#& i think chapter 2 in particular had a really compelling ending and you spend the whole case going oh no ): ohhh no ):

[aibafiles]

can confirm that rain code was mid! the late game had some good moments, but not enough to justify the rest of the game imo

i liked some of the ideas the game was setting up and i'm still curious to see how the game sticks the landing but yeah there's also been. some bullshit

[writer-citation-needed]

This week I was on break from school, and i used that time to absolutely devour Annie Bot by Sierra Greer. Told from the perspective of a sentient sex robot, this explores explores what it means to love and what being human really means.

Please enjoy my 4.2 star review including my favorite elements and what I really wish was done better!

Annie is such a compelling protagonist! You can really see her development throughout the story as she learns more aspects of life and as she reacts to Doug's actions. I was particularly fascinated by her logic in decision-making and how she reads others, as someone who is neurodivergent I really saw my own thinking in her and that made me feel so connected to her from the very start.

The zenith plot was really interesting! I was really hoping for some followthrough on the random guy that Annie believed to be one of the zeniths, and the Kenny plot thread was fascinating in relation to Annie's sense of identity and desire to be human-again, would have liked some conclusion with that since it was really cool.

I really like how human nature is explored, not only by Annie becoming more complex and learning the secret 'rules' of being a person but also how she conflicts with Delta, who is decidedly less 'real' than her. I found this to be the best part of the second half in particular, especially as we see Doug open up more. It's so interesting seeing her want to be independent the most once Doug wants her again, or to quote the last chapter, “Now that he’s pulling her more tightly into orbit, she feels her own resistance, feeble but real.”

Unfortunately, I found the story to be mostly redundant past Annie's escape to Lake Champlain. As I mentioned already, a lot of the plotlines past this point are forgotten (not to mention how Delta is literally killed and never acknowledged despite her crucial narrative role). I think Annie running away makes a good end to her search for independence, but I don't think she had to do it a second time after spending months getting Doug to like her again for it to be effective. Honestly I just found the stakes to be so low after she ran away since her disobedience was such a big character moment and it wasn't really built upon any more in the chapter that followed. (I thought for a moment that after being brought back to Doug that she was given a lobotomy by the new technician and the story would turn into some sort of independence-is-inevitable plot a la The Good Place season 2 which would have been interesting and probably also involve the zeniths but unfortunately it did not happen)

Given that the second half doesn't see much more development for Annie, I was also a bit underwhelmed by Doug's arc during this period. I found it so difficult to read about Doug's inability to handle a true partnership in conjunction with Annie growing more emotionally intelligent then have it be quite literally abandoned in the ending. He relinquishes his power, his ownership over her, but rather than this being treated as any kind of major change in his role it just gives Annie the opportunity to give him false hope and sneak away without him knowing.

Honestly I might have thought this was a five star read if only some of the events were rearranged- say Annie does plan a camping trip to one Lake Champlain in the early middle (maybe in hopes of secretly asking Jacobson about programming or something) and say this is when Doug starts letting her wander. She gets that taste of freedom but is denied, or perhaps she gets to go visit him for an emergency checkup or something. Maybe this trip is when he finds about about her cheating, therapy arc ensues. I think having them go on walks would be more interesting if Annie was already gaining some independence, and i can definitely see how it would be more painful for her to be denied that freedom while Doug is mad at her after he learns what she did with her autonomy before (even though she was absolutely manipulated in that closet and I don't know why Annie is given so much blame). If Delta was still around, I think if Doug was bringing her outside like he did then Annie would yearn even more for that independence. Doug giving up more for her little by little (like in the last chapter) would make it more effective for her to run away with Delta in the end and I think it would really magnify how bittersweet some of her exchanges with him are. Something like “…I created you. You’re an extension of me. The way you betrayed me has to be an outgrowth of me somehow.” would be a lot more powerful in reference to how Doug lets her wander and begins to trust her but she ends up finding her own freedom in running away- meanwhile I don't think it has as much weight when he is placing this weight on the cheating meanwhile she committed an even greater act of disobedience in going to Lake Champlain!

Despite all of this, Annie Bot is a great read with an incredibly compelling protagonist and fascinating views on loyalty and personhood. I found the first half to be fantastic meanwhile the second half has a lot of loose ends and fumbles the pacing a little. After the Lake Champlain incident, I think a lot of events were rushed or confusing, and I just wish it was a bit more concise so I could give it a full 5 stars like I wanted to throughout the first half!

[pens-swords-stuff]

Hi Undine! I checked the advice masterlist and I don’t think I saw this topic on there (and I’m sorry if I missed it!)

What advice would you give for someone who has multiple scenarios in mind for the next event in their wip and can’t choose between one. I have a rough outline for my wip, and the chapters are generally planned out (but in like a very basic way) but I’m at a point where I can deviate a little creatively and I can’t decide between a few options for the next scene to write.

Write them all!

No, seriously. More on that later.

Before that, here are a series of steps that I would take if I was your situation in this order!

1) Really try to decide

Think about the implications each scene has for your story. Spend a few days ruminating over it! Sometimes all it needs is a little time to stew before you realize what the correct scenario is. You’ve probably done this already, but it’s a good step to keep in mind.

2) Leave it up to luck

Flip a coin, pull a piece of paper out of a hat, roll a die, anything luck-based will work here!

But Undine, I can’t leave up the plot of my story to random chance!

I hear ya! The point of leaving it up to luck isn’t to actually leave it up to luck, but to discover what your gut reaction to your result is. 

When you flip a coin and you get heads, what is your instinctive feeling? Are you excited that you got the result that you were subconsciously hoping for? When you roll a 5 on a die, are you disappointed in your result and wished that you rolled something else instead? Do you feel compelled to lie about your result at all? Do you have to talk yourself into being satisfied with your result?

I’m a really indecisive person, and this is a technique that I use to gauge what sort of feelings I have for several options. It’s surprisingly useful — just remember to be honest with yourself!

3) Ask for someone’s input

Sometimes our writing is too personal to us, and it can be really difficult to look at it objectively. This is where a friend’s input can be really valuable! They might see something that you don’t. Maybe one scenario makes more sense than the other. Maybe one is something different from the rest of your story that is a nice departure and a change of pace. Maybe one scenario doesn’t make sense at all. They might be able to help you identify those.

For example, one time I was writing a mystery script for a school play. I didn’t know who the culprit was, I was just getting started just to see where it went. My mom read my draft and pointed out that there was one character that must be the culprit because they had the motive, the opportunity, and the means. I had no idea about it until she pointed it out to me, and subsequently redrafted it to make that character the culprit. 

4) Analyze each scenario

Sit down with each scenario and figure out why you want to include it in the first place! Think of story-related things like how it would impact your characters, the significance of the scene, the symbolism/meaning behind it, the purpose it serves in your overall story, why you want to write it in the first place, etc. Think of personal writer things as well, like how difficult it would be for you to write it out, how much research you might need to do, how much joy it would bring you to write, etc.

A pros-and-cons list would also be good to make. Get out that yellow legal pad and draw a line down the middle. Evaluate the pros and cons of each scenario to help you make an informed decision.

5) Make a separate outline for each scenario

Let’s say that you’ve tried options 1-5 and you still can’t decide which one to go with. That’s okay! You can try making an outline of your book of what would happen if you went with each scenario.

Let’s say that you have five possible scenarios in mind. You would create five different outlines of what would happen if you picked each one. Sit down and figure out how each scenario would impact the rest of your story. Are there significant differences? Does one scenario lead to your preferred outcome, whether it be in the short-term or long-term? What is the significance of that particular scenario in the big picture of your entire outline? Are there any branching paths based off which scenario you choose?

6) Write them all out

Write out each scenario! Actually go through and draft each scenario and ask yourselves some questions:

Which did you enjoy writing the most? Did you finish writing them all out, or did you finish one but not the others? What felt the most natural? Do you have a preference for one scenario now that you’ve written it out? What are the differences between each scenario and how they played out? Which scenario has your characters at the most authentic? 

Sometimes, actually writing it out is a different beast compared to planning, and it can be really illuminating.

7) Just pick one and hope for the best

Sometimes we can think in circles all day long and never come closer to an answer. In that case, what I would do is pick a random one (flip another coin!) and put it in my outline. Underneath, I would notate my other ideas so I don’t forget that there are other possibilities, and I would just move on with my outlining. If you realize that something needs to be changed, you can always go back and change it later. For now, you could try just picking one.

8) Move on with your writing process and see how you feel later

Personally, I find that outlining a story is incredibly different from writing one. In particular, the understanding of my story and my characters change when/as I write it out. Sometimes, it ends up completely different from what I originally intended. Lay your ideas to rest for now, and maybe try moving on with your outline and drafting. It’s possible that the answer will reveal itself later, when you have a better understanding of your story in a month or so.

Some other things to keep in mind:

Is it possible for you to combine some scenarios?

Is it possible to fit those events/scenarios in at a later point in your story?

You can change your story/outline anytime you want. It’s not going to be a mistake or a waste of time to settle for an idea now.

Trust your gut instincts!

Outlines can change. Drafts can change. Don’t be too caught up on feeling like you have to make a permanent decision right now.

Good luck!

Remember, all writing advice is subjective! So don’t take this too seriously. This is just one person’s opinion.

If you’d like to ask me for advice on writing or running a writeblr, please check out my Ask Guidelines and FAQ first.

Ask Guidelines | FAQ | Advice Masterlist

[pleaseshutupaboutsatou]

Before and After Ajin Volume 1

Part Three

[Part One] [Part Two]

This was supposed to be the last part but I had a lot to say on this one particular subject.

Ajin: Human or Demi-Human

Spoilers ahead and I will refer to Tsuina Miura as TM.

Before V2 - Ajin: Human or Demi-Human

Okay, so it’s always kind of perplexed me that Ajin are so objectified. They look like any other person but in the world of Ajin, they’re referred to as ‘another species’, a ‘life-form’, and sometimes even ‘it’. When someone finds out they’re Ajin, it’s not readily apparent and can easily be hidden. Probably the most conspicuous aspect of an Ajin is their IBM if anything -- especially if they can’t control it. 

Anyway, the way I’ve really looked at it, I’ve always kinda assumed that the objectification of Ajin was a purposeful and systemic way of othering people with immortal abilities so that they can be more easily taken advantage of. 

I forget that this thought is just pure speculation and not actually explicitly said in canon. (TBH, I would really like to know the origins of why people see Ajin as non-human.)

This aspect is just part of the unique takes Ajin has on immortality. Immortals can age. To be an Ajin is not seen as a cool or fun but something terrifying and unknown. You don’t want to be an Ajin. In fact, in the first chapter of the manga, when the teacher suggests the possibility that someone in the class might be one, it immediately makes everyone uneasy.

In TM’s part of the manga, there’s a strong emphasis on the idea of Ajin not being seen as human. It’s repeated a lot in Kei’s dialogue with Kai and in the pilot chapter with Shinya. In fact, the opening line in the pilot chapter is ‘Those life forms do not die... They are know as demi-humans’.

The language in the Wikipedia article about Ajin that Shinya reads uses dry language when discussing the relationship between Ajin and human experimentation. It seems like there’s no hint of controversy! 

If you’ve read Tenkuu Shinpan, this cynical worldview will probably be very familiar. Miura’s writing has this sort of color.

Anyway, in volume one, the humanity of Ajin is constantly questioned and touched upon in the dialogue.

What a bizarre question for Izumi to ask, of all people... Izumi could be playing detective a detective role here, but knowing that she’s an Ajin, this almost comes across as self-loathing. Perhaps Izumi might have gone down that path if Miura stayed on?

This bit of dialogue from Tanaka, shortly after the former scene, feels more consistent with the story thus far. Satou made being a demi-human a point of pride for Tanaka and for Izumi to pretend to be one definitely made her less in his eyes. Actually, he was pretty cruel to everyone in that room in this scene, but if you take into consideration Izumi’s anti-Ajin-like dialogue and her explicitly saying she’s from the Demi-Human Control Commission (the ones responsible for his imprisonment), I can see where it comes from.

Anyway, much of the compelling dialogue on an Ajin’s humanity is between Kei and Kai. On the run after being outed as an Ajin, Kei is constantly questioning his own humanity.

And, as long as Kai is around Kei, he constantly reassures Kei that he is indeed human and even if he isn’t, he can be human if he wants to be.

Now that I think about it, perhaps the idea of demi-humans not being human comes from the human fear of death and the loss of its universal certainty. Death is scary, unpredictable, unavoidable and not really something a lot of people like to dwell on. However, despite those feelings, it’s ubiquitous and maybe some comfort comes from that - that it will happen to everyone. Not to Ajin though (as far as the public knows, they don’t really know about aging or natural-death Ajin). In fact Ajin can tiptoe between death and life. Perhaps that comes across as grotesque and maybe that’s a reason why they’re feared? A scene that exemplifies this is Kei’s first suicide - or reset, as it’s later called. 

Kai’s expression is of sadness, worry, and terror because he just witnessed Kei, someone he’s trying to protect, harm himself. He obviously knows that Kei will likely be fine but you can’t really logic away the visceral reaction to seeing such a thing. Meanwhile Kei, is excited, almost ecstatic, because he sees he’s able to walk on his own two legs again and not be such a burden to Kai. His relationship to death has totally changed. Does the lack of ability to die correlate with a loss of humanity?

Perhaps, TM wanted that to be constant question in their story. Are Ajin really human? Or maybe TM wanted Ajin to actually not really be human and for us to mistakenly think they are? TBH though, it doesn’t really seem like TM’s fast-paced action writing style... but maybe those kinds of questions piqued Sakurai’s interest.

After V2 - Ajin: Human or Demi-Human

I think Sakurai is interested in exploring the theme of humanity and human experience in general through these immortal characters. 

As the story progresses, he seems to go with the notion that Ajin are just people who can’t die. I think this is emphasized with Tanaka’s increasing mundaneness. His very first appearance is incredibly striking. He looks diabolical.

And he doesn’t seem that way to just the audience but to Kei as well, who sees Tanaka with a mean face and a knife in their first encounter and is instantly scared. In Kei’s dreams, Tanaka becomes a symbol of aggressive masculinity.

It’s all a front though, and through Tanaka’s flashback a handful of chapters later, it becomes clear that, like Kei, he’s an ordinary person put through extraordinary circumstances.

Satou, however, comes across as a force of nature and inhuman. Physical obliteration and philosophical ideas of death do not phase him at all. His flesh body is a tool that he takes apart and puts back together with casual indifference. In the end, though, he is a human being, though, damn, does he make it difficult for other people, ourselves included, to believe that.

Last, but not least, Sakurai spends a great deal of care on Kei’s transition from teen to young adult throughout the story with all the self-doubt, risk-taking and awkwardness that comes with it. What kind of person will he become? What does he really want? 

He puts on a front as a disinterested, self-serving person whose no-nonsense, but, actually he does care and maybe he likes a little of nonsense (but not too much). As for the person he might become, it’s interesting that Kei has two older, contrasting figures in his life who serve as influences: Hirasawa and Satou. Hirasawa says he’s fine the way he is and that it’s okay to run away; he kind of indulges Kei and tells him what he wants to hear - maybe he sees himself in Kei and tells him what he wish he could have heard.  Meanwhile, Satou wants to challenge Kei, though, for entirely selfish reasons and maybe, he too, saw some of himself in Kei. Though, lmao, he got bored with that towards the end.

A big part of Kei’s journey is self-acceptance. Self-acceptance as a person coming-of-age and as a person whose an Ajin. To a person like Kou, he probably seems like he has a concrete idea of who he is, but that’s not the case at all.

Kei starts out as an incredibly reluctant hero. In fact, he only came into the role out of necessity as Satou grew to be a bigger and bigger problem that could no longer be ignored. In the period between the attack on Grant Pharmaceuticals and the attack on Forge Security, his lack of enthusiasm is very explicit; he even dreams of being whisked away. Nevertheless, he begrudgingly concocts a plan for defending Forge Security. 

It’s in the aftermath of Forge Security that he starts to change and aggressively pursue Satou. However, this change of heart will be repeatedly tested as Satou continues to evade him.

Sakurai has also had some things to say about the question of a demi-human’s humanity on a grander scale, particularly, through a character like Ogura. When you first meet him, he’s very blunt and sarcastic and seems to have little value in his own life. To Ogura, life has lost its meaning. It’s heavily implied that this is in large part due to the death of his 8-year-old son.

The only thing that he really talks about with any kind of enthusiasm are Ajin and his FK cigarettes. 

His fascination with Ajin could be, in part, a way to cope with his grief. Ajin defy death and the human spirit seems to play a large role in how they function. IBMs are invisible but can be seen if a strong emotion is present. Floods of IBMs are triggered by death along with an accompanying strong emotion. He states outright that life is meaningless, but his obsession with Ajin seems to come from a part of himself that doesn’t want to believe that.

Whether or not what Ogura says is true or not, it’s undoubtedly true that Ajin are inextricably linked with their own humanity. This is where Sakurai arrives at with the question of a demi-human’s humanity.

This ended up being wayyyy longer then intended but thoughts kept coming and coming. Hope I didn’t go off on too much of a tangent here. I will make another part with Kai, Tanaka and talk briefly about gore before and after volume 2. 

I think Miura is really good with coming up with concepts, but I think, personally, I’m glad that Sakurai was able to take those ideas and make them into what we have today.

[lizzybeth1986]

I don't think you play TRR/TRH anymore but you should see what they did to Kiara in the newest chapter. It's so dumb and makes me so angry, especially considering the current climate of events. I've already seen people on Reddit be like "but we helped her overcome her trauma" (we didn't lol) and someone called her the c-word, very classy. Honestly PB's been low key racist in the past but all the stuff right now makes it high key...

(Apologies for the long post and not being able to place this under a cut)

I'm pretty glad I got these anons because truth be told I wasn't sure how many people - besides the few that I already knew were constantly speaking about Kiara's treatment in the books - would care enough to ask any questions about this. Most of the posts I saw expressed a disturbing eagerness to throw her under the bus, without exploring nuance or asking questions, and at this point I'm not very surprised.

I've always maintained that the treatment for Kiara is what happens when both the writers and the fandom are heartless, and these past few weeks have only been proof of that.

There are questions you could raise about this finale re: Kiara - questions almost no one seems to bother asking. I have three:

1. In this Coventus Nobilis...how is it that I see four Heads of House, and only one heir? 

2. If Kiara - who is not head of house - is supposed to represent Castelserraillian instead of her father Hakim (who presides over that estate), why do I not see Madeleine? Why do I not see Penelope? 

3. Why are we suddenly seeing Adeleide  popping up out of practically nowhere to rep Krona/Fydelia, and Landon conveniently rep-ping Portavira?  

Some of the answers to these questions lie in the questions themselves. Why else would Madeleine and Penelope not be present in this meeting - if it weren't to purposely distance them from this awful moment? After all, both of them have inbuilt subplots ready for the next book that would require interactions with the core group. How else do you think the writers could ensure we kept coddling them and pandering to them in Book 3, except by distancing them from this "betrayal"?

Why else would the narrative choose to pit Kiara - the lone woman of colour we'd been shitting on for most of this series - against Olivia - the white woman who has been given innumerable individual PoV scenes and her own mini-book (and whose reputation we had to help rebuild in said mini book whether we cared about her stupid duchy or not). 

Why else would they force Kiara to alert us mere minutes before the meeting begin, if not to distract us with crumbs ("See? At least we wrote her as warning you. Of course we don't hate her!"). 

Why else would you have Olivia and Kiara pitted against each other like this - if not to show these two women side by side, on opposing ends -  and compel us to believe that the white woman we spent 4.5 books propping up and pampering, is the most loyal one.  When in fact we have done absolutely nothing to deserve any fucking loyalty from Kiara or her family to begin with! (Ezekiel and his white bride notwithstanding).

What we finally got as a result, was a narrative that (as @queen-of-effing-everything summed it up when I discussed this with her) in one full sweep "glorifies Olivia, shields Madeleine and Penelope and sets up Kiara". Very few of us even noticed. And even if we did notice, is there any guarantee that we would care??

Remember how I mentioned in my last ask that I wished we expanded the same energy that we did with Aurora, to speak up against the ill-treatment of other black characters? Kiara was undoubtedly one of those.

After this, we as a fandom will speak very easily now of her "betrayal". We will call her the b-word and the c-word. We will boast of how we will "take her down" along with Adeleide and Landon and Bartie Sr. We'll boast about how we "never liked her" to begin with, as if doing so required some...idk exemplary foresight. We will make memes about how Olivia was "the only bitch we ever respected". We will make huge, sweeping claims about how Kiara was our "friend" and how (as you've mentioned, anon) we "helped her overcome her trauma" (!!!!) and claim by that token that  we were entitled to good treatment from her. I'm pretty sure when TRH3 finally comes out, her every word and action will be screenshot, put up on blogs, mocked and torn down just so we can write essays on how awful she is. 

Yet I saw very little of this energy in Book 3, where the MC could first emotionally manipulate her into supporting the Unity Tour, and where we actively suspected her  at a time when she was traumatized. At most there was some lukewarm acknowledgement of how she "deserves better", all while people still continued to write fanfic that positioned her as creepy and obsessed and villainous.  Almost no one had a problem with Savannah not acknowledging Kiara's earlier support of her, and in fact I'd seen posts that clubbed her with the other ladies of the court who likely "treated Savannah badly". Her father Hakim was made to join the tour alongside her by default, without the expectations that Landon/Emmeline and Godfrey/Adeleide were allowed to have, and the fandom was mysteriously silent about Hakim being made to "bow to his knees" in a way the others did not have to. Very few people even bothered to  notice or talk about how often Penelope was allowed to hold the MC's baby, or how Kiara was never really allowed to hold her even once. Which "friend" treats someone like this??

When I finally published this essay on the treatment meted out to Kiara especially in Book 3, what I got was a lot of neat, but ultimately hollow, little platitudes about how Kiara "deserved better" (How and in what way? Who knows, who cares). Out of those many many people who reblogged and responded, only a handful held the MC and Drake in particular (and Maxwell, who thought it appropriate to joke about "one suspect down") accountable for choosing to suspect and interrogate just her, and for showing ZERO remorse in forcing her to reopen those wounds. How is it that we can judge Kiara for this latest "betrayal", yet pretend that the MC and Drake had nothing to do with the pain THEY caused to her? How is it that this fandom was so fired up over her comments, yet would have such a weak, muted, carefully-generalized response to the screenshots where Drake was openly suspecting her and optionally  minimizing her trauma? 

