#$wank & king draft
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
[First image ID: A sprite of Mature from KOF XIII. One of her eyes is covered by an eyepatch.]
[Second image ID: A screenshot from KOF XIV of Mature. The eyepatch is now missing.]
I realize that there are bigger KOF lore mysteries but What The Hell Happened To Mature's Eye In Between XIII And XIV.
#Isaac babbles#fandom wank#kof#king of fighters#mature and vice#image transcribed#this sat in my drafts for far too long#The answer is probably orochi magic bullshit
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
Sarge and lil Mama Headcanons
I’ve never done a headcanon post and am rather dissatisfied with this one, mostly because I’m itching to write full fledged, descriptive blurbs and fics elaborating on these highlights. But this way y’all will get a little taste and hopefully something will spark your interest as I’d welcome any prompts, requests and suggestions for which ones you’d like to see written out in full 🌹
Warnings: NSFW…breeding kinks, lactation kinks, gender roles, housewife kink, innocence kink, free use, lots of kids, withdrawal mentions, Army Elvis being a hot tamale
The attraction starts a little differently from the usual romance, this man thought of you as the sweet and kitchen-skilled daughter of a Memphian music producer until one day Gladys opened her mouth to tell her impressionable son something along the lines of: “now there’s a pretty gal who would make you a marvelous wife and mother to your children”
Ever after that, this poor young man can’t help but think of you in that context, laying beneath him as he breeds you, swelling with his children, giving him little heirs to Graceland and then the whole cycle begins again…the other girls and the starlets are hot stuff and they’re all great for romance and sex, but when he’s alone in his room he wrings his poor cock out to the thought of filling you with his children and binding you to him forever. His intentions towards you are so wholesome they’ve turned primal, and it takes him ages to work up the courage to ask your daddy for your hand
This asking gets precipitated by two events: his induction into the army and the death of his mother. Without her in his life he can’t fathom making a home across the ocean without a woman, his woman, the woman his mama pointed out and he’s been married to in his head for a humiliating length of time
I mean, sure you’ve been trying to be a comfort to him whenever you two interact since his mama’s passing, and maybe you took more baked goodies over to the big house than strictly necessary, but it was all to make him get off the floor and stop looking so hollow, to be there for Gladys’ son and your father’s friend.
Here he’s been wanking to the thought of you swollen with his kids while you’ve been baking pies, finishing school and keeping your expectations for romance low.
But had such a fixed determination regarding your role in his life he forgets how little you’ve been let in on the secret. He’s been keeping his behavior circumspect around you as he distrusts what his instincts might compel him to do if he caught you alone wearing a dress and that perfume that sends him nuts
So it’s a shock to not really be asked, but rather told that you’re gonna marry him, like it’s something you owe the nation -like jury duty or the draft
And see, it’s gotta happen soon since he’s leaving and he wants to bring ya overseas with him and -well, that’s how you end up three months later laying beneath the King of Rock and Roll as he takes your virginity and makes you his wife,
He definitely tells you why he wanted you that night, praises you for being wife material and you preen under the weight of his adoration.And he absolutely asks you, as you both sit on the edge of the bed with his hand in your hair: “do you know what mamas and daddies do when they got to bed, lil one?”
You don’t, not really, all the “conjugal advice” dear sweet freshly married you got from your mama was to “be good” for your husband. So by golly you do it, you’re beyond good for him that first night and he coaches you through his voice tender, grounding and soft as he shows you
Wide eyed and fuzzy headed from the heat of his hand on your thigh you hear him explain, “the daddy goes inside the mommy’s kitty, baby”
It’s all alright, he tells your doe-eyed self, he’ll show you how it’s done between man and wife before God’s watching eyes, “thas’ it… spread ya legs lil.. no not that way… no.. goddamn it hang on honey lemme help ya”
And sure, partway through you’re asking “really Elvis? You’re not pulling my leg are ya? You’re really supposed to go inside me?” And he’s all, “How else am I gonna plant babies in your womb, honey? Gotta go far up in or else they’ll just get lost in your belly, with the cake you ate.”
He’s a bit insecure about the fact he has been long besotted with you and you’re merely fond of him. And so, both to assuage any guilt he might have over possibly pressuring you and to make you prove you want this -he has you on top, has you do the first impaling of your own free will
And he makes it so good for you that first night -after all, he wants you to look forward to him merging with you, he wants you to want to take him as often as he wants to take you, wants you to crave being filled, to be dissatisfied every minute he’s not inside you
He’s the one to teach you everything about such matters and as you’ve no set parameter or established sense of what’s “proper” or “dirty” you soak up every wicked trick he shows you. He gets to mould you into the perfect wife, perfect for his cock and his tastes, taking him just how he wants, whenever he wants, and your sweet self is in shambles from how good his foreign activity feels.
Now the papers, they’re having a field day. The colonel makes certain this sudden change of status is used for full image rehabilitation effect, there’s heaps of praise for Elvis the Pelvis repenting of his wildness and settling down, embracing the role of a wholesome family man.
When you visit him at Fort Hood and show up in your little sundress to the accompanying sound of wolf whistles, he's knocked flat on his ass by the sight of your pretty body filled out and matronly, a glow about you that suggests that finally you have the little piece of the puzzle of you that was missing before -him, a little bit of him inside you at all times
He pulls you aside for a frantic chat, eyebrows drawn together as he huffs out, u could so a specific like “Lordy, baby you been walkin around like that? glowin with your tits all big and swollen… shit... ain’t nobody look at ya too long did they?” “no elvis” “good answer lil girl i was bouta bust some heads in”
You have those twins right before he has to go overseas, and he forgets himself he’s so anxious he nearly crushes your little hand during labor
Elvis is a mess because you aren’t fit to travel and he has to leave you behind, no amount of money getting thrown around can allow him to stay longer, so he leaves you tearful, promising to get you over with the rest of his family and entourage
A nasty bout of mastitis makes your sicker than ever and delays any impromptu flights you might have tried to take, and Elvis is so worried for you since not even his mama is back home to make sure you’ll be alright, you’re all alone when he promised that you’d always be together as a family
One of y’all’s long distance phone calls gets bugged and recorded, sold to the papers and let’s just say that while the rest of the nation is choking on their eggs while reading a printed transcript of y’all’s dirty talk in the morning papers, you and Elvis are besides yourselves with anger and frustration that even this little comfort and closeness has been taken from you
It also disillusions the public regarding Elvis’ supposed reformation of character, he always has looked like he knows how to fuck, and now there’s swelling proof of that fact in you
Christmas is just around the corner -his first without his mama- and you’re healed up and mad enough that you pull some strings of your own and haul Grandma Dodger and the twins to an international airport and fly to Germany in Pan Am commercial class seats
That reunion at the airport?! Oh yeah, I’ve got a fic coming…let’s just say he missed ya, and he needs to inspect ya, make sure his boobs and his pussy are fully recovered
Reunion sex is trying to be hushed cause he’s living with other folks, but let’s face it, you two holler till the whole block knows what you’re up to, and you two can’t wait to get a house of your own
Succeed at that but then, it’s full of people often too
Which, seeing as how he wants free reign to take you every chance he can get, fill ya up again, that just won’t do. This is the true honeymoon of your married lives, and he’s got his little babies he wants to get to know
So yes, he rents other houses around the base for his family and entourage just so he can slip inside you whenever he wants, while you’re at the sink, or spread out on the kitchen table -undisturbed, save for occasional noise complaint - and talk, oh you two talk and this is where you truly fall in love with the man, not the legend
These days are the happiest of your life looking back, a taste of normality where you can look back and see your man coming home to you by six o’clock, dinner thirty minutes later, babies bathtime and reading time after that, and then the rest of the night to yourselves - alright, often you two fall asleep holding the snuggly little nuggets, let’s be honest…this man can hardly stand being parted from them more than he already is
Speaking of not being parted… cockwarming while nursing happens very often on the living room sofa, he helps support your tired arms and everything, and it’s almost boyish the way he peeks over your shoulder, his lips part and his eyes get wonderous as he watches his little ones taking their nourishment from your body
It doesn’t take you long to set up house and get into a rhythm, which means you notice when things are off -even if you two hadn’t much married time before all this. So it isn’t many nights reunited before you notice the addition of pills to his bedtime regimen and he tells you he hasn’t been sleeping well all alone out here, and you suggest an experiment… wearing him out before bed, and whenever he gets a craving in the night, you’re there for him to use… yes, we are gonna go full “breaking addiction through Free Use” here
Which is really just swapping one addiction for another -pills for pussy, but hey, it works and you haven’t been back a whole month before those tell tale signs reemerge and Elvis is the one to spot them first -half because he is so eager for it to happen again and for him to finally be apart of it, and another because this boy has studied the subject extensively in the interim and knows what to look for
This next pregnancy he is all over you, everything he missed before due to enforced separation he gets to watch unfold in real time, and to his consternation, he finds that you being pregnant is just as appealing if not more so than you fertile, his lust is magnified by gratitude now, as well as the sneaking suspicion that you’ve really finally fallen irrevocably in love with your crazy soldier boy
Elvis is so invested in your well-being when you are pregnant that he is reading all the recommended books, in between his army duties. This man lays in bed at night, glasses on, reading aloud to you by lamplight about all processes and symptoms, what stage your babies are at now (he swears it’s another set) and he goes to every doctors appt with you. He’s the one to ask tons of questions and actually tries to school the doctor on certain things, cause he’s a precious know-it-all with conviction
You visit him on base often and become quite popular with your goody basket, pretty smile and ripe tits -which drives him nuts when all the guys comment and notice that little Mrs Presley sure is a doozy… he just might haul you to the break room and take you on the pool table…and if they’re watchin him give it to ya real good through the glass doors?! Oh well, that ain’t his problem
After the third or fourth set of Irish twins the neighbors -and the general public- start to wonder if maybe this wholesome family might have a salacious underbelly…the other army wives pity you and your constant state of barefoot and pregnant, but your smug little face says: my man makes it worth it it
You two throw the best house parties over there, and in case all this talk of breeding has made you think this boy has forgotten his oral fixation…ha no, he mumbles his praises into your pussy for being such a remarkable hostess and an impeccable wife and mother after the guests clear out….sometimes before
This man, I am sorry to say, blames you and your tight little coochie for his trash pull out game, he’s all “honey, if you didn’t clench like a goddamn fury i-I might h-have a chance, but as it is, y-you gotta stay in p-p-possession of yourself if you want me to pull out, it’s the lady’s responsibility, i-it’s different for men, w-we can’t help getting carried away”
He tells you the condoms grit his foreskin so you burn them without a second thought, you’re addicted to the friction anyway
Riding him while wearing his army hat might be the first time you get a taste of submissive E, he goes from critiquing your salute and posture “straighten those shoulders out honey, drop that hand snappy, now!” (all while railing you from underneath ya) to being a glassy eyed mess when you cockily ask “you like that Sarge?” while swiveling on him like he’s an toy boy barstool
Returning stateside in the snow, in full view of a crowd of swarming fans and photographers with at least five more children than you two left with
For the next couple decades you rent out the entire top floor of every hotel you stay in just so the kids can freely run down the hall
#reposting for masterlist purposes#since the other links are deactivated#elvis presley#elvis fanfiction#sarge and lil mama#headcanon#mine#elvis imagine#elvis fanfic#elvis x reader#elvis x you
168 notes
·
View notes
Photo
We Had A Good Thing Going /// Boutique Hotel /// Double Album Release $wank & King Draft // 1.25.20
1 note
·
View note
Text
The thing about the “classic Disney fun” villain bit that always gets me is...well, has OP ever actually seen a Disney movie? Even “classic Disney fun” villains do more than just skulk around in long black cloaks trying to look menacing. There’s a fair bit of that as well, of course, but here are some of the things they get up to.
