#// but he went several years without knowing (and we didn't know either)

[demonsfate]

I MEAN......... I DON'T THINK THEY'RE WRONG ANYMORE.........

[athenalvss]

SECRET LANGUAGE ( circus! batmom )

summary: Batmom and Dick have a different connection than with the rest of the family, they even have their own language, causing the rest of the family to become exasperated.

pairing: batmom x batfam

open request — batmom masterlist

Although Batmom loves and protects all members of the Batfam equally, she shares a special bond with Dick Grayson. It wasn't about favoritism or privilege —there never was— there was simply something different about the connection between them. And while the rest of the kids understood (more or less), that didn't stop them from raising a fuss whenever something clearly exclusive happened between batmom and Dick. How dare they have inside jokes about their past lives right in front of them? Give each other those silent glances that sparked entire conversations without saying a word? It was outrageous!

Except for Bruce, he had given up a few years ago, he could never win his wife, and he wasn't trying either.

── .✦

Between them, they have a sort of visual code developed over the years: raised eyebrows, half-winks, tapping the table... any excuse to silently mock some absurd situation. The rest of the Batfam pretends not to notice, but they're fed up. How could they be left out of this?

That's why everyone was there gathered in one of the rooms of the big Wayne manor, well... "everyone" is a way of saying, everyone was there except you, Bruce and Dick, but the rest of the family was there sitting on the armchairs while they watched Tim enter with his computer.

Tim walked into the room with a confident stride, and with a satisfied smile, he projected the image, showing his hard work. "Welcome to the secret meeting of the marginalized children" he reached the center of the room, causing everyone to look at him, leaving a PowerPoint presentation titled "Spy Project: Sign Language According to Batmom" in the background.

"Does it have an index?" Steph asked, already taking mental notes.

"Of course it has an index" Tim replied, opening the first slide. "Section one: The gestures. Section two: The looks. Section three: Revenge on Dick."

"Shouldn't we call Bruce too?" Duke asked, a hint of hesitation in his voice.

"Bruce? Bruce gave up years ago," Jason said. "And he can't help, he doesn't even try to guess what they're saying."

Tim changed the slide. A slow-motion video showed a kitchen scene from two weeks ago: you, pouring coffee; Dick, leaning on the island; both of you shooting each other a quick glance… followed by a synchronized laugh. No one else was laughing. Just the two of you.

"See that? That was a complete, wordless joke! Wordless!" Tim exclaimed, pointing the laser pointer at the screen.

"And right after, Dick told me he was laughing at the dog on the news. Blatant lie!" Jason shouted indignantly.

Just as Tim was getting into the most important part of his analysis—a slide titled “The Raised Eyebrow: Criticism or Mockery?”—the door softly opened.

"And what are you all doing together? I like it, but it's weird," you asked with a relaxed smile, walking in with several recyclable paper bags in your arms.

Dick appeared right behind you, also laden with bags, and said with disarming ease "We went to get things for dinner. Mom wanted to make her lasagna, you know…"

The entire room froze. Everyone stared at the projector screen, which was still showing a snapshot of the two of you in what appeared to be an intense telepathic conversation during a gala.

Jason was the first to react, standing up from the chair with his arms raised. "I TOLD YOU WE HAD TO GO SOMEWHERE ELSE."

"What's all this?" you asked, raising an eyebrow.

Dick looked at the screen, then at the group, then at you. "Were we being spied on?"

"Spying is a very hard word, it's just a deep analysis of your gestural conspiracy," Tim exclaimed normally.

"We call it... emotional connection" you said, calmly putting down the bags.

"And we call it 'betrayal,'" Damian muttered, arms crossed, visibly hurt.

"It's not treason if we've always been like this," Dick added with a smile.

"That doesn't make it better!" they all shouted at the same time.

You and Dick looked at each other. Raised eyebrow. Smile. And then you burst out laughing without saying anything.

Jason covered his face with his hands. "Of course they're doing it again. In our faces. No shame whatsoever."

Bruce watched silently from the stairs, nursing a cup of coffee. "I told you not to try to decipher it."

── .✦

The Wayne Manor dining room table was, as always, a battlefield disguised as a family dinner.

"You have to accept that Red Hood is a better public figure than you!" Jason bellowed, pointing his fork at Tim, who barely dodged it.

"Public figure? Please, your reputation is half a step away from an arrest warrant," Tim replied quietly, but with venom in every word.

"Tch. He's got it, Pathetic," Damian muttered from his spot, not even looking at the others, busy cutting his steak with surgical precision.

Bruce sighed. He said nothing, as usual. Alfred, stoic, poured more water with the elegance of someone who has seen a thousand wars at that table and survived them all. Amid all that noise, you leaned back a little in her chair and looked at Dick, who was sitting across the table. He wore a stoic expression, but when he felt your gaze, he raised his eyes. And then it happened: that knowing look.

It was barely a second. A meeting of eyes with a restrained smile, a slightly raised eyebrow on your part, and a slight nod from him. A silent gesture that said:

"Same thing again?"

"Always the same."

They both held back their laughter at the same time, as if they'd rehearsed it. No more need be said.

"Are you laughing at us?" Damian snapped, his fork in the air.

"No," you and Dick replied, perfectly in sync.

"Here we go again..." Tim muttered, "This isn't normal!"

"We're not doing this on purpose," they both said, again, at the same time.

Jason brought his napkin to his face. "Okay, this is disturbing."

"Have you been practicing?" Steph asked.

"No" you said in unison, and this time they looked at each other immediately after, holding back their laughter.

"Enough!" Tim shot up from his seat. "They literally have a secret script! It's like they share a neural chip!"

Alfred, unperturbed, poured more water. "I must say, master Tim, this has been going on for so many years that I'm surprised you're still alarmed."

"Thank you, Alfred," both said at the same time, without even looking at each other.

Bruce sighed and muttered, more to himself than to anyone else, "I never had a chance to fight."

Damian, arms crossed and looking annoyed, grunted. "This is unbelievable."

"No," Jason said, "It's a cult, and we're not part of it."

Dick shrugged at the same time as you. "We're not that predictable," you chorused.

and in unison they all shouted: "YOU SAID IT AGAIN!"

── .✦

It was a quiet night. Miraculously quiet. Everyone was sitting in the living room, no missions or alarms. Even Bruce was relaxed—relatively so—with a glass of wine in his hand. It was one of those family reunion nights they had every Friday night.

Tim was lounging on a beanbag with his laptop, Jason was flipping through a magazine without really reading, Damian was trying to teach chess to Steph, who was just moving the pieces around to annoy him. Alfred was passing by with a tray of cookies, ignoring the chaos with his trademark dignity.

But on the main couch, away from the rest, Bruce, Dick, and Batmom were surrounded by photo albums. They'd started under the guise of "organizing memories," but had clearly fallen into a nostalgic spiral.

Suddenly, a photo caught my eye: You were younger in that image, dressed in your iconic illusionist outfit, black top hat, black and white suit, with a shiny cape that reflected the light, and Dick, barely ten years old, in a tiny trapeze artist's outfit, smiling as he hung from a rope. The image showed a moment in the circus, when they were a different family, before Bruce came into their lives.

"It was fun living in the circus," you looked at the photos with a touch of nostalgia. "Except when the tiger escaped."

Dick immediately burst out laughing. "That was just one time! And technically, he didn't run away…"

"It's true, he didn't escape, you let him out."

The laughter shared between the two of you filled the room like an echo from the past. Bruce watched you with a mixture of curiosity and resignation.

"Were you always like this?" he asked, half joking, half serious.

"So how?" you asked with feigned innocence, while sharing a quick glance with Dick.

Bruce frowned as he watched from his seat, confused. "Was that a sign?"

"No," you and Dick answered in unison, with the same smile, that tone that made it clear it wasn't the first time they'd done it.

Bruce sighed. "But what does that tap on the arm just now mean?"

"Nothing" you said again, while Dick tried not to laugh.

"Liars" Bruce said with a resigned smile.

Then, very slowly, Bruce raised both eyebrows, tapped the table, and looked directly at Dick. There was a second of silence. Dick looked at him, you looked at him. And you both blinked, surprised.

"I've been practicing," Bruce said, with a hint of satisfaction.

"You did well, darling," patting him gently on the arm that was around your shoulders.

At that moment, from across the room:

"What's going on now?!" Jason yelled, throwing up his arms as if he'd just been betrayed.

"Bruce speaks your secret language too!?" Tim almost choked on his popcorn.

"This is... unacceptable," Damian muttered, squinting.

"Welcome to the club," Dick said, raising his glass to Bruce.

"They'll never understand," you whispered in Bruce's ear, smiling.

"I know. And it's glorious," he replied, his expression completely serene as chaos erupted around him.

[ellouchi]

Girl can we get Jimmy/Curly d!ck hcs and like…. Jacking off habits??!!! 🤷‍♀️☺️🫀

I will try anonie but know for the fact that I'm a super virgin and I've avoided real proper porn for years because I was scared LMAO. I have approximate understanding of what's going on down there but I love imagining meat beating hcs~

Warnings: nsfw obviously, gn reader, slight homophobia in Jimmy's part, Jimmy's part in general, mild dubious consent (you know where)

Side notes: there can be mistakes here and there I'm too tired to fix them~

Curly

— I would imagine his dick is really a sight to behold — it's truly a beautiful cock and our man could easily become a pornstar if he wanted to. When people who have seen him naked point this out, Curly bashfully downplays himself, but on the inside he feels proud and a bit excited by the thought lol. When he was younger he really entertained the idea, but as the years went by, the man considered himself to be too old for people's tastes (false he would roll in dough).

— It's bigger than average, slightly redder than Curly's skin, long and upright yet proportionally girthy. Curly doesn't trim but shaves when he returns back to Earth from hauls and right before starting a new haul. Yes, his pubic hair is also blond and it curls. Turns him on when you run your hand though it or tug at it lightly.

— Curly never had big sex drive so he didn't need to seek out sexual partners or masturbate much. With years it only decreased, he can go a whole week without touching himself, but otherwise it's a meager one-two times thing a week. Fortunately you can fix this problem if you have lots of sex regularly: this will cause Curly to masturbate up to four times a week especially without you around to "help" him out.

— usually masturbates in the shower. It all goes back when Curly was in highschool/college: after a training session or match he occasionally would masturbate in the common showers when he was alone. The guy just needed to relax his body and get rid of excess energy and emotions, besides it was hard to have any real privacy in the dorms anyways, so might as well — that's the explanations he would turn around in his head to excuse jerking off in semi-public space lmao. Curly actually almost got caught several times so he had to stop, but the habit of masturbating in the shower solidified itself already and it carried on to his work at Pony Express.

— I've read somewhere that Curly doesn't imagine anyone while he gets himself off and I agree. When he was young he would look up some models of adult magazines or pornstars. But after many years away from people, pretty much isolated in space, the man lost the ability to even conjure a sexy lady in his mind to jerk off too.... Curly closes his eyes and focuses on the feeling of his own hand pleasing him and that's that.

— this changes with you: if Curly falls for you, now he subconsciously imagines you somewhere there, behind him with your head on his shoulder, slowly stroking him with your hand. The amount of guilt he feels dependents on the stage of your relationship. If you two are just coworkers, Curly reprimands himself mentally for being so filthy either before or after the act. Anyways now the captain can't jerk off without imagining you doing things to him. He tries to combat this by trying to befriend you, but this backfires when Curly catches feeling. Now he has to jerk off more than he usually does....

— he's quiet and stealthy kind. Not because the man is ashamed of masturbation, but because he has an image to keep and he doesn't want to make others uncomfortable. With that said, breathes and sighs heavily during the act, if Curly imagines you or you're actually there jerking him off, he may let out a few whimpers, and at least once slips out your name in a whisper.

— Curly likes to take things slow so it reflects on how he cums. He never stains his shirts with his own semen, everything just leaks down his dick and on his hand so he easily cleans himself and carries on with his day. Cums a lot and the cum is as thick as cream, which is a bit annoying to him to clean up~

Jimmy

— definitely an average dick haver. And I say this as a Jimmy fucker. Jimmy is not exactly all too happy about it but neither is he complaining...it could be worse. It's a shade or a few darker than his skin, not remarkable enough for people to go "wow" or "ew". Fortunately, Jimmy's dick gets a bit bigger when erect, it also curves and looks like a dog's snoot if you get what I mean.

— Jimmy is a hairy guy ok, this goes double for his tummy, crotch and legs. What do you say? Shaving...? What, do you think he's gay? Jimmy never shaves, the man grooms himself only when the pubic gets too long or feels gross to the touch when he masturbates. It's truly a great shame because Jim has a mole on the inner side of his thigh, right next to where his cock is, but it's hidden beneath thick dark hair.

— jacks off more than average man, however not enough for it to be a problem. Honestly he prefers sex to masturbation, but it's not always available for different reasons. Jimmy is not all that sex obsessed, but when the stress gets to him, it's his only option to release the pent up energy. His go to spot is his room/quarters. You'd think he would crank it anywhere and everywhere and you'd be wrong since Jimmy cares about what others think of him. The man just wants some privacy and gets incredibly irked when someone is disturbing him by knocking or calling out to him. Let the man jerk off in peace!!

— I can write a whole book about what Jimmy masturbates to. I think his tastes are not overly kinky like monster fucking or some extreme fetishes, but he can't be classified as vanilla. Sadism, brat taming, cnc, semi or fully public sex are his usual picks. Jimmy only needs the guy to be mostly silent and preferably not show his face too much otherwise it'll spoil the mood. Our man watches professionally recorded porn as well as amateurs, his dick doesn't discriminate. If you've managed to pique his attention, this would gradually resurface in his choice for porn. Actors looking vaguely like you, or having similar body, or voice.... Seeing someone looking just like you doing filthy stuff sends shivers down Jimmy's spine. Whenever he sees the real you, his mind immediately goes to the sex scenes he has seen "you" perform.

— Jimmy chases his high first, he spends little time for build-up so he cums pretty quickly. His focus is on the porn he is watching since his imagination is lacking believe it or not, just like his patience. Jim would heavily benefit from edging and orgasm denial but you must manhandle him first, he wouldn't consciously agree to this lol.

— groaner to a fault. Cusses too when he feels particularly agitated. Since Jimmy's pace is usually fast and uneven this creates those lewd wet noises. He does keep it at bay, not when he knows that you're around, because then he becomes louder just so you could hear and maybe join his jerk off session. Same goes for the other way around: if he hears or catches you getting yourself off, his hand dives for his own cock. Yup, Jimmy's definitely into mutual or "mutual" masturbation.

— Jimmy gets involuntarily messy. He tends to overheat when he masturbates, so he sweats a lot. This fact and his natural body odour can knock you off your feet if you're into that. Jim has to cover his dick, unless he is naked, because his cum really does shot out high and it's a hustle to constantly change and clean his clothes. Unlike Curly, he doesn't cum too much but his cum is stickier.

[houseofhyde]

thinking abt aemond falling in love w blind!reader.

pairing. aemond x fem!reader warnings. no use of y/n, enemies to friends to lovers, ableism, so much fluff, a little bit of smut, angst (who said that). no mention of the reader's physical description. wrote in one sitting, no edit, we die like real men. wordcount. 3.1k (this was meant to be a short silly drabble) hyde's input. couldn't get this out my mind so, naturally, i'm making it your problem too now. enjoy, muah x disclaimer ! i'm not visually impaired but i do have several family members who are, to different degrees, and i've tried to stay true to what i remember them describing it like to me. the reader in this is completely blind, however, and that is something i do not have any experience in. please, if you feel anything about my portrayal is wrong or offensive, kindly let me know and i will happily fix it <3

the first time you meet is a few days after the events on driftmark.

with his new disability, the septa encourages alicent to change his usual lessons alongside his siblings for ones held with a couple of other impaired children of highborn status living in the keep.

aemond, of course, protests.

nearly kicking and screaming.

yells at his mother that he doesn't want to be thrown in a box with all the other "broken toys".

he ends up going anyway, dragged there by a handful of guards.

sulks throughout the whole first week, sitting alone in a corner.

and he would've continued to do that forever, if you didn't invade his space.

aka sit down next to him and offer him a book.

"go away," he says, the pout on his lips pointing lower to the ground.

"i don't want to," you refute.

"i won't tell you again, go. away."

"who are you to tell me anything?"

it leaves him speechless, because,

who is he? seriously?!

he thinks you have to be some sort of idiot to not recognise your prince

the following days go the same as the first

you sit near him and hold out a book

he tells you to go away

sometimes you listen

(not without first making it clear that you're moving because you want to, not because he told you to)

other days you don't

you just sit there next to him

staring blankly ahead

not even attempting to open the book that sits in your lap

one day, when he's feeling particularly short on patience

(he had his first sparring lesson with ser criston since losing his eye and it went awfully, each hit and stumble he took to the ground made worse by the echo of aegon's laughter ringing out throughout the whole courtyard)

he asks why you never read that book

"are you an idiot, or something? can't you read? is that why you're here?"

despite how smart he is for his age, he seems to not see the irony in him judging you for being part of an impaired group, as if he isn't also right there with you

such introspection would require acceptance of his loss first, and aemond just isn't ready for that.

"i can't read," you confirm

"because you're slow"

"no."

"then why?"

"i can't see the pages," it's the first time he notices that you're not looking at him. you're trying, face turned and eyes pointed in his direction, but you're staring past his shoulder, "i can't see anything."

he feels guilty,

wretched,

and the sickest twist of comfort.

because he understands

or at least he tells himself he does

because he can't see anything either - out of his missing socket, that is.

the other eye can see perfectly clearly how you don't even flinch as you speak about your disability

and that's when the jealousy takes over.

"then what good is it carrying around that stupid book?"

he says it because he wants to be mean.

so mean that you run away and leave him alone to sulk forever more.

but you just sit there, shrug your shoulders and shift the book around in your palm,

"i like to feel the weight of it in my hand. plus, you never know when you're going to need throw it at someone"

he bites his tongue before he can ask how you can hope to hit a target you can't even see.

the hostility remains

for months, years.

but you sit near him,

he stops telling you to go away,

you still offer the book out to him.

he learns your name.

not because he wants to

but because the septa calls it out one day in the classroom

and you're the one that answers to it.

the first time he sees you outside the study room, you're all alone, none of your father's guards around you,

and that's what really makes him stop in his tracks.

"what kind of lord leaves his daughter to wander blindly around the keep?" he almost says with his usual disgust,

until he notices that you don't have your book

and you're crying.

despite his own discomfort, aemond tells himself he has to comfort you.

because he's thirteen, almost a man.

and what kind of respectable man leaves a girl to cry all by herself?

he wipes your tears with the sleeves of his doublet, waits patiently until your breathing slows, then he speaks,

"what happened?"

"it's you," you say it softly, almost like you can't believe he's the one comforting you.

"it's me. now tell me what happened?"

"nothing," you tell him at first,

until he demands the full truth in the name of his father, king viserys targaryen.

"i overheard my mother speaking to my father about me. i didn't mean to! i just wanted to show them how i memorised the path from my chambers to theirs, without an escort. i wanted to prove that i can be useful, and good, and not a burden. i heard them through the crack in their door. she wants him to send me away to join the silent sisters. she says i can't see, so i may as well not speak either. but my father won't listen. he says i'm his daughter, and that he will not send me away. he loves me too much, i worry he'll hate me for it one day."

that familiar guilty feeling creeps in,

the one he's felt lingering on his skin since the day you told him of your visual impairment.

he's suddenly so aware of the fact he can see you,

and your tear-stained face,

and the shades of blue in your dress.

