#/ I may add more or rewrite somethings later on but now that's the basics

[neuroslayyer]

GENETISYS

Originally established as a privately funded organization by Kenzo Kobayashi in the 1960s, it would later be restructured and recognized as a megacorporation in 1989.

The main focus up until the company was taken over by Kenzo's only daughter, Etsuko Kobayashi (later Hirose), was genetic engineering. When Etsuko gained control neuroscience, psychology & pharmaceuticals had been added to the company's repertoire. However there's persistent rumors that Kenzo had enjoyed dabbling in bio-warfare.

Research and services include but aren't limited to:

cloning

gene therapy

gene doping

overall genetic modification

"designer" babies

memory alteration

preservation and extension of youth

And when it comes to pharmaceuticals, most of the drugs are for psychological, genetic and chronic disorders.

Of course there's the experiments and research that's not shared transparently with the general populace such as genetically modified soldiers, gene splicing, and general human experimentation in the realm of psychology and the neurosystem.

Genetisys is known to pay people to be part of their clinical trials and research (though a next of kin is always required beforehand); a solution for those who are hard up for quick cash, though in some ways it may as well be the equivalent to selling your soul. When Sub Attica, the underwater prison, was still in existence they would also bargain and take some of the prisoners for test subjects as well. While volunteers had a higher survival rate in terms of their trials, nonvolunteers would never see the light of day again.

Over the decades there have been scandals or attempts to expose scandalous behavior. However, nothing would ever stick enough to knock the corporation down --- the legal department always acting as swift as a viper and security (both physical and cyber) would keep everything under lock and key. Though around/between 2060s-2076 more information about the company, including projects, experiments/research and files on victims would be leaked. It's unknown how someone could get a hold of such stuff; it's almost as if whoever did it, had a bit of insider knowledge when it comes to corporation.

While Kenzo and Etsuko never agreed on everything in terms of company practices and scientific pursuits, the thing they shared was the love of the study. Making millions, nearly billions, in wealth is a nice extra benefit. But both do what they do because of their morbid fascinations and curiosity.

[redux-iterum]

if you dont mind me asking, how do you plan what to write? im trying to do my own rewrite but i'm struggling a bit

So I’ll cover how I do a rewrite specifically, since that’s a little different from original works like a webcomic or a book. What I use personally is the “Snowflake Method” – start big, go small.

Start by figuring out what you want to do with your rewrite. Are you trying to make the story better? Is it an AU with one major change that alters the course of history? Are you just adding mythology? What’s your goal here? Rewrites should have a point that will help define how your story shakes out. For the purposes of this ask, we’re going to assume it’s just a major-change AU.

Once you have the purpose, you can start planning. The first important thing is to get a general, overall idea of how the story will go – something basic like “Firepaw joins ShadowClan right when Brokenstar comes into power, and he ends up leading a rebellion and defeating Brokenstar and his lackeys”.

You may have ideas at this point for small scenes and snippets of dialog (God knows I always do), so write all the little things you want to have happen down in no specific order, just as they occur to you. Save those for later.

With your general idea, start breaking it up into somewhat smaller story beats. “So Firepaw joins ShadowClan, then he’s taught how to fight, and he struggles because the fighting is so violent and cruel and he’s so young. Then he sees how Brokenstar leads and doesn’t like it, and he talks to his Clanmates and discovers they don’t like it either.” And so on, until you get to your ending. Remember, you don’t need to get too detailed right now; you’re just cutting the pie into smaller pieces over time. Those slices can get smaller as you go on.

If you have those small scenes and ideas laying around, start going over the generally-planned stuff and seeing where you can add in those things. Some of them, you’ll have to get rid of, because they don’t work or make sense, or they’re not fitting to the tone of the story. That’s totally fine. Killing darlings is part of the process. Those you can keep will help connect things together.

Continue getting more and more specific as far as you need to. “Firepaw fails his first fighting lesson, then he goes home in shame, then he’s talked to by Nightpelt who is sympathetic to his shame and admits he doesn’t like Brokenstar’s leading methods, which causes a small idea of changing things to bloom in Firepaw’s head”, etc. If you’re a thorough architect like me, you need as many details as you can get, but some people are good to stop at this point, or even before it, with vague notions they can write down and improvise in.

If you feel it would help, at this point you can write a detailed synopsis for the entire story – I do it chapter-by-chapter, listing everything that happens in each chapter so that I have bite-sized summaries that are easy to look through and change things in. Some people just need a general idea and they’re good to go, and that’s fine.

The one thing I want to emphasize is to keep in mind that you're doing a rewrite, and so you should ideally have something that makes your version stand out from canon. Things are a little easier because you have bedrock to work with that you can alter or discard as you like, but you still have to alter if you want your rewrite to not just be "canon but one tiny thing is different".

I hope this helps! Apologies if it's a little scattered, I'm very tired and distracted today.

[artsy0wl]

Someone Who Cares (a Saguaro x Jacq fic)

Synopsis: Can you make sure Jacq eats? He’s been so caught up with work that I think he’s skipped a few meals. Oh, and I’m pretty sure he hasn’t slept in a few days.

It sounded simple enough. It should have been simple enough. But when he got to Jacq’s office, he wasn’t sure if “simple” was the right word. Messy and chaotic fit the scene he was greeted by.

I decided to rewrite this since I wasn’t feeling the direction it was going in.

Can you make sure Jacq eats? He’s been so caught up with work that I think he’s skipped a few meals. Oh, and I’m pretty sure he hasn’t slept in a few days.

It sounded like a simple enough request. If not a bit odd. Clavell wasn’t too invested in the teachers outside of the basics. However, given that Jacq had developed a bond and partnership with the esteemed director, it wasn’t too surprising when Clavell worried about him.

And he had every right to. Though not something the average person would pick up, in hindsight, Saguaro realized that he hasn’t seen Jacq much in the break room or the cafeteria.

So if the director was coming to him to combat that, Sarguaro could understand that. From what Saguaro was told, Jacq ignored Miriam’s concerns, stating he was alright and would grab something to eat later. He told Dendra he has to keep his mind working if he was ever going to get his project done. He even told Hassel that ‘an artist’s work, or I guess I should say biology teacher’s duty, needs to be perfect’.

Clavell must have been desperate if he was asking for Saguaro’s help. His and Jacq’s department were so far apart that Saguaro wondered why the director didn’t ask Raifort first.

It sounded simple enough. It should have been simple enough. But when he got to Jacq’s office, he wasn’t sure if “simple” was the right word. Messy and chaotic fit the scene he was greeted by.

Papers scattered across the floor along with several empty cups of, presumably, coffee. Jacq’s Arcanine was curled up and napping next to Jacq while his Farigiraf poked her head in through the nearby window. An Alolan Meowth napped on his table while Jacq picked away at a Pokédex. Jacq was muttering to himself, some kind of technical jargon that Saguaro didn’t particularly care to understand.

Talking Jacq out of his invested was going to be interesting. If not a bit annoying. Clearing his throat, Saguaro entered the room.

“Not very tidy today, are you?”

Chuckling, Jacq took his glasses off and set them on the desk. “A little mess can’t hurt anyone.”

Approaching Jacq’s desk, Saguaro leaned against it. “But skipping out on meals and sleep can.”

Huffing, Jacq leaned forward, folding his arms in the process. “Not you too.”

“Yes, me too.” Saguaro crossed his arms. “You more than anyone should know that your body has needs.”

“And I will… once I get these projects done.”

Grabbing a document, Jacq proceeded to jot some notes down. He then proceeded to pet the Meowth’s head before moving onto the next document. Looking at Jacq’s paperwork, Saguaro changed his tactic.

“What are you working on?”

“Miss Briar wanted to see if I could add a new feature to the Pokédex. She wanted some kind of lore application for the Blueberry Academy students. Specifically on Paradox Pokémon and regional variants for educational purposes. Salvatore wants some insight on this little guy.” Jacq scratched behind the Meowth’s ear. “Apparently he hasn’t been eating much lately despite poving what Salvatore had been giving up until now.” Jacq grabbed a few documents. “Director Clavell needs the results of the Biology midterm by the end of the week and I’m looking into the Herba Mystica sample that Arven brought me.”

“Sounds stressful.”

“Maybe a little, but it’s keeping me busy. Which isn’t that bad, am I right?” Jacq shrugged as the Meowth woke up and stretched out. “Besides, it’ll be worth it when all is said and done.”

“It may be worth it, but I don’t think they want you to overwork yourself in the process.”

“But I need to get it all done.” Jacq let out a deep yawn, rubbing his eyes before grabbing the Pokédex he was working on. “I promised I’d get it done and I can’t let them down.”

“You won’t let anyone down if you take a break.”

Jacq slid his glasses back on. “You don’t know that.”

“Yes I do. None of them would want you to lose your sanity over this. Or your health.”

“I’m fine.”

“You probably can’t even stand up without falling over.”

“I can. Watch me.”

Accepting the challenge, Jacq quickly stood up. Maintaining his balance, he turned to fully face Saguaro with a boastful smirked. But before he could boast about his small win, Jacq’s vision began to blur. Fuzzy particles clouded his line of sight. His ankle rolled, causing Jacq to fall over. Saguaro acted fast, he grabbed Jacq and helped him stand.

“See.”

“I tripped.”

Saguaro rolled his eyes. If Jacq was going to be difficult, he would meet it with equal amounts of stubbornness. The back of Jaq’s coat was grabbed as he was tossed over Saguaro’s shoulder.

“And my hand slipped.”

Jacq’s face turned red as Saguaro picked up the Meowth and vacated the room. “Saguaro!? Put me down!”

“No.”

The first place Saguaro stopped was Salvatore's office, plopping the Meowth in his bed. “Try more seafood oriented food. And bitter berries since they can’t really taste sweet berries.”

Not waiting for a response, Saguaro left Salvatore’s office. Instead, he hauled Jacq over to his dorm room. All the while, Jacq weakly begged for Saguaro to put him down.

He would only get his wish once they got to the room. Once there, Saguaro set Jacq on the bed, removing Jacq’s glasses in the process. But instead of lying down, Jacq sat on the side of the bed. Despite his exhaustion, he wasn’t ready to give up.

Saguaro set the glasses on the counter as he started to look around the kitchen. “Can you give yourself, at least one hour to nap? After that, you’re going to eat, then, will you be allowed to get back to work.”

Jacq continued to sit there, not responding to the request. Not knowing if that was his way of considering it or silently accepting it, Saguaro continued to look around the kitchen. Grabbing a pot and a few ingredients, he decided to make soup. It wouldn’t take long to make and wouldn’t be too hefty on Jacq’s stomach.

“It’s my fault, isn’t it?”

“What is?” A stagnate pause greeted him as Saguaro started chopping some veggies. “What do you think is your fault?”

“That Sada died.”

A quick, firm chop cut through a leek. Shoulders stiffened as Saguaro’s hands landed on the counter. Light eyes fell on Jacq, who refused to move eye contact from the floor.

“Where is this coming from?” More silence. “Jacq?”

“I’m noticing Briar taking an… unhealthy interest in Aera Zero.” Jacq huffed. “It brings back memories. Regrets. Things I should have changed.” He shuttered as he shook his head. “Knowing what happened with Sada, while standing in front of her son makes me feel evil. I could have… should have, said something back then.

Saguaro moved around the counter and sat next to Jacq. His hand gently landed on Jacq’s back. Jacq quietly melted into it. Almost as though he needed physical contact.

“It’s just… every time I look at Arven, I get this gut wrenching feeling in my stomach.” Leaning forward, Jacq crossed his arms over his lap. “He shouldn’t be taught by the man who contributed to her passing.”

“It’s not your fault.” Saguaro denounced. “Arven’s a good kid. Needs a little more practice in the kitchen, but a good kid.” His hand gently motioned around Jacq’s back. “But if he blames anyone, it’s not you.”

