swiftiecarrie

[swiftiecarrie]

WHAT IS THIS?!?!? @taylorswift

[swiftiecarrie]

PLZ PLZ PLZ PLZ @taylorswift

[swiftiecarrie]

march was a pretty interesting month for me. around the end of february i was at starbucks and saw a guy who ODed in the bathroom, not going into detail about that. it really messed up because when i was about 2 or 3 years old i saw my biological dad OD on the bathroom floor with a needle sticking out his arm. i remember running around screaming and crying and remembering cops kicking down the door.

seeing the guy OD really messed with my mental health for a few weeks and i ended up getting extremely depressed, which ended up with me having my first hospitalization in my life. i admitted myself and was on about a 20 hour hold. my hospitalization happened at the beginning of march.

sometime before i saw the guy OD i started watching the fosters. i started watching it because i can relate to the storyline. a little background about that part of me for those of you who don’t know:

both my biological parents were addicted to heroin. the first time i got taken away i was 4-6 weeks old, because of their drug use. i was in 8 different foster homes by the time i was 3 years old, and i don’t remember much of them. also in this time i guess i went back with my parents but it didn’t work out so, obviously, i was taken away from them again. when i was 3 i was placed into a foster home, and they took guardianship of me (this is the house i just moved out of in june of last year). i had visits with my parents at this time but they stopped when i was around 4ish. i contracted Hepatitis C from my mom who contracted it from my dad because when he used, he used with needles. i was on chemo from 3rd-12th grade. 850 shots, was sick a lot which is the reason why i was homeschooled. they finally came out with a pill that cured me, in 1 month i might add. i just celebrated 5 years in march actually!!

i finished the fosters a couple saturday nights ago and that got me thinking about my biological parents and wondered if they were still alive or not. for my whole life i convinced myself that they both had passed away from a heroin overdose, that i wasn’t planned, that i was not wanted by them, and i’ve felt about 85% of my life that they should have aborted me because i felt like i was an accident and it would have been in everyones best interest if that had happened. that night i started a massive search for my parents. using google, and all the ancestry websites and signed up for free trials so i could get information on there whereabouts. on sunday morning i resumed my search and ended up being extremely hyperfocused and started looking for my mom on facebook and began putting puzzle pieces together when i came across an account that i thought would be her and at that same time i found someone who was possibly my grandma because she had the same last name as me. i messaged both of them and anxiously waited for one of them to get back to me. the lady who i thought was my mom ended up getting back to me first and replied to my fb messages saying that she was my mom. she and i obviously started talked and i started asking her questions about my childhood and such. she told me there hasn’t been a day that has gone by that she hasn’t thought about me and was shattered when i got taken away and that she even tried searching for me with the little information she had and didn’t know about my name change. she also is 10+ years clean from heroin.

finding my biological mom has rewritten my whole entire story and in such an amazing way. it goes from me thinking i was unwanted, unloved and an accident to me knowing i was wanted by mom, loved by mom, and i wasn’t an accident and she didn’t abort me because she WANTED ME! MY MOM WANTED ME!!!!!! I WAS WANTED AND LOVED BY HER. she told me once she found out she was pregnant with me she stopped everything and did pregnancy by the books! finding my mom has also changed the way i see my existence. i got taken away from them at that time because they weren’t in a mental place to be parents, that does not make me unwanted or unloved, and i’m now seeing that.

never in a billion trillion years did i think i would ever have contact with my biological mom, but i do and that’s because God is good. His timing is absolutely perfect! i’m literally still in shock that i have i am able to call my mom MOM! it’s really really fun to say. i’m so happy about all of this i can’t even explain it. the last time i saw my parents i was about 4ish years old.

a fun fact since finding my parents: i look more like my mom and i got my dads eyes! now when someone compliments me on my eyes and i can say i got them from my dad 😌

shoutout to my amazing team that has supported every step of the way through this journey!

@taylorswift

[swiftiecarrie]

more taylor swift merch (from target i might add) that i didn’t really need 🤪 @taylorswift

[swiftiecarrie]

they whisper in the hallways she a bad bad girls @taylorswift

[swiftiecarrie]

the best album!! @taylorswift

[swiftiecarrie]

happy lil family of 4 🥰 @taylorswift

[swiftiecarrie]

yesterday i only have version one and than my bff gave me money to buy the rest!!! i love her. i know have secured all the goods 🥰 @taylorswift

[swiftiecarrie]

for a healthier option, lover is out NOW!

Taylor we are all SO proud of you for this album, this era and what’s to come. Release day wouldn’t be the same without us posting pictures with the albums, so I gathered a bunch of people together to create this collage! We love you so much and are so excited to see what else this era brings! 💘

[swiftiecarrie]

secured the goods today 🥰🥰 @taylorswift @taylornation

[swiftiecarrie]

Devils roll the dice, angels roll their eyes @taylorswift

[swiftiecarrie]

i just really wanna @taylorswift follow 🥺

[swiftiecarrie]

LOVE THE NEW FRA(ME!) 😉😏 @taylorswift @taylornation

[swiftiecarrie]

LOOK! WHAT! CAME! IN! THE! MAIL! 🥰🥰😍😍 @taylorswift @taylornation

[swiftiecarrie]

me when april 26 hits @taylorswift @taylornation

[swiftiecarrie]

OH MY GOSHHHH! SINGLE DIGITS!! @taylorswift @taylornation