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mooniefics · 4 years ago

Text

— personal punishment

pairing : nanami kento / fem reader

word count : 1.8k

tags : pnp, degradation, authority kink, office sex, semi-public sex, boss / secretary, nanami literally being the sexiest man to ever live and breathe

warnings : nsfw, power imbalance

summary : He couldn't expect you to be perfect—but he could definitely expect you to pay for each imperfection in more ways than one.

notes : thank u so much to @suna-reversed for hosting the incredibly creative jujutsuhub collab and allowing me to participate !! much love (୨୧•͈ᴗ•͈)◞*♡

you couldn't exactly say you weren't proud of your performance today.

for one, you'd come into the office late, knowing that your penalties would be formally waived by your boss but well aware that you would have to face his own personal punishment. it was just your luck that this very day was the most busy the office had been all month, leaving you running papers back and forth from your boss' office for hours, nearly tripping over your own heels three times too many before you even reached your lunch break, praying that you weren't screwing anything else up in your frantic rush.

but before you could even think about escaping the confines of the office building to make up for your missed breakfast at a cafe nearby, your boss was already calling back into his office. you already knew exactly why he was requesting your presence, fear and anticipation immediately tangling into a heavy knot in the pit of your stomach. but still you went, obediently as you always did, keeping your head low as you passed your coworkers in the hall.

your fate had been sealed the moment you made a mistake, the same outcome that had been repeating for months now each time you made an error, whether it was as small as not taking the trash out from the waste bin when it was too full for his liking to something as grievous as spilling his morning coffee all over one of his pristine white button-ups. for any and all errors, you were certain to face this punishment.

the position you were in wasn't unfamiliar, bent over nanami's desk, pencil skirt hiked all the way up to your waist with your underwear around your knees, completely at the mercy of the man caging you in with his body from behind.

"if you keep making all that noise, you're going to end up getting us both fired." he growled, voice low in your ear, one hand still pressed firmly over the center of your back, forcing your chest down onto his desk. the other was occupied between your legs, two thick fingers plunging mercilessly into your needy cunt as you struggled to hold in every whimper and moan each snap of his wrist drew from the back of your throat.

"'m s-sorry, s-sir..!" you barely managed to breathe out, nails beginning to scrape at the edge of the wooden tabletop, teeth digging almost painfully into your bottom lip.

"'sorry' doesn't even begin to fix everything you've fucked up today," his stern tone persisted, ribs aching between the pressure of the heel of his palm and the hard desk, "you know just how much stress i've been under and yet you went out of your way to make it worse."

"no, n-not that..! p-promise!" you whimpered, breath coming in pants, struggling to not rock back into his hand with the knowledge that he'd stop entirely if he noticed you doing it.

you had no choice but to keep your eyes trained on the door in front of you, thighs trembling with anticipation, muted gasps and mewls managing to find their way out into the open air despite your efforts. you knew he didn't mind the noise as long as you were making a conscious effort to keep quiet, only loud enough for him to have the pleasure of hearing, only expressing the pitiful broken attempts at showing remorse that seemed to arouse him to no end.

he curled his fingers to rub at spot inside you that made your knees weak, barely chuckling when you writhed under him. "enjoying your punishment like this... you're just a pathetic slut. That's all you'll ever be, isn't that right?"

Your head hung low as you came over his fingers, shuddering, biting firmly at the inside of your cheeks to hold back the whine threatening to escape your heaving chest. you knew you should be ashamed to be so excited in the face of his cruelty, but when it was his voice and hands—discipling you harshly but still paying such good attention to you and your body—you couldn't help yourself.

before you had enough time to begin catching your breath, you could already hear the clinking of his belt buckle as he pulled it free from the belt loops of his pants, the warmth of naked skin as the length of his cock met the back of your thighs, already hard. the hand resting at your back slid up to rest at the base of your neck, fingers working their way into your hair to firmly grasp, holding you still while he eased himself between your thighs.

"please, s-sir.." The words spilled out of you before you could even think to maintain your obedient silence, earning a tug at your hair harsh enough to jerk your head back, arching your body further.

"snd who are you to be making any demands?" He muttered scornfully, the head of his cock now rubbing directly over your dripping pussy, making no effort to do anything more than painstakingly tease.

"i'm not, i j-just—" You sucked in a quick breath as you felt a sharp sting over your ass, certain there was a reddening welt where his hand had just struck it, "i pr-promise i'll be better..."

"and how can I be certain that you actually will? you say the same thing every damn time, and you still have yet to show me any improvement."

your eyes watered as you searched for a proper response, stammering over your words for just a moment too long—long enough to reignite the anger you'd found a momentary mercy from. you just barely pressed your hand over your mouth in time to muffle your own cry as he slammed himself inside of you, the desk shifting across the ground with a harsh squeak, insides struggling to accommodate his size all at once. he found a quick, ruthless rhythm of thrusting almost immediately, paying your quick gasps and pitiful whimpers no mind, almost painfully deep.

"is this is really the only thing you're good for?" he huffed, groaning lowly despite his apparent ire, "just taking cock and nothing else?"

"n-no!" you protested, barely able to hold your voice steady enough to respond, swallowing down each hiccuped breath interrupting your words, "this is the l-last time, i swear..! p-please sir, please—"

he shushed you harshly before you could continue, large hand rubbing over the aching flesh he'd previously slapped in a silent threat to repeat the action. you wouldn't be entirely opposed to feeling his large hand strike you again and again, leaving prints of red across your skin that wouldn't fade until hours after you'd left the office for the night, but you knew that you still had the entire second half of your day ahead of you to pretend as if he hadn't completely ruined you just meters away from the rest of his hardworking employees.

"at this point, i might as well just be paying to fuck you." he muttered callously, the speed of his hips slowing the slightest bit, each thrust still hitting deep enough for you to feel in your stomach, "then what does that make you, hm? a prostitute? my personal little plaything.."

you strained to vigorously shake your head side to side, fingers aching from how tightly they were clenching around the edge of the desk, your own arousal trailing down between your trembling thighs, hot tears dribbling down your flushed cheeks. you should've felt more inclined to deny his assertion, to prove yourself to be more than just a toy for him to used whenever he desired, when he needed to take out the pent up frustration he saved for your errors and your errors only—but you knew in the back of your mind that you were perfectly content with your position, as immorally lucrative as it was. you would embarrass yourself everyday for the rest of your career if it meant you could experience this at least once more.

"sorry, s-sorry..! oh fuck, sir, 'm so sorry!" the apologies you knew he loved so much spilled from your lips in a pathetic, broken moan, eyes nearly rolling into the back of your head as you held out for a few more mind-numbing moments before cumming around his thick cock.

you barely registered his hand grasping your hair painfully tight as he grunted a few low curses beside your ear, shakily exhaling a sigh when he emptied himself inside you, finally letting you rest back against the hard surface of his desk while you both caught your breath. it was all over far too soon, the intense intimacy that never lasted longer than the half-hour of your lunch break, even though you were sure he could steal you away for far longer without anyone daring to question him.

you wiped at your damp under-eyes with quivering hands, trying to not further disturb your already ruined mascara, swallowing down a whimper when pulled himself out of you and tugged your underwear back into place, readjusting your skirt for you before moving away from your body entirely.

he had already tidied up his own clothes by the time you pushed yourself to stand, that familiar expression of cool indifference having already resettled onto his handsome features. he barely ever let you see his face when he was disciplining you, always making sure you were facing away from him, or that you couldn't lift your head enough to get a good look at his face. it made it all feel so impersonal, inspired something that felt like sadness in the back of your mind, despite how you tried to remind yourself that what you had wasn't true intimacy, and that he could really replace you any day if he felt so inclined to do so.

"go clean up in the bathroom." he said without looking at you, straightening his tie back into place and checking the time on his watch, "you will need to take a call from a new client soon, and it is imperative that you give them the perfect first impression of our company. i expect you to be back here within the next ten minutes." his brow furrowed, the look of someone who'd just thought of something unpleasant flashing across his features when he finally met your gaze. "no more exceptions today."

"yes, sir." you replied obediently, voice hoarse, quickly turning away before the weight of a sudden sadness could show, advancing towards his door as briskly as your state allowed you to. you didn't look back on your way out, even though you so desperately wanted to, maybe deliver a genuine apology now that you knew he was genuinely irritated with you.

but you didn't, and the day continued as it always did, phone calls and document filing keeping you occupied for the rest of your shift, not receiving another word from your boss regarding anything. you tried not to take it personally when he didn't bid you farewell before leaving the building, reminding yourself that it was most likely just the pressure of a busy quarter, cursing yourself for screwing things up and enjoying your momentary bliss before the true consequence of genuine disappointment from nanami anchored you back to the somber reality of your situation.

it was foolish of you to think you'd be anything more than a secretary in his eyes.