Following that, why should we be entitled to good treatment from Kiara when we never really gave her even half as much?? Why is it so easy to divorce characters from their words and actions in Drake/MC/Maxwell's case, but so hard for a character like Kiara? (One may claim this is because Drake and Maxwell are potential co-protagonists, but the aforementioned essay already proves that you as a main character can get punished for not treating a mere side character with kindness).

Another thing that fascinates and repulses me even further is how the fandom has created myths around this one character, and how PB has constantly leaned into these "characteristics" even though the text itself tells an altogether different story:

1. Kiara is a snob. This is especially hilarious considering that she is established in Book 2 as being the only person who befriended Savannah before her departure and cared about what happened to her when she left. Never once in the books has she looked down on us for class-related issues, or outright mocked people for not knowing the languages she knew. In fact, she was the first person to acknowledge our skills if we showed any before Lythikos in Book 1. On the other hand, Penelope can be uppity and look down on us in Book 1 (there is even a dialogue option in Chapter 10 that leads to her calling us a "commoner wench") if we don't do well, and yet she's a cinnamon roll.  Olivia can engage in snobbish , entitled behaviour without the fandom having a problem just because she's their favourite. Madeleine can look down on us and pretend for 3/4ths of the social season that we're not worth her time yet somehow Kiara is the snob. Okay. Okay. 😐

2. Kiara is "obsessed with" Drake and constantly comes on to him. This is said by the same group of people who saw Olivia fucking Nevrakis plant a WHOLE FUCKING SMACKER on Liam's mouth, and said..nothing. Kiara on the other hand, has admired Drake's abs once, mentioned she'd always liked Drake once, spoken normally to him about his sister once, flirted with him once (Paris tea party), and ordered a wine from him when he was bartending. In the next book she either looks at him wistfully or admires his suit. Yet somehow she's the creepy, annoying, stalkerish. Okay. Ooookay. 😑

(This one was particularly damaging, because post the TRR3 hiatus, all efforts from PB were focused on reversing Kiara's position as an alternative LI. This included "confirming" on livestream that her affections were one-sided, at a time when Olivia was finally allowed to have some romantic moments with a single Liam, pushing forward a buildup scene to Drake's eventual secret wedding that had him acting extremely rude and confrontational to Kiara mere minutes after suspecting her (while she was expressing joy at his upcoming wedding in his playthrough!!!), and involving a subplot where he openly and by default suspected her. Sure, he spends a minute to be nice to her and chat about trauma if the MC chooses. But that's like a drop of sewage water floating in an ocean of shit).

3. Kiara Pretended to Be Our Friend And Then Dropped Us: This is false. Kiara only ever promised to put in a good word for us to the rest of the court, no more, no less. And she fulfilled that promise. Otherwise she never pretended to be friends with us nor made friendly overtures either way. In fact if you're going to accuse anyone of duplicity, you have Penelope and Madeleine. Yet somehow Kiara is the dishonest one. Okay. Okay. 🙃

4. Kiara Was Insensitive To Penelope and Didn't Understand Her. I'm not sure how Kiara is supposed to magically understand something that her friend isn't telling her. Plus this argument deliberately leaves out the fact that she stood up for Penelope when people chose to be mean to her, and even explained to the MC that she employs "tough love" because she can't always be around to protect Penelope. It also leaves out how one-sided this friendship is and how Kiara is made to do most of the heavy work in this friendship. Meanwhile, at Kiara's most difficult time period, in Castelserraillian, Penelope says absolutely nothing as the MC forces Kiara to join the Unity Tour, while making bedroom eyes at Kiara's brother. In fact the only reason Kiara's brother even exists is to give Penelope a love interest. The Kiara-Penelope friendship practically revolves around Penelope. I have never really seen Penelope look out for Kiara or attempt to actually support her in any way, and Kiara was the one who got the knife wounds. Yet somehow I'm supposed to believe that Penelope's the better friend of the two. Suuuuure. 😡

And this steaming pile of crap doesn't just make its way into shitposts and short opinion posts. It creeps into fanfic and fandom opinions. It finds its way in the tags and in other social media. It eventually even finds its way into the books, even though nothing in the earlier narrative ever really supported these extremely stale takes. 

Because PB didn't care for Kiara the way they cared for their white characters, they had no problem framing her narrative the way this fandom so desparately wanted it. Book 3 has the MC claim behind her back that Kiara is stuck-up and acts like knowing ten languages makes her better than everybody else, even though this is not backed up by the text, and in fact you will never see any acknowledgement of how Madeleine forced Kiara to make herself sound "exotic" in Book 2, or of how Madeleine and the MC (optionally) could downplay or question her skills unless they wanted to use her. Also, Penelope is never allowed to be talked about like that no matter what she's done. PB even had a scene (in the Hana playthrough) where they aggressively retconned the events of Madeleine's bachelorette party, where Kiara supposedly shouted at Penelope until the latter cried, and Madeleine was the one "having fun". Kiara was literally being thrown under the bus to make Madeleine look better. Madeleine. Imagine that. Madeleine.

Given how desparate the fandom was to nitpick and overdramatize everything Kiara said and did, is it any wonder that the team got away with the writing they gave her in Book 3? Considering that all the false arguments I stated above have made a resurgence in the past few weeks or days...is it any wonder that the only "support" this fandom is capable of re: Kiara, is lukewarm platitudes, cold takes and rank hypocrisy??

Yes, we can hold PB solely/largely  accountable for the treatment meted out to Kiara now. They made these choices over and over, and continue to do so, while tossing us occasional crumbs of faux-sweet behaviour from the MC. And they did this in insidious ways, which were so hard to catch that even a Kiara stan like me had to observe multiple playthroughs just to unravel even half of what they'd done.

But let's not pretend a huge chunk of the fandom was just as responsible for this - with their unfounded opinions, their disgusting bias, their favouritism of white characters, their refusal to observe anything besides their favourites, and their godawful fanfiction where Kiara is a creep or evil or killing the virtuous main character. Out of the huge body of fanwork that I've seen for TRR that features Kiara - at least 90% of it features her stalking Drake, or harming the MC (particularly the Drake MC), or in cahoots with the villains, or generally being referred to as a creep (why Olivia, who kissed Liam without his consent in Book 1 and was entitled enough to be angry about him not returning her feelings in TRH1, never got this sort of writing - I fail to understand). There is a tremendous gap between the vitriol dumped on her when she does something the MC doesn't like, and the milquetoast response when harm is done to her. There have been times when I've had to comb through pages and pages of hate just to read even one positive post on Kiara in her own goddamn tag.

When the next book arrives, I know you folks will continue to gas up the white women in this book every chance you get, and mask your racist vitriol for characters like Kiara (and Hana, let's not forget the way y'all treat Hana) behind the same self-righteous judgements and the same tired, stale takes. I know that PB - despite what I will still believe is their hollow promises today - will write every single one of those stale takes into existence. All because it will be "justified", because Kiara is a "bad person" or "untrustworthy" or "fake". Whatever. Y'all can stick to Olivia The Black Hole and babysit Madeleine and Penelope, I guess. Kiara always deserved better than these writers and most of this fandom anyway.

[linskywords]

criminal-minds-fanfiction wrote a bunch of questions for authors that you’re supposed to let people ask you, buuuut I felt like answering all of them instead of doing my actual job this afternoon. 😄 Here we go:

1) How old were you when you first starting writing fanfiction?

Like 25 maybe? I started writing about a year after I started reading it. I had a fanfiction-deprived adolescence, y’all.

2) What fandoms do you write for and do you have a particular favourite if you write for more than one?

The hockey boys pulled me in years ago and they haven’t let me go. I do sometimes write other things: I almost always participate in Yuletide, and I’ve actually written a bunch of Animorphs fic under a different name (ask me if you want to see it!). Mostly hockey RPF, though.

3) Do you prefer writing OC’s or reader inserts? Explain your answer.

Haha neither. Well, I guess OC’s, if I had to choose -- I don’t read or write reader inserts. But I tend to keep OC’s for original fiction.

4) What is your favourite genre to write for?

I was very confused about fic having genres before I realized this was probably referring to the genre of the canon works. Um...sports. :D

5) If you had to choose a favourite out of all of your multi chaptered stories, which would it be and why?

Don’t make me choose my favorite child. Um, probably the first wolfverse story -- I don’t know if it’s the best one, but I’m very grateful to it for starting the ‘verse!

6) If you had to delete one of your stories and never speak of it again, which would it be and why?

None of them, if that’s an option. If I really had to choose...probably the Kirk/Spock fic I never finished even after uploading it to AO3 and promising to finish it this time. I still want to finish it!! But it would be the first to go.

7) When is your preferred time to write?

I don’t have a strong preference. Afternoon/evening. I like having multi-hour blocks, and I use the Forest app to keep me off my phone while I do it.

8) Where do you take your inspiration from?

Plot bunnies come from all over the place: random thoughts, memes, real-life conversations, suggestions from other fandom people. I tend to have a pretty strong “THIS IS A STORY I WANT TO WRITE” response when something grabs me the right way.

9) In your xxx fic, what’s your favourite scene that you wrote?

Haha this is probably why I’m not supposed to just answer all of these in order. XD I’ll answer for my current WIP: the scene where Geno kisses Sid for the first time. So soft. So angsty. 😈 (My own story has cursed me to love Geno. I am doomed.)

10) In your xxx fic, why did you decide to end it like that? Did you have an alternative ending in mind?

In general: I know how my stories are going to end when they start. Sometimes it does evolve a bit as I write. One thing I’d like to play with is including more of the main characters being together at the end of the story, instead of ending it at the moment when they get together; the latter makes sense from a tension perspective, but I’ve been finding when I read lately that I want more of the happy times at the end, so I’m going to try to move in that direction.

11) Have you ever amended a story due to criticisms you’ve received after posting it?

Only for typos, I think.

12) Who is your favourite character to write for? Why?

Ooooh. Either Patrick Kane or Jonathan Toews. There’s something so compelling to me about Patrick’s fanon voice. And every love interest in every original story I try to write is Jonny.

13) Who is your least favourite character to write for? Why?

I...don’t really write about characters I don’t like? I wish Auston Matthews would shave his mustache.

14) How did you come up with the title for the xxx? - You can ask about multiple stories.

About fifty percent of the titles I come up with are desperate scrambles because I’ve got nothing. The other fifty percent I have a perfect song lyric for from the start.

15) If you write OC’s, how do you decide on their names?

I only write OC’s in original fiction, but: I’ve been phonebanking lately, and I’ve been writing down all the good names I come across. The best so far is someone with the last name Quackenboss.

16) How did you come up with the idea for xxx?

MAGIC.

17) Post a line from a WIP that you’re working on.

Oh...oh no. Um.

“It doesn’t matter what he was thinking about. His knot popped; that’s the important thing.”

Some of you can probably guess what that’s about. :)

18) Do you have any abandoned WIP’s? What made you abandon them?

Mostly on my computer. I have a lot of beginnings of stories I haven’t finished yet; many of them I’ll probably go back to. I tend not to post things until I’m done or close to done with them. (That one Star Trek fic being an exception. Mea culpa.)

19) Are there any stories that you’ve written that you’d really love to do a sequel to?

YES. The 1988 timer one and the 1988 story where Patrick’s a girl who sneaks onto the Blackhawks in disguise. I’d love to do a Bennguin version of both of those.

20) Are there any stories that you wished you’d ended differently?

Hm. Some of them I think I rushed a little. More Than I Could Ever Promise, I think it needs a good old-fashioned battle scene in the mountains at the end to really round out the plot.

21) Tell me about another writer(s) who you admire? What is it about them that you admire?

Have I mentioned astolat? What, only two or three hundred times? I should mention her again, then. Give me that woman’s ability to plot. Inject it into my veins.

22) Do you have a story that you look back on and cringe when you reread it?

Haha. I often have slightly cringy moments in my old stories. You Made My Life an Adventure, I definitely didn’t really know what I was doing yet...

23) Do you prefer listening to music when you’re writing or do you need silence?

I usually listen to music.

24) How do you feel about writing smutty scenes?

Turned on.

25) Have you ever cried whilst writing a story?

Yes. The sequel to My Heart Forgets to Beat.

26) Which part of your xxx fic was the hardest to write?

The Sid/Geno wolfverse story I’m working on now is maybe the hardest thing I’ve ever written. The language barrier is such a new challenge for me.

27) Do you make a general outline for your stories or do you just go with the flow?

I don’t formally outline, but I tend to have a sense of the major plot beats. One reason I love writing fic is that the plot and world tend to be straightforward enough for that. I have a lot more trouble doing that with original fiction.

28) What is something you wished you’d known before you started posting fanfiction?

This will radically reduce the amount of time I spend writing original fiction.

29) Do you have a story that you feel doesn’t get as much love as you’d like?

Like You Have a Secret I think is less read than some of the others because it’s het, but I really love it. Similarly, some of my stories that are inspired by other works (Tangled, Doctor Who, The Giver) tend to be read less because people think they need to know the source material, when really I deviate from the source material so much it’s not important.

30) In contrast to 29 is there a story which gets lots of love which you kinda eye roll at?

Huh. Probably not. I’m definitely surprised when some stories take off -- Kinda Narrows It Down I wrote pretty quickly, on a whim, and I was surprised by the extent to which it resonated with people. Turns out lots of people think Tyler was coming out in that tweet. XD

31) Send me a fic recommendation and I’ll post it for my followers to see! (The asker is to send the rec not the answerer)

Ooh. Ignoring the terms of this question, but: I just read this TK/Patty story and loooved it. It’s a different take on werewolves than the one I use in wolfverse, and it’s super compelling:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/24029188

32) Are any of your characters based on real people?

Hahahahahaha. (I mean...less so than you might think.)

33) What’s the biggest compliment you’ve gotten?

I absolutely love it when people write screaming flaily responses to my fic. Also anytime anyone says that they’ve been having a tough time and my story was exactly what they needed. Maybe my favorite was the responses to More Than I Could Ever Promise that told me it read like a novel; that meant a lot to me right then.

34) What’s the harshest criticism you’ve gotten?

Fandom is amazing; people almost never give me concrit. I did have someone ask once if I randomly chose when to stop writing and just ended my stories there. I was pretty offended, since of course that’s not true at all, but I can see where they were coming from: my stories tend to wrap up after the characters get together, and sometimes there’s a lot of potential story left to tell at that point. But stories have to end sometime.

35) Do you share your story ideas with anyone else or do you keep them close to your chest?

I tend to share them! I find other people’s enthusiasm to be strongly motivating, and sometimes people have awesome suggestions I wouldn’t have thought of.

36) Can you give us a spoiler for one of your WIP’s?

Well, I only have the one. XD Sid...is about to have an important conversation with Mario.

37) What’s the funniest story you’ve written?

Ooh, I’m not sure I’m the write person to answer! No idea, really. My recent TK/Patty is probably pretty funny. Or maybe Quality Time, where Patrick doesn’t understand why he keeps losing track of time when he’s cuddling with Jonny. Anything with a super dumb protagonist, probably.

38) If you could collab with any other writer on here, who would it be? (Perhaps this question will inspire some collabs!) If you’re shy, don’t tag the blog, just name it.

Wow, I have no idea. I’ve never really written a story with someone, so I’m not sure how that would work. I want to say astolat again but honestly I’d be too intimidated.

...no, I’m gonna say astolat. Even if I made a fool of myself I think I would learn a ton.

39) Do you prefer first, second or third person?

Third. For some original stuff I like first person, but third feels right for the hockey boys.

40) Do people know you write fanfiction?

My close friends do. Most of my friends have the vague idea I write fic, but they don’t know my username or anything.

41) What’s you favourite minor character you’ve written?

Patrick Sharp. No question.

42) Song fic - What made you decide to use the song xxx for xxx.

I will legit listen to a new album with a doc open to write down promising lyrics. Titles are HARD, y’all.

43) Has anyone ever guessed the plot twist of one of your fics before you posted it?

I think people guessed where the Tangled fic was going. Though I also liked the guesses that it would be about Patrick’s mullet. XD I don’t really mind when people guess twists -- in the kind of story I write, it’s more about the experience of reading it than about surprise!

44) What is the last line you wrote?

“His parents have always been very respectful of any choices Sid’s wanted to make. They haven’t pried into his private life when he’s tried to set boundaries. But they’re wolves, and they know him a lot better than Jordy does. Sid isn’t going to be able to keep it a secret from them what he’s going through.”

...no guarantee it survives in that form. :D

45) What spurs you on during the writing process?

Getting the story out of my head and into reality! Spoon out that lake, baby.

I also do love the prospect of posting it for people to enjoy and respond to. It’s one of the reasons I find fic so much more rewarding than original fiction, where the timeline to a readership is so much longer.

46) I really loved your xxx fic. If you were ever to do a sequel, what do you think might happen in it?

Things, probably.

47) Here’s a fic title - insert a made up title. What would this story be about?

This exercise might be going off the rails a bit. (If anyone does want to pose this to me, feel free!)

48) What’s your favourite trope to write?

Ooh. Mutual pining. Friends to lovers. Werewolves. :D

49) Can you remember the first fic you read? What was it about?

The first fic I ever, ever read was a random Kirk/Spock one I found through google, and I was like “OMG IS THIS WHAT AROUSAL FEELS LIKE”

50) If you could write only angst, fluff or smut for the rest of your writing life, which would it be and why?

Oh man. Angst, as long as it can have a happy ending. But it just wouldn’t be the same without the smut.

[jadelotusflower]

March 2021 Roundup

Reading

Benevolence by Julie Janson - One of those books that caught my eye at the library (I’m a sucker for the “top picks” shelf) and I’m glad I picked up. The story of Muraging, given over in 1813 to the Parramatta Native School, but always trying to find a way back to her family and culture in the brutal early days of colonisation - resilient in the face of so much hardship. Janson is a Burruberongal woman of the Durag Aboriginal Nation, and Muraging is based on her great-great grandmother and Durag oral histories. An engrossing but often difficult read, about a period of history not often told from this perspective.

One Day by David Nicholls - A book that has been sitting on my bookshelf for so long I don’t even remember buying it. I vaguely recall seeing the movie adaptation on a plane once so must have enjoyed it, but can’t say I would recommend this book. Depicting St Swithin’s Day every year in the lives of two absolute character cliches, from one night stand, to friendship, romance and marriage. The concept is neat and the writing has wit, but I just couldn’t bring myself to care about Dex (insufferable twat) and Emma (not like other girls) or their love story. Okay, it’s not that bad. It kind of grew on me by the end.

Watching

Superman and Lois (episodes 1-5) - I’ve had reservations about this show because of this but am giving it a shot. I have not followed the Arrowverse/Crisis but a friend did her best to explain it to me, although honestly I found it this show works just as well as a standalone. The premise is simple - Lois and Clark return to Smallville with their twin sons for teen superhero angst part two. To be honest, it feels so much like a Smallville revival that...I kind of wish it was?  

Tyler Hoechlin makes a good Clark, but that padded Superman suit is an embarrassment - get rid of those fake muscles and show us some super collarbones! Elizabeth Tulloch is growing on me as Lois - she’s very...subdued, but imo lacking that spark Kidder, Hatcher, and Durance had. Honestly, subdued it how I would describe the show overall. Also the colour palette is sooo drab because gritty realism I guess.

I enjoy the family drama aspect of it, although I wish one of the kids was a girl. I mean, I understand why they’re twin boys - the son becomes the father and the father the son and all that - complete with both sons being named after both of Clark’s fathers (is there a name for the trope of the hero’s kids being named after his dead family/mentors as if the mother had no input??). The Captain Luthor/Morgan Edge plots are still in the setup stage so hard to comment on them. 

I sound harsh, I don’t dislike the show overall (and there’s some really good elements there). We’ll see, I guess.

Man of Steel/Batman v Superman/Zack Snyder’s Justice League - I’ve never really been a huge fan of the Snyderverse, and have been trying my best to avoid the Discourse about the Snyder cut over the past few years (from both sides). I have however been following what Ray Fisher has had to say, and can’t deny my interest was piqued by the idea that there was an entirely different film out there that did right by its characters. So I went back and revisited MoS/BvS before embarking on JL to give the franchise another shot.

While I still don’t really vibe with Snyder’s aesthetic (it’s just a bit bleak and muddy for me) I think these films are actually better when viewed together as one long story. I can appreciate that he made an effort to step away from the Donner nostalgia, and tell this epic modern myth of gods among men, and can enjoy it for what it is. The Snyder cut was entertaining enough, and I quite enjoyed aspects of it - Cyborg is indeed the heart of the film (but I honestly wish it had been explored in his own movie), and Wonder Woman, Aquaman, and the Flash break up the dreary tone.

It was nice to see the Amazons again (and I loved “Amazon’s, show your fear”/“we have no fear”). I like this take on Clark and Lois, even if most of the relationship happens offscreen, and there’s certainly more in the Snyder cut - even if I wish there was greater depth to Clark’s arc in particular, less of the god and more of the man.

I did however notice a pattern in these films in that I was interested/compelled by the first world building/character half, and having my eyes glaze over in the endless action cgi-fest of the second half (I have this issue with Marvel too). And the Snyder cut is indeed endless - it rivals Return of the King for number of endings but is much less cohesive, like Snyder was throwing everything at the wall since this might be his last chance. There’s a nice montage at the end with a bit of hope, and I was thinking well this is a nice uplifting note to end on, thank you! But nope, twenty more minutes of grimdark prophecising (in isolation, an interesting scene, but felt so out of place to show the team torn apart again immediately after we’ve just seen them come back together).

I also lol’d at David Thewlis getting a front credit for what amounted to his cgi face behind a massive helmet. Collect that paycheck, my man!

Coming 2 America - I watched the original as a teenager more times than I can count, truly iconic. Look, I dislike the sequel/reboot/remake merry go round when it dominates the scene, but to be honest I am a sucker for a sequel that’s lovingly made and really just an excuse to get the band back together and have fun. Worth it for the costumes and dance sequences alone (especially the En Vogue/Salt n Pepper/Gladys Knight mashup), but I really enjoyed this overall. There’s nothing groundbreaking and it doesn’t try to be. Was it necessary? No. But did I enjoy it? Absolutely.

Actually, scratch that. The costumes and hair are absolutely necessary.

