#// I'm going to be SO FUCKING MAD if I have another goddamn heart attack before the con

[ofcrossrcads]

oh

[riverthebooknerd]

so, y'know, i have panic attacks whenever i break things. dropped a plate? whoops, congrats, now you're dissociated! when i was a kid, i used to freak the fuck out because i'd get in so much trouble- parents screaming at me, being called unsavory things, told what a disappointment i am, etc etc. my parents have gotten better about it recently, which is good, but now they're trying to act like it never happened? and my older siblings are just going along with it because they don't want to upset them.

some days, i even question if i'm just being dramatic or making it all up. or i would be, if something didn't happen that shook my entire world completely.

my little sister, the youngest of us, broke my favorite cup a few weeks back. it was a really nice cup. it was made of frosted glass, and it had a "lon lon ranch" logo on it- i'm obsessed with legend of zelda games. i really, really liked that cup, bought it with my own money and everything, and it shattered when she knocked it over while trying to get something out of the cabinet.

my first reaction was to be upset- not at her, actually, just disappointed because that was my favorite cup, and she knew that. but then, right before my eyes, she started freaking out. just like i used to. my sister, who's normally a snarky brat, started hyperventilating and apologizing profusely, looking like she was about to start fucking sobbing. she even offered to buy me another one, even though it was expensive and i knew damn well that she didn't have any money.

it took ten minutes for me to calm her down and convince her that i wasn't mad, and that it was okay, and i wasn't going to yell at her. she almost tried to pick up the bits of glass with her bare hands, and i had to stop her. she didn't seem to believe that i wasn't angry. she kept eyeing me like i was about to snap at any second.

i helped her clean it up, and finally she asked me, "you're really not mad? you're not gonna, like, yell at me for being careless?"

and i shrugged, trying to come off as nonchalant, and told her, "nope. it's just a cup, dude. it wasn't on purpose, so i ain't gonna yell at you."

she got really quiet- which is uncharacteristic for her, she's the loudest damn person i know- and kinda just went, "oh." and that was that.

my parents were in the room, and they seemed confused by the whole thing. they acted like she was being weird, like they didn't understand why she had reacted like that. my dad even tried to comfort her- but, given that he didn't understand her reaction, it didn't do much. they were treating her like she was being unreasonable, a kid freaking out for no reason.

all i'm saying is that i remember being younger and hiding in my room with my hands covering my ears while my mom screamed at me and banged on my door. i knew why my sister was on the cusp of a fucking panic attack, and it broke my heart. people tell me that i'm too nice, and that i let people walk all over me, but i'd rather be a pushover than be someone who can make someone scared like that- and then not even understand why they're scared.

parents, i get that you're tired and you work hard, but for fuck's sake, learn some goddamn patience for your kid.

[fuckingfuckityfuck]

Confirmation

Pairing : Negan x reader

Warning : angst

Plot : Negan had done a mistake by treating you like you're nothing to him.You were tired from the constant fights you had with him everyday.You finally decided to leave him and now he wants you back.

I loudly shut my door close,not wanting to hear his empty promises and reasons.

It has been days since I broke up with Negan,being tired as one of his wives.Yeah sure,sex is great and the perks are awesome but if you really love him,like really really love him,you'd not want to be one of his wives.

He treated his wives like toys.Once he's done,he's gone.He'll surely toy with your emotions,always making you feel like it's your damn fault.

He is the master manipulator and he fucking knows it.

"Open the fucking door,y/n!" Negan shouted at the other side of the door.I rolled my eyes,not even moving from my chair.

Minutes passed when I hear the lock click.He is mad as hell.His eyes are furious,burning through me like fire.

"You don't fucking listen to me,do you?You always do these damn things like a teen fucking queen." He roared loudly,each step he took was loud enough for everyone to know that he is mad.

"Well fuck you too,Negan.I sure as hell am not your fucking wife anymore.There's that and who the fuck cares if I dump you?It's not like you like me or you have feelings for me,right?So fuck you" I screamed and signalled him to not move close to me.

He shook his head and glared at me.

