#&&. out of character

[is-it-cute-gf-au-edition]

your blog. confuses me. /notneg

Yeah, it's been getting a lot of off-topic attention lately. I promise I'll get back to rating cute viral videos of ACTUAL animals soon!

out of character under the cut

Hi! Just going to make this my pinned.

What is all this Ford Pines nonsense?

So, @jellyskink is a gravity falls fanartist who's responsible for the "Domesticated Ford" au. It's a horror/dark comedy "bad ending" AU for the show Gravity Falls. In it, Bill Cipher manages to make a deal with Fiddleford McGucket, and uses his body to imprison Ford Pines for years until he has been brainwashed into complying with Bill's demands.

Ford opens the portal, Bill enters Earth, and Ford becomes his personal property - his "pet." He's constantly tortured, but is so brainwashed that he still craves Bill's attention and love. Just like in the show, Bill Cipher and his gang are stuck in the weirdness bubble, but in this AU, the bubble is slowly expanding. Ford is trying to find a way to prevent the bubble from completely destroying the universe as it expands, but when he's not doing that, he's fawning on Bill.

Ford is so deeply delusional and dissociative in this AU that he honestly wants to be with Bill, and can't comprehend how bad his situation is. This is probably for the best, because his situation is really, really bad.

A couple of other AUs have come up - namely, @alexthebordercollie's Hand of God, a different Bill Wins AU in which Ford is functionally a god now. That Ford likes Domesticated!Ford and seemingly wants to adopt him as his own. It's all very messy.

What is this blog?

This blog is based on "is the animal video cute?" style blogs that check viral animal videos to make sure they are actually cute, not abusive. (For example: dog clicker-trained to jump? Cute. Dog baited into fighting a raccoon? Not cute.) The idea is, Bill Cipher puts Ford in pet show contests because he thinks it's funny, and these clips have gone viral online in-universe. This blog is a "pet rater" blog that got sent a bunch of Ford Pines content.

Real life me is so deeply uncomfortable with online discourse that I don't even link my fan blogs to my main. The fictional character of Pet Rater Guy, though, is the sort of person who gets baited by online trolls REALLY easily and keeps getting in over his head when it comes to The Disk Horse.

Who am I?

I'm @whenalltheeyesopen! I'm a fanfiction writer who wrote some stuff based on Jellyskink's AU, and we became friends!

If you like my writing, but aren't into this genre, you can go check out my main AO3 account, which is linked at @fragilefirstchance. While they are linked to each other on AO3, my main and my WhenAllTheEyesOpen pseud are for VERY different audiences, so I don't usually recommend anyone who reads one to seek out the other. That said, I still love attention.

PET GUY TIMELINE

Pre-history: the blog is new, but in-universe, it's been reviewing pet show content for years.

Pet Guy starts reblogging Ford Pines content at the request of fans. Pet guy calls out these posts as problematic.

Pet Guy ends up in a nasty fight with in-universe Jellyskink, a Ford fan who is clueless about the context of the photo and videos she posts.

Pet Guy begins attracting more attention from people who are pro-Ford and pro-Bill.

Pet guy's anti-abuse posts attract the attention of a godded Ford from another dimension.

Pet Guy gets very scared and drunk.

Pet Guy has cordial interactions with this deific Ford, which get out of hand because of Pet Guy's intoxication. Pet Guy gets transformed.

Pet guy wakes up to find that he's a hungover raccoon. He keeps blogging as before.

A weird Cipher Loyalist shows up in Pet Guy's comments and reblogs, but they seem to be on good terms with the god that cursed Pet Guy, so Pet Guy tries to be polite to them.

[bunbunmaru-shimbun]

Twitter community notes are so done with people's shit when even the fact checkers broke down.

Bonus: Here's a snipped out version of the Twitter Community Note for your own needs.

[achivement-unlocked]

I know the story behind you url but is interment meant to be there? That's kind of an odd word lol

Wait what. Where’s that word?

[lilyofporcelain]

Just one Laeynna ♥

Anon-Day!