The Prom (dir. Ryan Murphy) - Now I love a movie musical and this was...fine. It’s sweet and I enjoyed Meryl Streep doing her best Patti Lupone, and Nicole Kidman clearly having fun (even if she can’t Fosse to save her life) although I can’t say I found any of the songs memorable. James Corden, however, is pure cringe for reasons outlined here. But overall it’s light and fluffy, and not a terrible way to spend two hours of your life.

Superstore (seasons 1-6) - I’ve been binging on this for a while, and it’s a fun little show about the employees of a big box store - it’s nice to see America Ferrera back on screen (with producer credit). A great, diverse cast, but MVPs for me are Lauren Ash as Dina (you may recognise her voice as Scorpia from She-Ra), and Kaliko Kauahi as Sandra. While it did touch on some real-world issues - corporation malfeasance, unionisation, etc - ultimately it’s lighthearted and pleasant, especially the series finale that just goes full happy ending with a nice break from grim reality.

Allen v Farrow (dir. Kirby Dick and Amy Ziering) - I’ve never watched a Woody Allen film, and the clips I’ve seen of Woody Allen films haven’t changed my mind on this point. But what struck me seeing the clips of Manhattan in this documentary is just how young Muriel Hemingway was - this is not the Hollywood standard 22 year old playing 17 (which is problematic in other ways) but an actual teenager with a baby face and childlike voice, in bed with a 40+ year old man and I am baffled that this film is so highly regarded - if nothing else it’s right up there on the screen.

But of course there is so much else, which makes this documentary hard to watch at times. To those who have followed these events there’s not much new here, but it does an excellent job of compiling the sources together and giving a timeline of events, as well as refuting many of the pro-Allen arguments, and giving Dylan a chance to speak for herself. There’s also a companion podcast which is worth a listen for added perspective.

Writing

I actually finished something, finally! Posted Debrief, a Smallville one-shot (3920 words). 1670 words done on my other Smallville wip.

Posted chapter 41 of Turn Your Face to the Sun (1865 words). Now that the Obi-Wan show is actually happening, I need to get this finished before it all becomes moot.

Total: 7455 words this month, making 23,962 for the year.

[akvtsuki-ari]

A Study In Body Language| iii. angel wings

Warnings: talks of trauma, drug use and addiciton, broken childhood, general talk of loss and sadness, general sad tw 

Length: 4.5k 

Authors Note: this fic is really my pride and joy. this chapter is heavy and honest and i hope you all like it. thanks for sticking with me as always and i hope everyone ejoys. much love <33

Plot Summary: You’ve been taking care of Spencer and living with him on and off for a few months, and tonight was supposed to be any other night but it wasn’t. You and Spencer speak honestly for the first time, and Spencer thinks he sees wings on your back. No more walls, no more secrets. 

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 

You were getting a little too accustomed to the company of Spencer Reid. After that first night, you’d stop by every day and depending on the situation, some nights - no, many nights, you’d sleepover. The morning sun would shed your worries away as you hear Spencer asleep in the other room. You slept less than Spencer at this point, but he was constantly exhausted, so who could blame him. The mental toll of addiction was blooming, and more often than not you worried about his relapse. Some days were better than others, but the night was always difficult. Full of darkness, and silence, and overthinking. 

It had been two months, on and off of living in Spencer's apartment for temporary amounts of time. Everywhere he went there were traces of you, the smell of your shampoo and soap, or your laundry folded up neatly, or grocery lists you wrote in cutesy stationery. Your house was in a similar condition - with traces of Spencer's existence there though he’d never actually set foot in your apartment. His clothes, mostly. Old books he gave you to read, as a small and unspoken repayment. Little reminders of the other person just seemed to pop up everywhere and neither of you really spoke about it. Not if you didn’t have too. 

It was two months like that before tonight happened - what would have normally been another normal night. You made dinner or ordered takeout if you were too tired. The two of you would make small talk, small bits and pieces of intimacy in many ways unknowing, falling onto the floor in front of you, for the other person to pick up. Then the sun would rise, and you’d take care of your personal life while Spencer tried slowly but surely to reintegrate. This was normal for both of you. 

Two months of living on and off with another person accustom you a lot to their inconsistencies. Sometimes it was glaringly obvious when something was wrong, like now. When the knock on Spencer's door lingers for a few seconds too long and you can feel the tidal waves crash and go to shit. When your heart pounds in fear as you use the key to unlock the door and see a needle missing on the desk and know. It was the small pains, the growing pains that hurt the most when you and another person share the same quiet space. 

It hurt most to see Spencer so exhausted. It was killing him and he was letting it, but he was trying. Something happened, surely it did but what? He was getting better even if it was slow but something made him look to the needle before he looked to you and maybe that was the hardest part. That all the walls both of you forcibly kept up may be a reason he got here in the first place. You didn’t have time for heartache, because for now you just didn’t know. You didn’t know of the circumstances, or evidence, or even if he didn’t overdose and those things are the darkest. 

When you see Spencer Reid, staring into the ceiling high out of his mind, you don’t really know how to feel other than sad. You’re not crying, you’re not in pain, you’re just sad. You wish you were angry because anger is such a simple and uncomplicated emotion but you could never be. It was just sad. For a lot of reasons, but just that at the end of the day. 

You sat next to Spencer, placing your bags on the floor. You leaned on the coffee table, taking his temperature. He looked over at you, wincing but smiling. You can’t blame him for chasing his happiness, you suppose. Your hand rests on his forehead for a few seconds as you watch him in silence. He just looks up at the ceiling, eyes flitting with nothingness as he lays there, unmoving.

��What happened, Spencer?,” your voice isn’t solemn. He appreciates that you’re genuinely just asking him a question. His eyes fall onto your expression, and he looks carefully at all your features. A feeling of adoration stir in his chest, his hands reaching out to touch your face and you let him. He figures its the high talking, so he doesn’t say anything. He just looks at you - and touches you, afraid that if he doesn’t you’d disappear and he wasn’t ready for that yet. His fingers shake when he moves them. But they still as soon as he touches your skin. 

“JJ called, and asked me how I was,” he laughs. It’s not a genuine laugh, because you’ve heard Spencers genuine laugh and it sounds different. Less throaty, and more like an uproar. 

“I hate lying to them, hah. I do it all the time, but every time it comes with this regret. This time the lie is so bad, I might never tell them,” he muses. You hold his wrist and pull off from it. He looks at you curiously but you lock fingers with him instead and that seems to ease him. 

You just look at him for a few seconds. You don’t have much to say that he doesn’t already know because well, that's just the thing. The two of you still don’t know much at all. You wish it were as simple or well-thought-out as destiny but it wasn’t. It was careful considerations to make sure that things never got too close. That ultimately, both of you could leave this situation behind someday with nothing more than solidarity. Neither of you tried, to tear down any walls or breakthrough any barriers. You sat stagnant, on opposite sides of the same concrete wall and just spoke, or knocked, or otherwise. Each of you just trying to make sure the other survived the darkness. You can’t help but feel it was your fault, that maybe if you were JJ for him, he wouldn’t feel so compelled to break but the notion is flawed. 

It sounds complicated because it is. It takes a level of stubbornness from every party to spend two months with someone and scrape by without at least being friends. You were close, but not friends. If there was a word for that, then this was it.  

“Don’t leave tonight, please,” his voice is dry when he says it. It sounds like he can’t bear too but he does anyway and the request is a surprise. You just nod, staring at him. Trying to figure out how to just exist in something so complicated. 

“Tell me, something, Y/N,” he poses the questions, turning his whole body to face you. You read his expression and he laughs at your confusion. 

“Nothing, in particular, we don’t really do very good at honest conversations, do we?,” he smiles when he says it. You can’t help but smile back, recognition of his words to be true. You just look to him, his body language is so relaxed and quiet. It’s a little unnerving how much you don’t recognize him but whose fault was that? It’s hard to say his or yours. No sway in either direction.

You don’t really know why or how it happens. You don’t know if it’s the way he looks at you so warmly, or the way his hands hold yours so tight like your the last thing he has to hold onto. It was like the two of you had forgotten the whole world, genuinely forgotten it and this was all that was left. Both of you just holding onto the other person, the person who’d walk with you through the darkness without intention and now you were both here. It wasn’t time because it never would be. It would never be the right time to stop being so stubborn, but sometimes the universe aligns in a way where it makes the most sense to not be. None of it ever made any sense but how could it?

“I’m sick of playing this game, Y/N, and you are too. It’s stupid, and it doesn’t have to mean anything but we keep letting it. It keeps meaning something and that’s why you’re still here. So what does this mean to you?,” Spencer's question isn’t aggressive, or unwarranted. He’s right, thats the part that's most difficult. 

He was right. Two months of being together, living together, talking together and still the both of you were here. At some point, the moral obligation stopped, at some point, the emotions didn’t make sense - at some point, there was no need for either party to keep going. But you did, and neither of you knew when the end was. At some point, this was something more than a moral obligation. It had personal stakes, rooted in fear, love, and acceptance. Stakes from personal places that neither of you ever talked of. Always just managed to avoid it. 

“I asked you two months ago, so know I’m asking again. Why’re you here?,” Spencer asks, looking at your expression. You look to him for reassurance and he gives it to you before you settle and go to tell him why - or really who. 

“His name was Michael. He was a brother to me, and when I was little - he always got me out of trouble. He showed me what it meant to live, and to be alive. He taught me how to fight, he taught me how to love, and he showed me how to be kind. Every lesson I learned, he taught me. When the addiction finally caught up with him, he gave me a note. Told me thank you for everything, and that he was sorry. Sorry he couldn’t fight away the demons anymore and told me to remember to be kind. That, that would change the world someday. That’s the short version anyway,” you spoke solemnly. You weren't sure when you started crying, but Spencer started wiping tears off your face. 

It was the first time anyone on the team had ever heard of the story. They knew things about you, of course they did but you always kept that part of you. It made you, all of you but you didn’t want so many people to know all of you. Just not yet anyways. It was such a dark part of you, and maybe part of you believes that if you keep it away - they wouldn’t have to carry the burden of sympathy with them. You didn’t want sympathy; you didn’t want anyone to know just how fucked up your life used to be because it took you so long to grow from that. You’re afraid of unpacking something that you spent so many years compartmentalizing. 

“Shit, sorry,” you say softly. Spencer just looks at you. 

“I didn’t really have much family, my mom passed away when I was young and my dad isn’t really around - he took me in, but he’s a piece of shit. It was the neighborhood that raised me, I made trouble but who didn’t? I have plenty of people back home who are family but there’s no blood relation,” You explain. Spencer nods, a little tired.  

“I was pretty isolated as a kid, so I kinda get it,” he explains. You give him a smile. 

“It’s different, and I know how hard it was for you. You shouldn’t diminish that,” you explain warmly. Spencer cries this time, which is certainly unexpected. You wipe his tears. 

“Michael took me under his wing when he was volunteering at the community center. He said I reminded him of someone, never told me who. Every time I go home that center is the first place I go,” you say softly, recalling home fondly. Spencer listens to you intently. 

“It housed a lot of addicts and homeless folks. So now, I just know when something is wrong. I know what to do, and what to look for. Every person has a different reason and story, so sometimes there's no time to do everything you can. Sometimes a hot meal and a shower, and that one night of comfort is the most you can do for someone. Because ultimately, you can’t force them to recover. You can only give them the tools to try,” you explain, recalling your life back home. A part of yourself that only Hotch really knew, because it was always so hard to talk about. 

“I’ve seen it all, you know? The whole world is sick so what do you do? For me, I just try my best to do what I can. The BAU, and life back home, all of it. I just try my best because it’s all I can do,”  your voice is gentle when you say the last part. Spencer's throat is closing up as he stops himself from crying. He sees what everyone else must’ve seen before. It’s hard to not be moved by you. 

“What do you do when it’s not enough?,” he asks quietly. You’re startled by the question but you pet his hair for a second. 

“Your best is always enough. It’s foolproof because there isn’t anything you can do after your best. So when it feels like my best isn’t enough, I try to remember that there wasn’t anything more to do. It’s hard but it’s how you stay afloat. When it becomes personal, it’ll gnaw on your soul till there's nothing left, so I try so hard to make sure it doesn’t get that way,”  you explain soothingly. The last part sticks on Spencer's conscious mind but he doesn’t say anything about it. 

“You know, we never talked about the first night you were,” Spencer croaks. You look at him for a second, pausing and taking in his words. You didn’t, and it never occurred to you that maybe you should. 

“Would you like to?,”

Spencer just smiles. You take that as a yes. 

“You’re different when you’re like that, and like this,” you’re the first to talk about it. Spencer just looks at you knowingly. 

You put on Harry Potter and waited for Spencer to come out of the shower. Everything was going surprisingly well and when Spencer popped his head out of the bathroom to ask for a towel - you had earned yourself a little faith that maybe this would turn out okay. 

It was short-lived, really. Spencer comes, and sits, and eats. But he isn’t hungry, and he slept for a while but he doesn’t think he will ever again and his breathing becomes unhinged. The folly into what should’ve felt inevitable. It was the first time you’d ever seen Spencer in such a state, unready and willing but destined to fall apart. 

You got him to eat, and to sleep - but the night was going to fall any time soon and he was losing his mind. Moving constantly, walking and pacing, and sighing. He couldn’t hold himself any longer, couldn’t fathom the idea of being alive. Of course, it hurts too. It hurts when you don’t take it and it hurts when you do, so for a while, you and Spencer are just stuck. You’re watching him fold into himself and you’re just a little unsure. 

Spencer sits to read and his hands are shaking. Harry Potter long forgotten, the lasagna foiled wrapped, and the city dark. The world had stopped it felt like but Spencer couldn’t stop shaking. His finger trembles every time he turned the page and an exasperated sigh fell from his lips. He just wanted to focus on anything but the feeling that made his skin feel so hot and prickly. 

You sit next to Spencer and silently take the book from his hands. You hold his hands together and put the book away and you walk to lock his doors and turn of his lights. He looks at you curiously as you pack things away and tidy up. You grab a pillow and some blankets and sit on the couch next to him before you lay down, pulling his shoulder down towards you. He’s little spoon, eyes terribly confused and face flustered. You just braid his hair and lay with him for a while. Eventually, it’s so quiet, he stops shaking. He’s too confused to be upset so he relaxes instead. You’re silent the whole time and he falls asleep in your arms, unsure but happy to be anywhere but in his own head

“Why did you do that?,” Spencer asks first. You look to his eyes as he asks for your recognition and answers. 

“The easy answer was that you needed it. We’re human, we all need to be held sometimes,” you explain. 

“What's the hard answer?.” Spencer always managed to notice those things. The small things that most people wouldn’t catch. 

“That I wanted too,” you look over to him as you answer his question and he gives you a small smile. He nods a bit - eyes hazy and just nods. Spencer looks distantly for a while, comfortable silence falling into the air as the both of you sit and think. 

“I stopped having nightmares after that night,” Spencer confesses. You must look very surprised, Spencers chuckle soothing to your ears as he glances at your face. 

“You were having nightmares?,” you query carefully. He gestures a yes as he stares up at the ceiling, hands, moving to lay on his back, finding your hands as he looks up. You accept it and Spencer gives it a squeeze. 

“They stopped after, and I haven’t had one since you started living here part time,” Spencer admits to you in good faith. You laugh at the part-time comment and Spencer does too. 

Silence again. The longest pause between the two of you as you look at everything in the room but each other. Spencer's expressions fall between being completely relaxed to tense, mind running a million miles at an hour though physically he was relaxed. The drugs never fixed anything, it becomes clearer as he comes down from a high but he feels better. He guesses your the reason and he can’t help but smile to himself. How ridiculous. 

You were in an odd place now it seemed. It was dark outside, though, not your average darkness. It wasn’t the kind that was eldritch - full of shadowy beings and abyss. It was the kind that just seemed to be. It was comforting in it’s own right but maybe that’s just because you were sharing that darkness with someone, someone who you didn’t hate. Someone who understood you, in all the complicated and broken pieces that you came with. Someone who wasn’t trying to fix you, but reframe you in his own mind so that things made sense. Spencer just wanted to make sense of you. 

“This is so complicated, you know that?,” You announce. Spencer hums in agreement. 

“We’re complicated people,” 

“What else do you wanna talk about?,” you ask Spencer, figuring that there was only one way this could really go. The night was the only place confessions could be heard, and you figure tonights the night. It’s really like you read Spencer's mind because he wants to ask you so many questions. Maybe it's a little by default that you know so much about him but he didn’t know anything about you it seemed. You were shrouded in too much mystery and maybe that’s what made him so suspicious of you back then - like he couldn’t accept your outright kindness because he always figured you had some bigger play. It was gut-wrenching to learn you were simply kind. Unabashedly kind, and you had your own reasons but most of them were simply because you were you. He was starting to see light in you, and every time he uncovered a piece there's more of that blinding light - falling onto his face and filling it with warmth. The kinda that pricks his skin after being surrounded by the cold for so long. Maybe it was selfish to find it like this, unfair to uncover you after all this time. He couldn’t help himself, the warmth was a feeling too addicting to stop searching for. 

He feels this pang of guilt, but he knows he needs to say it before he asks anymore question. 

“I’m sorry,”

You don’t need to ask. You know what he’s apologizing for because in the last few months you’ve learned a lot about how Spencer thinks and what he does. It’s everything that the two of you shared that he’s saying sorry for. You don’t need him to apologize but you accept it. 

“Me too,” 

Silence is the loudest voice in the room. 

“Why’d Hotch let you off work?,” the question is sudden but doesn’t feel that way.

“My dad is sick and I don’t know how I feel about it. I’ve been calling home and the neighbors a lot to make sure he’s okay cause I’m not all that sure I wanna see him. I don’t feel anything for him, but it’s sad to see him crumble,” 

“Fuck, I’m sorry,” Spencers voice shakes. That’s troubling but here you still were, watching over him almost needlessly. He knows it was your choice to do it but the way he’s been acting towards you just seemed so unwarranted now. It was okay, really it was but he couldn’t help the guilt that ate at him. You just shake your head, stopping him in his train of thought. 

“It’s okay, Spencer. Really it is, shit happens,” you seem tired, likely because you are. It’s 4am and though you don’t have anywhere to be the conversation of such an emotional scale was getting to you. It was exahusting but you tried your best to keep up with the sleep that was threatening to swallow you. 

More quietness. This time it feels affectionate. Spencer turns his body to face you, his eyes hanging over the way your lids flutter shut with sleep. He’d yell at you to go to bed normally, sometimes he’d catch you awake when you’d sleepover and do just that. But he knew that the conversation wasn’t over - the elephant in the room was still hanging over the both of you and it was just a matter of who would decide to answer the question because the two of you just can’t keep moving like this.

 At some point, you would have to both fall away from this reality that you share. Neither of you wanted to, it was unspoken but, this was nice. It was comfortable, though difficult and at times clinical. It was an escape from everything because every night the both of you ended up next to each other speaking in whispers and watching tv together. Nothing but that. Nothing more or less. You wished it could go on forever, and you hoped he did too but it couldn’t. Two months just wasn’t enough time to escape. But time was up, and if this didn’t prove that then what would? It wasn’t Spencer's relapse as much as it was why he relapsed in the first place. JJ was a reminder, and even though he’d gotten calls before, it broke him this time. It was one time too many, and it meant that time for this had run out. Before this break was gone forever, you two were just trying to find some closure.

You straighten your back out, as look at Spencer. He looks at you, as the two of you make comfortable eye contact. It’s not unnatural, or weird, or tense. You give him a genuine smile and he returns it. Nothing is left to hide so for a second the two of you just enjoy each other's company.  For maybe the first time, it’s not so secretive. It just is. 

“What do we do?,” Spencer chuckles. You shrug, sitting up straight. 

“Well, you should go to rehab, and I should probably go back home,” You say sleepily. Spencer doesn’t disagree with you but it’s difficult for him to admit it. 

“It helps if we’re both brave. So, after this, we can hold each other accountable, and be friends” You clarify. Spencer smiles brightly, his high finally having left him. He’s exhausted now, but he sits up. You stand up too, going to the kitchen. Spencer's eyes follow you as he looks at you curiously. 

“I’m gonna make some coffee, we can sleep in the morning but we should probably start looking at centers. And I need to book a flight back home,” You state. Spencer relaxes and fights the urge he has to hold you. Look into your eyes and say thank you for everything. He figures he has all the time in the world for that now and hopes recovering will be the best thank you of all. He hopes it will be enough. 

He hopes he’s enough for you. 

___

The sun was blinding, even past the curtains it was warm and inviting. The shadow of your laptop danced along Spencers coffee table - as two mugs sat next to it for company. It was a little cliche, the way the birds chirped and the sound of the city just seemed to be so still in the morning. Well, not morning - 3pm. You and Spencer didn’t sleep all night, so really you went to bed around when it was morning.

Spencer's chest rose and fell, as your sleeping figure was draped on top of him. It’s unclear how the two of you fell asleep like that, but at least this time it felt final. He was warm, and the way his hands rested on your back made you sleep easier. The weight of you on top of him made him relax - as if he knew he could always keep you safe from now on. Who knows if you’d ever talk about it, because when you wake up this will all be over. But the memories will always be there - and if you don’t talk about it, you’ll always have an excuse to come by, even if you didn’t need it anymore. 

You booked Spencer sometime in a rehab facility and scheduled an appointment with a therapist for him. It took all night because Spencer was rather picky about scheduling, but you didn’t mind. You booked a flight back home, and Spencer offered to go with you. You declined but you said maybe when you visit home for a happy reason he can come.

Now you’d both have reasons, just in case those stubborn feelings returned. 

The universe knew better, always did. It was too late for needing reasons by now, but it’d be a long time before either of you figured that out. That maybe friendly affections weren’t so friendly, and that at the end of the day both of you ignored the simple things. 

After all, this is a case study in body language. How it changes and grows when your heart opens to someone. 

It’s said when you’re in love with someone, their eyes dilate because of chemicals in the brain. 

Spencer's eyes were always blown out when he wakes up, but you figure he must be tired. 

Right? 