"You're not done with me unless i fucking say so,doll.I fucking own you,you are under my damn rule" He said.

I crossed my arms and tried to tell myself to not cry in front of him,not wanting to look weak and him taking advantage of that.

"You know what?I am so done with you,Negan.I am so tired with all of these.I can't spend another day with you or living here if that's what you're saying.I don't owe you anything.If there's anything,you owe me.You owe me everything.I fucking made you the king,the ruler of the saviors.I fucking gave you everything and after that,here I am." I screamed,hitting his chest as he tried to hold me close.

I wiped away my tears and shook my head.

"Not anymore.You can't continue treating me like this,goddamn it,I'm your fucking wife before all of this.You treat me like I'm an invisible rag just for you to use and spit on.You never look at me the same way before.Fuck you.I regret wasting my life here.You sure as hell don't fucking need me anymore so just let me go" I said,trying to calm myself before having a panic attack.

Negan just looked at me.Analyzing what I had just said.His face gave out no emotion.No sadness.No fear.

No nothing.Just staring at me like.

Then he looked down.

"This is a mistake,I-" Negan started and I laughed.

"Hell fucking yeah it is.You made sure to show me how much of a mistake I made by marrying an asshole like you" I laughed and he didn't even move.Just looking down and massaging his jaw.

A thing he does when he's stressed out.Good for him.

"You don't understand my point here,y/n.You really want to know why I did what I did?You want to know everything?Because it feels like you're telling me that you know everything when you clearly don't." He gave out a loud sigh and looked at me again.

Tears are threatening to spill from his eyes.Before,it was red with fury and anger.

But now,his eyes are red from sorrow and sadness.

"I never wanted us to be like this.I made a promise to myself to never let the same thing happen again.You know how it went with Lucille.I was a bastard sleeping around while my wife was sick." He started to cry,softly.

Tears are already streaming down my face.

"When I met you,I knew that I had to protect you.I had to keep you safe,I had to have you.So I did.You put up these walls around you so high.You lost your mother and that was the hardest part for you.I made sure to be there by your side always.I pursued you.I wanted to have you so fucking bad." Negan said as he looked at me.

He gave out a small,sad smile.

"Then I had you.You said the damn word too.You love me.You cared for me.Slowly,your walls are gone.You let me in.And then someone saw.Someone knew that you're my weakness.They blackmailed me.They wanted me out of the top.I didn't know what to do or what to choose,y/n.But I know,I should've chosen you like you've chosen me multiple damn times."He touched my cheek and I flinched away from his cold touch.He cried.

"I don't hate you,doll.I don't resent you.I don't want you to be gone.You are the only thing that keeps me going with everything that's been going on with Rick and his people.I did this to protect you.Or that's what I thought I was doing.I didn't know I was breaking you apart.Maybe I should just let you go and give you a chance to be free again." He murmured as he cried.

Can I still be with this man?Everything he said made sense now.But can I trust him enough to be with him again?

"I left you because I don't feel your love for me.You always scream at me,telling me how useless I am infront of everyone.I felt like shit,Negan.I just wanted you.You promised me that I will be your only one.You have 4 other wives.You can go on without me.I love you but I don't think this is going to work for us.Not anymore." I said while staring back at him.His eyes are pleading,telling me to stay.

Suddenly,I felt his arms around me.Holding me close to his chest,feeling his heart beat against my face.We are both crying now.

"Promise me you'll stay alive?That you'll carry on with your life and not look back?If you think that I don't love you anymore,this is me letting you go.Fuck,I love you so damn fucking much that I will let you go.I will give you what you want." He cried as he softly touch my hair.

We both cried our eyes out that night.Our last night.

I remember him touching my face,telling me how much he loves me.

I remember pulling his face and kissing him.

He kissed me back and I remember that night,we were both calling out each other's name.

I turned off the stove,pouring down the hot water on my mug.I opened my tea packet and put it in my mug.

I smiled as I felt arms around my waist.

"Good morning,sweetheart.You seem so happy today?" He asked,swaying us both side to side.

Then I heard the little footsteps around the house.We both turned around to see Hope carrying her bunny toy.

