapleton (5.27) 7) "Run Up," by Major Lazer ft./PARTYNEXTDOOR & Nicki Minaj (2.18) 6) "Green Light," by Lorde (3.18) 5) "ELEMENT." by Kendrick Lamar (5.6) 4) "Despacito," by Luis Fonsi ft./Daddy Yankee (2.4) 3) "Issues," by Julia Michaels (2.11) 2) "iSpy," by KYLE ft./Lil Yachty (1.14) 1) "Hard Times," by Paramore (5.13) And not a moment before I bothered to look up if her name was Camila or Camilla! It’s the first one. I know that now. I know one less memory from childhood because I now remember how the pop star’s name is spelled.

Who won the week?

I think I used the descriptor “basic” for every song in 2017, which either means I’m a shitty writer or 2017 didn’t bring the heat. Like, my first impression is to call this a tie because both weeks were kinda bleh, enjoyable in spurts but bleh overall, but you compare the top three for each week: 1) “Crying in the Club” vs. “Lipgloss:” “Lipgloss” by a significant margin 2) “Most Girls” vs. “Big Shit Poppin’ (Do It):” “Big Shit Poppin’,” by a smaller margin 3) “Yours if You Want It” vs. “Tarantula:” ...I can’t fucking believe I liked a Smashing Pumpkins song enough to prove a point about how decent a week 2007 was, but, ugh, I guess I did. (You could sub in “Strip Me Down” for “Yours if You Want It.” It doesn’t matter.) Plus, the Idol performances were better than the Voice performances. (The ones that charted, anyway. Again, we are sleeping on “Rhythm Nation.”) So, good job, 2007.

2017: 6 2007: 5

[theworstbob]

yellin’ at songs: 5.5.2007 & 5.6.2017

the songs that debuted on the billboard chart this week and this week ten years ago

5.5.2007

41) "Big Girls Don't Cry," Fergie

This is the second Fergie song I actually enjoyed once I was able to separate it from the whole thing that Fergie was, which means we're one away from this being a trend and the funding of a Song-From-Artist Extraction Chamber becoming necessary. If this song had been given to Pink, it might be a classic. If it had been given to noted YAS hero Jordan Pruitt, I could say it was a buried treasure, but because we gave it to Fergie, I have to defend the fact I sort of dug this song. I don't use the term "guilty pleasure" because why on earth should I feel guilty for finding pleasure, but it IS weird to sit here on a Sunday morning and enjoy a Fergie song and have to formulate a defense for it. I dunno, "I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket" is a kind of touching lyric. If we'd given it to someone who could actually say words (all these years I thought she was saying "a child miss a step blanket"), we'd be more fond of it.

63) "A Different World," Bucky Covnington

THINGS THAT ARE GOOD, AS TOLD BY BUCKY COVINGTON'S 2007 SMASH HIT "A DIFFERENT WORLD:" ~Expecting mothers smoking and drinking ~Babies sleeping in cribs painted with lead-based paint ~Child abuse ~Being an adult person named Bucky ~Kids not making the football team, their carefree days ending at the realization that life is a long parade of disappointments (a parade which includes parades) ~Drinking from garden hoses, and I agree that it would be nice if clean water were readily available, but this seems less like something that millennials made happen with video games and more a problem with various local governments? Specifically Flint’s? Flint still doesn’t have clean water, and I understand there’s no way this ten-year-old song could possibly know this, but this line is making me angry today! ~Schools being closed on Sunday (which... they... still... are?) Bucky Covington sings this song about how "we," which I would imagine includes Bucky Covington, grew up without video games. Bucky Covington was born in 1977. Pong dropped in 1972. This entire song is garbage. Speaking of garbage: you remember when we didn’t have to sort recyclables from the trash? It was a simpler time. A BETTER time, daresay. We didn't die, so, it wasn't bad.

80) "Party Like a Rockstar," Shop Boyz

This song is the real America. Big, dumb, loud, and proud of all its excess. One example cited of partying like a rock star is golfing with Ozzy Osbourne and his family. This is the only recorded instance of anyone thinking golf was a party.

88) "Lucky Man," Montgomery Gentry

/looks at this country dude song /looks at the country dude song two songs ago /looks at the five country dude songs still to come /looks at "Lucky Man," the j-pop song by arashi The Arashi boys are back in town! Sho once again stakes his claim as 2007's greatest living MC, and the funky track imbues the song with a boundless energy only the Arashi boys bring to the table! Another A+! Have they ever done wrong?