"where is your book?" he asks.

"i dropped it, whilst running through the halls. i just wanted to stop hearing them, i didn't want... i didn't mean to cause any mess, i'm sorry."

in an act that surprises even him, aemond takes your hand in his

and pulls you both to your feet.

he slowly leads you along familiar hallways, turning corners he's turned a million times.

"where are we going?"

"trust me."

you know he's taken you to the library the minute he opens the doors, a whiff of old books hitting your senses.

he guides you to a book shelf, puts your hand up to touch the exposed spines

and tells you to move forward.

"stop when you feel it's right."

you stop after four steps.

your fingers grazing over a book titled Matters Of The Heart: a Compilation of Fictitious Stories on Love and Beauty.

he pulls it out the shelf,

guides you both over to a bench,

open the dust covered book,

and reads to you.

the following day, when your father's guards guides you down next to aemond in the study room

and you hold your book out to him

he takes it,

shuffles a little closer to you,

and softly recites the words off their pages.

from that day forward, you become an infamous pair in the keep.

the one-eyed prince and the sightless girl,

never one without the other.

aemond becomes your shadow, always two steps ahead or behind you.

you pick out books in the library

and he reads them to you both.

he brings you down to the courtyard

and watches how you flinch each time the clack of wooden swords rings out.

it drives him to be better,

learn to see more in his opponents than even two eyes would allow,

just so he can watch how the smile stretches across your face each time he tells you he won.

you grow so close that one day, the king invites your family to join the royals for supper.

aemond tries not to care that you end up sitting so far away from him at the table.

at least he can look down it and spot you seated at your father's side, he tells himself.

when dinner ends and music starts to play,

aemond ceases the chance to sneak away from his seat and steal the empty one by your side, both your parents having stood to speak with the king.

he brushes two fingers along the back of your hand,

a private, tactile language only you two can speak,

one that tells you it's him, without him even having to say a word.

"prince aemond," you say, and he instantly hates hearing you address him so formally. "you look handsome this evening"

"and how would you know that?" there's no hint of the malice, the mockery he once used to speak to you with, back when he was angry little boy and you were a stubborn girl.

now he's a man of fifteen years and anger is far from something he feels next to you.

he watches you shrug and the smile that he likes best - cheeky, playful - slips onto your lips

"my mother won't stop bringing it up. dashing, she said."

"is that so?"

"mhmm. but she also says my father should offer me to your father and have us both wed, what with our cripple-like qualities making us unsuited for any other lord or lady, so, really, what does she know? for all i know, you're the most hideous thing to walk the keep and i should feel blessed that i can't see you."

"imagine how i feel. i still have to see you."

"oh, the horrors! well then, my all-mighty seeing knight-in-eye-patch, would you lend me your sight one moment and tell me."

"tell you what?"

"do i have anything in my teeth?" you bite back your laughter as you open your mouth and put your pearly-whites out on display for him.

he doesn't even care if the sight is unlady-like

or if anyone else at the table has noticed.

he's too busy laughing along with you and telling lies of how a massive piece of veg is stuck between your upper front teeth.

aegon is as aegon has alaways been,

a thorn in aemond's side,

and he makes no exceptions when it comes to you.

he can't help but laugh at you both

mouth stained with wine as he saunters up and leans his face down between you both.

"isn't it amazing how, between you both, there's only one eye that actually works?"

aemond bites his tongue, like he always does when it comes to his brother.

you, however, aren't quieted so easily.

"oh, so amazing! do you know what's even more amazing? how the stench of you always announces your arrival."

it's the first time aemond feels it.

that flutter in his chest.

and once it starts, it doesn't seem to want to stop,

he seeks you out most hours of the day

and thinks of you when he's not with you.

when he notices the bruises that litter your arms

from bumping into corners and walking into walls

he has a cane made for you, to help you more safely make your way through the keep.

it's the greatest gift he can give you: the freedom to walk your own path.

one day, as he's telling you about the recent flight he took upon vhagar, you ask him what the sky looks like.

"well, it's blue"

you blink at him, wait for the ball to drop.

"but you wouldn't know what that means"

he tries to think of something else, a different way to describe the vastness of the sky

"have you ever ridden upon a horse?"

you nod your head

"have you ever ridden fast upon a horse?"

you nod again.

"that feeling, when you're gripping at the reigns, and the horse's hooves beat against the ground like a drum, and the wind takes no mercy on your hair, and, for a moment, there's this... warmth of possibility, anticipation, right here" he guides your hand to rest atop your chest, on the side that your heart rests. "that you can leap and beat any obstacle in your way, and for a moment the world is open, and vast, and limitless. that is what the sky looks like, the perfect place to race upon horseback."

"except you're on a dragon."

"well, yes, but find me a horse that has wings and i promise to take you riding up in the sky one day."

you ask him to describe more things, more often.

the forest.

the iron throne.

the sea.

vhagar.

each book he reads you.

till one day you ask, "what do you look like?"

he tries his best.

he tells you about his signature targaryen hair,

and helps guide your hand up to touch it.

he tells you about his pointed nose,

and guides your pointer finer up to drag itself down the length of it.

he tells you about his jawline,

and lets you feel that part of him too.

"and your eye?" you ask.

he doesn't say anything

but he does peal off his eyepatch

and guide your hand up to run down the length of his scar.

"what does it look like?"

"gross."

"that's funny, because it just feels like skin. is all skin gross?"

"no but this skin... it's damaged."

"i feel something. it's hard," you murmur, as your nail traces over the curve of the gemstone that fills his socket.

"it's a sapphire."

"a sapphire?"

"yes. it's like a precious, shiny, smooth, blue rock."

"what about the other eye, the one that's still there?"

"what about it?"

"what does it look like? what colour is it? eyes have colours, don't they?"

"they do," he says, gazing into the hypnotising shade of your own, "it's blue."

"the sky, the sea, your eyes. i think blue might be my favourite colour."

he falls asleep that night with a smile on his face

his heart relieved that you never asked him to put into words what you look like,

because there simply aren't enough words known to man,

be it in the common tongue

or high valyrian,

to describe how beautiful you are.

he tells you as much, when you do eventually ask.

in the fallout of storm's end, soaked to the bone and regretful,

it's you who his legs carry him to

your chambers, to be exact

it doesn't even cross his mind to care that his knocking at your door awakens you

he doesn't care, loses all ability to do so when he collapses into your arms

"i made a mistake," he tells you, when you ask what's wrong

"that's okay, mistakes help us learn better."

not this one, he thinks

you're so gentle with him

and your skin is so warm against his cold

that he can't help himself

his lips find yours.

his hands find your hips.

his breath gets lost somewhere between you both.

but that's okay,

you're all the air he's ever needed.

he feels selfish, when he guides you over to your bed.

and he knows he should tell you what's happened,

what's changed.

he knows he shouldn't be touching you with hands that are stained by blood.

but he's desperate,

and he's breathless,

and he's so frighteningly in love with you.

"please, aemond," it's you who begs for more.

it's you who tugs on the leather of his jerkin.

it's you who pulls at the cotton of his shirt.

it's you who he gets undressed for.

you both wind up naked upon your sheets,

limb tangled with limb.

"i wish i could see you," you tell him. "but i don't need to see you to know you're beautiful, aemond. i feel it, in everything you do for me."

so he lets his own eye shut.

decides he doesn't need to see you either,

not like this, his skin tainted with the smell of the rain, and his dragon, and the velaryon boy's scream.

and the truth is, he wants to take you like this.

he wants to be cruel, and damn you to a life by his side.

but he looks at you,

naked beneath him,

lips swollen with his kisses,

the shine of your own arousal peaking out from that space between your thighs,

and all he sees is the girl he read stories to.

the girl who swooned and awed over every cheesy line about a knight,

and all his knightly honour,

loving his lady in the way that's deemed right by the gods and the lords.

and aemond just can't bring himself to defile your honour,

not like this.

so even as you whine,

and moan,

and offer up your maidenhead on a platter of your unapologetic beauty,

the prince just continues to edge at both your own pleasures,

hips grinding back and forth,

lips tangling with your own,

voice whispering nos, and we can't do thats, and not yets.

"tomorrow," he promises, the spill of his pre-seed smearing along your pelvis with each stuttered thrust of his hardened cock against your soft skin, "i'm going to ask your father for your hand."

"but, how?" you sound so pretty, he can't help himself and lets his eye reopen, searing the haunting image of you naked and pliant beneath him into his mind's eye.. "your mother... she said you flew to offer your hand to one of the baratheon girls."

"what i promised lord baratheon was a targaryen prince, and i intend to keep that promise," he speaks with so much conviction, skipping over the events of his nephew, and his dagger, and his joyride in the sky. "daeron is a boy of sixteen, he can have her. but i, i will belong to you."

the will to leave you, maidenhead still intact, somehow finds its way into his heart

he doesn't fail to leave you sated, however,

his finger dancing along the pretty pearl that has you whining his name and losing your mind upon the mattress.

he keeps his word,

wakes not with the urgent need to discuss last night's war-inciting events with his mother

but with the burning desire to find your father and win his approval

he doesn't find him in his quarter of the keep.

or in the training yard.

or in his seat at the small council.

what he does find is his fear stricken mother,

his stoic grandfather,

his giggling brother.

"aemond, what have you done?"

he doesn't answer

they already know what he done,

the whole realm likely knows, his half-sister too.

so he asks what he really cares about,

asks where your father is.

"he's gone," his mother answers.

"after he heard about your business with lucerys," aegon continues. "the traitor's taken his family to dragonstone and bent the knee to our bastard-bearing cunt of a sister."

so yeah that's what i'm thinking about.

anyway, goodnight <33

[musette22]

One common thing people who support Steve's endgame ending claim is that Steve was always miserable in the future. He never adjusted or felt at home in the future, so of course when he got the chance to go back to the past he took it.

However the only proof of this is at the start of catws (and that deleted avengers scene). Yes he was feeling lost and adrift but he didn't stay that way. He made friends with Sam and Natasha and Wanda and Thor and he got Bucky back. He found a purpose and became confident in who he was and what he believed in. Steve may have moments of feeling sad, but if you think he stayed that way for 12+ years you're not giving him enough credit.

And the claim that he was always miserable isn't true either. He joked with his friends on several occasions, and I mentioned how much better he was when he became nomad. And sorry to steggy or staron shippers, but Bucky made Steve happier than anyone else did. Look at the museum footage of them, or them looking at each other in infinity war. He was happy without Peggy.

Also I think fans forget the scene in catws where Sam asks him if he misses the past. And what does Steve say in response? He lists things he likes about the future and makes a point of not romanticising the past. It's especially important that he was talking to a black man while saying this. We rightly talk about how awful Bucky would feel about Steve leaving to live a life without him, but also imagine being Sam and hearing that your friend wants to go life in a time when someone like you had less rights than you do now.

And you know the line about shared life experience? It applies to Bucky of course but in endgame you could also apply it in a non romantic way. Because you say Steve was out of place in the future? Well in endgame he was surrounded by people in the same situation. Countless people were forced to adjust to a time they didn't know. Steve is uniquely qualified to bond with these people. And choosing to go back to the past puts him right back where he was when he first went to the future. He again has to adjust to a time he's not familiar with.

Funny how in order to justify his ending you have to ignore what his story has previously shown us.

THANK YOU! This is so very true, all of it. Completely agree, you make so many excellent points.

Of course Steve felt lost and adrift at first: he was. He was all alone in a foreign time, he lost everyone, he had ptsd because of the war he fought in and everything that had happened to him etc. etc. It would've been strange if he hadn't been depressed in those first years.

But you're right, he was already making significant steps towards being more settled in the new century by the time Bucky returned, and then when he did, I would argue he became a sort of anchor for Steve in the new time. And from that moment on, Steve really started to belong, and realize that he didn't want to go back, but forward. Like, Nomad Steve was NOT dreaming about going back to the 40s, there is no way. That man belonged right where he was, with Bucky by his side, and he knew it.

Home. And he did not mean bloody 1945.

(Gif credit @/dailystevegifs from this gifset)

Also, can I just say that Steve never seemed particularly happy or settled in the 30s/40s? Yes, he had his mother and he had Bucky, and yes, it was "his" time and Brooklyn and I'm sure he came to miss it once he couldn't go back to it anymore, but he was often sick and he was poor and he was frustrated with the world around him and his own body's limitations, and he always wanted sometimes else, something more.

And sure, one could argue that he finally found his calling once he was given the serum and became Cap (and got a healthy body that fit his spirit), but we know he was still miserable at first, as a dancing monkey. I do think the period of time after he'd rescued Bucky, when the Howling Commandos worked closely together for a few years, must've been a special time for Steve, which he will have missed later on for sure. But it was still wartime. Wartime, and being in a war zone, is miserable, and far from a dream life for Steve. So like... what exactly was he supposedly longing for in the past so much that it would've been impossible for him to ever settle in the present? The thing he most clearly missed from his past was Bucky, and he got him back.

So yeah, I think Steve was just fine where he was eventually, and he would have never, ever thrown everything he’d built, the life that had become his, and everyone he'd come to care about and who cared about him, casually out of the window in order to go back to a past he never gave any indication of actively wanting to go back to.

Funny how in order to justify his ending you have to ignore what his story previously showed us.

Exactly that. That's precisely what Endgame did: it ignored Steve's previous story and his character development over several movies in order to shoehorn in the heteronormative ending the studio execs apparently demanded. Spineless, inane bullshit, if you ask me.

[writersblockedx]

Wedded Under War: Chapter Two

Pairing - Mafia!Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader, slight Bestfriend!Steve Rodgers x Reader Summary - When learning you're being pawned of to marry Bucky Barnes, you demand to join the latest meeting. Warnings - Mentions of violence, alcohol use Words - 2.4K

A/n - If anyone would like to be added to a taglist for this series, I'm happy to make one, just let me know :)

< Previous Chapter // Next Chapter > Masterlist

It hadn't taken you long for you to storm out of the office; what else had they expected from you? Your life had suddenly taken a 180. Before now, you were desperate to be a part of the real team, to fight alongside your two closest friends and brother. Instead of that, you got a marriage offer.

You wandered into Tony's living space for one thing only: his bar. One of which consisted of the most expensive aged whiskeys he could get his hands on. And while it may have only been lunch time, you found yourself severing an on the rocks rather than a sandwich. It went down much easier when you were faced with what your future could now hold.

You always liked coming to Tony's. It was spacious and modern. Despite it only made for him and Pepper, it must have had at least three other guest rooms, a party room with pool tables and a dart board. Expensive bottles of alcohol dotted in each room. The perfect place for his many extravagant parties.

"Should have known I'd find you here." A voice broke out. You spun around from the back of the bar, facing Steve as he wandered around the leather sofa to meet you. "I'm sorry you had to find out this way."

You shrugged, "Better than Barnes getting down on one knee." You were certain that would have ended in blood. Instead, you were forced to gaze upon the red mark which still littered Steve's cheek. "Sorry about slapping you."

He too shrugged before taking a seat at one of the barstools, "I deserved it. I should have told you what Tony was thinking." That you couldn't disagree with.

You reached for a clean glass, mixing together another whiskey for Steve. "You're my best friend. I trust you to tell me things my brother is too stupid to." You poured the drink in front of him, sliding it across the copper surface.

"Tony's not stupid," His blue pupils gazed up to your own. "He's protective."

To such, you scoffed. "Protective? Really? That's why he's pawning me off to Barnes like I'm some object."

"No, it's not like that-"

"Really?" You always admired the way Steve was able to keep the peace from within SHIELD. But, now it just seemed frustrating the way he wouldn't see your anger. "I've been begging for him to let me be involved. Instead of handing me a gun, he's handed me a ring and married me off without even asking. It feels like I'm stuck in some 1920s, sexist bullshit!" Quite frankly, you needed to get that out.

Steve practically sighed into his drink before taking a gulp. "If it's any consolation, I don't like the idea either." He offered. "But this is the way we have peace."

"Yeah, and I just have to give up my future." A price that no one else had to pay.

"Not necessarily." He hesitated with his next words, "It might open more opportunities for the job."

While that sounded enticing, you didn't believe it. "You think Barnes is gonna have me helping him out?" You may about to be his wife, but he wouldn't trust a Stark. No matter what legal name connected you.

"We can suggest it." Steve attempted to baragan. "We have a meeting later today at his manor downtown."

"Tony didn't mention that." You commented, taking another sip from your glass.

"Tony didn't want you there." Of course, he didn't. "I think you should be there."

You shook your head, "Tony doesn't want me at a meeting about how my own future." To them, this wasn't your future. It was the future of New York. It was about how they were finally going to bring peace to a city which had been at war with itself for years now. "I'll be there." You decided, chugging the rest of your drink and began to head for your own guest room.

"Y/n!" Steve yelled after you, not moving from the bar. "Don't make a scene."

You felt like if there were any time for scene, it was today.

--

Without another word to your brother or Steve, or even Natasha, you got ready for the meeting you hadn't been invited to. But was certainly one you were determined to pretend. You should have been used to it. No matter the severity of the situation, Tony never left the office door open for you to join during the most important meetings. It seemed your only way to get there was to force your foot in the door.

You exited the guest room, preparing for the argument you were sure to ignite simply by your presence. Instead, you seemed to walk right in on it. The distant sound of Steve and your brother battling against one another. "Tony, this is her future. She's right." You overheard Steve backing your corner.

You kept your figure hidden as your back pressed against the hallway wall which led out into the living area. "You saw her earlier. She's gonna waltz in there with no intention for peace. This entire solution is gonna be tarnished because she can't keep her head." Quite frankly, your definition of peace wasn't marrying Bucky Barnes.

"She deserves to be there." Steve attempted to reason.

"Not yet," You heard Tony reply, causing your eyes to roll. "Not until she's accepted this."

"You know that's never gonna happen."

You chose that as your cue to enter. The sound of your shoes hitting the wooden floors, prompting the men to gaze over at you, the words suddenly falling silent. "He's right." You finally spoke up to break their silence. "I'm not going to accept that the only reasonable solution to all of this was to pawn me off. But I want to be there."

Tony took a cautious step forward, "You can't-"

You cut him off, "No I can. You just just don't trust me to not make a scene." If you were honest, you wouldn't trust yourself either. "Look, I promise not to slap anyone." You gazed over at Steve with your words. "Even if they deserve it."

The two men glanced over at one another. A silent conversation relaying between them; one of which you still weren't a part of. "Wel,l I believe her." Came another voice from the doorway: Natasha. "We don't have time for a debate, Barnes is expecting us."

You smiled towards Natasha; at least she wanted you there. However, it still left the two men who had yet to speak. Tony finally let out a sigh and you knew you had won. He took a step forward, a finger pointed right at you. "Don't make a scene." He warned before leading the way out of his penthouse.

You were left smirking to yourself before Steve offered out his arm for you. "Happy now?" You linked your arm with his own, following Tony out with nothing but a smirk planted on your lips.

The four of you headed into the car, ready for the 30-minute drive to a place you had never been: The Barnes Manor. You'd heard about it from Natasha. Something big and fancy to fill Bucky's ego while still being close to the city - despite the fact he had several properties in the city. You watched as the metropolis skylines swiftly started to change into gated communities and suburban homes. It didn't take you long to spot Barnes' house.

