#/ i’ll tag this later it’s late & im lazy :((((((

[koohito]

BY YOUR SIDE | KAMISATO AYATO

tags: FEM!reader, marriage trope, dad ayato, alternate universe, OC (kaizen kamisato), casual inside joke, fluff everywhere (plenty of kisses), reader and ayato can’t keep their hands to themselves (❁ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)

wc: 2K

a/n: as my first tumblr fic, i initially wanted this to be shorter (abt 600 words) but i got carried away. also, i wanted this posted on fathers day, but then again i need to make tons of revisions so im a tad late (just pretend this was posted during fathers day hehe). I HOPE U ENJOY ◕⩊◕

Ayato came to a halt, enamored by the sight of you and your two-year-old son sleeping peacefully on your shared bed. 

The rainy, lazy Saturday morning at the Kamisato estate seemed to have a cast a tranquil spell. Having finished his morning shower, Ayato donned his khaki shorts and polo shirt, ready to start the weekend task that waited him. The papers on his office table beckoned for his attention, but the gloomy weather and the empty side of the bed tempted him to abandon his tedious work.

Your son had rolled over to your side, holding onto your nightdress while resting his cheek against your chest. He must have rushed to his parents’ bedroom upon being startled awake by the loud thunder, luckily finding the doors unlocked. Unconsciously, you cradle your son’s head, gently nuzzling his temple. 

A tender smile graced Ayato’s lips as he observed this scene. Gods, seeing his two most cherished beings in such serenity made him wish to freeze time in this moment. Ayato tossed his hair towel lazily into the hamper before taking out his phone. It’s not even 8 o’clock yet. He captured two pictures of you and your son, snug and cozy, and decided to make one of them his lock screen. Just as he was about to give in to the temptation of returning to bed, a work email notification from one of his business colleagues caught his attention. His jaw clenched abruptly, and he let out a soft sigh. 

Approaching your side of the bed, he carefully pulled the comforter over you, making sure not to disturb either of you. Leaning in, Ayato pressed a gentle kiss on his son’s hand still clutching your hip. Then he placed a tender kiss on your exposed shoulder, followed by another on your temple. You stirred briefly before drifting back to sleep.

~

You knocked on Ayato’s office door, peeking inside to check if he had any scheduled calls before entering. “So, you’ve been wearing my fuzzy slippers! I was searching for them everywhere,” you exclaimed, grinning as you noticed him tapping his feet on the ground with your slippers. Approaching him, you stood behind his swivel chair, wrapping your arms around his chest from the back, your face nestled beside his. “Morning, Ayato,” you greeted, peppering the side of his face with affectionate kisses. 

“These slippers are so comfortable, I’m sorry,” he chuckled, setting aside some of the papers to cup your cheek, his eyes still fixed on his laptop screen. “And good morning to you too, my love. Did you sleep well? Is Kaizen awake?”

“Mhm,” you replied, planting a final kiss on your husband’s cheek. “It would’ve been better if you had joined us back in bed,” you remarked while smoothing his chest. “Have you had breakfast yet?”

An hour later had passed when you finally woke up. Your son was no longer nestled beside you, so you assumed he must be in his room or with his father. Swiftly changing your nightdress into something casual, you went through your morning routine. “I only had orange juice this morning and I planned to cook breakfast, but I had an early meeting,” he explained as you watched him organize his papers, neatly tucking them beside a non-fiction entrepreneur book. He swiveled his chair to face you, pulling you onto his lap. “Anything you want for breakfast? I’ll cook,” he offered, wrapping his arms around your waist. “Or, if you prefer, we can go out today since the rain has stopped.”

You genuinely wanted to spend the day out together with your two boys, to make up for the busy weekdays. However, you couldn’t help hesitate as you hadn’t prepared any itineraries for dining or strolling, and the damp weather didn’t make it easier. “I do want to go out honestly, but I’m not sure where we'll go yet. Plus, I know you’re busy with work today, and I don’t wanna trouble you,” you admitted, reaching up to tuck a strand of your husband’s hair behind his ear. A small, tight-lipped smile graced your lips as you offered your thoughts. 

Always so considerate, Ayato thought fondly. He let his gaze linger on you for what felt like a minute before leaning back into his chair, pulling you in closer to him, allowing your head to rest on his shoulder. “I’m done for the day, my love, so you don’t have to worry,” he reassured you, his thumb tracing idle shapes on your waist. “I know a place that serves breakfast, and we can take a stroll there afterward. They also have a kids’ area that our son will love. We can even stay there for lunch and dinner as well.” Ayato breathed in the scent of your shampoo, planting a quick kiss on your head. “That is, if you want to.”

“Absolutely, that sounds like a perfect plan,” you responded blissfully, the corner of your lips curling up. You shuffle slightly against his lap so you could face him fully and cupped his face in your hands. “Thank you for thinking this through and making time for us, even though I’m sure you still have unfinished business waiting on that desk,” you said, giving him a peck on the lips. “Regardless, it’s the weekend, my love. You deserve some leisure too. I’ll even treat you to a massage place if we come across one today,” you chuckled, gently stroking your thumb on his face. “I love you.”

Ayato had a teasing response in his mind, but you surprised him with a gentle kiss. The citrusy taste from the orange juice he mentioned before mingled with the kiss. He hummed, pulling you closer by the hips as the kiss deepened. He realized that he didn’t need a massage when being with you was the the way to relax. No matter how busy he is with work meetings, he made it clear that his priority was managing his time for you and Kaizen. With a smile on his lips, he caressed your neck, his thumb lightly brushing your jaw. 

Three years of marriage, and you never ceased to be deeply enamored by this man. Each day, he managed to make your heart swell with affection. “There’s a kaitenzushi place nearby,” he broke the kiss, and you opened your eyes. “I remember you saying you wanted to try their nigiri sushi before,” he recalls his memory on you watching a video about this sushi train, gushing over how badly you wanna try them and wondered how many dishes you both could finish. “How about we go there for dinner later this evening?” Ayato suggested, lightly nipping your lower lip. “Yeah?”

You nodded in response, endeared the way he remembers. “Okay,” you said, beaming, and he grinned in return. His expression softened into fond amusement as you leaned into the palm of his hand. Your mouths coming together once more, yet before he could lengthen your kiss into another extent, your son came rushing adorably into the room with a ball in his hand. 

“Mimi!” he called out in his sweet baby voice that startles you and Ayato. Quickly making space between you but still seated on your husband’s lap, you turned your attention to your son. “Mimi, I, I sit on Dada too,” he exclaimed, his cheerful features and curios eyes assessing his parents before dropping his ball and extending his arms towards you, waiting to be picked up. Kaizen giggled, and you smiled back broadly, reaching out to him tenderly. However, Ayato beat you to it as he scooped up your child in one arm, settling him on his lap.

My boys. It was amusing and heartwarming to realize that despite your son inheriting only the hue and shape of your eyes, he looked like an exact replica of his father. You smiled inwardly, silently watching both of them interact. The way your son’s face lit up with laughter in his father’s presence was a striking resemblance of the two of them together. It's truly amazing, you thought. 

You playfully poke your son’s cheeks, making him giggle with delight. “Do you want to take a shower with mommy, baby?” you asked giddily. “We’re going out today, all three of us!”

He squeals with joy and reaches out his arms towards you. “Where we going now, Mimi?” he asks as you lift him up, his arms resting on your shoulder while he stands on your thighs. “I go… go eat ice cream today!”

“Mhm,” his father agrees, patting him on the head. “You can shower with mommy first, and then we’ll get you ice cream.” Ayato clears his throat, his arms slipping around your lower back. You turn your head to look at him, unsure of what he’s about to say. “Unless… Mimi wants dada to join you guys in the shower too?”

“Oh, please,” you say, rising from his lap and swat his shoulder. Carrying Kaizen with you, you give your husband an incredulous look. He burst into laughter, and you can’t help but shake your head, trying to suppress a smile. “Dada has already showered, baby. I think what your dada needs to do is eat his breakfast.” You raise an eyebrow at Ayato. 

But your son’s innocent eyes blink at you, and in that instant, you know you’re in for some negotiations. Kaizen not only inherited Ayato’s features but also his stubbornness, or maybe he got it from you. “But, but I want Dada, Mimi! Dada shower too!” he squeals, squirming himself free from your arms. “Dada shower too, please.”

Ayato continues chuckling from behind you, standing up and taking Kaizen from your arms. He grunts playfully as he lifts the boy higher, holding him tightly. Kaizen giggle in excitement in return, swinging his arms in the air. You follow behind them as your husband start walking out of his office. “Kaizen,” he calls, and your son immediately looks at him. “Do you want dada to shower with you?”

“Oh my god, not this again,” you mutter.

“Yes! Me and, and Dada, Mimi shower too!” Kaizen responds.

“Alright, little man, we’ll do that some other time, okay? We’re going to swim in the pool, too. How’s that sound? You like swimming with Mimi in the pool, and we’ll bring your rubber duckies to play with,” Ayato says, kissing his son’s temple. “Would you like that?”

“Yes, dada. I play with duckies at the pool,” he responded, turning his head towards you. “I swim in the pool. Mimi and dada outside the pool, dada.” Kaizen giggle, his dimples popping out from his plump cheeks. “You and mimi shower only.. I play ducks at the pool!”

Just when you thought you were witnessing an adorable father-son conversation, Ayato bursts into laughter again. “You don’t want us to join you in the pool? Mimi will be sad, baby,” he says, trying to contain his laughter. 

“Um, I give Mimi duckies! Mimi will be happy, and I give you duckies too, dada!” your son says innocently, clapping his little hands before hugging Ayato’s neck and facing you. “Mimi, I give you duckies in the shower, okay?” he tells you with his big doe eyes. 

Goodness, who could say no to this little pumpkin? “Sounds good to me, baby,” you reply, ruffling his hair. 

“You sure you don’t want mimi or dada to swim you with you in the pool, Kaizen?” Ayato asks.

He shakes his head while still on Ayato’s shoulder. “Mimi and dada… and duckies in the shower!”

Ayato reaches his free hand out behind him, waiting for you to intertwine your fingers with his. He turns his head towards you, giving you a subtle wink as the corner of his mouth curls up. Your heart flutters. 

“Whatever you say, pumpkin,” your husband says, a hint of amusement in his voice as he guides you towards your shared bedroom. “Mimi and dada will stay in the shower then.”

You can only chew the inside of your cheek and give his hand a light squeeze. You son is too smart for his own good at times, but this time you just let it slide, grinning with adoration. Feeling a surge of fondness for your two boys. 

[renloveskai]

yeonjun calls you clingy/annoying

genre ~ angst w eventual fluff

warnings/tags ~ some cussing, talks about job insecurity, y/n and yeonjun are both bad at communicating (typical young relationships)

a/n ~ this is my first fic so please lmk what you think! im open to criticism and suggestions! also not proofread because im lazy

song of the fic ~ this is how you fall in love, Jeremy zucker

“y/n please leave my office I cannot deal with you right now” your boss says to you sighing and shooing you off

“understood sir, I apologize for the mix up”

you turn around and walk out the office with tears brimming your eyes.

between balancing your work tasks whilst accommodating to your bosses requests, your hands were very full at work today. your boss had asked you to hold on to important documents containing company intel, but somewhere between taking care of your own work you had lost track of the documents. begrudgingly you notified your boss about your mistake.

he did not take it lightly, instead he blew up in your face even threatening your job and adding on more things for you to do by the end of the day. safe to say you’ve had a stressful day. only one thing you want to do to destress, go home and spend quality time with your boyfriend.

you open the door to your apartment and drop your bag and jacket on the floor not even bothering to put your stuff away. you look around the living and don’t see yeonjun assuming he’s in his office.

lightly knocking on the opened office door you greet him “hey junnie, what you up to?”

he doesn’t respond to you so you walk up to him standing behind him at his desk. “hey what are you doing?”

he gives a short hum to you and responds “what do you need?” somewhat used to his lack of responsiveness you reply back “just wanna spend some time with you”

“cant right now, I’m busy”

you can see he’s playing video games, an fps to be specific. you put your hands on his shoulders rubbing them slightly. “you can play your game later let’s go hang out now”

“y/n can’t you see I’m in the middle of so- hey beomgyu watch flank!”

“yeonjun, have you even eaten anything today”

he doesn’t respond to you again so you push further beginning to become irritated. “hello, did you hear me?”

“yeah I heard you, I already said I’m busy let’s do what you wanna do later ok?”

“yeonjun I had a stressful day, i just wanna relax with you”

“y/n please we see each other almost everyday, we should have some time to ourselves too”

you scoff at his ridiculous statement “are you being serious right now? a video game is more important to you than me?”

“god I didn’t even say that! can you just let me breath for a second? you’re so damn clingy, fuck!”

you took you hands off of him standing there in shock. you can’t believe he just said that to you. tears brimming your eyes for the second time to day. you clear your throat and try to remain calm, feeling too tired to argue further.

“please can you just try to understand how I feel right now?” you pleaded with him.

“y/n im sick of dealing with your shit! can’t I just relax for once?”

“ok yeonjun I’ll leave you alone” you quickly turn around and walk to leave his office with tears threatening to spill.

“y/n wait!”

you turn around to see yeonjun still focused on his computer. “Could you shut the door ?”

any glimpse of hope you had that he would take back what he said was gone. you quietly shut the door and walk back to the front door to grab your bag. leaving the apartment you feel tears running down your face uncontrollably. it was like an involuntary reaction that you had no control over. it felt as if in this moment you weren’t allowed to feel any sense of relaxation, so you just decide to take a walk hoping some fresh air will relieve you a bit.

the cold air hitting your skin was bittersweet in a way where it hurt but made you feel alive. the sudden gush of wind made you realize you forgot to bring your jacket. fuck. oh well it’s too late to go back.

it was getting late, the tears had finally began to dry. you look at your phone

10:30pm

20% battery

damn I should head back. you didn’t feel like facing yeonjun right now. despite the uncomfortable sensation of the burning cold air, it still felt warmer than how yeonjun acted towards you. you put your phone on do not disturb to try and preserve your battery and walk into a cafe rest your tired legs.

finding a corner in the cafe where no one would bother you you decide to pull out your laptop and try to get a head start on your work for the next day to prevent any other mishaps. time flies and next thing you know the cafe worker taps you on the shoulder.

“hey, sorry to wake you but we’re closing in 10 minutes, no rush, just wanted to let you know” she gives you a sweet smile. “and here’s a cup of tea to go it looked like you were having a rough day”

“thank you I’ll be out soon, I just need to pack up” after she walks away you let out a big sigh dropping your hands in your face. great I’m visibly distressed. you feel tears beginning to form in your eyes again and try to resist the urge to cry. letting out a shaky breath you stand up and grab you stuff and quickly walk out of the cafe after leaving a $10 tip on the table to prevent any further embarrassment. you pull out your phone to check the time again

no battery

shit. okay where’s the way home. you eventually navigate your way home after taking a couple wrong turns. walking in your dark apartment you leave your things by the door and head to the bathroom for a quick shower. after your shower you go into the bedroom to see yeonjun sound asleep in bed and check the clock

3:00am

he didn’t even check to see where I was. not feeling up to sleeping with your boyfriend you opt for the guest room.

you wake up early unable to sleep due to all the thoughts running through your mind

7:00am

two hours to kill before work. you decide to make breakfast, eggs as pancakes. you make yourself a plate and leave some for yeonjun in the fridge. eating breakfast alone was something you were used to nowadays. after yeonjun went on hiatus for work, he stopped waking up early with you and started to stay in more. some days you would wonder if he got bored of you. does he even love you anymore? you cut the meal short and decide to take another shower, suddenly needing to rid yourself of negativity.

You come out of the shower and look at the time

8:00am

another hour. checking in on yeonjun he’s still asleep on the bed. beginning to become tired again you decide to take the day off work. you needed to work things out with two in anyway. you sit in the guest room desk completing any remote work waiting for yeonjun to wake up.

10:30am

he should be awake. you head over to your shared bedroom and peak inside, he’s sitting up scrolling through his phone. he’s surprised to see you, looking at the time then back at you.

“hey, no work today?”

“no I’m feeling kinda under the weather”

“are you sick?”

“No, just tired”

“tired of what? did something happen?”

You filling walk inside the room and sit at the edge of the bed facing him. his face had a puzzled look watching you carefully make your steps. why is he acting so normal? does he not remember what he said to you?

“yeonjun, are you happy?”

“am I happy?”

“yeah, are you?”

“I mean of course I am, Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I dunno just wonderin”

“y/n that’s a weird question”

“yeah sorry ive just been thinking a lot”

“thinking? about what?” he removes the comforter from his lap and comes closer to you sounding more concerned.

“d-do you still love me?” you voice is unsteady and you look down to avoid any judgement from him.

“what? what are you talking about? where is this coming from?”

“look it’s okay if you don’t, i just would really like to know” you explain to him with shaky hands

“of course I love you, why are you suddenly acting so weird?” he comes closer grabbing your hand in his to try and reassure you.

“then why did you say what you said to me yesterday” eyes starting to tear up at the recollection of the scene.

“I’m sorry what did I say?”

you get up from the bed and scoff. “god you don’t even remember”

“remember what?”

“it’s nothing, nevermind. I’m gonna head out” you say while walking to your closet to grab a change of clothes

“what, to where? can I come?” yeonjun quickly scrambles out of bed to follow you.

“not today jun, i just need some time alone” you say not looking at him in order to keep your composure. it seems like he only cares when push comes to shove. you’re tired of being the only one in the relationship who tries to even spend quality time together. you begin shuffling through your clothes feeling yeonjuns stare at the doorway of your closet. he’s standing in the middle of the frame watching you dumbfounded trying to figure out what he could’ve done. then it clicks. he fucked up. but instead of trying to console you he tries to get you to explain the problem.

“y/n you always do this. please stop being so passive, can you just tell me what I did so we can work through this?” he says frustrated while running his fingers through his hair.

“im tired yeonjun. if you can’t see what you did wrong then i dont know how it can be helped.” you say still shuffling through your clothes, only this time you are mindlessly looking at your shirts with no intention of picking one out.

“y/n stop looking through your clothes look at me, how is our relationship gonna work if we can’t even communicate with each other?” He says getting more irritated

you turn to him, seeing his face making you start to tear up. You look at him wondering where the man you fell in love with is. the guy who would hold your hand while you walked down the stairs so you wouldn’t trip, the guy who would ask you for cuddles after dinner every night, the guy who would send you lunch every week reminding you to eat. now all you feel is a burden to him. someone he has to tend to because he locked himself in a relationship. he’s since stopped his loving actions and you feel like a mere roommate to him. you see him for an hour a day max. endless days you wonder if your relationship was meant to be, if he still feels satisfied by you. hell he could be with anyone he wanted, big hot superstar with millions of fans. but he chose you, why?

you feel your heart rate rising getting more nervous to confront him about your feelings. you’re scared he’s gonna confirm all of your worries. you let out a shaky breath and ask him “yeonjun, are you satisfied in our relationship?”

“y/n is everything ok, why are you asking me this?” he begins to walk closer growing more concerned instead of irritated.

“please just answer the question”

“of course I am, why would I not be?”

“Well m-maybe because you don’t pay attention to me anymore. everytime i get home from work you’re too busy to even give me the time of day. you stopped having breakfast with me. you don’t even look me in the eye when we’re talking sometimes. and you called me clingy yesterday. im sorry if i did something to upset you, but i just wanna spend time with my boyfriend. is that so much to ask?” you didn’t even realize it but you were full on crying at this point. tears streaming down your face at an uncontrollable rate.

you look up at him and he’s looking at the floor with a guilty expression. “well?” you throw your hands up in impatience “do you have anything to say?”

to your surprise he begins to cry as well. “y-y/n im so sorry. fuck i can’t begin to say how sorry I am. i don’t deserve you, I know I’ve been such a shit boyfriend. i-i i don’t even know what to say. please I’ll make it up to you. I’ll start being better now. it’s just that after we went on hiatus my manager told me that the company doesn’t currently have future plans for our group a-and so I guess I really let it get to my head. i don’t what’s wrong with me, baby please forgive me. i promise I’ll do whatever it takes, just please don’t leave me. i love you so much, everyday im so grateful to have you as my girlfriend.” you can hear the panic in his voice. And that only makes you more emotional.

“what? yeonjun, what did you say?” you walk up closer to him, tears still in your eyes. you look up at him to try and get him to look at you.

he makes eye contact with you “what do you mean?”

“why didn’t you tell me? about the company?”

“I don’t know, I guess I was just scared.”

“scared of what?”

“scared that you wouldn’t want to be with me anymore. so I just kinda shut off. i dunno I started to distance myself, telling myself if you broke up with me then it would hurt less.”

“junnie i would never leave you because you’re not an idol anymore. I don’t care if you quit your job right now and became unemployed. that’s not why I fell in love with you, I love you for you, okay?”

he sniffles and tries to wipe away his tears “im sorry, I love you so much, I don’t know where I would be in life without you.”

you pull him in for a hug, feeling the warmth of his touch for the first time in a while. “im sorry too, I should’ve told you about how I felt” you feel him hug you tighter.

“thank you y/n, for telling me about this. im glad we got this off our chest.” he says while rubbing you back and giving a kiss on the forehead.

you hum and smile to him “I missed you so much. i just wanna be in your arms forever”

“come to bed with me” he says breaking your embrace and pulling you to bed.

he lies down with you next to him and pulls the sheets over the two of you, entangling this legs with yours and wrapping his arms around your waist resting his head on your chest. “im never letting go of you”

you giggle at his cute actions and run your hands through his hair. resting the other hand on his arm drawing little shapes on it.

he looks up at your face and smiles “oh and about the clingy thing, please don’t ever stop asking for my attention. i will drop anything for you. i love when you’re clingy”

you smile at him and again and lean down to kiss him “I love your cuddles”

you feel your stomach start to grumble “but can we order some food, im kinda hungry.”

