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jalapeno-princess · 4 years

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Just Weren’t Meant To Be

(THE BICEPS) (I’M SCREAMING)

Mark Tuan X Reader

Word Count: 10K

Genre: Angsty Angst, Lovers to Ex’s

Summary: You find yourself returning back to California after four years of being away in order to attend the wedding of your best friend BamBam. Although you were more than excited to spend time with your family and to show your soon-to-be husband Jinyoung around the place you were born and raised, there was a specific person you weren’t all too excited to have to see again. Your first love, Mark Tuan.

A/N: Based on the song “Home from the summer” by Sara Kay. I heard this song a couple of days ago and the story just came out like it normally does after I finish listening to a song. I started writing Chapter four in the “Crazy little thing called love” series, but I’m going to be honest--I’m having a little bit of writer’s block with that story and I’m frustrated because I want to hurry up and finish the series because I have a lot of other ideas planned, but my life is all over the place right now and so is this story. But I hope you all enjoy it anyway. Happy reading!

We started getting close Freshman year, when all our friends were smoking cigarettes And we couldn't stand that secondhand smoke So we'd leave and drive around until you had to drop me off at home Swear that was yesterday But in two weeks I'd be moving south And you'd be moving to a town that I had never heard of I wish we had more time, why did I ever wanna grow up? You said you'll see me When we're home for the summer We won't have to work so we're gonna Do whatever the hell we wanna 'Cause we know that one day we'll be Gone from each other

Hey Mark?”

“Hm?”

“What do you want to be when you grow up?”

You and your best friend Mark were currently lying on his roof, gazing at the stars while talking about how he needed to take his car to the auto repair shop when you found yourself curious about the future. The two of you were currently in your senior year of high school and it didn’t occur to you how time practically came and went in the blink of an eye. It felt like it was just yesterday you and the boy who’s face was smashed against your navel were introduced to one another.

Back in freshman year, there was one night that your best friend BamBam was meant to pick you up from a coffee shop after you worked on a group project for more than three hours. Two of your group members were actually upperclassman and they offered to drop you off, but because BamBam already agreed to doing so—you politely declined. However, you found yourself waiting almost twenty minutes after they all left just to get a response back from the older boy. Seeing as how you’ve been friends with him for almost five years, you should have been aware of the fact that he had a tendency to make multiple plans with different people.

“Y/n—shit, I was supposed to pick you up tonight wasn’t I? I’m so fucking sorry—ah, I’m like forty minutes away; let me call you a cab. I’ll pay for it—wait, I have a better idea. I have a friend who lives right by the shopping mall, I’m sure he wouldn’t mind taking you home. He owes me one anyway. I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”

You wanted to yell at him; how could he be so irresponsible and forget about the favor he was the one to offer in the first place. He was completely aware that you were the definition of an introvert. Sometimes, you had a hard time processing the fact that you both were friends in the first place. You and BamBam were complete opposites; he was outgoing and extremely friendly.

His bright and bubbly personality was one that you were always jealous of. You couldn’t talk to someone for more than five minutes without having a mental breakdown. A part of you wanted to say no; although you and BamBam had such a tight-knit friendship, there were still some things about him that you had no idea about. His group of friends; the ones he’d hang out with when he wasn’t with you just so happened to be a mystery to you.

The only thing you knew about them were their faces. You didn’t know any of their names; nor have you been introduced with any of them, but it was because BamBam claimed that he wanted to keep you all to himself. He was extremely protective over you. From the time you both were kids, BamBam was like your shadow.

Everywhere you went, best believe he was right there with you—no matter where or when. You were the only person in his life that has been a constant and he was going to make sure it stayed that way. When Mark arrived less than ten minutes after you got off the phone with BamBam, you were mentally thanking him for his failure to be your ride home.

Sure, you believed your best friend was one of the most attractive boys you’ve seen in your life, but the minute he parked the car and made his way over to you, your heart felt as if it was about to jump out of your chest and in to his hands. He was beautiful in a way that you didn’t think boys were capable of being. His smile—God, it had to be the prettiest one to have been sent your way.

“Hey, you must be y/n. I’m Mark. I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner—and I’m even sorrier that you have BamBam as a friend. Let’s get you home.”

You didn’t know what to expect on the ride back to your house, but laughing till your stomach hurt was the last thing you thought would have happened. What started off as a simple joke about how BamBam has the attention span of a puppy turned in to a vast conversation about how gummy worms were way better than gummy frogs. You didn’t think you would’ve had as much fun as you did, but now that you knew of Mark Tuan and how he was like, you wouldn’t be able to get enough of him.

“Let me think, oooh! Rich—hahahaha! I’m kidding—well, not really. I actually wouldn’t mind being an astronaut!” You playfully rolled your eyes before shoving him off of your lap at the sound of his unrealistic expectations.

“Mark, I’m being serious.”

“And so am I! What? You don’t think I’d be able to get a job at NASA and float through outer space—fine. But I don’t know what you mean by “when we grow up.” Y/n, we’re months away from becoming adults. We’re old.”

You giggled softly at the way he whined when talking about how old the two of you were going to be. Unlike Mark who hated the idea of aging and having to prepare for the real world, you were excited to finally go off to college and possibly get a job that allowed you to travel the world. You still had yet to decide exactly what major you planned on studying, but you knew you wanted to go away for college.

Studying abroad has been a dream of yours for as long as you could remember. One thing you really enjoyed was learning more about many different cultures around the world and you’d find yourself reaching at any opportunity offered that would allow you to actually pursue your dreams. Mark on the other hand, couldn’t give less of a shit about what field he was going in to.

The boy hated school with a passion and if it weren’t for your nagging and the constant need to force him to complete his work, Mark was pretty sure he would have flunked at least two—if not all of his classes if you weren’t so persistent with his education. That was only one of the many things Mark adored about you. You were the only person who genuinely cared about his success—his well-being, his happiness and just him in general. Honestly, Mark couldn’t care less about what his future held. As long as you were in it, he’d be content. Even if it meant he worked in a grocery store bagging people’s items or being a tailor for elderly men.

“I can’t give you an actual answer because I have no clue. I just want to work somewhere that I will be happy working for. What about you? Do you have an idea or have you brainstormed what you’re going to do once we graduate?”

You contemplated his question for a couple of seconds. For some odd reason, you felt as if you shouldn’t tell him of your plans; you were afraid of his reaction once you were to admit you had every intention of leaving California knowing that Mark had every intention of living there for the rest of his life. California was your home; it was all you’ve known for the last eighteen years of your life. It was time for you to make new memories elsewhere. As much as you hated lying to him, it broke your heart even more watching his defeated facial expression when he heard something he wished he rather not have.

“I don’t know. I just want a job I won’t stress over. A job that I will sincerely enjoy and not cry over because of how difficult the work is.” He hummed in agreement before sitting up and looking at you with an expression you’ve never seen him give you before. There was a certain glint in his eye—you couldn’t put your finger on it, but you did particularly enjoy the warm feeling his gaze caused to your chest.

“I don’t care what my occupation ends up being, where I end up living, what kind of house I end up purchasing or the car I end up driving—all I care about are the people that are in my life and I know you are going to be one of them. Hell, you’re the only one that I need y/n.”

You didn’t know how you were able to stay away from California for so long. Four years was an extensive amount of time to have been away from the place you called home, but you were too busy living out the life you’ve only dreamt of when you were old enough to realize what dreaming was. Right after you graduated from high school, you wasted no time in packing your bags and traveling thousands of miles away to Europe.

Out of all the places in the world to choose from, you decided to go with Europe specifically because of how beautiful the scenery and architecture were. Studying abroad had to be both the best and the worst decision you’ve ever made in your life. Sure, you were given the chance of a lifetime; being able to visit all these different countries at the prime age of only nineteen was something that most people could only fantasize about. But it was at the cost of losing your favorite person in the entire world. You haven’t seen or heard from Mark since the night that you left for Italy.

Most of your friends were more than happy to hear of your plans. Mark on the other hand wasn’t too fond of the idea—at all. In fact, he was selfish. He begged you to stay and he told you he was willing to do whatever he had to in order to prevent you from leaving. You couldn’t blame him for the way he was acting—only a couple months before your high school graduation, both you and Mark agreed on taking your relationship further than the friendship you’ve shared for years.

It wasn’t an overnight decision; your feelings for Mark only grew the longer you were friends with him for and when he asked you to be his girlfriend, it only confirmed that he felt the same way. If you thought that Mark already was an amazing friend, he was an even better boyfriend. He was already such a patient, kind-hearted and very generous person to everyone he knew. But you were the lucky person who got to see and experience how loving and tender Mark could be in a relationship.

Before you; Mark was never one to date. Dating was not in his vocabulary. He wasn’t necessarily a fuckboy like you considered most of his friends to be. Every girl he would get involved with knew of his intentions. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to get in to a relationship. There were times that he would get lonely and crave the presence of someone other than his friends and family. He just didn’t care about the domestic part that came with having a girlfriend.

Mark felt like he was still too young to worry about impressing someone, keeping in contact and constantly having to texting someone, changing himself to be someone his significant other would be proud of—all he wanted to focus on was living freely without a care in the world before life actually became all the more difficult. Once he realized that he was falling for you, he knew he was screwed—yet at the same time, it felt good because it was you.

When he found himself missing you on the days he couldn’t see you or right after he would drop you home, when he’d find himself calling you up in the middle of the night because he wanted to hear your voice, when he began cancelling on outings with his friends in order to spend time with you, he knew he had found someone who meant more to him than life itself. He wanted to do better—be better for you.

Falling in love with you had to be the easiest and honestly the best thing Mark has ever done. You’ve captivated his heart in ways that he never thought was possible for him to experience. Mark never felt like he was capable of loving someone nor receiving love from anyone other than his family. But when the two of you began dating, all he ever wanted to do was love you and be loved by you—and only you.

Your relationship lasted for eight months and deep down in your heart, you knew you wanted to spend the rest of your life with him. You were willing to give up on your dreams in order to continue your relationship with Mark. There were many opportunities out there for you that didn’t require having to leave—and you were sure that you would one day be able to experience traveling the world; hopefully by that time, you’d be able to go with Mark.

Everything you ever wanted to do, you wanted him right by your side when accomplishing it. Sure, there was so much more out there that the world had to offer, but there was only one Mark Tuan. Mark was the one to show you what love was. He taught you how to fall in love with yourself; he made you love the things you hated about yourself simply because he loved everything about you. You felt as if you were the most beautiful girl in the entire world because he looked at you and treated you as though you were the most ethereal goddess that he just so happened to have the honor in being able to call his.