90) "When You're Gone," Avril Lavigne

My favorite part of this song was the 15 seconds of "Freedom," by Beyonce ft./Kendrick Lamar, that played in the Apple ad before the actual song started. This is a song that's bad no matter who you give it to. It's just schlock, and then they went ahead and made everything so... Extra? This song is extra. Avril is belting the absolute best that she can and goodness she is trying her heart out, yet she's still somehow drowned out by the strings. There is nothing subtle about this song. I don't know what the notes process is like for records, but someone in the studio should've given this song a note that said "calm the hell down."

93) "Don't Make Me," Blake Shelton

Blake Shelton has been a country music institution for something like 15 years, he's probably its most visible artist in the mainstream world, and I cannot for the life of me tell you what the most iconic Blake Shelton song is. He has 23 #1 country hits. Is there any one you can point to and say, "That is the best Blake Shelton song?" Is the best Blake Shelton song something country music fans argue like we might over Mariah Carey's catalogue? Is it even worth arguing? I dunno. Blake Shelton is sort of the Drake of country music. He just does the same shit over and over again, but people really dig the same thing over and over again, so they keep listening, but there's no one moment we can point to and say, "Only Blake Shelton could have made that happen." I don't feel like it's expecting too much to expect iconic pop artists to make iconic songs. "Some Beach" kinda goes, I guess. That's not enough! Fuck's sake, even Luke Bryan has "All My Friends Say."

94) "A Feelin' Like That," Gary Allan

This dude says his girlfriend's more beautiful than the Great Barrier Reef, and I am so thrilled that there is something in one of these country dude songs I could enjoy. That's how it's DONE, man. Hyperbole is your friend when you're making a song about some non-specific feeling a woman gives you. Is this the song Flight of the Conchords is parodying when they sing "If You're Into It?" Absolutely, but goddamnit, if someone told me I gave them a more intense emotional rush than one of the great natural wonders of this earth, I'd fuck 'em.

95) "Wrapped," George Strait

yeah i guess i liked this. you give me the lyrics to this song and four other country songs with the word "wrapped" in it, i'm not sure i could pick it out, but, y'know, it killed a few minutes in a manner that wasn't unpleasant. i wouldn't say "yecch" if someone performed this at a karaoke. i might say "interesting choice," i might not believe this is the song their heart has felt the most, but i wouldn't say no.

97) "Johnny Cash," Jason Aldean

The thing about this song is the same thing I had with that "Marvin Gaye" trash from a couple years back: if you're going to name your song after an iconic artist, you have to give me reason to believe that there is more value to be gained from your tribute than there is from just listening to one of that artist's songs. In a sense, the song you offer me with that title has to be on par with the best entries in their catalogue. I don't know why I would listen to a song about a young couple listening to Johnny Cash when there are hundreds of actual Johnny Cash recordings out there that all punch this song in its stupid face. I don't think this is an unreasonable expectation. If you're naming your song after a legend, your song should be legendary. This is the fifth-best country dude song I've heard in the last hour, and all told, it's probably gonna end up #6. That makes it bullshit.

98) "Me and God," Josh Turner

I'm not really qualified to address Christian music. It's easy to call out when something is pandering, like that Florida Georgia Line mess 2017 dredged up a few weeks back, but a song like this, where a young man is earnestly singing about his relationship with God, that's so far away from my alley, I'm not 100% sure we're even in the same tri-county area. I recognize that this song isn't made for people like me, and it'd be unfair to make fun because it's, y'know, not trying to sell itself to me, it's just trying to say, "God's my buddy!" Do you. Doesn't sound like you're using it to hurt anyone, so do you, Josh.

99) "Dig," Incubus

Given how horribly Papa Roach's whole thing has aged compared to Incubus' whole thing -- i THINK we all still like "Drive," and "Anna Molly" goes hard as hell -- I really wish I liked that one Papa Roach song less than this Incubus song, but man, this Incubus song and I never really met. ...Yeah, you’re right, you didn’t come here to read me seriously contemplating my buttrock feelings, I’ll stop there. Video’s cool. I like the heart-lip girl digging the dude out of his head, that was dope. You sure you don’t wanna read my buttrock power rankings? You sure you don’t wanna take inventory of my buttrock feelings? I have a lot of opinions on this genre! I think you’re really missin’ out! Ah, we’ll catch up on ‘em later, lotta 2007 still to come, I’ll hit you up with that buttrock good-good when it’s time to talk about Finger Eleven.

