#+ 0 note posts about how miserable they are lol

[captainhongjoong]

why are all t*rf blogs the same

[trouffle]

blah blah life update cus i’m sick and it’s a void moon today & im procrastinating breakfast

in 2023 i started and lost 2 jobs (both location closures) & the second one was the closest i ever got to financial “stability” ut it was also a server job in lower manhattan so. need i say more. now i’m a bartender at a movie theater working 15-20 hours a week (which i did at my last job making 500-800 base cus rich ppl are insane and autograt is a blessing) when i was guaranteed upwards of 30-35 during the hiring process and i truly have no clue what miserable hell i’m about to launch myself into finding a job that pays me more than $50 a shift post-tax. it is so stressful and makes me feel so ashamed even tho i have familial support bc it feels like i should just be… doing “better” aka making more money. side note, one of the customers at my old job accidentally dropped a $100 bill, i brought it to her instead of pocketing it to let her know, she most definitely didn’t realize nor cared she literally looked at it like it was a single and they still left $0 in tip…. lol america

but then i step back and realize what i’ve been doing in the name of passion all last year. after planning since summer 2022, my first ever drag performance was in feb 2023. my first ever produced show was april 2023 and it was longform, experimental narrative drag derived from my own astrology practice. i’ve co produced 2 shows (would’ve been 3 but we cancelled and it was a bad move..)

and now going into 2024 i’m producing my first ever rave and debuting as a dj this monday. i’m booked for an experimental drag-noise show at one of my fav venues, just bought a camcorder and got my point n shoot fixed (i didn’t know how to take out.. the film 😔), have my first live model figure drawing, & am on the track to keep producing shows and beginning to take over dj mom’s collective. after i lost my second job i turned towards drag / my freelancing work i marketed via drag to pay my bills and all it did was excessively burn me out, brought me to the edge of despising drag & wanting to quit it all. the instance i chose money over passion the entire ENTIRE process was ruined. i took a step back, started djing, and if i thought drag saved my life BEFORE it def was all leading up to this as i’m ushering in a new dimension of creativity and musicianship into my desperately burnt out soul from graduate school & a decade of classical music training

i am fucking terrified of what 2024 will bring bc in 2023 i lost 2 jobs AND 2 of my best friends via conflict and have just felt so unbearably ashamed and confused bc idk i have credit card debt and rent to pay?????? it’s so fucking confusing being alive but i truly don’t think i would be here if it wasn’t for pursuing drag in the last year or so give or take. i am so so so immensely grateful for it and find myself in constant shock & awe that this is where i am

its scaryyyyy to be as publicly and openly vulnerable as you have to be a public artist holy shit esp when ppl are so gleefully cruel nowadays bht i wouldn’t trade it for the world, esp cus irs brought me to actual community & a sense of home i’ve never felt in any institutions or with my family. i’m scared bht i’m grateful. i’m tired but there’s so much to look forward to. rn i’m just sick as fuck with a respiratory infection but my show is in 2 days :3

[babsaros]

"indie ttrpg/anti-dnd twitter just does not believe in playing or exploring morally questionable characters and actions" is such an abjectly piss-poor disconnected-from-reality take. it belies a complete ignorance of a great many indie TTRPGs that are not D&D. (D&D itself is frankly not designed for "playing or exploring morally questionable characters and actions"; just look at the fantasy racist alignment system still being jammed in there.)

i really shouldn't dignify this with a response, because i made that post 9 months ago, vaguely venting about an article someone i follow on twitter shared.

however, you've only taken the very first sentence, ignoring that most of the post is about a specific spell in 5e, and how just because it *can* be used in harmful ways doesn't mean it only exists to torture poor helpless npcs, and it also doesn't mean the character/player who chooses to do so is automatically irredeemably evil, because playing morally gray or even straight up evil characters can be interesting and *fun*, not just for the person playing them but for everyone at the table *WHEN DONE RIGHT AND RESPECTFULLY*, hence my bit about the "murder hobo" trope being generally frowned upon. maybe i should have worded my original post differently, but like. dude its from 9 months ago, it got 0 notes, and i never intended for it to become a conversation. i was venting about a specific stupid take i saw on twitter, and then immediately forgot about lol. i enjoy many indie ttrpgs, and also agree with many criticisms of dnd AND *moreso* with wizards of the coast. I think anti-dnd spaces, the ppl who denounce dnd as a system entirely, would be better off trying to convince ppl of the criticisms they have for wizards of the coast as a company, instead of trying to come up with criticisms for a game they've maybe never played, or played a handful of times with a shitty group that made them hate it. I think most of the criticisms i've seen of dnd mechanics (not talking about race stuff) rarely makes sense or is something i've actually experienced in my own play.

Like, you say "D&D itself is frankly not designed for 'playing or exploring morally questionable characters and actions'", but fail to provide a specific example of how that's true besides "well, wizards of the cost wrote some pretty racist shit in there". yeah man they did! i agree with that! but that doesn't mean the system just doesn't support playing an 'evil' orc or whatever and exploring the character arcs that could exist there. like. my original post was complaining about someone specifically saying that 'actually dnd is inherently evil bc you can do some morally bankrupt stuff with certain spells', and now YOU are coming into my house to say 'actually dnd as a system doesn't support playing evil characters or doing evil things at all'. like do you see why i'm saying the criticisms never line up in consistency or as effective counter-arguments to my own personal play experience, where i myself have played, and played with, plenty of asshole, evil, morally gray, 'criminal', corrupt, cruel characters. When everyone at the table enjoys playing around that dynamic, it can be fun and interesting!

my tags on that post to sum it up are: #i think dnd has just as much potential for being cruel as a lot of other systems#its just a matter of who you play with and what you play#and i dont think there's anything wrong with playing 'bad guys'

like i don't even say dnd is the best system for what i want. i *say* i have criticisms and don't even like it that much. i'm sure there *are* some really fun, well-written indie-ttrpgs out there that encourage rolling up some evil characters. i've even explored writing my own, one specifically built around rolling up miserable assholes and exploring the bad things they do and become, and the ways ppl like that can be pulled back from the brink, that ppl aren't just good or bad and they can change.

you've just twisted your own panties about this, man.

like, feel free to respond, i legitimately have nothing better to do. you opened up this conversation by saying i had a "piss-poor detached from reality" take about a post that was really just a vague vent but *did* try to be respectful and explain where i was coming from, but you also seemingly ignored everything after the first sentence, so idk its difficult to judge how much free time you might have on your hands, but i'm guessing you started this the way you started it bc you do want the attention.

[kohakhearts]

learning to be ok with having your art ignored is tbh an essential skill i think. doesnt mean you cant be sad or upset about it but accepting it and knowing it isnt really a reflection on you as a creator or your work. my imo best fic ive ever written has 7 kudos and thats all right because i still think its my best work—and i loved writing it, i love rereading it, i’ll always look to it fondly. thats the part that matters

[pretty-well-funded]

As someone who claims to have been in fandom culture for a long time, can I ask how you deal with antis? Is it as simple as just not giving a fuck? And if so, how do you get to that point and not take the hate personally? I really want to be a part of this fandom and make content, but seeing some of the hate other people have received makes me too scared

lol aw, this ask makes me feel like a wise Fandom ElderTM.  so thank you for that feeling.

to be fair, and to put my answer into context, I have so far received zero (0) comments or messages from antis in this fandom.  for whatever reason, it hasn’t happened to me (yet), but obviously I’ve dealt with all sorts of trolls and unpleasant people in fandom before.  I have basically been into Questionable Shit since day 1 (actually, since day -5,110) so that always invites Opinions.

it’s as simple and complicated as not giving a fuck, though.  I could tell tales of my sensitive youth, but instead I’ll share more helpful thoughts:

don’t feed the trolls.  I wouldn’t even publish vile shit people said to me.  I’d probably bitch to fandom friends privately, but if it’s meritless, I would delete and mentally set it aside.  note, I said meritless - personally, I enjoy addressing honest concerns or questions or critiques.  but if it doesn’t come from a place of sincere engagement, fuck em.

being certain of your OWN moral judgment on your actions helps a lottttt. way easier said than done.  the things I read and write in fandom mirror fantasies I was having when I was like…12.  and at that age, Our Bodies, Ourselves told me that fantasies were harmless and often really about something else, so I trusted that.  Deciding whether I was ok with consuming and producing publically available content along those lines was another wrestling match.  But at this point, I understand WHY my kinks are my kinks, and I’ve come to terms with my own moral code and feel sure that I’m doing nothing wrong.  having no internal guilt makes it super hard to be shamed by someone else

basically two kinds of people are going to come into your inbox and spew hate.  the first type is just YOUNG. when you’re young you’re prone to extreme opinions.  your knowledge matrix is just smaller and simpler, you have less data to see the shades of gray, and you still have energy to care SO MUCH about every little thing.  the second type are full fledged adults but miserable human beings.  they usually have very little else going on in their lives, and sometimes people get weird and dictatorial when one thing is all they have.  knowing that, having seen it over and over, just…demystifies the boogeyman for me.  

fandom should be fun. curate your own experience accordingly.  just…stop doing the not-fun stuff.  all the obligation that can sometimes be piled on for fandom is, frankly, bullshit.  if the people you know in fandom aren’t *assholes*, they’ll respect however you want to interact.  and if they *are* assholes…then they’re assholes.  block whoever you want, blacklist whatever you want.  hell, there is nothing stopping you - absolutely NOTHING - from making separate accounts for starker stuff and just…not telling anyone it’s you.  if that’s what you need to do to enjoy this pairing, do it!

I think if you keep fandom life walled off from RL, trolls are less stressful.  posting selfies or personal details on public posts, etc, increases the likelihood of actual blowback on you, for WHATEVER.  if no one knows who you are, you can feel safe knowing that unbalanced dickheads can’t really touch you.  

and honestly, it does help just being Fandom Old.  Once you’ve been in fandom for more than…I’d say 5 years, you’ve seen EVERY intra-fandom argument play out at least 3 times (often more).  so as time wears on and you see round 20 bajillion of the same kerfuffle, you just roll your eyes and blacklist/backbutton.  

based on RL observations, I think rejection of toxic opinions is easier for me than other people, so don’t feel bad if you struggle with it.  For me, it’s part childhood damage and part hard-won anxiety management.  giving no fucks in a healthy way is kind of my super power.  you can get there with practice, though.

[your-iron-lung]

No Shade in the Shadow of the Cross 3

AKA ‘Trouble Comes Knocking’; also readable on AO3

my exwife was supposed to beta this for me but shes taking too long and i am an impatient person so im posting it early lol

Story Synopsis:  Some weird low-key occult parties start popping up that Steve can’t in good conscience ignore and takes it upon himself to investigate. Billy gets caught up in the consequences of his meddling, and isn’t it funny? For all the strange things the Upside Down has thrown his way, it’s werewolves that Steve has trouble accepting exist.

Chapter Word Count: 3511

Pairings: Eventual Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington

Genre: Supernatural/Drama/Horror-ish

Previous Chapters: 1, 2, 

Next Chapter: 4

Home and tucked into his bed with no memory of how he got there, Steve dreamt of queer things he didn’t understand. Blurry, dark images swarmed his subconscious like a great, malevolent storm bearing down on him too quickly for him to escape. His dreams had him running through the woods, avoiding the shadowed areas between the trees where huge, narrow maws erupted from the blackness, showing off fangs that were long and drawn into needle points, eager to draw blood.  

The dreams plagued him for a week, replacing the threat that came with the usual monsters he’d come to be familiar with in his sleep. He’d faced the things with teeth-lined flower bulbs for heads and survived, but now whatever it was that was hunting him down in his thoughts was unknown, and the fear of that unknown was what woke him up every night that week, leaving him a trembling, sweat-soaked wreck who couldn’t comprehend the level of terror he was feeling.