The two of you were still so young to really understand that being in love also meant making sacrifices for the people you truly cared about. As much as you hated the idea of being away from him, you wanted your cake and you wanted to eat it too. You were willing to keep a long distance relationship because you felt it with your entire being that Mark was your person and that he was the one you would settle down and start a family with.

The two of you spent every single day of summer together. Some days, you would do something quite eventful. Mark was a daredevil and loved anything adventurous. Hiking, scuba diving, zip lining and even skydiving were only a few of the many activities you did together. On the days that you were too lazy to even get out of bed, you would stay in and watch movies together—sometimes it led to kissing—which usually led to you on your knees bringing Mark to heaven more than once in your love making session.

You could only hope that he would have wanted to wait for you; but you were well aware that it was too much to ask for. He might have told you on a daily basis that he loved you with every beat of his pathetic heart, but sometimes love just wasn’t enough to keep someone in your life. The day that you left for Europe was the same day that he told you he couldn’t handle it. He claimed that you chose your dreams over him and that if it were him in your shoes, he would have chose you.

It hurt—hearing him talk so negatively about something you’ve wanted to do for longer than you could count on your hands made you feel so dejected. Mark of all people should’ve been the one to support you; to cheer you on in each and every one of your endeavors. It made you feel as though he didn’t love you as much as you thought he did. If he genuinely cared about you, he would’ve gave long distance a try.

You knew you were going to miss him, and that you would be miserable not being able to have him around. But you would rather be in a relationship with him even if it meant being a world away from one another than to be with anyone else you’d get to see everyday. Your heart felt as if it could break right then and there knowing that he didn’t have the same mindset as you. Losing Mark was a pain that was so hard to bare. He was in your life—your daily routine for over four years.

He made you laugh on the days that it didn’t even feel possible to omit any kind of emotion let alone a lively one. He held you and whispered sweet nothings in to your hair when you felt as if the entire world was against you. He kissed your cheeks as a distraction from your studies and held your hand as a way of comfort when you were in a crowded area. How were you supposed to live without the only person who gave you the will to live in the first place.

Mark was the only person and honestly the only thing you could really look forward to when you’d wake up in the morning. He was all your heart knew and wanted to know. What were you supposed to do and how could you possible go on without him?

“Babe—you’re dozing off again. Everything okay? I know it’s been a while since you’ve been back home, so let me know if you want to stop somewhere and take a small rest.”

You looked at your boyfriend who was currently driving the two of you to a hotel near your parents house. Park Jinyoung was an angel; an actual prince. Not only was he painstakingly handsome, irritatingly intelligent and extremely polite, but he had such a big heart. It honestly irritated you how perfect he actually was. You and Jinyoung had just gotten engaged a little over two months ago and you didn’t think that anyone would have been able to fill the hole in your heart that Mark caused when he broke up with you all those years ago. You didn’t think you’d be able to love anyone the way you loved him; but then again—you considered the love you had for Mark to be immature and silly.

The two of you were still teenagers at the time. You still had yet to really experience what love actually felt like—or at least that’s what you kept telling yourself in attempts to rid the thought of him from your mind completely. Sure, you loved Jinyoung more than you would ever be able to express to him; but there was still a tiny little part of you that missed Mark and wished that it was his ring on your finger.

Even when you first met Jinyoung while in a cute little cafe in Paris while you both were studying abroad and began dating him not too long after meeting, you were still holding on to a thread of hope that Mark was going to welcome you back home with open arms once your time in Europe was over with. You’d find yourself looking at your phone every now and then, waiting for a text from him telling you that he made a mistake and that he wanted you back in his life.

That he would be willing to continue your relationship and that everything would be okay between the two of you—but nothing ever came and you haven’t heard from him or seen him since you left. You gave up on him entirely and allowed Jinyoung to break down the walls that you’ve spent so much time building up after the break up. There were some days that you felt like Jinyoung deserved better; he deserved someone with less baggage and turmoil that came from your previous relationship. You didn’t feel the need to mention Mark, nor did you want him knowing that you were still harboring feelings for your ex-boyfriend, but it was only natural for you to do so.

He was your friend before he was your boyfriend—honestly, you began regretting ever agreeing to be in a relationship with him. No matter how much you liked him before you dated, you would have rather stayed friends with him and at least have him in your life as just a friend than to not have him at all. You smiled softly to your boyfriend before placing your hand on his thigh and squeezing it gently.

“I’m good—I just, I don’t know how I’m going to react when I see my friends from high school. Most of them I haven’t even talked to since graduation. Oh, I’m going to warn you, my family can be a little —much. They’re all going to be at the wedding, so I’m just preparing you for all the madness before you can get upset with me for not telling you sooner. BamBam and I have been friends for so many years and since we were always together, our families ended up growing close to one another also—so yeah. His family might even approach you also and I just want to apologize beforehand. You might just want to leave me after the festivities are over and I wouldn’t blame you.”

His laughter that you’ve grown to adore in the last few months filled the entirety of the rent-a-car and you had a huge feeling that if you were to look at him right now, his eyes would be scrunched while crinkles would appear right under. You didn’t think that someone who was just a couple of months away from turning twenty-seven years old could possess such an adorable, high pitched giggle; but here he was, proving you wrong like he did with almost everything you had your doubts about.

Jinyoung never gave you a reason to question your self-worth, nor did he ever do anything to make you insecure. You received at least one compliment almost every single day from him whether it was about your appearance or your personality. In the beginning of your relationship, it came as a surprise to you when you found yourself growing jealous whenever you caught girls ogling over him—but it was inevitable. Anyone with good eyesight could see how gorgeous your fiancé was.

He stood out in a crowd not only because he was almost six feet tall, but because he had very unique and exotic features. His eyebrows were nicely shaped; he had a sharp jawline, well-defined cheekbones, a cute little button nose and his lips were very plump. You were also quick with observing how a lot of his classmates would look at you with either jealousy or disgust.

Jinyoung had explained to you that before he applied to study abroad, he made a pact with himself that he would focus on his education and put his love life on hold until he graduated with his bachelor’s degree in criminology. For the first couple of months, he was doing quite well. Although he did see a few girls he believed were very pretty, none of them really caught his attention for more than a couple of seconds.

When Jinyoung first approached you in the café, he had no idea you would mean as much to him as you did now. All he wanted to do was ask you about the book you were reading. R.L. Stine had to be one of his favorite authors, but when he saw your cheeks flush as he stood at the corner of your table, he couldn’t have given less of a shit about the novel you were holding in your hands. He wanted to learn more about you; what you were doing in France, if you were an avid reader, how you liked your coffee in the mornings and if you’ve seen any episodes of the office.

The last time he’s ever felt his heart race over a girl was back in the seventh grade. He felt like something was wrong with him for not feeling the desire to chase after girls the way his friends used to, but he believed being single and putting his education first was worth it. Not only was he interning at one of the most prestigious law offices South Korea had to offer, but he was just months away from marrying the person he considered the love of his life.

It didn’t take him too long to come to the conclusion that he was in love with you. He was actually embarrassed to admit just how quickly he found himself putting you and the four letter word in the same sentence together. However, if he could go back in time, he would’ve admitted what he felt to you sooner.

“Don’t apologize baby—it’s understandable. They must all be excited to see you again, so it’s a given that they’ll be curious. Especially seeing as how you’re engaged. A couple of trivial questions aren’t going to drive me away. You’re going to be my wife in February, so there’s no getting rid of me now or at all for that matter. You’re stuck with me forever; so I’m going to put up with whatever you consider is embarrassing, crazy or unnecessary. I mean look—I’ve seen you through your stinky morning breath, your drunken stupors, the many times you’ve cried over school, that one time you broke out in hives because you didn’t know you were allergic to pollen and I still think you are the most exceptionally beautiful and indescribably wonderful human to walk this earth. Everything is going to be fine y/n and even if things don’t turn out the way you want them to, I’ll be right by your side to protect and keep you away from anyone or anything that could possibly make you uncomfortable.”

His kind speech tugged on your heartstrings in the sweetest way. Jinyoung’s words never failed to make you smile. Sometimes you’d find yourself tearing up at how thoughtful he could be. You weren’t going to lie; of course you invited Jinyoung to tag along with you to BamBam’s wedding because you wanted all your friends and family to meet the man you were planning on spending the rest of your life with. However, that wasn’t the only reason.

It was evident that Mark was going to be at the wedding whether you liked it or not. From what you’ve heard, he and BamBam were still very close friends and the last thing you needed was to see him with someone else while you were all by yourself. You hated the fact that you still thought about Mark every now and then. Not only did he break your heart and make you feel as if you weren’t worth waiting around for, but he made you feel as if your feelings, your dreams and your passions were invalid all because he was so in over his head and only cared about himself and his needs.

What did it matter if he was in a relationship—or if he was just like you; moments away from marrying someone else. That’s life. You told yourself if you were to see him, you’d pretend like he didn’t exist but honestly, what good would that do? You were older now and you believed you were way passed your grudge against him. The man on your left, singing along to Post Malone off-key while tapping his hands on the wheel was the only person you cared about now.

Since this was Jinyoung’s first time in California, you decided to keep your arrival a secret from everyone other than your parents. You didn’t want his first memory of being in the sunshine state to be of people pulling him here and there, asking him about his job, how the two of you met and what he did in his free time. You also wanted some alone time with him before everyone could get acquainted with him and possibly desire his full attention.

For the first couple of days, you and Jinyoung drove all around California; you brought him to the neighborhood you grew up in, showed him the schools you attended when you were younger, took him to Venice beach and the Santa Monica pier. You even surprised him with tickets to go to Disneyland. Honestly, it was nice taking a breather from the harsh reality that adulting brought both you and your soon-to-be husband. In those three days, you’ve gotten to witness how much of a child at heart Jinyoung is and how excited he would get at the littlest things. He pulled you everywhere around the park and you both ate almost all the cutely decorated treats they had to offer.

On the day of BamBam’s wedding, you didn’t wake up until you had to start getting ready. You were on vacation; waking up at three in the afternoon was normal. Even more so because Jinyoung kept you up all night ramming himself inside of you at a deliciously rough and jack rabbit like pace. Your legs were practically jelly and you mentally cursed him for being a little too animalistic the night before.

You didn’t think much of your outfit when you first purchased it; a simple maroon colored strapless dress that showed off just the right amount of cleavage to leave little to the imagination yet still very classy that hugged your curves perfectly. Witnessing Jinyoung’s jaw drop as soon as he saw you with both your hair and makeup done made your heart flutter. He wasted no time in briskly walking over to you and bringing his hand up to grip at your hips.

