#// i tagged the more major shit so hopefully thats okay.

[softlittleheartsandsparkles]

i read your pinned post. I've never been in the age reg community but can i ask, what does pure/impure regression mean? these are words I've never seen before.

I'm not in that community, I don't really want interactions with that community. Thus I don't feel comfortable talking about it too much. But honestly Impure regression - It comes from the idea people involuntary regress. This does happen. But this is in folks with severe mental health struggles like trauma disorders (Ptsd/cptsd, DID, OSDD, BPD..) autism, adhd, and even sometimes individuals who struggle with anxiety disorders. Examples don't necessarily mean baby talk. But more so maybe even feeling vulnerable or just very scared like a small child. Can be brought on by flashbacks/memories of trauma. I don't like the term impure because it's suggesting basically there's something wrong. I also don't like the term vent, because again it suggests something is wrong. I mean is something wrong? Yes. It's mental health, but it's apart of peoples conditions & those people hopefully can get access to skills & take their time, and find people who are comfortable. But labeling it as impure, thats not okay. Even vent isn't okay. Like it should just be treated as part of the condition, rather then trying to be packaged in labels & trying to make people fit those "labels". (Like what if we did this for depression? "Oh your unbelievable sad and you watch sad movies to experience emotions. Thats so pure depression of you! You wear dark clothes? So pure depression of you! >W< I love pure depression peeps." - "oh you wanna self harm! dang thats pretty vent/impure depression if you ask me. pls tag that shit! Its totally triggering me!" - "dni if your a impure/vent depression blog!!! ONLY PURES PLS!" this would raise major eyebrows. Not to mention it's basically pushing shame on topics people should be able to discuss in spaces that are designed to be safe.) Equally "Pure" regression is a term I dislike. Due to the term, it gives the idea it's better. The idea of pure through comes from a similar concept I heard in DBT. Which is "Mini vacations" So doing activities to allow yourself to relax. Free of self judgement. Examples could be watching cartoons/shows, or doing crafts and activities you find relaxing. Again- This is a common tool mental health providers will teach people. So they can self soothe & move to distress tolerance, work on mindfulness /grounding skills. & learn you can offer up relaxing periods without necessarily needing something bad prior to "allow" for it to happen. My issues stem that. There was so much discourse when I was in the community for like 7 months that "pure" is "better". and that vent/impures are "bad", and I saw a lot of also people who regress due to trauma/ mental health struggling in feeling alone or icky or "othered"/different. & equally I really don't like the idea of labeling different symptoms (Impure, ex: dissociation) and then coping skills (Pure, ex: coloring) in a positive. I feel like this is people trying to make sense of terms like maladaptive skills, but the thing is, even as someone who DID a trauma group, when we went over maladaptive coping, what it is, why do people do it, and had examples. they were never demonized or seen as "lessor" "worst". There were examples and if you connected with it, you can bring it up with your private 1:1 therapist. (Like for example, maybe someone sees "shopping addiction" as a maladaptive coping skill. Looks at it and goes "yeah... ha... I do that". They they could talk to there private therapist and work on that. Talk about it, and the feelings that come up around it/ things that trigger it/the urge, and look into methods that could help them cope better.) Equally when we went through healthy coping skills, if anyone did them, it's not like we collectively slapped there back and said "WOW your so much better than those Maladaptive coping skill people." because it could equally add shame to anyone who doesn't know how to cope. It's one of the reasons why I moved away from the online community. But yeah hopefully this explains the two terms. =^-^=

[ianthinegalimatias]

> Atmora: Calm down.

You’ve been through this before. All you need to do is clear your head. Breathe.

If only it were that easy.

Four days. It’s been four days since your last use. Music is blasting as you attempt to lose yourself in your paperwork, hands shaking. You keep dropping the pen, and it’s driving you crazy.. Not a single damn word on the page, and yet, the date is for tolight. You’ve been needing to finish these damn things, the date looming over you like a cruel reminder.

“God.. damn it.” Your muscles ache, you can barely think as you mark down a few calculations. The finances were relatively simple to figure, dictating what funds you gain from.. sales, for lack of better term, go toward what. This wipe, you’re putting a large majority toward the repairs needed for the office. Aurum had quite the episode the other light, which cost you your damn desk and a chair. As infuriating as it may be, you can’t blame the guy- you’ve been there. Holes in your hive’s walls speak miles for the happenings behind closed doors, and you’d much prefer sinking into your chair to finish your paperwork.

