#// like how she has holds so much sorrow and trauma-

[dinomites]

aelia is immune to guns like her uncle. it's an inherited trait.

[messiahzzz]

i have been thinking a lot about mystra’s relationship with gale, how reducing her to “his ex” really is an understatement. she was and still is so much more than that. moreover, using the term “ex-girlfriend” in relation to her plainly feels wrong and diminishes the influence she has over him, as well as the role she played in his life since his childhood (and it also trivializes the abuse he suffered through her).

there are several instances where gale gets defensive when his companions mention or ask him abt mystra. he claims that their relationship was no less real even though most of their interactions were incorporeal.

we have already established that gale is an unreliable narrator in this particular case, still not having fully come to terms with the fact that he was groomed, manipulated and abused. he ping-pongs between bouts of realization (even in his romance), gaining clarity that he was merely used and eventually discarded and that mystra never truly cared for him, back to making light of his situation, idealizing her once again. realizing the extent of his trauma, that he is indeed a victim in this scenario, unlearning what he has been made to believe from a young age is a slow and painful journey. he is in the process of healing, but it takes time. time he deserves just like anyone else.

which makes me wonder what their relationship really looked like, once the lines between teacher, muse, and lover began to blur. i also feel like one of the reasons why part of the fandom still struggles to identify mystra as his abuser, is because she is a white woman who initially presents herself in a soft-spoken, benevolent manner… and well, the fact that gale himself is ambitious to a fault and a lil insane about the promise of power. he also briefly mentions "crossing mystra’s boundaries” when he confides in tav and tells them about his folly. (“i am, after all, the villain in this story.”) which led to a looooot of misinterpretations.

leaving the overall lore and mystra’s treatment of her other chosen aside — what we can discern from her interactions with gale in-game, is that mystra is civil as long as she remains in control and gale follows her demands, but as soon as there’s even a slight mention of challenging her power or defying her rule, she rather quickly changes her tone.

there is also one particular exchange between them that just won’t leave my head:

“you were many things to me, but never a threat. and never a savior."

even if we choose to blatantly ignore the fact that mystra is a deity, his goddess - there is no possible way that their relationship ever could have been equal by any mortal standards. the power imbalance that comes with her being his teacher and a symbol of his admiration, plus the sheer control she holds over him and his powers are simply too great. don’t even let me get started on how it is a common tactic of abusers to isolate their victims from any outside influences so they can exert full control over them. and how up to meeting tav and their merry band of misfits, every single soul he was close to was inevitably tied to mystra in one way or another. he briefly mentions his colleagues and then there’s elminster, also mystra’s chosen and former lover, and tara, who is a fine wizard in her own right. he spend so many years in service of her, dedicating his life to her, that now there is no one left he can truly call a friend. most of his little anecdotes and stories he tells are restricted to his childhood and university days, everything else was mystra.

evidently, ordering gale to detonate the orb is the most efficient course of action in her eyes. he is just as expendable as any other mortal, after all. maybe once significantly more useful given his status and the extent of his powers, but she doesn’t feel sorrow nor remorse for ordering him to end his life. his death is simply the most convenient means to an end.

another thing i would also like to briefly touch upon is the trigger/detonator itself. a dagger to the heart. it could have been literally anything else, a simple incantation. it is well within mystra’s power to stabilize the orb and also to remove it from his body entirely. but no, what she requires of gale is to stab himself. one might argue that it was simply a cinematic choice meant for a more dramatic effect, but it really leaves a bitter taste in your mouth. especially considering the fact that she is commonly known and referred to as a jealous goddess. it almost makes it seem like yet another form of punishment or mere pettiness. after his long period of isolation, gale is now surrounded by fellow humans. people he cares about, even perhaps people he might eventually consider good friends — which is enough of a reason for him to not want to die, to keep going and try to find another way, rather than to blindly follow mystra’s bidding. now there’s a group of people who support him and are genuinely invested in him staying alive. hmmm...

[jamespotterismydaddy]

Lord Husband (Chapter 7)

cregan x reader

A/N: yay more lord husband! (does a little dance) we're getting closer to the wedding and i can promise more trauma :)

series masterlist

word count: 1,182 words

You don’t find joy in Winterfell. You find a small sense of peace in its beauty but you are far too stubborn to be happy in the castle. There have been attempts at friendship. Sara Snow had likely been encouraged by her brother for her to try as many times as she did. You do like her but you also do not want to give anyone the idea that you may be settling in. This isn’t where you belong and everyone knows it. The servants talk just like the noblewomen that have begun to arrive for the wedding. They seem to enjoy the irony of your position, the fire princess whose heart is cold like ice. Perhaps the North was where you were meant to be after all. That is, if your life was a poem in a book. The servants also like to say that the fire in your hearth is always blazing so you can burn out your demons when you aren’t drowning your sorrows in the bathtub. The rumours always swirl around you. Perception is a fickle thing but you can’t bring yourself to care all too much, not when you know that talking about you is the most amusement they���ve had in all of their dull lives. Just a chance to look at your dragon would forge a story they would pass down for generations. You ride a dragon and all it takes for them is a glance.

Your family arrives today for the festivities. How kind it is of your mother to entrust her throne to your grandfather so she may attend her only daughter’s wedding. What a joyous occasion it is. You hear the murmurs as you stand next to Cregan in the welcoming party. You look tense and he notices it. You feel a large hand incase yours; you glare at him.

“It would be rude to let go.” He says softly as he looks ahead. You pull your hand from his grasp anyhow and he just huffs.

The carriages roll up. Your mother and Daemon step out first, a pleasing smile gracing the Queen’s face. It’s strange how proprietary causes you not to greet each other until the whole family is present. You just kind of look at one another awkwardly until your siblings walk up as well. Though, you find that little Aegon doesn’t seem to care much for proprietary. As soon as your little brother lays eyes on you, he’s running right over. He calls out your name before launching himself into your arms and you hold him close.

“I missed you so much! Joffrey has been such a bother since you’ve left.”

You laugh. “Oh, has he now?” It seems that the formal greetings have been forgotten as Joffrey comes over as well.

“I have not been a bother.” He defends and he lets you pull him in for a side hug. You didn’t know you could still smile like this.