“You know—we could skip this entire thing and just send a gift to the lucky couple later. I kind of—I mean, I need to show you exactly what seeing you in that dress is doing to me. I’m sure you see my painfully hardened erection through these slacks. You look so fucking beautiful baby—you’ll probably give the bride a run for her money. How much time do we have left? Do you think I could at least eat you out—“

You playfully shoved him away from you and continued with the finishing touches on your hair. “Finish getting ready you horndog; that dress shirt isn’t going to iron itself. Chop chop babe, get moving. Stop that, I can see you undressing me with your eyes Park Jinyoung. If you are a good boy, I’ll let you take my dress off as soon as we arrive back here.”

He released such a cute sigh; one that he always seemed to give you whenever he didn’t get his way but it was quickly replaced with a grin right after you promised him the latter. Your fiancé stole a chaste kiss from the corner of your mouth before making his way in to the bathroom to finish fixing his hair. As soon as the two of you were both done getting ready, you made your way over to the hotel BamBam was having his reception at.

All of a sudden, your calm exterior was now distraught and worried beyond belief. Not even the comforting touch of Jinyoung’s hand wrapped around the back of your nape could sooth your nerves. There was a 95% chance you were going to see Mark tonight and you were afraid that something bad was going to happen. With a few deep breaths, you tried your best to think about anything but the possibility of tonight ending in ruins.

It didn’t take too long for you and Jinyoung to find the hotel; there were at least fifteen different signs scattered around the area and you were sure BamBam set them up with every intention of gaining the attention of pedestrians, drivers and anyone passing by. The thought of how he never changed at all made you giggle softly. Your best friend was always an attention seeker and now that he was getting married, you knew he was going to use this night as an advantage to be the center of attention.

There were hundreds of cars in the parking lot and you recognized a couple belonging to some of Bambam’s aunts, uncles and cousins. You saw a few of them leaving their cars and walking over towards the lobby. Tonight was supposed to be a happy night—but you felt like you were on the verge of throwing up. You were mentally preparing yourself to bump in to Mark. Although it’s been years since the breakup and you were completely over him, you didn’t know how you would react if he were to come up to you in the hopes of starting a conversation. After he parked the car, Jinyoung reached over the console and squeezed your thigh to get your attention.

“Come on babe, the sooner we go in and join the party, the faster we can leave and I can take this dress off of you like you promised.”

You playfully rolled your eyes and giggled at his all but innocent insinuation before getting out from your side of the car. Jinyoung was quick to take his place by your side; he grabbed your purse and immediately intertwined your hands together. Something about his presence was exceedingly calming. No matter what were to happen once you both walked in to the ballroom, you knew everything was going to be okay as long as your fiancé stayed by your side. When the two of you finally made your way inside and out towards the garden where the ceremony was being held, you saw that almost all the chairs were filled up.

There were many familiar faces in the crowd; you smiled politely at BamBam’s siblings and smirked when you saw your mutual Jackson who was sitting next to who you were told was his girlfriend. You didn’t know how to explain exactly what you were feeling seeing that so much has changed in the last four years since you’ve been gone.

Jackson and BamBam were the last two people on earth that you would have ever thought would settle down and start families. Back in high school, all they ever did was attend parties, get wasted and fool around with any girl that showed interest in them. Now; witnessing your best friend cry as his bride-to-be walked down the aisle towards him caused you to tear up a little yourself. Out of all your friends, BamBam was the only one to keep in touch with you for the last couple of years.

You could still remember the day he called you up and told you that he was seeing someone; you were in complete and utter disbelief at the time and because you believed you knew BamBam like the back of your hand, you just assumed this was a phase until you’d listen to him talk about her the way Jinyoung would talk about you to his friends and his family. He was head over heels in love with her and you couldn’t have been more happier for him.

The entire ceremony was beautiful; their vows were both so heartfelt and full of love and promise for their future ahead. Their sweet words and the way they looked at one another only heightened your excitement for your upcoming nuptials. Twenty minutes went by faster that you had thought it would and before you knew it, all the guests were being ushered in to the grand ballroom that was bigger than you could even have imagined.

That was just the kind of person bambam was; go big or go home. You signed you and your fiancé in at the registration booth and released a sigh of relief when you were told you’d be sitting with your family. Immediately as you found your seats, your mom wasted no time pulling you and Jinyoung in for hugs; and whispering how beautiful you looked and how Jinyoung only became more and more handsome every time she saw him.

A lot has changed since you left your small town to pursue your extraordinary dreams. You had seen them a couple of times in the last year during the holiday season or when they travelled up to see you during the summer time. Even if you were more than happy to finally experience marriage and what it would feel like to be Mrs.Park Jinyoung, you felt as if your mom was more excited than you were if it was even possible. Most mothers couldn’t wait for the day that their daughters get proposed to; especially to someone as attractive, hardworking and exuberantly outgoing like your soon-to-be husband.

You still had to get used to the idea that you were only months away from becoming a married woman. Watching BamBam and his wife look at each other as if they were the only two people there in the room made your heart flutter. You were glad BamBam found someone who would love him and take good care of him the way he never failed to do so with everyone in his life; the way he did with you for the entire duration of your friendship.

Both you and Jinyoung were too busy having a conversation about what your plans for the rest of the week were going to be that you failed to notice the way everyone in your family turned their heads towards the entrance. Whenever you would talk with your fiancé, nobody else could grab your attention even if they tried. You were so in love with him; your world revolved around the handsome man gazing at you with the most adoring look in his eyes as you talked about driving to San Fransisco and visiting the Golden Gate Bridge.

Just like the way BamBam looked at his wife, you were sure the way you and Jinyoung looked at one another mirrored your best friend’s tender stare. Honestly you would have continued pretending as if you and Jinyoung weren’t surrounded by all these people if it wasn’t for him adverting his gaze towards the direction everyone seemed to be looking in.

Curiosity got the best of you and you decided to see what your family seemed to be so interested in. Once the couple came in to sight however, you wished you kept to yourself and ignored the way your mom’s look of disgust.

Four years.

It’s been four years since you last saw him. Four years since he told you he didn’t want to wait for you. Four years since he decided your relationship wasn’t worth fight for. It took almost an entire year for you to completely get over your relationship. Hell, it’s been four years yet you were still wondering how he was doing. What he looked like, whether or not he was in a relationship, what career he decided to pursue—if he ever regretted giving up on you so easily—if he missed you the way you missed him.

You’d be lying if you said you haven’t thought about him at least once in the last couple of weeks. Honestly, you thought about him every single day and it made you feel guilty because you were engaged. You had someone else; someone who loved you more than life itself. Someone who gave you the world on a silver platter and made you feel like the only girl in the entire world. What you and Mark had was an experimental relationship; puppy love.

At the time, you thought it was the best thing that had ever happened to you—that he was the most amazing and wonderful human being in the entire world. Then he broke your heart in to a million pieces and left your world crumbling down, as if it was the easiest thing to do. He never once considered your feelings; only thought about his needs, his desires, his dreams—what he wanted.

Mark was an immature and selfish person; he had yet to learn that love and relationships were a two person job. Relationships are between two people; if he really loved you the way you knew with your heart that you loved him, he would have fought for you and let you do your thing knowing that you’d come back to him. This was it—you knew it was going to happen sooner or later tonight, but you weren’t as ready as you probably thought you would have been. Your stomach sank at the sight of him.

Time always seemed to be in his favor; if you thought he was exceedingly handsome back in high school, he was an even bigger sight for sore eyes now at the prime age of twenty-four. His features only grew more prominent; his lips that you used to love kissing so much were plumper—more fuller. His chubby cheeks that you’d find yourself unable to stop pinching out of habit no longer existed. His hair was longer; back in high school he cut it at least once a month because he never wanted it to pass his ears, but now it was almost down to the back of his neck. He might have been wearing a suit, but you could tell he has been working out by the way his suit was like a second skin; the outline of his biceps were prominent and it made your head spin.

As much as you felt like you could continue staring at him and analyzing how much he’s changed in the last four years, your eyes just so happened to land on the body next to him. Whoever the woman was to him—she was beautiful. There was no doubt about it. She had a petite frame; he hovered over her almost by a foot, but their height difference was actually kind of cute. She also had long, wavy hair and a glow that you felt was the cause of the bump she was sporting. It didn’t take a genius to know that she was pregnant; her maternity dress alone gave it away.

She had to be at least four or five months pregnant and for some reason, it felt like a stab to your chest—but why did it matter? Mark was no longer the man who owned your heart nor was he the one who deserved it. Maybe it was the teenager in you—the one who was madly in love with Mark that was upset to see someone else living out the life that you should have been. Most people would still consider eighteen “too young” to actually understand what love is and to plan out their futures; but even then, when you would look at Mark, you knew he was the one you wanted to be the father of your children.

Every time you would hang out or sleep over at his house, you witnessed the way he interacted with his three nieces. Those little girls meant the world to him. He never failed to give them his full attention and did whatever it was that they asked of him without complaining. He always talked about having a big family one day and you knew how much he loved kids. You knew why your mom was so upset; she had to hear you cry every single day for four months straight over your breakup.

She saw how much pain you had to suffer through once Mark let you go. You obviously weren’t the same person you were all those years ago; heartbreak did that to people. Although she actually really liked Mark and approved of your relationship back then, she no longer had anything nice to say about him. Poor Jinyoung looked so confused; in the three years that you’ve been together for, not once have you ever told him about Mark. It didn’t seem necessary because he was no longer involved in your life anyway and he was in the past. If you continued to bring him up, it would just show that you still cared about him and even if you did, you didn’t want anyone else to know that.

Especially not your fiancé. But you knew he was going to ask you about it; the man who had your entire table’s attention had to be someone important. A huge part of you wanted to come up with an excuse to leave; it didn’t matter that he and his significant other were seated at a table on the complete opposite side of the room, knowing he was there, that he was in a relationship and that he was months away from being a father made you physically sick. You were now feeling so dizzy and you hated that even after all these years and all the pain and distress he put you through, his presence still had a huge effect on you.

“Hey, I’ll be right back.”

Your fiancé looked up at you in curiosity and began to stand up himself out of worry, but you gave him a reassuring smile and motioned for him to stay put. If Jinyoung was anything, it was observant. He had a feeling that you must’ve have known Mark and he couldn’t stop the voice in his head from taunting him with the idea that maybe Mark was an ex of some sorts. He wanted to believe that you wouldn’t keep such an important detail of your life like that from him; your relationship was full of trust and all he really wanted from you was honesty and loyalty.

