#// casually mentions my 2nd muse and minseon (whom both my muses are 100% endeared of)

[hwanhd]

i'm alert, it's a curse, yeah, it hurts i don't know my own strength ― red on my valentino.

evaluation day comes and hwan brings an old piece to the table.

the past days to week has hwan busy with a new experience he has never gone through before. sure, he has performed before in monthly evaluations and what not, but this time it feels different. with the freedom and creativity that they are given, hwan decides to bring out an old song; one that he wrote when he first started liking music, a song he first wrote after getting out of his slump from his child acting experience. a song that gave him a new life and motivations of living, and a composition of who hwan is.

before he presented his idea and song selection out to suho, whom had eagerly meet his excitement as they work alongside helping one another with the stage production of their individual performance, there is a small aching feeling to his heart that never leaves like a ghost residing in an abandoned house. as much as it is his first song, one he wrote many years back and despite the ones whom had known him as klein on soundcloud, had listened to it - he wonders if it would be enough to impress. wonders if he has actually grown with the ability to showcase his true self.

the ideas comes on later, that instead of performing as the song is originally composed, he settles with the idea of reproducing the song with some band music elements from his recent hyperfixation on tweaking with band application and watching movies with band themes. hwan decides that instead of relying on samples he could get online, he gets the help of doyeon and her bandmates to help with his preparation (though not without offering a sort of benefit to doyeon in the form of 'information revolving minseon'. hwan feels threaten that there is someone out there who is after minseon's best friend position but he knows that minseon would never replace him with anyone else).

it's a rebirth hwan thinks, when he takes a day to attend their band recording session that is held a few days before the evaluation day - the drums doyeon plays enhances his music maturely, the strings of the lead and bass guitars plucks out a heavier heartstring, and hwan's vocals and rap verse easily compliments his own song when he runs a practice round. the band won't be there physically on the day hwan gets evaluated but in that moment of their recording, he finds a sort of peace in music that he has never experienced before.

the evaluation day comes, as he gets himself ready for his stage. the coat he wears feels heavy on him; as if overwhelmed. "don't screw this up, hwan. it's your own song and you will own your stage" he mumbles to himself in his native language before he's called for his turn once one of his fellow trainee mates has their stage wrapped up. the raven haired trainee gets worried about the remarks, considering the judgement comes when each performance ends but as he positions the microphone stand in the center, hwan throws all thoughts aside as he takes a deep breath. it's do or die, the worst can come later.

his performance is simple compared to the others, but given how hwan's previous evaluation had him dancing and forming choregraphs and formation lines, such stage he present for his own comes off as a reversal charm. the mr version of his recording plays, starting out with a classic guitar intro as hwan paces around the floor as he gets himself absorbed into the rhythm. he closes his eyes and he places a hand over the microphone when he moves closer, humming along the second line of the guitar. the first verse comes easily, as hwan sinks into emotions by singing his line.

his performance is kept simple and clean with his movements being gestures created from his hand and arm motion. when the second verse comes, he takes the mic off from the stand, now using the stand as a prop. as the music progress, his movement gets bigger with bold gestures and body movements yet kept simple without any actual choreography. the drop of his music comes after the second chorus before he continues as he vocally scats to bridge and ends the song with calm demeanor, keeping an eye contact with choi yohan who's seated in front of him.

hwan bows once he is done and as a staff comes to take the microphone stand away before bringing in the props for the next trainee. he waits as the panel before him discuss among themselves as they write remarks, possibly in regards to their scores. jang hei-ran is the first to speak, "i must say, it feels like we are seeing a new hwan lee, to which, isn't a bad thing. in fact, it surprises me that you are capable of such calm performance in contrast to the hwan we know, who brings talent and passion to the stage. what surprises me mostly, is that you are capable of singing. admittedly, when you started the song, we were all taken aback with the genre since i'm sure that not only myself, but as well as ceo yohan and director haru, had totally expected a more rap styled performance. you have definitely built an image for yourself being a good rapper, but with this, you gave us more reasons to expect more. and definitely, we hope that you will get to shine more with your singing capabilities."

choi yohan adds, "it was definitely surprising to see how talented you could be. i would also like to give props to you for bringing an original composition to the table, and having heard the original version of when we first casted you, i must say i am definitely impressed with the way you had reproduced this song and the image that you have created. i believe we have ourselves someone who may be one of the best singer-songwriter of the generation. and of course, it would be nice if you have the confidence to showcase your singing in the future, hwan-ah."

the last to comment is the creative director, ahn haru himself. "my thoughts of your composition is the same as ceo yohan and consultant hei-ran, which we all know you have the talents for not only the basic skillsets of an idol but also as a composer and songwriter, but for me there was something lacking in terms of your creative performance. while we could see that you can write good songs and was able to deliver an overall good performance by bringing out your raw skills, it lacks creativity when it comes to showcasing yourself. it felt that you had played it safe by only using one prop to which was the microphone stand, but personally, i felt that you could challenge yourself to show an even better stage presence. you could try incorporating more usage of props, or a small bit of choreography especially when you get to the climax of your song. because it's only you in the stage and that there was no live band in particular, it felt rather empty with all consideration that you were doing hyped song as compared to singing a ballad that requires less movements. i hope that you would be able to utilize the space around you to not only fill up the lack of presence, but so you could feel more comfortable. even if you had tried to walk around each sides instead of sticking within the center, it would have brought up more flavor to your performance."

"thank you for all the feedbacks, i will work harder with the stage ideas," hwan takes the advice sincerely despite it being the first that he has heard of rather 'harsh' feedback in a while. at least with this, hwan now knows what he needs to work on even more aside from practicing his singing and composition skills.

overall, hwan is satisfied that he was able to execute his performance without any bad hitch, and that itself, is an achievement of his own.

― 1347 words