“nope, im not letting you go”

[mozaikrolez]

a random assortment of of lil headcanons featuring : mina ashido , yuuto kidou , paperstar , kai de anecdote , joy , hiroto kira , kiriya , gaito kurouzu , yuuma nosaka , kokichi ouma , rui & sanemi shinazugawa 

mina ashido tans very easily ! i noticed that her skin is portrayed as darker pink in the manga then what she appears in the anime . my portrayal will involve her having magenta coloured skin during late spring / summer ( reference here ) because of her acid quirk tinting a darker skin tone & light pink like what’s portrayed in the anime .

yuuto kidou likes a lot of classical music , that’s not a surprise . he grew up with that type of music ( he was put into piano classes ) , but he likes rap music too . i can see him liking j.cole , kanye west ( strickly his music - don’t come for me ) , kendrick lamar & a lil bit of travis scott .

paperstar’s real name is yoko gogatsu but that name is associated with painful memories . she hates it when others call her by it & sometimes when she hears it she dissociates . i will go into more detail about that in another post .

sleep doesn’t come easy for kai de anecdote because of his powers & the effect of being able to feel the emotions of those within a certain radius . 

when in complete darkness the demon that possesses joy tries to take over her body so she sleeps with a nightlight ( this also helps with her trauma ) . there are times when the demon isn’t actively trying to & that’s mostly when she’s in a better state of mind but in this case it taunts her .

hiroto kira isn’t part of a gang but people around his age tend to view him as if we was a gang leader & give him respect . this is because his father is a socialite & he can literally ( & has ) get away with ANYTHING .

kiriya , though strong & holding a lot of power , doesn’t understand why people look up to him . he’d rather people treat him like some normal guy because for the most part he is . he’s an otaku & would prefer to stay at home . he took the positions of chief executioner because he felt the need to help in eradicating the mafia problem in his city & country as a whole . it’s something that hits close to home because the mafia kill his family . he forced himself to become part of the solution to take down the mafia but in doing so became part of a corrupt government .

gaito kurouzu likes & aligns himself with birds because he views them as free . he is bound by his emotions that hold him back though he doesn’t recognize this & fights against showing / expressing his weakness instead — putting himself in a cage .

yuuma nosaka has a crown scar on his back from the experiments & it can symbolize his triumph over his prior humanity though it’s a sorrowful reminder of the effects of losing it ( not really an headcanon , i just really wanted to put that into writing) .

i decided to change the heLL out of kokichi ouma’s ‘evil secret organization’ . instead of a prank group , DICE is a group of people who do illegal ( often times morally bad ) things to get information to convict criminals . in a way , this organization can be seen as evil because of the methods they use to get this information but local law enforcement accept ( & actively depend on ) their information to prosecute criminals ( the police department & other parts of government seem fairly morally skewed in the world of danganronpa tbh ) , but they don’t even know who this leader is . in fact , no one except some staff members of hopes peak academy know that kokichi is the leader . & on the number of members , there isn’t 10,000 but there used to be . it’s about 4,000 now .

about rui’s age , according to this pose right here , it’s not something that is outright stated or confirmed . from what i can tell , his age ( chronologically ) lands somewhere in between 10 - 20 . i want to say he turned into a demon at 8 but has kept his appearance around 11 upon aging further because of the role he wants to play in his family ( & how he’s most comfortable ) is to be one of the youngest if not THE youngest . this is because he wants to be protected even though obviously he doesn’t need his family members for that . ether way , i want to say his chronological age is 15 , or at least that’s how i’ll portray him . he just appeared very well spoken to be 11 in my opinion . & of course , like all my other demon characters from the series , he’d be 115 in the open verse to stay consistent with the events of his backstory .

on that note , i think rui would be one of the lower moons who can fall out of muzan’s curse with relative ease in comparison to the other members of the 12 kizuki . he doesn’t seem too devoted to muzan ( emotionally & the like ) & comes off as a bit more self serving in what he does . while he does search for the blue spider lily as ordered i believe his top priority falls back to creating a happy environment for himself .

in the demon slayer manga , its stated that sanemi shinazugawa is colour blind but it doesn’t say what kind . i briefly wrote about this in his dead by daylight verse but i’ll go into a lil more detail . he has tritanopia , which means his blue & yellow colour perception is weak . blue’s & greens ( anything with this undertone from my understanding too ) look cyan & yellows ( anything with undertones too ) appears in different shades of red . since some of the human characters have a super natural element to them ( like zenitsu & his hearing etc. ) i decided to have sanemi see blood in a more vibrant shade of red than the typical human ( kinda like how birds see red differently than humans ) . going off that point , because of his colour blindness he can’t see very well in the dark but the injuries he inflicts demons & the blood they spill help guide him in the dark . blood demon art that utilizes their blood like nezuko’s burning blood technique or rui’s bloody spider webs really help with navigation .

[highqueenofelfhame]

no tag list bc im posting this from my phone and am too lazy so pls reblog so this gets traction! thank you for reading and follow @highqueenofelfhamewrites for better and more frequent updates and turn on post notifications! i might do away with tag lists soon idk. the whitethorn kids are headcanons from @musicmaam and i so i hope you love the babies we love them very much and becca is a mastermind

masterlist

Outside, it was a still and quiet morning. Despite the sun having risen hours ago, the sky remained a murky gray. Dew clung to the grass and a light fog remained settled over the landscape. It looked cold and like the kind of day that would usually have Aelin curled up in the study, a roaring fire warming the room while she sat in one of the oversized leather chairs and reread a favorite book. Rowan knew that once outside, the cool air would be a sharp bite at his skin. It’s how Terrasen always was in early November.

Instead of reading, though, Aelin was staring at her side of the closet. Her fingers nervously tapped above her elbow while she surveyed dresses and pantsuits, jackets and turtlenecks. More than once she had murmured that she never knew what to wear, and more than once he had told her that it really didn’t matter and she would look beautiful all the same.

A level below, Rowan heard the front door open and close, followed by their oldest son, Arden shouting up the stairs that they were home. They referred to him and his boyfriend, Jamie, and Aelin and Rowan’s oldest, Evalin. The three had driven from the University of Orynth on the other side of the city to the family’s house on the outskirts of town.

Genevieve, Declan, and Endymion, the younger half of the Whitethorn kids, were all getting ready. Genny had been up with the sun to make breakfast for everyone, her hands sticky with cream cheese frosting and cinnamon by the time she had finished. Declan and Endy were down the hall, fighting for counter space in their shared bathroom while Genevieve finished up at the vanity Rowan had built her last year in her bedroom.

More noise followed the voices downstairs turned to a quiet murmur as Rowan approached his wife and rested his hand on her lower back. Aelin leaned back on her heels and into his touch, turning her head slightly. Rowan pressed a kiss to her temple and she shivered, reaching out for the dress that he knew she’d end up picking. It was his favorite.

“Perfect choice, fireheart,” he murmured, rubbing his hand across her middle back as she sighed and pulled it off the hanger that she dropped to the floor. Rowan chuckled to himself, nudging it toward her pile of shoes as he followed her back out into their bedroom.

Rowan was already showered and dressed. He wore a simple black suit with Aelin’s favorite dark green tie— one that she claimed brought out his eyes, though Rowan hadn’t noticed a single difference as he tied it around his neck.

“You are worrying about nothing,” he murmured into her hair, tucking a loose strand behind her ear. Aelin shuddered a sigh, licking her lips as she turned to look at Rowan over her shoulder. Their eyes met for a single heartbeat before moving to the door.

“I hope Arden and Evie remembered to pick everything up this morning.”

“I’ll go check,” he promised, squeezing her shoulder before walking away. Rowan paused in the doorway, turning to look at his anxious wife. She stood in front of the window, dress draped over one arm while she twisted her wedding band around her finger. It made his heart squeeze in the most painful way, but he left her and jogged down the stairs to where the rest of his family mingled in the kitchen.

Entirely typical of his children, none of them looked up when he entered. Gen was dressed in leggings and an oversized sweater, manning the stove to make everyone else eggs. Endy and Declan were arguing over who got the cinnamon roll in the center of the pan: it was the most gooey and beheld more icing than the others. Declan won out in the end, but only because Genevieve pointed a spatula at Endymion to remind him of a petty crime he’d committed against her the day before.

“You don’t deserve that cinnamon roll. You know what you did.” Endy snorted, but relented, allowing Declan to eagerly swoop in for the golden treat. A large dollop of icing slipped off the side, barely making it onto his plate as he did. Endymion sighed wistfully, likely dreaming of how good that would have been in his stomach instead of his brothers. Rowan laughed to himself, ruffling Endy’s hair as he walked by. His youngest shrugged him off with a shiver, lips pulling down into a frown while he looked over at his father, then to his older sister as she walked into the room.

“Has mom been down yet?”

“She’s still upstairs,” Rowan said, while the other kids mumbled that she’d yet to come down. Arden and Jamie slid into the empty barstools at the counter, accepting plates of bacon and eggs from Genevieve. “Can someone go check on her?”

“I’ll go,” Evie decided, heading up toward Rowan and Aelin’s bedroom, stairs creaking with every step.

Genevieve was watching Evalin up until she disappeared at the top of the landing, her lips twisting to the side as she shifted to turn the stove off. The kitchen settled into a comfortable silence, the scraping of forks the only disruption. Genny poked at the cinnamon roll she’d chosen for herself before pushing it away, toward Endy.

“I can’t eat,” she said quietly, tapping her phone screen, the time blinking up at her before it went dark again. It seemed that Endy could eat, however, because he pulled her plate over and dove into her cinnamon roll immediately after finishing his. It was almost enough to make her smile but she seemed to be fighting it off. Rowan moved to wrap his arm around his daughter, but she shrugged out of his embrace and disappeared up the stairs. If he had to guess, she was joining Aelin and Evalin.

“I’m worried about her,” Rowan and Arden said at the same time, the former cracking a half smile.

“Me too,” Endymion agreed, fingernail tapping against the counter while he looked over his shoulder. Rowan opened his mouth to speak, but the soft closing of a door followed by the squeak of the top stair silenced him. A moment later, his three girls were filing into the kitchen. Aelin hugged each of her babies, pressing kisses to their cheeks that they didn’t shy away from.

“We ready?” Arden asked, picking up the bag he’d brought in with him. Aelin nodded and rubbed her hand over Genny’s upper back.

Genevieve had always been the most anxious of their kids in the worst way. Over the last year, her panic attacks had only gotten worse and nobody really knew how to help her. A few months ago, she had finally caved and agreed to start taking medicine for it when she needed to. Judging by the way she stood, worrying her lip and twining the ends of her silver hair into tiny braids, Rowan wondered if she was already debating taking one of those pills to keep the monsters of the day at bay.

The ride was quiet. The only conversation consisted of Aelin and Rowan asking Evalin, Jamie, and Arden about their college courses. The youngest three Whitethorns stayed quiet and listened while looking out the windows and tapping on their phones. No music filled the empty silences— the last five minutes was nothing but garbled road noise and turn signals, the occasional sniffle of a nose, or a small sigh.

When the car was put in park, nobody moved immediately. Aelin stared through the windshield, fingers drumming on the gear shift. Rowan lay his on top of hers, but she didn’t look over at him. Instead, she tucked her bottom lip between her teeth and, after several heartbeats, nodded. Only then did the kids file out of the back seats, Genevieve going to take her mother’s left hand while Arden took her right. Rowan walked beside Endymion and attempted to steady his son when he stumbled over a rock that was hidden in the grass.

They walked through the cemetery, moving by headstone after headstone. Some of them were large and ornate weeping angels, others were crosses jutting out of the ground. A fair few were simple concrete rectangles in the ground with a vase for flowers. The one they came to stop at was something in between.

It was about two feet high in the middle of the graveyard, simple text embedded into the shiny quartzite stone. A large hawk had been carved into its surface, wings spread wide mid-flight, beak parted as though it were releasing a fierce battle-cry. There was no vase for flowers anywhere near it. Instead, piles of stones were left all around it. They were in all shapes, sizes, and colors. One had a painted hawk on the surface that he knew Genevieve’s boyfriend had left behind at the funeral last year.

Arden placed the bag he carried on the ground and they let Aelin be the first to pick her stone. She picked a large smooth one, a paler gray than the headstone itself that fit perfectly in her palm. She folded her legs beneath her body as she knelt before it, trembling fingers tracing over the name.

ROWAN M. WHITETHORN

JULY 16, 1970 - NOVEMBER 11, 2020

HUSBAND. FATHER. HERO.

TO WHATEVER END.

A breeze shifted through the air, moving Aelin’s hair across her face and she could have sworn it was warm. She could have sworn she smelled the familiar pine and snow scent that she would always and forever associate with her husband. Aelin could have sworn it felt like a lover’s caress, like fingers brushing away the tear that slipped down her cheek.

Aelin wasn’t sure how long she sat there, surrounded by their children. Each of them swapped their favorite stories about their late father, about what they missed most. All of them cried enough tears that Terrasen could hit a rare drought but the patch of grass they held each other in would still be green as ever.

When they finally stood, the air had dropped a few more degrees because the sun had never come out to keep them warm. It made that fleeting warm breeze even more bizarre, the one that smelled like him, considering the one that rustled the leaves on the nearby tree was cold enough to bite.

Out of the corner of her eye, she swore she saw him. She swore she saw a head of silver hair sock his head in her direction, but she blinked and he was gone, her oldest son stepping up in the place she thought she saw him, felt him, smelled him. Silver hair faded into a golden blonde that matched her own, but the eyes that peered down at her were as bright green as his father’s. Aelin felt her face crumple as she leaned into him, resting her temple against his shoulder. She inhaled hard, desperate for that pine scent to feel her lungs, desperate to erase the last year of her life without him. Desperate to pretend that he was still alive and it was his shoulder that she put her weight on.

But it wasn’t. And it wouldn’t be.

Still, as she looped her arm through his and started to walk back toward the car with their kids, she spared a last glance over her shoulder, projecting their vows into the void of the world: to whatever end.

She wasn’t sure what it was, but Aelin was almost positive she heard his voice whisper it back as another strange, warm breeze wrapped around her and left her completely breathless.

[peggyrose19]

Gone

hehe I am back with another heart-wrenching story for you all. Who’s ready to cry?? *innocent smile* Wolfstar this time :) Not all of this follows canon, mainly because I was too lazy to get my book and look through it for continuity’s sake. You guys will live, right? It still makes sense. This is for the @hpbrokenhearts festival so, if I broke your heart or made you feel things (ew) leave a broken heart emoji in the comments!! Thank you all for reading! <3 tagging @donttouchmycarrots since she asked and @im-oknutzy-trash cause I want to torture her :) 

All Remus can hear is silence. 

Somewhere in him, he knows that Harry is screaming in his arms, knows that the battle is still happening around him.

But none of it is registering. 

It takes everything in him to not sprint forward. To not throw himself through the veil. The only thing holding him back is Harry, struggling against him, reaching out for his godfather. 

His godfather who is now gone.

The love of Remus’ life. 

Gone. 

 ~

He remembers the very first morning they woke up together. 

He’s not sure why it’s the first memory that surfaces. 

It’s their sixth year at Hogwarts. Remus crawls into his bed that night, broken and exhausted. He appears without a word, climbing in beside him and curling his body around him. Remus stares into steady silver eyes and immediately feels better. Without a word, he presses a kiss to Remus’ lips, and leans into him, pushing him gently against the mattress. Remus sinks into it, body heating up with each touch. Without saying a word, he gives Remus what he needs and Remus has never felt more loved.

They wake in the morning curled around each other, blankets tangled at their feet and Remus never wants to move. This is home, he thinks dimly, watching his sleeping face, feeling his warm breath on his neck, the arm wrapped around his waist. He remembers the feel of fingers trailing across his skin, a soft mouth on his, the pleasure pulled from his body. 

“You’re smiling.” 

Remus grins widely. “I’m happy.”

“I’m glad.” 

With a laugh, he leans forward and kisses him lightly.

“What about James and Peter?” he murmurs against his lips. 

Remus pulls away a bit and pulls the curtains closed, reaching for his wand and spelling them shut. 

“And class?”

“It’s Saturday. Relax, baby. We have all morning.” 

His boyfriend’s smile turns mischievous. “Hmm, then I can think of a few things we can do.” Remus just laughs and lets himself be pushed back against the mattress once more.

~

When Harry faces Voldemort, Remus nearly can’t stand it. His heart is broken, shattered into pieces on the ground, left behind the veil in that underground room. Left with the man he gave his heart that night in the bed they used to share, then gave to him again in the dark dusty house of his family. He knows he’s not getting it back again. 

The flashes of light remind him of battle. Of the battle he fought for the same fucking reason over a decade before. The battle that took his friends. 

He cannot lose anyone else that day. 

~

Remus arrives back at 12 Grimmauld Place hours later. Maybe even days. He’s no longer aware of time passing. 

The house is eerily quiet, all sounds of life gone from the dim hallways. There are no more voices or footsteps, no one cooking in the kitchen or cleaning out one of the many empty rooms. He can’t even hear Kreacher anywhere. 

The stairs creak familiarly under Remus’ feet as he slowly makes his way to his bedroom. It’s dark. He doesn’t bother with the lights, using only the faint moonlight to make his way across the room. Remus sinks onto his bed, head in his hands. There are so many memories from this room, from this bed. Late nights and early mornings, pacing the floors just waiting to hear, making love in the dead of night, screaming and fighting against the world, for the world. He wishes he was here, to gather him up in his arms and hold him tight and tell him everything will be okay. 

But he’s not here. And Remus doesn’t know what to do. 

He isn’t sure when he last slept. 

He isn’t sure he’ll ever sleep again. 

~

“Remus,” the soft whisper says.

“Hmm.” 

“Wake up, love.” 

“Hm, what is it?” 

When Remus rolls over, Sirius Black’s grinning face meets him, mere inches away. His hair is messy, cheek imprinted from the pillow. He’s never looked more perfect. 

With a quick kiss, Sirius says, “It’s Christmas.”

Remus grins at the childish joy in his voice. “It is.” Sirius kisses him again, soft and sweet, pulling him close and tangling a hand in his curls. 

“We should get up,” Remus mumbles eventually. 

Sirius groans, but rolls away from him to stand, flinching as his bare feet hit the cold floor. He stretches leisurely, back cracking as he reaches for the ceiling, shirt riding up a bit. Unable to stop himself, Remus reaches out and runs a finger along the exposed skin of his stomach. Sirius shivers.

“Don’t be mean,” Sirius murmurs. Remus just smirks. But he pulls his hand away, sitting up and pulling the blankets around himself. 

“Wait.” Remus grabs Sirius’ hand before he can walk away and tugs him down into another kiss. He smiles into it, carding a finger through Sirius’ long hair. This might just be paradise. 

But then a crash comes from downstairs and the shouting begins and they both remember where they are. 

“Some other time, then,” Sirius says and pulls away. Remus smiles at him sweetly. 

“I’m holding you to that.” 

Sirius’ gaze flashes to him for a split second before it’s gone as he turns back towards his dresser. 

“C’mon,” he says as he pulls a drawer open, fishing for a sweater. He finds one and pulls it on. It’s Remus’. “We should go start breakfast.” Remus nods, although Sirius doesn't see it, and clambers out of bed. 

“I’ll see you down there,” he says as Sirius heads for the door. He kisses him one last time. 

“Happy Christmas, Remus,” he whispers. 

“Happy Christmas, Sirius.” 

~

Remus wakes with a start. 

It takes a moment for him to gain his bearings as he looks blearily around the room, lit dimly by the moonlight shining in from the small window. 

His face swims through his mind, long hair and bright eyes smirking at him. He forces it down, the image too painful for his exhausted brain. 

The dream is still clear in his mind, the memory even more so. That had been one of the happiest mornings of his life. Waking up with his boyfriend, warm and happy and safe by his side for the first time in 12 years. He hadn’t thought he’d ever get that again. 

But now he’s lost it all over again. 

The events of the past 24 hours come crashing down all at once.

He remembers Harry’s screams, his tears. Remembers watching long black hair disappear behind the veil, silver eyes never to be seen again. He remembers the crack in his heart, just starting to mend, bursting wide open all over again. 

Harry is going to be okay, that was the most important thing he told himself. Harry and all of his friends, they are going to be okay. They are all going to be okay… 

Between one breath and the next, Remus is sobbing and he can’t stop himself. 

He told himself he would be strong. For Harry, for the Order. Except he can’t do it anymore. Alone in this empty house, filled with so many painful, wonderful memories, he can’t hold it together anymore. So he lets himself break apart. With nothing but the ringing in his ears and his memories as company, Remus lets himself hurt. 

~

Eleven years old, standing before him on the train, silver eyes piercing his soul. Dark hair cut short, curling around his face. 

A hand outstretched. He takes it. 

“I’m Sirius.” 

“Remus.”

“Gryffindor!” the hat calls and the boy’s face falls. 

Years pass. 

Friends and fights and pranks and laughter. 

Full moons with Padfoot by his side.

Love. Joy. The pure bliss of being known. 

Graduation comes. Fear looms over them. 

War. Pain. Secrets he can’t share. 

“Don’t you trust me anymore?”

James, Lily, Peter, all of them gone. Sirius. Gone. 

Betrayal. He falls to his knees. 

The full moon comes and he’s alone. 

Years pass in a blur. 

A headline in a newspaper that sends chills up his spine. 

Moonlight, cold wind on his skin. The man before him on his knees, begging for the world. 

“I love you.”

The two of them curled in bed, a low voice whispering in his ear, “Happy Christmas, Remus.”

“Please don’t leave me.” 

A flash of light.

Silence. 

~

Remus slowly walks towards the room at the end of the hall. He’s not even sure he can go in. But he has to try, he tells himself. He has to try. 

The door swings open silently. Remus steps into the room, footsteps kicking up the thin layer of dust on the floor. It hasn’t been disturbed in nearly a month. Everything is exactly as he left it, nothing out of place. It’s as familiar to Remus as the scars on his skin. He stands for a moment, scanning the room, remembering. Everything is a reminder of him. 

Slowly, so slowly, Remus begins sorting. He finds clothing thrown haphazardly into the dresser and he sighs. He never did learn, did he. There are socks on the floor, a few t-shirts along with them. Remus begins folding, placing each item carefully back into the dresser. He doesn’t have the heart to get rid of it all. 

He finds his favorite jumper, one far too big on him, and presses it to his face. It still smells like him, of dog hair and smoke. Remus sinks to the ground, holding it close to him, as if it will bring him back. He knows it won’t, but he wishes for it anyway. With a deep breath, he pulls it over his head and continues folding. 

In one drawer he finds not clothing but objects. Small trinkets and mementos from their years at Hogwarts. There’s a Gryffindor flag, now faded and dull. He finds the mirror, twin to the one James had, given to Harry a year prior. He stares at himself in the reflection. Nothing happens. With a sigh, he sets it to the side. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting, but it was a let down nonetheless. 

The next thing he pulls out is a telescope. He runs his fingers along the smooth surface, the cool metal bringing back memories of the night sky and a warm body beside him. The telescope was his, originally. Somehow it had ended up here. As he stares at it, he remembers the night he learned what love felt like.   

~

It’s dark when the boy finds him on the balcony of the tower. Remus escaped there after classes for a bit of fresh air. And some space, from the man now sitting beside him. The air is unusually warm for the March evening. He doesn’t say anything, just sits beside Remus, and watches the sun set. 

His heart constricts painfully as their shoulders brush. Remus wants to reach over, to touch him. But he doesn’t dare. So he stays silent, staring at the sky.

“You okay, Moony?” he asks quietly as the last strands of sunlight sink behind the mountains.

“Yeah.” Remus doesn’t look at him, keeping his eyes front. “Wanted to be alone.”

“You want me to go?”

He smiles a bit, fighting the longing in his chest. He doesn’t have the heart to turn him away. “No, you’re okay. You don’t count.” 

Remus feels him looking at him. 

“What?”

He shrugs. “I don’t know whether I should be flattered or offended.”

Remus glances at him, “About what, that you don’t count?” He nods. “I meant it as a compliment.” 

They fall silent again. 

“You’re beautiful,” he murmurs. Remus flushes, glancing over at him as his heart speeds up. Does he dare to hope?

Grey eyes have turned to silver in the moonlight, hair blowing in the soft breeze. He leans into him. There’s a look in his eyes that Remus can’t read. 

“Pads,” he begins. He reaches out hesitantly, resting a hand against his cheek. He sinks into the touch, and Remus feels his courage grow.  

“What, Re?”

“Can I kiss you?” The words come out in a single breath, barely audible over the light wind. But the boy nods as if he’s heard. 