Snow White’s stepmother tries to have her murdered for being too pretty, and when that doesn’t happen, she tries to murder her herself.
Maleficent curses a newborn baby with death at a very young age just because her parents didn’t invite her to the christening. The only reason Aurora doesn’t die when she touches that spindle is that Merriweather hasn’t had a chance to confer a blessing yet, and she takes the edge off of the curse.
Cinderella’s stepmother and stepsisters verbally abuse her and take advantage of her doormat sweet, giving nature to turn her into pretty much the only servant in the house. And you can bet that they weren’t paying her anything. When she does manage to find a dress for the prince’s ball, courtesy of her helpful critter friends, they physically assault her, tearing the dress to pieces.
Ursula tricks Ariel into giving up her voice, turns her into a human while she’s still so far under the water that if this wasn’t a kids’ movie she would probably drown before she could even reach the surface, and then turns herself into a human and casts a love spell on Eric so that he’ll marry her the day he meets her. When Ariel’s father Triton, who was Ursula’s target all along, agrees to take on Ariel’s consequences for failing to get Eric to kiss her in her three days as a human and gets turned into a polyp, Ursula gains control of the ocean and causes a gigantic storm, one that even raises shipwrecks from the ocean floor. She meets her end when Eric impales her with the prow of one of the wrecked ships.
Simba’s father is killed right in front of him in the process of saving him from a stampeding herd of wildebeest. The murderer? Mufasa’s own brother, who convinces Simba that it’s his own fault that Mufasa died. Then Simba himself has to escape a trio of hungry hyenas. Scar’s reign as king is brutal and not very well thought out, leading to lots of suffering and ecological imbalance.
Gaston attempts to coerce Belle into marrying him by throwing a wedding party in her yard without telling her first, tries to get her father locked up in an insane asylum as leverage to force her to marry him, raises a mob to storm the castle because “we don’t like what we don’t understand, in fact, it scares us, and this monster is mysterious at least,” and nearly kills the Beast right in front of her. He plummets to his death near the end of the movie. (The Beast and that whole Stockholm Syndrome thing is another post entirely.)
And these are just a few of the “classic Disney fun” villains and their antics.
general techniques to avoid gross shipping of your characters
have most characters be non-minors, around the same age range. this is mostly to minimize underage nonsense.
while family relationships are important, save them as background elements, explored every now and then. focus mainly on the bonds of non-related characters and how their different backgrounds play off each other.
limit the overly edgy tone, where pain and suffering are near-romanticized. try to emphasize wholesomeness, health, and the various ways characters can have good relationships despite their differences. a lot of nintendo franchises are good examples.
avoid creating significant characters who are utterly irredeemable with harmful ethics. (for me personally, i limit elements such as abuse and discrimination for background conflicts while presenting more interesting, morally gray arguments, where either side is right/flawed) if you’re going to have a villain, either make them team rocket goofy or classic disney fun.
just. try not to have characters + relationships rely on racial tropes. if you overly rely on a tough dark-skinned / dainty light-skinned formula, you’re going to see some racist shipping. mix it up. round ‘em out.
same goes for gendered tropes. if a dude is downright violent and irresponsible and a level-headed girl has to put up with his flaws without him facing consequence, that’s a downright unbalanced relationship. and do keep in mind that if two boys utterly despise each other, people will absolutely take that a certain way. again, with #3, try to play off disdain as comedic or with exception rather than constant seething hatred.
obviously these aren’t hard and fast rules, and what/how you create will vary. but it’s how i generally approach my work
#writing#bad writing#bad writing tips#fandom wank#cleaning out my drafts again#also oops I guess I need to see The Lion King again because I mixed up Scar and Mufasa at first#*facepalm*
15K notes
·
View notes
Text
Scenes from the Past Six Years
There are a number of fics in the drafts of this blog that I started a few years ago, and no longer feel the inclination to finish. But there are still some pretty fun bits and bobs, so I’m going to throw them all up in one post if anyone is interested in some disjointed excerpts.
--
Dueling - Jan 27, 2014
James has his hands on her shoulders, and she is calculating how best to catapult him off of her body when his lips descend to kiss her thoroughly.
“James,” she protests, as they pause for a breath, “we’re supposed to be fighting.”
“Sorry,” he murmurs, but the grin on his face contradicts his apology.
Later, when they are about to leave, Lily says, “I think we should compartmentalize our situations.” She does not meet his eyes, choosing instead to rub nonexistent grease off of her wand by running it against her jeans.
“How so?”
“Well… as much as I like snogging you, I think that we should have… snogging times, and dueling times. So we can be efficient with, er, both,” It sounds oddly formal and for reasons Lily is unsure about, a flush has risen in her cheeks. She still refuses to look him in the face.
James tilts her chin up, a gleeful look on his face. “Lily Evans, are you asking me out?”
She splutters out an indignant protest but James just grins all the wider. “You are asking me out,” he says, leaning closer to get her to look at him directly. Her cheeks are hot as his hands move to either side of her face. “Yes.”
--
And There Was Only One Bed - Feb 2, 2014
“One of you can come up and sleep with me.” As all four boys seem to prepare themselves for a smarmy comment, she adds, “Don’t start, gits. You know what I mean.”
“If someone’s joining you, Wormtail’s out,” Sirius says, his eyes flicking to the boy in question, “he’s a kicker.” From his tone, it seems that Sirius has experienced this very quality one too many times.
Peter huffs indignantly. “Padfoot’s a prat, I kicked him out of a hammock one time—” He cuts himself off as he sees the black-haired boy fingering his wand. “Fine, I’m out.”
“I’m out, too,” Remus says with a sigh. “I roll about too much, I’m afraid. I’d be falling out of the bed anyway."
James does not say anything, but instead he and Sirius seem to communicate something with a glance between them. James gives Sirius a warning look, but Sirius simply grins and pats the wooden arms of the chair, saying, "I’m comfortable where I am,”
“C'mere, then,” Lily says to James, gesturing to the spot next to her. Shooting a loaded glance at his best mate, he sits down.
--
Pecker Parody - April 22, 2014
James Potter had a problem. This particular dilemma was approximately five feet tall, freckled, and had a habit of popping up at inopportune times.
This problem was his diddly-doo. His magical wanking stick, if you will. You see, while having a dingler the size of a broomstick was all well and good when he was a boy, due to the fact he could ride it around like a pogo stick, at the age of eighteen, it was a bit more troublesome.
The truth of the matter was that he wanted to put his party popper inside Lily’s cash register, but he didn’t know how to tell her.
--
Birth - March 15, 2015
“I can’t believe you just did that,” he says in awe. “Did you know you could do that?”
Brushing some of her hair out of her sweaty face, Lily laughs. “I’d had some time to get used to the idea, yeah.”
James looks back at the bundle in his arms, and then again at his wife. “You just pushed an entire person out of you. Our person. He’s not tiny, either. I mean, he is tiny, but only because he’s a baby. Otherwise, he’s quite a large thing to be exiting any orifice.”
