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multiplayer video games bad for health, heart, and emotional wellbeing. cut them out of ur diet.
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when ur the last one to get introduced to a group of people
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me: *gets settled into bed*
my bladder:
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You are angry about something. “Clam down,” I text you. You assume I have made a typo, but in fact I am holding a small soldier clam in my hands. He died so young. War is hell
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u know when u have a day that doesnt really follow the storyline of the rest of ur life like this weird holiday special thats never discussed again
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me *throwing bread at ducks*: do not forget this act of altruism. if i am ever in trouble i expect you and your brethren to come to my aid. Do not forget
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