#// I can't bring myself to reblog the actual thing it's so much. This isn't about kinkshaming. He wasn't talking about kink.

[radioconstructed]

⌖ NONE OF THESE WORDS ARE IN THE BIBLE

[powerofwisdom99]

You're weird. Has it ever crossed your mind that maybe you're just a pretty weird individual and a piece of shit? Why are you shipping Dogday and Catnap? Honestly, it's fucking everywhere. And it's DISGUSTING. Catnap ripped off his LEGS and made him suffer. Just because they used to be friends before, still doesn't make the ship any less gross. Plus, Catnap is 8. And the fact that you're participating in this gross activity is disgusting. You basically made Dogday a pedo. And the relationship is abusive.

....

You're joking, right? Like, I'm actually curious. Is this satire?

You know, it's amazing to me how some people are willing to freely embarrass themselves on the internet and think they're in the right. How embarrassing. Like, what actually made you hop out of bed and think 'hey! I'm feeling like a silly little goober today. Let me go harras somebody on the internet for shipping a pairing that they like!'. And I find it ironic that you say all of this, because if I can recall, you have been reblogging my posts before. What a crazy switch up, am I right? I would've replied to this little anon of yours nicely if you didn't call me a piece of shit. I wonder who pissed in your cereal today.

Anyways, let me dive you in on a little something I've been wanting to bring out for so long. At first, I kept it to myself. But the more I see claims like these, the more pissed off I get. So, let me just get this off my chest and point out that Catnap isn't evil. Yeah. I said it. He is NOT entirely evil as people make it out to be. The Catnap you see in the game and the one in the cartoons are two completely different characters. One serves a prototype. One likes to sleep all day. One was an experiment. One smells like lavender. There's a huge difference. The DOGDAY that YOU see in the game lost his legs. The cartoon however, didn't. You get what I'm saying? The games and the cartoons are NOT connected to each other. Both are separated. Take it as alternate universes type of thing. I can't believe I have to explain this because Sleepyday antis are way too focused on calling a ship toxic instead of actually looking into the lore of Poppy Playtime, which shouldn't even be this hard.

From what I've seen, people mostly ship the cartoon versions of Dogday and Catnap. Which is COMPLETELY healthy, by the way! The two have goals and a lot of chemistry. They are best friends. They CARE for one another. People ship them because of their dynamic and because of their adorable sun x moon dynamic. And don't get me wrong, I heavily despise the ship between the bigger bodies. In my opinion, it's genuinely disgusting since Catnap used to be an 8 year old called Theodore. And knowing that he died at a young age before becoming an experiment, people like that can't exactly age anymore once they die. And Dogday's legs got ripped off by him. So yeah. Kinda fucked up. I think the version of that ship is disgusting and weird. They wouldn't be great together. I'm sorry. There's nothing I can really do about it, though.

If you're STILL confused, take Bendy And The Ink Machine as an example. If you even know the game. It's kinda similar to Poppy Playtime at it's finest. With the people turning into characters from a show type of genre. The Alice Angel that we see in the game is completely evil. Her motives are to steal the hearts of innocent ink creatures in order to make herself look beautiful again. At first, you'd think that's the same gal from the one you see in the cartoon. But surprisingly, no! Alice Angel used to be human. She used to be a women named Susie Campbell. She was the voice OF Alice Angel. Alice Angel in the cartoons is completely different. For her height difference is much more smaller from game Alice's. She has no melted half face, AND she DEFINITELY has no evil intentions. She's a completely sweet gal. See the comparison? They are NOT the same. The toys in Poppy Playtime are NOT the same from the cartoons. They were all experiments.

It just pains me that I can't even enjoy my comfort ship in peace without that one person shouting about how wrong and icky it is. And at this point, if I ever come across a person like that again, I'm just going to ignore them. Because I'm sick of this. I'm sick of it so much. I shouldn't even have to EXPLAIN the Poppy Playtime lore to get this through your thick skull head. I shouldn't have to explain that Sleepday isn't all that TOXIC just so you could leave me alone. And I'm scared because I think despite everything I'm saying to you right now, I'm going to get harassed either way. Because I've dealt with situations like these before. I'm sick of people NEVER pointing out the fact that Theodore IS Catnap. I'm sick of people misunderstanding why this ship is so important to me and calling me a terrible person. I'm sick of it all.

In conclusion, Sleepyday is not TOXIC. Part of it is. A part of it isn't. Use your FUCKING brain. Think before you talk shit in my blog. Oh, and for the record? I'm going to continue obsessing over my ship. Thank you very much.

[hornystiel]

once again seeing shit on twt and i saw it here multiple times too and i just have to say

the passage that 'you write/draw/make edits for yourself in the first place and it's fun as it is!!! and you shouldn't want attention or gratification!! otherwise you're somehow a bad person!!' - sucks ass

i'll hide the rest but i want to write it all down because it's been bothering me for a while

it may be surprising for many but many published and famous authors also write because of money it brings them? and fame? and recognition? shocker right. yes, not only because of this (tho some do it mostly because of all of the above and that's why many books are shit yes come at me bro tell me i'm no critic etc etc idc) same with artists etc. and it's okay people have no problemo with it, it's actually expected for them to get paid and praised. another example - youtubers. they create shit, they are monetized, they have income etc and yet i think you heard them say at least once 'i'll release the next vid once the previous one reaches ~~~likes and comments'. and again it's nothing really. it's always your choice whether to buy that book, see that film, watch that vid, leave that comment and like. you do it or you don't

in fandom we do everything for free (i'm not talking about commissions) and yet when many creative people ask to simply reblog our stuff for it to be seen because it's how tumblr functions - we're met with the whole ass lecture that we can't Demand anything from people, and that well if you don't get shit then you're not as good because greatness always finds a way, and basically we should be grateful for what we have and shut it. it's like a Scandal every time this topic is brought up. how dare. feels like i'm running here with a gun pointed to their heads and shout at them to reblog my stuff or else. and then those same people and many others are surprised there's lack of content except screencaps and texts we've all seen a hundred times and that people left for other places and fandoms

if i wanted to create only for myself i would've never posted anything here or on any other platform. why should i, i'm only satisfying myself, right. fun! but it so happens that i also want connection with fandom, and yes, boo me, i want attention and maybe even praise sometimes. and that isn't some vile thing to want. we are all humans and we thrive on such things and yes nobody suffered from a good comment or a reblog with excited shouting

and surprise, when i see that my stuff is doing well and people reach out and people are happy or sad or just experience the emotions i wanted from them - i want to make more things quicker and i want to progress and i want to share. double win

nobody owes anybody here. you don't want to engage at all? it's your right i won't hunt you down. really, i will make my stuff regardless, it's just i don't owe anybody here either and i can choose to share only with those who are interested? and way more popular people can do the same? because why spend the energy if people only consume things silently or just glance at it and scroll down and get real defensive about their right to only like stuff on the reblogging site. dw i won't do it i'm too much of an attention whore for it and i'm not afraid to admit it. anyway it's not a ~threat~, i'm simply stating that people who create stuff can do whatever they want with it, they created it for free, 'for themselves in the first place' and you can't get deathly offended when some of them move places, change fandom just because they get what they always wanted from it, remove their stuff or lock the next chapters of a fic for the people they want to see it, especially if you were a silent spectator this whole time

idk i'm not going anywhere really with this i'm just mad how we really are 'content creators' in the eyes of many. only here to throw up our 'content' - art, fics, edits, gifs - for it to be consumed silently in some abyss, reposted, stolen, and be grateful not to be eaten by it

[marsbarsfrommars]

if you need to be mean (be mean to me)

star wars: the high republic | rated t | complete | 2,661 words | avar kriss & elzar mann, a little avar kriss/elzar mann | hurt/comfort, angst, little bit of fluff

summary

“Are you alright?” he asks then, his voice gentle yet heavy with concern. It makes her want to scream at him and break down crying at the same time. She chooses the former. “Of course I'm not!” she snaps, whirling around to face him with so much force she nearly stumbles. “Starlight is lost at the bottom of the ocean, along with Stellan and Maru and so many others, and it's all my fault!”

or, a continuation of their argument in sos #2

read

under the cut or on ao3 for better formatting

notes

I told everyone who asked me to write more elvar (I'm incredibly honoured by that btw) that it would definitely take a while, but it hasn't even been a week so now I look like an idiot, but at least I have this for you

this one is dedicated to everyone on tumblr and ao3 who commented/liked/reblogged/left kudos on my last fanfic. your support means the world to me and is probably the reason I was able to finish this so fast

unfortunately, this is not as fluffy as the last one, but I really wanted to write this because I feel like we don't talk about avar's trauma regarding starlight and stellan's death enough. she deserves to let it all out and receive the comfort she needs.

I need to be real with you for a moment, though. I struggle with perfectionism, and that makes me really insecure about my writing, and while I try to overcome it, I have managed to convince myself that this is actually the worst thing ever written in the history of fanfiction. initially, I didn't want to post it at all, but I'm trying to overcome my perfectionism because it's actually pretty hard to get anything done like this, so I have forced myself to post it anyway. that is actually not at all relevant to the fanfic itself, but I needed to get this off my chest. anyways, I hope this isn't as bad as I think it is and you actually enjoy it

what avar and elzar say to each other during the first argument at the beginning of this will probably seem familiar to you because those are direct quotes from the comic. everything after that is written by me only.

also, english isn't my first language, so please just ignore any grammar/spelling mistakes

content warning for survivor's guilt, loss of a loved one (stellan in this case) and description of the start of a panic attack, but it's not more severe/graphic than in the books

“I am going into Nihil territory. I will find their leaders and bring them to justice,” she said when they fought that afternoon, the anger clear in her voice but not fully masking the still-audible edge of desperation.