“If we ever do this again, you can do that part,” she says leaning back against the pillows.
--
Grease AU - June 25, 2015
(Also posted here.)
“This is… ridiculous,” she murmurs against his lips.
James laughs. “It’s a little late to denounce snogging on the beach, Evans, since we’ve been doing it for the past few weeks.” As he speaks, he drops his mouth to her neck, smiling as her eyes flutter.
Lily pulls his face up by the chin to meet his gaze. “I meant this whole thing.” She gestures around them. “After what happened after the Defence O.W.L. at the end of last term, how can you find any of this normal? Everything was such a mess after. Hell, if we hadn’t both come to the same place this holiday, I’d still be stewing in it by September.”
“But we did,” says James, brushing his nose against hers. “We talked and we yelled and we talked more and then you threw yourself at me.”
He dodges her swat at him much too easily to satisfy her, but at her raised brow he makes an amendment. “Alright, so I may have done some of the throwing. I’m a Chaser. I need to hone my reflexes.”
“My point is, it doesn’t feel like you’re Potter on this beach,” Lily says, ruffling his hair pointedly. She smiles. “You’re just James.”
“Just James,” he repeats, adjusting so he lies beside her instead of half atop her. “You make it sound like I’m two different people.”
It is Lily’s turn to laugh. “Aren’t you? I can’t imagine this version of you hoisting someone up by their ankles.”
“Of course not,” says James immediately. “I’m wearing trunks. Where would I keep my wand?”
Lily is already giggling by the time James begins suggesting locations on his body that he might be hiding his wand, and by the end of his lewd list, she is nearly having a fit on the sand. When she catches her breath, she looks at him. “I know I don’t get to keep Just James forever,” she says, leaning on his arm. “But at least try to preserve the illusion for me when we get back to school by avoiding me.”
James is quiet for a moment, but when he speaks his voice is soft. “You’re being silly, Lily,” he tells her, pulling her closer. “This is who I am. Caring about your feelings, about anyone’s feelings, isn’t exclusive to this beach.”
She kisses him, slowly and deeply. “Try to remember saying that.”
James grins. “If I’m going to be reliving a memory from this holiday, I reckon I have to choose the night under the pier—”
Lily laughs, cutting him off with her lips. “Be quiet, James.”
--
Masquerade - Dec 16, 2015
“So you’re Muggle-born, then?” he says thoughtfully. She stiffens, and he hasten to add, “It doesn’t matter to me. I’m just trying to figure how that narrows down the options for who you are.”
She smiles, but then looks a little put-out. “That’s hardly fair, I don’t know anything about you.”
“Pureblood,” he tells her, kissing her neck.
“A pureblood that doesn’t care that I’m Muggle-born? That does narrow down the options.” Her fingers tug at his robe. “N.E.W.T. classes?”
He shakes his head, kissing her lips quickly. “Too easy. Do you play Quidditch?”
“No. Do you?”
After a moment of hesitation, he says, “Yes,” so she is quick to follow with a suspicious, “On a team or for leisure?”
He laughs. “Both.”
--
Problematic.jpg - March 29, 2016
“James Potter,” Lily says to Mary suddenly, “is my problematic fave.”
“Receipts, please,” says Mary, not looking up from her copy of Witch Weekly.
“Plus, he’s like, a pureblood. So he’s got the whole legacy of all that fucked-up culture.”
“But like, a lowkey pureblood. He’s 12% Muggle-born.”
--
Junks the Trash King: The Sequel - April 18, 2016
“I’ve met the Rubbish Man,” announces Lily upon entering her flat.
“Good, tell him we need a new recycling bin,” says Mary absently. “There’s a family of raccoon living in ours.”
“Not him, Junks.”
The name catches Mary’s attention. “The soulmate?” she asks, straightening up. “How was he?”
Lily drags herself over to their kitchen table and collapses into a seat. “Not named Junks, for one.” Lily holds up her palm for Mary to inspect. “Apparently this is supposed to say ‘James.’”
“Shame. I’d rather hoped to one day receive a wedding invitation inviting me to the marriage of Lily and Junks. Though I’d have to bin it for the wordplay, you understand.” Lily turns her hand so she can flip Mary the bird, but from the look in her eyes, her friend has already spotted something new. “Got his number already, did you?”
--
Baby Brain - June 15, 2016
“I think I'm pregnant,” says Lily, so quietly that James almost doesn't hear it.
“Oh.”
“Oh?” she repeats, turning over in bed to face him. “I tell you I might be up the spout and all I get is, ‘Oh?’”
James grins at her in the dark. “Would you have preferred ‘Blimey?’” He expects the pillow that's aimed at his face.
“James.”
“Yes, dear?”
“Would you be okay with it? If I am?” It's hard to see her eyes clearly with such little light, but James can hear in her tone that she's nervous.
“I... Yeah, I would,” says James, seeking out her hand. “You know I want kids with you. I mean, I might not have seen this starting so soon, but I think we're pretty great at improvising. Remember our wedding reception?”
Lily laughs. “Somehow I don't think using Dumbledore's hat to catch projectile vomit is the same thing as raising a child.”
“I think you'll find they're remarkably similar.”
She laughs again. “I'm trying to work myself into a worry, James, and you're making it very difficult.”
He leans over to kiss her on the cheek. “Sorry, dear. Feel free to treat our child as a sign of impending doom.”
Lily leans her head onto his shoulder. “We're nineteen, James.”
“Old enough to be married,” he replies, poking her with his ring finger.
“We don't know anything about children.”
James smiles. “Children don’t know anything either, so we’ll be on a level playing field.”
--
(ʘ‿ʘ)ノ✿ Hold My Flower - August 17, 2016
“Lily, no.”
She scoffs. “What do you mean, ‘Lily, no?’ I didn’t say anything.”
“Lily,” he says cheerfully, throwing an arm around her shoulder, “We have been married for forty-five years now—”
“Dating for eight months,” she corrects, holding back a smile.
James waves a hand dismissively. “So, in that time, I am confident that I’ve grown to recognize what your faces mean. And that face said, ‘I’m going to put frogspawn in his tea.’”
“I don’t carry around frogspawn, James.”
He looks at her dubiously. “But you’d find some, wouldn’t you?”
--
Countdown - October 31, 2016
“Padfoot gets back from his assignment tomorrow,” Lily tells him, eyes on their calendar.
James pauses in trying to convince his son of the merits of pureed beets. His eyes drift towards the day on the calendar circled in red. Lately, they’ve taken to marking their calendar with the events of their day, if only to make the days seem more distinct. August 27th: ‘At 3 o’clock, Harry said his first full sentence.’ September 12th: ‘At 6 in the morning, the cat brought James a present and left it in his mouth.’ Tomorrow, October 31st, is a rare date that marks the future.
“Good,” he says. “I was hoping he’d be back before his birthday.”
A small, hopeful smile blooms on her lips. “Perhaps we can finally give him a nice celebration. I know Moony is still underground, but Wormy said he’d stay close by. I could bake him a cake.”
“Cake!” says Harry, and James laughs. He takes advantage of his boy’s opened-mouth enthusiasm to give him a spoonful of beets. The look he receives is nothing short of betrayed.
Victorious and still chuckling, James turns back to his wife. “We can ask him to come by as soon as he’s home.”
--
Baby I’m Trying: The Sequel Pt. 1 - Jan 4, 2017
He wishes his mum were still around, but since she’s not, in his desperation, James consults his neighbour, Batty Bagshot. Though she’s had no children of her own, she’s looked after many of her nieces and nephews over the years, and James has never been more thankful to hear her drone on.
After his conversation with Bathilda, he comes home, arms laden with all the supplies she recommended he find. Sirius’s eyes are wide as James brings the load inside the flat. “Reckon you got enough?”
James slumps over to the floor and leans his head on the pram. “This stuff is only for the first six months,” he says, staring into space. “Do you know how many times a day a baby needs formula? D’you think McGonagall will let me take the baby to class?”
Sirius considers it. “McGonagall does let her cat into the lectures. Although,” he says, wrinkling his nose and holding the baby out to James, “she knows how to use a litter box.”
James wonders if it’s pathetic to google ‘How to change a nappy.’
--
Baby I’m Trying: The Sequel Pt. 2 - Jan 4, 2017
In three days, James has a paper documenting that the baby is one hundred percent, undeniably his. He hadn’t doubted that he was, but it’s something different to see it on paper. It makes the whole thing more real for him. He sets about telling the rest of his friends, and while they are as surprised as he is, they take it in stride and help him sort it out, as they’ve always done.
“What are you going to name him?” asks Remus.
“Wilberforce,” suggests Sirius, grinning.
James cracks a smile at that. “Maybe something unisex. Elvendork?”
“You’ll have no trouble calling out for him if you ever lose him,” says Peter fairly.
James laughs. The baby fusses a bit in his arms and he runs a hand over the dark mass of hair that is already on this boy’s head. “Could go with a family name,” James says thoughtfully.
“I’m going to take a moment to remind you that your father’s name was Fleamont,” says Remus.
He shakes his head. “My grandfather,” James says.
None of the boys know much about his grandfather, since he died while James was still in primary school, but Sirius lived with his parents for a time, and he knows James better than anyone else. So it is Sirius who asks, “Henry?”