Cregan knows he shouldn’t be surprised by the affection. It is common knowledge that your family was happy even in the isolation of Dragonstone, but to see you act so tender, it shocks him. He’s never seen you behave in a way other than cold and yet, your little brother is in your arms and looking at you like you’re about to give him the world on a platter. It makes his heart soften.

~~~

After settling in, Rhaenyra visits your new chambers with Baela, Rhaena and a servant in tow.

“Your rooms appear to be comfortable.” Your mother comments.

“They are.” You say in response. Conversation used to flow freely between the two of you but now small talk is all you can seem to accomplish.

“Your dress is finally ready. We were almost worried that the seamstress’ wouldn’t complete it in time.” Rhaena says, gesturing to the servant to bring over the gown.

“It will definitely live up to your vision.” Baela comments. 

You wanted something different, something new. You admire your mother’s style greatly but you wanted to have your own in your new home. That’s why the skirts of your dress are fuller and the sleeves more puffed. You will wear black and red to show where you came from but the style of the gown shows how you’re your own person. The gown still holds much of the King’s Landing structure so you can make the change in style gradual and it holds hints of how northern women dress so it’s more likely for them to copy you, even if there’s no reason for them to not copy the Lady of Winterfell. Well, you perhaps shouldn’t say that. There is still one reason. You are not one of their own and bringing in elements of how they decorate themselves will never change that.

“It’s perfect.” You say in a pleased tone.

“It’s more than perfect.” Baela cuts in. “I’ll be getting married to Jace soon. How am I ever supposed to top that?”

“You simply will not.” You say in a cheeky tone and she slaps your arm.

“The both of you will be more than beautiful on your wedding days, just in very different ways because you are very different.” Rhaenyra muses before she grabs your hand. “How are you?” She asks you and you know how much your mother cares about the answer.

“Cold.” You say. You aren’t quite sure what she wanted to hear.

“Well the warm months will come soon. Have you settled in nicely?”

What do you even say to that? Does she want the truth or the assurance that she hasn’t done something to ruin your life?

“I’m not too sure of that answer yet. It truly doesn’t feel like I have been here for long.” Perhaps you will ruin her day tomorrow instead.

“Things will likely fall into place after the wedding. Once you take up your new status, you will see how these things are for the best, my sweet girl.” Her words don’t feel like assurance as much as a command. Calling you her sweet girl barely softens it.

“Of course.” You confirm but don’t hide a single emotion. The irritation you feel is clear on your features.

Not wishing for an argument to come forth, Rhaena speaks up. “Winterfell is so beautiful and i’m quite antsy from the travel if you would be so kind as to give me a tour, sister?”

“Oh yes!” Baela chirps in. “You ought to take us to the gardens. I want to see if Weirwood trees truly have the faces of the old gods trapped in them.”

“Is trapped the right word?” Rhaena asks as you all stand.

“Will you accompany us, my Queen?” You ask Rhaenyra formally.

“I’m very tired. I think I will rest in my chambers.” 

You just think that talking to you pains her more than she wants to put up with. You try not to care as you take each of your sister’s arms but you won’t play nice to fix a relationship she ruined. You miss your mother but your stubbornness won’t allow it.

taglist (comment to be added): General: @valeskafics @urmomsgirlfriend1 @girlwith-thepearlearring @darylandbethfanforever9 @lovellies @juhdoche @papichulo120627 @watercolorskyy @ophelialaufey @aerangi

Lord husband: @feyres-fireheart @possiblyafangirl @hb8301 @marihoneywk @youn-jo @velvet-spider @janelongxox @ninastyless @nyctophilic0vitnir @m-a-s-h-k-a @delicious-xx @weepingfashionwritingplaid @happinessinthebeing @betelrus @joliettes @black-swan-blog27 @mxtokko @valeridarkness @karolalolla @satan-s-ass @synindoodles @a-beaverhausen @petertingle3000 @lunnnix @hermaeusmorax

lmk if i forgot u

[ang3lofdivinity]

🎐⋅˚₊‧𝖫𝗈𝗏𝖾’𝗌 𝖠𝗉𝗉𝖾𝗍𝗂𝗍𝖾‧₊˚⋅🐚

Relationship(s) :: Jinx + Calypso!fem!reader

Genre :: Fluff, hurt/comfort

Format :: Story

Warnings :: More Arcane season 2 act 3 spoilers! Some implications of SH (reader), a bit more trauma, happy ending, the gods kinda suck, HOMOSEXUALS FINALLY GET TOGETHER!!/hj, kinda inspired by Jorge’s cut song from Epic “Appetite” along with “Would You Fall In Love With Me Again”, Reader gets better at the end here, READER IS NOT CALYPSO - more so takes her place, possibly suggestive at the end?

A/N :: AHHHH I cannot believe I wrote THIS much that I had to make a new part entirely. But nonetheless, happy holidays everyone! I hope everyone stays safe this year and gets some good stuff nevertheless of what you’re celebrating! (Side note: ..Should I turn this into a series with more parts? I’m gonna hold a poll for when the time comes — which will be right after I post this). I hope this lives up to your expectations everyone!! + HAPPY NEW YEARS!! (W.C: 10.6k)

Ⅰ - Ⅱ - Ⅲ

Jinx does not remember how long it has been since you’ve left. And you can say the same.

You’ve only been hiding away for as long as you possibly could without the bluette finding you before she left you, just like all the others. See, this is why you shouldn’t allow your emotions to gain control over you! They’ll take the things you love the most as you’re left there to cry and mourn over their loss. And this time? You actually allowed yourself to fall for their tricks!! You’re so STUPID, aren’t you? You should’ve known that this would’ve never been able to last.

She is a lost mortal, and you are an imprisoned goddess.

And the ones pulling the strings?

The gods above. For they hold more power over the both of you than you could possibly know. Or do they?

You lay down, cured up into yourself as you cry against the forest floor, everything around disappearing. (At least it felt like it, as you had begun to focus on the fact that you were crying for so long, your throat going sore and your eyes getting all red and puffy).

It’s pathetic of you really, all of this is pathetic.

You should’ve never allowed yourself to grow attached, you should’ve never allowed yourself to open up to Jinx, you should’ve KNEW that this was doomed to happen one day! Nothing can ever go right for you, can it now?

‘So whats the next course of action’, you ask yourself.

To wallow in your sorrow for a bit longer. To allow yourself to bawl your eyes out as Jinx is taken from you.

.

Time has become useless as Jinx stands at the edge of the beach, breathing heavily, her fists clenching and unclenching as she grits her teeth.

Does she always have to mess things up?

Does she always have to be the Jinx?

In the wake of your disappearance, she feels something staring at her.

Upon turning around however, she sees..

Some kind of ball of pure light??

It’s almost blinding as she stares at it, the luminosity making it almost impossible to define the shape of the object. Covering her eyes with an arm while groaning, she speaks up.

“Hello?”

“You’ve had your fun, mortal.” A voice booms, distant yet close, vibrating through the air. Though it doesn’t exactly feel like one singular voice, it feels more like.. thousands. Thousands of voices as they echo and vibrate. Its presence feels heavy, suffocating. As if she’s being strangled.

And as they speak, she knows what this is.

“Your presence here has disrupted the balance. She was meant to suffer, to repent. Not to cling to you.”

Jinx glares, lowering her arm to stare at the thing.

“Balance? Suffering? You’re the ones screwing her up, not me.”

“This is not your concern. Leave this place and let her fate proceed as it was written.” The tone of the voices grows sharper, as if she was going to listen to them.

“Over my dead body.” Jinx spits the words like venom.

The form twists in agitation, and the faint sound of crackling can be heard.

“You defy orders from the gods?”

“Damn right I do.” She huffs as she narrows her eyes at the form before her, nails now digging into the flesh of her palms.

“She’s not your pawn anymore. And if you try to keep me from her, I’ll blow this paradise of yours sky-high! I’ve got enough bombs to make that little heaven of yours look like rubble.”

There’s an uncomfortable silence that lingers after her words are spoke, but shortly after - the form slowly turns smaller and less bright, making Jinx thankful.

“Very well,” they finally relent, voice hollow.

“But know this, mortal: your bond with her cannot last. You will only bring her more pain.”

“And you cannot deny our orders forever. We have more power than you possibly imagine.”

With that, the light travels off elsewhere, leaving Jinx alone once more on the empty shore.

You don’t know how long you’ve been walking, the forest endlessly stretching all around you, the grass brushing against your feet as you continue to walk. The crashing of waves still manages to fill your ears, but it is still not able to keep drowning out the chaotic storm of your own thoughts.

It hurts. All of this hurts.

It shouldn’t, but it does anyway.

Leaving her was the only way, you tell yourself. If she stayed, she would forever hate you - wouldn’t she? There was no chance for either of you, ever. There never truly was.

She is a mortal meandering around without the knowledge that lies in the powers of those she barely knows of.

You drag yourself further away from her and deeper into the forest. You stop momentarily, your chest rising and falling with labored breaths, the tears on your cheeks now cold from the salty air from moments before.

Your mind races with images of Jinx from those very moments, however: her wild eyes, her expression as she looked up at you, the way she’d yelled after you, that vulnerability of hers for just a moment.

You kneel on the grassy floor, clutching your head, overwhelmed by the sheer amount of emotions crashing through you. Your tears drip into the blades of grass below, disappearing instantly, as if the island itself were swallowing your grief.

You try to focus on your resolve—to forget her, to let her go.

But it feels like trying to breathe underwater: suffocating and unnatural.

You take a moment before allowing yourself to fall on your side on the islands grassy floor, tears falling one after the other. The mist seems to grow denser ahead, swirling in unnatural patterns even as you lay on your side. Eventually, you find yourself squinting, unsure if your mind is playing tricks on you or if something, or someone, is moving within it.

Before you can decide, you hear it: a low hum, resonating in your chest like the strum of a string on a rather angelic instrument. The sound is faint, but it pulls at you, compelling you to rise. Against your better judgment, you lift yourself up by your elbows, staring at the mist as it.. contorts into something.

You should turn back, shouldn’t you?

But you don’t.

A soft, distant voice cuts through the silence surrounding you, faint and trembling, as though carried by the wind. At first, you can’t make out the words, but as you lean closer, they grow clearer:

“She’ll come for you.”

The voice isn’t Jinx’s, but it echoes with the same determination, the same desperation. Your breath catches in your throat as you shake your head with a bitter laugh, trying to push the voice away, but it clings to you like a shadow.

“No,” you whisper to yourself.

“She can’t. She won’t.”

But the voice is unrelenting, whispering again and again until it drowns out your thoughts entirely:

“She’ll come for you. She always will.”

A shiver runs down your spine, and slowly, you find yourself laying back down on your side, fluttering your eyes closed as you try to make yourself think of something else — ANYTHING ELSE besides this.

And suddenly, your mind wanders the meeting you had last night:

The evening air hung heavy with a solemn stillness, the kind that pressed against your chest and made every breath feel like a burden.

Nevertheless, you sat alone on the cliff’s edge, the ocean sprawling endlessly before you, its waves gently lapping at the rocks far below. The twilight sky melted into soft hues of lavender and rose, but the beauty of the scene was lost on you. It did not matter, you know. You… you really are a monster, you didn’t deserve to enjoy such beautiful moments.

Your hands trembled as they clutched your knees. Your thoughts churned endlessly, circling back to Jinx—her words, her defiance, and the way she just STARED at you after she’d slapped you.

And just as you were thinking of the incident, the faintest whisper of wind brushed past you, some sort of.. odd feeling of a being you couldn’t describe. However, you didn’t need to turn to know who it was; the soothing hum of magic and the faint scent of jasmine told you everything.

“Janna,” you murmured, your voice soft and weary.

The goddess finally stepped into view, her ethereal form seeming to shimmer like sunlight caught in the folds of silk. Her translucent blue robes flowed as though stirred by an unseen breeze. She truly did look like a goddess in this form, much better than some of her others.

“Dear goddess,” Janna spoke, her voice a gentle melody carried by the wind.

“I’ve come to speak with you about the mortal.”

Your chest IMMEDIATELY tightened, your fingers curling into the fabric of your clothes.

“You mean Jinx?..” you whispered, barely audible.

Janna’s gaze softened as she stepped closer to you. Even with her calming presence, you still had the worst feeling pooling within your stomach as you continued to avert your gaze from her.

“Her presence here has caused… ripples. The other gods are restless. They believe her defiance threatens the balance of this island, and of you.”

You shook your head, sighing.

“She’s not a threat. She—she cares about me. She’s just…” Your voice faltered as you tried to explain, to defend Jinx, but the weight of your own guilt dragged the words down.

“She is bold and unyielding,” Janna interrupted gently, her tone neither condemning nor approving.

“And that is why the gods have decided she must leave. For the sake of the island. For your sake.”

Your heart dropped at those words.

“No,” you said, almost instinctively, your voice trembling.

“She doesn’t have to leave. I can handle this. I—I can fix this—”

“(____).” Janna’s voice was soft yet firm before she let out a soft sigh. She knelt beside you, placing a light hand on your shoulder.

“This isn’t about blame. It’s about what is best for you. For her.”

Tears welled in your eyes as you looked at Janna, your lips trembling.

“I mean.. she already hates me,” you whispered.

“She’ll never forgive me if I send her away, though.”

Janna’s expression remained calm, her gaze filled with an ancient understanding.

“Perhaps. But she will live. And so will you.”

Your hands fell limp at her sides, your gaze dropping to the ground. The weight of Janna’s words settled over her like a storm cloud brewing at the distance of the horizon. And as you thought of the way her sharp edges had softened just for you. And yet…

And yet, your mind returns to your failures, your mistakes.

“I’ve done terrible things,” You whispered, your voice barely audible once again.

“Hurt people. Hurt her. She deserves better than this.” You swallowed hard, closing your eyes against the flood of emotions threatening to overwhelm her.

“Maybe… maybe the gods are right. Maybe she should leave. It’s for the best.”

Janna’s gaze lingered on you for a moment, as though searching for the truth in your words. Finally, the goddess rose from beside you, hands folded behind her back.

“The choice is yours, Dear Goddess. But know this: love is not something the gods take lightly. What you share with her is rare… precious. Do not cast it aside without understanding the weight of what you will lose.”

With that, Janna turned and began to fade into the soft hues of the twilight, her presence dispersing like mist on the wind.

You remained seated, your shoulders hunched as silent tears traced paths down your cheeks.

Jinx would be better off far from her, far from the island and its burdens, wouldn’t she?

And yet, as the stars began to dot the sky above, a small voice within you whispered that she was breaking something she could never truly repair.

A warm liquid trickles down your cheek.

As you reach up, you realize it's a tear.

Ah, you didn’t even realize it.

You let out a small bitter laugh, falling back down on your side before your shifted, now looking up at the midnight sky above you.

So beautiful..

But beauty cannot erase the pain that all of these actions have caused.

And so, now you find yourself slipping in and out of consciousness - eyes fluttering every once in a while.

It takes you a while, but slumber finally finds you, and you have one of the most terrible nights of rest ever.

Days, or maybe even weeks, pass in silence on the island once more much to Jinx’s displeasure. You’ve both done this so many times, it’s gotten annoying. But she cannot find you anywhere she looks as desperate as she tries, though remains stubbornly on the island, refusing to give up on you. To waste the time, she spends hours tinkering with gadgets or staring out at the ocean, muttering curses at the gods under her breath.

Then one evening, as the sun bleeds crimson into the horizon, you finally return. You’re quiet and pale, all of your happiness dulled, as though the island itself has leeched off of your energy.

And Jinx doesn’t waste a second upon seeing you enter the walk closer to her near the shore.

“Trinket.” She stands up, heart pounding as she approaches cautiously.

You avert your gaze from her, taking a shaky deep breath.

“You should’ve left.”

“Not gonna happen.” Jinx steps closer, her voice softening.

“You’re not alone anymore. I told you I’m not leaving.”

You shake your head, tears already welling in your eyes.

“Why do you keep fighting for me? I’m broken. I’ve ruined everything. Besides, if you stay here.. you’ll never be able to see the outside world again!”

Jinx stops just inches from her and cups your cheek—this time, her touch is gentle, her fingers lingering where they’d once struck you.

“You’re not broken, Angel. You’re just scared. Same as me.”

You look up, startled by the tenderness in Jinx’s voice.

“I said things I didn’t mean. I know messed up.” Jinx’s voice catches, something you might’ve not noticed if you weren’t paying so much attention to each of her words.

“But you’re the only person who’s ever made me feel like I’m not some lost cause, that I'm worth fighting for. So if you think I’m giving that up- giving you up? You’re dumber than you look.”

A tear slips down your cheek as you laugh faintly, a small smile gracing your lips.

“You always have a way with words, Pixie, don’t you?” Jinx grins at the small comment before chuckling herself.

“Yeah, yeah. Just shut up and let me fix this.”

You hesitate for a moment before falling into Jinx’s arms. For the first time in what feels like centuries, you let yourself believe, just a little, that you’re not alone anymore.

Jinx holds you impossibly close, feeling the weight of your trembling shoulders against her own. For a long moment, neither of you speak. The quiet is only broken by the rhythm of the waves against the shore nearby.

The last light of the sun bathes the two of you in hues of gold and crimson, as if the world itself were holding its breath for you both.

Jinx pulls back just enough to meet your gaze. She wipes away the tear on your cheek with her thumb, her hand lingering there for a second longer than necessary.

“You’re not getting rid of me that easily, trinket.” Her voice is quieter now, lacking its usual sharp edges that she spoke so casually with usually.

“You can try to push me away, yell at me, slap me if you want, but I’m staying here. Because I want to. Because you… mean something to me.”

Your lips part as though to say something, but no words come out. Your heart feels as though it’s caught in your throat, something warm pooling within your chest as you stare at her.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Jinx murmurs with a faint, nervous grin.

“Like I’m saying something stupid..”

You shake your head quickly, your hands gripping the front of Jinx’s top, as though afraid to let go - that if you did, she’d disappear.

“You’re not. You’re… you’re really not.” Your voice is barely above a whisper.

Jinx’s grin falters as she leans closer, searching your eyes for any trace of doubt.

“I don’t care what the gods say. I don’t care about whatever twisted plans they have for you. You’re mine, Angel. And I…” She hesitates for the first time, the words heavy on her tongue. She’s scared.

But..

“I love you.”

You freeze, your breath hitching while your eyes widen at the bluette’s words.

Jinx laughs nervously, rubbing the back of her neck.

“There. I said it. Now you can—”

“You love me?” You cut her off, your voice wavering as you say each syllable. Your expression is something more akin to joy.

Genuine and authentic joy.

Something you haven’t allowed yourself to feel in so long.

Jinx smirks faintly at you.

“Yeah, I do. And don’t you dare make me say it again.”

You laugh through your tears, and you quickly cup Jinx’s face with both hands. And this time? Your touch is soft, steady, and filled with the tenderness as the words the woman before you had just spoken.

“You’re not the only one who’s afraid,” you admit, your own voice shaking. But neither of you seem to mind.

“Jinx… I love you too. I think I always have. From the moment you washed ashore, even with how weird that sounds.”

Jinx blinks, her breath catching at the words before her lips curl into a soft, genuine smile.

“Well, would you look at that? Guess we’re both messed up, huh?”

“I guess so.” You take a deep breath, grinning with delight.

Jinx chuckles softly as your hands slide to her shoulders, pulling her closer. Neither of you hesitates this time. And your lips meet in a kiss. It’s soft and tender, something you wish could last forever. The ocean wind seems to still for the moments as you both are too immersed within the kiss, hell— it feels like everything has just stopped entirely, and that it’s just the both of you here.

When you both finally pull back, Jinx grins, her forehead resting against your own.

