#& that is not something that existsssttffffe
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much has been said abt this phenomenon but it does suck emotionally to have the gender/presentation mismatch of feeling good about how you look but the way you look gets sorted by default into just being a Woman but then that causes other problems cuz the interior experience absolutely does not buy into any narrative of womanhood or girlhood
#the only intrinsic motivator is feeling like i look attractive and dignified or whatever#but I don't feel like i can change the script people use to engage with me without changing myself to look less “attractive*#“#being in the company of women who engage with you on the presumpton that youre a woman but any feeling of 'womanhood' is totally alien#and you want to have sex with them also#& cant say that obviously#brain damaging#id just love to be talked to by acquaintances like im a weird guy who happens to be like incongruously sort of sexy in a girl way#& that is not something that existsssttffffe#yuup important info here is that i 100% hated my appearance and felt like a piece of shit my whole life until like 3 years ago max#omg but bc of this and being less attractive than my peers ppl engaged with me in a way that degendered me#and that was i guess low level dehumanizing to me on their end but it suited me fine#like i was having an Another Secret Third Thing experience & i feel like shit just want her back
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