“Harry,” corrects James. Maybe it’s a coincidence, but the baby stops squirming. “His name was Henry, but they called him Harry.”
“Harry Potter,” says Peter. “I like it.”
His son has a name. “Harry Potter,” James repeats quietly.
--
Ring Out - June 15, 2017
“Frank and Alice are engaged,” Sirius tells him as he slides a drink to James across the table.
James lifts the pint into the air. “Congratulations to them,” he says, and he means it. He knows many couples rushing to the altar these days, but Alice and Frank seem the best-suited for marriage of all of them. He takes a large swig of his firewhiskey.
Sirius raises an eyebrow. It takes no more than this movement for James to know what he will say next. Still, Sirius asks, “When are you going to ask her?”
“What, you reckon because everyone else we know is getting married, I ought to as well?” James asks, mirroring his friend's expression.
Sirius snorts. “No, I reckon that you're horrendously in love with Evans and want to ask her to be your wife.”
James takes another drink. “We're in the middle of a war, Padfoot.”
“Seems to be reason enough for everyone else,” Sirius counters, shrugging.
“Exactly," says James firmly. “I don't want Lily to marry me because she's afraid we're doing to die.”
Sirius pauses, reaching for his own firewhiskey. After a moment, he lowers his glass and shrugs once more. “We might.”
“We might not.” James retorts. He runs a hand through his hair. “I'd rather wait for her to be certain.”
“You're living together," Sirius says, and when James opens his mouth he shakes his head. “You say you live with me but you spend more time at Lily's than you do at ours.”
James chuckles. “So your concern is that we’re living in sin? Talk about glass houses, mate.”
#jily#james potter#lily evans#marauders#sirius black#fanfiction#these are just my favourite bits of thousands of words#to the rest of my drafts#a lovely viking funeral trip to valhalla#ayesha writes things#writing#exceprts#some of these may have been put up already idk#i am a packrat in all respects#long post#mine
151 notes
·
View notes
Text
The One: Chapter 23
Blah blah blah, Daddy’s dead (heart attack), America is having a Sad™.
I sat up and threw myself into Maxon’s arms. He held me tightly, letting me weep into his shoulder.
“Daddy,” I cried. “Daddy.”
This fruit is a vegetable at this point.
Anyway, she leaves to visit her family and Maxon wants to come with, but the king -- rightfully -- tells him he’s an idiot for wanting to leave the palace with a bunch of rebels running around murdering people.
1) This makes sense and Clarkson is still somehow framed as being wrong.
2) Why does it even matter if Maxon leaves? The rebels have proven that they easily can get in if they want to. Which begs the question: Why haven’t they done that yet?
WHATEVER. Aspen is conveniently summoned so KCass can remind us that he still exists.
“We’ve already had some local officers dispatched to her home and to the sites being used over the next few days, and there are still palace-trained guards there, of course. [...]”
Palace-trained? Huh? Aspen works in the palace and he was picked out of a bunch of drafted dudes meant for the army, no? Wtf?
And why are there palace-trained guards OUTSIDE of the palace?
“Good. You’ll be heading up the team going with her. Pick whomever you like, between six and eight guards.”
Aspen raised his eyebrows.
“I know,” Maxon conceded. “We’re stretched tight right now, but at least three of the palace guards we’ve sent to her house have already abandoned their posts. And I want her to be as safe as, if not safer than, she is here.”
1) How many palace guards do these idiots have? Three of the ones already sent implies there are even more for each girl. Maybe y’all get invaded so much because your guards are all over the country instead of IN THE PALACE WHERE THEY SHOULD BE?
2) Shouldn’t the guards from the other girls’ houses have returned at this point? Why are they still stretched thin?
3) Why in the fuck have the guards sent there left their posts? What? Why? Why is this glossed over?
4) Aspen is just a regular-ass guard. Why does he suddenly have the authority here? And why is Maxon giving the orders? Shouldn’t there be some sort of captain of the guard? Some head of security? Whatever.
Aspen leaves and Maxon and America hold hands.
A sense of peace encircled us, the way it did sometimes. Even though my world would never be the same now, for that moment, with Maxon holding me, the loss didn’t ache so much.
I mean you replaced your daddy with your Daddy so I guess what’s the difference, right?
Seriously though, wtf???
MY DAD JUST DIED but hey I have a cute boy so it’s cool.
???
So whatever she arrives at her home and her whole family is there and THERE’S A CUTE BABY WOOO.
Kota is being a douche and KCass sees this as the perfect opportunity to make America act all ... I don’t fucking know. You tell me.
“Kota!” I said, stepping away from my sisters and Lucy. “You can sleep on the couch or in the garage or in the tree house for all I care; but if you don’t check your attitude, I’ll send you back to your apartment right now! Have some gratitude for the security you’ve been offered. Need I remind you that tomorrow we’re burying our father? Either stop the bickering or go home.” I turned on my heel and headed down the hall. Without checking, I knew Lucy was right behind me, suitcase in hand.
I opened the door to my room, waiting for her to come in with me. Once her skirts swished past the frame, I slammed it shut, heaving a sigh.
“Was that too much?” I asked.
“It was perfect!” she replied with delight. “You might as well be the princess already, miss. You’re ready for it.”
Holy shit do I not give a flying fuck anymore.
The whole chapter just feels. Empty? Emotionless? Like it’s a list of stuff happening?
And while that could supposedly be America feeling “numb”, she barely even thinks about her dad, and the chapter ends on ... well on that, more wank about how awesome America is even though this is completely irrelevant and inappropriate. Cakeass just randomly killed him off for shits and giggles, and it wasn’t even a rebel attack or any fight (her dad was a rebel obvs), but some heart problems that hadn’t been mentioned before? What was the point of this? Last-minute angst?
I mean Clarkson and Amberly and Celeste will get blasted at the end too, I think. Like why? Why are you doing this?
“Shit shit, I have no climax! Better murder everybody for no reason!”
Stay classy, KCassy.
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
WIP Meme
Do This: List all the things you’re currently working on in as much or little detail as you’d like, then tag some friends to see what they’re working on. This can be writing, art, vids, gifsets, whatever.
Out of all the WIPs on my drive, there are six fics which are either currently posting/ready to be posted, or are past the outline stage. Thank you, @mugglelissa, for the tag! <33
KYLUX: Gunslinger: Historical Wild West AU set in the 1870's. A planned train robbery forces Kylo to rethink his future, as well as face the ghosts of his past. This is a six-chaptered fic for @kyluxtrashcompactor, scheduled to update weekly. I had a lot of help on this one: artwork from my FandomTrumpsHate artist @keire-ke and @m-oarts; and my two amazing betas @thecopperriver and @gefionne. Rating: Explicit
Kylux Big Bang: I am beyond thrilled to have received my prompt. It is gorgeous and lush, and I fell in love with it the second I read it. There will be themes of addiction and angst, but also of redemption with eventual fluff. I’m co-writing this with a writer whom I absolutely adore, a fantastic artist, and we’re all really excited--I wish I could say more! Rating: Explicit
The Wizard King and the Empyrean Prince: I teased this fic on Valentine's Day, when I posted this lovely digital painting created by @m-oarts. Since then, I have also had other pieces created by @chenria and another FandomTrumpsHate artist, Bunbundago. It's based on the Fairy Tale "The Wizard King," and has a Prophecy, Dark Magic, and Love at First Sight™. It will post after KBB (because I need a fairy tale ending for Kylo and Hux, before TLJ comes out). Rating: Mature
REYLO: Sinderella (Hot Under the Collar): A crack fairy tale retelling of "Cinderella." There's a randy prince, a tipsy Fairy Godmother, and a beautiful orphan who's bestowed a magical sex collar on the night of the ball. It also includes misappropriated lyrics to multiple versions of "Nasty Girl." Alright, who am I kidding, it was an excuse to write porn. Written for the Rewritten Reylo Collection (@reylo-book-of-sins ). Completed, and should be posting in a week when the entire collection comes out. Beta'd by the lovely @isharan, with artwork from @winterofherdiscontent and a gorgeous mood board from @once-upon-a-reylo. Rating: Explicit
Death and the Maiden (working title): Based on "The Maiden and the Gallows," and written for The Reylo Fanfiction Anthology (@reylofanfictionanthology) which comes out in September. My celebration theme was Samhain. The fic explores the balance of light and dark, life and death, and what happens when Kylo, as Spirit Master of the Sluagh Sidhe, falls in love with a girl who dares to give up her soul to challenge him. First draft completed, and will feature the artwork of the amazing @winterofherdiscontent. Rating: Mature
DRARRY: HP-Drizzle Fest: Currently at the anon stage, fully outlined. Suffice to say that it features exes Auror!Harry and Healer!Draco; a mystery; jungles; sweltering heat; lots of skin; wanking; and waterfall sex. Oh yes, and some lovely artwork by @higelaw !! My next project to tackle fully after Gunslinger is complete. Coming out in September. Rating: Explicit
With the exception of some possible one-shot prompt fills, these will likely take me through the end of the year (whew!). I tag: @isharan, @thecopperriver, @gefionne, @kyluxtrashcompactor, @francisthegreat, and anyone else who would like share their work!
