#// anri is just rambling and holding kakashi's face like that is his entire world because in the moment kakashi is

[mythcaels-a]

Kakashi's worries were fair. His words are echoes of a person that has lost so many and is still pained by it even now. Anri knows loss, he knows grief but he's not sure he'll ever know it like Hatake Kakashi does. He had seen the pale haired male in front of a certain stone back home before, maybe it was when they were both younger as they are so close in age or maybe it was well into their time in anbu before Kakashi defected. He knows Kakashi has lost people he cares about, his worries are completely fair.

He knows his expression has become so soft in such a way that it has never been for another soul before. Anri's expressions are full of cockiness, playfulness and smugness. It's a rare sight that Kakashi should take the time to remember. His arms are moving, both hands are reaching up now to settle on either side of the Hatake's face and let thumbs gently brush over his cheeks. ❛ I've had people make jokes about me being too damn stubborn to die and . . . I mean, the clan I came from had a motto that was basically the gist of as long as you're breathing you are alive and you will get up time and time again for the people you care about. ❜ They're soft words, reassuring as his bright gaze searches over the pale haired males face. He wants to wipe that sadness away from Kakashi, he wants to see him happy and he wants to make him so happy.

❛ But also . . . I'm in danger if I'm with you or not, kinda comes with the whole being an active member of anbu. Not to scare you or make you worry more. Sorry. ❜ He takes a deep breath and just holds the other males face like he's holding his whole world right in his hands. ❛ But also, it's not like I'd let anything happen to myself anyways. I'm not some rookie, y'know ? Annnnnnd I know you'd never let anything happen to me either just as I'd never let anything happen to you. ❜ He's rambling, it's something he seems to do when he finds his own worries eating at him and rather than put the worries into perfect words, they come out in a mess of words out into the air.

❛ Kakashi . . . I can't promise that nothing wont ever happen to me, I don't know what the future holds but I can promise to be as careful as possible. I can promise that we'll regret not taking a chance at this. I can promise that this is the one thing in my life that I will take the most seriously, which is a lot for me. ❜ He smiles softly, so full of affection and warmth. He's not sure if his words are reassuring but he knows they have sound logic and Kakashi is a logical person, even when worried. ❛ Here's a good idea for this whole thing, just don't lose me then. Protect me. I'll protect you. We'll protect each other, okay ? ❜ Please say okay, don't argue with him about it. It'll just be a battle of who is more stubborn and Anri is not afraid to keep that going forever.

❛ Also, this is about what you deserve and want too. Don't think you're getting away with saying that. It matters to me. It matters to me if you do want this. It matters to me that you deserve happiness. It matters to me that you should get to have at least one good thing in this sometimes rotten world. All of It matters to me. ❜

This talk of taking risks and being careful made Kakashi want to claw at his brain. Meaningless risks and impulsive decisions were foolish. They went against the Shinobi code and his own rule book.

But this one was far from meaningless.

Anri had always been a bit headstrong, and there had been many a time when Kakashi had cast a glare here and there to get him to dial it back. Though, his own control had faltered several times as well. Anri had witnessed the needless blood Kakashi had spilled out of silent rage, had seen him defy orders to spare a life for questioning to sate some feral need to lash out.

He’d lived in hell for years, and fuck did he want just one good thing to soothe his agony.

Anri’s bright eyes are searching for him, and Kakashi lifts his head to gaze into them. The words weren’t wrong. He was suffering, but it had been a path he’d chosen and a burden he’d expected to bear—only it never included this. Kakashi had accounted for the feelings of betrayal, the loss of friendships, the shattered bonds, but never did he think he might gain something during a time like this.

And here he was, debating on playing the fiend and throwing it in the trash with everything else—if only to protect Anri.

But he could never be so cold, not to him. To himself however, he could be as cruel as he needed.

“This isn’t about what I want or deserve.” He replies quietly. “None of that matters. What does is your life, your safety, and if something happened to you because of me, I could never forgive myself for it.”

Sadness grips his heart like a vice.

“I just don’t want to lose you too.”