~ Ask my my character anything you want ~ Confess something you would never say to my their face ~ Send them an anonymous letter ~ Give them unsolicited advice you think they need ~ Tell them one thing you like about them ~ Tell them one thing you hate about them ~ Tell them your favorite memory of them

Anything is welcomed on Anon-Day, as long as it’s on anon!

[fcthots]

What are his interests? Well he’s autistic and his special interest is ME so

[birdieardley]

I don't like seeing people say that a marauder character is "out of character", because what do you mean? We invented most of them and most of their lives, there aren't even characters to begin with, so what do you fucking mean??

[dollymaniac]

A Little Christmas Gift

Leon Kennedy x Fem! Reader

Tags: NSFW MDNI, Smut, Oral (f! recieving), Porn with no plot, unprotected PnV, Pet names (Sweetness, Princess, baby, whore, slut) Degradation & Praise kink, OOC Leon.

Word count: 0.5k.

A/N: Something short while i get back to my usual stuff, sorry for going missing, College drains the creativity sometimes, As alway dividers by @/CafeKitsune.

"F-fuck, Leon wait, we're gonna knock it down" You said as you fell back, pieces of paper ribbon torn to shreds on the floor as Leon kissed and licked your tits. Clashing slightly against the trunk of the Christmas tree where you had originally sat yourself under, waiting for him to get home, wrapped up in that silly decorative paper.

"Yeah? Well, i  want to open my present properly Sweetness" he laughed as he released your skin with a pop, panting as he reached for the last bits of ribbon on your legs.

It didn't take more than a rough movement to rip it off, quickly pushing your legs apart "You really thought…" His voice a low growl as he left wet kisses trailing down your thighs "you could be a lil minx right after i came back? Leave me hot and bothered?" Biting slightly at your plush meat. "Not this time. You're dealing with it, right here"

He moved your panties to the side, tongue slowly teasing at your needy clit as you grasped at the Tree skirt, your mouth falling open with a moan of his name.

"fuck— Princess" he groaned, his cock twitching as you tried to close your legs, pressing him further into your cunt "No, be a good slut and keep them open so i can fuck you nice and hard.''

His tongue traced lazy circles over your puffy bundle, making you whine, his hot breath and grunts sending some more pleasure waves through your body as his fingers dug into your thighs.

He pulled away from your cunt, just before you could cum, licking the remainder slick off his lips, one hand pressed your thigh against the floor, the other went to pull down his pants and boxers enough for his to spring from them, already hard.

Your face flushed as his tip pressed against your wet whole "What? You're gonna act all innocent? As if you werent here waiting for me? all tied up in that thin Paper, only in your bra and panties?" he mocked you, slighty teasing you with the head of his dick.

His cock sunk inside your pussy, both moaning as he bottomed you out, your gummy walls clenching around his shaft, "L-leon" you cried out, back arching as he thrusted.

You looked so pretty for him, that stupid paper ribbon on your increasingly messier hair, the traces of your little wrap up all torn around you, eyes rolled back as he fucked you stupid, his little Christmas present.

He grunted as your pussy squeezed him, pistoning his cock into your favourite spot, pelvis pressing against your clit.

"God, you were made for me" his voice roughed by arousal. "Was this what you wanted? Me, coming home to ravage you under the tree?"

He teased your clit further with his thumb, making you scream at the extra stimulation, managing only to squeak out "mhm!"

"Use your words slut" he groaned.

"N-needed your cock so so bad" you choked out as you felt your orgasm building up.

"Fuck—" he grunted, upping the speed, teasing you up until you finally came undone under him, back arched again as he kept fucking you through your peak. "gonna fill you up until you cant think straight"

He bit his lip, pace stuttering as your fluttering walls pushed him over the edge, spilling inside you with a low growl.

He panted for a second, staring at you while still inside, before reaching for your hair, putting the decoration on it back in place, pulling the remainder of parts of you from under the tree. Lifting your face up to kiss you, his voice softening up as he pulled out and adjusted his boxers back on, "You were the best present, baby."