At the end of the street, the biggest house there. A gate which soon opened, revealing the two henchmen stood outside the front door. A garage big enough for at least five cars with a vintage, black chevy parked out front. It was everything you expected it to be: luxury, modern, pristine.

You followed Steve out of the back seat of the car as your head gazed up at the three stories the house contained. You tried your best to act natural, to pretend this was normal to you and your rustic apartment back in the city. The truth was, you'd die for a house this big. To have the ability to have such a luxury.

Tony faced the henchmen first. He nodded and awaited the door to open. Instead, they began patting him down, searching for weapons. They pulled a gun from his inner blazer pocket, "Seriously?" Tony complained.

The henchman straighten his back, "No weapons today."

Natasha and Steve stared and looked before the woman responded. "Will Barnes and his men be following the same rules?"

Their reply was silent. You leaned over to Steve, "We're not really going in unarmed, are we?" You had to check.

Steve simply grasped his own gun and handed it over with a smile. When Natasha did the same, Steve took that as an opportunity to respond, "Just make them think we are." He answered.

So you pulled out your gun from the hem of your jeans and you too handed it over while leaving your dagger safely tucked under your sock. But the man didn't take it. Instead, he turned to look at Tony. "Who is she?"

You could have laughed; even Barnes' men hadn't expected you to be there. "I might be your boss's future wife." You answered ever so sternly before Tony had the chance.

At that, the man took the gun, gazing you up and down. He gave a nod to the other man who opened the door to the house. You barely had a chance to take in the marble floors and the floor-to-ceiling windows before Rumlow was facing you all. "This way," He started before his eyes found your own. "She's here."

You truly were getting tired of how surprised people were at your entrance. "She is." You replied.

"Not a problem is it?" Tony questioned.

Rumlow waited a moment as his gaze lingered. "Not today."

With that, the group of you followed behind Rumlow, passing the grand stairs towards the back of the house. You caught a glimpse of the outside where there was a pool situated, sunbeds and even a bar. This was a level of rich even you hadn't seen. The closest you came to it was Tony's penthouse.

When you entered the meeting room, you spotted Bucky waiting at the head chair, Sam Wilson beside him. Inside this room was different. A slick wooden table and matching chairs. Classic paintings dotted around that you wouldn't be too shocked to know were the authentic. "What took you so long?" Was the first thing you heard Barnes say as he stood from his chair.

He got his answer when his stare finally locked on to you. He had changed a little since you last saw him. His hair was longer, coming down to his neck. His face was now painted with a clean-shaved beard and a scar on his forehead that never fully healed. "Y/n," He stated as he moved closer, offering his hand for you to shake.

You stared between such an offer and Tony's expression. He was silently reminding you to be nice. So you took it, feeling his firm grip grasp your skin once again. "Barnes," You greeted.

When his touch left your own he returned to his seat, "Sit. Let's get to business."

Of course, Tony took the opposite seat to Bucky. Steve and Natasha at either side and you next to Steve. All while Rumlow slipped into the right side of Bucky.  "While the details of the wedding can be sorted out at a later date, we should begin to plan engagement dates, press releases etc-"

"Who said I agreed?" Your words cut through his like a knife. There was silence. Even from Bucky. He wasn't used to people cutting him off so ruthlessly. "I get that you all think it's the best idea, but no one's stopped to tell me what I'm gonna get out of this...partnership." You hated the word marriage. Especially when it was attached to the Barnes name.

Bucky leaned back in his chair, holding his fountain pen between his two fingers. "Look around you, little Stark. Properties, money, travel. What more do you want from this?" The nickname made you tense. It was a common one that had spread around the mobs. And God you hated it.

"Funnily enough, money isn't everything to me."

You felt Steve's knee hit yours at that. A warning for you to choose your next words wisely otherwise either Bucky or Tony might just flip; you weren't sure which was worse. "For once, this isn't about you. This isn't about us. It's about safety." Bucky snapped. "If money isn't enough for you, I should hope your life is. Because if we don't do this, you won't keep that either." He threatened and it should have scared you, but you had the Stark name. That made you untouchable at times.

His words should have stopped you from arguing, "Can't the two of you just sit here, put your egos aside and decide to have peace? Why do we have to have a wedding?"

You heard Sam laughed to himself at such. The room was quiet for a moment. All you could was watch Tony's eyes as they avoided your own, stuck facing the table. "You haven't told her, have you?" Barnes realised. "You're too protective of her, Stark." He commented.

"Told me what?" You pushed.

You felt Steve's hand fall onto your own, "Y/n-"

You snatched away from his touch, leaning your elbows against the wood of the table as you stared across at Bucky. "What?" Your tone was stern, demanding to know what your brother had hidden from you.

"We're not getting married for peace, we're getting married so we look united." He explained.

However, it did little to fill in the gaps. "What-?" You looked between Natasha and Tony who had yet to speak a word. "One of you tell me what's going on!"

Tony sighed before finally daring to meet your pupils. His next words put a shiver through your spine like nothing else ever had. "Tracksuit Mafia are back in town."

And that could only mean, "Kingpin?"

Steve nodded, "Nothing's been confirmed but we'd be stupid to assume he isn't right behind them."

The boss who slayed through cities like a sword. Taking down anything, anyone until he gained the power, leaving nothing but destruction and death. The same man who had taken the life of your parents like it was nothing. And he was on his way. Suddenly, you found that Bucky was right; this wasn't about you anymore. It was about the safety of everyone you had ever cared for. 

[thatnonameuser]

The Red King holds a Bleeding Head

A Wonderland of Yanderes - Masterlist

Chapter 1. Heartslaybul Part 3.

Apparently, what parts of the conversation you missed before running all the way here was that you missed the first bell and were late. So after running, being dragged, all the way here, you'd gone straight to class. 

Thankfully, Ace’s collar problem wasn’t a class problem, thanks to all the classes so far being theory.

With that problem out of the way let's get back to you.

If you planned on learning today, that plan went out the window. Not only where you still repeating what Cater had said to you earlier. Being ousted for being a darling would put you in such great danger, so the fact he figured it out in the hour you spent with him this morning was very much not good.

It also got your desk hit with Professor Crewel's riding crop/wand? for not paying attention in class. Speaking of, Crewel had been the one to rat you out to Crowley so you weren't expecting him to be kind to you, but unlike the brutal berating he gave Ace for making a sarcastic quip in the middle of his lecture, he'd given you a stern look and nothing else.

You just hope that it was fluke, because you don't want to think about the idea if he's in love with you too. Wait, is it possible for a yandere to love platonically, you'll have to research that.

If you can even do that, to begin with. Because the textbooks that you received aren't the right ones. Why? Because they're missing complete pages worth of information.

How do you know?

Because you compared it to Ace's.

There was a love potion spell that would be taught the first years next semester, powerful, dangerous and it could if used correctly sever cognitive thought from the darling for a period of a day, and replace it with false love.

Your copy of the same Potionology textbook didn't have that. Or any of the other potions that could do the same thing. In magical history, the ancient tactics used by yanderes were wiped clean from your copy, when they were present in Deuce's own.

What's worse is that this was done on purpose. How do you know that? Because you pointed it out.

At the end of Potionology, you'd gone to the Professor textbook in hand in search of an explanation.

"Excuse me, Professor Crewel?"

"Pup, it is Master Crewel." You were not calling him that, "How can help you?"

"Um, something's wrong with my textbook? It's missing a lot of pages." He taken it from you and flipped through it. And then set back in your hands.

"There is nothing wrong with this pup. It has everything you need in it." He'd said if he hadn't lied clean through his teeth.

"B-but I checked with one of the other textbooks, dozens of pages on potion recipes are missing?!" You'd argued.

"Pup, you are referring to the textbooks we give the yandere students. By law, I'm required to give you this one." What?!, was what you thought in anger.

"W-What law?" You asked, you were absolutely dumbstruck at his response. You were getting really tired of being left in the dark.

"Darling students are not allowed to readily access any knowledge about what their future yanderes will use against them, regardless of purpose." That was what came out of his mouth, he hadn't seen anything wrong with it.

It wasn't just that either. The same thing happened with your Magical History book when you asked Professor Trein. And you got some more bad news.

The library, your saving grace, wasn't allowed to give you any of the books they'd given you last time. No more information that could help you. You couldn't even use the textbooks Grim would get, as they were being kept in the classrooms rather than in Ramshackle. The jury was still out on your 'The Art of Ensnaring Hearts' class about whether or not you could even attend those in the future. Was this all done to keep you from learning about what the Yanderes know, to keep you from knowing how to save yourself?

Phys Ed, was the only class you could actually do without someone putting you at a disadvantage. It may not have been your favorite class, but considering you might need to run away from a yandere in the future, you ran as fast as you could.

And now your legs hurt real bad. You weren't the most athletic person but Coach Vargas really worked you over.

Eventually, after a really rough morning, break time rolled around.

"Let's see, our next class is...."

"This so-called magic academy feels a lot like a lame, ordinary school." Ace complains. You disagree, normal schools don't usually teach students how to make love spells. You hope at least. Do non-magic schools teach similar yandere stuff? "It's not exactly what I expected, but at least this collar won't be much of a problem after all."

"You with me on that, Grim? ....Hm?" Grim's silence hadn't struck you as weird until Ace said that. Your loudmouth, tuna-loving cat monster hadn't thrown up a complaint since you left your last class.

"Grim?" You search for Grim among the legs of traveling students but you can't find him. A bad feeling sinks into your stomach. Ace and Deuce couldn't do it. They were right next to you the whole time, so what happened to him?! Did he get-

"Oh! Look out the window! i just saw a ball of fur running across the yard!" Deuce exclaims. You transition the fear of his imminent demise to anger for his abandonment of you.

"Where!?" You nearly collide with the window in your haste, as Deuce points him out down below. A small grey blur races quickly across the courtyard, "He's cutting class!" The Headmaster's going to be furious. And the LAST thing you need is being kicked out into a world where MURDER IS OK!!!

"Boy, that guy is not a fast learner." Yeah, Deuce. Clearly!! He just left you alone in a yandere school! You're definitely withholding his tuna for this.

"Not a good look to lose your only student in your first week as a prefect. Want some help catching him?"

"YES!" You yell, not caring about the future implications. Two IOU's in one day is not gonna be good for you in the future. But right now, your present is on the line! "Please just help me!"

You don't know what you looked like when you said that, but considering how the both of them blushed, you'll have to worry about that later.

Right now, you need to get Grim, preferably before he burns something down.

And so you began the chase of Grim through the courtyard. With your legs still burned from the exhaustion of Coach Vargas' training, you could barely keep up with Ace and Deuce and nearly collapsed once on the way.

But thankfully, the fear and rage from earlier turned into adrenaline that propelled you forward.

And propel you it did, into a person.

You had been a few paces behind Ace and Deuce, but you were far enough to lose sight of them as they turned a corner into the courtyard.

So you hadn't seen the person you ran into, but inertia wasn't your friend today.

You had expected to hit the floor of the courtyard, concrete or grass, whichever was softer, and braced mentally for impact. Only for an arm to swiftly wrap around your waist.

Fast, so fast that you can't even get a letter out of your mouth in sheer surprise, whoever caught you had slipped an arm round your waist, saving you from your unlucky fall.

And so the charming prince that caught you was...

Blonde, with his hair cut into a mid-length bob. Perched on his head is a brown hat sporting a pale white feather. His green eyes are like a falcon's, sharp and piercing. He smiles down upon you. Your noses are practically an inch away from touching. The way you're positioned is straight out of a romance novel, the male lead saving the clumsy MC from a nasty fall.

The embarrassment of the situation you've found yourself in doesn't escape you as you feel the blood rush to your cheeks. "I-I’m sorry!" You blurt out. Thank the seven that there aren't many people around.

" , . I'm just lucky that I caught you." He's speaking French? But how does.....y’know what, nope not touching that one.

"Yeah, thanks." He still hasn't let you out of his hold, and you'd like it for him to let you go now. "Could you, uh, let me up now."

"Bien sûr, mon cher," he says something in French that you don’t understand, but he does help you to your feet with a flourish. He even spins you for some reason.

OK. Another weird one.

You dust yourself off, "Thanks, sorry again," you say somewhat sheepishly.

The smile your savior has is seemingly unshakable, and the laugh he gives you in reply reflects that, "Non non, ce n'est pas un problème du tout, though chérie, will you not grace me with your name?" He even speaks like all the lovelorn princes in your childhood storybooks, well minus all the French.

"It's _______. Have you seen a grey cat run through here?"

"Oui, filou he went that way," Great, you prepare to turn but he stops you with a hand on your shoulder, "though it is best if you head that way if you wish to find him." He points in a direction very far from where he originally pointed.

One of your eyebrows quirk up in confusion, "How do you know that?" You ask.

"Call it a hunter's intuition. You wouldn’t want to be late for Arithmancy, ______" He says with a smile.

You thank him before running in the direction he told you, and in no time at all, you find Deuce dropping a struggling Grim into a net Ace is holding.

And so the Great Grim was captured.

"Mrrah! I've had it with these boring classes!" He squirms in the net Ace took from one of the grounds men, even with his claws he can't escape the netting.

"Grim, you'll never be a great mage if you don't attend classes!" You scold but Grim doesn't stop complaining.

"Ugh! When did you get all bossy?!" Grim continues his complaning as you cross your arms.

You ignore his pointless pouting. You got all bossy when you found out that a single screw up could either result in you getting attacked by a obsessive lover, or get thrown out of here on your rear end with no one to protect you from the aforementioned obsessive lovers.

That and he trapped you into another  IOU five minutes ago that might bite you in the ass later. You can't afford to get into any trouble. With Crowley, with the teachers, with the other dorm leaders, the other students. And Grim....is also someone you need to keep yourself sane.

"Pout about it all you want, Grim." You remove him from the net, holding him against your hip like he’s a troublesome toddler so he doesn't run away again. You turn to Ace and Deuce, and smile softly, "Thanks, you guys."

Again, that light returns in both their eyes. Ace smiles mischievously and slings his arm over the two of you in a half hug, "Glad to help clean up the mess made by the worst prefect to ever set foot on campus!"

"It wasn't that bad, Ace. Let her go! Like the last time, Deuce pulls Ace's arm off of you. The two glare at each other, as if silently fighting. Unlike Ace, Deuce tends to respect your personal space only ever doing this when Ace gets too touchy or too close. That and he always tries to defend you when Ace or anyone else teases you. Maybe it really is in your best interest to get closer to Deuce.

"Alright you two, we're gonna be late. Our next class is...." Aw man, it's Arithmancy. No wonder Grim ran off. You say such and Ace groans.

At least they can't censor this class, too. A part of you would like it if they did.

"C'mon, let's not get caught 'skipping' class."

On the way back, you wonder about the man you ran into. Now that you thought about it, he never gave you his name. And you gave him yours immediately, damn it!

Still, the likelihood that he was a yandere for you was too unrealistic. Sure, Ace and Deuce might have budding feelings for you, but the likelihood that four different people were all yandere for you was already rare, even for this world.

Besides, you've already met some people with a lot of character today. So maybe he's just a little weird.

Maybe. Hopefully.

Wait, if he didn’t know who you were.....how did he know that your next class was Arithmancy?

"Woo! Lunchtime at last!" You can't mirror the excitement Grim is feeling right now, even if this a refuge from the classroom confusion from earlier. The cafeteria's as full as ever, and you feel different from the last time you entered it.

Last time, you were surrounded by your fellow students and peers. This time, you're surrounded by the human equivalent of sheep among wolves.

You are the ideal prey of everyone in this room, and some of them might already know about that. Cater's words earlier had terrified you and rang back in your head, "Darling~" You hadn't even known him long, so how could he tell? Would everyone around you just know on sight? Maybe they discovered it before you had?

Still, you skipped breakfast for Ace's apology, so you don't really get the luxury of skipping another meal right now. Even if you don't exactly have an appetite. Despite the volume of delicious smelling food, Grim is piling on your tray, and you feel more like puking than eating.

Even so, you don't really have an appetite right now, despite all the good smelling food that Grim's raving about right now. It's fancy, and Grim doesn't even eat half of it but is piling it up all the same. Can cats even eat onions?

"Shh! Dude, inside voices! Where was this energy earlier today?" You nod in agreement with Ace. Your legs already hurt from PE, and now after chasing Grim, they practically burn.

"_____, grab me the grilled chicken! There's only one left! And an omelet, too. And that jelly-filled bread. Just fill your whole tray with 'em!" You struggle to balance the sheer amount of plates and food that Grim piles on one after the other. Seriously, how does one cat demon thing eat so much?!

"Grim, that's enough. Save some for everyone else!" You finally relent, but unfortunately, you made that decision a few seconds too late.

Your hand, already tired from Coach Vargas' class, finally yields, and you lose the grip on the tray and plates Grim's stomach piled up.

Now for the good news and bad news.

The good news is that you managed to save every plate of food Grim haphazardly stacked on your tray. A gew crumbs were lost, but otherwise, you managed to save everything. Which was great because with cheapskate Crowley's micro food budget, you were pretty strapped for cash and didn't want to waste food.

But then there's the bad news.

The bad news is in your haste to stop the mountain of plates from crashing to the ground and bringing more attention to yourself, your shoulder may have collided into the back of the student in front of you.

You were just getting into accidents today, weren’t you?

"Hey! Watch where you're goin'!" The student you were unlucky enough to bump into, and their buddy for some reason, to whirl around in anger.

"I'm so-" You start to apologize only for him to interrupt you.

"M-my carbonara!" Ah, man. Did you ruin someone's lunch? That's-,"You broke the yolk!".......what?

"Whoa, that's messed up! Pokin' the egg is the best part!" Ok, not ruining someone's lunch, he might be a bit sad, but all is o-

"You better make this right, pal!" He grabs you by your tie and you nearly fall with all the food on your tray.

"I-it's just a yolk?" Is all you can say, completely struck dumb. You already knew this world had it's priorities messed up but this had to be the dumbest argument ever made. "I didn't ruin your lunch, you were gonna poke it anyway, so I saved you a step!"

"Yeah, so get your filth hands of my henchman!" Grim backs you up. But the delinquents don't back down.

"I'm gonna need that grilled chicken of yours as compensation." Normally you probably would have let the guy take it. Let Grim learn a lesson of not carrying his own food and move on.

But this was a matter of principle, damn it!

Also you weren't completely sure if darlings were naturally meek, so backing down was not an option here.

"No." You say point blank. The delinquent stupid enough to fight in the middle of a crowded cafeteria balks like you said something incredulous, "What?!"

"You heard me. NO. Go eat your soggy yolk-y carbonara, while I go eat my grilled chicken." After all, that trouble you went to get this you were commandeering that chicken for yourself. Take that, Grim.

"Hey! That's no way to speak to an upperclassman! Catch me outside and I'll teach you some respect!" Alright, so just won't go outside for a few hours, got you there dumbass.

At this point, Deuce must have gone through the lunch line and caught sight of you. They must have heard the foregoing argument because Deuce steps in to play peacemaker, separating the delinquent from your tie and shielding you behind him. "Um, excuse me, sir, but it said int he handbook that fighting with magic was prohibited....."That's a rule?! Sick! Now you won't have to worry about tha-

"Fighting? You got it all wrong. This is just me helpin' an ignorant freshman know their place." Ok, so much for that. Two advance magic pens at hand, and you're forced to shrink behind Deuce and Grim.