“Took us long enough, didn’t it?”

“It doesn’t matter how long it took. You’re here now.” You replied, gently booping her nose as you smile wider.

and she gets an.. idea.

“One more, then? I think my appetite has grown for more than just some food tonight.” Jinx smirks, pulling you closer to her by your hips

You find yourself giggling before you nod, capturing her lips in a kiss once more.

The gods watch in silence from their unseen perch, all coalesced together as they stare down at you both.

Who would’ve known that sheer love for one another could foil their plans?

“I think they’re quite cute together!” One exclaims, before quickly being nudged by another god

“Still. She’s meant to suffer, not find LOVE!” The god yelps, hands on their hips.

“What do we even do?” Another asks with a soft tone, fidgeting with their fingers.

Silence overpowers the perch before whispers begin to spread from all around, gods talking amongst themselves of what to do before one raises a hand, causing all of the ones around them immediately silence, listening to what the figure had to say.

“We sit and watch for now. If anything needs to happen, however..” They pause for a mere second before continuing.

“We’ll be sure to take care of it.”

Calypso!Reader and Jinx masterlist

[shutupineedtothink]

It’s about Self-actualization, not Sacrifice

I can’t overstate how much I Do Not Want Agatha to sacrifice herself and/or die at the end of this series, and tbh I’m mad that people are even floating that idea out in the ether.

I don’t care if her sacrificing herself for Billy or anyone else is making a different choice from how she couldn’t save Nicky or stealing witches’ powers, and is therefore “narratively satisfying.” I don’t care if her dying means she gets to be in some kind of eternity with Rio. I don’t care if she was some kind of ghost figure in the comics and we could see her specter in future projects. I do not want Force ghost Agatha.

I want living, breathing, transformed Agatha to come out of this more herself than she ever has been before. Freed from the hold her past and her limiting beliefs and her reputation has had on her for the last several centuries. I want this to be a new beginning of her journey, not the end.

Fortunately, I think Jac and the writers have my back on this. (Please, god)

The journey here on the Road is not about sacrifice. Because a) I don’t believe and have never believed that Agatha actually sacrificed Nicky for the Darkhold. Red herring, it didn’t happen that way. So there’s no narrative reversal to be had there in the first place. And b) the various deaths, the witches’ stories we’ve seen play out so far have not been about Sacrifice either, at least not primarily.

Alice ended up sacrificing her life to save Agatha, but that was not her story in that moment. That was not the narrative we were meant to see.

Alice saving Agatha in that moment was about her stepping into her power, her highest self, the Protection witch she was always meant to be free from the generational curse. Someone who cannot stand by and watch others in pain if she can do something about it. That’s her highest self.

Lilia’s sacrifice wasn’t her true journey either. Her story was about embracing her power, becoming the Traveler, playing out her story in the way she saw and accepting her gifts for what they are (your task is not to control but to see). She too, regained her full power, her full self in that moment, and took out at least five of the Seven with her. She took her power back from the fear that had been holding her for so long, and became the highest version of herself, the Queen of Cups.

Agatha’s journey isn’t about sacrifice either, it never was.

Agatha’s journey, as I’ve said in other posts, is about finding her true self, her true power, unmasking herself from all of the facades she’s worn over the years to protect herself and hide her pain. Answering the question, who IS Agatha, all along? It’s about dealing with her trauma so that she can exist as her true self, and be seen by others as her true self.

We’ll find out in the next couple episodes what that looks like but I can already tell you she’s NOT inherently evil, or inherently good. She is a woman shaped by heartbreak, grief, and sorrow. She has made choices, some bad, some good, and she is capable of making new choices. She is capable of transformation, of peeling away all the false versions of her to find who her truest self is — which I believe, is a leader, a mentor, a guide. The Mother, in many ways.

In that case, sacrificing herself for Billy or the coven or whatever isn’t the play here. It’s teaching Billy (probably, and maybe Jen) what he’s capable of and how to access his true power. It’s the same role she played for Wanda, only this time, when Billy realizes what he’s done (create the Road, probably) she’s going to help him, not fight him for his power. There’s probably also some element of them trusting each other and working together, having seen each other’s true selves.

I’m not going to try to predict the specifics, but my point is that Agatha dying at the end is simply not the move. And if she does, the only way it works is if it’s a dying on the Road to be reborn in the real world type of situation (so everyone else lives too). In which case, fine, I guess, but I still don’t want her to die. I want her to choose life. I think with everything she’s suffered, death is the easy choice. Living and changing and growing and letting people in is much harder.

Besides what an absolute fucking waste it would be of Kathryn Hahn’s talent to just kill off Agatha here and not have her show up later and irritate the shit out of some Avengers.

[milswrites]

Out of the Mountain

Rhysand X Reader

Summary: It has been 50 long years since you last saw the man you love. With Amarantha's tyrannous rule finally at an end, Rhysand returns to Velaris. Only he's not the same male as he was when he left and with the discovery of his newfound bond with Prythian's saviour, it's time to learn the true meaning of letting someone you love go free.

Warnings: Angst and sadness :(

You were the last to hear the good news. Amarantha was dead. Prythian had been freed by a woman from the mortal lands. Rhysand had been freed.

It had been fifty torturously long years since you last looked into your love's violet eyes. Fifty years since you last felt his comforting embrace, since the promise of seeing you soon left his tender lips before he winnowed away, never to be seen again. Until now.

It had been agony. Trapped in the hidden paradise of Velaris, unable to go and help your love, never knowing how he was faring in the depths of that wretched mountain. Spending each tedious day wondering if the male was thinking about you just as much as you were him.

You were convinced you were dreaming when Mor showed up at your door. A crooked smile on her face as she told you it was over, that her cousin had finally returned, that he was safe in the proximity of his court once more. But her dark eyes told a different story, one of bleak suffering and heart-wrenching sorrows. That Rhysand had returned, but he was not the same man who had left.

This you had anticipated. You had always suspected that if Rhysand was fortunate enough to return, to leave the mountain with his life intact, that he would no doubt be baring the scars, both mental and physical, of his years entrapped in the soul-sucking caverns.

It took you an hour to compose yourself, to allow the tears you didn't want the male to see run dry. Tears born from both the joy of his return home and the fear of what you were about to witness. The thought alone of someone you love being in pain felt like a treacherous stab to the gut.

Once you were ready, with watery eyes and a sniffling nose, you made your way towards his room, to where Mor said he had escaped to. To where he was waiting for you.

You inhale deeply, attempting to quell your tears at the sight of his door. At what was once your door too before you found yourself unable to sleep in the room without him during his absence. The haunting smell of citrus and night-blooming jasmine was enough to make you feel nauseated, the thought of you being safe in his bed while he laid trapped in another was too overwhelming.

And so, for the first time in fifty years you found yourself pushing open the heavy wooden doors, eyes scanning the inside of the room for the familiar sight of your love.

"Rhys?" you called tentatively, stepping inside and drawing the doors to behind you. Moving further into his room before noticing the shadowy figure standing on the balcony outside.

"Rhysand?" you repeated his name, fearful of startling him, not knowing just how deep trauma’s grip on him was.

The male turned to face you as you glided through the glass doors to join him outside. The cooling, fresh breeze of night kissing your cheeks, helping some in quelling the rising wave of anxiety inside you that began to swell after Mor's appearance.

"Hello love" Rhys cracked a small smile as you cautiously walked until you were next to him, standing on the edge of the balcony as you overlooked the glistening city below.

You made to hug him, but stopped yourself, afraid to be the one to initiate contact, just in case the action was too much for him for handle.

The male sealed the distance for you, pulling you into a warm embrace as you wrapped you arms around him in turn. Nose pressed deeply into his chest as you absorbed his smell, exactly half a century and that hadn't changed at all.

You must have stayed in his hold for almost ten minutes. A few pearlescent tears being shed between the pair of you, but otherwise you stood in silence. Senses consuming every bit of him they possibly could.

It was Rhysand who pulled away first, arms falling from you as he instead moved to rest them on the edge of the balcony, you following suit as you placed yours beside his on the stone.

"I suppose we better talk" he said with a melancholic sadness, violet eyes unmoving from the city below.

A simple yes was all you could respond.

A few somber minutes passed before Rhys spoke again, his eyes now moving from the scene below to watch you next to him. "I missed you" he said the words you had longed to hear. The three words that told you he had thought of you just as you had him. But instead of the yearning in his voice that you had dreamt of hearing, there was only sadness.

"I missed you to Rhysand" you confessed, "I was so mad at you. For the wards you placed. I would have come running right after you if they didn't stop me from leaving."

"I know...I know" he flashed you a pitiful attempt of an appreciative smile, "That's one of the reasons I had to do it."

"It's really over?" you asked seeking reassurance, needing to hear that he was really here to stay.

"It's over" he confirmed, moving his supportive hand over yours on the cold stone of the balcony, "I'm not going anywhere."

Releasing a sigh of relief, you allowed your tense body to relax slightly. Hearing the words from his own lips were the only confirmation you needed. "Your back" you allowed the slither of a smile to cross you face as you said this, allowing yourself to momentarily celebrate the return of the man you love. The one you're hoping still loves you.

"I'm not the same" he stated, that ever-present sorrow still pouring from his shaky voice.

"No one expects you to be Rhys"

And it was true. Not a single one of you expected your laughing, carefree Rhysand to be the one who escaped from the mountain, the shadow of the man he used to be will always remain deep in the tunnels of Amarantha's stone cage. But there was always the hope that with time, with the love of his family, you may be able to draw the light out of the shell of the man before you.

But now, standing on the balcony next to him, you weren't too sure. A dreadful realization of truth burning in your chest, you would not be the one to mend Rhysand. To pick up the pieces and lovingly sew them back together for him. No, his expression told you that much.

"I found my mate."

There it was. The cursed words that you felt hovering in the air the moment you were in his presence. The truth that hid in his sorrowful face when you first saw him, the darkness that found it's home in Mor's eyes at your door.

There was always the possibility that he would have moved on in the years you were apart, perhaps needing a crutch to get him through his darkest hours. You had just prayed that the Mother was gracious enough not to allow it to be so. But it appears the cauldron had already made that decision for her.

"What's she like?" you asked, swallowing your sob, allowing the nip of the chill in the air to distract you from the pain you felt inside.

"Beautiful" he said wistfully, eyes turning to the stars that were dancing above you, "Stubborn, determined. In love with another male." His words turned to venom as he spat the last statement from his lips.

"Does she know?" you questioned, unable to stop your curiosity from seeking the answers you desired. Maybe...maybe if she knew and she were in love with another man there was still the chance this wasn't over. That this conversation was just the confession of a hurdle Rhys needed to leap over before you could truly be together again.

"No" he answered simply, jaws locking as he refused to tear his eyes from the stars which he had no doubt missed in his time under the mountain.

"Oh" was your response, unsure of what else to say to the male.

Rhys released a deep sigh as he squeezed your hand with his, you could tell he was trying to find the words he needed to say.

Taking the initiative you said them for him.

"We never had a chance did we?"

His thoughtful eyes searched your dejected ones, eyebrows knitted together as he spoke carefully, "I think we did. A long time ago. But a lot can change in fifty years...a lot has."

You nodded along with his words, a silver tear slipping down your cheek as it was your turn to cast your watery gaze to the sky in order to avoid Rhys's penetrating eyes.

"We were fun weren't we"

A sad laugh tore from your lips as you spoke. Your vision, which was locked on one singular bright star in the sky, began to blur.

"Yeah, we were" Rhys smiled softly, once more squeezing your hand in comfort, "We've shared some great memories."

"It's just time to make our own...separately" you mournfully stated, drawing your hand from his to wrap your arms around yourself, trying to protect yourself from the increasingly colder chill which was settling in your bones.

"Separately" he confirmed, "...You'll always be my what if. But this, whatever this is, I have to chase it."

The tears now flowed freely, liquid moonlight running down your shaking cheeks as you struggled to stay in control of your cries, "I hope you get your happy ending Rhysand. I really do. I can't think of anyone who deserves it more."

His violet eyes flashed with pain, lip trembling as he replied, "you too my love. I wish you everything and more."

[pigeonp0st]

Lena Luthor x Reader #3

Summary: Lena breaks up with Reader to keep her safe from Lex. Reader hatches a plan to get rid of him that goes terribly wrong, and naturally, torture follows. This mostly takes place after she’s found again.

Warnings:

Angst,torture, depression, trauma, childhood trauma

Notes:

Hey! I’m going about writing differently now. Everything I write from here on out will most likely be straight from the tumblr drafts and fairly quick. Something I decide to do in a random sitting (unless it’s paid for). Fair warning that this isn’t that, this is just something I worked on ages ago and didn’t publish. I did NO SPELLING CHECKS and remember writing at 2am, so warning number 2

———————

Lena loathed the DEO in that moment. She loathed Alex, and she loathed Supergirl , and she loathed every damn agent in the building so that she didn’t have to loathe herself instead. It’s not enough, there was still a small part of her that she couldn’t ignore, a part of her that screamed; ‘you should have held on. You should have been there’

She knows she should have been there. She knows she failed you before anyone else did. She knows. But she’s trying now and she doesn’t know how to get it to matter to the world. Trying won’t save you, and trying hasn’t led you back to her.

Trying has only led you there, far from Lena, laying somewhere unknown with a body and a heart too worn. Though, Lena imagines, that’s probably not a new feeling for you. She trembles with the image of Lex mocking her on video, holding a gun to your head, she trembles and thinks, I’ll kill him. I’ll kill him.

Then, miraculously;

“Found her!” Winn shouts loudly, raising his Supergirl action figure in victory, and Lena, CEO, multibillionaire, crumbles in relief in front of dozens of agents in the middle of the DEO.

—-

When you wake up Lena feels her heart stop.

She wanted to kiss you, hold you. She wanted to be the type of person that stayed. She wanted to be the type of person worth staying for.

She wanted to believe the both of you would be okay, and she wanted to hold your face and tell you that. That you’d be okay. She wanted more than anything in that moment to be the type of person that said the right thing. That did the right thing.

She wasn’t. She wasn’t any of the people she wanted to be. Your eyes met hers, full of sorrow, and human and hurt, and she wasn’t. She wasn’t because she was scared, and because she was human also. She wasn’t—so she leaves.

Now, as she’s gripping herself in the hallways of the DEO, struggling against the weight of what feels like worlds on her shoudlers, choking on breaths that should have been being shared with you, she’s filled with so much self contempt it could fuel the whole government. Whoever said that “It’s better to have loved and loss, than to have never loved at all”, has never met the two of you and has never loved this desperately.

Loving you made her feel just as much as losing you had, and is it worth it? Maybe, but It’s certainly not better to be feeling this than not ever feeling it. Can’t those things coexist? Can’t it be better for her to never love, but can’t loving also be a choice she’d make despite all the pain?

Can’t you love the things that will destroy us in the end? Doesn’t she always?

She should go back in. She should go back in and ask for forgiveness, but the fear of ruining things further, of the both of you hurting each other further, prevents her from trying to fix things.

When she broke up with you she had just wanted to protect you from Lex. Losing you like that would have nothing compared to—

Lena shivers, shakes her head, and clutches onto herself more tightly with trembling fingers.

“You’re hyperventilating,” Alex says from where she’s leaning against the wall beside Lena. Her eyes are watchful, careful, but Lena feels them like daggers.

She straightens, forces out a; “wow, you really are an amazing analyzer, detective,” and nearly gets a smirk for her troubles—but Alex is too soft, too caring to give her that. She moves towards her, ever the big sister, but Supergirl rushes in first.

“Lena,” Supergirl—Kara, Kara, Lena thinks, and often starts to forget, except when Kara looks at her like this—breathes out.

Lena steps back from them both, the humanity in the room tears her apart, reminds her of her lack of, and destroys her. “You have to…to warn people when you do that…super speed thing,” Lena grits out, cutting Kara off before she can even begin to try and be…be good. She gestures towards the room with shaky hands and begins to try and compose herself lHow long was she awake while I was asleep?”

Kara and Alex look at each other. Say nothing. “Guys—”

“She woke up two hours ago,” Alex says, at the same time Kara says; “you were wiped out—didn’t even hear the nurses, of course we couldn’t just wake you up”

Two hours, and she was asleep. Lena goes cold instantly. She remembers hearing Lex had you, remembers it like one remembers the worst moment of their life; both intimately and not at all. She remembers hearing Supergirl had you—that you were breathing , but people only say that when someone is very not okay, and Lena remembers the way adrenaline had rushed through her. She had felt both alive and utterly useless through it, and it sticks to her even now.

Alive, but asleep, never the person she needs to be to protect you. How alone have you felt because of her? How scared?

“Lena,” Kara starts again, “Lena, she wanted you to sleep— ”

“Go in there,” Alex cuts her off, gets a very annoyed look for it, because they both can’t seem to help cutting each other off today. “You want to show her she’s not alone, that she’s safe? I promise you that the only way she’ll feel that is with you there.”

Kara nods, suddenly straightening and transforming into Supergirl just like that, just in the stance. “Hero complexes will serve nothing except separation and loneliness. You taught me that. Stronger together, Lena.”

Wanting to save you had left you alone, and yes, alone to Lena meant away from Lex, but he’s not the only scary thing in this world, and she should have known that he’d never forget how to destroy her. To leave you alone, Lena thinks, was the worst thing she could have done.

While you were away Lena had to confront herself. Had to realize that so far, every good thing in her life has come with a cost, has led to ruin, and the threat of Lex…it had just seemed to her like the time had come. Like it was her only option. To sacrifice, to sacrifice and hurt.

If Lex had won by separating the two of you, then he had one like that. In her mind, Lena had already been destroyed, of course she imagined that to be the end of it, that he wouldn’t touch you. She’d rather hurt by pushing you away than you dying. Even the thought—

God, she’s so tired of being a coward. To being so scared of losing you that she’s willing to destroy you both.

Kara and Alex hating what she’s done in the unspoken way that they do hurts even more in a way Lena’s used to, because it hurts like regret. Their stances have turned from concerned and loving, to protective heroes. She should have never left you alone. Not when she was scared of Lex, and not now. She gives both Kara and Alex a firm nod and tries to walk past to get into the room. To make things right.

Kara stops her with a hand on her shoulder. She drops it instantly when Lena turns towards her. Ever the fragile hero, always afraid of her own hands for the strength they hold. “Before that…” Kara coughs awkwardly, “Um…we need you to understand her injuries…and what happened.”

