super-snert

[super-snert]

Saturday, May 3, 2014 

  I  hate.  Deeper than my shame.  Them; the runner, the walker, the mover.  With wandering minds you play. Your screams aren’t crawling up your legs or arms. No, your fire is of joyous flame.  Riding a bike or, worse yet, sitting  Unchained.  Freedom, unclaimed.I look on you with scorn.  My “gracious face” all worn out. That’s why children stare  The horror of my bitter envy  perfectly clear …

[super-snert]

Rent the Safety of a Promise

I would rent the safety of a promise,  willing to sign a lease calling for the heat of my breath  if it meant could suffer my afterlife able to bare the weight of my name.   Yearning for frozen waffles, reeses cups, and a pat of butter with her corn.  Never cowering in the face of the doubt of the soulless  rage blazing.  Reaching every high bar,  to rip out of the old schools of thought about…

[super-snert]

The architect  counts the numbers,  sees the beams  scowls. In the mind’s eye creates where rubble lies.  Shards of furious denial leave bloody hands.  She doesn’t blink.   Eyes fixed, sweat falling, calculation by calculation  she builds eyes  that don`t howl death;  laying them gracefully within a face  sturdied by the ability to take in love and hold it.  I have seen temporary supports  she…

[super-snert]

It is Health

Or wounded love that haunts my dreams?  Dr. Detihel,  Even in my dreams You would not save me. We stood Out in front of a mobile home, just like my past  where a girl once lived.  Who loved science, Hot summer days, just like that day  You offvend to pay  To send me away.  Doctors know guilt;  It’s a game. One you must`ve thought you`d win if you could just deface your sin. Momma, she knew,…

[super-snert]

08/03/2014

I have lost the confidenee of memory; am denied the grace of amnesia. In the valley in between  A thousand goat heads of doubt cling to every open space.    I am the wisest gardener  with the saddest soil  and a gag reflex toward manure  Can’t summon rain, but time is mine to place collection buckets  If I am willing  to wake before the clouds. Today these sacred grounds  refuse me even…

[super-snert]

04-19-14

I am born of a hurricane.  Ivory fleshed,  blood haired,  and violent. I know her deadly gusts, her shrieks and cries, destruction  throwing fists and threats.  Unconscious of her beautiful constructions of chaos,  her heat is a blazing passion  pulsing wildly as she paints a new world.  She stands a  breath taking  killer.  I look at anorexia, for once knowing of the two of us, I need…

[super-snert]

Realization

You weren’t willing to have an abortion, but you still wished I would die. Seeking out endless ways to not care for yourself; because miscarraige was somehow easier for you. But I had to live with your failure at it, breaking my body, not my mind. By all accounts I have succeeded in spite of you and with the help of others. In a world that is not meant for disability and doesn’t care about…

[super-snert]

Water

I’m drawn to the water  because what games  does the water deny these crooked legs?   I am the water’s baby  and the water holds her infant up in the one world where I can run. She rains angry warnings on those who wrong me,  cleans my wounds,  and sings lullabies  above my bed. When she rages I will listen  and take what lessons I’ve earned. I see her poisoned for nothing but…

[super-snert]

Shit

My poems work like my shit;  One piece; each line building and bruising in my head.  Each crowding on another;  mashed into -at first- a thick chunky stew  Before transforming into concrete blocks. So shockingly large it fills my mind and won’t move an inch.  Like my colon.  I must use a computer and bash a hole in it before I burst. What comes  is indecipherable, but my! The small ideas, …

[super-snert]

February 2006

I have a puzzle with a million pieces, so long ago hidden with disdain. But now I see that this one, this picture,  created me.  So, before time fades the pieces anymore, I’ll dust them off  And glue them down . One day in “school” I met a clown,  He told corny jokes &  I didn’t laugh but the eleven year old girl with cancer,  she honored him with giggle.  In and out again she’d been  And…

[super-snert]

Era

She finds it creepy how relieved I am just to see her  walk through the door  on an uneventful day.  I wish I could catch that relief in a bottle  but-until now-I’d be damned if I could explain it,  let alone find a bottle with a matching lid.Today I found a bottle  My mother not human to me.  She IS the one who walks with me,while sick,  ss it rains.   She is the one coming to take me home …

[super-snert]

The disgusting things my brain used to think when I was ill.

When I was anorexic I was literally terrified of what I thought were “fat” people, As if their weight would transfer to me via my proximity. At the time, I knew it was a disgusting thought to have. I wasn’t proud of judging people’s weight and I tried to ignore it and hopes that it would stop. The judgment only stopped when I got treatment for my eating disorder and went into remission.  I…

[super-snert]

Lost Decade 2

I hate that I don’t hate you  I need help and you have it. I know you are working with a broken system,  and you know I’m sick.I don’t know the men’s names  –  who decided that they don’ t cover your treatment anymore. I  know they’re greedy  –  they don’t know my suffering like you,  and  don’ t expect that they care.  You did  enough to not care that I thought you were a bitch  –  as you…

[super-snert]

The Black Dove Recade

Anorexia is eating course after course,  raw and straight off the bone  it gives no warning growl, and is too ravenous to wait  for its catches to go still,  let alone cold.  Even doctors will run;  no oath will shield them. Body to bone, mind to mush.  The survivors speak,   the quiet will die,  and a very few walk;  trying perilously to roll their head  back in the general direction …

[super-snert]

Midrow Aggression

Blissfully or not, I am numb to micro aggressions. Rolling off like rain. The able world promises me, andIt’s sometimes true, that macro aggressions are against the law. What goes unadressed are the aggressions not quite so small as a  word choice error, and yet not so large as to break the law. More than a simple word choice error  but hey! Less than a purging of the gene pool. That act…

[super-snert]

Let The Record Show

I acted on false information unknowingly. The information giver is paid to know better. The punch was a hard one but I stood again with a fat lip. Slowly, I moved forward but I moved. Dragging my walker, I moved forward. Through cover letter after cover it letter Resume after resume Reference list after reference list Writing sample after writing sample I hear nothing but silence and it…

[super-snert]

Slapping Paper

Pages are ending Slapping against one another as they land The breeze they create so soft that no one hears it whisper All we know is that it is not goodbye no one attempts to turn back the pages for fear of ripping Even as they echo against being, and presence, and now Connected to what is no more then smeared ink on fingers, from now dusty pages, so old and weighted they will not…