"Mom-mommy?Dadd-y-y?" Hope croaked out while rubbing her sleepy eyes.

I looked up at Negan and smiled.She looks so much like him.

"You want some cereals,baby?With fruits on it?" Negan asked Hope as he walked towards her.She nodded and put her arms out for him to carry her.

Hope giggled as Negan playfully tried to throw her up in the air.

"Ye-yes dad-dy.What about mom-mmy?" Hope asked and looked at me.They both look at me with the same face.

I laughed and rolled my eyes.

"Mommy can take care of herself,darling.You change your clothes first and we'll go out and play with Judith outside,that okay with you?" I said.

Hope pouted but signalled for Negan to put her down.She kissed him on the cheek before walking away to get dressed.

"She may look like me but she does have your attitude and sassiness.Also the pouting." Negan chuckled as he walked towards me again.

"Yeah right.I forgot,Rick came by earlier.He said he needed some help fixing the gate." I said as I put his face between my hands.

"You know I love you,right?" Negan asked while looking me in the eyes.

I smiled.

I smiled like a chesire cat.

"I do and I love you so fucking much too." I said and kissed him happily

masterlist

[an-american-whovian]

- An American Whovian Reviews: 'Revolution of the Daleks' by Chris Shitnall.

• The Story Thus Far.

When we last left the Doctor she was partaking in one of the WORST Doctor Who episodes of all time. Turns out she's had, like, a billion regenerations -- and started off as a cute lil' black girl who got experimented on by some crazy TimeLord lady. Makes about as much sense as an asshole on my elbow.

I digress, after that whole REVEAL -- the Doctor is arrested by everyone's favorite space rhinos and sent to space jail much like Rick Sanchez at the end of 'Rick & Morty' season 2.

(Just not as good.)

• Recap.

The story starts off with a reminder of an even shittier story 'Resolution' in which the Doctor and "Fam'" defeat a Dalek with spare parts from a microwave. (Fuck you, Chibnall.)

Anyways, back to now: some people have the leftovers of that one Dalek in some facility. This one dude is tasked with transporting it and stops fer a hot cup of coffee -- which he chugs. (That's a thing.) Shortly thereafter, turns out he got drugged by the barista and she's, like, "Bitch, this is my truck now."

• I Loved that Show.

Curtis from 'Misfits' and Mr. Big from 'Sex & the City' meet up with some lady in which he hired some folks to "roleplay" as rioters. (I can't make this up.) He's, like, "Check this out -- I made these robots that can subdue rioters." (Where was he during the attack on the Capitol!?) Actually, Curtis from 'Misfits' supposedly made them from scratch.

Somewhere Davros is rolling in his chair.

• Political Disintrigue.

Mr. Big and the lady are in cahoots. I don't care.

• Elsewhere.

The Doctor is in jail serving her sentence and eating space brownies. She's got a Weeping Angel, Sycorax, Ood l and the Pting as neighbors. (Everyone loves call backs.) Laying on her cot she does her best quirky Matt Smith impersonation when she here's a-knocking.

WHO COULD IT BE!?

• Elsewhere, again.

We cut to the Fam' back on Earth. Yaz is living in a house that's a TARDIS in disguise; whilst Graham and Ryan could care less about what happened to the Doctor. They're, like, "Yaz, you gotta move on. However, someone leaked that footage of the roleplaying rioters versus a Dalek on DailyMotion -- so we should do something about that."

The lady and Mr. Big meet up, again, this time in some forest -- fer more expository conversation. I still can't be bothered.

Later, the Fam' just tracks down Mr. Big, like, it's nothing. Fortunately fer him, he has has guards -- and they shoo off the Fam'.

Ugh.

• Slammer Buddies.

The Doctor sees a Silence and then, say wha'!? Captain Jack is there to break he Doctor out with some doohickey he snuck up his ass. Turns out it's a giant hamster bubble that let's them break out of a MAXIMUM SECURITY SPACE JAIL! I hate this shit . . .

It's great to see Captain Jack, again, but this isn't worth it.