9 notes
·
View notes
Note
tbh I’m a huge sucker for “a nuanced situation made worse by lack of communication ends up incorrectly reported in what is basically Arda’s biggest history textbook”
but in general, I think any number of interpretations can be formed from the Silm, and I don’t think any one if more Correct than another (save perhaps a strictly literal interpretation of canon, but it doesn’t seem like you, me, or the anon find that particularly stimulating). I think interpretations of Arsonist Fëanor, Politician Fëanor, and Accident are equally valid and can be textually supported, explicitly and implicitly. I do tire of the recent pan-fandom wank about everything needing to be canonical lmao.
(this got so long that it’s beneath the cut now; obligatory warning for not having read the silm since 2018 and for not reading early drafts/ HOME etc, so it’s entirely possible I misremember things or that I am contradicted by a different draft)
I honestly like a mix of all of the above. There’s a lot to play around with. I don’t think Fëanor was in a rational state of mind, per se, when he set fire to the boats, but I’m not sure Fingolfin was either when he decided to march his people across the Ice. (These two are kind of like two sides of the same coin, tbh). So you can interpret his action in burning the boats as
A) malicious (I like this theory in versions where one of the twins dies at Losgar, or when examining the effects of the Oath on Fëanor’s psyche)
or B) well-intentioned but Very misguided. in which:
- Either Fëanor burns the boats to prevent more Noldor drownings
- or the boats are burnt in an attack from Angband (another cool theory I saw) etc...
but obviously Fingolfin doesn’t know Any of this because he’s on the other side of the sea. SO Fingolfin’s actions in crossing the Ice are driven by his headstrong personality, his prior knowledge of Fëanor’s less-than-rosy personality and the crushing knowledge that he participated in the 1st kinslaying.
I think Fingolfin’s decision was motivated as much by pride and anger as it was by fear of being cast out of Valinor’s society.
All of which contribute to the emotional climate of the majority of the Noldorin Host (Anti-feanorian, and to some degree pro-integration/cooperation with the sindar)
Therefore, when the silm sets the blame on the Fëanorians, it could be because A) There’s some broad anti-feanorian bias in the text of the silm, likely due to Pengolodh being from Gondolin
B) The Fëanorians never explained what really happened in order to preserve the diplomatic power of the Fingolfin et al within Beleriand.
C) The truth was explained only to Fingolfin/Fingon/a select few, but never to the broader Host
Whether or not the misunderstanding is ever straightened out between Maedhros and Fingon and Fingolfin is unknown, but I like this interpretation because it further explains Maedhros’ reasons for ceding the throne to Fingolfin (who needs personal closure, but also has way better diplomatic relations with Beleriand if the Feanorians take the fall for Losgar). It would also explain the generally cordial relationship between Maedhros and the other high kings, vs the general poor opinion of the Feanorians throughout Beleriand...
I also noted in my last reading that Maedhros feels like ceding the crown is the right thing to do, but it seemed like some of his brothers were much less happy about that prospect, which could be used to substantiate claims that something Other than Arsonist Fëanor happened to the swan boats and they want their names to be cleared, but for whatever reason are compelled to not reveal the truth.
I actually think it might be fun to do an anthology, some time, structured like a compendium of testimonies about “What really happened” - like, none are ever proven to be the “truth” but different people believe different things....
this ended up being so long, I’m so sorry lmao
I am curious on your take of Finfolin's people blaming the Feanorians on the whole Helcaraxë debacle? I see an aweful lot of blane laid on Feanor for the ship burning but they made a choice to cross? How is that the feanorians fault? And how do you think the feanorians feel about that blame?
I think it’s really interesting and I like both the theory that it was something that Fëanor did in his ‘fey’ madness and served to exacerbate the schism. Certainly how the events are actually detailed would support this but also we know there is the potential for bias
I also like the theory that it was an attempt to distance the rest of the Noldor from the horrible things that Fëanor realized he had done as well as to save them from Ossë and Ulmo’s wrath as we know that many boats were destroyed by them and their sailors drowned.
I’m a little frazzled right now but I hope this is OK!
17 notes
·
View notes
Audio
(Southern Vangard)
*******
Episode 212 - Southern Vangard Radio
BANG! @southernvangard #radio Ep212! We got you covered this week folks, albeit a tad late. Doe was on the move for fam and work at the beginning of the week, and American Airlines pulled a fast one on him that caused a delay in dropping the episodes this week. Nonetheless, we’re still bringing you that Twice A Week goodness, just all in one day! Tons of new joints and trash talk from Doe & Meeks can be found in Ep212, and we have an interview session with white-hot producer JR Swiftz that dropped the same day! Make sure you put both in your playlists for this weekend and soak in that #SmithsonianGrade #TwiceAWeek #WeAreTheGard // southernvangard.com // @southernvangard on #applepodcasts #stitcherradio #soundcloud #mixcloud #youtube // #hiphop #rap #undergroundhiphop #boombap #DJ #mixshow #interview #podcast #ATL #WORLDWIDE #RIPCOMBATJACK
Recorded live June 19, 2019 @ Dirty Blanket Studios, Marietta, GA
southernvangard.com
@southernvangard on #applepodcasts #soundcloud #youtube #spotifypodcast #googlepodcasts #stitcherradio #mixcloud #SmithsonianGrade #TwiceAWeek #WeAreTheGard
twitter/IG: @southernvangard @jondoeatl @cappuccinomeeks
Talk Break Inst. - "Refrigerator P" - Small Professor
"Nowhere To Go" - B Dot & JR Swiftz
"Split" - B Dot & JR Swiftz
"Brothers" - B Dot & JR Swiftz
"Still Bars" - Finale ft. Ty Farris & Marv Won (prod. by JR Swiftz)
"Broken Femur" - Flee Lord ft. Conway (prod. JR Swiftz)
Talk Break Inst. - "Word To Mother" - Small Professor
"Giannis" - Freddie Gibbs & Madlib
"Unpredictable" - Drasar Monumental
"Then" - Cut Beetlez & The Good People
"Taxi" - Your Old Droog ft. Quelle Chris
"Lonely Nights" - $wank & King Draft
"Lyte'Cha" - Libretto & Buscrates ft. Ke Turner
"Don't Get It Twisted" - Josh Alias of (Urbvn Architects NYC)
"HaHaHa" - J57 ft. Exile, Blu, Blame One, Johaz (prod. J57)
Talk Break Inst. - "Refrigerator P (Peaky Blinders Remix)" - Small Professor
"Tip-Off" - Spoda (prod. Wavy Da Ghawd)
"A Team Swing" - Agallah ft. Jess Jamez & Dinco D
"Purge Night" - RJ Payne (prod. Daringer)
"Chao$ Real…" - Ca$ablanca X The Architect
"Token of My Affection" - Nems (prod. Jazzsoon)
"Rilla Music" - Bubu The Prince ft. Nems (prod. SyerSO)
"Hand of God" - Bozack Morris & J. Scienide ft. Ty Farris
Talk Break Inst. - "P's Theme Interlude" - Small Professor
SOUNDCLOUD
https://soundcloud.com/southernvangard/episode-212-southern-vangard-radio/
APPLE PODCASTS
https://itun.es/us/QyyX9.c
GOOGLE PODCASTS
http://bit.ly/svrgooglepodcasts
SPOTIFY PODCASTS
http://bit.ly/svrspotifypodcasts
MIXCLOUD
https://www.mixcloud.com/southernvangard/episode-212-southern-vangard-radio/
YOUTUBE
https://youtu.be/USxy1KEoMQM/
#SouthernVangard #DJJonDoe #EddieMeeks #SmallProfessor #BDot #JRSwiftz #Finale #TyFarris #MarvWon #FleeLord #Conway #FreddieGibbs #Madlib #DrasarMonumental #CutBeetlez #TheGoodPeople #YourOldDroog #QuelleChris #Swank #KingDraft #Libretto #Buscrates #KeTurner #JoshAlias #UrbvnArchitectsNYC #J57 #Exile #Blu #BlameOne #Johaz #Spoda #WavyDaGhawd #Agallah #JessJamez #DincoD #RJPayne #Daringer #Casablanca #TheArchitect #Nems #Jazzsoon #BubuThePrince #SyerSO #BozackMorris #JScienide
0 notes
Audio
(Southern Vangard)
******* Episode 212 - Southern Vangard Radio
BANG! @southernvangard #radio Ep212! We got you covered this week folks, albeit a tad late. Doe was on the move for fam and work at the beginning of the week, and American Airlines pulled a fast one on him that caused a delay in dropping the episodes this week. Nonetheless, we’re still bringing you that Twice A Week goodness, just all in one day! Tons of new joints and trash talk from Doe & Meeks can be found in Ep212, and we have an interview session with white-hot producer JR Swiftz that dropped the same day! Make sure you put both in your playlists for this weekend and soak in that #SmithsonianGrade #TwiceAWeek #WeAreTheGard // southernvangard.com // @southernvangard on #applepodcasts #stitcherradio #soundcloud #mixcloud #youtube // #hiphop #rap #undergroundhiphop #boombap #DJ #mixshow #interview #podcast #ATL #WORLDWIDE #RIPCOMBATJACK
Recorded live June 19, 2019 @ Dirty Blanket Studios, Marietta, GA
southernvangard.com
@southernvangard on #applepodcasts #soundcloud #youtube #spotifypodcast #googlepodcasts #stitcherradio #mixcloud #SmithsonianGrade #TwiceAWeek #WeAreTheGard
twitter/IG: @southernvangard @jondoeatl @cappuccinomeeks
Talk Break Inst. - "Refrigerator P" - Small Professor
"Nowhere To Go" - B Dot & JR Swiftz
"Split" - B Dot & JR Swiftz
"Brothers" - B Dot & JR Swiftz
"Still Bars" - Finale ft. Ty Farris & Marv Won (prod. by JR Swiftz)
"Broken Femur" - Flee Lord ft. Conway (prod. JR Swiftz)
Talk Break Inst. - "Word To Mother" - Small Professor
"Giannis" - Freddie Gibbs & Madlib
"Unpredictable" - Drasar Monumental
"Then" - Cut Beetlez & The Good People
"Taxi" - Your Old Droog ft. Quelle Chris
"Lonely Nights" - $wank & King Draft
"Lyte'Cha" - Libretto & Buscrates ft. Ke Turner
"Don't Get It Twisted" - Josh Alias of (Urbvn Architects NYC)