"W-wait a second, I don't have any magic. That's an unfair fight." You hate how powerless you feel right now.

"Who care about that!? If I end end up killin' ya, we just gotta call one groundmen." You forgot about the whole 'murder is not bad' part of the school rules. Does that mean no one will intervene? Damn it again!

You can hear Deuce growl at their threat. Withdrawing his own pen, he shouts his signature, and by that you mean only, spell. Grim

For a student that probably knows one spell Deuce puts up a hell of a fight. You wonder where he's getting all the cauldrons from. The two 'upperclassman' must've been flunkies, because there was no way these people would be able to lose so badly and so easily to two people that barely know anything about offensive spells. Your one worry was the mountain of food you were holding would fall. That and hearing Ace grumble about not fighting. For your honour, for your praise, you'd didn't know. At this point, you're starting not to care.

Surprisingly, or not if it didn't, the battle is done and won without the hundreds of students present even hesitating in their respective conversations.

"Whoa, didn't know you had it in you...."

"Look, I'm gonna let you off the hook this time, but only 'cuz I don't want my pasta gettin' cold." Sure and it's not like you 'upperclassman' lost a cat and student who only knows how to summon a cauldron.

"Pffft! I knew you were all talk! You better hope I never see you again!" Grim taunts as if Deuce hadn't done nearly everything. You keep quiet this time, redirecting your silent fury into mocking.

"Whoa! Two upperclassmen being beaten by students who were nearly expelled in the first week. That's kinda sad." You mock as you watch two delinquents shrink back with their figurative tails between their legs, departing with their, hopefully, cold lunch.

"Thanks Deuce," You turn to him and say with a smile, and his earlier anger dissolves into a soft smile. Like you being grateful for his help and protection sucked the rage out of him. You hate that you know it wasn't as wholesome as it was on the tin.

"N-No problem," he stutters, cheeks flushing.

"Yeah, yeah enough of that." Ace grumbles, pulling Deuce away by his arm. His anger hadn't been pacified by Deuce's victory, in fact it worsened. If how deep he's frowning is any indication.

"If you guys are going to fight again, can you help me carry all this to a table?" It's been two days and their near constant warring over you is starting to become normal.

They snap out of it instantaneously, "Sure, Prefect!"

Grim had been bitter when you told him you were taking his grilled chicken as compensation for the mess he got you in. But he eventually relented to stuff his face with all the partially lukewarm food. Speaking of, the food's good if a bit cold.

Hearing Grim rave abut how good his food is makes you chuckle lightly, stroking your fingers back through Grim's fur. He purrs again, and that sense of peace from earlier return. Maybe this morning was just a fluke, and all will be well now.

Mid bite, Grim asks, " So, I saw your guys' dorm, but what are the other ones like?" A part of you wants to know but that's a question for another day. You need to get through today first, and then-

"I'm sure you're familiar with the statues of the Great Seven? Night Raven College has a dorm themed after each one." You choke mid bite on the half-chewed chicken in your mouth. Cater's voice took you by surprise, so much for a peaceful rest of the day. You weren't the only one.

"Bwah! You're that guy from this morning!"

You turn and face him as well as an unfamiliar face. Green hair, glasses and a clover stamp underneath his left eye. The last card suite you were left meet. Another card soldier, now just needed a tyrannical queen.

"You tricked us into paintin' those dumb roses."

"'Tricked' is such an ugly word. Do you think that I wanted to spend MY morning painting roses? It's dorm policy, I'm just following orders."

"And grinning like a fiend all the while..." More than that if what he last said too you was any indication.

"Now, now Deucey. Outside of the dorm, I don't care what rules you follow. Here, I'm just a friendly mentor figure." Like earlier, you feel that he isn't being genuine again. If his dorm is so full of people, why couldn't they help instead of trying to trick you into it. Still, brownie points are brownie points, and they better pay it forward when things get tough.

"Please. Do NOT call me Deucey."

The mystery man laughs, "That's how Cater shows he cares." he finally says. He gives of the air of that one dad friend that prevents the friend group from going up in flames. You feel a small pull at your heartstrings, you're starting to miss your friends back home.

"So, who are you?" You ask.

"Ah, i should introduce myself. The name's Trey. Trey Clover. I'm a junior at Heartslabyul, like Cater here." So you've finally met the three of clubs, or clovers if that's what you call it.

The ace of hearts, deuce of spades, three of clubs and four of diamonds, were ALL Heartslabyul students named after playing cards because this seems comical now. Also, how drunk were their parents to not recognise how ridiculously silly naming your kids after the numbers when their last names, sin Ace, are all card suites was.

Though considering the possibility that one half of their parents were probably being held hostage, you probably shouldn't judged their naming skills.

"And you must be _____, the new prefect from the dump of a-ah, I mean, the 'rustic' dorm." Ramshackle can't seem to stop catching strays, huh?

"Alright, Ramshackle might be a dump, but it's my dump. Can we please stop insulting where I sleep at night!" Your anger receives a few laughs in response. You hope you weren't a cute angry in their eyes. Last thing you need is them looking at you like you were an angry kitten.

Trey's laugh warms you a little, the dad friend energy feels a little safe. You don't feel the lingering worry from earlier, after all what is the likelihood more than three people are in love with you?

"I heard the whole story from Cater. Thanks for looking out for our boys yesterday." You beam, even if you were very, very inconvenienced last night and this morning, it's still nice to be praised. That is until you remember that the one doing it might find someone and spend the rest of their life making them miserable for the sake of love.

"It's no problem," You say regardless.

"I don't recall inviting you to sit with us...." You hear Ace murmur.

Cater slides in and seats himself between you and Ace, "Hey now, we're all from the same dorm, right? Let's try to get along. Here gimme your digits." He hands his phone to you, expecting you to put in your number.

Problem is, "I don't have a smartphone." and you probably wouldn't if you did. But regardless Cater looks at you as if you grew another head.

"For real?! I never thought I'd meet one of you IRL!" His eyes light up with that weird glow again, "I know a place that sells the latest models cheap. How about you and I go on a phone-shopping date?" NO. NO.

"NO!" You accidentally say out loud, way too loud and hurried to be brushed aside as you overestimating your volume. Some heads from nearby tables turn, to you and the others are silent waiting for something? But you don't know what.

You back track trying to amend what you said, " No, Crowley hasn't started giving me allowance yet, so I'm kinda broke. Maybe next time?" Please never ask me that again. Maybe you should join a club so you can say you're busy if he tries to ask you out again.

That glint in Cater's eyes darken, but it doesn't match the teasing look that he has on his face, "What is up with you, _____? You look so tense! It's okay, baby! Relax! Relaaaax!" He squeezes your shoulders in half-massage but it just makes you feel more tense.

Tret comes to your rescue, "Cater. You're freaking out the freshmen. Maybe take it down a notch?"

Cater laughs, still not backing away from how close he is to you, "Sorry! I can get a little extra sometimes. What were we talking about....The dorms, yeah? What fun to mentor new students. Go ahead, A-M-A."

Ant that what you all spent the next fifteen minutes talking about. The dorms and their super important history while completely ignoring the ramifications of that history have on at least half of the population, yourself included. You'd already read up on the seven dorms, but hearing about the crazy strictness of the Dorm Leader of Heartslabyul made you a little uneasy. But still, when you talk to the him maybe things will go well, maybe he's a sweetheart with a non-tolerance policy for the most extreme of rule breakers.

Still, there are so many different types of students with different personalities and different yandere types. You spotted a wolf beastman, two student whose style of dress reminded you vaguely of the Middle East the person you ran into earlier sitting at a table full of Pomefiore students, (you made a mental note to ask about him later) and the most powerful students on campus, of course from Diasomnia.

Cater continues his opinion piece in the unapproachability of that dorm. "The vibe they give off makes it real hard for regular schmucks like us to even approach them."

"It can't be that bad, they may look a little intimidating but otherwise they look like regular old students..." You say, sure one of them looks young enough to be your younger brother or a middle schooler and has the pointed ears of a fae, but they look so normal.

Then again, you were discussing animal-human hybrids and talking paintings earlier, and you're in a world full of yanderes, so what isn't normal and what is?

"And their Dorm Leader is that times a thousand." You crane your neck to the Diasomnia seating area and you don't see any features that would be capable of scaring off a whole school of students, they all look relatively fine.

"There's a little kid in that group!" Not so subtly, like their earlier pointing out of a rather androgenous purple-haired boy in the Pomefiore dining areas, Ace rather loudly points out the younger looking fae.

"Ah, we do get some child prodigies here. But that guy is no kid. He's a junior like us. Name's -"

"Lilia. Lilia Vanrouge."

"Ah!" You yelp rather loudly as midway through your turn back towards the table, only to be face to face with the same face you had just been looking at hanging upside down right in front of you. You nearly fell out of chair in a mix of shock and surprise.

You stammer in shock, "H-how did you-"

"H-he just teleported!" That can happen?! You really need to read more about this place.

Lilia, once standing upside down on the chandelier as if that was completely A-OK, floats down onto your table as if this was as normal as him walking over. He smirks, bending down to meet your eyes, " I understand my apparent age interests you? As this bespectacled fellow accurately noted..." His voice is completely opposite to his appearance, and he talks like a whimsical grandparent than a teenager. "Despite my fresh-faced, boyish good looks, it would be inaccurate to call me a 'child'." Yeah, seriously. Whoa.

"'Fresh-faced' he says." Trey seems to agree with your doubt on the young part.

He smiles and for some reason, you feel unbelievably uncomfortable. it's as if he read you like an open book without words being exchanged. The look in his eyes is unreadable, but it's not like the glint you'd seen in Ace, Deuce and Cater. Either way, it makes you squirm in your seat, "You need not gawk at us from afar. You may feel free to speak with us directly. We are schoolmates, are we not? All of us at Diasomnia House welcome you without reservation." Without reservation, he says and yet the two trailing after him are yet to say a word. And they're staring in silence, but it feels more like glaring. No wonder Diasomnia had the reputation it did.

"And yet, those guys over there aren't exactly rolling out the red carpet in terms of approachability..."

Lilia brushes that aside with a laugh, "Forgive me for appearing above you during your meal." I do hope we can speak again." Why does that part feel directed at you? Maybe you're being paranoid.

As Lilia and his entourage depart, Ace takes the opportunity to whisper to the table about the impossible feat of overhearing their conversation. Which you can agree with how on Earth, or in the Twisted Wonderland, did they hear you from across the room. You weren't even that loud. Ace was right, that was creepy.

"Well....Diasomnia House does have a bit of a reputation for having lots of special students." "Well, special is a word for it...." You say,

Trey explains further, "Some of them are extremely talented at magic. Their Dorm Leader, Malleus Draconia, is considered to be one of the five best mages in the world." Wow. Your decision to stay away from that Dorm was even more justified. How powerful is the top five most powerful.

"Malleus is reeeeeeal bad news. Though I suppose the same could be said of our dear Dorm Leader."

"He can't be that bad...." You whisper, spying a short, red-haired boy with grey eyes walking in this direction. Wait, wasn't that the dorm leader that.....collared...Grim...Oh no. "Hey Ace...?" You whisper.

Ace must not have heard you because he starts his own tirade. "No kidding! He collared me for eating one slice of tart! All his rule obsession is outta control!"

"My 'rule obsession' is 'outta control', is it?" Well, Ace is doomed. Maybe Ramshackle has a tent you can set up outside.

Completely oblivious to the new voice that joined the group, despite the fact everyone else here already has, Ace continues, " You bet it is. Riddle's just a petty tyrant who leans into the whole 'rules' schtick as a pretext to keep everyone under his puny thumb." You sigh, facepalming. Maybe you can get Crowley to buy a strong lock for your door.

Deuce takes one for the group and points out the obvious before Ace can unintentionally piss off the 'tyrant' behind him further. "Ace! Behind you!"

Ace, still not taking the hint, looks behind him and then appropriately freaks out. "Bwah!? Dorm Leader!" The Dorm Leader of Heartslaybul, Riddle Rosehearts (and the Red Queen in this abridged tale) crosses his arms in indignation.

This is not going to go well.

[faghubby]

Separate Vacations

"No I said I was going to Jamaica" Liz said with a smile. "I booked separate vacations for us this year. With all the changes I thought you understood that" she told me. The changes, right. Well over a year ago on out last vacation actually we had gotten a bit adventurous. That is to say we invited another man into our bed. It had meant to spice things up, loosen LIz up about things and it worked. Maybe to well.

This guy was bigger, yeah that way too. Just bigger in every way. He just took over. I found myself a spectator. Watching him pleasure my wife. Not just once either. But everyday until we left. By the third day I had not even bothered to get undressed.

Liz came home with a new outlook on sex, our marriage, money, you name it things where going to change. And they did. It wasn't long before Liz found a lover here at home. Often leading to her meeting him without me. Then not having sex with me at all. This led to chastity. Because I would sneak off and masterbate. The cage tucked at my pubic hair so it was shaves off.

"Look I signed you up for a spiritual retreat, it will be good for you" she told me. "And I can go experience big black men" She teased cupping my balls thru my shorts.

"Liz, I don't want to go on some spiritual retreat" I wined.

"Look if I leave you home you will pout and become depressed" she told me.

"Can't I come with you?" I asked

"Sorry it's a singles resort" she told me kissing me on the cheek. "I will tell you all about it when I get back. With one of those long teasing hand job session you love" she told me.

"Well can I have the key, you know incase of medical emergency" I asked.

"Don't worry about that I left my sister as emergency contact" She told me. Which means she had told her sister about me being locked up. Liz robbed me off at the train station, her flight wasn't until tomarrow. We said good bye and I boarded the train. It was a 15 hour ride and Liz had not even gotten me a cabin. When I arrived there was a sign and a bus. It picked up several of us. All men. No one spoke to anyone. The bus ride was another 2 house. Before I arrived. My phone had died. Liz had told me to only pack essential everything including clothes where provided. I arrived exhausted unable to sleep in a chair. It was a beautiful hotel. With a gorgeous view of the mountains. I wasn't even sure where I was.

"May I have your attention" a tall woman called out to a group of about now 50 men.

"Thwnk you. Now on the tables to the right you will find a pile of clothes. We need you all to find your name and then get changed. No outside clothes will be permitted. That includes underwear, jewelry other then wedding rings." Men started to seek out their name on top of folded clothes. They where simple white tee shirts and where these yoga pants. On the paper where room numbers. I grabbed my pile and went to my room.

"There is a schedule in your room, please don't be late for orientation in an hour" the woman said. In my very sparce simple room a twin bed. A TV on the wall and a small night stand was all that was in the room. I changed. The pants where yoga pants, with a simple, tee shirt. There was no underwear. I had not packed any. Suddenly the phone rang.

"Hi, baby I heard you arrived safely. I don't have much time about to depart. Just wanted to say I love you, and try and relax just go with it." Liz said.

"It's odd Liz." I started

"I know it will seem strange but I think if you give it a chance you will love it. Got to go love you. Think of me" she hung up. I found the remote for the TV. I clicked it on.

Only one screen appeared

NO OUTSIDE CLOTHES, THAT INCLUDES UNDERWEAR

NO OUTSIDE COMMICATIONS YOUR CELL PHONES WONT WORK

RESPECT TO OTHER GUEST AND STAFF AT ALL TIMES

DONT WORRY ALL THE GUEST ARE WEARING CAGES ON THEIR PENIS

I couldn't change the channel it was just a statement. That was this some kind of chastity retreat, well I didn't worry about how my cage showed thru my pants at least. I wanted to sleep but knew I would miss orientation so I went down to the lobby. I noticed some of us had different color shirts. I wondered off to other white shirts who all seemed nervous.

"Hello I am Gina a small young woman approached us also wearing a white shirt. If you come with me I will show you where we are meeting. 8 of us where led off to a small conference room.

"Welcome to exceptence training, now a few of you aren't in chastity, first rule is you will be. Right now sachnof you will go thru a kinda medical exam. And be fitted for a cage. It will not be removed for any reason during your stay. When your name is called stand up and go thru that door. My name was called first. I hesitated but then got up. I entered an exam room.

"Get undressed" an older man said. "Then get on the table" I again hesitated but stripped. I got on the table. He checked my heart, blood pressure normal things, then two woman entered both 40s I guess. They attached big things to the table. They didn't ask they just picked up my feet and placed them in the sturups. My legs spread and in the air

"Give me your arm" the one nurse said then strapped it down then the other.

"You seem very compliant" Doctor noted he then produced my key and unlocked my cage. I immediately go an erection. The one nurse measured it.

"Very excited" the doctor noted once again the other nurse wrote everything down.

"4.2 inches long. 1 1/4 circumference" the nurse called out. The Doctor massaged my balls.

"Last time he had a release?" He asked before I answered the nurse did.

"11 days ago"

"Underdeveloped testicle." He stated

"Do you like having me massage them?" He asked.

"Yes" I moaned.

His hands slid down and he pushed a lubed finger into my ass.

"Do you like me massaging your prostate?" He asked it felt odd but yes it was enjoyable.

"Yes" I wimpered.

"Karen could you wax him so we can relock him" the doctor said then went to leave but stopped and removed his gloves. He pushed a finger into my mouth and moved it in and out. I just let him.

"Suck" he told me and I did.

"Very good" he then left. The one nurse remained and waxed me giving me a Brazilian. It hurt like hell. I screamed several times but strapped to the table I was unable to move. The first nurse returned and held ice packs to my groin it felt good after bring waxed then a new steel cage was slipped on me it was quite smaller then the one Liz had bought me. I then got dressed again and was led to an office. Gina sat in a chair. There was no chair for me to sit.

"I had a long chat with Liz weeks ago, and will speak with her again later tonight." Gina stated reading over a file.

"She is very happy with your ability to let her cuckold you, but finds you lacking in ALL other areas. So for the next three weeks we are going to help you be a better cuckold for her"

"Sorry three weeks?" I asked thinking this was a few days.

"Yes three weeks, don't interrupt" GIna told me.

"Now tell me why you like seeing your wife with real men?" Gina asked

"I don't know" I stuttered.

"The doctor noted you had gay tendencies sucked his finger like a cock, loved your ass probed?" Gina stated

"I thought it was medical" I wimpered.

"Have you ever been with a man, maybe played naughty games with boys as a child?" She asked. I just shock my head

"When was your first sexual experience. Not having sex. But like playing doctor with the girl next door" Gina asked

"I don't know how old I was but I showed her mine and she laughed and ran away" I told her.

"As you got older did girls or maybe guys laugh at the size of your penis" she asked. I just nodded. I kept looking down unable to look her in the eyes.

"What are you thinking off as you look at me?" What color my panties are? Do you often think about what kind and color of panties woman wear?" She asked I hadn't been but now I was.

"Yes" I said ashamed. She stood and pulled her skirt up around her waist.

"Do you like them, had you guessed correctly. You li,e my little blue boy shorts?" I couldn't look away. "Bet you love the lace" she said then fixed her skirt.

"-have you ever worn woman's things? Done naughty things with someone's panties, did you smell them, or rub them on yourself?" Shw asked I just nodded.

"We are going to talk more tomarrow" Gina told me. I took that as I was excused.

"Down the hall the big double doors on the right" a woman told me as I existed. I went down the halls very tired and very ashamed of myself I entered a room. Hip hop music was playing a man approached.

"Jeremy" he told me. "Paul" I responded.