“But I-”

“Am a wonderful teacher that anyone would be lucky to have. Excitable and a little air headed, who unconsciously overworks himself, but an honest man.”

Jacq sat up, finally turning to face Saguaro with exhausted distress. “But I’m not. I was part of the problem. I wanted to go on the expedition too. So I should have been the one to say something when Clavell didn’t. Why shouldn’t he mad at me?”

“First of all, Arven’s just a kid. You’re expecting a lot from a kid who’s still got a few years in school. Will he feel resentful for his mother’s decisions? Of course. Will he blame one of the only mentors and parental figures he has because of it? No.” Saguaro’s hand wrapped around Jacq’s shoulders. “Secondly, you have noting to feel guilty over. Yes, you were on the expedition, but if anyone pushed Sada to that point, it would have been her. I don’t think any of us wanted this to happen, but no one could have predicted this. Not even Sada. And thirdly, Sada and Briar are grown women. You could have done everything in your power to stop Sada, and she still could have gone down the same path. Same with Briar presently.”

Holding back tears, Jacq glared at Saguaro, trying to hold back the urge to yell at Saguaro. Knowing he was just trying to help and didn’t deserve to be berated, Jacq knew better. At the same time, he couldn’t bring himself to accept that he was innocent in all of this.

“It can’t be that simple. Someone has to be held accountable and-”

A kiss prevented Jacq from finishing his thought, silencing him. A soft, stunned breath escaped his nostrils as silver eyes widened. When Saguaro pulled back, he took advantage of Jacq’s shock and gently pushed Jacq back, lying him down. With a now red face, jacq glared at Saguaro with confused disbelief.

“You’re not in a clear mental state. If you really want to continue this self inflicted blame, we can afterwards.”

~

“I never would have thought you had a sweet tooth.”

Four hours later and Jacq finally woke up from his nap. When he did, he was greeted by the scent of coffee. A sweet aroma was in the air as he managed to get himself out of bed with an unceremonious thud. Saguaro had opted out of his soup plan in favor of scones. A preferable alternative to go with the coffee.

“You’re not the only one.” Saguaro chuckled. “What can I say, there’s a softie underneath this cool exterior. Besides, Juliana and Arven got me some of that Sweet Herba Mystica as a little gift and I want to put it to good use.”

“Oh…” Jacq wearily smirked, “that was really nice of them.”

“It really was.”

An awkward silence fell as Jacq’s frame deflated. His glasses fogged up as he took a sip of coffee. When he set it down, Jacq's elbows rested on the table as fingers intertwined in front of Jacq’s face.

“Sada’s death is hitting you deep, isn’t it? And that’s why you’ve been over working yourself, right?”

“…Yeah.”

“And you haven’t told the Director, if I had to guess. Because you know he’d have you take time off if you did.” Jacq nodded. “And you thought you could bury it under work, thinking that no one would suspect anything?” Jacq nodded again causing Saguaro to roll his eyes. “You know, for someone so smart, you are so dumb sometimes.”

Jacq shrugged his shoulders. “It worked.”

“For how long? A week? And only because our esteemed director had an undercover counseling gig with a pompadour and a dream.” Saguaro’s hand reached across the table, grabbing Jacq’s wrist. “You need to take it easy. You can’t go on like this.”

Jacq’s face fell as he yanked his wrist away. “You’re stubborn, you know that?”

Saguaro chuckled. “That’s probably why he asked me to step in. Fight fire with fire. Or, well, stubbornness with stubbornness. Though, what you really need is a few days off and probably some therapy.”

Reaching out a hand, Saguaro offered comfort, hoping Jacq would accept the offer. Jacq eye the hand, cautiously and curiously. Staring at the hand, he was tempted to take it. To resign himself in defeat and take care of himself. Hovering his hand over Saguaro’s for a moment, Jacq quickly pulled it back.

“I’ll consider it, when I’m ready.”

“Frankly, I don’t think you should procrastinate. I’d hate to see how worse this could get for you. Especially, if I knew I could stop it.”

Jacq shrugged with a small sigh before he hunched forward. Using his arms as cushions, he rested his head as he watched Sagusro in silence. His mind was elsewhere while his gaze was perplexed.

“Why did you kiss me?”

Withdrawing his hand, Saguaro frowned. He wasn't shocked by the question. Rather, he had hoped to avoid it for a little longer.

Saguarp sighed. “I don’t know.”

Finding the right words was surprisingly difficult. He knew there was a reason and the last thing he wanted to do was make excuses. But finding said reason felt more difficult than it should have been.

“I mean, I appreciate the enthusiasm, but,” Jacq shrugged, “I wouldn’t have minded dinner first.” He awkwardly chuckled. “I… I’m not mad, I’m just confused.”

Saguaro shook his head, leaning forward. “While I appreciate the sentiment, it wasn’t okay. I forgot about your autonomy in a mindlessly attempted to deescalate the situation.”

“It’s okay, I wasn’t thinking clearly and you were trying to help.”

“It’s really not, but we can sort that out later.”

Jacq hid his face in his arms, sighing. Leaving the conversation there for now, Saguaro watched him. The important thing was trying to help out with the more pressing issue. As a thought occurred to him, Saguaro stood up and moved closer to Jacq, sitting on the edge of the table.

“How can someone learn to better their sandwich making?”

Lifting his face up, Jacq look at him confused. “What?”

“Let’s say I have a student who, despite his best efforts, was having difficulties crafting a well crafted and delectable sandwich for him and his Pokémon. He has all of the ingredients, but let’s sat he’s missing a step. Be it a proper base or adds too much meat and maybe he doesn’t realize it. How might he get help?”

Sitting up, Jacq contemplated the inquiry. “I suppose having a friend, or anyone close for that matter, could offer help. Sometimes it takes another set of eyes to help.”

Saguaro nodded. “Correct. Now, say this person doesn’t want help, be it out of stubbornness or self consciousness. How can this individual help this student?”

Jacq paused. “On the one hand, I’d day give them space. Maybe let them try again knowing that they have someone to help if needed. But,” his head tilted, “there’s nothing wrong with needing help when it’s offered. Especially in moments where it’s necessary. For example, when I was a much younger man, Sada and the director helped me out a lot when I got stuck on a problem. I would be so fixated on or aggravated with what I did wrong that I would miss the solution.” Pausing again, he looked at Saguaro quizzically. “But what does that have to do with any of this?”

“This is an altered analogy where I used Arven as an unnamed example on how working with others can help in the sandwich making process.” He nodded as he recalled the lesson. “In this altered analogy, you are the student that needs help.” Saguaro stood up, his down at Jacq. “I’m also glad you mentioned how our esteemed director and prodigal professor. It’s a good comparison for the stubborn refusal you’ve instilled now,” Pulling his chair over, Saguaro sat down. “You’ve already done your ‘leave them be with someone there if needed’ route. If a but shoddily so given your disregard for people being there to help.” He crossed his legs as he placed his arms on the table. “So we’re now at the ‘offered help’ stage. For Arven, it was cooking with a good friend. For you, it’s finding a way to process your grief while being stuck with the ‘cool’ Home Ec teacher. So tell me,” his hand rested on Jacq’s arm, “how can I help you?”

~

“Allow me to thank you. I know this wasn't easy.”

Jacq napped on Saguaro’s bed as Saguaro and Clavell hung out in the kitchen. After a day of menial tasks and getting his first therapy session planned, Saguaro suggested that Jacq should catch up on sleep. Saguaro also put in a request for substitutes for his and Jacq’s classes until the end of the week, at least. This would give them a few days to adjust to a new plan.

“Happy to help,” Saguaro mused, “though he still has some things to work through.”

“I can’t say I’m surprised. Internalizing the whole ordeal must have wrecked him mentally. Those kind of wounds take time.”

Saguaro grumbled, nodding as he glanced at Jacq. A few thoughts ran through his mind, one needing to be addressed more than the rest.”

“Was he ever in love? With Sada, I mean?”

Clavell turned his attention to Jacq. “No. If anything, he looked up to her and saw her as an older sister.” With a quizzical expression, he turned his attention back to Saguaro. “Why do you ask?”

Saguaro was quiet for a moment. “I may have overstepped a boundary and kissed him. He brushed it off, but it got me thinking. Since I’ve never seen him date any one, I thought maybe he only really ever loved Sada, even if it was unrequited and Sada being married to Turo.”

Pausing for a moment, Clavell scanned Saguaro as he processed the statement. Once he did, Clavell chuckled, which, in turn, confused Saguaro.

“Trust me, he’s got plenty of dating experience.” Clavell assured. “If I recall correctly, he went to a dance with Raifort in high school and briefly dated Salvatore in college. Which may explain why Salvatore’s more inclined to ask Jacq first for most Pokémon ailments instead of Miriam.” His demeanor shifted slightly. “However, I can understand your concerned curiosity. You took a spontaneous initiative and crossed a barrier you didn’t mean to.”

He turned slightly to get a look at Jacq. His frame tightened slightly as his hand unconsciously pushed his glasses off. Clavell smirked as Jacq sighed.

“He won’t hold it against you.” Clavell assured. “And if I’m being honest, you’re one of the few people I’d trust to date him.”

Saguaro started coughing, trying not to choke on his coffee. “Oh I don’t-”

Clavell chuckled, shaking his head. “Of course not. But if you were, you’d have my support.” Clavell paused as Jacq let out a gasp. “Right now, he needs time. Just promise me you’ll watch out for him.”

“Of course.”

~

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to sleep for so long.”

“Don’t worry. You needed it.”

Rubbing his eyes, Jacq awkwardly hopped around the kitchen. Opening cabinets, he began looking for a mug. When he spotted one, Jacq tried to grab it, but it was on a shelf too high for him to reach. He let out a strained huff as he boosted himself up on his toes.

A hand reached over him, grabbing the mug for him, setting it on the counter. A towering aura weighed over Jacq, causing him to turn around. Saguaro stood over him, arms closing Jacq off as he silently glared at him.

“Is everything okay?”

Tilting his head, Saguaro leaned down and kissed Jacq’s forehead. A hand held the side of Jacq’s face as the biology professor’s face turned red.

“When you’re ready, I’d like to take you out for lunch.”

[palatial-monstrosity]

So you wanna write a novel…

I decided to write this after a post by @corpsepng asking how people plan their stories. It got out of hand so I made a separate post!

This is the system I used for planning, which is the result of mixing various strategies and amount of planning. The concern that "if I plan everything then I do not feel motivated to write" is valid and good news, there's ways to defeat that specific situation while reaping the benefits of planning the story beforehand.

THE BASICS

Step 1: the main character

Disclaimer: for simplicity, I'll assume only one main character but it can be adapted for more.

It's useful to know a few things about your mc before starting. Try to answer these questions:

Who are they? What does a typical day of their life look like? (ex, are we talking about a young wizard, a 50s housewife or a grizzled old warrior?)

What are they good at? (everyone is good at something, no matter how small and unimportant it may seem)

What do they want? Everyone wants something, even if it's just peace and quiet.

What do they lose if they quit? This will tell us a lot about the stakes of the story. Ultimately, is it about survival, belonging, respect, etc? It has to be quite important for your character, because if they change, they do it to save it.

What is their main flaw? This will greatly influence the story, so spend some time on this. In the context of your story a characteristic may be a flaw even if we would see things differently: maybe your character needs to become a cold-blooded killer to protect their family, maybe they need to be less generous, maybe they trust people too much… remember, context is king here.

Step 2: the environment

Who is their main antagonist? It could also be nature, magic or some organization, but there has to be someone opposing your character or there's no story.

How do they behave? What makes them succeed (until they don't, or they do)?