There was, at least, some sort of reprieve from the torment his psyche was undergoing. On the days he went to school, Billy avoided him vehemently, not even trying to go out of his way to talk shit or start a fight. In fact, it seemed that he was actually going out of his way to avoid him now.

Whatever had happened at the party had turned him off from Steve Harrington for the time being, and for that at least Steve was thankful. Something good had come from that miserable night, and if he were lucky, maybe it would last a lifetime. Billy probably assumed he was crazy (and wasn’t that the prime example of the pot calling the kettle black?) after witnessing his episode, and maybe he was, but every time he thought about it his hand began to throb painfully, as though it really had been injured. There were still no marks, though; not a single indicator of any kind that his hand had been harmed in any way.

It made no sense, and he didn’t know what to do about that.

Who did he have to talk to that would believe him if he opened up about what he’d seen that night by the fire? Or of the thing that he’d seen skulking about in the woods like some sort of horrible, jittering animatronic that someone had let loose to terrorize him? Would anyone even believe him if he did say anything? Billy certainly hadn’t, and he’d been a first-hand witness.

He groaned into his hands, letting his head fall forward onto the steering wheel of his car where he sat in the parking lot, too lethargic to leave the school yet. Those stupid weekend parties were supposed to have been an escape, but now he found that they had become the primary source of his stress.

Earlier in the day, Steve had found another one of those mysterious notes slipped into his locker. On it was another map and address, and he’d had half a mind to rip it up then and there before he’d flipped it over out of bitter curiosity.

There, instead of the ‘+0’ that had usually been marked on the card, was a ‘+1’ instead. The change was the only reason he hadn’t torn it to pieces.

“What is happening to me,” he whined, dragging his fingers down his face, pulling at the baggy, discoloured skin beneath his eyes. “What the hell does any of this mean?!” he cried out to no one.

He’d have to track down whoever it was that was leaving the invitations in his locker to get any kind of information. Someone from school was leaving them for him, even if that person wasn’t showing up at the parties, which raised the question of ‘why’ again. Why wasn’t whoever was inviting him going? Why was it just Billy and Steve that were invited, and no one else from their school? Why, why, why?

There were no answers, and no way for him to get any.

Groaning with frustration, he sat up straight in his seat, letting his hands fall away from his face. He stared out of the windshield with a blank expression on his face when he caught sight of Billy walking towards his Camaro across the parking lot. Looking at him made him frown.

Maybe… what if it was Billy leaving him the notes? Could all this shit be some sort of elaborate long-term prank he’d concocted just to fuck with Steve on a psychological level?

As if Billy could sense that Steve was thinking about him, he paused mid-stride and turned to face him. They made eye contact briefly, and in that moment Steve knew Billy couldn’t possibly be behind it all. It was far too elaborate for someone as brash as he was, and his reaction upon seeing Steve freak out hadn’t been one of victory, but was rather one of apprehension. If Billy had been the mastermind behind it all, he would have gotten what he’d wanted and celebrated that, but he hadn’t. It was beyond Steve and Billy both; the other boy had just been coming along for the free drinks.

Caught up in his thoughts, Steve hadn’t realized Billy was walking towards him until he knocked on the window, rapping his knuckles sharply against the glass.

He jumped in his seat at the noise, turning his wide, brown eyes up to Billy who had a deep frown locked on his face. Pointing with his finger, he gestured for Steve to roll down the window.

“What do you want?” Steve asked as he cracked the window, doing his best to sound annoyed despite how tired he felt.

“What do you think?” Billy retorted smartly, rolling his eyes. He glanced around the parking lot to see if anyone was looking their way before he leaned down low, resting an arm along the frame of Steve’s car to speak quietly. “I didn’t get another invite, did you?”

“You didn’t?”

The surprise Steve felt must have been blatantly plastered across his face, for Billy’s lips twitched into a grimace when he spoke.

“No.”

Steve sat still for a moment, studying the passive look of muted anger on Billy’s face before he thought he ought to show him the note. He pulled his school bag that had been in his passenger seat over into his lap and began digging through it, looking for the invitation. His fingers brushed past his notebooks, pens, and other loose items before they finally felt the stiff cardstock the note had been made of.

As he pulled it out, Billy’s frown deepened.

“Why the fuck did you get reinvited?” Scowling fiercely, he stood up and took out his pack of cigarettes, placing one between his snarling teeth. “I bet it was that faggot on the guitar. Told whoever’s running that shit show not to bring me back.”

“Whoa, language, man,” Steve said disapprovingly.

Billy narrowed his eyes as he lit his cigarette, running his tongue along his teeth before leaning back down. “Let me see it.”

Something about the borderline manic look that Billy held in his eye made Steve hesitate, fingering the card in his hands uncertainly. He wanted to roll up the window and keep the invitation to himself, even if he had no interest in attending, and he definitely didn’t want Billy going in his stead.

All the same, he gave the card over when Billy reached in for it.

A dark look overtook Billy’s face as he studied the card, mouth moving as he silently read and memorized the address. Steve watched him quietly as Billy flipped it over, and saw the look of confusion that spread into his eyes when he saw what was printed there.

“The fuck is this?” he asked, holding up the back of the card that read ‘+1’ so that Steve could see it.

“I don’t know,” Steve replied honestly. “All the others I got had ‘+0’ on the back.”

Billy flipped the invitation back around so he could read it again. A look of concentration overtook the anger that he usually held there briefly as he contemplated its meaning.

“It kinda looks like the shit Susan sent out when she married my dad; mailed out their wedding invitations with how many guests the person invited could bring,” he explained, turning the card over in his hands contemplatively. “Like, y’know, their plus one or something.”

“Huh.” Steve hummed, realizing that that actually made some sense. It was kind of obvious, now that he thought about it.

“Congratulations Harrington, you get the honor of taking me to the party with you,” Billy said then, flicking the card back at him through the opening in the window.

“So, what, you’re like my date now?” Steve snorted, chuckling a bit, amused at the notion. He grabbed the card from where it had settled on his dashboard. “Why Billy, if you wanted me to take you out, all you had to do was ask.”

The fear he’d felt throughout the week in his dreams was trying to resurface in his stomach at the thought of attending another one of the forest gatherings, despite how nonchalant he was acting. He swallowed it back and tried to ignore it as it crept its way throughout his body, circulating through his bloodstream in a steady, repeating current.

Billy sneered at him as he spoke. “Yeah, I bet you would like that, wouldn’t you, Harrington?”

“Well, tough, because I’m not going,” Steve said, dropping the humor in his voice and averting his gaze. He shoved the card back into the deep dredges of his book bag and slung it back into the passenger seat forcefully, as though it were prone to attacking him.  

“What, you have one bad trip and that’s it? You’re done?” Billy scoffed and put a hand on his hip, staring down at him with a taunting grin. He blew out a stream of smoke that mixed in with the wind and blew away almost instantly. “Thought ‘King Steve’ was supposed to have been a real party animal; not the one and done kinda guy.”

“But these aren’t normal parties!” he blurted out, banging his fists into the steering wheel in frustration. He barely missed hitting the horn. “There’s something wrong about them!”

“The only thing wrong about them was how you freaked out over nothing,” Billy drawled, looking around the parking lot again to make sure no one was paying attention to them as Steve raised his voice. For some reason, the fact that Billy was concerned about who might have been watching them pissed Steve off. “Whatever you think attacked you was all in that fucked up, pretty little head of yours.”

Steve groaned and let his head fall back against the headrest of his seat. There he let it roll towards Billy so he could fix him with an even glare. “There is something bigger going on out there. How else would you explain all the secrecy? Nobody else knows anything about them.”

A group of girls walked by them, greeting Billy energetically as they passed. He turned away briefly to entertain them with a smile, and when he redirected his attention back to Steve he found that he had turned away to stare angrily out his windshield. He looked tired, with deep, purple bags drooping under his eyes. Whether Billy believed him or not, it was obvious that whatever Steve thought he’d seen at the party last week was affecting him terribly.

“Fine, say there is something weird going on at those shitty little hick cult parties,” Billy relented, recapturing Steve’s attention. “Only one way to be sure of that, Princess, and I think you know what that means.”

Steve moaned and shut his eyes. “Why are you so desperate to go? Do you seriously have nothing better to do? Something a little more your speed, maybe?”

Billy didn’t answer him; merely stared him down with a hard, steely gaze that made Steve sigh and look away.

“Alright, fine. If it’ll prove that something shady’s going on out there, then fuck it, fine,” Steve said, gesturing about with his hands as he spoke. “I’ll take you out if that’s what you want, Hargrove, since you seem so desperate to go.”

“Great.” Billy’s face lost its hardness as he broke out into a grin and slapped his hand down onto the roof of the BMW loudly, ignoring the implication behind Steve’s words. “Don’t be late, Harrington, and get some sleep; lookin’ a little rough around the edges there, pretty boy.”

He walked away before Steve could say anything else, hips swaying as he made his way over to his Camaro where his sister was waiting for him.

It was snowing freely on the night of the party, coming down in a mild torrent that likely would have closed the roads had they not already been salted in advance. He drove slowly on the backroads, navigating through streets he’d never been to before in a part of town that looked largely uninhabited. The few houses that he saw didn’t have any lights on, and the road was, for the most part, as dark as the forests he’d been dreaming of. The natural light from the full moon coupled with his headlights were all he had to work with as he rode on.  

His windshield wipers thunked back and forth rapidly, deflecting the falling snow faster than it could settle. He made sure to keep the BMW traveling well under the speed limit, keeping a careful eye on the road as he traveled. In the back of his mind, he wondered if Billy had ever driven in the snow before. There was no way in hell he’d make it if he drove the way he usually did.

Maybe that would be for the best, though, Steve thought. No more Billy, no more parties, no more problems.

A strong gust of wind blew past, rattling his car. The BMW swerved a bit before he strengthened his grip over the wheel, righting his car in its lane. The back country roads had been salted this time at least as opposed to the last time he’d ridden them, but they were still slick enough that one wrong move could have him sliding off if he wasn’t careful. He dropped his speed a little bit more and was driving past a cow pasture when he first smelled something strange.

Initially, he wrote it off as some byproduct of cold cow shit, but as he sniffed the air creeping in through his air vents, he realized he hadn’t smelled anything quite like it before. It was entirely unpleasant, and reminded him of the time his mother had gotten sick with the flu and his dad had made him care for her. The stuffiness of her bedroom that she’d been holed up in for a few days coupled with her illness had been staggering, and was similar to what he was smelling now.

Coming in with the warm air, it smelled of stale beer and sickness; a combination that had him wrinkling his nose in disgust. He sped back up, trying to get through whatever fetid cow pasture he’d been driving by as quickly as he could possibly manage in an effort to escape it.

As he rounded a curve the smell dissipated somewhat, easing the slight bout of nausea it had caused when he’d initially smelled it. He relaxed his shoulders, unaware that they’d been tensed at all when the reek came back in a strong, sudden wave.

Steve gagged and almost swerved off the road, holding one of his arms up to breath through the sleeves of his shirt. It smelled so strong of sickness and rot that Steve thought the whole field of cows must have died or something. It was revolting, and he almost began dry heaving as the road curved and he came across something lying in the road.

A large, black shape was lying horizontally across the pavement, blocking nearly both lanes of traffic. He hadn’t been going fast enough to hit it, but he’d come close to doing so as he slowed the car to a stop, confusion furrowing his brow as he stared at the blockage. The falling snow made it difficult to see what it was clearly, but it looked too thin for it to have been a fallen tree.