[passing-moments]

its the five guys from burger !!

in all seriousness this serves as both a means of practicing a different-ish style and as a tribute to the five blogs that inspired me to make this one. thank you and your swag kitty cats

Lyrestar belongs to @moons-of-dewclan | Goldrun belongs to @castaway-clan | Cherrystar belongs to @gray-thistleclan | Rimestar belongs to @bitterclan | Tempeststar belongs to @whispering-clan

[aaronfechter]

retiring this blog because nothing aaronbot could come up with will ever come close to topping this

[kingbadgermole]

Legend of Korra characters as these hats.

[theslushiestnoob]

THE BOY NEXT DOOR (pt2)

Word count: 2k

————————*:･ﾟ✧*:——————————

I need more furniture, I decided. My new flat, while nice, was boringly empty - vast expanses of walls remained unadorned, significant areas of the floor unfurnished. I had the basics - a bed, a kitchen, a chair, but I didn’t love any of them; they didn’t scream ‘me’ like I wanted them to.

I set out with the intention of buying a sofa - something plush and deep which I could collapse onto after a long day. As I swiftly discovered, sofas are expensive, and so my options were limited. I settled on a sage green one, padded with large pillows and a complementary throw blanket - included by the overly nice salesmen who seemed to take a particular interest in my customer satisfaction.

Driving through downtown Toronto with a huge green sofa strapped to the roof of my car was not a situation I’d predicted I would find myself in, but I can’t say that it is hugely out of character for me. Arriving at my place soon after, I placed my hands on my hips as I assessed the situation. Me, a sofa currently on top of my car, and four flights of stairs. Things were feeling awfully like an episode of friends before I was interrupted from my thoughts by a high voice.

‘Do you need some help?’

I turned around to face a small, pretty blonde woman standing in front of a tall dark-haired man. Her hair was held out of her face by a claw clip, her outgrown curtain bangs tucked behind her ears. She had a kind expression - the kind of face which you feel comfortable telling all of your darkest secrets to with no doubt of her loyalty. The man behind her held onto her hand affectionately, looking at the sofa with an intrigued expression.

‘Actually, yes please. I need to bring this up to my flat,’ I explain, smiling gratefully at their generosity.

‘I know I offered, but I think this is a job for you, Martin,’ The woman says, turning to rest her hand reassuringly on Martin’s shoulder. He sighs playfully, shooting her a soft smile before stepping toward my car.

‘Alright, Mandy watch out - let's just lift it onto the sidewalk first,’ He instructs, hooking his hands around the leg of the sofa. I mirror his movement, heaving with effort as we lower it onto the pavement. Martin straightens, shaking out his arms. He attempts to lift the sofa up again, but swiftly places it back down.

‘Honestly, I don't think we can do this alone,’ Martin pauses and gestures toward the complex. ‘Our friend lives in this building - he can help us.’

‘That would be perfect, thank you so much,’ I say, returning the smile Mandy gives me.

She pulls out her phone, rapidly texting who I assume to be their friend.

Less than two minutes later, a figure starts walking toward us; stocky, with golden skin and bouncing curls that I am frustratedly attracted to.

‘Oh, Jesus christ…’ I groaned under my breath as Hamzah approached us, his face contorted in a puckered smile.

‘Hey, y/n, good to see you again,’ He says with a mocking smirk.

‘You two know each other?’ Martin asks, slapping a hand against Hamzah’s back in greeting.

‘Not really,’ I replied, at the exact time Hamzah said ‘Yes’. I shot him an annoyed glance, causing his smile to widen further.

‘We’re neighbours,’ I explain, as Hamzah turns to hug Mandy.

‘Neighbours,’ Hamzah parrots in an amused tone. He turns to face Martin, asking ‘What did you say about a couch?’ 

‘Well, if you look just here there's a sofa, and it's supposed to be in my living room, not the side of the road,’ I explain, my tone mildly sarcastic.

‘Really?’ Hamzah deadpans. ‘But it goes so well with the greenery…’

I roll my eyes, turning away from him as he and Martin plot how they’re going to transport my sofa up to the fourth floor.

*

‘Thank you guys so much, honestly I could not have done it without you,’ I lean against the back of the sofa, now positioned perfectly in my living room.

‘Oh, we know girl,’ Hamzah mutters, and I shoot him a death stare.