What is the setting? Again, go for the meaning here, not just the aesthetic. If your character needs to become a cold-blooded killer, maybe they're surrounded by monsters, zombies or something else that cannot be reasoned with. Or maybe you can reason with them and your MC has been successful in the past and thinks that's possible, until it doesn't work anymore…

Step 3: The ending

You need to know how the story ends, my friends. Some minor details may change, but the more you know about it, the easier the work is (and the less you'd have to rewrite, which is frustrating)

THE BASIC STRUCTURE

Once you have these elements, I strongly suggest you become familiar with the character arc, as it will be a useful guideline. You can divide your story in 5 or 3 parts, as you prefer, both work (I'm currently using a 5 acts structure).

Here's a very quick outline:

1 ACT The basics. Introduce the character and make us root for them, tell us what's happening and how it will affect them. Show us their flaw and we'll put 2 and 2 together. Introduce the main allies and antagonist, though you can add more important characters later.

2 ACT Your character tries to solve their new problem (bring the ring to Mordor, fight against the evil Empire, etc) and fails. They lack allies or refuse them.

3 ACT A huge failure makes them sit and stop for a moment - they either change for the better, or go down the road to tragedy (I am simplifying things a lot here) If they change, allow them to catch their breath as a reward.

4 ACT Their change was not complete/perfect and now the antagonist has become harder to fight. Your MC is on the road to failure again, one last time. And this time, everything seems lost. Hope seems to disappear.

5 ACT Your MC finds hope again, and finds out how to win against the antagonist. Not everything is lost. They regain old (and new) allies and fight. It is hard and there are losses, but they have changed (where, we might add, the antagonist has not), and they win. Or they don't, if you set them on a path to tragedy.

Once you've sketched a rough outline of these acts, the fun begins!

Take the first act and divide it in chapters, taking notes of what you want to show. I do this scene by scene, but in a very simple way. I might write "MC fights, he is injured because he refuses to kill his enemy" and this will be my way to show that his flaw is that he is too merciful. I do not go into details about the fight just yet.

Once you finished this for the first act, pick your very first scene. This will be the hardest one as it needs to set, well, everything. Where are we, who is the mc, etc. This might need a few rewrites. Once you've chosen what you want to show, I want you to THINK about it. All the fucking time. At the bus stop, in traffic, in the shower, at lunch, whatever. Think about how you'd write it. How would you start it, how will you show us that it's night and we are in a deep dark forest, or that we're in an office building at dawn, whatever. The first scene might take a few days of this, but it will be easier as you go. It is important that you get at the very least one night of sleep between the thinking and the writing as sleep organizes stuff in your mind. Only then, sit down and write that specific scene. You will notice that it will be different from how you originally planned it: maybe you added a side character, maybe you decided it's not night but sunset, etc. Your brain will give you new ideas! And that's great. After you've written that, well, start thinking about the next scene, and so on, and so on… I currently manage the thinking for the next scene + the writing in the same day ( I write first thing in the morning so I get that part out of my brain).

MISCELLANEOUS ADVICE

your character's opinion aren't your opinions. get crazy, it will be fun.

everything you write will be on your mc's point of view, so they will notice things differently than you would. They might notice things that are ordinary for us, or they might have different views on things like religion, family, sexuality, etc.

Recommended reading

It's just three books, read at the very least the first two books as they will be incredibly useful for the character arc and to write compelling characters:

Inside Story: The Power of the Transformational Arc: The Secret to Crafting Extraordinary Screenplays by Dara Marks

The Science of Storytelling: Why Stories Make Us Human, and How to Tell Them Better by Will Storr

Into The Woods: How Stories Work and Why We Tell Them by John Yorke

[rose1021]

I know you did not ask and you can ignore if you like but whenever I see Garroth’s Betrayal Sucks I feel contractually obligated to speak on what I make it in my head because I hate that pat so fucking much and of it wasnt so intrinsically tied to the time skip I would burn it to the ground

I make it an Aphmau’s Fault Too thing. Garroth being the loyal guard he is tells Aphmau about someone trying to indoctrinate him and Aphmau just says. “We can use this.” and so a double cross plot is born but Aphmau never pulls the plug even as it gets more and more apparent they cannot make this work because everything has always worked out for her before even when she goes against peoples advice, and despite Garroth insisting they should stop he doesn’t disobey his lord, until it’s already too late of course.

That solves the “Well why wasn’t any blame placed onto Garroth?” issue as well as really adds to and clears up Aphmau’s desperation to bring him home.

It also makes Aphmau missing her children’s childhoods and her village crumbling partially her own fault, the consequences do not fit the crime but to me when it’s something that big and Aphmau being such a “Makes things happen” character it should be her own fault in some way.

(this also of course breaks Garroth’s trust in Aphmau, because he thought they were friends but she ignored every concern and let him be sworn into the Jury of Nine, an establishment she knows he detests)

No thank you for bringing this up! I completely didn’t think about it that way (probably the Laurmau bias 😰) but I definitely see that this works a whole lot better than the shithole that part is, especially the part where Garroth asks about the pendant and,, (I literally paused for a whole minute I forgot what happened) ok so I may be wrong but originally aphmau refused to tell Garroth about the pendants location however after the war she finally tells him that laurance has is. Considering she knew Garroth wasn’t himself and Ofc later finding out that Garroth immediately went and stole the pendant, that would definitely point guilt onto aphmau, also like girl he’s been “sick” and been looked after by a random stranger who walks in also was it cadenza who told Lillian abt Garroth istg first Zane about laurance now this ANYWAYS especially when tensions are high in the village and there is a traitor would you not hold slightly more concern?? I hate this part can we just idk make up a different reason they go to the Irene dimension 😭. Anyways I’m not 100% abt the indoctrination however there is absolutely mistrust between Garroth and aphmau which is completely their own faults in different ways, ultimately I think it’s Zane’s fault, and if I could completely remove that part I would but alas we have to fix everything in this series.

TLDR I think in my very future rewrite the betrayal arc will turn into a oh no he’s manipulated and under a spell arc (smth like that ig) basically keep the good (needed) parts (the time skip and relic absorption) and ditch the bad (the complete butcher of Garroth)

Tempted to write out Aaron but I guess he needs to be in to get Garroth out 🙄 or we can use aphmaus Irene powers or smth

[dutifullylazybread]

I am so in love with your story Deeply and Immovably So. I am heavily invested, I am a bit embarrassed to say that right as I found your story I was writing my own fic falling into the same theme of Tav and Rolan living in the tower together. I am currently rewriting my story to make sure I keep our stories different.

I guess I wanted to ask you a question, how did you mange to write a story all in one go? I tend to write in fragments and post my chapters one at a time. I guess If you could give me some advice on writing series and how you approach it?

Your amazing and can't wait for the chapter update on Friday!

I'm so glad you like the story!! :D. I'm honestly not worried about there being similarities between our fics. One key point for Rolan's character is establishing a home for his family after what happens in Elturel. On top of that, Tav (even a Balduran Tav) doesn't actually have a home that we can ever visit, so gravitating towards staying in the tower makes a lot of sense! So if that is a big part of your story and it would be strongly affected by you changing that part of it, don't feel like you must make those revisions. I'd rather you be happy with where you story is than worry about similarities like that. Regardless, I'm really excited to read your fic! If you'd like, please drop me a link when you begin posting! :)

As far as how I wrote the fic all out? I won't lie, I haven't really ever thought about my process, so when you asked, I sorta resembled Patrick (more below the image, I promise!):

That being said though, I can definitely share how I wrote the fic and how I am working with the story now, but my big rule with writing is that writers should do what works best for them--what works for me might not necessarily work for someone else. So if what works best for you is posting as you finish chapters, then absolutely do that. There are some extremely talented writers in the Rolan x Tav corner that do the same or something similar. If you haven't read @underdark-dreams's A Strand to Climb, @lemonsrosesandlavender's Sharp Teeth, or @graysparrowao3's What If Rolan Was A Companion? I highly recommend them (and not just these fics--the rest of their repertoires are delicious too!).

This is my tl;dr for my explanation below--I can be super long-winded (I'm sorry about that!!). Like I said, this is what works for me, but if you don't think these things jive with you, then do what you feel is best for you and your story. :)

Write the story out first. Don't edit until you have finished the fic.

If you run into a writing wall, work on a different scene and come back later.

While it's fun to add in details, a lot of that can be supplied during your editing/revisions stages. Worrying too much about this can bog you down when you're in the middle of writing.

Don't immediately jump into editing your story after finishing a chapter. Take anywhere from a few days to a week to let the draft sit before you work on it again.

Avoid burnout - take care of yourself and take brain breaks.

Here are the longer explanations:

Write the story out first. Don't edit until you have finished writing the fic.

I started writing the Rolan x Tav story as my NaNoWriMo project back in November and I kept working on it through December. For those who may not be familiar, NaNoWriMo is short for National Novel Writing Month, and the goal is to write 50,000 words in a month. These do not have to be good words, they just have to be words on a page. So already out of the gate, I knew that, if I wrote this fic, it might not be well-written at first, but it would be a story. I had to give myself permission to write a bad draft, basically, and that is sometimes the hardest thing in the world (I am still irked by it). If you're anything like me, the thought of not having perfection on the page during a first writing pass feels awful. BUT I do sincerely believe it is why I wrote as much as I did in two months. Because I just focused on writing and not editing. And, if I could tell I was getting close to hitting a wall, I would make a note in my manuscript to come back, and then I'd keep writing the chapter. My notes are parentheses that basically say (Add more detail here), (make scene more sexy), (Review dialogue exchange). It's really weird to write down, but when I'm writing and struggling, it honestly feels like my brain is coming up against an actual wall. Basically, I'm giving myself a headache. BUT this is my warning sign to come back later, because I'm getting too lost in the weeds and I won't be happy with the end result of whatever I force out.

2. If you run into a writing wall, work on a different scene and come back later.

The rationale for coming back and working through the wall later comes from a combination of reasons: 1) From past experience, forcing myself through a block can work, but it is the most agonizing experience ever. And it is exhausting. Writing can be exhausting, that is okay. BUT, what if I force myself through the block and then I'm unhappy with the result? For me personally, pushing against a block/wall can feed into burnout. So 2) it's better to take a break and work on a part of the story that I am excited to pursue and then revisit the wall later, because 3) if you let yourself take a brain break, you're going to come back and find that the wall isn't really a wall anymore. If anything, it's a really fun idea. You just needed to come back when the lighting was different.

3. While it's fun to add in details, a lot of that can be supplied during your editing/revisions stages. Worrying too much about this can bog you down when you're in the middle of writing.

I find that, while I am in the drafting stages, I often write at a pelt. I do my best to write the first draft well, but I write so quickly that I might not pause to ask, "So what does the setting look like exactly? What color is the sky? How does the Chionthar look at this moment? What does it smell like?" Some of those details might make it in while I'm drafting, but I think that I focus in on those during editing/revision, because that is when I let myself slow down and focus on the details.

4. Don't immediately jump into editing your story after finishing a chapter. Take anywhere from a few days to a week to let the draft sit before you work on it again.

Due to how I wrote this fic, I didn't actually revisit a lot of these chapters until about a month or two later. And that has led to a combination of "Hey, this isn't too bad," to "What were you thinking??" BUT, I do sit quite firmly in the camp that taking a few days to just breathe and not immediately jumping into editing helped give me a fresh perspective. When we spend so much time working on our stories, it goes without saying that we are very close to what we are working on, and sometimes that can work against us. SO, putting some distance between yourself and the chapter in question can help you identify what needs to be cleaned up/revised when you return to it.

5. Avoid burnout - take care of yourself and take brain breaks.

In my experience, one thing that stopped me from working on long fics was burnout. For previous fanfic projects I tried to work on, all of my free time would be poured into writing, and not a lot of it would be used to relax. I would work on these stories nonstop. I would argue that this is probably why several long-form fanfictions don't get finished by several writers (and that's not even considering how school, work, and family obligations might also take a toll on your energy). The last thing you want is to feel apathetic or frustrated over the thought of working on your story, so taking the time to relax and take care of yourself. While I think having a writing habit is extremely helpful, I also think taking an evening to just relax once a week is just as nice. Typically, I start writing around 7 pm every night, and I'll wrap up around 10:30 pm - 11:00 pm. BUT, I don't do any intense work on Mondays (since that is D&D night in my house).

