#& a apologize for being masculine (perceived or otherwise) role

[bisexualgenderfemme]

I just think some ppl (specifically fem/mes) see the butchfemme dynamic as a way to have all your needs taken care of without returning that energy at all. as a way to have someone who will take care of your every whim bc that's what they're 'supposed' to do & if they don't ...

well u get to revoke their gender! they were never rly a butch to begin with or they would've been affirmed by all that giving & giving without anything in return!! (/sarcasm)

[roadtohappy]

Why I detransitioned

I mentioned it briefly in response to someone else’s post, but I believe this subject deserves a post of its own. It included the statement: “I detransitioned because my identity changed, and I don’t regret my transition”, to which I expressed how much it resonated with me - and here’s why.

I was, I am, and I always will be transgender. As a young girl, I developed gender dysphoria. To anyone who’s unfamiliar with what that means, gender dysphoria is a term used to describe the emotional pain and distress a person experiences when their biological sex and their self-perceived gender do not match - a body/brain incongruence, if you will.

When I came out of the closet and told my family and peers that I identified as male, I had already spent a considerable amount of time contemplating my situation. I questioned myself constantly, and doubted every answer. I did this prior to, and after coming out, and even during my social and medical transition. Not because I was unsure of myself, but because I needed to know if there was any chance that my gender dysphoria could’ve been caused by something other than simply being transgender. It was important for me to unveil and deal with any underlying issues that could’ve been linked to my gender-identity, because it’s better to find out early on and stop before you find yourself overwhelmed with regret later in life if it turns out that you were actually mistaken. I asked myself the same questions constantly; “Am I being influenced by my peers? Media? Online communities?” “Is my brain using this as a defense mechanism to mask childhood trauma?” “Am I using my trans identity to escape from my past/present problems?” “Do I have any undiagnosed psychiatric or medical conditions that could alter how I perceive myself?” “Can I learn to cope with my gender dysphoria without transitioning?” “Am I trying to mend the absence of my father and lack of male role models by becoming male myself?” “Do I have any unhealthy ideas of what it means to be a woman?” “Do I have enough strong female role models in my life?” “Am I simply not ready to become a woman yet? if so, why?”

-These are all questions you should never ever be afraid to ask yourself, no matter where you are in your transition - whether you’re in the closet or out. Early, mid or late-transition; it is never a bad time to discover yourself and make the best choices for yourself, wherever they may lead you. This is not at all meant to discourage anyone from transitioning, but rather inspire people to ask them self the right questions.

As I mentioned in my introduction-post; I started living as a boy at 15, meaning I wore boy’s clothes, and went by a male name and male pronouns. I started taking male hormones when I was 18. If you’re unfamiliar with what hormone therapy does for trans people, it essentially means that you’re taking hormones regularly to induce a second puberty in order to bring on characteristics of your identified gender. I’m now 21 years old and I had chest-masculinization surgery 8 months ago. I never wanted to go any further than hormones and top-surgery, as my dysphoria mainly revolved around my feminine voice and other minor characteristics, and my breasts. The further I progressed into my transition, my gender dysphoria decreased, as you’d expect. After having my top-surgery, I also no longer feel dysphoric about my chest. To my surprise, I now feel completely comfortable with my natural body, including my femininity.

Early 2020 when the lockdown started, I began to spend more time alone by myself, going on long nature walks and exploring my thoughts through art and creative activities as a way to “unlearn” some of the unhealthy masking-behaviors I’ve taught myself over the years, in order to fit in better among other people. (Very common coping mechanism in autistic people, apparently.) As I began this process of “un-masking” I made it my top-priority to stop caring so much about what other people think of me or how other people expect me to look, talk and act. My new mindset became something along the lines of “Okay, the way my brain is built means that I experience the world and process information differently from other people, which also means that my actions and feelings are based on a different set of experiences than other people. I will no longer measure my worth by my ability to blend in and be ‘normal’, and I will no longer apologize for being different.” And so began a whole new level of self-exploration. I played around with some of my old make-up, I started taking up fun activities that most people would deem feminine - and it didn’t make me feel dysphoric at all. In fact, I liked it. I was unapologetically leaning into my feminine side and it felt good, it felt right, it felt safe - an experience I was never able to have before I transitioned.

When the semester came to an end a few weeks ago, I found myself in a weird position. I now have two completely empty months ahead of me, I truly detest big changes like that. A solid everyday schedule sort of functions as a mental “anchor” for me. Because no matter what happens in my life, I know one thing for certain; I will go to sleep tonight, wake up in the morning, do my morning routine and get ready, get the bus at exactly 7:41AM and arrive at school 10-15 minutes later depending on the traffic. I then attend class and adhere to the school’s timetables for the next 6 hours. I get the bus home and change into my uniform, work for 5 hours, go home and do my homework, make dinner, do something fun or watch youtube, go to bed - and the cycle continues. These little “anchors” make me feel secure and grounded, they help me cope with a world that can feel chaotic and overwhelming at times. 