‘It was so nice to meet you, too,’ I say to Mandy and Martin, ignoring Hamzah. Mandy steps towards me and hugs me, shocking me for a moment but I swiftly return the embrace.

‘We’ll see you again, I’m sure,’ Mandy says, ‘but here’s my number. You seem cool.’ She grabs my phone from the table, holding it in front of my face to unlock it and entering her number into my contacts. I secretly admire her unwavering assuredness, complete confidence that can only come from a certain kind of person.

The three of them leave my flat soon after, leaving me to plan out the rest of my decorations. I was hit by a wave of inspiration; two organised pin-boards and four shifts of the sofa later it was suddenly late into the evening. Through the paper-thin walls, I had heard the faint chatter coming from Hamzah’s place. As a trio, they seemed so close, so familiar - a great dynamic between them.

*

It was the late evening when I heard the knock - a brief but resounding sound that stirred me from reading on the sofa.

Opening the door, I rolled my eyes.

‘Ah, always so glad to see me,’ Hamzah deadpans, his arms laden with leaves. I looked him up and down, my eyes narrowed in question. He had a potted plant tucked under each arm and another on the floor beside him.

‘Why are you at my door with several houseplants?’ I ask, meeting his gaze and registering his amused smile.

‘To help you decorate. This place feels like a hospital. Very clinical,’ He replies, looking critically past my head and into the admittedly undecorated flat.

‘Hey! That's so unfair. I’ve lived here for three days - reserve your judgement, please,’ I say, turning around and leading him inside. He follows me to the expansive living room, placing the larger plant beside the sofa.

‘Already such an improvement. Adds some life, and there's just enough sunlight here from the window,’ he says quietly, admiring his own work. I cross my arms across my chest and smirk at him.

‘Didn’t take you for the gardening type,’ I say when he turns to look at me. He scoffs, shaking his head dismissively.

‘It’s calming. I actually just needed to get rid of some plants, so I’m dumping them with you.’

‘Oh, definitely. There was no generosity behind this at all, purely selfish,’ I say sarcastically. Hamzah turns to me, a vaguely pained expression crossing his rugged face as his eyebrows cinched. 

Moving around the apartment, he placed the plants - reciting care instructions to me. Water, light, humidity, nutrients - my head was swimming with all of the information he was feeding me. I was somewhat anxious for the responsibility - my pride would not allow me to let these plants die, I knew he would not let me live it down.

‘That’s pretty much it,’ Hamzah concludes, as if he hadn’t completely overwhelmed me with his vast knowledge of plant-care.

‘Great. And thank you, Hamzah, it was nice of you to give me these, I’m surprised.’ I said with a smile. He is quiet, his jaw flexing in response as a strained smile crossed his face.

He turned toward the door, pacing briskly to the exit. As he placed his hand on the doorknob, I felt compelled to ask him something.

‘Why are you so loud?’

‘What?’

‘You shout, a lot. Like when we first met - I was asking you to be quiet. Is it part of your job or something?’

‘Kinda, actually,’ he says with a laugh.

‘Okay, so you’re a voice actor. No, a horror game tester, or a sports commentator-’

‘I’m a YouTuber,’ He interrupts. There is a pause, and I giggle.

‘No, you’re not,’ I laugh.

‘Yes, I am,’ he affirms, crossing his arms across his chest.

‘You’re kidding, right?’

He scowls at me.

‘Oh, jeez, you’re not kidding. I mean - that’s not a bad thing, it's actually really cool, it's just unexpected. Like who is a successful youtuber, y’know?’

‘Mandy and Martin are, too,’ he adds humorlessly. I feel myself digging a deeper hole with every word I say, stammering as I try to explain myself.

‘I was surprised because that's a crazy freaking job - it’s every kid’s dream, no?’

He cocks an eyebrow, glaring at me wordlessly.

I feel my caution slip away. What do I care if I offend him? 

‘Still not a great excuse to be unnecessarily loud,’ I mutter under my breath.

He grins amusedly, shaking his head gently as he slips out of the door.