_____

taglist: @cynbx @zephyr-studiesjp @skrrrrrrrrrrt​ @louistwinslover​ @pastanest​ @nomajdetective​ @iamburdened​ @secretlyablueunicorn​

[kindafooey]

Blood Chains - Chapter 29

Prologue

Arc I: Chapter 1 // Chapter 2 // Chapter 3 // Chapter 4 //Chapter 5 // Chapter 6 // Chapter 7 // Chapter 8 // Chapter 9 // Chapter 10 // Chapter 11

Arc II: Chapter 12 // Chapter 13 // Chapter 14 // Chapter 15 // Chapter 16 // Chapter 17 // Chapter 18 // Chapter 19 // Chapter 20 // Chapter 21

Arc III: Chapter 22 // Chapter 23 // Chapter 24 // Chapter 25 // Chapter 26 // Chapter 27 // Chapter 28 // Chapter 29

Epilogue

Entry No. 0

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Late fall, year 2042

“Bill… You’re being absurd.”

“Sure I am, what’s your point?”

“You cannot possibly expect me to envision a place I’ve never seen.”

“Ever heard of imagination? The sky tram between humanity and infinity, or better yet, the human existence itself?”

“Yes, but… at the very least, I need guidelines. You must give me some kind of a framework to work with. A compass, if you may.”

Bill spread his arms in a show of frustration. “A compass? Come on, Brainiac, you know a compass won’t cut it! What year are we living in? Did we just revert back to thinking inside the box again? Whatever happened to testing the limits of theoretical reality and breaking the boundaries of common sense? How’d you even survive out there for three whole decades? What’s the point of going Multiversal if you’re just gonna play by the boring old rules of a single universe?”

“All right, all right”, Ford smiled. “I will try. Anywhere I want to go, was it? But with no purpose, and no particular direction to take… In short, what you want me to do is to choose an ideal destination, then… reconstruct it from the very fundamentals, and… reach beyond.”

Until recently, ever since Ford’s laryngeal cancer had reached its terminal stage and deemed him earthbound for his remaining days, Bill had agreed to replace their intergalactic travels with imaginary tours mimicking their past destinations with surprisingly little begrudging. After the man’s first heart attack, however, his companion had grown restless and moody, and somewhat impatient; without a warning, he would disappear for days at a time, and return just as abruptly demanding Ford’s undivided attention for hours on end with a bizarre roleplaying campaign like the one he was conducting now.

Well, he couldn’t deny that this dilemma Bill was so persistently making him rack his brain over was quite the fascinating one.

“Simply put”, he summed up his chain of deduction that was supposed to surpass deduction itself, “picturing the destination is only the beginning of the journey, and ultimately irrelevant. What’s truly of essence here is the momentum of imagination that follows.”

“That’s it, Fordsy”, Bill spurred him on, “that’s what I’m talking about. See, your last round out there was different. Your favorite hooded Nanny had given you a friendly push down the road of getting one back at good old Bill, and that silly little vengeance of yours was the compass guiding you from one dimension to another! In the Multiverse, everything’s just a stone’s throw away, so it’s not a matter of distance. Getting the ball rolling with no gravity to speak of, now that’s the hard part! Unless you’ve been shoved on a specific hill to tumble down – again, thanks to Seven-Eyes – your only way around is to be a stone that throws itself! You can go anywhere you wanna go, as long as you’ve got the momentum of free will on your side! That’s how you really get places in the infinite!”

Ford frowned, trying to keep his focus on the meandering explanation. Lately, there had been times when he hadn’t been able to follow Bill’s course of thought, and he didn’t quite understand his sudden fixation on these abstract thought experiments to begin with, when their time – Ford’s time – was inevitably growing shorter by the day. He wanted to let it slide and just be content with Bill spending time with him for a change; but now, he felt compelled to ask. “Bill… What is the purpose of this?”

Bill glared at him with his arms crossed. “Have you been listening to anything I’ve said in the past few weeks? Or did cancer get your braincells, too? The purpose is to not have a purpose! Ditch the depth and think in the fourth dimension. Hell, why not fifth while you’re at it? You’ve got the wit for it, you know that as well as I do. You just gotta follow through is all.”

Ford let out a quiet sigh. The answer he’d gotten was just about as relevant to the question as he could’ve expected, but perhaps it had clarified something else after all. He cleared his throat softly, feeling a bit of an irritating tickle somewhere in the back of his throat. “All right. I think I’m getting the hang of it. For instance, if we were to use ‘Dimension X’ as our primary destination, and assume the existence of a parallel timeline ‘YX’ where two differentials A(X) and B(YX) apply…”

He began to form an equation, one that was based on his study of the wormholes he’d used in his fugitive years to travel from one dimension to another; as Bill had stated, the laws of Multiversal physics were more akin to math with a metaphysical twist where the traveler’s will functioned as a parameter of its own. Reducing it all into an abstract equation was grueling work for his brain, but judging from the approving look Bill granted him, he was certainly on the right track.

“That’s it, there’s the IQ I came here for! Now for the best part – this is where the real theoretical fun begins.” Bill reached to place something on Ford’s palm. It was a twenty-sided die, one they’d purchased from an interplanetary tabletop fair nearly fourteen years ago. With countless microscopic specks of extraterrestrial minerals gleaming inside, it resembled a pocket-sized galaxy of its own; it was one of his favorites. “Time to roll for initiative, old friend.”

“As you wish”, Ford smiled. Suppressing an unpleasantly dry cough that was fighting its way through his airways, he rolled the die on the nightstand. It landed on a two. “Ah… That’s too bad.”

Bill squinted in an unhappy manner for a second before shrugging nonchalantly. “Eh, just give it another shot. Who’s counting? And put your mind to it this time, IQ, I can tell you’re spacing out.”

“I’ll do my best.” Ford tried again; this time, he rolled a one. “Huh. This isn’t my day, it seems.”

“Try again”, Bill ordered him, now clearly irked.

Still forcing down the persistent cough, the man did as he was told, and got yet another low score.

Bill snatched the die from the table and glared at it. “This thing rigged or something? One more time, Fordsy.”

But now, Ford could no longer hold back the violent coughing fit that forced out the air in his lungs. The die slipped out of his grip and rolled onto the floor as the man rasped for breath, struggling to stop the coughing that he knew would render him incapable of speaking for the rest of the night, and probably tomorrow as well, if it got out of hand.

Bill rolled his eye and heaved a fed up sigh that was verging on melodramatic. “Oh boy… Here we go again.”

He floated up, threw a resigned look at the die on the floor – once again, it had landed on a one – and went to fill the empty glass of water on Ford’s nightstand from the jug nearby.

“Drink up, buddy. You know the drill.” He brought the glass to Ford and held it to his lips.

His expression was dull as he watched the man swallow one cautious sip of water, then another, drawing deep inhales through his nose until the coughing gradually calmed down.

“I hate this”, Ford could hear the demon muttering under his breath. “I hate this.”

He made an attempt of a slant smile as Bill put the glass down. The sound of his breathing was still ragged from the fit. “I don’t… take much pleasure in this, either”, he managed to say after a while, his voice hoarse and barely audible.

“No kidding.” Bill shot another glance in the direction of the fallen die. “So, now that that’s out of your system, let’s get back to rolling, shall we? Fifth time just might be the charm, or the hundredth, won’t know ‘til you try, amiright?”

“Ah, yes. Well…”

Ford leant into the pillows stacked up behind his back and fell quiet, focusing on settling his breath. Bill waited for him to continue for as long as his patience allowed, which wasn’t particularly long. “Well, what?” he barked eventually.

“To tell you the truth…” the man started, weighing his words. “Do you remember our second year after your resurrection? The winter following the superanomaly crisis, to be precise.”

“Sure, what about it?”

“By the end of the winter, you were exhausted by our revisal of the unified theory of weirdness, were you not? You said, what was it again… That you needed a vacation –“

“– from giving a damn, yeah. Well, when you’re locked up in a relatively comfy cage, might as well use the opportunity to take it easy for a change is all it meant.”

Ford nodded. “You must know, then, how tiring it can be to keep your intellect fast at work at all times. Even more so when you’re unable to access your usual resources… or when you’re ridden with an illness that wears away your physical strength.”

“You gotta be kidding me, Sixer.” Bill gave him an incredulous stare. “Is that your excuse? You’re too tired to roll one tiny piece of alien plastic? You wanna give up and drop dead just because you’re tired?”

Ford smiled, albeit a bit sadly. “You might call it the blessing of mortality. Perhaps I’ve come to the point in my life where I can allow myself to rest instead of constantly striving for greatness. We can continue our thought experiment at a later time… But for now…”

Ford expected his companion to argue that there might not be a later time for much longer, but to his surprise, Bill seemed to have no fight left in him; for a fleeting moment, Ford could’ve sworn he looked as worn out as the man felt himself.

“Fine”, he spat out. “Let’s not play, then. In fact, if you’re so tired, let’s not even talk. Let’s not do anything. Let’s just…”

He floated up and put his hands almost violently on Ford’s face. The kiss that followed felt somewhat unfamiliar as well, a mixture of anger and frustration that was poorly concealed under forced gentleness. It was like a battle cry shouted at an empty field, only expecting its own echo to answer.

Ford did try to answer, though. He tried. But not for long.

“I’m sorry, Bill.” He truly was sorry. “As much as I… It’s a little overwhelming right now. The pain, that is.” He pressed his fingers lightly against his throat.

“Yeah”, came a cross whisper. “Figures.”

Ford drew back a little in futile search for eye contact. “You understand, right?” he asked softly. “I want you to be the only thing I –“

“All right, all right, no need to make it sappy. Just listen to yourself. Sheesh.” Bill let out an odd huff, visibly distraught as he sat back down on the bed.

Ford reached to take Bill’s hand in his, but retreated when he received a bitter glance as a wordless sign to back off. “Instead, I would like to simply spend time with you, and… not do anything, as per your earlier suggestion”, he said quietly. “If that’s all right with you, of course.”

“You’re falling apart, old man”, Bill muttered as if he hadn’t even heard him. “Your mind, your meatcage…” He turned away to gaze out of the window. “There’s no point anymore, is there? It’s all pointless, isn’t it?”

“Bill”, Ford started, but was interrupted by a familiar knock on his door. With a deep breath, he raised his eyes from the demon.

“Come in, Dipper.”

Ford pushed away the echo of Bill’s words and smiled as he saw his great nephew step in. Even though Dipper was already a grown man well into his forties, something boyish had remained that never allowed Ford to stop likening him to the overenthusiastic young apprentice he’d once been.

“Hey, Grunkle Ford”, came the man’s greeting. “Brought your soup and medicine for the night… Oh, hey, Bill.” It was merely an acknowledgement of the demon’s presence. “Didn’t expect to see you here. I thought Mabel was supposed to be with Grunkle Ford today.”

“Oh, Star? Pulled a switcheroo right under your nose”, Bill said haughtily. “Then again, who knows? Maybe she’s here right now, turned herself into a piece of furniture or something. Or maybe she turned herself into me! Maybe I’m her! You can’t tell, can ya?”

“Oh, really? Well, if you’re her, you must know how many seahorse orphans she adopted after she visited an orphanage in Hippocampolis.”

The demon squinted. “I wanna say… one and a half?”

“Nice try. She adopted all of them. Put the place right out of business.” Dipper turned to his uncle. “How’s your throat?”

Ford coughed softly. “Well”, he said with a wry smile, “it won’t kill me, I know that much.”

Something about his words didn’t seem to sit right with Bill. He rose from the bed with a darkened expression.

“And that’s that, folks”, he announced in a dull tone. With the same air of apathy, he put on his hat and tucked his cane under his arm. “Yeah… That’s my cue.”

“Bill?” Ford blinked in confusion. “Are you leaving?”

Bill didn’t answer; as he floated swiftly past Dipper, he swatted a handful of medicine off the tray the man was carrying, making them patter on the floor like raindrops.

“Hey! What was that for?”

“He doesn’t need’em, Pine Tree”, Bill muttered moodily while heading for the door. “Won’t make a difference. Not anymore.”

“Bill… Wait.”

The triangle demon stopped still at Ford’s hoarse call, but didn’t turn around.

“Will I see you in the morning?”

It was as much a plea as it was a question; it had been nearly a week since Bill’s last visit, and it pained Ford to see him leave so abruptly. Who knew when… and whether he would still be…

At last, his gaze met Bill’s. It lasted for several seconds, but no words were exchanged. Ford knew that look – he’d seen it once before, twenty-four years ago, when Bill had first urged him to pursue immortality. Only now, it cast a dour shadow on his face.

There ’s no point anymore, is there?

And with that, he turned away and was gone; and Ford knew there was no point calling out after him. Not anymore.

Dipper, who was busy collecting the pills scattered across the floor back onto the tray, raised his eyes to throw a worried glance at his uncle. “Grunkle Ford, your voice is almost gone”, he pointed out with a frown. “Has Bill been forcibly chatting you up again? For how long –“

“This one’s on me, Dipper”, Ford interrupted him gently. “I’ve neglected my own need for hydration, that is all. He was only keeping me company.”

“Yeah, that’s just what I mean. He doesn’t bother doing anything else for you.” Dipper straightened up and counted the pills one more time for good measure. “Man. After all these years… I still can’t believe the nerve of that guy.” As he put the tray down on the nightstand, he almost stepped on the twenty-sided die on the floor. “What the – were you guys playing DD&D?”

Ford let out a short laugh. “Well, not quite, but… something like that.”

“Huh. That reminds me, have you heard? There’s a new edition coming up soon”, his grand nephew told him, his voice gaining a note of enthusiasm as he drew a chair by Ford’s bed. “They’re planning to release it just in time for the holiday season, but Pacifica’s got sources in the industry, so she might be able to grab one in advance. She promised to send us a copy as soon as there’s one available.”

“That is exciting news”, Ford smiled. He knew why Dipper was in a hurry to get one; despite all his readiness to face the inevitable, it saddened him to realize it might be too late for the two of them to play the new game together.

“In the meantime, would you care to continue on one of our older campaigns?” he then suggested, gesturing at the set of dice and neatly stacked character sheets on the desk. “It would be a nice change of pace after the more exhausting rendition Bill and I were playing. We have everything we need right here.”

Dipper hesitated. “Grunkle Ford, if you’re not feeling well –“

“I’m fine, Dipper. If my past experiences are anything to go by, it’s nothing this soup can’t heal.”

“Well, it is a Bertie Brew”, Dipper said with a slant smile. “She really takes after her aunt. Next thing we know, she’ll be ruling over, I dunno, the bird kingdom or something. Okay, if you’re sure…” He cracked his knuckles, flashing an excited grin that flooded Ford’s chest with nostalgia. “Let’s play. I’ll be the Dungeon Master and do most of the talking, so you can rest your voice for a bit. Tell me if you need a break, all right? Now, where were we…”

The strange shadow in Bill’s eye haunted Ford throughout his game with Dipper, and stretched into his dreams after he’d drifted off to sleep; but it wasn’t until his lonely awakening to an early dawn that he knew it for sure.

Bill wasn’t coming back.

As the man placed his hand on his chest and felt his heartbeat unusually low and irregular, he knew the reason as well.

“It’s time”, he whispered into the quiet of his room. “Isn’t it?”

The first time had occurred in the middle of a visit to Mabel’s court, and he’d immediately found himself surrounded and tended to by his whole extended family. Ford himself had been the most terrified out of them all… For some reason, it felt less frightening now that he was alone.

He was almost in awe of his own calmness. By all means, it should have been the other way round; last time, thanks to Bill, he’d at least known from the beginning that it wouldn’t be fatal. “Sure, it stings a little, but you’ll live, big guy! You’re not ninety-two yet, remember?” Well, he was ninety-two now… And this time, Bill wasn’t here to throw amused, seemingly indifferent jabs making light of his pain and fear of death.

Truthfully, being showered with those unfeeling jokes now would’ve been just as comforting as it had been back then.

He closed his eyes for a moment. He should’ve known, of course… There was no disillusionment in his realization of Bill’s absence. The demon had proven himself far more malleable than Ford could’ve ever anticipated, but loss – of power, freedom, or a friend – was the one mortal reality he’d never learnt to accept, let alone see eye to eye with.

There was no disillusionment, and no disappointment, either – there shouldn’t have been disappointment, but… Now that the long wait of this day was over, he found himself thinking fondly of a foolish daydream where Bill had stayed by his side until the end.

But no, this was to be expected. Last night, after twenty-four years of using every trick he’d had up his sleeve to goad Ford into resisting his natural death, Bill had finally admitted his defeat. And out of every sore loser Ford had met in his lifetime, the tantrum-happy triangle demon certainly had it the worst. What was there left for him to do but disappear?

And as for Ford himself…

He had no regrets. All through the years, he’d kept Jheselbraum’s prophecy close to his heart, always mindful of the terrifying power no human should possess surging within himself. The oracle herself had told him he’d already surpassed humanity simply by accepting the visions of knowledge Bill had shared with him. He couldn’t deny it; there had been times – passing moments – when he’d been overpowered with a sense of distance from his own kind. Then again, it wasn’t as though feelings of alienation had ever been unknown to him in the first place.

Oh, well… At the very least, his fated demise didn’t appear to be in a hurry. The more he thought about it, and the longer he lay there waiting, the more anxious he felt at the idea of being found dead in his room. Perhaps he still had time to change that. He thought of somewhere he’d rather be; the answer, when it came to him, felt almost obvious.

If… he could still make it there… that would be the perfect place.

It was time to leave.

The sickness had taken a heavy toll on his physique, so much that even moving around the house took a considerable effort. He had an aid for that, though, one that Bill had endlessly ridiculed him for despite occasionally sporting one himself. Once fully dressed, he took a firm grip on the walking cane that was waiting for him by his bed, and took a few unhurried steps towards the door.

This… would be it.

Somehow, the finality of leaving hadn’t fully dawned on him until he was already on his way out. The sudden realization of this being the last he’d see of his room, his home, flooded his chest with an ache so painful that he had to support himself on the doorframe, wondering for a fleeting moment of terror if it had already begun.

But it didn’t last for long; he’d premeditated this moment countless times in his mind ever since he’d learned of his time and cause of death from Bill. If this was his farewell to the Mystery Shack… the house was already perfect as it was, aged and rundown, patched up, renewed and full of life, and he didn’t want to change the slightest bit of it. The hollow emptiness he’d felt within its walls after Bill’s demise was no longer but a faded memory.

His home had kept on living even without Bill, without Stanley, and it would keep on living without him… as if it had a lifeforce of its own.

Slowly, arduously but without haste, he made his way downstairs. He didn’t want to wake up the family – these past decades shared had been a farewell enough, and by now, nothing was left unsaid. But someone was awake, waiting for him in her worn armchair that was now more stitches and patches than what little was left of the original fabric.

“Greetings, Abuelita”, he said with a note of pleasant surprise. For a few years now, the elder of the house had been prone to sleeping around the clock whenever she was residing in her physical vessel. It was quite a rare occasion to see her fully awake and manifested, especially at such an early hour.

Abuelita answered with her usual placid smile. With a subtle gesture, she invited Ford to approach until he was standing right next to the armchair; and when the man leant even closer, he suddenly found his face being cupped by two wrinkly hands.

He closed his eyes by instinct as he felt a soft, maternal kiss land on his forehead.

“Off you go now, mijo.”

For a few seconds, Ford allowed himself to lean into the inexplicable warmth of the hands that were long gone.

“I’ll see you later”, he said half-jokingly, wearing an awkward grin. Abuelita spared him the usual look of quiet judgment, and simply shook her head with a smile.

He headed to the back door to fetch his old trenchcoat, but then decided to exit through the gift shop instead. A walk through Trevor’s cryptic art gallery brought a smile on his face, reminding him how the next generation was steadily taking the Mystery Shack’s legacy into whole new directions while staying true to its characteristic weirdness. Recently, Trevor’s little sister had dipped into the business as well: the gift shop had taken to selling experimental potions that Bertie had been busy brewing as part of her apprenticeship under the invisible wizard’s guidance.

On his way out, he passed by the Founder’s statue, and stood still for a moment to take one last look at the face he’d dearly missed every day for almost seventeen years. He’d never held any personal beliefs regarding the afterlife. But if, he now thought, such faith would allow him to imagine a reunion…

He reached to give a gentle pat on the bronze arm. “Who knows”, he muttered. “Perhaps we’ll meet again soon.”

It was merely a comforting sentiment, a farewell to what would be the last image he’d ever see of his brother; but when he turned away from the statue, as if mimicking Abuelita, he shook his head with a nostalgic smile. As much as the thought warmed him, he couldn’t fool himself.

He stepped outside, and when the old, creaky door closed with a soft ‘clack’, he knew he’d left his home for the last time.

He leant heavily onto his cane as he walked across the yard with slow, weary steps. His hearing had remained impeccable until the end, and even though it was still too dark to see them, the tinkling sound of delicate spikes of frost covering the lawn reached his ears with ease as they were shattered on his path. It was an odd, friendly sound – like echoes of raucous, childlike laughter ringing all around the Mystery Shack. There had certainly been laughter, with the children racing around, the twins, and Bill… Ford had never thought he would laugh so much in his adult life, let alone his late years when his brother was no longer with him.

Despite everything, thinking back on these past decades filled him with memories of such intoxicating happiness… he could hardly believe they were his own.

Before crossing the edge of the forest, he raised his gaze to see the morning sky. The stars were already fading, but the one constellation his eyes always instinctively sought out was still there to be found.

His path through the woods felt longer than ever before, but he knew it by heart. As he reached the narrow brook, he halted his steps to search for a small bottle in his pocket; inside the bottle was a letter he’d written some time after his first heart attack. It was his farewell message for his entire family, but the letter itself was addressed to his grand niece, who would surely know how to act as a messenger and fill in the gaps where Ford had found no words.

He knelt down by the brook and sent the bottle off into its lazy stream, knowing it would eventually find its way to Mabel and her underwater kingdom. Gravity Falls was… weird that way.

Standing up from his crouched position took more time and effort than he’d expected, and with every step he took forward, he was more and more aware of the clenching pain in his chest that made it difficult to breathe. Not a moment too soon, he thought. He would reach his destination just in time.

At last, he made his way through what had been just thick shrubbery over two decades ago, and was now a young grove preparing for its annual hibernation.

And there he was.

There were no longer any signs of past events and terrors that had once taken place in this clearing. It was almost like a shard of reality of its own, separate from the life that had wandered there in hopes for a peaceful end.

Ford gazed at the place where Bill’s petrified form had once been. This was proving to be the hardest part, as he’d known to expect… He’d allowed himself the faintest, most ludicrous bit of hope that Bill would be waiting for him here, but by now, he knew that they would not meet again.