So last day of school arrives and I’m like “shit, what now?? One day I’m at school and suddenly there’s just *nothing* for two months?? Not only that, but I’ve just discovered that there’s a whole new side of me that I’m now free to explore since my gender dysphoria decided to evaporate into thin air.” Everything around me was changing, even myself - and that’s the moment when I decided that maybe it was time to give Testosterone a break. Whether temporary or permanently, doesn’t matter. It’s not like my body is going anywhere and I can always just resume hormone therapy again if I want to. But for now, it was time to just take a break, let go of everything and truly get to know myself. My transition is complete, and I am ready to continue this journey in a new direction. It’s been a month now, and I’m happy to say I’ve had a lot of fun just enjoying the time off and being my authentic self. I haven’t really told anyone I’m detransitioning. I’m just kinda doing my own thing, and if people want to run along with it and refer to be as female at some point then that’s their choice, I don’t really care to be honest. Name-wise, I might just jokingly suggest “Jane” when people ask, since it’s so similar to “Jake”.  I get weird looks from people when I’m out in public, because I’m starting to pass as female again, but my voice is unmistakably masculine - I like my voice though, so I don’t care what they think. If people ask why my voice is so deep, I just tell them the truth: “I am a woman, but my body was testosterone-dominant for 3 years, hence the voice.” Simple as, lol. Not only that, but I am a whole, grown ass adult, I don’t have to explain myself to anyone.

On the topic of irreversible changes, there is one important thing that I cannot stress enough; My decision to detransition does not come from a place of regret, I have loved and cherished every step of this process. I’ve heard a lot of people say this about detransitioners but I don’t have “reverse-dysphoria”, why would I?  Man or woman, I love myself and my body regardless. I absolutely needed to transition from female to male in order to be happy, I could not have attained this level of happiness otherwise. I would not have been able to accept or even come to terms with my femininity if I hadn’t transitioned. I’m still on the same journey as before, I simply took a new path.

Anyway, I best end this wall of text because it’s 3:00AM and I’m going on a 9km hike with a friend in the morning, I can’t waiiiitttt!

[promisenolies]

A Writer Fed Up

I feel like this post/rant has been coming for a while. I realize that this might not be received well, but I guess that’s a risk I’m willing to take.  

I’ve been encountering some interesting takes and comments around my work as of late. And I feel like it needs to be addressed on a few different fronts. And yes, I could have continued with my life ignoring all these issues, as most people who do these behaviors are likely just doing it for attention. But...I feel that these things need to be said, if not only to give voice to many other writers/content creators who feel similarly.  

General points are as follows:  

The first and simplest point to make is this: the fanfiction writers in your fandom write these pieces – 1. for FREE  2. for THEMSELVES because they feel a call to create something. They/We do not do this for YOU. The sense of entitlement some readers have is uncalled for. Unless you’re paying us for our work, your opinion is not needed. At all.  

Comments and Kudos are the air we breathe as writers. We love when people appreciate our work, enjoy our work, and feel the need to let us know. HOWEVER, the comment section is not there for you to tell us how much you didn’t enjoy the piece. (see point 1)  

Everyone has personal tastes, yes? I have particular things I won’t read/write and I take no offense to others who feel differently. Again though, if you come across work that does not sit well with you or that you don’t enjoy – stop reading. That’s it. Don’t leave a comment, don’t bitch on timelines, don’t send passive aggressive curious cat messages. Just leave it alone. It’s that simple. I have particular tastes, I know that. But I don’t shit on writers who fall outside of what I enjoy. Because WHY!? They—again—are creating content for themselves and those who want to read it. And they’re doing so for free under no obligation to make anyone happy. Including—surprise—you and me! So again – if you don’t like ABO, don’t read it. If you don’t like MCD, don’t read it. If you don’t like BDSM, don’t read it. If you don’t like something specifically don’t. read. it.  I don’t know why this is so hard for readers to grasp.  

Specific points are as follows:  

I write vers/switch Jikook. That’s all I write. Yes, one-shots typically have only one role, but you’ll find a variety of who bottoms/tops in each of them. Claiming that I only wrote bottom Jimin fics after I was “called out” by some entitled person who didn’t care for my content is ridiculous. Especially considering the very first BTS piece I posted was Dressing Room Deviance which not only featured bottom Jimin – but it was also a VMinKook fic!  