I hope that this helps! But again, do what you think is best for you. I'm super excited to read your fic!!! :D

[yukiwhitetm]

Hey! Thank you so much for reading my NDRV3 fanstory You will always be Monarch Butterfly! I appreciate you doing that and I'm so glad you enjoyed it! Thanks to the 2nd Anon for bookmarking it even. Your support means the world to me.

Sorry that it's taken me so long to answer these asks, I've had a lot going on in the background as, since October 2022 all through 2023, three of my friends have passed away and so I've been dealing with a lot of grief. Because of that, I didn't have the mental energy to answer you guys. I'm so sorry about that and yet I appreciate your patience. I have actually already answered your questions in a previous post so you may know the answer to this by now but I thought I should respond to you directly, just in case.

OK! So, what happened to my NDRV3 fanstory You will always be Monarch Butterfly!?

Well, technically speaking, it's still there on AO3. I should have deleted it - and I will explain why in a moment - but I couldn't bear to lose all your wonderful comments. I did this nifty thing where you can add a story to a group - and then make it invisible! Or hidden or unreleased, I can't remember the exact wording. But, basically, it's still on AO3, although it shouldn't be, but only I can see it. The easiest way to word it is that I have archived it.

Why did I archive it?

Well, as you mentioned, I said I would lock it to AO3 members only because of AI stealing AO3 authors' content and I did do that... initially. You see, the truth is that I love You will always be Monarch Butterfly! It's such a fun story and I don't want it to be lost or stolen. More than that, I and my real life friends and family could see the potential in You will always be Monarch Butterfly! to be adapted into an original story, since so much of it was my original ideas anyway, that I might publish as a real, physical book - with pages! That smell nice! And has a beautiful cover! Wouldn't that be fun?

I had thought about the possibility of adapting it into an original story for a long time and then the AI stealing thing happened, which just spurred me into action. I locked You will always be Monarch Butterfly! to members only but then I was worried that wasn't safe enough. What if an AI could still steal it? So, then I archived it.

(Six months later, AO3 was taken down by hackers so I was right to worry.)

But not all hope is lost!

(As Makoto would say.) Actually, I have already started to rewrite You will always be Monarch Butterfly! into an original story. I had finished seven chapters by halfway through 2023 before my grief caused me to fully stagnate. Recently, I started on chapter 8!

There will still be a lot of You will always be Monarch Butterfly! in the original story and, if you have read the fanstory, you will recognise that in the original story because I love YwabMB and I don't want to just scrap all of it. Yes, it was a fanstory and I'm adapting it into an original story but lots and lots of ideas in that were mine anyway, and some things are too plot relevant (e.g. our protag is still a leader but like in YwabMB not like NDRV3, his romantic interest is still a detective but he goes by private investigator instead and his best friend still plays the piano but so do lots of people (even me! I play the keyboard so that's close enough)... others' talents are different or they as a character might not exist anymore) or I can probably get away with being very similar ("It's a lie!" remains, as I couldn't think of something else just as a short and punchy, but "You're alone and you always will be!" has changed to something else equally cutting).

Yes, I kept talents. I thought that they are fun and a school for the gifted is not such an unusual thing. They're just not 'Ultimates' or 'Super High School Level'. They're just talented kids.

So, many of the things you and I love are similar but some things have changed too. The biggest thing I changed is that I made the story more racially diverse because now I can. So, don't be surprised that not all our main characters are 100% Japanese anymore. I don't know whether our heroic MC being Norwegian or our piano playing MC being Black Japanese or her boyfriend being Hispanic Japanese with dual Aus-Jap nationality is the biggest change! (I also have a minor recurring character in an electric wheelchair.)

Our protagonist and a few other MCs are still Japanese, though. This is because I found a lot of comfort in Japanese media growing up so I have a lot of love for fictional Japan. That's also why I kept the location the same as in the fanstory - I mean, I chose for You will always be Monarch Butterfly! to be set in Tokyo anyway!

The original story is called Truth, Lies and Butterflies and I hope you will have as much fun - or even more! - reading it as you did its fanstory version.

I hope you'll support me in this. I admit, between life stuff and my disability, it may take awhile for me to finish it. But I promise I will keep working on Truth, Lies and Butterflies until it's complete! So, every bit of support will be greatly appreciated!

[nerdnag]

How much do you plot out your stories before you write them?

More than I used to!

Up until maybe 2019 I almost never plotted out stories beforehand. Therefore I have a LOT of started docs saved with little random ideas: some of which never became more than a page, some of which went haywire after a while and never recovered. And there are some entire "books" or fics that were completely improvised as I wrote them. That used to be how I wrote when I wrote for my own enjoyment only.

I tried my hand on an overarching structure for an original work back in 2017/18, but that was probably my real first planning for any story I'd ever written.

And then I think it was @alienducky who really got me into plotting and got me stuck on it for real. We worked on a fic together, and it would have been practically impossible to do that without some kind of joint plan. I remember she started a table at the top of the doc where she listed all the scenes, and I was like yeah, that's a good idea, and it was. After that I started plotting out my own fics in a similar manner too, and now I never want to go back to how I did it before. The stories just turn out so much better when I know where I'm going from the beginning. But I plot in a way that still lets me be creative with the plot along the way.

So this is how I do it nowadays:

Scribble any little initial idea I have - sometimes in a single sentence, sometimes in a paragraph, sometimes in random loose sentences here and there that only make sense to me.

Place the bits I know I want into some kind of organised scene structure - if I don't already know which order things will happen in, I'll get a first sketch on that now. I usually structure this into actual chapter titles (placeholder titles that just give me an idea of what the scene is about) so that step 5 becomes a bit easier later.

Loosely figure out what kind of ending I want - just so I have something to aim for. Usually I have two large threads going and then a number of subthreads; the main threads (like a fantasy conflict or a romantic struggle) have to be clearly solved at the end imo, but some of the subthreads can be more loosely handled. At this point in the process though it's all just a rough sketch.

Slowly fit more pieces I want into the puzzle - any scenes that are necessary to bring me to the end somehow, or even scenes that bring me joy to think about, as long as they don't stray too far from the main threads. I also make sure to always add in early on which pov I think I want for every scene.

When I have a beginning, an end, and a number of scenes that seem to coherently bring me from one to the other, I start fleshing out parts. This usually means that I start writing bits and pieces here and there. Often I wrote the first handful of chapter first before I go on to the rest of the story, so I have a basic idea for myself of what the characters want and how they should be acting. But after the first few chapters, I usually jump from scene to scene depending on what mood I am in and what feels more joyful at any point in time. So I might write half a scene in chapter 7 one day to then write an entire chapter 22 the next day, only to then jot down a few paragraphs into chapter 16 after that. (This is my adhd working, I let it because it's worked out pretty well for me so far.)

Along the way I may come up with new ideas and adjust things, I flesh out scenes that were very barebone in the beginning, I solve and change things that turned out not to work, and when I reach the latter chapters that I wrote early on (for example ch 22, if I wrote that straight after ch 7), I'll usually have changed enough things that I need to rewrite large parts of that chapter. That is fine by me, it's all part of the process.

I should also add that if I've started posting it on for example Ao3 along the way, I sometimes - very rarely, but it happens - adjust my plans depending on what people comment. This is usually only if someone comments something that is so genius or otherwise so perfectly natural for the story that I just cannot let it go by without doing something with it, and only if it fits into the plot somehow. One example of this is when I noticed that several people were suspecting a particular character of having hidden motives. Up until that point I hadn't planned on doing much at all with that character, but when I realized that what I'd already written was leading very naturally to their conclusion, I decided to give that character more space from there on out and even played into the whole hidden agenda idea (but with a twist). That kind of thing can be really fun to do, but I don't do it if I don't think it will work for the plot I already have.

There have also been occasions where conversations with @alienducky have led me to change things in similar ways. One example of this is when I sent her a first overarching plot of my entire then upcoming fic series back in... 2020 I think? And she's great with noticing details, so she asked me how the characters would be able to send letters to each other if they didn't know where the other person was. I told her there was a magically enhanced wolf in there that would be used to bring letters back and forth. She was so into the idea of this wolf, and asked what would happen to it later in the story, that I simply had to make it part of the main cast, and in the end it even played a very important part in a reveal down the line. XD Throwaway details that grow larger like that are also very fun.

Omg I actually found our old convo from back then, I can't not add it in here.

TLDR; I plot out an overarching story with beginning, end and bits and pieces in-between, then adjust as I go.

[hopeshoodie]

If you were writing s3, what drama would you have added?

So I’ve tried to rewrite S3 before, but now I feel like I overdid it with the conflict there lol. I’m much prouder of my rewrite attempt for Boat Party, I think it gets at the themes better than the former.

But I would agree that the biggest problem with S3 is the lack of drama (followed closely by the juvenile writing). So here’s just some spitballed ideas that could’ve been implemented in S3 without changing the entire story structure, but would have added way more drama:

I would have a recoupling early in the game where MC has no input because it’s a guy’s choice. I think in general LITG under-uses the player not being in control of the couplings, and those were the most suspenseful parts of S2 (wondering if Rahim would get eliminated, the disaster recoupling). Maybe this could be done by having MC as the bombshell and then immediately having a guy’s choice recoupling, or having MC come in as a bombshell and steal someone, but then two days later having a guy’s choice recoupling. 

I like the idea of MC being the bombshell because I love the concept of her not being the center of the villa. People were really upset how S4 implemented that idea (I can’t really say, I haven’t played it), so I would try to soften it by allowing MC to approach different LIs and get them to secretly confess that they’re interested in her, but also that they’ve got something going on with their current partner and they’re willing to see how things go. That could create drama between MC and their partner or the LI and their partner, which I like. 

I would keep the ‘your LI forgets your name’ bit, but customize it to each LI like I suggested here. I like the premise- a simple insulting thing your LI says without context/explanation so it causes the player to question their relationship and wonder if the LI will switch on them. So your LI still forgets your name, but each LI handles it differently/has different motivation. We also have to have a REASON you can’t talk to your LI about it, so I would make it clear-er in the narrative that MC is being rushed into activities by other islanders and not just that the LI is avoiding her. 

I would bring Rafi in much earlier (because he’s objectively the most successful character in canon) and have three different girls be VERY interested in him and willing to leave their partners for him. I don’t think LITG has used the ‘one person is way better than everyone else and everyone’s into them’ thing in regards to a NPC, just with MC. So I think it’d be super interesting to have three girls acknowledge they’re gunning for Rafi, and basically say ‘may the best win’. Especially if the girls are already friends and trying to be respectful of each other’s feelings. You could play that out for 1-3 days, with Rafi reacting in confusion to being so aggressively shmoozed, the other boys being put off that their partner’s ignoring them, and the girls trying to be civil with each other while obviously being frustrated. 

Instead of what, five challenges? That did nothing for the plot and were just filler? Have a couple of challenges that force people to do uncomfortable things (lie detector, guessing their partners interests, physical game where they get up close and personal with not-their-partner). Those conflicts aren’t good to draw out more than a day, but do add a foreshadowed problem with relationships or add spice to an uneventful episode.

I HATE how Nicky/Elladine left. It felt so performative, because they literally only have a couple days left before the finale and weren’t visibly THAT into their partner anyways. I do like that Rafi/Lily leave if rejected, it shows a lot of integrity, but I think more than one person just walking during a season starts to feel… Cheap… Like the characters want out as much as the readers do… Instead, I would have one (1) islander walk out, but have it be the person that the new islander stole. So for example if Lily takes Nicky from Elladine, have Nicky walk out because he told Lily not to couple with him and he’d rather leave than be coupled with someone who doesn’t listen to him. Then you have more drama instead of people just pretending to be ok with the new coupling, because Lily and Elladine would both be single and would be incredibly irritated with each other. 