"HaHaHa" - J57 ft. Exile, Blu, Blame One, Johaz (prod. J57)
Talk Break Inst. - "Refrigerator P (Peaky Blinders Remix)" - Small Professor
"Tip-Off" - Spoda (prod. Wavy Da Ghawd)
"A Team Swing" - Agallah ft. Jess Jamez & Dinco D
"Purge Night" - RJ Payne (prod. Daringer)
"Chao$ Real…" - Ca$ablanca X The Architect
"Token of My Affection" - Nems (prod. Jazzsoon)
"Rilla Music" - Bubu The Prince ft. Nems (prod. SyerSO)
"Hand of God" - Bozack Morris & J. Scienide ft. Ty Farris
Talk Break Inst. - "P's Theme Interlude" - Small Professor
SOUNDCLOUD
https://soundcloud.com/southernvangard/episode-212-southern-vangard-radio/
APPLE PODCASTS
https://itun.es/us/QyyX9.c
GOOGLE PODCASTS
http://bit.ly/svrgooglepodcasts
SPOTIFY PODCASTS
http://bit.ly/svrspotifypodcasts
MIXCLOUD
https://www.mixcloud.com/southernvangard/episode-212-southern-vangard-radio/
YOUTUBE
https://youtu.be/USxy1KEoMQM/
#SouthernVangard #DJJonDoe #EddieMeeks #SmallProfessor #BDot #JRSwiftz #Finale #TyFarris #MarvWon #FleeLord #Conway #FreddieGibbs #Madlib #DrasarMonumental #CutBeetlez #TheGoodPeople #YourOldDroog #QuelleChris #Swank #KingDraft #Libretto #Buscrates #KeTurner #JoshAlias #UrbvnArchitectsNYC #J57 #Exile #Blu #BlameOne #Johaz #Spoda #WavyDaGhawd #Agallah #JessJamez #DincoD #RJPayne #Daringer #Casablanca #TheArchitect #Nems #Jazzsoon #BubuThePrince #SyerSO #BozackMorris #JScienide
0 notes
Text
Why Save A Computer Virus?
New Post has been published on https://computerguideto.com/must-see/why-save-a-computer-virus/
Why Save A Computer Virus?
On average, 82,000 new malware threats are created each day. These include all sorts of malicious software like computer viruses, computer worms and ransomware. Some are pranks or minor annoyances; others seek to pilfer data or extort money. Malware has been used to steal sensitive emails from political parties, or even as weapons directed at civilian, government or military targets.
Malware has been called a pervasive feature of the internet by the head of the British Librarys digital preservation team. A multi-billion-dollar industry exists to control its spread. Though it is part of the texture of digital life, libraries, museums and archives tasked with preserving the past are not saving malware for future generations. They are likely (and rightly) afraid: It can destroy data, which librarians and archivists are bound to protect.
Without long-term preservation, though, viruses and worms themselves will be difficult to analyze, research or write about. Cultural heritage institutions should seek to archive malware in ways that render it safely accessible to researchers and historians.
Our research has addressed two separate but connected concerns: First, how would an institution create a malware archive? And second, how should archivists, who have already encountered malware-infected hard drives and disks in their collections, handle these items? If an archivist chooses to remove the infection, what might we lose? And if the malware is not removed, how can the infected data be stored and accessed safely?
Studying e-infections
A recent history of malware appears in the new film Zero Days, a documentary about the Stuxnet worm that destroyed Iranian nuclear equipment. Zero Days reveals that researchers not only examined Stuxnets code to discover how it worked, but also looked at current geopolitics to determine why it was created.
Without efforts to save code and other items that add context, researchers may lose the ability to conduct similar analysis in the future and to check the work of the past. Information related to historical malware can disappear from the internet. For example, anti-virus firms have removed publicly accessible information about malware from their websites.
In 1988, Robert Morris, a Cornell graduate student, released the first worm to draw widespread attention. Morris’ motivations remain unclear, but some suspect curiosity, hubris or the desire to demonstrate network vulnerabilities.
Since then, malware has been used for many purposes:
As a political statement, such as the WANK worm, released to express political dissent. Today the hacktivist movement includes groups like Anonymous (which has carried out online actions in support of Black Lives Matter and the Occupy movement) and Cult of the Dead Cow (which attempted to interfere with Chinas internet censorship technologies).
To disrupt the rhythms of everyday life, such as ILOVEYOU, which in 2000 infected more than 50 million computers over 10 days. It cost an estimated US$5.5 billion to $8.7 billion in lost time and data recovery expenses. It prompted the Pentagon, the CIA and many corporations to temporarily shut down their email systems.
As artistic expression, such as the Rebel! virus, part of an Italian art installation. Since then, artists like Eva and Franco Mattes (with hacker group Epidemic) and James Hoff have created malware or used malware code in their work.
To affect world conflicts, such as the 2015 Ukrainian conflict, when malware took down part of Ukraines electric grid. The Egyptian government monitored political dissidents’ communications with spyware during the 2011 Arab Spring.
As internet connectivity becomes a feature of home heating and security devices, medical devices and even baby monitors, security experts worry about increasing numbers of malware attacks on this equipment.
An important resource for research
As digital culture scholar Jussi Parikka wrote recently, malware reflects the society in which it arose. In the 1990s, for example, not only were several computer viruses named for AIDS, but computer security professionals used safe sex analogies to explain how to keep electronics virus-free.
Screenshot of a computer infected with the AIDS virus (released circa 1990).Trlkly/Wikipedia,CC BY-NC-ND
The interactions between malware, culture and history should not be lost. Just as historians have examined FBI wiretaps on Martin Luther King Jr.s phone, researchers will want to know if a prominent activist had spyware on their computer and who likely installed it. Dissecting the spyware itself may prove crucial in understanding how the surveillance worked and its ultimate goal.
Literary scholars will want to know if a virus damaged an early draft of an important novel. Malware on a corporate executives computer could be evidence of espionage or a protest against the company.
Who is saving malware?
Computer security companies and security organizations hold the most comprehensive and well-organized collections of malware. However, these collections are not easy for researchers or the general public to browse and were never designed for that use. And these organizations are not required to preserve their collections long-term. Their primary mission is to fight current malware threats. No organization has discarded unique samples yet. But what if the company with the best malware collection suddenly shuttered its doors?
Cultural heritage institutions, on the other hand, exist to keep objects for centuries, sometimes millennia, and make them broadly accessible. They can preserve a historical sample of malware for the future and ensure patrons can easily find and view the items they want to learn about.
Some efforts have already been taken to exhibit malware, including the Malware Museum, Daniel Whites YouTube channel and exhibits at swissnex San Francisco and Frankfurts Museum of Applied Arts. While these endeavors are commendable, they were mostly undertaken as side projects by individuals with other primary responsibilities. And they have displayed only a small number of viruses or worms and focused on their visual effects. None have committed to systematically collecting items that would give the malware further context.
Challenges of preserving malware
Saving and analyzing software often designed to wreak havoc deleting files or launching internet-based attacks presents unique challenges and requires complex solutions.
Even with special precautions (like simulated networks that fool malware into thinking its online), studying malware will become increasingly difficult. Like all software, malware eventually becomes obsolete: One day, no contemporary computers will be able to demonstrate how these programs functioned without emulation or virtualization.
Institutions have not yet begun to face the question of which malware to preserve. Should viruses and worms that infected massive numbers of computers be the primary goal for preservationists? What about malware displaying novel programming techniques, or released in conjunction with offline protest? How can they even begin to evaluate candidates for preservation, given the massive amounts of malware constantly being created?
The work ahead
Working collaboratively, archivists can learn how to appraise the historical value of malware, assess and mitigate the risks of storing it, and document its existence or potential removal.
Any malware collection should aim beyond saving code. It should capture the process of development (which will be difficult as most malware creators prefer to remain anonymous), as well as the sometimes short-lived effects of the infection. For example, archivists can collect oral histories of computer security professionals and, if possible, malware coders. They can also save websites, emails and log files pertaining to an infection.
Already, scholars like Jussi Parikka, Finn Brunton, Eugene Thacker and Alexander Galloway have explored the importance of malware in contemporary communications. Archives, museums and libraries can support future research with well-curated collections.
Highlighting a seldom recognized aspect of computing history, a malware archive could spark the creation of new cultural histories. By preserving malware, we can understand how we got from the Morris worm in 1988 to Stuxnet to Julys Democratic National Committee email hack and beyond.
