#// tatjenen

[eyetheguard]

“I thought you said you were getting better.”

Even without malice, his words twisted painfully in his throat as Hermes agonized over the idea that if he could not save himself, at least Tatjenen was salvageable.

He had to get better, so that Hermes wouldn't have to meet his lover's deadened stare of eyes so black that neither the moon nor the distant sunlight could penetrate them. Better, so that when Tatjenen’s shoulders were at his ears as he struggled to sit up in bed to distance himself from the horrors his mind's eye wrought just before they bled into reality, his claim of being cursed by the same gifts their kind were entrusted with would not saddle itself upon the the shorter man’s shoulders as a lonely echo to be dealt with later in solitude.

That was the more recent form of the aberration—a tame sibling to Tatjenen’s nearly lifeless body hanging off the side of the bed, his white linen sheets soaked with what smelled like ink (and what Hermes feared was actually blood). Had his eyes not been open and hastily searching as he would a tome for answers, Hermes would have had even less to offer outside of a strangled sound in sheer panic and a broken glass he had knocked off a low table when his legs nearly failed him.

He shuddered to think of how gods-knows-what pulled itself from the walls, the floor, and even the air between them, raising the temperature of the room to that of a furnace rather than the shaded stone cottage it was a part of. Hermes had later come to know them as manifestations of Tatjenen's nightmares, grotesque and harrowing in such a way that, despite being unable to make any sense of it visually, had he stared too long into the depths of their form, he’d find something that pulled nothing short of loathing out of his soul.

The memory caused him to pull at the collar of his robe in discomfort. Hermes easily recalled how it felt as if the clear night sky mocked them in its peacefulness - for it was still out there, surrounded by infinite stars that were no longer alight within the wandering ancient's irises.

What was worse, he reckoned, was that if it pulled him away from envy, he could stand to face the horrors. If bloodletting into the warm dirt of Tatjenen’s garden would free him of the idea that the manifestations were preferable to being trapped within his own mind, Hermes would not think twice about doing it. He could only hope that the white-haired ancient was unaware of the spike in adrenaline every time he raised his staff for an imminent strike, for it’s necessity did not lie in a desire to protect him but to banish the darkness welling up inside, polluting and corrupting what should have been the purest feelings known to his heart at that time. Tatjenen’s keen sense of smell more than likely stopped short at burning wood and thick smoke in the heat of peril, masking that of the sweat upon his bare back.

His envy instead went undeterred by his shame nearly every night they spent together. Once the light had returned to his eyes as a sign of consciousness in their realm, the speed at which gilded daggers burst forth from Tatjenen’s fingertips would have inspired further awe in the raven-haired ancient had he not struggled to keep his balance before collapsing again not a moment later. Upon being struck, the figures decayed into thick clouds of smoke and ash, haunting the walls with soot tags in their wake.

Tatjenen hadn’t explained - or rather, couldn’t -  what Hermes now understood as aether exhaustion coupled with severe vertigo, leaving him relatively helpless in the other ancient’s arms until the sun rose and the rare peaceful sliver of rest overtook him instead. Other times, he did not sleep, and instead spent his morning righting furniture and sweeping up debris with shaky hands in silence before starting the lengthy process of getting ready for work.

-

"Better in that I have shifted from falling asleep during every convocation meeting to only once every two weeks?" Tatjenen laughed, and his sheepish smile sullied Hermes' thoughts further. He wasn't used to the fact that the hells that often plagued Tatjenen's sleep never bled through his carefree demeanor and strikingly clear aether in the presence of their convocation peers, and it was a feat he feared he'd never be able to accomplish.

Better, Hermes found himself frowning so that the other man could laugh without restraint; so that he could say words meant only for his ears that in any other circumstance would make him averse to whatever Tatjenen proposed had it not been in the privacy of an alcove off an empty, echoing hallway. He did so anyway, remaining relaxed while making it that much easier for the dark-haired man to fix his mouth to beg for him to be impulsive and wanting, even when he couldn’t.

Better, but only because he was selfish.