"Okay we are going to stretch you out" he told me for moment I panicked all this sex talk but soon understood it was like yoga. He worked with me one on one having me stretch till it hurt.

"Flexibility is very important in sex and relationships" he told me. After about an hour I was told to go to my room clean up and then come eat. But after my shower I fell asleep.

I woke up starving. I realized quickly someone had been in my room. My clothes, phone, even my watch where gone. There was a photo on the TV of Liz kissing a big black man.

I went downstairs to the cafeteria. I was handed a tray already full and went to find a seat. I sat with two white shirts. One seemed mad like he wanted to go but was afraid to try. I ate my simple breakfast then went to a class it was individual computer desk. I took some kind of test. It was hundreds of questions. All types of questions. Some seemed repeating

After I went back to see Jeremy and stretching class as I called it. I had not really spoken to anyone.

At lunch I met Drew, he was a nice guy we liked alot of the same things. And chatted about a video game mostly. Drew and I both had free time and decided to explore we found ourselves on a walking trail with gorgeous views.

"My mom sent me" Drew blurted out. "Caught me wearing her clothes" he continued.

"O, well my wife sent me, she is on vacation in Jamaica having sex with black men" I stated. Some how it seemed to bring us closer by telling each other.

I spoke to Gina again, she told me how she shared there results with her. And they had made a plan. I was not told the plan. The first week was almost routine. Stretching exercises, single sessions with not only Gina but a woman named Dana as well. Here was a strick schedule as well what time we got up, went to sleep ea. Diets where strictly enforced you couldn't trade or anything. And we're expected to finish everything on your tray.

Everyone was on edge by week two, all that pent up sexual juices.

"How are you feeling today, Paulie?" Dana asked me.

"I don't know about the same I guess"

"You gotten close with Drew, I see" she stated what did she mean by that.

"Have you thought about kissing him?" She asked

"NO" I said maybe a bit to loud.

"Think

he has thought about kissing you?" She asked. I paused

"He has kissed boys before you know" she stated. I just shook my head.

"Jeremy is very impressed with your progress." She stated "I like you to try a private class with him" she told me.

"I can also get you a device that will milk you providing some relief" she told me I just shook my head no.

I also started meditation and group therapy, group was basicly everyone telling about all the depraved things they had done. No made up stories the councilor would call you put if you tried.

after lunch I went to see Jeremy instead of hanging out with Drew.

The room was quiet and not as lit when I came in. Jeremy had me stretch. As I bent over with my legs spread he grabbed my ass.

"Steady Paulie" he told me his fingers pushed the thin material of my pants into my ass as he rubbed my asshole thru my pants.

I froze I did nothing to stop him. He let me up and pulled me to him pressed into his chest he kissed me. Not a peck a deep passionate kiss. I didn't move. He grabbed my hand and held it against his now throbbing cock. He felt enormous

TO BE CONTINUED

[mapoeggplant]

skip to loafer chapter 68 + shima analysis // spoilers

acceptance of the monster: how facing the past is necessary when the goal is a brighter future

i think that those who have been following me for a while have seen all my analyses and random insights about shima. i have immense affection for him and he will always be one of my favorite characters ever. and chapters like this remind me of how important he is in my life. 

chapter 68 is very straight to the point, but it also hides some small and big changes that started to bubble up from previous chapters. for the first time, we no longer have small, not very explicit scenes from shima's memories or him being so afraid of finally facing the past: now we have the naked truth, laid out in front of us, so that we can understand a little more about how the childhood that shaped shima's entire life until now was.

unlike what i imagined, i didn't get angry with taiga now that he was introduced. of course, i don't think his actions were right or that he didn't influence shima in a negative way, but his appearance at that moment served as both a salvation and a tragedy for shima's life.

there are many layers to be analyzed. we know very, very little about taiga, but we can understand that he didn't have a very good relationship with his family either — the moment he talks about his parents' disappointment in him for giving up acting shows us that he was probably also forced to do something he didn't want to do. he is also the result of a desire imposed on him, causing him to rebel as the years went by.

in a way, meeting shima is like meeting your past self. i don't see much evil in his actions or see it as something malicious. i think he recognized in shima's face the same nervousness that he himself felt every time before his rehearsal, thus proposing that he also have an act of rebellion to feel a little freer.

however, the evil of all this is that taiga, without knowing anything, ends up entering shima's life at a time when he is most fragile and hurt by everything he has been facing (whether it be his abusive relationship with his mother or his growing fear of acting). shima sees taiga as an equal, someone who understands all the pain he has faced but managed to escape from it, while he’s still a prisoner. he sees the older boy as an inspiration, as a friend he longed for, who would show him what a life away from cameras and rehearsals would be like.

shima is still too young to understand everything that is happening around him, and too young to see any kind of problem in following his new friend. having a destructive act at a time of such fragility gives him a certain strength, because he understands this as the only way he has to face his mother and go against everything that is imposed on him. going out with taiga, even if secretly, is a message to his mother: you no longer have control over me.

unfortunately, we have known the result of these escapades for a long time. ririka, also worried about shima, decides to follow him and ends up being targeted by several online attacks. even though shima was the one who “took” her there, ririka, a beautiful and successful girl, is the perfect target.she is the one who suffers the direct consequences, and of course this is closely linked to the sexism that is rooted in society and how much people wait for a girl to make a small mistake so that they can destroy her in some way (i talk more about this in my exclusive ririka analysis).

now shima no longer has to face just two monsters: they have now multiplied into a thousand, becoming even stronger. the consequences of his rebellion come in an aggressive form, with his mother’s abuse and the new tarnished image he obtained in his artistic circle. his mother’s anxiety comes from the fact that shima would no longer get big roles, either because of this transgression or because he missed so many rehearsals, which did not lead to any improvement in terms of acting. blinded by all the anger she feels inside, shima's mother's direct response is no other than to attack her son.

child abuse is extremely common in the arts, whether by parents, the press, the public or co-workers. shima is just one of many young actors who have had to suffer the wrath of a parent who is disappointed by a dream that they themselves forced their children to have. and of course, this would result in years of being afraid to be who they are, to speak out and to live a normal life without carrying immense guilt. the prison that he has placed himself in for all these years is the evolution of the bonds imposed by his mother.

the turning point does not happen in this chapter itself, but in a sequence of long events that led him to where he is. it is impossible for shima to change overnight: it takes a lot of work and a lot, but a lot of analysis (even if it is self-analysis) to finally understand and be able to heal all this pain that he has been held hostage by for so many years. and the second part of the chapter shows exactly that.

shima is no longer afraid to face the monster of the past because he is no longer alone. he finally understands that there are people around him who care about him and fight to stay by his side. having people's support and love gives him the strength to move forward and continue this arduous battle of growing up. shima now understands what it is to be loved to the point of being happy about a past fight, as it resulted in an even closer relationship with mitsumi. he understands that being loved is being able to look back on the past and no longer feel pain or guilt, but to recognize the one who suffered so much, with no one by his side.

he now takes on the role of the monster, but no longer to affirm his guilt, but to be able to show his past self and all the other monsters around him how it is possible for him to be happy. how it is possible to decide things for yourself and follow your heart. how it is possible to love so many people and be loved in return. how it is possible to look at a person and feel an immense warmth, an inexplicable desire to keep fighting, all so that he can be by their side. 

shima is finally reaching out to his past self, so that they can form a new future together.

before i finish, i would also like to touch on an important point that i see the possibility of being discussed in the future: shima's current relationship with his mother. chapter 67 brought something very important, which was shima's recognition when he admitted that he felt a certain pity for his mother, due to all the comments he heard about her. deep down, he feels a certain empathy for his mother and no longer sees her as an unbeatable villain. he has been slowly trying to change his relationship with her, and the first step is to invite her to watch the play he chose to be in. this in my opinion shows shima's desire to forgive his mother in order to move on, but also seek some kind of forgiveness from her (which can be a result of many years of manipulation, since he still thinks he is guilty for a lot of his mother’s pain). i feel that we will still see a type of closeness between them and a deeper conversation, so that shima can finally feel like he belongs to a family again. this can be a triggering moment to a lot of readers, so if it does happen, please be mindful of it. 

the layers that not only this chapter but this whole new arc has are much deeper than we imagine. building a character requires love, patience and conversation. you need to listen and understand what your character wants. respect is needed so that the story can grow. takamatsu misaki has a huge affection for her characters, for her story and for everything she has been building since 2018.

we're so lucky to be able to follow such amazingly beautiful story.

thank you so much for reading 💛💛!! don't forget to support sensei if you can! always here to discuss more about the chapter!

[denial-permanente]

I love your page and that the two of you share so much of your lifestyle on here. I’m not sure if this is a statement or a question. I’ve read your answers about realistic feeling of this strap on you have and the technique of warming it up first. I just can’t wrap my head around your preference for it compared to the real thing. There has to be some give and take here like, it doesn’t feel as good but Tom’s technique with it is better than the real thing? Something along those lines. Stamina maybe? Either way thank you both for sharing so freely and so often!

😅 Oh boy, this is a hard one for some people... both women and men... to understand.

A lot of, women say that they don't like the feel of dildos, that they are unnatural, or they feel off, or they're too cold, or they just don't like the idea. I was kind of like that myself, and honestly I never even thought about using them with my husband. He was... very satisfying in bed and I honestly didn't feel the need to bring anything else in.

So, when my husband discovered the Vixskin company, he researched them carefully and bought a model that had a size and shape that was very close to his own. There was something about the feel of it that felt more normal to me. It wasn't quite him, but it felt okay and it was attached to him... so it was him close to me, his smell, his muscles, his arms holding me. I decided that I could live with it.

But here is the important part. After a while his wearing it began to feel totally normal. Just like having him locked all the time felt totally normal. I loved him being horny and affectionate all the time, I loved having all the control over our love life, and I loved how passionate he was making love to me while wearing the Tex.

When I missed feeling him come inside me I would unlock him... but those times became less and less often. We often went for months at a time without me wanting to unlock him... which meant that his wearing the Tex felt more and more natural to me.

Eventually he figured out the trick of warming it up before we made love, and that made things go from feeling natural to feeling... better. Like, I don't know why he didn't think of it sooner, it's so simple. But because I could feel the heat inside me it made our lovemaking more intense.

And now here the part that you men always ask about: unless your wife is a porn star, do not assume that she really wants a foot long monster inside her.

After 4 years of using only the Tex my husband asked if I wanted to try something bigger. While I honestly did not feel the need to I went along out of curiosity. We ended up with the Ranger X for several reasons. One is that it was supposed to have been made with a different process that made it more lifelike. Another is that when looking at the dimensions it was only a little bit bigger... maybe an inch longer and a half inch thicker. But when we first opened the package that little bit bigger on the website looked huge!

I have written before about what it was like getting used to it. But to the point of the question, I found that it made my husband feel the same to me but different... and in a good way.

Remember... when we make love I am feeling my husband holding me close, whispering in my ear, his weight on top of me, his hot cage pressing into my ass. All of those things are him... how he feels and smells and sounds. And because he is totally focused on me, he moves the way I want him to move to give me pleasure depending on my mood.

I guess what you were looking for was for me to say "I love the Ranger, but I miss my husband because..." except that there really isn't anything because I don't think of it that way. I do not think of him as wearing a strapon... I just think of it as doing what was very natural for us... just with something that feels even better than the Tex.

[sweetbillwriting]

Way Out of Line

FOURTEEN

Character: Keith Toshko from Barbarian (2022) played by Bill Skarsgård.

Warnings: 18+, NSFW, heavy themes.

I was too young to see how much our life changed in the time we moved to the house we live in now. It had slowly just come over me that our cars were a bit more fancy than others, that my clothes were in finer materials, and I got anything I pointed at. I was 11 and my dad's girl. Daddy's little girl. I just thought he spoiled me because he saw I needed it in a vulnerable time in my life, but in reality, the money in his bank account had decreased many times over.

I started to collect shells when I was twelve. It started modestly on a beach in San Francisco but grew to me getting one nice shell from every beach we visited. We went on at least one vacation a year, but most often two or even three times. My parents often said we were worthy of that, like we were a bit more special than everyone else. I didn't reflect on how much it cost to travel to Barcelona or Sri Lanka. I could see now how it has made me lose contact with money's value but also life's obstacles.

I heard friends and others stress about work and education while I shrugged my shoulders and picked some college courses to pass the time. I didn't have any thought about what it would lead to. I said to people I wanted to be an actress, and it would have been nice, but I knew I didn't have enough of an interest to really fight for it. I didn't really have enough interest to fight for anything because I had never needed to fight. I had a rich dad. I thought.

My dad had a young man behind him with more money than any man in his twenties should have. Keith had told me his mom had never been a part of his life, leaving him and his aging father as a family of two. His dad died when he was twenty of a heart attack and left him 50% of a billion-dollar company. His older cousins had already stepped in for their aging father, Keith's uncle, and there wasn't any need for the young Keith to take on all that responsibility. He chose to stay in the shadows, trusting his cousins and letting the money fly into his account without doing any work.

When he told me his backstory, I had mostly felt sorry for him for losing his family so early in life. I didn't reflect that hard over all those billions because I thought my life was economically safe anyway. I had never thought it was Keith who more or less supported our whole family. I didn't know he was the owner of the practice. I had no idea the practice had been close to bankruptcy several times, but my dad continued to live like nothing happened because he had someone else solving his problems, someone just putting new money into the company.

Dad spoiled me, and as a thank you, I was an easy child and an easy teenager. I dressed up and acted like the perfect daughter, the perfect doll. Daddy's little girl.

Whose doll was I? The man who made me a perfect doll or the man paying for it?

“I'll send you the bill.”

Would my dad get a bill if I continued to spread my legs for Keith? Being his girl. Daddy's little girl?

×××

I hear my parents trying to get people to leave without being rude, but my mom couldn't keep up the facade and sounded mean and stressed. Farah sent me a message, wondering what was happening because my parents hadn't let her say goodbye to me. I lay in my bed, still with a hand on my cheek. It felt like I hung on the edge of a cliff and just waited for my body to give up so I could fall. I didn't have anyone who would help me up either. I had no one I could truly trust.

“Jaqueline!” Shouted my mom from downstairs. I had heard everyone leave, and now it was just me and my parents left. Not even Jason had stayed; he had his own family and probably didn't have the energy to deal with this. Maybe he would have felt differently if he knew what it was all about.

“Jaqueline! Come down now!” Shouted my mom again, upset. It burned in my cheek when I heard her voice. I had never thought any of my parents would hit me, and that she had done that made me question everything. Maybe they could do more than that. Maybe it was just me who never challenged them enough.

Even if I felt a strong anxiety and fear, I walked down to them, afraid they would be even more upset if I refused to talk to them.

My mom stood and waited for me by the stairs. It was obvious she stood there because she would lead me to my father. Her face was frozen like stone, her eyes empty of emotions. I didn't look at her for long; instead, I turned to the living room because it was there they had had serious talks with me before, rarely about my behavior though. My mom walked behind me like she believed I would turn and try to run, but I knew that wouldn't solve a thing.

In the living room, my father paced around in circles, scratching his goatee, stressed. He didn't look as upset as Mom but much more stressed. When he looked up at me, I could see how pale he was and his skin all clammy. He looked sick, and I guess he maybe was sick of the thought of his friend together with his daughter.

My mom just scared me, but when I looked at my dad, I actually felt ashamed, but it wasn't just that I had had an affair with Keith that probably bothered him. His secret was also out. He was a fraud. He had never been a successful man, and he had never been the man creating our safe life.

“Sit—sit down,” he said to me and made a motion to the couch closest to me. I walked slowly to it, feeling my mom still walking close behind me. I looked between them, my mom's eyes hard, my dad avoiding my gaze. I swallowed hard and sat down, waiting for the verdict.

My mom sat down on the other corner of the couch and looked at my dad, who still walked nervously in front of us.

“I-... I-...” My dad just said, and shut his eyes. After a deep breath, he sat down on the coffee table and looked at me with glassy eyes.

“You can never see him again.”

I waited for him to say something more, but that was the only thing he said, and he waited for me to answer. I nodded, mostly because I wished that would please him and he would let me go. He nodded once, and his face hardened to a determined grimace. It looked like that was enough for him, but my mom started to move restlessly.

“George! I hope you will say more than that! We can't trust her!”

My parents looked at each other with the same expressions they had looked at me.

“You must fix this! You must make everything right with Keith again! We can lose everything, and she can't be out there destroying it!”

My mom's voice was loud and shrill. I continued to look at my parents while my heart beat harder for every word my mom said. My dad dragged his hands through his hair harder and harder until he was forced to stand up again and walk around. Now it was I who felt sick with the feeling of betrayal. The only thing worse than my parents making a big thing of me and Keith's relationship was that they wouldn't make a big thing out of it. It was obvious it wasn't my relationship with him that was the biggest problem; it was that they could lose their money. I could understand why they felt like that; I could even feel the same thing. I didn't want to lose my life.

I heard a bang and looked up, seeing my dad hitting his fist in the wall. The anger must have come from nowhere, but it was obvious my mom's words had made an impact on him because he pointed a finger at me and said with a low, angry voice.

“You will never see him again. I want your phone, laptop, and car keys. You will not have any more contact with him. You understand?”

I looked at him with big eyes and nodded like the good girl I was. I could see that was the best thing. I could see it was the best thing for them, but probably even for me in the long run. It was my family, and I needed to give up Keith for their sake. That's how it is to have a family. You must think about what's best for everyone before just your own luck.

Even if I gave away my things without a fuss to my dad, it didn't mean I wanted to do it; I just felt I needed to. Alone in my bed that night, I cried soundlessly. I would stand behind my family even if I didn't trust my parents anymore, and I would leave the man I loved instead. Daddy's little girl.

Places, places, get in your places. Throw on your dress and put on your doll faces. Everyone thinks that we're perfect. Please don't let them look through the curtains… 

×××

Not having a phone or laptop as a student was difficult, so most of my time went to sitting by one of the library’s stationary computers. Everyone seeing me could see I had fallen from my pedestal because my face was puffy from all the tears and my eyes were empty, like I'd seen war and starvation up close. I didn't have much left in life, just Farah, but even she seemed to ignore me, probably because I wasn't the most fun person to be around.

Clair had stopped talking to me as soon as the sorority kicked me out. The friends I had in my French course had turned their other cheek to me after I had “used” Ludwig. And then Keith… Keith, who I had more or less lived with the latest month. My love.

My parents were oddly distant even if I've done everything they wanted, but I suspected they were just stressed over our future. My suspicion seemed to be right because after two weeks of the silence and my inner, lonely suffering, I heard them in a deep discussion after having come home from one more day of no school work in the library. I had just sat and stared like I often did, and now I was just as frozen in the hallway. They were in the kitchen and so deep in their conversation they didn't seem to have heard when I came through the door.

“He just sat in that chair, spinning around like a fucking child. He really doesn't understand money, fucking spoiled brat. He really doesn't know what it is to work for money.”

I heard my dad's upset voice a bit badly because of the bass in his voice but could hear my mom's voice clearer.

“Doing business with a man like that… Or man! He wasn't even a man when you decided to work with him. That was the worst decision you could have made!”

My parents talked like the business between my father and Keith had been equal, even if it was so obvious he had used a young Keith as a cash cow.