Perhaps it was for the best. If Bill had been with him now, he… might not be able to let go, after all.

Finally giving in to the pain in his chest, he searched for support from the nearest tree and sat clumsily down on the ground, leaning his head against the cold trunk. It was almost comfortable, and the pain hadn’t grown excruciating just yet. He still had time to think… and try to find solace for what had been left unresolved.

His lingering regrets weren’t many. He’d made peace with an admirable number of his own downfalls, and once he’d learned to forgive himself, he’d found it rather easy to forgive those who had wronged him as well. The memory of Bill’s betrayal was no longer painful… but there was one thing, one of the demon’s past transgressions, that he’d never been able to accept or understand: even now, Ford found himself resenting the cruelty Bill had shown on the day of Stanley’s funeral.

Perhaps he would have to let some deeds go unforgiven.

He closed his eyes; he felt dizzy, his breaths were heavy, his body shivering, his forehead covered in cold sweat. It wouldn’t be long now… At the very least, it looked like the coughing fit that had interrupted Bill and his game of dice would be his last. Compared to that, this was a merciful way to go.

Now that it had come to this, he found comfort in being alone.

Clarity in distance.

He was free to envision any reality as if it was his own, and no one would tell him otherwise.

In his last moments, fooling himself came with ease. But what he imagined wasn’t the afterlife.

They had been together since birth… no, since the beginning of time. Inseparable, bound by something other than chains. He could see Bill through the eyes of his childhood, through the eyes of his countless other selves that might’ve come into existence somewhere in the distant Multiverse, and whether it was through hatred or similarity, yearning or distance, he was always somehow connected with Bill; because there was no Stanford Pines without Bill Cipher.

It wasn’t perfect, and it wasn’t painless… but in the end, it only lasted for the blink of an eye.

Somewhere in the woods, a captive of this realm watched his chains fall apart; and his laughter was crazed with grief.

Only minutes after receiving the letter, diving through the teleportal to Gravity Falls and flying into the forest as fast as her feet could carry, Mabel discovered her brother in the clearing, hugging the body of his great uncle and crying comfortlessly against the lifeless shoulder.

He refused to let go even as Mabel eventually regained enough composure to remember Ford’s instructions regarding the day of his passing. With her superhuman strength, she carried both men out of the woods in her arms; Ford’s body was picked up by the Valentinos as soon as they received the news, and cremated that same afternoon.

It was all done too quickly for anyone to fully comprehend what had happened, and when the ashes were brought back to the Mystery Shack in the evening, the family was clueless as to what to do with them. Speaking for everyone, Melody admitted it felt wrong to have them in the house when so little time had passed since his death. Everyone agreed – it was still far too easy to imagine Ford taking a nap upstairs or even working at his desk as usual, as if nothing had changed.

“I don’t know”, Mabel said quietly, holding the wooden box to her chest. “He never seemed like an urn-dwelling kinda guy to me. Maybe we should just… let them both go.”

Ford had never spoken of how he’d wanted his funeral arranged, but Soos proposed an idea that the whole family agreed would be the perfect way to honor his departure.

At sundown, they gathered on the shore of a small river flowing from Lake Gravity Falls. Cradling both Ford and Stanley’s ashes in her arms, Melody asked if anyone would like to say a few words; but no one spoke. The wounds were too fresh.

Soos stepped forward and gently settled a miniature of the original Stan-o-War he’d crafted for this purpose in the quiet flow, holding it in place while Mabel and Dipper placed their grunkles’ ashes on its deck. Mr. Mystery cast his eyes down, hesitating; but as the rest of the family gathered around him, each placing a hand on the boat, he managed to smile.

He could’ve held on forever on his own, but together, it was a little easier to let go.

They stood by the water for a long time, watching over the twins’ last voyage, until it was time to head home. But as the family turned reluctantly away from the river, their eyes were met with a familiar figure moving towards the riverbank a small distance away.

“Hey, isn’t that Mr. Bill?”

“Bill!”

“Where have you been? Bill, it’s me! It’s us! …Bill?”

But aside from a fleeting, inexpressive side glance towards the family, Bill paid them no attention as he floated past them towards the river. When Mabel started rolling up her sleeves in preparation to stretch out her arms and drag him over by force, Dipper grabbed her by the shoulder and shook his head.

“He’ll join us if he wants to.”

But he never did.

Regardless, the humans stood still, watching him from a distance, unable to leave him behind. He was… family, after all.

Dipper glanced at his twin. “Hey, Mabel… did you notice anything different about him?”

“Oh…” Mabel fell quiet and thought back for a bit while drying her tears on her sleeve. “You mean his bowtie?”

“Yeah. It was the same as mine. The same as Soos and Trevor’s… and Bertie’s, too.” Dipper pointed at his bowtie that had an old-fashioned, somewhat unusual shape to it. “I’d recognize that weird knot anywhere… It was tied exactly the way Grunkle Stan taught me back when we were kids. The way his dad had once taught him.”

Turning their eyes back to the river, they saw that the demon had taken off his hat, holding it to his front as he watched the now distant silhouette of a boat drifting away on nearly still waters.

As if by an unspoken agreement among the rest of the family, the responsibility for going through and figuring out what to do with Ford’s belongings had been left to Dipper. The man accepted the duty that had naturally fallen on him without complaints, but neglected it persistently all through the holiday season. In his youth, he’d snuck into his great uncle’s unoccupied room often enough with no pangs of guilt; now, the researcher’s absence felt like an insurmountable wall that grew between the room and Dipper every time he tried to approach it. After the holidays, he visited Pacifica in search of both reassurance and distraction, and ended up extending his stay for a full month.

Finally, towards the end of February, he opened the door – but not before he’d knocked first out of a well-learnt habit.

He stood in the doorway for a long while, breathing in the chilly air that had the distinct smell of a room with no resident. When he eventually stepped in, he went straight to the old glass panel window and opened it, careful as to not rely too much on the 60-year-old hinges. As the usual murky tint created by the panels was washed out by the brisk daylight of an early spring afternoon, Dipper’s shoulders relaxed. It felt easier to look around, and inspect whatever items and mementos he could find.

A fractured glass prism. A framed family photo. A cup of coffee with old dregs still stuck to the bottom, accompanied by an empty teacup sitting next to it. Countless souvenirs from their intergalactic travels… and a tall pile of journals, the newest one still spread open on Ford’s desk.

Dipper frowned. The last journal was something Ford had started working on after Bill had taken the habit of going missing for days; it was, as he’d told Dipper, his last attempt to pass the unified theory of weirdness on to the next generation of science. Although – he’d had to admit – it was probably a futile effort, as there was no way he could write down, in the little time he’d had left, everything he and Bill had discovered in twenty-five years of endlessly branching discussions.

But now, there was something on the open pages that caught Dipper’s attention.

‘Entry No. 0.’

The beginning note, already cryptic enough on its own, was followed by what appeared to be a short statement written in code.

Dipper froze. He knew this code language by heart. He recognized the handwriting as well – it wasn’t his great uncle’s, but he’d seen it before, in encrypted riddles that had later devolved into cruel taunts scribbled all across the pages of journal three. Why would Bill leave a message in code that he knew Dipper would understand?

It didn’t make sense.

He took the journal in his hands and leafed through it. The contents were just as he’d expected: charts, patterns, abstract sentences he couldn’t make heads or tails of – reading it was like trying to solve a riddle in an alien language with no vocabulary and only a vague understanding of the grammar. But now…

Perhaps this strange message… was a key. Perhaps it was a sign… that it was finally his turn to take over the grand unified theory of weirdness.

All of a sudden, Dipper’s heart was pounding with excitement. I should consult the Axolotl first. It crossed his mind, but somehow – for the first time since the day he’d made a deal with her – the Axolotl’s guidance felt irrelevant.

Regardless, a small, timid part of his brain continued to oppose him. It could be a trap. If I do this, he might come back to haunt me.

But he already knew; he’d felt it in his blood. Bill would never return.

He had nothing to fear.

Dipper spent the next hour printing out copies of each page of the journal. Once he was done, he took his materials back upstairs and moved the researcher’s desk aside, clearing a large empty space in the back of the room. After a moment of hesitation, he pinned one page on the wall. Then another. His confidence grew along with the feeling of familiarity as he grabbed a pair of scissors, cut a page into five separate sections, and rearranged them into what looked like a loosely defined map. In his own room, from an old, long abandoned storage box hidden under his bed, he found a bundle of red string.

Once again a mystery hunter, he was soon absorbed in his work – never realizing that something was missing from the big picture.

----

Now, time for a very important afterword... So we still have an epilogue left, which I've already mostly written - both two versions of it, actually. Yes, you read that right, folks! There are two different versions of how this story could end, and the decisive factor will be... *drum roll* you! Don't worry, I'm not asking you to choose between one or the other. All I'm asking you to do - under no obligation, of course, but I'd appreciate it beyond words if you could participate in this - is answer the following question:

Do you think Bill deserves a second chance?

Imma be real with you from the get-go: this is a trick question. A red herring, if you may. It's not asking what you probably think it's asking. (Some of you with a more in-depth read into the themes of this story might actually have the right idea, but I won't lie - it's convoluted as hell.) However! I want you to answer the question as it stands, as if there was no hidden meaning you're supposed to decipher. I've implied something, yes, now all you gotta do is disregard that implication completely. I want your answer to be honest, even if the question wasn't. That's... the trick part of it, in a way. So, one more time from the top: do you think Bill deserves a second chance?

You can answer in Ao3′s comment section for this chapter, by replying to this post, via an ask either anonymously or by your own username, or through the instant messaging system, whichever option suits you best. If you can, please make your answer either a "yes" or "no", though I'm not turning down other kinds of answers, either. If you can elaborate on the reasoning behind your answer, I'd love to hear it, but it's in no way obligatory, so no pressure.

So, the ball is in your court now, my wonderful audience! I hope I'm not putting too much weight on your shoulders, but after having come all this way depending on your support and readership, it'd be a hack move of me to decide the ending on my own.

The epilogue will be out on May 29th! Until then, thank you. <3

[writtenbyhappynerds]

Unit 5- Twins Are Very Stupid

    If you haven’t taken the Exam 1 quiz for Fanfiction 101 go do that!! That quiz covers material from the first four units: Rules for the Universe, Formatting, Face Claims, and Names. Everything from this unit onward will be a part of Exam 2.

    Much like cliches in regular fiction, there are a plethora of cliches that exist in fanfiction. Some are specific to certain genres, some are on a wider scale as a whole. For this unit we are going to dissect common themes and ideas first based in specific genres (re: fandoms) of fanfiction and then open the floor up to widespread cliches as a whole. We’ll start with Twilight.

    In Twilight, the biggest cliche we see is Bella Swan having a sister who is, “not like her sibling at all!” This isn’t original. It isn’t creative, and 9/10 times the unique sibling is a lot like Bella Swan they just talk more than her. Regardless of your feelings towards Stephanie Meyers and her books, what this shows me is a writer who is uncertain of how to approach the quiet, observational, internalized thinking of Bella Swan as a character. It also shows me a writer who believes loud is the complete opposite of quiet and because someone shouts their opinions more boisterously than the next girl, that makes them unique. Neither statement is true. Imagine Bella Swan’s sibling really being the complete opposite of her. Like, imagine Bella’s little sister in Seattle doing coke off a stripper’s asshole. You can’t. So don’t say that she’s the opposite. She isn’t, and that’s ok. Siblings can have common interests and like the same thing, and your OC is not a bad one if they are similar to Bella Swan. A better contrast to Bella Swan would be an OC that’s athletic. Bella Swan from the get-go is described as someone who is not an athlete, doesn’t spend time in the sun, and likes to be by themselves. A sun-kissed volleyball-playing little sister would be more contrasting to Bella Swan than someone who is again, her but louder.  

    In BBC’s Sherlock the biggest cliche the Editor and I have seen is Sherlock having a twin sister who is also a detective. Now in Unit 3: Face Claims, we discussed that Sherlock’s sibling shouldn’t be the voice of reason or conscience while also doing the exact same thing as him. This still stands. If Sherlock has a twin, that twin shouldn’t be seen as “the good one” or “the nice one” when they shoot the same things, break into the same places, and act just as manic as he does. It isn’t consistent. The twin should not be a carbon clone that is smarter and prettier and gets along with everyone else. That’s not a character, that’s a Mary Sue that solves crimes. There are 10,000 jobs in the world, and the best way to break the monotony of Sherlock’s twin is to make her something that isn’t a detective. Make her her own person. For example, Sherlock could have:

    A twin sister who works as a crime statistician for the government. She’s been given a cushy office she doesn’t deserve because of Mycroft and she tries to call her brothers once a week. They don’t necessarily answer. She needs to use criminal trends to track where Moriarty will be so Mycroft can have him arrested and interrogated.

    A sister who went to school for law, and became a powerful and wealthy corporate attorney. Sherlock paid off everyone in a mile radius? She paid off everyone in a 5-mile radius. She makes sure his bills are paid, his fridge is stocked, and that he and John are happy without either of them knowing. She uses her knowledge of the law to find holes in Baskerville’s policies that would allow Sherlock and John to sneak in.

    A twin sister who’s a mom of two and likes to paint. She teaches at the local college and babysits her neighbor’s kids when she’s out. Mycroft is the godfather of both of her kids, and she likes to crochet when she has the time (she never does). She needs to figure out why the painting is a fake and what book fits the cipher.

    My point is that Sherlock can have a twin. I don’t care, and that doesn’t trigger me like it triggers the Editor (I think she just has something against twins). Sherlock’s twin should have a personality of their own. The cliche in this genre is Sherlock having a twin that’s essentially, “genius but better.” If you make her exactly like him you limit the potential to make a story that’s compelling. You also break the rules of the universe, as you’ll have to go back and rewrite all the episodes to include her. Don’t do that to yourself.

    In Supernatural, The big cliche is the boys having a teenaged Winchester sibling and/or a guardian angel. Bonus points if Cas is the guardian angel. I’ve also seen a lot of ‘Sam Winchester’s Guardian Angel’ and if that’s you after all the things that character has gone through you need to be fired. These ones just don’t make sense. They break the rules of the universe and make the cast have to bend over backward just for the character to exist. The original work should not be broken to fit your narrative. You have to make your prompt work in their established universe. Unfortunately, teenaged Winchester siblings do not work. There is not enough of a time gap between what we know about the story and this prospect to fit a 16-year old child. The same stands for Dean Winchester’s child. It doesn’t fit, so don’t try and force it to fit. You can have a teenaged hunter be significant and interact with the Winchesters without them being blood. By forcing them to be blood you go against one of the main themes of the show: Family don’t end in blood. Stop making Bobby Singer’s child OCs, or Cas’s, or Sam’s, or another illegitimate John Winchester child because we already have one who spent god knows how many years in hell. Instead, John Winchester could have family he’s estranged from. An older sister or brother who left the Winchester house after they turned 18 and never looked back. You could create a new pair of hunters, an OC who runs the halfway house for Hunters. Garth stepped in as Bobby when he died. Who stepped in for Jo and Tess? There are more options and much more creative options than pigeonholing one specific cliche.

    Moving on, in the same vein of not needing an OC to be bound to the cast by blood, Hermione/Harry/Ron’s twin sister is a huge cliche. Sometimes the Hermione twin sister is also, “not like her sister at all,” a phrase that usually means, “also brilliant, but more attractive and funnier.” The origin of these OCs, however, is minuscule to the fact that they always either end up dating Draco Malfoy or are in a love triangle and/or square, where all the boys in Harry Potter (Cedric Diggory, Fred Weasley, George Weasley, Dean Thomas, and Draco Malfoy) are in love with the OC. As a matter of fact can we just get rid of love triangles altogether? They’re exhausting and not realistic. They don’t add enough to the story to make it meaningful, and an OC should have a story that’s more compelling than “which boy am I going to end up with?” Also, usually, these stories tell you in the title. I’m talking about the [Fred x reader], [Draco Malfoy x Reader] titles, though the same is true for any writer who puts [Love Interest x OC] in their title. What is the point of a love triangle my guys? What are you doing? We already know before we even read the first chapter who the main character is going to end up with, so why bother wasting our time with a love triangle?

    The other Harry Potter cliche, is the youngest Weasley sibling who is a girl. This is a huge no-no and should be stricken from the record entirely because, once again, it breaks the rules of the universe. We know from the Harry Potter books that Molly Weasley wanted and craved a daughter and kept having kids until she got one. This is why Ron is the least loved, as he was the last boy in the family before Ginny, as said by the Horcrux in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows “Least loved always, by the mother who craved a daughter. Least loved now by the girl who prefers your friend” (Rowling 375). What this means, is that if you make an OC who is the youngest Weasley sibling, and a girl, you completely go against the desires and intentions of Molly Weasley as well as devalue and undercut the importance of Ginny Weasley- her tokenism as the only girl is tied to the significance of being the first and last daughter Molly Weasley ever had. Without that, with another girl there is no need for Ginny Weasley, and as we’ve discussed numerous times here: Your OC should never replace a member of the cast. What is acceptable, however, is Ginny Weasley having a twin sister, or even being a triplet. If you are sold on a youngest-girl Weasley fanfic, make them a twin or triplet of Ginny. If you go above or below her you break the rules of the universe. They have to stay on her level. In addition, please see Unit 4: Nameberry.com to properly name your Weasley sister OCs, as they have to fit the style and vibe of being named after nobility. Moving on.

    The next handful of cliches don’t apply to any particular genre. Every genre is equally guilty of having these cliches, and what we’re going to do is use some works for specific examples of these cliches, but know that they apply to everyone; not just the work we’re referencing.

    If a character is marketed as a strong and capable badass who is independent and a boss and kicks ass and takes names, they should not turn into a wimp because their love interest wants to “protect” them. “Protection” as a whole is such a cliche. It’s in practically every story. If a character has been described as strong and has up until this point kicked a lot of ass, that character will not break down and destroy all the character development they just made for the sake of a love interest. A character who is described as strong will also not let their love interest try and stifle them like that. “Protection” is overused, and unless the character is going to crumble like a daisy at first blood or is living in a war zone, they can handle it themselves.

    Again… We’ve all seen Pretty Little Liars. It’s almost funny how many cliches came from that show and book series. Let’s talk about evil twins. I don’t just mean evil in the Alison DiLaurentis way where she stole her sister’s identity and had her carted off to inpatient treatment, I also mean evil in that they are everything their cast member sibling is, but superior. This is evident in so many siblings and twin fics. The evil twin is usually better at everything than the cast twin, and systematically destroys the cast member’s life for fun. Now, I’m not saying this isn’t a valid plot point. What I am saying is you can’t make the evil twin better at everything than the cast member twin. That’s not realistic, and it negates the need for a struggle. A villain is not a more intimidating adversary because they’re better at everything than the hero. An evil twin is not scarier or more frightening as a villain because they can do 3 flips into a punch while the hero only can do 2. Also if the villain is so wonderful and so much better how is it realistic when the hero defeats them? It isn’t. “The same but better” shows me as a reader that the writer is uncomfortable with character creation, and making stakes that mean something or seeing their character struggle.  Not only will it make the OC more realistic, but it will make the story more fun to write.

    A writer uncomfortable with the struggle is another cliche we see often. It takes the form of characters who are perfect, who hit every step just right and have the best comebacks all the time. We as people fail and fall down, and characters are meant to be a reflection of us that we can relate to. An audience won’t relate or root for a character that always accomplishes their goal. It actually makes the character boring because, we know they’re going to do what they set out to do so why bother reading? Characters are allowed to have flaws. Those flaws, and seeing consequences for those flaws are what make a character compelling, and for every positive attribute that a character has we should see 1-2 flaws that reflect that attribute. For example, in my own original work Trapped, the main character is an alien on a planet that is thousands of years ahead of Earth in technology, intellect, and scientific advancements. One of these characters is an upstart student training in one of the top labs to be a doctor. He has people working underneath him, and he’s clearly achieved. His work ethic is incredible and he is dedicated to his field. However, his dedication has cut him off from his family- their relationship is strained to the point where one of his siblings entered the same field just to catch a glimpse of him. He is afraid to be emotionally vulnerable because he has to have the answers to all these questions. He doesn’t know how to relax, because he’s always at work and this has cost him a life outside of the lab. He gets annoyed easily because he thinks fast enough to see the answer and becomes frustrated when he has to work with other people. We’re going to revisit this in the next unit, but a character without flaws is a boring character because the flaws are what allow us as readers to do our own analysis and find a deeper meaning in someone as a whole.

    Our final cliche is the ire of the Editor’s existence. It is twins who are separated at birth or end up in foster care that magically find each other at the start of the story. I also kind of hate this cliche, because again, we’ve all seen The Fosters or is it Switched At Birth? I don’t know, and I don’t really care. If you have a character who is taken from their actual family, you need to double-down and commit to the issues that OC would have. That character wouldn’t show up on someone’s doorstep and magically be taken into the family as one of their own. Life doesn’t work that way. The foster care system is a horribly broken system (at least in the US it is) and that character many times won’t have access to that. In the US, for that information to be given there needs to be reciprocated interest in both the fostered child and the biological parent (usually the father). In divorce proceedings, the courts will almost always give the child to the mother unless the mother has a severe strike against her that would make her unfit to keep a safe environment for her child (prison time, drugs, etc.). The courts really dislike the idea of taking a baby away from its mom, which means that fathers rarely get custody of the child, and a non-blood relative even less than that. When the child is underage, the biological parent can’t show up on a doorstep and demand to see their child. They need to go through the courts and express a desire in having a relationship with their child. The child would then get an advocate, who would speak for them in court and make sure their wishes (to see or not to see their parents) are expressed. The foster system is messy and wrong and sometimes cruel, and if you are going to write switched at birth or foster-twin stories, you need to do your research on the judicial system. It isn’t just showing up on a doorstep with a birth certificate. It’s gritty and messy and if you want it, you have to take in it all.

    Next week we are going to talk about realism, and how to really capture both the voices of cast members, as well as realistically write living scenarios. Remember to take Fanfiction 101 Exam 1 if you haven’t yet, and everything from this unit until Crossovers will be on Exam 2.

References:

Joanne Rowling. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Scholastic, 2007.