Their lips touch quickly, messily. Remus’ heart stops. It’s not perfect, not at all, but it feels like the world has frozen. They break apart. Remus presses their foreheads together, feeling their breaths mingling. He looks up at him, eyes soft and full of longing. He reads the silent question in Remus’ face. 

With a breath, he leans in again, pressing their lips together, hands snaking around Remus’ neck and pulling him closer. This kiss is easier, less messy. They fit, their bodies molding together as Remus wraps his other arm around his waist. He sinks into his arms and Remus wonders why he didn’t do this sooner. 

“Sirius,” he whispers against his lips. “I really like you.”

He smiles. “I really like you too.”

They pull apart, after a moment, arms still wrapped around each other.

“Wanna look at the stars with me?” Remus asks. 

He nods eagerly and pulls away, and Remus grabs the telescope sitting beside him, lifting it to his eye. The boy points out the Canis constellation, grinning proudly.

“Look, Re, it’s me!” He’s grinning, arm wrapped around his shoulder, pointing up at the Sirius star, shining brightly down on them. Remus smiles at him, handing him the telescope and watches as he looks up at the sky. He never wants to leave this moment. 

~

Remus shakes his head at himself, dragging himself out of the memory. His heart constricts painfully as he remembers the feel of soft lips against his, arms curled around him, fingers in his hair. A feeling he’ll never get back again. 

He digs further in the drawer and finds a stack of letters. They give him pause. He surveys them, trying to figure out why they seem so familiar. It’s then he notices his own handwriting glaring up at him. 

Breath catching in his throat, Remus pulls out a letter he wrote, over 12 years ago. Tears form as he reads the words from his 15 year-old self, lonely and scared, faced with a full moon alone and the knowledge that his boyfriend is trapped in this house with his abusive mother and neglectful father. He can feel the longing through the paper, the need to be there, to kiss him and make everything better. It’s a feeling that never left. 

Heart constricting painfully, he sorts through each letter, reading the words he’d put there all those years ago. They’ve been lovingly preserved, evident from the careful creases in the paper and the neat organization. Every letter he’d ever written is now in his hands again. But the man he’d written them to is not. 

Remus begs himself not to cry, not to break down again. 

He lasts only a minute. 

~

Later that night, Remus climbs out onto the roof where they would always sit together, staring at the sky. He looks up at the stars that had always brought him comfort. His eyes find the Canis constellation almost immediately, drawn like always to the brightest star in the sky. The air is cool around him, the sky a deep deep blue. 

He sits there for a long time. 

Memory after memory flashes through his mind. The pain in his chest only grows with each passing second until he nearly can’t bear it anymore. Even being betrayed was better than losing him completely. Tears spill onto his cheeks until he’s crying, whole body shaking with sobs. He doesn’t want to feel it anymore. He wants the pain to go away. He wants him back. 

It’s nearly dawn when Remus moves again. The sky has lightened and his tears have dried on his cheeks. As he stares up at the disappearing constellations, heart in his throat, he whispers to the stars,

“Sirius, I don’t know how to say goodbye to you.”

[jaegerboob]

WIP ROUNDUP!!

i was tagged by @trashpocket​ (hey bae ;)) and since im lonely here on tumblr and have no one but the void to yell at, i won’t be tagging anyone :((

okay let’s start off with my published WIPS lol i have quite a collection and boy do i regret posting most of these, but anyway that’s here’s my hot girl shit

"i’ll figure it out with a little more time” - (if u knew me at my thai BL phase no u didn’t :)) anyways this was a supposed to be a pretty short fic that features an oblivious Sarawat not knowing how to navigate his feelings towards Tine and Tine being an equally giant dumbass. their school is hosting a school dance and Sarawat’s emotionally constipated ass doesn’t know how to SPEAK and just ASK Tine to go w/ him. i swear i might be the author of this story but i also get mad at these fuckers

“we’re boyfriends?” - ah yes another Thai BL fic, i will admit. i have NO idea where to take this story lmao. i still wanna finish it tho cuz i hate disappointing ppl. the fic starts with Ae and Pond making a dumb bet so Pond will stop jerking off in their shared room and promises that he won’t do that as long Ae dates someone random and based off of Pond’s choosing. sweet bby Pete wanders into their campus accidentally  and gets picked. Ae does the deed and tells Pete they’re dating. Ae thinks that Pete and Pond are scheming to make his life a living hell but lo and behold Pete has actually fallen in love with him (heheheh) 

“i wanna ruin our friendship” - hello lgbtq+ community :). we all know where this fuckin title is from don’t be sneaky. so here’s my KilluGon college fic. I initially wrote this like two years ago and uploaded it on wattpad lmaooo then i edited it and posted on ao3 and once again i have no idea where to take this (ive forgotten what my original idea for this was lol) so basically Killua and Gon are really close friends and Gon is sortof a player in this AU idk why khdkadha but anywayz all of Gon’s exes have left him bc they’re jealous of Killua but Gon would never pick his current S/O over him so HAAA. it all goes to shit tho when Retz decides to trick Gon to taking her back for the school dance and idk what path to go for T_T 

AIGHT now for my UNPUBLISHED WIPS buckle up yall this is a LOT. all the titles are WIPS so that’s why theyre iffy lol

“pussy talented”- (don’t mind the title lmao i just wanted a cat pun in there somewhere) basically, Bokuto is a firefighter and Akaashi an editor. They work near each other and Bokuto often visits Kuroo, who works with Akaashi. Ofc Akaashi falls in love at first sight but then he overhears that he has a "Kenma" waiting for him at home. Akaashi assumes that he's probably Bo's boyfriend and then leaves him alone, making Bo confused as hell. Little that he knows that Kenma is actually a grumpy calico cat.

“killugon flower shop AU” - Wing owns a flower shop and Killua helps out with Zushi along with Alluka out of boredom and one day Alluka asks Killua to help out with her client then he meets Gon and is immediately smitten until Gon says that he's looking for something that he can give to a girlfriend (it was actually Ging's request lol), lots of misunderstanding, Killua being too shy to ask the handsome stranger out and Alluka and Zushi being done with his shit 

“rice isn’t the only thing getting crushed here” - Osamu falls in love with one of his most loyal costumers—Akaashi and he thinks he might just have a shot at it until one day while Akaashi is ordering a bunch of riceballs, Bokuto Koutaro of Japan's National Volleyball team enters the restaurant and sweeps Akaashi of his feet, unexpected angst and a generous helping of unrequited pining :)) dw this fic can go two ways: Bokuto is just Akaashi's best friend who he hasn't seen in months or b. Bokuto is actually Akaashi's fiance maybe i’ll write both endings heehee

“killua is sad and gets lovebombed” - while staying in Whale Island, Killua thinks he that he doesn't deserve Gon and tries to leave him while he's asleep but his plan is stopped when Gon wakes up and they both end up revealing their true feelings for each other

“excuse to write charles getting fucked by two delicious men” - Erik and Charles have been in a relationship for years now and basically fell out of love so when Erik gets promoted and has to move, Charles agrees and so they break up. Charles turns to Logan (who harbors a giant crush on Charles) for companionship and sleep together once. Logan says it was an accident but Charles wants more and they establish a FWB situation of sorts since Charles isn't ready yet. But then Charles gets into an accident and can't remember what happened the past year and a half so he still thinks he's with Erik. Meanwhile, Erik is living a luxurious yet empty life and when he gets the call from Raven about Charles' situation, he immediately goes back running.

“killua in whale island” - KilluGon are like 20-ish and Killua visits Whale Island and Ging just happens to be there as well. Killua thinks about how even though Gon and Ging are near identical, Gon just looks so much more handsome. (probs just a oneshot) 

 “another horny cherik fic” - Charles is a demon who was accidentally summoned when Raven, Hank and Ororo uses Erik's blood to perform a demon summoning ritual (as a joke) they didn't know it would actually work so now Charles is stuck with Erik because the human absolutely refuses to sell his soul

“IwaOi overboard AU” - Oikawa is a rich pretty boy and Iwa a college dropout who works at his uncle's repair shop with his younger brother Tobio and cousin Kyoutani ( both 5 yrs old). One day he gets called over to fix one of Oikawa's cars and after a failed and disastrous encounter with a drunk Oikawa, Iwa leaves the mansion fuming. Later in the day, it's discovered that Oikawa got in a car crash that took away his memories and since Oikawa apparently lives alone, he has no one to get him. not until Iwa comes ofc and with a malicious and vengeful intent, he tells Oikawa that they're dating and live together in his crappy apartment

“dancer Akaashi” - Akaashi is a dancer, Osamu is a bartender at the bar he works at and has also been in love with Akaashi for the past two years. He doesn't confess since he knows Akaashi doesn't like romance but then enters a bright eyed cheery Bokuto who sweeps the unreachable Midnight Moon off of his feet, bokuaka but im leaning towards bokuosaaka since akaashi deserves two boyfriends

“watch me be poetically horny for Akaashi Keiji” - Akaashi is a vampire and Osamu, a skilled artist. Akaashi posing nude and delighted at how beautifully Osamu portrays him. Osamu says otherwise. 

Cherik College AU - drift by great gable.... late teens cherik... Erik being a misanthropic horny bastard and Charles a snarky piece of shit.... they get paired up for 7 minutes in heaven... turns out Charles has been ogling him for a while now..  hmmmm,,,.,. ( i wrote this when i was drunk and my og draft is too long so take this instead lolz) 

“ BokuAka (NSFW) ” - Bokuto pushing off a guy who tried to hit on Akaashi while they're at a club. Akaashi gets so turned on he immediately drags Bokuto to the bathroom where he gets his facefucked in one of the bathroom stalls or Akaashi getting his face fucked in a dirty alley at the back of a bar after Bokuto gets into a fistfight.

“KuroKen (NSFW)  ” -Kenma does top during sex but but he's just really lazy to put in the effort 

aight that’s it oh damn i just now realize how much i have T-T bruhhhhhhh and this isn’t even all of them damnnn 

[bringmoreknives]

rules: answer 30 questions and tag some blogs you want to know better. my love @smileandasong tagged me!!! and because it’s long i’ll take a cue from her and put it under a cut

Name/nickname: vyn!

Gender: female

Star sign: gemini

Height: 5′6.5″

Time: 7:31 pm

Birthday: june 3rd

Favorite bands: paramore, mcr, the used, fall out boy, walk the moon, magic man, fleetwood mac, abba, the academy is..., cobra starship

favorite solo artists: hayley williams, hozier, gerard way, halsey, john denver

Song stuck in my head: i actually don’t have one right now! :0

Last film: tangerine! i had to watch it for class

Last show: im watching criminal minds RIGHT now alksfjkdfjh

When I made this blog: uhhhh my archive says february 2013 was my first post! i think it might have been before then though, maybe late 2012?

What I post: i consider this blog my most personal blog, so i have a lot of text posts, random content, etc. in addition to bandom stuff! i post movies, photography, all that kind of stuff :D

Last thing I googled: how to unclog a drain lmaooo, i fixed my bathroom drain today and i feel very handy

Other blogs: @seaborns (west wing/general tv blog), @njolras (fairly inactive les mis blog), @vsuvia (completely inactive arcana blog)

Do I get asks: sometimes!!! if i reblog an ask game then yes, and every so often i DO just get them out of the blue, sometimes off of people who came from my ao3 which is literally the best feeling ever

Why I chose my url: i LOVE our lady of sorrows, it was one of the songs that really got me Back Into MCR, and i wanted a canon but cool mcr url so on a whim i messaged the owner of this url in case they’d ever log back in. surprise surprise, they DID and happily gave it to me!

Following: 2,222 but i think most of them are inactive and i am way too lazy to clear it out

Followers: 3005! still can’t believe i hit 3k!

Average hours of sleep: okay this is an awful habit and please don’t do this but i usually get around 5/6 a night and then 2-4 from a nap later in the day yes i am a disaster

Lucky numbers: i honestly am not really sure if i have one?? 24 is my favorite number but i have an ocd thing revolving around threes (don’t ask me why) so i ALWAYS do things in sets of threes OR in even fives (like if you look at my photoshop settings they look automated because everything is in multiples of five)

Instruments: i started playing piano and flute around the same time in third grade, i'm getting better at guitar, i can get around a bass, uh...... i can make sounds on a decent amount of instruments lmaoooo What I am wearing: black high-waisted mom jeans from gap, a grey madewell cropped boxy t-shirt, vans sk8-his, yellow and white striped socks, and my work apron and bandana

Dream trip: well number one is i wanna go back to paris with my family, but if i have to pick a new place, then rome for sure

Favorite food: god this is a fucking hard question. i think i have to go with chocolate chip pecan waffles with a side of scrapple... technically this is a meal and not a food but it is the perfect meal Nationality: american

Favorite song: around and around by john denver

Last book read: much ado about nothing... does that count lol Top three fictional universes you’d like to live in: oh god ummmm star wars, harry potter (im sorry it’s childhood wish fulfillment), and doctor who

Favorite color: lavender!!!

uhhhhh okay i tag (and feel free to ignore): @dangersday @ibroughtyoumybullets @raytorosaurus @weirdgirlgerard @rotwitches @tonysstark @thrchrs @war-wornlipstick !!!

[simplybakugou]

The Villain - Ch. 7: The Unsolicited Attack

A/N: Not even joking, I have like 20 things in my drafts because I have so many ideas to write about but I’m also too lazy and unmotivated to execute them omg. Also, because all of my classes are online now, that means I have literally 5 months of doing nothing so expect more updates because IM SO READY TO FINALLY FINISH THIS FIC. THE FACT THAT I STARTED THIS FIC AT THE END OF 2018 AND NOW ITS 2020 AND I STILL HAVEN’T FINISHED IT DJIFJEWBEHFOJEWVQOJ

Remember, if you want to be tagged in future chapters, comment below and I’ll add your username to the list!

Pairing: villain!bakugou Warnings: swearing Word Count: 3,703

LINKS TO NEW CHAPTERS

✐posted 04.10.2020✐

“Man, I really just bombed that exam,” Kaminari groaned, burying his face in his hands.

“It’s okay, Mina and Sero are probably going to join you in your failure,” you teased, earning yourself some glares from Sero and Mina. Kirishima laughed and you looked at him. “Don’t laugh too hard, Eijirou, you’re not that far ahead either!”

Kaminari, Sero, and Mina took their chances to make fun of Kirishima this time, the boys fooling around while Mina rolled her eyes. The sun was beginning to set as you and your friends waited outside of U.A. before walking back home.

“Where the hell is Katsuki?” You muttered.

Mina heard you over the sound of the boys arguing and put her arm on your shoulder. “Aw, look at you worrying about your boyfriend.”

She made kissy faces at you and you rolled your eyes, pushing her face away. “You know it’s not like that. He just seems down lately.”

Mina raised her brow. “Really? If I’m being honest, I haven’t really noticed. Then again, you’ve always been observant and see things I would never even think about noticing.”

You sighed, shrugging your shoulders as Kirishima waved at you and Mina. He showed you his phone, revealing messages between him and Bakugou. “Bakugou said that he’s going to see us tomorrow. Apparently he has to talk to a teacher about one of his assignments.”

“Alright, come on let’s go home,” Kaminari said as the group began walking away.

You stayed back. “I think I’m going to wait for him out here.”

“Are you sure? I can wait with you if you want,” Mina suggested.

You shook your head, smiling. “I just don’t want to leave him alone so I’m going to annoy him a little. I’ll see you guys tomorrow!”

The four of them waved good-bye to you as they walked away. You turned back around, leaning against the gates opening up to U.A. You had a feeling in your gut that was telling you to stay back and wait for Bakugou and low and behold, Bakugou came walking down the entrance. When he saw you, you could practically hear him groaning despite the amount of distance between the two of you.

As he came closer, you pointed your finger at him. “I knew it, you’re trying to avoid us!”

Bakugou rolled his eyes as he continued walking. You caught up to him, walking beside him. “Whatever. If you knew I was avoiding you shits, why’re you here?”

“‘Cause I’m worried about you,” you said truthfully.

Bakugou scoffed. “I’m not a kid, I don’t need you to fucking worry about me.”

“Just because you don’t need me to, doesn’t mean I’ll just stop.” You stood in front of him, causing him to stop walking. “You need to talk to someone about the Kamino incident.”

Bakugou’s eyes widened slightly before he gained his composure once more. “There’s nothing to talk about.”

This time it was your turn to roll your eyes. “There’s nothing wrong with feeling upset about what happened. No one blames you or thinks you’re in the wrong.”

There was a long pause before the corners of Bakugou’s lips turned upwards into a small smile. He placed his hand onto your shoulder as he walked forward. You stood dazed and confused before being able to recollect yourself and catch up with him.

“Where are you going?”

“I’m walking you home. It’s only been a few weeks since what happened to your mom and I’m still going to follow you around to make sure you’re not gonna do anything stupid.”

***

The walk was quiet, but it wasn’t awkward. Bakugou seemed to be deep in thought and you couldn’t help but study and observe Bakugou, attempting to decipher what was going on through his head. His hands were in his pockets and his lips were almost like they were permanently down turned. Once you got to your house, you could see your dad peeking through the window and sigh in relief once he saw you. Bakugou looked over there and looked back at you. “Your dad must’ve been worried about you. You need to take care of yourself for him.”

You sighed. “I know and I am taking care of myself now.”

Bakugou nodded, walking in the other direction to go to his own home. He lifted his hand to you to say goodbye. You stood in front of your driveway and called out to him. “Katsuki!”

Bakugou turned around and narrowed his brows at you. “For the last goddamn time, you’re the only one I know who calls me by my first name and I swear to god—“

You cut him off quickly, knowing he was going to continue rambling on. “I’m going to beat you.”

Bakugou was taken aback. “What?”

“I’m going to beat you and become the number one hero. I’m going to beat you, Midoriya, and Todoroki.” You paused. “You know what that means?”

“What?”

“It means that you’re still a hero to me. What happened in Kamino wasn’t your fault and that shouldn’t be a reason for you to want to stop pursuing your goal. You’re still the same hotheaded Bakugou Katsuki who is loud, driven, and the one who saved me a few weeks ago. You’re a hero, Katsuki.”

Bakugou’s eyes widened but he turned back around so you couldn’t see his expression. “Whatever. Go inside, your dad’s waiting.”

And after all this time, you always wonder what kind of expression he had on his face then.

***

Your eyes shot open and you sat up immediately in bed. You rubbed your eyes, groaning. It was a dream... But it also wasn’t. It genuinely happened and you can recall that day so easily despite how long ago it was.

The door in your room opened and Mina sighed in relief. “Thank god you’re awake, I thought I had to wake you up.”

She threw a few envelopes at you, indicating that it was some mail that you got. You went through them, most of them being bills. However, one of them was from a famous agency you had heard of. Many old heroes were signed under this agency and you immediately ripped open the seal.  The letter was addressed specifically to you.

Dear (H/N),

I hope you’ve been well and that this urgent letter reaches you. I’m going to get straight to the point; I know that you’re the number one hero and that you deserve to be involved in every important villain issue there is.

But, I don’t want you to interfere in any issue related to Ground Zero unless we need your help.

The reason for this is that I’m afraid your personal connection to him will make you biased and refrain you from stopping him if the chance that you meet him ever comes again in the future.

I know you’re a strong hero, which is why you’re number one, but my agency will take care of him if needed.

I understand that this is maybe unfair and I may be intruding, but I’m doing what is best for the world and for you. I’m asking you to step back, not forcing you to.

I hope you can trust me to do this.

—Hawks

You sighed, shoving the letter in your pockets and getting up to get ready. Once you were done, you checked your phone to get a text from Natsuya to stop by his place. You went into the kitchen as Mina set a plate of breakfast for you.

“You look worn out,” Mina commented, sitting down in front of you.

“I just have a feeling something’s going on.” You sighed, eating the food Mina made you. “I’m stopping by Natsuya’s before going to the agency today.”

“Okay.” Mina narrowed her brows in confusion at you but didn’t bother to question you further. “You’ve been at Yamashita’s place more than you’ve been here. Are you sure there isn’t something else going on?”

Mina nudged your arm and you swatted at her. “Absolutely not. I just want to hang out with my boyfriend. Sue me.” You got up to put your plate away, grabbing your coat from the rack in the process.

“But you’re hanging out with him at his apartment. Where his bed is.”

“I’m not going there for his ‘bed.’” You rolled your eyes at your best friend, bending down to tie your shoelaces.

“Hm, then again you don’t need a bed, you can have sex pretty much anywh—“

“Okay, see you later, Mina!” You exclaimed, quickly leaving the apartment only to hear Mina’s snickers as you left.

***

You knocked on the door, patiently waiting for your boyfriend to answer. Once he did, Natsuya’s face broke out into a smile as he was genuinely happy to see his girlfriend.

“Hey, you,” he said, kissing your forehead as he opened the door wider to let you in.

You smiled, walking in and he closed the door. “Why’d you call me here?”

“What? A man can’t see his girlfriend or is that a crime?” Natsuya joked and you playfully rolled your eyes at him. “I just wanted to check up on you before you and I headed out for work. I have a feeling that everything is going to escalate from here, especially since the League hasn’t done anything and it’s been three weeks now.”

You plopped down onto his sofa, letting out a loud sigh. It was evident that something was bound to happen and lately, it felt as if you were just sitting back and waiting for something to happen. It didn’t sit well with you that you couldn’t really do anything during this time. But there wasn’t anything that you could do, for now at least.

“You’re right, which is why I’m glad you called me over. I need to show you something.” Natsuya sat down beside you as you pulled out the letter from Hawks from your pocket. You handed it over to him, allowing him to read it over briefly. “What do you think about it?”

“If you want my honest opinion, I’m happy you’re not involved with all of this anymore,” Natsuya said, earning a sigh from you. You knew how he would react but nevertheless you wanted to see for yourself what he would say. Natsuya chuckled at your expression. “Don’t give me that look. You get reckless when anything Ground Zero related is called and it’s because you’re biased. Otherwise, you’re a great hero. But I’m glad Hawks stepped in and is taking care of this.”

You groaned. “I know but I’m still worried. What if I can help but it’s too late or if someone gets hurt instead of me?”

Natsuya wrapped an arm around you, rubbing your shoulders. “Y/N, Hawks is an amazing hero. He was number two back when we were still in high school and he’s still strong. Have some more trust in him, I’m sure he’ll have everything under control.”

You nodded, knowing that he was right. You felt guilty for not being able to decide to deal with Bakugou by trying desperately to understand that he’s not a villain and by trying to reprimand him because of his villainous actions. Natsuya sighed, kissing your head. “Don’t beat yourself up over this. I know you want to help but you don’t have to save every single person in the whole world. You’re not the only hero here. There are so many heroes, your colleagues, who are here for you and will support you.”

You nodded once more, wrapping your arms around his torso. “I know. Thanks, Tsuya.”

“Well, as much as I’d love to stay here like this, we’ve still got to go to work.” He patted your back as he got up, extending his hand out for you. You took it and he pulled you up, the two of you leaving to go to your respective jobs.

***

“It’s finally over!” Jirou cheered loudly, raising her arms into the air.

You sighed, rubbing the sweat from your forehead. You were asked to patrol areas that were considered “critical areas” that were most likely going to be attacked by the League by the Hero Public Safety Commission, the center that is run my non-heroes and it is involved in investigating the most criminally dangerous cases. Jirou was also in the area so she decided to tag along and help you out, just in case there was a scenario in which the League actually did attack.