[arod-vrc]

Serene of Mirage【Tatjenen】

By れみーと

[eyetheguard]

Moogle - What is the most obviously annoying habit you have? + Ahriman - How do you react to being stared at? Obviously stared at. + Morpho - What was the cause for a significant transformation in your life? (i hold out my hands for milo and tatjenen lore)

For Milo:

Moogle - What is the most obviously annoying habit you have?

He speaks very quietly, occasionally to the point he may as well be mouthing words, and being told to speak up embarrasses him. Communicating with him initially is troublesome in that regard. He also snores when he’s really tired, so if breathing loudly in his sleep is a bother he should be woken up.

Ahriman - How do you react to being stared at? Obviously stared at.

He might blush a bit, but usually Milo will probably stare back blankly, wondering what they’re looking at him for. If he can gauge that there’s interest, then he will be a smidge softer and coy about it.

Morpho - What was the cause for a significant transformation in your life?

Being disowned and then the calamity happening immediately after? That went quite badly but it resulted in him having to make his way and explore what he wants out of his own life, what he actually enjoys, and how beautiful he can be.

For Tatjenen:

Moogle - What is the most obviously annoying habit you have?

For Tatjenen, he talks a lot, and strangely at that. He’s well aware that he’s annoying though, and plays it up to be left to his own devices.

Ahriman - How do you react to being stared at? Obviously stared at.

Tatjenen kinda does that little head shake that reads pretty clearly as “what the hell are you looking at?” if his mask is off, and he is quite subtle about pretending to not see someone staring if he has it on. He’ll recognize who, but it is a bad sign if someone is looking at him for too long or even worse, looking for him.

Morpho - What was the cause for a significant transformation in your life?

Probably when his previous lover (before Hermes) returned to the aetherial sea without telling him. First his parents, then his first love, and then his second. It left him with a less than stellar reputation considering he was always the last to know. He wasn’t always as eccentric and brash as he currently is, he was a lot sweeter and a social butterfly, but it tapered off after that lover returned and he caught wind of some negative rumors about what sort of person he was to not even be told. He hasn’t been the same ever since and doesn’t really care for people to get to know him, and his his neurological condition makes most forms of intimacy pretty difficult if he gets that far with someone.

[eyetheguard]

Did your muse have a favorite toy that they absolutely can’t go without? + Why did the muse’s parents/guardians choose their name? Does it hold a special meaning? (For Milo and Tatjenen!)

For Milo:

His birth mom gave him a small stuffed rabbit, and he's had it his entire life. When he was very young it was his 'adventure companion' in that he brought it with him everywhere; he did his chores with it propped up on the closest shelf or fallen log until he was a teenager. He'd talk to it when he had a difficult time missing his mom. Once it was sort of thread-bare (but lovingly mended), he kept it with the rest of his birth mom's belongings that he inherited for safekeeping. It still smells faintly of lavender despite him having it as long as he can remember and never replacing the satchel inside.

Milo's full first name is Maximiloix, and as far as he knows it's a relatively common name. Sadly he has no idea why it was chosen for him.

For Tatjenen:

Tatjenen's favorite toy was hacky sacks! Less for the actual game and more for the sacks themselves - his mother would make them from many jewel-toned jacquard fabrics and embroider or bead them, so they were overly ornate for their purpose. Even the beads used to fill them were made from different colorful stones! Still, his mother insisted they were for playing with as opposed to sitting unused on a shelf. He still has quite a few of them in a basket in his living space and later on in his office when he assumes the seat of Azem, and although he doesn't really play hacky sack anymore he does pass them back and forth in his hands when his mind is elsewhere.

As for his name, Tatjenen was named prophetically - Tatjenen is a deity in ancient Egyptian mythology, and related to creation. Tatjenen's (the ancient) parents were notable researchers who put their all into their work, and it was assumed he would follow in their footsteps to push the limits of what their society could do with creation magicks. Instead, he goes out of his way to not use creation magicks at except for relatively mundane things, because he struggles to control himself. The deity is also androgynous, and known to be the source of many flora and minerals that come from the earth - and as such, Tatjenen embodies those qualities. Funnily enough, most of his colleagues refer to him as Tanuu, assuming it's a nickname - it's another name for the deity, and a legitimate way to refer to him; he just prefers Tatjenen. Outside of his parents, who have long since returned, only four people refer to him as Tatjenen.