#jujutsuhub collab #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen x you #jjk x you #jjk x reader #jjk x y/n #nanami smut #nanami x reader #nanami kento #nanami x you #nanami x y/n #kento nanami #kento nanami x y/n #kento nanami x you #kento nanami x reader

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selfcareparker · 4 years ago

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(lovely anon) i'm so happy to finally be answering this oh my goodness hi gorgeous human being i feel that it has been too long 🥲 SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED SINCE THE LAST TIME I'VE WRITTEN ONE OF THESE HOW HAVE YOU BEEN

to answer the things you have said most recently- i'm so mad that spring break is over bc now i have to go back to life??? like dancing and school and shit that feels so unnessacry 😭 and like i can't just do nothing anymore? i was so used to it and now...... ugh. i STILL haven't played sims (i think it's because ✨depression✨ be hitting sometimes) lol but MWAHAH IM SO HAPPY FOR YOUR NEIGHBOR!AU AND THAT THEY HAD LITTLE BABY LEO!! i feel the name thing.. i just come up with something that sounds nice? i think leo is a nice name, it makes me think about lea michele and the fact that her son's name is Ever Leo but anyway. i don't name my sims after what i want to name my children irl either... idk why though. (i don't know why i'm telling you this but for boy names i love Liam🥰 and if i had twin boys i think i would do Liam and Peter though i am not married to the name Peter.... anywho)

LMAOOO the therpaist coming made me laugh thank you :)) i hope it's helpful? this may be tmi but i've only really had negative thoughts recently and not many healthy outlets so i'm hoping crossing one thing off this sad list will make me feel better :') i think during spring break my anxiety and my depression really spiked? idk, it comes in episodes but yeah THIS GOT REALLY SAD

i think a lot of things when i read your posts but i never say them hahaha so imma say it now: i googled what bon appetit meant ( i also just had to google how to spell it ) but ur right, i feel like bone apple tea makes more sense than bone apple teeth.. the "th" is throwing me off bc how i say it bone appa (like app-a) teet (like you're saying tit but teet lol) so bone apple tea makes more sense to me lol

i never know really know the time difference for anything lmao but est to germany (that's not gmt is it?) is like 6 hours wOAH so it's like 9pm while it’s 3pm here? wowee

i feel mega weird after watching this show called hollywood (darren criss is in it, so is laura harrier and a bunch of other people) but i don't like it💀 i feel really icky rn and idk why but reading your last response to my ask (?) always makes me feel better :')

i am doing what you said btw, i'm typing this on my computer first then gonna transfer it to my phone's tumblr lol but when you said a digital detox, it's interesting cuz i feel like i've been having one since tom's new project was announced? gOD i don't wanna get into it bc i get so triggered but i've been off of instagram since then bc instagram stans literally stand by tom through whatever even when something ain't right- i’m just gonna leave it there bc i’ll continue the rant, but yeah so i took a break lol

also heard abt your driving lesson thing (?) was it that bad? i can't find the old post but someone asked if you hooked up with your lesson person and i was sOOO CONFUSED LMAOO LIKE OK ARIA GET SOME BUT UHH HUH?

now to address the actual response HAHA the way you touch my heart :') by :') bringing :') up :') halle :') being ariel :') (i honest to God don't remember if i brought this up first, forgive me if i did, it's been a minute lmao) i'm always talking about it and i'm pretty sure my family is so tired of me talking about it lmao, but YEAH when i found out they weren't twins i was so surprised but idk why i always thought they were twins? but YOU ARE SPEAKING MY LANGUAGE WITH THE DISNEY TALK- everyone is always like "tiana is my favorite princess" and yea she's strong and stuff but...... she was a frog. for almost the whole time. it's about time we got another one!! i do agree with some people on the fact that disney should just make another black princess but halle is adorable and i was ariel on stage so it's already really special to me :')

yeah lol there are good times with my brothers but they make me mad for a good portion of the time (there's the 12yo vincent and the 7yo daniel but vincent??? psshhh he is a piece of work and i'm not sure how much longer i can put up with him HAJAH AND YES VINCENT IS THE ONE WHO WAS 👁👄👁WHEN I CRIED AND THE ONE WHO DOESN'T LISTEN TO MUSIC- writing this now makes it sound like vincent is awful. which he isn't... we're working on him ig. not to add to the awfulness but no, he listens to obnoxious loud VIDEO GAME MUSIC and won't stop when we ask him to stop... he gets beat up a lot) anyway i imagine being an only child is really calming.. like you have time to yourself and its just you and your parents 😌

yeah let me know if you end up watching it (wandavision)! i think it's great but if you like it lmk!! tfatws is sooo good like PHEW i am honestly loving it. sidenote: j*hn w*lker makes me wanna jump through the screen and choke him to the ground. i was thinking right, and the falcon and the winter soldier (THATS SO MUCH EASIER FAJHKDAH) would techinally be like a 10 hour movie right? because every episode is an hour long and there'll be 10 episodes? like wow. i get what you mean though, abt the racism in the show etc, like looking forward to it but not like..... no i get what you mean i will not try and give another example lol but you make me wanna learn more languages like really badly (bc of what you said about the german to american translation) & if you end up watching hamilton PLEASE LMK ABT THAT TOO HAHAHA i love it so much, same thing with lion king lmaoo

speaking of germany, i was at lunch on saturday with my mom and her friend and we were talking about my schooling and like-- she planted this idea in my head lol like what if i just got my GED and went around the world (to england probably) to get a theatre experience??? and i think it sounds so cool but no where near practical lol, it's just..... the dream haha and i would then try and learn a language 😉

uh yes we absolutely should order basically a resturant meal at a cinema, how about burgers, chips (fries), and a large drink? any time next week works for me, should i pick you up?

also about cherry (which i still haven't watched yet lol) i got the timestamps from tumblr😌 i couldn't find them anywhere else, but i agree, i probably wouldn't even look twice at cherry if tom wasn't in it? like i liked tdatt a lot, but it's not a movie i would be itching to see ya know?

HAHAHAHA THE 24 HOUR NOTIFICATION- i think i have around 1030 hours on sims? but i've had it since 2019 lmao (reading the screenshots, yes u are 100% a genuis, i take screenshots too but on anon you can't upload them so i just read them and retype what i wrote lmao) i think the university experience in the game is fun, but time consuming and it's all work imo. idk why i do it so often tho 😭😭😭

and agreed!! when you're making good money in the game you have to find other ways to make it interesting. my cousins who play it just continously do "motherlode" and i'm like.... then what do you do in your game?? it just sounds boring to me... my current sims household, i had a famous comedian sim, her name was dylan, aND SORRY IM LAUGHING SO HARD WHILE WRITING THIS BC ITS A GREAT EXAMPLE OF THE UNI THING UNLESS IM JUST DUMB, she went to college for communications when i wanted her to be a comedian and when she graduated i realized that degree did nothing for the career 🥲 so yeah, i think i'm just dumb. but she had a kid in college, guy didn't stick around and she was pretty broke HA but then she got married to this (great) guy named steve, made good bank, had 5 more kids (two sets of twins and one more lol) but then she passed. uhm... yeah that's still an open wound . lol i'm kidding, but when you get rich like that, you have to find a way to make the game interesting and i chose a million kids.

(this was one giant paragraph until i broke it up uhh yeah) i seriously don't pay attention to the sims prices and just end up spending way too much money and not being able to finish the rest of the house😭 but then again, i'm so used to having sims live in apartments... if i end up building a house FIRST OF ALL it'll look like what you explained before lmao but i'll tell you if i actually end up building a house HAHA & planning out your sims game is so fun to me lol, did enisa and michael take in his daughter yet? i may be thinking too far ahead lol and i love that they fucked woohooed (i say woo woo lol) in celebration HAHA but when i was playing with this one couple i had them woo woo every night hoping the dude would have horrible pull out game and they would concieve, but one night they were too tired and i was like why? get back in there man. if i was in college and lived with my partner we would be fucking every night homie. be grateful. i have been talking a lot about sims, and like you said: enough 💀 i just love this game a lot 😭😭

SORRY LAST THING i think the sims romantic and sexual stuff is so nice bc its what i want?? LMAO IDK like the whole hot tub thing you're talking about- puh lease ITS JUST NICE TO SEE OKAY

i'm reading the german section over again and i said aloud "my german friend is so cool" lol (i was saying that to my brothers & i know they don't care LMAO) (& i'm glad the uni zoom call went well!!) so on a form, in german, it could possibily say Einführungsveranstaltungsteilnehmer because you would be a participant to an introductory event? i swear german sounds so cool 😌 but i love reading your german lessons!! it's really interesting, most of the time my brain can't comprehend it tho?? like that word makes sense to you, but i need a translation. like to be able to look at that and know what it says.... its just appealing and seems so cool lol i kinda wanna write something out in german but i feel that google translate will fail me. während googeln "google übersetzen" mein Computer war so verdammt langsam und es fühlte sich einfach wie etwas Gutes auf Deutsch zu sagen. ich bin nicht sicher, welches Wort ist "fucking", aber ich mag es lmao (did it fail me like i thought it would??)

LMAOOO THANK YOU FOR BRINGING UP JUSTIN BC WHILE AT THE RESTURANT THEY PLAYED A JUSTIN SONG AND I IMMEDIATELY THOUGHT OF YOU AND THIS STORY😭 lol i was thinking it's depending on your age but not even that either... i really don't know.... but tom's fans are hollanders💀 i would consider myself one? he's the only person i'm really into like that (like a lot lol) so idk lmao (directioners 💔💔the pain is real)

LMAOOO (both of these paragraphs started off with “lmaooo” smh) "i like my men when they look like they are on the brink of death" PLEASE, i don't like pete's blonde hair... i just don't. i'm not sure if i wasn't watching the most recent snls but yea. my mom thinks he looks like trash, but i think he's okay? like he said staten island people just look like trash LMAO and I STILL HAVEN'T SEEN KING OF STATEN ISLAND GIRL I ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT THAT!! now i'm gonna make plans to watch it lmao, & yes agreed i find pete hot, don't ask why i really couldn't explain it to someone he's just .

my favorite songs from rex are from pony oh my goodness 🥺 anywho i'm gonna go eat cereal (i ended up eating bun and cheese instead) and listen to the Stormzy songs you recommended... aria. aria aria aria. i would like to thank you for introducing me to stormzy i- i don't have any words or any emojis to express HOW GOOD STORMZY IS. i hope he's popular in germany/the uk because i haven't heard of him but GURLLLL

one second - delicious i love it. it's really good. it’s not my favorite from the album, but its great.