It almost laid flat against the road, and if it hadn’t been for the light dusting of snow coating it, illustrating it as a 3D object, Steve would have been certain that it was a shadow.

A shadow like in his dreams.

Panic built up within him as quickly as a balloon filled with water, and threatened to burst just as immediately. He sat there with his headlights trained on the shape, breathing heavily out of his mouth when the sudden urge to bolt out of his car and run away overtook him. The last time he’d been this scared had been when he’d first encountered the Demogorgon, and for whatever reason as he sat there trembling, he was reminded of how it had almost killed the three of them when it burst into their world.

One hand was on his seatbelt, fumbling to get it undone before he could even think about what he was doing, the other on the door handle, ready to rip it open when he was freed of his restraint. He wanted to get to the bat in his trunk more than anything else in that moment.

His eyes never left whatever was lying there in front of him, and the longer he stared at it he realized it was a beast of some sort; too large to be a dog, but still canine-like in form. About the size of the Demogorgon, honestly, but bigger. It could have been a bear, if not for the weird proportions of its limbs.

Steve finally got the seatbelt undone and was about to run from the car when he finally caught himself in a moment of clarity.

‘What the hell are you doing, Harrington?’ Surprisingly, his voice of reason came in the form of Billy. It was unexpected, but for some reason Steve found it grounding to hear Billy’s stern voice rumble over the panicked thoughts currently running rampant in his head. ‘Gonna just ditch your rich bitch car and run out into the freezing woods like some sort of moron? Get real.’

“Get real,” he repeated, calming down a bit. He placed his hands back on the steering wheel and stared at the thing lying in the road, wondering if there was enough space for him to drive around it without getting stuck in the snow. It wasn’t moving, after all; maybe it had been hit by a car and was dead.

While it blocked the entirety of the road on his side, it only spread out about halfway into the lane of oncoming traffic. If his tires didn’t get stuck in the snow lining the shoulder, he should be able to get around it without issue. His panic, though subdued now, still threatened to become unmanageable as he put his foot gingerly on the gas, easing his car forward slowly and turning to navigate around whatever the hell was just lying there.

His heart was beating so loudly he could hear it thundering in his ears as he inched the car forward, snow piling down in a hard flurry around him. He was having a hard time breathing as he got closer and closer, his car now entirely in the left lane and almost even with the creature when it spasmed. Steve felt his heart seize up as the shadowy beast jerked spasmodically, raising its head so that it was staring in at him through the passenger window.

He heard himself start to whine, a high-pitched, desperate noise of terror as he stared back into the beast’s beady red eyes and he was sure, so, so sure that it was going to kill him if he didn’t move. He slammed on the gas as it lurched again, trying to come to a stand as Steve’s tires squealed uselessly on the slick pavement and the snowy ground before they finally caught traction and shot him forward.

The smell alone had been enough to make him sick, but his stomach began convulsing when he looked dead into the thing’s eyes. He almost threw up into his lap as he drove away, not daring to look back at what he’d seen to see if it was following him. He couldn’t control the way his whole body was shaking when he realized that he’d seen those eyes before.

The monster in the road had been the very same thing he’d seen that first night in the woods two weeks ago, and he knew now without a doubt that it was following him. That, or the parties were leading him to it, and he didn’t like the implications either way.

hi henlo it me, duke

i just wanted to say that the uh bit with the thing lying in the road was based on something that actually happened irl to my sister about two years ago. she was driving back to uni down in sc on some weird back roads late at night and she came across somethin lyin in the road like this

'It scared the hell out of me. I literally was so scared, i had never seen anything like it. It was big. Very big. It was like the size of a bear. But i knew it wasn't a bear. It was laying halfway into the left lane from the side of the road. It resembled a dog, or a large wolf. But the thing that really struck me was its bright glowing red eyes. That were looking straight ahead, so as i drove by, it looked right at me I didn't stop. and i didn't slow down. I kept going. But i was so scared. I have NEVER seen anything like that before. I almost thought i was imagining things, but those eyes stood out to me so much i knew that i saw something I have never seen it again since.'

she thinks it was somethin called a plat eye? dunno! but i asked her if i could use her spooky story in my spooky story and she said yeah lol

[worldsandcenturiesfunposting]

Late to the party: Should Video Game Journalists be good at video games?

You might have seen that cuphead video where some video game journalist spent over a minute trying to get past the tutorial and then proceeded to get railed over and over in the first level. The video is a little less than 27 minutes long and he doesn’t get through the first level in those 27 minutes. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=848Y1Uu5Htk Take note that the original title was Cuphead Demo at Gamescom: It Isn’t Easy

What you probably didn’t see was the description in the video. No one reads those but I think there’s a lot to pick apart and ramble about at 4:30 in the morning because I’m a lonely sack of shit with nothing better to do

But here’s the man himself writing to his defense: https://venturebeat.com/2017/09/08/the-deanbeat-our-cuphead-runneth-over/

My game crime: I was so bad at playing I was deemed unfit to be a game journalist. My Cuphead gameplay video from Gamescom blew up, inspired rage, and spurred discussions about the death of game journalism across Reddit, YouTube, and Twitter.

Don’t flatter yourself that much. People were talking about how game journalism was dead well before your video. Hell, you even mention GamerGate later in your article. 

It was a failure to communicate.

In the description of the video, they mention that the guy playing the game isn’t good at platformers in general and the video was uploaded as a joke. I don’t know how true that last part is, but assuming it is, they’ve apparently put in 0 effort to make that clear. No tongue in cheek title like “Let’s Fail at Cuphead!” or giving context in the description. Only after shit hit the fan did they edit the description explaining why the guy sucked so bad. 

I only wish my two books on the Xbox business generated as much attention as the Cuphead story. It is a humbling experience.

It would help if you books were available to buy at the store. I’ve been in plenty of book stores and haven’t found anything about Xbox business practices. There are ones partially written by Anita Sarkeesian though so I guess that’s close enough.

The more people looked at my poor gameplay, which I myself labeled shameful, the angrier they got. I played the tutorial so ineptly — failing to read the onscreen instructions to jump and dash simultaneously — and then went on, failing to conquer a single level. I said it was hard, and the fans saw my gameplay and decided I was a poor judge of difficulty. By a ratio of more than 12-to-1, the ratings on the YouTube video are negative. It wasn’t just the troglodytes of the internet who hated it. Most people hated it.

You failed an incredibly simple puzzle, one that literal children can figure out, and you want to throw out insults like “troglodytes” at people saying you were shit because they either didn’t see or don’t buy the “lol it’s just a prank bro” deflection.

Another game journalist (and some say “shitlord”

Including you or someone from your website in the description of the video itself:  A shitlord on Twitter also linked to this video and claimed these are the same people doing reviews. 

The guy they’re talking about is Ian Miles Cheong. Once a turbo feminist switched sides to a more pro-gamer stance during the whole GamerGate thing. Outside of that, I don’t know much about him and I don’t give enough of a shit about him to find out. 

He clipped it to the 2.5 minutes of the most damning inept gameplay, and he posted it to his followers. He used me to condemn all game journalists

The guy is literally a video game journalist though so it wouldn’t be a condemnation of all video game journalist. Just pointing out that you (and presumably others) are awful at video games despite being paid to write about them. Which is true. Like if this was a video of some 4 year old failing the tutorial, there wouldn’t be this ire. 

Raising the smoldering issues around Gamergate and its focus on game journalism ethics. His post was political propaganda for the disenfranchised gamers, the sort who went from Gamergate to the alt-right and elected Donald Trump as president.

At least you admit GamerGate was about ethics. The fact you then went on to then claim that its proponents went on to support the alt-right and got Trump elected is fucking horse shit for a few reasons. 

1. GamerGate was comprised of various people of various different political backgrounds. Yes, some members were what we’d now call the alt-right, but a lot of its members were also incredibly left leaning. A few political compass tests were taken over the course of GamerGate and it seems a huge portion of its membership were what’s described as left libertarians. 

2. Of all the reasons Trump was elected, gamers aren’t one of them. The shit system that is the electoral college. Mass propaganda efforts from Russia. A bunch of idiots who’d literally vote Republican even if Hitler rose from the dead and was the nominee simply because they’ll always vote Republican no matter what....but not a bunch of gamers upset over poor practices in video game journalism and attempts at shaming and censoring from SJWs. 

Get fucking real, Dean. You’re out of your element. 

Before he got to it, my video had maybe 10,000 views. Afterward, the Gamergaters, or hardline reactionaries — or whatever we would like to call them 

How about people who know how to play video games. I wonder if there’s a name for that. 

Crying conservative boogyman doesn’t help your own personal cause and it certainly doesn’t help your political side either. 

— believed this narrative fit into their views about game journalists just fine

That’s because even before this clip, there was a general negative opinion of video game journalists and here you are proving that it’s pretty well founded. Not only are a lot of them unethical, but some of them fucking suck at their jobs objectively. 

I despise how this was triggered by a viral post that represented the worst of fake news

Fake news is a Trump term. ALT RIGHTIST! ALT RIGHTIST! DEAN TAKAHASHI SUPPORTS DONALD TRUMP! 

Hmmmm, maybe that’s a stupid line of reasoning. Tell you what. I won’t use it if you don’t either? Deal? 

So he continues on whining about haters, giving his own life story, and he actually has the balls to say this: But during all of the time I have written about games, none of my bosses cared about exactly how good I was at playing. They required basic knowledge and competence, but not skill on an esports level.

He whines frequently about how mean people are for saying he shouldn’t be a games journalist if he sucks so bad at video games....and then goes on to say that the thing his bosses cared about was the very thing that people were pointing out he utterly lacks. 

Not a skill on an e-sports level? Nigga, you were playing a tutorial! Stop acting like people are demanding the world of you and realize that people require you have basic knowledge and competence. 

So blatantly dishonest. 

Guess what? Unskillful gaming is authentic.

That’s literally the excuse DSP uses to justify being bad at video games and leaving in all of the footage of him bumbling around not knowing that he’s doing. 

Here’s where my nonapology starts. Gamers need to stop being mean to those who aren’t skillful. They don’t need to put others down to elevate their own subculture. Games have gone viral. They’re more popular than ever, reaching 2 billion people around the world. They have become a $108 billion industry. It’s silly to look down on games.

No one’s looking down on games and no one’s looking down on people for no other reason than their lack of skill. For a lot of people if they’re having trouble, people will be more than willing to provide advice and pointers. Just ask any question about how to do something in a game on a game related subreddit and people will be perfectly fine to tell you how things are done without insulting you.

The fact that you’ve spent so much time playing and reviewing games, and it’s literally your job, is where it starts to cross the line. Games are 2 billion people and 100 billion dollar strong industry as you’ve said so clearly the ire thrown at games journalists who suck ass at their job isn’t a problem within the industry. 

That industry will grow bigger, and gamers will get better games, if we embrace the new gamers. 

You. Are. Not. A. New. Gamer. 

Stop acting like you’re defending other people getting shit when it isn’t other people who are a problem. This deflection is as apparent as it is pathetic. No one’s going after Minecraftkid2003 because he couldn’t figure out redstone when he first came across it. They’re pointing out that Dean  Takahashi, a video game journalist with 18 years worth of experience and has himself boasted he was playing video games since Pong isn’t able to figure out a simple problem solving exercise any faster than a goddamn pigeon. 

We don’t need to dumb games down. 

And then he says 

We can have adjustable difficulty, so that the unskilled and skilled alike can play. We can make tutorials even easier than the one that I failed at so miserably.