Elzar looked taken aback. “Wait, you're leaving? After I just told you…” he hesitated then, like he just realised something. “Is that why? Because of what I did?”

It wasn't; of course it wasn't; she would never dream of leaving him because he had made a mistake. Normally, she would have explained herself and told him that she wanted to leave because of her own mistakes, not his, but she was too shaken up to properly explain herself, and he continued talking almost immediately.

“Or… is it something to do with us?”

“I can't make important decisions based on us, Elzar. I am a Jedi,” she answered, already turning on her heel and starting to walk away from him. “And so are you.”

She left him in their tent and went to help with the relief efforts until dusk, when the Eirami disaster relief workers told her to go and rest. She protested, of course, but they couldn't be persuaded to let her continue helping them.

She debated checking on the other Jedi, but she couldn't bring herself to face them at the moment. Ultimately, she decided to walk back to the refugee camp, hoping that Elzar wouldn't be in their tent. Out of all the people here, he was the one she wanted to see the least.

When Avar opens the door to the tent now, it's empty, and she lets out a breath of relief. Maybe I really should rest for a while, she thinks, even though deep down she knows she won't be able to, despite her tiredness. Nevertheless, she strips off her torn and singed cloak and washes her hands and face at the small sink in the corner.

Someone placed water and a small pile of ration bars on the low table between the bunks while she was away. Avar unwraps a bar and takes a bite. It tastes like nothing, like it always does, but unlike so many other times before, she's not bothered by it this time; she has no appetite anyways.

She takes another bite and lets her thoughts wander, almost desperately trying to avoid thinking of Stellan and Starlight. Amazingly enough, she succeeds. Instead, her thoughts travel back to Elzar and the argument they had this afternoon, which is only a marginally better thing to think about if she really intends to rest.

I can't make important decisions based on us, Elzar. I am a Jedi. And so are you, she told him and she meant it, she still means it. They are Jedi, after all. They can't put their feelings for each other above the wellbeing of the galaxy. Not that he had asked her too; he would never. Both of them believe in being Jedi too much for that.

Deep down, she knows that her desire to leave has nothing to do with them at all, and everything with her not being able to face her own failures. But it's easier to not think of that right now. Instead, she reminds herself that there is no them—there can't be, not like it's supposed to be, because they're Jedi and because Stellan is dead. They are a constellation missing a star, a composition with one note crossed out, an ocean devoid of life. They are forever incomplete. And there is nothing she can do to fix that. She has failed them all.

The pain manifests as a physical ache in her chest, and it becomes harder and harder to breathe. Before, Avar had hardly noticed the panic building up inside her, but now it threatens to overwhelm her. She clenches her trembling hands into fists and tries to breathe as deeply and evenly as possible. This is not supposed to happen to her. She is a Jedi; she doesn't let her emotions control her. She's not supposed to be overwhelmed by them or feel like she might die.

Avar tries to push the panic away, but the harder she tries, the worse it gets. Theoretically, she knows she has to calm herself, but it's hard to focus on anything but the fact that she can hardly breathe. Every single one of her senses is solely focused on the panic, until she abruptly senses something else—she expected him to return at some point, but she didn't expect that point to come so soon and even hoped to be gone by then. The shock snaps her out of the spiral she was threatening to go down and lets her focus on her breathing until she feels the panic subside. It's still there, but it's less overwhelming now.

She feels Elzar's presence before she hears the door open. At least one thing is still the same. He pauses at the open door, and there's a moment where neither of them say anything. Avar thinks he might just turn around and leave again, but he doesn't. Instead, he closes the door behind himself and walks over to her, stopping a few steps behind her. “Are you alright?” he asks then, his voice gentle yet heavy with concern. It makes her want to scream at him and break down crying at the same time. She chooses the former.

“Of course I'm not!” she snaps, whirling around to face him with so much force she nearly stumbles. “Starlight is lost at the bottom of the ocean, along with Stellan and Maru and so many others, and it's all my fault!”

He doesn't seem taken aback by her anger. A part of her wishes he was, wishes he would shout back. He doesn't. His voice remains gentle when he shakes his head and says, “It's not, Avar. I said this earlier too, but you can't put all the weight on yourself. I know you blame yourself, but no one else does, I promise you.”

“And how would you know that?” Her voice is raised and full of anger, she's almost shouting. It's unnecessarily mean, she knows that. Elzar is just as hurt as she is, he doesn't deserve to be the target of her rage at all, but he's here right now, and the anger is simmering hot beneath her skin. She knows she shouldn't give into it, but she's afraid of what will be left once the rage is gone.

“I know,” he responds, still infuriatingly calm, “because everyone out there has made mistakes as well, and some of those mistakes have set something in motion that got people hurt in the end, but no one blames them for that. How could they? Making a mistake that gives people who want to harm others the opportunity to do so doesn't make you wholly responsible for the harm caused. Sometimes it doesn't make you responsible at all.”

He's right. She knows he's right, but she can't quiet the song of fault and failure the Force has been singing to her all day. It's as overwhelming as the panic had been before.

Elzar continues talking. “Yes, you've made mistakes that indirectly led to all this happening, but so did I, so did Stellan, so did the Council, so did the Chancellor, and so did lot's and lot's of other people. But in the end, it's the Nihil alone who blew up Starlight. They caused all of this. They are to blame for all the deaths and all the hurt.”

He still sounds calm, but there's a clear edge of desperation in his voice now. “I know it's hard to accept that no one else blames you, when you blame yourself.” He doesn't say, I blame myself, too, doesn't say, If you blame anyone but the Nihil, it should be me, doesn't say, Logically, I know what I said is true, but I won't stop thinking it's all my fault, but she knows anyways. Normally, she would try to comfort him, like he's trying for her now, but she is unable to comfort anyone right now, not even herself.

“But I need you to know that the galaxy doesn't blame you, Avar. I don't blame you, and I know that Stellan doesn't-, didn't… that he didn't either.”

And that's what makes her tip over the edge she has been so precariously balancing on. “You have no idea what Stellan thinks of me or if he would blame me!” She's definitely shouting now. “The last thing we ever did was fight! It's the only thing we've done the past year, and now Stellan is dead and I can't ever tell him that I'm sorry and that I didn't mean any of it and that he will always be my best friend and that I… that I…” her voice breaks, effectively interrupting her rambling outburst. She has to take a deep, shaky breath before continuing, only to find that she can't. At last, her voice has failed too. That's when all the emotions she had been so carefully pushing down finally spill over and she just breaks down.

Elzar is there to catch her. He takes two quick steps forward and wraps his arms around her. Avar allows him to pull her close and clings to him like a lifeline. She buries her face against his shoulder and starts sobbing uncontrollably. He holds her for what feels like hours and lets her cry for as long and as hard as she needs to, while gently caressing her back and occasionally stroking her hair.

Eventually, the tears stop coming, and her breathing steadies enough to allow her to speak again. She pulls away slowly, not enough to create any real distance between them, but just enough to look him in the eyes. Elzar’s been crying too, she realises. His face is stained with tears, and his eyes are just as red as hers probably are. She brings one hand up to cup his face and he leans into it like it's instinct.

Avar leans her forehead against his and closes her eyes. They’re so close now that they are sharing breaths. She can't remember the last time they've been this close to each other. She missed this; she missed him.

“I'm sorry I yelled at you,” she whispers, her voice hoarse from all the crying. “It's just… I miss Stellan. I miss him so much, and I can't stop blaming myself for Starlight and for never apologising to him.”

“It's alright, I understand. I miss him too.” Elzar's whispering too, his voice as hoarse as hers. “And I know that he didn't blame you—he would never. He wanted to apologise and make things right with you. He missed you, Avar, and he wasn't angry with you in the end.”

She had thought she physically couldn't cry anymore, but she feels the telltale pressure of tears behind her eyes return at his words. “If he didn't blame me, he didn't blame you either, El.” It’s the only thing she manages to say before she has to bury her face against his shoulder, as her body is once again wracked by sobs. Elzar is crying too, she can tell by the way he's trembling in her embrace.

She doesn't have to question if what he told her is true or not; he wouldn't lie to her, she knows that. She also knows that he believes what she told him. It makes everything a little better. Still, neither of them will stop blaming themselves. Starlight is still gone, and Stellan is still dead, and there is nothing they can do to change that. The grief is something they have to accept and work through, as is the Jedi way. And as much as each of them wants the other to be okay, it's not something they can offer one another. Elzar and her—they're as broken as the song of the Force and all they can do is hold each other so they don't fall apart. It's a painful realisation, but Avar is grateful for it nonetheless. It's better than the panic or the anger.

It's then that she truly realises how tired she is. Her body feels heavy with exhaustion, and she doesn't think she can stay on her feet a moment longer without collapsing. “I think we should try to sleep,” she tells him.

Elzar nods. “Yeah, we should. I can go and find another tent if you-”

“No,” she interrupts him firmly. She doesn't want to be alone tonight, not anymore, and she imagines he doesn't either.

“Alright,” he answers, and Avar can hear the relief in his voice.

They pull away from each other fully, and while she toes off her boots and takes off her belt, outer tunic, and gloves, Elzar strips off his cloak and washes his hands and face like she had done earlier tonight. He takes off his boots, belt, and outer tunic as well, but leaves his gloves on, which should strike her as odd, but she's too tired to even question it right now.