However, he didn’t want to force you in to telling him something you didn’t want to. If you didn’t tell him about your past relationships, it was for a reason and as he watched your facial expression; your now furrowed brows and pursed lips, he was well aware that Mark was obviously the reason.

“I just have to use the bathroom, I’ll be quick.” You placed a chaste peck on his lips and hoped that he wasn’t watching you walk in the opposite way of the bathroom. You needed a breather—it was too much for your mind to process and honestly for you to take in. This might have been BamBam’s big night, but you were now growing angry with him.

He had to know; even if Mark didn’t straight out tell him that he was seeing someone else let alone about to be a father, you were sure it had to be on social media somewhere. As your best friend, he should have been upfront and said something. Even if BamBam didn’t want to hurt you with the news, you would’ve felt better knowing months before hand. But maybe he felt like if you knew, you wouldn’t have came to the wedding. You were minutes away from telling Jinyoung that it was time to go.

There was no way you would even be able to pretend that you were fine. The chilly breeze was quick to poke at your skin as soon as you made your way outside. California was always freezing in the nighttime when winter was approaching. You wouldn’t have been surprised to hear that it was only 40 degrees out—but you were too frustrated to even care that you could get hypothermia. Why didn’t you think about taking Jinyoung’s blazer?

One thing you missed about California since you’ve been gone was the sky; it was always so pretty at night. You could see so many stars fill up the entirety of it and it was never too dark which you enjoyed. The longer you continued to breathe in and out while looking up at the moon, you could slowly feel yourself relaxing. Unfortunately, your little moment alone was soon interrupted by the last person you wanted to see at all tonight.

“Hey. I thought I saw you come out here.”

You could feel yourself choking up at the sound of his voice; it was much deeper than what it was back in high school. Chills were sent down your spine and it wasn’t because of the freezing weather. God, you missed his voice. Mark had such a calming and soothing voice; you would listen to him talk for hours on end if you could. Sometimes, you would have him read books to you specifically because you wanted to hear him talk. Right now though, you wanted him to leave.

Being around him was suffocating. You allowed yourself a few seconds to prepare yourself for when you were to actually face him; if seeing him from far away was already driving you to the brink of insanity, what more when he was in close proximity of you? Once you finally turned around, you could feel your heart rate increase. From afar, he already looked so breathtaking, but looking at him just two feet away made you appreciate his dark, and gorgeous features. You contemplated on bolting away and you didn’t care if it was rude. This man showed you what love was only to take it away from you before you could actually appreciate it for what it was. You were sure you hated him; but seeing him right now—you weren’t as confident with your hatred.

“Yeah. It was getting a little too crowded in there. I just—wanted to be alone.” Hopefully he took the hint and left you to it; but Mark—as much as he was smart wasn’t all that bright. Whenever you asked him to do one thing, he would manage to do the complete opposite; this situation was no different.

“How have you been? You look very beautiful tonight—I mean, you are always so beautiful, but—tonight I just—wow.”

Was he being serious right now? Why did he think after all these years of not talking to each other and pretending one another didn’t exist that he should have started your first conversation with complementing you? He had to have drank at least a couple of drinks; he was out of his mind.

“Thanks—you don’t look too bad yourself. I’ve been good. Thank you for asking.” Your interaction with him was the definition of awkward. The tension in the air was so thick, you could cut it with a knife and you wanted it to end before questions or even confessions were brought up.

“So uh—I actually saw you on the dance floor earlier—um—is that your boyfriend?”

You wanted to laugh out of hysteria. Was he really your best friend for almost four years and your boyfriend for almost one? His face was one that would be instilled in the back of your mind forever, yet you felt like you were looking at a stranger. Why did he feel like it was the right thing to come out here and talk to you? You didn’t plan on having any interaction with him at all tonight, so why did he ruin your plans of avoiding him?

“He’s my fiancé.”

The silence that came right after your confession was unexpected. Why did it matter who Jinyoung was to you? Sure, you wanted to know what the woman was to Mark when you first saw them walk in together, but you no longer cared. He moved on and so did you. You were going to leave it at that. You didn’t fail to notice the way his jaw clenched and so did his fists—however, you didn’t understand why. It’s been at least ten minutes since you left the table; so you could only hope Jinyoung would come looking for you soon and take you away from this mess.

“Congratulations—you look very happy—I hope he knows how lucky he is to have you.”

“He does. I am. Very happy. He’s an amazing fiancé. Thank you. What about you? I saw your—wife? Girlfriend? Congratulations on the pregnancy.”

It felt like venom on your tongue; congratulating him on something you weren’t too thrilled about—but you didn’t have the right to be jealous. You both lived separate lives with two different lovers. It was evident the two of you were no longer the two crazy high schoolers that thought the world was theirs for the taking. You were both grown adults now on two different paths. What he did and the decisions he made no longer concerned you.

“Thanks. She’s uh—my—girlfriend.”

The last word seemed forced, as if he didn’t want you to know who she was or what he labeled their relationship. What did he have to hide though? She was practically a basketball and he came to the wedding with her in tow. Who else could she be if not his partner? You wouldn’t bring a random pregnant lady with you to your friend’s wedding if she didn’t mean something to you. With the tiniest bit of confidence building up in your veins, you spoke up with every intention on returning back to the party.

“Look, it was nice seeing you again—but I really should get going—“

“Please don’t marry him.”

Your eyes widened in shock at his words. There was no way he was just drunk—he had to be high on some kind of illegal drug. Was he honestly being serious right now? Did you hear correctly, or was being around him making you imagine things. What the hell was wrong with him?

“Mark what the fuck—“

“I made a mistake. A fucking huge and extremely stupid mistake and I’ve never regretted anything more in my life than when I ended our relationship. I’m so fucking sorry y/n. I was stupid and immature then—I shouldn’t have broken up with you. I should have tried harder for you. I should have actually thought about what would happen if I were to lose you. If only I knew how lucky I was back then to have you—I wouldn’t be seconds away from socking your fiancé in the face, but this is all my fault. That should be my ring on your finger y/n. This should’ve been our fucking wedding damnit. I didn’t realize just how much I loved you and how much I missed you until you were no longer mine to care about. I never told you this and fuck—if only I wasn’t so stubborn and so selfish, but you were the best thing that ever happened to me. I haven’t been happy in the last four years and it’s because my heart is so empty. I wanted to call you; to beg you to forgive me—to tell you that not a day went by that I didn’t think of you or wished that things went differently, but I didn’t think I had the ability nor the right to—“

“Oh and you do now? Honestly Mark, what the fuck is wrong with you? I’m engaged to be married in a few months and you’re about to be a father. What made you think that confessing something like that was appropriate huh? That’s disrespectful to your girlfriend, to my fiancé and damnit—to me! Especially me! You don’t realize how much seeing you is fucking ruining me right now do you?! I didn’t want to care; I wanted to pretend that seeing your girlfriend pregnant doesn’t bother me but it does and I hate that it does. You ruined my life Mark. You broke my fucking heart because you were such a pathetic and immature boy. You don’t know what you’re saying. What we had—it wasn’t significant at all. We were kids! We had no idea what love was but now I do know and it’s because of the man sitting inside with my family. I love Park Jinyoung and he loves me—in the ways you never could. What we had is in the past. It’s never going to happen ever again Mark. I don’t know what kind of response you expected from me—but this is it. What? Did you think I was going to fall for that pathetic and poor excuse of an apology? I’m not the same girl I was when I first met you. Our break up made me realize my self-worth; I used to think I wasn’t enough for you to want to fight for me. To want to stay and live out our lives together. It took countless nights crying over you and drinking multiple bottles of wine to get rid of any thought of Mark Tuan to get me to come to the conclusion that it was you who didn’t deserve me. Jinyoung saved my life—he saved me from the monster you created after dropping me like I was nothing. I’m done—I have nothing left to say to you. If we didn’t have to come here tonight, I probably would have never heard from you anyway so you should have let it stay that way.”

There had to be tears falling down your cheeks; your face was hot and you could feel your chest heaving out of frustration. For years, those words of anger have been building up and it felt like a ton of weight was finally lifted off of your shoulders. You said what you wanted to and you were sure there was more he wanted to admit, but you weren’t going to take any more of it.

“There you are. I thought I saw you come out here, I’ve been looking for you everywhere baby—BamBam is looking for you. Babe? Y/n, everything alright? Why are you crying? Oh—Hi. I’m Jinyoung, y/n’s fiancé.”

Although you didn’t want Jinyoung having to see you breaking down, especially while with another man; one you were sure he knew who he was to you, you were glad he was there. It was weird watching your fiancé reach his hand out for Mark to shake. Even if Jinyoung now knew that Mark was your ex and that he was the reason you were so upset, he was never the type to be rude or disrespectful towards someone he just met.

Mark however, continued standing there and ignored his polite gesture like a jerk. Thankfully, Jinyoung took no offense and just retracted his hand before intertwining it with yours. “We should start returning back to our table y/n—It was nice meeting you.�� You allowed your fiancé to pull you away and you didn’t even spare Mark a glance; you were too eager to get away from him before you could ruin your makeup and your night even more so.

“You don’t have to tell me anything baby, just—do you think you’re going to be okay? Is there anything I can do to make you feel better? Did you want to leave? We don’t have to go back to the hotel just yet. If you want to just drive around or go pick up some junk food, we can do that. I just really hate seeing you cry—unless it’s cries of pleasure—there we go. I knew I could get a smile out of you. I’ll do whatever it is that you want to do my love. Just say the word.”

“I love you Park Jinyoung. I don’t tell you as much as I should, but I do. So fucking much.” He gave you a cheeky grin and placed s gentle kiss on your nose.

“I love you too y/n and I plan on loving you for the rest of my life. As much as I want to continue celebrating the newlyweds, let’s get you out of here.”