Alright, dumbass. I’m sure everyone reading this has seen the video I linked. Here’s what the tutorial required. It required you to jump on a box....and then jump in the air...and then use a dash move to get over a pillar that’s too high to jump over from the ground. 

There’s no losing conditions. Time is infinite. There’s no enemies. There’s no bottomless platforms of thing chasing you...it’s literally the easiest part of the game second to moving around map itself. How the fuck can it get easier? Does it need to outright say “Alright Dean, now comes the doozy. You need to press this button and then this button afterwords to solve the exact same problem. Here’s an animation of what it should look like. Can you follow it, Dean? I’ll play the animation over and over on the top of the screen so you can see what you’re supposed to do. If you do it, you get a gold star and Anita will give you the good boy award!”

No, I’m not blaming the developer for my own shortcomings. I respect the designers, even if I didn’t truly understand at first the games they’ve made. I would just like to make sure that they make their games for people who are new, or noobs, as well as hardcore fans.

Cuphead is specifically designed to be a challenging platformer for gamers who like more challenge. Designing it to be easier, especially a tutorial that has no losing condition, is counterproductive to what the devs want to achieve. It’s like asking Stephen King to tone down the horror in his books so that non-horror fans can enjoy them too without being too scared. 

If you want an easy platformer designed with everyone in mind, there’s plenty of great games that will fill that roll. Not every game needs to be made for everyone.

As Nolan Bushnell, cofounder of Atari, said, games should be easy to learn and hard to master. (Yes, I know Cuphead’s tutorial isn’t that hard to learn).

Then what’s the fucking issue, ding dong? 

No, I’m not celebrating mediocrity

You literally just did when you whined that Cuphead wasn’t designed for noobs in mind. Here’s one big thing though: You were’t even mediocre at it. Garfield is mediocre. You were just awful. 

like the Antonio Salieri character in Amadeus. I’m arguing that all gamers, casual or hardcore, deserve recognition.

They do, but not in cuphead. And all gamers aren’t paid to write their opinions on video games. 

We are not all going to be esports stars who rake in millions of dollars. 

You’ve been at this for 18 years and got money for it. You got to play a demo that a lot of people much more skilled and much more deserving would have liked to play and you did poorly at it because you couldn’t figure out how to do 2 step logic. 

But we’re going to be the masses of unskilled players who make the game companies, including the makers of Cuphead, as rich as they can possibly be.

If there’s one happy ending, it’s that Cuphead did do well on the market showing that contrary to what Dean believes, it isn’t a good idea for all games to be dumbed down to the point where even video game journalists are able to play. 

The rest is more sob story and personal history. 

---

So what are my final thoughts? Well first of all, if you can’t solve a simple 2 step logic puzzle in part of a game with literally no losing conditions, you really are stupid. Pro or noob, there’s some point where you have to wonder how dumb the person with the controller is. There’s plenty of cases like the previously DarkSydePhil and also this blast from the past from IJustine: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RkYxfjJ72k4 Like seriously: use your eyes and brain homie!

But what about being just generally bad at games or just not knowing how to play well? It doesn’t matter. Contrary to what Dean thinks, tons of people aren’t going to be major assholes to you just because you picked up a game for the first time, don’t know the ropes, but decide to record yourself playing and slowly learning them. Plenty of let’s players do blind runs where they go into a game with no prior knowledge of it and yeah, they make mistakes but people are generally cool about it. 

However, there’s a point where making these silly mistakes over and over becomes...something of an issue. I’ve been driving for several years. If I legitimately couldn’t figure out which pedal is the break and which is the gas after all this time, it would be fair grounds to call me a dumbass or wonder if there’s something seriously wrong with my brain. As people do something more and more, it’s expected that they’re better at it than someone completely new. When someone does that thing for a job, it’s expected that they’re better at it than the average joe. 

And that’s the big thing here that Dean never addresses: it’s his job. He writes more about the tech than he does actual gameplay, yes, but he still boasts in his own article that he’s been in the industry for 18 years and have been playing games since Pong. 

It’s not even the rest of the video that was the issue but instead those 2.5 minutes (which he complained about Miles Ian Cheong trimming the video down to as a highlight) where he’s unable to solve that simple two step logic puzzle in a tutorial level. I drove cars for years because I have to get from point A to point B and it’s beyond walking distance and it would already be stupid if I couldn’t figure out the absolute basics of it. If I reviewed cars for a living and drove cars for longer than most car drivers have been alive for and I couldn’t figure out the basics of starting it, that would be beyond pathetic. I don’t think there’s a word in the English language that would be able to describe that amount of disconnect between the experience I should have and the amount I display. 

He constantly hides behind the idea that we’re not all professional e-sport people and gamers come at all skill levels...but he’s not at all skill levels. He’s literally a professional. Playing and reviewing games is literally his profession just like writing code or cooking meals is a profession.

You know how on Kitchen Nightmares Gordon Ramsey gets so pissed off at people who don’t know the basics of cooking and how to handle a kitchen even though it’s their job and they should have learned that in training? It’s like that. We’re basically Gordon Ramsey here watching some guy call himself a chef and his output is microwave heated frozen mac and cheese that’s somehow still raw and yet also on fire. And he wonders why people are yelling at him over the internet. 

Should video game journalists be good at video games? Yes! Just like food critics should understand how to cook a meal or reviewers of literature should know how to read! I don’t even know why video game journalists are trying to make this a contestable point. If you suck at your job, either get better....or don’t have you job! Get another one! 

I’m aware that this whole thing is a bit of old hat and I’m rambling on more and more than this guy deserves, but it is indicative of a larger problem within the industry. Just like the Zoe Quinn thing or the doritos pope thing was indicative of issues in the larger industry. Video game journalism has an effect and if some of them aren’t able to beat a simple tutorial level and then without any hint of irony, whine that video games should be easier when people call him out on it....it’s just baffling. 

It’s now 5:45 and I still have nothing better to do lol so I guess I guess it’s time for a few final words

I don’t think this event will lead to GamerGate 2. Hell, one article defending this guy had the title that GamerGate 1 never really ended. I don’t know how true it is but it seems over three years later since it started, the issues and arguments that were the foundation of GamerGate are still a bit relevant. But now there’s a new one: Some video game journalists are not only unethical....but they’re also utterly incapable! 

Anyways, join me next time as I’m even more late to the party and write my epic response Martin Luther’s 95 Thesis followed by a point by point breakdown of Oag the Caveman’s declaration of “Fire bad!”

[fyseokmin]

Do you have any tips for starting a fyeah blog? I want to start one!!

I’m gonna give tips with the assumption that this blog is for someone that’s a Kpop idol, if they’re not just ignore anything involving Korean.

1. Collect as many resources as possible: fansites for the person/people that you’re gonna blog about, official account like the group’s twitter/YouTube/Facebook ETC have that all listed out and ready not just for reference but make sure it’s always easily accessible for you. Make accounts for things like Naver, join their fancafe or fanclub if they’re not Korean. 2. If this person/people you’re creating the blog for is/are Korean. LEARN HANGUL IF YOU ALREADY DONT KNOW. Become knowledgeable with common Korean terms as well depending on how in depth your blog will be, t’ll just make everything easier. For example, if your going to be updating your blog with their schedule make sure you know the Hangul for music show names like M!Countdown sometimes is in English but Inkigayo is usually 인기가요. 3. Don’t be afraid of Korean resources. Naver is amazing. Their fancafe as well is the best resource. Also don't be afraid of fansites. They're mostly very very sweet as long as you're nice. Ask them permission to post their photos. A simple 'Hello? Do you allow reposting and editing?' Will usually get the job done and they'll respond kindly. 4. Don’t worry about other people that blog about the same person/people. If you do that it’ll just eat your insides out. It seems stupid but if you post a photo of this person and another blog does at the same time and they get more notes it’ll piss you off. Don’t let it bother you. 5. If you hate it, QUIT. I’ve been on like 5 or 6 fy blogs in total and I hated them all except this one for so long before I quit I was so miserable. But also don't be TOO QUICK to quit because maybe there are other 👀👀👀👀👀👀reasons why you're not enjoying being on the blog. I wanted to quit this blog because if drama between the people here and bro I don't even wanna imagine the life I'd have if I actually did quit...6. Connected to 5, don’t work with people that piss you off. Quit and do your own thing or tell them to leave because this is supposed to be fun, not stressful. I don’t sit here and get paid 0$ for me to have to deal with someone that doesn’t care or is rude. 7. If you’re making your own, don’t trust anyone too quickly. Don’t just add admins JUST CAUSE. Cause you can’t kick an admin off your blog and worse case scenario don’t let someone you don’t trust to have that kind of power on your blog. It’s like giving a stranger the key to your house. Makes no sense, right?8. Set limits. lol I wish I did this last year, for Love&Letter I would literally sleep 2 hours a day and eat nothing all day except a bowl of Pops Cereal LOLLL please set your limits I messed myself up so bad it’s so dangerous I literally ended up screwing up my memory so bad I started forgetting people because I didn’t sleep. Please please please please know your limits.9. Omg don’t be afraid to ask for help if it’s me or maybe a fellow mod or admin or just a friend. I don’t think I’m really a pro honestly I make mistakes everyday even if it’s been nearly 2 years but if you ever need help with anyhting big or small I’ll always help if I’m able. 10 to 100: Please have fun. Honestly this is so much fun. Don’t do this for any other reason than for having fun and wanting to spread love for whomever the blog is about cause then it’s just pointless. Like I love waking up at 3am and checking my phone and seeing something about DK and I wanna post it quickly not because I’m competing with someone else but because I just love him so much and I love you guys so much.100-10,000: SOURCES SOURCES SOURCES SOURCESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. Sources are your best friend. Never say anything without a source. Sometimes it’s easy to do it and you’ll end up right most of the time but just always make sure about things before you go and announce it. Just always double check things man HAHA my biggest mistake was linking the wrong live streams for Music Core one day and like 1,000 people retweeted it it was he biggest post I had ever made at the time LOL I linked Show Champion on accident and t wasn’t even just Music Core it was Music Core 500th episode special and like 20 different fandoms retweeted it I looked so stUPID.

I know this is so long and I probably have 30 other things I can say honestly I had to stop myself. I really hope you enjoy it honestly please have fun.

-Admin Bi☀️

[velkynkarma]

End of Year Fic Meme

Better late than never, right? Keeping Parasite Knight posting on a daily basis was kind of exhausting so I didn’t have a chance to fill this out at the start of the year. Now I have time!

Thanks @maychorian for tagging me, sorry it took so long to get to it.

Stats:

List of Fics Posted:

Identity Crisis (38,460 words) (Young Justice, multi-chapter adventure team fic, complete) Routine Maintenance (50,777 words) (Voltron, multi-chapter, Shiro-centric with team features, complete) The Nature of Leadership (10,837 words) (Voltron, one-shot, Shiro-centric) Road Trip to End Times (12,649 words) (Voltron, multi-chapter, AU, paladin-centric, still ongoing)

Bonus: Parasite Knight (86,840 words) (Voltron, multi-chapter, Shiro-centric, complete) (was 100% written in 2016 but not posted until 2017)

Plus an assorted 5,636 words of notes for future stories

Total number: 4 (5 with Parasite Knight) Total Word count: 112,723 published in 2016 199,563 including Parasite Knight

Ship/Character Breakdown: No actual ships. All gen. Character focus: Robin/Dick Grayson 1, Shiro 2 (3 with Parasite Knight). But, RM, PK and Road Trip all have character focus on the whole Voltron team, so…not sure how to count that.

Do I favor Shiro? Yes, maybe a little bit, ahahaha.

Specifics:

Best/worst title?