They sit down on the edges of their respective bunks, facing each other. After everything, the physical distance between them feels too far like this. It's something both of them know, but neither is brave enough to address in fear of overstepping the boundaries they've so carefully drawn up between them. It's not something Avar can deal with tonight, she decides. So she walks over to him, sidestepping the low table, until she's standing right in front of him and he's looking up at her. There is a question in his gaze, he doesn't dare assume anything. She cups his face again, this time with both hands, to reassure him and because she wants to.

“El,” she whispers his name. There's more she had planned to say, but all the words are wiped from her head when his hands find her hips. This doesn't need to be discussed; they understand each other just fine without words. He gently squeezes her hips before letting go and scooting back on the narrow bunk. She climbs in beside him. It's clearly not made for two adult humans to comfortably sleep next to each other, but they make it work. They lie down side by side, faces turned to each other, and Elzar pulls the blanket over both of them. They don't speak, both of them are too exhausted to have a conversation.

Elzar softly brushes his lips against her forehead in lieu of saying good night, and she presses her hand against his chest, right over his heart.

They fall asleep like this. Lying on their sides, facing each other, arms slung over waists and legs intertwined. It's a surprisingly deep and restful sleep considering the events of the day. For a moment, it feels like maybe they'll be okay after all.

In the end, though, that night changes very little in the grand scheme of things. Avar still leaves in the morning. She wakes before he does and slips out of his arms and the bunk as quietly as possible. As much as it hurts her to leave Elzar like this, she knows in her heart that she can't go back to Coruscant. She can't face her own failures, so she tells herself someone needs to be out there fighting the Nihil and runs, even if she hates herself for it a little.

(Six days later, the Stormwall goes up and she's trapped in the Occlusion Zone with no way home. Three hundred seventy-six days later, she finally hears Elzar's message and his words make her sob once again. Three hundred and seventy-eight days after she left him on Eiram, she steps into the Council Chambers in the Temple on Coruscant and he's there. It takes her three hundred seventy-eight days to find her way home, but she gets there in the end.)

[fillipquesender]

I know i rebloged something that said abt hating tsams moon rn but I take it back hes became a character I can't bring myself to hate 😓

Okay time for the ramble:

And whilst I don't necessarily agree with how he treated his family and what he's doing, but I understand it. I had a full on 2am talk to myself about this so

I understand why he'd sacrifice ruin to get solar back, I mean, ruin was the main thing that lead to solar dying. Bloodmoon I kinda do as well, but in the case of the fact that he's also done lots of horrible things rather than being related to Solar's death. Sure, he shouldn't have to kill someone whos not related to solars death since thats basically punishing him for something he didn't do, but I understand why he would pick him as a second option.

I get why he's acting this way, when you've experienced a death of someone you hold very dearly, expecially if they died right in your arms, you aren't gonna be in the best mental state. Doesn't help if you work yourself to the bone whilst having to deal with a bunch of other stuff. And I get why he didn't listen to old moon about apologising. I assume, and please tell me of it was said otheriwise, I'd understand if he's just worried that because of what he's said that everyone would just hate him. What he did was extreamly wrong, and eath said herself she'd never forgive him. Sure, she may not hate him, but she can't forget that.

I do know that doing all this would make no difference if he takes breaks inbetween, results wise whether thats solar coming back or not, but I know if he took breaks in between he wouldn't be this far gone.

I do feel like if he somehow brings solar back, memories intact, either someone else would have died, or that solar wouldn't approve of what he's done. I know for sure that he'd be seeing moon as his moon, they are acting the exact same with the whole 'continuious eorking to bring dead brother back'. But god do I hope that if solar comes back he knocks some sense into moon, at least a tiny bit.

But at the same time, if solar doesn't come back its pretty much the same as if he was a living thing/not an animatronic. You can't bring back living things, and if thats what it becomes with solar, then I don't know what. I know moon said he doesn't want help, and you obviously can't help someone who doesn't want it because they won't put in the effort, but if he somehow does manage to want help I hope he actually gets it done by a professional. He said it himself, earth isn't a therapist. Shes his sister, someone who just wants him to be okay. (Along with that the whole tsams cast should get actual therapy from a registered therapist, i guarentee you being the therapist sibling would be taking a toll)

Who knows, maybe if someone dies moon would finally knock sense into himself. That or he has to die himself before he becomes sane again. I do know for sure that sun is most likely going to die next, and even if he doesn't he sure does need it because doesn't that shit make them forget- it would be nice to get rid of the trauma. Though, I do also kind of hope that if sun dies its wayyy after all this has happened, because if he dies right after moon is sane again, it will just send him spiralling again.

Okay I think thats all thansk for reading all this

I should do rambles like this more often, this was nice :3 its like the evil twin of rants, except the evil twin is a sweetheart

[gwyns]

I’m feeling a little snarky tonight. I was reading something a Gwynriel/Elucien posted, and saw an E/riel had reblogged it to share their opinion, so I randomly saw it (I didn’t go actively seeking E/riel content).

An E/riel - “And for the love of god, the "you're the new ribbon Az." line: Tell me you can't discern the difference between platonic and romantic banter without telling me you can't discern the difference between platonic and romantic banter. Every single instance in ACOSF that involves Azriel being around Gwyn for training, for example Gwyn's loud laugh, is quite obviously platonic. Her laughing loud enough to briefly gain the attention of absolutely everyone in the room? Come on now. That is a natural reaction to look over in the direction of a loud noise.”

Same E/riel - “Gwyn to be Azriel's partner and lover and mate? Doubtful. Very doubtful. There's just not enough evidence in the current text to come to that conclusion logically vs what's going on with E/riel together. Why can he smell elucien's bond when no one else can? Why does such a thing physically hurt and sicken him to sense? Why does he agonize so much over Elain to the point where he can hardly take care of himself? Why is he always so instinctively protective over Elain? And yes, I am bringing up the "shadows poised as snakes, ready to strike" against Nesta. Azriel was willing and waiting to scrap it out with Nesta over Elain. Let's be real now.”

I laughed out loud when reading this. They also said that Azriel’s shadows were dancing to Bryce’s music in the HOFAS bonus chapter. It literally says in actually text, that Bryce’s phone had died, and that Azriel’s shadows were dancing to his humming. Azriel smelling Elucien’s bond isn’t a big deal, and it was in his pov, so obviously?? And Amren could smell Feysand’s. When Nesta & Cassian visited the Prison, Lanyths was about to tell them that they’re mates from smelling them.

WE can't discern the difference between platonic and romantic? US??? that's a big claim coming from the same fandom that hinges all their hopes on smelly bread

gwyn being loud isn't the only instance of sjm highlighting az's attention shifting to her though. if that were it, i'd agree with them that it doesn't necessarily mean anything but both az and gwyn are constantly looking or paying attention to one another. sjm continuously shows us this in a nessian book. it's been said many times, if e/riel were endgame, sjm could've easily made these type of interactions happen between them. like hello?? we all expected elain to be in this book more but guess what? she was notably absent and that's for a reason

hey um, do they realize that agonizing over someone to the point they can't take care of themselves isn't a good thing? like... at all? i am actually worried for them if this is what they think relationships are supposed to be like. i mean sure there will be uncomfortable moments and you will worry and struggle at times, i've been there. i've worried to the point where i made myself physically ill but it wasn't over whether or not i'm worthy of him, it was because i was genuinely worried for his safety. big difference. relationships take work, but ultimately your partner will make you feel good about yourself. they'll encourage you (hey that's something that az did for gwyn!), you'll feel at ease around each other (hmm something az was around gwyn, interesting...) and making conversation will be the easiest thing in the world (huh yet another thing that happened around gwyn... weird how that works)

yup! i've only read that bonus chapter once but i remember bryce being upset that her phone died since it was her only connection to home, to hunt, at the time. if his shadows were dancing to the music on her phone, why weren't they doing it the whole time? e/riels really act all high and mighty and like their word on canon is law when they literally can't even read. sjm explicitly tells us things but they're so delusional they actually believe the opposite. it's quite fascinating really

[steakout-05]

quick post clarifying what i'm gonna do with my Crarry art and my Craig design moving forward

i just wanna make this post as short and sweet as i can as i've been struggling to find a way to write this in a coherent fashion (i'm VERY tired today, lol), especially with everything that's been going down in the fandom lately. people are not happy right now. this is a post meant to explain what i'm going to be doing with my Crarry stuff from now on, as well as how i'm gonna be using my fan design for Craig.

on the topic of my Craig x Barry art: i've been a little bit conflicted on what to do with it for a little bit, but i've mostly decided towards keeping it up on my blog for archival purposes. i don't like having to remove my art, especially when 1. it was made with the context that the (at the time) canon truth was that Barry and Craig were nothing but unrelated friends, and 2. it's still good art and it brought me a lot of joy when i first created it. i've regretted deleting art in the past and i think that i'd definitely regret deleting it now, especially if there was a threat of it becoming lost media and i didn't have the files to back it up. i care too much about my art to do that. so, it's all staying up on my blog, with the added disclaimer that it was made before August 17th 2024 and that it was obviously not supposed to portray weird incest stuff. can't do much about putting a disclaimer on it if it's already been reblogged though, so it's only gonna appear on the original post :/

on the topic of Craig himself: this is the bit i'm most excited about, but it's also the hardest bit to explain in a way that makes sense, so i'll try not to get ahead of myself here.