—-

When Lena walks into the room, it’s not like you thought she would. She’s not the fragile human curled up in a chair, or the terrified women fleeing your medical room. She’s angry with rage and a whirlwind of feelings, caught in a tornado of emotion. She’s large in the way she’s always been, and yet it has never left you feeling so small.

You sink back into your hospital bed, pull the covers to your chin, and watch her.

“You went after him?” Lena hisses out, so lowly, so sharply, that she might as well have cut the words into your skin for the way that it dig into you. “Everything I’ve ever done is to protect you, and you just decided to throw it all away like it means nothing? Do you have any idea—”

“You were protecting yourself!”

Lena stops. She was pacing, shaking with emotion, but she stops dead in her tracks at the sound of your voice. You yell it, and yet it’s still somehow silent. Your throat is ruined, a testament to the cruelty of Lex, and the evidence of that and more is written on your skin. You’re covered in injuries. Your brokenness has never been more visible, you think, and it should leave you feeling fragile, and it does, god it does, but right now it gives you power.

Power over Lena, who looks at you like her life hangs in the palm of her hand.

“You think I’m stupid, that I don’t know that every fiber of your being is laced with fear?” You whisper now, hand on your throbbing throat. “You left me for you, and I went after Lex for me.” Its venom. Venom, and anger, and all of the thing you know Lena takes In stride. The thing she strives on.

It hangs in the air for a second. Then Lena, beautiful Lena, kneels by the side of your bed. CEO, one of the most powerful people in this city; on her knees for you. She doesn’t look invigorated, doesn’t looked fueled by anger, just looks sad with regrets.

“I did it for me,” Lena agrees, so soft, so not like them; not like her family. “I did it for you, too. Of course I did it for you, and maybe it was a terrible thing to do—led by my trauma talking to me—but don’t lay there and deny I wasn’t thinking of you,” she breathes, then pauses, eyes tracing your busted lips, bruised face, bruised neck. Her jaw trembles and her lips part, she looks as if she wants to say more, but her eyes are haunted by the home she grew up in.

As if reading your mind Lena whispers, “they haunt me. It’s as if I can never let go. I’m so sick of it. I’m so sick of it.” She closes her eyes with furrowed brows, as if not looking at you will prevent the shake in her voice. “I’m so sorry, Y/N. For them. For them now, for them back then, and for them in the future—if you still want to be in my life, you have to know I can’t escape them. Even when they’re not there they’re there. It…god, it makes me sick.”

When Lena raises her hands and grips herself, digging her fingers into her skin like she wants to pull the trauma and memories out of herself, like she wants to get rid of them, something in you breaks. Breaks because your arms are raw and aching, and it wasn’t Lex. Breaks because you know so intimately what it’s like to face reality and find it so frustratingly unchangeable. To want so much, and for it to mean nothing is the most devastating thing.

To be so large, and so small.

You’ve been crying, and Lena doesn’t notices until a sob falls from your lips. You’ve been trying to hold it in, but when she startles up at it and looks at you with that same wanting, like you’re her heart walking and she’d give anything to take your hurt, the sobs break through like a dam. They break through and it hurts because there is no part of you left unbroken.

When you sob it disturbs your broken ribs, disturbs the bruises covering your torso, rips at your tarnished vocal cords, and has the machines in the room beeping so loud it alerts the nurses.

—-

Lena doesn’t even have time to stand before the nurses rush in and pull the blanket off of you. There’s no words to describe the shift that happens in side of her when she sees the extent of your injuries.

It’s like something both breaks and rebuilds in her, and then breaks again, paralyzing her. Then, she sees a nurse heading towards you with a syringe and it activates her.

“Don’t fucking touch her,” Lena says, or thinks she says. She can’t recognize the venom in her voice, doesn’t feel apart of her body.

She’s moving in between the nurse and you, but your sobs begin to bring her back to reality.

“She needs to be put under, she’s hurting herself—”

Lena doesn’t pay attention to her, just sees Alex and Supergirl enter the room. Sees the way Alex shakes her head and nods to the corner of the room, and follows in suit while every fiber of her being says to do otherwise.

It kills her that she can’t protect you. Can’t protect you from the nurses that you try to pull away from, can’t protect you from the hurt on your skin, or in your heart, couldn’t protect you from— she thinks of Lex. Lex when he was her big, smart older brother that she admired more than anyone in the world.

She thinks of the way he’d give her a cheeky roll of his eyes behind Lillian’s back after a small verbal lashing. Thinks of every chess game, every hide n seek game, every reassuring grin. You’re smarter than they know Lena, he’d say, and she’d beam, not noticing the progressive darkness in his eyes as he said it.

Her eyes don’t leave you as the nurses put you down again. She thinks; I’ll kill him. In her peripheral she knows Kara is watching the floor, and feels Alex watching her. When the nurses cover you back up and they both turn towards you, Lena knows it was out of respect for you. She’s grateful for it—somewhere in her thunder of emotions she’s thankful for them, but also feels a bit of anger towards them.

This is why they kept her from seeing you when you were brought in?

“Why doesn’t she have a hospital gown?” Lena asks in a whisper.

“She took it off, said it hurt when the nurses moved it, and that it was sticking to her. Constricting her,” Kara explains, she sighs, shakes her head, and then turns towards Lena as Supergirl. With a fire in her eyes.

The same one in Lena as she allows herself to ask the very question she wanted to run from hours ago. “Where’s Lex?”

“No.” It’s both Supergirl and Alex.

“Alive then? Okay,” Lena starts towards the door. “If you’re here, he’s here. I’ll find him easily enough.”

Supergirl, familiarly, stands in her ways. Eyes sympathetic next to Alex’s hardness. “Where are you when you’re with them?” Alex asks from behind her. When you let them guide every bad decision you make, she hears.

Lena stops. Thinks about control, about gods, about leaving you to wake up alone again, thinks about murder, both in her blood and not, thinks about Lex with a gun to your head, with fists, and kicks, and a maniac smile, thinks about her dad in the same way—standing over Lex while Lillian gripped Lena back. She thinks of cycles, thinks of protection and all the ways it’s possible, all the ways she’s capable, more capable then him.

Smarter, Lena remembers Lillian saying casually. Always smarter than.

Better than, Kara will say.

The good one, Alex will joke.

My hero, you’d grin. Lena feels herself split. Starts forward again.

Kara whispers now, “Heroes don’t kill, Lena.”

Alex, “it’s both the best and most terrible thing about us.”

Us.

Lena wants to yell, wants to crumble, wants to curl by your side, wants to kill Lex with her bare hands, wants to erase the Luthor history from her mind, from her body, wants to erase it from yours even more. Wants it so desperately, so acutely it hurts. Sadness fills the room, suffocates them all.

Kara is watching you again, Alex keeps glancing back, they’re both unconcerned about Lena now. Full faith in her to be who they claim she is. Lena returns to the seat by your bed and allows herself to be that person.

“Whatever cell he’s in, I’m building it,” Lena whispers, thinking of the cuffs she’ll put on him, wondering if she can somehow slow down his mind.

Alex nods, running her hands down her face. The past couple hours have completely exhausted her in a way Lena’s not used to seeing from her. Alex cares so much about you, and it shouldn’t surprise Lena but It does. “We’re thinking about sending him to the phantom zone.”

Here, Lena is more surprised. They must know that’s a death sentence. Lena glances at Supergirl, she’s still watching you but she’s clearly listening, her eyes have turned hard. They aren’t underestimating Lex. They clearly know the responsibility that’ll bear on them if he escapes again.

Lena feels another bought of gratitude towards them as she takes your hand, and trusts them to handle the person she trusts no one to handle.

——

When you wake up the second time it’s because nurses are dapping you with wet cloths, clearly trying to clean you. They apologize profusely, say they thought the drugs would keep you down longer, and offer to finish the cleaning after you’ve gotten more pain killers.

Your eyes dart around rapidly, chest constricting in anxiety, and then you see Lena. She’s standing by the door, clearly trying to keep out of the nurses way. She’s not full of rage and untouchable in that way, and she’s not fragile, she’s strong.

Her eyes are hard, but not cold. They’re determined, and loving, and they’re your strength too. You suck in a shaky breath, whisper; “thank you. Later might be an option”, as you try to focus on Lena and not the thought of the nurses hands on you turning into Lex’s violent ones.

When they all shuffle out Lena quietly returns to the spot by your bed. This Lena somehow makes you feel more fragile than angry, furious Lena had, because in the place of your defensiveness you’re left to feel your guilt.

“I’m…I’m not weak, Lena.” It feels stupid to claim now as you lay in a hospital bed feeling nothing but. You clench your jaw. Lena’s hand reaches up and takes your chin, forcing you to meet her eyes. She’s not gentle, certainly not rough, but her firmness gives you the power to continue. She’s the stable ground that helps you find your footing.

You find it. Meet her gaze unblinking. “I’m not Supergirl, I’m not you, I’m not Alex, or Jon, or Winn, or James, or Kelly, or— or Lex…I’m not capable in the particular ways you guys are, but I am capable.”

Lena’s eyes fall to your throat. You grip her wrist, the one holding your face, and her eyes meet yours apologetically. “I know,” she says, so softly, so quietly. “You being here is the evidence of it, isn’t it?”

You nod, but you aren’t done. “I’m not sure what Supergirl told you. Clearly she told you I went after Lex, and in a way that’s true, but more so I wanted him to come after me,” you pause. Lena is watching you with furrowed eyes, clearly trying to piece together what you’re explaining before you finish.

Her lips part after just another moment. She’s figured it out you realize, feeling a bit of pride because of it. Pride because she has faith in you, pride because she‘s so incredibly quick and you have had the privilege to know her so acutely. “All of this…was your plan?” Lena asks, sounding both shocked and not.

You wince, brushing aside her hand so you can look down, adverting your gaze. “Well…not all of it.” Memories flash through your mind. “I thought he’d keep me captive, not…” you left out a frustrated breath, angry, so angry at yourself for not being able to speak about it. Speak about him.

“It was a game to him, of course. He’d torture me, send you a video to torture you. He’d get you chasing him. He’s always liked the thrill.” Your eyes stay on Lena’s fists. Watch as they clench so tightly to her side that they shake. “I knew he loved messing with you, and was partly counting on it, not like that but— but maybe just having me wouldn’t have been enough, maybe it was good he did what he did—got so high off of it his guard lowered.”

“Don’t say that,” Lena pleads. You startle up at the sound of her trembling voice doing everything not to cry.

You breathe in; your ribs hurt. You breathe out; they hurt again. Lena shakes her head at herself, frustrated and biting her lip. She’s having a battle with composure and losing.

“Kara told me how you stole his nanotech and used it to immobilize him. That the tech that was missing from my lab last week was found with the stuff he confiscated from you. That you hacked his computer with my prototype to send her the location to his headquarters underground,” Lena rushes out, “I didn’t know you planned to get taken to his HQ, to steal his nanotech, didn’t know that anyone besides me and the DEO knew what he was working on.”

It’s a quick summary of the things you’ve done, leaving out the weeks of planning, leaving out the struggles of actually setting the plan in motion when the shifting variables shifted in a way you weren’t prepared for. It should leave you proud, but when you think of what you managed all you remember is pain and struggle.

“You stopped Lex like you planned. So many people are saved because of you. An unfathomable amount, and yet,”she says. And yet, you think, heart fluttering because you know Lena will say the very thought that kills you to think of, but the thought that can’t escape you anyways. “What…what you did was monumental, and thank you, but god, I so wish you hadn’t,” Lena breathes. “He gone, and yet he has never been so present. Perhaps you felt the effects of him through me before, but you know now what it’s like to have him really present, always right over your shoulder, and that…I would’ve given the world for otherwise.”

It’s exactly the same thoughts you have had. To hear it from Lena, someone you admire and trust so much, someone you believe to be good with every piece of you, someone you’d follow everywhere—it’s like a medicine for guilt.

“What I said before…about doing what I did for me,” Lena shakes her head, ever understanding, like she doesn’t need you to finish. You do though. “I did it for me because I wanted desperately for you to still be mine, and getting rid of Lex was the avenue for that,” you admit. “I didn’t want him to plague you anymore either.”

You hesitate. Memories of Lena pacing at night—startling awake, watching the news with the grimness of someone attending a funeral—memories of Lena’s affectedness come to you. Her humaneness at hearing Lex escaped again, and in her humanity in her vulnerability.

“I want to take responsibility, so I don’t want to say I did it for you, but what you said earlier made me realize everything is a bit of both. I did it for me, I did it for you too.”

Lena laughs. Laughs. It shocks you, causes you to jump and stop looking at your hand, causes you to meet her gaze again. “Ow,” you growl, unamused, because Lena is still laughing. She’s covering her face and has the decency to look apologetic.

Your ribs hurt from the startle but even you can’t help but be confusedly amused.

“I want to hate,” Lena starts, mirth in her voice, “that you did the thing I wanted you to do least in the world, and you got exactly what you wanted out of it. You captured lex, and in a way captured me back too.”

“Oh,” you perk up, smiling up at Lena innocently. “Guess I’m the brains now, brawn.”

Lena’s eyes narrow at you. “That insinuates that you were ever the brawn.”

Back to glaring. Lena lets out another huff of laughter and brushes your hair back, away from a cut on your forehead. Her eyes are so soft, so full of warmth, and love that you could cry. Would cry, perhaps, if it wouldn’t hurt every part of your body.

Instead you grin, because that’s what humans are taught to do instead of cry, and ask, gently—feeling like a shaky child; “does that mean you’re my girlfriend again?”

—-

Lena’s eyes widen as she realizes what she implied, and as you own up to it so hesitantly, so childlike, like Lena could ever think of pushing you away after everything. Her words, not for the first time today, betray her. All she can do is nod.

Your responding grin is heroin to Lena. You smile so wide the cut on your lip breaks open again and starts bleeding, but you pay it no mind. Lena does. She smiles back, albeit more gently, and squishes your cheeks together to prevent the split widening.

You pout in her hands. Lena’s heart flutters. She keeps getting hit randomly with momentous emotion, and she’s hit again with it now. The softness of this moment feels like seeing a rainbow after months of storms.

You here, alive, looking at Lena with so much love in your eyes, so much understanding. It feels like a fantasy. Feels like a lucid dream, a dream she’d choose, over, and over again, until the end of time.

Lena leans in and kisses you—not on the lips, they are cut and bruised. She kisses you on the space just below your eye. A spot, one of the few spots, clear of visible injury. She takes pleasure in the way you flush like it’s the first time. She always did, will always do. “I love you,” Lena whispers, promising herself that even if there are days you won’t believe her, there will never be a day you don’t hear it.

It’s you, and it’s her, and it’s the mountains of history and trauma you two are fighting against. Lena likes the both of your odds. Loves winning just as much.

You’ll beat Lex she knows. There will be a day soon where he stops haunting the two of you. Where he’s not even a thought. When that time comes you’ll have won the war, but for now she’ll take the pride of winning every battle in stride, for now, in the now; she’ll cherish every moment, the many moments, when trauma leaves the room and love consumes it.

“Lena Luthor,” you breathe. You breathe. “My love, my hero.”

[romanoffsbish]

Affirmations

Natasha Romanoff x R (Gender Neutral)

Warnings: Trauma (Red Room) | Sources say you might cry.

Healing—well that’s a family affair, 🥹💕 | WC: 2,618

Heavy at times, but super hurt / comfort — fluffy vibes. Probably the sweetest fic I have ever written tbh

"I am smart," your daughter repeated with a grin, eyes hopeful for some reassurance. "You are so smart and."

"I am kind," she remembered, and you beamed, not even needing to speak the next one either. All you could do was place a comforting hand on her shoulder.

———

"I a-am b-b-beautiful," she stuttered, then she took a calming breath before going on, voice a lot more steady this time as she softly said, "and deserving of love." Her gaze was however focused on your face, you smiled then gently twisted her head until she was solely staring at her reflection, she flashed you a nervous smile. "Again baby, but this time try to mean it."

Arabella nodded, "I am beautiful," her voice held a soft veil of conviction, "and I deserve forever love."

"Now all at once," you gently commanded, a proud smile on your face for encouragement. Arabella matched your confidence as she did as you instructed, then she turned and jumped into your unfolding arms.

"Always remember your worth love, people in this world will try to tell you otherwise but if you hold onto your heart you'll never perceive their lies as truth."

Natasha had watched the entire sequence from the moment you entered the house with the crying child. Her best friend Darla had dropped her for a popular girl who just transferred to their school, and in the process of doing so she called your daughter ugly.

When she heard the words leave Arabella's trembling lips she nearly left on another mission, but she chose instead to do what she does best, spy from doorways.

It amazed her just how quickly you were able to bring your daughter back to herself. To instill in her a sense of confidence and love that many kids only dreamed of. Natasha felt a brief flash of envy trying to consume her when she saw herself amongst the crowd of unloved. Then she really looked at you both and rebuked the notion, that was then, she needed to focus on the now.

"Oh look," you gasped to alert your daughter to the guest you'd locked eyes with through the mirror. Your wife flashed you a smile that spoke of guilt and hope. "Mama has been watching us this whole time."

Natasha saw the traces of sorrow in your eyes but she moved passed the need to talk it out as she stumbled forward and settled into the both of your open arms.

"How long did you know you'd be home today?" The redhead shrugged and mumbled, "Only a few hours."

It wasn't a lie, you'd walked in only minutes after her, unaware that she had made it home days before she was expected to. The redhead never knew exactly when a mission would end as the bulk of them came with sliding timeframes based on multiple factors.

It wasn't her fault that a standard two week mission only takes her one, but you hated it regardless of how true her reasoning was. The impromptu nature of the arrival always made it impossible for you to tend to her. Which wouldn't bother you as much if she wasn't going out of her way to stop you from doing it.

As she pulled away from the embrace she saw you were about to offer her assistance but she was saved by the tiny girl in your arms who yawned. On days like today, when your daughter was emotionally drained, she was ready to go to sleep before you could prepare dinner.

"I'll be okay detka," she pressed a kiss to your lips then pulled Arabella from your arms for a proper embrace.

"I missed you," she yawned while melting into her mama's chest. "I missed you too sweetheart."

"Night mama," she pressed a sweet kiss to Natasha's nose then rotated back into your arms. "Sweet dreams princess, I'll see you in the morning for cartoons."

Once your daughter's smiling face was out of sight Natasha's smile fell along with her shoulders. The mission she went on was only over so soon because of the total catastrophe it became. Tiny miscalculations on the bases end led to her team evacuating the wrong building, then by the time she knew it was too late.

You knew it was best to give her time to herself, so after you prepared a snack for your daughter and got her settled into bed you began to clean the house. Ears perked up to the sounds above, and after three long hours you finally sighed in relief as the water shut off.

Natasha had zoned out after the conditioner washed out of her hair, she stood there beneath the freezing cold water in a daze until she felt her tired body sway. Once she got out she tended to her wounds, some of which were already healing and that infuriated her.

Why should she be able to walk away with her life?

When her hollowed eyes met their reflection she sighed, and she tried to remember her therapists words, "survivors guilt is natural, but don't listen to the temptation, you have a family who needs you too..."