Well, if it wasn’t destroyed.

For now, you’re resting on your bed, curled in a heap of blankets. The papers lay on a cutting board you absolutely never use. Another few lines, numbers practically laughing in your face as you attempt to ignore the throbbing migraine creeping into your frontal lobe. A hand shoots up to rub at your temple, a frustrated groan croaking from your throat. Just a few more calculations, then you can take a break. An hour nap, a cup of coffee, anything to stop this headache.

Against every screaming fiber of your addiction, you’d managed to throw away your entire stash- easily a hundred thousand beetles, you remind yourself. You could’ve sold it! You could’ve done anything with it, even.. Well, you aren’t going to let your pan go there. 

“FUCK it!” You throw the cutting board off of your sleeping platform, eyes trained on the pen in particular for no actual reason as it goes careening toward the floor. As you curl in on yourself, you feel your claws digging and searching, for what is lost on you, however. Your chest feels like it’s going to explode, the rushing of blood audible in your earholes as you curl further inward and let out a loud, frustrated wail. Everything hurts and every damn time you stop this shit, you’re very swiftly reminded of it. Deciding to slip out of bed in hopes of a warm cup of coffee, you nearly stumble a few times with your abnormally slow gait. You’re not used to feeling so low, your energy feels like it’d been sapped entirely and you hate it. You hate this, you hate feeling so damn awful. Before you can even get the filter in the coffee maker, you lean over the counter and rub at your face in an attempt to get a hold on yourself. The hyperventilating you’re doing isn’t doing your lungs any favors, that’s for sure- and it’s only causing more trouble as you shakily pour in grounds and lay your head on the counter to wait.

You’re pacing, suddenly. It doesn’t even feel like you’re causing the movement, quickened clicks of your hooves across linoleum with arms tucked firmly to your chest. The pounding in your head is getting worse, your lungs feel as if they’ll collapse any second if you don’t just fucking breathe--

-- That familiar warm, wet feeling builds in your sniffnub, a wince slipping as you dart to the ablution block. A rushed grab for the gaper paper by your sink and you’re stuffing it, watching that disgusting not even violet surge into the material and soak it far too quickly. This has been happening more than you’re used to, as your nose gets used to the moisture once again. As you’re finally staunching the flow, a cramp wracks itself across your abdomen and you clutch it and bend to the floor. You would’ve knocked your head had you been any closer to the gaper, thankfully you didn’t.

..It takes you a long while, writhing on the floor and digging at various patches of skin in agony, for the pain to subside. Everything hurts, and you want it to stop so damn badly. It crosses your mind to grab for your phone and contact Coinyx, he always keeps a spare stash for this kind of shit. Your thumb is shakily lingering over the call button before you manage to rationalize against it, despite what the pulling, burning urge makes you feel. You need to stop, you’ve already set yourself on this path and you’ll be damned if you let yourself fall so quickly. 

It’s been FOUR days, you practically yell at yourself, and I’m already this goddamn low. The aching hasn’t died down entirely, unfortunately- and you know, as much as you dread it, that tolight isn’t going to get any easier. 

You hear the coffee pot beep a few times, signalling that it’s finished brewing. However, instead of getting yourself up to prepare a cup, you find yourself huddling closer to the cold wall of your ablution block. 

..Maybe, despite arguing against it for so long, so many times..

Maybe you really do need help. Just this once.

You break out into a cold sweat as you hold the paper to your nose once again. It’s gonna be a long light.

[all-hail-the-witcher]

Idk if your asks are open, but, "I thought I could trust you" with ralbert???? Owo

…okay so….

hello everyone. oh boyyyy

so this fic, well, its a Bit of a train wreck. well, maybe kind of not? but theres a story and im going to tell it anyway.