so, to start off with: in this post, i made some doodles showing an improved fan design i had made for Craig that portrays him as a blond nerdy guy with glasses and an injured eye. this is obviously not how Craig ended up looking like in canon and wasn't what i expected him to look like, it was something i made for myself and my own art. even so, he was practically just a skin applied to a pre-existing character whose personality had already been established. but now that the Craig i intended that design to be attached to has been revealed to be something we thought he wasn't (barry's entire freaking dad), i'm gonna do something a little different with my Craig to differentiate him from canon. i'm gonna take everything i liked about him before the reveal, retool him and his personality to better match the ideas and headcanons i had brewing in my head for him, and create a whole new canon for him to reside in. i've basically made him into a slightly divergent alternate version of canon Craig, basically. and it is incredibly self-indulgent, lol. (isn't that what being a creative is all about though..... self indulgence and insane storycrafting)

this bit might be slightly controversial, but what i'm planning with this version of Craig is that i'm gonna continue shipping Barry with him instead of Canon Craig like before. i really like the dynamic that Barry and Craig had in canon before the Dad Reveal Jumpscare Incident, with them sort of being polar opposites who would have some silly banter with each other, but also having a few similarities and shared interests that would bring them together, so that dynamic is gonna be brought over to this canon i've created for myself. it's basically gonna be a smorgasbord of everything i like about these characters with some expansions and slight changes to better fit with what i think would have been cool to see actually happen in canon. i'm likely gonna make a post about how i want to characterise my Craig later, but just know that 1. CranBarry is a thing in my little universe and 2. my Craig =/= Canon Craig and there will be a disclaimer explaining that on each fanwork i make depicting the ship from now on. i should probably give my Craig a last name so i don't have to keep calling him "my Craig" for disambiguation......

this hasn't been done out of spite or disrespect towards HB or anything at all. i'm disappointed with the change they made, and i do think it was very poorly executed, but at the end of the day, what happens in canon is not my story to write no matter how much i want to see in the series, and all i can do is sigh, shrug, pick up a pencil and start enacting the change i want to see for myself. i'm someone who believes that, while art can absolutely be criticised, it's up to the artist to decide what they want to do, and they don't have to cater to feedback if they don't want to. granted, it is a little different in Halfbrick's case because Jetpack Joyride is their product, and they are a sizable company who also makes money and business decisions and has a big audience and whatnot, but you get it right? it sucks, but like.... there's not really much you can do about it apart from write something you'd want to see.

so yeah, that's pretty much everything. i'm hoping this will go over well with everything that's happened because i really do love the gay little relationship i've given these two, i just can't continue doing it with the canon version of Craig for obvious reasons. the only problem i really see this causing is the very slight irritation that will come with possibly having to clarify this every time i post a Crarry thing. it'll probably be no biggie though, i'll just link to this post explaining everything. i sure do love coming up with incredibly convoluted solutions to simple problems looolll, it's my special talent at this point XD ahh well. if there's a bright side, it means i get to be even more self-indulgent and creative with these doofuses, and there might be some new headcanon and fanfic stuff coming later, as well as new Craig art. sucks that canon decided to fold in on itself, but i'm gonna try to ignore it for the most part.

[somelazyassartist]

I've been feeling really isolated as an artist here on Tumblr, especially lately. It wasn't so bad when I could go out and get social interaction in the real world, but now that I'm housebound by my disabilities it's become so much more obvious to me how little interaction I get these days. And I don't just mean, like, note counts. While it's very nice to get a few reblogs which spreads my art around to more people (which could theoretically help with some of my issues but isn't the source of them) the numbers themselves aren't REALLY what's bothering me. I used to feel like I was part of a community here. I used to make art, and people would comment on it, and I'd draw more art responding to their comments, and onward. I made some very good friends in the past because I drew something for their fic and they responded, or vice versa where someone would write or draw something in response to what I made. Didn't have to be more art or writing, just making simple easy comments and going back and forth, asking and answering questions. And even when people didn't talk to me about things, they still shared them, and showed my work to other people, which made me feel like I was good enough to be worth sharing. It's like if 4 years ago I started learning to bake cakes for a party, and while they were kinda messy looking people would still take a piece and I got to know that even if they didn't directly tell me they liked it, it was good enough that people did like it and wanted more- and some people would tell me directly, which felt wonderful! And now 4 years later I've started making fancier and more elaborate cakes with my new skills, even if it's still not bakery-worthy, and I'm proud of the progress I've made. But now when I bring the cake to the party, the whole time everyone avoids it, and I know it's not out of malice or dislike of my work but it still sucks to get to the end of the party and see that only one or two bites were taken out of the whole cake you were so proud of and excited to share with everybody. Sure, maybe a lot of my interaction used to come strictly from the fact I made primarily fandom art, and had much less focus on my own original work, so I just joined a preexisting community. But even with that it hasn't been the same nowadays. Even most fandoms I post for now barely feel like I'm joining a community and more like I'm just adding another piece into an algorithm, and forcing myself to make fandom artwork just trying to get a bit more outreach and communication when I would rather be putting my limited energy into making original things I really want to make so much more is just exhausting, and frustrating, and is so easy to burn me out of art completely. I don't want to have to force myself to make art I don't care about just to try to feel like I'm a person and an artist here and not a content machine to be looked at once and moved on from.

I don't know. I've had more motivation and love for artwork than ever before lately. I've started animating again after a 4 year hiatus, because I found my love for working in the genre again with the help of my friends making a wonderful story and very kindly including me alongside them, and encouraging me to do more original work based on it. I can't remember the last time I had fun with digital art, but I do again. It's been more fun these last few months than it ever has been in my life.

But it's hard to have the most love and excitement for your work than you ever had before, and realize you're one of the only few people* here out in the whole of the internet that actually cares about it.

[rabble-dabble]

hi. i know it's been a while and i'm sorry for that.

i guess if you'd just like to know what's going on click the readmore?

if you don't wanna read that though, tldr is that i'm starting to draw hs characters for art practice, and that i'm doing this art "series" (i guess?) for myself to improve. oh, and that life is hard sometimes.

so this isn't really easy to say, and especially not to the internet with a buncha strangers following me (haha) but truthfully, i've been having a hard time both with art and with life lately.

i feel like i'm not keeping up with consistency or the expectations i set for myself with art both on this blog and off. i keep finding myself unsatisfied, disgusted, or just disappointed with how my art turns out, or the ending piece. i feel like i used to know where my art was going, and now i've somehow lost sight. i know the individual things i need improvement on (backgrounds, objects, animals, feet anatomy, colour techniques, body shapes, etc etc etc) but it all just feels like so much and if i get practice on one thing, i stop drawing for a while and i just lose the practice i learned.

so i kinda came up with a solution. draw all the hs characters again - interesting, right? (/s). but i'm not gonna do this for the blog (so, sorry followers). i'm gonna do it for me. no expectations, i don't have a set time limit so no stressing myself, and i just draw the characters as i'd like, trying to improve. this is also to just help myself with wanting to draw again - i draw IRL almost everyday, but nothing that i want or that's...well, artistic/creative. i want to create, like it's eating underneath me in my soul, but i can't find myself to do anything more than pencil sketches.

that kinda brings me to my other problem lately: real life. haha.

if you've been following me long enough, you know i don't really post about my IRL problems here, or especially not to this extent. yeah, i've had my one or two vent posts, but i try to keep it off here because a part of me knows its no benefit to have that kind of depressing, low-self esteem stuff on an art blog that i reblog minecraft and john/kat to.

but truthfully, i don't just wanna pretend it's sunshine and rainbows on here. i'm so tired, and i'm stressed, and i've been through the emotional woodchipper lately that i can barely keep my head on straight. yes, i'm trying to get help for all this (i have a doctors appointment soon, and i'm gonna try and get all my diagnosis in order and get therapy, etc) but i'm not coping well with everything that's been happening to me lately, and i can't keep trucking on the same way i have been like i'm more emotionally stable than i actually am.

i'm sorry if i've been acting more bitter, distant, or just different lately. i'm just exhausted, mentally, physically, and emotionally, and i'm starting to run out of energy to just function in my day-to-day. i actually cried at work the other day (for the first time!) for feeling so overwhelmed with everything i had to do (both in my job and outside of it, fuck retail btw it sucks). i have small support in friends and family, but they're not the type of support i genuinely need to function and keep myself healthy. and i can't rely on them in ways that aren't their responsibility, or that i truly need help with.

i'm not trying to air out ALL my dirty laundry here (hehehe) but i just felt like it was better to say i'm struggling emotionally then to just pretend i wasn't struggling at all. if i was a healthier person i probably wouldn't be venting here in the first place, but then again i probably wouldn't have all these problems hanging over me either, lol.

just...have patience with me, please. i just want life to be a little kind, or at least kind enough to get me to my first therapy appointment.

[tripstitan]

An Author's Rambling

I'm not really sure how to do this social media'ing thing. I don't use this site, or really have any desire to do so, so I feel like some hack making self-advertisements with the help of guides and AI and stuff, just throwing them into the wind where they'll be seen by no-one, because I don't have a follower base that would reblog them. It might seem self-defeatist to not want to really do the social media thing, but I'm asocial, a hermit, content to not interact with other humans for the most part, plenty neurodivergent. I guess this ramble is also me technically coming out in public pretty widely. Yeah, like Reggie, the narrator/main protag in my webnovel series, I'm an aro-ace with neurodivergencies up the wazoo, disabled in a few ways.

What am I hoping to accomplish? Just to get "An Age of Mysterious Memories" out there to people that need it, that need to be seen, to feel represented. But, like I said, posting here feels like throwing fliers into the wind, hoping that they'll land somewhere that someone picks it up and goes, "Huh, neat, maybe I'll check that out someday when I'm bored or depressed."

I'm actually surprised that a couple of my posts have been seen by at least one person that wasn't on my follower list, which, hey, shoutout to you new fam.

This social media stuff really burns me out and detracts from my writing, but between this, and some pretty-expensive google advertising, I don't know how else to offer up my story to the world.

I don't even care about "conversions" or conversion to click ratio or whatever. I have 0 patrons on Patreon, and that's fine. I've been skating by in life on the thin ice of every new day (Thank you Jethro Tull's Ian Anderson, heh.)