Natasha could feel the darkness creeping in though, so she decided she would try her hand at your method.

"You are smart," she tried to mimic your earlier words, but it left a bitter taste on her tongue. If she were, then the intel she received would've never mattered, if she truly had the power to be a hero she would've known.

The next phrases were followed by the same self deprecating thoughts. What good were kindness and beauty when you were meant to be a ruthless soldier? It was in her DNA to be efficient, yet she failed. It was like her mind split in two as she muttered, "you are a monster," with clear disgust and overwhelming anger.

Then she stumbled back and shook her head, "n-no." Her mind ran wild with memories of her youth, "I-I didn't have a choice," she whimpered, and that was when you knew it was time for you to step in for her.

"Stand up Natalia," you firmly commanded and the redhead fell in line in seconds. It broke your heart but you knew you needed to be strong; firm in tone and command so she'd mean what she was about to say.

"Repeat after me," you steadily spoke, "I am not bad."

Natasha repeated it but her gaze was far away.

"I am not a bad person," you rephrased, and just like before she struggled to say it with any feelings. You sighed, "I'm not a monster." Her body stiffened, which was odd as she'd already been stood straight as a board. This time, she refused to repeat the words.

Natasha never lied, and that broke your heart, but you didn't falter in pushing her towards owed forgiveness.

"I am human," you paused, "not marble." You felt the way her spine slightly slumped as she repeated your words with a hardly noticeable, but never for you, shaky voice. You noticed everything and that was how you knew your beloved wife was about to have a real breakthrough on the never ending road to healing.

You smiled softly as her eyes finally met yours, the both of yours glistened beneath the blinding bathroom lights. Hers were merely glazed, but yours were pooling in the corners as you spoke, hopefully speaking directly to her soul. "So I'm allowed to break."

"Oh god," she cried, hands clutching the marbled sink as she had to keep herself from collapsing. You were prepared for her to fall so you had wrapped your arm around her waist, spun her then pulled her into an abrupt hug. Trying to calm her nervous system and to shield her sobs for the sake of your sleeping daughter.

"It's okay my love," you tried to reassure her but she shook her head and only sobbed harder. You took the queue then to focus on physical reassurances instead. Holding her even tighter and kissing her face, usually atop of her cheekbone to catch the fresh tears, a silent way to tell her that you'd take her pain if you could.

Natasha felt even guiltier when she caught on. "I-I couldn't save them all," she confessed into the cotton of your shirt, body shuffling in vain because there was no way possible she could get any closer to you.

"You were alone?" She shook her head and you soon hummed, "then why do you shoulder all of the blame?"

"I'm an Avenger—I was the one in charge, and..."

"You are human."

"I am enhanced..."

"Enhanced metabolic rates doesn't mean you had the ability to save them all, and we both know you don't need me to tell you that Natasha. You are brilliant."

Before she could continue to bicker with you she was stopped by your lips pressing hers shut. Natasha melted into your sweet touch. No matter the case you were always gentle with her, even when she wasn't with you. If she was angry and shouting you'd quiet her with a kiss like this, you were patient and rarely yelled back.

It's what helps her to become better for the sake of your daughter. As she processed her feelings, some for the very first time, you only ever offered her patience. You were the light at the end of her tunnel, giving her everything that she could ever dream of and more.

"I-I," she really wanted to take you on but she was too tired to fight against the warmth of your love. Her body once again melted into yours and everything felt like it was settled, but the peace of mind was short lived.

"Mama, are you okay?" Arabella sniffled from your bed, and the both of you looked up to see her crying. "Baby, what are you doing here and out of your bed?"

You coaxed your wife to keep calm as you firmly held her hands so she could still feel you there while your attention was focused elsewhere. "I heard a scream and thought there was a monster next door. I was coming to get mama so that she could fight it off for me."

Natasha squeezed your hands and sat up to face her, uncaring that her face was a mess of irritated, red splotches. On the journey to wellness it is important that you don't hide the process from your loved ones.

They can only understand you if you show them...

"Come here honey," Natasha called out to her and she immediately shuffled over and into your lap, her eyes were stern as she stared into your wife's broken pair.

"Mama needs to remember her worth," she huffed to you directly and you refrained from chuckling in her face as she looked like she meant business. "Yeah, I suppose she does—are you up to lead her through it?"

Arabella nodded her head then stood, pulling Natasha off of the ground and right over to the mirror. You left them to their moment and slipped off to the kitchen.

When you got back to the room with the tray of snacks you nearly melted into a puddle. Your daughter was sat on the counter, her tiny hands cupped around her mother's face as she told her even more phrases, it was as if she knew exactly what Natasha needed to hear.

"You are brave," then she paused so her mom could say it back. It continued on, the two in their own world as you watched your wives heart mending in real time.

"You're an Avenger," she spoke with a soft smile that only grew as her mom teasingly groaned the words.

"You're my hero," she beamed, "my super mama."

"Oh wow," she huffed shakily, "I love you so much."

"I love you even more than the Barbie movie mama."

Natasha chuckled, "wow, I must be special." Your daughter innocently nodded and you watched as Nat pulled Arabella up and into a tight hug, one of her arms loosened as she approached you without even looking up, you didn't hesitate to slip into her hold. "My greatest loves, you fit perfectly in my arms..."

The three of you remained in a tight embrace for a total of five minutes before your intuition was proved right. Natasha's stomach roared, then Arabella's followed.

"On the bed, pick a movie while I clean up some."

Natasha handed your daughter the remote then went on her nightly patrol, her hand never too far from a hidden weapon—just in case. Once she knew the lot of you were safe she grabbed the drinks you had left on the counter and returned to join you both in bed.

Arabella happily took the chilled capri sun from her hands then reached into the snack pile for a cookie.

"We are watching Encanto," she cheered and your wife fell into your unoccupied side with a hushed groan. "You and I both know she'll be out in twenty, then you can turn on Moonraker and I can finally sleep."

Natasha pinched your side but you only chuckled, and in about fifteen minutes time you had proved her right.

Your wife watched as your daughter, in the depths of her sleep climbed atop of your body and settled down. It warmed her heart to see the love that your daughter expressed even without the need for consciousness. She pressed a kiss to her cheek then moved to hover her face above your stilled one, waiting for you to bite.

Hook, line and sinker—it only took seven seconds for your eyes to crack open and your lips to perk up. The woman gently kissed your lips and if the both of you didn't desperately need to sleep she'd have continued.

Natasha's kisses lowered, pressing down your jaw until she could feel your racing pulse as she settled her face into the crook of your neck, where she slept the most.

With the tv playing on mute you found yourself drifting off as the flashes of light brought you a weird peace. You were settling into it just fine, "Y/N?" then you were being startled. Your entire body shivered as her rasp tickled the thin skin of your neck, once she kissed you in apology you found it in you to urge her on.

"You are the most beautiful partner I could have ever been blessed with—your love is the atlas of my hope."

"That was a really dramatic way to tell me you love me," you teased, voice grumbly as you fought sleep.

"Goodnight," she groaned and you giggled, "Your love is the atlas of my hope too Natty; I adore you, truly."

The redhead nipped your neck in retaliation but it was a ruse as her hand intertwined with yours atop of your daughter's back, nestled beneath the fluffy blanket.

Healing was a process that Natasha never expected to occur in her lifetime, with the blood in her ledger she always thought she was undeserving. Then there you were, at the ready to wash her hands clean in your personal oasis of understanding and righteousness.

Natalia Romanova was a victim of her circumstances, built only to lay waste to entire regimes, her story however was the greatest one to topple. All because she met a couple of people who saw her heart. Natasha Romanoff was a woman who was painfully reborn, whose entire purpose now lay beside her, at peace.

"I am not a monster," she finally repeated, just after you slipped off to sleep. "I am worthy of this love."

[is-on-its-way]

The moment Mulder quits

A point in which Mulder was ready to quit the minute he saw Scully hold a baby in season 7 and its effects in season 8

*this is my headcanon, its not gospel obviously Firstly, two scenes that are very linked in my head

Season 7 Ep 22 Requiem and Season 8 Ep 16 Three Words

Look at that face. That dead serious, at all costs face.

Season 7

Requiem. The culmination of Scully and Mulder's secret yearish? long quest for a baby. They've tried for a baby with IVF already. Mulder has promised her he wont give up on a miracle for her and they're well... trying basically, throughout season 7. Perhaps I would call it "hoping" for a baby. Maybe Mulder is hoping and Scully is characteristically ambivalent? Fully not using any contraceptives and I know there's a fic in there somewhere, anyway

The first scene above is why Ive never watched past the season 8 finale. nothing past them agreeing to be a family makes any sense because of Mulders face here. People knock Duchovny for not showing out when acting, but I will always be a defender of subtle acting. The way he can say an entire monologue of dialogue with the minute expressions on his face is quite breathtaking here.

Hes goes from sorrow at Scully not being able to have a baby, sorrow at her loss, sorrow at not being able to give her that; to regret at what he thinks is all his fault, at dragging her into this life; to pure love and affection for her seeing this baby in her lap and how good she is with him; and then a smile peaks out. A smile of hope that could compete with the Mona Lisa. Hope for their future and the certainty with which he knows what he wants so clearly, maybe for the first time in his life. His own family.

Like for the first time hes really deciding the cost is too much and he chooses her over the mission. He chooses their future over everything. And he's hopeful and perhaps even happy about it. which for someone with his amount of family trauma is a seismic shift. For so long he's chased the past in hope of fixing it, completely discombobulated and reckless in his search for well, his family.

Though, from the beginning of that moment in the rainy graveyard, he has slowly unconsciously coming to regard Scully as his family. In small gestures, a hand on her cheek or voicing out loud how important she is to him; to big gestures, giving up who he believes is his actual sister to save her.

We are lucky here, to be able to witness the moment the sparks of unconscious thought bloom into the flame of certainty. He follows up as well. Tells her she has to stay, that the cost doesn't outweigh the price anymore. Sure he wants to finish out this case, but he doesn't work without her, thats been established. Him telling her to stop, is his resignation as well. (There's a fit there too, with Skinner and him on the plane probably Skinner already knowing he's done.)

Thomas Flight praises subtly in acting better than I could ever articulate here:

Season 8

Mulder was weird and the PTSD was implied, but I choose to see it everywhere. After the moment in three words where Mulder tries to let them go gently because he thinks he's too damaged to be a father (Thanks @randomfoggytiger for the meta on that) (there's a fic here obviously where Scully gives him the space to be broken and also hers) After this though, he's not the Mulder as we've seen, ever. He's not the Mulder who

cares about exposing the government so he can say I told you so

cares about saving the public from the invasion

cares about finding the ultimate truth that has driven him since he found the X files

cares about solving cases and one upping the FBI, trying to force them to admit the truth out loud.

Mulder is fighting the entire season for his family.

he cares about exposing the conspiracy so everyone including his child will be safe.

he cares about saving the earth for his child's future

he cares about his childs and his families safety

he has zero concern about the FBI and what they do anymore.

In the second scene above, he's about had it with the entire conspiracy and he's downright pissed. He wants it all to end he doesn't care how. He wants to protect his child above everything. Sure he's usually reckless but this isn't for him and his self involved cause anymore, it's for his family, his wellbeing be damned at some points along the way. He states his thesis in three words while breaking into FBI files in an astonishing show of recklessness

"Look, Scully, I need to make sense of what happened to me. So that I can stop it. Because if I can't stop it, it could happen to anyone. It could happen to you. And who's to say it's going to stop there?"

I always wondered why he was putting Scully through all that, without realising this was the reason. Poor guy. There's nothing else in his purview anymore besides that baby who's in danger, and his family, so much so, when he is ultimately fired from the FBI, he's positively giddy at his newfound freedom.

If he had then gone down a path temporarily where he murdered his way through the remnants of the syndicate to assure the safety of his family John Wick style, I would've absolutely believed it.

It would've been insanely intriguing look at an evolving dynamic between Scully and Mulder. Scully law abiding Mulder reckless as always but with a different motivation. Becoming what he's always feared, to protect the family he has never had. A family he feels like he's only grasping at, as they're slipping through his fingers due to the danger and his recent and past traumas.

There's a reason a lot of the fandom sees Mulder as a happy stay at home dad post wherever they decide to end watching. Thats what he's been searching for his entire life. A happy family with loving parents. When he let go of that dream for himself in Closure, he found he could want that for his future family whatever that looked like (adoption, a miracle, etc.) in Requiem. And I personally don't believe he ever would let that dream go once he realised, I mean we all saw the devotion he had to his sister right?

In other words these are my reasons season 9 onwards make zero sense and I regard them as AU

[dragonsoulage]

His sweet paramedic...

feat. Levi Ackerman

Levi wounded and hurt from the last battle he ever fought. Just moments after Eren was gone. But what remained was you, his sweet paramedic that always patched him up. Even his heart...

In this short story you are Hanges sister and a paramedic of the Corps. I was in the mood for some angsty, sad stuff after a heartbreaking AoT tiktok, we all know the depression about that right? 🥹🥲

Warnings: angst, sad, spoilers

Wordcount:1,2k

It was over. Finally, finally, it was over. Everything ended when Mikasa moved her blade toward Eren. There was an endless, sad, but loving moment between those two. And you... you had suffered as much as the others. Lost countless comrades and friends—your older sister, Hange. The Moment when she stated it as a sacrifice...and in the end, it was you watching her suicide. It had been hard more than that, for everyone. And yet, you were never alone. You were never left without someone...and that someone was Levi. 

It had been complicated between you two, he didn't want to admit he had feelings. After a long time...and when he figured out he had those feelings, he tried to distance himself. It was always like this, he was never ready to lose those he loved. And this man has already lost more than you could count. You're that sweet, little paramedic. He didn't want to lose you, either. His heart, already filled with sorrow, wouldn't take it. 

No matter how many wounds he had, how many things he sacrificed, he wasn't ready to get too close to the one he adored so much. 

But now, the battle was over. He leaned against that rock, and then he saw a small frame crawling towards him through the fog. It was you, you breathed heavily. Barely able to stand. Crawling towards him, the only one that has always remained in your life

"Levi." your voice was weak, he would have moved to you when he could, but His legs were damaged, seriously injured.

"(Y/N)." He called back to you, his gaze averting in your direction. You were on your knees before you tried to slowly stand up, walking over to him. You let out noises of exhaustion and stumbled over to him before you landed again on your knees, right by his side. Your hair is dusty and disheveled, and your pretty face is covered in dirt. Your eyes...oh, your pretty eyes—are filled with trauma, just like his. 

"It's over..." you spoke, your voice was so thin. It was over, yeah, but it didn't feel like a win. 

His hand stretched out to you, touching your skin on your cheek. Cupping your face with his palm, his remaining fingers marvel at your skin. He saw the big purple bruise that was on the crook of your neck, going to your jaw. You fought like every one of them, although your strength was clearly in first aid. His dark blue eyes are looking at you. The first time, he allowed himself to truly look into your eyes without withdrawing again.

"And you are still standing...remaining." His voice was laced with vurnablity and concern for you. Your own hand instantly went to his, and you laid it on top. 

The wind was slightly hollowing through the landscape, some strands of hair were blown back, so he just kept staring into your beautiful, sad face. Even now, among all this chaos, you are that beautiful, constant thing around him. Always there, yearning for his attention. He always tried to hold back. 

The mist was getting even more, and then you and him heard a noise. Both of you are looking up. And what you saw. 

Your heart couldn't take it, you couldn't even speak. You saw them...your comrades who died, your friends, Erwin and even your sister Hange. Your eyes welled up with tears. 

Your heart shattered to pieces for this last farewell. 

Levi's hand rested on your face while the other showed them the last honor. A rare sight, the stoic captain shed one single tear with a bitter smile. 

The last farewell to his chosen family. 

You felt his thumb stroking your cheek, catching the big tears that streamed down your face. It was the last gift from Eren, the last goodbye he could give you all. 

And then, after this fleeting moment when you could see your sister's face the last time, she had a smile, nodding towards you and Levi. 

Hange never tried to get involved in what was going on between you two when she was alive. 

But she was very well aware that you liked the captain, and that even Levi himself liked you more than he allowed himself. 

But now, nothing of this matters anymore. Hange no matter how crazy she was, wanted you to be happy, wanted Levi to be happy. This was the sign. 

When the mist was getting less, then slowly faded, you turned to Levi, you cried, you cried your very soul out. His forehead leaned against yours.

"Look at me, please look at me." His own voice was strained with the sorrow that was haunting you and him, yet he sounded strong. You looked into his eyes between those raven strands that were like a small curtain in front of his eyes. 

"It hurts, and I am not able to heal it." You explained. Yeah, you were a very skilled paramedic, but not even you could patch up a heart that was shattered into so many pieces. 

"Then at least we knew it was real. They were there, and a part of us. They made us who we are now." Levi spoke, it was serious, but his voice was rough with emotion for the very first time. 

20 Percent of humanity remained on earth, and you...you, his sweet girl, was one of them. 

The death was tragic, and the situation was bitter. The loss was immense, but for once he got lucky, fate was now so kind to not take you away. 

Levi was ready, ready to get closer, to heal together with you. 

"I am nothing without my sister... I barely even breathe." You never saw your own potential at all. Still, some bitter tears dropped from your lashes. Levi pulled your head closer, his nose brushed against yours. His lips are just inches away.

"You don't get it, don't you? You never was nothing, you always was so much more than you gave yourself credit for. 

Otherwise..." He stopped, it was time to say it, right now. Right now, when he already felt vurnable. 

"Life wasn't the nicest to me, to any of us. But it was so kind to leave you here with me. And I don't want you to say you would be nothing, Hange wouldn't want that either...(Y/N)." Levi continued looking at you, right into your very soul. 

"I love you." Levi then let out, his eyes, never leaving yours. Gazing into your orbs. Your pupils widen. Your tears didn't stop, but you then closed this small gap. Your soft, plump lips are pressing in a gentle and sweet way against his. 

With that, he poured all of his love into it, just like you did, as you always did. 

Even when the grief was big, he was the light on the horizon. Just like you were the missing piece, he finally found. 

This sweet kiss sends sparks of hope through yours and his veins. A glimpse of the future that now could be...a glimpse of the love he finally could share with you. 