Once Upon The Beginning Of Last Semester Sometime mikey and i were like “lol lets Finally have an angst off !!” and we had you guys pick prompts and were like okay bet lets Do This. and i came up with this completely wild crazy idea and was like “okay this is going to be Great.” well, spoiler alert, i got a few thousand words in and realized that it was Not what i wanted so i rewrote it and came up with a new plot. and then i got Stuck.

meanwhile, mikey had finished his fic like Weeks before and was like “saph cmon are you gonna finish it?” and i was like “uh maybe yeah” and i tried and failed. and tried and failed again. and then life smacked me in the face for awhile. and then mikey was like “okay im just gonna post mine cause i kinda like it and you post yours when youre ready” and he did. and its very good. and im kind of glad we didnt have a competition cause he could have won.

you can read his fic here (and i recommend that you do cause its some Grade A Mikey Angst) although if your someone who has a fear of someone leaving you because you cannot/will not give them sex i would suggest not

and so. that fic sat in my drive for several months. and then my short story writing teacher was like “you need to submit a 4th short story!!” and i was like “well shit the world is ending and im out of ideas!!” and then i remembered this beauty. in all its glory. half finished. actually less than half finished. it was a mess. a whole disaster. and i left my planning sheet at school, so…

but i hunkered down and i ground out some half decent garbage, complaining the entire time to mikey (thanks for listening to all that by the way) and finally, last night, at 1am, was the proud owner of this.

its not the best thing ive ever written. and its obscenely long. but it is finished. and actually edited. and also turned in to my short story writing teacher but were not going to talk about that. its also vaguely based off of several fall out boy songs. and this prompt. which has been sitting in my ask box for At Least a year. 

its essentially the epitome of This Great British Bakeoff Meme:

so. now that ive essentially written a fic about my fic, i give you This:

_____

Dusted

ship: ralbert

genre: angst no happy ending

warnings: violence, implied and referenced character death, alcohol, unknowingly being drugged, concussions, head injuries, weird hallucination type things, betrayal, loss of mother, anxiety, panic attacks, near death experiences, i think thats everything. also its based off of fall out boy songs. that should tell you everything you need to know.

words: 8108

editing: actually yes !!!

_____

due to the sheer Length i posted this only on ao3 to not clog up peoples dashes and theres a lot of italics and i didnt wanna do it all by hand cause tumblrs dumb okay. (also since its tagged as major character death it shows up with that Potential Adult Content thing. theres no sexy times i promise, ao3s just doin me dirty)

also yeah i made a new ao3 acc, expect more on there in the future

read the monstrosity here

_____

well this has been The Strangest fic posting of mine essentially Ever.

what did you think tho?

comments are always appreciated, hmm to be on the taglist!!!

tag list

@fairly-awkward-trashcan

@sun-kissed-star

@racetrackcook

@ughwaitwhat

@aw-jus-let-em-try​

@voice-foundshoe-lost​

@stopthe-presses

@ridin-in-style

@pinecovewoods​

@i-got-no-clue-what-im-doing​

@getchapapes

@be-more-chill-evan-hansen​

@stellar-alpaca

@saxoph-ella

@smolcanadiankid​

@disney-princess-sized​

@the-newsies-justice-for-zas-blog​

@spot-conlon-king-of-brooklyn

@have-we-got-news-for-you

@thatfancyclam

@myidkwhatmynameisblog

@legoflambwrites

@not-a-scab

@albertdasillvaprotectionsquad​

@entschuldigung-bitches

@thebroadwayaesthetic

@tea-and-theater

@seasickdolphin

@auspicioustarantula​

@newsies-of-ny

@mrs-higgins

@spot-me50-papes-deactivated2020

@papesdontsellthemselves

@deathcast-s

@the-poodles-of-pulitzer​

@hopefully-not-the-ghostbusters​

@humanracoon

@irondad-spiderson-duo​

@albert-eats-cookie-cake​

@nico-nat

@localfakeitalian

@carryyourownbanner

@writing-makes-me-antsy

@racetrackyeetgins

@panpervinca

[chasing-rabbits]

Looking through your blog I can’t find any pro vegan posts...