“Are you headed home?” You asked.

Jirou nodded, stretching her arms out. “Yeah, this has been one of the longest days of my life. I’ve never felt so worked up. The League really needs to be stopped.” You nodded in agreement.

The two of you made your way back to the Commission Center, having to send in reports of what you had seen and the areas that you patrolled. The two of you waved to passerby’s, especially to the children who were ecstatic to have run into two major pros. Your phone rang in your pocket, continuing to vibrate uncontrollably as you fished it out. It was from the police station.

“Hello?”

“Y/N?” A female voice asked from the other line. “This is Tsubaki from the station. Yamashita’s really busy right now but he wanted to make sure to make me tell you that you need to get to the Commission Center immediately.”

You began to worry. “Yes, I’m on my way now. Did something happen?”

“It’s awful, please hurry. Bring as many people as you can, I don’t know how much is left of it.” Tsubaki hung up.

Jirou read your facial expression. “That doesn’t look good.”

“We have to get to the Commission Center now!” You exclaimed, shoving your phone back in your pocket. You began running towards the Center, Jirou following suit. “Something’s going on there, and we have to check it out. Call as many pros as you can, I’ll do the same.” Jirou wearily nodded, wanting to know what’s going on just as much as you want to.

Dear god please let everything be okay…

***

The bar was quieter than usual, only the bartender keeping Bakugou company. But he liked it that way, finding the crowds of people who usually come to be intrusive and bothersome. Thankfully there weren’t any women trying to hit on him like most nights as they try and become the girlfriend of the most wanted man alive.

“Man, you didn’t have to yell at everyone to leave like that. You know it’s bad for my business,” the bartender, Watari, complained.

Bakugou rolled his eyes, setting his glass down on the table. “Oh, please, I’ll pay you triple my fee if you quit your bitching.”

Watari laughed, being used to his number one customer’s prickly attitude after the years he’s spent with Bakugou. Watari was the only man Bakugou fully trusted, someone he turned to when he was asked to abandon his family, friends, and his old life. Watari was also the only one who’s aware of Bakugou’s true identity, understanding that he had to become a villain to help out the pros.

Watari studied Bakugou, the now grown man that he saw as his own son. He set down the glass he was wiping. “You know every time I look at you I keep seeing that hopeless kid that came to me all those years ago.”

Bakugou scoffed. “Tch, I wasn’t hopeless. And I didn’t come to you, you saw me and came to me.”

“Yeah, ‘cause I’ve never seen a kid with such a defeated look in his eye.” Watari chuckled at the memory, running a hand threw his gray hair. “I know the pros are the good guys, and I do trust them. I’ll just never understand what they were thinking asking a child to give up his dreams and his friends and family to help them out.”

“It’s not like they fucking forced me, I agreed to it, you know.”

“I know but I can’t stop thinking about that look on your face. You had to say goodbye to your classmates, to your dream of becoming the number one hero. Hell, if you ask me, you basically handed your dream over to (H/N) without any fight at all! And don’t get me started on you having to abandon your parents, your mother was pissed when you just disappeared all of a sudden.”

Bakugou’s lips turned upward, staring down at his glass as he reminisced with Watari. “That old hag was ready to fucking kill me, calling radio stations and news channels to find me. Must of surprised her when three years later her only son ‘murdered’ the leader of the League to become the leader himself.”

Watari laughed, shaking his head as he recalled the numerous amount of times he saw Bakugou Mitsuki stampeding through the streets to find her son. “You think you’ll ever talk to her? Once you’re done being the bad guy and can go back to your normal life?”

Bakugou sighed, leaning back on the table and staring at the ceiling. “That’s the thing, Pops, I don’t think I can go back. Not to the old hag, to my friends, to being a hero. I haven’t heard from my folks in fucking years, but I don’t blame them since they don’t know the truth. The minute I accepted this job, I knew that I wouldn’t be treated as a kid pursuing heroism like I was before. I’ve been in this shit for over seven years now, no one’s gonna accept me with open arms like that.”

“You’re wrong.” Bakugou turned his head to face him, confused. Watari smiled. “(H/N) would accept you. She’s been accepting you for all these years and she hasn’t been quiet about it either. Also, don’t forget that you have me, kid.”

Bakugou smirked as Watari patted him on the shoulder. “Yeah, it seems like you and that shitty girl are the only ones who believe in me.”

Bakugou turned his head back to the ceiling, closing his eyes and taking a breath in. He stills remembers being a broken down mess, agonizing over the decision he had made. Although he didn’t regret the decision he made, the initial reaction to being given the offer by Hawks was one that he could never forget. He was a high schooler, a teenager, a kid being asked to work with adults to help them out. He was a kid asked to become a double agent and he had to sacrifice everything for it, too. But he didn’t regret it. The minute he got abducted by the League during the Kamino incident, he knew he wasn’t the same fifteen-year-old U.A. student anymore. No matter how many times anyone told him otherwise, Bakugou couldn’t help but blame himself for the incident. And no matter how hard he tried to conceal how he was actually feeling, mostly everyone bought his act, believing that he was fine, believing that he was a tough kid that could put up with the aftermath of the incident.

That is, everyone except you. You saw straight through him and didn’t hesitate to call him out on his bullshit either.

As much as he had missed seeing his friends and his parents, he couldn’t describe the loneliness he felt when he realized he wouldn’t have the shitty girl who he saved from the rooftop of U.A. High nagging him everywhere he went. He couldn’t describe the feeling inside of him when he first saw your face after ten years those few weeks ago in that flower shop. He couldn’t describe the relief he felt when he heard you spew out your drunken yet supportive words for him. You always believed in him, you always cheered for him, and here you were ten years later continuing to believe in him.

Bakugou opened his eyes, shaking his head. It happened again; he couldn’t stop thinking about you.

His fingers subconsciously, like it was practice now, typed your name in the internet browser on his phone. He looked at the images that popped up with the search result. He internally wanted to puke at the picture of you beside your shitty police boyfriend on the day you were announced as the number one hero. What a fucking tool…

“Katsuki.” Watari broke Bakugou away from his thoughts. “Turn the volume up.”

Bakugou looked over to what he was looking at, getting concerned over the news reporter covering what was read as “BREAKING NEWS.” He turned the volume up.

“This is breaking news and I’m coming to you live from the Hero Public Safety Commission. As you can see, the building is completely burnt down, exploded from the inside. Police have been investigating all night, concluding that the explosions from the inside were not caused by notoriously wanted criminal, Ground Zero,” the woman on the screen said to the camera.

Bakugou stood up from his seat, his eyes widening. He had no idea what was going on. “What the fuck?”

“Officials have confirmed that the villain known as Kurogiri was involved in the attack. However, as he is a part of the League of Villains, he does not have a fire type quirk that would cause such an explosion. Officials have also confirmed that there was another figure involved in this atrocious attack, concluding that it was not villains Ground Zero or Dabi.

“To make matters even worse, the only pro hero that was able to get to the scene before all of this unfolded was Hawks. Kurogiri and the second individual involved managed to hurt Hawks so badly that he is currently critically injured and is in intensive care. Officials have confirmed that they do not know when or even if Hawks will be able to recover from this—“

Watari turned the television off, looking over at Bakugou who was absolutely furious over the events. Kurogiri had worked independently, taking orders from someone else, most likely the true leader of the League, and had hurt Bakugou’s actual boss. “Katsuki… Don’t do anything irrational.”

Bakugou grabbed his coat, slamming the bar door open. “I’m gonna kill that Warp Gate fucker.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Tagging: @chims-kookies @bokunoheroes-stories @iamthe-leaf @simplysymphonic @mylittlesunshineblog @imyourliquor-youremypoison @sxperhuman @sunflowerchild27 @miraculouskatsuki @geesshoku @ghoularaki @katsukiwonu @mochirecipe @kotakingly @giornouh @tyongflight​

[sunflowerbi]

4 and 26 😳😳😳😳 for the fluffy prompts!!! ✨✨

I DID IT

I finally did it!!

okay okay i really wasnt sure i’d manage, but i did. im not sure how great it is, i think i like it but i’m a bit rusty, honestly. thank you for being patient!!! i really hope you enjoy it lovely! i’ll try to be,, quicker in the future 

ao3 / writing tag  / fluffy prompt list ✨

--

Villanelle woke slowly, lazily reaching for her girlfriend, frowning as she only felt cool sheets and a smooth piece of paper. She didn’t intend on sleeping late, truly, she was going to get up when Eve did, but they’d both been insatiable the night before, and there was nothing Villanelle enjoyed more than a lazy post-sex morning. Except for maybe lazy post-sex morning sex. Either way, she would just bring Eve some breakfast, or maybe lunch, depending on just how late she’d slept. She grabbed the paper, reading it on her way to take a quick shower.

V,

I got a work call early, and last time I tried to wake you up before 9 you started mumbling about slicing open my throat, so I decided to let you sleep. I’ll see you later, baby. xx

Eve

           After letting the hot water wash away any remaining sleep, Villanelle stepped into her room to get herself dressed, opting to steal Eve’s shirt from the day before, tying it in the front and throwing on a pair of black jean shorts to match the bra just barely showing through the white of the shirt. It was nearly 11 so she figured it’d be best to grab a few sandwiches from across the street before heading over to see Eve, hopefully she’d be able to pull her away from work long enough to have lunch at the park right next to the MI6 building.

           It was nice outside, slightly cool with the sun warm against Villanelle’s skin as she walked towards café, ordering their usual lunch, a fake French accent rolling easily off her tongue. She still disguised herself sometimes, the instinct fresh in her mind. The people at the café knew her as Danielle, who spoke with a soft French accent and never had much to say, but the people in the bar down the road knew her as Amy, who spoke with the faintest hint of an Irish accent. Still, more people knew her by Villanelle these days, as she tried to allow herself room to relax. She spent a lot of time thinking about Oksana, letting the name roll around in her head, listening to it fall out of other’s mouths, but it never felt quite right. Oksana was the little girl who was beaten by her mother and by kids in the orphanage who were bigger than her, the little Russian girl who everyone thought would die on the streets high on cheap drugs. Villanelle was not perfect, but it was who she was.

           She smiled as she stepped into the MI6 elevator, fiddling with the paper bags in her hands. She worked here too, now. With her girlfriend, taking down the people who had stolen so much from her. She still got to kill people too, which was a bonus. Eve often came in early, most of her work was still done in the office, with Villanelle primarily in the field.

           “Hi, I come with lunch. I think you should give me credit I showed up at work on my day off.” Villanelle announced as she walked into Eve’s office.

“Villanelle, you fina-” Eve stopped as she turned around, her eyes landing on the blonde leaning against her doorframe. “you finally woke up.”

“Yes, and you are staring at me.” Villanelle smirked, crossing the room and pressing a kiss against Eve’s cheek.

           “Can a woman not stare at her very attractive girlfriend?” Eve finally let her eyes drop, noticing the sandwiches held in her hand.

           “Of course she can, do you think she can also have lunch with the attractive girlfriend? Preferably at the park?”

           “I think she can arrange that, how did you sleep, darling?” She grabbed her bag and powered off her computer, happy for the break from hours of tedious research.

           “Like a baby, which is only natural considering what you did to me last night.” Villanelle smiled, memories flooding her system.

           “What I did to you? If I remember correctly you are the one who waltzed into our room in nothing but a robe and a strap-on.”

           “Fine. I am hungry though; can we go eat now?”

           Eve just rolled her eyes as they made their way to the elevator, allowing herself to stare a bit more openly now that her coworkers couldn’t decide to poke their heads in at any second. For all the shit Villanelle had given Eve about her taste in clothes, here she was, with one of Eve’s white button-downs.

           “You are staring again, rodnaya, is there something on my face?”

           “No, it’s just, I can- I really can’t believe you’re wearing my clothes.” Eve stumbled out, finding it more distracting now that she’d mentioned it out loud.

           “Oh, yes, it surprised me too. It turns out not all of your clothes are completely unwearable, and this shirt smells like you, which is a nice bonus.” She noted, pulling the collar up to her nose.

           “I am going to call Carolyn, take the rest of the day off. I did most of the research already anyway, and I can finish at home.” Eve said, reaching out to fuss with the knot in Villanelle’s shirt.

           “Why do you need the rest of the aftern- ohhh, we are going to have sex. Can we still have lunch in the park? I did not eat breakfast.”

           “Definitely, I think we’ll both need the energy.” Eve answered as they walked off the elevator, taking Villanelle’s free hand in her own. The rest of the walk was quiet, Villanelle with a pleased smirk and Eve biting at her bottom lip, her mind running a mile a minute with different pictures of the rest of the afternoon.

           They eventually stopped at a bench, sitting down to actually eat their food, although Eve took the opportunity to trace patterns down Villanelle’s back, distracting both of them from making much progress.

           “If you do not stop that I will never finish this sandwich, and I think the people over there will call the police if I fuck you on the park bench.”

           “It’s not my fault that you look hot in my clothes.” Eve noted, her fingers now slipping up the back of the shirt.

           “Eve, I have been to a Russian prison, if you don’t think I will spend the night in a cell here for stripping naked in a public park and fucking my girlfriend, you are underestimating me, which never goes well.” Villanelle warned, her voice low.

           “Well why don’t you take me home to strip naked and fuck me?” Eve teased, leaning as close to Villanelle as she could without jumping climbing into her lap, “It would avoid all the prison nonsense, at least.”

           “You are insatiable, a woman cannot even eat her lunch.” Villanelle shoved a final bite into her mouth, standing up and throwing their trash away before dragging Eve behind her.

           “Although, I have a good idea of something you will let me eat.”

[rosegoldannie]

13. Is that my shirt? for Feysand pleaseee ✨

IM SORRY THIS TOOK LIKE 2 MONTHS!!!!! masterlist

I rushed through the store, a whirlwind in the isles, tossing cans of soup and boxes of graham crackers - with cinnamon, of course - into the basket. It was piled high with spaghettiohs, marshmallows, and celery. I could only shake my head when my phone buzzed yet again.

Can you get sunflower seeds and nutella too? I love you 

Sighing, I added those items to the basket, and strode up to the checkout line. I shivered in my running shorts and tee, hating the frigid stream of air coming from the eternally broken air conditioner.

I’d just stepped into the lecture hall, when my phone buzzed with a message from Rhys, saying that he wasn’t feeling too well, and was going back to our apartment. By the time I had finished up my Art History final, I had received several more messages from him, the final one saying that he had thrown up in the kitchen, and had a high fever. My gut had plummeted, and I had rushed off to the store to pick up some food for him.

I blinked, and stepped up to the cashier, handing her my small basket of groceries. “How are you?” I asked, grinning up at my favorite cashier, an older lady named Linda.

“Oh, wonderful, dear.” She gushed. “Ed surprised me with a road-trip to see the grandkids last weekend. Can you believe it, Sammy’s nearly as tall as me!”

“No, really? He’s what, thirteen now?”

“Fourteen next month! He’s starting high school soon. But enough about that, how are you, dear?”

“I’m alright,” I sighed, “Rhys has a nasty cold, so I’ll be taking care of him for a few days.”

“Oh, that’s sweet of you, dearie. Tell him I said hi, would you?”

I smiled warmly, taking the bag she offered to me. “Of course.”

The warm rush of air as the doors wooshed open was a welcome relief, until sweat began to bead on my forehead. I swore when I burned my elbow on my seatbelt, which was burning hot in the early summer sun.

I took the backroads home, avoiding the late afternoon city traffic, and pulled into the garage below our building, before quickly scurrying up the stairs and unlocking our door.

Immediately, I was struck by a wall of hot air, the heater on full blast. “Rhys?” I called warily, locking the door behind me, then padding to the kitchen.

“Here,” A shaky voice answered. “I’m dying, Feyre.”

I smirked, dropping the bag onto the counter, and began preparing the soup, and the - disgusting - nutella covered celery sticks with sunflower seeds that I knew he loved, even as I gagged at the sight. “Oh, really?”I grinned. 

A muffled reply came from our bedroom. “Mmhmm, I’m dyin-” He cut off, launching into a series of hacking coughs.

My grin faded, and I slipped from the kitchen, padding to our bedroom, where Rhys was sprawled across our bed, gripping an orange piece of fabric. His coughing subsided, and he curled up into the fetal position. “Oh, Rhys...” I murmured, rushing over to him, and pushing his inky hair back from his face. “Sweetheart, you’re burning up,” 

his forehead was drenched in sweat, his hair damp, his normally tanned skin pale and flushed. “I know I’m hot.” He rasped, clutching my hand. “And you love it.” 

Ignoring his comment, I scanned him, eyes lingering on his sweat-drenched button down and slacks. My heart gave a sharp twinge. “Are you cold?”

“Yeah, but I’m sweating like hell.”

Slowly, I reached for his tie, undoing it gently, and letting it fall to the floor. my fingers drifted down to his silk button down, and I began to deftly undo the buttons, then slid the shirt down his arms. I had just unbuckled his belt, when Rhys began giggling like a small child. “If you wanted me naked, all you had to do was ask.” He said.

Slapping him lightly on the arm, I helped him out of his shoes and pants, leaving him in just a sleeveless undershirt and boxers, then led him to the bathroom, where I filled the tub with warm water. I then helped him out of the rest of his clothes, and balanced him as he stepped into the tub.

Once he was settled, I slipped out to take his clothes to the laundry hamper. I paused, my eyes snagging on that piece of orange fabric, still on the bed. My eyes welled with tears, and I quickly rushed back to our bathroom, where Rhys was still in the exact position in which I had left him. “Is this my shirt?” I whispered, not trusting my voice.

Those violet eyes slowly opened, as he rolled his head to face me. “Yeah, sorry for getting it all sweaty.” He rasped, looking slightly sheepish. “I missed you, and it smelled like you. I mean, I knew you’d be back in an hour, but I missed you.”

Silently, I swiped a tear from my cheek, kneeling down to press a kiss to his lips.

Rhys jerked back, though, and shook his head. “N-no. I don’t want to get you sick.”

I shook my head, but reached for the shampoo, pouring a generous amount onto his hair, and gently massaging it in. He let out a low purr, sliding farther down into the steaming water. “You’re no better than a lazy house cat.” I teased, running my hands through his sudsy hair.

“You’ve been saying that for almost two years, darling.”

I hummed, beginning to rinse out the soap. Once that was done, I soaped up a cloth, and began gently scrubbing him, and rinsing the suds off as I went. Once I finished with that, I helped him up out of the tub, and wrapped him in the warmest, fluffiest bathrobe I could find.

Then, I changed out the sweat soaked bedsheets for clean ones, and helped him get comfortable, burying him up to his neck in warm blankets to stop his shivering.

An hour later, I brought in a tray of steaming hot soup, grilled cheese sandwiches, nutella and sunflower seeds covered celery, and tea, only to find him sound asleep, now holding onto another one of my shirts, a peaceful smile on his tired face.

Unable to help it, I set the tray on our bedside table, and pressed a sweet kiss to his lips, damning to consequences. Then, I slipped in next to him, and stroked his hair until sleep claimed me, too.

Comment, reblog, or send an ask to be added to my tags list!!

tag list: @sailorsassley @whiskeybusiness1776 @mad-scientist-pyromaniac @la7sorcellerie @dayanna-hatter@mis-lil-red@aelinfeyreisa @bamchickawowow @togswiftie @teresa-1121@hizqueen4life @aelinchocolatelover@smexyminion@rowaelin-cressworth @illyrianbeauty@angelofmusic81 @rosesandglass@blackjacks-donuts @highlordrhysie @ame223 @sleeping-and-books @seducemewithyourbookcolection @high-lady-rhys @clumsybookworm18  @westofmoon @giorgia-the-trashpanda @burritowithfeels @happily-emma-after @awkward-avocado-s@fanfic-masterpost-site @tonypetersteve @msalazar3 @bookish-beans @terrasen-assassin @tntwme @lovemollywho @sayfic @writingyourownfate @b00kworm @thesirenwashere @monster-under-the-library @meowsekai @darling-archeron @suppengott @shinomekazuri @lord-douglas-the-third @queenjustyna @rowaelinforeverworld @carbconnoisseur @queen-of-demons-and-hell​ @ali-lice​ @queen-of-glass​ @highladyofstoriesandmusic @gorl-power @mallowmelt-n-alicorns @feyre-darling-highlady @floatingfaith @mu-si-ca-l @leaf-love-life @ousttwothirty @lol-im-obssesed

[vanchlo]

The Assistant / Chapter Forty-Three, “The One Where It Happens”

*Gifs not mine*

Clickable Links:

- *NEW* Becky Magazine Cover from an O.C. Tag Challenge

- Masterlist feat. all chapters and Character Surveys

- Inspo tag

- Hecky Playlist

- Read on Wattpad

Word Count: 12.3k words

Warnings: Sensitive topics

Music Inspo: Lay Down Beside You by Carl Storm (click to listen, this song is too perfect for this chapter)

                                         SNEAKYYYYY PEEK

I worry. I fear. I cry. I doubt. I struggle for breath. I grieve. I sob. I ache. Because I love. No, not loved. I love.

Love is what makes me want to go back to her, and cover her broken body with kisses. Love is what scares the living shit out of me, preventing me from doing that in this very second, because I’m afraid that I’ll break her all the more. Love is what sends the words tumbling off of my aching lips.

“‘m alright if yer alright, Becks . . . B-But ‘m not alright.”

Life has many ways of testing a person’s will - either by having nothing happen at all, or by having everything happen at once.

- Paulo Coelho 

+

Today had seemed like a dream, and I was unsure of when I’d get used to that, or when I’d get used to all of this. If I never did, I’d be okay with that, because she just keeps amazing me with every step I take. I never want this dream to end, if it is one after all.  

Speak of an angel, and there she is, I think. The thought races to the front of my mind, pushing all of the others aside. She’s always managed to be very good at doing that, I recall. 

“I’m gonna get going then,” she announces, clasping her milky 

white hands together in front of her after walking back into my office. 

A sad smile finds its way to my lips as I admire her, wishing I could spend the rest of my days memorizing every detail of her. The little tan birthmark beneath her eye that she doesn’t cover up anymore, much to my happy findings. The sparkle in her eyes, the left one scattered with more indigo flecks. The always waves in her dark chocolate hair. Her braided silver ring that I’ve never seen her without, always playing with it mindlessly. 

“Harry?” she hums. I blink, focusing my eyes back on her. 

Becks. My lovely Becks. Maybe even . . my girlfriend? Impossible although it had seemed, my lips reach higher elevations on my cheeks at the thought. I don’t let it run away from me, although I’m itching to let the question leave my lips. 

There’s always tomorrow for that, I decide silently as I adore the invisible inquisition toying with her eyebrows. 

“Alright?” Becks asks, taking another step forward until she arrives at my desk. 

“Ya, ‘m great,” I confess softly, pushing at the lip of my desk to get to my feet. 

“Why are you looking at me like that?” she ponders nervously, a fire sparking in her cheeks as I near her figure dressed in a sleek black pantsuit. A cream chiffon blouse falls under the hollow of her neck modestly, adorned by the opal necklace I haven’t seen her take off since our first date. Yet another confirmation that that night was real, and so is all of this. My bloody God, I wonder when I’ll ever be able to believe it. 

“I dunno,” I giggle, my hands finding their way into the conversation with a shrug of their own. “Jus’ so happy lookin’ at you . . You make me happy, Becks . . Very.”

