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Fyodor Dostoevsky //Jean-Paul Sartre

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I will love you if I never see you again and,

I will love you if I see you everyday

I will love you until all the codes and hearts have been broken and until every anagram and egg has been unscrambled.

I will love you until every fire is extinguished and until every home is rebuilt ,

I will love you as we find ourselves farther and farther from one another, where once we were so close that we could slip the curved straw, between our lips and fingers respectively.

I will love you until the chances of us running into one another slip from skim to zero, and until your face is fogged by distant memory,

I will love you no matter where you go and who you see

I will love you if you don’t marry me.

I will love you if you marry someone else

and I will love you if you never marry at all, and never have children, and spend your years wishing you had married me after all, and I must say that on late, cold nights I prefer this scenario out of all the scenarios I have mentioned.

That is how I love you as the world goes on its wicked ways

-L.S

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What's the motivation of your beautiful poems

I loved someone and I realized it too late. I still do love that person and it's hard to move on and I'm not able to because I lost the one person I loved in my life. He has a girlfriend and I'm so jealous of her. I know I don't deserve him but he was all that I ever wanted. I was never truthful , I always lied and that's why the universe punished me. I think all this pain inside me has atleast contributed to some pretty words.

[taanu]

So loved, so distant, now lost to time,

deep where memories chime.

So loved, so missed, now gone away,

Cruel fate took you, made you stray.

So loved, so absent, so cruelly dead the feelings that you used to give,

An absence that lingers, with the heavy cost of my heart and mind.

So loved, so absent, so cruelly dead.

[taanu]

I've always been gloomy , atleast from what i remember

others say , I was once cheerful

I often wonder who that could be cuz it isn't me

I watch all my ties get cut off on their own

I'm too prideful to hold on or cling like a fool

or maybe I just think it's inevitable

why are all the people who want to be dead , alive?

i wish I could say there was something holding me back

but I have no attachment to my life

For a long time I haven't been living like a person

why was I so stupid , to have all that hope

only for it to crash down

I felt like a kid again when I talked to you

and I thought i was finally being rescued

who would've thought I'm in a greater hell now than before

I dont think I can save myself

so I just wait ...to die

I'm in the same place from when you left

[taanu]

To my volcano named friend who has become my family

I have always isolated myself when things get rough

I thought it was a bother to ask for help

It was in my nature to abandon or be abandoned

A way to regain control , by choosing when to leave

I pushed you away a million times

and you knocked at the door of my heart each time

I have never trusted anyone in my whole life

It was my first time

And somehow I was able to be honest and gentle

You could see right through me ,

like you could feel what I'm feeling

[taanu]

I have never been the same since you

The universe keeps reminding me of you

All that love has turned to hatred and

I wish you would not haunt me

[taanu]

I have always been my father's daughter

His anger and pride flows through my blood

I know I ruin everything I touch

so I stay away from everything I love

Don't need anyone ,

I do everything myself

How scary it is to depend on someone

I learn to abandon before I am abandoned

and pull away before I am pushed

Blood is thicker than water

I think I know why I'm my father's daughter

"I'm in the wind.

I'm in the water.

Nobody's son.

Nobody's daughter"

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Margaret Atwood // Friedrich Nietzsche

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so then, yes. i find myself at this stage of womankind and nineteen years, a genius, a thief, a liar — a general moral vagabond, a fool more or less, and a philosopher of the peripatetic school. also i find that even this combination can not make one happy. it serves, however, to occupy my versatile mind, to keep me wondering what it is a kind devil has in store for me.

— the story of mary maclene, august 15th (literally me)

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Nina Mclaughlin, from "Wake, Siren," originally published in November 2019

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my agony is very special to me, it's very personal, it's very dear, i would never share it with you.

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𝙹𝚞𝚕𝚢 𝟸𝟹, 𝟷𝟿𝟷𝟺 𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝙳𝚒𝚊𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚜 𝙾𝚏 𝙵𝚛𝚊𝚗𝚣 𝙺𝚊𝚏𝚔𝚊, 𝟷𝟿𝟷𝟺-𝟷𝟿𝟸𝟹

[ID: She loves quiet. END ID]

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Margartia Karapanou, tr. by Karen Emmerich, from Rien ne va plus

[Text ID: “I would have preferred if you had loved me less and understood me more.”]

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I'll never regret the 6 years I loved you

my first love was a boy so kind and gentle

The sweetest boy I've ever known

I could never hate him and I never will

He's left me with only fond memories

And I would defend him in a heartbeat

Even when I gave my heart to him and he didn't want it

He treated it with the caution and made sure I never broke my heart

He gave my heart back to me in one piece

I'll always have a soft spot for him

[taanu]

you know you're an anomaly , when your mom says

"I've known you ,your whole life and I still don't get you"

[taanu]

i apologize if my isolation feels like rejection to you but if i don't put myself first i will go insane