On that note. I can’t believe I even have to say this, but what I write is FICTION. As in, despite them taking after the likeness of real Jimin and real Jungkook at the end of the day they are characters or interpretations of them (in my canon fics). And as characters, I write their sexual roles as I see fit. Sometimes I feel like they’d enjoy bottoming, sometimes I feel like they’d like to top. (See general points 1 and 3)  

But what really irritates me with this concerning fascination with sexual roles is that PEOPLE ARE MORE THAN SEX. Are you that incapable of understanding the complexities in human nature? Is it impossible for you to see them as multi-faceted and capable of multiple roles? Relationships are built on more than sex. I promise. And if you’re stuck in thinking otherwise, I greatly encourage you to speak with a professional about what healthy relationships are and what they look like. The sex is my work is ONE part of their relationship. There’s so much more going on behind it. Trust, humor, equality, love... If all you see in my work is the sex or if that’s all you can seem to bring yourself to comment on – quite honestly I don’t want you to read my stuff then. Because it’s CLEARLY over your head.  

Implying that I have no experience in sexual relationships is honestly the most ludacris and laughable thing I’ve encountered to date. One can only DREAM of the level of satisfaction I have in my sex like with my spouse. (Sorry to my little if they end up seeing this LOL) And that satisfaction and experience is in the very thing you seem to think I don’t understand the mechanics of.  

People’s inability to separate physical appearance, size, presentation, etc from their preconceived, heteronormative scripts/ideas is frustrating and sad. Again, people are complex and much more than their sexual roles. There is absolutely NO reason that the smaller partner can’t top. There’s absolutely NO reason that Jimin (let’s be specific here since these are my specific points) can’t be a top, can’t be assertive, can’t be portrayed outside your limited view of “babie Jimi”  Even in real life, yes he’s adorable – but he’s also legitimately scary as fuck and he could kick all our asses. And he’s not TINY. Let's be real. He’s 5’9”  - I can’t understand why so many people depict him as being like 5’3” or some shit. Trust me, that man can reach that top shelf to grab a bowl and doesn’t need Kook to do it for him. Stop making him a feminized, weak, damsel in distress. He’s a MAN and you’d do well to fucking realize that. Jungkook also deserves more than this general script of only topping, being stupid or aggressive, being incapable of feelings and intimacy, and always being some sort of protector. AKA – Jimin is not “the woman” and Jungkook is not “the man.” THEY ARE MEN. Your homophobic heteronormativity is showing and it’s disgusting.  

I do honestly enjoy writing bottom JK, mostly because it’s unconventional (for some gross heteronormative reason). So yeah, you might see a bit more of that in my one-shots. But honestly, maybe y’all need to expand your horizons. I enjoy breaking him out of the confining box so many of you put him in. Same with Jimin. Both he and Jimin deserve great sex, whatever form that happens to take in my work.  

Also, the fandom’s inability to separate sub/dom from bottom/top is also GREATLY CONCERNING. I have a lot of thoughts on this issue. Like A LOT. Mostly focused around the disgusting pornification of our youth and the sexualizing of violence. But at the end of the day my point will be short on this. (And keep in mind I will not debate this issue. This is one of my boundaries alright? - it’s HEALTHY to have boundaries) The main point of this is that sex doesn’t need to have power dynamics. It doesn’t. And I’ll concede on the point that some people specifically write BDSM and sub/dom work and that’s fine because again – points 1 and 3 in general points above. But what frustrates me is that even if there isn’t ANY power dynamics people will tag it that way. Why? Is it to get hits because people have been so culturally groomed to be aroused by that? It makes me sad that I miss out on likely some great pieces because it’s tagged wrong. Just because someone is assertive doesn’t mean they’re being a dom and just because someone let’s go and surrender’s to pleasure doesn’t mean they’re being a sub. Assertiveness is so important to have in sexual experiences because one needs to be able to voice what they like and what they don’t like. Assertiveness is not domming.  

Some people’s simple lack of understanding of intimacy truly saddens me. And I’m not talking about sex. I’m talking about INTIMACY. About knowing your partner, being there for your partner, talking through things and managing conflict as a team.  