The only other way I would have someone walk out on the show is if it’s a couple we’ve genuinely been rooting for, like Seb and Viv, who say they’re leaving because their relationship is more important that the drama happening for the show and leave together.

Finally I need to have an explosive finale. I HATE how none of the characters really react if MC cheats on them or steals the money. I would have customized reactions for each LI to both if it’s revealed through the montage that she cheated with Tai and didn’t tell them, and more intense customized reactions if she steals the money. There’s no way in hell Rafi or Harry would still be friends with MC if she took the money, we need an argument to SHOW that. 

[oneofthepowerful]

May 22nd 2024 - Blog 5

Hi everyone, and welcome to the next development blog!

First of all...

I apologise for not being consistent in my upload schedule! I wanted to upload a blog every week or so, but it's been over 2 months! Though I have been working on things which we shall discuss in this blog!

Rigging

Since the last blog, what progress has been made to Hoshi's test head rig? I mentioned last time I was working on the turnaround, so what progress have I made since then? Well... nothing noteworthy sadly. Life got pretty busy and there was other things I needed to put time into which we shall get into in a bit.

Though that doesn't mean I haven't need rigging at all! Quite the opposite actually!

For starters, I wanted to make a full body rig of my avatar for a animated short that is in indefinite hiatus, so I don't know if I will finish it or not. For this project, I wanted to practice rigged animation for One of the Powerful, however I didn't get too far. Though I learned a lot making this full-body rig, which I will put into future rigs!

After that, last week I wanted to make a rigged animation of a character who I will not elaborate on due to spoilers and well... here is what I made:

I made the rig for this character in a few hours, a lot quicker than Hoshi's head rig, that's for sure! While this rig is very unpolished and can't turn her head and can only bend what you see in the animation - as a test rig, I am pretty proud of this!

This was also a lot quicker to animate than if it were frame by frame although I will admit... I struggle to animate in Blender. I've noticed that animating rigs in Blender at this point in time is difficult, as there is soooooo many things to keep track off, and if you aren't careful the animation can easily get messed up with parts of the character deforming and moving when you don't want them to. T-T

However this is what the final series could potentially look like! Just a lot more polished as this rig and animation was a super quick job. (The final series will look better I promise!)

Outline Rewrite

So during the last month or so, I have finally decided to mostly rewrite the current outline of the series. I wrote the original outline back in 2022 during my free time at school, and I honestly didn't have as many things planned out as I do now. For an example the antagonists didn't have much a reason for doing what they are doing except: "hehe I want Powerful to suffer!" really basic and not well written. Where as now, I have all the characters a lot more fleshed out! So far I have only touched up the first two seasons which I shall elaborate on:

Season 1

The first half of season 1 (the first 3 episodes) have basically stayed the same writing wise! The only major change being Hoshi's fight in Episode 3. At the time of storyboarding it last year, I was very stumped and not very inspired. Now however, I have a much better idea of how I want the scene to play out, to add to the mystery of Hoshi's backstory.

The later half of season 1, mainly the finale has changed a lot from its original conception. I won't say much other than... things happen! season 1 has more of a focus seeing a snippet of Powerless Territory in episode 1, to then seeing how Powerful Territory (near the boarder at least) has it's own problems from dealing with the Powerless conflict.

As well as this, season 1 focuses mostly on Hoshi and his whole deal. With each passing episode, him getting more and more on edge about... something! And by the end of season 1, you see an inside to a little bit of his problems which he will continue to overcome and confront in season 2.

Down below is some concept art of Season 1!!

Season 2

Season 2 has more of a focus on Seaside as well as focusing on the main trio! We see Erin learn more about... things... we get a proper insight to Cassidy's problems, as well as Hoshi trying overcome things from his past!

We get to meet some of the residents of Seaside, and a snippet of the lore of the location! Seaside is a paradise for Powerful and Seaside born Powerless. and So it is important that it is protected at all cost! This season is around 17 episodes, as we focus on many things that will be built up as the story progresses! Season 2 is a lot of fun! and I can't wait to eventually start working on it!

I can't really say much on season 2 for obvious reasons and as of right now I am re-outlining season 3! I won't say much either, except this is the season where Erin starts to go down a darker path, and the season 3 finale is really exciting and ends on a big cliff hanger!

Which takes us to season 4, where we finally see the Erin with the short hair! I am debating whether this to be the final season or not (I guess we will see when I outline it all!)

Upcoming plans

After the series is fully outlined, where does that take us? Well... I want to take some time to flesh out the environments of Powerful Territory and Seaside, as I felt like my background designs are bland and can be more creative and unique! So each location the trio visit in season 1 will (hopefully) be more distinct and memorable from one another!

Aside from all of this, I have been working on updating character references for the trio to keep them on model!

Ever wanted to know the Erin, Cassidy and Hoshi's height? Well here is the height chart for them:

Yes they are all super short XD I will mention that Hoshi is tiny for a plot reason, a hint is that he does not take care of himself, but starting from season 2 - when he is mentally in a relatively better place and has a much better support system. Hoshi will gradually become taller and broader as the series progresses!

I recently finished a turnaround + expression reference sheet of Erin! This took me forever to draw as I was trying to keep it all consistent, and I felt the pressure to make this as good as I could for my portfolio. XD

This turnaround will be used as a rigging guide, so it's important it is as consistent it can be for that purpose!

And alas, that is what I've been doing since the last blog! Thank you for reading! Until next time!

[frogcatwcbiologyreweite]

Hello, you can call me Froggy!

I am bisexual & Gender fluid teen from Poland,15 years old, and use She/They   pronouns. Sorry for grammar and punctuation errors, English is not my native language, and unfortunately I have dyslexia and dysorthography, but I will do my best for my work to be understandable for you! :) In this side-blog I will post Warrior Cats characters designs, as well as a lot of things from my wc-Biology rewrite, I will probably also analysis warriors books and stuff. 

This is more of my ‘main blog’ then my actual main blog @frogcat7 where I don’t really do anything, perhaps I will post my other xenofiction designs there but I am not sure yet. But I have also other side-blog @frogkingtheorginal where I post a whole lot of things (by far most are wof doodles). I don’t really care for spoilers, but I don't feel confident talking about topics I don't know well yet, so here are warriors books I have read already: tpb, tnp, po3, oots, dotc (3 books out of 6), SE: Tallstar’s R, Yellowfang’s S, Crookedstar’s P, Bluestar’s P, Firestar’s Q, SkyClan’s D, Crowfeather’s T, N: Cloudstar’s J, Mapleshade’s V, Goosefeather’s C, Blackfoot’s R, Leafpool’s W, Mistystar’s O, Dovewing’s S, M: Tro Scourge, Tigerstar and Sasha, Ravenpaw’s P, Graystripe’s A, SkyClan atS, FG: The Ultimate Guide, ShS: Spottedleaf’s Honest Answer.

So, now I’ll tell you quickly about the rules of my blog, but don’t worry, there wouldn’t be a lot of them 🙂: 

Do: 

> I am very open for questions 😁, and I would really love to see conversations and debates in the commentary section :), Respond to posts as much as you want, that will really motivated me.

> I would try to respond to as many questions as possible, though I can't promise to get to all of them. 

> If you see a mistake, or something I may do better, don’t be shy and write to me constructive criticism, this project is my first as big one🙂. You can write your ideas I will appreciate it as well.

> “Can I use X in my project?” Of course, but don’t forget about credit 😁!

Don’t:

> I am only human and a minor one in addition, so, I can make mistakes, so, please don’t be mean, I will block mean accounts. 

> I respect your opinion, so, I expect you to respect mine. Everyone have different look on warriors characters, books or plot, so, live and let live!

> Peadophiles and so, do not interact, (such entities will be blocked as well).

> The biggest crime (for me) is if you use my work and say its yours. This is not only harmful to me, but also to your creativity, so, remember about it!

ASKBOX STATUS: open  😁/        currently at: 0 asks

                         Biology, Details, Headcanons!

My main and most comprehensive passion project is The Warrior Cats Biology Rewrite, a correction of Erin Hunter’s Warrior cats series which will take place in the western part of US, and in particular in the region of northern California and southern Oregon, it mostly aims to: 

> Correct the natural world of Warriors. So, eliminate all the weird, terribly unnatural things that they made in canon (so turtles in mountains, hyper aggressive foxes etc.)

> Spice up Warrior cats belief system and mythology, and diversity  it a bit more to not be so, plain and boring. And to create more interest to them thru legends and myths

> Create more details and story to the timeline of Filed Guides and basically everything before TPB, as well as create more lore and sympathy to the long forgotten background characters [ I don’t really think (at least by far) that I will do it in the ‘long post’ form, it’s more likely that all of this will be thrown into the Hedcanons folder]

> I will try to improve plot later (probably) but it seems to me that I will not take it very seriously, because there are just too many great blogs that are already doing really great job. And I’m not really interested in this that much. I just wanted to say that no cat will be deleted in my rewrite, and sooner I will add OC to it, but I will try not to do that, and better work with cats that are already there.

So, for the long time I wanted to do a Warriors rewrite, But I also wanted to make a designs blog, so, I combine it. For the characters I want to do all of them, and by all I mean really ALL, not only main and background cats, but every creature that has a page on the wiki, also the not named ones like The Stranger from dotc, or The Rat King. But also to give more atmosphere to what I do, I planned to draw all the really, really forgotten cats, that some of even don’t have a page about them. Like The random ginger molly with kittens from Sun Trial, or Thunder’s siblings. 

In this rewrite I will also use ideas made by others, as I find them magnificent. Those things are: @cryptidclaw ‘s Titles Idea and their meaning, and mostly a lot of @bonefall ‘s stuff, like the Clan and Tribe Meow, The politics ideas, so Fire Alone, Thistle Law etc. and other cool stuff. And I'm sure I'll change or expand some of these things. I will treat them a bit like a progenitor for my own projects. When I will use something from someone, I will tag this person’s name. But when there will be a coincidence (’cause there can be one), like in my rewrite Frost’s and Brindle’s mother is Trans FtM Tawnyspots and their sire is Featherwhisker, and in Bonefall’s Feather is also their sire, I will not tag them. 

Sorry ‘cause I won’t post stuff regularly. And I have big problem with motivation but I wish I won’t lose it on this project 🙂

And in the end I just want to say Big thanks to all blogs that are an inspiration to me, and that’s being @cryptidclaw , @fatal-rewrites-warriors , and @bonefall , they are really cool, and if you want I really recommend checking them out!

[soul-of-vengeance]

I’ve written myself into a bit of a corner here.

So obviously Anchored Curse of Strahd has now reached truly epic levels of “this is no longer the same campaign,” and as I’m working on updating some of my WA articles, I’ve realized that in rewriting so much of it, I’ve rendered some aspects of it obsolete. I’ve rewritten the Dark Powers to the extent that the Amber Temple is basically just a stupid little dungeon that serves no purpose (which imo it always kind of was), and so I’m planning to remove it from the campaign entirely.

But now I’m wondering if I need to replace it with something. I’m already adding shrines and places of power for [REDACTED] so my players can get dark gifts if they so choose (with this party, I highly doubt it, but some of these Good-aligned PC’s may die so they may come in handy later) so I don’t need to keep it around for that. But it’s also a great place to grind and level up and is one of the few true dungeons you get in late game save for Castle Ravenloft itself so I’m wondering if I should add something else in its place. Cause as a party, we do enjoy a good dungeon delve so I don’t want to rob us of that.

If I don’t invent something wholesale, I think maybe I could convert one of the other locations (Berez and the werewolf commune come to mind right away) into something a little bit more involved and dungeon-y to scratch that itch.

[duckprintspress]

How to Edit an Over-Length Story Down to a Specific Word Count

One of the most wonderful things about writing as a hobby is that you never have to worry about the length of your story. You can be as self-indulgent as you want, make your prose the royalist of purples, include every single side story and extra thought that strikes your fancy. It’s your story, with no limits, and you can proceed with it as you wish.