[eyetheguard]

All the Halone and Llymlaen questions! (For Milo and Tatjenen, and Aurelle too if you'd like!)

Oho I will do Milo and Tatjenen, but only them because I don’t have enough of Aurelle mapped out just yet to give definite answers ;w;

For Milo:

Halone, the Fury

1. How protective is your character over their possessions and/or loved ones?

Milo is very protective of his possessions. After the calamity he had nothing but the clothes upon his back and his pack, containing only his mother’s jewelry, a knife, rope, and a small stuffed rabbit she gave him. All throughout working his way through kitchens and inns in order to build a life for himself, that bag was his home, and he has taken great care of those items. He has that attitude about everything he buys for his home and his closet. With people, he is quick to stand up for those he cares for, and although he’s not the strongest, he’ll at least try to be that for them.

2. How stubborn is your character?

He surprisingly isn’t all that stubborn - so it’s a bit awkward when he actually does push back on something.

3. Is your character more defensive or offensive when in battle?

Mi is a lot more defensive than offensive - he keeps his distance, and focuses on evasive methods and if he needs to attack. He prefers to have space between himself and his opponent, and normally uses ranged weapons such as a bow, chakrams, or talthums with the goal to disarm rather than hurt.

Llymlaen, the Navigator  

13. Is there a place they haven’t seen that they wish to see before they die?

Fortunately no. At most he is content to die on the Source once he completes his contract with his gift, and that is good enough for him. Not everything is meant to be seen to him, and he is content not seeing all of the world’s secrets before he passes if it means he actually gets to pass on.

14. Favorite place they’ve been to?

Urth’s Gift and the lake in the Slyphlands. Urth’s Gift isn’t his favorite because he likes it, but because it’s a place that he feels normal and settled, despite the energy of the area being a little unsettling for those attuned to it.  Both are places he likes to idle in alone, hand upon crystal and stone or sitting by the lake pulling his fingers through the water. Although the latter is incredibly dangerous to traverse, he manages alone. They’re perhaps places he prefers to never be approached at, which is rare for him.

15. How adventurous is your character?

Quite adventurous! Milo took a chance on a very small part of the world that he was fortunate enough to witness in his youth while playing the harpsichord and harp competitively, and he left home with basically nothing. He’s taken to the world and wants to be a part of it, with all of it’s danger and heartbreaks and joys and stories.

For Tatjenen:

Halone, the Fury

1. How protective is your character over their possessions and/or loved ones?

Tatjenen is not protective at all towards his things - he’s had to replace so many of his possessions due to his condition, and expects people to exit his life almost as soon as they enter it for mostly the same reason. He might put himself between a certain someone and danger, hell, he’d end the world for him. And his two friends, of course - he doesn’t have many, so those who stick with him are fiercely cherished.

2. How stubborn is your character?

He wouldn’t say he’s stubborn! Just.... persuasive. Tatjenen gets what he wants through tedious and difficult means most of the time to ensure that he never owes another, checked five times over for potential stopgaps to sweeten the deal and loopholes to tie up any loose ends all on his own.  He won’t ever appear stubborn and is incredibly discreet with his methods - as long as you don’t get in the way of whatever he’s trying to get.

3. Is your character more defensive or offensive when in battle?

Defensive, in the way being in melee range is incredibly dangerous for his opponent. He’s not protecting himself, so to speak. His weapon of choice is a polearm, switching between a glaive, naginata, or sovnya - although his grip is closer to the opposite end of the blade, and very loose. He’s very quick to drop it for hand-to-hand combat if you’re close enough, and that’s where he’s actually a force to be reckoned with.

Llymlaen, the Navigator  

13. Is there a place they haven’t seen that they wish to see before they die?

Not a physical place, just internal healing - Tatjenen would like more than anything to not worry the man he loves nearly every night, his condition is exhausting. He would like to return together, though.