You've been busy That's okay I still can't wait to be Home for the summer We won't have to work so we're gonna Do whatever the hell we wanna 'Cause we know that one day we'll be Gone from each other We'll have lives in two different suburbs We'll have families with different lovers But for now, I know I'll see you when we're Home for the summer

#got7 drabbles #mark tuan got7 #got7 imagines #Mark Tuan

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corinthbayrpg · 4 years

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NAME. Rafael Yilmaz AGE & BIRTH DATE. 118 & October 9th, 1902 GENDER & PRONOUNS. Male & He/Him SPECIES. Werewolf OCCUPATION. Owner of Meat I Live For FACE CLAIM. Berk Cankat

BIOGRAPHY

( tw: serial killer, war, death ) Rafael Yilmaz was born on a stormy October night in the year 1902 in a rundown house in Ankara, Turkey. He was the second son to parents who didn’t have much but each other, and were constantly moving from one place to the next. Rafael’s father came from a long line of werewolves, and his last pack had been slaughtered by hunters. He ended up being the only one to survive. Ever since he had been on the move; not because he actually had any real reason to believe that the hunter was still after him, but because paranoia had gotten the better of him. He saw threats behind every corner, and thought it was best for them to constantly move from one place to the next. The family had four children in the end, after Rafael two daughters were born. All four children were equipped with the werewolf gene and handled it very differently. Rafael’s older brother was controlled and disciplined. His sisters both hated the gene and called it a curse, while Rafael simply had fun with it. As a teenager he had trouble staying in control, but he learned quickly how to shift at his own will. That is, as long as he’s in a good mood. Bad moods or anger can quickly take away any control he has on his shifting.

The family moved every few years thanks to their father’s paranoia, making it hard for the four Yilmaz children to really make friends outside of each other. Eventually, when Rafael was twelve, he even decided Turkey wasn’t save enough anymore and smuggled them out to Europe. It didn’t help that here they were outsiders at all times; speaking a different language, looking differently. Outside of Turkey, everyone looked at them as if they knew they had monsters brewing underneath their skin. They were usually crammed into tiny apartments or houses, four werewolves with big tempers suffering from puberty. But their father always had a good hold on them and taught them how to control their senses and urges. At least he did until he was gone. The family happened to be in Austria when the first world war arose. Their father was called into battle, and only a few days later they got the news that he had died in combat. None of the children understood how their father could have died in a normal human battle, but they never got a body to confirm what had killed him in the end. Especially Rafael’s older brother always suspected another hunter to have gotten to their father, but Rafael himself tried not to think too much about the reasons. It was bad enough that their father was gone, and he had never been someone for conspiracy theories.

Their very human mother was horribly overwhelmed with the task of four children, no idea where to go next, and hardly any money. Rafael’s older brother tried to help her as best as he could, but especially Rafael made their life a living hell. His brother dragged him along wherever he went as to have an eye on Rafael, but he still managed to do stupid things left and right. His big brother was the reason they both ended up joining the military shortly before the second world war begun. At the time they lived in Britain, and his brother’s promise that they were the best fighters anyone could find was the only reason they were allowed to proof themselves. And they were good. Rafael didn’t like the fighting, but even he couldn’t deny that they were some of the best fighters around. Soon they were known along their comrades as an unbeatable duo. Anyone was happy to welcome them into their unit, thinking they would protect them and turn everything around for them.

But Rafael’s brother should soon follow their father’s demise. Late at night, with rain pouring from the air, bullets rained down on them that weren’t normal bullets. Rafael understood too late that they were made of silver, and he watched his brother die in his own arms, pierced with one too many bullets to recover from it. He was dragged away from his brother’s body with bloody hands and screaming so loudly the enemy could hear him behind their lines. Afterwards, Rafael changed. He still didn’t like fighting, but he was more furious with it, as if trying to get revenge on his brother. He had more trouble staying in control of his shifting too, and barely managed to get to the end of the war without anyone noticing. When the end of the war was announced, everyone around him celebrated, but Rafael couldn’t. He didn’t go home either, unable to face their mother and explain to her that he hadn’t been able to save his brother. Instead, he followed in his father’s footsteps, becoming a lone wolf that traveled the world – not necessarily out of paranoia, but because he was followed by guilt.

He kept in touch with his mother and sisters throughout letters, and learned that she had settled down in Greece shortly after the war ended. There she met a man who was known for running one of the best Gyros’ places in town. It was a dream come true for his mother, who had always loved cooking, and quickly became one of the main reasons the restaurant was so successful. Reading her letters made him happy, and he knew it would only stay that way for her if he didn’t pull her back into his trouble. So he stayed as far away from his mother as he could, and tried to find love elsewhere instead. He was still good at worming himself into other people’s hearts. He switched his lovers as often as he switched his home. He wasn’t particularly picky either. In a time when it wasn’t anywhere near normal, he still didn’t care about the gender of his partners, or whether they were werewolf, witch, human or whatever else walked the earth. He was always protective of them, and he fell in love often and hard, but never managed to stick with it when he moved on to another place. It was how he got himself a job though.

The bitter truth was, Rafael had always adored music. His father taught him how to play the guitar when he was eleven, and regretted it later on. It was a passion no one expected Rafael to hold. He wouldn’t talk about anything but the fact that he wanted to be a musician one day. His father told him his ideas were awful, and that music could never be a real job. He was turned down again and again by his father, but the idea of making music for people’s pleasure had always lingered at the back of his mind. He still played, holding the guitar of his father dear to his heart, and even sometimes played small acts to earn some money. But he knew he’d feel even more guilty if he pursued a ridiculous music career when his father wanted something else for him. And so when he ended up in bed with the chief of police of Brussels in 1959, he scored himself a job at the local police. No one expected much from him, but Rafael quickly showed that he was useful. He was one of the first people to have an idea who Le tueur fou (the “Crazy Killer”) might be, a serial killer who killed several people in Belgium from 1954 to 1981. But he couldn’t stay until the killer was caught. Both his itch to move on, and his slowed aging process meant that he couldn’t stay long anywhere. Rafael used his stance in critical crime cases as recommendations to get himself from one police station to the next across Europe. Never the one to catch the killer, but always the one who almost caught them.

It nagged at his ego that throughout the years, he was never rewarded for actually catching a killer, forgotten behind the scenes because of who he was. Because throughout the years, he investigated several of the worst crimes humanity had seen. After leaving Belgium, he moved to Italy and investigated the Monster of Florence there. He was also part of the investigation of the Beast of Harkstede, a murderer of five women in the Netherlands, and of the Beast of Bastille when he lived in France in the 90s. With each case he got more restless, and no lover or hobby could change that for him. He was known to be charming, flirtatious, and a good cop – but also as moody and impatient, and simply never the one. He struggled a lot with his shifting during the times when he was the most frustrated, and it ended in some less pleasant shifting situations.

In the end, Rafael ended up in Greece not out of free will. He had been trying very hard to stay away from it after his mother settled down there. But one night he was woken by his phone ringing, and his youngest sister telling him that their sister had been killed by another hunter. She had moved to Corinth Bay with her husband, also a werewolf, after their mother had died of old age. They had taken over her house and over the gyros restaurant she and her husband owned, making the town their new home. Rafael had never visited them or seen their restaurant other than on photos, and he also never met the two children they had. One year ago then, the pair had been killed by a hunter, though their children were left unharmed. And for some reason Rafael could not understand, she had chosen him in a will she created thirty years ago as the one to take over what she left behind should she ever die. Rafael hadn’t even known his sister had a will, and hardly understood why she wouldn’t have changed said will when she had children. His youngest sister liked to say she had seen something more in him, but Rafael didn’t trust that idea. Still, he followed her wish, because it would have felt like betrayal not to do what she wanted him to.

He left behind his life at the time and moved to Corinth Bay over night. Suddenly, he was faced with a very different life than he ever had. Here he was, in a house that was big enough for a proper family, and he was suddenly stepping into the footprints of two parents who had been made for the job, while he had never even considered the idea of being a parent one day. He’s struggling to figure out how to handle two teenagers who are surely trying to get him killed. His seventeen year old niece has an awful music taste (in his opinion), drives her scooter too fast and in general likes to get herself into too much danger. His sixteen year old nephew on the other hand is strongly struggling with his werewolf genes, his sexuality, and how to get popular in school. It’s a world Rafael can’t understand, as he never lived such a mundane life. He wanted to get himself into the police office once more, but didn’t do it in favor of taking over his sister’s gyros restaurant. The truth is, he eats more at “Meat I live for” than he actually helps out, but when he has good days he loves it. On most days, however, he misses being a cop and investigating bad guys a lot. In his free time he sometimes tries to solve the murder of his sister and her husband, but he hasn’t really gotten anywhere, as he is already too busy with his normal life. And with everything that has started happening in Corinth Bay lately, Rafael is even more frustrated and wary – worried for the children he’s looking after, and worried about himself. And wondering why on earth his sister would pick a place crawling with supernatural creatures to settle down.

PERSONALITY

+ adventurous, freethinking, intuitive - obsessive, strong-willed, thoughtless

PLAYED BY LISA. GMT+1. She/Her.

#lisa

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eliancs-blog · 5 years

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*itzy vc* hey hey hey ! ( i see that i’m icy ) what’s up, i’m diana, i’m nineteen, and i’m ur resident girl group stan. i reside in the est timezone & go by the pronouns she/her. now, finally introducing … loona !! jk, her name is eliana & u can read about her under the cut ! ( stream norman fucking rockwell <3 )

﹤ park jiwon, she/her, cisfemale ﹥; * - hello eliana ‘lia’ wu. long time no see. i know a lot about you. like how you’re twenty, how you’re a european studies major, and in fact.. how you’re the face of your parents church but are hiding the fact that you’re anything but innocent---and that you got kicked out of your catholic university for having an affair with your professor. would be a shame if it got out, wouldn’t it ? so let’s play a game. * TRUTH OR DARE ?

