sugarbabyariaeva

[sugarbabyariaeva]

[sugarbabyariaeva]

the greatest gift you can give yourself is release. release attachment, release resentment, release pain, release grief, release negativity. allow yourself release.

[sugarbabyariaeva]

call me soft or whatever but i find it so incredible that people manage to keep themselves alive. like you’re paying rent?? maintaining relationships?? going to work?? every day single day?? in this economy?? on the mental diet we’ve all been raised on?? the effort you must be putting into your life simply by living it is olympian. and it is impressive

[sugarbabyariaeva]

[sugarbabyariaeva]

[sugarbabyariaeva]

Baby Steps.

I’ve been thinking about writing a blog for awhile now but I could never decide whether I’d write about my crazy and wild life growing up and how lucky and fun it truly was / is or if I should write about the difficulty of navigating this American society I grew up in but trying to find the proper footing that still acknowledged my modest Islamic middle eastern background and also feel free to do as I pleased like the friends I was raised around. Orrrr if I should write about how I have hit rock bottom in my life many times regarding love & relationships with such narcissistic men because of the relationships I witnessed around me as I grew up and how FINALLY at the ripe age of 25, I’m now realizing how these toxic patterns have truly affected me and have really begun the work of healing myself, my nervous system, meditations, health & working out. Lastly, I wondered if I should talk about my other life.. “Eva’s life” that’s my sugar baby name & poker name that I go by.. & that’s just a whole other story. So I figured this blog could be a little bit of everything. Hopefully whoever comes by my page is interested enough & wants to tag along for the ride.

I woke up this morning & didn’t grab my phone to instantly scroll on Instagram or w/e. I wanted to start my day better today with purpose. I have 99 days till my next birthday so gotta make ‘em count right? Somehow I got lost in my photos app and scrolled all the way to the top and saw the last 4-5 years of my life play out. The pics ranged from me happy with family, traveling with friends and partying it upppp vip everything and just living to me being extremely unhappy, unhealthy, unfocused, essentially felt like I was dying inside. I would lose all of this momentarily for these boyfriends (my last was the most painful-and when I say bf’s I mean recent ones.. they were the same lessons diff issues and w diff men) who were like leeches and sucked the life out of me and it’s was painful to feel and see myself begging for human decency over text message screenshots and being verbally abused and humiliating to look back on. No one really gets why you stay in these types of traumatic relationships but they have a way of creating this unearthly addiction you’ve never felt anywhere else until you met them. Doesn’t help when the guy you’re dating looks like he’s built like a Greek god and as if god put him there for you since he seemed so perfect for you specifically. & on your first date you guys felt like this was what you’d been waiting for for so long. Little did we know that was just our unhealed wounds triggering our nervous systems like “NOOOOO don’t do it” lol but I wasn’t aware yet that those butterflies and initial feelings of “wow this is IT” was just my body trying to warn me. I do think we had love and potential but unfortunately, we highlighted the wounds we both had lying beneath the surface waiting to be dealt with and processed.

As I went through the pics I felt the energy in them and decided that I wouldn’t let it ruin my day. I picked up my laptop and began doing my breathwork and once I finished I was feeling so light and good and GRATEFUL that I made it passed those extremely long painful dark dark dark days that I truly did not know how to. Addiction to people is real and it fucks with your mental stability deeply. If it wasn’t for my aunt coming down to la to visit me and seeing how disastrous I was and my cousin who moved to la going through her own depression aka we needed help lol (not to mention she’s a yogi). I don’t think I’d be here and as stupid as that sounds- I was so deep into this toxicity I know I would’ve gotten sick and most likely died somehow. The min she got here all my body aches and scratchy throat etc went away within a day. I could feel it that my vibration was sooo low and I can truly thank my aunt and my spiritual team for truly helping me so much beyond measure and raising my vibe. It was NOT easy still isn’t sometimes. I cry randomly and then I keep it pushing. Sometimes it lingers but I don’t cry cuz I’m sad. I cry for who I was during those dark times, the pain and abuse I endured.. how now I see that he was a fundamentally malicious, manipulative and a very deceptive being. All because of my “job”. Mind you, I was not sugaring then nor was I in poker really. (Lost my normal office job cuz he took me to Miami and wanted to stay an extra couple days and I had work..& I had been super sick (covid) two weeks before and they needed someone full time and hell nah- it just wasn’t it alignment) nonetheless, I knew I couldn’t do another 9-5 (he didn’t, he was a personal trainer and a trapper) & I wasn’t interested in anyone but him so in my head it was just work and I was there to be a poker hostess. He hated it. His ex did it too and yaaa that didn’t work out. Anywayssss, there is absolutely NO excuse for the way I was treated and I’m here to share with whoever reads this that life is SO much better on the other side once you PROCESS your pain, learn WHY you stayed with someone and WHY you were attracted to them in the first place.

With all this being said, I think we can call this a blog that entails life lessons, health & wellness, & a bit of toxicity as well, cuz.. life is all about balance and I’m a sugar baby & I work extremely private underground high stakes poker games in major cities all over the world lol. I call this my powerful feminine era 🤌🏽

Stick along for the ride. It will be fun✨

[sugarbabyariaeva]

[sugarbabyariaeva]

🫶🏼

[sugarbabyariaeva]

My first post after finally listening to this screaming yet extremely silent voice inside telling me to create a blog for years now.. So here I am. Growing my wings & following the light.

Welcome to my life :)

living under heaven / Nao ARAI