When transitioning from casual writing to a more professional writing milieu, this changes. If you want to publish, odds are, you’ll need to write to a word count. If a flash fiction serial says, “1,000 words or less,” your story can’t be 1,025 and still qualify. If a website says, “we accept novellas ranging from 20,000 to 40,000 words,” your story will need to fall into that window. Even when you consider novel-length works, stories are expected to be a certain word count to fit neatly into specific genres - romance is usually around 80,000 words, young adult usually 50,000 to 80,000, debut novels usually have to be 100,000 words or less regardless of genre, etc. If you self-publish or work with a small press, you may be able to get away with breaking these “rules,” but it’s still worthwhile to learn to read your own writing critically with length in mind and learn to recognize what you do and do not need to make your story work - and then, if length isn’t an issue in your publishing setting, you can always decide after figuring out what’s non-essential to just keep everything anyway.

If you’re writing for fun? You literally never have to worry about your word count (well, except for sometimes in specific challenges that have minimum and/or maximum word counts), and as such, this post is probably not for you.

But, if you’re used to writing in the “throw in everything and the kitchen sink” way that’s common in fandom fanfiction circles, and you’re trying to transition only to be suddenly confronted with the reality that you’ve written 6,000 words for a short story project with a maximum word count of 5,000...well, we at Duck Prints Press have been there, we are in fact there right now, as we finish our stories for our upcoming anthology Add Magic to Taste and many of us wrote first drafts that were well over the maximum word count.

So, based on our experiences, here are our suggestions on approaches to help your story shorter...without losing the story you wanted to tell!

Cut weasel words (we wrote a whole post to help you learn how to do that!) such as unnecessary adverbs and adjectives, the “was ~ing” sentence structure, redundant time words such as “a moment later,” and many others.

When reviewing dialog, keep an eye out for “uh,” “er,” “I mean,” “well,” and other casual extra words. A small amount of that kind of language usage can make dialog more realistic, but a little goes a long way, and often a fair number of words can be removed by cutting these words, without negatively impacting your story at all.

Active voice almost always uses fewer words than passive voice, so try to use active voice more (but don’t forget that passive voice is important for varying up your sentence structures and keeping your story interesting, so don’t only write in active voice!).

Look for places where you can replace phrases with single words that mean the same thing. You can often save a lot of words by switching out phrases like “come back” for “return” and seeking out other places where one word can do the work of many.

Cut sentences that add atmosphere but don't forward the plot or grow your characters. (Obviously, use your judgement. Don't cut ALL the flavor, but start by going - I’ve got two sentences that are mostly flavor text - which adds more? And then delete the other, or combine them into one shorter sentence.)

Remove superfluous dialog tags. If it’s clear who’s talking, especially if it’s a conversation between only two people, you can cut all the he saids, she saids.

Look for places where you've written repetitively - at the most basic level, “ ‘hahaha,’ he laughed,” is an example, but repetition is often more subtle, like instances where you give information in once sentence, and then rephrase part or all of that sentence in the next one - it’s better to poke at the two sentences until you think of an effective, and more concise, way to make them into only one sentence. This also goes for scenes - if you’ve got two scenes that tend towards accomplishing the same plot-related goal, consider combining them into one scene.

Have a reason for every sentence, and even every sentence clause (as in, every comma insertion, every part of the sentence, every em dashed inclusion, that kind of thing). Ask yourself - what function does this serve? Have I met that function somewhere else? If it serves no function, or if it’s duplicative, consider cutting it. Or, the answer may be “none,” and you may choose to save it anyway - because it adds flavor, or is very in character for your PoV person, or any of a number of reasons. But if you’re saving it, make sure you’ve done so intentionally. It's important to be aware of what you're trying to do with your words, or else how can you recognize what to cut, and what not to cut?

Likewise, have a reason for every scene. They should all move the story along - whatever the story is, it doesn’t have to be “the end of the world,” your story can be simple and straightforward and sequential...but if you’re working to a word count, your scenes should still forward the story toward that end point. If the scene doesn’t contribute...you may not need them, or you may be able to fold it in with another scene, as suggested in item 6.

Review the worldbuilding you’ve included, and consider what you’re trying to accomplish with your story. A bit of worldbuilding outside of the bare essentials makes a story feel fleshed out, but again, a little can go a long way. If you’ve got lots of “fun” worldbuilding bits that don’t actually forward your plot and aren’t relevant to your characters, cut them. You can always put them as extras in your blog later, but they’ll just make your story clunky if you have a lot of them.

Beware of info-dumps. Often finding a more natural way to integrate that information - showing instead of telling in bits throughout the story - can help reduce word count.

Alternatively - if you over-show, and never tell, this will vastly increase your word count, so consider if there are any places in your story where you can gloss over the details in favor of a shorter more “tell-y” description. You don’t need to go into a minute description of every smile and laugh - sometimes it’s fine to just say, “she was happy” or “she frowned” without going into a long description of their reaction that makes the reader infer that they were happy. (Anyone who unconditionally says “show, don’t tell,” is giving you bad writing advice. It’s much more important to learn to recognize when showing is more appropriate, and when telling is more appropriate, because no story will function as a cohesive whole if it’s all one or all the other.)

If you’ve got long paragraphs, they’re often prime places to look for entire sentences to cut. Read them critically and consider what’s actually helping your story instead of just adding word count chonk.

Try reading some or all of the dialog out loud; if it gets boring, repetitive, or unnecessary, end your scene wherever you start to lose interest, and cut the dialog that came after. If necessary, add a sentence or two of description at the end to make sure the transition is abrupt, but honestly, you often won’t even need to do so - scenes that end at the final punchy point in a discussion often work very well.

Create a specific goal for a scene or chapter. Maybe it’s revealing a specific piece of information, or having a character discover a specific thing, or having a specific unexpected event occur, but, whatever it is, make sure you can say, “this scene/chapter is supposed to accomplish this.” Once you know what you’re trying to do, check if the scene met that goal, make any necessary changes to ensure it does, and cut things that don’t help the scene meet that goal.

Building on the previous one, you can do the same thing, but for your entire story. Starting from the beginning, re-outline the story scene-by-scene and/or chapter-by-chapter, picking out what the main “beats” and most important themes are, and then re-read your draft and make sure you’re hitting those clearly. Consider cutting out the pieces of your story that don’t contribute to those, and definitely cut the pieces that distract from those key moments (unless, of course, the distraction is the point.)

Re-read a section you think could be cut and see if any sentences snag your attention. Poke at that bit until you figure out why - often, it’s because the sentence is unnecessary, poorly worded, unclear, or otherwise superfluous. You can often rewrite the sentence to be clearer, or cut the sentence completely without negatively impacting your work.

Be prepared to cut your darlings; even if you love a sentence or dialog exchange or paragraph, if you are working to a strict word count and it doesn't add anything, it may have to go, and that's okay...even though yes, it will hurt, always, no matter how experienced a writer you are. (Tip? Save your original draft, and/or make a new word doc where you safely tuck your darlings in for the future. Second tip? If you really, really love it...find a way to save it, but understand that to do so, you’ll have to cut something else. It’s often wise to pick one or two favorites and sacrifice the rest to save the best ones. We are not saying “always cut your darlings.” That is terrible writing advice. Don’t always cut your darlings. Writing, and reading your own writing, should bring you joy, even when you’re doing it professionally.)

If you’re having trouble recognizing what in your own work CAN be cut, try implementing the above strategies in different places - cut things, and then re-read, and see how it works, and if it works at all. Sometimes, you’ll realize...you didn’t need any of what you cut. Other times, you’ll realize...it no longer feels like the story you were trying to tell. Fiddle with it until you figure out what you need for it to still feel like your story, and practice that kind of cutting until you get better at recognizing what can and can’t go without having to do as much tweaking.

Lastly...along the lines of the previous...understand that sometimes, cutting your story down to a certain word count will just be impossible. Some stories simply can’t be made very short, and others simply can’t be told at length. If you’re really struggling, it’s important to consider that your story just...isn’t going to work at that word count. And that’s okay. Go back to the drawing board, and try again - you’ll also get better at learning what stories you can tell, in your style, using your own writing voice, at different word counts. It’s not something you’ll just know how to do - that kind of estimating is a skill, just like all other writing abilities.

As with all our writing advice - there’s no one way to tackle cutting stories for length, and also, which of these strategies is most appropriate will depend on what kind of story you’re writing, how much over-length it is, what your target market is, your characters, and your personal writing style. Try different ones, and see which work for you - the most important aspect is to learn to read your own writing critically enough that you are able to recognize what you can cut, and then from that standpoint, use your expertise to decide what you should cut, which is definitely not always the same thing. Lots of details can be cut - but a story with all of the flavor and individuality removed should never be your goal.

Contributions to this post were made by @unforth, @jhoomwrites, @alecjmarsh, @shealynn88, @foxymoley, @willablythe, and @owlishintergalactic, and their input has been used with their knowledge and explicit permission. Thanks, everyone, for helping us consider different ways to shorten stories!

[weekend-whip]

I am so confused and in shambles dude. From what I've read so far (haven't finished the first book yet) your worldbuilding and characterizations are immaculate! How do you do it?? How would you recommend improving on that type of stuff?

(skdsfjdkjgj my own rewrite is just a mess of random stuff I have no idea how to write characters or properly worldbuild)

Aww thank you!! I dunno how to recommend straight up improvement when everyone’s got different approaches to how they write and how they want to write, buuuut this is kind of my thought process when approaching a project a big as a rewrite that you could try. *-*)9

...this also got a bit long, so I’mma gently tuck it under a cut:

-All those random tidbits you’ve already got, anything at all? WRITE EM DOWN, keep ‘em stored somewhere easily accessible! I’ve currently got like four pages dedicated just for all the small stuff I want to eventually include/scenes I MUST write. It’s good to have a few bare basics to look back on or reference when you’re not sure of how to tackle a scene or what direction you want to take a character/plot. 

For example, maybe you want to demonstrate how Kai gradually grows to accept help over time: in what ways does he start to become more comfortable with his team? What moments will stand out as turning points? Or it could even be less specific stuff like “Scene where Nya talks to Zane”. At what point in the plot would that be good to insert? And what would have led up to that moment? Thinking about stuff like that from the get-go will always give you a place to start from, and keeps the ideas flowing. You can always change and tweak later as you develop! 

-Outline a general direction of where you want to take the story overall! It can be detailed right down to every paragraph of every chapter, or just simply a “this is how it starts, this is where the middle is, and this is how it ends”. Just give yourself somewhere to start, then figure out how you want to get from Point A to Point B, and it’ll basically write itself! And then if you happened to get stuck going forward, it becomes easier to see where you’re stuck at. Sometimes you’ll have to cut something out because it isn’t flowing, sometimes you’ll have to add more because things aren’t making enough sense! Either way, doing this makes it easier to see potential problems in the plot before you write yourself into a corner (...which I have done a few times). 

And if you do find yourself scrapping something, don’t get rid of it completely! Hang onto those ideas/scenes you once tried to include—there’s a good chance you may find another opportunity for them later down the line! It makes it so much less stressful than trying to rewrite from memory too. (Especially in the case where you find yourself overhauling an entire chapter...which I have done. Many times.) 

-Make a master timeline of events! Extremely helpful when referencing things that happened in the past, and to sort out potential time-related plot holes before they can occur! (especially in the case of something like Ninjago). Knowing exactly how long ago something happened or how long an event goes on for will do wonders for maintaining consistency. Highly recommend. (I’ve actually got two documents for my timeline because it’s a LOT to keep track of)

-As for actually doing some world building, I must confess, a lot of mine didn’t even fully pop up until I actually began writing the sequel ahahaah. I just knew I wanted the ninja to be aware that their elements were inherited from the get-go, rather than all the way into Season 4...which then spawned the idea for the eye colors, and why it wasn’t common knowledge, and then the entire Elemental Compass came along (which I conceived on the fly, lol, all of that was not in my original design AT ALL), and then how the Guardians were involved, and then how the FSM played into all of that...and now I’ve got a baseline of lore to play with. I guess what I’m trying to say on this front is that sometimes, you don’t have to think so hard about the world-building until it becomes relevant, or until you’re forced to answer a big question like “Why is this the way it is?” 