( 𝑩𝑨𝑪𝑲𝑮𝑹𝑶𝑼𝑵𝑫. )

born on october 12th in blacksburg, virginia, eliana’s first impression of the world was a crisp autumn day

she was her parents first and only child and soon became their pride and joy. her parents both came from wealthy families and dedicated their lives to the catholic church they owned

so, eliana grew up around the church and was raised catholic. her parents made her the face of their church. she was the perfect choice, dripping with innocence and purity

eliana learned at a fairly young age the corruption that ensued behind the scenes, behind her parents backs. growing up, she often spent her afternoons at the church. while her parents were off trying to grow their following, eliana was left alone at the church to observe bribery, adultery, and so much more

she was a ghost of a girl; most of the time, people had no idea she was there. they made it easy for her to learn all their secrets

eliana was sent to catholic boarding school for all her years of schooling. at boarding school, she worked her way up the chain of command through bribery, manipulation and blackmail.

she would leave for the majority of the year for school and return during the holidays and for summer break. she would take annual summer trips to europe visiting extended family, staying mainly in italy and france. eliana grew to love europe, she wished she could live there forever

with both catholic school and the church being corrupt, eliana had little faith in the religion and most of the people who followed it. she felt like they were either hypocrites hiding behind a facade, or naively unaware cowards that needed something to believe in. she fell into the first category, while her parents fell into the second. eliana felt sorry for her parents and continued to act like the perfect little church girl for their sake (and for their money, of course)

eliana grew to be quite a selfish person, at least almost everything she did was in her own self interest. if she had nothing to gain, she didn’t see a point in entertaining things. while eliana masqueraded herself as being a charitable, altruistic person, she was quite the opposite

during her high school years at catholic school, eliana began using coke. with pressure from her parents to excel in her classes, extracurricular’s, and volunteer work, she needed something to take the edge off. it started as something she did now and then, though eventually she began to grew addicted (yes, she has the coke cross like kathryn from cruel intentions)

also while away at catholic school, eliana began to experiment with other things. she discovered she had a sexual and romantic interest in girls and guys and started to explore it. although her parents demanded she remain a virgin until marriage, eliana didn’t quite follow those rules, though she kept up the image. her sexual partners and romantic relations were kept on the low for the most part in order to maintain her perfect image

she discovered that sex was just another thing she could use to manipulate others and for her own self interest. after high school, eliana went on to attend a catholic university. during her first semester, she began to have an affair with one of her professors

usually the one in control, eliana found herself recklessly falling for her professor. for him, it was just lust, but for her it felt like more. one day, her private affair became public among some and eliana was kicked out of the university to avoid a scandal

this was bad news for eliana, who had to come up with a way to hide her expulsion from her parents and continue an education elsewhere. the following semester, eliana continued to pretend to attend the catholic university but later decided to tell her parents about transferring to UVA

she came up with a lie about the school having a better program for her major and promised to continue her biblical studies outside of class. reluctantly, her parents allowed it. they trusted her. she was their perfect daughter, after all

so, eliana continued her education at UVA after blackmailing her old school for a dazzling letter of recommendation

eliana is studying european studies, with the desire of eventually moving to france. she is enamored with the art, history, literature, cinema, and the food. honestly, eliana does not want to do anything for a living and is hoping to live off her trust fund and the money she would eventually inherit from her parents, but she loves learning and going to school and bettering her education

( 𝑷𝑬𝑹𝑺𝑶𝑵𝑨𝑳𝑰𝑻𝒀. )

eliana is a libra sun scorpio moon (the rest of her placements are tbd)

if u click the link, u can read more about what that means but even the label attached to that combination itself is super fitting for her --- the ‘masquerader’

eliana is not a mean person by any means, but a lot of what she does is in her own self interest. she considers a lot of her friendships to be mutually beneficial arrangements

however, once you become her real friend, though she likely doesn’t have many, she will remain extremely loyal and do anything for you

once her mind is set on something, she must see it through. this aspect about her can come across as being obsessive in a way (it’s her scorpio moon ok)

when it comes to relationships, eliana tends to see them kind of like business arrangements. love is kind of the last thing in her mind, but it’s definitely possible for her to get swept up into romance, as much as she hates to think so

so, eliana prefers hook ups. however, she still tries to maintain her pure image with people she does not know very well until she gets a read on them. she keeps all her relations on the low and even comes up with mini terms of agreement before getting involved with anyone. she reallyyyyy hates other people knowing her business

eliana is superficially nice on the surface. when i say superficial, it’s not to say that she isn’t friendly but it is superficial at first until she knows who she is dealing with. regardless, she is a friendly person because it does not really benefit her to be any other way. however, if you mess with her, she will find a tactical way to get you back and ten times harder

she drinks and does drugs in moderation because she likes to be in control of herself (minus her coke addiction bc u know). also does it on the down low because again, she’s maintaining an image here

her whole life is pretty much fake, so she often loses sight of herself. she doesn’t know exactly who she is but she is very good at pretending, and she even convinces herself sometimes

she’s pretty lonely tbh though she’ll never admit it. it’s been this way since she was little

her favorite books are anything by jane austen and les liaisons dangereuses by pierre choderlos de laclos, aka the book cruel intentions was based on. she also really enjoys sylvia plath, mary shelley, and virginia woolf

favorite shows: big little lies, sharp objects, killing eve, twin peaks, handmaid’s tale

favorite movies: pride and prejudice, marie antoinette, thoroughbreds, cruel intentions, annihilation, ex machina, stoker, the handmaiden, black swan, atonement, mulholland drive

her fav colors are mint, pastel pink, white and beige

pls look at the pinterest board i made for her <3

( 𝑾𝑨𝑵𝑻𝑬𝑫 𝑪𝑶𝑵𝑵𝑬𝑪𝑻𝑰𝑶𝑵𝑺. )

ex-fling/gf/bf - eliana could have a few of these. they could be on good or bad terms. if they’re on bad terms eliana would prob be keeping a close eye on them because she doesn’t want word really getting out. maybe the sexual tension is still there. we could plot out the details and make if fun and interesting hehe

unrequited crush - ur character could have feelings for eliana, but maybe she doesn’t feel them. this could develop into her eventually having feelings for ur muse or not, whatever we want ! OR eliana could have a crush on someone who does not like her back. maybe that person is super non-committal, or they simply do not like her back. we could plot this out however but it would b interesting for eliana to actually have feelings for someone

current fling/friends w benefits - someone she is currently seeing/sleeping with. could be no strings attached, or there could b some feelings there. maybe they don’t want to make it anything serious, maybe one person is ready to go further, and the other isn’t.

enemies w benefits - imagine the tension!!! they started out hating each other, but ended up hooking up. maybe it was a one time thing, or maybe they can’t stop going back to each other. i think it would definitely have to be something kept super secret, she doesn’t want anyone else to know. this could develop in soooo many ways !

ex-friends - someone she used to consider a close friend, but they had a falling out for whatever reason n maybe they hate each other now. maybe they want to re-kindle their friendship but don’t know how. this could b juicy if they know a little too much about her

sibling-like friendship - someone she sees like a sibling. they’re there for each other and look out for one another, always have each other’s backs. being an only child and not really close to her parents, i would love for eliana to have a friend that’s like family !

dynamic duo - basically like her current best friend. this person is prob one of the closest people to her and might know her very well ! they could b a power duo, always looking out for each other

take care - ok i would love it if for one night, eliana lost control. she either got too drunk or high and was kind of a wreck. someone was there and kind of came to her rescue in a way, they got her home or maybe she slept at their place. after this night, maybe eliana would feel awkward (but also grateful) that someone actually took care of her and looked out for her. maybe your muse did it to have something over her, or maybe it was actually genuine to help her. this could be plotted out in sooo many ways yes i love it

confidant - someone who confides in her or someone she confides in, or they confide in each other. they don’t necessarily have to be the closest friends ever, but they get along, trust each other, and maybe they talk more in private

rivals - they hate each other for whatever reason. maybe it’s jealousy or their personalities just clash, but for whatever reason they do not get along. i love a good enemies plot. they can just b nasty to each other !!! maybe they bring out a really bad side to eliana that most ppl dont see (because she’s usually very lowkey even when she’s angry or dislikes someone)

victim of manipulation - eliana can be very manipulative. whether through bribery, blackmail, or whatever the case, i would love to have a plot where your muse is someone she could manipulate. maybe she bribes them to do her dirty work, or has something over them. she wouldn’t make them do anything too crazy, but this person would just be someone she has a hold over

partner in crime - okay pls give me someone eliana schemes with. like imagine the powerrrr they would have. they would just plot n scheme together to help each other out or for some personal gain

dealer - idk if any of the muses r drug dealers, but if yes, someone who deals coke to her. they might know firsthand about her addiction. we could plot this however!

these are all the plot ideas i can think of for now, but i’ll prob make a plots page later on and add more stuff !

aaaaaand this is everything !! it has taken me longer to write this than i care to admit...pls don’t ask. i would absolutely looooove to plot so please hit me up on discord stream norman fucking rockwell#5522 (or i can hit u up). i cannotttt wait to start interacting and stuff <3

#error.intro #✧.° ░ 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒏 𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒏𝒂 ╱ ooc.#why am i shy 2 post this ....#no one look at me but also give me validation by interacting #and plot w me sexy plots only xoxo

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fvstboi · 6 years

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[ jesus castro, he/him, 29 ] pietro maximoff has been spotted in gotham city! the hero is publicly known as quicksilver, and have often been described as determined, but also arrogant. they have also been affiliated with the avengers, and said to mainly operate in new york city. will they help find answers, or add to the chaos? [ han, she/her, 23, mst ]

triggers: childhood trauma , kidnapping , experimentation , HYDRA mentions , minor violence , auschwitz mentioned , mental illness , death.

hey fam !! here’s my fast boi , pietro maximoff. i love him bunches.

so first things first: he is comics based with mcu tie-ins. and comics before marvel ruined his backstory by making him not actually erik and magda’s son and not a mutant. can u tell i love my son and hate what marvel has done to him ? keep on reading to find out.

pietro was born in the wundagore mountains to magda eisenhardt , a romani woman that magneto met and fell in love with. ( she survived auschwitz because of him i stan ). although pietro and wanda didn’t know it at the time and wouldn’t for many years , erik lehnsherr / magneto / max eisenhardt was their father. magda didn’t stay around for very long , though. not long after , magda fled into the woods with the fear that her husband would find her. pietro and his twin sister would soon enough be given to the maximoff’s , a romani couple who lived down the mountain and had always wanted children. ( note: while pietro was both raised romani and is romani in heritage , a lot of it was lost to him after his adopted parents died which was when he was quite young. he does want to make sure his daughter knows about it and where she comes from but he’s not an expert since everyone from the romani side of his family is dead. )

he was literally that obnoxious older brother but he’s also hella protective and loyal ? he’s a bit of an ass . scratch that , he is 100% an asshole :’)

pietro and his twin , wanda , were raised in transia / sokovia by the maximoff’s , who were an amazing couple and even better parents. eventually , their “ adoptive “ father , django , began to steal food so that he could feed his family. enraged villagers attacked the ( romani ) camp they were living in. pietro was able to get him and wanda out , thankfully , but the trauma from that event was so severe that they wouldn’t be able to recall anything from their childhood for years and not even small details. they had nothing. they’d then travel across europe , fending for themselves and only relying on each other. the streets were really hard. they were hungry and tired on most days and pietro would steal food and warm clothes with his powers but wanda would always say he would get caught one day. ( he didn’t ).

one day , wanda accidentally caused a house to burst into flame through her hex powers , which she could not yet control. superstitious townspeople began chasing her. pietro would try his best to protect and defend her but they were outnumbered and overpowered. thankfully , magneto ( dad !!! ) came to their rescue. they would then join the brotherhood of evil mutants , feeling like they had to serve him since he saved them from what would have been horrible mob violence.

when magneto was defeated in a battle against some powerful guy who took him away from earth , pietro and wanda took it as their chance to leave and went back to transia / sokovia / whatever it’s being called now.