The dimple finds its place in her left cheek again, and I know then that I’m fucked all the more. A similar sound flows from her lips, and I wish it didn’t have to come to an end as my palm slips into hers. 

“You make me happy too, Harry, so happy,” she titters, peeking up at me with those goddamn blue eyes. The very blues that could send me whizzing off into another oblivion, and I’d feel honored for it. I’m given just enough time to catch the glint in her eye, wetness sitting there in the corner before she looks away again. “Today made me so happy.”

“Me too, bug. I can hardly believe I get t’ do this e’ry day . . with you,” I snicker happily, tugging on her hand until my arms are surrounding her shoulders. 

“Neither can I,” she concurs, the words tickling the skin peeking out from my hardly buttoned shirt. A second of wetness tickles the skin there when my hand comes to cup the back of her head, pressing a kiss below my thumb a moment later. 

“Call me when ya get home, will you? We should FaceTime and watch anotha episode, if yer not gettin’ too sick o’ me yet.”

“Never,” she sighs, nudging my chin towards the sky when she lifts her head. It falls now, to find her moist blue eyes searching for me. It plummets further until my lips catch the hint of a tear at the corner of her eye, kissing it away. “I could never get sick of you.”

“‘s gonna be quite a long time befo’ I get sick o’ you, bug,” I murmur against her cheek, the traces of orange blossoms marking her skin. I can almost taste it on my lips when I leave a kiss there. 

“I’m not going anywhere,” she says, yanking my eyes to her grinning lips that I envelop with my own. A ‘good’ brushes against her pair between moments of adoring her top lip between mine. The tip of her nose leaves lazy circles drawn on my skin while I sketch my own onto her creamy skin. The moment couldn’t last long enough. I wish I could freeze it in time and enjoy it for longer before my lungs begin to burn for air. 

“Drive safe,” I whisper against her mouth, saying goodbyes into her hair with the motions of my thumb. 

“I will, don’t worry. I’ll call you when I get home, it shouldn’t take me even fifteen minutes to get there.”

“‘Kay, ‘ll talk t’ you soon then,” I smile, touching my lips to her button nose. “Boops.” 

“Now, don’t stay here too long, boss. You’re going to turn into a workaholic or something, Harry,” Becks taunts with her flushed lips drawing me in. 

“‘ll try not t’, that’s all I can promise.”

A laugh joins her answering nod before she surprises me with one last kiss, making me want to take back all of the words I just said, and spend a few more moments kissing her. Minutes, maybe. 

“Night, Harry.”

“G’night, Becks. ‘ll talk t’ ya later . . my love,” I divulge, enjoying the pink that rises in her cheeks at the mention of the simple words. Simple, yet oh so true. 

“Bye, my Harry,” she echoes, squeezing my hand one last time on her way out the door. Her azul blue eyes meet mine over her shoulder when she pulls my door closed, decadent lips curled into a smile just for me. Lips that I already want to have touching my own again, dark chocolate waves I want to be losing my hands in, and that laugh I want to be pulling from her lips. 

It’s never long enough with her, but I get to do today all over again with her tomorrow. The day after that, and after that. Stolen kisses in the copier room, her head on my shoulder while watching FRIENDS at my desk, those pretty fingers dancing along my tense shoulders, and a closeness between us that I’ve longed to have for so long. Too long. 

A closeness with her that I never want to lose.

+

The very last unanswered email is whisked away with a whoosh. Finally, I have that done. With it, it drags my eyes to my wrist that vibrates with an alert. A premature smile graces my lips until it falls at the sight of a different name, not the one I was expecting. 

“What’s takin’ her so long?” I mutter as my eyes flit over Myles’ text, some joke about firing me if I keep staying past five o’clock. 

“Bastard,” I sigh with a shake of my head, pressing my palm to the screen as the time repeats in my head. 

5:26 passes. 

Then, 5:36 passes too as I wait for her to reply to my texts, or to call.

Reckon she should’ve been home by now, having left at 5, I wonder silently, aware of the thrumming of my heart. I’m sure she’s just making something to eat. 

Yeah, Harry, that’s it. 

Why am I worrying so much? 5 o’clock traffic is a bitch, anyways. It’s what made me late to our date the other night, so I should know. 

“She’ll call soon,” I mumble aloud, crafting a quick text to her, adding to the others I’ve already sent her tonight.

i think today may have been my favourite w/ u so far ;) xo

hurry up slowpoke

rebecca ann ur slow. im kiddin. drive safe bug xo

Sighing, I turn back to my iMac where I already have the next episode of FRIENDS queued up, waiting for her. 

A new bloop! sounds when an email arrives in my inbox. Clicking on it, I begin to absorb the words until my office phone interrupts with a loud bringggggg! 

“This ‘s Harry,” I say automatically, and am answered with an eerie silence. A darkness trickles into my chest at the little sounds accompanying it. The pangs of worry return, demanding to be felt amongst the mix of it all. “Hullo?” 

“H-Harry, this is Skye,” a shaky voice replies at last. 

“Hi, what’re you doin’ callin’ me main line?” I joke, hoping to add a lightness to the atmosphere that so direly requires one. The fear threatening at my edges gains strength when I make out the likeness of it in her voice. “If yer lookin’ fer Becks she left half an hour ago, reckon she’s home by now.”

“No, s-she’s not,” she says. I hear it, and I immediately wish that I hadn’t. Denying it with a shake of my head, it doesn’t disappear that easily, the crack in her voice. “She . . d-didn’t make it home, Harry.”

“What’re ya talkin’ ‘bout, Skye? I jus’ saw her half an hour ago,” I contend, rushing through my words as my back straightens to full attention. 

“I know . . I just talked to her on the phone f-fifteen minutes ago, but Harry . . ,” Skye continues, words wandering away from her. They’re kidnapped by the tears that I finally acknowledge in her voice, and now echoing on the line. “S-She was in . . an accident.”

“What . . What kinda accident? ‘s she alright? W-Who told you this? That can’t be right, I jus’ saw her,” I argue, losing my footing quite immediately. 

Rising to my feet, the words are too close for comfort and my knees threaten to give out on me. A hand races to my hair, carding heavy strokes through it that tug hairs loose, but I disregard the pain. Another form of it demands to be felt inside of me, next to my heart that climbs in speed with every moment absent of words. An absence of Becks being okay. 

“I don’t want it to be real either, Harry, b-but an officer just rang me. H-He said a car ran a light and h-hit her . . not long after I got off the phone with her. It was right behind the driver’s side and . . it doesn’t look very good,” she reveals, sobs growing thicker in her voice. My feet run rampant circles around my office as my fingers tug violently at my hair. 

“This ‘sn’t funny, Skye, if yer pullin’ me leg,” I begin with a forced amusement, but it doesn’t make it very far. I don’t make it that far until I fall onto the sofa, my words crashing into loud sobs that steal my breath away. “I jus’ got her back . . I can’t lose her ‘gain,” the confession comes, drenched in tears that shake my body. 

“I know,” she agrees with echoing devastation as tears paint the inside of my palm clung to my face. “She’s been my best friend for t-twenty-one years, Harry. I-I can’t imagine my life without her, and I know she’d never want to imagine a life without you.”

My head shakes rapidly from side to side as the tepid wetness paints stripes down my cheeks, escaping from my eyes that I press shut painfully. Whimpers flee from my lips, the very ones that were just kissing hers thirty minutes prior. 

This can’t be happening. No, I can’t lose my Becks when she just found her way back to me. 

“No, no . . no, no,” I sob, each utterance becoming more indiscernible with the emotions consuming them. “Not my Becks,” I mutter, air escaping my lungs with such force that leaves me dizzy in the head. 

“She’ll be okay, she’s strong, Harry. She’s made it through so much other shit. N-Not this sort, but . . . she broke her leg riding bike one time when we were eight, and she was fine. S-She cut her finger cooking once and drove herself to hospital all herself,” Skye reveals, the trembling words doing nothing to calm my heart that I’m afraid may bound from my chest at a moment’s notice. 

“Strongest person I know,” I concur, a hiccup rattling my voice that fights for composure. “W-What’d they tell you . . ‘bout Becks?”

“They’re taking her to uh, King’s Cross hospital. Reckon there’ll be a waiting room I can meet you at while s-she’s in . . surgery,” Skye explains, and my head rushes up and down with nods now. I shakily get to my feet and take a step towards my door, but once again, I don’t make it far. A wooziness falls over me, and I grab the arm of the sofa just in time to recover. “They said they stabilized her and she was breathing and everything, b-but surgery was in order. Car was totaled, though. That’s not good . . No, that’s not good,” she cries, words falling harder and harder the more she goes on. With every one that she speaks, my sobs thicken and louden against the confines of my palm. 

“Don’t say that . . D-Don’t, she’s gonna be okay. She has t’ be,” I defend, wishing more with every second that I believed my own words. If the words themselves could wish it into existence, I’d speak them over and over until it came true. 

“I’m sorry,” she confesses breathlessly. “I’ll uh, meet you there. C-Call me when you get there. It’s the . . hospital on the west side of town, not too far from you, I reckon. She’s probably . . already there,” Skye finishes before the dial tone drills into my ears, and I’m left listening to my unsteady breaths. 

The phone plummets from my hand to meet the floor with a crrrrrunching sound, but I don’t even care. There’s so little I care about in this moment, because my thoughts are consumed by her. They’re racing, demanding, and making me sick. My chest trembles with another intense sob as my palms press against my eyes. Strands of my hair are taut around my fingertips, my scalp searing with pain. 

She’s become all I’ve cared about in these last few weeks, and it’s been magnified within moments now.

“No,” I cry, salt water dripping over my lips and plummeting from my chin. “Becks, no.”

Sniffling, it’s suddenly impossible to ignore the rock sitting in my gut. Jumping to my feet, my hands fall as I cross the room and fall to my knees harshly. The cold, granite tiles dig into my boney limbs as I retch into the bin. Grouting in the tiles leaves marks on my skin when I wipe the back of my hand across my mouth moments later. 

Sweat beads on my forehead as the room spins around me. Tears press harshly at the back of my eyes when I envision her standing in front of me, kissing me goodbye just moments ago, it seemed. Shakes overwhelm my body within seconds, and my knees kiss the tiles once more. The coolness is welcomed by my flushed forehead as I curl into myself, her smiling face captivating every thought I have while my body convulses with a new sob. It takes the last ounces of strength I can find to pull myself up to a kneeling position, then to plant one foot against the floor, and another until I’m standing. 

“‘m comin’, Becks,” I mumble, voice breaking from the first word. Wiping under my eyes, I rip open the door. Feet pounding down the hallway, I sniffle as another warm stripe cascades down my cheeks. A second and third accompany it when I pass her office, and I yank my eyes away, knowing that I can’t look. I’ll collapse to the floor again if I see her name sitting there on the door, waiting for her to return tomorrow morning. 

Patting my pockets hastily, I yank my ring of keys from the fabric only to drop them. Cursing, I bend down to pick them up before rounding the corner. I’m almost knocked off my feet by Myles who skids to a halt. Unbeknownst to me, I didn’t think I could be hurting more until I found the look that dawns on his face. 

“Hare, what’s wrong?” he demands, grabbing my bicep. 

A sob revokes my words and a hand flies to my mouth. Eyebrows falling, tears interrupt my voice as the explanation plays on a loop between my ears. 

“Becks, s-she . . ,” I try to say, but a shake of my head places a gap in between my words. “Was inn’a accident. I have t’ go t’ her . . tha hospital. I wanna be there when she wakes up, and-,” now, I cut myself off abruptly. Tears blur my vision, and soon I’m seeing stripes. A feeling surrounds me, and I find that it’s his arms crushing me in a hug. His name drops from my lips in a choked sob. 

“You’re not driving anywhere like this. I’ll take ya, Hare,” he murmurs into my ear, out of place back rubbing following his words. “I’m so bloody sorry, mate. Fuck, I just saw her when she left.”

“So did I. H-How can it be real? I just . . . I jus’ got her back, My’. She jus’ came back t’ me and we jus’ started datin’ finally . . I can’t fookin’ lose her all over ‘gain, not fer real this time . . I don’t think I could live inn’a world that she’s not in, Myles,” I confess into his shoulder, clutching onto him. My chest expands and falls against his, convulsing with every worst case scenario that sends tears flying from my eyes. 

“It’ll be okay.”

“Don’t fookin’ say that, ‘coz what if it ‘s not? What if she’s not okay? What if she . . d-dies, My’? I can’t-,” the words run away from me, and for once, I’m thankful for it. They’re drenched by too much reality, more than I can stomach.

I don’t remember following him down to the parking garage, or getting into the car. The next thing I know, my head is tipped against the frosty glass window in his BMW, the lights of London cloudy from behind my eyes. 

“I jus’ bloody saw her, and I kissed her and hugged her,” I whisper, watching the words fog up the glass, if only for mere seconds. A warm tear dives from my chin, crashing onto the v of my chest. 

‘I knows’ answer me back, as well as squeezes to my arms when I least expect them. It all runs into a blur - the traffic, snow fluttering against the windows, and the pounds of tears I shed into the air. Most of all, the thoughts running rampant within me hardly make much sense by the time we’ve parked. The one thing that’s clear as day is how my heart swells with bittersweetness when her face swims inside of my skull, and the love that pours out from it for her. 

I already know that I love her, and it only makes me hurt a million times worse. 

“She’ll likely be in surgery for a good while, it’s a rather long affair, Hare,” Myles announces as the automatic sliding doors open for us, greeting us with a burst of hot air. 

“I know . . Skye said she’s in tha waitin’ room erm, on tha second floor,” I respond, reading from my phone. My eyes fill with more tears as I swipe a finger under the both of them, sniffling. 

“Here, I see a lift.”

Relief ironically escapes me when we finally find Skye bouncing her legs up and down in a chair, arms wrapped around herself as she stares at the floor. It takes her a moment to look up after saying her name, but with her disarray of colorful hair, I reckon she’s the best person I can relate to on this entire floor. 

“Hey,” I whisper when I embrace her, surprising myself at the same time. A shy ‘hi’ fills my ears as her thin frame greets mine. Her shaking arms squeeze me around the middle, and I linger there for a few seconds than necessary before pulling away. “Has anybody came t’ talk t’ you?”

“No, not yet. I just checked in with somebody when I came in, and they said to come up here. S-So, I did, and the nurse’s desk told me somebody would come when they have news. Whenever that is,” she sighs, flicking a thumb below her eye to catch a tear that strays from her waterline. 

“D-Did ya call Robbie and her dad?” 

“Yeah, just now. Robbie should be here soon, and Chuck was just about to leave . . I figure he won’t get here until she’s out of surgery, even though we don’t know how bloody long that’ll take. But, he’ll be here i-in a few hours,” she answers, her voice catching on the last of her words. 

“I’m gonna go and find us something to drink,” Myles interrupts, nodding his head down the hallway. I mirror his actions, grateful for the offer as I clear my scratchy throat. It dried up the second those very words rocked me to the core. 

Silence ensues as I fall onto the lumpy sofa beside her, a telly across the room murmuring softly in the background. Magazines lie open in front of us on the wooden table, chairs and more chairs surrounding us. 

“I wish somebody would just tell us something,” she groans beside me, wringing her hands in her lap. A sob stills in her throat and I watch her face collapse along with it. 

“I can go and ask, ‘m antsy too. Only been here a minute and already I am,” I suggest with a tough swallow. The lump in my throat greets me again as she shakes her head ‘no.’ 

Folding my hands together, they come to sit against my mouth as I now bounce my knee. Eyes flitting in every direction, I will a nurse or doctor littering the halls to wander over to us with their bloody clipboard and lab coat. 

“Find anythin’ else out tho’?” I pipe up, dropping a hand and letting it squeeze hers. I’ve only met this woman a handful of times, and yet, I know that she’s the closest thing I’ve got to a friend here. She’s the only other person who could understand how I’m feeling right now, because she’s the only other person in this damn hospital who loves Becky too. At the same time, my actions are unprecedented and alien to me, this entire situation is. 

Tears arrive in my eyes as I wait for her voice to make a choppy return, “Just when I got here and checked in, s-so to speak, that she was in surgery. They didn’t say what for really, I suppose only the team working on- with her knows,” she explains, and now, I’m the one nodding. A long breath spills from my lips, and it does next to nothing to calm the thrashing of my heart, and the onslaught of my mind. 

The reality of the situation brings my head into my palms again where I spill silent tears, accentuated by the whimpers of my lips. My entire body shakes with every sob, every sob that yearns for my arms to return to her. My eyes to see hers again, those baby blues that now, I can’t stop imagining my babies having one day. That painful thought makes them come harder now while I struggle for air, lungs burning for other reasons now, like nonexistent children that I very well may never have with her now.

Fuck. 

I wish more than anything that I could be back in my office an hour ago, annoying her with kisses as she finished up an email. What I’d do to have my lungs burning in need of the air filling hers, and not for the air around me that may not even hold her life anymore. 

No, I can’t think like that. If I entertain that thought for a millisecond, there’s no going back. 

“You know, you’re her whole world and always have been. She couldn’t shut up about you lately, a-and all of your dates. When I spoke to her on the phone r-right before . . . she was saying how amazing of a day she had had . . with you. She couldn’t wait to do it all over again, she’s so mad about you, Harry. S-She even wrote you this letter once saying how she-,” Skye divulges, the words filling my ears. Instantaneously, they want nothing more than to spit them back out. 

“Don’t! Don’t say all o’ that. D-Don’t say it in past tense, or like she’s not . . g-gonna be able t’ tell me all ‘bout it. We can’t act that way . . She’s gonna be okay, she’s gotta be okay,” I insist into my hands, struggling for breaths. Lifting my head, I turn it away from her and towards the window, my lips squashed into a line. Briny tears drip over them as I squeeze my eyes shut tightly, hiccups finding their way into the air. 

“I’m sorry, I-.”

“I c-can’t talk ‘bout her like she’s- like that. I can’t t-think ‘bout her like that . . her not bein’ here anymo’,” I exclaim, shooting to my feet in order to change directions. 

I thought I couldn’t believe my life earlier today and the direction it’d taken, and now, I can’t believe it one bit. I don’t want to, and I wish I didn’t have to. I thought that I was living a dream today, and now, I know that I’m living a nightmare. I didn’t want to wake up earlier, but I need to now, more than anything. 

I want to open my eyes and find her curled against my chest, snoring peacefully with her body warming mine. Like last night, a moment I could live in for forever. 

A vibrating in my pocket barges into my thoughts, and I’m unsure whether to welcome it as I reach for it. The same ringtone by The Cure sings from around my wrist, and my heart only falls deeper when I see the name claiming it. It sends a wave of relief throughout my body, but it only lasts a few seconds. The only name that could make it permanent is far from an option, and here I am, still wishing for it with my own two eyes. I wish that she wasn’t in an operating room somewhere in this same building, and instead her voice was singing from my phone. That’s how it was supposed to be, anyways. 

“Mum,” I answer softly, steps halting in the hallway. A sob freezes in my chest at the thought of having to speak truth into the nightmare I’m living. 

“Harry honey, what’s tha matta?” my mum responds, worry rocking her voice. 

“‘s Becks. She-,” I confess, but I can’t say it. I want nothing more than to say something else. When she asks if she’s alright, I want to say yes, and it sends wobbles down my legs knowing that I can’t say that. I can’t say it, because I don’t know it. 

“It’s okay, love, take a deep breath.”

“I can’t,” I weep, a wail escaping my lips, muffled by my palm. The tear stained skin flies to my hair that I tug at, ignoring the throb of my head hitting the wall of the hallway. “I can’t breathe, mum . . I can’t not knowin’ if she ‘s okay.”

“Oh, darlin’. What happened to her?”

“She w-was . . . inn’a car accident,” I admit breathlessly, sucking in lungfuls of air that don’t do a thing. A fire still lives deep down inside of my chest, and it was born the moment I heard Skye speak those words. “‘m at tha hospital now waitin’ t’ hear sumthin.’ Her best friend’s here with me, but, mum. ‘m so scared . . that ‘m gonna lose her fer real,” I whimper, swiping my tongue across my trembling lips wet with tears. 

“Oh, Harry,” she sighs, my sadness mirrored in her voice. “I’m so sorry, love. Do they know the extent of her injuries?” 

“I dunno, all they told her friend ‘s that she’s in surgery. We’re waitin’ fer sumbody t’ tell us mo’,” I answer, hiccups stealing my words away from me. “I hate sittin’ here not knowin’, I should go and ask . . but ‘m afraid t’. Mum . . ,” I trail off, weakness overwhelming my body that sags against the wall. I’m not even aware of the people walking past me and the hush of voices, but I couldn’t care less. 

“Breathe, honey, please. Everythin’ will be okay. I know it doesn’t seem that way right now, but it will.”

“Ya can’t say that! Ya dunno if ‘s true,” I exclaim, anger seeping through in my voice, but it’s misdirected. “I jus’ want this all t’ be a dream, I don’t want it t’ be real. I can’t think ‘bout it . . ‘bout her . . dyin’.”

“Shhhh, love. I’m sorry.”

“No, I am. But, God, mum . . I love her. I already know I do. I know it sounds bloody mad seein’ we’ve only been on two dates, but-,” I begin, but she interrupts me, reminding me of where I get my love of it from. 

“No, it doesn’t sound like that, honey. I know how you’ve felt ‘bout her these last few years, she’s been all you could talk ‘bout,” my mother says, and the only relief that I’ve seen is offered in her voice. 

“I love her, mum, and she m-might-,” I try to say, but I can’t spit those words out. I don’t think I ever could, and my desire to avoid them for the rest of eternity trumps all else. 

“Do you think she feels tha same way ‘bout you?” she asks calmly. A huff passes my lips, and I breathe in through my nose slowly. It doesn’t make a difference when a melancholy wave knocks me over. 

“Y-Ya . . I think I know she does now,” I whimper, my voice drowning in the tears. 

“And does she know how you feel ‘bout her, Harry?”

“Ya, reckon she does. I haven’t been able t’ stop lovin’ on her since our first date. And n-now . . I may neva get t’ kiss her ‘gain or hug her or . . ,” the sob leaves more trails of tepid tears on my cheeks. My thumbs press against my eyes, willing the tears to abate, but they don’t obey. Not one part of my body has obeyed my commands since I heard those nightmarish words. 

“Then it sounds like she has somethin’ to fight fer, love. It’s not tha ‘end all be all,’ but tha will to live is a powerful thing, son,” she tells me, the first licks of ice calming my feverish heart. 

“I hope yer right.”

“I’m your mum, I’m always right,” she quips, and the first hint of a laugh graces my lips. It’s gone as fast as it came, stolen away by another round of whimpers shaking from my lips. 

“Everythin’ will be okay, son.”

“And if they aren’t, and . . . she d-doesn’t make it, mum?” I sob, the words finding their exit between sobs that rip from my chest. Pain soars through the tear at the uttering of the words that I have to acknowledge, and wish that I never had to think. 

“Then mumma will be there att’a moment’s notice fer ya,” she replies, and I wish I didn’t hear the crack in her voice. It’s the very one that tore open the slit that the tears poured out through. This all started with the crack of a voice. “Lemme know if you want me to come, Harry.”