14. Favorite place they’ve been to?

This may sound strange, but his garden. It’s his so of course he thinks it’s the best, but he lives on a hill with an unobstructed view of the sunset every evening. Call him vain, but he has had days where he’s just sat himself in the dirt with a hand mirror to watch his eyes change with the sky, singing to himself the entire time. His tomatoes seem to like that.

15. How adventurous is your character?

Tatjenen would say he gets enough adventure just trying to sleep - and he isn’t wrong in the slightest - but considering that, his work, spending his free time in Pandaemonium of all places, and his eventual position as Azem, it’s clear that even if he claims to not be fond of adventure, he’s always meant to be in the middle of one.

[eyetheguard]

00. the fool : what are your muse’s thoughts on new beginnings ? does it frighten them or excite them ? 21. the world : is there one thing in life that your muse must accomplish ? what will they do when they complete that goal ? (holds out hands for milo and tatjenen lore because I Care Them)

00. the fool : what are your muse’s thoughts on new beginnings ? does it frighten them or excite them ?

Ah I answered this one here for Milo, so I will do Tatjenen instead (?).

For Tatjenen:

Tatjenen actually has a huge fear of new beginnings - he'd never admit to it, but change isn't something he's good at dealing with. From his parents and previous lovers returning to the star, to leaving his wherever-the-wind-blows-me ways by becoming Azem - he dislikes the idea that he will be left behind or that he will leave someone behind, even though he knows everyone moves on to greener pastures at some point. He has little to be prideful about, and fears that he won't be remembered for anything good, unlike his parents.

21. the world : is there one thing in life that your muse must accomplish ? what will they do when they complete that goal ?

For Milo:

This is going to be a bit dark, but death. As is, Milo's gift is a curse in that he can't quite die, and undoing whatever the calamity did to him for him to be that way is crucial in him living his life comfortably. He's not afraid of dying - he's afraid of remaining seemingly immortal and watching his loved ones pass knowing that respite will not be afforded to him. He's afraid of never being reunited with his birth mother again in death, and that chance encounter in the Aitiascope cemented his feelings on that. Of course, having death as a goal means that when he completes it, he will die - but that is akin to an eternal rest he will welcome with open arms, when his time comes.

For Tatjenen:

Tatjenen weirdly enough seems to have no goals aside from being loved in a way that only a soulmate can love him. Consider his feelings about those he loved returning without saying a word to him and leaving no mementos - he's felt abandoned on multiple occasions, and wants just once for someone to find him worthy of staying or at least wishing to return together. It is selfish, he's aware of that! But behind all of his strange gestures and flitting about from office to office like a hummingbird, that is his only true desire, aside from wanting to return that love to someone as well.

[eyetheguard]

What’s something about the way your muse ‘helps’ that might be different from how someone else would help? What in particular about their style of ‘help’ is different/unusual? + How important are apologies, to your muse? Do they have to be aloud? (For Milo and Tatjenen!)

What’s something about the way your muse ‘helps’ that might be different from how someone else would help? What in particular about their style of ‘help’ is different/unusual?

Milo:

I don’t think it’s too different from others, but Milo tries to help the person get into the right space to tackle the problem - working in the background to ease outside stressors so that they can focus, and making sure their needs are met and then working side by side with the person on the problem. He will default to them and what they want to get out of things, and only really offer his opinion if he thinks the solution can cause harm, but for the most part, sticks to a supporting role and lends an ear for the more emotional side of the issue.

Tatjenen:

Most ancients would assume Tatjenen to be the sort who does more harm than he helps, but it’s far from the truth. If you really need the help, he’ll do the things no one wants to do - without complaint, scolding, shame, or any other commentary, really. He prefers not to be thanked since it’s the least he can do for others who don’t see him in a positive light. He’s a willing sacrifice, unbothered by taking the blame for things that would harm others reputation if he had not done so - the antithesis to his usual behavior that a lot of other ancients would judge as self-centered.