[crystalelemental]

While I’m busy annoying fans of Genealogy with my general disinterest in its cast, here are some other characters I have strong opinions about:

Sigurd’s not nearly as interesting as people make him out to be.  The main action leading to him being branded a traitor was super avoidable and his squire even points out that he’s making a mistake.  His “romance” with Deirdre is one of the most shallow things the series has produced, and literally none of the awful events of Act 2 would’ve happened if he had just kept it in his pants.  His actions during the war are made with good intentions that often lead to further conflict, but most of the critical actions that cause disaster were super avoidable and complete his fault.  Good job, moron.

Arvis is also a putz.  Look, I get it.  His entire point is that he’s trying to build the world for the better, but is highly questionable in his means.  Cool concept!  Problem is we spend like no time with him, and the only indications of this are his discussions with Manfroy, where he talks about how he’s not going to persecute them like in ages past, but he’s also definitely not going to let them revive the baby eating god they worship.  Okay, solid.  The issue is, he knows full well he carries Loptyr blood, and that’s why Manfroy is sticking around.  And suddenly, Manfroy appears with some lady with amnesia, and is oddly insistent on you fucking this woman and having kids.  Did...did you never think about who this woman was, or why Manfroy’s so invested in her sex life?  This is not a difficult conclusion to reach, buddy.

I mentioned Eldigan, but it bears repeating: I hate the Camus archetype, and he’s one of the most annoying.  “I am honor-bound to follow my lord’s every command, I cannot join you and must instead try to get them to see reason.”  Yeah, and you know who else had this exact dilemma like two chapters ago?  Jamke.  Guess who’s on our side now, after realizing how fucked up his king was?  Jamke.  There’s no reason you couldn’t do this too.  Honestly, every time the Camus archetype shows up for a leader who is a complete buffoon, I always think of Wallace’s supports with Kent in FE7.  How his king ordered him to capture his daughter and bring her back from the plains, no matter what.  But when Wallace saw the love she shared with the man from the plains, he let her go, because he knew his king would never forgive himself if he tore Lyn’s parents apart.  Wallace put what was best for his king ahead of the order, and the entire moral is that, even if you’re punished for it, your duty is not to the title, but to the person, and you must act in the best interests of the people you serve, not blindly follow a command that would cause everyone harm.  So yeah, I don’t care to hear about the honor-bound idiots who are given plenty of chances to do the right thing but insist on staying with a sinking ship that’s also on fire.

Deirdre is a non-entity, so there’s really no point in talking about her.  Seriously, she exists almost entirely to produce the children that will be plot-critical in Act 2, but otherwise has effectively zero agency.  She shows up and immediately wants to fuck Sigurd, spends one chapter helping, and is immediately kidnapped afterward to be brainwashed and become Arvis’ wife.  Then she dies off-screen before the events of Act 2.  But she and Sigurd just loved each other so much!  They just saw each other and had such an overwhelming desire to fuck, it must have been love!  At least Deirdre’s excuse is being secluded away from men all her life and not knowing how to handle these feelings; what’s Sigurd’s excuse?

Quan and Ethlyn are actually wonderful.  No complaints.  But I do have another for Sigurd.  Hey, remember when they died?  Remember when Sigurd is told that people were ambushed in the desert and everyone’s dead, and he pieces together that it was his sister and his best friend?  Remember how that comment is all we get for his reaction to their loss, how it’s never brought up a single time ever again, and how Sigurd shows absolutely nothing about the devastation of this loss?  Yeah, but hey, it’s fine, you don’t need more dialogue to make a compelling story.  It just would’ve been nice for Genealogy to be a compelling story by having characters actually matter more than they apparently do.

Ayra’s cool, but her brother’s an idiot.  In her conversation with Quan, she mentioned that Quan’s suspicion is correct, and that the king was not responsible for the deaths of those from Grannvale.  A random lord took action without consent, so the king had that lord executed, and went to make peace with Grannvale, only to be assassinated along the way.  So what does her brother do?  “We gotta go to war.”  Uh...you know you’ll be slaughtered, right?  “Yeah, but my honor, though.”  Gen 1 was mostly a bunch of morons given political power and asked to play intelligently.  They all fucked up.

Lewyn...okay, I don’t like Lewyn.  I get his whole thing is running from responsibility, and being tired of the in-fighting over the crown, but his solution of just leaving is petty and childish.  It’s not that there isn’t some level of understanding there.  He’s just not doing it for me.  I do, however, appreciate how self-loathing he is in Gen 2.

No one else in Gen 1 really matters at all to anything substantial, so boy, it’d have been nice to have support conversations to flesh out everyone else a bit more.  But hey, maybe the sequel, right?

Seliph is pretty cool.  I don’t have a ton to say, but his story kinda allows him to take an easier route to power, with a more clear antagonist and the world at large being more united in his cause of overthrowing the empire.  Not particularly compelling, but not doing anything stupid or uninteresting.

Leif inherits being awesome from both of his parents, who were also awesome.  His sister, Altena, is also really cool.  Altena in particular actually gets a lot.  Having been taken in by the man who killed her parents, she’s grown up thinking that he is her true father.  Her character is in a position to act more as a bridge between two smaller nations that have constantly been at war, having the bloodline connection to Leif and to Leonster, while having her upbringing in Thracia and feeling a family connection to Arion, the true son of Travant.  She’s one of the better characters in this game, I think.

Ares is actually one of my favorites in this entire game.  He and Lene have great supports, but more importantly, you know what sets Ares apart?  Having a brain cell.  As soon as he realizes the corrupt lord he works for sent him out to the front lines and has likely taken Lene captive, he immediately turns coat, intent on killing everyone in his way to save her.  Thank you, Ares.  Thank you for being better than your father, who would’ve meekly decided he can’t disobey orders because he’s totally too honorable and not a fucking coward for letting his sister almost get killed.

Julia...oh my god, I have so much to say on Julia.  Has anyone following me noticed I kinda like the Eirika archetypes?  The female characters that are mostly really collected and quiet, occasionally have a showing of fire, and are ultimately either heavily under-utilized and ignored by the plot or given a story that’s really not very good despite how strong their character could’ve been if the story weren’t...the way that it is?  That’s Julia.  I adore Julia.  She spends most of the game not doing much, mostly being silent and also an amnesiac.  She gets like two conversations with Seliph, and they’re...they’re okay.  Nothing exceptional, just...okay.  But hysterically, once she’s kidnapped, she starts to show the makings of a really great character.  She’s compassionate and understanding to her father, who’s realized what a dingus he was, but pushes back against Julius/Loptyr and is pretty up-front about how willing she is now to kill her brother if it means stopping evil from being unleashed in the world.  She refuses to go quietly, and claims she’ll fight them to the end.  And, you know...is promptly brainwashed and spends the entire chapter as an enemy until Seliph kills Manfroy and lets her snap out of it.  Not even just talks to her, that won’t work unless Manfroy’s dead.  She doesn’t even get enough agency to break free of control under her own will.  This is the issue with Julia.  She should be fantastic.  She’s a character who carries the blood of both Naga and Loptyr, the greatest good and the greatest evil of this world.  Within her is a very concrete expression of the good/evil dichotomy that all humans face, and through her actions she chooses to do good for the world, yet acknowledges the potential for evil within her and struggles against it.  That’s super compelling!  Hell, that’s the most compelling character narrative in this entire game!  And what does it amount to?  Jack fucking shit, because her declaration of intent is immediately sidelined for her to be controlled by another for the entire chapter and made to do evil, until the male hero breaks the spell for her.  Only then is she allowed to confront her brother and actually show agency.  Her character arc should’ve been the diamond in the rough, and all the agency and development she brings to the table is immediately undermined.  Julia, sweetie, you deserved so much better than this.

Ugh, that one hurt to complain about.  But since we’re on the topic, Julius.  We’re supposed to be sad about how he’s completely taken over by Loptyr and needs to be stopped.  But...we never really know anything about Julius.  At all.  Julia talks a bit about how he used to be kind, but that’s...that’s it.  There’s no effort to have her and Arvis share stories about what the family used to be like, or give any indication of how close they were aside from saying it was the case once or twice.  So the plight of Julius, the boy who’s possessed, is completely lost on us, and as a result, Julia’s decision to fight against and kill her brother if that’s what it takes, feels a little less impactful, because you just...don’t have any emotional attachment to what’s being lost.

Ishtar is another Camus archetype, but a rare one where I kinda like her?  Kinda.  She’s come far enough to recognize that Julius is killing people and it’s a problem, and does her utmost to circumvent his violent tendencies and save people.  So why doesn’t she just leave?  Well even that’s pretty taken care of.  She was the betrothed of Julius.  She loved him.  Which means she’s another character who could’ve had meaningful dialogue about who he used to be to build up tension, but we’re not talking about that now.  She stays in part because of that love, but also because he’s violent, and seems to have his eye on her at all times.  She’s effectively stuck in an abusive relationship, unable to make a move for fear of what retaliation he might exact on her or the people she’s trying to keep safe.  That’s a way more compelling reason for a character to stick with an awful ruler.  It sucks, but at least it’s ultimately understandable, unlike Eldigan over here.

Oifey and Shanan I feel like should be more interesting characters, but they don’t really get enough time to be much else.  And if those two, who are meant to be prominent, got very little, you can kinda guess that the rest of the cast has basically nothing going for them.

Honestly, a lot of the events of Genealogy at large feel super avoidable, and largely created by idiots being allowed to make decisions.  But on the smaller level, and especially within Gen 2, I feel like all the game needs is support conversations and maybe more dialogue that didn’t focus so heavily on bloodlines.  The history is interesting, but it comes at the expense of most character development, and that’s really not a good trade.  I know people hate when I bring it up, but maybe if the maps were actually chunked and made into several smaller chapters, we could use wind-up and conclusion to castles being taken as a means to fill in more character moments, instead of just having quick exposition dumps and moving on.

[1358456]

Review Response, June 16-22, 2019

Got a lot of stuff! ... Thanks to one person, mostly!

... Really missing those single line breaks...

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Wings #004

1) Heyo, I saw your responses to my reviews. I forgot my password when I read Wings and I didn't want to go through the whole resetting password thing, so I went in as a guest. I didn't really intend to come back to FanFiction, hence the random keyboard smashing username, yet here I am again to read your stories! Haha. I suppose I'll just keep my original username here.

Anyways, back onto the review! I really found this chapter to be amusing and engaging!

I should have realized Black was there! Rereading the last chapter, I missed the "loud" voice. Oops! And as much as I would love to see familiar faces meeting our lovely protagonist Y here, I like how you're going at a steady pace so the introductions won't be rushed. It makes the eventual meetings better, and I'd look forward to them more that way. (Highkey looking forward to Diamond to appear!)

Crystal as the soccer coach is so, so fitting. And the more I read about Y's struggles to do well, the funnier it gets when she fails due to her own recklessness or other people's mistakes. And when she had enough, she reminded me of a Rhyhorn stampeding through the field, bashing away any poor soccer players that were in her way. She's definitely going to join the soccer team now. ...the team is filled with hotheads.

Oh, hi Gold! Fancy seeing you here! I wonder if he's a teacher as well? Maybe another coach? ...is he and Crystal a thing yet? Asking for a friend.

Hey, you’re back to the old familiar ID! Hehehe.

Ah yes. Black’s inclusion was a subtle hint in the last chapter. The only hint being the italicized “loud”, indicating that he was in the soccer team somewhere. And yes. Y is going to be meeting the other familiar faces slowly over time. I mean, my favorite Dex Holder Platinum hasn’t even been mentioned yet, and it’s been 4 chapters. I’m taking things quite slowly in that regard, because it makes sense. A 1st year student is not going to be meeting all sorts of 2nd and 3rd year students right off the bat, you know? And oh yes. Diamond is definitely going to be in Wings. I think he’ll be the first Sinnoh Dex Holder that Y will meet.

Yep! Crystal as soccer coach! Definitely! And oh, Y. She’s like a rampaging Dragon when frustrated and pissed off, plowing through everything in her way, whether it’s her teammates or the opponent. Hehe. A soccer team filled with hotheads. Oh dear. Hahaha.

Nah. Gold is no teacher. What could he possibly be teaching in Wings? No, no. He’s there for a different reason that’ll be covered later. And yes, Gold and Crystal are in a relationship. They are “a thing”. Obviously it’s not going to be getting a whole ton of focus, but it’ll be there.

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Destiny #007

1) Its confirmed, eh? This entire thing was orchestrated by Peter. Not that I'm surprised, it's just nice to have clarity on that part. Anyways, I can definitely see Blue doing something she'll regret later. I mean if it says that Blue will probably help, then she just might. But I don't think she would help knowing it'd hurt the other dexholders. If she helps Peter it'd be because he somehow tricks her into doing it. But hmm, there's only one way to find out. And that's to read more chapters. Also, that small little tidbit about Black's feelings on the whole light stone matter I thought was really nice. I'm not exactly sure how, but it tied that entire part together. And it definitely made everything seem more real. I feel like I'm just being dramatic, but that's how I feel on the matter. And just wanted tp congratulate you on that part 'cause it was wonderful written. Well, the entire chapter was wonderfully written, but I can only hope you know what I mean. Speaking of Unova dexholders. That particular scene with Ruby, Sapphire, and White; I thought although great to read, was not how I imagined it going down. I think I explained this in one of my previous reviews, or at least predicted it. But now that I think about it, it's completely plausible. And one last thing before I end this review. I just realized that it's been quite some time since we've seen Green. Haven't read anything in his point of view since he found out that Blue left and set out to look for her. Which makes me wonder. Will you write his perspective while he's searching hopelessly for her? Or right before he spots her somehow? Cannot wait to see things from his perspective again! Makes my urge to smack him lessen. Fucking asshole, I know he didn't mean to do that especially in that way. But god was that a jerky move. Low-key wanna punch him senseless, but oh well. I'll just have to read his P.O.V. in order to be satisfied. Again, thank you!

The continuation!

Yes. Blue, despite wandering off on her own and thus being led astray, is still a good girl at heart. She wouldn’t willingly help in hurting her former friends. She would more likely simply walk away and not interfere than actively hurting them. But... there really is only one way to find out, eh?

I guess Black escaping the Light Stone in that fashion is kind of amusing in hindsight, now that he’s actually free. Hehe. ... And is partly plot relevant later on :) And yes. A part of my “headcanon” with Black & White is that Black is forever fated to be indebted to her. Nothing serious, but enough that he’d be more compelled to care for her. Something stupidly sweet like that. Hehe.

The meeting of Ruby and Sapphire with White? This is basically the easiest way for me to drag Black and White, who are completely unrelated to the whole Mega Hunter shenanigans, into the plot! It’s a natural conversation that leads to White tagging along for the sake of meeting the others. Hehe.

Heh. Green ain’t going to find Blue. He doesn’t even know that she’s not in Kanto anymore. He said it himself too. If Blue doesn’t want to be found, she’s going to just disappear. And it’s his fault. Unintentional, perhaps, but his fault anyways. Because compared to Red, he’s a dick. Hehe.

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Destiny #008

1) WHAT. THE. FUCK. HE JUST TOOK OUT A FUCKING ULTRA BALL AND THEN BRAINWASHED THIS POOR, UNSUSPECTING CHILD? HOW TF DID HE DO THAT? WHY CAN'T THIS MOTHERFUCKER JUST KEEL OVER AND DIE? I am legitimately raging right now. He's too goddamn powerful. How are the dexholders going to defeat this dude? I mean it was 27 vs 6. That's insane. How the hell did this dude even get his hands on such powerful pokémon anyway? You don't actually need to answer these questions, they're just rhetorical. And I know I'll get my answer later on. Also, speaking of that battle. When Green and red joined in, I swear to god I started clapping. The relief was immense. And reading that scene the only things going through my mind was that this was where Y and Ruby are going to die. Thank god that they didn't. But with those wounds? They can't battle him at his full power, not when they only have three days to recover. And they're not going to spend their days completely recovering. They'll have to pull themselves together and practice. That is, unless Yellow could use her healing power on humans. But I don't think that's the case. And how tf are they going to get that strong in three days? I know somehow they'll pull it of—as that is the way of stories—but as to how exactly they might go about doing that? I'm clueless. Speaking of which... it would be nice to have a story that doesn't go the same path as so many others. Where, somehow, the hero always prevails! Why? Because they're the hero. And, I mean, I guess it makes sense. They're the hero for a reason, but isn't it unrealistic for the hero to always win? To err is human after all. That is, if the hero was human. Don't get me wrong, I love stories with happy endings. It's just sometimes I ponder whether that was the realistic outcome. But anyways, I'm getting off-topic. I'm sure that in your story if the dexholders win, it would be for a very good reason. And it excites me to think of the ways of how you'll surprise me! This has been a long-ass review. I spent forever writing it, and I'm terribly sorry. But I thank you for writing this. Anyways, on to the next chapter!

Assimilation successful. ... It’s a phrase that you would’ve seen immediately in Destiny. I think the first chapter pretty much begins with that.

Hehe. How is he so strong? GAME MECHANICS!! The power of RNG abuse to get shiny IV 31 all things with the desired natures, and then EV raising them for max efficiency! And to make things worse, TEAM SYNERGY! ... And level 100! Because the Mega Hunter and his Pokemon are all based on a real life friend and his HUGE pile of RNGed Pokemon. ... I also have a similar sized pile of level 100 RNGed Pokemon, but I didn’t want to put myself in. That’d be weird! ... Heh. So. How are the Dex Holders going to win? ... I don’t know.

... “As that is the way of stories”... OTHER people’s stories, perhaps. Heh. The “power of bullsh*t” doesn’t work in my stories, you know. None of that “I have the willpower, I will succeed!” nonsense, or “the power of friendship!!”. Heh. “I am the main character, so I can do everything!” ... Nope. Not in here, bud. Hahaha.

2) Oh fuck I got so into writing that review that I forgot to put my name. Yeah the last long-ass review is Mel's.

Don’t worry, I figured! :)

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Destiny #009

1) Oh god oh fuck. So soon! The scouts are coming... which brings me to another topic. How tf did this dude get so many scouts? How is he seeing what they're seeing? And who exactly are these scouts? 'Cause if they're just little children as the scout who got caught, then the dexholders will have no problem. But this dude isn't that stupid, or he is and he's planning on winning because of numbers. Which, I guess, isn't a bad idea. Numbers certainly help, but I mean come on. What a horrible thing to do to brainwash children. This dude is such an asshole and my ahem for him grows with every chapter. What even is the point in causing so much chaos? How will this benefit him? (And coming from a lazy person) Why tf would he go to such lengths? It sounds like too much work tbh. Fuck that, I'd rather stay at home relaxing. But I guess each to their own. Also, the writing in this chapter was sooo well done. It is envy chapter, but this one I loved the uncertainty it exuded, because of the uncertainty in the dexholders. What I guess I'm trying to say is, is that your writing reflects the emotions and thoughts of the dexholders in a way. This might just be me, I felt it was like that. It wasn't too overtly noticeable, but it left me with that feeling. Oh, and also some things I forgot to mention in the last review. I think I might've mentioned this before, but it just made me really happy to see that you kept the characters in... well... character. Incorporating things such as Pearl shouting the moves that the pokémon were going to execute really excite me. That's because so many times writers forget these things. And in the end product, you read something that resembles a character, but isn't quite actually like them. Actually, now I'm sure. I did say this another review. I'm sorry for the repetition them, it just amazes me. Another thing that amazes me, the strategies! You did really well in planning out the strategies in the battles. They were intricate, but easily understandable. And they sounded really effective. Really nice job on coming up with those. Oh, and before I end this. I just wanted to say that the interaction between Gold and Crystal at the beginning of this chapter was great. Still staying on the matter at hand, but also delving a bit into their history. Their relationship... they've broken up... made me sad ngl. But oh well, It's to be expected of that certain relationship. It can either be a really good one... or one that ends in heartbreak. It's definitely complicated for them. But one thing that made me chuckle was when Crystal retorted with "You were the one begging for me to come back to you." or something like that. Like it's so true. That's exactly what would happen, and of course Gold would try to play it so that he was the cool one. But we all know that he was the one begging lmaoooo. Also, the way you wrote in Green's concern for Blue in the chapter made me cry because of how beautiful it was. You didn't touch on the topic, but you made it so clear by his actions and things he said. It reminds me of this one thing C. S. Lewis once said, where it was something like, "Show, don't tell.". And that was a good example of that I thought. Makes me think there's hope for their relationship. Also, I know I talk a lot abut how you're work makes me cry. But goddamn are you also good at writing fluff. And it's incorporated a lot in your stories, even your more tragic ones. It's nice, because it's always good to have a balance. I mean, having a completely tragic story without any elements of happiness isn't a good read. So while some parts are sad, there are so many others where I smile or clap or laugh and the list goes on. I never realized how expressive I am when I'm reading lmao. Anyways, thank youuuuuu again.

How did the Mega Hunter get so many scouts mind controlled? ... Well, there are a lot of fodder class trainers that’ll get stomped in like 0.5 seconds and then get taken. Given established time gap, it’s certainly plausible to have mind controlled a crapton of nameless fodder! ... Well, that’s the excuse, anyways. You always need some fodder, you know?

Heh. Imagine if the villains were lazy. “Aw man. I don’t want to plant bombs in all those places... it’s rush hour...” Why is he stirring up chaos? Hehe. You’ll see later~ ... ... Well of course, you’ll see later. It’s the PLOT. ... Real subtle there, 135. Well done...

Aha, Pearl’s Detector trait in use! It’s often hard to do given just how many Dex Holders there are, but I try to think like “in this situation, what would this group do, and how would the members react?” So in the case of a battle, Pearl would be the first to detect which attacks are incoming since that’s his whole shtick.

The... battle strategies... well, they’re mostly just recreations of what I went through in XY/ORAS battles with the guy who the Mega Hunter is based on. That freaking Eruption, man. ... More of the “asshole combos” later.

Hehe. Yep. Gold got dumped, begged, and is trying to maintain the “cool guy” outlook by pretending that she was the one begging. ... Poor dude. But hey, now’s the chance for him to show just how reliable he is! After all, there’s something about destruction and devastation that brings people together!!

Green’s concerns for Blue that has to be put under because of ensuing chaos. Hehe. This is a loose reference to something that happens in SA, and what Blue says to him: “Can’t you put me on the top of your priorities just once?” Almost a year after that story ended (Dec 2013), Destiny began (Sept 2014), and... sure enough, Green is forced to put something else on the top of his priorities, over Blue. It’s because of his personality. Task first. Personal problems come after the public ones. ... But it doesn’t mean he likes that.