superheroes - at first i played the non-explicit one (on accident) and wondered why the words weren't playing but i was reading them in the lyrics??? THIS ONE THOUGH??? IS THE BEST SONG I THINK I'VE EVER HEARD. i am so SO SO into black people empowering songs (like brown skin girl by beyonce) and this song???? PHEW I CRYYYYY ITS SO GOOD.... i was gonna quote some lyrics BUT THERS TOO MANY I LOVE, "i am young, black, beautiful, and brave" "black queen, you're immaculate, it's coming at the world, they ain't ready for your magic yet, and that was never your fault" THAT WAS NEVER YOUR FAULT- I ALMOST CRIED THIS SONG IS SO BEAUTIFUL (i played it twice lol)

lessons is another beautiful one, like its slow and it feels intimate and nurturing and just OO chefs kiss, beautiful . like you can feel the apology and the regret... it’s so good

own it - OWN IT OWN IT OWN IT IS AMAZING!! swear you would catch me dancing to this song, this song is so fucking good i cannot comprehend like this one might be my favorite for real... "it's the way you wind up your waist, i'm so in awe, you never have to worry abt nothing, you know its yours, you know you own it" 🥲 i played it two or three times honestly

rachael's little brother - YES I DID LISTEN TO IT LMAO AND YES I LIKE IT, its a very complex song and it's very layered in terms of emotions i think and i really like that about it. i probably won't listen to it that often, but its really good. i would recommend this song to my "older brother" bc he would just absolutely love this

shut up - i was taking this song seriously (also very good) until i heard him say shu-T up LMAO, this one is good, i probably wouldn't listen to it 24/7 like rachael's little brother but honestly its still fire

before listening to blinded by your grace and vossi bop, i know you brought up the religion bit, i definitely don't mind that, especially because i'm Christian lol and i actually liked that he brought up God in some of his songs like idk i just like it🥰🥰

(i then went to bed after that lol but first thing in the morning i listened to superheroes and... that song is probably my favorite tbh, i was gonna write MORE quotes that i loved from it but, yeah no there's too many. if you want i'll tell you lmao but this is already so long i would just be quoting the whole friggin song)

VOSSI BOP IS A BOP (lol) I CANT EVEN LIE, i love a song that hypes up a dude's girl so the line- i love that my phone decided to fail to load the lyrics, lemme google it, okay the lyric "looking at my girl like what a goddess" i was like AYEEE its honestly just really good. and no one in america says "sauce" like "i've got the sauce" but now i do (thanks to love island and Nas from last season) and now stormzy so (also im gonna watch the music video for superheroes bc it looks great so 😛)

(because this is already so long i feel like i shouldn't finish the rest but . no i'm gonna do it)

now for blinded by your grace pt2 idk why i’m nervous lmaoo PAUSE I'M NOT EVEN DONE WITH THE SONG GIRL THIS SONG IS *chefs kiss* no words, speechless PHEW y'all gon make me start jumping around. why did i not know about stormzy before, he is amazing i- ok yeah i finished the song, all i have to say is that Stormzy is immaclucate. period. i am literally sending his music to all my friends he is..... amazing

you want my song recommendations 🥺🥺 hmm uh okay lol i listen to a lot of old music, whitney houston, marvin gaye, queen, celine dion, i love "more than words" by extreme uhmm okay, but for actual music i listen to on the daily? (this is a lot of different music like.... they do not go together lmao so be prepared) a song about being sad by rex orange county, betty by taylor swift and lover by taylor swift and... most of that album lol, treasure by bruno mars lmao, OOOO and versace on the floor by bruno as well, lazybaby by dove cameron, creep by tlc has been on repeat lol, deja vu by olivia rodrigo (i saw what you said about drivers license and AGREED LMAO but i like deja vu a lot more haha) and two albums that i listen to in general, rare by selena gomez and ungodly hour by chloe x halle 🥰 you don't have to listen to all of them or any of them lol but that's a sense of what i'm into :) so basically everything haha, i'm into literally every single kind of music really so i wasn't too surprised that i enjoyed stormzy :’)

HAHASBSJHAHA your h20 story cracked me up,, like "wow these actors are so dedicated, learning german just for us" 😭 the beauty of overdubbing

once again, math and maths, in my mind maths makes sense because its mathmatics, but saying maths doesn't feel right to me lol, like if i said maths i feel like everyone would look at me like ??? and yea i was taught it as math so its just more natural for me. but yes math/maths is disgusting, easily one of my least favorite subjects so .

mkay. i- the first time i read this i could not contain my laughter when you said the only pollen you know is sex pollen LMAOKOOSHBABJFAJF STOPPP I'M EVEN LAUGHING WRITING THIS,, anyway. wow! that's interesting, my dad (<<< mostly anything else) gets migraines from the sun and the heat and stuff, yesterday (sunday, i was outside for like hours watching my brothers play football, the american kind lol) i was in the sun for like ever and i got a headache😔

summer clothes🥲 i need to go shopping fr fr. for my birthday my mom and dad got me a giftcard like dedicated to a shopping spree and we've yet to go so..... i should bring it up to my mom lol, but!! i went bra shopping (ended up returning literally all of them cuz they honestly didn't work for day to day work? its a long story) and if i could i would walk around in this new "summer bra" i got, i would. it's so fricking cute and its really light fabric (which isn't perfect for my nipples but still) so i don't get hot in it, but that bra and some shorts would be perfect. its the closest thing to being naked so

IS THE BIRD STILL BOTHERING U ARIA, TELL ME NOW ISTG, i laughed really hard that the bird isn't stupid and is really trying to torture you LMAOO like i was rolling, it wants you to suffer, badly

when you said "mensus" it was still close to mens!!! latin speaking queen 😌😌

okay STORYTIME i was reading back your response and started (fake) crying bc i love you lol and my youngest brother (daniel) gon say "oh man, catherine's crying about something we don't care about, again" I--- i swear when i tell you about them they sound awful, but they aren't that bad, just the stuff i say about them is sounds really mean LMAO

but the thing you said about being kind, same, what i always say is: don't be the person that makes people say "i hate people" ya know? like there's no reason to be a jerk or anything.... but its true 🥺🥺🥺🥺 you are really kind and every time i talk to you i would like to personally fly to germany and give you a hug 💖💕💞💗💓💝💖💘

& i'm gonna show my stretch marks some love bc of you 🥺😭 i really hate how men have basically everyone conditioned that you can't love your own body </3 fuck them, y'all beautiful :')

also thanks for what you said :')) you literally are the kindest, sweetest person i think i've ever spoken to and i love you 🥰🥺🥲💓💗

READING YOUR TAGS HAHAHHAHA the spelling errors makes everything so much funnier. once again, i like your german lessons & yea!! i'm gonna play sims after writing this hahah

#catherine's tags are back #i don't think i've told you my name before?? #anyway it's catherine🥰🥰🥰 #i'm typing this on my computer (without emojis) and if i didn't edit this you would be reading shit shite like #heartface and pout and cry LMAO #yeah abt the tattoos #some stuff with my parents i'm like deal with it??? lol #my mom tells me "if there's something you enjoy or you like but i don't have the same opinion on it... why would my (my mom's) opinion matter? #and i love that #like i'm not gonna go and do whatever i want #but if my mom doesn't like that i swear (which isn't true just an example) #its like okay.... #but whatever #and your tattoo ideas sound really cute!! #and yeah @ your parents, i mean you aren't getting something wild #and the tattoo album>>> #i'm gonna look up ariana's butterfly tattoos just so i know what you mean lol #but i'm guessing you don't want something so incredibily simple, but not super like over the top? #correct me if i'm wrong lol #LMAO the tags were in order don't worry ! #and yeah lol ily2 <33 #and once again, again, sorry for this post JSHJS ITS A MESS AND LONG AS HELL #and you don't need to go in order of my post its literally longer than your german compound words #u're fine #also !!! while writing this the birds were chirping outside and i was like 😳 #and one of your fics (i’ve read all of them, i don’t remember lol) that valentine’s day one where y/n had lingerie on (the pancake one lol) #inspired me to buy lingerie #like when i look back on me “growing up” #that fic & basically you lol really helped with that #that made no sense and i don’t know how to make it make sense... but... yeah. like ily

hiiiiiiiiiii <3333

Dear catherine, 😌

(you have said your name before, but it wasn‘t like an introduction or anything i think you were talking about .... was it possibly the incident at the cinema??? And you said something like ‘calm down catherine‘ like you were telling yourself to calm down idkd dkdkkdkd anyway i didn‘t mention it cause i wasn‘t sure if it was an accident or not dkdjd but now i know 😌❤️ Catherine is such a cute and lovely name btw omg and so are your brothers‘s names 🥰

Sorry that I‘m answering this so late, it‘s been an emotional rollercoaster for me since last week but i‘ll get to that in a second lol

Sksklssk girl i haven‘t played sims in like 2 weeks now ekejdkdlldld ok that‘s not that long at all actually but i keep wanting to play but then i end up not playing for whatever reason, so no news about my sims game 😔 but i love the names Liam and Peter and for twins!!! That sounds really nice actually

okay i‘m trying to answer your ask in chronological answer even though i wanted to wait for the depressing stuff and write it at the end or something OKAY so. i thought that i‘d feel so good when i start uni and that i‘ll like... have a purpose in life again and just be happy (cause in the last year i didn‘t do much and i was depressed like half of the time lol).... anyway i kind of feel even worse now? 😭 i think it‘s because in my brain it‘s like: university!!! that means your life will change and it‘ll all be so exciting. and don‘t get me wrong it is exciting butttt..... idk the online thing is so weird cause you‘re not meeting any new people (i‘m introverted anyway but still lol) and it doesn‘t feel like you‘re listening to/talking to actual people cause it feels the same as just watching a video?

also i thought i‘d be busy again but i only have one lecture (90mins) a day and theres one day where i dont have any lectures at all and just one day where i have 3 hours but.... idk i mean i shouldn‘t complain about having so much free time but i just don‘t know what to do all day and in a pandemic there really is nothing to do but i also can‘t relax bc it‘s like during the week and i know i have uni the next day and .... yeah.