( mcu tie ins ) pietro and wanda were kidnapped by HYDRA ( aka not willingly joining HYDRA ) and experimented on with one of the infinity stones , which only augmented their powers. the second HYDRA fell , they left it and joined ultron ( pietro blaming tony stark for the reason why sokovia / transia was in such turmoil due to seeing stark industries on a shell that hit their home that trapped pietro and wanda for nearly two days ). at some point the twins allied themselves with the avengers and also joined them and fought against ultron , who they had previously sided with.

pietro was injured in the battle against ultron and almost died and so he stayed with the inhumans for awhile. he formed a relationship with crystalia amaquelin , princess of the inhumans. the whole thing was somewhat forbidden since he’s not an inhuman but they soon enough got married. it was p rushed, which is super on brand for pietro. they eventually had their daughter , luna and ? not only did he find out that magneto is his dad during this time but pietro’s a dick and almost killed her by putting her in the terrigensis ( this was much later on , not right after she was born omg ) but hey , she got powers so ! he’s never been the best dad , honestly ? he’s run away from a lot of responsibility , even stuff that wasn’t luna related lol. but he’s trying ? ( with pietro’s age , luna is about ? 5-6 years old. his lil princess. )

the relationship that pietro had with crystal would become rocky due to pietro’s mind being elsewhere and not paying all that much attention to his wife. crystal would then cheat on pietro ,,,, ( note: crystal left some other guy for pietro sksksk ) pietro wouldn’t forgive her and “ vowed vengeance on her and all those he perceived as having wronged him “ but !! crystal’s cousin , maximus , was manipulating his mind and augmenting pietro’s anger towards crystal which was prob meant more for the avengers. he did a lot of dumb shit during this time basically. moreso than usual. but he wasn’t in control of himself or what he was doing so really ? it wasn’t his fault.

pietro and crystal had a messy relationship after that. they’d reconcile , get back together , breakup , fight , get back together , fight together , etc. it was a messy relationship for awhile.

pietro lost his powers for a bit and ,,, it was hard fam he was actually depowered due to m day but i’m just saying he lost his powers w/o m day since it’s a big part of him

honestly !! pietro was in a pretty horrible state at this time. he was taken to attila which is basically inhumans hq , where his medical injuries were taken care of. pietro couldn’t stand being human so much that he underwent terrigensis even though king black bolt said no since it can kill u ! wtf u doing pietro !! he then started to plan a way to steal and bring the terrigensis crystals to earth. pietro ,,, no. angel boi. slow down u gonna kill everyone.

then he made his daughter undergo terrigen ,,,, which could’ve killed her since nobody knew if her inhumans genes would just cancel out her mutant ones.

lots of shit happened ,,,, its just 2 much

pietro was then put in jail and while there he had a serious of hallucinations. o boi

but ig it was also the end of his episode , u could call it ?? his powers were restored and he rediscovered his desire to be a hero !!

pietro recovered the remaining terrigenesis crystals returning them to the inhumans and clearing his name of criminal charges through a lie that a skrull committed all of his felonies.

he joined all new x-factor which was his half-sister’s x-men team !

he actually just claimed to have a falling out with the avengers ,,, which wasn’t rly tru ,,, lorna’s ex bf , alex summers , just wanted pietro to spy on her sksksk

but like ? pietro in x-factor with lorna was one of the best things marvel could’ve done. just siblings working together and on a team together who usually never interact. goals. ( might lowkey have a thing for a certain cajun mutant )

he taught at avengers academy for a hot second !

he’s paid a ton of money for luna to go to a fancy school in england which she eventually just ,,, ran away from lmfao

he’s a hero. but he also doesn’t pay much attention to authority and if he thinks someone is wrong and he’s right then he’ll follow his own path and ignore everyone else. he’s tried to repower mutants with the inhuman crystals and continued to do so after mutants got sick and some even died. while that’s not really canon it does give a good insight to who pietro is. he’s not bad and most of his bad ideas do have good intentions.

he’s been off and on with the avengers for awhile and never stays with them for extended periods of time but they all mean a great deal to him. he loves many of the founding / returning members and cares more for them than he’d ever care to admit.

pietro once ran 300+ miles so he could punch erik in the face lol [ x ]

pietro is in gotham to see what’s going on ? he also has luna while crystal is away doing stuff. so single dad pietro ! he’s never been alone with luna for more than a few days before ! it’ll be fun !

tldr; pietro is messy, an asshole and a drama queen but he’s trying HIS BEST.

stats - tba / pinterest / wiki page.

#gchq:intro #<3 #hes just trYING HIS BEST #╰ ° ɪ ᴅᴏɴ’ᴛ ᴇᴠᴇɴ ʀᴇᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀ ʜᴏᴡ ɪᴛ ғᴇᴇʟs ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ ᴄᴀʟᴍ. 「 about. 」

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newstfionline · 7 years

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Britain braces for an exodus of E.U. doctors and nurses feeling hurt by Brexit

By William Booth and Karla Adam, Washington Post, March 4, 2018

BETTYHILL, Scotland--From his wind-scoured bungalow, Andreas Herfurt overlooks the village cemetery, an end place in his line of work. For almost 20 years, the German has served as the town doctor here in the woolly wilds on the north coast of Scotland.

“Those are not just my former patients,” Herfurt said of the graves surrounding the old church. “They are my neighbors and my friends. I have learned the hard way the whole truth about cradle-to-grave medical care.”

Herfurt is the National Health Service’s family physician for 850 souls in a 400-square-mile rural practice. This is a place where the cozy village pub--the Farr Bay Inn, known with a wink as the FBI--has a public room the size of a walk-in closet, the only restaurant option in winter is a fish-and-chips shop, and sheep outnumber humans by thousands to one.

Herfurt, 53, who never became a British citizen, says he has loved his life in the NHS, the United Kingdom’s much-admired, oft-derided, state-run universal health-care system. He has made decent money, by European standards. And he digs living in the middle of nowhere, with his Scottish wife and their big, slobbery dog.

“But I don’t know how much longer we will stay,” he said recently, taking a break at his clinic in nearby Armadale.

“In the simplest, most emotional terms, because I am human, I wonder: Am I wanted?” he said.

The German doctor is not alone in such feelings--which could spell disaster for the British health service.

Like Herfurt, many of his European colleagues in the NHS say they were stunned by Brexit, the vote by Britain in a June 2016 referendum to leave the European Union. The exit, which was not backed by most voters in Scotland or Northern Ireland, is scheduled for March 2019.

In a survey at the end of last year, the British Medical Association discovered that almost half of the European doctors working in Britain were considering leaving following the Brexit vote, and that nearly 1 in 5 were taking concrete steps--selling homes, looking for jobs.

If Brexit was driven by strong emotions, so is the reaction to it by some European doctors and nurses in the NHS.

In interviews with The Washington Post, several of those who are thinking about leaving didn’t point to overt acts of xenophobia. They acknowledged that nobody is kicking them out of the country.

But they are taking Brexit personally, expressing indignation at the prospect of having to be vetted in post-Brexit Britain. Many said they would refuse to stand in line for a work visa or submit to a criminal-background check--not after years of overseeing life-or-death decisions and emptying bedpans for British patients.

They noted that when they came to work here, they were Europeans coming to a member state of the European Union. They didn’t see themselves as “immigrants.” They were Europeans exercising their right to free movement in Europe. They were wooed by the NHS.

Many never sought British citizenship because they didn’t have to. They assumed they could spend their careers, perhaps their whole lives, here.

Daniela Schulze-Henning, 43, an NHS psychologist, recently put her house on the market and plans to move back to Germany with her husband, a general practitioner, or GP, and their two children.

“We’re not the only ones. We have GP friends going back,” she said. “It’s everywhere.”

She said that 70 percent of the people in her London suburb voted for Brexit, including a neighbor who had a big “LEAVE” poster displayed in her window.

“I hated that, coming home, seeing the ‘Leave’ sign,” she said.

If the European medical workers do exit in large numbers, they will be missed.

This month, Parliament published new statistics on NHS staff from overseas, revealing that in Britain, about 139,000--or 12.5 percent of NHS staff--are from Europe and elsewhere. Europeans dominate in the most skilled jobs. About 10 percent of doctors and 7 percent of nurses are European nationals.

The study did not publish figures for Scotland, Wales or Northern Ireland because of differences in reporting, but health experts say the numbers are similar to England’s.

Brexit was propelled by disparate goals: Voters wanted to slash immigration, not only from countries such as Bangladesh or Ukraine but from the E.U., as well. They were also promised a windfall in NHS funding after payments to the bloc ended--$500 million a week, the Leave campaigners vowed, a claim that was later debunked and disavowed.

The NHS faces crisis-level staff shortages and relies heavily on Europeans to do the jobs that British nationals either can’t or won’t do.

European doctors interviewed by The Post say their fealty to the United Kingdom swings with the headlines.

One day, they read that Prime Minister Theresa May has promised Britain will always welcome “the best and brightest” from the continent. The next day, they see hard-line Brexiteers in her cabinet insisting that annual net immigration must be slashed from current levels of hundreds of thousands of newcomers to a post-Brexit goal in the tens of thousands.

Many wonder how their children will fare. They are unsettled, too, by the tabloid rhetoric branding Brexit opponents “enemies of the people.”

As a boy growing up in Majorca, Spain, Carlos Hoyos remembers being fascinated by British inventors. England embraced openness, he believed. When he visited London as a teenager, something clicked: “I thought, ‘This is where I want to live.’”

It has now been 27 years since Hoyos moved to the U.K. He lives with his British wife and their two teenage daughters in Southampton, on England’s south coast, where he works for the NHS as a child and adolescent psychiatrist.

“It’s emotional that these people I have admired all this time actually don’t want me here,” Hoyos said. “It’s a sense of rejection.”

Harry Quilter-Pinner, a research fellow at the Institute for Public Policy Research in London, said, “The influx of workers from the E.U. are vital to keeping the show on the road.”

He added: “If the government said, ‘Okay, let’s train up new doctors,’ you wouldn’t get any payoff for 10 years. The only way to fill that gap is through immigration.”

The problem, said Siva Anandaciva, chief analyst for the King’s Fund, an independent health-care think tank, is “the worrying trends emerging that show these staff no longer want to work in the U.K.”