He also tends to do things the “hard way” - he’s super wary about using creation magicks around others due to his lack of control over them, so even if they would make the job easier he never defaults to it and won’t explain why. The upside is he’s quietly well versed in procedures and rules, so fixing tricky situations in a pinch without being clumsy about it is his specialty. He does need to know the rules to slip from under them as much as he does.

How important are apologies, to your muse? Do they have to be aloud?

Milo:

Milo says he doesn’t hold grudges but if you don’t apologize directly to him he will LOL. He doesn’t like the vague brushing people off type of stuff, a direct clear apology is best and that’s how he apologizes as well. He prefers doing them in person, but there has yet to be a situation where he’s had to consider alternatives due to sensitivity of the subject or anything else. For Milo, an apology is about acknowledging the result, not defending an intention - most people probably mean well in his eyes, but to ignore a negative result to cushion one’s own ego isn’t favorable in general to him. It’s not difficult for him to apologize, but he does need to be made aware that he did something wrong to begin with.

Tatjenen:

Apologies aren’t important to him. He can’t recall the last time any one has(or should’ve) apologized to him, it’s quite rare for him. A lot of the time people expect apologies from him, but considering it’s usually for being himself in a way that doesn’t actually inconvenience others he’d be hard-pressed to actually give one. That being said he is capable of apologizing, but the change in demeanor in order for him to do so may be off-putting to some (him being serious) so he prefers doing them via letter. Tanuu doesn’t expect others to be considerate of his feelings let alone him in general so hoping for an apology aimed at him is just wishful thinking, in his own words.

[eyetheguard]

I commissioned art of Tatjenen from yec_yourz on Twitter!

I thought it would be nice to see him in an alternate look/emissary robes (before I go commissioning art of him in action). Casual, hair snipped quite a bit shorter and probably happy to no longer be Azem in this case haha.

I think I will change his hair with every commission, aside from the braids - which I am both partial to and do not wish to subject an artist to drawing, but maybe someday haha. I do love a chunky braid out or twist out for him though .w.

Daffodils and forget-me-nots... rebirth, hope, forgiveness/true love, respect, faithfulness.

I also realized I don’t have an art tag so I’ll think of one later!

[eyetheguard]

Tatjenen.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

Milo's Azem probably would still modify his ears if he could, so they don't look that different! Their personalities, however....

[eyetheguard]

I also did the WoL vs Azem meme via my twitter *^*

Since Tatjenen looks quite different than what I am allowed in game, I opted to use art I commissioned from tbgkaru and yec_yourz on twitter that shows off both of their looks and personalities better, even with the former being Milo with his shorter hair. I love this art very much 💕

Perhaps you can see some of the similarities between them?

Tatjenen would be well versed in botany, agriculture, and chemistry, so I picked the closest in game classes for that. As for bard he plays some instruments like pan pipe, flute, harp and lute, and also sings sometimes. He wields a pole arm in combat. Maybe you noticed his creation magicks is a little low - it’s less that he can’t use that, and more that he lacks decent control over things that aren’t flora/aren’t considered living beings. He also has an awful tendency to use creation magicks in his sleep, and the things born from his nightmares or unresolved high stress cause a lot of damage. It’s probably the only thing he’s reserved about. He’s also quite talkative, especially compared to Milo.

[eyetheguard]

The setting sun - put to rest beneath a blanket of darkness knit with the stars, safe in his hands.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

[eyetheguard]

"I reckon the weather's nice enough to have dinner outside tonight - I can finally get around to reading that report you gave me, as well."

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

Tatjenen would probably find his way over to fetch Hermes for dinner regularly. Once he's accepted as company, he's quite keen to stay in your good graces, and that usually involves food. Bonus:

A short rest moments prior, after talking about apple fritters or something or another.

[eyetheguard]

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

[eyetheguard]

Occasionally Tatjenen likes to pretend he’s the only one there... Observing the skies as if there won’t be a single star left come tomorrow.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

[eyetheguard]

Tatjenen - the will of the land slipping between his fingers, the sun as his heavy crown, the whispers of life silent on his tongue.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