(...and ALL of the above snowballed for me JUST because I had to explain away why the general public and even the Ninja themselves wouldn’t have taken interest in Lloyd’s green eyes when they otherwise should have)

....but fi you’re looking for a more concrete answer, or just want some lore ready from the start, consider how society is structured in your universe. Is there a currency system, or do people barter for goods? Is there one collective language, or is there several, and why? What’s the geography like, is there a reason more people live in one area over another? Figuring out “base” things like that will help you maneuver the characters in the world you create. And in the case of Elemental Powers, well, I suppose that’ll depend on how deep you wanna take your rewrite. Is there an entirely new system for how it works, or are you going to pull from what’s already established (as tangled as it is asdfghj)?

-Characters are a bit trickier; for starters, I’d recommend rewatching the show (for the umpteenth time) to really get a feel for the characters’ mannerisms, speech patterns, and what they’re most likely to do in any given situation. For example, Zane’s obviously got a more posh and concise way of speaking, while Jay and Kai are far more casual and less direct (and the difference between those two is that Kai will often make the situation relevant to himself while Jay’s more prone to go off on a tangent about literally anything). Cole’s speech patterns, meanwhile, depend entirely on the current situation: he’s more firm when in the midst of a mission, but far less formal while chilling around. 

Or, another interpretation of mine: when tackling a situation, Kai will almost always act on instinct, which can come off as impulsive depending on what it is. He only stops to think things through when he realizes he’s got the upper hand. Jay will tend to hang back until he sees an opportunity, then drives for it with all he’s got (or he’s otherwise forced to act). Zane will analyze a situation before making any big moves at all, and will adapt his strategy from there (and tends to be caught off guard often because he’s thinking too much). Cole will normally try to assess a situation if he can, but if he’s emotional to any degree, can prove to be just as impulsive as Kai or thought-distracted as Zane. 

Something you could do to practice all this, or to find your own ‘flavor’ for the characters would be to write imaginary dialogue between them in any random situation you can come up with–what would they be saying to each other during a chase scene? Or around a dinner table? Or when they’re trying to comfort somebody? How would Kai approach the problem compared to Zane? How’s Jay going to react to it compared to Cole? They’re not always going to agree on everything immediately either, so how would a potential argument go where no one’s really in the wrong? It’s those little nuances that can really make characterization pop, and a lot of it happens subconsciously! 

Another thing you can do is read, read, READ other people’s stories! Getting a feel for how others interpret the characters can give you some ideas too (or give you an idea of what you DON’T want to do, lol). But reading does help make it easier to envision a character’s voice when applied to the written word, so that way when you’re writing and trying to nail their nuance, you have something of a baseline to compare to. (A lot of my “baseline” so to speak comes from @/lloyd-skywalkers’ amazing fics and The Fantastic Mr. Walker, actually)

When it comes to applying these characters to your own design though, you’re going to have to extrapolate: you’ve got the basics of the character right in front of you, but there’ll be a time when you’ll have to put them in a situation they’ve never been in before, or feel emotions they haven’t shown a lot of on screen. For example, you’d think Kai would just be a constant ball of rage and frustation and yelling, but I personally have a tendency to make Kai cry far more often. Not as some ooc-replacement for his anger, but precisely because he’s so angry at things. It stems from the insane amount of pressure, standards, and expectations he puts on himself, and the results of how his life had been prior to being a ninja, and because of how much he just wants good things for the people he cares about (and yet, bad stuff just keeps happening). And that makes a least a little bit of sense, right? Technically nothing is out of character, as long as there’s a character-driven/related reason for why it’s happening. So my advice here is, don’t be afraid to see how far you can push with a character. You can achieve a goldmine of character moments by doing this!

AND....uh, I think that’s all I got, for now! Hope this helped even to the smallest degree, and good luck with your own rewrite! 

(And if you’re looking for more general writing tips, check the tags! I’m not going to get into that stuff because fanfic allows us to break normal writing conventions and you can be free to explore whatever works for you!)

[immaturityofthomasastruc]

IOTA Reviews: Sole Crusher

Well... It's finally here... the episode introducing the new bee hero. And what do you know? It looks like I was right about how the new character would be portrayed.

It's kind of funny how I made predictions exaggerating what could happen, and they were surprisingly accurate. Isn't that funny?

Let's just get into the seventh (chronologically the seventh and the seventh episode in the season to air after “Mr. Pigeon 72”) episode of Miraculous Ladybug's fourth season: Sole Crusher. Damn, I hate that a pun this clever was used for the title.

We get to the point pretty quickly with the first scene being Zoe arriving in Paris and getting a tour of the city. She asks to stop at the Dupain-Cheng bakery, where she meets Marinette through some brief Unfunny Marinette Slapstick. The two quickly strike up a conversation.

I mean, it's not like Zoe is the sister of the absolute worst human being in existence, right?

Marinette compliments Zoe's shoes, and she points out that she designed them herself, and wrote every good thing anyone has ever said to her on them. But because she only has one friend, there's only a standard “I <3 U” on the left shoe.

So Zoe leaves the bakery and heads to Le Grand Paris where she meets her mother, Audrey. Unlike how she talked with Marinette, Zoe pretends to be just as snobby as Audrey in order to fit in. She then meets up with Chloe, who criticizes her for having poor person things like a phone without any diamonds embedded in it. And then she sees Zoe's shoes.

Look, that meme was already dated when it was referenced in Black Panther three years ago. Please don't try to reference memes in 2021, Miraculous Ladybug.

Chloe offers some golden heels while saying that those kind of shoes are for winners to wear and crush the losers underneath. This is the only episode to mention this kind of ideology, and believe me, it gets worse when Chloe decides to teach Zoe how to be like her.

Get used to this. This episode is all about demolishing any semblance of likability in Chloe's character. Now that Astruc doesn't have to bother with writing Chloe with decency since she's not Queen Bee, watch as he turns her into an absolute caricature of her former self.

Yes, Chloe has ordered her father to give her a lot of frivolous things in the past, but she has been shown to care about him, like immediately rushing to hug him after she was safe in “Origins” and showing concern for when he was akumatized into Malediktator while apologizing for causing it. For the love of God, one of the first things she did when she allied with Hawkmoth at the end of Season 3 was to have him unto her parents' akumatization. I guess she only cared about her rich parents for their status and not because she actually loved them right?

Next up on the list of Chloe's positive qualities to ruin is her friendship with Sabrina.

🎶It's seven o'clock in the morning🎶 🎶I can't believe they made this scene🎶 🎶With the writing Astruc's enforcing🎶 🎶It's like he's trying to piss off me🎶

Yep, Chloe doesn't view Sabrina in a twisted view of friendship anymore. Now she's a slave. I'm not exaggerating by the way, he actually said that in a tweet.

THIS IS WHAT THOMAS ASTRUC ACTUALLY BELIEVES

Okay, so I guess all those times we saw Chloe playing superheroes with Sabrina in “Antibug” and “Miraculer” were just a slave driver playing with their property. Actually apologizing to Sabrina for getting her akumatized in those episodes? Protecting her from the Scarlet Akumas in “Ladybug”? She was just interested in keeping her slave around. I think Astruc may have slept through the slavery unit in his history class. Yes, Sabrina was mostly used as a joke to show how controlling Chloe could be, but there were still semblances of an actual friendship between the two.

Chloe arrives at school and introduces Zoe as her half-sister, despite being the same age and having the same mother. Because I guess we can add basic biology to the list of things the writers don't understand. Now that we're at school, Chloe's friendship with Adrien is next up on the chopping block.

Yep, despite being Adrien's only friend and making a big deal about valuing his friendship to the point where she threw a big party just to make sure he wouldn't leave her and risked cooperating with an Akuma to save him, now Chloe just sees Adrien as a rich meal ticket. Two of the earliest episodes to show Chloe had a more compassionate side to her, and they just undid them. Even as much as I hated the episode, “Felix” showed Chloe was willing to cooperate with Marinette and her friends just to find a way to cheer Adrien up on the anniversary of his mother's not-death.

For the love of God, Astruc, 1984 was supposed to warn people about what could happen if they rewrote the past, not encourage people to rewrite the past. He probably finished Animal Farm thinking Snowball really did work alongside the humans, didn't he?

Marinette comes up and Zoe pretends to hate her, leading Marinette to wonder why she did that. She texts Zoe (she gave her number to her earlier) and invites her to a concert on the Liberty, but Chloe finds out. Zoe thinks fast and pretends it's just so she can torment her more. Chloe then takes out a book listing all the ways she can torture Marinette. I wonder if this is a metaphor for the writing process behind most of the episodes last season.

Zoe decides to go outside for some fresh air, and Andre comforts her. Funny how Andre bends over backwards to give Chloe whatever she wants, yet he's willing to actually talk to Zoe like an actual parent. Andre tries to cheer Zoe up, but she talks about her past where she had to put on an act so she would be liked, but (bet you've never heard this before) she just wants to be accepted for who she truly is. The surge of emotions is enough for Shadowmoth to akumatize her into Sole Crusher.

In addition to having one of the most clever puns for an Akuma name, I actually like Sole Crusher's design. Not only is it a good excuse to reuse Chloe's character design, it makes sense thematically, as Chloe was trying to mold Zoe into a copy of herself. The gold and diamonds also make sense given Chloe's love for shiny things. Her powers tie into the bizarre belief Chloe has about stepping on the winners. Whenever Sole Crusher kicks or steps on someone, she absorbs them and gets progressively bigger, making it easier to do so. While it's not cracking my top ten anytime soon, it's still an interesting character design.

Sole Crusher heads to the hotel to get Chloe, and she manages to get away pretty quickly. Maybe in an alternate universe, she's a track star? For some reason, she runs to the Dupain-Cheng bakery and then... Oh my God... pushes Marinette's parents so they get absorbed by Sole Crusher, before trying to do the same with Marinette.

When has Chloe ever done something like that? Whenever she endangered someone during an Akuma attack, it was unintentional or a result of her naivety. She was only trapped in Pixelator's dimension because Adrien tried diving to save her, she only alerted Rogercop to Ladybug's presence because she eagerly called out for her, and during “Zombizou” she only tried to throw Sabrina towards the horde of kissing zombies once, and that was meant to highlight her growth. The only person to actually do stuff like this consistently is Lila, but I guess she got vaporized by Big Brother offscreen.

This episode is determined to make the audience hate Chloe by retconning everything about her character while portraying her as a complete monster. As bad as Chloe could get, she was never selfish enough to use anyone as a human shield. This kind of behavior honestly could be explained by saying Chloe was lashing out as a result of losing the Bee Miraculous permanently, but the events of the Season 3 finale aren't mentioned ONCE, not even in the next episode that introduces Queen Bee's replacement! How the hell can you set up the next Bee hero without explaining why the original needs to be replaced in the first place?! And trust me, I'm going to talk about Zoe replacing Chloe later.

Sole Crusher grabs Marinette in her hand, so the Horse Kwami, Kaalki, uses her power to teleport over to Adrien's house and inform him Ladybug needs help, meaning once again Adrien did nothing in this episode before becoming Cat Noir.

At the Liberty, Chloe offers more victims to Sole Crusher in the form of the band Kitty Section (consisting of Luka, Juleka, Rose, Ivan, and Mylene) and theatens the giant golden supervillain she can send her back to Paris, even though she's really not in a position to bargain right now. And she STILL continues to insult her. Do you hate Chloe yet? Come on, do you? The writers won't stop until you do.