I guess maybe I should ask how I should even do this. Should I get more personal? Post more ramblings, with popular tags, and just hope that those bring traffic, and then hope that that traffic sees that I have a free webnovel up?

A lot of the guides suggest quantity, and a regular posting schedule for this social media stuff that's way too hard for me to keep up without burning out, because I have chapters going up every day or every other day, basically, nonstop. In the approximately two years since i started getting serious with my webnovel series, I've averaged at least a chapter every other day. Some days I write ten to twenty chapters, maybe a few days in a row, then I don't write anything for a month or two, because titling them, posting them, advertising them, burns me out. I could keep writing, forever and ever, even if that means writing chapters I can't post yet (I have so many chapters written for the next volume in my series that it's not even funny.) Or I could write side-projects, or fanfic I guess. I took my first foray into that a while back, and I kind of want to do a reread on my fanfic and plot out a conclusion to it, instead of leaving it hanging like it is. But fanfic isn't my baby, it's not what I want to get seen.

What I want seen is AAoMM, because it's... it's the representation, it's me putting myself out there, my internals, my neurodivergencies into a narrator, my Q status in the lgbtqia, having intrusive thoughts and not acting on them, and just so much more, that I know other people identify with, and honestly need. The representation matters, and I just want to provide that, because I know people who have been, or are hurting, or struggling, or are just in a funk, or depressed, or bored, or any number of things, that share so many of the traits that Reggie carries, that I carry. Several of my readers have said that it feels like the thoughts that are expressed are them in the situations Reggie is in. I don't think I've seen another adventure novel series where we get stream-of-consciousness moment-to-moment inner narration of a neurodivergent narrator that falls into the lgbtq community.

What a niche, right? Except... it's not. We're all having our own inner adventures. We all do have a stream of consciousness, whether we acknowledge it or not, and there are *Tons* of people out there who are neurodivergent in the lgbtqia community. Hell, at this point in Earth's history, I'd be surprised if anyone has survived unscathed without any neurodivergencies, trauma, or panic. We went through a global epidemic, a pandemic. That must have been rough on you peeps out there that actually leave your homes and do stuff with other humans. My sympathy to you guys. I'm a hermit, my life got a little bit easier, because things started allowing web-based doctor's visits, and delivery of groceries, and other stuff to help with social distancing. I'm rambling, but I just want to give AAoMM to everyone who needs it.

I want to nerd out about my webnovel series with people, and answer questions ranging from silly, to heart-wrenching. Why? Because I am in a good place, I've gotten somewhere in life that I feel content, despite all my comorbid things, all the depression and trauma and anxiety and social-phobia and adhd and spectrum'ness and the struggle with identity, especially my AA agendered ace identity, that I've slid around on, and worried I'd invalidated myself over the years, and everything else I've got, gone through, carry around, or deal with. Reggie's narration is that--, that beacon of, no matter how hard things get, what slams your mind with intrusive thoughts, that there's hope, that there's warm, soft times, contented times, happy times, ecstatic times, somewhere along the tunnel that is life's journey. Also that you can slide around on the scale of your agenderness or aromanticness, or your sexuality, and that that's okay, that you still are who you feel you are, or say you are, no matter what others think, that there can be romances and fluff and all kinds of things that are exceptions to rules, whether those rules are imposed by others, or yourself.

It feels like I'd look like I was shilling or pandering though if I interjected all the tags though, for every chapter, because not every chapter does it really come up that Reggie(and most of the inner circle) is at least technically agendered, or that there are several LGB relationships for side characters, or--. Well, it is always pretty evident that Reggie's brain is neurodivergent, we hear every thought that Reggie ever thinks, including the intrusive ones, almost every thought anyway.

But I also sort of want to put AAoMM in front of non-ally neurotypicals who are ablebodied and cishet, and be like:

"God forbid you ever had to walk a mile in our shoes 'Cause then you really might know what it's like to sing the blues" (Thanks Everlast, for those lyrics.)

Not in a malicious way or anything. I don't want them to suffer, I don't want anyone to suffer. Plus, I'm sure they're going through their own things, just like everyone else. I just want to try to remind people to be empathetic to each other, to think for that brief moment, before interacting with another human being, that -they are another human being-. That they deserve to be treated equally to how they're interacting with the world around them, more or less. Everyone deserves human rights, and the dignity of being acknowledged as existing with their own struggles.

I got pretty soapboxy here I guess, probably best if I shut up now and just hit post. (Could you guess that I'm an author by the verbosity of this goofy-arse post that was just supposed to be me semi-ironically whining about social media on social media?)

[brunt-f-c-a]

I have bpd. I have very few resources. You can tell when an article or post is written by someone with bpd and someone who doesn't or doesn't actually have loves ones with it. Because they always start with "how to live wirh your abusive loved one who's behavior is their fault so you don't become a victim teehee" and when i split and need to understand the experiences of others to help understand myself i see these and feel like a monster. How do you think that affects a person with literal "take it personally because i have low self worth" disease. And genuinely i have been having a split lately and i just want to be candid about behavior. I am very easily gaslit. Bpd comes from trauma and neglect and abandonment and people with this are just as prone tp having toxic loved ones as being one. When I am approached over a wrongdoing i get defensive. I make excuses. Clearly I did nothing wrong you are making it up. This isn't because I'm trying to make my loved ones feel lesser or crazy because i don't want them to leave. A split is a defense mechanism. I am like this because i was abused. I was very devalued and my emotions and needs were disregarded pretty much my whole life. I am so easy to gaslight that there is an entire portion of my working memory dedicated to remembering what others say verbatim. So that nobody can hurt me again because i remember. Amd when confronted over something i did wrong i feel hurt. This is either rsd or a situation where the other party has hurt me too. This is a grey area and that is an obvious weak point for me. Because I can't see the grey areas amd identify where i was hurt too and talk about it. I am either completely wrong or completely right and vise versa so to protect myself from possible manipulation i choose completely right. This time the issue was small and i actually was wrong. So i apologized but wad still mad. And the problem is i recognized i was in the wrong but still hurt. And i started mentally dredging up things they did that i let go. I let a lot of stuff just go. I try not to be that guy that brings upthe this and that "i may have used your makeup but you broke my hairbrush and never apologized" or whatever. People do that. People with bpd do that a lot. And it's not my brain looking for reasons to devalue someone. It's because I'm so easy tp gaslight i gaslight myself. And now I'm having an emotional reaction and just upset because i dont realize that i had been devaluing myself and then letting things that actually upset me slide and build because they seem small and my emotions arent worth it. ONLY PEOPLE WITH BPD REBLOG PLEASE. because this post is me reaching out.

[kitausuret]

FOR whenever you reblog the “choose violence” ask game at the end of the month: Answer the questions in sequence order of MK’s grocery shopping trips in March

This was asked of me like literally a month ago but I kept scheduling the post for later and later. But here we go.

1. The character everyone gets wrong

(Spectacular Spider-Man #151, Conway & Buscema)

Well, this isn't hard - obviously my answer is going to be Flash Thompson. I don't know why it's apparently so difficult - he's not really that complicated of a character. Not compared to a lot of Marvel mainstays. But so many people either make him JUST a bully or JUST a hoo-rah America military man. And by that I mean both fans and canon writers. But Flash contains so many multitudes! He's worked in schools, he's a mentor, he's a coach, he's charisma incarnate, he has so many ways he can help people. And I love him.

3. screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr

Uhhh I'm not gonna do this with an image because I don't save these kinds of things lol. But I did once see a long post (and I mean lengthy) describing in detail - mind you, withOUT actually giving any canon evidence or issues or really anything to back up their argument - why Eddie Brock nor the Venom Symbiote should ever be shipped with anyone else, ADDITIONALLY stating that if you were to, say, add another person to that relationship, that you fundamentally are misunderstanding the whole point of """"symbrock"""" and, largely, Venom as a concept. Uh-huh. Okay.

Hilariously, after I saw that post, it stuck with me but it also spurned me into such a RAGE that I cranked out a massive new chapter of my fic in the space of about two weeks after being stuck for months. It worked, but boy I was so mad about that. I took that kinda personally. Insinuating that I didn't understand Venom. That I didn't understand Eddie Brock. Bull fucking shit.

Anyways,

4. what was the last straw that made you finally block that annoying person?

I don't remember specifically the last person I blocked that wasn't a bot, but I do know that I will block people in the Flash Thompson and Harry Osborn tags at the drop of a hat. ...oh wait! I do remember the last person I blocked. They had some octogoblin thing they were going on about but they had put it in the Harry tag. I didn't wanna see that. So. Blocked!

10. worst part of fanon

Wow, loaded question. Probably the racism. And the misogyny. Both of which are still rampant! It's something I, myself, am still trying to work on, so it's not like I'm excluded from my own frustration. But I think what's even worse is people who pretend like it's NOT a problem, that fandom is a magical problem-free space.

I'm also just now realizing that the question says fanon and not fandom but I think my statement still stands. To try and actually answer it though, uhhh I think the worst thing about fanon is when it literally becomes canon. Stop doing that, Big Two.

16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

I wanna talk about something here but I don't wanna scandalize too many of my followers. Actually you know what fuck it I'm gonna talk about it anyways. (mpreg mention below the cut)

I don't understand why so many people in the Venom fandom make fics where the host (Eddie, because nobody writes about anyone else) is the one going through the gestational cycle when there is a new spawn rather than the symbiote. It is literally so much funnier and also makes so much more sense to make the symbiote the pregnant one. "but kita it's can-" SHUT UP THE SYMBIOTE WAS THE PREGNANT ONE (it's called "choose violence" asks for a reason 💖)

24. topic that brings up the most rancid discourse

Uhhhh see above! Racism. Misogyny. Possibly lesbophobia. Mostly for the denial of it all. But I also find a lot of ship discourse nonsensical. If you don't like it, just block! Mute! Filter! It's literally that easy.