This next one is a very specific rant point. If you haven’t read the “There And Back Again” series this might give spoilers and/or you might be lost. As a counselor, I can ASSURE you that the dynamics with Jungkook and Jimin include CARE and COMFORT on both sides. The way people seem to think that Jungkook wasn’t a caretaker for Jimin simply because he didn’t coddle him BLOWS MY MIND. Again, is it just because we have so FEW depictions of true intimacy and care for our partners? People process trauma in so many ways. Some people need the image that apparently so many of you draw up in your mind; the hugs, the soothing words, etc. Some people don’t. Jimin specifically in this piece didn’t need that kind of care. If you paid attention AT ALL to his character you would know that. This version of Jimin needed to feel like he was still capable, that he didn’t lose his strength and who he was, he needed to know that he still had PURPOSE. Jimin didn’t need to be coddled the way you seem to think he did. The way Jungkook didn’t make a big deal of Jimin going to therapy – that's the reaction Jimin NEEDED. If you can’t see Jungkook’s apologies for his focus on Jimin’s injuries and how he couldn’t do certain things as care, if you can’t see Jungkook’s desire to learn grounding techniques to help Jimin through flashbacks and panic attacks as care, if you can’t see Jungkook’s support of not just therapy but going to school as care...then I guess I don’t know what to tell you. But let it be known and clear that Jungkook took care of Jimin in all the ways he needed, and I’m not sorry if you can’t see it. Because THOSE depictions of care and intimacy are NEEDED (clearly) and I won’t write cookie-cutter bullshit just so people like it.  

On that note – people's weird dislike of Jimin bottoming at the end of that series is so strange to me. Like, why? Does it revert back to people’s massive inability to accept him as a potential bottom? Is it the inability to reconcile his incredibly masculine portrayal with their perceived feminine role? People say they don’t think he’d healed enough... literally the last chapter is THREE YEARS later. You think he didn’t put in some work in that time? Jesus. As for saying it didn’t seem natural? ...honestly that final scene with them is one of my absolute favorites...I know a few who would agree with me.  

I want to throw in one other comment/disclosure before y’all run in here and call me a hypocrite. I did recently call something out that honestly just needed to be, in my opinion. I’m sure much of that situation was due to me being a sexual assault advocate and recognizing the situation for what it was, and for recognizing the impact that the mislabeling could have on others. It was an intense moment, and I’m thankful that the creator was open to hearing me out in my escalated state. We talked through it, heard each other’s points and have moved on. And I still fully support them in their work as they are an incredible writer.  

I think that’s all I have. For now.  

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.  

[thtdamfangirl4]

There are sexual harassers, assaulters, and rapists out there. Far more than will ever be reported. Far more than will ever be convicted. This is not a joke, and it is borne of a society which allows men to skate through life on blades of toxic masculinity over the slippery surface of privilege.

Men hate the phrase toxic masculinity. They think it means we are decrying anything that makes a man manly. This is not the case. We are defending your right to be manly, because you are a man. Even if you cry. Even if you don’t like sex. Even if you defy gender roles. Toxic masculinity is a set of expectations for men that have permeated generations, causing young boys to be raised to believe that that are not responsible for their own actions and that they must always be stoic. Men are brought up to believe that they are entitled to a women because that’s how things go: men are attracted to all attractive women and every woman in her right mind must be attracted to you too, because you are strong and manly and you have earned her respect simply by the virtue of being a man. And if you do not subscribe to these values, you are seen as less than. Under the ideals of toxic masculinity, men are shamed for or restricted from being gay, being trans, not sleeping around, having open and communicative relationships, being “just” friends with a woman, reaching out for help, acknowledging insecurity, expressing emotion, even liking a fucking color or a fruity drink.

It also has permeated generations of women, who have been told to wear longer skirts or a top with sleeves because boys will be distracted in school. It has affected women who have come forward to say that they have been violated, and yet no one will believe them. It affects women who want to be independent. It affects all women who have any form of a relationship with a man, be it familial, friendly, sexual, or romantic. For these women are expected to bear the emotional weight of human connection. It has affected every woman who has ever been told they were too emotional, despite the fact that many men have been brainwashed into emotional constipation that builds up until their feelings explode over the people they care about. It affects everyone.

And we all know about the effects that our society’s views on what it means to be a man has on the truly corrupted men. The ones who take these values and use them as excuses to violate women and men and children. We know about the rapists and the assaulters and the harassers (though many still seem to think it’s okay to turn a blind eye).

But we don’t talk enough about the everyday men. We don’t talk enough about the ones who still think it’s funny to make jokes about “go make me a sandwich” even though they’re overall not too bad. We don’t talk enough about the ones who don’t go ballistic when they’re rejected, they just get all passive aggressive and distance themselves. We don’t talk enough about the ones who won’t buy their wives and daughters pads or tampons. We don’t talk enough about the fathers who feel they have a right to “protect” their daughters from a perfectly healthy sex life. We don’t talk enough about the men who say they can’t watch that movie, it’s just for chicks. We don’t talk enough about the men who don’t know how to respond when a man comes out, or when a woman has a breakdown, or when a male friend wants to have a deep and meaningful conversation. We don’t talk enough about the men who we have deemed “not bad enough” to talk about.