Yes. BALANCE. I write a ton of cutesy, fluffy stuff, along with horrific doom hammer strikes. But the fluffy stuff don’t stand out in memory because they don’t have shock value, but doom stuff do. So the common misconception is that I always write doom. No, I do not. BALANCE! Especially much further on where a chapter is half fluff, half doom. BALANCE. ... That said, I think you will cry a lot though. Hehehe... But hey, you’ll be laughing and clapping, and even shuddering at the pure cute fluff later on as well!

2) Also I meant to each their own kek.

To each their own indeed. In a lot of ways.

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Heart #001

1) So I'm just going to say this before actually reading so I, don't forget.

So Platinum has to pick between the boys...?

OK, but *grabs a mic* WHY NOT BOTH?

*drops mic*

Seriously though, consider the ot3 as a viable outcome, please. Don't just... tease me with the ship 'tag' I guess dunno how to call it in FF

Yes, Platinum has to pick one or the other. Why not both? ... This is a PAIRING. A pair has two members. And forcing all three Sinnoh Dex Holders into a single “pair”ing does not work out for anyone.

The “tag”...

I assume you mean that? I only did that because I couldn’t add Platinum twice. My original intent was to put Platinum with Diamond and Platinum again with Pearl. But I couldn’t put up Platinum twice or have her be in two different pairings at once. And it’s not like I could isolate one of the boys either, because... well, that’s a little... on-the-nose, isn’t it? But to avoid “teasing”, I could just give one of the boys the boot and spoil the ending, which... well, I’m sure everyone who reads my stuff will know anyways.

All three of them together is not a viable outcome. As friends? Certainly. I’m not breaking the Morning Sound trio. In a love relationship? Nope. Not happening. One is going to be accepted and experience pure bliss. The other is going to be rejected and experience bitter heartbreak. It’s inevitable and meant to be. ... Just delayed for as long as Platinum doesn’t realize the situation.

[kookiesbadhabits]

My Firsts [M] no. 1

gif credit

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6?

SUMMARY: three hot boys. one girl. college!au.

PAIRING : vminkook x reader

WORD COUNT: 3.1k

GENRE: fluff, introduction

Part 2 (real plot) coming 5.21.18-5.23.18 

Description

A love... square? I love me some maknae line okay?

So this might be the ONLY story I have ever made a draft for with an ONGOING series in mind, instead of just a smutty oneshot. Don't get me wrong, there's going to be a whole lot of sin, but expect minimal porn logic, but real plot. These boys' characters are based on my life, but in not wanting it to hit too close to home, I'm adding a bit of a twist. 

Based on a true story: that is my mess of a love life (like seriously my life can seem very fanfiction with the level of drama with these three boys. also minus the smut in my life of course, i wish my sex life were this exciting, but maybe in a world with almost no risk of contracting STDs or a world with effortless straight As in university courses) The characters are inspired by some past loves in my life, so this should be a fun little ongoing series I want to try out. 

Also, for context, all three boys plus reader are the same age. 

Opening/Prologue?:

*READER POV*

Boys in general sure are dangerous, but god, these three in particular are on a whole other level. How did I earn such luck to find myself with our paths all intersecting at once?

THE BOYS:

Kim Taehyung was my first everything. Well, every "first" a clueless 8-year-old could comprehend. The first crush, the first boy to push me on the swing, the first guy best friend, the pure-and-filled-with-curiosity-and-confusion first kiss, the first boy I asked to be my boyfriend after all my classmates started asking each other out. He was the first to make me laugh the hardest I ever thought I could; the first to make me cry the hardest I ever could. The first boy to break my heart: my first "almost love". That was who he was to me from elementary to junior high. 

Can you blame me for taking the emotions so seriously? I was just a young, ignorant tween with all my hormones out of whack. None of that should matter anymore, it was a small piece of my past, a small milestone in life, it should have been completely irrelevant to who I became and where would bring me, or us. I guess I was a fool to think it would be entirely irrelevant, we are attracted to what we're familiar with after all. 

Nevertheless, Taehyung was such a blurred fragment of my past, I was already a completely different person by the time we ran into each other for the first time in six years, right there on our university's orientation day. So why did bumping into him and slowly recognizing him feel like a truck against my chest? Seeing him shouldn't have struck such a heavy chord with me, so why?! 

The least of my worries should be none other than Park Jimin, I know this for sure. He was my high school sweetheart, my first real boyfriend, first real kiss . . . first to be intimate with. Two years of growth well spent, back when neither of us had developed a sliver of personality. Our relationship had its fair share of cataclysmic moments, but it was worth it in knowing how well we existed together in that snippet in time. 

We fought frequently due to the difference in our values and passions, and our clashing personalities in general. He was my exact opposite, aloof, childish, an improviser, clueless, innocent and hopeful. I was reserved, serious, ambitious, a careful planner, too mindful for my own good; a realist. I was aware that our relationship had slim chances of keeping its strength after graduation, with him not enrolling to the same post-secondary school. Not to mention, our relationship had been kept a secret from my family for its entirety due to my parents and their rules to keep me focused on my studies. 

As I predicted, after high school graduation we had grown stagnant in our relationship, no longer growing as people. He was a safe anchor, a source of unconditional love, so unconditional that neither of us worked to help improve the other anymore. I loved him but I outgrew him, so naturally I broke up with him on the worst possible day: the day after our 23rd month together, the same day as his father's first death anniversary. I knew it would paint me as the worst person in his eyes, but maybe that's just how I wanted it.

Finally, there is the most dangerous of all, in that I cannot deduce why I feel such a strong pull towards him. He is exactly not my type and it doesn’t add up. I was introduced to him as I was being absorbed into a friend group by my first uni friend, he instantly became the first man in uni to have an energy that effortlessly drew me towards him. This man is Jeon Jungkook, a cheeky flirt clearly hiding behind the mask of a self-fulfilled prophecy as an asshole. 

In the first instances we had met, Jungkook spent two hours pining for my attention, like a child scrambling towards a shiny new toy. Killing time in the library, our "study" group played a bootleg version of Cards Against Humanity. I had read him enough to know what would make him laugh, and he proved so in his verbal praise on my anonymous answers. The whole while we felt connected, we met after all. In just meeting, I knew the universe had already shifted for us. He spent the whole rest of the day finding excuses to continue to spending time with me, actually the whole rest of the term. 

Sadly, I knew he spelled nothing but trouble. Fortunately, it was the kind of trouble I was longing for.

Anyways, enough blathering on about these three boys with such vague air to it, why don't I start from the beginning? I'm ________, 18 years old, in the middle of my first year of university, and had no idea what I was about to get into.

Chapter 1 - Chance Meetings

“CHILDHOOD FRIEND: THE FIRST CRUSH”

"Hey ______," an unfamiliar and rather deep voice calls out to me as I brushed past a small huddle of friends in the crowded university centre.

I instinctively replied hey back, only to stop in my tracks in realizing I didn't recognize the voice. Stunned, and a little confused, I glance over only to lock eyes with a complete stranger with a small friendly smile walking away in the opposite direction.

With a perplexed look plastered on my face, the stranger brushes past his group of friends towards me. My curiosity compelled me to stay put. My eyes, and head naturally tilted up slightly to keep eye contact. He was tall. His sweater was from some high school other than mine, so he couldn't be an old classmate. He just kept smiling at me, beaming like he had met an old friend.

"I'm sorry, do I know you?" I finally asked politely. 

He chuckled, "You don't remember me?" gesturing towards himself, pausing as if waiting for his appearance to sink in with my memories. I was still stumped no matter how long the pause, and honestly it was getting too awkward to bear for someone like myself, who doesn't usually voluntarily make small talk with people, much less with strangers.

"I'm sorry, I don't think I do?" I replied, furrowing my brows trying to will some kind of familiarity still looking up at him and his big boxy smile. 

"You look great though!" He continued, practically disregarding my current confusion. "You here for orientation too? This little scavenger hunt is pretty lame, don't you think?" 

Not wanting to be rude, I put on my best socializing voice. "Aww, thank you!" I replied, matching his friendly energy. "I'm actually not. My sister brought me to give me the tour herself, she told me how boring orientation would be."

As we carried on, I kept thinking about who the heck this mans could possibly be? We ended up talking about high schools, he went to XX high, and I mentioned I went to YY high. I noticed his hoodie was not just any school sweater, he was in vocal jazz. 

"So he sings," I thought as I pondered who I knew as a friend that was a good singer. 

Finally, his goofy smile sinks in, and my eyes grew wide and lips pursed into a small 'o' 

"Oh my god, Taehyung?!" I exclaimed, he only laughed at my reaction, though pleased I finally recognized him.

"Most people call me V now but hearing you call me that is so nostalgic," he smiled softly. 

I blushed a little recalling that he had said I looked great, what with the onrush of memories hitting me like a truck. Holy shit, he looked good, grew his hair, parted down the middle, but somehow he was making it work. 

We had talked a little more, asking for bits and pieces on the last couple of years we had been out of each other's loop. That's right, he moved after 7th grade, it had really been nearly 6 years, he had no social media, and our social circles never overlapped. 

We could only talk a moment more before realizing he was keeping his group waiting, and I, my sister. 

Before he could end up out of my life again, I impulsively asked, "What's your number? We should keep in touch!" 

"Wow, _______ since when did your introverted ass have the balls to utter such words?" I thought to myself, mentally biting my tongue, but what's done was done. 

He smiled warmly but with some slyness in his eyes, "I already follow you on Instagram, no worries." 

I was stunned once again, "His name had never shown up on my follower list?" I thought. Before I could say anything, he had jogged to catch up to his group and so I turned to my sister. 

“HIGH SCHOOL SWEETHEART: THE FIRST BOYFRIEND”

As usual, my last bus home from campus had to be unbelievably delayed due to the heavy rain. I was on the phone with my ex-boyfriend, now awkward best friend. 

"Are you sure about it? I can really just wait for another bus," I spoke into my phone as I huddled in the roofed shelter of the bus stop, the chilly night air starting to bite through my jacket.

It had gotten pretty dark, despite it only being six in the evening. However, the shadiness of downtown undoubtedly had me on alert.

"It's really no problem, I'm already finished my classes today," Park Jimin replied on the other end. "I don't like the idea of you being alone this late, downtown of all places."

I could hear in his voice that he was already getting up from bed to pick up his keys and head for his car. He already had his mind set and there was little I could do to stop him. He could tell from the pause in my voice I was unsure about the whole thing. The breakup may have been amicable, but it still hurt a little to be with him not being able to instinctively reach for his hand for comfort. In fact, I had been careful not to give him opportunities to come and see me. Yet, here we are.

A drunkard was already beginning to babble out in the streets, with people doing good to veer past him. I watched him warily, slouching to lessen the prominence of my chest, tucking my hair in the folds of my jacket to lessen chances of easily being pulled by the strands. 

"I guess that would be best," I admitted. "Please drive safely." 

"Keep the call on, okay?" Jimin requested with the usual soft concern. "I need to know you're safe there, too."

I smiled, "We couldn't be together anymore, but I'm really happy this is where our relationship led up to," I thought.

In less than twenty minutes, I could see a familiar car approaching towards my stop.

"Get in quickly, _______." he said, also alert by his surroundings now full of potential threats.

I scurried over to his car, and got in quickly, greeted by his familiar welcoming smile. I kept my hand from doing its conditioned action of opening to await his fingers to interlock with mine. He kept his hand on his gear-shift, despite never doing that before and with his car not being manual.

"This is a decent compromise," I thought and smiled to myself, letting my lids bat lightly, the day's events catching up with me. 

Slowly, I let myself fall asleep as usual in our drives, and he woke me gently upon nearing my complex. My roommate, Jean, waited patiently for me to get home safely, leaving a light on. 

Jimin and I exchanged a brief hug at the door, and I thanked him again for his kindness. I watched him walk away as I slowly closed the door. As I thought, there's still a bit of melancholic air in his smile when we see each other.

"I'm sorry, Jimin." I whispered under my breath with him too already too far away to hear. Not that he hadn't already heard that enough times before.

“THE STRONG PULL/NOT-MY-TYPE TYPE: THE FIRST MAN ”

"Oh yeah, since I'm practically absorbing you into my friend group, you've met Jin already but this is Jungkook," Kim started as I sat next across from her in our usual study spot in the library. 

I looked to him, establishing eye contact to give him a sup nod with a smile, he laxly raised a hand and raised his brows to acknowledge the greeting. 

I had met all Kim's guy friends from high school, but none of them piqued your interest in this way. Before even sitting down, I had already spotted him after my eyes found Kim. He was an unfamiliar and attractive individual, emanating energy with a distinct warning written all over it: "TROUBLE".

Nonetheless, I couldn't resist initiating the game that started the moment the universe decided to shift in tune with our meeting. 

In spending no more than half an hour with them, I found Jungkook persistently trying to shift my attention towards him whether it be to tell a witty remark or to try and make me laugh with poorly constructed jokes I had already read off the internet over five years ago. The cool air had to be a facade, all I could see was a dorky squish, spoiled for some attention.

I giggled none the less, to humour him (literally) and to end up one-upping him in the comedy department when we decided to play an app that was practically a bootleg of Cards Against Humanity. 

The phrase was "The worst thing to scream at my grandma's funeral" and my answer had been a blank where I typed, "RIP girl may your bingo wings flap your soul to heaven."

Jungkook, being the judge, burst into laughter mid-way into reading my answer out loud. 

"Whoever put that, good one," he said as he banged a hand against the table with his nose still crinkled in amusement. 

I raised a hand laxly, and he blinked at me, his eyes twinkled with a glint of further intrigue and curiosity. 

Jin ended up winning all the games, and when time came for Kim and I's class, Jungkook quickly got up with us. 

Growing tired of the library scene, Kim and I moved to go to the university centre to get some food. Jin and Jungkook naturally tagged along behind us. I don't know how they did it, but Jin and Kim disappeared for god knows what counselor, leaving me alone with Jungkook. 

We sat with no more and an inch separating us and he looked to me with the same curiosity and intense gaze. I had voiced my discomfort about being left alone. 

"Why are you scared to be alone with me?" Jungkook asked bluntly. "I don't bite."

"Ah, I'm not afraid of you, I'm afraid of being alone with people I just met," I corrected him. "Don't flatter yourself."

By this time, we had easily established some playful banter between us, with him every now and then joking about not being able to handle too much of gaze. Before I knew it, he was telling me a bunch of stories about parties and trips to Paris I didn't ask about.

"Yeah, I woke up with just some girl's bare ass bouncing on my jeans." He continued, trying too hard to show how admired he was by the ladies. 

"We get it, hun, you're hot," I thought through a split-second of lidded eyes before raising my brows again to politely portray my interest in his stories. 

As he was finishing up a story about a flock of French girls crowding him during his class trip to Paris, I sighed in relief to see Kim and Jin approaching. Jungkook was cute, but he was still a boy in my eyes, needy and arrogant. I was fascinated by his character nonetheless, I had never met someone who could sound so full of himself, yet  still seem like just some dorky squish.

Kim and I got up to start walking towards our class building.

"Aw man, it's probably rush hour so I can't drive home even if I wanted to," he spoke to himself aloud. "What class do you guys have?"

"Psych," Kim replied as he pulled the other strap over his shoulder. 

"I might as well sit in your class," Jungkook spoke casually, as if not to sound like he actually wanted to spend more time with us.

"You do you," Kim nodded as she gestured for me to follow her. 

It was only 2:15 pm. I looked over my shoulder to Jungkook, we locked eyes again, I swear I could see his pupils dilate in those big brown eyes. I gave him a small smile before following ahead.

He ended up sitting in our class, beside me the whole time trying to jokingly distract me every now and then. Many times, he showed signs of wanting to leave, leaning over into my ear to whisper.

"When does this class end?" His voice was low and hushed and too close to my ear.

I refused to give him any reaction for satisfaction though and simply whispered back, "Not for another 45 minutes."

He ended up pulling out a book, piquing my interest even more, "A boy into reading on his spare time?!" I screamed in my head. I, _______, had never in my life seen a boy reading a book for pleasure. 

We carried on with class this way, and I just smiled thinking to myself, "Silly Jungkook, everyone knows rush hour isn't until 4pm, you're not fooling anyone you squish."

~ END OF CHAPTER 1 ~

A/N: Ho man 2/3 of these stories are 100% true tbh I may as well have said their real names. It's 2:30 AM now that i've finished this. Worth it. I am so inspired by the comeback and have been craving to start writing again. So I can't wait to get to putting my ideas for this series into ink.

[restlessmaknae]

Smile for me #5

A photographer and a girl who hates being photographed.

Pairing: wedding photographer!Jungkook x Nam Jia (OC)

Genre: fluff, comedy, romcom, slice of life

Chapters: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7

Word count: 11.7k in total

Warning: slightly tipsy Taehyung 😂

Actually, I realised that Jungkook wasn’t a bad guy.

Okay, I may have overreacted the whole thing with my insecurity concerning photographers but hey, you know what it’s like when it comes to girls! I was never the type who liked being on photos and I wasn’t even afraid to say so. Nonetheless, he didn’t deserve to be a witness of my reckless behaviour and I knew it by the time I brought him some food.

“Oh, thanks.” He snapped out of his thoughts as he saw me walking up to him with a plate full of food. “You shouldn’t have done this for me but thank you.” He bowed at my direction which was kind of weird since I didn’t usually earn such respectful response.

“You’re welcome.” I eased him with a smile as we sat down on a bench. It might sound peculiar but I enjoyed just sitting beside him while he was eating. I chattered about the dishes I had chosen for him and he nodded while his mouth was full of rice. He looked funny but I didn’t want to outright laugh at him, so I made an attempt to suppress my teasing grin.

All of a sudden, someone cleared his throat behind us and we both turned around to see who it was. I assumed that it was Mr. Grey Hair who crossed his arms and furrowed his eyebrows, making his bafflement clear but it could have been Mr. Hot Pink as well. But the latter looked surprisingly delighted to see his friend with the girl who almost strangled him 4 hours ago.

“Oh, we interrupted something?” Yoongi asked pryingly and before I could say anything, Jungkook instinctively stood up and raffled his chocolate-brown, slightly curly hair.

“No, hyung! I’ll go right away!”

“You don’t have to, kid.” The photographer raised his arms in defeat while the blondie smiled supportively. I was quite amused by the nickname he used because it was obvious that Jungkook was the youngest out of the three but he didn’t seem like someone who appreciated this particular compellation. “We were also thinking about having something for dinner.” He explained gently while letting his arms flop by his sides.

Jungkook fidgeted so anxiously that I bet that he was never as nervous in his whole life as he was now. After all, I was the one who mentally killed him for taking pictures of me and even yelled at him in public, so it wasn’t a surprise that he was ashamed, now that he was talking with me. And the other guys didn’t even know that I had already apologised.

“You can go with them if you want. I see that you’re quite uncomfortable around me.”

“No, I’m just−“ Mr. Innocent bashfully looked up at me and I could tell that he was dead wrong. Hell yeah, he was embarrassed!

“He’s just shy around strangers, especially girls.” Seokjin whispered like it was our secret but his voice had a teasing edge to it. Well, I was aware of that fact, thank you very much. Maybe Jungkook wasn’t the most outgoing person on Earth but he made quite a progress in the last hour. Until his friends showed up, he was pretty talkative and seemed just fine. But I guess it’s okay if you’re more terrified when your friends are around.

“I’m surprised that he hasn’t run away yet.” Mr. Grey Hair joined in and he was definitely donning a grin. “But it seems that everything is alright between you two.” He accentuated mildly and a half-knowing, half-questioning look came into his eyes. He wasn’t that kind of guy who tried to look scary and make me want to scamper away because I had definitely hurt his friend’s feelings but he was more like that kind of guy whose words were the ones that could kill you.

“I’m sorry for being rude to the two of you, too.” I darted between the two elder guys who had totally different reactions. Mr. Hot Pink was incredibly happy and my sudden confession made him jump in excitement while his friend merely shrugged his shoulders.

“No problem. If Jungkook accepted your apology, we’re also fine.”

“I did.” The boy blurted out but his voice was barely audible.

When everyone averted their eyes to him, he looked down at his fingers and started toying with his camera. His face was flushing red.

“And that’s okay if you’re a little harsh sometimes.” Yoongi cleared his throat and tried to clear the tension in the air. “I guess he got used to that beside me.” He finally boasted one of his gentle smiles and it made him much more attractive. If he didn’t act like a grumpy grandpa, he was quite nice.

After Yoongi’s chuckle, the next few minutes were spent in an odd silence. None of us knew what we should say or do, so we said nothing. It was hilarious since there were 3 guys around me who probably hated me hours ago and now they treated me like I was their good buddy.

“But why do you hate cameras so much?” Seokjin met my gaze, his eyes hinting at his incomprehension. I was kind of prepared for this question but not for the following compliment. “You’re pretty, so that shouldn’t be a problem.” He declared confidently like it was a fact that nobody could counter but I almost fainted.

Mr. Hot Pink was really handsome, and when a handsome guy says that you’re pretty, you tend to believe it because he must have had his definition of beauty.

Yet, I didn’t want to cherish this perfectly false statement, so I tilted my head and vigorously shook my head.

“First of all, I don’t think I am pretty and plus, I just don’t like how I come out on photos.” I snorted but Yoongi cut me off.

“Oh please, I’ve seen worse.”

“Believe him, he’s prominently honest.” The cameraman put a hand over his mouth and whispered into my ears. Upon locking eyes with Jungkook, I swore I saw a jealous glint in his onyx-black eyes. Or maybe I was wrong. Maybe, I don’t know. But that’s for sure that his shoulders stiffened as he was watching our scene which could be easily misinterpreted.

“Thanks.” I murmured, not sure about what I should say. When I peeped at the blondie, judging from how clueless he looked, he may not have noticed my hesitation. Gosh, even if I grew up with Taetae, he didn’t even compliment me, except for the times when I kicked his ass at Mario Kart. Other than that, I could have been a boy, he would probably treat me the same way, so I was definitely not used to receiving compliments.

I was praying again for someone up there to help me break this awkward silence and God must have heard my desperate words because Mr. Grey Hair finally spoke up.