After we see Sole Crusher's conflicted emotions, Marinette is set free by Cat Noir and transforms into Ladybug, immediately summoning her Lucky Charm, a shoehorn. They only learn Zoe's sneakers were where she were akumatized thanks to Chloe's ranting, so the episode unintentionally made Chloe save the day. Ladybug breaks into Le Grand Paris and breaks the sneakers where Zoe hid them, using the shoehorn to open a door. So Sole Crusher is de-evilized, Ladybug fixes the damage, and gives yet another charm to Zoe.

Afterwards, Zoe goes to the Liberty, apologizes for the act she put on, all while divulging to the audience her “tragic backstory”.

Of course, everyone welcomes her with open arms.

And right here is where the biggest problem I have with Zoe as a character. I normally hesitate to use this term given how often it gets thrown around when criticizing characters these days, but I really can't say anything else.

Zoe... is a Mary Sue.

For those who don't know, the term Mary Sue originated in a Star Trek fanfiction from 1973 satirizing several self-insert stories at the time. Most of these stories showed a beautiful young woman joining the crew of the Enterprise and immediately gaining the attention of the crew. Mary Sue parodied this character archetype by showing how much she was appreciated by Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock, the latter being driven to tears at her funeral despite his species being emotionless normally.

What does this have to do with Zoe? She has the exact same storyline as Mary Sue in the parody fanfiction. Her mere presence is enough to make Chloe act extremely out of character in an attempt to make her look better, and as soon as she apologizes while giving a frankly vague backstory, everyone just accepts her as their friend, and I mean everyone in the entire class. I'm sorry, but it just doesn't feel earned. Why was she bullied at her old school? What did her bullies have against her? What caused her to stop going along with her peers, and why did everyone turn against her? How the hell did the bullies who put cockroaches in another student's locker get no punishment while the victim was forced to transfer schools? It's an intentionally unclear backstory designed to make the audience feel sympathetic towards Zoe without actually doing anything else.

I want to ask anyone reading this who watched the episode a question: Outside of her backstory, what do we actually know about Zoe?

What is her personality like? She's nice? Socially awkward? We've never had a character like that in Miraculous Ladybug before! Sorry Marinette, Adrien, Juleka, Nathaniel, Mylene, and Marc, there's a new character with more personality than all of you combined!

What are her goals? She wants to be an actress? Great, but why? Even though there's no clear answer for why Marinette loves fashion, or why Alya loves journalism, or why Nino loves DJing, you can still see the passion in their lives when they do something related to their goals. Zoe only says she wants to be an actress, connecting it to her people pleaser backstory (and given how it ended, she must be a terrible actress), and in the next episode, she immediately gets the lead role in a student film.

When Mylene got the starring role in the movie in “Horrificator”, we at least got snippets of her acting skills in the same episode that established her desire to be an actress, which is also implied to be because she was inspired by her father in “The Mime”. She didn't just say she wanted to be an actress and got the leading role. She still had problems to overcome like her cowardice, which threw her own self-confidence into doubt. Here, Zoe just says she wants to be an actress, and is rewarded for no reason the very next episode.

Zoe basically exists only to be a foil to Chloe, and the writers had no idea what to do in terms of a personality, so they just dumped a bunch of extremely likable character traits onto her without thinking of how her character could come off. And like I said, she's a Mary Sue.

I'm not the only one who thinks this. I've seen a handful of posts on this very site calling Zoe a Mary Sue. In fact, I even asked another Tumblr user @anxresi​ to quote their take on Zoe being a Mary Sue, which I couldn't even top in terms of accuracy. They basically listed off five things that made Zoe a Mary Sue.

She has to have a ‘tragic backstory’ so all the other characters will fall in love with her. Usually within minutes, in the very first episode they’re introduced.

She has to have a supercute design so that the audience at home will fall in love with her. And if they don’t, they’re automatically dismissed as ‘haterz’ even if their objections are purely from a writing POV.

Her only flaw will be thinking too little of herself. “What, lil ol’ me as the Bee Miraculous holder? With my shyness, colorful shoes, chic beret and personalized pink strip in my hair? Gosh, who’d have thought it?”

The contrast to her half-sister will be a constant plot point, with Chloe always getting dumped on. “You see, kids? Bad things happen to bad people. But you see this super-sweet girl over here? She gets a free DAD. Instant FRIENDS. To star in her own MOVIE. The chance to be a SUPERHERO, even though she only arrived last week. Who cares if she has no depth, no personality and barely any reason for being in the show, apart from being a massive ‘Up Yours’ to all the Chloe fans out there?”

What about character development, Mr Generic Zag Guy? “Development? What’s that?! Zoe is already perfect as she is. The only ‘development’ she’ll receive is having her hair done in the first episode she’s introduced. Besides, That‘d’ word is banned here at Zag studios. Why do you think we abandoned Chloe’s stillborn arc so quickly? This is a KIDS show, why bother trying to create a complex character with more than one dimension?”

This is essentially who Zoe is. She's perfect, has no character flaws, has a cute design so the audience will love her already, and was designed only to replace Chloe as Queen Bee. That's all she is.

So the episode ends with Zoe feeling happy at all the new friends she made while we get one of the most blatant attempts of symbolism in the ending card I've ever seen.

See, look. While Marinette is happily talking with Zoe with the image of Ladybug next to them, Chloe is to the far left with an EVIL purple aura, showing how bad she is compared to how great Zoe is. Only a braindead moron would actually like Chloe over the super awesome and pretty Zoe!

I'll give my final thoughts on the episode in the next part where I analyze this plotline as a whole.

LINK TO “QUEEN BANANA” REVIEW

[linklethehistorian]

Cherish Development Notes — Part 2: Overviews & Outlines

Alright, since I’ve already explained Cherish’s humble origins, I can finally get around to talking about the very unique (comparably to any of my other fics, at least) general writing process for this fic and its chapters.

Now, to give you an idea of the difference, my typical fic-writing process for my previous works (all of which are one-shots) goes a little something like this:

Get inspired by something and come up with a general idea for the fic

(If not already inspired by any particular piece of music) Find a song that either fits the scenario perfectly, or just suits the general mood, to play on repeat while writing, and (usually) use that song for the fic’s title.

Start writing the fic from beginning to end in linear progression — no outlines.

Proofread for typos.

Tag and post.

However, for Cherish, this entire process was never present to begin with; after all, not only is it my first multi-chapter fic, but also, thanks to its unique history, it already came long pre-conceived and partially pre-written from my former rambles with a friend.

As such, before I even began writing the story as a fic, I already had an (albeit limited, incomplete and fairly messy) outline to work off of, for at least all of the major plot points. It wasn’t anything grand, as, like I said, it only covered the most important parts of the story and left a lot of blank spots or super vague bridges between major events, but it was certainly more than anything I’ve ever had to work with before (which is literally nothing lol), and turned out to be a huge help in the creative process, especially early on in the fic’s creation. (I may or may not release some of these old outlines and notes as I move on to talking about individual, already-released chapters in the future, for the curious.)

After gathering together all of those former rambles as a very basic outline, I then began to properly rewrite the first part (which you would all later come to know as Chapter 1 and 2) of that outline into a proper, detailed story, and, after I’d already begun that process of re-writing, eventually sought out a song that properly captured the emotion and thought-processes within (and later an additional one, when I decided to split the chapter in two) and made them not only the ones I listened to on loop, but also the chapter titles.

Once the first chapter was finished and the second nearly done (and they were fairly quick), I created the fic, set the tags, and released it under the name Cherish — a name I had also decided on a short while prior after choosing a song I felt best suited the overall themes and plot (a little more about that here.)

And after all of that was said and done, I took the three songs I had used and decided to create a special playlist for the fic, that I would slowly add to more and more over time — an action which, I had no way of realizing at the time, would actually come to be a huge help with writing future chapters.

You see, although it’s true I had my basic outline to rely on for bigger, more important events, there were still all of those parts in between that were just barely talked about, or even not talked about at all, and also some chapters that inevitably end up split from one into two due to the length, or some other creative decision.

For all of this — and I highly recommend it to other authors, too, if they’re so inclined — I was able to lean partially on my Cherish playlist, as I would gather together a whole bunch of songs of all varieties that evoked feelings and emotions and/or perfectly matched the story I’d already planned to happen, and add them into a secondary, privated experimental playlist to rearrange into my desired order and test for proper aesthetics. By doing this, I was able to determine precisely where different minor events and feelings belonged to make for a good, well-written, well-flowing story; furthermore, by being able to look at and recognize when there felt like there were too many songs revolving around the same emotion or plot point, I could also properly decide upon how many chapters a certain part of the story should take up and how best to tackle the subject without making it feel like the pacing had dipped considerably.

Even now, I continue to use this tool very happily to determine positioning and aid me in the writing process whenever I reach a point only vaguely covered by the original outline — although, it’s also much more than a tool to me; it’s a love language to the story I’m writing, a creative outlet of its own, and an extension of the fic itself for those interested to explore the further depths of it. Not just any song will do for each chapter; the aesthetic, the lyrics, and the title all have to be relevant to the chapter itself, and not only that, but they have to transition decently from one to the next sound-wise, as well. It is, at times, a time-consuming endeavor, but one I take great pride in, as with all things regarding this fic.

Then, as of late, I’ve also found another crucial, very helpful way to fill in those missing blanks in far greater detail after the initial arrangement and secondary outline I’m able to put together with the help of the playlist: sharing a TL;DR of the story I intend to write, chapter by chapter, with my friend @mysaldate (if you’re reading this, hi uwu 💖 Thank you for being amazing). By sharing this information with her, I will end up sitting down and writing out what ends up becoming a detailed plan for any chapters with a lackluster outline, thereby making the writing process itself much, much easier. It is a truly wonderful thing I’m so glad I get to do in the process of sharing something I enjoy with someone I care about.

Writing the chapters, themselves, too, due to having an outline, is not the same experience I am used to with my one-shots; in many ways, it speeds up the work considerably and is an invaluable tool for something I need to try to update at least semi-regularly, though it also has its own unique struggles, too, as all things do (namely, that bridging dialogue or actions anywhere where there is missing information in between can be equal parts fun and maddening, depending upon the situation lol).

So, if we put all of this together, we get a process that looks something like this per chapter:

Refer to the first, original outline for information on a given chapter.

Find a song with lyrics and an overall aesthetic that suits the current situation/emotion of the chapter, has a fitting title, and sounds good within its proper spot in the playlist. Name the chapter after it and listen to it on repeat.

If the chapter does not have enough (or any) information in the first outline to decide this, use the general plan within my head for that time and defer to gathering songs and/or checking and arranging the playlist until I have a basic enough outline to get by. 

Write out TL;DRs of future chapters based off of these outlines for mysaldate and then use those more detailed plans as the actual outline with which to start writing the chapter.

Change font to Comic Sans while writing (it genuinely works).

Begin converting the secondary outline (and any potential un-covered information from the first) into a basic version of the story.

Go over it again, and add more detail/tweak aspects that don’t flow upon re-reading.

Do a final proofread/fix typos/make any final changes.

Add chapter title’s song to the public playlist, if not done already.

Check to make sure no more tags need to be added to the main fic due to the content.

Check to make sure no notes need to be added to the chapter and the placeholder joke summary on the AO3 draft is removed.

Post the chapter on AO3.  

And thus, this is the usual creative process involved in working on a chapter for Cherish; it is an extensive list, but, I find, a satisfying one.

In regards to tools, I merely use Google Docs and search up synonyms and such if ever needed on the internet; no fancy tools, no Grammarly, no Betas, though on rare occasion I do ask the opinion of a friend on certain lines I’m truly unsure of and concerned with in some way.

I hope you enjoyed the read. If there’s anything you were wondering that I didn’t cover here, or another subject you’d really like me to cover next about the fic, feel free to drop me an ask!  [Read the fic here!]

[Check out the public Cherish playlist!]