Howard Besser, Professor of Cinema Studies, New York University and Jonathan Farbowitz, Graduate Student in Moving Image Archiving and Preservation, New York University
This article was originally published on The Conversation. Read the original article.
Read more: http://www.iflscience.com
0 notes
Text
New Album: 9th Wonder ‘Zion III”
The Spirit Of BrightLady
Jamla Records is still the squad. And as the head of the Voltron, 9th Wonder ends his year with the third installment of his Zion series, Zion III.
Like its predecessors, the North Carolina producer provides a whooping load of instrumentals for your earbuds. With 37 instrumentals, the project also includes 5 tracks that introduces newcomers King Draft and $wank. These beats for you.
from Tier 2 music sites http://rapradar.com/2018/12/21/new-album-9th-wonder-zion-iii/
0 notes
Video
youtube
Whole Life
0 notes
Text
New Album: 9th Wonder ‘Zion III”
The Spirit Of BrightLady
Jamla Records is still the squad. And as the head of the Voltron, 9th Wonder ends his year with the third installment of his Zion series, Zion III.
Like its predecessors, the North Carolina producer provides a whooping load of instrumentals for your earbuds. With 37 instrumentals, the project also includes 5 tracks that introduces newcomers King Draft and $wank. These beats for you.
from Tier 2 music sites http://rapradar.com/2018/12/21/new-album-9th-wonder-zion-iii/
0 notes
Text
4 Surprising Stories About Masturbation In The Workplace
I work on the internet, so you can safely assume that every word you’ve ever read that I wrote here, or on Twitter, or on my personal blog “Things I Plan to Burn,” was written while I was knuckle-deep in furious masturbation. Don’t act surprised. But did you know that masturbation is a huge, turgid part of the working world around you too? I know, pop that monocle! Turns out lots of people are trying to corral the tadpole while on the job. 39 percent of people admit to tweaking the ham nubbin at work, according to one survey, and that simple statistic is only the beginning. So come (so to speak) and learn what’s happening around you.
5
Robert Pattinson Wanked It On Film
There’s a 60 percent chance that your favorite film with Twilight in the title which also stars Robert Pattinson is one of the Twilight movies. And Pattinson’s star has just continued to rise, thanks to him also acting in pieces of cinematic not-diarrhea. In 2008, he was able to thrust himself balls-deep into the role of Salvador Dali in the film Little Ashes. You’ve no doubt watched and rewatched it, because who wouldn’t want to see a sparkle-pire with a Dali mustache choke-slam Mr. Cyclops for a few minutes whilst sipping a Pepsi and contemplating their life choices?
According to Pattinson, the movie required a lot of nude scenes, which may shed some light on why Dali painted so many floppy, wilty clocks and whatnot. One of said scenes also required Dali to tubthump his chumbawumba, and being the consummate professional he is, Pattinson opted to do his own stunt work. You or I would have surely let Andy Serkis don a motion caption suit and fill in for Dali’s dong, but hey, this is Robert Pattinson. Dude gets the goddamn job done.
The experience was so moving for Pattinson that it made him quit acting for a while, since his O-face had been permanently set to film. And why didn’t he opt to just not do it for real? Because “it just doesn’t work” — with “it” being flogging the boglin, since it’s hard to pretend to have a handful of chubmeat without actually having a handful of chubmeat. Hollywood is where dreams come true.
4
People Get Paid $36,000 A Year To Wank
Obviously we’ve all taken a moment at work to think “Why are my genitals not out right now?” That’s human nature. But have you ever dared to dream of a job for which whipping out your giblets and setting them all a-twitter with various googahs and crotch-related bric-a-brac was actually what you got paid for? Dare to dream no more, my throbulous readers, for the future is now! And it’s damp!
LoveWoo, a company obviously named by a European who’s under the impression that “woo” in any way lends itself to sex and not half of a Homer Simpson impression, requires a sex toy jockey to try out their wares on a full-time basis. The position (heh) pays about 36,000 U.S. dollars a year, and includes health benefits (because you’re going to get a repetitive stress injury and we all know it).
The job has a good deal of other perks, including holiday leave, birthdays off, two days a week you can work from home, and also your entire job consists of inserting things into yourself or inserting yourself into things. Five days a week. For actual money. I dare anyone to last a month without constantly being haunted by the vague scent of pan-fried ham.
They say you should do what you love, and they also say that you should love yourself, and yet other people say “I wonder if this fits in here,” and it looks like all three of those people were the same person in this instance. Maybe that means this crazy world of ours still has a little magic left in it.
3
Freelance Writers Did Rubbing-Out Research
Mark Sergeant, senior psychology lecturer at Nottingham Trent University and not technically a doctor, has said that a workplace masturbation break would be a very effective way to relieve stress at work. This is something which I figure anyone jacking off in a back alley over a stained Teddy Ruxpin could have told you, but I guess the “lecturer” title gives this guy’s opinions a bit more weight.
Read Next
Feel Terrible? These 5 Reality Shows Will Definitely Help
Why do you care what a senior psychology lecturer has to say about shadow boxing the Pumpkin King? Maybe you don’t, but some writers at Metro, after hearing from Mr. Sergeant, decided to put his good ideas to the test by masturbating at work for an entire week. For this premise to work, you have to now get it into your head that these people are not the kind of people who were already masturbating at work all the time, which would be the 39 percent I mentioned in the intro. And what are the odds that anyone writing an entire article about masturbating at work would have done it previously? Probably not worth thinking about.
And so, two writers opted to burp the beluga on company time every day for a week. As an added bonus, they were both British, so the article is full of charming British slang, such as referring to the workplace bathrooms in which they whack it as “bogs.” God, that’s adorable.
Feel free to read the article to experience the trials and tribulations of two Brits putting extra bangers in their mash. But trust me when I say that if you’re expecting anything other than a fairly brisk rundown of the less-than-arousing places and scenarios that surround journalistic jerky-juggling, like an awesome revelation about how a once-a-day crotch creeping turns you into a hyper-efficient workplace sexborg, you’re going to be very disappointed.
2
A Woman Legally Won The Right To Masturbate At Work
I imagine that for a handful of people, masturbation is an important part of their day. Like breakfast or not being set on fire, they rely on it to give them the fuel they need to be productive members of society. I want you to think about that every single time you shake someone’s hand at work from now on. And then think of Ana Catarina Bezarra, an accountant in Brazil whose chemical imbalance causes her massive anxiety as well as hypersexuality. The only way she’s been able to manage her condition is, you guessed it, yoga and herbal tea. Ha ha! I’m just playin’ y’all. She masturbates. A whole lot! She was up to 47 times a day when she realized shit was not necessarily kosher and sought medical help. Now, with medication, she’s mostly able to keep her shit together, but still needs to masturbate a few times a day.
Now, punching the Munchkin a few times a day is probably manageable for most of us, but since Ana needs to do it whenever the need arises, she had to sue her employer for the right to do it in the workplace, and she fucking won. Now she’s fully authorized to look at porn on her computer and tickle the Sarlacc during work hours, presumably after drawing a curtain across the entrance to her cubicle.
Is it possible that you have the legal right to masturbate at work? There’s only one way to find out. Well, there are presumably dozens of ways to start finding out, but they tend to all lead down the same road to your boss either saying “Keep up the good work” or “For cryin’ out loud, Brody, everyone uses that water cooler!”
But seriously, don’t try masturbating at work. You’re going to get fired.
1
An Elderly Woman Teaches Masturbation Classes
They say those who can, do, and those who can’t, teach. They also never anticipated a masturbation class when they said that, because it’s some kind of bizarre logic landmine that blows up in a moist cloud of awkward feelings when you try to consider what that even means. So don’t! Instead, know that there are actual masturbation classes out there, and not just the ones that reactionary douches on conservative news channels talk about when they find out second-graders get sex ed before saying things like “Our public schools are teaching eight-year-olds how to masturbate! And next up, ARE YOUR CATS SOCIALISTS?” These are honest-to-goodness classes in which ladies go to learn from another super friendly lady how to invest in personal pork bellies.
Not being much of a lady myself, and even less of a woman, I’m not 100 percent familiar with the logistics of female masturbation. I know where you go and how you get there, but it’s a little trickier than it is for a man. Think of male masturbation like draft beer and female masturbation like a mojito. You just pull the tap for the beer and angle the glass right to cut down on the foam, but you have to muddle that damn mint for a while to get a proper mojito.
The classes are called workshops, because you’re working that ham wallet like a stevedore working the docks, and they’re group events led by one lady whom I assume is often described as a “free spirit,” because she’s leading a group masturbation workshop, and that’s not something for the faint of heart or groin. Whilst researching this entry, I discovered the tale of a lady in her 80s who teaches one of these workshops. After she’d been to some swingers parties in the ’70s, she noticed none of the women were having real orgasms, and consequently became the ultimate sexual humanitarian. Good for her.
A workshop consists of five grueling hours, the final hour of which I assume involves squatting in a washtub of ice and weeping a little. The rest of the time is literally complimenting the vagina of every woman in the class, going to town on yourself, and then a group massage. If I’m being honest, that sounds fantastic, but that’s mainly because it’s a room full of women. If the roles were reversed, I’d feel quite unhappy having several winded, sweaty men massaging me after they masturbated right next to me, but maybe I’m just not ready to enroll in this school.