There‘s also this one assignment i had to do that took me AT LEAST SIX HOURS AND IM NOT EVEN EXAGGERATING????? so that was the only thing i‘ve been doing besides “going to“ lectures. for this one course we have to read two (really really long) texts (like it literally took me 3 hours to read them) and we‘re supposed to post it on this website that all the professors in our uni use. So after 5 days of anxiety (✌🏼) i posted mine this morning bc last night i realised that i didn‘t even know why i was having anxiety so i just posted mine today. The deadline is tomorrow at 12 and no one except me has posted theirs yet........ so i have anxiety again 🥰 cause idk if i‘m the only one who did it or if i even did it correctly

Edit while i‘m rereading this: my anxiety about uni is a lot better and i‘m not as d*pressed anymore maybe it was just hormones? idk but i‘m better so that‘s good

(I started writing this like 5 hours ago and then i randomly completely forgot lol)

I‘m in a better mood now though so let‘s move on from that (oh wait also, i think i‘m gonna see if i can find a psychiatrist bc with my anxiety symptoms (long story) i need to go to a psychiatrist, and so far i‘ve only gone to like psycholgists and it didn‘t help but i think that‘s just bc i was meant to go to a psychiatrist and not a psychologist so dldjdjsj

n e ways but yes you‘re not alone, ily, things will get better and yes i love you (i‘m not good at this type of thing🥲 but i‘d hug you right now if i could <3)

Yess i think the time difference between est and me is 6hours but gmt is uk time i believe? i think mine is called.... cet? For central european time? I could be completely wrong though lmao

Oof i completely forgot about hollywood, i remember when laura kept posting about it on instagram but i never actually watched it and i definitely won‘t now lmaodkdksjsn

Okay my driving lesson LEBDJDKDK I DID NOT HOOK UP WITH ANYONE AKSJSKSMMLM especially not my 40 or 50 year old driving instructor lol i like her but NOT LIKE THAT, the lesson was really really really good actually and i think i‘ll have my driving test soon, but i don‘t even remember why the anon would have thought that??? Oh wait now i remember okay KEKSKDLDL so during the lesson my instructor was like do you mind if i turn on some music? AND THIS WOMAN TURNED ON ONE DIRECTION I LOVE HER so i made a post about it and i said something about the song up all night and i guess i phrased it in a .... idk in a dumb way 💀 so the anon made a joke that i stayed up with my driving instructor all night and NO. No.

Wait did i read that right? YOU WERE ARIEL ON STAGE? SIALDBDJDKSLMSBDKDMDMDKDJSLSMDJFJJEDMBFEKLEFBJDLDVSIDLESKSKWKDKDJDOWNYUEKWNDUWLNSUFLWVSUDLEHDOENSIDBEISBEHENJELBSIEMWUDNRIW KB WOBE JO ON SBEUU HIII S HWS LV W ICH US KB okay this keyboard smash is getting out of hand but uh please do elaborate on that 💘😌???? Like you can‘t just drop that information and not say more??? I forgot if you‘re in like your school‘s drama group (is that a thing? lol idk anything about acting) or in an independent group? Either way - ARIEL that is so fucking cool

Your brothers loooooool, no i get it though obviously you love them and stuff but esp at their age children are so annoying so good luck with them 😭😭😭lmao

Yeah “anyway i imagine being an only child is really calming.. like you have time to yourself and its just you and your parents 😌“ yeah just me and my parents who constantly fight 🥰 lmao no i like being an only child, like i cannot imagine having siblings but i feel like if i had siblings i would be saying that i can‘t imagine being an only child so? but i do think it‘s quite different like i‘m trying to imagine having siblings and WHAT that‘s just so different omg i‘ve never really thought about it like properly ???

I saw a tik tok the other day that was like “sometimes i forget that my siblings have a life of their own. like i see them as side characters in my life“ and even though i can‘t relate obviously i felt that. lol, like i can really imagine how it feels idk what i‘m talking about like shut the fuck up, daria

(also my actual name is daria not aria but i dont like it, and also i wanted to be more anonymous on tumblr so now i‘m aria lmao. pls don‘t mention it though cause no one knows except for you and mel (peterbenjiparker) dkdkdkdnkdnd. but i‘m starting to identify with the name cause everyone keeps calling me that looool😭😭😭 (but i like the name, more than daria anyway? well it also depends on the accent, cause the way germans say daria is okay. the was Americans say it is also okay, but some of my family in England are from the north of england and i don‘t like how they say my name 💀 no offence to them(?) but yeah pls don‘t mention the name in your ask cause the chance of people seeing it is higher then (or if you want to say something about it just send a separate ask and i just won‘t post it (IDK what you‘d want to say about my name but yeah just in case slsldlldmsndnsns)

I‘m loving falcon and winter soldier so much but when i was watching an episode the week before last week (?) my laptop broke😭😭😭😭 during the scene where the dora milaje came at the end my laptop just shut down? And it had these lines all over the screen and i had to bring it to the shop where i bought it and they said it‘ll take 6-8 weeks to repair 💔💔💔 but at least it‘ll be for free, cause if i brought it back to apple it would cost like 400€ (i think that‘s nearly 500$) so yeah. but it sucks cause now i‘m “going to uni“ on a really old rusty laptop and on my phone which kinda sucks. oh yeah and also i can‘t watch anything on there 😭 i definitely want to watch wandavision but it‘ll have to wait🤧

Yessss you should def get your GED! I googled and I‘m still not entirely sure what it is dldks but from how you described it- YES!!!!!!

Idk if you know this? Like no idea if I‘ve told you this already (hmmm wait i feel like we talked about it actually?) anyway i was originally gonna go study in England, but for loads of reasons I ended up staying in Germany and I‘m def happy with my decision, but I definitely want to go to England sometime even if it‘s just for six months or maybe for my masters or something? And (obviously everyone is different) but i think everyone should go abroad and live in a different country once in their life, no matter if it‘s for school or what, and even if it‘s just for a few weeks. But i think that‘s something that you‘d never ever forget! And combining that with your acting/theatre??? You really would be living the dream 💘💘😌

how about burgers, chips (fries), and a large drink? any time next week works for me, should i pick you up?— sounds good see you soon 🥰🥰🥰

i used to be one of the people who‘d just do motherlode motherlode motherlode and just... what did i do? Why did i do that??? But not anymore lol. Like I said i haven‘t played sims in a few weeks but i‘ve been watching a few legacy challenge let‘s plays and usually i play with the aging off. So my sims just don‘t age 💀 but i could (should) turn aging on so that it stays exciting and i have limited time and everything. and once i get bored with my current sims i can just make them have kids and continue playing as their children when they get older- like recently i remembered that i haven‘t played the acting career in ages? and i haven‘t had a shop in ages? and i think you can even become a vet right??? like those are definitely some things i want to do in the next weeks!!! Also yes sksksjs i have a few hundred hours on sims as well (if not thousands 😭) it was just that one household that i‘d been playing with for 24hrs

AND GIRL SSKSKJD THE UNIVERSITY THING HAPPENED TO ME TOO, it was a while ago so i don‘t remember what degree and what job it was about but i made my sim study something for aaaaaages so she‘d get a better job from the beginning (you know what i mean like get in at a higher level)...... and i apparently studied the wrong thing cause i didn‘t get any benefits from studying and still had to start at level 1 and shit 🥴🥲

Oh also (this was like 2 weeks ago) Enisa and Michael did take in Michael‘s daughter and i think Enisa currently even has a higher/better relationship with the daughter than Michael but um💀💀💀 also i was hoping (since michael and enisa married (in their back yard i think lol) that the daughter (i forget what her name is😭) would have enisa as her step mom? Like you know how you can see the relationship and it says daughter or son or sister.. and i was hoping that it would say step mom but it doesn‘t say anything 🥲 but in my mind (and if the sims had proper family relations) she is her step mom😌 also Leo is a teenager now???? I mean I aged him up lol dkdk he was being too annoying as a toddler but i don‘t like children so i aged him up twice in one day and now he‘s a teen, but that means he can look after his half sister when she becomes a toddler which is good (the game recognises them as siblings tho even if they‘re just half siblings? why can‘t they have step family members in the sims🥲) okay i‘ve annoyed you enough with sims ✋🏼

I‘ve been a bit sick these past few days and now i‘m getting a headache so i have to finish this response tomorrow 😭😭😭 </3

It‘s not tomorrow, it‘s 3 hours later but i‘m better lol

oooff when sims are ungrateful and won‘t woo woo (lol i like that) cause they‘re too tired like?? Be grateful that you‘re not living with your parents anymore 🙄 no okay dkdkdkdl idk if you play with mods (i don‘t) but i know there is a mod (or it‘s part of a mod idk maybe wicked whims?) where you can adjust the percentage of how risky a normal woo woo is, like you still click woo woo (3dksksks okay i‘ll say woohoo again— wait is that what’s it called? 😭) but there‘s like a 25% chance that your sim can still get pregnant just like in real life there‘s always a chance of getting pregnant even if you‘re using protection (just not 25% lmao) but yeah i personally don‘t play with mods sksk and you can always just click try for baby but it would be cool if you could add stuff like risky woohoo to the game without mods (i have no idea how to download mods and i play sims on a really really old laptop and sims is literally tje only thing that works on it anyway so—) i repeat my words from earlier: okay i‘ve annoyed you enough with sims ✋🏼

okay i‘m so sorry i‘m gonna watch fast & furious 1 now cause i need to watch f&f 1-5 until the 30th of april cause they‘re only on netflix til then (i mean i could watch them somewhere else but the quality is never as good) so i will finish this tomorrow after all😭

it is now 1 am, i finished the film, can feel a new obsession coming up again (i always have these f&f obsessions for six months before and after a new film comes out)

THE GOOGLE TRANSLATE wkekdjdj tbh it sounds like someone is speaking with some kind of foreign accent i guess that‘s probably because it just is a direct translation and so anyway slsjsj i don‘t know if you asked me what the word fucking is in german? like idk cause the translation is a bit weird but in case you asked lol sidjsjs theres not really a good translation like we just say fuck for fuck lmao, i don‘t know if you typed in fucking in google translate and it came out as verdammt? cause that means damn (or damned sksjjs) ummm yeah idek if/what you asked so imma move on🤧

I‘m not gonna comment on what you said about every stormzy song cause you already said all the important things but SKSKSJSJSKNSNDBDUDOENWBSLSKKHSULSLSKSBSJSKSK I WAS SMILING SO HARD WHEN I READ YOUR RESPONSE FOR THE FIRST TIME BECAUSE AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH finally i know someone who loves him as much as i do 💘💘💘 also since you brought it up, i‘m pretty sure he‘s considered the most successful UK rapper or if not then at least top 3 so he‘s defffffffffinitely big in the uk, in germany more and more people are listening to uk rap too but not as much stormzy cause theyre dumb apparently 🙄 but anywY i‘m sooooo sooo happy that you like him. i think hith came out end of 2019 (i could be wrong but i think it came out on the 13th of december so (in a european way) you‘d write the date: 13.12 and obviously i don‘t KNOW this but i can definitely imagine that he chose that date because ACAB and yes, Michael. Yes. But he hasn‘t made too much music since then so i hope he‘s working on some new stuff 🤞🏼