“So what should we do? Can't you try to appeal to his human side? He doesn't want to make a family homeless! Especially not if he actually had feelings for Jaqueline!" My mom continued, and I could feel the knot in my belly tighten when they talked about me and Keith.

“Homeless… We will never be homeless. I can take another job, but we might need to move to an apartment…”

“An apartment?! George, you must do something! What is even his plan?”

“Well… His divorce went through, so it's obvious he feels more free to make drastic financial decisions-”

“Did the divorce go through? How much did she get?”

“One million. 100,000 for every year they were married. She was probably worth it. Living with that greedy ass that long.”

“One million... That's insane, but I guess he liked being a free man too… Playing God and all.” My mom sighed. “You must talk with him again. We can't lose our home.”

My dad didn't answer because he probably didn't know how to solve it. Even if I sorrowed mine and Keith's love the most, I was also afraid of what he would do against us. Keith was a kind human, but I could also see that he had an irritation directed towards my parents; he had even called my mom slow. That I didn't give him any confirmation under the fight that night had probably made him hold a grudge towards me. I had chosen my parents' side, and if he had tried to contact me, I had ghosted him, not because I wanted to, but he might have believed that.

After a few minutes of calming my heart and listening to my parents' silence, I opened the door and closed it again with a loud sound. I didn't even really know why I did that because both my parents had left the kitchen, and they didn't acknowledge my presence until dinner, and then they just gave me a tired hello.

×××

I heard my parents discuss their desperate situation several times that week, and they got more and more upset every time. My dad talked in an angry panic while my mom cried. At the same time I still had my heartbreak and couldn't decide what foot I would stand on.

I sat and braided my hair on one more lonely Saturday night. Sometimes I braid it and remake it several times just to have something to do while staring into my own empty eyes in my gold-framed mirror. I didn't succeed in getting them as tight as I wanted, and I untangled them angrily.

“Should I help you?”

I looked at my door opening through the mirror and saw my mom in a velvet set in a deep petrol color. I looked back at her, surprised, but could also feel a warm feeling in my chest to finally get my mom's real attention.

“Yes, please.”

My mom brushed my long hair and then started to braid it high up on my head. I noticed she did it more carefully than she usually did. Both of us were silent while she worked, but when the hair ties were on, she looked me deep in the eyes through the mirror and then pulled up my phone from the front pocket of her zip hoodie. She laid it on my vanity table, and I stared at it, then at her.

“You get our blessing to see him. We've realized we overreacted. You're in love, and… Keith can give you a good life.”

I stared at her in shock. I hadn't expected that. I had prepared myself to never see Keith again and to never feel that sort of love again.

“You, you mean that?”

My mom nodded and gave me a stiff smile. She corrected the tie on one of the braids and gave a nod to the phone.

“You can call him.”

I snatched it up fast, afraid she would change her mind, and then I threw myself around her neck in euphoria.

“Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!”

My mom didn't say anything but hugged me back; when she released me, she gave me the same kind of stiff smile and patted my cheek.

“Call him.”

I smiled brightly and pushed the phone to my chest. I didn't think about why they suddenly accepted my involvement with Keith; I just thought about his green eyes, soft lips, and strong arms. I would be in his embrace again…

…He didn't answer. I had been so full of joy to finally be with him again that I totally forgot the chance that he would decline. I had rejected him in front of my parents when he defended me after my mother hit me. It wasn't strange that he didn't answer, but I looked at my phone like he was the one betraying me. My door opened carefully, and I could see my mom's face.

“Already done?”

I looked at her with shiny eyes and shrugged my shoulders.

“He didn’t answer…”

“Oh…” My mom swallowed hard and walked into the room. “Try again. Maybe he was doing something. Try again.” I was on my way to say I've already called twice when my phone rang and I saw the number ending with 78. When I beamed with a big smile, my mom did too. I shouldn’t have been reacting to that, but I was just so happy he called back that I forgot my mom altogether. I answered with shaky hands and a wobbly hello.

“Hey…” Said Keith carefully, like he was afraid of scaring me. I giggled at his awkwardness and heard him laugh low too. Everything was okay. He wasn't angry. Kind, sweet Keith. I didn't notice my mom leaving the room or her relieved face.

I heard Keith take a deep breath and make a humming sound. It felt like he just wanted me to say something so he could say his thing after that. The sound was so close, so soft, that I made my own exhalation, but it was shaking, and just a couple of seconds later I cried loudly.

“Baby…” said Keith comfortingly, and even in my crying fit my chest became warm by the word.

“I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry… I'm so sorry, Keith!” My words were hysterical and stressed, and he hushed me soothingly. It calmed me down, but I still felt the need to excuse my behavior.

“I should have picked you. I really should have picked you. I don't know why I didn't say anything; I was just so shocked by the revelation!”

“I get it, they're your parents…” He sounded so calm I got worried until he continued to talk. “Should I pick you up? So we can talk eye to eye?”

“Yeah…”

“Yeah? The regular place?” With the regular place, he meant where he used to get me, on the parallel street where my parents wouldn't see me jump into his car. I giggled and dried my tears with the back of my hand.

“Yeah… I'm ready whenever you want me to be.”

“I’ll come as soon as I can. Okay?”

Once again I made a little giggle.

“Okay… I, I love you.”

“I love you too, Bunny.”

×××

Keith sent me a message saying he had arrived and had parked by the yellow house. I knew what he meant, and if you had checked the history of our conversations, you would have seen him writing that many times before. I didn't do my makeup, but I put on a white skater dress and my sweetest perfume. I almost jumped down the stairs and gave the living room a fast look. My parents sat there, and my mom gave me a smile that was hard to read. My dad sat with his back towards me, and I was a bit happy he did. Going out to make out with his college friend was still a weird thought, even if he had allowed it. I gave them a fast bye and got one back from my mom but also a “Do everything you can to get him back!” I didn't listen because I was already on my way, running to Keith.

Keith already stood outside of the car when I came running towards him. He left the door open but met me with long strides in the middle of the street. I didn't know if it was me who jumped or he who opened his arms first, prepared to lift me, but I got caught in his arms, around his waist, when I came up to him. We hugged each other hard at first, but then our lips found each other, and we kissed like we needed the other one's air to breathe. I didn't know whether I should cry or laugh, so it became a mix of them both. Keith took my face in his hands and looked at me, trying to read my emotions, and I smiled at the warmth of being with him again and looking into his big eyes.

“Are you okay?” He asked and carefully put me down on the ground in front of him. I kept my hands on his chest, over the taupe-colored linen shirt he wore.

“I'm okay now. I've missed you so much. I don't understand why I didn't just go with you…” I looked down at his chest instead of his eyes. Keith didn't say anything, no calming words, so I looked at him nervously, afraid he would be upset. He nodded a little and laid one of his hands over mine.

“Let's get home and talk there. I think we need that.”

×××

I think both Keith and I really had the thought to talk when we came to his home. I sat in the car and imagined us drinking tea and opening up about our feelings and becoming a couple officially, but when Keith gave me an innocent kiss as we came in through the door, none of us could restrain ourselves, and we reached out after each other. We made out messily while pulling at each other's clothes, and Keith stood with his neck bent in an uncomfortable position until he gave up and lifted me from the floor. We didn't break our locked lips even then, and he carried me to the couch so he could sit down with me in his lap. His hands dragged over my naked thighs, and under my dress but didn't touch me where I wanted him the most. I didn't need to think much about undressing him because the buttonholes of his shirt must have been stretched out because with just our movement, his shirt was unbuttoned to the top of his belly. I could see the first lines of his abs, and I looked up at him with a smirk.

“What?” he asked with an innocent look.

“You don't need to flex like that,” I said with a giggle because it was obvious he had started to flex at once when I looked down on his torso. He chuckled a little and relaxed, but as soon as I started to unbutton the rest of the buttons, he flexed again. I giggled at him and gave him a kiss. It was sweet he did such things; there was still a young, a bit insecure man inside of him, and it made it easier for me to see us as equals. Keith smiled but took hold of my face, one big hand on every side, and steered my face while kissing me. It was a kiss from a man who had kissed many, many times before, and I was pleased with that. Unconsciously, I started to drag my center against his while we kissed and felt his hard member through his beige slacks. He moaned into my mouth and met my movement, rubbing his erection against me.

“Daddy…” I moaned, without thinking that I once again had given him the nickname, but I thought about it after, I could see that he was my only daddy. The only man who had really taken care of me. If I told someone else that, they would have looked at me with disgust, but for me it was obvious: Keith was my daddy who took care of me emotionally, financially, and sexually. I was his princess for real.

Keith pulled off his shirt and showed off a tanner body than I had seen before, then he looked at me with big eyes.

“Can I take off your dress, baby girl?” I smiled with a blush, so happy to be his baby girl again.

“Yes, Daddy.”

Keith smirked, pleased, giving me that darker look under his eyebrows. After having struggled with the zipper on my side, he pulled the thin garment off so I just had baby pink panties on, but I knew what he liked, so I pulled them off and straddled his hips again. I knew I would leave a wet stain on his pants, but I also knew he would like it. The rough fabric was both uncomfortable and erotic to have pushed against my pussy, but I was the most pleased when I could feel his erection searching for freedom under me. Keith sucked his lip and looked at me from top to toe, but his eyes stopped where the stain I was making became bigger and bigger.

“Do you want Daddy's cock?” He said with a raspy voice and laid me down on the couch so he could stand on his knees between my legs. I looked at him with big eyes and laid my hands over my head.

“I want your cock in my bum, Daddy.”

My cheeks were as red as the sweetest cherries and stretched down to my neck.

“In your ass?” Keith looked at me with big eyes and unbuttoned his pants, like he couldn't believe his ears but also was afraid to miss the chance.

“Yes, Daddy,” I smiled and laid my hands over my warm cheeks. I really wanted to do it. Not just to please him but also because I wanted him as close as possible. If it were possible, I would have let him crawl inside me, but this was the closest thing. It was also a turn-on to know Keith was a virgin in this. It was one thing we would meet as new lovers.

I looked at Keith standing up to pull off his clothes as he became just as bare as me. I wasn't prepared for it, but he lifted me up bridal style and carried me to the bedroom instead, where I could stretch out more comfortably in the big bed.

“Have you…” he started while he lay down next to me. “Do you know how it's done?” He asked and arranged me carefully so he could see my ass. His hand moved up and down my cheek, letting a finger graze my opening. It was a bit of a scary thought that his girth would push into me there but it was also that that made it exciting.

I shook my head and nodded a little. He looked a bit nervous too, and it was understandable; he had probably just looked at porn involving it, even if it probably was a lot of porn.

“I need to prepare you… You will never be able to take me just like that and the first time… I don't know if you will like it.”

“Daddy is so big.”

He smirked a little and looked at his own erection proudly.

“Yeah… It will hurt.”

I nodded, but I had decided I would do it. Nothing could change my mind.

Keith prepared me with lubed fingers and then a dildo. I got a bad feeling seeing it at first, wondering if it was that dildo, but I forgot about that when he pushed it in. I made a loud, pained sound, but Keith just breathed more loudly by it. I knew he liked the power. I lay on my belly with two pillows under my hips while he sat in a comfortable position next to me. When he noticed it got too much for me, he played with my pussy until the feeling of an almost orgasm took over and he could start over again. It was painful; I couldn't lie about it, but still I said I was ready for his cock after he had used the dildo for a while. I knew he was bigger than the pink dildo. I knew it would be harder for him to restrain himself when his own pleasure was a part of the action. He straddled my hips easily with his long legs, and I could feel and hear him use lube on both me and himself; still, I was nervous.

“You must relax, honey, otherwise I will never be able to push in," he whispered when he leaned down like he would do push-ups over me. I nodded a little while he stood up again, massaging my back and continuing lower to get me to relax for him. A few seconds I wanted to flee, but after a few deep breaths and Keith's hands and fingers over my thighs and pussy, I felt ready. I could feel the painful burning when he pushed in but also heard him grunt like he was in heaven. I wanted him to feel that, and I worked through my pain and pushed back so more of him glided in.

“Oh, fuck, you're so tight… Oh, fuck…” His voice was different, higher in pitch, but he also sounded a bit like a teenage boy. He carefully pulled out a bit to then push in longer when I made a sound like I would cry. Keith stopped.

“Are you okay, baby?”

“Yeah…”

“Oh yeah, fuck, good girl…”

He was too pleased hearing I could handle it, but it also made it all worth it. He did a few more strokes while grunting loudly. It was obvious this was something special to him, but it was also what destroyed it for him because it just took a minute until he was forced to pull out and cover my bum with his seed.

×××

It really hurt after. I was not prepared for that, and neither was Keith. He had thought the preparation would do the work, but it didn't. I could see he felt bad when we lay opposite each other in the bed after taking a shower together. He had tried to give back to me, go down on me, or just have him inside me while we cuddled, but I couldn't handle it. The pain was too much.

“I didn't… I didn't think it would be like this for you. I'm sorry…” Said he lowly. I shrugged my shoulders.

“I wanted it.”

Keith nodded a little but scratched his neck in discomfort. I could hear his phone vibrate on the nightstand, and after a few seconds of him checking I was okay, he looked at his phone. I thought it was just a notice or a text from a friend. It rarely took so long for him to look at it, but now it did. I looked at him curiously, and he then looked back at me.

“Shit… Shit…” He sat up but looked back at me after a few seconds. He was hard to read, but I could see some sort of pettiness in his eyes, but also anger. First I thought he was angry at me, but he then smiled sadly at me and gave me his phone.

George Bailey:

Sorry I got so upset last time we saw each other. I know my daughter is with you. Maybe we all could eat dinner some day?

“Was it them? Did they put you up for this?”

I looked at the message without understanding what he saw at first. For me it just looked like my dad reached a hand out until I had read it a few times. It sounded like he gave me up to be able to get on Keith's good side. I didn't want to think about the words you could use for a woman who gave herself to a man for money, but it was what it felt like. My parents had encouraged me to go and sleep with a man so they could get money from him.

“Fuck Jaqueline, I hope you're not a part of this… Was it his idea to let me fuck you in the ass? Did they really try to traffic you?”

Go ahead and cry, little girl. Nobody does it like you do. I know how much it matters to you. I know that you got daddy issues. And if you were my little girl. I'd do whatever I could do. I'd run away and hide with you. I know that you got daddy issues, and I do too…

×

[loulouwrites]

MOMENTS . ALFIE SOLOMONS

summary: alfie's third child is about to be born, and he reflects on the births of his eldest children. warnings: pregnancy, childbirth, traumatic birth (but it's all okay), strained familial relationships, angst (not as bad as usual), swearing, murder, drinking, unedited wordcount: 2.4k a sequel to home but can be read as a standalone. <3

Alfie called his wife's name from the bottom of the stairs, his exhasperated shout echoing up the staircase and into the master bedroom. There was no response to his call, save for a pained scream that he was almost certain was not directed at him.

He breathed a sigh, climbing the stairs to at a time and knocking on the bedroom door, his wife's cries muffled by the heavy oak door. He called her name again, louder this time. "The kids are bein' fuckin' mental, I don't know what to do with them."

The door swung open, revealing a very angry old woman. Ms Abrams was a stern woman, she had delivered hundreds of babies, including all of the Solomons children, his wife insisting she was the best midwife they could ask for - she was also one of the few people Alfie was genuinely scared of. So scared he had considered stopping getting his wife pregnant just so he'd never have to see her severe, wrinkled face ever again.

"Mr Solomons, your wife is in labour, I will not have a repeat of last time," the woman hissed at him, swatting him away with a blemished hand.

"I don't know what to do with them," Alfie said, desperately, his hands thrown out at his sides. Ms Abrams gave him a pointed look that caused him to shrink back slightly, memories of her beating him with a heavy Charles Dickens book during Bessies birth flashing in his mind.

"You're their father, Mr Solomons - figure it out," she slammed the door in his face before he could protest, and he was left to figure it out alone.

"Dad, Bessie got into your office again!" Benjamin called from the bottom of the stairs, the giggles of his little sister following his voice.

When Benjamin had been born, eight years ago, Alfie had been mortified by the entire experience. His wife had woken up in the middle of the night, in unbearable pain, gripping onto his arm so tightly that in the haze of sleep, he had reached for the gun he always kept in his bedside table.

When she had told him to call for the midwife, he had done so without hesitation, and when there was no answer, he had sent Ollie to collect her and bring her to the house personally - it was a terrible first impression for both Alfie and Ms Abrams.

When the old woman finally did arrive, she had instructed Alfie to leave.

"Go to the pub or something, it's what most men do."

But Alfie was not most men, and had insisted he be close by, just in case. It had not impressed Ms Abrams, who had rolled her eyes at the gangster as if he were a spoiled child, before telling him to wait downstairs for however long it would take.

It was three hours in when Ms Abrams came running down the stairs, hurriedly asking him where the phone was, and he directed her to it wordlessly. He asked to her what was wrong, but she had ignored him, speaking into the phone in a tone that Alfie knew too well - panicked.

His head went fuzzy as he watched the woman clutch the phone to her ear, speaking in a hushed tone to whoever was on the other end.

"We need a doctor here immediately," she had said, and Alfie had started for the stairs before either of them could blink. He ignored the protests of the older woman, rushing up the stairs and into the bedroom too fast for her to catch up and stop him.

He didn't know what he was expecting - maybe blood, maybe his wife lying lifelessly on the bed - but there was no red stains on the sheet, and she was lying on the bed, very much alive, though pale and tired.

"Alfie," she breathed out, her head flopping back on the headboard. "What's happening?"

He had no response, he just lingered in the doorway helplessly.

What was happening?

"Get out," Mrs Abrams pushed past him, a man in a nice suit following behind her, giving the scared husband a polite smile as he squeezed past.

"No," Alfie spat at her. "You tell me what's going on."

Neither of them responded, sharing a worried look, before the man kneeled at the bottom of the bed, ensuring his wife that everything was going to be fine.

Ms Abrams glanced at Alfie, and with a heavy sigh, placed a hand on his shoulder to push him out of the room, closing the door halfway so she could speak to him through the crack.

"The baby is in distress," she said, holding a hand up when Alfie went to interrupt her. "It'll be fine, Mr Solomons, the doctor is here now. I'm certain it will all be fine."

But Alfie could read the midwife's face.

She wasn't certain - how could she be?

Eveything worked out, Benjamin Solomons was born one hour later, his cries filling the house, and Alfie shot up from where he sat on the floor outside the bedroom, waiting for the door to open.

"Your son is here, Mr Solomons," Ms Abrams said, smiling for the first time since he had met her all those hours ago. He nodded at her, pushing into the room as the midwife and doctor left, not paying any mind to them as he approached the bed where his wife lay, with a now quiet baby in her arms.

Alfie had seen babies before, though they were at least a few weeks old, cleaned and dressed properly, ready to meet strangers. This one, though, was purple and swollen, with his eyes scrunched shut and his lips pursed as he took in his new surroundings.

Benjamin was an ugly baby - but he was theirs.

"Bessie, please stop," Alfie sighed at his daughter as she sped around his study, throwing pieces of paper in the air, laughing when her dad would try and catch them before they hit the floor.

She was a fast two year old, she seemed to have endless energy that didn't burn out until the very end of the day, Alfie swore she tried to tire everybody else out first.

The knock at the door interrupted Alfie's protests, and he gave up, scooping the little girl into his arms and making his way to the front door, stopping in the foyer at the sight of his mother-in-law greeting her grandson and stepping into the house.