You can watch Ian engage in everyday depravity on Twitter, and read his short fiction on his Tumblr page!
One place you definitely hope there’s no workplace masturbation happening is Cinnabon. Try not to think about it too much as you enjoy this cinnamony goodness.
For more, check out The 4 Best Ways To Jerk Off (According To Science) and 6 Bizarre Ways to Stop Yourself From Masturbating.
Subscribe to our YouTube channel, and check out 5 Things the Worst People in the World Love Doing in Public, and watch other videos you won’t see on the site!
Also follow our new Pictofacts Facebook page. Or don’t.
Source: http://allofbeer.com/4-surprising-stories-about-masturbation-in-the-workplace/
from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2018/10/25/4-surprising-stories-about-masturbation-in-the-workplace/
0 notes
Text
4 Surprising Stories About Masturbation In The Workplace
I work on the internet, so you can safely assume that every word you’ve ever read that I wrote here, or on Twitter, or on my personal blog “Things I Plan to Burn,” was written while I was knuckle-deep in furious masturbation. Don’t act surprised. But did you know that masturbation is a huge, turgid part of the working world around you too? I know, pop that monocle! Turns out lots of people are trying to corral the tadpole while on the job. 39 percent of people admit to tweaking the ham nubbin at work, according to one survey, and that simple statistic is only the beginning. So come (so to speak) and learn what’s happening around you.
5
Robert Pattinson Wanked It On Film
There’s a 60 percent chance that your favorite film with Twilight in the title which also stars Robert Pattinson is one of the Twilight movies. And Pattinson’s star has just continued to rise, thanks to him also acting in pieces of cinematic not-diarrhea. In 2008, he was able to thrust himself balls-deep into the role of Salvador Dali in the film Little Ashes. You’ve no doubt watched and rewatched it, because who wouldn’t want to see a sparkle-pire with a Dali mustache choke-slam Mr. Cyclops for a few minutes whilst sipping a Pepsi and contemplating their life choices?
According to Pattinson, the movie required a lot of nude scenes, which may shed some light on why Dali painted so many floppy, wilty clocks and whatnot. One of said scenes also required Dali to tubthump his chumbawumba, and being the consummate professional he is, Pattinson opted to do his own stunt work. You or I would have surely let Andy Serkis don a motion caption suit and fill in for Dali’s dong, but hey, this is Robert Pattinson. Dude gets the goddamn job done.
The experience was so moving for Pattinson that it made him quit acting for a while, since his O-face had been permanently set to film. And why didn’t he opt to just not do it for real? Because “it just doesn’t work” — with “it” being flogging the boglin, since it’s hard to pretend to have a handful of chubmeat without actually having a handful of chubmeat. Hollywood is where dreams come true.
4
People Get Paid $36,000 A Year To Wank
Obviously we’ve all taken a moment at work to think “Why are my genitals not out right now?” That’s human nature. But have you ever dared to dream of a job for which whipping out your giblets and setting them all a-twitter with various googahs and crotch-related bric-a-brac was actually what you got paid for? Dare to dream no more, my throbulous readers, for the future is now! And it’s damp!
LoveWoo, a company obviously named by a European who’s under the impression that “woo” in any way lends itself to sex and not half of a Homer Simpson impression, requires a sex toy jockey to try out their wares on a full-time basis. The position (heh) pays about 36,000 U.S. dollars a year, and includes health benefits (because you’re going to get a repetitive stress injury and we all know it).
The job has a good deal of other perks, including holiday leave, birthdays off, two days a week you can work from home, and also your entire job consists of inserting things into yourself or inserting yourself into things. Five days a week. For actual money. I dare anyone to last a month without constantly being haunted by the vague scent of pan-fried ham.
They say you should do what you love, and they also say that you should love yourself, and yet other people say “I wonder if this fits in here,” and it looks like all three of those people were the same person in this instance. Maybe that means this crazy world of ours still has a little magic left in it.
3
Freelance Writers Did Rubbing-Out Research
Mark Sergeant, senior psychology lecturer at Nottingham Trent University and not technically a doctor, has said that a workplace masturbation break would be a very effective way to relieve stress at work. This is something which I figure anyone jacking off in a back alley over a stained Teddy Ruxpin could have told you, but I guess the “lecturer” title gives this guy’s opinions a bit more weight.
Read Next
Feel Terrible? These 5 Reality Shows Will Definitely Help
Why do you care what a senior psychology lecturer has to say about shadow boxing the Pumpkin King? Maybe you don’t, but some writers at Metro, after hearing from Mr. Sergeant, decided to put his good ideas to the test by masturbating at work for an entire week. For this premise to work, you have to now get it into your head that these people are not the kind of people who were already masturbating at work all the time, which would be the 39 percent I mentioned in the intro. And what are the odds that anyone writing an entire article about masturbating at work would have done it previously? Probably not worth thinking about.
And so, two writers opted to burp the beluga on company time every day for a week. As an added bonus, they were both British, so the article is full of charming British slang, such as referring to the workplace bathrooms in which they whack it as “bogs.” God, that’s adorable.
Feel free to read the article to experience the trials and tribulations of two Brits putting extra bangers in their mash. But trust me when I say that if you’re expecting anything other than a fairly brisk rundown of the less-than-arousing places and scenarios that surround journalistic jerky-juggling, like an awesome revelation about how a once-a-day crotch creeping turns you into a hyper-efficient workplace sexborg, you’re going to be very disappointed.
2
A Woman Legally Won The Right To Masturbate At Work
I imagine that for a handful of people, masturbation is an important part of their day. Like breakfast or not being set on fire, they rely on it to give them the fuel they need to be productive members of society. I want you to think about that every single time you shake someone’s hand at work from now on. And then think of Ana Catarina Bezarra, an accountant in Brazil whose chemical imbalance causes her massive anxiety as well as hypersexuality. The only way she’s been able to manage her condition is, you guessed it, yoga and herbal tea. Ha ha! I’m just playin’ y’all. She masturbates. A whole lot! She was up to 47 times a day when she realized shit was not necessarily kosher and sought medical help. Now, with medication, she’s mostly able to keep her shit together, but still needs to masturbate a few times a day.
Now, punching the Munchkin a few times a day is probably manageable for most of us, but since Ana needs to do it whenever the need arises, she had to sue her employer for the right to do it in the workplace, and she fucking won. Now she’s fully authorized to look at porn on her computer and tickle the Sarlacc during work hours, presumably after drawing a curtain across the entrance to her cubicle.
Is it possible that you have the legal right to masturbate at work? There’s only one way to find out. Well, there are presumably dozens of ways to start finding out, but they tend to all lead down the same road to your boss either saying “Keep up the good work” or “For cryin’ out loud, Brody, everyone uses that water cooler!”
But seriously, don’t try masturbating at work. You’re going to get fired.
1
An Elderly Woman Teaches Masturbation Classes
They say those who can, do, and those who can’t, teach. They also never anticipated a masturbation class when they said that, because it’s some kind of bizarre logic landmine that blows up in a moist cloud of awkward feelings when you try to consider what that even means. So don’t! Instead, know that there are actual masturbation classes out there, and not just the ones that reactionary douches on conservative news channels talk about when they find out second-graders get sex ed before saying things like “Our public schools are teaching eight-year-olds how to masturbate! And next up, ARE YOUR CATS SOCIALISTS?” These are honest-to-goodness classes in which ladies go to learn from another super friendly lady how to invest in personal pork bellies.
Not being much of a lady myself, and even less of a woman, I’m not 100 percent familiar with the logistics of female masturbation. I know where you go and how you get there, but it’s a little trickier than it is for a man. Think of male masturbation like draft beer and female masturbation like a mojito. You just pull the tap for the beer and angle the glass right to cut down on the foam, but you have to muddle that damn mint for a while to get a proper mojito.
The classes are called workshops, because you’re working that ham wallet like a stevedore working the docks, and they’re group events led by one lady whom I assume is often described as a “free spirit,” because she’s leading a group masturbation workshop, and that’s not something for the faint of heart or groin. Whilst researching this entry, I discovered the tale of a lady in her 80s who teaches one of these workshops. After she’d been to some swingers parties in the ’70s, she noticed none of the women were having real orgasms, and consequently became the ultimate sexual humanitarian. Good for her.
A workshop consists of five grueling hours, the final hour of which I assume involves squatting in a washtub of ice and weeping a little. The rest of the time is literally complimenting the vagina of every woman in the class, going to town on yourself, and then a group massage. If I’m being honest, that sounds fantastic, but that’s mainly because it’s a room full of women. If the roles were reversed, I’d feel quite unhappy having several winded, sweaty men massaging me after they masturbated right next to me, but maybe I’m just not ready to enroll in this school.
You can watch Ian engage in everyday depravity on Twitter, and read his short fiction on his Tumblr page!
One place you definitely hope there’s no workplace masturbation happening is Cinnabon. Try not to think about it too much as you enjoy this cinnamony goodness.
For more, check out The 4 Best Ways To Jerk Off (According To Science) and 6 Bizarre Ways to Stop Yourself From Masturbating.
Subscribe to our YouTube channel, and check out 5 Things the Worst People in the World Love Doing in Public, and watch other videos you won’t see on the site!
Also follow our new Pictofacts Facebook page. Or don’t.
from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/4-surprising-stories-about-masturbation-in-the-workplace/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/179405325132
0 notes