Uh? I am a vegan blog....I dont know what you mean by pro vegan I would argue most of my posts are pro vegan? What specific posts did you have in mind to classify as pro vegan?I am sorry am I getting attacked here for not being a big enough advocate on my own damn blog? Okay first off this blog was made whenever like a year or more ago and was left dormant for awhile if you go into my archive you’ll see I didnt post regularly recently I’ve started using it again. During that time I’d gotten a twitter I got into a lot of twitter discussion debates and outright arguments defending veganism and being ‘pro vegan’ as you put it.It drained the fuck out of me it made me angry and feel sad and disheartened at how people had no empathy so if you mean you can’t see me arguing with carnists on a daily basis on this blog then no you will not find any arguing on this blog or you’ll find minimal amounts of it.Honestly this blog is my nice place to talk to OTHER vegans okay. I dont particularly want to engage with trolls because a majority of people on here who want to scour the vegan tags that aren’t vegan are trolls who just wanna shit on us just like the dude on twitter mid january who posted a picture of a pig and then mhhm bacon underneath the image in the veganuary tags who I DID call out and so on bcos that pissed me the fuck off.I’m sorry that I am not vegan enough for you anon but you know that is life. Now if you want to see what I consider pro vegan then it’d be me reblogging posts about vegan foods vegan nutrition vegan statistics about stuff.I do not reblog gore or upsetting images no because MY mental health cannot handle that and tbh it doesn’t really do much online at least to shock someone into going vegan because unlike on the street you cant really have a heartfelt conversation about what they’ve just seen on the monitors behind them its more just someone scrolling along and getting angry and us just getting mostly ignored because people act online ruder and louder than they would in public so they react with that typical anger when their cognitive dissonance is broken they aren’t likely to do that in the street in front of everyone they’ll be more civil and listen and then hopefully see past the anger and change. Now do you mean that I myself do not make a lot of posts? Well yes you’d be right I don’t make a lot of text posts about much of anything if i am honest. I reblog or I upload pictures and things I find on weheartit. But I wasnt aware I had to make the text post for it to be my beliefs and be pro vegan pretty sure if I just reblog something pro vegan that is me also being pro vegan.Also again I really don’t know but this came off as hostile so I am being a bit defensive maybe you are genuinely curious I do not know I’ve just logged on its 6am and the first thing I see on my blog is this message. I don’t get what your issue is? I have reblogged plenty of things about veganism so...I mean most of this blog has vegan posts on it every day im on here posting im reblogging vegan related posts alongside other things like cute cats and mental health stuff. What do you actually expect from my blog then to be considered pro vegan? I was not aware there was a certain check list all vegans had to meet to be considered pro vegan....I mean you are literally talking to a vegan right now whose been one for 5 years 6 this september...So tell me this 5 year long vegan is me being vegan and reblogging vegan posts now not enough does every vegan have to be out on the streets shouting meat is murder to be considered a tru ‘pro vegan’ i dont know I dont quite get the use of your phrase pro vegan because surely me being a vegan is more than pro vegan I AM ONE...so...???I am totally and absolutely confused where this has come from what hornets nest have I angered over night for me to get this anon?Here is some posts on my blog:https://vegan-ism101.tumblr.com/post/181887909275/animals-are-sentient-living-beings-who-form-close

https://vegan-ism101.tumblr.com/post/180652539520/i-have-said-it-once-and-i-shall-say-it-til-i

https://vegan-ism101.tumblr.com/post/180103502360/shit-carnists-say

https://vegan-ism101.tumblr.com/post/179940285705/oh-my-god-people-in-the-comments-telling-me-its

https://vegan-ism101.tumblr.com/post/179941347680/their-pulling-out-all-the-stupidest-anti-vegan

https://vegan-ism101.tumblr.com/post/179361081260/vegan-logic-preaches-about-compassion-but-also

https://vegan-ism101.tumblr.com/post/181939488190/carnists-act-like-vegans-are-the-only-ones-eatinghttps://vegan-ism101.tumblr.com/post/188689013555https://vegan-ism101.tumblr.com/post/188788223839/acti-veg-it-is-often-said-that-if

https://vegan-ism101.tumblr.com/post/188810572135

This is just some I found....Enjoy...I feel like you didnt look very hard into my blog did you now.And in before you say these posts are from early last year and before that in 2018 well thats because for the past year I’ve been fighting with PALS and been very mentally unstable whilst being refused treatment stigmatised and even more ive had multiple doctors and specialist appointments because ive been physically sick so I’ve not exactly felt as up to making the posts you can see ive made on this blog prior because my real world life was falling apart and for the first time in 4 years i self harmed again by smashing my head against a brick wall and a fridge and so on so yeah my life irl wasnt great and i didnt want to come on here and also be dealing with idiots so in before you try and mention these posts arent within the last 6 months or so.