Because they’re not bad. They are a product of circumstance. They haven’t done anything completely awful or illegal, so we brush it off. But therein lies the danger of toxic masculinity and sexism. It is not some mythical dark force of evil threat reaches into the hearts of men and turns them bad. It’s an ingrained belief system that most of the time produces some of these smaller faults in the actions of each of these otherwise good people. However, a stubborn adherence to its values and a culmination of all of the faults in one man leads to sexual assault, extreme violence, and hatred of anything perceived as “other.”

These normal men, the ones who are being judged by a lower bar, are capable of change. They have not done anything grossly wrong, simply adhered to what has been taught to them and it has made others uncomfortable. And there lies the need for feminism and equality (words which are synonyms, but have recently been perceived as otherwise by the eyes of toxic masculinity).

I have two brothers. They’re wonderful people. They have good hearts. They wouldn’t even do most of the shit I listed above. They’re both in loving relationships in which they treat their girlfriends with respect and care. They both cry on a regular basis. They both consistently have deep, meaningful, emotional conversations with others (including myself). They both wear pink, and care about their hair and clothes at least a little. They both are really sympathetic about my period and have gotten me Midol, tampons, and heating pads when I needed them. They both like rom-coms. They’re literally two of the most genuinely kind, thoughtful, generous, and loving people I’ve ever known.

And yet. They have these little things that have been taught to them. They think “toxic masculinity” means “men are awful.” They’ve definitely made judgmental comments about girls’ appearances before. They’re hesitant to believe that the effects of sexism reach as far as they do. They will stand up for any woman they know, they would never be actively sexist, and they would comfort and protect any woman who told them she had been violated. But they still think harassment is exaggerated. Stephen once proposed extended paternity leave during a discussion about the wage gap, as though it was a nonsensical idea, even though he’s expressed the idea that he might like to stay at home with his kids one day since he wants to be a writer and could do that from home. Nick once said that of course he doesn’t know how to sew up a hole in his pants, he’s a guy, so he asked me to do it. So I showed him how. Stephen and I have discussions about feminism and male privilege all the time, and he has made humongous steps of progress and come around on a lot of things, even if not 100%. Nick has stopped making “light-hearted” jokes he made as a stupid teenager because I told him they were offensive. I haven’t heard either one of them appraise a woman by her looks except to tell me how beautiful they think their girlfriends are in years.

Men are not inherently bad, which seems like a thing so obvious to say, but I just want to say it anyway. And they’re capable of change, and improvement, just as all humans are with all their flaws and all the faults that we have learned from society. This is why we need feminism. We need people to recognize that these are learned behaviors and ideals that can be unlearned. Because I will go to my grave believing that people are good. We make mistakes and we fuck up and we are formed by circumstance and sometimes some people don’t come back from that. But right there at the beginning, there is no inherent evil, throughout life, we do not become destined for corruption. People are good. Men are people, and when raised the right way and forced to confront the culture of sexism, they are good and capable of improvement.

This cancel culture we have subscribed to is ridiculous because it denies that people are good and doesn’t allow for growth. Some people are not to be trusted. I get it. And I get that there are things in this world that perhaps can not be forgiven. And there will always be people we can choose not to be associated with because of their choices. But the little mistakes? The medium mistakes? The behaviors we were raised to exhibit? Why on earth would you want to shun someone for those instead of trying to help them grow? People can learn from their mistakes, apologize, and become more aware and just. Why try to make someone’s life worse and call it justice when you could help someone make up for their actions while making the world a better place for all the people they know? And it would be a ripple effect.

Be a feminist. Change the world, one smaller issue at a time. Correct men. Correct women. Correct anyone of any gender. And let this apply to other corrupt systematic beliefs, like racism, homophobia, class discrimination, islamophobia, transphobia, all of it. Eliminate bigotry not by eliminating the bigots altogether, but by showing them how to unlearn their bias.

[novakidds]

can i ask what it’s like to be both a radfem and a trans person? like how are u treated in the radfem community and how does your view of yourself differ from typical non-radfem trans people? i’m sorry if this seems invasive but i’m actually also a transman and it’s rare for me to find blogs like yours. i often find myself agreeing w radfem ideas but all my friends r hardcore trans activists and it makes me scared to ever admit it

this is a good question, thank you anon. never feel the need to apologize for asking legitimate questions, this is what radfems are 100% into- open discussion :]

i ended up typing a LOT so im gonna tuck it away with a read more a little down the line. my bad bro

i completely understand how you feel, transitioning (lol) into the radfem community meant losing some trans-activist friends who formerly had rays of sunshine beaming from their rears. suddenly someone they knew had become, in their eyes, ‘dangerous’ which has never ceased to baffle me because i was... y’know, still me. still feminist, still lesbian, just focusing on women’s issues and calling out male behavior, which is what feminism was made for, right??? i was very bluntly disagreed with in that regard, due to my belief that trans women are biologically male.