“B-But I jus’ got her back, mum. I can’t . . She can’t . . ,” I fail once again, and this time, I’m okay with it. I don’t want to ever have to say that word again, I’ve already uttered them one too many times. 

“You’ll never lose that love ya had, Harry. Trust me, I know ya can’t. I miss Robin every bloody day, but his passin’ didn’t take away our love or tha memories we made . . I know that your love with her only jus’ started, but ya had somethin’ special. I can already see that, darlin’, and you’ll never lose tha memories you made with her, and tha love that ya made together . . Think of those happy times ya had with her while you’re waitin’ for her to be outta surgery. After that, ya should get some rest, love. Sometimes surgeries can take long, and that’s okay, ‘cause you want tha doctors to be thorough and to do all that they can fer her. And they will do all that they can to save her, Harry . . It’s almost six o’clock, love, and even after her surgery is done, it takes a while to come outta anesthesia. It’ll be a long night. Try to get some rest, son, I’m sure she’d want you to,” she explains to me, and suddenly, I wish I could get a hug from my mum. 

The thought propels me into others, wishing I could hide in the arms of another. She’s always been my very favorite hiding place, and another wave rocks through me at the thought of never getting to escape to her arms again. Her smell sends my heart spinning as I drop my phone back into my pocket, aching to have her hair tickle my nose with the scent. Placing my palms against my eyes slick from crying, I hiccup in between tears. Uneven breaths pour in and out of me, and for a second, I can remember the traces of her weight in my arms. The smell of her orange blossom shampoo, the taste of her cherry carmex chapstick, and the strokes of black and gray ink along her wrist. 

“Becks, please be okay,” I mutter underneath my breath. My scalp sings with pain when my fingernails dig into the skin, making me realize this is all real. It’s not a dream that I can wake myself up from, because my life became a dream and then fell away into a nightmare. 

“Harry!” somebody calls my name. I don’t know how much time has passed, standing there in the corner of the hallway pouring my eyes out into my hands. 

It takes a few moments for my eyes to focus ahead of me, and for a fleeting second, her face appears in front of them. Blinking hard, I rub a knuckle against my eye, and she’s gone in a flash. Instead, I find Skye waving me back over to the chairs where a tall man in navy blue scrubs stands in front of her. 

“Coming,” I answer, clearing my throat as my feet remember how to work. The tingles that had settled into my sleeping limbs disperse as I take long, hurried steps until I’m at her side again, trying to forget the words she had said earlier. 

“Is this everybody?” the man says, tanned arms crossed over his chest. 

“No, wait!” another voice pipes up, and I spin around to find Robbie rushing towards us. “I-I’m her brother,” he continues, voice shaky with emotions. His eyes briefly meet mine before he stops at my side, engulfed by a hug of Skye’s. 

“Hey,” I mumble when he pulls away with a nod, his fist brushing along one of his cheeks. The greeting is difficult as my eyes are met with pain and striking similarity. Her very same baby blue eyes sit before me, as well as the wavy dark hair, and a distorted version of her lovely facial features. 

“Hey, Harry,” he returns, his adam’s apple bobbing in his throat after his words. 

When his wet eyes meet mine, more unspoken words pass between us including ‘thank you’s and silent understandings. My squeezing grip is met by his taut arm when I watch the shiny tears fill his eyes. He nods back at me, quivering lips absent of words while another tear breaks free from his Holte Blue Eyes. Those goddamned eyes tear another rip into my heart at the mere sight, drudging up the wishes they conjured within my mind just last night. 

Styles babies with Holte Blue eyes. 

Please, God. Please let that still be a truth. 

“Now that we’re all here, I’m Jack. I’m sorry for the circumstances we’re meeting on, but I’m a nurse on your uh, family member’s team. Rebecca was in a serious accident, and we’re doing all that we can. She went into surgery around ten minutes ago, as soon as she got here,” the towering man explains, achieving the closest thing to quieting my mind. I’m just afraid that when he stops talking, my skull will be vibrating with more thoughts, and far worse ones. “She suffered some fractured ribs that unfortunately pierced her spleen, causing internal bleeding. That is the most urgent of her injuries, but rib fractures are incredibly painful. They can make it hard to breathe deeply or to cough properly, sometimes leading to chest infections. In the accident, she also fractured her ankle, but we’re not entirely sure of the extent of it. Due to the impact of the other car hitting her and the location of it, her right arm was broken and . . Grade 2 concussion . . amnesia,” a cloud passes over my ears then, and I turn away, soon falling into a nearby chair. 

Worst case scenarios bloom within the attic of my body, spewing tears onto my cheeks. Waterfalls cascade down them, fueled by the replaying of the man’s words between my ears. Fractured ribs. Internal bleeding. Chest infections. Amnesia. Broken ankle. Concussion. Broken arm. The tears come harder at the realization of every word, and how they laden my heart with further darkness. It falls into the recesses of my chest with each passing moment, the obscenities that left his mouth acting as the anchor that yank it down, further and further. 

I don’t hear my name the first few times, or register the hand on my shoulder. Swarms of possibilities that I can’t welcome lift me from my seat and down the hall once again until I repeat the past, and ram shoulders with Myles. My eyes fly to his surprised face, but it’s ephemeral before he’s pulling me against his front, and his hand is pressed against the back of my head. 

“She’s gotta be okay,” I plead into his shoulder, finding fistfuls of his blazer in my hands. “B-But internal bleedin’ . . amnesia . . broken bones . . a concussion . . infections. My’, I can’t do this,” the revelation feels prickly on my tongue as I fight to flight. 

“You can do this, Hare. You have to. Becky, she- she needs you to, mate,” he insists, hands waving stripes against my back. I shake my head back and forth into him, refusing to believe any of this. 

“No, this can’t be real. It can’t. I jus’ saw her, I jus’ kissed her and hugged her,” I weep, repetitive begging pouring from my tongue. My hands let go and I push at his chest for escape. He only holds me tighter within his steely arms, and I make out the first of his tears. “I shoulda told her that I loved her, I dunno if she knew. I shoulda told her,” I relent, my body becoming pliant against his. 

“She knew, Harry. I think she knew, mate . . You showed it to her in so many bloody ways, you didn’t have to say it. She knew it, she saw it. You’ll get to tell her, and hear her say it back,” he tells me, but my head hasn’t stopped shaking in denial. “Her friend over there is almost smiling, I think. The nurse is too, it looks like maybe it’s not so meek after all, Hare. It looks like she might be okay.” 

“This ‘sn’t funny, Myles, I swear t’-,” I wail, breaths filling my lungs and refusing to remain. A ‘no’ fills my ears, and I’m forced to turn around when he pulls away at the sound of my name. Yet, he’s not the one saying it. 

“Harry!” Skye calls, and her hurried steps follow her voice. Smearing the tears from my eyes, I gulp and find the bravery to look up. Becky’s best friend in the whole entire world stops in front of me, eyes rimmed with red. “They sound hopeful,” she reveals, the smallest spark of a smile sitting at the edge of her lips. Robbie stops a step behind her, shoving hands into his pockets while a tear falls from the slope of his chin. 

“Really?” I croak, stepping away from Myles until his arms fall from me. She answers with a nod and a rosy smile blooms on her lips before my eyes. 

“Yeah, they said her vitals are becoming more stable which is good. They’re amazed that her injuries weren’t worse, they said that she got lucky,” she explains, and it sounds like music to my ears. The first good thing I’ve heard tonight, albeit this whole affair only taking up the last hour of my life. It’s felt like days on end, not mere minutes. “I’m gonna go and call Chuck to tell him.”

My nod answers her words and Myles leaves with a pat to my back, “I’m gonna go and check on coffees again, maybe food later when you’re feeling like eating,” he announces. My hand finds its way to my curls once again, surely free of snarls now after the number I did on them. 

“It’s good to see you here. Well, not good given the reason why, but you know what I mean.”

Looking up, I find Robbie’s bleary blues pointed at me. I do all that I can, and that’s a nod. 

“You too,” I manage at the last moment, patting his arm awkwardly. His feet wander back over to a line of chairs, and I follow him. Falling into the one left of him, a hushed silence surrounds us. 

“Did she ever tell you that she has ‘feelings’ about things?” Robbie mutters, a sniffle interrupting his question at times. 

“Ya,” I sigh, my bottom lip numb from my teeth pressing into it from all directions. “Good and bad feelings.”

“Yeah . . I got one that I couldn’t shake tonight,” he reveals. His eyes flooded with glassy tears surprise me again, and I almost see her sitting in front of me. A memory from one of our times at the hospital threatens to break loose from the confines of my mind, but I hold it back. “So I rang her, she was just leaving work . . with you. She sounded so happy, and I couldn’t figure out why I’d gotten it. Now, I know . . ,” he finishes, an ironically melancholy laugh bringing his revelation to an end. “Twin intuition, I guess.”

“Ya,” I mutter again, unsure of what else to say. I can’t figure out what to think sitting here in my puddle of tears, let alone something something to fucking say. 

“I hated hearing that bloke say those things, detailing all of the shit that happened to her,” Robbie notes aloud, and I find that I can’t tear my eyes away from my hands when I hear the unmistakable sound of tears letting loose. “But I mean . . it helped, and I think I have a feeling she’ll be alright.”

Conflicting tears run races down the slopes of my cheeks, drenching my eyelashes with liquid sadness. It does little to calm the hammering inside of my chest, but the mannerisms of hers I hear in his voice magnify it just slightly. The brash taste of iron spills across my tongue, and I release my bottom lip from its grasp, but it’s too late because the blood is flowing. My hands blur beneath my eyes, the shocks of baby pink and pastel purple burning in my eyes. The very fingers that she held between her own so delicately just last night, swiping the nail polish brush over their naked canvases. Every other is a different pastel wash of color, and I can still picture the bright yellow and teal that I had painted on hers. 

The warm metallic taste concentrates on my taste buds when my lips press together harshly, few salty tears finding their way into my mouth with my new sob. 

“Yer sista, she- I-,” I stop quickly, not even sure of what I’m saying. I could tell a thousand stories, but I can’t decide which one is right. 

“I know, believe me,” Robbie insists, and at last, I glance over to him. Her dark chocolate locks fall over his forehead, longer than from the first and only time I met him at my firm years ago. The fringe tickles at his eyes, and he pushes it out of his face. “You have something else, you two. I’ve only been telling her to jump your bones for the last two or so years,” he divulges, and a laugh so out of the ordinary adorns my lips. It sputters to a stop, feeling wildly inappropriate, but it comes back to life when a similar one echos from beside me. 

His eyes meet mine briefly, and hold me there looking into her blue eyes as we chuckle together. It doesn’t necessarily feel right, because it feels oh so very wrong. When that thought worms its way into my attic, the sound floats away from the both of us quickly. 

“I heard it all, you know. Your story’s out,” he tells me matter of factly, but the sarcasm can’t find a place in his voice. It falls away, forgotten. “I told her it was about goddamn time you two started dating. She should’ve listened to me sooner, but no, she’s too fucking stubborn.”

“Yer tellin’ me,” I hum, running the pad of my thumb over the glossy nail polish. If I focus hard enough, blocking out the ringing of the phones and Skye’s hushed voice, I can hear her laugh in the recesses of my mind. Laughing about messing up my pink thumb last night, alarm raised in her honey-like voice. “‘m not much betta, ‘m afraid. I didn’t even get t’ ask her on tha first date, she beat me t’ it.”

“I heard . . That sounds like her, always gotta be in control. She had to do everything first when we were little. Talk first, walk first, ride a bike without stabilisers, or graduate bloody uni first,” Robbie remarks, dragging the sole of his Old Skool mustard Vans along the edge of his leftie. “I dunno how she’s gonna fair having her dominant arm in a cast, she’ll throw a fit.” 

“Oh, I know. They betta make it purple,” I comment, and he snickers beside me, the tears still falling although silently. 

“She’ll make them do it all over again if they didn’t do it right the first time. It better look all perfect for Ree.”

His tears drill into my ears, yanking at my heart, but a small relief accompanies them. He’s not using past tense, and although hardly noticeable, it makes this bearable. I’ve spoken to the bloke only once in my life, and she was there beside me then, but I find it easier with every second. Save for the moments I peek at him and see traces of her painted all over him. They aren’t bleeding twins for nothing, I admit quietly, even noticing them wearing the same brand of shoes. A pang attacks my heart when I see him spinning the braided silver ring around his middle finger, and too quickly, I could picture it being hers. 

“D’ya think she’ll . . ,” I begin, but it feels wrong from the start, and I wish it’d never begun. With a shake of my head, I pick off a piece of purple nail polish from my pinkie. The action ricochets around in my chest, and I blink hard at the searing action. No, I can’t, because there’s a chance that she won’t be there to fix it. 

“It sounds rubbish, but our feelings are always right, Ree and I. With our dad, her with you, and me knowing something was going to happen tonight. Now, I think it’ll be okay. Stupid, I know, but I just do. I-I can’t . . . can’t think about her not being okay, she’s my . . . twin sister. I don’t want to think about it,” he confesses in between scattered tears, words growing thick and indistinct. 

“Neitha can I,” I admit, my chest falling at the end when more tears break loose from their gates. “She can’t leave, n-not this early. There’s so much I want with her still. She’s made a damn good lawyer already, and I know she’d make a betta mum and-.”

“She will, there’s nothing she’s not good at,” Robbie concurs with a sad smile adorning his face. I blink, and it’s gone as soon as it had come. “She always got back up after she fell too, on our bikes, ice skating, or even with leaving uni and then going back. Working at your firm too, you could even say. I just- I really want to believe that she’ll get back up from this too.”

“Me too . . mo’ than anythin’,” I agree aloud, shuffling my gray rose ring up and down the length of my finger as I picture the flower that adorns her wrist. “I need Becks t’ be okay.”

+

Phoebe and Joey flit across the screen in front of me, laughs and smiles shared on their faces. My head falls at the realization that those are the furthest things I could feel right now, or do. Licking my chapped lips, another tear graces my tongue. They’re fewer now, however long it’s been that I’ve been sitting in this chair. Asher waits with wandering eyes a few seats over now, and somehow, I’ve only said two words to him. It sends crashing pain through my insides to look at Robbie, her literal twin, but when I look at Asher, avalanches of grief fall inside of me. 

The images in front of me spark memory after bittersweet memory, and they try to whisk me away to a time where I was sitting in a chair like this and she was at my side laughing. Shaking my head, I find it in my hands once again, their three voices murmuring off to the side while devouring subs with Myles. 

Somehow, it’s already late. The sky is pitch black outside, and the stars twinkling somewhere that I can’t find. My eyes droop and yawns leave me occasionally, but sleep couldn’t be further away. If it was knocking at my door, I’d ignore it then too. There were few updates, and each one sounded more hopeful, but I’m afraid to get my hopes up. I’ve done that far too many times concerning her, and nine times out of ten, it left me broken. I hope that I can curb that if maybe I don’t get excited, and yet, saying goodbye to the hope fuels the fire killing me off on the inside. 

I want to turn it off, but I can’t find the remote. I wish I could turn all of this off, but I don’t know how. I can’t let myself fall asleep. No, not until she wakes up, and they just left minutes ago saying she was done in the OR after a successful surgery. I was surprised by how little it had phased me, seeing how Skye jumped to her feet and Robbie was all smiles. Myself though, I couldn’t seem to find one anywhere. I can’t find him. Me. I felt Myles watching me, and worrying. I knew she would be doing the same thing if this was all different, and I couldn’t count how many times I had wished for that truth by now. 

I wished that this could all be different, and alas, here I am too scared to believe it could be. The fear debilitates me with every waking second to believe that things could be okay. I’m so afraid to believe that she’ll be alright, because this all seems so sick and that it changes with every corner I turn. 

The rest of the episode passed before my absent eyes, and then Skye was coming back from seeing her in Recovery. Tears plastered her cheeks now, more than before, and they didn’t shy away from mine either. 

“You should go and see her,” she said, placing a hand on my shoulder. “I’ll be honest, i-it’s awful seeing her like that, b-but . . . it’s her. She’s okay.”

Words flee from my lips, replaced with an adamant shake of my head. I can’t even meet her eyes, because the only ones I can see are Becky’s. Now, I try to push them out of my head as I stare at my feet, the splashes of pink and purple begging for my attention. The color I so deeply crave is only within her eyes, and with a whimper, I try to will the image back to me. I fail, and the tears fall harder down my cheeks, making me wish I could be peppering kisses along hers. 

I’m on my feet before I know what I’m doing, or where I’m going. The instructing words from before repeat between my ears, pulling my feet around a corner and then another. They take me left, and then right. A long hall appears in front of me, and then I’m searching the walls. Numbers climb and climb until I find the very ones I’m looking for. A sob splashes against my palm when it comes to my lips, pressing hard against my mouth. 

208, it reads but that’s not what I see. 

February 8th is what I see staring back at me. The day of our first date, only three days ago. How in the hell has it only been three days since? How in the living fuck has it only been three hours since all of this has happened? 

My feet freeze in their path, and I ignore the nurses and doctors passing me, zig zagging from room to bloody room. Beeping wanders into my ears, and I painfully wonder which one is hers. Which one of those beeps is from her heart? Will it come to an abrupt stop and bring people rushing to her? Can she even hear it? No, she probably can’t, she’s still ‘asleep,’ or so they said. 

I don’t think I’m ready. No, I can’t be. How in the bleeding world could I be ready to see what I’m about to witness? I couldn’t ever be ready for this, and I never wanted to be. I never wanted to be having these thoughts living in my head, more than mere doubts and nightmares planted there randomly. Alas, I know why they’re there, and not for the reason I think first. No. 

I worry.

I fear.

I cry.

I doubt.

I struggle for breath.

I grieve.

I sob.

I ache. 

Because I love. 

No, not loved.

I love. 

All of these emotions and signs of pain course through me, one after the other, because I love that girl lying in that bed just behind those curtains. I love her, and I’ve known it all along. It’s what brought me here, in every way possible. It’s what propels me forward when the nurse at the computer nods, sliding open the gray curtain. It’s what pulls my eyes to the bed, and to the false sounds of breathing. Love is what wrenches the sobs from my chest at the appearance of wires, tubes, and machines hooked up to her. Love is the force that spins me around and makes me shoot down the hall, crumpling to the floor once I reach the corner by the vending machine. Love is what fills my tears that carry images of her lying in that bed fighting for her life. Love fights within myself as my entire body is racked with sobs while I curl into a ball, wishing that seeing wasn’t believing. 

Love is what makes me want to go back to her, and cover her broken body with kisses. Love is what scares the living shit out of me, preventing me from doing that in this very second, because I’m afraid that I’ll break her all the more. Love is what sends the words tumbling off of my aching lips. 

“‘m alright if yer alright, Becks . . . B-But ‘m not alright.”

+

My eyes continue to play tricks on me, but once I blink back the swarm of tears drowning in them, I find that this actually can get worse. Far worse. Their familiar glances shoot over to me and I don’t return them, ignoring the tears staining my skin. They disperse, but he remains there in the center of the waiting room, eyes on me. When I meet those sad blues at last, the newest sob is welcomed by my lips. In a blur, his arms welcome me and I let them. 

“It’s okay,” he croons against my ear, but my head shakes ‘no’s’ again and again into his unfamiliar shoulder. 

“But ‘s not. She’s not okay . . doesn’t even look like her in there. There’s so many wires and tubes and-,” my ragged breaths cut me off in time as his large hands clap against my back. 

“She’ll be okay. She’s a fighter, Harry, always has been. She’s already fighting hard, I see.”

“I wanted so fookin’ badly t’ think that this was all a dream, b-but then I saw her and . . . ‘s not,” I whimper, a new smell surrounding me as I clutch onto the back of his cold windbreaker. 

“Boops has been a fighter ever since she was born, Harry. Did she ever tell you that?” 

“No . . tell me what?” I return, my heart crashing around wildly inside my ribs, about to break free at a moment’s notice. 

“Her and Robbie had to stay in the hospital for a week after they were born,” Chuck narrates, his large palms pressed to my trembling back. “Not Ree, though, she was in and out. It only took her four days to figure everything out - how to breathe properly, eat, and even shit. But Robbie, he took a week. She was smaller too, but somehow she beat all the odds. They say that there’s typically a smaller twin who doesn’t get as much nutrition and the like while in the womb. They don’t have as good of chances thriving outside of the womb, but lookie there. Ree amazed us all, and she’s continued to do so ever since, Harry. I don’t think she’ll disappoint us today either, son,” he finishes, pulling away to cup my face with his palm. The Holte Blues stare back at me, and I catch her features mirrored in his. He nods at me with lips pressed into a flat line, and I see the tears welling in front of the blue as he pats my cheek. 

“Yer daughter, Chuck, I-.”

“I know you do, that’s why you’re here . .That’s why you’re so scared, and I’m rather damn positive she does too,” he returns, ending his words with a wink. 

I love her . . more than there are stars in the sky, and more than there are beats of my heart.

+

I had lost track of how many episodes I had watched of The Office on the telly, but it was wasted, because the images cut in and out in front of my absent eyes. The voices of those around me trickled through when I wasn’t battling with myself. I had long since ignored the gurgling of my stomach, and the buzzing of my phone. The only thing that finally woke me from my drowning senses was when Skye rushed into the room, jittery from the four coffees she'd downed. 

“She passed her vent test to come off it and is breathing on her own!” she exclaims, rather close to jumping for joy. Robbie soon finds himself caught in her embrace, and during my escape, I whiz past them and down the hall. 

“Becks,” I mumble under my breath, scratching at my cheek as the first new tears in the last half hour arrive in my tired eyes. I ignore their trailing voices, and the new sounds I’ve been drowning out. 

I rush past people and their stares, prying and not. Their eyes question me, and I don’t stop, craving the eyes that I’ve been without for far too long. Her blues. But I don’t find them when I delve into that room for the second time in three hours. Yet, I’m met with something miraculous all of the same. 

Most of the wires have disappeared from her body, and the tubes previously hidden in her throat are as well. The first hints of relief wash over me when I take another step, and then another until she’s within reach. It’s not the same and not how I pictured it, but there she is, just a step away. I’m so fucking glad it’s not like one of the ways I had thought of. Her skin is warm underneath my lips, singing praises behind my eyes. The splashes of blues and reds painting her face pull thick streams of tears onto my cheeks as I press kisses to hers. Steady breaths of hers tickle my skin, sprouting the first smile in hours on my lips. 

It’s my Becks. 

It’s her, my girl. 

Prickly stitches smatter her skin in places, but I avoid them as I run my fingers through her hair, brushing it off of her angelic face. A whimper escapes from my lips for a second, silenced by my hand as her face grows hazy from interrupting tears. My tears fall onto her ghost like skin, the remnants of orange blossoms speckled here and there. 

“‘m here, and yer alright. Everythin’s gonna be alright, my Becks,” I murmur against her forehead, peppering kisses to the freckles hidden amongst her skin. “‘m not goin’ anywhere, bug,” I finish, voice catching on the last word when I’m reminded of her saying the very same thing to me earlier today. “And neitha are you. Y-Ya keep yer promises too . . dontcha, Rebecca Ann? . .  An episode o’ FRIENDS came on earlier in tha waitin’ room . . it was our favourite one, ‘Tha One at tha Beach.’ I didn’t wanna watch it without you . . it hurt too much t’, b-but I shoulda known it was a sign that you’d be okay. And now, here ya are, me li’l fighta.” 