[whichwitchami]

Spirit board journal 5/10/17

okay, so I am gonna go ahead and do this whole journaling thing. For anyone who cares, I’ll title them just like above (except with the proper date of course). I’ll tag them ‘spirit board journal’ in case anyone wants to blacklist the tag AND fair warning, there will be major UPG’s in pretty much every journal. Also, I’ll put the actual journal part under a cut cos I have no idea how long these posts will get. So here goes

Today was a freaking doozy. I’m exhausted for one, and I have no idea half of what went down...

Some background, since this is the first post I’m making. I used to be terrified of spirit boards. I believed that whole ‘they set themselves on fire’ shit that mainstream media was passing around. And while I have a healthy respect for the fact that they CAN be unsafe, I now understand that its really not that bad. Because of my past beliefs, I’ve only been using the spirit board for a few months. (and I still don’t really like calling it an ouija board. I like spirit board better. I’m not totally sure why) At first I couldn’t even get it to work ever, and if I was gonna get it to work I had to work with somebody at my fave shop who has been doing this for over 12 years. Now I’m getting pretty good at it, and a lot more relaxed. 

When I approach the board I’m usually pretty chill. I don’t have much of a ritual. I usually have candle going for an energy source, and I take a few deep breaths before really getting started. Other than that I don’t do anything. From there I just kinda  keep asking who is around/ who wants to talk until everybody who wants to responds.

Tonight was no different. Máni immediately jumped on the board to say hi and check in. He’s usually the first one around. We got through the whole “hi how are you?” cos I do that at the beginning of each conversation, and then he brought up something that literally everyone has been bringing up. There’s this person that I really like, but I don’t see anything happening between us. At least, I tell myself that there might not be anything because I have to keep a level head about this. So Máni brought them up then immediately was like “oh but I can’t tell you anything about what might happen between you. Just...keep talking to them.” okay...I can do that. I understand why he won’t tell me anything but its really frustrating because I’m just a big bundle of confusion when it comes to this person and what to do, and I would like some guidance. Máni likes to let me do my own thing though. Free will and all....

When Máni said goodbye, Apollo almost immediately jumped on. Now, Apollo rarely comes to the board, so I was a little wary. First of all, I asked how he was and he said “god” I asked if he meant good and he said no, I’m a god. Then said he was doing good. He told me to keep practicing, then spelled out the name of the person I like. I work with Apollo to keep me motivated in my craft, so I thought that’s what he was talking about originally. But then he mentioned the person and spelled out ‘trust’ which is a word that came up a lot the last time I had a session on the board, also in tandem with this person. (I’m intentionally being really vague about them sorry) Apollo didn’t say much after that. 

Persephone came on after that. This is maybe the second time I’ve spoken to her on the board. Now, I wanna mention, my sister and I had a conversation two days ago maybe about how it was one thing for Mani to be like YES, TALK TO THIS PERSON because he’s my personal cheerleader, but if Persephone or Aphrodite were to show up and talk about them, that would be a little more of a big deal. So persephone shows up, and after the ‘hi how are you’s’ goes straight into spelling out their name and love. 

This is where I started to break down a little. I took a pause because at this point, I wasn’t really sure if I was talking to a Deity or if the board was channeling my inner subconscious. How weird is it that right after a conversation with my sister, Persephone shows up and says something, when Mani wouldn’t give me anything. So I took a moment to remind everyone that I would really like some reality checks with this. I don’t want to get my hopes up if nothing is going to happen between me and the person I like. I don’t want them to blindly tell me ‘yes they like you back’ because thats’ what they think I want to hear. Even after saying that persephone very blatantly said “they love you.” I’m still a little dubious on that. Tonights session really brought on a lot of self doubt. She insisted she was telling me the truth and again spelled out ‘trust’ That’s been a huge theme, I just have to keep doing what I’m doing and trust that things will turn out the way they are supposed to. 

So I got through that, then Dionysus showed up. This was the first time I’d spoken to him on the board (at this point the only greek deity I worship that hasn’t shown up is Poseidon.) Wait no, Hades hadn’t shown up yet either, but he will. I just kinda look at the board and tentatively say “what do you wanna talk about” the response I get is ‘oh, you already know’ so we talk about this person for a moment and then Dionysus leaves. He didn’t say anything different than had already been said, and again I’m doubting myself because I’ve never spoken to him on the spirit board before. It’s random AF that he would show up for a 30 second conversation about a person I don’t want them giving me false hope about. 