Best title: I’m really partial to Routine Maintenance, even if the name doesn’t fit all the chapters particularly well. I also really like Parasite Knight because I struggled to come up with a title for that one, and that popped into my head. It was both fitting on multiple levels and it rhymed. ALSO it meant I got to call my writing file “Parasite Write” and I’m not gonna lie that really entertained me for stupid reasons. 

 Worst title: Road Trip to End Times. Titles are super hard for me to come up with and I was kind of in a rush to get the first of the prompts I’d written posted, so I just kinda took whatever first came to mind and slapped it in there. 


Best/worst first line?

 Best: “Shiro can’t put this off any longer.” ~The Nature of Leadership 
I kinda like that it immediately leaves you wondering, ‘wait, WHAT can’t he put off any longer?’ It’s a hook that means you gotta keep reading.

Worst: “It’s a miserable, exhausted, sweaty, mud-coated team of paladins that Shiro leads back to the Castle of Lions, after three days of trekking through the swamp-infested lands of the planet Ssagessh.” ~Routine Maintenance

This was my debut fic so I was still getting a feel for the fandom. I knew I had ideas that people would probably like, but I was a little worried that the first chapter I had chosen to start off with might not attract a lot of attention. It’s not a terrible opening but it had a kind of weak beginning.

Best/worst last line?

Best: “And, for the first time in a very long time, he feels surprisingly at peace.” ~Routine Maintenance Kind of funny that it gets the best last line but the worst first line. I really liked how the entire fic I was exploring Shiro’s difficulties and how frustrated he just was with his arm, and then finally I gave him a little peace at the end. It worked really well into the overall theme and I was really happy with the way this wrapped everything up, even if it was all individual scenarios and not one full fic. Worst: “He had a scientist to meet tonight, and it was an appointment he just couldn’t miss.” ~Identity Crisis I don’t really HATE this line per se, but it does require the context of the rest of the story to really make sense. Also, the entire last scene is completely unrelated to the main characters who had been the focus for the rest of the fic. I did it on purpose to replicate the way Young Justice episodes typically ended, but it also meant the character closure finished early, so this end didn’t have as much ZING as it probably could have.

General questions:

Looking back, did you write more fics than you thought you would this year, less than you thought, or about what you predicted? Honestly I hadn’t expected to write much of anything this year. I did Identity Crisis right at the beginning for a fanfic contest a friend of mine was throwing, but after that I just hadn’t gotten much of a creative spark out of anything. Most of the fandoms I’d been in were pretty dead or getting there. Or, in the case of Batman, alive but not something I really felt like writing for. I am genuinely shocked that I managed to kick out 161,103 words in the span of 3 months. That’s insane. What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted last year? Voltron. Hands down. I watched Voltron on a whim when I needed something to motivate me through a massive art project. I used it just to give myself a goal after reaching a specific workload, since I’d run out of fic in my fandoms to use instead. I was not expecting it to be all that impressive, I just needed something to fill my breaktimes with. How impressive could a show based on a silly 80’s cartoon about combining five robot space cats into a giant robot guy be? I was not expecting to fall in love with it. After that I loved the show, and checked out the fandom. Again, this is often a killer for me as a fandom might not produce the stuff I’m interested in, or the writers just aren’t very good. Happily for me I stumbled across @maychorian ‘s Boom Crash almost immediately upon searching in the fandom and was like ‘shit, people in this fandom can WRITE’ and decided to stick around and lurk a little more. Honestly I only ever intended to lurk. I never intended to write for it. But then something just…happened and I thought of some ideas that eventually turned into Routine Maintenance, and then people really liked it and I felt like writing more, and…well. Here I am.

What’s your favorite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest.

I am really really REALLY fond of Parasite Knight and I was long before it was posted, so I’m gonna count it here, since it had 0 feedback/kudos/comments/reviews/etc in 2016. It was difficult to write in some cases, partly because it’s so intense a lot and that’s hard to keep up sometimes, and partly because it got WAY longer than it was ever intended to be. Originally it was conceived as a (fairly large) oneshot, but I kept coming up with more and more ideas and details that I liked too much to get rid of, and then it turned into an 86K monstrosity. Also this one was a little therapeutic in some areas (particularly at the end), since it dug into some less than comfortable areas of my own head-space. It was a bit uncomfortable to write some of the later chapters at first, but once they were finished I felt a lot better for it. So yeah. PK is kind of special to me.

Okay, NOW your most popular story. It’s a little hard to judge but I think this one is Routine Maintenance. It definitely has the most kudos, and has the highest comments-to-chapter ratio. Story most underappreciated by the universe? Road Trip to End Times has comparatively little focus compared to the rest of my stuff. I don’t really find it surprising though since it’s a zombie AU and that’s not everyone’s cup of tea. Story that could have been better? Honestly I was pretty satisfied with everything I wrote this year. Some parts of some stories could have been tweaked a little but I didn’t think any one fic had an overall major failing.

Sexiest story? lol sexiness in my stories that’s a good joke Saddest story? Nature of Leadership does pull at the heartstrings a little. Parasite Knight is also pretty agonizing through a lot of parts. Most fun? Routine Maintenance! It was really relaxing to just do individual pieces without having to sew a whole plot together. There was definitely a theme through the whole fic, but it was really nice to not have to worry about plot-holes and things. I was able to just write and I kicked out like a chapter a day because it was all self-contained. Plus I got to play with all kinds of different scenarios. It was fun. Story with single sweetest moment? There was some H/C in Parasite Knight that I really enjoyed writing, but I’m not sure if it’s sweet exactly since Shiro was still suffering (or only partly aware) through a lot of it. I guess if I had to pick something sweeter, either Ghost or Weight from Routine Maintenance. Both center around Shiro getting relief from his prosthetic-induced pain and he’s so genuinely shocked about it but so grateful. Hardest story to write? Parasite Knight. As stated above, it was hella long, it really got away from me, and there were some gritty parts that were difficult to write for personal reasons. Don’t regret it for a second though. Easiest/most fun story to write? Routine Maintenance. See above. Did any stories shift your perceptions of the characters? Parasite Knight helped me get into all of the paladins’ heads better since I had to write out their core traits in quintessence form. That was an interesting character study that made me really pull apart what their defining traits were, versus their extraneous traits (ex. Hunk’s reliability/kindness being a core trait, while his goofiness or love of food are extra traits that are a part of him but don’t define his soul). It was a challenge but fun. Most overdue story? None, really. I don’t post anything until it’s fully written, so nothing can really be overdue since half the time nobody knows it’s due. Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them? Kinda! Half writing risk, half social risk. After Routine Maintenance finished posting I hadn’t really intended to write more, but then @bosstoaster  commented on it. I was at work when I got the notification and had to literally leave my desk to keep from screaming in delight around all my coworkers, haha. Since I was a veritable Voltron n00b to the fandom I was blown away that one of the gen bigshots even noticed me. But I knew BT also did prompts, and I was like, “Okay, but I know BT also enjoyed my writing, so…maybe I could propose a fic trade?” So I offered to do a fic trade with BT, because I kinda also wanted to write more but didn’t have any ideas at the time, and also wanted to try prompts, which I needed more practice on. I think it turned out really well in the end and The Nature of Leadership was written. It was also a challenge for me because I had to take a prompt I hadn’t decided on and make it work, but I like that it made me think outside the box a little. What are your fic writing goals for next year?

Let’s see…


Just keep writing. Focus more on steady writing and not burst writing.


Try not to get hung up on details as much. I know this is a thing I’m most known for, but it’s also responsible for slowing me down or killing ideas/writing momentum completely, because I have to come up with a reason for everything even if it’s never shown. Have to learn to just loosen up and write sometimes, I don’t have to justify every detail.

Maybe try more prompts? Might help with the above goal.

Try to write shorter stuff. (HAH. Operative word here being ‘try’)

That was fun! Eeeeven if it was me basically talking about the same 4 fics over and over again lol.

[lichlup]

asoue netflix season 1 thoughts

this is a Long Post bc i have many thoughts about this very fantastic depiction of this book series; the first chunk is overall season stuff and then it goes into specific episode notes

if u have any thoughts about any of this hit me up because i Love theorizing about this series so much

little things that aren’t episode-specific:

handler has said before that the baudelaires are jewish, and it was really fun to catch all the jewish references (”shalom!”, “mazel!”, “it’s a mitzvah!”, etc.)

license plates appear to be dates? or maybe codes? who knows. they could be (and probably are) totally inconsequential but i wrote them down anyway: 08-1-62, 67-7-63, 26-0-13 (that 0 might be an 8 or 9), 04-2-63, 06-1-75

all the VFDs i’ve caught so far: vigorously fixed destination, verified film discount, vitiated film distribution, very fresh dill, vastly(?) flavorful desserts, vastly frightening decision, verified functioning dictionary, very fancy door, vigorous fire defense

if you read one of daily punctilio articles in the miserable mill it quotes a baudelaire as saying “our mother beatrice”, so i hope they’re not trying to keep that a secret lmao

the baudelaires’ address is 13 Capital Way, 13132, The City, in the Land of Districts.

there are a LOT of bells. i don’t think there’s any sebald code, but it’s really a lot of bells. too many for me to feel like they’re nothing.

bad beginning 1

i’m super intrigued by the fact that their parents told them to go to briny beach -- i don’t remember this being book canon, and seems to imply that they knew the fire was going to happen? it could have just been a setup to make us fall for the quagmire parents red herring but it’s interesting

this network of secret vfd tunnels that seem to cover the whole city is fascinating and implies that vfd is this wide-sprawling, omnipresent Thing. names i noted in the tunnel were quagmire, julienne, snicket, remora, spats, fernald, montgomery and strauss, which is super interesting because i didn’t think some of those people lived in the city? so how far out do these tunnels go? we know monty lives in “the country”, or at least far out down lousy lane.

the fact that the city is shaped like the insignia also makes me think the whole city is vfd-associated.

i cannot BELIEVE that i never put together that gustav the assistant and gustav sebald are the same person. i’m an IDIOT. how many gustavs can there possibly be in one city!!!

two bells bookended a conversation -- from sunny going missing to the stubborn mule conversation. i doubt it’s sebald because it seems like for the purposes of this series / for the audience’s involvement they’ve made sebald a visual code rather than an aural one but is this encoded?

reptile room 

i loved the sly nickelodeon drag. 

the constant specificity of official fire department vs. volunteer fire department is a really subtle, clever thing.

can the fire-starting side of the schism understand sebald code? i don’t remember.

monty says his parents taught him all he knew, but part of the VFD Thing is the “kidnapping you by your ankles” thing. we know there are vfd families, obviously, but i didn’t think the parents told the kids anything

the dairy they mention as being near monty’s house -- maybe valorous farms dairy?

wide window 

there’s a whale motif going on -- violet’s clothes, and the cab driver’s spiel about moby dick

lol are all vfd members linguistic prescriptivists because between josephine and jacquelyn and gustav it seems like they are

that beatrice behind lemony on the precipice -- was that a boat? a wall? it looked like it was carved in marble, but why would ike and josephine’s house have “beatrice” carved in marble?