Only 18 minutes has passed. Fuck me.

• Exposition Earl.

Curtis from 'Misfits' is talking to Mr. Big and he's, like, "Dude, did you know there's, like, DNA samples inside that old casing you gave me!? Well, I took the time to clone it! I call it Squiggly."

Curtis from 'Misfits' cloned a Dalek. Fuuuuuuck.

Mr. Big is, like, "Yo, get that abomination out of my face and burn it!" -- which Curtis from 'Misfits' hesitantly obliges. Psyche! Squiggly takes mind control over Curtis from 'Misfits'. Who didn't see that coming!?

• Elsewhere: Part 3.

The Doctor and Captain Jack SOMEHOW just get back to the TARDIS like it's nothing. Fer some reason the Doctor is a bit of a jerk to Jack eventhough he just got her ungrateful ass out of Space Prison.

She's, like, "I gotta find my REAL friends." and meets back up with the Fam'. Yaz gets wet and Jack flirts with Graham. Turns out the Doctor has been gone fer a little less than a year. Cool. They get straight to the point and are, like, "Daleks are back. You know, the same aliens that tried to conquer Earth in series 2 and 4. Oh, no one remembers that?"

Fuck you, Chibnall.

• Hilarity ensues.

Squiggly somehow has a giant facility with other Dalek clones in Japan. Where the fuck did they come from!? Who knows -- and who cares.

The Doctor confronts Mr. Big and he's, like, "I'm 3D printing Dalek casings. It's cool, tho'. There's nothing inside of them. It's not, like, there's a facility in Osaka, Japan with a bunch of Dalek clones waiting to fill these up.

Speaking of which, Yaz and Jack are in Japan and they have a cringey convo about life with the Doctor. Rose and Sarah Jane's talk in 'School Reunion' this is not.

There's still 40 minutes to go.

After their heart to heart -- Yaz still has the audacity to insult Jack. She's fierce!

Anyways, guess what they find!? GUESS WHAT THEY FUCKING FIND!? The Dalek clone farm. Like, we weren't already shown this before. They even do a "Dun-Dun-Dun!" reveal fer this shit.

FUCK YOU, CHIBNALL.

• Facepalm.

Fer reasons unbeknownst to me the Doctor takes Mr. Big along to Japan -- you know, fer reasons. All the while, we cut to scenes of that one lady introducing Daleks to the public. No one still remembers series 2 and 4 -- or any other time Daleks have been on Earth.

At the same time, Jack and Yaz get attacked by a bunch of other Squigglies and I'm getting mad hentai vibes.

The Doctor, still back on the TARDIS, has a half hearted conversation with Ryan and tells hims it's, "Four minutes to Osaka" -- eventhough there's 50+ years of the TARDIS landing places INSTANTENOUSLY!

FUCK.

YOU.

CHIBNALL.

Ryan is, like, "Yea, I kinda prefer being back home than traveling in the TARDIS and seeing all of time and space. By the way, how'd 'The Timeless Children' go fer you?"

The Doctor is basically, like, "The less said about that -- the better." I tend to fucking agree.

Four minutes are up and Jack has and orgasm when he sees the TARDIS materialize eventhough he was just on it not too long ago.

• Git 'er Done.

Everyone's reunited along with Mr. Big as they confront mind controlled Curtis from 'Misfits'. We get more exposition as to how these Squigglies were cloned and what they eat. The big revelation is that they eat humans -- and I still can't be bothered to care.

Somehow the cloned Squigglies can teleport to those empty Dalek casings and proceed to wreck havoc to the masses. I will NEVER grow tired of Daleks massacaring people. "EXTERMINATE!"

(I finally have a non ironic smile on my face.)

Squiggly kills Curtis from 'Misfits' and the only one to give a shit is Mr. Big. The Doctor tries her best at a, "I am the Doctor and I save people!" speech which falls flat. She's got a plan, tho'!

She beeps up real Daleks -- and she's, like, "These REAL Daleks are gonna kill those fake Daleks! It's okay if they come -- fer REASONS they wont kill any humans. Just these fake Daleks. The story demands it."