The kiss on the battlefield that sealed wounds that would take a long time to heal, but they'd remain as memories of what had been. 

[missmarveledsblog]

It's only pretend right ? ( Bucky barnes x reader) Part 4

summary : after such a good night she bring bucky to show him where they were sleeping which was also her childhood bedroom . finding new thing he never knew as she see what nat and wanda packed for her bedtime attire leading to one of a few moments the two have , she is faced to deal with the past fears while tony stumble on to something to cure his boredom

warning: ok so i know i said it was a fluffy series but there's a little bit of angst but it's for plot but its mostly fluffy , allusion to past trauma , shitty family , her sibling being goals and steve and nat being well honestly the GOATS .

Previous part

The night ended on good note as she led him to her room , trying to steady her nerves  . while a nervous Bucky was  taking in the space , girly and yet not a perfect balance that described Y/N  to a T. He walked around exploring the space chuckling at the books on her desk, volumes of science and engineering books.  He noticed the army leaflets  already knowing her family were very big on it, giving her grandfather and other men with the exception of Jack . 

“Were  you going to enlist?” he asked, holding it up . 

“ I was then but well i didn’t” she smiled sadly.

 “ Well your job now isn’t far off” he mused. 

“Why do you think i like it so much , youngest female avenger too which is an achievement” she beamed.

 “ Hey no, I feel like a creepy old man when you say that,” he joked.

 “ I mean 107 and your fake girlfriend is 24 practically a cradle snatcher” she mused a squeaked when he pounced on her knocking her on to the bed bursting into a fit of giggles as he tickled her side. “Ok ok tapping out” she panted eyes locked on the man above her . she could fully appreciate the full extent of the blue of his eyes , once filled with such sorrow and coldness now sparkling like the clearest ocean. She felt it like a magnetic pull as his face came closer to hers .

“ hey you two keep it down” her brother banged the door, his voice a teasing and jestering tone but the two separated and moments before lost. 

“  we should sleep  , you got church run tomorrow” she almost whispered. 

“ Yeah, where is that?” he snorted, trying to calm his own heart beat down. He was sure he was going to kiss her and even more sure she was going to kiss him back . 

“ GPS will be your best friend , i’ll get Jessie tag along , grandma can’t say no” she shrugged, opening her case only for her cheek to go deep red. “ I'm going to kill those two” she whined, seeing the bed clothes consisted of a short night dress or crop top and shorts. 

“ you ok doll?” he asked. “ yeah nat and wanda packed the case and well..” she held up the night dress making his throat instantly dry up . 

“fuck” he muttered wondering if the widow was intending on killing him. “ it’s nice .. i mean perfect for the heat” he rambled trying to think of anything else. She pulled out shorts although short still better  to put under the night dress as she headed to her bathroom .

 “ I'm going to die” was all Bucky said before the door opened and she shyly walked out .  He stood not knowing whether to praise god for the sight or curse him given the situation.  She honestly looked ethereal walking out of that bathroom as the clothing of choice hugged her body in every right way that was possible. 

“ I can see if my mama has something,” she said, flushing. 

“ no you look cozy doll” he smiled grabbing the tank top and plaid bottom he would hoped hid how he really thought she looked.  

Laying on the bed after texting her fellow female avengers some colorful messages on their choice of her bed clothes , she looked up, almost dropping her phone when the bathroom door opened. She didn’t know what was going to kill her first , her embarrassment of how exposed she was sharing the bed with her best friend she was in love with or the man in question looking like sex on legs . seeing bucky either partially clothed or shirtless sent her into a short circuited mess, no matter how many times she had seen it was always like the first time. The way her mouth simultaneously went dry and  water  all in one as her eyes raked over his muscled form.  Every toned muscle almost fought the confines of his tank top , to which she was grateful and personally offended at the item of clothing . 

 “ Your grandmother isn’t going to make me go into the church with her right” the question from his lips snapping her from the  trance she was in . 

“ no … i’m not sure” she tilted her head. 

“ I'm pretty sure I might burst into a ball of flames if I step foot in a church now,” he chuckled .

 “ don't do that last time it happened, the pastor passed out” the words out of her mouth made his head turn to see if she was joking or not but she was serious. “ i didn’t know how to control my abilities or as my family keep calling it my gift” she snorted seeing the shock on his face.

 “ Speaking of , you never told you how you got them , I mean none of the team knows,” he said, only to see  a shiver run down her spine and pain expression on her face. 

“ I don't talk about it fury and nat know and wanda because she saw it in my head but i don’t talk about it” her voice trembled and eyes  filled with tears.

 “ hey hey it’s ok we’re not going to talk about it , hey doll sorry look lets rest ok come here” he rubbed her cheek pulling her to his side  hands running up and down her back . he could feel her calming down at the motion . When he looked down to see  her eyes getting heavy and closing . He let himself enjoy the moment , how her eyelashes grace the tops of her cheeks , plump pink lips parting slightly. The even beats her heart before he hit the lights . For the first time in his life Bucky Barnes fell asleep with a smile on his face . 

Sun peaking throughout  the room when he was the one to wake first. Sound of muffled whispers forgotten instantly when he felt her head nuzzling in the crook of his neck , her arm across his chest and her leg over his . he didn’t even think but he felt himself pulling her closer to his body making a little whimper fall from her lips that was the moment he was sure he turned to a puddle on the bed . His eyes closed as the door swung open . 

“ hey … erm wake up” Jack's voice almost trembled in the room keeping his distance at the door. 

“ Go away” she groaned before freezing up at the position she’d realized she was in . 

“ Come on , you too bucky” he called a bit further away . 

 “ I'm up” he rasped, making her bite her lip hard at the sounds that threatened to spill out . the sexy gravel of his voice made her brain go blank. “ baby doll” this man was surely going to kill her. “ time to get up” his head lifted, kissing her cheek eliciting a sound that none of them ever heard out of the girl in the morning before . “ Did she just … she giggled” Jessie almost sent his little brother flying when he barged into the room, shocked at the sound.

 “ Get out before I’ll make you bald with no eyebrows,” she glared. 

“ You did  giggle doll,” he chuckled. 

“ yeah ok , morning sarge” she yawned . The nickname made all blood in the man's body rush down south in turn making him rush towards the bathroom confusing her slightly. 

“  hey giggles park that ass” Izzy held up the brush as her younger sister whined.  “ hey we need , well i need to tell you something since you scared off the other two” her voice dropped slightly. 

“ if it’s because you're nervous don't be, maya will say yes' ' the younger sister smiled brightly. '' no it’s not that .. look we aint happy about it either but Emma , Leah and Cassie are coming for breakfast” she instantly felt her sister shake. “ hey hey look at me , we can go out for breakfast , we don’t have to be here” Izzy crouched down seeing the fear in her eyes. 

“ sorry nature called… hey what wrong” bucky rushed to her side.  

“ our cousin.. She ever tells you how she got her gift .. of course she didn't , now our cousins  well. They say what happened was an accident which is a pile of horse shit  but it was her gift that came after  , she was hurt badly .. like we didn’t .. sorry we didn’t think she would make it “ izzy explained fighting back the tears. 

"Why are they here then?” Bucky asked, seeing it wasn’t just her finding it difficult to talk about whatever happened and to say he was curious wasn’t a lie. 

“ some bullshit they fed mama about grandma getting old  , we ain’t happy , dads not happy” she seethed.

 “ Cassie was a kid she’s not like them” Y/N Said softly remembering the poor girl's face just as terrified as she was.

 “Apparently they want time with grandma since she is not getting younger it’s pile of crap and  for some reason the folks on my mama’s side , well for some reason they're always hard on her after the whole thing they’ve been worse , i’m sure you’ve clued in on that” . 

“ Just let's get this over with. I'm fine , I've fought aliens , talked to a tree and a raccoon from space so i can do this” Y/N  Shook her head walking to her bathroom . “ Did she just say a raccoon and tree from space?”. 

“ The tree’s  ok , the raccoon got hell of a shot but bit of an ass” Bucky agreed. 

“ i … what” izzy stood completely confused to the change of conversation . 

She walked out wearing the summer dress , the prettiest of the ones she owned,  wanting to look somewhat good ,   only to see Bucky standing there with a sympathetic smile on his face, making her truly regret bringing him  in first place. 

“ ready?” she asked . 

“ We can go out and tell them it's a date,” he smiled softly. 

“ no i can do it” she stood straighter, his arm linking in hers. She only got to the middle of the stair when she heard them laughing, making her shake only to shake it off before continuing down the stairs. 

“ I'm here doll” he whispered, kissing her cheek letting his lips linger on her skin . “ Hey kitty saved you and bucky a seat” Jessie called, turning everyone’s attention to the two .

 “ Oh my god look at you girl”  the two eldest girls rushed to her side pulling her into a hug making her tense completely up and the flames flicker on her finger causing bucky to pull her to him wrapping his arm around her waist  probably enjoying more than he should. “ And who is this?” the woman's eyes almost ate him whole. 

“  I'm her boyfriend James Barnes” he nodded, barely smiled to the girl's dismay but kept the flirty grins all for y/n and affection looking towards her  . 

“ So  it’s true you are an avenger how about that, did you show james around town” the woman spoke barely sparing her cousin a glance. 

“ Not yet actually we’re going to go after we drop grandma to church” she smiled. It was so fake and forced, causing her siblings to share worried glances. 

“ doll let's get our seats” he kissed her cheek again nuzzling his face in hers making her giggle. 

“Oh he is so mine” the woman whispered to her sister before they walked into the dinning room . 

“ good to see the silliness is done with” her aunt spoke up . 

“ attempted murder isn’t exactly silliness,” Jessie gritted, even causing Bucky to shoot the man . 

“ What was that?” her aunt asked. 

“ oh he's just happy to be home” Y/N gave that fake smile .

 “ So what, like being avenger do you guys get invited to parties and stuff” . 

“ Emma, their avengers of course they do”her aunt smiled obviously seeing what her daughter was at.

 “Yeah but we prefer not going to them. Attention seeking isn’t exactly what we do it, "Bucky shrugged. 

“ my friends think it’s so cool your avenger” cassie spoke up, almost afraid to even talk. 

“ Maybe we could Facetime them when we're back” she smiled softly to the girl.

 “ We'd like to facetime too, maybe visit?” . 

“ we’re busy all the time, sorry,” Bucky shrugged, making her smirk.

 “ oh i get that so how new is this since you guys aren’t in the press” emma smiled .

 “ si…” she went to speak. “ a year right” her dad smiled looking at bucky. 

“ yeah we thought to enjoy our time instead of the world” bucky lied easily .

 “ keeping that secret from your family,” her aunt shook her head. 

“  she doesn't talk to you guys all the time ,we knew '' Izzy smiled checking her phone just as Y/N went off. 

“  it's tony?” she furrowed her brows. 

“ we better take this , it could be urgent. '' Bucky  smiled secretly thankful for stark interruption as the two headed for her fathers office . 

“ What's wrong, everyone, ok” she asked, instantly answering the phone. 

“can’t a guy call his friends,” Tony rolled his eyes.

“ Who said we’re friends?” bucky asked.  

“ Hey you kill my parents, the least you can do is be my friend” tony teased.

 “ you can’t keep pulling dead parents  card.. Tony why did you ring  and please tell me this is a long conversation” she asked.

 “ ok well nat on her way so is steve they left after your sister rang this morning  , you ok?” he asked clearly, knowing more than he was letting on .

 “ you read my file,” she sighed. 

“ Only the locked part , my lips are sealed well. Steve read it too but after that lips seal” he winked. 

“ Fury told me he was going to get rid of it” she whispered. 

“ Well he didn’t but really kid you ok” he asked more seriously. 

“ As much as i’d love to let you talk in code but the jet's landing” Bucky called looking out the window.

 “ oh shit , bye tony here talk to your guilt trip bestie ” she threw bucky her phone before heading out the front door ignoring the calls of her family.  The minute the jet door opened and the angry redhead  was storming out nothing was scarier than a pissed off widow.

 “ Hey nat wait” she stood in front of the widow. 

“ hey good see you, they in there?” she went to walk around what nat didn’t expect was her best friend to hop on her back .

 “ You can’t beat up my family members, even the shittiest ones, please stop for me” she pouted, making nat’s movement halt. 

“ I won't beat them up , there are many ways to kill a person” she smirked .

 “ no ok i’m not letting anyone stoop to their level please.. Wait did you say kill ” her eyes widened .

 “ Fine but I'm staying till they're gone and I don't mean today I mean when they go back home completely” she moved, smiling and waving to the audience forming on her front porch. 

“ Natasha, what a lovely surprise,” her mother smiled. 

“ hello beth sorry for crashing but i was  missing my favorite avenger so was steve” nat smiled . 

“You guys didn’t need to come out for me,” Bucky teased. 

“ They're talking about me bucket ” Y/N smiled, turning to Steve, catching a frown on his face . “ smile cap” she whispered only for the PR smile to grace his face. 

“ nice to meet you all” he smiled only for a high pitched shriek to come out and all head turning to jack .

 “Steve jack here is your biggest fan” she laughed as her brother's cheek was bright red.

 “ all of you guys  i mean we got three avengers here” she could have sworn the man was going to float at one stage.  

“ well aren’t we lucky to have two gorgeous beefcakes here? '' Emma and Leah lit up. “ Do we sound creepy like that?” Izzy asked. 

“ Nah, they're like shining twins, we’re more cool twins ” Jack said, ignoring the glares his way. 

“ How long are you staying?” Beth beamed. 

“ As long as Y/N is , if that’s ok  “ nat smiled as they all made their way into the house what the rest didn’t notice was the terror twins pushing in front of Y/N So they were directly  behind bucky and steve. 

“ Great” she trailed behind only for Jessie to stand at the door waiting for her with a mischievous smile on his face.

 “What did you do?” she arched her brow. 

“ nothing at all” he held the bottle of laxatives up . 

“ oh loki would love you” she chuckled as they headed into the room seeing her mother bringing an extra plate of food for nat and steve. 

“ You didn’t have to do that ma’am but thank you ” Steve nodded. 

“ So you got a girlfriend steve” leah purred  even their grandmother grimaced.

 “ no but i called dib on Y/N if he screws up sam and pietro didn’t like that” he teased laughing when bucky glared at him .

 “ Some say  I should be a model. What do you think, bucky?” Emma batted her lashes. “ i love that dress on you y/n” nat smiled softly. 

“ Nat’s right You look beautiful doll” Bucky flashed her flirty grin .

 “ Emma you ok” Jessie asked faux concern as they all looked at the suddenly sweaty girl .  the loud gurgles making her cheek turn beet red. 

“ you look clammy dear” . 

“ i don’t feel so ..oh my god” she ran out the door a loud noise following after.

 “ Hey, wait me first,” Leah chased . 

“ Jesus, what’s that smell?” Bucky yelled . 

“ Let's take grandma to church” she got up as Jessie smoothly threw the bottle only for Cassie to laugh. 

“ What are you laughing at” her mother screeched, running to check on her other two daughters.

 “ nothing mom” she snorted before taking the bottle from y/n and hiding it in a vase giving her older cousin a wink .

 “ What did you do?” Nat asked with a proud smile on her lips . 

“ I didn't “ . 

“ i did” jessie walked out proud as punch  . 

“ you ready ma'am?” Bucky asked, holding the door open. 

“ Of course I am , now you listen here young man you don’t let a girl like her go or else maybe super cadet or whatever but she’s my grandchild ” she warned just as y/n came out the house. 

“ Got your bag grandmama” she beamed.

“ Thank you dear” the woman nodded as Bucky closed the door . 

“ you ok bucky?” she asked, wondering if the whole thing was too much .

 “ I think she threatened me,” he  whispered, opening her door for her. 

“ Doubt it black sheep of the family” she snorted before he closed the door.

 “ we will collect you after ok grandma i’ll show bucky around” she called. 

“ Hopefully, air the house out before we get back” the older woman grumbled, causing the two to break out in laughter.  

“ if it isn’t i’ll get you the top room in the best hotel” she wiped the tears from her eyes. “ They pay you enough for that,” the woman asked. 

“ course” she lied putting tony’s black card in her bag making bucky chuckled .

 “ How do you get that?” he asked.  

“ gave a stark big hug” she winked. 

“ ok let’s get this fine lady to church” he shook his head. 

 “ you ready to get your praying on grandma” she cheered . 

“ It's a church not a hip hop concert don’t be silly” the woman tried hiding the smile but Bucky caught it in the rear view mirror .

The drive into town was a nice change of pace compared to the events of the morning they had . But also gave her realization of guilt that she hidden so  much and basically had him blindly walk into the chaos that was her family . So when they waved her grandmother off and reassured the pastor she wasn't going in making the holy man pale and rush off , she was going to be more open with him . 

“ Ok time for the grand tour , no flash photography  and stay with the group please “ she said dramatically.

 “ Very authentic doll “ he chuckled, linking his arm in her, something they did normally yet the touches lately felt different, somehow more intimate. 

“ It's nice here , less chaotic than New York that's for sure “ he smiled, moving his arm to wrap it around her shoulder when he noticed men looking at her .

 “ I love it here but I love New York. Both are home , both have family which is funny because when I blindly followed eli to new york at first I was  freshly gone 19 . He wanted to be wallstreet, I wanted to support him much use that did two days later I was on my own , scared trying to figure out how get home when dude tried to mug me , I may have burnt him a little but cop seen me put me in a cell ,all I kept thinking i was ET” she mused.

 “ E.T ? “ he snorted.

 “ you know the part about the guys in white coats , but I got a bald man with eye patch and trench coat giving me a job “ . 

"Wait, that's how you ended up in shield?” He asked .

“ the very same  a year later on the day I was twenty fury called nat and wanda down to train me because I may have burnt an agent or two” she bit her lip making him wish it was him biting it instead , or how the sunlight hit her like her own person spotlight showing her beauty even more . “ a week later I bump into this grumpy bear of a guy who gave out to me” she elbowed him softly. 

“ I remember the little spitfire shield agent giving as good as she got” he nudged her back catching her when she stumbled forward. 

“ you know that day may be bad for you but was best day of my life” she smiled . 

 “ I thought the best day of your life was 2 years ago when fury finally let us have you “ he teased .

 “ nah definitely  4 years ago when my little 20 year old self sassed the old man who happens to be her favorite  person and best friend” she giggled when he spun her to face him. 

“ old man?” He leaned forward that magnetic pull once again .

 “ Very “ she bit her lip, a pink flush across her cheek , heart beating so face he wasn't sure if it was hers or his  or both .

 “ you know that morning Wanda read me my horoscope and I laughed at her but  I never doubted it when I met you '' he leaned in more, almost ghosting her lips .

 '' What did it say ” she asked, leaning in. 

“ hey kitty” a voice called, making her head turn  and bucky wanting to punch whoever owned the voice . 

“ Eli”she almost growled

 “ Look I know you're still mad at me but I mean it worked out for you” he smiled almost like he was taking credit. 

“ yeah it did lead me to the best job and boyfriend a girl could have “ she leaned up kissing his cheek. 

“ yeah i see that” he nodded smile faltering the longer they stood .

 “ Look I came over because I heard they were there and  I wanted to make sure you're ok” he said she could almost see the honesty . 

“ i’m fine nat and steve came by so i didn’t have to think about it long enough” she shrugged. 

“ wait as in black widow and captain america “ he almost sounded annoyed which was strange for her both he and jack both love avengers another reason he wanted to live in New york . 

“ that a problem?” Bucky asked. 

“ no i just didn’t expect so many avengers to be here … anyways i got to go” he rushed off almost knocking her down only for Bucky to catch her . 

 “ That was strange right?” He looked down at her .

 “ very , also thanks, come on we go diner on the corner and get the best milkshakes you will ever taste” she pulled him along not really wanna keep thinking about her ex and his oddities .