“I think . . I think I love you, Becks . . I dunno when I even decided that, seems ‘s been that way fer a while,” I confess into her hair, finalizing my words with another peck to her dark chocolate waves. “Please wake up so I can tell you, li’l one . . ‘ll be waitin’ here ‘til ya do.”

The only response I receive is the steady beating of the monitors sitting at her side. I watch them, sniffling, entranced by the numbers that vary only a few. A calmness washes over me as I lace my fingers with those of her left hand, careful of the wires, while watching the steady numbers. My eyes flit back to her, hidden underneath plain white blankets, and the pain makes a return to me once again. I know it’s all masked under there, the multitudes of stitches, casts, gauze, and brokenness. Injuries that I can’t fathom, no more than when that nurse breathed life into them in the waiting room.

“Ya said yest’day at me house that it was scary t’ admit how ya felt ‘bout me, and bloody hell, ‘s this scary t’ admit t’ you . . Last night I was thinkin’ ‘bout what our kids would look like. ‘m gettin’ ahead o’ meself, I know, only been on two dates so far,” I laugh ever so softly, thumbing at my ticklish nose while the whispers drop from my lips. Circles and curly mazes are left on her hand where my thumb draws them gently, even her name left there in invisible ink. “I hope mo’ than anythin’ they’d have yer gorgeous blue eyes, and prolly some perfect combo o’ our brown hair . . I hope they’d have yer cute li’l dimple, and yer beautiful laugh. Bet they’d be smart like you too, bug, and have yer drive t’ neva give up on sumthin’ . . I dunno if we’d be here if ya hadn’t given up on me . . and I promise you ‘m not ever gonna give up on you, Becks. Never . . ‘ll tell ya ‘bout all tha rest when ya wake up in tha mornin’. Sweet dreams, sleepyhead,” I announce, swallowing against my throat akin to a dessert.

Antiseptic and unfamiliarity greets my nose when I lay one last kiss on her forehead, careful of the nasal cannula across her cheeks. The feet of the metal chair squeal when I pull the chair closer to the bed, her hand limp in mine. Shocks of teal and yellow prick at my eyes, bringing the smallest of smiles to my face with a harsh gulp.

Wiping my nose with the back of my hand, my eyes scan over her obsessively, and lovingly. Underneath the strange blue gown, her chest rises and falls while her fingers remain warm in mine. I settle into the chair, adjusting it until I can lay my arm on the empty patch of bed at her side like a ninety degree angle. There, I lay my head, lulled into a quick sleep by her slow breathing, finally assured that she’s alright.

Only because of that, am I alright too.

+

My dreams had whisked me away, but it wasn’t for nearly long enough. I couldn’t know how long it had been. At the same time, it was too long and yet, not long enough. I didn’t know that I’d be grateful for waking up, and yet at the same time, the bittersweetness would make me yearn for my ignorant dream world once again. 

I’m woken by the feeling of something touching me, and as I slowly come to, I find it’s somebody playing with my hair. As sleep begins to drip off the edges of my subconscious, I can only wonder who that could be, until I suddenly know. My eyes fly open and flit to the face peering down at me. Her’s, and yet, it’s not. 

“Hey, sleepyhead,” she murmurs in a scratchy voice, propelling my body upwards within a second. 

“B-Becks!” I stammer, blinking hard in between rubbing at my eyes quickly, trying to decide if what I’m seeing is real. I find it hard to figure out what I want to be real, glimpsing again the bruises and cuts brandishing her face. 

“Hi,” she whispers, trying to smile, but I see that she doesn’t have it in her. 

“Becks,” I croak, tears tugging at every breath of the word as my arms go around her, and my face dives into her hair. 

“Ouch, careful,” she protests, and profuse apologies fill the air around us. “It’s okay,” she insists, the wires getting caught between us and my body surrounding hers. 

I back up instantly at the sound of her painful words, but it’s the very last thing I want to do. Touching her and wrapping her up in my arms has been the only thing I’ve wanted to do this entire time, ever since I got the call. Reality blanketing me sends thick sobs from me, and into her hair that doesn’t even smell like her anymore. The smell of orange blossom and vanilla is absent, and it continues to make this entire thing worse. It makes it too surreal, more real than I can handle. 

“Shhh, it’s okay,” she hums gently, a crackly sound to her labored voice. Her hands although dainty before, leave ghostlike trails on my back, adding another tally to the surrealness board. 

“D’ya rememba w-who I am?” I ask hurriedly, pulling away to find her exhausted eyes searching for mine. A corner of her chapped lips just barely curls into her cheek, the always present pink color fleeting in the moment. 

“Of course, you’re . . my Harry,” she mumbles with a long, tired blink. The mere five words pull thicker sobs from my lips. I just glimpse the beginnings of tears in her eyes when I return to her arms that beckon for me. 

“‘m so glad yer okay, Becks, so glad. I was bloody terrified ya wouldn’t be,” I confess into the warm crook of her neck, finding a trace of her fruity-vanilla scent tucked away there. 

“Me too, Harry,” she comments a few seconds too late, marked by a clearing of her throat. Although I’m not much better, I hear the evident struggle in her voice like she’s woken up after sleeping, but I know that the raspiness clouding her voice isn’t from that. It’s from the tube that was shoved down her throat to breathe for her, and probably caused the worst sore throat in existence. 

She hardly feels the same, body marked by wires and tubes, a scratchy gown, and an abrasive cast all along her right arm. Prickly threads dot her body in places where the glass left cuts too deep to leave, and the antiseptic smell of a hospital sticks to her all over. I want to hold her against me, to squeeze her all over until I know that she’s real and that this isn’t just a dream. The kiss I press to the top of her head is marred by the smell of iron, and the crusty feeling of blood hidden among her hair. The next one I leave on her forehead is better, and the warmth of her skin under my touch scores a point for reality, although a harsh one. 

“D’ya rememba . . what happened?” I wonder aloud, painfully. My heart, too shocked from the last several hours, doesn’t even budge when the sight of her again astonishes me. Her swollen left eye is surrounded by blue and purple bruises that paint her face in places. 

She nods her head up and down, until her face creases with presumed pain and she stops. My hand covers her entire cheek that I rub with the pad of my thumb, back and forth, back and forth. 

“I don’t know. . I only remember saying goodbye to you, and then . .  talking to the nurse now. I’m glad that’s the last thing . . I remember,” she replies slowly, the words fleeing her lips at times. 

“Y-yer amazin’, y’know that?” I sigh, the tears ever so present, and I’m unsure of when they’ll ever make their departure. A laugh tries to sound from her lips, but not even within a few seconds, her face is overcome with anguish. “Hey, are ya okay?”

“It hurts, but she gave me something.”

“Where’s it hurt, bug?” I question, eyes dancing across her body mostly covered by the thick hospital blankets. 

“Everywhere,” she exhales, sounding short of breath. My lips stray to her forehead once more to leave a peck there, unsure of what more I could do. “Mostly my head . . arm, and tummy.”

“Ya, that’s . . . where they cut ya open t’ fix ya up. And . . ya got a pretty nasty concussion, and a broken arm. It was a good thing ya were wearin’ yer seatbelt, love,” I tell her, struggling to resist covering her in kisses. If only that were the antidote for fixing all of this, for fixing her. I would do it in a heartbeat if it made all of this go away, as if it never happened. 

“Always,” she almost smiles, making my heart flutter. A smile tugs at my lips as I admire her, sure I’ve never seen anything more beautiful in my life, or bittersweet. She adjusts the nasal cannula feeding her additional oxygen, and I just hope it’s enough. I hope that this is all enough, and that so am I. 

Her heavy eyes drift closed, but the second they do, they flutter open again. They wander back to me and a stronger smile pulls at her lips, mimicking the same motion on the strings of my heart. 

“Don’t fight it, baby, get some rest,” I coo, stroking my fingers through her hair to move it away from her face, careful in doing so. 

“I’m okay . . I want to stay with you, Harry,” Becks admits gently, licking her dry lips. A sound of disbelief leaves mine. 

“Always so selfless, you are.”

“I’m sorry,” she yawns, wincing again at another wave of pain, making me step forward. If I try to again, there aren’t any more that I can take, regardless of the wishful thought that I have to slip into bed with her. “I can’t imagine how . . upset and scared you’ve been,” she apologizes, reaching a hand out to find mine, and it causes my heart to seize with a dose of happiness. 

“No, don’t you apologize. None o’ this ‘s yer fault, ‘s tha asshole who hit you whose fault it ‘s. Yer doin’ so good, Becks, ‘m . . . so fookin’ happy ya came back t’ me . . so proud. My Becks,” I say, smiling through the tears washing out my words. I see the smallest hint of the dimple in her left cheek when they round out from the tiniest of smiles. 

“I’ll always . . come back to you, Harry,” she smiles, and I give in, dipping to press my lips to hers. She may smell different, feel different, and even taste different, but the kiss makes me sure that this is my same Becks, and that this isn’t all a dream. Regardless of the fact that I wish it all was just a made-up dream that I could wake up from, I’m okay with the fact that it isn’t, as long as my girl is okay. 

Finally, she’s my girl. 

And finally, she’s okay. 

My Becks.

+

A/N: Hello, lovely people! Okay.... I am SO sorry for that, but thanks for sticking through it.. I promise Becks will be okay, I would never break up Hecky like that. I apologize for no real content warnings, I didn’t know how to do that without ruining the chapter... Also, please cut me some slack if I get any medical things wrong or they’re unrealistic, I’m not a doctor and I’m doing my best with what Google can give me and from personal experience in hospitals. Thanks SO much for reading all this way into the story, I mean it when I say I’m excited for you to see what’s going to happen! Feel free to visit my askbox if you want to talk after this rollercoaster of a chapter, I feel you. I’d LOVE to talk to anybody about Hecky anytime, or if you want a sneak peek of next week’s chapter lemme know! Make sure to check out the Hecky playlist - although it’s long, I think it has some great tunes on there that remind me of our fav couple! I admittedly had it playing the whole time I was making pasta the other day :P Have a great day, ily c:

[bucksbisexual]

so....... i watched ep6 since apparently i like pain now and oh my fucking GOD

first of all, INKORN!!!!! FINALLY!!!!!!!

but also, INKORN TTTTTTT_TTTTTTT

TEARS PEOPLE. T EA R S

okay let me start from the beginning because what an episode yall

so . we start with a flashback and it was cute ! if only the last one was too HAHAHAHAHimcrying

team being like “hm...... manaow and del are really close lately......... Are They........” after i literally said it out loud was the biggest shared braincell moment i’ve ever had in my life and mind u i have a big sister who i’m very close with lmaO

(also, women are gay too pharm smh)

win being a little bitch with his I’m An Adult Bitch You Can’t Tell Me Shit to team god i love him sjfhksjf

DEAN HOLDING PHARM’S HAND AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

pharm just going into cardiac arrest after dean interlocks their fingers is the biggest mood ever

also manaow baby that’s- that’s not how you check if someone is sick JKSHFSJHS

“don’t forget to eat your lunch” “don’t forget to swallow it too” “beware of choking” THEY REALLY- FHSKGFSLJJFKS

yes i went back to the episode to write that i have no memory whatsoever

i was so scared when dean had his flashback while driving like i was praying to every god in existence for him to not crash,,,, the flashback was cute though

that tear though........ that shit Hurt

but korn saying “like” !!!!!!! half of my brain was like “HE!!!!! LIKES!!!!!! HIM!!!!!!!!” and the other half was just “omg like ram” lmao

pharm calling manaow beautiful ;; yes she is she’s the most beautiful girl ever i love her with my whole heart

that mf guy who doesn’t know the meaning of no can CHOKE (also i heard the actor’s problematic or sumn???? so fuck him too bYe)

thankfully pharm is That bitch and shut him up not once not twice but a shit ton of times in like,,,, less 2 minutes

that’s my mans man hell yeah

apparently everyone in dean’s faculty knows pharm?????? lmaoooooo but when those 2 (and later 3) tried to flirt with him i was like???????? get tf out?????????? out here abusing of pharm’s niceness smh

thankfully dean came to the rescue jsfhsk

bro when pharm picked a thread and it led to dean i was like....... oh my God they actually did that

the FORESHADOWING bro

also that kiss scene......................... perfect i loved it even though i hate their outfits so much but i can get over it if it gives us this amazing scene

dean just ;; being patient with pharm and asking if he’s okay and just asking him until he gives oral (is it vocal? girl idk) answers to the questions he makes just to be sure ;;

god why can’t men be like dean why do u have to be Assholes smh

AND THE RED THREAD!!!!! BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!

dean making pharm wear his jacket sjfhksj u couldn’t be more territorial bro literally (and apparently) everyone knows you’re into each other theres truly no need jfshkf

“if it doesn’t invade our privacy too much, i think it’s okay. also, i think it’s a good way to let that person know that he shouldn’t mess with someone who isn’t single”

first of all, DEAN U ABSOLUTE SWEETHEART

second of all, the shadeeeeeeeeee lmao yes bitch drag his ass

and last, SKJLFHGLJKHSLKHKSJG

thank u for listening to my tedtalk

i will repeat myself, why can’t all men be like dean

also, a bonus: i of course went to the episode to get the dialogue and i saw the name lemon lemon and i was like “wait..... is that manaow???” so i google translated her name and it does mean lemon omg thats SO cute i love her even more rn

okay i don’t know if it’s only me but the girls from the cooking club? the best girls ever me thinks

okay we’re approaching the last part of the episode yall i felt so many emotions in like 13 minutes

we start with the worst, a Flashback.

i literally saw the outfit and started crying. like. no joke.

the mother??? sister?????? aunt?????? being hella worried and in being like “it’s okay i’ll be back in like . 2 seconds”

THIS BTICH NEVER CAME BACK

the little girl please i’m legit going to cry again thinking about her and imagining her waiting for in to come back home and just.... not really understanding whats happening when her mother (im guessing here) starts sobbing when she picks up the phone

OH MY GODDDDDDDD

also according to like,,, timeline and shit inkorn were  from the 60s or 80s right???? which means she’s still alive if nothing has happened to her..................

HAHA so much fun in this blog! just joy laughter and happiness!

also it was in’s birthday.............. oh my goodness

okay moving on to something that hurts less! team being the dunk boy on the booth omg win this is not how u flirt

also i realised that the open house thing happens like... mid first semester so it hasn’t been that long since deanpharm know of each other/have been talking damn bro

win teasing pharm is like,, one of my favourite things lmao i might do a gifset of these moments when i finish the drama if i’m not too lazy

deanpharm holding hands in public tho ;;;;;;; ok bitch call me single and ugly a little less louder

win though SJFKHS *looks at team’s hand* team: no. go away

oh god oh god oh godddddddd here comes the thread talk

the moment team said suicide i stopped the episode because i thought Something would happen to pharm but oh GOD I WAS NOT EXPECTING WHAT HAPPENED

THE STARES!!!!!!!! THE REALISATION!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE “PROMISE” AT THE SAME TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHUT THE FUCKUGISFUIKGJHSLGWJ

i will literally never recover

also i paused that scene so much just to scream into my comfort stuffed toy and i’m so sorry for her

i also couldn’t help but think of how the others at the table were like because if that was me idk what i’d do

i might cry or be like “wow u guys are such great actors” but inside my head because i’m an introvert

but god that was,,,,,,, yeah

and when they of course showed The flashback scene and i saw in’s outfit i cried because he truly never went back home

okay i think that’s it i literally took almost an hour to write this because i tried following the episode while having a thousand thoughts in my head + make lots of typos lmao

i hope these aren’t too bothersome to u guys ;; i post these because i need to share my thoughts somewhere but if someone doesn’t want to see them u can mute the tags i use in these posts or something hhhhh

i might use an specific one for these tho because if i gotta make 17 of these at least let’s make them be organised some way,,,,,

alrighty that’s all byebyeeeee

[simpleb00x]

Ms. Rose From The Flower Shop

Request: can you write cas with number 13 (flowers? No one has ever bought me flowers before) please? @freakygirlforeve7-blog-blog

Warnings: fluff overload

Word Count : 1200

Pairings: cas x reader

A/N: im sorry but this is really cute and im proud of it.

-

-

“Dean.” The angel's voice rang out through the library. “Yes Cas?” Dean asked, not raising his head from the book he was reading. “I need advice.” Castiel replied, taking a seat beside him. “Sure. What’s up?” Dean put the book down and rested his head on his hand. “I - I’m feeling weird.” The angel told him. Dean gave him a confused look and Cas went red. “Around y/n. I feel strange.” He said. Dean still wasn’t getting it. “Around y/n?” He asked. Castiel nodded. “Like, how?” Dean said.

“Like, I get nervous. I get anxious that I’m going to do something wrong or weird. My heart beats really fast, or it feels like it beats really fast. And I don’t know why.” Castiel stated. Dean smiled. “Oh I think I know what’s wrong.” He chuckled. “What? What is it Dean? Can it be fixed? Am I sick?” Castiel’s face was full of worry. “No. No you’re not sick. You like her. Like, really like her. Like, you have a crush on her.” Dean explained. Castiel nodded. “And how do I make the weird feeling go away?” He asked. Dean grinned again. “You ask her out. Or you know, kiss her. Or have sex with her…” he trailed off. “I don’t think y/n would like to do any of those things.” The angel muttered.

“Of course she would! Listen, I know y/n. She’s quite the romantic. Do something sweet for her. Like buy her chocolates or write her a poem. Or um.. flowers! Y/n loves flowers!” Dean exclaimed. Cas tilted his head to the side. “Really? Flowers? Why?” He asked. The hunter rolled his eyes. “It’s how people show their affection for each other. They buy each other flowers. Well, normally the guy would buy the girl flowers. Or the girl buy the girl, or the boy buy the boy, there’s LGBTQ relationships as well.. but anyways - trust me Cas. Buy her flowers. A lot of them. Especially roses.” Dean informed him. Castiel nodded and smiled. “Okay. Flowers it is.” He said.

“Hello?” Castiel said as he entered the store. The shopkeeper was a woman that looked like she was in her late fifties. She grinned as he entered. “Hello there! You here to buy flowers I assume?” The angel nodded and returned the smile. The shop was small and filled to the brim with every flower Castiel could dream of. “Well who’s the lucky lady? Or lucky man? We don’t discriminate here.” She asked. Cas walked up to the counter and looked at the small pots of lavender and basil around her desk. “Her name’s y/n.” He said.

“Y/n? Pretty name. She your girlfriend?” The lady asked, looking through her stash of flowers behind the desk. The angel shook his head. “No. But I hope she will be after this.” He confessed. The lady chuckled. “Ah. To be young and in love again. I just wish my Matthew would buy me flowers. The lazy bastard won’t even clean up after himself.” She said. Castiel gave her a confused look. “If you don’t like him then why are you with him?” He asked. “Oh darling. Sometimes love isn’t roses and lilies and those movies where the couple kisses out in the rain. Real love, real love is compromise. Real love is finding an equal balance between friend, and lover. I just hope your y/n is that.” She said wisely. Castiel nodded.

“Anyways. Enough with the chit chat. What flowers do you want?” She asked, suddenly remembering why he was there. “Well. My friend Dean said I should get her roses. But I know her favourite flower is a lotus. Is it possible to get both?” The angel said hopefully. She gave him a wide smile. “Of course! Hell, I’ll even throw in some water lilies, they’re my favourite.” Castiel thanked her as she made the large bouquet of flowers, wrapping it with a lovely blue ribbon. She took out a little tag and scribbled something on it. “Let her read this. Don’t read it yourself okay?” She instructed. Castiel nodded. She handed him the flowers and he thanked her again. “How much are they?” He asked.

“On me darlin’. Just promise me you’ll come back and tell me all about your little y/n okay?” She said. “Alright.” The angel said with a large smile. “I never got your name!” She called as he was walking out the door. “It’s Castiel. And yours?” He replied. She laughed. “Judy. Judy Rose. Have a good day Castiel! Y/n would be a foolish young lady to turn you down!”

Castiel sauntered into the bunker, flowers in hand. Sam and Dean were both in the library. “Wow Cas. Those are beautiful.” Sam remarked as he entered. “Yes they are.” He agreed. Dean gave him a whistle. “When I said buy flowers, you really went the whole way didn’t you?” He said. Cas nodded. “Only the best for y/n.” He muttered. “Awww look at you.” Dean teased. The angel rolled his eyes at him before asking where y/n was. “She’s in her room.” Sam replied.

Castiel reached y/n’s door. His anxiety was creeping up again. Hesitantly, he knocked on the door. “Who is it!?” Her voice called from inside. “It’s me!” Castiel called back. He heard some shuffling and then the door swung open. “Hey Cas - oh my god.” Y/n said as she saw the flowers. “Castiel. Those are beautiful who are they for?” If he hadn’t felt nervous before, he certainly did now. “They’re for you.” He muttered. “Wait - are you serious? For me? Flowers? No one has ever bought me flowers before.” she said in awe. “The lady said you had to read the tag. She told me I wasn’t allowed.” He told her. Y/n nodded and picked the tag from off one of the roses.

“Dear y/n. Your guy here, he’s a keeper. You don’t want to lose him. Trust me. A real angel this one is. Came all the way here just to buy you flowers. Knew your favourites too. Wouldn’t stop going on about you either. Invite me to the wedding alright? From - Ms. Rose at the flower shop.” Y/n read out loud. Cas saw tears in her eyes. “Are you sad? Why are you crying? Did I do something wrong?” Castiel asked worriedly. He felt his stomach drop. She shook her head and looked up at him. “No no not at all. I’m just so happy.” She said, wrapping her arms around him and burying her face in his trenchcoat. Placing the flowers on a nearby table, he held her. His arms curled around her middle and he rested his chin on her head. He smiled to himself. He had to thank Ms. Rose for this later.

[intricate-oeuvre]

say it before you run out of time || B. Hardy || part II

part I  part II  part III  part IV  part V  part VI  part VII   part VIII  part IX  part X  part XI  part XII part XIII

Word count: 2k

Summary: Ben and the reader have been friends since childhood. And along the way reader falls in love with him. But it might be too late when another girl shows up claiming that she’s his girlfriend.

Warnings: none, horrible writing tho, puppy overload

A/n: huge thank you to all of you who enjoyed the first part! <3 sorry from answering from my main (@saint-hardy) . also tell me if you want to be tagged into future chapters

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Girlfriend??? It rang in your ears.

“Pardon, what?” You tried to compose yourself as lump formed in your throat.

“We have been dating for two months now. Well, he doesn’t want to label it just yet nor to go public about it, but I feel he wants more.” She smiled and looked around. That didn’t sound like Ben.

“Oh, really?” Your voice cracked. Were you too late? Thousand thoughts were running through your mind at the moment. You looked around as tears gathered in your eyes, but you didn’t let them fall.

“Yes. He’s really amazing man… He told me a lot about you.” Nina said the last part with distaste while putting her bag on the living rooms sofa and taking a look around the room.

“He did mention that you might swing around sometime.” Nina said while she checked the photos on the wall. Some polaroids and printed pictures with friends, family, his dog and even you.

“And..?” you asked, feeling that something was coming.

“Nothing. When are you leaving?” Nina turned to you with serious look on her face.

“Tomorrow. Why?” You asked, carefully assessing her. Feeling that you might need to go back to the dorms.