ISHMAEL. FUCK. i screamed. 

miserable mill 

i reaaaally love sir and charles being slightly more clear. it’s still veiled, but very thinly.

le petit mort fucking cracked me up.

not to say that it’s The sugar bowl (but also, the mention of a sugar bowl in the bad beginning made me yell), but orwell’s office has A sugar bowl.

holy FUCK, the QUAGMIRES. my jaw dropped.

who the fuck started the quagmire fire!!!

also, duncan and isadora look totally different, and i feel like that’s going to be weird later? i don’t remember if their looking so similar is plot-relevant but if it is, yikes

[tinyolsen]

Odds!

o 1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? Sort of level but if anything more milko 3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? Post it notes, traintickets, bus tickets, anything tbho 5: are you self-conscious of your smile? Yes if my mouth is open/ showing some teeth cos idk it feels weird but to quote my mate I have “a cheeky lil smile” so o 7: do you name your plants? I have a mini cactus called oucho (see ed and oucho from cbbc) o 9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? Yes if no one is around, I was singing in the kitchen in my uni accom and the cleaner walked in, I nearly diedo 11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends? Bert box, hughhhhhhhh and hades without any of the weird shito 13: what’s something that made you smile today? I went to a talk by sunny Jacobs and peter pringle and when they said we have 4 goats and live together, I beamed they are sooo cute (btw look them up their story is amazing)o 15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! Venus is 462 Co 17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? I wont dye it but like dark blue/ black like gabriella in hsm 2o 19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? I do I have three, one for cute memories, one for random facts and one that has doodles in it mainly of my dogo 21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. My fav bag is no bag ever, cos effort to carry but my mufc hold all, has been to football tournaments, dance shows, America and back and its now under my bed at uni with spare towels and tea towels ino 23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? Play guitar, catch up on tv just chill, don’t think about work, go to the park and just sit and take pictures, dance in the kitchen (opps thing)o 25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into? I have never broken in anywhere o 27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor? Cherry o 29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? one of them does a sideways smile when you say her nameo 31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. I love patterned socks, football socks, trainer socks, slipper socks, but I have to wear just plain black trainer socks otherwise I think someone is judging me, but I really love my monkey and banana ones they are burgundy I also just got iron man, spiderman and captain America ones from my mateo 33: what’s your fave pastry? Puff, comes ready rolled, is vegan and I use it to make cheese straws for my flatmates (I have just been told that this means pastry thing, in which case cheese straws) o 35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? Yessssss! I just bought purple and blue highlighters cos I had to get rid of my old ones (long story) and they are awesomeo 37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? I like it lived in but not messy, and clean o 39: what color do you wear the most? blacko 41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving? Les Miserables by Victor Hugo, its just inspiredo 43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? Someone who I dated for a bit but id like to forget that plsssso 45: do you trust your instincts a lot? lol noo 47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? Custard o 49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? Not really cos I often don’t like full albums, unless its Rumors – Fleetwood mac but I bought when you love someone (acoustic) – James TW on itunes if that countso 51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? My brother and little things cos we have a funny joke with it (funny to us)o 53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? yes, no, no , yes/ loved it, n/a, n/a, and loved it.o 55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point? eaten a tub of ice cream to prove that I could bite ice cream for more than just one bite, I stared the girl in the face and bit every spoonfulo 57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? Awake, course, you are lying if you say you don’to 59: what’s your favorite myth? The Trojan horse was the first one I ever learnt in year four and it will always be my fave, but Icarus and Daedalus comes closeo 61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received? This all happened this Christmas, I gave my dad a mug saying “im retired (emphasis on the tired)” and my mum gave me bin bags (im an excellent gift giver just ask my family, I out do them all every year) o 63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be?  As long as the books are upright with small in the middle, large at each side idm, and my music is on specific playlists on my phone (i.e fast walking playlist, chill walk playlist)o 65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with? Quite a few people from school, and the three awesome people who made my dance class epic (going to uni and leaving them sucks)o 67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? Awesome, if im okay anyway cos its so prettyo 69: what are your favorite board games? Monopoly cos I rule at it, block us and scrabble with my grandparents cos they like to use non English words/ made up oneso 71: what’s your favorite kind of tea? Good ol’ cuppa (Yorkshire tea bags) o 73: what are some of your worst habits? I isolate myself, blank out, cant react to other peoples emotions and I pop my shoulder in and outo 75: tell us about your pets! Omggg, Alfie the cute lil puppy is my bae, hes the light of my life, hes a cavalier king Charles spaniel and he’s the best boy, the only guy bar my lil brother I trust. And then my rabbit, leon the lion lop, died just before xmas, I miss the lil fluff but he was the cuddliest thingo 77: pink or yellow lemonade? After learning that this probably means American style lemonade, yellow. But uk style, lucazade pinks one is pengo 79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? My best mate gives my the best handmade cards all the time, that and a date gave my guitar picks with my name on onceo 81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. grey pebbles imagine if you put the clearest water blue stripped though out it or a grey and blue stepsil mushed together o 83: what’s some of your favorite album art? Idk tbh not gonna lieo 85: do you read comics? what are your faves? On and off, and probs the one amazing fantasy ive reado 87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? Dead poets society, 50/50 and some others I cant think ofo 89: are you close to your parents? Ish, um naho 91: where do you plan on traveling this year? Back home and idk where else yeto 93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most? Side parting and just brushed, nothing fancyo 95: what are your plans for this weekend? Do uni worko 97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? Infj, Aquarius and ive had Hufflepuff, ravenclaw and Gryffindor in recent weekso 99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. Scars to your beautiful, facing west cover and halo- lewis Watson

thank you :)

[morniingrose]

Tagged?

Someone actually acknowledged my existence? It’s not something that happens often, >.<  . Even if it could be because you lacked enough other people to tag (which is certainly going to be the case for me, because I don’t really know people on Tumblr... so i’m just gonna pick some random followers) or what, but thanks for thinking of me @xo-wildest-dreams-xo , lol. By the way, I think you have two great characters as your favorites, <3 Anyway...  here’s what this post is actually about:

Rules: Tell your followers 11 random facts about yourself and tag 11 people. Tag backs are allowed but if you do get tagged again you must not repeat any of the facts you mentioned in the previous round. The facts can be absolutely anything, whatever comes to mind first. This is gonna be tough, x.x  . I’m honestly pretty boring. 1. I guess i’ll start by talking about how I usually pick my own favorite characters, and tell why I enjoy my top favorites so much. This first one is gonna seem like an essay, but I promise that the other things won’t be this long, >.< The biggest way for a character to make their way into my heart is if I find them very relate-able on a personal level... The way that I usually get myself to genuinely enjoy a series is usually very dependent on having a character I can relate myself with; in a way, it sort of links me directly into their series and gives it a more personal, irreplaceable feeling. Sometimes, though, when I pick a favorite it could simply be because I find them interesting. I can and do enjoy characters that I can simply just find amusing/entertaining, or just like-able, but unless there is something really unique about them, i’m going to select another character I like that has more substance as my favorite for the series.

Now, for my top favorite character... It’s Setsuna Higashi from Fresh Precure, of course. I love her so much... I relate to her a lot and consider myself to be like her, from her past and her present. I used to be just like her at the start of the series; I hated seeing people happy, wanted to see them be miserable, was very uncaring, etc.. I would even go as far as saying that my circumstances while growing up were similar (in a more real life sort of way), but that’s not something I will go into right here.

Anyway, as time went on both of us started to change, though our reasons for doing so were different. My change was fueled by depression and a growing sense of loneliness making me start to see things differently, and her change was brought on by Love’s influence on her. I really appreciate how her character arc is done; you got several episodes to establish who she was, but you also got several episodes that show a gradual change in her. Her eventual struggle with her identity was very realistically done... I struggled with being transgender while I grew up, and tried for so long to try to ignore it; in fact, that struggle and how I was raised made me become who I was... She isn’t trans, but after a certain part (basically starting with episode 19), you get the sense that she knows that she’s different than what she was at the start of the series, but is starting to desperately cling on to who she “should” be, rather than being honest with herself and admitting to herself that she’s changed. That’s more or less how I was while I was in denial of being trans... After all is said and done, though, she becomes a much kinder, much more sweet, very caring etc. person, though you can still tell that she’s not literally a different person (still a bit of a loner, tries to be more independent than she should be, is socially awkward, etc.). Going by what people say about me, I guess i’m more like that now... But, Setsuna is also better than I am. She becomes genuinely happy, and makes friends; i’ve never managed either of those things. In a way, I guess you can say that she’s my personal hero, because she’s stronger than I am.

My second favorite character is Moeka Kiryu, from Steins;Gate. She’s a widely disliked character from what I can tell (for very incorrect reasons, at that), but I love her anyway... most people try to dismiss her as being “evil”, but the truth is that she’s not even remotely evil. I don’t think she has a single bit of malice in her at all... you don’t really get to learn a lot about her in the anime or the first visual novel, but even then, if you study her actions very closely you can find plenty of evidence pointing to the fact she isn’t the uncaring monster that people try to make her out to be. In extra Steins;Gate material, such as the Linear Bounded Phenogram visual novel (which has a story directly from her point of view) or the Darling visual novel (heck, even the Twin Automata ending for Steins;Gate 0),she’s shown to actually be a kind, compassionate person... but here’s the catch. She hates herself so much that she’s voluntarily tried to throw away who she actually is (who she sees as unlovable, unneeded and unwanted person) in favor of being someone who she isn’t; “M4″. “M4″ is someone (in her eyes) who is all of the things she is not: wanted, loved, and needed. Moeka has literally nothing, and her delusion is literally her only reason for being alive... If she doesn’t fulfill the role of “M4″, she would be abandoned and would be forced to back to being simply Moeka... the person who wants to die. So, no matter what Moeka herself actually wants or feels, she’ll do anything to not be tossed away; even if it means something she would never otherwise think of doing. It’s easy to see why she ended up being so broken: her parents didn’t want her and mistreated her (as revealed in the Darling VN), she was bullied a lot while in school, her severe social anxiety prevented her from making friends... She was never shown any proper love or care, so it’s only natural that she would go to extreme lengths to get even a semblance of it. I think a lot of the hate that she gets is based by from people who either never gave her character any actual thought, can’t understand what she feels or why she feels it, or they simply just don’t have enough empathy. I don’t endorse everything that she does, but I think the intent behind something makes a big difference. Anyway... I guess what i’m trying to say with all of this is that I honestly feel pretty sorry for her; both what she’s lived through and how the Steins;Gate fandom actually treats her (which makes me love her all the more to make up for it). My childhood was unpleasant itself, and I was bullied in school... never made any friends. My social anxiety is as terrible as hers, if not worse. Not to to mention the struggles with depression... Her and Setsuna are really the closest matches to me as a person. 2. My favorite types of music are metal and vocaloid... Metal is something that also gets a bad rep for undeserved reasons; there are many (and I do mean many) different styles of metal... I listen to different genres of it it, but my favorite type is progressive metal. Favorite bands include Dream Theater, Baroness, Kamelot and Soilwork. My favorite vocaloids are SFA2-Miki, Hatsune Miku, and CUL. 3. I really love sweets, <3 . If I wouldn’t get fat by doing so, I could live almost entirely on dessert, lol. 4. I’m a shut-in; I rarely leave my house more than once a month... sometimes I can go months without leaving.

5. I’m really lonely most of the time, :/  . I would appreciate it if more of you tried to talk to me more... 6. My first sewing project was making a tiny little ghost with the help of my sister. I also did a lot towards making a Moeka doll, but so far it has yet to be completed because we can’t figure out a good way to do her eyes. 7. My favorite TV show (that isn’t an anime) is Game of Thrones. My favorite cartoon (that, again, isn’t anime) is probably Steven Universe... though only for the plot episodes. I’m not a fan of a lot of the filler episodes.

