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New Sitcom Idea

A lesbian couple gets a shocking surprise one day when God (played by Laverne Cox) shows up at their door. Upset at how humans had turned her message of love and acceptance into a message of hate and discrimination, she decides it’s time to send Jesus back to earth and wants the lesbian couple to raise Jesus. Hilarity ensues.

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scott lang, completely misunderstanding peter parker’s power: hey if u want man we could get tiny and just like hang out, i don’t know if you’ve ever been in a lego castle but it’s pretty sweet

peter parker: u have no idea how much physical pain having to turn this offer down is causing me but,

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So, I moved recently. And my new neighborhood is full of kids. I met about 20 of them the day I moved in because they helped me chase down my dog when he got loose and I can already tell you, me and these kids are gonna be besties. They come over to play with my dogs at least once a day. A few little convos we’ve had so far:

(On the day we met)

6yo: My name Kendrick but you can call me KJ cause my friends call me KJ and you my friend now.

~

KJ: I’ll walk your dogs for 5$!

Me: Imma think about it, okay?

KJ: Ok ok, 3$!! But that’s the lowest imma go. What a deal right?!?!

~

9yo: You know my Mama’s got a boyfriend.

Me: That’s nice!

9yo: My grandmama don’t like him cause he ain’t got a job.

Me: Oh.

9yo: Do you got a job?

Me: Yeah.

9yo: *screaming across the yard* GRANDMAMA!! THIS GIRL GOT A JOB!

(I might be her new stepmom, y’all. Idk)

~

12 yo: You ain’t got a man?

Me: Nope.

12 yo: You got a woman?

Me: Nope.

12 yo: It’s just you and these dogs?

Me: Yep.

12 yo: Girllllll! You living the life!

~

9yo: *banging on my back door* HEY!! Open the door!!

Me: *opening the door, freaking out* OMG! WHATS WRONG!

9yo: Nothing. You got a popsicle?

Me: Ummmm...no.

9yo: You want one?

Me:???

9yo: *pulls a popsicle from behind her back* I think you need this.

Me: Thank you.

9yo: Alright. Imma see you tomorrow. Bye!!

Me:...okay

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hmmm. hmm. i think today is a day to wrap myself in a large blanket and lie very still

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Enigma No More - Edward Nygma One Shot

One Shot Summary: Overlooked in the Cold Case Unit, Ed Nygma is the only person who believes in you but when a series of cases done by ‘The Riddler’ start to call you out, suddenly the whole GCPD notices you.

Pairing: Edward Nygma x Female Reader

Warnings: Angst

(Possible proof reading errors)

For @dancer913

Word Count 5,129 (this got lengthy)

_____

“Did you know? To overdose on coffee you’d need to drink one hundred cups in one sitting?” Ed’s face appeared from over the top of your cubicle in the Cold Case Unit, smiling at you.

“Well I think I’m near ninety at this point,” you laugh, leaning back in the chair and draining the last of your cup.

“Rough one, huh?” his eyebrows shoot up and back down. “What’s bothering you today?”

Keep reading

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fucks sake

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thor ragnarok (2017)

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RACISM BEING USED AS A TACTIC 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

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Gotham Girls RPG redesign for fun :) They actually make a very well-balanced team! I was originally going to do them all as knights but then saw Mindy Lee’s Poison Ivy Druid and got inspired. www.instagram.com/kelseyeng32

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grown ass men are out here not eating fruit or vegetables or washing their face and having a list of things women must do to be attractive to them and thus gain their respect like grow the fuck up and eat a carrot literally no woman needs you

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did… did she really say that? iconic

“Excuse You, i am Black and i Fuck”

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Birds of Prey // Wonder Woman 1984 – Coming in 2020

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Gotham Girls RPG redesign for fun :) They actually make a very well-balanced team! I was originally going to do them all as knights but then saw Mindy Lee’s Poison Ivy Druid and got inspired. www.instagram.com/kelseyeng32