Well. 2007 Top 20. It’s the same as last week’s. 20) "Que Hiciste," by Jennifer Lopez (4.28.2007) 19) "When I See U," by Fantasia (4.21.2007) 18) "Movin' On," by Elliott Yamin (3.17.2007) 17) "U + Ur Hand," by P!nk (1.13.2007) 16) "Doe Boy Fresh," by Three 6 Mafia ft./Chamillionaire (1.20.2007) 15) "Breath," by Breaking Benjamin (4.14.2007) 14) "Stolen," by Dashboard Confessional (4.21.2007) 13) "Beautiful Liar," by Beyonce & Shakira (3.31.2007) 12) "Cupid's Chokehold," by Gym Class Heroes ft./Patrick Stump (1.13.2007) 11) "The River," by Good Charlotte ft./M. Shadows & Synyster Gates (2.10.2007) 10) "Say OK," by Vanessa Hudgens (2.17.2007) 9) "Alyssa Lies," by Jason Michael Carroll (1.13.2007) 8) "Get Buck," by Young Buck (4.14.2007) 7) "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going," by Jennifer Hudson (1.13.2007) 6) "Thnks fr th Mmrs," by Fall Out Boy (4.28.2007) 5) "Candyman," by Christina Aguilera (1.13.2007) 4) "Because of You," by Ne-Yo (3.17.2007) 3) "Umbrella," by Rihanna ft./Jay-Z (4.28.2007) 2) "Dashboard," by Modest Mouse (2.17.2007) 1) "The Story," by Brandi Carlile (4.28.2007) Alright, 2017. 2007 gave me seven country dude songs, and you will have at least one cut off DAMN. If anyone can fuck this up, it’s you. I’m excited.

5.6.2017

4) "DNA." by Kendrick Lamar 14) "LOYALTY." by Kendrick Lamar ft./Rihanna 16) "ELEMENT." by Kendrick Lamar 18) "LOVE." by Kendrick Lamar ft./Zacari 32) "YAH." by Kendrick Lamar 33) "XXX." by Kendrick Lamar ft./U2 35) "FEEL." by Kendrick Lamar 37) "PRIDE." by Kendrick Lamar 42) "LUST." by Kendrick Lamar 50) "FEAR." by Kendrick Lamar 54) "BLOOD." by Kendrick Lamar 58) "GOD." by Kendrick Lamar 63) "DUCKWORTH." by Kendrick Lamar

DAMN. is a classic record that has grown on me in the week and a half I have spent with it, which is amazing given that my relatively lukewarm first impression was that it was a classic, and I have no qualms with any of these songs making the list. I do have some reservations about songs that are never going to make it to radio (whatever that means in 2017) making my personal Top 20, but at the same time, I can say I've only liked three songs in the field more than I liked "ELEMENT." Even "HUMBLE." has grown on me, now that I've heard it in the context of the album (and that beat, I mean hell). These are all Very Good Songs and like I'm not gonna put all of them in the Top 20? but hmm I wonder which I like more, every song off DAMN. or any Lady Antebellum song. Tough choice.

39) "The Cure," by Lady Gaga

I pretty much dig this song for what it is, a nice kinda-EDM-y kinda-'80s-y synth jam, but I'm disappointed that this sounds like A Good Song and not A Gaga Song. It's fine! I accept this, it's a treat and I enjoyed all three minutes, but if I had first heard this song being covered on The Voice or something, there's no way in hell I would've pegged this as a Gaga song. Like, this is the safest song I've ever heard bearing her name. It's a nice song, though. Aside from the complaints just registered, I will register no complaints.

76) "Good Life," by G-Eazy & Kehlani

"I bought the crib and it's in escrow now." Is this like an elaborate I'm Still Here satire/prank of the concept of a white rapper? He talked about closing escrow on a home. Who the fuck. This song is what happens when Drake and Rihanna cancel and you have to grab two people off the street to impersonate them and hope they're good enough mimics that no one can tell the difference.

78) "Peek a Boo," by Lil Yachty ft./Migos

YOU KNOW HOW YOU MAKE THIS SONG INSTANTLY A THOUSAND FUCKING TIMES BETTER WITHOUT LOSING ANYTHING? "Give her the shocker like Pikachu." YOU WERE SO FUCKING CLOSE. "Give her the shocker like Pikachu." LIKE THREE DRAFTS AWAY IF YOU GAVE THIS SONG FIVE MINUTES TO BREATHE BEFORE SCHLEPPIN' IT TO THE BOOTH, YOU COULD HAVE HAD "GIVE HER THE SHOCKER LIKE PIKACHU." I think this song is fine? I dunno, I like the noise Yachty is making behind this song, it's a quality noise. Not bad! Not, y'know, good, and it's actually a failure when you realize how close it was to being amazing GIVE HER THE SHOCKER LIKE PIKACHU. YOU RHYME PEEKABOO WITH PIKACHU AT THE END OF THE SONG. WE WERE SO CLOSE TO ACHIEVING THE PERFECT SONG. Y'all fucked up. I can't believe you kids failed me like this!, but other than the fact it’s a profound disappointment it’s a’ight.