30 doesn't exist so I will. Idk. I will give you a panel from an issue labeled 30. Let's go with Venom #30 (Bunn, Silas) and this very funny moment of the symbiote flirting with Valkyrie. 😂

[multiversxwhore]

☾☾☾Hello! Hope you enjoy what you’re about to read, I would appreciate if you like, and reblog my work here on tumblr. Please do not share my work anywhere else, and if you see it has been, or someone is claiming the work as their own please tell me. My master list is pinned to my page if you wish to see more! ☽☽☽

Pairings: Damon Salvatore x black!oc

Disclaimer: This story will diverge off the path of cannon so far that it’s basically a whole new story. I had to re-do this fic and bring it back because I felt I was doing myself a disservice by glad assing it. This is me being a villain just so you’re aware lmao

Word count 3k

The Allure of Darkness

Chapter 1

Dear diary, today, I return home to Mystic Falls. It's been 3 years since I've been gone, and Bonnie has been keeping me updated with everything that's been going on in my absence. She finally found out the truth, that vampires are real, and they’re in Mystic Falls. Caroline is a vampire, Elena's boyfriend is a vampire, and his brother Damon is a vampire as well. Looks like we've got our work cut out for us don't we?

-Blaise

Bonnie pulled up to the Boarding house dorms with Elena riding shotgun. I can't believe how much they've grown, I mean the last time I saw them, we were all in middle school. Elena seemed more and less depressed at the same time, why do I get the feeling Bonnie forgot to tell me something.

"What's up hookers, how was the drive?" I was scooting into the small back seat, Elena isn't exactly skinny, but she was smaller than me. She could have totally gotten her ass back here.

"It wasn't bad, a lot of grass, I think me and Elena have heard every single song to have ever been played on the radio." Bonnie jokes putting the car in reverse backing out of her parking space, then she speeds off out of the parking lot.

Elena grinned at me from the rear view mirror, holding up a bag of junk food. I'm tempted to reach out and grab the hot Cheetos, then my hand unconsciously grabs my tummy fat.

"Nah I'm on a diet, I wanna actually fit in my Miss.Mystic falls dress this year." I say jokingly, but I was being totally serious, I don't want my dinner rolls coming out before the main course.

"You're not fat-"

"Shut up you're gorgeous-" Both Bonnie, and Elena say at the same time, all three of us laughing.

"Thanks girls, any who where's Caroline, planning her perfect future wedding?" We all giggle again knowing how uptight and pristine she is. I kind of miss her too… her bitchy attitude was like a breath of fresh air boosting my confidence.

"Actually I have no idea, the last time we saw her, she was with Tyler, god knows what they're doing." Bonnie said, making a disgusted face, I chuckle a little knowing the horny Lockwood kid.

"Ugh I'm glad he's finally with someone, I remember in middle school he was always asking to touch my boobs. I'm just glad it's finally someone around to give his horny ass some." All the girls burst out in laughter, Elena practically in tears. They all enjoy the rest of the road trip as much as they can before being sucked in by the drama of Mystic Falls.

"Hey, Blaise, wake up, we're here, we're home." Bonnie's voice calls softly, opening my eyes to her standing in my door. My neck feels stiff, I sit up slowly, I notice we're at Elena's.

"Uh Bonnie, this is Elena's house ." Maybe Bonnie has gotten dumb, oh god I hope not.

"I know, we wanted to throw you a little ‘welcome home’ dinner party, well… Elena did. Everyone missed you so much, we didn't wanna wait for school tomorrow to see you." Bonnie explained, and with an excited look in her eye. I couldn't say no to that, I easily gave in and agreed.

"Okay fine, good thing I brought cute clothes, we're definitely having a sleepover right?" Bonnie giggled, pulling me up to the door, ringing the doorbell. "Duh, I'm sure Caroline has a whole lot to talk about, she's definitely gonna make up for lost time." Before I could say anything the door opened, and an all grown up Jeremy Gilbert answered the door. Damn, he's not the emo kid I remembered at all, and now I see why Bonnie left this part out. She probably wanted Jermey all to herself, but if she wasn't going to speak up on her own, I'll just have to make her.

"Wow, you got taller Jer, like seriously when did you start eating your veggies." I joke playfully touching his abdomen, he grins like a goofy little boy. His dimples present making him more attractive, before Jeremy never smiled as much. Especially since his parents died, so I kind of forgot how handsome he was.

" I started eating them when I realized I wanted to get strong enough to do this!" Suddenly his arms are wrapped around my waist, and he's lifting me up off my feet. Our bodies pressed together, I could feel his muscles through his shirt, his arms nearly crushing me. Finally, he puts me down, my hands still holding on to his neck. My fingers playing with the soft hairs in his head, I didn't mean to get lost in the moment, but I did.

It's been a while since I was held so softly by a man, though Jeremy was still somewhat childish by nature. His body, though, felt so mature and strong, and his eyes kind, and warm. My stomach is twisting and turning, making it feel like butterflies are dancing within. His hands lowering down my back, I feel this magnetizing pull, it's not strong, but it's there. Then, we hear someone cough, my heart jumping out of my chest I immediately pull away feeling embarrassed. I didn't even realize Bonnie had walked away till now. I instantly felt bad, I made a mental note to find her and apologize for being a hoe.

"Geesh! Get a room you two." Turning I see a blue eyed Matt Donavan. Matt was one of my favorite people in the whole wide world. He was always himself, and he never changed in a good way of course. Though, he too did grow up, not as big and tall as Jeremy though,but still taller than me. Automatically forgetting about Jeremy, I turn to Matt bringing him in a tight hug. Matt finally lets me go, being the respectful young man as usual, a grin on his face.

"You should probably go get ready, or Caroline will have your head on a platter. We'll talk to you later, Blazer." Matt finished putting emphasis on my nickname, which I only got because I accidentally set my parents house on fire killing them both inside. I allowed all dark humor as a coping mechanism, however Matt was the only one brave enough to keep that up. Laughing at his stupid joke, I back up from both the boys making my way upstairs. I don't have to turn around to know Jeremy's eyes are glued to my ass.

"Welp, I'm still not sure who's all coming, but I guess I should wear something cute." I say to myself. I feel bad for throwing my things all around Elena's room, but I'm sure she won't mind. I decided on a black pleated skirt. It comes a bit to my knees, and black graphic tee shirt with Jason Vorheese on the front. I decided to wear tights. I slip on my high top vans, deciding to accessorize with a leather collar, with a closed lock dangling from it. My mom's pentagram necklace catches my eye. It has a dark red crystal in the middle, I never knew what it meant, she never told me. She just said to always wear it, and that it would protect me.

"Hmm, didn't protect me against Dru, but whatever." I put the necklaces around my neck, it burned a bit at first, but it always does that. I bet mom charmed it somehow. Gee thanks mom, give me a charmed object and not tell me how it works. I roll my eyes looking at myself in the mirror. I decided not to bother with makeup, but I do put on a layer of lip gloss. Satisfied with my hair up in a pineapple, and my outfit being just a smidgen of slutty. I put away the rest of my stuff in my suitcase, coming out the door, I suck in my breath when I see Bonnie locking lips with Jeremy. As much as I didn't want it to, the feeling of jealousy bubbles around inside of me.

As they pull away Jeremy sees me first, a flustered look on his face. Bonnie turns and sees me standing there, she seems embarrassed, yet satisfied with the look on my face. I smirk knowing I'm better at being a bitch than she is.

"Wow Bonnie, how un-ironic you suck faces with baby bear right outside the room I'm getting ready in. As usual Bon, your reactions are always a second too late...real classy though, but if you're gonna be a slut, follow through." I say, my tone sassy as I tease them both. I could feel my skin getting hot, the longer I stood there Jeremy stammered trying to explain himself. I rolled my eyes heading down stairs, I could smell delicious smells coming from down stairs.

"Blaise!!! Oh my god you look so damn hot, I missed you!'' I could hear Caroline's voice from the living room, I couldn't help but giggle. Caroline had her flaws, but she's been herself. She sped across the room to me, meeting me halfway into the living room. Matt, and Tyler had some kind of football game on the gigantic Tv. You could hear them bickering about draft picks, and which teams would be going to the playoffs.

"I missed you Care, they didn't have any blonde white bitchy girls at the boarding school I went to." As much as I love being a Black girl, being surrounded by nothing but other Black people made me realize how much culture a lot of us in the community is lacking. They were all so misinformed about alternative culture, and how we were the ones that made it popular. Being at that school was the first time I had ever gotten bullied, and I hated it. If it wasn't for my mom tying me to Bonnies life, I would have committed suicide a long time ago.

"Blaise, I want you to meet Stefan." Elena called to pull me out of my mini depressive episode. I come around the into the kitchen where who I assume Stefan

"And his more handsome older brother." Called another voice sarcastically from the kitchen. I rolled my eyes even though my curiosity peaked, I do anything to get my mind off the past.

Standing in the kitchen rather awkwardly, was a brooding young man with dark sandy blonde hair, thick dark eyebrows, and beautiful green eyes. His lips pressed together in a straight line, an intense gaze towards an older looking, smug faced man.

Elena coughed, poking her elbow in the broody one's side, he immediately looked up at me. A smile plastered to his face, as he leaned forward to shake my hand. I mirror his movements, this must be the boyfriend Bonnie mentioned, she spoke very highly of him. She told me his name was Stefan, and at first she didn't like him, but apparently Stefan has proven himself to be a good little vampire.