that’s a pretty key difference between me and other non-radfem trans people i think. trans people are, and always will be, their biological sex. if we weren’t, what would we be transitioning from, exactly? our dysphoria is based in our sex. i’ll tally up the biggest beliefs that differ me, personally, from ‘them’:

1) you cannot change your biological sex. your biological sex and resulting primary/secondary sex characteristics are the reason you feel the need to transition. otherwise, what you are experiencing is not a desire to become the opposite sex, but distress at how others treat you due to your sex. this is why a lot of detransitioners are women due to how poorly women are treated, and the resulting regret of having changed their bodies so drastically in an attempt to escape sexism.

2) gender roles and the unfair standard for expressing gender are oppressive and should be abolished. women are attacked for being masculine, meanwhile... uh, drag queens exist. (i’m currently figuring out wanting to be perceived as a man vs hating performing gender for people hnnng)

3) medically transitioning, as it is now, is hazardous guesswork at best and a moneygrab by Big Pharma at worst. hormone blockers on minors, diagnosing gender dysphoria with precious little questioning, and ESPECIALLY the emphasis upon medical transition all serves as a lifelong detriment to the lives of gay and GNC people who simply don’t have the language to understand who and what they are before trans ideas found them first. there are also precious few trans people who have lived for great lengths of time after these surgeries and hormone treatments, and so there is next to no research on how these surgeries will affect ones life longterm. i can’t find the discussion on this as i type this, but i believe there was also concerns about elderly transgender people suffering from dementia being disoriented and in distress at their primary or secondary sex characteristics being missing. but again, we literally cannot know because this movement is so fresh, yet has such rapid traction.

4) activism for trans rights is on easy mode. the reasons being, say, rich white men are funding it, and places like iran pushing for the forced transition of gay people to make them appear heterosexual. what is truly being fought for? what is truly being fought against? this was a big thing that made me opt the hell out.

5) trans people still have many (if not all) behaviors of their assigned gender. i say gender and not sex, because although there are different hormones at work and chemicals are produced by the sexes at different quantities, this does not make shit like “lady brains.” that concept is misogynistic. hear me out: 98% of sexual crimes are committed by males, and proof of this can be found in the statistics of crime (october 2011 to september 2012) in the criminal justice system for england and wales. an easier to read chart with the gender of offenders and crimes can be seen right here. i can’t find the source as i type this, but iirc roughly 40% of transgender women who have been convicted of a crime were convicted of some form of sexual assault, but in spite of this statistic there is a push for transgender women to be put in women’s prisons. it’s a dangerous neglect of male-pattern violence. have you noticed how transgender men never push for access to things like, say, “gentleman’s clubs?” it’s because as females we’re socialized for complacency. we don’t want to take, vandalize, and take some more like males are socialized to do.

TL;DR

i refuse to view transitioning, trans activism, and the oppressive perceptions of gender that are required for trans ideology to exist without a critical lens. i also refuse to blindly trust males who want access to female spaces. this has, in one person’s eyes, warranted very violent threats.

the worst i had ever received from a (presumed) radfem was this anonymous ask. at worst it was a little condescending. (the answer i gave is probably old and not super relevant btw, no worries over not reading it.) i do sometimes fret to myself when i get caught up in thought about never finding ‘my people,’ but usually when i actually talk to other radfems mutual respect is perfectly intact and i was just overthinking it lmao

the biggest thing i can tell you is- being trans and believing in women’s rights as a radfem have one big thing in common that you need to embody: self-confidence. not necessary loving yourself to bits, i’m still on that path myself. just the belief in yourself that you know what you’re talking about, you know yourself well enough to make this decision, and with that knowing you refuse to crumble over the fear of what other people think. because using peer pressure isn’t politics, it’s outright bullying. any activism that depends on manipulating the human need to fit in is no longer activism- and once you’ve distanced yourself, you’ll see how much of that emotional bribery is occurring, and it being used against radfems with the assumption that they, like other women, will apologize and fall in line.

you can do it, brother. no longer having those old friends was the best thing for me in regards to my confidence and growth, and plenty of radfems will understand the system shock of being dubbed ‘dangerous’ and blocked by people they formerly talked to in a matter of a day. if they throw a hissy fit, just know that it isn’t you- and that at the very least, i’m here for you if you do decide to take the plunge.

[11toe11-blog]

No autocorrect. e for stickie

“Thats such a good lesson. On patience” he says. After yanking out two of the sapota seeds he had to lovingly planted. Its sticking out of the mud, may be i should pushi it back inside, something is not right, let me pull it out and see whats going on he must have thought. And the two of the early earnets, reposnding to his watering dropped dead. Thats the garden as the zen master i suppose. 