8. I don’t read so much anymore, but I used to love reading while growing up... and that was because of my grandma. When I was little, she bought the first three or four Harry Potter books but couldn’t get either me or my sister interested in them. So, her and my mom took us to go watch the first movie when it came out... my sister and I both loved it, and when we went home we ended up fighting over the books, >.< 9. I can’t really tie my shoes (seriously). It’s a good thing that I usually wear boots, sandals, etc., so I don’t really need to tie... 10. On that note, my clothing style would probably be defined as “cute”. A lot of my things have hearts on them, because I really like hearts, <3 11. I love collecting plushies/dolls  of my favorite characters, and I frequently turn to them as a source of comfort... Time to tag some people: @beautiful-lusamine @jenhedgehog @flaresies @henry-parrish @yukyak @peterthepenguincure  @ arcticninja21 @albicantknight @curecresselia @harunojeanne @andy-the-umbreon

[sassybrit]

Alternative-Read.com BCA

  The “Alternative” Sassy Brit Book Cover Award 2020

Want your book cover featured? It’s free promo for a month and you get to win an advert on this site for a month. You’ll also be entered into the Book Cover of the Year Award! Click here to tell us about your book’s cover art and join in NOW!

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 Contest Rules : http://bit.ly/ARcovers

  The “Alternative” Sassy Brit Book Cover Award

JAN 2020 NOMINATIONS!

(Yes, January…we’ve had some issues putting this together, lol, don’t judge, please! :D)

A celebration of talent! Thank you to everyone taking part and all your entries. If you do not see your cover here, it is most likely going to be up for voting next month. Enjoy these beautiful covers. Everyone involved this month has been emailed to confirm.

Once you have picked out your favourite cover, scroll down to the bottom to find the poll, and have your say. Thank you!

Take Our Poll

Read the blurbs over at Amazon!

Want to find out more about the books you’re voting on? These links Amazon below will take you to their book pages on Amazon. I am an Amazon Affiliate. This is at no cost to you.

Turtle Trouble A beautifully illustrated rhyming story about pollution and recycling, about a turtle who gets caught in plastic waste, is rescued by a boy, who goes on to set up a beach cleaning group. For 3-7yrs. Endorsed by seven environmental agencies.

Dreams of Love: A Book of Poems and Short Stories Melodic and mystical, these tales and poetry of passion and romance amuse, and reveal the ecstasies and agonies of love and of passion.

The Dysfunctional Dance Of The Empath And Narcissist The Dysfunctional Dance Of The Empath And Narcissist takes an in-depth look at the unconscious patterns that keep individuals trapped in cycles of abusive relationships. It endeavors to raise people’s awareness to the ingrained programming going on deep inside and help the reader understand how they keep getting into these situations in the first place.

Shadowland Shadowland is a book about stretching your imagination into another universe that’s here on our own planet. You will discover creatures that live among the world’s population, without detection and what happens when ordinary people come face to face with them. It is an adult fantasy adventure that will have you entertained for hours and on the edge of your seat wondering what unexpected twist will happen next.

Assassin’s Choice Sassy Assassin sent to kill two hot warring Shapeshifters, becomes immersed in an age old prophecy that threatens to bring down the very same Paranormal Council that sent her.

Morocco or bust August ’69 A true story of seven friends, who back in 1969, decided to travel to Morocco in a clapped-out van, having been fed up with the miserable English weather.

Lost In Wonder I’m a poet and a writer from Central New York. My work consists of affirmations, quotes and poems of the divine nature. My work tells my story, it conveys each step I’ve taken in my journey towards personal freedom.

Rarity from the Hollow  An award winning adult literary science fiction novel filled with tragedy, comedy, and satire.

yeht : they Miss Anthrop seeks the truth to see the lies.

Don’t Dance on the Toilet and Other Things I Never Thought I’d Say to My Kids With over 300 funny quotes and chapters like “The Baby is Not a Toy,” “Don’t Wipe Your Boogers on the Dog,” and “’Stranger Danger’ Means Not Tickling People at the Airport,” DON’T DANCE ON THE TOILET tells the side-splitting story of Teralyn’s two daughters: their adventures – their misadventures – and all the things she’s said to them, but never thought she’d have to.

The Poll

On the poll (above) you can click on the cover to see the image again.

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 Choose the cover you want to win on the actual poll itself, and tick the box next to it.

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You can now come back once a day to vote!!

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JAN 2020 Alternative Book Cover Award Nominees! Have you voted yet? #Vote for your favourite #BookCover now! [Ends March 20, 2020] @WritingWarrior2 The "Alternative" Sassy Brit Book Cover Award 2020 Want your book cover featured? It's free promo for a month and you get to win an advert on this site for a month.

[mcdouglecompany-blog]

Young Americas Foundation Playlist “OnlyatYAF” Part 1

Young Americas Foundation Playlist “OnlyatYAF” Part 1

  Young Americas Foundation Playlist #onlyatYAF Part 1.

Watch the entire playlist at-

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f66gLxD1zws&list=PLGC1Vd9mQlVNqyoYKScry44JJg6X4zEXq

  Watch more #onlyatYAF videos every day! Click now to connect with us on Facebook: http://facebook.com/youngamericasfoun...

  BUT WHO GETS THE PROFIT? D'Souza absolutely guts core Marxist argument

VICTORY OR DEATH: Allen West calls on all of us to take a stand for liberty

THE ROT RUNS DEEP: How the Left always gets everything exactly backward

TRIGGER WARNING: Ted Cruz goes scorched earth on anti-free speech culture

PRO-LIFE MEANS PRO-LIFE: Advocating for abortion hurts, not helps, rape victims

Super Bowl champ ROCKS slavery reparations hearing: "I don't want them"

THE WOKE HYPOCRITES: The Left tipped its hand over abortion & got nailed for it

IDEAS HAVE CONSEQUENCES: What caused the greatest freedom upswell in history?

HOW FREEDOM WINS THE DAY: The enemies of liberty are advancing, heed this advice

LIVE YOUR BEST (THUG) LIFE: Ben Shapiro has 7 tips for all young conservatives

RCD DESTROYS AOC: No one comes here to find socialism, they come here to escape it

FACTS, LOGIC, & MATT WALSH: Gay "marriage" by definition can’t be the same as marriage

BIG GOV'T, BIG PROBLEMS: Dinesh D'Souza totally guts the case for gov't "charity"

NICE TRY: Matt Walsh deftly DESTROYS liberal myths about abortion & adoption

NICE TRY: Matt Walsh deftly DESTROYS liberal myths about abortion & adoption

PROBLEMS IN THE POLIS? Knowles reveals why public life & virtue matter

Liz Wheeler SHUTS DOWN 2 most popular arguments for abortion in 2 minutes

I'D LIKE TO PHONE A FRIEND: Leftist can't score a point on Knowles, even with help!

MORE POWER FOR THE PEOPLE: Nigel Farage demolishes the unaccountable UN & EU

MAN, I FEEL LIKE A WOMAN: Walsh absolutely wrecks entire transgender argument

Ben Shapiro DESTROYS minimum wage, regulation, & subsidies in under 2 minutes

MICHAEL KNOWLES WINS: Crazy grandpa self-owns, renders himself speechless

BIG GOV'T CAN'T BE DADDY: White people aren't to blame for your problems, gov't is

WALLS WORK: Michael Knowles CEMENTS the argument for a wall once and for all

SHE'S 0-2 NOW: Allen West educates laughable leftist about real threat to blacks

SHE'S 0-2 NOW: Allen West educates laughable leftist about real threat to blacks

TAKE SOME RESPONSIBILITY: There is no "societal racism," you're in control of your life

IT'S GETTING HOT IN HERE: Michael Knowles sets fire to global warming argument

Ever hear of Saint Peter? Knowles takes pro-abortion Christians to (Sunday) school

RICH MOM, POOR MOM: Walsh completely DEFUNDS economic abortion argument

Alabama liberal confronts Shapiro over abortion laws, who do you think wins?

Alabama liberal confronts Shapiro over abortion laws, who do you think wins?

SOMEONE STOP HIM: Knowles completely demolishes second professor in one day

SOMEONE STOP HIM: Knowles completely demolishes second professor in one day

ONCE & FOR ALL: Nigel Farage debunks the Left's big lie about nationalism

IS IT OVER FOR AMERICA? Reason is on the decline, is it permanent or temporary?

SO MUCH YES: Latino student INSTANTLY & TOTALLY wrecks his own leftist professors

LAUGH OUT LOUD: Leftist shows up to debate Islam, it doesn't end well for him

SPEECH IS NOT VIOLENCE: Knowles completely owns pretentious professor

WELL THIS IS AWKWARD: Matt Walsh has to educate biology student on biology

WHY BELIEVE ALL WOMEN? Shapiro defends due process & slams radical feminism

WATCH WHAT HAPPENS NEXT: Guy tries to make Shapiro say U.S. ruined other economies

Knowles CLEANS THE FLOOR with university admin after being sprayed with chemicals

BREAKING: Crazed students assault Michael Knowles for saying men are not women

ROCK ON: Michael Knowles burns "geologist" in heated climate change exchange

SOMEONE GIVE HIM A RAISE: Ben Shapiro kills the minimum wage argument for good

RAW NEW DEAL: Knowles turns pro-Green New Deal leftist RED with embarrassment

REAL LIFE THUG LIFE: Shapiro DESTROYS liberal student who likes big gov & free stuff

ANOTHER BRICK IN THE WALL: Dinesh D'Souza destroys the open border argument

ALL LIVES MATTER: Ben Shapiro answers abortion question, DESTROYS abortion doctors

PATHETIC: Cocky SJW spits on the grave of Columbus, is made to regret it INSTANTLY

NOTHING BUT THE FACTS: Ben Shapiro triggers leftist with basic biology facts

WHAT WAS HE THINKING...? SJW tries to "own" Shapiro over racism & fails epically

WATCH WHAT HAPPENS NEXT: Young Stanford snowflake tries to call D'Souza "racist"

LMAO: Delicate student tries & fails to stump Knowles, turns & runs away in fear

D'Souza SLAMS leftists for letting illegals jump the line that he had to wait in

LOL: Leftist student tries to stump Shapiro on abortion, fails miserably & publicly

SHUT. DOWN. Dinesh D'Souza 100% owns snowflakes trying to stage a "walk out"

WHY SHAPIRO IS OUR HERO: Ben PROVES capitalism is more moral & more efficient

THE BIGOTRY OF THE LEFT: Michael Knowles SHREDS Virginia's "rapists & racists"

HEY LEFTISTS: You live in the freest country in the history of the world

STRAIGHT TRUTH: Santorum explains the right to life to brainwashed leftists

SO MUCH YES: Ben Shapiro totally destroys AOC & her socialist sidekicks

BACK THE BLUE: D'Souza reveals how we will beat #BlackLivesMatter for good

FACTS NOT FEELINGS: Shapiro demolishes & humiliates little socialist comrade

SO SATISFYING: Liz Wheeler BLASTS liberal argument on abortion & freedom

OH SNAP: Michael Knowles totally blasts millennials for idolizing "socialist hell"

BUILD THE WALL: D'Souza lays to rest ONCE & FOR ALL argument over immigration

HARD HAT ZONE: Ben Shapiro takes 10-ton wrecking ball to girl's abortion argument

Conservative dream team drops massive truth bomb on wannabe social scientist

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[pr]

I was tagged by @twothirtyams

FINALLY got around to it HERE:

Nickname(s): Energizer Bonnie. Bon Bon. Bon. The Bonster. Babe (Jake literally has called me Bonnie less than 20 times akdjakanan).

Gender: Lady gal. Tbh I would be agender because I just don't care but along that same vein I just don't care enough to explain that all the time/insist on pronouns. So. Respect to y'all who do. ✌

Height: 5′6″ (I'm the tallest woman in me or Jake's families but also like. Why am I not 5'11"+ akdjakajaj Kaylor's impact….)