• Invasion of the Dalek Snatchers.

We finally get the revolution in "Revolution of the Daleks". The real Daleks are, like, "Y'all, mother fuckers, are impure!" All the while, Mr. Big is, like, "I like these real Daleks. I wanna be friends with them -- you know, 'cause I'm a bad guy. Take me to yer leader." (That last bit was a direct quote.)

The boys leave the girls behind to go destroy the Dalek ship. We get some more poorly written dialogue.

Mr. Big tells the real Daleks about the Doctor -- which they should've been already privy to. Luckily, Jack informs the Doctor about Mr. big's treacherous ways and she's got another trick up her sleeve! All the while, Jack and the boys blow up the Dalek ship and the Doctor reveals her ruse. She sucked the Daleks into the spare TARDIS that Yaz was living in and has it collapse on itself.

Aren't TARDIS kind of, like, living creatures? They've been known to have a consciousness. Whatever.

• The Home Stretch.

Fer REASONS Mr. Big is considered a hero. Captain Jack is, like, "I'm out and I'm gonna go find my Torchwood friends. Fuck you guys."

Ryan is, like, "Yea, no more trips fer me either. I wanna stay home and play football with me mates and eat fish and chips." Graham agrees, too. So it's just Yaz and the Doctor now. I'm excited fer that potential porn parody.

Then we get a call back to 'The Girl Who Fell to Earth' and Ryan trying to ride a bike. I forgot that was a thing. They babble about facing off alien threats on Earth and fer other REASONS Grace shows up a, like, a fucking Jedi Force Ghost. 😂😭🤤

• The Good, the Bad and the Fugly.

The best I can say about this story is that Doctor Who, aesthetically, has never looked better. The Daleks inside and out were REALLY well done; and I fucking love the look of the TARDIS traveling through the time vortex. Unfortunately, that's it about it.

This was god awful. Maybe in time I can rewatch this in a it's so bad it's good capacity; but I won't be doing that any time soon. Chibnall has lost his goddamn mind.

Why is everyone so mean to Captain Jack!? I don't fucking get it. Graham and Ryan wanting to leave the TARDIS just 'cause they're, like, "Meh. It's been done.? Why is Mr. Big in this, at all!? Also, somebody fire that composer! I'm tired of his ambient noises.

Seriously, this was bad.

Zero stars.

[theyellmanfan]

Aizawa stared at Hizashi for a long moment as the blonde man held out the box, grinning like a mad man.

"I named him Maru-chan after our favorite brand of ramen," Hizashi declared. "Isn't he adorable?!"

"You," Aizawa said slowly. "brought home... a puppy..."

"Someone left him in a box on the side of the road! I couldn't just leave him there! He was soooo cuuuuuute!" Hizashi rambled, doting on the small pup that chewed on his fingers. "And he is the sweetest little thing! Look at his widdle faaace! He is such a good listener too! He already knows how to sit and come!"

"You didn't think to ask me about this first?" Aizawa asked, pointedly. Hizashi's smile faltered.

"You brought home a stray cat," Hizashi reasoned. "I thought you liked animals."

"A cat is different, Mic," Aizawa said. "A cat won't piss on your head in the middle of the night because it's too stupid to learn how to use a pee pad or designated box. A dog is loud and obnoxious and gets into everything and invades your personal space and-"

"Like me," Hizashi said flatly. "A dog is too much like me for you to accept it."

Aizawa blanched. "That's not what I said."

"You literally just described me," Hizashi replied. "Using words you've used to describe me in the past and applied them to the dog." He adjusted his grip on the box, moving it away from Aizawa.

"You're not the dog, Mic," Aizawa balked. "I just wish you'd have talked to me about this before you just waltzed in here with it. We have four cats now, we can't just adopt every stray we come across! It's a lot of responsibility!"

"This isn't about the dog is it?" Hizashi said softly. Aizawa froze. He knew what was coming next.

"....Mic," Aizawa began.