The very change that we water and nourish, when it starts expressing, we wonder why it is not how it is supposed to be - familiar, buried deep in the soil and my role to keep watering. Or final, green and with a leaf on it. The inbetweens where its neither this or that, uncertain. I assume im a doing something wrong.

I notice that as a programme running when i am doing my body work. A sense that i am not paying attention where i should be paying attention. I notice the feeling and when it dissolves more attention is generally availble and flowing.

I am feeling like now. Oh! This is not what i wanted to start the post with. 

Its because R is around. Otherwise i would be more contemplative. I should have this, i should have that. I havent this, i havent that. 

And its not entirely just the whiner programme. Had i woken up early i would ahve had more quiet time. But for that i have to sleep early. 

Now that it is what it is, i didnt sleep early, i didnt wake up early, things arent going picture perfect, but they are not bad either. A chunck of the sticky can see that. Its sticking. Stuck like resin onto how it should have been. This is the  cant-let-it-go resin.  Can let anything go. Want to stick to everything and anything passing by.  Like an ocptopus with a million legs and holding on to everyhthing passing by and being pulled in infiinte direction.s 

Imagine if it suddenly lets go, what a whack it would get from all its legs combined recoil. 

Methi paratha. Would go very well with the garlic pickle he is making. 

Where is this

Where is that 

Incessant. Wont look. Cant see.

I havent been making sprouts for a while. Nor micro greens. 

I like the kichen counter to be clean. Spot less. A few 

You this. You that. 

A clean kitchen counter whre we can cook. 

Its a small counter and i need it clean. Right now its a clutter.

You this you that

This is like this This is like that

Where have i seen this play out in loop. My mother. R has turned into my mother this morning. R keeps turning into my mother. 

That when i hate him. Hate is strong. Intensely dislike. When he keeps driving home this point of how one is not doing what what one is supposed to be doing. That what and who one is,  isnt ideal. 

This was beginining to feel like a whiny pointless post with zero insight. 

And R calls up his mom to ask if she minds  onion in the kadala curry he is making. We are taking puttu and kadala over with us when we go to visit them today.  I would have thought it odd the affection he bestows on his mother. And early on when i met him, he wasnt so expressive with his affection towards his parents. A 54 year old man being being possibly moer affectionate with his mom that i am with mine. Is actually such a wonderful and beautiful thing. In my own conditioning, formed by acerbic relations between my mom and her mom-in-law and my father’s absence, that i never got a clear idea of my fathers relationship with his mother. What  do i mean by that? I suppose we form neural pathways of expectations based on what we are exposed to. Somewhere in my liberal hyper-independent idea of the free woman, modelled along the independent man,  was one who didnt need anyone. And so it seems strange, for the adult man to express his affection for his aged mother. He can take care of the financial and social obligations et al. But to express geniune affection outwardly. How unstoic. 

ANd how human. To actually accept and acknowlege ones need for this primary connection to the world. Than hide it in thick layers of indifference and independence as expression of masculinity. 

And somewhere, the articulation of the Oedipus complex lurks suspiciously, watching out for abnormality in everything and everyone. That if one thing that has been named and labelled, and its all just that. 

I know that its my own possessive tendencies and programming that assumes that every ounce of the adult male’s attention must be and must only be directed towards his “legal” mate.

Ah. There were are inching closer and notice the familiar subject in the horizon. Envy. 

Yesterday when R said he was intensely attracted to E at some point in the exercise which was to gaze into the eyes of another, a stranger or friend for 10 minutes, i felt the sensations. Bubbling that demanded more space. Didnt want touch. Words that came out first - was to reassert power. “I know, i sensed it then”. And its true, i am quite sensitivve and i may have sensed it then and it may have had its effects on the evening. Sure. 

But what was remarkable was how my viewing expereince of the film that E made, (and it was while watching the film that R made this statement) shifted ever so slightly. My neutral viewing and expereince of admiration shifted slowly and clearly towards disinterest and and veiled criticism. Basically, to put it simply, i found more faults with the film in the last half an hour after the greens than i did in the whole one hour before that. To the extent that i even found a scene dishonest and without integrity.

Now the question that i wont ever have a real answer to - is if the scene actually had elements that lacked a certain integrity and congruent with the position taken by the maker. And my envy allowed for a critical lens, or a wiping out of rose tinted admiration?

Or it was a discouloring and distrotion of the viewing experince, from the sensations expereinced?

I dont know. 

Maybe what i am trying to ask is - is there any use of this sensation or expereince of envy. Does it serve any purpose in the larger sense of things? Because everything does, no, if we go by the idea of interconnectedness. Even the weeds have uses, unknown to us.