After that things shifted gears, like complete 180. HOly fuck. Hades jumps on the board, and that’s not unusual. I talk to him maybe 90% of the time I communicate with spirits, no matter how I’m communicating. When asked, he says he’s not here to talk about the guy I like. He’s here to talk about my uncle who passed away in March. Cue the fucking waterworks. Hades and I originally started working together because I really don’t handle death well at all. I have abandonment issues. So I’m bawling while Hades is telling me my uncle is okay, and then all of a sudden I’m talking to my uncle, whose telling me he’s okay, he’s with his mom, he’s happy. I’m fucking bawling, then getting concerned that maybe this is a trickster spirit feeding off of the emotion. The response I got to that was “it’s okay, I’m okay, I’m safe, You’re safe” For a while we just sat together, because I had no idea what to say. I was not prepared for him to come to the board at all. After a bit he told me they all (both grandparents and uncle) were looking after my dad and everything was okay. 

I had to take another pause after they left because I was crying so hard. When I got it together I asked Poseidon if he wanted to come to the board. The answer was no (he wants me to worship him but never really communicates with me... that’s a problem for another time.) 

So I take a deep breath and ask if anyone from the Norse Pantheon wants to talk, since I worship a bunch from that too. Mani jumps right back on to ask if I’m okay and tell me he loves me (such a wonderful father figure to me) Once he knows I’m fine he leaves and Loki jumps on. Now, I don’t actually work with Loki. In fact, he wouldn’t let me near him for the longest time because I was obsessed with Tom Hiddleston and he knew I wouldn’t be able to differentiate. When I started worshipping the Norse more than the Greek he was kinda like ‘eh, you can talk to me now but you’re gullible as hell and I’m gonna take advantage of that, so maybe we don’t actually work together.’ Cool. I can respect that. Except every time I get on the spirit board, Loki is there. He mostly just spells his name over and over until I tell him to stop. He just wants to fuck around and I let him for a bit before asking him to go, and he listens. 

That’s not what happened today. He spelled his name a few times and I asked him to stop, and instead of saying goodbye like he normally does, instead the planchette just kinda hung out on a blank space on the board, which for me usually means they’re thinking or waiting for me to say something. So I asked loki if he had a message. “When are you going to admit I can help you?” 

Oh...okay....I wasn’t expecting that. I thought we agreed not to work together. So I asked what he could help me with, and he didn’t say anything. I asked if it was kinda like Poseidon where I can’t be told, but have to figure it out. Yes, okay...I still have no idea what, but I’ll do some research and look into that and figure it out I guesss...(I’ve been working with Poseidon since February 2016 and still have no idea what he’s planning on helping me with. I just know he’s important. I don’t usually worship a Deity unless there’s something we both get out of it, like some kind of growth or strength for me) I then asked if Loki even wanted to work together and he said yes...so welcome to the club Loki. 

After Loki got off the board no one else was jumping on. sometimes my spirit guide or spirit companion will jump on but they didn’t wanna talk today. A random spirit jumped on to say hi before the board went completely silent. 

there’s so much to process from tonights session. I still don’t completely trust that I was speaking to actual spirits or manifestations of my deepest inner hopes. Thats’ part of the reason I’m starting to journal, so I can track conversations and potential patterns. Hopefully it’ll help my confidences as well. Like I never doubt that I’m talking to Mani when he appears in tarot or using the pendulum. With the board though, I get nervous that I’m pushing the planchette, or I’ll know exactly what its going to spell out before they even start. I don’t know if that’s because I’m really good at hearing my deities when they speak or if its because the board is saying what i want it to. That’s where a lot of the lack of confidence came in today. I predicted a lot of the responses, plus heard a lot of what I wanted to hear “they love you” for example. Even after I asked them to be realistic and not give me hope because I really want to stay grounded in this situation. 

this got super long and rambly, and my computer is kinda lagging as I type, so I’m gonna stop and post it. If you read this far, congrats, I don’t know why you would deal with my ramblings for this long...

Also if you feel so inclined, you’re welcome to comment. I may not respond or give any more details, but I’m not opposed to discourse based on my experiences either.