Her eyes flickered from Benjamin to Alfie, and the smile fell from her lips, pursing into a look of disgust.

"Alfie," she nodded, scoffing when the man ignored her, spinning on his heel as his daughter laughed, reaching her arms out to her 'bubbee'.

He was sat at the kitchen table with Bessie, pretending to listen to her babbling when the woman walked in, hand in hand with Benjamin - they had always gotten along - and it pissed Alfie off like nothing else.

"How long has it been?" She asked, pulling off her gloves and sitting in the chair opposite him.

"Four hours," Benjamin said proudly - he had been counting.

"Might be a while yet," she sighed, turning to her grandson. "Why don't you take your sister to the shop and get yourselves some sweets while we wait?" She was already reaching into her purse to pull out some coins before Alfie could protest.

"Sweeties!" Bessie laughed from her seat, jumping down and pulling her big brother by his hand out of the door.

"I'd appreciate it if you didn't do that," Alfie grumbled, crossing his arms tightly over his chest.

"They're just sweets, Alfie, it won't do them any harm," she waved a dismissive arm. "Besides, it looked like you could use a break," she let her eyes trail across the room - he would admit, it had been tidier.

"Surprised to see you, don't usually show up for these things," he was challenging her, and from the way she sat up in her seat, she was ready for it.

"I'm her mother, Alfie, she asked me to be here."

"Well she's emotional," he shrugged calmly. "Pregnancy brings out her meloncholy side."

"I'm trying to be a better mother, I would appreciate it if you let me."

"Yeah," Alfie scoffed, "too little too late for me, love."

"Glass houses, Alfie," the woman glared at him. "You've hardly been an outstanding husband."

"Never threw her out on the streets, though, have I? Let me tell you somethin', you can see her as often as you like but if you dare come into my home and try and poison her, or my children, against me" he leaned forward in his chair. "Your body will be floating in the thames before those kids get home from the shop."

She seemed taken aback by his comment, and it made Alfie want to throttle her, if it wasn't for his wife upstairs, he probably would. She opened her mouth to respond, but was interrupted by the two children running back into the house, the front door slamming shut behind them.

"Dad, she stole my cola cubes," Benjamin whined, pointing to his younger sister, who had a sly grin on her face and her hands tucked behind her back.

"I'm going to go and check on your mother," she spoke to her grandchildren, offering them a smile as she left the kitchen.

"Is mummy hurt, daddy?" Bessie asked, climbing onto his lap, a white bag of cola cubes in her hand.

"Yeah," Alfie nodded, "but not for long. It'll be over soon."

Bessie's birth had gone much smoother than Benjamin's had - from what Alfie could remember.

He hadn't been home when his wife had gone into labour, he had been at the bakery, dealing with business that could not be delegated to anybody else.

The was a rat in the bakery, and after months of searching his men had finally figured out who it was. The phone rang in his office incessantly, but nobody heard it over the sound of the man's screams from the main floor.

Rats didn't die quick. That was his policy when it came to such matters, and this day was no exception. It had taken hours for the man's body to finally give up, for his body to slump on the floor with little fight left in him, and that's when Alfie shot him in the head - like a lame horse.

It was divine retribution in a way. This man died while Alfie's daughter was being born - there was a clear winner in the scenario.

He had drank rum from the distillery after, the phone had stopped ringing and it was quiet again, and he took a moment to himself, drinking half the bottle before he decided it was time to call it a night.

He didn't drink the rum out of guilt for what he had done, nor had he done it in celebration - he just needed a moment of silence, a moment to cleanse his mind of what he had done before he went home and hugged his son and kissed his wife.

He had come home stumbling, Benjamin was already in bed, fast asleep and the house was eerily quiet - until he stumbled into the bedroom that is.

The screams were delayed when they hit his ears, a frown on his face when his bleary eyes lifted from the carpet to his bed, where his wife was sat up, a screaming infant in his arms and an unimpressed look on her face, the midwife stood at her bedside seemingly shaking with rage.

"Fuckin' hell, you had another one?" He laughed, throwing his head back. He was still laughing when Ms Abrams approached him a book from the bedside table in her hands, delivering a smack to the side of his head, knocking his hat onto the floor. "For fuck's sake," Alfie groaned, cradling his ear with his hand, but the woman didn't stop, hitting him repeatedly with the book until he backed out of the room.

"Go and wash the smell of rum off of you and get youself together, man," she hissed once she had him backed into the wall outside the bedroom.

He didn't argue with her, shuffling into the bathroom before she could get another hit in.

"Her name is Elisabeth, by the way," she called out after him.

Bessie was finally in bed when Mrs Abrams came into the kitchen.

"You have another son, Mr Solomons," she said plainly, her coat already on her shoulders and her bag in the crook of her elbow.

Alfie got up from his seat and nodded greatfully at her before he rushed for the stairs, glaring at his mother-in-law as she passed him, heading for the door.

Benjamin was already in the room when he got there, kneeling on the bed to gaze at his new baby brother in wonder, and Alfie approached cautiously, coming to stand at the side of the bed, placing a hand on his wife's shoulder and looking down at the baby.

It didn't look much different to the other two when they had been born, it had the same purple and swollen face, the same scrunched up expression on its face, though he was much smaller than Benjamin had been.

"What's his name, mum?" Benjamin asked bouncing up and down on the bed, trying to contain his giddiness.

"I think your dad should choose this time," she said, looking up at her husband with a dazed smile on her face. Benjamin's head turned to his father expectantly, and Alfie froze. He had had no part in the naming of his first two children, their names chosen before he had a chance to process they were even born, it had annoyed him until this very moment.

"What about Isaac?" He offered eventualy, and mother and son shared a thoughtful look.

"No," they spoke in unison.

"Fine," Alfie sighed. "Benny? What do you want to name him?"

"Noah," Benjamin said proudly, and the husband and wife shared a look, nodding together in silent agreement.

"Benny, go to bed, now." Alfie spoke, ignoring the frown on his son's face as he clambered off the bed.

"I heard you threatened to throw my mother in the Thames," she said when the door closed behind Benjamin.

Alfie shushed her, moving to sit on the bed. "Don't talk about her, Noah's listening."

Her eyes began to droop shut and Alfie gently took the infant from her arms, holding the little thing bundled in a yellow blanket, watching as his eyes began to close too.

Alfie was the only one who didn't sleep that night, keeping a hold of his youngest son until the sun came up.

[miraclewoozi]

VERSACE ON THE FLOOR. -l.jh

ooh, i love that dress but you won’t need it anymore –

Or, the time you and your homebody boyfriend* decide to just… not go to your dinner plans.

pairing; lee jihoon x fem reader. content; fluff, suggestive (MINORS DNI). established relationship. warnings; relatively warning free (y'all i didn't even swear???) but just in case -- a couple of dorky jokes, reader wears a dress, makeup and heels, making out, undressing. let me know if i've forgotten anything. w/c; 2.4k (apparently i am in my shorter fic era? party.) note; if there's one thing i'm gonna do, no matter what day of the week it is, it's be disgustingly delusional about jihoon. get ur dentists on speedial, it's a tooth rotter (/j). note 2.0; i've had this one in the drafts for so long i had forgotten all about it! but then VOTF came on shuffle a few days ago (and i started thinking about light a flame woozi at the same time, which nearly fucking killed me), so. here we are. enjoy.<3

You don’t go out for dates very often. Not anymore, at least.

When you and Jihoon first got together, he took you out all the time. For dinners, to cocktail bars, to the movies, for walks down the beach, picnics by the river. It didn’t matter where you went as long as it put a smile on your face — all he ever wanted to do was make you feel special. No expense has ever been too great for his favourite girl, after all; he’s always loved to spoil you.

Now several years into your relationship, you’re a real pair of homebodies. Sure, he could take you out for a four course dinner at an expensive restaurant in the middle of the city, or reserve a table at a pretentious cocktail bar that plays slightly too loud music that’s always just to the left of either of your tastes. Then again… He could cook a nice meal for you to have at the apartment you share, where you can make your way through a bottle of bubbles without one of you needing to stay sober to drive home or else risk your lives in a sketchy cab. 

It’s something you’ve talked about several times, and on every occasion, it’s quite apparent that you’re both very happy with the way things are. If anything, it makes it all the more special when he tells you he needs you to keep your weekend free because he’s making plans, and he wants to whisk you away.

Like now, for instance. The hotel suite he’s booked is gorgeous and you’re perched on the edge of the plush bedding, bent over double so that you can properly fasten your shoes while he finishes getting ready in the bathroom. Now and again, you hear a grumble or a click of his tongue float through the ajar door; every time, you feel a smile play at your lips as you shake your head. He never changes. (You’re so glad.)

“Jihoon,” you call to him softly. You can practically see how he’ll be standing – facing the mirror, on his tiptoes to lean over the bathroom counter and get as close to his own reflection as he possibly can. Pouting as his fingers drag through his hair to try and fix the strands in place just a tiny bit better. “Don’t you dare come out here looking like Sonic the Hedgehog. You know the more you play with it, the more annoyed you’re going to get.”

A few seconds later, he emerges, an eyebrow raised in challenge, an amused grin tugging his lips out of their habitual frown. 

(And lo and behold — his hair looks absolutely fine.)

But the second he sees you, whatever witty comeback he was obviously very proud of dies on his lips, and you straighten up with only one of your shoes secured to your foot, the other just slipped on over your toes.

“Wow,” he says, in that soft, deep, quiet way that he does when you’ve really taken his breath away. You watch his Adam’s apple bob in his throat as he swallows; you see his brow crinkle and his eyes widen, as if he’s trying to see as much of you as he possibly can. “Is that…?”

“Yeah,” you nod proudly, sitting back and smoothing your hands over the dress you’re wearing. “From our first anniversary.”

As his eyes move over you, taking in everything from the way the straps sit on your shoulders to the way the hem lays across your thigh, your own eyes move over him. The top three buttons of his shirt are still unfastened and his tie hangs either side, tucked beneath his collar but not knotted yet. His slacks have been cleanly pressed, a neat, crisp seam running down the front of both legs. Shoes shined to perfection. Expensive watch strapped around his wrist. 

He might just be the most handsome man in the entire world.

“I remember you saying you really liked it, so… I dug it out, special.” 

“You look incredible,” he says. It’s so gentle, so sincere, that you think your heart is about to burst clean out of your chest. Warmth trickles the length of your spine, and it isn’t exactly helped when you realise – only now as he starts to cross the room to get closer to you – that he hadn’t moved an inch since he surfaced from the bathroom almost a full ninety seconds ago.

He shrinks down so he’s rested on both of his knees in front of you, skilful hands moving to help with the shoe you hadn’t managed to lace up yet. every time his fingertips so much as brush against your skin, the electricity in his gentle touches shoots all the way from the point of contact up to your brain and leaves it fogged, impossible to make any sense through the thick clouds of intimacy and adoration. More-so as he smoothly lifts your leg a little and presses his lips once to the inside of your ankle, even foggier still as he trails kisses up the length of your calf towards your knee. 

“Jihoon,” you laugh breathlessly, laying a hand on his shoulder as you feel his tongue press lightly against your skin. He finally sits back on his heels, running his fingers up and down the backs of your legs; he’s successfully managed to hike your dress up a few inches now, too, and he keeps flitting his gaze between your face and your thighs. “We can’t – we’ll be late.”

“We have ages,” he frowns, shuffling closer and trying to bump your knees apart, but you keep your muscles engaged and he doesn’t pull at them that hard, so they don’t budge.

“We have to get there, too,” you remind him. He throws his head back and sighs dramatically. The neckline of his dress shirt seems to open a little more when he looks back at you, drawing your attention down the length of his neck to his bulging chest, and the muscular forearms that he crosses in front of it.

“And this is why we don’t go out.”

“What, because you’re horny all the damn time?” You tease. 

He gently swats at the top of your thigh before soothing it with another small kiss. 

“Because when you look this good, how am I supposed to want to go and eat a steak instead?” 

He grins up at you from the floor, quite clearly delighted with himself for his little gag. You, however, flop back onto the mattress and cover your face with your hands.

“That was so bad,” you chuckle. You’ve been trying for years to not melt to his very specific sense of humour, but it’s all been completely futile. Your reluctant laughs turn to sweet, breathy giggles by the time he lays both his arms across your legs and rests his chin on top of them. You prop yourself up on one elbow to look at him; he’s staring up at your face like he thinks he’ll never see anything as beautiful as you for the rest of his life. 

“Maybe… We don’t have to go out for dinner,” he suggests. “Maybe we can stay in tonight, too.”

“Horndog.” You tsk. But you’re not disappointed at the idea of staying in, either, regardless of whether your teasing implies otherwise. “I knew you’d say that.”

“No — really,” he swallows. You aren’t sure if you can feel his heart beating a little faster where his chest is pressed completely against your shins, or if you’re just imagining it. But the tips of his ears are going pink too, so you think it’s safe to trust your intuition on this one. “I mean-… we don’t have to go. I could-…”

He bites the inside of his cheek before he looks down, pressing his forehead against his arms and hiding his face completely.

“I could do it here.”

He says these words quietly. Mumbles them, really. You aren’t sure if you were meant to hear, or if he was just talking to himself. But either way, it has to be worth a shot to find out.

“What do you mean, Ji?”

One, two, three seconds pass. And… Nothing. 

“Hey.”

You bounce your thighs a little so he’s forced to look up at you, and you can see something swimming in his eyes. Something brewing. He sits back from you and pushes a hand through his hair; a few strands lose their stick to the rest of the main body and tumble down over his forehead. Exactly in the way he was trying to prevent. 

“I could just do it here.”

He says this louder. Clearer. With much more finality. You sit up properly, then, both your hands clasped together in your lap. 

“Do what here, baby?”

His eyes find yours and you sit there for a few moments, unwrapping each other's minds with nothing more than a look and a matching pair of gentle — but slightly concerned — smiles. 

He moves one hand down and slips it into the back left pocket of his slacks. You think you can feel the world around you start to slow. 

When he shifts a leg from beneath him so he’s on one knee before you and presents you with a glittering diamond ring, it stops altogether. 

“Jihoon,” you breathe. 

He glances between the ring and you, biting his bottom lip before he speaks. 

“I had it-… I had everything planned.” He laughs, looking away from your face as even more rising heat becomes evident on his own. “Down to the second, even. But just like you always do — just like the first time I saw you, and just like every time since… You threw me a curve ball and… Somehow, you’ve changed everything. But you made it so much better. 

“I think I was supposed to find you, y/n,” Jihoon says. “I don't know what’s up there, what’s in charge of when we meet the people we meet and why we fall in love with the people we fall in love with. but I know that they were really looking out for me the day you came into my life.” 

You can feel your eyes starting to sting at the corners and you will the tears away, desperate not to smudge the makeup you spent so long trying to perfect. You know he’d love you either way — mascara tear tracks and splotchy concealer and all — but… 

“I am so in love with you that sometimes, it really hurts. It hurts because I know that no one’s ever going to come close — about anyone in the world — to feeling the way I feel about you. I feel bad for everyone, a bit. Because you’re not-… you're not with them. You’re with me. But I wouldn’t want any of them to be with you, because-... and… and if you’ll have me, I want you to be with me forever.”

You don't know when you started slowly nodding along to his little monologue, but you definitely are. You’re not sure when you started holding your breath either, but that’s two for two. He looks up at you, expectantly, fluttering his eyelashes and stuttering out a long, deep breath. 

“Y/n, will you marry me?”

Some decisions, you’ve always thought, are made for you at a cosmic level. Your favourite colours. Your favourite foods. Hot and cold weather people. Loving or hating marmite. A predisposition to enjoying scary movies or being the kind of person who hides behind a pillow. 

This is another one of those. You don’t have to think twice about it — you just know. You know because a great unstoppable force managed to squeeze you together at the perfect moment in time; the ever-expanding universe around you has kept you and Jihoon side by side through everything it could possibly throw at you. 

“Yes.”

Of course you want to spend your forever with him. 

The word leaves your mouth in a whisper and everything flies back into motion. The first black droplet rolls down your cheek. His usually so steady hands fumble with yours to slide the ring over your finger. A perfect fit. You’re hurtling through space and time as he gets up off his knees and cups your cheeks, gently pulling you upright and crashing his lips against yours. You stumble into him slightly in your heels; his kiss is more a chaotic clatter of teeth and giddy laughter than perhaps the intense, romantic gesture he was aiming for, but it’s completely, utterly, unequivocally perfect.

Jihoon’s fancy dress shirt creases under your fingers as you ball it into your fists where the top buttons are spread open, pulling him as close as you can, laughter dying down as he loses himself in you and as you lose yourself in him, right back. He swallows all of your gasps and sighs, hands sliding down from your face to the sides of your neck, until he’s resting a palm on each of your shoulders. A single finger slips beneath one of the straps and he pulls it out of the way, down onto your arm, withdrawing from your mouth so that he can press a series of kisses down your cheek and to your jaw instead.

“Ji,” you murmur, tipping your head back and fumbling at the buttons running the length of his torso, trying and failing to get them open. He chuckles, his other hand coming to rest over yours to stop you. You lace your fingers together, feeling him squeeze. Your heart pounds.

“Let's take our time,” he whispers to you, thumb grazing over your collarbone. “Okay?”

All you can do is nod as he kisses lower, and lower, pressing his lips everywhere he can while he’s still standing. Your neck and shoulders feel ablaze, tickling with the heat of the burning stars his mouth paints across your skin. 

“Need-... Ji, you need to-... call… call the restaurant,” you stutter. “Gotta…. we need to cancel…”

The fleeting sting of his teeth against your throat interrupts you and you’re only aware of him reaching behind you to tug the zipper of your dress down when the material falls completely slack..

“In a minute,” he says, helping you walk backwards until your calves collide with the bed behind you once again. He eases you to lie down on the comforter and crawls on top of you, caging you in with both arms, taking hold of your left hand again.

He looks down at the ring on your finger, his entire face breaking into the most brilliant of smiles. Every inch, from the creases at the corners of his eyes to the paling stretch of his beautiful lips. 

“My future wife needs taking care of, first.”

– no you won’t need it no more, let’s just kiss ‘til we’re naked, baby.

hehe thank u sm for reading!! i hope you enjoyed this bc it was a bit special 2 me. likes, reblogs, comments + feedback are all, as always, greatly appreciated.<3

[dyns33]

Flufftober 2024 - 12 James Wesley

For people who didn't know him well, James looked perfectly calm at that moment. Serene, unflappable, as always.

But Y/N could guess the tension in his shoulders and the slight trembling of his lips.

She knew very well that he would have this reaction as soon as she broached the subject. She also understood why he was quite nervous.

"… This is not the right time." he replied, as he did every time she asked him this question.

"You know that the longer we wait, the angrier he will be."

"… I know. But is it necessary for him to know ?"

"James. He's my father."

It had been love at first sight between James and Y/N from their first meeting.

Mr. Wesley had done his best to keep his distance from her, to ignore his feelings, to tell her that he was not at all interested, but it had been stronger than them.

Their relationship had lasted for almost two years now, in total secrecy.

He wasn't ashamed of her, although Y/N ​​could have considered it because she found him much more intelligent and classy than her, who liked simple things.

The problem was rather a survival concern.

Because Y/N was slightly the daughter of his boss, Wilson Fisk. The Kingpin had almost blind trust in his secretary, whom he also considered his friend. Besides that, he loved his daughter more than anything in the world.