Also i ordered the stormzy poster😌 also a nicki minaj one bc i decided i‘m gonna have one wall with red-ish posters (i already have two kinda red ones) and one with blue/green-ish posters (already have two) and i can add stormzy to the blue one and nicki to the red one, but i think that‘s it cause if my walls are tooo full it could look cluttered? I‘m not sure how that type of thing works lmao but my room is generally untidy so i don‘t want the walls to look unorganised too so i think that‘s it for now

I really want to finish this now but my brain is getting kinda slow and i need to sleep soon so this will have to wait till later after all 🥺🥴 (not that it makes and difference to you bc you‘ll see this whenever i post it buttttt i wanted you to know that i want to talk to you again but with my slow brain i‘m just taking too long to do it in one day😭😭😭 and i‘m so busy tomorrow hmm but i‘m sure i‘ll have 30 minutes to finish this then <3)

Okay wait I‘m so dumb I didn‘t realise I‘d nearly answered everything i could have posted this yesterday 😭😭

Oooohh that summer bra sounds so nice like if i was confident enough i literally would just wear a top that resembles a bra (or really is a bra lol) cause my tiddies always be looking amazing i‘m just insecure about my stomach sometimes 🙄🙄🙄 but recently i‘ve been loving myself more and more tbh 😌

also i hope you can go shopping for some nice clothes soon ✨😌

I‘ll be honest I haven‘t listened to your song recs YET but only because i wanna take my time with them and i‘ve been so busy and slso AJ tracey‘s album came out last week and I haven‘t listened to that one yet either so ekdkdj (he‘s also a uk rapper like quite popular and successful as well, but i feel like i‘m not gonna like his album cause whenever i‘m looking forward to an album it ends up being really bad and the albums where you weren‘t expecting it turn out to be bangers.... so yeah but i‘ll let you know when i listen to your songs!!!! :)

Omg i keep having to scroll up all the way to see the next thing you said so sorry if I completely miss some of the things you said😭😭

So when you sent this the bird was still bothering me oh my FUCK DKDLDMMDMDMD but now i‘ve been going to bed at like 1-2am so the bird is probably still asleep lool

Okay and for the rest of your ask my response is: 💘💖❣️💚❣️💛❣️💛💕💞❤️💓💟💞💕💕💖💘💝💟💟🧡❤️🧡💞💛💚💓💚💚💚❣️🧡💖💘🧡💝🧡💕💘🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥺🥺🥺🥰🥺🥺💘💘💘💘💘 (okay that looked cuter in my head i don‘t really like the green hearts dldkkdksndnd)

#lovely anon #<3333333333333 #‚‘it‘s literally longer than your german compound words‘ LMAODKDMSLDKSLKS #ignore the comma at the beginning of the last tag????#aww wait i just read what you said at the end of your tags🥺🥺💘💘💘#love youuuu #ooooof i‘m reading my response and do i not know what a period is? like period as in. full stop.#my sentences are literally paragraphs and i use keyboard smashes to separate sentences from each other like what‘s wrong with me???#or ‚lol‘ snd ‚lmao‘#imma need me to do better (did you listen to heavy is the head as a whole? like the whole album? the song do better is stuck in my head toda #today so)#i‘ll try to write normal length sentenced in the future💀#sentencessss*

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thejoshuaglenn-blog · 3 years ago

Text

You're a Good Boy, Charlie Brown

The key purpose of a Tumblr blog here is really a brain dump: logging thoughts, feelings, narrative and such is easier in long form than via a brief Facebook post that generates half a dozen "oh no, what happened" comments. As I'm writing this, most of it seems like bullet points and organized timelines. If you're looking for a TL;DR or current state of thoughts, it's the last section titled The Day After, and the Day After That.

A few days ago, Niko and I said goodbye to our first dog, Charlie Brown.

I'm not keen to chat about it a lot. There's more to process than I have time to type; most of it centers around being fair to myself and to Niko, taking the time to appreciate his life without beating ourselves up, and avoiding the overwhelming mire that grief can become.

Joining the Family

CB was a rescue, a hapless victim of the 2016 Louisiana floods and a happy-go-lucky participant in a "dog for a day" event hosted by a local shelter. I fully expected to rent him out for a day, give him a few great experiences, and return him. For myriad reasons, we never did bring him back to Pet Rescue by Judy, and he's been with us ever since.

At adoption, he was estimated to be around 4-8 years old. With a kicked-in shoulder that offset his collarbone and ribcage, some assorted dental issues, and other little signs of damage (cigarette burns, what the heck is wrong with people), it was tough to really gauge his age. That means he left this world at the ripe old age of something like 9-13, which isn't terrible considering all he'd been through.

Charlie Brown was the iconic good boy. He seldom barked, he never licked or jumped, and just wanted to be in the same room as his favorite people. He had a few toys that he cherished, never ripping them up, just carrying them with him from room to room and whining a bit, unsure of where he could store them for safekeeping. Apart from some separation anxiety issues and an occasional urge to bolt out the door and book it as far as he could, CB was by all accounts an easy first dog: more like a low-effort cat than anything else.

Slowly Falling Apart

Over time, the health issues increased. Intermittent but predictably regular upset tummy. Bad gums, bad teeth. Random gooey skin lesion. Eye ulcers. Since October, we've been averaging 2-3 unplanned vet visits a month — many incurring some hefty bills. We'd take out another credit card, find another financing plan, but it adds up. So does the emotional toil on the family; so does the anxiety toll on the dog.

You start to think about quality of life for the dog, you know? He'd had a few teeth removed to sew up his gums after they kinda detached and fell apart from his jawbone — so he couldn't chew anything hard. Couldn't even chew a tennis ball, which was the only toy he took interest in anymore. Couldn't have any fun treats like peanut butter or other soft chews, as his tummy would have bad flare-ups that usually ended up with him attached to an IV bag. After finally settling in and learning to play well with Atlas, Charlie Brown started to get pretty irritable whenever Atlas got frisky.

He still loved running around outdoors, and was in otherwise great health.

I can't tell you how guilty that makes me feel, even now.

Moving to Waltham

Before we left Orlando, there were so many crisis moments in emergency vet offices where Niko and I talked about how long he could ride this roller coaster. CB obviously was not a fan of vet visits: loved the staff, but was notably anxious and panicky when separated from us, and he had grown very loathe to the process of poking, prodding, and whatnot.

Shortly after moving to Waltham (he was a champ in the U-Haul), Charlie Brown had a severe colitis flare-up. He was losing so much fluid and was growing very lethargic over the day. Vets are hard to get into these days: with the sweep of "pandemic puppy" adoptions, the vet industry as a whole is saturated with demand, and practices are responding as best they can. There were just no emergency clinics available to us within 20 miles, except one that noted "we have no availability, but you can come and wait, and we might be able to see you in 4 or 5 hours." So we did.

It was a very late night. Charlie Brown came home with us with another round of the same antibiotics he'd been taking almost regularly since December for his assorted ailments, and some probiotics. The next day, CB seemed a bit better and brighter, and Niko and I went into the city for part of the day. We came home to find he'd had an accident, but it was just... blood. So so much. And he looked so in pain, so ashamed, so guilty, so anxious.

So we went back to the vet ER. It was another very late night. I didn't know how many of these late nights we could afford; neither of us knew how many of these late nights it was fair to expect Charlie Brown to endure.

Do you plan on letting a pet go after an extended crisis visit? Do you plan on letting a pet go in a time of relative peace?

Camping Analogy, and a Best Last Day

When you're off on a long hike, and you see daylight start to fade as the sun begins to set, you begin to think about finding a good place to set up camp for the night. It's abysmal to do this after the sun has already gone down: where you could have had preparation and structure, you have chaos by flashlight.

A dog's life is in your hands. You're his whole world: all food, adventure, pampering, challenge, treatment, and care come from you. More than anything, we wanted Charlie Brown to have a peaceful, restful life. Now that we started thinking about it, we wanted to be able to give him a peaceful, restful passing as well: not as the climax of another overnight crisis with injections and yelps and beeps and cowering and anxiety and fear, but in the still quiet of familiar sounds and smells.

His very last day was a great one. Fresh Pond in Cambridge: a massive stroll around a colossal lake with an absurd bounty of new smells, kind people, happy dogs, and a brisk New England breeze. He got to swim in a little side pond — that boy lived for jumping into random lakes. He ran around the broad field that is Kingsley Bowl, chasing a thrown ball the very very farthest his sad pop could throw it — and he brought it back. We bought him a steak. We told him how much he brought to our lives.

And then we waited.

Lap of Love is a sort of home delivery service of dignified passing for pets. There's more to say on that hour than I care to pen, but throughout the procedure, we never left him. Charlie Brown passed enveloped in our arms and laps and sobs and hugs.

The Day After, and the Day After That

The rest is just thoughts. Your head starts to feel like a coffee shop where your grief comes in, sits at a table with you, and unloads. You nod, listen, and wish them well. I hope I can keep processing this way — I find it helpful, and less overwhelming.

I wish he had been able to play with his tennis ball more. Since his jaw surgery — even out on Kingsley Bowl, nearly a month and a half after he should have been fully healed — any kind of chewing would cause renewed bleeding and pain.

I wish we had hugged him more. But truth be told, he didn't like hugs. They made him uncomfortable. So we gave him a hand to lay his head on, or a knee for him to pop his head upon, as often as he liked.

There were so many times I felt inconvenienced by owning a dog at all. They weren't the majority, but... now each remembered time feels like a splinter of selfishness.

I miss how familiar the back of his neck felt under my hand, just behind the ears, where the waves of fur meet and crash and make a long cowlick of foof and fluff.