"Stefan Salvatore, Elena, and Bonnie told me a lot about you. It's finally nice to meet you." I smile, a warm feeling in me knowing my friends still cared about me even though I was sent away. As soon as we touched hands, I felt my spine tense up. I try to pretend like I'm not affected so I don't offend him. I think Stefan noticed, but didn't bother to say anything. Thankfully he didn't bring it up, I gave him a weary grin.

"I'm sure you already know my name, but I'm Blaise, you may call me ‘Blazer.’ " I say, wiggling my eyebrows. Stefan seems a bit shocked by my suggestiveness. There's a look in his eye, as if he's laughing at his own inside joke.

"Yes, and I'm Damon Salvatore, Stefans older brother, I didn't know Bonnie had a sister." Damon introduced himself, I prepared myself, I just knew I was going to get the same reaction. I was right, I had the same feeling when I shook Damon's hand, but the feeling wasn't as strong. The shiver down my spine was accompanied with a fluttery feeling in my stomach. If I could blush I would, the way he's looking at me...like he might eat me, I feel my body getting hot again. I pull away from him, yet again not noticing my surroundings getting lost in the moment.

"We're not sisters...cousins, our moms were sisters." Damon smirked a bit, his ice blue eyes piercing me, giving me a chilling feeling. It's weird, I've never met anyone who's been able to cool me down in such a manner.

"Interesting...are you a witch too." He asked jumping right to it. Caroline raised her hand ready to smack Damon across the shoulder. I stopped her, it was funny how Caroline was my designated body guard. Bonnie didn't say anything, she just looked at Damon in disbelief he'd be so blatantly rude to someone he doesn't know.

Bonnie already asked everyone not to bring up any supernatural stuff, or the fact that Blaise was a witch. She didn't wanna upset her cousin, and trigger bad memories from the past.

"You are such a tool, dinner hasn't even started yet, what's wrong with you-" Caroline had started fussing, but I cut her off.

"I can speak for myself, no I don't consider myself a witch anymore because I no longer practice for reasons that are none of your business. I don't know what your intentions were of asking me that, but don't think you'll be able to use me to your bidding like how most vampires treat witches. From this moment forward I'm asking you not to test my temper, I've been known to get quite...fiery."

They all responded with silence knowing what I meant by that, once the fire happened everyone in town knew it was my fault. My mom warned me about my temper, how I'd end up hurting someone if I didn't calm down. That night, I was throwing a fit because my dad wouldn't let me go to a party with Elena.

Which ironically, was the same night Elena and her parents went off Wickery bridge, killing both her mom and dad. Ever since that night, Elena and I have been morbidly depressed, and I choose to make jokes, and cry about it behind closed doors.

The rest of dinner went by smoothly. Caroline was the one that cooked so dinner actually turned out decent. I wanted to help at least with the pie, deciding the apple would be the quickest. Matt, Jeremy, and Tyler were the first ones with their plates out for desert. All three of them had such fat boy energy when it came to food. Especially Jeremy, he'll eat you out of a home if you're not careful. No wonder he's so tall and stocky all he does is eat and work out.

As I'm standing there washing the dishes, I hear someone approach from the doorway. I turn with my hand out assuming they're bringing me a dish. It's Damon standing there with a guilty look in his eye, I can't help but roll my eyes, Damon let's put a puff of air.

"Look...I'm sorry, I wish I had some witty, cute excuse as to why I was being nosey. I don't I-" I rolled my eyes, I could tell he was being genuine.

"It seems like you don't apologize often...it's okay neither do I. You can give me the glass, I'll wash it for you." I say, he speeds towards me showing off his abilities, I smirk and Damon wiggles his eyebrows at me suggestively. Suddenly, I remembered who I was trying to get over, though I'd feel bad if I just ended up using Damon without warning. Maybe I should just test the waters...what if he's not even into me?

I lean towards him a bit, the tightening feeling in my spine from earlier showing up again. I ignore it trying not to embarrass myself, noticing that he's not trying to look at my boobs nor has he really tried to make a move towards me. I lean back a little bit feeling like maybe I'm being too slutty. Damon steps forward keeping the gap at a safe 4 inches.

"I'm surprised you haven't tried to look at my boobs, or fill me up yet, most boys do." I say actually shocked, maybe I wasn't his type, as if he read my mind, Damon replied.

"You're definitely my type, I love women, it's actually quite a problem. But my darling I'm not a boy, plus I'm 178 years old, I've had more than my share of tits. I've seen them in every shape, shade, and size, though I will not lie, yours seem heavenly. I may be a lot of things, but I'd never disrespect a lady without her consent." His eyes seemed to have become a pale blue, even more icy than before, quite literally making me freeze in place. His voice heavy, as if he's drooling, I notice his eyes flickering towards my neck, suddenly my heart is beating wildly. It's as if he's quietly begging to bite me, everything in my body is telling me to call out for help. Though the logical side of me knows he'd be so fast, I wouldn't be able to get it out.

"Damon..." At a loss for words, I say nothing else, his eyes dart back to meet my reddish brown eyes. His pupils dilated, they're slightly turning bloodshot red, veins starting to appear under his eyes. I was shocked, it seemed like he had so much control a moment ago.

"I don't understand why I feel like this, I...barely know you, and yet..." Damon closed the gap between us, his hands coming around my waist bringing me closer to him. Damon trapped me between the kitchen counter and his hips. Suddenly thrown into a panic I begin to wonder why the hell no one has come to save me yet!

"I won't do it, I promise you, I'll behave, but I want to taste you so bad. I wonder if your blood is as hot as your bitchy little attitude. Please tell me you feel just as drawn to me, as I feel to you." Damon demanded an answer for me, his eyes never leaving mine, and his hands stayed exactly on my lower back.

I'm usually really good at reading people, but Damon had taken me utterly by surprise. The way he spoke to me turned me on so much, I'm sure my panties were a bit wet. Unable to speak, I just shook my head giving a silent agreement. I did feel it, our connection was immediate, I try to think back on all my memories, and I know for sure I've never met Damon Salvatore before now.

Suddenly he looked me directly in my eyes, his cold slender fingers wrapped around the back of my neck so I couldn't look away. His pupils dilated, and he spoke to me in a hushed tone.

"You'll only remember I came into the kitchen to give you one last dish, and then I left. Everything else that happened after that, you'll only remember if you and I are alone together. Do you understand?" I couldn't think of anything else other than what he was commanding me right now, and I shake my head obeying. I blinked my eyes and suddenly I was standing in the kitchen by myself, with the water still running. I turn it off and join the girls in the living room. I have this weird feeling looming over me, but I ignore it, shaking it off.

[allwaswell16]

Hi! I just posted my first larry fic and I'm proud of myself for actually finishing something and seeing something through for once BUT I'm already filled with regret. Even though I haven't posted about it and no one has even read it yet I can't help but feel like it's the worst thing on the site and I'll be laughed from the fandom. Have you ever dealt with these types of feelings? Any advice?

Oh, anon! I just want to give you a big hug! First of all, I'm so proud of you for finishing a fic and then posting it! There was an ask I reblogged the other day that had someone ask what the hardest part of writing a fic was and the writer answered "writing it down". lol. And you already did that part!

I want you to know that you are absolutely not alone in your feelings when posting a fic especially a first fic. I remember writing the first three chapters of my first fic before I ever told anyone. I was a beta for my best friend and one of the most nerve wracking things I've ever done was send her those first three chapters to see what she thought of them.

Even after I had committed to writing the fic, I did not think I would post it. I thought I would send it to my friends, so they could read it if they wanted to. And I thought that would be the end of it. So I wasn't even as brave as you are.

And then a very random thing happened. I never talked to anyone on tumblr at the time. I just stayed in my little corner reblogging Louis photos lol. But one day @nottooldforthisship (B) was making lyric edits for anyone who wanted one. And in my first fic Harry sings Dangerous Woman by Ariana Grande, so I sent an ask asking for a lyric edit for that song just because I was thinking about it. And it made B curious because obviously everyone was sending One Direction lyrics lol and here I was sending Ariana. So she asked why. And B was the second person I ever told I wrote a fic.

She made me the lyrics edit and told me I could use it in my fic post when I was done writing the fic. And I didn't know how to tell her I wasn't going to publish it lol. Instead, I now felt like I had to if only to show my appreciation for this kind stranger on tumblr.

I definitely don't regret posting that fic. It didn't just bring me B's friendship. It opened the door to a lovely community of writers here and it brought some of my best friends into my life.

I promise you that your fic isn't the worst fic on the site because there's no such thing. Every fic has importance whether it has 1 reader or thousands of readers.

Anon, I hope you do make a post for your fic. And I hope you'll send it to me so I can reblog it and read it. Sending you so much love! And congratulations on posting your first fic!