The sensation is sure unpleasant. It immediately put a distance between me and R and even E. 

It created a distinct expereince of seperation. And with it came thoughts of security, or more like insecurity. Discrediting the other in someway as being weak. The need to claim, reclaim power. “ yea. When i have hung out with her husband, i was also quite intensely attracted to him”. 

And also raised aloud once again the nature of commitment. Between R and me thats an on going conversation. How does one arrive into a mature sensible relationship. 

Writing is slower today. I shared the blog link with 3 and a half people. And i know this will be read by someone other than me. Earlier there was no such thought at all. 

It is changing the tone of what is being written. At this point atleast.

__

“ Dil mein mere hai Dard-e-disco dard-e-disco” … keeps appearing in head at random moments. Like a tape was left on and the power kept coming on and off. The two lines become backdrops to the most incognruent thoughts. 

I go looking for the source. I dont find it. 

In the play - 

The character goes looking for the source of the song that fills the scene, and keeps looking and doesnt find it.

In another play, as ina thiriller , the song is the red color coating the pill. The memory that needs to placed into the slot to rewire the expereince of reality. Of joy. Or rights and wrongs. Of this one girl and hence of the collective. The logic is a lot  like inception. 

__

Ok. time to wrap. Dissatisfaction .

That the future gaze of another is coloring my expereince of perceiving and expressing. Maybe thats the distance between the master and the novice. The future gaze of another, for the master is also the future gaze of herself. The other not seperate from the self. And the novice rolls in the muck of otherness. 

Rolling nice long distances made by the idea of such a seperation. Making huge spaces. And feeling small. Pretending to be big and feeling small.

I have had more backspaces operating today than i have ever in the recents. 

Ok so envy makes some space and distance on one plane, while clingling like resin on another plane. Two opposite properties belonging to the same idea. Thats also another interpretation of duality.

HUnger hunger.

I go eat and make puttu.

I really hope i do my exercises in the evening. My knees need it. ANd not keep it off to the next morning - because only mornings are perfect. And if i cant do it in the morning i can nver do it, nonsense. 

Afternoon today mom starts stitchinging classes with me. 

We pulled out almost a hundred bed sheets from the trunk in the outhouse. Apparently, they are some 40-50 years old. Belonging to R’s grandmom. 

Quite timely that R opened the trunks. We intend to keep some sheets for us, and for people who visit and some for the stiching classes and send the rest to La. Maybe there will still be enough to generally give away. 

R and Rc are bantering int he kitching. Waiting for some sense of satisfactiong and lcarity i stick onto the word doc. Inspite of raging hunger and the smell and sight of mangoes. 

Ok thats it. Today is this. Just observe it. Guilts. Nothing to do. Just watch. 

_

I entered. I apologize if i pushed it. I have sense that i may have. Or treated it casually.

I ask for forgiveness. And i forgive. As a student would. 

I leave now. To return wiser tomorrow.

[ao3feed-klave]

by aquilanoncapitmuscas

1. Diego's hungover and not in the mood for Klaus' sassy tongue, but what he perceives as a bit of brotherly 'rough and tumble' fighting reveals a painful truth about his vulnerable little brother.

2. Apocalypse averted, Five has a puppy, Klaus is jealous and Diego's soft in love.

3. Klaus is searching for a new role as he grapples with sobriety and being part of a family, and that includes bonding with the Hargreeves ladies. The boy makes a brief appearance but Klaus' rules are solid: Girls Night, girls only.

Words: 4299, Chapters: 3/?, Language: English

Series: Part 1 of Short Stories - The Umbrella Academy

Fandoms: The Umbrella Academy (TV)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: Gen, Multi

Characters: Diego Hargreeves, Klaus Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy (Umbrella Academy), Grace Hargreeves, Allison Hargreeves, Vanya Hargreeves

Relationships: Diego Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves, Klaus Hargreeves/Original Male Character(s), Diego Hargreeves & Luther Hargreeves, Allison Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves & Vanya Hargreeves, Diego Hargreeves/Klaus Hargreeves, Allison Hargreeves/Luther Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy & The Hargreeves, Dave/Klaus Hargreeves

Additional Tags: Brotherly Angst, Manhandling, Oblivious Diego, Vulnerable Klaus, Past Abuse, Slash if you squint, otherwise it's pretty gen, Hurt/Comfort, Ex-Prostitute Klaus, Insulting Language, Apologies, Fluff and Angst, Klaus whump, Klaus Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Fragile Masculinity Strikes Again, Swearing, Spoilt Klaus, Five gets a puppy, Fluff and Humor, Non-Binary Klaus Hargreeves, Grief, Sober Klaus Hargreeves, Family Bonding, Light Angst