She walked into the diner and also fell over yet again when she heard the scream. 

 “ KITTY , MARVIN KITTY’S HERE” the waitress screamed. 

“ Martha, good to see you too and hear you ” she chuckled . 

“ Oh my baby” the woman cooed, hugging her tightly. 

“ I can't breathe, “ she giggled . 

“ Who is this?” she let her go only to look down and see their hands still connected. “MARVIN OUR BABY BROUGHT A MAN WITH HER” . 

“ AND DEAFEND US '' Y/N called.

 “ ok come on in , i’ll give you the best seat in the house” she led them to a booth knowing it was Y/N favorite spot. 

 “ I'll give you time to love over menu “ martha smiled leaving them alone. 

 “ I'm guessing you came here a lot,” he chuckled .

“ Every chance she got … sorry” Martha turned around . 

“ what she said my dad took used to take us here for treat night too” she smiled brightly. 

 “ she used to do her homework in that very booth” a gruff voice spoke.

“ Hey Marvin,  how did you know we were here?” she teased. 

“  I have a feeling, I guess” he tapped his chin .

 “ Funny you two” Martha rolled her eyes, still smiling. 

“ Marvin and martha this is jame bucket barnes , my ..” she faded off watching the black suv trailing down street something about it was odd yet familiar she couldn’t quite put her finger on it  . 

“ boyfriend and it’s buchanan not bucket” he shook their hand . “ doll?” he waved his hand over her face before following her line of view.   

“ sorry just erm … nothing we will have the bacon  burgers   and brownie supreme for me” . 

“ same also extra fries please” bucky smiled as they walked off.  “ Ok, what was that?” he asked. 

“ nothing really just seen suv  it’s like one i always saw drive by when i was kid i mean not the same one but almost every time i’m here “ she shook her head realizing she probably sounded nuts. “ Just a strange sort of thing that happens, it's nothing bucky” she giggled . Her words seemly not calming him down in the slightest giving he was more alert then some. “ If I get stark to check the registration  will you chill” she asked, pulling her phone out.

 “ for now, yes,” he nodded . 

“ Done and in time here is our food and easily the best milkshakes in the whole world” she smiled brightly as they thanked them for the food. 

Tony Stark stood confused and a little happy that she text gave him something to do giving everyone was on mission and well others were  on the ranch.

 “ what did Y/N buy her own ranch with your card or do we need to bail nat out of jail” bruce chuckled . 

 “ No, she asked me to check a registration because she accidentally made Bucky paranoid. I need more context so excuse me one second” he walked out the lab and hit the call. “ hey pyro on the prairie , what’s going on? “ he could hear her eyes rolling at the nickname.

 “ we’re at the diner , i came here all time but every time i was here i would see an suv pass by , it’s nothing i mean just one of those things but now my fake boyfriends head is spinning like an owl” she explained as he could here bucky telling her it was strange . “ could be nothing but i’ll check it out now and text you when i  find out  , you wouldn’t know the other ones would you” he asked hopeful tone in his voice. 

“  check my desk   , blue note book very back” i always had written them down to check them one day never got around to it , oh and thanks for lunch stank tell everyone i love them and miss them” she sang before hanging up . 

“ lets check this out” he clapped his hand walking into the lab heading straight to her desk and retrieving said notebook . 

“ everything ok” bruce asked. 

“ our little fire friend has been keeping track of past reg numbers so i’ll check them out and kill five minutes ….. Or not” tony voice went completely blank  as he looked at the screen .  

“ what , what is it” bruce asked concerned etched on his face. 

“ why have shield issued vehicles been following Y/N around , not just the diner too” tony scratched back of his neck wondering why fury left that piece of information out.

 “ you sure it’s shield ?” bruce asked looking at the screen . 

“ you know its insulting little respect you have in my intelligence, it’s right there” he scoffed pointing to the screen . 

“ not what i meant , shield wasn’t always shield tony?” bruce hinted. 

“ F.R.I.D.A.Y.  call fury and get him here ASAP” He called out going straight to the main shield server. “ what you doing?” . 

“ finding out what going on “ a frown deeply etched into his forehead. 

“ should we warn  them i mean what if she in danger” bruce began pacing. “ ring nat fill her in but tell them to  hold off saying anything to the kid we don’t want to worry her unless she needs to” tony nodded as bruce pulled out his phone. 

“ You sure bruce , ok i’ll tell steve now”nat smiled not wanting to give anything away  in company of her fellow avenger and best friends family. 

“ Hey  Steve Stark, think one of the  files on our jet , can you help me look for it, apparently it's important” she asked but her eyes told a different story .

 “ Of course excuse us please” Steve stood following her out wondering what the hell was going on . 

“ nat ?” .

 “ short story  y/n got tony look into some reg plates , she notice the same kind of car  she always sees when she in town and well apparently shield’s been watching her since a kid, i mean could be nothing but then again it’s us so he just asked us keep eye out  while he looks into it. He’s called for fury to come compound too “ she bit her lip not really liking it at all . 

“ if they’ve been watching since a kid ..that goes back to when shield …  Do you think it’s hydra” he asked . 

“ I really hope i’m wrong and say it’s not but why wait this long and why Y/N”  she shook her head. 

“ We have to tell them” Steve walked into the jet. 

“ no tony was right when he said not to say anything unless there is something to worry about”. 

“ she could be in danger nat” he almost felt sick saying it knowing bucky was definitely going to flip out. 

“ I don't like it either but I think we should wait until we know more just for now even” she almost pleaded .

 “ Fine for now” he huffed wondering how the hell he was going to even hide this from them.

It wasn’t long after finishing their food  and saying their goodbyes and promises to come back.  The rest of the tour was given , only to stop a couple of times to say hello to people she’d known and old friends . Bucky couldn’t help standing a little taller when she would call him hers even if it wasn’t true but still he wanted to pretend for now it was. They walked back at perfect timing for the service to be over helping her grandmother back to the car as she gave out about the pastor but said service was good . 

“ So grandma you excited for a night out in a couple nights , jack gonna pop the question to helen” she asked turning  herself to look at the woman. 

“ Well about time I thought I'd be dead and gone before that boy made an honest woman of her”. 

“ they’ve been together since high school “ she whispered to bucky .  “ hey grandma did you know you would marry pop pop” she asked.  

“ god no ,  he was my first friend when his family moved in next door , did everything together , then war happened and we both signed up but got stationed in different parts i was a nurse and he was a private then  we got stationed together , we  used to sneak  and meet up one night i saw him differently , i didn’t see him as the scrawny scraper got into trouble all time  anymore i saw my world and my future” the elderly woman smiled fondly and sadly all in one thinking of her late husband . 

“ he died six years ago” y/n whispered as they all felt the change in emotions . 

“ sorry” he nodded  looking to both of them . 

“ he’s how she got her nickname , my husband gave it to her , see our y/n was a little troublemaker , mischievous and headstrong  still is ,  he’d say she was a little misbehaving kitten adorable as hell but can’t take your eyes off her for a second, one day she was running around like a little tornado broke her mothers favorite vase which i don’t know why thing was hideous but she ran off scared to be told off when my husband check outside he could hear little sniffle from the tree above” the three laughed but he could see the tear forming in both womens eyes . 

“ yeah he took one look at me and said my darn we got a little kitty in the tree , helped out and brought me to the diner” she wiped her cheeks.

” he did always spoil you huh?” her grandmother smiled softly seeing bucky hand holding hers before continuing to drive. 

“ so kitty’s a naughty girl” bucky said confidently til he realized how it sounded.  

“ i was a rebel what can i say” she turned hiding her face and internally screaming, glad she was now home maybe she needed to sit in the freezer. “ well looks like papa  making use of having men around” she looked to see her brothers and steve working on repairing the fences.  

“ I'll help out so that punk doesn’t give out” bucky opened their doors before kissing her  well he was aiming for her cheek when she turned landing  right on her mouth . “ you’d swear it was the first time you kissed “ her grandmother walked off into the house.  

“ HEY JERK STOP KISSING YOUR DAME AND HELP OUT” Steve yelled as they both stood looking at each other.  

“ enjoy the fence .. yeah” she stumbled on the step. 

“ should have called you Bambi, '' Jack laughed. 

“ oh shut up or i’ll tell your hero how you peed on your captain america sheets and cried the whole night. 

“ I was a kid,” he laughed nervously. 

“ He was 14” Jessie laughed, handing Steve a fence post. 

“ Want me to tell Steve how you wanted to marry him” her brother called. 

“ Oh really kitty,” Steve smirked.

 “ don’t get excited Rogers wasn’t for the reason you're thinking” she snorted heading into the house. 

“ Chill Barnes, she wanted to marry him then divorce him thinking she would get the shield”   Frank chuckled seeing Bucky's jaw clenched at his best friend.

 “ That sounds like y/n  , she once used it as a sled, ” Steve snorted. 

“She made one think it’s in the garage  only she made hers black and gold funny like fate or something” Jack nodded to a bucky arm although covered . 

“ she made it with pop pop” jessie smiled remembering the two of them so concentrated on getting just right. 

“ Sounds like destiny to me” Steve nudged his best friend. 

“ yeah so tell her how you feel.. What we’re her brothers we spotted, it wasn’t  legit from the start” .  

“ but hurt her and we’ll  bury you out in the fields” Jessie patted the man's back .  

“I’ll help them” steve added, making Bucky shoot him a glare.  

part 5

taglist :@vicmc624 @babble28 @scott-loki-barnes

[nthspecialll]

The survivors

Sometimes I think about the survivors of the Van Der Linde gang scattered across the map and beyond, each of them carrying the same wound that was left with the break of their family and how they try to remember them.

Both Trelawny and Tilly lives in Saint-Denis, I wonder if they ever bumped into one another a few years later, looking at each other across the street, just trying to process the face before them and the time and people that it pulls them back to. The happiest yet the most tragic time for both of them.

They probably crossed the road, meeting half way, their respective parntners holding eye contact for a moment and knowing immediately "oh, they know each other from... that" allowing the two the moment.

I wonder if Tilly cried to Trelawny , telling him how it felt to be there in the end after he left, finally having someone who understands her, and I wonder if Trelawny offered to hunt the others down like he used to. One last chase, one last time searching for the Van Der Lindes, whatever remained of them.

Mary-Beth was probably shocked when she saw Trelawny standing there in Valentine, waving at her with his usual charm, yet a bit of sorrow hidden in his voice. He probably strolled up to her, told her about Tilly and asked her to come visit as they walked together down to Horseshoe Overlook, Mary-Beth telling him about the adventures they had there.

Trelawny probably didn't struggle to find Pearson in Rhodes either, the hollow man with the picture of the old gang on the wall, who could barely look down the street without thinking of the hole in poor Sean's head and who would daily walk down to Clemens Point just to remind himself.

Pearson agrees to meet with Tilly and it becomes a monthly thing, often joined by Mary-Beth. They were held together by their common trauma, their unusual common past.

Trelawny was probably the one who found out about Karen and the fact she had drunken herself to death and had to hang his head low and let Tilly know.

Strauss was beaten to death, he had read that in the newspapers, Uncle was a bit harder to find, staying out of trouble yet also ending up in debt with some ugly men Trelawny could call in favour with. They talk and he brings him to TIlly, but they don't keep in touch.

For the remaining it took years, Trelawny searched up and downand at some point, early 1907 he found Charles fighting in Saint Denis. He told Charles about Tilly and was visibly able to see a weight being lifted off the man's shoulders, but he was too scared of brining back any bad luck to the happy Tilly and stayed away.

John had covered his, Jack's and Abigail's tracks from the law and him. Sadie he found out too late had been in the country but made her way to South Africa to work.

Trelawny stands left, he found them, just like he had done for years, except there is none left now, only John, John who has disappeared into thin air, a bad dream with a bittersweet aftertaste. He doesn't know what to do so he does the one thing he is good at, searching. His wife tells him to stop and although he shortly tries he can't, he too misses the past and wants it back no matter how much the words Arthur spoke to him telling him to leave and not look back had burned themselves into his skull. Searching is what he does, he can do nothing else.

At some point he finds John, after years he finally finds John's name in the newspaper, except it is too late and the only thing that remains of the man is two headstones with his and his wife's name, Abigail's last name replacing Roberts with Marston.

Jack is there too, he doesn't remember Trelawny, but Trelawny remembers him. He sees John's features in the young man who used to have twenty people there to care for him but because of one man now stood alone, the young man who would hopefully outlive the rest of the gang, except he probably wouldn't as he carried a gun and John's hat.

Trelawny knew then that the boy would suffer the same fate his uncle hat and he knew that a few years from then his search would lead to yet another early grave or a name scratched in the book of a jailor.

[misguidedasgardian]

The Winter Sun (27)

27. Home

MASTERLIST

Summary: The aftermath

Pairing: Cregan Stark x Fem!Targaryen Reader 

Warnings: Cursing, medieval and asoiaf customs, AGE GAP, Cregan is 12 years OLDER than reader), arranged marriage, breastfeeding and t*tty milk, a little angst, but fluff, mentions of past abuse and non-con, dealing with trauma, might miss some warnings

+18, MINORS DNI

Wordcount: 2.6 k

Notes: Did you liked the name? Jonaerys? i don't like to think it reminds me of Jon Snow ... but I LOVE the name Jacaerys, it sounds so cool so I wanted his name to sound like that... so I made one up jiji

You couldn’t feed your child.

Your milk never came, you guessed because of the fear, the tension, the pain, the sorrow of thinking you had lost your husband and love of your life

But in the middle of the night, you felt something strange, something wet, and it really felt like a dam had broken, releasing yourself.

Jonaerys cried and you felt how the milk flowed from your breasts, waking you up in the middle of the night.

It was some sort of miracle

You looked at a sleepy Cregan who was just woken up just like you

You felt safe now, you were safe, and your body knew it. You stood up and grabbed Jonaerys, and released your breast.

He clung to you in a second, feeding from you hungrily, you wouldn’t have to call the midwife. You almost cried with happiness

“You are feeding him”, Cregan whispered, kissing your naked shoulder, holding you by your back for you to relax against him, like he used to do when you just had Rickon

it felt so nice, so familiar, to have Cregan hold you as you fed your son against you, it felt like nothing had happened, oh how you wished that was true… That nothing happened to you, that you didn’t have the need to doubt your son’s paternity.

But this was the first step to recover from this, having Cregan holding you, with the love and devotion in his eyes that he always had, despite all the things Aemond did to you, his love for you didn’t change a bit, and that was your biggest lifeline right now.

You woke up the next morning with Cregan sitting in the bed, holding Jonaerys 

He was cuddling him against his neck, as he breathed his son in

“What are you doing?”, you asked, amused

“I’m trying to engrave our son’s smell in my mind”, he whispered, with a little smile, as he looked at you with those icy blues that made you feel so safe, “He has this distinct smell, just like Rickon”, he admitted, and you felt your heart jump in your chest, he was so sweet with his babies, he was such a great father

A couple of days had passed, and even though you were enjoying staying here in your home with your husband and child, you felt like a big part was missing

Rickon and Sara

You wanted to see them, you needed to see your son

Soa after much begging and an uncomfortable check up from the maester, Cregan and you were ready to leave the outskirts from Runestone. You had said goodbye to all the servants and guards that had kept you safe, and were living in your home, keeping it alive, it was very sentimental… But there was only one thing in your mind, and it was seeing your son. 

You could tell that Cregan was nervous, he had flied in your dragon before, but never with his newborn son in his arms, you smiled at him as you help him place Jonaerys in a sort of sling, that was tied to his chest, back and over his arms, the safest place your baby could be

Jonaerys was sleeping, cuddled against his father’s chest, unaware of his surroundings and his father’s nervousness

You exited the castle, and you found it strange that Vhaelar was not there to greet you, you guessed she was in her cave, which wasn’t odd, so you walked ahead to find her

She was coiled on herself on the biggest cave near the castle, she could feel you walking towards her, so she raised her head and cooed at you softly

“rytsa konīr” [Hello there], you greeted, she roared softly, raising from the ground, and you could feel the heat coming from a special spot under her.

Was that…?

You walked towards it, and you found it, a fresh nest, still smoking

“ao ilagontan iā dorolvie hen drōma”, [you laid a clutch of eggs], Vhaelar cooed softly, sounding so proud of herself. 

You took the eggs softly, two eggs, for your two children

You needed to be fast, and fly North to place them on heating chambers

“ivestragī's jikagon lenton”, [Let’s go home], you said to her

The fly was too long for your taste, you would be able to get to Winterfell before the day’s end, but it couldn’t come fast enough

Your bag was burning with both eggs, and you heart was soaring with the prospect of seeing your child again

Vhaelar felt your nervousness and was determined to please you, you could tell that she was flying as fast as she could

You had to stop along the way, Jonaerys got fuzzy, and you admired your baby for how strong he was. 

But he was a newborn, so he quickly fell asleep again. Cregan cradled him against him, it was funny because he was being so protective over his pup, it was a face of him you really really loved. 

And finally you saw Winterfell’s towers an hour before the sun sets

Vhaelar landed heavily, she was tired, and you will compensate her for her efforts soon, but first.

You ran towards the gates which were already opened, waiting for you. 

You crossed the first gate and the bridge, and then you could see your home

Your home, Winterfell

A place for a fleeting couple of weeks you believed you were never going to see again.

Sara came outside the castle to greet you, she was so happy and relieved

The people gathered to receive you, they all seemed happy and relieved, they wanted to see their Lord, and their Lady

“I’m so glad you are alright!”, she hugged you tightly, because Cregan had Jonaerys in his arms, you hugged her back, she held you tight against her, and when she finally released you, she had tears in her eyes

And then she turned to Cregan, being clearly distracted by the bundle in his arms

“Oh, I have another nephew!”, she giggled widely, watching your baby’s face, “he looks just like you”, she said, looking back at you. Sara hugged Cregan tightly, trying not to crush his son

Cregan and you greeted all the people that were there, that had come to receive you, his master at arms, the maester of Winterfell, Thelma!

She cooed at Jonaerys in his father’s arms

“He is kissed by snow”, she said sweetly, “just like his mama!”

She hugged you both, and guided you inside the castle

You went directly to your room, you wanted to place JOnaerys in his own crib and also you needed to put the eggs by the fire.

Sara left you in your rooms, while she went to get your son, you were so nervous you couldn’t wait.

“We are home”, Cregan said, looking at you and the eggs nervously

“We are home”, you said back, with unshed tears in your eyes. “And we are going to see out child”

“Our baby boy”, he whispered with a proud smile on his face

You placed both eggs by the fire, one was dark blue with black markings, and the other was red with the same dark markings. You hoped they hatched, you thought the blue one for Rickon, and the Red one for Jonaerys

You were so excited to see Rickon, and when Sara came back, she had him in her arms… she had your son

You gasped, he had grown so much, you left a baby and you came back to a small child

“Look who it is!”, Sara said, pointing at you, Rickon turned to look at you, his purple eyes so striking, “mama and papa”

You wanted to walk towards him and hold him, Cregan, who was still holding Jonaerys, wanted that too, but Rickon’s frowned face didn’t let you.

He didn’t know who you where

It broke your heart

He didn’t reach for you

You whined in pain, as Rickon cuddled against Sara’s chest, not recognizing you, hiding from you, You felt Cregan surrounding you with one of his arms