It was also for her that he wanted to clean up Hell's Kitchen, so that she could live there peacefully. Since her mother's death, when she was still very young, he had watched over her, even when he couldn't be there because of his work.

It had seemed normal to him to entrust her safety to James. He was the best at many things, and since the two seemed to get along, Fisk had thought that Y/N wouldn't take it as if he had a bodyguard on her back.

When he had started dating Vanessa, his daughter had thought it was the perfect time to tell him about their relationship, but James had refused.

"He'll kill me without a second thought."

"Don't say that… He'll be happy for us. I don't see what kind of man would be right for him if he thinks you're not good enough, and even if he's protective, he can't want me to be alone forever."

"You deserve happiness. But he might want someone who won't put you in danger."

"James. Darling. I'm a Fisk, I'm always in danger."

They let several months pass, New Year's, Valentine's Day, summer, until Vanessa invited them to a party she was throwing for Halloween.

Either it was a coincidence or she was a very smart woman, but she had asked James to come, telling him that he could bring Y/N with a little smile.

If she knew, it would be a miracle that she hadn't told Wilson.

"We should tell him at the party."

"A great way to ruin the party." James remarked.

"… And when, then ? Before or after, it will be just as complicated. I don't want to wait anymore. I… If you love me, we'll tell him on Halloween."

She could see in his eyes that he didn't appreciate the ultimatum, how sad it was that she might think that he wasn't talking to her father because he didn't love her enough.

It was a surprise when he came the next day with suggestions for matching costumes, clearly stating that they were a couple.

"What about the 'it's not a good idea to tell him during the party' ?" she asked with a smile.

"We're not going to tell him during the party."

"You want him to figure it out on his own ?"

"No. I went to see him last night. He told me he'd known for a long time and was glad I finally had the courage to tell him, proving that I was truly worthy of you."

"… We've been scared for nothing all this time ? Wait, I told you we've been scared for nothing all this time !"

"Hmm. What costumes would you like ?"

He remained unfazed when she slapped his shoulder and laughed, though a slight smile appeared on his face. It then disappeared just as quickly when she suggested Shrek and Fiona.

[tumblingxelian]

"Are we discussing the writers intentions with Jaune, Jaune as a general character or the audience reception to Jaune and are we singling out a specific audience or the collective?"

All three really. The collective.

To start, I'm fascinated by how Jaune seems to contrast the girls in terms of their development. His growth is very loud and in your face in specific moments like Jaundice or the prom or Volume 3's finale.

Hell, his moment in the Battle for Haven has him not getting the trauma induced power up to punch Cinder hard but rather to heal Weiss. After that, he's to the side healing those who need it. It's a big moment but his only moment aside from a small passing mention of his semblance.

It feels like peaks and valley when it comes to the times when he gets the focus.

All while the girls have each of their journeys spread across the whole show's intended run. Ruby's arc of trying to move forward too much has always been there but with weekly episode releases and hiatuses between seasons, it's causes even those who are well meaning to overlook it.

I don't know if that came out right so make of my thoughts what you will.

OK so its too hot for me to do any recording or other projects but I can answer asks, so let's get to this (Cracks bottle of cold water over my head) Let's do this!

So, Jaune is certainly a divisive character and while I have warmed up to him somewhat over the years, and while I adore RWBY I often feel he can be a disruptive element, but also one that does in fact serve a purpose. Keep that in mind for my response going forward.

So, touching on your stuff first, it is interesting, though I would argue against the idea that the girls don't also at times have very loud character development.

Weiss's shifter after talking to Port, her summons, the Atlas party, ETC. Blake running away & confronting Roman, her everything with Ilia, the final confrontation with Adam and the Bees kiss as just some examples.

Interestingly Ruby and Yang are on the more quiet end of character development scales with stuff building up slowly and quietly. Though not without their big moments, Ruby's eulogy and explosion, Yang's confrontation with Raven and the bees kiss, ETC.

Still, I think I see what you mean in how these things tend to be framed and handled in a much more varied way than media usually does.

IE, Jaune losing it at Cinder in V5 is basically him lacing the temperament of a Huntsmen that his allies have and it accomplishes nothing on his end as far as "Badass confrontation" goes and instead he only starts to grow after leaning into the role of support & healer, even defaulting more to Yang as leader in V7 during their rescue work.

Overall and I said this in my Bees essay that CRWBY like long form story telling, and that influences a lot of how RWBY is written.

In these regards Jaune does feel interesting/odd because he does have several... Archetypical moments of character growth as you say. What's interesting to me and what I think the writers are going for is that how good some of these even are for him can be questionable.

What I mean is like...

Jaune went to Beacon with a very "Idiot Shounen hero" attitude towards things. He cheated his way into an elite school and kind of just assumed it'd work out. He didn't try that hard in classes till he was being blackmailed, rejected help out of pride and even when he did seek it out it was only after he had a "win" under his belt that wasn't even wholly his but he doesn't know that.

The thing is, very little ever went Jaune's way on these things either in the short term or long term.

IE, he short term he showed up at Beacon and nearly died and or failed (Subversion of his shounen expectations.) But then he was helpedby a cool girl who ineplicably liked him and said he had a lot of Aura! (This falls in line with his Shounen expectations!)

But then it turns out he still sucks at classes and having what a girl who has a crush on you says is a lot of Aura doesn't mean much when surrounded by other people who also have a lot of Aura and have been training all their lives (Subversion again)

He then manages to retain his pride and defend his team and wins a battle "All on his own" except he ignored Glynda's advice and only won because Pyrrha guided his hand. Though after this he did swallow his pride and get help, its sort of net neutral?

Moving forward he wasn't that involved in the plot, but his stuff in V2, was very "Standard" school stuff, but then it was followed up by his love interest also being his mentor being a problem because Pyrrha fulfilled the trope of the mentor dying. Jaune was also cut out of that entire conflict (Wisely) because he's not actually the main character and he'd only get in the way. (Subversions all round! Be it for the cool girl liking the Shounen loser, him not being the MC, Pyrrha being his mentor and the tragic "Brightest of their generation" before she was his love interest and so on!)

Just within the first three volumes we see that there's this dichotomy of Jaune trying t and sometimes even getting to play much more standard story beats "Straight" that RWBY usually avoid. Only for them to then get blindsided by RWBY's more subversive elements.

But the key thing here is you only notice the latter if you pay attention to the whole, and not the individual moments. This is a problem I had with Jaune till about V6/7; because despite my insights here I do think the execution has been murky more often than not.

Still, with the above in mind, I think one can easily where how things flow out from there, with Jaune trying to play these self assigned roles and getting these moments of "Standard storytelling."

Only for something to come along later and put a spin on it.

V4 Jaune gives a nice speech to Ruby but it ultimately just serves to reinforce her burgeoning issues because he also missed her tendency to repress and when placed in a scenario like he would have been with Pyrrha he froze up and couldn't act, IE Tyrian almost getting Ruby.

He finally got his big speech and rage at Cinder, but was actively being told to chill by Qrow and Cinder gives near zero fucks and rather than getting a power up he gains a power that assigns him a support role over a "badass" role.

We also get to see something in V6 which I thin is often neglected in Jaune analysis, that boy has a fucking temper!

We've seen it with him shouting at Pyrrha, at Cinder and then outright attacking Oscar. But he always calms down afterwards and no one seems to hold it against him, but the thing is this means he never really works on it. The only thing that can shut it down is his own sense of shame rather than actual self control like say, Yang has.

But I digress, my interpretation of the writers intent but I basically think Jaune is meant to serve four purposes in the narrative:

1: Counterpart & foil to Ruby as leaders with very different skills & roles in universe. 2: Counterpart & commentary on shitty male authority figures who needs to unlearn toxic masculinity. 3: A longform subversion of the typical "idiot Shounen hero" who gets by on gumption and lots of natural talent. 4: The closest person we get to a wholly normal person in universe, as even Oscar has an ancient wizard in his head.

These are all interesting things and I can see what the creators are aiming for, or so I believe. However, I do think the execution of all this is often murky.

The short form stuff I mention above is some of the hardest to grapple with cos until you see it pay off it just seems like standardized story tropes, and even then the emphasis these ideas require to work can be disruptive to other characters narrative importance.

What's more while interesting and impossible to fully comment on until the story is wholly done, it is hard to say how strictly necessary some of these ideas are to explore given RWBY's limited run time. & the fact some of them could be divided up and given to more temporary characters who don't need as much narrative real estate.

Thus I can definitely get why people often find Jaune frustrating. Hell, I can often find him frustrating, especially because I think some of his traits are meant to evoke a degree or irritation with him. But all of this also feeds into why he can be such a divisive character.

As for people who just project onto Jaune and make him super harm big badass, ugh, idiots unworthy of consideration who frankly shouldn't be watching RWBY, I have nothing to say to them.

Anyway I hope this was coherent, thanks for the ask, sorry it took so long!

[mika-no-sekai-blog]

Word count: 2300+

Warnings: mentions of blood and wounds, also some verbal exchange, language

We are getting closer😊

Part XV | Part XVII

Several days passed since you wrote letter to Tamlin, but no answer came. Lucien didn't appear and you didn't hear any news about him either. You were worried and nervous.

Meanwhile you decided that you were ready for more memories of the past to be revived. You asked Rhys about it during one of your bonding times, as he called it. Rhys was quite curious about you and he also wanted to share his life with you. You were glad for that and looked forward it every day.

Your brother agreed and you surprised even yourself when you spontaneously hugged him in return. His violet-blue eyes shone with happiness and he was more than pleased to have chance to embrace you so firmly that you couldn't breathe.

You went over how naturally your relationship changed, how you changed. You felt the same, yet you were different. Empty space in your chest was healed, filled with your family, with faces of those around you. A lot of new emotions you didn't recognize swirled in your heart and it felt right. You thought you were fine all those years living in the forest, but only now you understood how unsettling you felt all that time. Without realising you were looking for something, something that was amiss, something you found with Tamlin. You finally found your peace.

Walking down the hall you opened doors of Rhys' office without knocking. He was already there, waiting for you. His gaze immediately moved to you, documents in his hand forgotten. Rhysand fleshed a wide smile and standing up from his chair he welcomed you with hug.

And he wasn't alone. Azriel was here too. He was sitting on the very same sofa as before, his eyes bright, lips curled into playful smirk. He looked relaxed, wings loosely rested behind his back, the shadows lazily rolling around. A few of them flew to you, playing with your fingers. It was lovely gesture that repeated every time the two of you met.

Your chest hummed with bliss.

As before, you sat down on the sofa, Rhys seated next to you, holding your left hand, Azriel gently touching your right one. This time it was much easier than before and took just about an hour. After your first sitting there weren't many memories left.

When Rhys revived the last one, he left your mind and opened eyes.

"Now only the memories of that night remain," he announced. He was like an open book for you, relief, anticipation, horror and anger all mixing together on his face. You understood every of those emotions. He eagerly wanted to know what happened the night your mother died, how you survived, but he also wanted to protect you, to give you time to decide whether you want to know it, too. He wouldn't push you and without your permission he wouldn't touch those memories either. "How do you feel?"

You considered your answer, avoiding looking to the right. Memories Rhysand revived this time, were from your last years of living here and they exposed a rather surprising thing. "I think I'm alright. It's less confusing than before," you lied smoothly while the heat reached your cheeks.

Azriel's thumb rubbed the back of your right hand, drawing circles into your skin. The gesture that was so familiar and intimate now. You ignored it looking only on your brother. "And how do you feel?"

"It's much easier when I know what I'm looking for and where to find it," Rhysand ran fingers through his silky dark hair. He definitely looked.. normal, not so pale and tired as last time. "Also there were only few memories left, so it was like taking candy from a child."

You snorted, honestly glad he's okay. Then you excused yourself and still without looking Azriel's way you hurriedly left.

Azriel was confused, but understood as soon as Rhysand looked at him with narrowed eyes and raised brows. He was considering whether to kill him or just beat him. Fuck, he knew. Azriel hurried after you.

You really hoped that Azriel wouldn't follow you, but your hopes were short-lived. You were marching down the hall to the staircase, hoping to make it to your room, when heavy footsteps sounded behind you. Big hand gently squeezed your elbow, turning you around. You were met with eyes of colour of warm honey. You immediately averted your gaze down to the floor. His broad chest heaved with sharp breaths and the awkward silence between you stretched.

"Why?" Azriel whispered. You pressed your lips together. "Why are you running from me?"

Your heart stuttered, sharp pain pierced your chest. The heat on your cheeks grew, now whole your face and neck was burning. You swallowed, not knowing what to say. Memories Rhys revived minutes ago flashed through your mind. You couldn't look at him the same way you did before. Not after finding out. But at least now it gave sense why you felt so good in his presence, why you hoped to see him and spend some time with him.

"I was waiting."

"Please, don't.." You voice was hardly audible.

"Y/N, look at me," his fingers closed around your other hand, pulling you closer. The smell of cedar and mist filled the air, wrapped around your heart and soul, caressing it tenderly. This close you heard his racing heartbeat.

You shook your head. Something like painful groan escaped through his pressed lips. He lowered his head so that your foreheads were touching. "Please. I swear I won't hurt you. I'm not expecting anything from you.. just.. Please."

Hole in your heart opened even wider and you couldn't resist anymore. You looked up into his hazel eyes. He was so close you could count gold flecks in them. He breathed out deeply through nose, silver lined his eyes. He swallowed hard.

"I dreamed so many times about this. About you being alive. When Rhys appeared with you in his arms.. this must be some kind of sign.. from Mother," he whispered urgently. " Sign that we are meant to be together."

You'd never seen him like this, so vulnerable, emotional, broken. He was always in control of his feelings, reserved. In your memories he showed his vulnerability only to you, but he'd never been so desperate. You had to curl fingers into fists to stop them from reaching for him.

"I missed you more that you can imagine. I thought we have future. We talked about it, dreamed about it. I was looking forward to it. And when you disappeared.. when we found.." He closed his eyes, inhaling sharply. Whatever they found it must have been something really bad when it shattered him so much. "I thought I would go crazy. It hurt so much. Nobody knows about this. Not even Rhys." Tears rolled down his cheeks.

You were trembling. What he said about the two of you was true, you knew it now. Feelings from those times lingered in revived memories. You felt it, but.. you were different now. You weren't the same person anymore. Your old self cried with him, longed for his closeness, but your current self only pitied him and was sad over his loss. There was difference even you didn't understand properly.

His thumbs were again drawing circles into your skin. He didn't move, just stood there close to you, eyes closed, gently touching you. You didn't push him away, there was no need for that. He was respectful, not forceful. Instead you decided to give him time to recover.

After a few minutes his tears dried and he calmed down straightening, his eyes never leaving yours. He gave you a small smile. "I'm sorry-"

"It's okay. Really," you interrupted him. Azriel helped you so many times since you came back, you could do at least this much for him.

He was about to say something, when Elain appeared as many times before. Unfortunately she came in the worst possible moment when Azriel had no patience for her. He lashed out at her without breaking the eye contact with you.

"Go away, Elain." His deep voice was so icy she winced. Her eyes filled with tears. Nobody spoke to her that way.

"I just-"

"I don't care what you wanted. Leave us alone." She didn't move. "Fuck. Off," he barked at her.

She lost it. "Why are you always with this bitch," she shouted angrily.

Azriel's head flinched her way. You'd never seen him so angry. You felt the need to dash away and that anger wasn't even directed at you.

"What did you call her?"

Elain retrieved a step back and stuck out chin defiantly. Her voice was shaking slightly when she spoke. "She always gets in the way, pushing between us-"

"Between us?! There's no 'between us'!"

She gaped in disbelief, her doe eyes watering even more. "How can you say such thing after all we did?!"

"We did nothing, Elain," Azriel growled, his hands released you, his body fully facing her.

"Nothing?! And what about the time we spent together? All secrets we shared?"

Azriel frowned in confusion. "Secrets? I've never told you a single thing that somebody else didn't already know about."

You were slowly backing from them. Whatever was between them, they needed to talk it out or rather shout it out. Whatever. You didn't want to witness it. Fortunately Azriel was so angry and focused on Elain that he hadn't noticed. You were worried that the shadows would tell him, but right now they were as busy as their master. They swirled around like serpents, hissing at daring Feyre's sister.

You breathed a sigh of relieve when the door of your room closed behind you. You heard their angry voices even up here. It took hour or so until house went silent again. Somebody most likely had to intervene to stop them because at some point there were more than just two voices.

You curled into the armchair and trying to ignore them gazed into the garden. You had a lot to think about. And also you needed to decipher how do you feel about Azriel. This task was especially tricky. You knew you didn't love him, not as you did before. But still in a certain way you loved him. You needed to clarify that.

Several days after the incident you were strolling through the garden lost in your thoughts, your fingers played with pendant. Azriel was sent on a mission right after the fight was over, as you learnt from Rhysand later that night during the dinner, and you hadn't seen Elain ever since then, too. You didn't want to be mean, but you were glad for that. It gave you time peacefully think things over. However you still wasn't sure about your feelings for Azriel.

Suddenly a male's voice whispered somewhere from your right. "Under the oak." You yelped. Thankfully you were far from the house and nobody heard you. You looked around, but you were alone.

Latest events caused you forgot about the letter. However now your thoughts once again turned to Tamlin, your pulse quickened. You hurried to the secluded corner of the garden where the oak tree grew.

Lucien was already seated on one of the roots, leaning against the trunk. He didn't look good. His skin was unusually pale, damped with sweat. His clothes were damaged and soaked with blood.

You halted. "What happened to you?"

"Ah," he smirked, but it wasn't even close to his usual grin. "Tamlin's doing." He gestured to his clothes. "He was so happy to see me that he wanted to tear off my head," he grimaced. "This time he really almost turned me into shreds when I went to deliver your letter, you know. It took me a few days to put together."

"How serious is it?" You instinctively reached for what was left of his shirt.

"Don't," he hissed, but you were faster and now even stronger. There were deep cuts along his ribs. The wound was already partly healed, but it was still bleeding. You didn't want to even imagine how bad it had to be before.

"You need to clean it up and bandage," you looked around. Thankfully there were so many herbs in this garden. You washed two stones in a clear stream that flowed through the garden and crushed the herbs to mush. "Lift your shirt, please."

Lucien grunted something you didn't understand, but he did as you asked. Carefully you applied the mixture on the wound. Lucien hissed when your finger lightly touched raw flesh and shut his eyes closed. Then you lifted your skirt and tore off a strip of fabric from the petticoat. It was the cleanest fabric you had at the moment. You used the strip to bandage the wound.

When you were done Lucien exhaled shakily, letting the shirt fall back down. "Thank you, it's much better now," he rasped.

"What happened?"

"When he saw me he.. lost it. But I managed to deliver your letter. When I went there several days later to ask about the answer, he did this. He is like some wild animal and every day it's getting worse. I wonder if he still remembers who he really is."

Your heart painfully throbbed in you chest. "Do you think..?" You couldn't finish your question, but Lucien understood anyway.

He shook his head. "I think it's too late. We are losing him."

Lucien winnowed away soon after that saying something about his friends worrying about him.

You were suffocating. You curled into yourself between massive roots, pulling knees to your chest and rocking back and forth until humming in your head stopped and your mind cleared.

Time was mercilessly running out. You felt it in your bones. Tamlin needed help, urgently. You had to do something about it.

But first you had to heal yourself properly.

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