87) "Black Spiderman," by Logic ft./Damian Lemar Hudson

OK. OK, I think, after two songs, I understand what Logic is: he's the most accessible rapper for someone who just listened to Hamilton for the first time and wants to start checking out real hip-hop. Because if you go straight from Hamilton to Danny Brown, man, you're gonna get the bends, y'all ain't ready for "Ain't It Funny" at all, that is a rough 180 to try to navigate, you gotta hit this dude up first. It's a positive song with little to no misogynistic language, but still hard enough that it might put off some people who were initially into the nice man who did raps about the $10 man. If you can listen to this and still want to go deeper, then you listen to Chance, then Tribe or The Roots, and then you're ready for Kendrick. It's rap for people who don't listen to rap, is what I'm trying to say. It's its own fun little thing, but this song is what it sounds like when your biggest worry in life is about a dog you saw on the internet which was in a stressful situation. Hope the dog can make it! It looks so worried, poor puppers!

93) "Broken Halos," by Chris Stapleton

It's country Kendrick! And it's country "HUMBLE." in that I'm not immediately sure how much I dig it, but I know I dig it way more than I dug all the shit I had to listen to Sunday morning for this stupid post. Chris Stapleton got big making traditional country music, and I think it might be because he got big doing this that now this feels like paint-by-numbers Stapleton. Sad gravel man growling over an acoustic guitar some lazy religious metaphor, I dunno, it kicks most other country songs' ass, but I would honestly argue "Craving You" is a riskier move than this song. I think I might revisit this and Gaga's songs in a few weeks and realize I liked them way more than I initially did and I was just being a Tuesday evening grumplord for no reason, but this is the opinion of record, is that this song is just standard-issue Chris Stapleton but Chris Stapleton being a thing whcih comes standard-issue is more good than bad.

99) "The Night We Met," by Lord Huron

It's the last song of the week, and it's a haunting indie song from the Netflix teen mystery drama. Looks like I'm clockin' out early, boys and girls! Sorry! Ain't got nothin' for ya here! This song's pretty dope! GOODBYEEEEEEEEEEEE!

The Top 20, where we dumped “The Heart Part 4″ a little bit because I felt it was appropriate: 20) "The Cure," by Lady Gaga (5.6) 19) "Guys My Age," by Hey Violet (2.11) 18) "Heatstroke," by Calvin Harris ft./Young Thug, Pharrell Williams & Ariana Grande (4.22) 17) "Yeah Boy," Kelsea Ballerini (3.4) 16) "You Look Good," by Lady Antebellum (4.22) 15) "The Heart Part 4," by Kendrick Lamar (4.15) 14) "Selfish," by Future ft./Rihanna (3.18) 13) "Slide," by Calvin Harris ft./Frank Ocean & Migos (3.18) 12) "Now & Later," by Sage the Gemini (2.25) 11) "DNA." by Kendrick Lamar (5.6) 10) "It Ain't Me," by Kygo x Selena Gomez (3.4) 9) "Craving You," by Thomas Rhett ft./Maren Morris (4.22) 8) "That's What I Like," by Bruno Mars (3.4) 7) "Chanel," by Frank Ocean ft./A$AP Rocky (4.1) 6) "Run Up," by Major Lazer ft./PARTYNEXTDOOR & Nicki Minaj (2.18) 5) "Green Light," by Lorde (3.18) 4) "ELEMENT." by Kendrick Lamar (5.6) 3) "Despacito," by Luis Fonsi ft./Daddy Yankee (2.4) 2) "Issues," by Julia Michaels (2.11) 1) "iSpy," by KYLE ft./Lil Yachty (1.14) Hey, “Despacito” made the top ten in Kendrick week! That’s an insane accomplishment! I see it carries an “+ Justin Bieber” credit, now! There is no reconsideration of “Despacito” forthcoming. I choose to only acknowledge “Despacito” in its original form.

Who won?

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm a kendrick album or a bunch of dudes in cowboy hats. 2017, y’all brought a gun to a knife fight. where the hell was this last week. 2007: 3 2017: 3 So next week, we get new Paramore (probably) stacked up against Josh Groban with a children’s choir. I’m liking 2017′s odds at a repeat. Come on, friend! 2007′s taking a few weeks off, it looks like, NOW’S YOUR CHANCE!