Time: 5:47p CST

Where I'm from: Dallas, Texas. (I would specify the suburb but nobody outside DFW seems to kno lol.) Living in Austin, Texas for 21 more days though...

Hogwarts house: SLYTHERIN. Through and through. When I took the quiz at like 15 and got put in the opposite of Gryffindor I cried. But like. Now, I cannot imagine ever not identifying with everything about Slytherin. The ~dark side~ has never ever been appealing to me - I didn't even have an "emo phase" (I thought MCR was scary even) lol but. Ambition and cunning? Hell. Yes. Also Merlin was a Slytherin so. Dab.

Favorite show: Parks and Recreation has taken the top spot for yeeeears - but now it is tied with Crazy Ex Girlfriend. (I base a lot of my identity on kinned TV characters akdjakaj but ANYway.) 30 Rock close 2nd. Breaking Bad/Better Call Saul are 3rd, shockingly. Bojack Horseman an unfortunate 4th but I kin Bojack in a negative way. Always, ALWAYS stan Avatar: The Last Airbender at #5. I have too many to list tbh lol so just check my TV tag.

Favorite animal: So preface: I only like female animals. Akdjakaja. JUDGE me as you WILL. BUT. Other than hyenas, female animals don't RAPE. SO! ANYWAY! Bunnies at a hard #1!!!! 🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰 Alligators, sharks, dolphins, elephants, horses/ponies, cows, pigs (lotta livestock akdjakajaba), cats, opossums, cheetahs, big cats in general, GIRAFFES (KK……) - I love animals a lot (from a sanitary distance akdjakajaj)

Favorite band/artist: I will not even count the obvious answer because that isn't fair. Other than her: Paramore/Hayley Williams, Ariana Grande, Lorde, Hayley Kiyoko, Halsey, Bastille, Troye Sivan, Harry Styles/One Direction, Rush (hate you Jake…), the cast of Hamilton and Crazy Ex Girlfriend.

…

...you can't judge me.

Song stuck in my head: Well I'm currently listening to Kung Fu Fighting akdjakaj but other than that Love Kernels has been stuck in my head for OVER A WEEK!!!!

Last movie I saw: Uhhh….tbh I really do not watch enough movies??? Honestly, it might have been Endgame?? God I am sad akdjakakja. Watched Crazy Ex Girlfriend 3× since June tho akdjakana

Last thing I Googled: murphy texas fourth of july concert

Other blogs: I've got a SHIT ton of saved URLs, but other than my temp hiatus blog @kaylor and its side blog @marvelousmidgesusie nah. Too much effort.

Do I get asks:Absolutely not. Never have never will akdjakajaj I'm good with it now.

Why this URL: Not to be like. Dramatic. But. After getting a canon URL previously and receiving 0 validation from it, I started this blog under the guise of like. Having just...a fun URL I can change whenever just to enjoy. So, when the lyrics were leaked, I jumped on this bitch because it was fun! And I'll probably change it again once Lover releases.

Number of blankets: Oh my God. Over 10. Too many.

Followers: Little over 125 I think.

Following: Idk. Maybe 200?

Average amount of sleep: I have been working pretty hard to make it at LEAST 8 - but that never fucking happens aidhakan 7-6 usually and it makes me MISERABLE.

Lucky number: 187, and any combination thereof. I know. Weird. But. On birthday turning from 7 to 8, July 18th (7/18), I decided that was the best day of my life, and that was my number. Do I remember anything about that birthday? Absolutely not. But. The number stuck. It shows up in my life a lot. From random (187 on a bus or on a utilities panel driving by), to mildly interesting (my license plate just has 718 or reblogging/liking things that equal combos of the numbers a lot), to really freakin' weird (the number my mom has had for almost 30 years ends with 0718, my Jake's birthday just happens to be August 17th 8/17). So. Idk. I just wike it.

What am I wearing: Tee from a coffee shop, A&M workout shorts, sports bra, crap underwear, and my heart on my sleeve.

Dream job: For my entire life, it was working in film, most recently being an editor. But within the last few months, in a dramatic turn of events, my ideal job would be doing what @tree-paine does: being the publicist of clientele in media, music, film, sports, maybe even politics. Idk.

Dream trips: Jake and I have an elaborate dream of traveling down the Alps from Frankford to Austria to Switzerland to Mulan and ending in Verona. Additionally, I am desperate to take Jake to NYC, LA, Boston, and San Fran. Would love to visit almost every hotspot in the US (Chicago, Atlanta, NOLA, Southwest, Pacific Northwest, Disneyworld, Colorado, Alaska, etc). Also VANCOUVER, lots of East Asia, lots of Europe, Giza, Jerusalem, South Africa - but I have literally never been out of the country and am TERRIFIED of flying let alone over the OCEAN. UM. I just want to be well traveled man lmao.

Favorite food: LOTTA shit I am NOT picky, but tops for sure: cinnamon rolls, cheeseburgers, pizza, mac n cheese, blueberries, pasta in general, sushi, and Jake's aglio e olio/veggie nachos.

Instruments I play: Lol. As if. I spent almost $300 on a keyboard but have been too depressed to try. Maybe someday. Have also been dying to sing for 23 years…

Eye color: Very, VERY light blue. Whenever I am in public, people lose their SHIT on the daily when they see my eyes. But for me like. Blue eyes be creepy. Lmao. I really want green/hazel eyes but like. W/e. So it goes.

Hair color: Naturally this dark, awful shade of ash blonde. But I've been coloring my hair since middle school, and for the past 5 or so years it has been a natural ginger copper. I dye my brows too, people think it's really because I am such a cracker ass white gal akdjakanakan

Aesthetic: Check my "aesthetic" tag lol. Idk. Peach/salmon tones. Farm animals. Florals. Dresses with sneakers. Women. Taylor Swift lyrics over pastel backgrounds akdjakaj. BUNNIES. Shots with a lot of negative space. Mornings and coffee and eggs and pancakes. Waking up next to Jake. Texas hill country. Cowboy boots worn right. Snow. Christmas. Idk. Just like. Look at the "moodboards" tag too akdjakaj.

Languages I speak: English, do you see my lily white ass akdjakajaj. I can speak Spanglish well enough to get through a transaction or vaguely pick up words but that is IT. Would love to know Cherokee, Korean, German, and whatever the hell Australians are saying tho.

Most iconic song: One time, I had a dream that I wrote my senior thesis on why the song "Red" was on the level of modern icon/classic as songs "Don't Stop Believin'", "Livin' On A Prayer", "Smoke On The Water", etc. I was insistent the opening notes were on the same level as "Immigrant Song" aodaajakaja. And I was SO passionate about it I WOKE UP CRYING AKDHALAJAKKAAJ.

Anyway.

OTHER than that, this is 100% subjective and to me personally but: Tim McGraw because those opening notes are just nostalgic as hell; Out of the Woods because when that leaked I was just starting to get back into TS and I put on my headphones and covered myself in a blanket and closed my eyes to be fully into it and oh my God...it was immersive, I will never forget that feeling; IV Sweatpants by Childish Gambino, because it was the MOST PLAYED SONG OF 2018 on our Spotify akdjakajaj; My Shot/Wait For It from Hamilton because they have both inspired and driven me to feel like I can take on the fucking world; and A Diagnosis from Crazy Ex Girlfriend because it changed my life and I have listened to it more times than I can count.

When I created this account: A few months ago. I am changing my person this year, and starting fresh with how I present my online persona was an important part of that process for me. But I have been on Tumblr on various accounts since 2010/11 lmao.

Best memory: Getting moved to the front row at my first TS concert, the 1989 Tour; so, so many things with Jake, years of memories; getting my bun; reconnecting with Sarah; a lot of SXSW 2018; my 20th birthday.

Best pun: The first thing that comes to mind is a post I reblogged earlier about how Lyra from The Golden Compass does not have a moral compass in the metaphorical sense and I said, "I mean. She has a compass. She quite literally very much has a moral compass." I thought I was funny lol.

Random fact: I finally got diagnosed with BPD! And I've lost 20+lbs this year (getting healthy, it's a good thing)! My closet is color organized by item!

I tag:

@kayspiracy @jake-from-state-farm-school @toastedcoconutchips @vagabonds-and-troubadours @grizzlybairparty @thefuckingstory @pictureofsoph1sticatedgrace @his-dark-memerials @taylorswift

[confuzzled-fook]

Hi, my name is...

Mattie, I'm a fucking wreck of a human being. 😃

My other half suggested I get back into blogging as a way to vent. I don't know if I really want to, or think it'll help, because really, I want to feel less lonely.

Every post I've put up in support groups gets me no help at all. That or people seriously think a fucking reaction is advice. What do I do with your fucking crying face, Karen??! It doesn't help.

I've been struggling a lot with wondering if I should give up transitioning. It feels so fucking unreachable and part of me just thinks I've been a damn sight more miserable and depressed ever since I started transitioning. Mostly it's because I've done all the small things - binding, cutting my hair (which recently, omfg I don't think this most recent haircut has done anything except make me look like a butch woman... Eep), changing my name - all that is left is the big stuff that will really start putting my life on track. Hormones and top surgery. But the wait and the lack of communication and the fact they seem to steamroller over my intentions has me reeling. I'm putting off my whole life for these things and I know I shouldn't. At the same time I don't know how to avoid doing that.

I can't get a new job. Because I don't want to deal with being that token trans person and explain myself, redo all the work I've done at my current place.

I can't do music. Because I sing and no matter how many chemical rushes make me feel happy, I'm reminded that people just hear "a girl" , so I must look like and be "a girl". The annoying thing is that I worry I'll not have a singing voice if I start T. That I'll miss the high notes that are almost Ariana worthy. Singing has meant so much to me, and yet it causes so much conflict in my head because why do I not sound like matey from this band, but also what if I can't sing anymore or I miss my high range.

I can't really be who I want to be with my other half. And this is like, intimate, physical, mental, social stuff. All of it. Around him, I know I look female, nobody would think "that's a gay couple". I hate it. Because without him, I probably look like a butch lesbian women and I hate that too because noooo that's not my point! Intimately, I just feel a barrier. I don't feel attractive. I also have to wear my binder a lot of the time and the skin to skin element is just gone. The way I imagine us is reliant on surgery.

I'm also putting off plans like marrying him because nah, I don't look like myself. And I think that is kind of a wedge between us. Maybe he doesn't feel this, but I do. I can't give myself up to him completely because this, right now, this isn't me. But the NHS timescale if I can't afford private surgery - and I would never do a fundraiser because I think it's selfish af to expect strangers to pay for that, will the people who have had money donated to them ever pay back the kindness, where does it end? - anyway the timescale is years and I'm just like. I'm 25. My life is on pause as it is. Years from now I might be 30, then yay I feel happy for about 17 years and then I kill myself anyway (because part of me is certain I'm going out by suicide). I can't wait and if I have further appointments even to approve hormones, I'm worried I won't be able to take it.

Bearing in mind that if you so much as mention you aren't growing a beard, they note that down like you're a fake trans man. They hold the slightest things against you to almost suggest you aren't worthy and it's like, bitch I know myself more than you ever will, you probably know about 2.3% of my fucking mentality over this. My family and friends probably know between 0 and 15%. I am the only one that knows 100 percent wtf is right for me and how dare you try and say otherwise just because I don't want a damn beard.

Tell the beardless cis guys they aren't real men. I dare you.

Urgh.

Anyway. I guess ranting has kind of helped. Plus I had a major cry fest and a purge to the other half, bless him. I don't suppose he knows how to handle it really, I just implode every now and then because I literally don't think anyone has the time of day to talk to me. Lol so I blog to the Internet like it's my friend. How pathetic.

Thanks friend(s) for letting me speak to you.