His happy smile and his stressed smile were very similar, but you could still tell which was which.

I loved being there for him in thunderstorms.

When you think about it, we sort of were hospice care for him. We weren't his original owners; we just wanted the rest of his life to be painless and fulfilling. He had so many trust issues when he first came to us. And in the end, he loved anyone he met.

I miss feeling around with my feet to make sure I don't step on him on my way to bed. I miss setting my feet on the floor as I wake, stooping down, and giving his head a good squishy rub.

He never did get to see Boston snow. I mean... thousands of dogs never get to see snow. But I was really looking forward to sharing that experience with him.

I wanted so badly to bring him to a point of health, and then say goodbye when he was feeling well. Seeing him have his Best Last Day, part of me whispered "murderer" with cold accuracy, and I have a hard time shaking it. He was so happy — but between jaw bleeding after playing with a tennis ball, seeing him scratch his eyes that were starting to ache with ulcers again... I know the unbridled happiness came with the reality of his declining health.

Atlas was the best thing that ever happened to that boy. I know Charlie Brown was at least a little disgruntled that his easy-going day-to-day had been interrupted by a chompy puppy, but Atlas brought out the young pup in CB: ripping palm fronds to shreds, playing tug, playing tag, meeting new dogs with confidence and assurance.

I used to get so mad at my mother-in-law for feeding Charlie Brown cinnamon donuts. I wish I'd given him more. Heck, I wish I'd given him more peanut butter. I'm frankly surprised he hadn't died of peanut butter overdose years ago.

Where Charlie's health had limits, we kept going with Atlas. That might mean taking Atlas out to play with a ball or a tug toy, because CB couldn't. It breaks my heart now to think of Charlie at the glass door just watching it happen, all because he physically couldn't play the same. I know he didn't understand that.

We took him out to Park Ave maybe once or twice. I wish it had been more. Truth be told, it was the same as the dog park, though: he was kind of a loner. Loads of people or dogs made him anxious. So while I might idealize the past and wish he had sat at our legs for lunch after lunch at an outdoor thoroughfare, ... I think he would have been miserable. I think he would have rather just curled up at the base of the couch and dozed while we watched a show.

He was so trusting. I could just drag him onto his back and onto my lap for cuddles and a good tummy rub. No complaints.

He looked so gaunt these past few months. I keep looking at earlier photos, and I really didn't realize just how grizzly and drawn he had become lately.

I miss seeing him randomly waiting for me outside the bathroom door — or curled up on the bath mat while I was in the shower, having sneakily nosed the door open and wanting my company while I was rinsing.

For his first few years with us, he was incredibly playful. I've been going through old videos — it's like going outside just blew his mind, and toys were either for cherishing daintily, or thrashing about and throwing to oneself and gnawing. He lost that after a time. He regained it a bit when Atlas joined the party. But it still faded. I'm sure that's inevitable, but it makes me sad to see the early vibrant puppy in those old recordings, and how different he had been in recent months.

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love101imagines · 4 years ago

Text

Will anything happen?

(sinan | imagine)

request: could u please write an imagine, with Sinan having been in love with s/n for years, but he never knew how to tell her that, until she became friends with the group, so he sees an opportunity to approach her.

tags: @zaynlikfalls @girl-looking-out-window @imtoolazytothinkofacoolname

You were sure your life had changed the moment you were doing your philosophy homework during recess, too immersed with trying to finish Miss Ayse's assignment on time you didn't notice how five students entered the room and ushered the rest to leave, even if the room was almost empty.

"What the fuck?" You blurted out confused once someone closed your notebook.

Eda, one of your classmates, sat in front of you, while another boy you vaguely remembered leaned against the wall.

"We need to talk." Osman, a boy you had bought some homework a few times, stated as he sat down next to you.

A quick look around the room made you panic internally, with Kerem, another boy you knew because of his anger issues, closed the door. Your mind tried to come up with a reasonable reason why your classmates you had only spoken a few words were now acting so strangely.

You looked at Osman, the only one you had talked the most out of them, with a raised brow. "Do I owe you something because of the homework? I don't have any money left, I— Are you going to beat me up? What is wrong with you?" You ranted.

"No!" Işik, the one you liked most because of her charismatic personality, reassured you, taking out a chair and sitting next to you. "We only wanted to talk to you."

"We need your help." Eda continued. "It's about Miss Burcu, we want you to help us set her up with another teacher. Otherwise, she'll leave since her transfer is confirmed."

"And this way we'll all make a beautiful thing happen. We’ll spread love." Işik added with a grin.

You furrowed your brows at the strange request. It didn't take you much to see through their act, Isik being the only one who seemed genuinely sad about your teacher leaving, so you just assumed the rest were doing it to their own advantage. Probably because of what had gone down a few days ago during a school debate, in which the auditorium was almost burned down and they were almost expelled.

Still, you had a few questions left. "Why me? I don't know either of them that well."

Eda shrugged. "You have a boyfriend."

"And you two have been dating for almost two years, you must know about love and dates. That really can help us. Isik knows the theory, you know the practice." Osman explained trying to convince you with his businessman smile.

So that was the reason why they thought you were a love expert.

You only could give them an awkward smile, feeling your cheeks slightly blushing because of the obvious fact they didn't seem to be aware of. "Boran and I broke up two months ago."

Being stopped from doing your homework was worth it once you bit down on your lower lip trying to avoid laughing at their faces of sudden realization.

"Fuck. You told us they were in love." Eda complained, glaring at the boy who was leaning against the wall.

He didn't answer, his eyes fixated on the ground while the rest looked at him angrily.

You slowly stood up from your chair while the rest seemed deep in thought. "Well, this was fun but now you've realized I can't really help you. Good luck though."

"Wait, you can still help us." Işik tried, standing in front of Kerem once she noticed he wouldn't let you leave.

With a huff, you sat down back on your seat. "(Y/N), dear. You're the only person who's been in the longest relationship in the whole school." Osman continued. "Come on, help us. This is what you and Isik know best."

You thought about it for a moment, almost flinching when Kerem suddenly stood next to you even if Osman had already said that you didn't owe him anything and even if you did, they wouldn't beat you up.

"Don't worry, he only talks with his fists but we need you."

You looked up at the boy leaning against the wall, now realizing where you recognized him from. You couldn't really blame yourself, after all, Sinan usually skipped classes or never participated, only sleeping most of the time or drinking his flask. You were almost sure you had done one or two school projects with him and Isik, because even if she was the smartest girl in the class, nobody else wanted to work with them, too annoyed with the boy and his usual remarks.

He stayed silent throughout the whole interaction until you shifted uncomfortably because of Kerem and how you only knew him because of every time you had seen him punch someone during a basketball game or recess. But right now, he only glanced at you for a second before returning his gaze back to the ground.

Kerem glared at him. "I'm so sick of his bullshit."

"Calm down." Osman said once he noticed the tension in the room.

You only chuckled, almost giving in to their offer once you noticed Sinan glancing up at you again for a few seconds. But still, you couldn't do what they were asking.

"I'm sorry, but I can't. I'm going to fail Philosophy and Miss Ayse has sent me all of this..." You said referring to the numerous papers in front of you, most of them highlighted with your own handwriting in some notes. "I'm literally fucked with this, and I can't fail another subject again."

Still, Osman wasn't going to give up. "Sinan will help you."

"What?" You both said at the same time.

"If he helps you pass, will you help us too?" Eda asked hopefully.

"These assignments aren't to help students learn what they don't understand, they only exist so teachers feel even more powerful having someone else's future on their hands." Sinan spoke, annoyance clear on his voice.

Kerem rolled his eyes. "You're the man for the job. Every sentence you say sounds like a riddle."

"Can you help me? You can lend me your notebooks if you want, I can manage." You said, trying to ignore the fact that he was always sleeping in class.

He fumbled with his hands, not answering instantly which made you wonder if it was because of a hangover or if he simply didn't like you. "I...I'm not good at writing down notes." He explained.

"But he's really good with philosophy!" Işik added nudging him forward. "He's in the debate team too."

"There you go, he'll explain to you what we covered and you'll help us make Burcu fall in love." Eda concluded.

Before he could disagree, you nodded. "Okay, deal."

They seemed finally grateful, and before you could think better about what you had just gotten into, the bell rang. You got up from your seat and started gathering your things, not noticing how the rest left and how Eda practically pushed Sinan forward in your direction.

"I'm sorry you assumed I would be of any help to you." He started somewhat reluctantly, stopping once you looked up at him in the middle of leaving your notes on your bag.

"Sinan, we've done a few projects with Işik before, and even if you didn't come to my house you helped out in the end." You said forcefully, not taking no for an answer.

Under his impressed look, you paused for a moment as he started helping you with your things, knowing you wouldn't be able to do it before the next class started.

"So..." You started with a soft smile. "Your house or mine?"

As Sinan opened the door for you, you thanked him with a silent smile before entering his house. You gathered your surroundings, amazed by the numerous pairings hanging in the walls while you followed him.

"Sinan, your house is beautiful. I can't believe you never invited us before." You said leaving your bag on the floor next to the couch.

"I have to make lunch for my grandpa and feed my dog..." He trailed off opening the fridge on his kitchen.

You made your way towards him after taking off your jacket. "I'll help you." You offered, taking the bowl of dog food out of his hands before he could say anything.

As you petted his dog, he left a tray of food for his grandpa and then you both sat down on his couch, you looking for a highlighter and him fumbling the only pencil he had.

He cleared his throat a bit, your knees touching while you unknotted your tie. "We're seeing idealism, right?" He asked and continued once you nodded. "Um, it can be classified into subjective and objective idealism, the main difference is that one believes the object is more important, and therefore, it's independent of our consciousness."

He gave you a side look to see if you understood. You looked at your notes, confusion clear on your face as your brows furrowed and you tried to search for what he had just said. You expected him to snap at you for not understanding, which would only cause you to get even more frustrated and to storm out of his house, but that wasn't the case.

"It's fine." He said patiently, taking your notebook to help you search what you needed. "Here, you mixed them up. You should remember that the objective idealism regards as the prime source of being not the human mind, but some objective other-world consciousness."