He pointed to sharp declines in the numbers of European nurses and midwives coming to Britain at a time when the country needs to hire tens of thousands of nurses.

Joan Pons Laplana, 42, is from Barcelona and works as an NHS nurse in Chesterfield. He has lived in Britain for 17 years and has three children, all born in England.

“Despite my family, despite paying taxes, despite working hundreds of hours of unpaid overtime, like everyone else in the NHS, I feel like I don’t count for anything, that I am invisible,” he said.

“There’s the younger generation, who have been here for less than five years. All of them are packing up. A lot of colleagues are going,” Laplana said. “There’s the second group, like me, it’s not that easy, because of my family, my kids, my career of nearly 20 years, my mortgage, my friends--where do I go? I don’t have anything in Spain. I have my mom and dad, but Spain is not my home.”

The NHS has buckled under the strain during the current flu season, with hospital corridors crowded with gurneys and 12-hour waits in emergency rooms. Heart and cancer surgeries have been postponed.

Herfurt has continued his usual house calls, his visits to elder-care residences. He said, “I am a dinosaur,” and added with a flash of frustration, “Good luck finding my replacement”--someone who will work long hours in a remote rural practice.

If he stays, it will be because of his patients.

For 19 years, he has spent his days here giving howling 6-week-old babies their first checkups; seeing snotty-nosed kids through childhood vaccines; helping mums with pregnancies--then shepherding the older folks through the middle and final years of heart disease, diabetes, cancer and dementia to death.

“It has been a privilege to practice this kind of medicine,” Herfurt said.

Annie Hall, one of his patients, shook her head and said, “No, no, no!” when asked what she thought about Herfurt leaving.

“He can’t go,” she said. “He’s a local, almost.”

#Britain #Brexit #NHS #NHS doctors #EU doctors in Britain #NHS nurses

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bellarkelifestyle · 8 years

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not normally political but here goes

I have a lot of thoughts about what’s happening to the Muslim/Arab people in America right now and I just want to say that I understand. Living in a white society, it is so hard being an immigrant, especially if you’re part of a visible minority, and I’m not trying to belittle, devalue, or make light of other minorities that have been oppressed over the years like the LGBTQ+ community, or women in general, but because of what’s going on right now in this context, with this ban, this is about race. They (the Trump administration, Trump supporters, xenophobic/racist people in general) can chalk it up to immigration all they want, but they aren’t fooling anyone. Even though it’s said to be temporary, the fundamentals behind even implementing this as temporary action is highly concerning.

If you look at the events that led to World War II, to the Holocaust, it starts with the idea that certain people were creating problems for the German people, that they were eroding the German identity. The “they” in this situation was mostly Jewish people, along with others deemed undesirable, unfavourable and ill-suited to the German nationalistic identity. It didn’t take long for it to turn into a debate on the definition of who/what is German and who/what is not, and we see a frighteningly similar pattern right here and right now, in the continued and deliberate attack on anything related to Islam or the Middle East as well as comments made pertaining to the Latino community. When people in Europe needed help, when Jewish people needed help, they were turned away because of the semitism and the prejudice of the 1930s and 40s, and countless lives were lost. It was horrific, and the world said “never again, never again will we let this happen”, and slogans started coming up saying “as long as people remember what happened in WWII, it’ll never happen again,” and now I have to ask you what was the point of all of these Holocaust Memorials and genocide teachings when we’ve just managed to land right back here all over again, after 70 years with more genocides? (Fun fact: after the horrific events of WWII, a new term had to be coined to be able to properly describe the mass extinction and eradication of a specific group. A term that would be able to encompass all the horrors and disgusting activities perpetrated. So they came up with ‘genocide’; “geno” from genos, generally pertaining to human, or group (like genome), and “cide”, a suffix used to express more than just death; but also loss (see suicide, homicide, etc). A word that should send shivers down one’s spine with just the realization of what it represents. Mass death; extinction.) But after 70 years, what have we learned? We haven’t learned anything, clearly.

But getting back to the present; life became so inconceivably difficult for people that were visible minorities after 9/11. If your appearance in anyway suggested Middle Eastern descent or origin, you became someone that could be targeted, that could be demonized because of what your culture represented, because of what your religion represented. People who have been categorized as ‘Brown’ know what I’m talking about and the behaviour such a label entails. It means the comments about terrorism and being a terrorist said so offhandedly, it means “go back to where you came from” jokes, it means the glances you would get anytime you’d see or hear something about Al Qaeda or Taliban or Isis, it means getting called aside at airport security for ‘random selection’ time and time again because when you’re the brown person travelling in a group of white people it can look suspicious. It happens a lot in Europe, and I understand their fear, I really do. Horrible things have happened in Europe, but horrible things have also happened elsewhere in the world too, for a longer period of time, and that 'fear’ that they feel is the point of all the attacks. They (the radicals, extremists, terrorists, call them whatever you want, their point is the same) want to create that fear to isolate and weaken. We call it 'terrorism’ because it strikes terror - literally paralyzing, unimaginable, unendurable fear - into the hearts of people of diverse nations. It is meant to divide people, to make people distrust their neighbours because of the way they look or the way they pray or the way they dress. It is meant to create factions amongst people that otherwise have no fight with one another, and to create an environment where people are targeted and demonized and blamed for the actions of others. When we react to violence with violence, fear with fear, terror with terror, we are feeding the beast. We are giving those people that want to create worldwide discord what they want. So let’s not let them do that!

Personally, I’m a 17 year old Canadian-born girl of two Indian immigrants, born in Winnipeg, one of the whitest (demographically), most-racist (anecdotally) cities in Canada, where after three months, we moved to Montréal, spent eight years in one of the most cosmopolitan cities in North America, and then finally moved to Calgary where we are now; and I think it’s fair to say I’ve seen a lot of different aspects of what Canada looks like, of what a fairly healthy and functioning diverse country looks like and the truth is, it’s not always fair and it’s not always equal. It’s not always kind, either, and that’s the harsh truth. The notion that a country that’s as generally accepting as Canada is is without flaws is, well, a flawed ideal. Work still has to be done in Canada, but I think it’s safe to say that more work needs to be done in America. I could talk about my own story and my family’s story and just kind of how we’ve seen the world evolve - but then I remember that “evolve” is not the right word, because we’re not becoming something better, we’re just changing, so instead - how it’s changed in the 15 years since 9/11. But that wouldn’t change anything. That doesn’t help people that are scared right now, that feel isolated and alone right now, and that have had terror struck into their hearts because of what 'their’ president said, because of what 'their’ president has done and how he said he would protect the rights of all people in his country. Well, it’s been a week on the job President Trump, and you’ve already failed.

When 9/11 happened, this Islamophobia started, and no one knew what to call it back then, there wasn’t really a word for it. It was just this concept that the Islamic countries were dangerous, and that their ideas were dangerous, and that you have to watch out for them because there’s something wrong with them, and people never really got over that and it’s still visible in the aftermath and the consequences of wars that western countries had no part of getting involved in; but that’s a conversation for another day. When people started comparing Trump to Hitler, I really hated that trend, because you can’t compare the genocide of 10 million people deemed 'unfavourable’ by a sociopath to the ramblings of a racist, rich, white man. I mean there was really no comparison, and it’s unfair to the Jewish population to say that, but never did I think I’d see the day that Trump’s executive policies would align him closer to Hitler’s iconic (sorry, but true) and infamous ideologies than any other head of state since WWII. The fact that his administration has had the audacity to flat-out lie on national television to the very population it swore to serve on its very first day in power is an ominous sign. And nearly every executive order signed since has just further cemented that Trump is a petulant child who is so stubborn he demands that his views and opinions become the law and basis on which to run the country. Because he seems to have forgotten that the core of democracy is that it is run by the people, for the people. Because he is a hypocrite above all else.

But to go back to what this post was originally about. Race. To the people out there who say race is a human construct: that may be true. But to think that we can live in a post-race world is just naive. Unfortunately, that is not the way our world was built, and so we will have to fix it through the limits and barricades the generations of people before us have set up. That means accepting that race is real, that it won’t just go away, and that there truly is a race problem, not only in America, but in caucasian-centric nations around the world. I mean, the idea of being Middle-Eastern or Arab is so taboo that Christianity insists on depicting Jesus as white. You can argue that it was derived from different times, and that’s it’s just tradition, but if you know it’s wrong now, then why not invoke change? Hello? Jesus was a Jewish man from the Syria-Israel-Palestine-Egypt geographic area. He is 99.99% likely to have been brown, with black hair and a thick beard. To think or demand otherwise is frankly, pure stupidity. But it’s not necessarily those believers’ faults, and I’m not here to stir up religious dissent. It’s simply one of the consequences of a system that demands white-washing everything to be at a purity level acceptable for white people, who have always seen themselves as superior, even if it hasn’t been blatantly obvious. Sorry to white people who do care, I and I’m sure many others appreciate the support, but making a difference starts with realizing that the milennia of white-washing and racial negligence that has occurred to create a “proper” society whose idols fit into a range of “white appropriateness” is a system and a concept that need to be changed. And it means stepping up for Black Lives Matter, for DACA/DAPA, and speaking out against religious intolerance when mosques go up in flames or black churches go through mass shootings. It means giving a damn beyond grumbling at the tv, “this is bullshit.” I’m guilty of this too. But we can help invoke change by speaking, by not staying quiet, by taking the leap and breaking the taboo silence that makes us fear being called an overzealous social justice warrior. Don’t be afraid to speak your mind. I had to work up the courage to type this, let alone post it for the world to see. But I feel lighter now, so I would definitely recommend it. Change begins by showing support and getting the word out, letting people know that someone out there really does care, and is not okay with what’s going on.

I literally can not believe that we (humanity) have been civilized for nearly 10,000 years and are still unable to grapple with the concept that skin colour does not a person make. Does not define worth or ability or reputation. And no, just because I’m brown doesn’t make me biased in this cause. It makes me a victim, it makes me a bystander, it makes me a sympathizer, it makes me a supporter, and most importantly, it makes me human. Because racial discrimination isn’t just un-American. It’s inhumane.

I would be happy to hear any thoughts people wanted to share! I don’t have all the info, nor do I know all the proper tags to spread awareness, but it’s all out there and all over and trending so if shouldn’t be too hard to find! Spread kindness y'all :)

#i condemn the muslim ban #muslim ban #news #politics #screw trump #speak out #no ban no wall #i was missingwaterbottles #bellarkelifestyle

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