“Alright, Jungkookie.” He patted the youngers’ back and started walking forth. “We’ll leave you here. It’s for your own sake. Socialise a bit!” He was already bawling the last sentences as they were getting further and further away. They literally ran away to make sure that Mr. Innocent wouldn’t follow them but I still heard as Seokjin said:

“Do you think there’s still something left off of the cake?” He asked his friend and that was it. They were gone.

Poor Jungkook was too dumbfounded to process what was happening. Aigoo, they were such cunning guys! I didn’t think that they would just leave him with me. Not after our unforgettable first encounter. It looked like they actually supported our relationship. Wait, what?! We weren’t even in a relationship!

“It looks like they love teasing you.” I let out a giggle as I sat down on the bench again. Jungkook followed me but didn’t start eating, he answered my question instead.

“As the youngest, that’s what I get.”

“Not like you mind it,” I pointed out and his sly smirk indicated that I was right. Instead of annoyance or wrath, hints of felicity and gratefulness were swimming in the onyx-black sea of his eyes.

“Not like I mind it.”

And so this is how our little conversation begun. First, he was talking about his hyungs and how they treated him, hence how he respected them. When Jungkook was young, Yoongi was his neighbour and both of them were the only kids in their family, so despite their age gap, they were spending most of their free time together. Even if it meant that they were eating out, walking along the Han River or taking photos. Yoongi was always keen on photography but Mr. Innocent wasn’t really at that time. One day, he took his friend’s camera without permission and upon seeing his works, Mr. Grey Hair encouraged him to try it out. Jungkook got a camera for the following Christmas and that’s how it all started.

Seokjin was actually Yoongi’s best friend and the three of them all attended – or used to attend − the same university; Seoul Institute of the Arts. Not to mention that they were also roommates at the flat they rented since the elder guys moved out of the dormitory after completing their degrees. Now, they had a studio with some friends where Jungkook also worked. They did this for a living while Mr. Innocent thought that it was a rewarding job besides studying. Well, he got paid well and his friends didn’t look down on him, so he stated that he was having the best time of his life with them. They had taken tons of photos for schools, companies and families, so it wasn’t a surprise that they even came to Busan for my aunt’s wedding.

The fact that at least we both lived in the same city perked me up. I didn’t know why because it wasn’t like we will ever meet again but it made my heart leap. When I didn’t ask more questions, Jungkook turned to face me and boasted one of his sheepish smiles.

“And what about you? What are you studying?”

“Biochemistry at Sungkyunkwan University.”

“What?” His jaw literally dropped and it was so funny that I couldn’t hold back my laughter.

“I really do.” I said in between laughs but he still stared at me like I was the craziest person on Earth. Believe me, I’d seen this expression on literally everyone’s face who asked me the same question. “I’ve always been interested in how biological molecules give rise to the processes that occur within living cells, so that’s how I ended up at the field of biochemistry.” I shrugged because it was interesting for me but I saw that he was still in the state of shock.

“Sorry, Miss, but were you even speaking Korean?” He wiggled his eyebrows and I knew that he wasn’t any serious about it. I playfully smacked him in the chest like we were already good friends but I didn’t really mind his teasing.

We were talking more about my studies since he was curious what kind of classes did I have to attend, what will I do for a living in the future and somehow, we even started talking about my family – aunt and Namjoon as well. The last topic was weddings when Jungkook got a text from Seokjin that they needed him for the newly-weds first dance, so we both headed to the hall. When I bid my goodbye, I was smiling like an idiot and Taehyung happened to be there when I sat down at our table.

“And you say that you don’t have a thing, hah?” He caught me completely off-guard which only resulted in my irritated grumble and my grandmother’s confused expression. Thank God that my parents were at another table with their friends, so they couldn’t see as I was trying to shut him up with covering his mouth with my hands.

Who knows if he was right or not? What if we really had a thing?

Gosh, boys were complicated.

[nanowrimo]

5 Tips for Writing a Bestseller with Ulysses

Every year, we’re lucky to have great sponsors for our nonprofit events. Ulysses, a NaNoWriMo 2017 sponsor, is a professional writing app for macOS and iOS.  Today, New York Times bestselling author Lauren Layne shares her best tips for writing books that sell:

I’m what one might call a “process-junkie”. Although I’ve been a full-time author since 2013, my background is in the corporate world, and I was on an operations team. Figuring out the best way to go about accomplishing tasks and goals was literally my day job.

And it’s a proclivity that’s carried over into my writing life. I’ve published over two-dozen books, and in my early days, half the battle was figuring out how to write those books with the most effective, stress-free system possible.

It took me a couple years and several writing programs, but I’ve finally found my Holy Grail of systems: Ulysses.

I’ve been using the writing app since 2015, and it’s the first and only program that I’ve never cheated on. In the past, I’d flit from program to program, convinced that the next one would make the writing process easier. I’ve used Ulysses for two years now, and never once wavered in my loyalty. Simply put, it works. Ulysses is built for writing quickly and writing well. Since switching to Ulysses, I’ve signed multiple book deals, hit the USA TODAY bestseller list multiple times, and even made the elusive New York Times list. Coincidence? I don’t think so.

Here are my 5 top tips for writing books that sell, as well as how I utilize Ulysses to achieve them:

1. Your story comes first.

Looking to write a book that sells? It won’t matter how compelling your characters, how nuanced your setting, how exquisite your prose if you don’t have a story—a plot. Bestsellers tend to be high-concept; they’re stories that can be described in 1-2 sentences, in what’s often known as an “elevator pitch.” 

Take a look at these examples: Orphan finds out he’s a wizard and gets sent to wizarding boarding school. Teen volunteers to take sister’s place in death match on live television. A Harvard professor follows clues left in Da Vinci paintings to solve a two-thousand year old secret. Harry Potter, The Hunger Games, and The Da Vinci Code. Three wildly successful books that pique reader interest right from the very first: “It’s a story about ...”

Even if you’re not a planner/outliner, it’s crucial to know what your story’s about before you write. Luckily, Ulysses makes it extremely easy to keep your plot front-and-center as you begin the writing process. Unlike traditional word processors where you have to work with one long scrolling document, Ulysses allows you to create “sheets” within your book’s project folder/group. The first thing I do before starting any book is to create a sheet that I label STORY. It’s where, in a single sentence, I sum up the core of the book’s plot. I’ll use other sheets/features for more detailed planning, but having a single sheet with a single sentence serves as a quick reminder of what the story’s about when I start to lose my way.

2. Think scenes, not chapters.

When I first started writing, I used to picture my manuscript as one big entity (the book) chopped by into random intervals (chapters). The result was a meandering, often boring, slog. My breakthrough came when I moved beyond books on writing to books on screenplay writing. That’s when it clicked. A book, just like a movie, is made up of scenes. Small, mini-stories, that are interesting in and of themselves. Often, those scenes are contained neatly within one chapter, but not always! Some scenes span multiple chapters, other chapters contain multiple scenes. Think of your book like a movie—something should happen in each scene. It doesn’t have to be an action scene, per say, but each scene must move the story forward in some way (even via dialog) in order to keep readers turning the pages.

Ulysses is perfectly designed for this “scene” approach to writing. I set up all of my books so that each scene gets a dedicated “sheet,” and the list of scenes sits along the left side of my screen as I write (or can be hidden, for distraction-free writing). If I want to access a particular scene, I need only to click on it from the list. No scrolling through hundreds of pages to find “that one part ...”

3. Leave breadcrumbs for yourself.

The hardest part about writing a book in a month (or writing a book at all!) is staying excited when we get to what’s known as “the sagging middle”—that part of the story where the fresh newness has worn off, and The End seems very far away. To combat this mid-book slump, I like to skim over all of the scenes I’ve already written, as well as create placeholder sheets/scenes for whats to come. As mentioned above, Ulysses makes it easy to organize your book by scene, but there’s another trick that makes this even better: by putting two “plus signs” on either side of a piece of text, you can create a note to yourself, that won’t show up in the final document. For example, I can also remind myself what Chapter Twelve is about by putting two plus signs around this chunk of text at the top of my Ulysses sheet for that scene:

++Jennifer shows up late for work (again) after her son’s morning asthma attack, and her boss, while sympathetic, tells Jennifer that it’s simply not working out. She’s fired. As she’s carrying her box of things to her car, the box breaks. It starts to rain as the scene ends, and Jennifer thinks she’s officially hit rock bottom.++

The above text will show up for me in Ulysses, but the plus signs tell Ulysses not to export that particular “note to self” in the final Word document. Not only does this scene summary make for easy quick reference looking back at what you’ve already written, but it can serve as motivation/ inspiration on future scenes! You can see the crux of that exciting climax scene waiting to be written, even if you’re not quite there yet.

4. Break the writing rules.

I used to think there was one “right way” to write a novel—that precise writing was good writing. I’d agonize that all of my chapters had to be roughly the same length, and at least 2,000 words. I’d think that if I did alternating POVs at the start of the book, I had to keep that going throughout the entire book. I thought that one-sentence paragraphs weren’t allowed. Or that you could never ever start a sentence with but or so, and that sentence fragments were completely off limits. I followed all the rules, published a few books with a big publisher... and sold almost no books, and made almost no money.

I figured if I wasn’t going to make much money from my books, I might as well have some fun with it! So, I started breaking rules. If a particular scene ended up at 898 words, and I loved the idea of it being its own chapter, I did that, even if the surrounding chapters were 3,000+. I once wrote a book where 80% was the heroine’s POV in first person, 20% was the male POV in third- person. I’ve written scenes made up primarily of text messages.

And you know what happened when I started breaking rules? I started hitting bestseller lists. Breaking rules and trying something different doesn’t mean you’re a bad writer—it means you’re developing your own style. This again is where Ulysses really shines. Traditional word processors force you to see your book in a very “finished” format, even in your earliest drafts. You may not realize it, but this “formal” appearance can really hamper any creative innovation. Ulysses provides freedom of structure, and because it’s a Markdown editor, you’ll be focused on what your words and stories are, rather than whether they or not they adhere to the “rules.”

5. Push through to the end.

Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, don’t stop until you reach the end! This seems so obvious, but it’s truly the most crucial advice I can give. A finished book is what separates authors from writers. Writers write. They put words on a page. But they also sometimes stop. Authors push through to the end so they have something to publish. Confession: my official story is that I wrote my first book in 2011, but the truth is, I tried NaNoWriMo 3 times in the early 2000s. I’d always start out November strong, excited about my new story, already envisioning the mansion I’d buy when I edged out Stephen King in book sales. All three of those times, I quit before even reaching 30,000 words. But the strange thing: it was never a sudden stop. It’s not as though I was on an inspired writing tear one day, and then would just abruptly abandon the book the next day. It was slow. Subtle. I’d tell myself that I had writer’s block, and just needed to “reevaluate” my story, and go back to fiddling with the my outline. Or tweaking my notes. I’d tell myself that I just needed a little time away from my story, and would watch TV instead. Or I’d tell myself that my problem was lack of organization. I’d spend hours (yes, hours) in my then-writing program, playing with formatting and cork boards and style editors. Slowly, I’d fall further and further behind in my word count, until finally I just... quit.

This is why Ulysses is so crucial. I know I sound like a broken record, but Ulysses is one of the few programs that gets it right. It keeps the focus on what matters: words. But with just enough organization prowess so that you don’t lose your way.

Lauren Layne is the New York Times bestselling author of over a dozen romantic comedies. A former e-commerce and web marketing manager from Seattle, Lauren relocated to New York City in 2011 to pursue a full-time writing career. She lives with her husband in midtown Manhattan.

[rejectedembers]

Firebrant: Shades of Magic

So, here I go again, being a hypercritical bitch about a beloved book, or, rather, series. I want to make it clear right off the bat that I LOVE this series; I love the characters, I love the setting, I love the writing. I’d read this series again in a heartbeat, and no doubt eventually will. That doesn’t mean that I don’t see its flaws and weaknesses, or at least see what it could have been.

Spoilers inbound.

Without a doubt, this series’s biggest strength is its characters. I would even venture out in saying that Schwab doesn’t write characters, but rather people for how real they feel. A big part of this stems from her enchanting, but not overly flowery style of writing; descriptions never overstay their welcome. But these are all things you discover the more you read. The series’s major draw, however, is its setting, or at least that’s what the premise would have you believe.

The blurb on A Darker Shade of Magic immediately informs you of the parallel Londons (Red, Grey, White, and Black), and how only Antari can travel between the worlds. My assumption upon picking up this novel was that the inter-dimensional travel was going to play a significant part in the upcoming tale, and it does...for the first book. But once you get into book 2, characters seem to barely ever travel between the worlds. 

This is especially noticeable in the third book where I don’t think they traveled outside of the Red world at all to resolve the main conflict within the plot. Traveling could have easily been facilitated without even changing much of the plot: the MacGuffin the protags are after could totally have wound up in one of the other worlds at some point in time (I’ll elaborate more on this later). It’s especially annoying since we get constant reminders via Ned’s chapters of how Osaron’s magic seems to be seeping into the other worlds. It’s like Schwab is dangling the possibility of going there in our faces only to never deliver on this promise.

Honestly, the big problem here is simply a lack of world-building. When Schwab does spend time describing even the small, insignificant parts of everyday life, the setting really comes to life. I had very little difficulty imagining all of the Londons despite the fact that I’ve never even been to a single London in my own reality. But after establishing these settings in the first book, Schwab rarely returns to world-building from the perspective of the past. Events and characters become very grounded in the present, and even in flashbacks the focus is generally on the characters and what they were experiencing internally. The Red, White, and even Black worlds start to feel like there just isn’t much history to them, when that can’t possibly be true. And while I agree that it would have been rather tedious to sit through pages and pages of a character expounding on the “grand history of Arnes” or something of the like, there is something in particular that irks me when it comes to the lack of history.

The Antari play such a large role in the series, and yet after everything is said and done, you don’t actually get to know all that much about them. You get to know tonnes about the Antari characters, but almost nothing of the Antari themselves, their culture, their historical roles. Granted, part of the appeal of the Antari is that even they can’t answer what they really are, where their powers came from, why they were chosen, but how Antari come to be and what they decide to do with themselves afterwards are two entirely different groups of questions. It’s mentioned that there were once dozens if not hundreds of Antari prior to the catastrophe that happened in Black London. I find it hard to believe that, even if they each had their own loyalties, some of them wouldn’t have come together to create a unique culture. Even, at least, something more or less academic, trying to find answers to the question of how Antari come to be. 

I was really disappointed to find that the lore of the Antari was never expanded upon. More information on the Antari could have provided a lot of substance to many different areas of the story. The Antari characters could have learnt something about themselves while delving deeper into the mysteries of their predecessors, the concept of a culture of inter-dimensional travelers opens up more opportunities to include traveling in the story, and the plot could have received some much needed resolution for several key questions (I’ll expand on this later, too). 

This leads us to the overarching plot of books 2 and 3, easily the weakest part of the series. I love a good “save the world” plot as much as the next fantasy junkie, but I feel like it was just tackled lazily here: some evil force shows up, threatening to destroy all that the characters love, and they are the only ones who can defeat it. Other than that, there’s not much else to say about the main conflict, no twists or turns in the structure that keep you on your toes. A large chunk of the time was just waiting for the characters to find a solution they can start working on so they can finally have something to do. 

It doesn’t help that Osaron is one of the least compelling villains I’ve read about recently. I feel that Schwab was aiming to make him both a threatening, alien force unable to be reasoned with or properly comprehended by mortals, and a relatable human-ish being with desires and personality. I find him to be a failure on both ends, since the addition of some aspect of humanity completely destroys the image of him as an imposing, unbeatable entity, and he never reaches a level of depth and complexity that the human characters do, making him seem more like a caricature of a villainous person than anything. And this comes in stark contrast to Athos and Astrid, the villains from the first book, although you don’t even know they are the true villains until at least halfway into the novel. They were quite compelling for how they were very human and yet very, very twisted, and I really wished there had been more with them, especially for how they could have contrasted with Holland, showing us what White London is versus what it could be. Obviously, Athos still would have had to die, but it would have been interesting to see Astrid try for revenge or something of the like.

All in all, I don’t think the structure of the series helped. The first book very much feels like a standalone; one or two elements don’t get completely solved, but I also don’t think it was necessary to have seen them get resolved to have still had a full story experience. And while the first book provides set up, the plot of A Darker Shade of Magic feels entirely separate from the plot of A Gathering of Shadows and A Conjuring of Light, and because of this, the entire series feels stilted. Books 2 and 3 are so intertwined they might as well be one book, but the jump from book 1 to 2 is downright jarring in comparison. To be honest, I prefer the jump from 1 to 2 over 2 to 3, but considered as a whole, the lack of a continuous plot through all three books (or the lack of dedication to a series of single book adventures) definitely makes it seem like Schwab only intended to write one book but somehow came out with three.

In general, I would have liked to see a story that had an overarching plot, but included smaller moments of drama and adventure within. The characters are what really make this series stand out, and they shine the brightest when they interact with each other. They needed more time together, conversing and taking part in some action, solving problems together. Setting up almost episodic mini-arcs would have provided a good platform for this.

When it comes to leaving the main plot (mostly) intact, the ending could have been a bit more like this. Lenos could have known of an Inheritor due to his Antari grandmother, and, through tracing its path, they discover that she smuggled it to one of the other worlds (providing a little validation for Kell). Thus, our three Antari travel to either White or Grey London (perhaps Lenos’s grandmother sent it somewhere it could do no harm), and take part in their own little adventure to retrieve it. This would also provide an ideal chance to have them discover and learn from each other and/or their surroundings something about Antari history and culture. Meanwhile, Alucard stays behind with Rhy, and the two discuss what happened in the past (I’m not sure it’s ever explained why Alucard can’t just tell Rhy the truth. Is there a reason why Rhy may not believe him without proof? Seriously, it bugged me how they just never talked it out.). Rhy forgives him either then or later, and Alucard should have a moment where we see him protecting Rhy, making Rhy’s choice later on to have Alucard be an official protector make more sense, especially politically since there would have been witnesses. The three Antari eventually return, and execute their attack (or still have to travel to the ship market since maybe the Inheritor got smuggled around again). The point is the majority of the time spent mostly just sitting around the palace struggling to find a solution would be cut out, or relegated to some much more concise Rhy/Alucard chapters.

There are a few other disappointments I had with the series. Ojka, while an interesting character, is never really given much to do, a moment to shine. Most of the chapters involving her feature her internal thoughts about Holland and what he’s done, but not what she’s done. It feels like she was built up to be and do more, and so is far too quickly killed off. 

I’m also disappointed that there wasn’t some deeper connection revealed between Osaron and the Antari. I really got the sense after A Darker Shade of Magic that there was something about the Antari specifically that resulted in Vitari not being able to immediately take over their minds and bodies, something more than just “they are extra magical and thus extra magically resistant”. Once I got a bit into A Gathering of Shadows, I theorized that everything from Black London, including stones, was a piece of Osaron via his magic, and that Vitari was just a branch of Osaron’s consciousness. Thus, whatever special connection Vitari had to the Antari also applied to Osaron. 

After more solid evidence was given to suggest Delilah was Antari, I came up with a more fully-fledged theory: Osaron was to be the Black London Antari, or at least used to be one prior to absorbing all of the Black world’s magic. This would check out with the general pattern that was emerging: one Antari from each of the worlds. It also made sense logically as only an Antari should have been capable of whatever magic resulted in Osaron claiming it all in his own world. Not to mention this would explain the relative lack of/access to knowledge on the Antari; one of their own practically destroyed an entire reality, and they would not want that happening again. The magic, thus, that connected Osaron/Vitari to the Antari was more than just power, but some mystical tie that exists between Antari. Obviously, this is not what happened at all.

I have a few other, smaller nitpicks. I really wanted to see Kell and Alucard face off in the tournament just to experience the absolute bitterness that would be Kell after being forced to throw the match or else be caught. This would have contrasted well in a later scene of Kell and Alucard fighting side-by-side and discovering that they work well together. I also wanted to see more adventures aboard the Night Spire. It could have been more removed from London, or at least on the outskirts and so available to the group. In any case, the ship got a lot of play early on and build up in general for something much bigger, and for it to pretty much never come back in the main plot was disappointing. Pretty much everything with Ned and King George the IV was a waste of time. I was really hoping that that subplot would go somewhere if only to allow for some inter-dimensional traveling, but unfortunately not. I’m not a fan, either, of the decision to make the series rather dark and depressing by the third book. I understand that the situation was meant to be dire and “real” and adult, but it started to feel cheap once characters just started getting killed off left and right. 

Also, while I feel that the characters were very well-written, there is one thing concerning Kell that has bugged me since the end of the first book: he never seems to feel any real guilt over sending Holland to Black London. Admittedly, Holland was the aggressor, and so I can see Kell not feeling overly guilty about besting him and pretty much killing him in their last duel, but Kell is an Antari and he knows that they heal faster than most and can recover from some otherwise pretty nasty injuries. So, it kind of baffles me that his excuse for why it’s alright that he sends Holland to Black London is because Kell’s sure the other Antari is going to die anyways. Holland did end up recovering, so I just feel that maybe Kell should have known better than to assume. 

In any case, Kell’s never really forced to confront any guilt over the fact that the whole situation is entirely his fault even if it was simply a chain of consequences from one unfortunate choice. The closest we get is that he, eventually, sympathizes with Holland and the poor treatment he’s getting from everyone, because, had he given in at the end of book 2, Osaron would have used his body to get to Red London. If anything, though, this consequence didn’t feel like a result of a decision Kell made, but rather one that Holland made when he first found Osaron in Black London. The reason for Kell’s guilt or regret should come from the decision he made back in book 1 to send Holland to Black London, but there’s never get a good scene of him mulling over this fact, or even approaching Holland about it in a meaningful way. There’s also, that I can remember, no mention of Kell ever feeling that he should be completely responsible for finding a solution to the situation he inadvertently caused. Even if he never vocalizes it, or tries to go out on his own, he just never even thinks about it, and I just find it so incredibly odd that a character like Kell never feels the depth of that guilt either towards Holland or the entirety of Red London.

So, that’s all I have to say on this series, I hope. I do really love this series. It captured me from the onset, and even as I sat there with a critique starting to form in my brain, I couldn’t help but want to read more, for it to go on forever. My complaints are largely things I’ve noticed in retrospect, and aren’t about to deter me from picking up these books again. The Shades of Magic series deserves all the praise it gets, and I hope this rant doesn’t deter anyone from loving it any less.