*

Food. A fairly important thing in life - one which I was completely lacking. I had an urgent need for a supermarket trip - and a lazy Sunday morning was the perfect time to do so.

I step out of my flat, balancing my cup of coffee and my reusable bags as I fiddle with the lock. 

I hear a faint, mocking laugh from behind me.

‘Just stop,’ Hamzah’s deep voice mutters, sidling beside me and taking the keys from my fumbling hands. For a brief moment, our hands touched - his skin was the darkest colour of honey, its blazing heat eliciting a shock through my body. His dark eyes snapped to mine momentarily, his emotion indiscernible as he locked my door. His hair was tousled and his curls unruly, giving me the expression that he had just woken up. I felt a compulsion to speak, attempting to quell the intensity of the moment.

‘Why are you up so early?’ I ask, eyeing him up and down. I registered the length of his shorts, my stomach involuntarily flipping as my gaze absorbed the expanse of his exposed brown skin from his mid-thigh down to his ankles. Even in his half-asleep state, he was frustratingly handsome - his indifference increasing his attractiveness.

When I met his eyes again, he was smirking, an incredulous expression on his face.

‘Did you just check me out?’ He said amusedly.

I flushed, stammering as I scoffed at the idea.

‘Just answer my question, stop deflecting.’ I say, diverting the topic.

‘We’re filming a podcast episode.’

A wicked smile contorts my face.

‘Now that has to be a joke,’

He frowns.

‘Why don’t you believe a word I say, y/n? Why would I lie about that?’

‘No way you have a podcast. What do you mean by ‘we’?’

‘Martin and I. We do it together, mainly. What’s so wrong with that?’

I laugh, looking up at his face. He wore a genuine expression, defensive and proud.

‘Nothing’s wrong with it, podcaster.’

He sighs, walking toward the staircase.

‘Why do you say it like it’s derogatory?’

*

The supermarket trip was successful - getting back home was the frustrating part. Toronto traffic was almost impenetrable at the best of times, and a local event increased the amount of drivers by tenfold. It took almost an hour to travel the five mile journey from the shop back to the flat - by the end of which I was thoroughly annoyed.

Finally pulling into the car park, I immediately spotted the one vacant space conveniently close to the building’s entrance. I smiled to myself triumphantly, driving toward it intently. Instantaneously, a black car pulled around the corner and swung right into the space.

I instinctively pressed my horn, blaring angrily at the conceited car that stole my spot. I pulled up closer toward it, scowling into the tinted window. It began to roll down, and in the driver's seat sat a beautiful yet infuriating man with a head of dark curls.

‘You’ve got to be kidding me,’ I mutter, rolling down my window.

I lean out of the car, locking eyes with him.

‘You stole my spot, asshole!’ I shout, fixing him with my angry glare.

‘I was here first!’ Hamzah shouts back over the mechanical noises of our running cars. ‘I’ve been parking here for months, girl. You’re the newbie,’ He shrugs.

I hold up a middle finger out of the window as I speed away from him - the noise of his victorious laughter reverberating in my head.

————————*:･ﾟ✧*:——————————

[bunbunmaru-shimbun]

Elon Musk's Twitter and Twitter Blue is so bad that even the diaper fetishists are coming out publically and be like "nope not our guy."

[achivement-unlocked]

@advancement-made its like a mirror...

WHAT. THERE IS ANOTHER ONE??????

[fcthots]

Jason and s/o get into a fight and don't see each other for a week. As a result, Gus is hysterical because he doesn't see his mother anywhere, looking for her and meowing very loudly, not letting Jason sleep.

💀.-

Meow

"Gus."

Mrow

"Gus."

Meow

"Gus, please."

Meow

"Really Gus? I had no idea."

Meow

"I know, Gus."

Meow

"I miss her too."

Meow

"I know I'm dumb."

Meow

"I am gonna apologize! I'm just nervous."

Meow

"You're right. You're right. I'll see if she's open to talking tomorrow."

Meow

"I know I fucked up, Gus. Thank you."

Meow

"Good to know where your loyalties lie, Gus."

purr

[homociphering]

riskiest post ivemade yet

based on the first ever scarling fanfic LMFAOO