"Look, Shouta," Hizashi cut him off. "I get it. You don't think I'm ready for that kind of responsibility. You don't have to keep reiterating yourself. But rather than just undermining me and telling me I'm not ready and giving me excuse after excuse, can't you just show some support and at least let me try to show you I'm ready? Even in just small steps?"

Aizawa took a breath, tired of this argument and his gut swirling with guilt every time they had it. "That's not it."

Hizashi turned away from him frustrated, biting his tongue, then thinking better of it. "Then what? Yes I know a dog is a big commitment, yes I know it's not as big, but at least I could show you that I'm ready! Do you really think that little of me? I know I have three jobs, I know I'm always running around, but that's what team work is for! We could both look after him. We can both put forth an effort. We can take him with us places. We can-"

"That's not it!" Aizawa yelled.

"Then what! What Shouta?" Hizashi demanded. "Why won't you even talk to me about adopting?"

"Because I'm terrified I won't be a good father!" Aizawa snapped. "I'm terrified of bringing a kid into our lives and putting all the stress on you when I don't have the energy after a long day! I'm terrified of ruining a kid's life because I don't have mine together! I terrified of losing you and pushing you away! I know you'll make a good dad. You'll make the best fucking father a kid could ask for, Mic! But I won't! I'm shit at taking care of myself! Do you know what I ate for breakfast? Cold pizza! Over the sink! Like a rat! I just expelled an entire class because of the shit they pulled rather than teaching them to do and be fucking better than that! I'm not cut out to be a dad!"

Hizashi stopped, staring at Aizawa in a new light. "Are you fucking kidding me?" he said at last. "I watched you every single day put your all into that class and come home every day with another story of how they found new ways to break the rules and hurt themselves and put others in danger. When the kid with the night terror quirk attacked the rabbit quirk kid and nearly gave her a heart attack, you comforted her until she could calm down and be taken to the hospital. When you thought one of your kids had been burried in some rubble you got down there and started digging with your bare fucking hands! When they did stupid shit that would get them and others hurt you told them exactly what they needed to hear to get it through their heads that being a hero means you are held accountable for your actions and that everything you do can mean the difference between life and death for the people you are trying to save!" Hizashi took a breath. "You are the best goddamn parent to those kids and expelling them was going to be the only thing that could wake them up enough to realize their mistakes had major consequences!"

"Having a kid of your own is different Mic," Aizawa murmured, not feeling worthy of the praise being yelled at him. It had felt so much less like what they needed to hear and more like a final straw. He wasn't going to watch them continue to grow stronger and hurt themselves more and more until there was nothing left. His heart couldn't take it. They needed someone who could teach them differently. Someone who could make them think outside the box. Yuuei wasn't for them. "I don't think I'm ready for that."

There was a small silence as the tension seemed to leave Hizashi's shoulders. He gave Aizawa a gentle smile.

"If we always waited until we were ready," Hizashi said, letting out a small laugh. "we'd get nothing done."

Aizawa closed his eyes with a sigh as his own words hit him in the face. He'd told Hizashi that very same thing when they were struggling to become heroes. He tried to press the smirk from his lips. It wasn't working so well.

"Besides," Hizashi added. "It doesn't have to happen immediately. We've got our finances in order. We've got space. All that's left... is actually sitting down and talking about it. It's a two way street. I can't just go out and adopt a kid like a stray animal and plop them in your lap and say 'this is our life now, get used to it'. I want to do this together. As partners. We don't have to decide today. We don't have to decide in a month or a year. I just... want you to talk to me... okay?"

Aizawa was quiet a moment, letting those words sink in. "Okay," he said at last, giving a small nod.

The puppy in the box gave a small whine. They both looked down at the box.

"You're not naming it after ramen," Aizawa stated firmly.

"What would you name it?" Hizashi prompted. If he could get Aizawa to name it, he might come around to keeping it faster.

"Bane," Aizawa answered.

"Ooo I like tha-" Hizashi began, but Aizawa cut him off.

"-Of my existence," he finished.

"Oi," Hizashi said, smacking him on the arm.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Thanks for the prompt @ozzie10156! Send me an EraserMic prompt! I'm feeling the angst and fluff!