[thelightofthingshopedfor]

re: your tags on the post defending people being dramatique about reblogs; whoever ghosted you over that is a dick, but also there has GOT to be a happy medium between "fuck you if you don't reblog everything you feel positively about" and "fuck you for asking for reblogs" like omg, tumblrinas plz, i am begging for like half an ounce of nuance i know this is the internet but please for the love of the blorbos stop the madness *headdesk*

I mean, yeah, I don't actually think guilt/shame is a good motivation for engaging with fandom, for a lot of different reasons, and tbh the overall tone of the post I just reblogged is probably more abrasive or something than what I've reblogged before or said myself. I mostly just reblogged this one because apparently I can't get over how hurt I feel over the whole basically-being-ghosted-by-a-long-term-friend thing (especially given that it made me feel really insane in a specifically neurodivergent way, like, "either I have massively misinterpreted literally everything about this relationship for years because I fundamentally don't understand friendship or social interactions in general, or you didn't mean anything you said to me, or you changed the rules at some point and didn't tell me").

but it's also just...deeply frustrating that even the mildest posts saying "if you don't do some very basic things to support the fanworks you like, you will start seeing a lot less of those fanworks, because those creators will get discouraged and stop producing it" gets categorized as whining or guilt-tripping when it isn't, it's literally just describing cause and effect. there are other posts scolding fan creators for expressing that discouragement or asking for a little damn engagement because we just want to feel like we're part of a community, all of which just contributes to the atmosphere of discouragement.

and it feels increasingly bizarre to me the more time I spend on Instagram, following all kinds of artists and small businesses, all of whom talk a lot about how important engagement is to what they do and how much their work lives and dies by The Algorithm and how crucial it is for people to take a few seconds and boost stuff they like because otherwise it just gets lost to the void, and I don't see the same backlash there of "well you should just be satisfied with creating for yourself, you shouldn't worry about stats, stop whining for attention, stop guilt-tripping people," whatever. granted, it's a different matter when there's money involved, because with a small business whose only source of advertising is social media, we're talking about someone's actual livelihood, but there's a huge amount of crossover with literally any artist--fanartist or otherwise--given that loads of them do also have Patreons or Ko-fi links or shops with physical items, or maybe they don't start out that way but when they build an audience organically they're able to bring in some actual money. and I've definitely seen people who aren't primarily selling things, who really are just producing art as a hobby, but still ask people to share their stuff because it encourages them to make more, and that seems to be seen as perfectly legitimate, except on Tumblr and also Reddit. fanfic is a little different because it's inherently an extremely bad idea to monetize, so there isn't the angle of "of course you want to share this so your favorite writer can keep food on the table!" but it doesn't seem like a huge stretch to say it follows a similar principle, right? if you like it, it just makes sense to support it in some small way, because then you're more likely to keep getting it? and if you don't make any effort to support it, then you can't complain when you stop getting it? (making this very basic point got me downvoted on r/Fanfiction because of course it did.)

and, I don't know, I personally get really discouraged begging for reblogs, and it would feel a lot better if I didn't have to. not even just my own fic (although, yes, especially that), but original posts about helpful resources or awesome Kickstarters or fic recs or cool free games or "hey this artist is doing charity commissions, look at their awesome art, please reblog so they can raise money for this important cause" mostly just all kinda fall into the void. not that I'm at all unique in that respect, obviously; anyone who doesn't have a big audience deals with that frustration (while people who do have big audiences get to deal with different problems, as I understand it, although I certainly wouldn't know from experience). it just sucks, you know?

[everythingsinred]

Sorry if you've already brought this up somewhere at some point, but I have two NatsuMikan questions about,,, gregnancy 😬

1) Do you think they'd even want kids? I can imagine that they'd both be hesitant on the idea of having a kid that undoubtedly would have an Alice, even if the academy wasn't chasing families down anymore (which like, that is a thing that was stopped, right? I hope it was because that's literally so traumatic, why is this school so fucking traumatizing)

2) There would be a chance that the kid could get an Alice shape like Natsume's, so like,, that could be rough on his end, like would they even want to do that without knowing how long Natsume has?

I realize that kinda seeps into an idea that people with chronic and/or terminal illnesses can't have families or be happy or something, but I'm just thinking about Natsume's mom, and how young he was when she died. I *heavily* doubt he would remember her death, but I'm certain that he would feel her loss, and I'm just wondering if you think he would go through with it despite that.

Personally, I have a hard time imagining them having a family, but that may be because for the majority of the series, they are children. Whenever I do try to imagine it, my brain just goes into Punnett Square Mode(tm) and tries to figure out what could be dominant traits from what is known, so not much is done there lmao

these are really great questions. to be honest because they never actually talk about it, the answer would be entirely up to headcanon, so there is no right or wrong answer.

also this ended up being rly long and rambly sorry

funnily enough i did mention this topic a lil when i'd reblogged a character question meme thing and someone requested i do all of them (i'd established myself as a natsume aficionado at this point i guess lmao). the relevant part of my answer to question #13 (about what he'd be like as a parent) was:

 i feel like natsume would be hesitant at first to be a dad. like he’d be super happy to find out mikan is pregnant ofc but he’d be hesitant. maybe he wouldn’t voice it. he’d be uncomfortable on several counts: 1) life shortening alices are genetic and he would never want his child to suffer as he has. 2) he’d be scared that he wouldn’t have as much time to spend with his kid as he’d like and would be sad to miss out on important milestones in the case that he dies too young. in my mind the life-shortening alice gets cured after a few years so these become non-issues and thus he gets very happy about having a kid.

something you must know about me is that i HATE the thought of natsume dying like it fully disgusts me--i hate to imagine he dies young. it feels really wrong to me. my brain cannot allow me to view the last little bit of the manga as canon tbh, so it's constructed another canon ending for me that includes the discovery of a cure for the fourth shape. (is it even possible to cure it? i dont CARE.) because of this (delusional) state of mind, i dont rly think of most of the things you mentioned. the cool thing about post-canon is that nobody can really stop you from thinking whatever you want. but i will address all of your points anyway bc theyre valid and then ill give my thoughts on them having kids, though im not an expert and certainly not the deciding opinion on what headcanons other ppl should adopt.

its a good point to bring up, discussing what happy endings exist for ppl with chronic or terminal diseases in media, even if he still has the same alice shape. my sister zoe has type 1 diabetes and we've had conversations about this exact thing (not about natsume; about her). it's a complicated issue for her, because even if type 1 diabetes isn't terminal (anymore), it is a huge source of grief and upset for her AND it's genetic. it ultimately comes down to each individual person, i think. some disabled or sick people want cures, others don't. some want children, some don't. because each person is different, what each person wants for their future or even in the media they consume is different as well.

your first question reminds me of yuka, actually, whose dream was to start a family and live a happy life. when she finds out her baby has an alice, she tries to steal it because she wants mikan to have a good life, and not suffer as she had, until kaoru stops her. it's definitely a valid concern, but i don't know how natsume or mikan feel about it in terms of having their own kid. personally im still not sure how the academy has actually changed since mikan left. we don't really get much of a breakdown. that being said, even though mikan said "i trust narumi-sensei" and that she didnt regret coming to the academy in kageki, im pretty certain that if they did become parents, they definitely wouldnt want their kid taken away from them.

which would mean the academy would have to change fundamentally to allow BOTH 1. parents to decline sending their kids to alice academy without being ceaselessly harassed and scouted AND 2. parents who do choose to send their kids to alice academy to get full visiting and contacting privileges WHICH SHOULD GO WITHOUT SAYING?? if a mom hears her son is crying himself to sleep bc he misses her, she should be allowed to call him or visit or send him a care package. (you know. how normal boarding schools work.)

maybe if the school changed in this way (and hey, maybe it did), then i could see natsume and mikan feeling a bit better about having a kid.

the next point, about natsume's alice shape being genetic... yeah its pretty rough. natsume the martyr, who always thinks of others, would never EVER have kids if he thought there was even a chance his child might suffer like he did.

so i guess my answer is... depending on what you want to believe happens after the ending, natsume and mikan MIGHT have kids and they MIGHT not. it entirely depends on what developments take place. ppl have been coming up w headcanons for their future even before the manga ended, anything from completely ignoring natsumes alice shape to having mikan and their potential kids visit his grave (not my favorite premise tbh).

ig my idea of natsume having his alice shape "cured" or undone or whatever comes from wanting one of my favorite characters to live a long happy life. its not specifically for the outcome of children or anything like that. its just worth noting that the academy is also a research institute, that there's healing alices in this world, and that you can make up whatever you want bc its a fantasy setting where ppl have magical powers and are able to undo death. (yes this is me justifying my staunch belief that natsume doesnt die in his early twenties.)

personally, i dont mind them having kids. its not rly something focal to me bc theres so much else going on in the story and with their characters for me to think about that the idea of kids is so far away. still, sometimes i like reading a lil fic about them having a kid, canon or au. its kinda cute. i also kinda like it in that if i believe they could have kids, that means that natsume MUST live and his alice must no longer be an issue (bc like we both agree on, natsume simply would not have kids if he thought the child could inherit his alice shape). in my head, i kinda always assumed they would? its made possible by my delusions. if you read the questions post i linked up there, i said "it's non-negotiable" but that was mainly in regards to higuchi maintaining in the memorial book that natsume wouldnt live a very long life. again, natsume WOULDN'T have kids if he knew they had a chance of suffering like he did, so that means if he ever DID have kids, then that chance must no longer exist. idk if that makes sense.

again, im really actually not an expert. i would even say "i didnt create these characters" except that that would mean higuchi's say should be final and i dont want her say to be final. really, its a fictional world w fictional characters. so if u wanna be delusional like me and find it difficult to see higuchi's ending without saying "but thats not what it looks like to ME," then go for it! we can be happy together. but also if these aspects of natsume and mikan and the academy feel inseparable from your own beliefs of the story, then thats fine too. honestly theres rly no right or wrong answer when it comes to post-ending headcanon. ppl can disagree. dont take me saying "i want natsume to have kids so he can spite higuchi" or whatever as a way of judging or disapproving of the headcanon that he wouldnt have kids. its a plausible outcome that he wouldn't. i just feel like i need to say that bc my opinion doesnt rly weigh more than anybody else's

i must say though: thank you for sending this ask. i have been having a rough day and coming home to answer this took my mind off the whole situation and made me feel so much better <3 thank you