"And the subjective denies the existence of objective reality." You carried on connecting the dots.

You fixed your notes, a green highlighter on your hand, and the cap between your teeth.

Sinan stood up from his seat. "Tea?" He asked.

You nodded. "Please." You said with a smile, noticing how the corners of his lips curled in a small smile.

After that day, your usual routine changed completely. You planned the perfect date with the rest, helped with the fake fight between Burak and Kerem, went to a rock concert, and even got closer to the rest. You weren't sure, but you felt closer to Sinan after spending every afternoon at his house.

You saw a different side of his, a boy who cared for his grandpa and tried his best to help you with things you found difficult, not losing his patience and explaining it as much as you needed.

At school during recess you flopped down on a bench, Sinan sitting at the end of it like usual. “What’s up?” He asked.

"Look at this!" You beamed with a grin pushing a paper into his hands.

He raised his brows at you before reading your test, you waiting expectantly for his reaction. "You passed Philosophy?"

You let out a sigh of relief. "Yep, no more assignments from Miss Ayse. Now I can help you even more with Miss Burcu, it's a shame she has a boyfriend. We're fucked."

"You aren't." He pointed out, slowly taking out his flask from his jacket. “You can stop with everything if you want, you’ve achieved what you wanted and nothing changes for you if Burcu leaves.”

You scoffed. “Do you really think that of me? That I would leave all of you now that we don’t have to study anymore?”

He only shrugged, going to take a sip of his flask before you stopped him, your hand on top of his. “Can you...not? Please. I don’t like the smell.” You explained taking the flask from his hands to his amused look.

Sinan rolled his eyes and took the flask out of your hands, except this time he didn’t drink from it and only left it back again on his jacket.

With a soft smile, you stood up. “Come, let’s go to my house and have lunch.”

“Why?” He asked confused about why would you want to hang out with him but nevertheless stood up.

“I’m hungry...and we have another Music project to do. I don’t have a partner so, lucky you.” You tugged on his arm to walk.

“Lucky me.” He teased.

With your music cassette playing on the background a Tarkan song and a few books scattered on your bed, you continued with your research on Mozart, your legs crossed while Sinan sat opposite you.

After fumbling with his pen for a few seconds, he looked at you. “Can I ask you something?”

You glanced at him after taking a sip of your water. “Sure.”

“Why did you and Boran break up?” He asked curiously. “Everybody thought you would get married like the two high school sweethearts you are. Were.” He corrected himself.

You shuffled uncomfortably in your place, biting the inside of your cheek as you looked at the boy in front of you. You smiled weakly before starting to talk. “Um, dunno. I mean, things weren’t as smooth like they were at the beginning. I didn’t feel the same and he thought that I had too much...baggage, so we talked and decided to end things. We’re still friends though.”

Sinan’s face softened at your words. “I’m sorry, I thought you two...”

“You thought we were in love, right?” You interrupted him, your voice teasing but quiet. “I remembered Eda said that the first time we all talked, how did you know?”

He looked away as a small blush crept on his neck, and you only waited for him to answer.

“A few years ago we had a History assignment, do you remember?” He asked slowly.

You furrowed your brows. “Sinan, we have History assignments almost every day.”

He rolled his eyes. “Yeah, but this time I was with Işik and we needed someone else and you volunteered. Then she dragged me to the library and we spent some time together.” He continued trying to make you remember.

You thought about it for a few seconds until you came to the realization of what he was recalling, your mouth opening in surprise. “Yes! I remember. You slept the whole hour until I told you to help me with the dates.”

He nodded, not talking for a moment and avoiding your look before he took a gulp of his flask, ignoring how you sighed when he did that. “I...we didn’t talk much but I knew that you could see something good in everyone, even in me.”

Sinan struggled with his words, so you left the books aside and moved closer to him. “Why didn’t you talk to me after that?”

He rolled his eyes. “Why do you think?” He answered sarcastically. “You met Boran and...it wasn’t worth it. He was better for you.” He explained with his usual emotionless tone.

He looked at you for another moment, his eyes slowly trying to figure out your expression. For a moment, you basked into the attention he was giving you shamelessly, remembering even more about what had happened two years ago.

“Işik! Guess what! After you and Sinan left I met this super cute guy. His name’s Boran and we talked and he asked me on a date tomorrow!” You gushed to her the next day you went to the library to finish your History assignment, not noticing Sinan’s expression, a mix of jealousy, disappointment, and heartbreak.

“Sinan...” You started slowly. “...did you have a crush on me?”

Eyes darting from where they were fixed on your face, he stared at his lap. “Why would it matter? I’m sure you and Boran will fix things and...” He paused and took a sharp breath. “...you’ll be back again with him. You’ll forget about us, living the true romance fairytale you’ve wanted your whole life.”

Once he finished his rant, he grabbed his flask to take another sip again but you were sick of it. “That’s not true!” You scolded taking the flask out of his hands, leaving it next to your pillow. “And that wasn’t my question, why are you like this?”

He didn’t answer, only moving forward to reach for his flask, but you were faster and cupped his face to make him look at you.

“Sinan, you should have told me. Do you like me or no?”

He stopped breathing, his chest visible not moving as he stared at your eyes. “Yes.”

Your breath hitched in the back of your throat, realizing all of a sudden how close you actually were. Before you could think about it, with your hands still cupping his face, you pulled him towards you and placed your lips onto his.

He was clearly caught off guard, but it didn’t take long for him to kiss you back and place his hands on your waist, a few pencils falling off your bed while he moved to be closer to you.

Out of breath, you broke the kiss, your hands remaining on his face while he looked at you, studying every inch of your face trying to read your expression.

“Things have been different between us in the last days.” You said, your voice coming out like a whisper.

He hummed, waiting patiently for you to continue. “I...I just got out of a fucking long relationship and, I have a lot on my mind.”

“I understand.” He nodded, your hands falling to your side finding his.

Your thumb traced soothing circles into the back of his hands and his eyes almost fluttered shut at the sensation. “But we could try, right? Not a relationship right now, but maybe a date first.”

“Yeah. Yeah for sure.” He mumbled.

He had already waited two years to finally tell you how he really felt, but it seemed like it was worth it seeing how you were smiling at him at that moment.

#love 101 #love101 #burcu #eda #kerem #osman #sinan #ask 101 #aşk101imagine #aşk 101 #aşk 101 imagine #aşk101 #love101imagine #love 101 imagine #sinanimagine #sinanxreader

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gone4neow · 5 years ago

Text

The New King ♔ dks

Chapter Four

- kyungsoo x reader, royalty AU, prince!kyungsoo

- warnings : swearing, mature content, arranged marriage, good looking men

- word count : 3,080

chapter three or chapter five or masterlist

♔ ♔ ♔ ♔ ♔

The princess held onto Sehun's hand loosely as they made their way towards the fitness hall, where they were going to be participating in some archery. Sehun's friends trailed behind them closely, all chattering away excitedly about the sport. The princess was excited herself. She had grown up learning all about archery, since her father claimed it was only logical that he taught her in case she ever needed to fend for herself in the wild. She hadn't so far, and perhaps she never would have to, but she had grown to be excellent at the sport.

She was so used to be included in things the rest of the world deemed too masculine for women that she was genuinely surprised when the group of men excluded her from their fun after their arrival. She watched all of them ready up to enjoy themselves while she stood off to the side. They smiled and laughed with one another, all selecting the finest bows she had ever seen in her life. The frown on her face could not be hidden, no matter how much she tried to hide it.

"The princess seems sad today. What have you done now, Sehun?" Baekhyun spoke to his friend loudly, making sure that the princess heard every word. She continued to look in a different direction and pretended she had not heard a single one. Sehun glanced up at his future wife and a frown of his own formed on his face.

"Nothing. I'm not sure what's wrong with her," Sehun remarked. Kyungsoo handed his brother his bow but didn't join in on the conversation. He was curious as to what had upset the princess himself, but it wasn't the place or time to make such a fuss. The men continued on with their activities, taking turns releasing their arrows from their bows. The princess was impressed with their abilities but she knew she could do better.

"Do you want to learn how to shoot a bow?" Sehun during the boys' snack break. They all looked at her while they ate on their sandwiches. She wanted to laugh at his question, knowing good and well that she already knew how to shoot a bow.

"Are you saying I have permission to use the bow?" She answered with a question of her own. Prince Sehun held up his bow to her as an offering and she could not have moved quicker to take it from his hold. She felt as if she had been given water after being dehydrated for months. The group boys started to chat amongst themselves loudly as they watched the princess pick up an arrow. She stood where the prince had stood only minutes before, copied his posture, and pulled the string of the bow back without any complications. Suddenly, the loud volume behind her came to a halt. There was only silence as she readied her arrow.

A moment later, the arrow was released from its hold. It soared through the air in one smooth movement before it buried itself in the center of the target the boys had been using. She couldn't keep the corner of her lips from lifting into a victorious smirk. The boys behind her erupted in a sudden chaos.

"Did you just see that?"

"She shoots better than Jongin does!"

"Jongin? She shoots better than all of us combined!"

"Speak for yourself Baekhyun. You suck at archery."

"Yah! You want to make it personal do you?"

She turned on her heels and walked back over to the group, where she handed Prince Sehun his bow without another word. He sat with wide eyes and parted lips. She was surprised when he began to laugh with disbelief.

"Where did you learn that?" He asked her.

"My father taught me," she confessed. If her mother seen her now she would have a stroke immediately. It felt nice to be able to show off her skills to someone that wasn't her father.

"He should give Baekhyun lessons," Jongdae joked as he wrapped his arms around the man's shoulders. Baekhyun didn't even disagree - he only nodded as he took another bite from his sandwich.

"He left to return home this morning," The princess told the group of friends. She already missed her father and his honey-like eyes.

"Your father shouldn't allow you to participate in a man's game," Sehun told her. From his tone, he hadn't intended for his words to have such a venomous bite to them but they did. The princess felt her heartbeat skip as anger began to seep through her veins and circulate to her heart. She looked at him with raised eyebrows and every man near them took a step backwards. Even Kyungsoo, the man in which she feared had become frightened for his brother.