“No reason. Don’t you have like dorms to go and studies to do? Homework? Something?” Nina asked. You could feel that she was not the friendliest type of people.

“I have enough time to do those.” You crossed your arms. Trying to calm down.

“Ben gave you a spare key?” You asked nodding towards the door.

“I wondered the same thing. Of course, he did.” Nina said looking you up and down. The fact that Ben had given you his spare key made you felt special, but not anymore as it seemed.

“I’m here to surprise him when he comes here tomorrow. Show me where is his room.” Nina said looking pass you.

“I’ll better show you guest room.” You said with distaste.

“So, you can take his?” Nina scoffed.

“So, you don’t make mess before he arrives.” You could bite too if you wanted to. And sofa in the living room didn’t look too bad.

“I would advise to watch your tongue before I call him and ask you to leave.” Nina said as she went in the guest room you had showed her.

“Sure. You do that.” You mumbled so she couldn’t hear.

Rest of the evening was silent between you two. She seemed like really possessive person. And jealous of you. She had occupied the guest room as her closet and migrated to Ben’s room to watch TV. You were sure she was planning on staying in both rooms. With slight roll of your eyes you reached under one of the sofas and pulled out a blanket and a pillow. Slipping on Ben’s sweater over your head you nestled on one of the sofas. Too lazy to push the glass coffee table out of the way and pull out the sofa, you tried to fall asleep. 

But the only thoughts that filled your mind where those of Ben and all the good time you two had shared. You stared at the ceiling, hoping that your mind would stop running in circles. Tucking the blanket around your chest you reached for your phone. Checking your IG, your dating apps that you hardly used and only usually checked when you were drunk. And you scrolled through your messages. Your group chat Booty Hunters 69/420 with Maddie and Rose seemed appropriate.

y/n: You guys up?

mAdDie: What happened?

y/n: Ben has gf…

mAdDie: WHAT

mAdDie: THE

mAdDie: ACTUAL

mAdDie: FUCK???

ROSAlinda: what? i’ll beat his stupid ass for real

After that you didn’t answer the texts, just let them roll in and shush your friends that you’ll somehow manage. Then you scrolled list and looked at Ben’s contact. Tapping on his name you let your fingers hover over the keyboard. This wasn’t the first time you had been staring at his contact like this. Letting your fingers slide across the screen you started typing.

y/n: im sorry if this wakes you up. But its 1:34 here and all I can think about is you…

You glanced at the text and instead of hitting send, you deleted it, and throwing your phone on the ground, went to bed.

You woke up some time later from someone’s whispers and shuffling near the front door. You quietly sat up, still covered by blanket and glanced behind the sofa to make sure that it wasn’t Nina walking around, but both bedroom doors were closed.

“Shhh… You’re going to wake up Nina, Frankie…” you heard a deep voice whisper near the door. Then the small lamp near the front door lit up. Emitting small glow around the door area. You fucking knew that voice everywhere.

“Ben?” you asked, your voice still full with sleep. He wasn’t supposed to be here until tomorrow afternoon. Did you accidentally hit send to that message?

Upon hearing your voice, Ben froze.

“Y/n?” your name escaped him in a small gasp.

“Am I dreaming?” you mumbled to yourself as you rubbed your eyes.

“Why are you…? If I had known… You’re not dreaming. Hello.” He seemed puzzled but then softly greeted you, stepping closer. You furrowed your brows for a second, munching on what he said. Shit, it was him!

“Ben!” You gasped, jumping off the sofa and sprinting to him, just to crush your body to his.

“I fucking missed you!” you mumbled as your hands wrapped around him.

“Missed you too, sweetheart.” Ben said fondly as his hands went around your waist and picked you up from the ground to capture you in bone crushing hug. For a moment both of you enjoyed each other’s closeness. Stealing that feeling of home that you associated with each.

He gently let go of you and in that moment, Ben realised that you weren’t fully decent. You were only wearing panties and sweater. Without a bra. HIS sweater. Looking you up and down, he tilted his head while biting his lip:

“Lovely number you have going on here.” He grinned.

“What?” you looked down at yourself.

“Shit! Fuck!” you rushed to your bag to grab some shorts.

“Relax. And besides, it looks better on you anyways.” Ben was referencing the sweater and chuckled at your frantic movements. So, he totally knew it was his sweater. Cool.

“Someone wants to meet you, y/n.” Ben said when he heard small whine behind himself. He had finally taken his pup with him. And you were too excited to finally meet the beagle girl he talked so much about.

“She’s here with you?” You smiled like child.

“Of course.” He turned around and urged Frankie to come closer to you.

“Oh, god! She’s so lovely!” you couldn’t stop laughing as the pup gave you kisses.

“Look, she likes you.” Ben smiled and kneeled beside you two.

“What the fuck is going on here?” Both of you heard tired voice from the hall.

“Nina.” Ben was up and looking at her. If you were allowed to guess then you would say that he didn’t seem so thrilled to see her here.

“Boo? You are here?” Nina’s voice turned into unnatural squeak.

“Hey, Nina.” Ben smiled at her as the named girl rushed to hug him and give him kiss on the lips. Awkwardly clearing his throat, Ben pulled away from her.

“It seems you two have already met.” He said looking from Nina to you, but letting his eyes stay on you.

“Yeah, she’s a nice girl. And it seems you have brought your little pet too.” Nina said with smile, looking at Frankie who was excitedly wiggling her tail next to you.

“Yeah, I know you’re not a fan of Franksta here, but I couldn’t leave her behind.” Ben said apologetically.

“Nonsense. It’s alright until she sleeps in different room.” Nina smiled at him and laid her head on his shoulder. With small nod he agreed.

“Come to bed, boo. You must be tired.” Nina pulled on his arm.

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll be there in a second.” He kissed her cheek.

“Don’t make me wait.” Nina winked at him and went down the hall.

“Sorry about that.” Ben shuffled awkwardly.

“It’s alright.” You smiled and looked down at Frankie. Still trying to process the fact that he had a girlfriend now. You had no idea how to bring this up. What do you even do in such situation?

“Why are you sleeping here in the living room, I have a perfect guest bedroom that you have never turned down before.” He gestured to the back.

“That’s Nina’s.” You said and petted the pup.

“You know you could just sleep in mine then.” He leaned back against the back of the sofa.

“That’s Nina’s too now.” You said straightening. Ben furrowed his eyebrows.

“Guest room sort of is her walk-in closet now. And I think she sleeps in yours.” You shrugged explaining.

“You could have just said something to her.” He smiled.

“I don’t think that she’s a fan of me either.” You sighed, looking at Frankie with whom you now had something in common.

“Don’t be silly.” Ben’s smile faltered.

“It’s alright, Ben. Your expensive sofas are enough.” You reassured, patting his shoulder.

“I think there might be a horny girlfriend that waits for you.” You tried to joke and not sound hurt. For you it hurt more than it made you laugh.

“Don’t even start. I rather stay with you here that deal with that.” Ben said and walked around the sofa to sit.

“Tired, huh?” You whispered.

“Jetlagged as hell.” He corrected.

“Ben?!” Both of you heard Nina’s voice from bedroom. With roll of his eyes, Ben sighed. You rested your forearms on the back of the sofa and looked at Ben. You quietly admired how he looked even if he was jetlagged. His messy hair, the dark hoodie, the way he sat with resting his elbows on his knees.

“How did- How did you meet—You know, the girlfriend Nina thing...?” You somehow tried to word it, but it only came out as weak whisper. You leaned down, now resting your chin on the sofa’s back.

“At one dinner after shooting. Somehow, she stuck around.” Ben sighed and leaned back, his head laying close to yours as his eyes bore into the ceiling, just like yours couple hours earlier.

“What about it?” He asked turning his head to look at you. His breath hitting your cheek now. You didn’t answer, feeling that your voice would give away how you truly feel, so you only shook your head.

“There’s something wrong.” Ben said as his eyes flickered around the side of your face.

“Is there?” You tried to sound uninterested.

“Yeah.” Ben sat up straight and turned to you.

“Don’t want to talk about it.” You said and walked around the sofa to pet Frankie and distract yourself.

“Is it about Nina? Because I know-” Ben started, but you interrupted him with a hiss:

“I said I don’t want to talk about it! Not now, please.” At the end you seemed almost desperate. With small nod, Ben didn’t say a word.

 “Can I leave Frankie here with you?” He pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Of course.” You scooped the pup in your arms. The dog nuzzled the sweater with her nose.

“Even she knows it’s my sweater.” Ben chuckled, trying to lighten up the mood.

“Sorry, I’ll give it back.” You apologized.

“Nah, keep it.” He stepped closer and pulled the collar of the sweater on your nose.

“Goodnight, y/n.” Ben said with tired smiled. He leaned down and pressed his lips to Frankie’s head, keeping his eyes locked with yours.

“Be good.” He said to his dog and left you there with his sweater over your nose and his dog in your arms. Only now you realised how much the sweater smelled of him.

“Goodnight, Ben…” You whispered and readied to the bed again. Mentally saying to yourself to get to sleep because he wasn’t even thinking about you.

~~~~~~~~~~

tags: @brianandthemays @queen-turtle-boiii @rogahloveshiscar @radiob-l-a-hblah @scarsout @sara-1705 @babydazz

[fivefootab1tch]

allllllrighty~ here’s my tHING~<3 i recognize that i talk pretty fast (and i was also trying to be hushhush so i probably didn’t come out as clear as i wanted to) so i’m including a script under the cut~

Tagged by @momtaku, @laffitine, & @dirtylevi ~ ♡ //thank y'all smmmmm// Tagging @shuuhuu @madcapraccoon @matcha-castella @starry-raven​ & everyone else on here who needs an excuse to do it and wants to. i’ll share the love and peer pressure asdkjfnak

'Aight, so here's my stab at Mamataku's SnK Voice Meme 4.0! I wrote a script to try and keep myself on track, but... the fuck if I ever know how to play right, so here we go~

State your name and username. 『sal, fivefootab-i-tch』 Is there a story behind your user name that you’d like to share? 『it's from an o.g. fandom video called "More Sassy Levi (Ezekieru Outtakes)". this was way before i was more or less tumblr savvy and i've gone through variations of it before settling on this one to mimic Ezekieru's pronunciation of BITCH. i'd wanna have a completely hyphenless version of this url to make my presence easier for the tumblr system to SWALLOW, kkkk but it's taken. the version of it with a 1 instead of the i isn't though... so maybe i'll switch to that one, i dunno. what's a brand?』 Where are you from? 『i'm from the states, southern california, bordertown asscrack of the U.S. you might get that lazy, high as balls, surfer feel from my voice since i've been here all my life』 How long have you been a fan of the series? 『i'm about two years late from the anime release, and i only know this because i immediately started writing fanfiction after binging the series in summer 2015. so... coming on 4 years? damn.』 What is your favorite and least favorite Arc? 『my favorite arc is the uprising arc, a pretty popular opinion, for a lot of reasons: the sudden turn of events, levi's collarbones, levi as a kid, KENNY, the characters all having their own unique identity crisis as their morals are suddenly taking turns, historia reclaiming her identity... (which was something that hits a little too close to home for comfort, but what's a good series that doesn't rip your personal feelings to shreds?)』 『i'm not a big fan of the marley side of things, another pretty popular opinion. for me, suddenly switching to a new cast of characters and setting after so much was accomplished in the uprising arc and return to shiganshina felt like betrayal. i mean... they get to the basement, which was the whole ass goal of the entire series up to that point, then we suddenly screech to a halt to tell someone elses' story. i can understand it... theoretically? i guess? bbut the whole time i was still like "wait a minute, what happened with the main cast?" bits and pieces of it have grown on me since, but i still have a ways to go to invest myself. politically, i just realized... marley really grinds my gears. why did i have to realize this? i'm shook. i can't believe this. i'll process it later.』 Do you have a favorite moment in the story thus far? 『eren screaming "the world outside the walls is my birthright" for... reasons. historia reclaiming her identity for... reasons... i've found myself hyperinvested in this series for immensely personal reasons i hope to eventually see through in my own life. i wanna be free, too. i also liked the moment in the uprising arc when levi thanked armin for saving jean. it was rough, but something he needed to hear. also any moment levi praises people. it's really cute.』 If you could resurrect one dead character who would it be and why? 『kuchel, because not only does levi deserve his mother but i would've loved to see more of her and how she raised levi into the compassionate kind of guy he is now. that side of him survived the tough love kenny put him through, so she must've breathed hella life into her kid and that's something i'd love to have seen more of』 Who is your favorite character and why? 『levi, for a lot of obvious as well as not so obvious reasons.』 『obvious reasons: he's pretty fucking cute. his sass and one liners are hilarious. his sense of humor's a clusterfuck of bad shit jokes and dark takes the people around him don't understand half the time and that's pretty funny in itself. he's o.p. as hell but the way the story makes it not matter when it comes down to it (because the universe is just THAT fucked up) is really something. he's in a league of his own but the depth of his characterization and development shows that's only a small part of who he is. the story demands so much more of him and the ways he rises (and sometimes falls) to the occasion makes me really like him. he's showcased as Humanity's Strongest but he's still human and flawed as fuck.』 『not so obvious reasons: he says fuck gender roles. he's short and makes the trans guy side of me feel pretty good. that particular character trait isn't just a gag for me. he started from the bottom now he's here. he always sides with the powerless, the helpless. he (to his own personal moral code) uses the strength he has for good as opposed to using it to keep people below him, something he could very well do if he uncritically internalized everything kenny spoonfed him, and wanted to. he doesn't sit on a moral high horse. he's open minded and accepting of letting people decide things for themselves. he's humble. if he doesn't understand something, he'll look to other people and he does all that while remaining confident and assertive in his own abilities. he doesn't hold himself above doing the dirty work if he feels he's best suited to do it. he genuinely cares about people and does his best to talk them through their issues when they need it, even if he's clumsy while doing it. it's really inspirational and personally validating .』 Any OTPs? 『erejean hits me a certain way. they're everything "boys will be boys" is SUPPOSED to mean, and i still can't get over jean calling eren cool. they're just so funny and i love their dynamic. hange and petra hits too for a reason i don't really understand yet. i don't get super invested in pairings, but i do like seeing character dynamics being explored in different lights and stuff. **** i bonded with my partner over roleplaying an au ereri thread, so that pairing's pretty special too. i didn't ship it at first, but being open to it has led me to getting to know this amazing person, so... yeah.』 You are able to transport to the SnK Universe for a day. How do you spend it? 『helping out. i don't know what i'd be able to contribute, but i'd want to be doing something to make the lives of the main cast easier. they have it really hard, and so many times i wanted to be able to do something for them. so i write my original characters into fanfiction. on the other hand, if it's a world where i'm independent and free to live whatever life i wanna live, i'd wanna go absolutely apeshit first. see everything there is to see and live all the life there is to live. ****perform a strip tease at a scout party and have the officers stick bills into my boobs.**** THEN commit myself to some sort of social or military work for the scouting legion. ****be their comfort... if yaknoe what i mean. it's good honest work~♡****』 Eren Jaeger did nothing wrong or Eren Jaeger did everything wrong? 『eren jaeger is what eren jaeger does. i can't vouch for whether or not he's right or wrong because there's no way i can really put myself in the situation he's in. mass genocide is very wrong, without a doubt, but something tells me there's something else going on and his real intentions are more complicated. a pivotal point in the series for him was his tribunal, where levi played the role of the arrogant wank to save his life and beat his ass before the whole military court. i think there's something similar going on here. he could be playing a role too, but it still stands that i have no idea. i'm not so invested in condemning or glorifying him, because the things i enjoy about his character aren't really going to be influenced.』 What is your favorite song in the series? Feel free to sing an extract 『i love them all. hiroyuki sawano makes such amazing soundtracks and all the vocals are powerful and chilling as fuckall hell. some favorites i do have are red swan, Vogel im Käfig, Bauklötze, call your name, it's answer song call of silence, youseeBIGGIRL, the spanish version of so ist es immer. so uh... even though i'm not very good at it, i do really love singing, so... i'm gonna try and sing some for y'all. i know a lot more english, japanese, and spanish than i do german so... i'm sorry!』 ****『Like the scarlet night veiling the dark You can hide your fear Can lie, my dear Kono mama yume wo mite Chi darake no tsubasa Hirogete』**** 『Las sillas ya juntas están Charlamos toda la noche  Este lugar no esta nada mal  Y creo que nos llevamos bien ****Solo estamos nosotros  Siempre es nuestra luz  Cantando y bebiendo, puedes estar tu Bajo el cielo azul  Siempre estamos asi  Y largas son las noches aqui』 『Ist das der Zerstörer oder der Schöpfer?』**** 『one of these days, when i feel more bearable to listen to, i'll... try and do some full ass covers, if y'all would be down for that ♡』 Bonus: What would Erwin do? 『about... what? everything going down now? i dunno. all i can offer is a dream daddy reference. he's chilling in Margaritaville somewhere... 』 Say the following: Wall Maria, Jean Kirschstein, Reiner Braun, Ymir, Theo Magath, Onyankopon, Kiyomi Azumabito, Hajime Isayama, Shiganshina Trio, Shingeki no Kyojin, Shinzou wo Sasageyo

[allurefm-blog]

hey ! my name is link ! i go by he / they pronouns , am 21+ & live in the cst timezone ! i’m an obnoxious aries , but i promise i’m nice for a clown . i’m excited to be here ‘cause i’m a slice of life h*e . & this here is my weirdo tommy , who i hope you’ll like a lot . under the cut , you’ll find some misc. info & wanted connections , but here’s his dossier & pinterest board , which has more information for you . feel free to like this if you’d like to plot & i’ll swing by in your ims ( or ask for discord which is honestly easier for me but it’s okay if you don’t ) !

☕ . ˚ ◝  (  kim jongin. genderfluid. he/they. ) thomas “tommy” song is a twenty-five year old gemini. the deja brew barista’s go-to order is matcha lemonade and grilled cheese. they like to listen to tempo by lizzo feat. missy elliott while they wait for their order. the employees of the deja brew think they are inconsistent but swear they’re totally versatile as well. maybe that’s why collected sketchbooks that remain empty, horror movie marathons, band tees paired with perpetually messy hair remind me of them.

misc. info : ( content warning for : emotional abuse & neglect, negative religious imagery )

they’ve always lived in the la area & don’t really see themselves leaving even if they hate it here sometimes for whatever reasons they made up in their heads

their father owns several businesses & is generally well off. he has people convinced that he’s a really good guy but in private he’s an unbearable asshole. just really nitpicky about everything & overbearing in forcing his opinions on his family

their mother was a struggling actress & the few projects she was in flopped & then she became too old by society’s standards to get work & tommy’s dad ragged on her for it, poking at her appearance / weight until she finally gave up & settled for being his assistant

not only is their dad just a dick he’s also extremely catholic which intensified his already aggressive personality. for as long as tommy can remember their dad nagged him for anything possible. they never seemed to be “enough of a man” for him which absolutely tainted the way they viewed themselves

this plays a large part into why they decided to dump the idea of being a man period. all their life they never felt comfortable with being masculine & felt like a failure any time they tried but it wasn’t until their late teens that they felt comfortable identifying as nonbinary

they also suffer from a lot of catholic guilt. their dad was that typical shitty religious guy who went on homophobic rants at random so those views affect them even now

while they consider themselves closeted & default to saying they’re straight when asked they don’t keep up with it very well. any time a pretty guy makes eye contact with them they’re gonna go for it then beat themselves up for it later

they’re a thot. they enjoy physical intimacy but don’t really believe in the idea of romantic love ( yep his dad ruined that for them too ) so they prefer to sleep around than try to get close to anyone

whatever relationships they’ve been in they probably ruined it by not being affectionate or caring enough because they never learned how to be like that with another person ( whatever feelings they and their mother shared were more out of pity than actual love )

also they might be a cheater. i haven’t fully decided if they have or not but they definitely consider it constantly when they’re dating ( if you want some kind of plot like this let’s goooo )

so basically they struggled growing up but just emotionally & mentally. they were great in school but they hated the experience & everything along with their parents caused them to become pretty anxious & introverted in their adulthood

they can & will go out but they prefer not to & they’re terrible at socializing. things can be pretty awkward with them without them meaning to. & their sense of humor is very dry so it can come off as mean ( again without meaning to )

they’re really interested in drawing & painting but they went to college for computer science & honestly it makes them pretty miserable but they’d rather suffer than deal with their dad jumping down their throat

they took a couple of years off from school to gather themselves mentally ( basically had a breakdown in the middle of a semester & their dad still drags him for it ) but are in their senior year now

they only answer to tommy. if you call them tom or thomas you’ll just get a scowl in response then ignored

basically they’re both a fake goth & art hoe. they wear black sometimes but not constantly but always refer to themselves as a goth & they buy more sketchbooks than they need ‘cause they never draw in them ( they prefer using napkins & their textbooks )

they roll up their jeans and their sleeves because they’re bisexual

dogs are some of the only things that will make them outwardly happy if you want them to lose their mind then just show them a dog or even pics / videos

they love matcha it’s their favorite flavor but they actually hate coffee despite working in a cafe. but they’re really good at making latte art & getting tips because they’re pretty & and good at flirting with customers

they’re obsessed with horror movies. they relate a lot to movie monsters for trans reasons & find them comforting even when they’re super gory. currently their favorite movie is midsommar so you can catch them going off about it a lot

they love slushies & smoothies. if it’s blended & has a lot of sugar then they fuck with it heavily. also most of the time they’re too lazy to make their own food so they use drinks a lot as meal replacements 

they can’t cook worth a damn. they probably get most of their food from deja brew

they love plants a lot & keep a bunch of them at all times 

they’re a hipster they love collecting vinyls & patches for their many denim jackets

they love going on drives to anywhere everywhere at random. they don’t need a destination they just wanna drive

they sleep in small four hour bursts & are pretty much always tired

they love pizza & pasta. if it’s italian they’re a stan

they’re super clumsy. probably run into things or trip five times a day

they’re secretly dramatic & gets upset when their friends / lovers don’t give them enough attention but they will never bring it up other than through playing it up 

they collect band tees even for bands they don’t listen to & they don’t care if they get called out for it

wanted connections : 

rooommates ( one or two )

exes ( any gender. it can be messy or friendly. i’m willing to have tommy be the issue since they can be rather uncaring & we could even do a cheating plot if you want maximum angst. also bonus points if they’re exes that are still “involved”. )

hookups / fwbs ( any gender. singular experiences or regular type things )

childhood plots for those who’ve lived in la ( childhood friends, first kisses / crushes, all that good stuff )

high school sweethearts

their first sexual experience with someone masculine. i want the awkward teen ( or early twenties whichever ) experience & it’s probably something that tommy gets ( dare i say it ? ) shy about even now

flirtationships that don’t go anywhere

maybe a regular customer that they keep flirting with & the customer thinks they actually have a thing for them but they don’t & it’s weird & awk

maybe they fuck up your drink and your muse is mad about it but they try to flirt their way out of it with either good or disastrous results

your muse is the person that has to deal with this behavior

one-sided crushes ( don’t mind who has the feelings ! )

mutual pining but they’re both idiots & have no idea

anything from this tag 

party buddies. horror movie buddies. video game buddies. road trip buddies. any of these can be combined

tinder date ( it can go well or not )

literally anything you can think of i’m probably down for it