“He doesn't know who we are”, you cried

“It will take a while”, whispered Cregan against your temple, “but he will take to us again”. He dropped a comforting kiss, as bitter tears fell down your eyes, your heart a little broken. You could tell that Cregan was containing himself too.

Then Jonaerys cried in Cregan’s arms, and that seemed to catch Rickon’s attention, he looked towards you, and he threw his little arms at you

In a daze of happiness you picked him up in your arms, as Sara passed him on to you, but his sole attention was in the bundle in his father’s arms right next to you. He sort of used you to get to him.

He leaned into them, too see his baby brother who was whining, reaching out of the mantle you kept him in

“It’s your baby brother”, you whispered to your eldest son, and to your amazement, he seemed to recognize your voice, he looked up at you with his big purple Valyrian eyes, “hello my boy”, he then cuddled against your neck, grabbing into your vest with your chubby hands

You couldn’t help but cry with happiness as you held your son against you, you had missed him so much, you left here with a three-month old and came back to a one year old, Cregan placed himself right next to you, placing your children together, in a comforting family hug.

It was finally over, all of it, all of the pain…

You were safe again. 

You were home. 

For the next few days, you were cupped up in your room, with both your babies.

Cregan at first find it endearing, but as days passed he was starting to be concerned

You wouldn’t leave your rooms

You wouldn’t leave your children out of your sight

You wouldn’t even wanted to go to the great hall to eat

You barely let Sara see you

He understands what you went through, being separated from your baby, being kidnapped… being…

But as he gazed at you, you were playing with your sons, tickling them, kissing them, making funny noises. Rickon would giggle and play back, but Jonaerys barely could focus his eyes, he was too little yet

They were your precious babies, you didn’t wanted to left them even for a minute, the very thought of being away from them brought you physical pain

You didn’t wanted to be away front hem ever again

YOu felt Cregan looking at you with his lovey eyes, even though he also looked concerned

“Something happened?”, you asked softly

“No my love”, he said gently, entering the room, sitting by your side, and he looked at the babies

Rickon reached for him and Cregan took him in his arms

Rickon had recognize you as his parents, you could feel it, and he cuddled against his father’s chest 

“The people of Winterfell want to see their lady”, he said softly, “they want to see the future of the Kingdom of the North”, he implied, the babies

You felt a little guilty 

“I’m sorry”, you whispered, now you were worrying your husband

“You have nothing to be sorry for”, he said gently, “I just want to make sure you are alright, I know you believed you were never coming back, that perhaps you were never going to see Rickon again”

“Cregan”, you called, he looked down at you, as he was standing with Rickon in his arms, and you were sitting down on the edge of the bed.

“I will take the children to Sara for a while alright?”, he asked softly, and you could never deny something to those beautiful eyes

“Yes”, you said, You helped him palace Jonaerys in his other arm, and then, he exited the room with your children

You knew you had to face your demons when he came back, you instinctively looked at your wrists

And then is how Cregan found you, he took your hands gently, gazing down at you, and then he sat by your side

“What happened here?”, Cregan asks softly, caressing the red mark in your wrists. He feared the worst

“I…”, you didn’t want to tell him, you didn’t want him to treat you like the broken thing you were, “please”, you begged, but he leaned in and kissed the mark, both your wrists

“I need you to tell me, so I can help you move past this”, he whispered, looking into your eyes

“Aemond chained me…”, you confessed, “...to the bed, after I tried to kill him and almost succeed to plunge a dagger into his heart”, he only nodded, watching the marks, but you could see the pain in his eyes, “it was only for a couple of weeks because…”, you whispered, “he then told me you were dead so I wouldn’t even move so he released me”, it broke your heart when a single tear fell down his eye

“I’m so sorry”, he whispered, kneeling in front of you, kissing your wrists endlessly 

“This isn’t your fault, if anything, it was me, I went willingly…”, you didn’t even realize you were crying

“You were trying to save us all, and you did”, he said softly, “I can’t undo what he did, but I only can promise you that nobody will harm you ever again”, he promised, looking deep into your eyes, “do you believe me?”

“I do”, you said firmly

“Nobody will harm our children”, he said then, “we won”

“I know”, you said then, with a small smile

“He is paying for what he did”, eh said then, and in that, he was trying to convince himself too, “he has no dragon, no army, no allies, nothing”, he said firmly, “he is nothing, you destroyed him”

“Yes”

“Say it”, he said

“I destroyed him”

“He harmed you, and you destroyed him”, he said firmly

“I made him pay for what he did”, you said back

“We won”, he said firmly

“We won”, you repeated, now truly sinking in.

Cregan had announced the end of the war in the great Hall, with every Lord in the proximities, those who could make it with short days of notice, and specially those who weren’t in the march

Even though the army was camping outside of King’s Landing right now, most of the northerner men within it

The greens had been defeated, and Rhaenyra reigned the Seven Kingdoms

Cregan held a feast in the hall

You knew he did it more for you, then for the reasons he claimed, since his men weren’t here. He did it so you would get out of your room and for the North to see your children, who were too small and just got fuzzy with all the noise, but still, they got to see them 

Even though the loud noises bother you

Even though when somebody move too quickly nd close to you you flinched

Even though you still could feel Aemond’s hands on you

Even though all those awful things…

The loud cries of your babies soothed you

The movements of your husband, or Sara who constantly hugged you calmed you

Cregan’s soft and gentle touch erased all those bad memories.

You had won

You were home

And nobody was ever going to hurt you again

And if they did…

They were going to face fire and blood

More notes: Shorter chapter, but because I wanted to write the reunion, even though the main "problem", is solved, I sttill want to write a couple of more chapter in this timwline before I write a couple of epilogues! we are close to the end!

Taglist

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[disaster-priestress-sumire]

The way Haydée and Mercédès are paralleled, and contrasted, in The Count of Monte-Cristo is so obvious.

Contrasts

Haydée represents light (it's in her very name), hope and faithfulness. Mercédès represents the past and betrayal.

At first, Mercédès refuses the vengeance and its motives. She asks the Count's forgiveness and, when it doesn't work, asks for her son to be spared because he's innocent. Haydée has her very own vengeance to fulfil.

Monte Cristo and the narrator both describe Haydée as young, while Mercédès keeps describing herself as old.

Facing hardships

Haydée bears the trials of life with dignity, even when she reports what she went through (she does express emotions, but she forces herself to explain how things happen), while Mercédès uses pathos and rarely acknowledge other people's trauma.

Past and future

For Haydée, no matters how many things hurt her, the past is something to review, to enjoy. It is also a bridge toward the future, a way to pass the time.

"I shall rejoice in the prospect of your coming, and in the evening dwell with delight on the happiness I have enjoyed in your presence; then too, when alone, I can call forth mighty pictures of the past, see vast horizons bounded only by the towering mountains of Pindus and Olympus. Oh, believe me, that when three great passions, such as sorrow, love, and gratitude fill the heart, ennui can find no place."

– Chapter 49: Haydée

For Mercédès, the past is a regret never leaving her. It's the ghost of the person she loved haunting her life, having all the reasons to hate her and her family. It's a trap in which she ultimately locks herself in, because it's the only happiness she thinks she can have.

"The bitter cup of adversity has been drained by me to the very dregs, and I feel that the grave is not far distant. You have acted kindly, count, in bringing me back to the place where I have enjoyed so much bliss. I ought to meet death on the same spot where happiness was once all my own."

– Chapter 112: The Departure

The end of the book pictures those two visions. Haydée sails with Monte Cristo toward their future (what can represent more possibilities than the open sea?) while Mercédès stays in the old house of the Dantès, surrounded by memories, waiting for her death.

Heaven, Earth and Hell

Several women are compared to angels in the book, but Haydée is the only one Monte Cristo calls that way. She's also described as a goddess. He describes himself as an angel of vengeance (so does the narrator) while the Morrels call him their guardian angel. Mercédès is on the opposite side of the spectrum. She's implied to be paralleled to the God of the Underworld, since she tries to feed Monte Cristo pomegranates (chapter 70). She doesn't belong in the heavenly sphere—she states so herself:

"I once possessed piety, innocence, and love, the three ingredients of the happiness of angels, and now what am I? (…) Like the gulf between me and the past, there is an abyss between you, Edmond, and the rest of mankind."

– Chapter 112: The Departure

(Edmond Dantès is also bound to Hell obviously... but only Edmond Dantès, who had to cross it, who died in it, to become the Count of Monte-Cristo. The narrator stops calling him Edmond Dantès after he escapes the Château d'If and sees his old home empty.)

Free will

Haydée takes up the reins of her life when she wants to, she holds herself accountable for her decisions and is ready to face the consequences.

"Although a Christian, may God forgive me, I have always sought to revenge my illustrious father. (…) [The count] is quite unaware of them, and I have but one fear, which is that he should disapprove of what I have done. But it is a glorious day for me."

– Chapter 86: The Trial

On the other hand, Mercédès does not want to. She pictures herself as a victim of the situation.

"Alas!" exclaimed Mercédès, "if it were so, if I possessed free will, but without the power to render that will efficacious, it would drive me to despair."

– Chapter 112: The Departure

Love and Death

Maybe the most important point of all (the one that matters the most to Monte Cristo).

Haydée states several times in the course of the book she'd die without Monte Cristo. Those aren't mere words: they are a fact. While the death vow token by Mercédès in Chapter 3 is empty ("If he is dead, I shall die too.") and she ends up regretting it ("I believed you dead; why did I survive you?" – Chapter 112).

[daflangstlairde-art]

> Masterpost

Hello, I'm DaFlangstLairde, you can also call me V, [they/any]. I'm coming to Tumblr mainly to post fanart, fanfiction, fan edits and general content for whatever my current special interest is. Not everything is linked here, mainly my fanfics. Feel free to send asks or message me to chat! <3

General art tag: #daflangstlairdeart

General fic tag: #daflangstlairdefanfic

Whumtober 2024 tag: #dfl's whumptober 2024

—

> Undertale Content:

+ "she's broken but she's fun" — Killermare/Nightkiller (AU), words: 6,432

Part 1 of ocean depths

Summary:

It's you. You are the nothing. You need him. You need him because he completes you. Of course he's all your messed up brain can latch onto — he's the most potent thing you've encountered, so in a way, it’s like he’s the only real thing. He's the only solid, clear thing, and you need something to grasp and hold onto. You couldn't grow numb to him even if you wanted to. Nightmare says “Kill.” and you kill. — Killer has issues — he can't really feel emotions. Nightmare finds him and takes advantage of that to recruit him. (Or: Killer and Nightmare waltz along the line between what's abuse and what isn't)

+ "she ain't worth a goddamn in anyone else's hands" — Killermare/Nightkiller (AU), words: 5,334

Part 2 of ocean depths

Work Summary:

Nightmare was all, all Killer had. He defined Killer’s entire world. He was the most important thing to Killer. But, just as well, at the end of the day — even if in a very different way — Killer was all Nightmare had. — Being left in the Antivoid is just as much of a torture as you’d imagine. Real torture.

+ "Extremophile" — Killermare/Nightkiller (AU), chapters: 4/4, words: 16,802

Part 3 of ocean depths

Work Summary:

You drown every minute, every second, with every breath you take. You haven’t breathed for so, so long. The icy waters are inside you, deep, deep inside you. All you could ever feel is cold and colder. You haven’t seen the sun in... so... long. It was so far away from you that you couldn’t even picture it anymore. And here was the sun himself. Here was that gasp of air that burned. You’ve been so cold for so long, the warmth feels like death. — Alt summary: It's not easy but boy do I drag Killer (and everyone around him) kicking and screaming towards a healing arc

+ "A Noble Occupation" — Dream-centric (AU), chapters: 2/2, words: 14,160

Summary:

The shame burned. Dream felt as though everyone knew. Knew that he was a failure, that he needed something additional to work (and he was already worse at his work than he'd like). Knew that he wasn't the beacon of happiness and hope that they believed in, that they needed, that they loved. That he was something flawed, which felt sorrow and exhaustion and shame. — Dream acquires a new coping mechanism. It's not a very good one.

> Rise of the TMNT Content:

+ DaFlangstLairde's Whumptober 2024 Masterpost

+ "I Still Feel Alive" Leo-centric series — Masterpost

Series Summary:

Leo's stay in the Prison Dimension was not only longer, but a lot more painful, with only the company of a violent alien and the ghost of his future self. Miraculously, however, he survived, and his family got him out in the end. But then he—and the ghost—find they have to actually face and process the hardships they've endured. Along the way, they have to learn how to hold onto hope; how trauma most often affects you after the fact; how to be vulnerable and connect with your loved ones; what real strength is; and how to move on and live, amongst other things. Feat. a lot of bad jokes.

Tag for the series: #dfl rottmnt isfa

+ "Electrocardiogram" — Disaster Twins oneshot, words: 1,865

Summary:

For a second Donnie thinks he wants Leo's heartbeat to just fucking stop already so the beeping ceased, and the speed with which he shakes that intrusive thought out of his head is rivaled only by Splinter when pizza is the prize. He doesn't mean that, and he knows that he doesn't mean that. He was just- already on edge, he'd felt off for about several hours now, and the irritant that is the beeping is… well, irritating him. - Donnie gets a bit overstimulated and becomes snappy, but it's all out of care for his injured brother. Before anybody gets truly hurt, they handle it in a mature and healthy way as much as they can.

— DaFlangstLairde <3

[babydin]

Her

Joel remembers when he was the guy who shot and missed. - Joel Miller x f!reader - 18+, minors DNI! - Grief, depression, death, child loss, trauma, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempt - 1242 words - Comments/likes appreciated. Requests are open! - A/N: A recounting of the events after Sarah's death and Joel's suicide attempt from Joel's POV. Written in first person. You are 'her'.

 People act like they know what you’re going through, they think they know how it feels because they have known grief, but the difference in losing your grandma and losing your child is mighty. To be a parent without a child is fucking harrowing. 

They think I don’t hear them.   The ‘what’s his problem?’ followed by the ‘he just lost his daughter’ and the sorrowful grumbles that follow. I don’t want pity, I want Sarah. I want to close my eyes at night and not be reminded of the pain in her eyes as she looked up at me so desperately, begging me to do something and I did nothing. I did nothing. Tommy told me she was gone and I wailed and screamed so fucking loud that I hoped she’d hear me on her way to heaven and turn around and come back to me. People ask me how I’m doing with so much fucking pity it makes me sick, and I lie through my teeth and tell them I’m fine because I don’t have the energy to tell some motherfucker I barely know ‘I set a place for her at the table yesterday and when I realized she ain’t sittin’ at it I wanted to put my head in the oven’, ‘I haven’t been doing so well’, ‘My babygirl died in my arms how do you think I’m fucking doing?’ People act like they know what you’re going through, they think they know how it feels because they have known grief, but the difference in losing your grandma and losing your child is mighty. To be a parent without a child is fucking harrowing.  And there is nothing more kick-you-in-the-nuts offensive than thinkin’ you know what’s best for someone. I wish I could say some days are better than others but they’re all bad days. I didn’t mean to snap at her, but she sure as shit means to snap back when she says “I lost her too, Joel”.  I wake up every morning and the weight of another day is heavy on my chest and I ask whatever powers keep this rock spinning, why it was Sarah’s time and not mine, whatever situation we’re in these days seems to be getting worse and I wonder why I’m even fighting.  What exactly is it that’s keeping me alive? She tries her best with me, I know she does and I can see how much I hurt her. I try and be tough but some days it’s too fucking much. She finds me sitting in bathtubs of water that I allowed to go cold because I cried out all my energy and can’t pull myself out of it, she holds me through my bad dreams, she makes up bullshit about how Sarah will always be with me, or she’s got her Mama takin’ care of her now. 

    I listen, and nod, and try and force a smile like what she’s saying is balm but every breath I take burns in my lungs because my heart is fucking shattered. One day I wake up and the pain cuts through me like a knife. I’m aware of every single bone, and every single muscle in my body because there is an enormous weight crushing every inch of me. I eat breakfast and I consider putting rocks in my pockets and walking out into the ocean, but I don’t want to suffer. I’ve suffered enough, my pain has gone on long enough,  if I’m going to die I want it to be quick. I don’t remember if I woke up with a specific goal of ending my life but by 11am I had no intention of living until dinner.   I decided I was going to do it in the bathtub; thinking about the clean up maybe? Blood, I’d learned, was a fucking persistent stain. Suddenly the pain went away and I loaded a single bullet into my pistol and I didn’t feel a drop of fear. I was ready. A comforting hug, a hot coffee on a cold day, a cold tea on a hot day; Lady Death would’ve been very much welcomed. I thought about her bullshit, her bullshit about Sarah being with her Mama now and wondered if I was on my way to them too. My heart was poundin’ as I put that barrel to my temple but I wasn’t scared, I was so ready. I cocked it and took my last breath and I don’t know why. Then came her voice as I squeezed the trigger,   “JOEL!” They say right before you die your life flashes before your eyes. And I always thought it was a fucking cliche but hearing that shrill, squawk of my name, it really did. I remember the day I got married, I remember the day Sarah was born, when she took her first steps, the first time she spit up in my mouth, I remember the day I had to tell her that her mother died and how it was just us for so long. Then I remember her, and how she had only wanted Sarah to like her, how she had loved her like she was her own but never wanted to erase her mother’s memory, how she had cried with me when I had to tell her what happened to her, how she finished her eulogy because I couldn’t, all those nights she’d cried with me, been there for me, force fed me, made me drink water instead of booze. It was her. She was the thing keeping me alive, against my will it felt like sometimes, but she needed me just as much as I needed her.  The realization makes me flinch, she screams and pain still sears through my head and I can’t help but wonder if I’ve done it. She races to my side and climbs into the empty tub with me, there’s a pain and a fear in her eye that forces an apology out of me almost instantly as she pulls my head off the tiled wall and applies pressure to the part of my head that hurts the most. I can see her lips moving but I don’t hear a thing she’s saying because there’s a ringing in my ears so loud. It takes her pushing me into her chest to realize there’s blood dripping down the side of my face and the ringing subsides just enough for me to hear her beg me not to leave her. All I can do is whisper apologies, the pain has subsided and I don’t feel a thing, my fingers cling to her; I silently beg for her help, I hope that somewhere through her wailing she can hear my heart beating like a frightened steer, she pleads with me again not to go anywhere and I can’t find the words to ask her the same but I hope she hears it somehow.

  I must’ve blacked out for a hot minute because I opened my eyes and she’s putting bactine on my head. The feeling comes back. Whoever invented bactine can go all the way to hell. I apologize again and she tells me it’s okay but in such a way that I know it’s not okay at all but she puts steri-strips on the gash in my head and for a second I might actually believe that eventually it will be because this is where she’s always been. Holding me through my nightmares and being my guiding light on the other side. My reason for waking up in the morning, for fighting, for living to see the other side of whatever shit show is going on with the world right now. It’s her.