"Why? Is it because I do it better than you or is it because you can't do it as well as I can?" She retorted. Prince Sehun scoffed.

"Better than me? That was a luck shot. No woman in this universe would be able to shoot a shot like that more than once," he continued on. She narrowed her eyes at the man, and tried to remember the last time she had been so angry. The only person to ever get her this riled up was her mother. She was so sick of living in a world where people found women inferior to men. Without another word, she picked the bow back up and returned back to her place in front of the target. A few minutes later, she had shot three arrows into the center of the target. She turned to look at the prince with a scowl. He was staring at her as if she had just kicked his puppy.

To drive her point home, she picked up one last arrow. She aimed it at his head, to which he jumped up from his seat quickly. She released it, moving the bow at the last minute so the arrow would land where he had just been sitting. He gaped at her in disbelief while his friends cackled at the sharp gasp he had released at the moment the arrow had flown in his direction. They began to applaud for the princess as she neared them. She paused in front of Sehun before she shoved his bow into his chest. His hands grabbed at its wooden frame just as she let it drop from her hold.

"You should be careful when speaking in such a way to women. Not all of us go along with men's idiotic views of us," she told him. It was the last thing she said before she left the group of men standing with their half eaten sandwiches and wide eyes.

"That girl," Sehun hissed under his breath.

"Yah, if you don't marry her I will," Baekhyun told Sehun as he wrapped an arm around the man's shoulders.

"I've never seen the princess so angry before," Jongin commented as he turned to look at Kyungsoo. The prince looked away from the princess's retreating figure and up at his friend. He agreed quietly and watched as Jongin shook his head in disbelief.

With her father gone and no friends to run to, the princess found herself deciding between two places to run to for comfort: her chambers or the stables. Ever since her trip to the village, Prince Kyungsoo's horse had been a thought stuck in the back of her mind. She wished she was able to ride Striker throughout the entire kingdom. If she focus hard enough, she could almost feel the air blowing in her hair already. It had been such a long time since she had been able to feel as free as she did when she rode liberally on horseback.

Her mind told her to hide away in her chambers because it was only logical, but the adventurer in her heart was screaming to go to the stables. She navigated through the castle until she was met with the warm air outside once more. Guards were scattered throughout the area but she was not concerned with them. She had a goal today.

The stables weren't busy today. Horses ran freely in their fenced in areas and the princess was so awestruck by the sight that she had to stop and observe. She laid her arms against the top of the fence and rested her head against the soft skin of her arms as she watched the beautiful creatures enjoy themselves. When she found Striker hanging out near the far end of the pen she couldn't help but raise her head to look at him. She clicked her tongue loudly, hoping to gain his attention. Just when she thought he hadn't noticed her, he began to gallop in her direction. A wide grin formed on her face and for the second time that day she felt victorious.

The horse neared her but did not fully approach her. He was somewhat shy, despite his obvious boastful nature. He raised his head highly as if taunting the other horses with how beautiful he was. She laughed and stuck her hand out at him. Still, he kept his distance from her. She called out his name lowly and in a loving way soon after. It was like the princess had attached a pair of magnets on her and the creature. He came to her instantly, allowing her to pet his snout tenderly. She shared compliments in the form of a soft whisper as she did so, already forgetting the events from earlier.

The princess was so focused on the horse that she hadn't heard the footsteps approaching her from behind. It didn't help that the footsteps were quiet, even against the gravel covered ground beneath them. Prince Kyungsoo did not speak as he came to stand next to the princess's side. Instead, he found himself reaching out to pet the horse lovingly. The princess glanced over at him and sighed softly once she realized it was him.

"Did you know I would be here?" She questioned quietly.

"No. I came to visit Striker. I can't say I'm surprised to find you here, though," he admitted to her. Her face contoured into confusion at the admission.

"Why?" She couldn't help but ask.

"I seem to find you in all of my favorite places. Are you stalking me, Princess?" He told her with a hint of teasing in his voice.

"The idea of stalking you hadn't popped up into my head yet, but now that you've mentioned it I can't say it's a bad idea," she replied to him.

"Why's that?" He wondered aloud.

"Your the only person in this entire kingdom that hasn't given me a complete headache yet," she told him. He laughed an airy laugh, as if he weren't completely convinced it was the truth, and let his head drop slightly.

"My brother doesn't mean to hurt your feelings. He was brought up to believe the things he does," The prince tried to defend his brother after a brief session of silence. The princess looked away from him and back at the horse in front of them.

"Then you must believe the same things," she commented with a dry mouth.

"No," The prince denied. She looked back over at him curiously, as if she would see a sign on his face that would scream I'm a liar. When she didn't find one she felt her heartbeat quicken. His stare was as intense as ever and the thought of him viewing her as a woman who wasn't just a pretty face or a helpless maid had her feeling a way she had never felt about a man before. Oh, how easy it would have been if they universe had given her him and not his brother. It was like a wave of confidence washed over her now that she knew the prince looked at her as an equal.

"I'm going to go somewhere. Would you like to join me?" The prince spoke before she could. She was thankful, as she wasn't sure what would roll off of her tongue in that moment.

In less than ten minutes, Kyungsoo had gotten Striker ready for a ride and had turned to the princess to help her climb on. She waited for her to join, surprised when he settled behind her instead of in front of her. He handed her the reins and didn't say a word about it. He didn't have to. She understood everything from the way he had looked into her eyes. He patiently told the princess what direction to ride in and she listened. That feeling of freedom that she had craved earlier had washed over her entire body in the span of just a few minutes. Though her hair was tied up and could not blow in the wind as she had pictured it, she did feel the warm glow of the sun hitting her exposed skin. Kyungsoo leaned back as he felt the cool summer breeze brush across his face, and he knew that this was a memory he would never forget. He could hear the sound of the princess laughing freely for the first time since he had met her and it paired so perfectly with the sound of the birds hiding away in the treetops as they rode through the woods.

They eventually arrived at their destination. Kyungsoo helped the princess climb down from the back of Striker. She thanked him quietly but did not look at him - she was far too interested in the sight before her. The prince had brought her to a natural spring, that resembled a small, raging waterfall. It led to a small pool of water that looked far too inviting as they stood under the rays of the sun.

"This place is beautiful. How did you find it?" The princess spoke in a dreamy tone as she asked the question.

"My brother has a tendency to upset people, I suppose. I come here when I need to clear my head," he explained to her. He watched as she approached the small pool of water with fast footsteps. She raised the ends of her gown as she stuck her toes in the water. It felt perfectly cool against her warm skin. Without a second thought, she let down her hair and shrugged off her gown. Kyungsoo's eyes widened as he watched and wondered if his face was as flushed as he imagined it to be. The princess climbed into the water once she was left in nothing but her undergarments, which consisted of underwear and a thin, white gown. She ducked underneath the surface of the water and emerged a few seconds later, screaming out in delight as she pushed her hair out of her face.

"Join me!" She called out to the prince.

"Princess, I don't-"

"My name is Grace. Call me by my name when we are alone."

"That's pushing boundaries."

"It doesn't have to be."

The two stared at each other without speaking for a moment. Kyungsoo's heartbeat had never raced like this before. He had brought the princess here to convince her to forgive his brother, or so he had convinced himself that's why he had, but he wasn't so sure he could do that now. All his life it had been Sehun who had gotten everything he wanted and Kyungsoo had finally found something that he refused to let his brother have. With that thought in mind, he began to shrug off his royal garmets one by one. His skin felt on fire under the burning stare of the princess but he continued his actions.

The princess admired him from her spot in the water. His skin was the shade of the sweetest caramel and it glowed beautiful as the sun shone down on the man. The way he looked at her would intimidate anyone else, but she felt almost comforted by the sight. He joined her in the water with footsteps that seemed too drawn out for her liking. His face reveal how deeply he enjoyed the feeling of the cool water tickling at all inches of his skin.

"My mother would murder me if she found us out here," The princess whispered quietly, needing to say something.

"My father wouldn't approve of me being in this situation with my brother's fiancée," Kyungsoo replied lowly. It was wrong. Everything about it was wrong. Why was it so right, though? The princess felt similar to the prince, but as she swam closer to him all the thoughts in her mind were slowly vanishing. She wrapped her legs around his waist once she was close enough to him and brought her arms to rest around his neck. He watched her closely, not knowing what her next move would be. He never did.

She stared at him for a moment before she leaned forward and pressed her lips against his own plump, heart shaped lips. He was frozen for a second, not responding to the kiss. She went to pull away and her body already glowed with embarrassment. Kyungsoo lifted his hand and rested it against the back of her head before he connected their lips again. This time was far better than the first. The kiss was slow and dripping with so much passion that she could feel it crawling up her spine. The prince surprised her when he let his tongue dart across her bottom lip, and she couldn't resist allowing him to taste her. She knew, as she kissed the prince back feverishly, that there was no chance that she would ever be able to love the eldest prince. She was putty in Prince Kyungsoo's hands.

When they parted, they were panting slightly as if they had just finished a game of tag. Their eyes were locked, both not knowing if they could look away. A small smile formed on the princess's face and before she knew it she was throwing her head back with joyful laughter. Prince Kyungsoo smiled widely at the sound.

"Lets never return back to the kingdom," she suggested once her laughter had faded away.

"We'll run," he told her in a gentle tone. All smiles and laughter were gone. She let one of her hands rest against the side of his face, her thumb running over the skin of his round cheek softly. There was a sad expression on her face.

"We can't."

a/n : hi!! just wanted to pop in and say thank you to everyone that has been reading my story! i’m actually quite shy when it comes to sharing my works and this is the first time i’ve actually published anything so i hope everyone enjoys it! i also wanted to clarify that i don’t think Sehun would ever make comments such as the ones made in this chapter or even believe in any of that - but it’s fiction and i feel that in this time setting and au he would definitely use these kind of common beliefs to get under the princess’s skin. point is : Sehun is a sweetheart (or as sweet as an Aries can get, haha)

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